Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 208. Cowboy

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

On the podcast this week Chris and Rosie discuss ice baths, American reality TV and if they have ever been truly full. There is some classic print beef and Chris is annoyed at how Rosie is brushing her teeth. Also on the podcast is a clothes carrying ick, a frisky flight and a strange way of eating food. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, hello, hello, hello.

Nice to be back. Hope everyone's okay out there. Nice to be back. It's only been a week, man, we think this is. For me, it feels longer. Yeah, yeah, okay. Feels longer for me as well. We're actually late starting today because Rosie's been fannying on trying to get us to put Prince up again. Oh, just wait for the beefs. Just wait for the beefs. Oh, yeah, predictable. Predictable. All right, okay. Predictable.

Do you know what he's just said to me? He's just said to me, he said, I'm going to do a beef today and you're not even going to see it coming. Not going to see it coming. It's going to come out. Honestly, it's going to come out. I've got no idea what it might be.

It's going to come out with a left field, pincer movement, behind you, like that third raptor. He didn't even know she was there. The third raptor? Third velociraptor.

He didn't. Comes from the side. He didn't even know she was there. Jurassic Park reference. You always... Oh, God. Oh! Jurassic Park. What's he called with the hat? One of the greatest movies of the 90s. Oh, sorry. Oh, what shall I... Oh, shall I... Shall I...

Shall I quote something off here, you? Shall I? Don't. We're at a dog wedding and everyone's fighting. That, by the way... Oh, you watched Southern Charm for three minutes. Came past, walked past the kitchen and Rosie was watching Southern Charm and these fucking shitbags were having a dog wedding.

It was a very poor episode. Yeah, no. I'm all caught up. I'm sorry, right? I don't care how good a TV series is, the day they have a dog wedding, I check out of that TV series. Oh, whatever.

That's it, I'm done. For all of my hear you lovers and reality TV lovers I've got two words for you Vanderpump rules fuck me is that not three words no Vanderpump's one word

is it hyphenated no okay it's someone's surname just checking just checking there's been just been loads going on

in like in their real lives not even the TV program so the TV's so hard on so it's reality but the TV isn't a real life yeah so obviously but the finished film and the reality tv program right yeah and then what and then but some happens and they're like get it quick no turn the camera i swear to god apparently

apparently everyone who knows the tick tock videos apparently the curie like scrambled an emergency camera crew together and they're like get to the the fucking houses! It's all kicking off! God almighty. There's been an affair. There's been like an affair within the group. Right, okay. I mean, you know,

it's devastating because it's actually real people's lives. Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert if you're 15 seasons behind on Vanderpump Rules, by the way.

Oh shit, yeah, sorry. Oh God, that would actually upset me, sorry. Well, no, you've just said that. Sorry, an affair happening at some point on one of those shows with all those fucking toxins. Yeah, it happens. That's obviously's obviously gonna happen that's not a nice way to say thing to

say about people oh sorry shows about all those i don't normally dig people out and like i'm not you know i try not because everyone's doing their thing and you know people when people slag me off i don't care but i used to get really upset um but no it's just hot the dog wedding pushed us over the edge the dog wedding just pushed us like we're all having and I know maybe a producer maybe a producer came up with it maybe I'm being too harsh

okay look I'm going to call them all fucking tossers I'm going to continue to call them all fucking tossers but please just take it with a pinch of salt

and if you are one of those fucking tossers I don't really mean it you're probably really nice and you're just doing what you can do you said it now Rosie did you see how much

you were ruining my angry comedy no do you know what it is though I make up for the fact that you hate them because I couldn't live without it. Oh yeah, the love level for them in this household is always going to be in positive equity.

Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Why are you looking out the window? What are you waiting for? You waiting for something to come? Oh no. Guys, she keeps turning and looking out the window. She's making us really nervous.

No, we just had new blinds put up. What are you waiting for? Just having a little look at them. We had new blinds put up and I came into this little studio room that we've got here and just had new blinds put up. What are you waiting for? Just having a little look at them. We had new blinds put up and I came into this little studio room that we've got here and you had the blinds right down to the floor and you were sitting in almost darkness.

And I said, why? And he said, I'm just getting the creases out of them. And I said, but aren't they going to spend most of their life up anyway in the creases? And he went, yeah. And then I had to put them up.

All right, sometimes you make valid points. What do you want us to say? All right. That's it. I just like, you know, when I get a new thing, like a alright that's it I just like you know when I get a new thing like a new interior thing I just like

to look at it all the time just keeping these blinds closed to get me money's worth everyone Robin, Rafe get your torch helmets on to be fair

Mammy's spent money on blinds we're going to use them or actually they weren't cheap Mam it's sunny outside blinds are down I've wasted quite a lot

of fabric there, really. I should have... I think I might have said that, you know, when I got them, because she said... No, you don't... Do you want them... Right.

No, she said, do you want them just to kind of... to dress the window? And I was like, yeah, but something might happen one day where we really need to close the blinds and Chris would have... If Chris went to close their blinds

and they didn't close, like, there'd be no point in living anymore because you would actually have my life. Oh like there'd be no point in living anymore because you would actually have my life and there'd be no point in living anymore

you would no I'm sorry you'd ring your friends you'd write a sketch about them you'd literally

the two I would be called me wife can't buy blinds fringe blinds I pulled the fucking thing and it just

kept turning round and round and round and the blind didn't move like a nightmare like running in a dream nah yeah I would 100% I'd be all over that

and a little bit annoyed you didn't get them oh shit now you're going to have to come up with something else oh god, I blew it all on you for fuck's sake anyway guys thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening, we really do appreciate it we never take you for granted as I said last week, if you go and

click that little follow button on whatever app you're on, that would be lovely. You'll get any little extra episodes we throw out there. You'll be able to get a notification for them and you get a notification every week when we come out. We'll just be in your little pocket and be like, hiya. That'll be nice. But thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. It's episode 208. I feel happier already.

Do you now? I do, you know. We couldn't be arsed before this. No, I couldn't be arsed at all. I think you could tell if you rewind this I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy

I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy

I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy

I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy

I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy I feel happy

I feel happy shut in case anyone walks past will you there we go get them blind shut um full of blood young dumb full of blood period i told you i want my period oh no you didn't god you listened to nothing you didn't ask me on your period i did my brain might have just do you know how like um your your nose you know you can't you you can see your nose all the time do you know this fact you can see your nose all the time but your brain basically blanks it out because it's there all the time i heard that it's not clever aren't we clever one i probably told you it uh no no i mean aren't we as humans like that's a really clever thing oh sorry i thought you meant us for talking about it on the pot i was like fucking hell jesus self-congratulate get me on a politics podcast it is it is amazing but yeah I think my brain now

I hear you talking about periods so much I think my brain just just cuts it out like like it's how it doesn't how you don't look at your own nose because they're all

you're banging on about periods so much I think my brain's just like just fucking delete that for you Chris well there you go live delete yeah I think that's what happens so

okay so you're all you're all flushed up, are you? You're all bonged up. You're all corked. You're all paint as in. Anything else? Got the old bun in the oven.

That's the wrong one. Got a big tub of Haagen-Dazs ice cream melting in the cupboard. That's how it works, doesn't it? Haagen-Dazs ice cream? It's just if you put it in the cupboard by mistake and it started melting, it's all like flowing out and you've got to put something in to stop it flowing out. Analogy. Horrible.

Anyway, listen, it's episode 208. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is, you've probably seen them about, people are doing it, they're rubbing it in your face, it's starting to do me tits in, ice baths. Hey. Oh. Hey. You doing it. Hey, look at me. Hey, where's me camera? Oh,

there's me and me camera. Oh, what's this? Oh, it's me ice bath. Oh, I'm just going to get in me ice bath. Oh, guess what? It's cold. Is it, mate? Is it cold? Is it? Yeah. Does it count if you don't film it? No, it doesn't count if you don't film it. Oh, look at me. Oh, do you ice bath? Do you? I've never ice bath. Do you ice bath? Oh, oh, oh, you don't ice bath? Oh, oh, oh. Well, look forward to dying tomorrow, you warm water twat. Oh, look at me. Oh, film is getting out of it. Oh,

look at me, I'm ice bathing. Do you know what confuses me? What? I'm not adverse to the ice bath. I'd love to try one. I'm not adverse, I'm just, I is getting out of it. Oh, I don't need my ice. Do you know what confuses me? What? I'm not adverse to the ice, but I'd love to try one. Listen, I'm not adverse, I'm just, I'm getting irritated by it. And the men will be quite good for you, but. Well. Do you know what my thing is, right? What? Most people have got baths. Yeah.

In their houses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you just fill them? Just put cold water in it. Cold water and hoist some ice in if you must. Oh, no, no, you've got to sit outside and film it, or it doesn't count. You've got to sit outside and film it, or it doesn't count.

I think it's more of a lifestyle thing what annoys me with it is um a i'm jealous of everyone who's got time to do it that's always your thing you're always just jealous of people's time yeah jealous of time uh and sick of people banging on about it it's like the new vegan thing people just talk about it constantly if they do i do ice baths oh fine fine you're working off as me you're not a fucking top flight athlete i'm not impressed right um also i saw a thing online and it was like a ice bath it was it was a lady and she was like i'm ice bathing now she must have been in her 50s right she looked great but she's like i'm ice bathing now yeah i've got the energy of a 20 year old when i was 20 i slept till about one in the afternoon that is true sat in my pajamas all day went and did a gig came home

went to fucking sleep. Tell me you've got the energy of a three-year-old. Yeah. All right, I'll try it. The only thing I think I was better at in my 20s was having a hungover and going to work.

Right, okay. But nowadays, it actually is difficult. But, yeah, no, I was lazy as shit when I was 20. You've got the energy of a 20-year-old.

That's not a good... I actually can't lie in. That's a bad advert. I can't lie in anymore. Yeah, no a 20 year old. That's not a good, that's a bad advert. I actually can't lie in. I can't lie in anymore. Yeah, no, I can't either.

I just like, can't sleep past 8 o'clock. Well, the little bastards, i.e. our children, have been getting up at half five for as long as, Half five,

try 20 to five, 10 past five this morning for a reef, but as far as I can remember and I'll wake up before them now. I'll wake up before them, I'll wake up and I'm like,

they're going to wake up. It's horrendous. It's just a phase, Chris. It's just a phase. It's just a phase. It's just a phase. By the end of the day, we just look at each other

and we just go, it's just a phase. Yeah, and that's the crux of the problem. Be fair. Look, enjoy your ice baths. Enjoy your Vanderpump rules and your fucking dog wedding programs. I'm just tired.

Don't put me in there with that. Don't put Vanderpump rules in with ice baths. They're completely different. You've got to. You've got tired. Don't put me in there with that. Don't put Vanderpump Rules in with ice baths. They're completely different. You've got to. If you put it in an ice bath, they're all younger. They'll have more energy to fight. I'm a hot bath all day, mate. All day? I could sit in a hot bath all day.

Anyway, look. I'm just being grumpy because I'm tired. Enjoy your fucking, all your shit. You'll have one next week. I've already ordered it You're such I'm joking I have faith Your face

You will Your face That's you all over that Oh I hate this I hate that Oh why are you doing that I'll have seven please Well I did

I mean genuinely if you It must have only been six months ago Maybe a bit longer You said on the podcast That protein powder was upsetting And we both laughed about it And now I do protein shakes I don't do protein powder

yeah so well you say it to me today oh because I fucking hate it that protein shaker yeah yeah yeah you're so arrogant when you shake that

it's so annoying listen you've got to shake it really loud and you get little bits and I don't like the bits because they're horrible it's vile anyway and then you just look at me

because I'm not a milkshake girl I just never liked a milkshake genuinely only drink it because it tastes lush well you said to me, you were like, look at this. You went, you know what? You went, you'd love this.

And I went, why? And you went, do you know what it tastes like? I went, what? You went, melted ice cream. It's brilliant. I don't like, what? Who's drinking melted ice cream? There's probably people listening,

experts are probably like, Chris, protein bars and the protein shake with the flavour, it's all just sugar. Yes, it is just sugar. But guess what? If I wasn't having a protein bar, I'd have a fucking Twix Extra and I'd have a Snickers Duo. So at least it's a little bit better than that.

Is it though? Probably not. There's probably studies. I should probably be in an ice bath eating fucking kale. But I'm not going to do it because I can't be any more miserable than I already am. I'll tip you over the edge of the ice bath. I'm joking, I'm good.

No, I do the shower thing. I go cold at the end of the shower a little bit. And it does give you energy for about five seconds when you're like, get me the fuck out of this. This is horrendous. And you spring out of that shower, and then you hit a wall again. Because you've been up since ten past five

because your kids are knobs. Yeah. So there we go. Just got to wait until they're older, and then we'll be happy again. No, but then when you're older, you miss it. I'm sick of that. Sorry, this is the longest

intro and I'm just whinging. The amount of time people are... You'll miss it. Oh, you'll miss... Will I? Will I miss 10 past fucking 5

going downstairs and being screamed at until pancakes are ready and fucking putting juice in the wrong cup so there's hell on? Will I miss that? Will I?

Well, fucking stone me. Will you miss... This is just today's example. Will you miss having to wait I? Well, fucking storm me. Will you miss, this is just today's example, will you miss having to wait till seven o'clock so they could go outside and play in the snow? For five seconds.

Yeah, but literally, can we go outside yet? Look at the clock on the oven. It's, can we go outside at seven o'clock?

That for fucking, it was an hour and 15 minutes that we had that because I felt so bad about the neighbours. I was like, wait till seven o'clock to play outside like wait till 7 o'clock to play outside wait till 7 o'clock

to play outside fuck me in fact in Rafe's shoes it's cold outside it's cold outside Rafe wellies on

it's cold coat hat you're not going to like it it's cold goes outside falls over hands in the snow

mama want to go in straight back in 20 minutes to get ready 30 seconds outside. Three minutes past seven. Honestly, just... You'll miss it.

Oh, fucking... I'm telling you right now. I will. I will not fucking miss it. I am rose-tinted glasses to shit. I already am. You're the same as your mum. Yeah, I'll miss it so much.

I already do with loads of Robin. I'm like, me baby. I was literally... You fucking miss that. I was so depressed when Robin was little. Do you remember? I was so, so down. And I look back and I go, that was the best time of my life. So full of shit.

He's so full of shit. It's ridiculous. But I am as well. We're all full of shit, but there we go. Hey, let's get the jingle on. We've been prattling on for bloody 14 minutes. Here's the jingle. Jingle-y, jingle-y.

We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, the jingle Jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Maradonoid Welcome, welcome, welcome

Do you know what? Screw an ice bath Just do an intro to a podcast where you have a bit of a laugh and a bit of a whinge I feel amazing now Good, me too darling I feel pretty fantastic Thank you for listening, thank you for putting up with me whinging I'm going to whinge a bit more later on, maybe, but it's all good.

I turned over me diffuser things. What are they called? Oh, is this the bits of stick? The long bits of stick. The bits of stick that you did, yeah. Turned them over. It splashed on us some way, and I smell fucking delicious.

Right, okay. You smell like a poor puree bowl. Your hands smell nice as well. Yeah. You're sniffing your fingers like someone's been scratching their arse in public? Like perfume? Yeah.

Like potpourri. It's like perfume, but it's like house perfume, innit? Yeah, it's like a housey one. You wouldn't put it on and go to the pub and be like... No, I think people would be like, you smell... You smell like a flowery sofa. Yeah. You smell like a summer's day coffee table.

Do you remember potpourri? Do people still use that? Don't know. Awful, innit? It's just a... What is it? It's just a ball of dried shit with some perfume on it. I think so, but it's so strong. Remember touching it when you were a kid? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, maybe it was like this. I remember momentarily thinking it was some kind of snack. First time you saw it, you're like, oh, God, what are these crisps? No, you can't eat that orange. That is an old, smelly orange. A dry orange. Do you remember floating candles? Yeah.

That was a thing for a bit. I think the crystal gem things, they're still a thing I think. There was a full on shop at the metro centre that sold just floating candles. And people went in and bought fucking like half fish bowls. Basically like huge glass things. Crystals on the bottom. Yeah, you got the crystals on the bottom and you put your water in

and you put your little floating candles. I thought that was... Very 90s. When we got the floating candles, I thought this is... Did yous have floating candles? Damn right we had floating candles. I thought it was brilliant.

We never... On my request. Oh, really? I was like, yeah, I think I went to someone's house who had floating candles. I was like, Mom,

Mom, we need to get the floating candles. We must get these. You are being left in the dust round here. I'm embarrassed for you. We never had them. They're so in. We never had them.

Really? No. I can't imagine you lot need chance. Well, you swam them in. What? Bones of your arse, weren't you, you lot? It get lost. The winters.

No, Sandra's genuinely got really good taste. She didn't follow trends. I can't just imagine you. We'll make my own floating casket. Derek, get the hacksaw and get the Christmas candles out. Fucking wax dust everywhere.

They're turning over, ma'am. They're floating the right way up. They're turning over and the flame's going out. Right. No, we didn't have floating candles. Oh, I love your Tales of Childhood War.'t know about anyone else listening but um we well you don't but i have to choose robin's meals every week uh i've done it once right take that back yeah take that back so right you've done it once yeah okay well i choose these meals every week I was jealous oh my

same the only reason I'm saying it is because I've got a note here so I copy I put it in my notes and I copy and paste it and it's just like lush

like proper lush some of it yeah I was like I was actually I think we had I don't know what we were doing that night I think we were even getting a takeaway one night

when I was planning it and I was like I'd rather have this I want Mints and Douglas it was like it was like sausage and tomato pasta I was like oh get the sausage and sausage and mozzarella pasta and I was like get in me right now I think it's because I'm hungry yeah always always do you not think you just spend most of your day hungry I could eat all day non-stop yeah same but I don't I'll hold back from it I'm like i'm not gonna do that i'm really trying not to snack i'm really trying to stop when it gets to the point of you're done now

i have a full meal i'm like for like today i genuinely i finished some i made some tuna pasta little green beans in ate it and i was like right i need something else like straight away like immediately the second i'm finished i'm like and you throw so i was gonna i'll just butter some bread and just throw that in and I literally looked at myself in the mirror and I went you're thirsty you're probably thirsty

have a drink of water and I had a drink of water and I was alright honestly like it's ridiculous I'm exactly the same oh I finished that meal

but I'm not in pain no this this isn't right I should be I should be in agony I should be lying on the floor I know Chris I know tell us about that man I don't think I've got that thing in in agony I should be lying on the floor I know

Chris I know tell us about it man I don't think I've got that thing in my brain that tells us that I'm full yeah I don't have it no

I don't know if I've ever been full I don't no do you know when you go out for dinner I don't know if I've ever been full do you know when you go out for dinner with people and there's people who are like

honestly I couldn't eat another thing couldn't move I say it I don't mean it I always say it I go I go oh my gosh I couldn't

I can't move I can't move but actually hang on if somebody brought something else out something totally different oh something completely that one try bring that other thing on the menu

that I was considering that I didn't get that her down the table had I'll have I'll fucking I'll have a couple of chews of it like yeah people put their knife and fork down they leave food on the menu that I was considering that I didn't get that her down the table had. I'll have a couple of chews of it. People put their knife and fork down and leave food on the plate.

They'll be like, yeah, I can't have it. I've got to stop. I can't have any more. I'm like, well, I'm stopping just out of shame. I'm not stopping because I'm full. I could fucking rinse all of your plates now. Greedy pigs. As well, I'm very envious of people who when you go out to eat

are just okay with sharing loads of food do you know what i mean like what do you mean they're just okay with that you know when they get there and they're like oh i'm not bothered what i have oh i'll just have a bit of that and a bit of this and you go oh fuck me why am i studying the menu yeah and it's like the most important thing that happened to me life right now. Right, so you don't mean people are sharing it. No, but I'll be devastated if there's not enough. Yeah, okay. So you mean people are just really laid back about it.

Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. This is weird. I was thinking about this the other day. So, very funny comedian, Adam Hess. I've done some writing with him on certain things. He's on Instagram. I think he's adamhess100 on Instagram.

He's a fucking summer putt. He's so, so funny and so strange, the stuff he puts on. He's brilliant. I love watching his stuff. And he's been in a writer's room with me a few times. And obviously, I'm not from London. So if I'm in London in an office doing the writing, and they come in, and when you're working on TV,

I don't know if anyone knows this, they've got, if it's in somewhere in central London, they'll come in with a fucking binder of menus. Yeah, yeah like a binder they'll go like do you want what do you want for lunch and you're like and they'll just boom drop this fucking thing down obviously you've got your nando's and your pizza express in there but then they're like there's little delis around the corner and there's all these different things sushi so exciting me i mean when we do our tv show we're just like fucking we don't care about the content we're just waiting for the food on the day

so where was I remember me and Jason cooking a couple of us and I was like I think we all got this like hand this chicken sandwich from this place around the corner

and I remember Adam Hess just looking up and going what's everyone getting and I went and it's like a bible and I went oh we're getting this chicken sandwich

and he went yeah I'll have one of them and I was like oh I was like mate look at the choice don't do that one fucking pick something there's so much to look at the choice don't do that one

fucking pick something there's so much to do with them and two don't put that on me because if you don't like it you've just copied off what I want

I'll feel guilty about that he does it every time what are you having oh yeah that sounds good I'll have that I'd love to be that guy oh I have to have

looked at every single thing yeah yeah yeah I'm like what are you having can I have half of one of his and half of that and then three of these oh but no we are also go around the table i will

change my meal by the time it gets back to me because i'll have listened to everyone else's no no your catchphrase in a restaurant your catchphrase is come back to me can you come back to me please come back to me at the end because i'm going to cheat and i'm going to listen to everyone else's and then i'm going going to either go completely different if I don't like them. Or steal my favourite one off everyone else. Yeah. I can't help it. It's just such an important thing.

I'm so envious of people like that. Laid back. Just flippant with food. Yeah, just laid back. Just so flippant with it. Yeah. God. It's like...

Like how many is on that plate? Has anyone seen any pictures? Yeah. I have Instagrammed. I have looked at Instagram restaurants to see what the food looks like. I'm just wondering how big your portions are. How many chips do you get?

No, how many chips? Is it that stupid? Do you remember when they put them in the little brick things? Oh, fuck me. Get out of here. Honestly. Yes, we do the steak with the triple cooked chips.

Oh, wonderful. They sound amazing. Oh, there's six of them. There's six of them piled up like a really intense game of Jenga. Awful. I'll have a potato, please. I'm starving. Yeah, that was ridiculous, wasn't it?

Jenga chips. Three that way, three that way, three that way. There's your chips. Something's happened to you, mate. There's obviously a fucking newspaper full of chips somewhere back there that you can... Honestly, if you're going to do the full Jenga tower, I want that a foot high.

Are we playing Jenga or not? They'll never know it is. The bastards. It's the thing with me in the posh places. It's the sauce on the side and then, like,

the dollop it and then they flick it so it looks like a comet and like a shooting star and you're like, look, that looks great but can I please have a bowl of that?

It's not a thing. I know. Bring a pint glass of that, mate, come on. But when you have to buy sides separately, that's upsetting, isn't it?

That's really upsetting. You're like, I'll get the chicken what to come with. It's just on. What about when you have to buy sides separately? That's upsetting, isn't it? That's really upsetting. You're like, I'll get the chicken what I come with. It's just that. So I'm just going to eat chicken and spinach, am I? Like, that's the new dinner.

No, spinach is a side as well. Spinach is a side as well. No, sometimes you get it with a little, like, I don't know, that's just an example. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like,

well, I'll have chips on the side then. Yeah. Bring the chips. Cheap. Bastard. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? chips on the side then. Yeah. Cheap. Ba-ba-do, ba-ba-do,

ba-ba-do, ba. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef. Okay. I am so intrigued

as to what your beef is. Well, you go first because mine's a little bit out of left field. A bit weird and I can't believe I haven't spotted it but you go first.

Come on. You haven't spotted it? What are you in, come on. Oh, just put me prints up. Just please. Oh, shut the fuck up. Please.

Just put, I bought some new prints. I want them on the wall. I would do it myself. Genuinely, I'm just a bit shit at it. And you are very good at putting prints up. But it's been weeks. And I've left them in the rooms. I've left them on the floor.

Underneath where I want them. Okay, so slander. This is slander. It's not. The other day when you left them underneath exactly where you wanted each one of them, I put them up in about five minutes. Boom, boom, boom.

They were all up to all level. It was banging, right? What you do is, this is a thing, guys, right? She goes, you, you just, you got five minutes here? Why don't you put my prints up? I've been waiting to put my print. You will never put my prints up. I go, okay, then.

Do you want to put them up then now? You go, yeah. I go, right, where do you want them? You go, I don't know. I go, well, I can't put them up then. I go, okay then. Do you want to put them up then? Now, you go, yeah. I go, right, where do you want them? You go, I don't know. I go, well, I can't put them up then. It's a full process. I need you to hold them

so then I can look at them from afar. How am I meant, if I hold them on the wall, what am I magically meant to do? Use your imagination. Oh, go shit off. Go shit off.

You've got a camera phone that you're always on. Put that over the other side of the room so you can see it. Stand, hold it, go back, look at the video. Oh. That's actually not a bad show oh well

we've concluded this quite amicably right fair enough I'll do that I'll do that next time what is your beef with me I am so interested so

my beef with you is it's just unsettling it was something I've never never noticed never ever noticed it and I noticed it last night and you did it so many times and I was like she must do this every single time is it disgusting no no so I mean it was something i've never never noticed never ever noticed it and i noticed it last night and you did it so many times and i was like she must do this every single time is it disgusting no no so i mean it was but not for like not like normal you know pooey poo poo

not toilet not toilet humor right okay back of the urinal disgusting um so we were in the bathroom last night ready to go to bed i'm standing brushing my teeth together like a lovely married couple yeah and i'm standing brushing my teeth and i'm looking in the mirror and i can see you in the bathroom last night ready to go to bed and I'm standing brushing my teeth together like a lovely married couple yeah and I'm standing brushing my teeth and I'm looking in the mirror and I can see you in the mirror because you're like slightly just behind me

over to the right of my shoulder slightly like a flying bee like the second Velociraptor in Jurassic Park you quote that was a joke Jurassic Park

a fucking what's it no chill man the other one Tomb Raider look at you so you are you've got a little toothbrush and you're going What's a tomb... No. Shut up, man. Indiana Jones. Tomb Raider. Look at you.

So you've got a little toothbrush and you're going... And there must be... It's either certain points in your mouth. It's not when you do the smiley bits, the front bits. It's where you do either the... It must be the insides of them or just the bitey bits, right?

And you, while you brush your teeth, you look like the Undertaker from WWE Wrestling. You know the white-eyed thing? Stone Cold Steve Austin? No, the Undertaker. Is that a different guy? Different guy. Okay, alright.

He does the white-eyed thing. Chris, I never, I'm sorry, do I look like a wrestling sort of girl? So in the 90s, you never saw the Undertaker who does the white-eyed thing and stands there. You never saw that. But is that do I look like a wrestling sort of girl? So in the 90s, you never saw The Undertaker who does the white of the eyes thing and stands there. You never saw that. But is that what I look like? It is harrowing. It's like I'm brushing my teeth next to a fucking demon.

Your eyes roll back in your head and your eyelids are open and all I can see is the whites of your eyes. I'm just going... It's absolutely disgusting. And I looked and I thought, it's weird they're just doing that. You held it.

Do you think you've got your eyes closed when you're brushing your teeth? I've honestly never thought about it. Pretend to brush your teeth now. And like, shut your eyes, brush your teeth. If you're doing it,

just, just. Was I alright? It was horrible. I'll watch you should it's are you sure was I alright it was horrible I'll watch you do it two minutes

until the little people goes off on the toothbrush constant just whites of your eyes like a like the exorcist or a demon or something

really honestly it was so strange and then you and then you stopped and you did the front bits of your teeth and you sort of

looked at me and you smiled and then you did another you did the front bits of your teeth and you sort of looked at me and you smiled and then you did another bit and back into the fucking twilight zone and then you did

again and I think you spat and you stood back up and I went okay that's it and then back in white again I swear

on the children's lives I swear on our children's lives it was the weirdest weirdest shit I've ever seen and I was like how fucking long has she been doing this

getting possessed you should do his butt mascara Jesus getting possessed It was the weirdest, weirdest shit I've ever seen. And I was like, how fucking long has she been doing this? Getting possessed. You should see his butt mascara. Jesus. Getting possessed by the fucking... I'm sorry. Well, I've never seen it. Oral B demons. Horrible.

Fluoride. Fluoride. Fluoride. How am I ever going to know? I'll have to video you. I'll have to video you. This might freak you out, though. What if I'm not a person? What if I am a demon? Oh i'm not a person what if i am a demon oh here we go what if i am a demon and what if you're the

only human on earth and you're living with demons rosie fucking good couple of weeks of the month you are a fucking demon i live with you well done yeah didn't take very long um i don't remember the undertaker so that's. I love the arrogance of, you look at The Undertaker from WWE and then just to come in with a different wrestler. Stone Cold Steve-O, different wrestler. What was his... Stone Cold Stunner or something like that, wasn't it?

He used to do the Stunner, yeah. I never watched wrestling, no disrespect. Do you know about Stone Cold Steve-O? I mean, he was massive. He was huge. The lads used to say at the school. Yeah, Stone Cold was massive. And they used to do that.

Suck it. That was DX. I still do that now. DX across the crotch. I do that in Robin sometimes. Timeless. Sorry? I would just literally be like, suck it.

That, too? Is it about sucking cocks? It is, isn't it? Yes, it's about sucking cocks. Oh, my word. Oh, shit. You do the DX suck sucker to our seven year old only a couple of times

only a couple of times I didn't even think that it was that brilliant just what did you think it was? I don't know just slang

like just daft that's rude I'm sorry I'm not being funny that was on when kids were like Robin's age at school lads used to watch it

well yeah and do it in the yard that's where it's come from right so don't blame me I didn't know any better sorry I will blame you

because our child's never seen it you took it and did it our child the word suck it was involved I know I didn't think I still do it sometimes now

to me mates and that to me mates and that what a stupid bunch of people you hang around with eh fucking hell get with it

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Get tickets now. It's time for questions from the public as always if you'd like to get in touch it's shagmoudanoid at gmail.com hi rosie and chris i have an ick for you awesome cheeky little ick i once saw one of my male colleagues buy a pair of jeans in his lunch break. Instead of buying a bag to put them in, he draped them over his arm and then carried them back like a waiter. Made me feel ill.

Why? Why did you do that? No idea. Oh my god. I thought she was going to say that she saw him, that he changed into them and she saw him like, I don't them, and she saw him, like, I don't know, he had to, like, come out in his underpants and put his current ones in the bin or something, or carry his dirty ones back,

but that's funny. Over his arm. I can just say it. Why didn't he get a bag? Well, he's saving, you know, wasteful bags. That's what he won't pay jeans. He can carry them back. I mean, you could just roll them up,

put them under your arm, roll them up, hold them in your hand, you know, put them, like, put the sort of pockets, the back pockets on your shoulder blades, and put the sort of pockets the back pockets on your shoulder blades and put the legs over your shoulders

like a polo player oh yeah like a poncho or a polo player tied up like a scarf isn't that a funny thing what just like

there's a lot of people who just wear jumpers around their necks yeah but that'll be their go-to of putting a jumper just carrying a jumper just keep it around

keep the shoulders warm shoulders and neck warm is it this country thing or is it more of like I mean the immediate person I'm thinking of is Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

I think it's a posh British thing as well though right okay I think it is I think it's a very tennis American tennis thing right okay

maybe French like the French family would do it so you have no idea where this is from it's rich people right okay it's rich people

it's basically just I don't think it's rich it's rich people right okay it's rich people it's basically just I don't think it's rich it's posh people posh people rich and posh are two very different things yeah yeah that is true

sometimes collide but they are yeah yeah it's just my go to would be around my waist like I'm nine again yeah

well no mine would be I think it looks mint no no mine would be jumper wrong way around pull the neck of jumper down to forehead

just above eyes. Like a nun. Yeah, like a nun. Like that, yeah. But then the bottom of the jumper comes to the back right? Yeah.

Goes under sort of just under your ears and then sleeves round tie up around the side ninja hat. That's your go-to. Yeah. If you have to take

the jumper off in the summer. I meant when I was at school. Did you ever make ninja hat? Never. Ninja hat I meant when I was at school did you ever make a ninja hat never ninja hat was great I've definitely played a nun sometimes but never did a ninja hat ninja hat was great

I wrapped it all the way around and then I remember mine I had it so it wrapped around it basically looked like you could just see your sort of

just see your eyes and you would run around fighting each other with the kids right and then my mum washed me jumper and it shrunk a tiny bit and the sleeves wouldn't get all the A dwi ddim yn gallu gwneud ninjas arall. Felly, dyna hynny. Ychydig o blynedd yn fy bywyd.

Dwi ddim wedi gwneud hynny o unwaith. Roedden ni'n defnyddio blazer ar ein chyffyrdd. Ie. Fel numbrela. Nid yw hynny'n gêm. Nid yw hynny'n cael ei llwythu'r haen. Wel, ie. Cynhyrchu'r dynion yn eich poc, yeah. Put your hands in your pockets, lift it up over your head. Right. I don't know what it is, whether it's like a...

I sometimes quite liked being in that position. Right. Having my blazer above my head. Oh, sorry, you mean inside out, you round the top? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, that's when the wind... You did that when it was windy

and you'd lean into the wind. Oh, right, okay. I don't know if I did that, but... Oh, God. Did all your dirty cigarettes and I'll fall out your inside pockets onto the floor, you fucking... Sc oh god honestly i smoked for a few years you may be you yeah more than me yeah i'm surprised you didn't i'm surprised you didn't smoke you know

there's no protein in cigarettes is there hey chris rosie robin and rave. They're not involved at all, but that's nice. Not involved at all. I immediately thought of emailing in after my experience today on a flight. Oh, wonderful. My husband and I flew back from the USA after a week exploring New York and Washington DC. Yeah. Flight left late.

Not impressed at all. I was just thinking about the general concept of how incredible flying is but how horrible the experience is right okay it's horrible innit I mean I love flying no

what just I love it mate I love literally love getting your food and that and I love watching if it's a long haul

and you get to watch films and shit I fucking love it you just want to sit down you just want to sit down always always just want to sit down when I'm talking

40 minute fucking budget flight to to london from newcastle i still quite like it i don't know what it is i quite like flying it's an incredible thing that we've achieved as humans and we've managed to just shit all over it what do you mean i like little things like i love little like i'm thinking long haul just little shit that you get it's like do you want these do you want this little packet of stuff and do you want I'm like oh yes please so sitting down and food sitting down food and watching the telly

is your favourite bit of flying yeah right yes do you remember when we went to Dubai and you had to put a sticker on you if you wanted food but actually we

I don't know whether you've actually were meant to put it like on your seat but we put it on yeah we put it on my faces. I think it's because if you're asleep but you want food, it's like, wake us up for food.

It's like, do not. If you fucking think that I'm not getting my free meal on this flight, then it's on the floor. Sorry to disturb you, ladies and gentlemen, but the cabin crew will be coming round

with the greedy cunt stickers. If you are asleep but want to be woken up and proffed into your face with some free food, just stick a greedy cunt sticker on your seat like a blanket and we'll come back. We'll come back, give you a shake and then shovel a big tray of food in front of you. You, you, absolutely better.

You can say it honestly. You're better. Hello, I'd like to make a complaint. I slept through my meal. I'm furious. I missed a meal when I could have had a meal. I was fast asleep I wanted to be

chock awake and fed do you remember the first time we went and we found out that it was just free drinks oh god

do you remember yeah we literally went mad and luckily the woman was really nice and she was just like yeah how many do you want it was a really

really quiet flight as well we were laid down it's like we were in business many do you want? It was a really, really quiet flight as well. We're laid down. It's like we're in business class. It was absolutely class. That was, getting a fucking free seat next to you on a flight is the win in the lottery of life.

And what we got was the two rows that we were sitting at, threes, rows of threes, both empty. I was like, I'll see you in nine hours. That was that. It was unbelievable, wasn't it? Oh God, it was incredible. Wake me for my lunch. Mugs up at the front

of business class I paid about 10 grand for what I'm getting for free. I know. Oh, get you two of them stickers. One over each eye. I can imagine.

Is there any meals going spare? Seeing as he's sitting there. My three friends, my nine friends are in the toilet. three friends my nine friends are in the toilet can I please

can you put their meals down I'm sorry but I love anyone you want to like air me mum does it oh god airplane food I'm like

I love it if it's the right thing I love it if it's the right thing I'm all over it I don't care even if it's not I'm just like

this is mint you're in the sky it sat down with a drink with a gin and tonic and a meal just buzzing i mean i'm talking of all of this without children oh yeah yeah the minute you get kids they get me away oh god don't fly with kids trapped in a box in Hell on earth. In the sky. Hell on earth. Hey, do you want to do all your parenting in a phone box? No. Yeah. Awful. Sorry, they're flying back from the USA. They're flying back from the USA.

New York and Washington, D.C. Okay, they've been exploring America. Well, fucking well done you. Good for them. Flight left late at night, which was great. I thought, oh, I can sleep the majority of it and land back in the UK, getting my body used to the UK time again.

Wrong home. Wrong home. Wrong home. The couple in front of us had some wine with their meal, majority of it and land back in the uk getting my body used to the uk time again wrong oh wrong oh the couple in front of us had some wine with their meal when we first got in the air and then got another bottle and another and another getting steaming was this us no it was not okay let's keep listening majority of the plane now absolutely sparkle because our bodies were actually at 4 a.m., but I was finding it hard to sleep, so just watch the telly on the plane. Okay. They were kissing and cuddling loads.

Right. It says in brackets, book, can you not in public, but whatever. On a plane as well. Half canned, and they must have assessed everyone else was asleep. Then I noticed it through the gap in the sheets. He was finger blasting her. Oh, finger blasting her within an inch of her life

and her giving it yee-haw until I assumed she was done. Took him, it's in brackets, took him fucking ages to get up and wash his hands too. And then it says... He's touching the touch screen telly on the back of the seat oh you see

oh god everything's ruined it says Gads here I don't know what that means Gads it says took him fucking ages to get up and wash his hands here too

Gads Gads this person's putting a lot of slang balk finger blasting but where they're from where's that from

Gads that's a regional term but I don't know where from sorry about that please explain your regional terms in your emails you goddamn heathens um yeah because we don't do enough of them christ that's uh oh nah i'd be devastated if i was behind someone getting fingered on a plane like i feel dirty when you know especially when you want to sleep as well yeah actually in general i just don't think i would just want to put if they're just would

you not just want to put your head in between the chair you know the chair so she's on the right he's on the left just put your head in between

just go hurry up and fucking finish will you I'm trying to watch Friends yeah you're shaking the seat you would actually do that 100% that's the horrible thing

100% do you want to hear the rest oh there's more there is more time goes on they're still all over each other we were about to land any minute.

Thank fuck for that. Plane lands, and of course, the fannies of the world jump up immediately, get their bags, because that, of course, speeds up their time leaving the plane. I roam. And I cannot wait to get away from this monkey.

Totally right. Everyone quickly jump up. Where's mine? Where's mine? Get mine! I need to hold mine while I'm standing here for 20 minutes until they open the doors and then you've all

got to wait for your bags getting off the thing again it is it is ridiculous I cannot wait to get away

from this mangy as fuck finger blasting duo until I hear him say to her great to meet you hope you have a nice time in London

get home safe wow and off he wanders down the aisle off the plane as she gathers her things they were never even a couple oh well they didn't even know each other And off he wanders down the aisle off the plane as she gathers her things. They were never even a couple.

They didn't even know each other. Well, well, well. That changes everything. Does it? I respect the guy now. Well done, mate. Right, okay. Well done.

So what's wrong? I don't know why you wouldn't respect them if they were a couple. What's wrong with finger blushing? Because they've got a house to go to. They've got a house to go to. So what, you can't get fing? Because they've got a house to go to. So what, you can't get fingered because you've got a house? If you live together

and you've got multiple places and multiple rooms in your house to finger each other or you know each other, but he just had the flight, didn't he? Fair enough. Fingering, it's a dying art. It is a dying art. I've said that before. Finger Mile High Club. Dear Chris and Rosie

I've wanted to write in for a while now but never knew what to say until I listened to episode 204 about Dave farting on command

oh yes remember Dave my boyfriend regurgitates his food on a regular basis excuse me he literally brings his food

back up chews it around his mouth and swallows it again. Why? Why would you do that? I don't know. He does it after every meal and he does it so discreetly you will not even know he's brought his food up until you see him chewing again.

What kind of fucking mammy bird feeding her babies shit is this? Awful. His brother also has this so-called gift. Gift! The chosen ones. And they often discuss what foods taste the best and worst the second time round. You couple of dirty,

rotten, horrible... Oh, man. It used to be an age I may ache, but after six years I'm so used to it now, I just avoid kissing him after we've eaten. Jesus! Go and leave him. Leave him. That's horrible. No, you Go and leave him. Leave him. That's horrible.

No, you don't leave him. But that is... I don't know if I could stay with you if you just vomited up your dinner every time you ate. He's basically vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting. Call it what you want.

But if that's going down to his stomach, it is essentially exactly the same as a very quick sick. So he's vomiting it back in his mouth. Why would you want to? Why would you chew around again? What's wrong with you? I don't know. Why would you do that?

He's been sick in your own mouth and you're gargling your sick around and you swallow it again. would you chew around again? What's wrong with you? I don't know. Why would you do that? You're just being sick in your own mouth and you're gargling your sick around and you swallow it again. Oh, hey, what did you get there, brother? Oh, I got a fucking puke.

It tastes like puke. It might taste like puke as well. What foods are nice when you do that? Oh, none of them. It's horrible, isn't it? Oh, we're a couple of dirty bastards.

Oh, gifted. Gifted. The gift. Hashtag gifted. So bad. That is, that is disgusting. I know.

I mean, you know what someone smells like when they haven't flossed or something? But fuck a duck. His breath must lift. What, acid-y? Afterwards, yeah. It's weird that I don't want to talk to him about it, though. Why?

I don't know. I imagine a steak or something coming back up would be hard graft like pasta don't get me wrong I think you know it's amazing that you can do it like well done

no it's not it's amazing it's not amazing it's fucking you're broke you're the doctors you're broke you're malfunctioning

amazing it's amazing can't you fucking sound like like Miss World like a Miss World it's amazing can't you fucking sound like like Miss World like a Miss World speech it's amazing

that you're all amazing it's just amazing I'm so proud you're amazing that you can hawk all your food back up into your

throat and chew it all around and really get all that get that second chew out like a fucking cow in a field but he's never

got digestive problems well not because everything's soup. Chewed everything twice. Chewed everything like a cow? Chewed everything twice? What? Why do cows chew everything twice? Have they got two sets of teeth?

Is this a thing? They've got four stomachs, haven't they? Let's talk about this. I've never understood this. I don't know enough about it, but I know that. The cud, it's chewing the cud in it so they swallow it

in the one stomach and then they chew it a bit more and then it goes back down in another stomach fuck me that's what he's doing but yeah

but he's only got one stomach how do you know that maybe he's got two he might have two he's a fucking cow he's a man cow do you know I'd love it

if she sent a photo it's a photo of me my boyfriend and he's just it's just a cow with a hat on some people say he looks like a cow

but I don't see it he's in a field he's literally a cow his brother's over there he's a cow I say goodnight I say goodnight to them after I've had dinner

with them and I go over and I close the gate and I make sure I've locked the gate and I leave them in the field people say he a bad dinner with them and I go over and I close the gate and I make sure I've locked the gate and I leave them in the field. Peter says he's not a cow. And then I go into the farmhouse and I go to sleep

and in the morning I come out and I milk his mum and his sisters. They're not cows. They're humans. Stop saying he's a cow. He's not a cow. He's a cow. He's actually a cow.

She's ill and he's a cow. She's deluded. She's deluded. You're going out with a cow, love. It's a cow. He's actually a cow. She's ill and he's a cow. She's deluded. She's deluded. You're going out with a cow, love. It's a cow. You know, when Emily's brother are talking about it, does it sound a lot like... Got the wrong language.

You can't understand them. They're so picky. There we go. That mystery solved. Your boyfriend's a cow. So is he, Billy. Babadoo babadoo babadoo please keep me anonymous although she will know

who she is as it's annoying as hell and she must be the only one to do it my partner is a trained dancer right she's done loads of shows and is really good

to be honest same however I'm a trained dancer you're a trained dancer we're both trained dancers I'm not a trained dancer oh maybe we are after our time in strictly you just straight for five minutes go on then we're both done that's pretty cool that's pretty sometimes we forget how cool that

is it's pretty cool while we're whinging about children and stuff and being tired we forget how fucking cool our jobs are we're very very lucky i know i know i am but i'm still a whinge it's all relative it's just a phase we'll love them beyond compare yeah yeah we'll want to see them all the time but then when we're with them

we can't stand them we'll want to what I want to see them all the time but then sometimes when I'm with them I think why

why why did I do that anyway anyway sorry my partner's a trained dancer she's done loads of shows and is really good to be honest

however she tries her hardest to shoehorn it into every situation and it gets right on my tits. Oh, right. For example, if she passes me something, it is done with a twirl and a step with pointed toes followed by a bow.

If she closes the car door, it's like a scene from Swan Lake with her hands stretched wide and a little jump. I would just like one day without me feeling like I'm in some sort of rehearsal for Mrs. Fucking Twinkle Toes big show am I being a dick for getting annoyed or do

people trained in a certain thing accidentally work it into day to day life like Chris telling jokes during the day help yes Chris does tell a lot of really fucking shitty jokes during the day to the Yes, Chris does tell a lot of really fucking shitty jokes during the day to the point where I've had to actually start telling you off.

I thought you were still reading that. Oh, no, no, no. I thought that person was fucking starting to dig me out there. I was about to slam my laptop shut. I'm just agreeing. Yeah, well, yes. What do you think? Do you think she should stop?

No. Or do you think it's her right? It's clearly her passion and her love. Yeah. And, you know, he needs to just get on board with it. Hard lines. You get annoyed how often I say, yeah, but what can you do? it's clearly her passion and her love and you know he needs to just get on board with it hard lines you get annoyed how often I sing yeah but what can you do

I can have a go and stuff I was going to use that until I started getting shamed for trying to bring a bit of comedy into our miserable little lives can't have a conversation with you no you can't really can you I've just started I've done it quite a lot recently you've done it loads recently and you're like I can't even talk to Sorry. I do start. I've done it quite a lot recently. You've done it loads recently.

Yeah, and you're like, I can't even talk to you. And I'm like, sorry. I am sorry. I'll try and knock it on the head a little bit. But yeah, the singing, you just,

I mean, you do it on this. We start, if I happen to say something that is a line from a song, you're gone. I know. But the dancing things, it depends.

I'd like to know what she does in front of people. Like, I don't do that when people are around, do I? No, no, no. I rein it in. But if she's like pirouetting around the kitchen while making people look up a tea and that, when they're nipping over, then...

Fucking tea got everywhere. Ah! Ah, it's hot, and it went on my arm. Fucking, you didn't make it, all right, love? You didn't make it. No, she's done shows and stuff, man. She's not failed. She's not anymore, though, is she?

Is she? Oh, is that what it says? She doesn't do it anymore? Well, no, but she's... Well, what's... No, she's done shows and stuff, man. She's not failed. She's not anymore, though, is she? Is she? I was about to say, she doesn't do it anymore. Well, no, but she's, well, what's that? No, she's done shows and that. Oh, well, let her have her fucking dance, man. Oh, stop being so nice.

Stop being so nice. I've done a lot of negativity. I've done a lot of negativity this episode. And as a trained dancer myself, as a professional dancer, you know, you've just got to do it now and then.

Actually, well, I should really fall on her side, shouldn't I? Because I'm passionate about the art. Yeah. And she should be keeping it alive. Yeah, but you've shat all over her now. then. Actually, well, I should really fall on her side, shouldn't I? Because I'm passionate about the arts and she should be keeping it alive. Yeah, but you've shut all over her now. No, no, no. I've changed my mind.

You've picked your side. No, I've changed my mind. I'm really indecisive and I'm extremely fickle. I've changed my mind. He is a dick. Yeah, fuck him. Honestly,

like, don't, I didn't say it, but leave him. She just said it. Leave his ass. She just said it, yeah. We weren't as harsh on the person who chews the food

and regurgitates it back up. Cowboy. Cowboy. Yeah. We weren't as harsh on him as we were on this guy. I'm so sorry. Oh, God. I know, I'm so sorry.

You're fine. You're all right. You should know, everyone listening by now, you should know that our opinions mean less than nothing yeah less than nothing that's true but it's entertainment

babadoo babadoo babadoo bah dear Chris and Rosie Rosie and Chris oh either way oh I remember that was a thing a while ago

yeah yeah please keep me anonymous after listening to episode 173 about the guy who eats chicken wings bones and all remember him yes I remember him

sorry I've dropped I've dropped the C-bomb a lot, but I think that was, maybe the other C-bombs in this episode earlier on weren't warranted, but he is a dirty C-U-N-T, that man. You're allowed to say it, Chris. You can say what you want.

I know, but sometimes when you say it loads, it's like, oh God. Is it? I've said it a lot. I've said it about four times this episode. That's a lot. Oh, I haven't noticed. Isn't that bad?

That's terrible, isn't it? We've lost all those people. Yeah. They are long. Anyone who doesn't like swearing or gets offended by swearing, I think I've said it before, that's a lot I haven't noticed isn't that bad that's terrible isn't it we've lost all those people yeah they are long anyone who doesn't like swearing or gets offended by swearing I think I've said before they've gone Chris

they're in the dust they're never going to listen to this oh naughty word naughty word now I'm sad oh fucking hell I was enjoying it before this swore

oh I reached Christ like see honestly it is crazy it is crazy switched it off when they had to involve the

f word that's just stuff my mum said right actually yes right okay I thought I'd share this story with you

it could even be a Rosie's mystery oh right okay let's wrap this episode up be a Rosie's Mystery Oh, right, okay Let's wrap this episode up with a Rosie's Mystery Let's dance A friend of mine Let's call him Robert

Once had to go to hospital after complaining of discomfort while sitting and you'll never guess what the doctor has found lodged in his colon refusing to exit when he went to the toilet

Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries What's he got stuck in his colon? Lodged in his colon So I'm guessing it's not a chicken bone the toilet. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. What's he got stuck in his collar? So I'm guessing it's not a chicken bone or a bone of any kind because she's already flagged that up.

So it's food related. Is it? So it's not even food. So it could be fucking anything. Listen, Mr. Cluedo, you're not playing

Cluedo the day there's no Cluedo. Sorry. Just want to rewind on that insult there. Listen, Mr. Cluedo, you're not playing Cluedo today. There's no... Sorry. Just want to rewind on that insult there. Listen, Mr. Cluedo, you're not playing Cluedo today. Well, consider me telt. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember any of the characters from Cluedo. Consider me 100% put in my place.

Tell us a character from Cluedo. I don't know. Kermit Mustard, I think. There you go. That's used in... All right, do you want to try again? We'll edit the rest out. Don't try again. daisy don't edit it out right all right good what general colonel colonel mustard right i'll do it probably all right colonel mustard there's no clues over

here what does that mean he's oh it was a cluedo joke okay sorry oh god anyway that was painful what is it right what's lodged in his colon? What's he ate? What's he been doing? So, right, okay. I think it would be, she said I'll never guess. He or she said I'll never guess.

But it's, so it's not just going to be something random like a fucking Hot Wheels car. It's got to be like something involved in something that you put in your mouth. Ooh. Fucking,

a biro lid. Ooh. I'm going with biro lid.. Fucking, a biro lid. I'm going with biro lid. You're going with biro lid. Just total random. I've got no way to start. Is biro universal? Pen lid. A pen lid. People in Australia listen to this. Sorry everyone. An upside down pen lid. Are you happy?

Yeah. And if you don't know what biro is, you'll fucking go mad when you see how it's spelled. It's a ballpoint pen. Yeah. Is it B? Look, everyone wants to know what this is. It's not B-L for me, it's spelled it's a ballpoint pen yeah is it B look everyone wants to know what this is it's not B-L

it's B-I-R no one gives a fuck anyway watching this guy's arse right okay sorry whilst out in a restaurant on holiday

he wolfed down a burrito style wrap one lunchtime right now right okay no stop shush shush shush you've guessed now

pen lid that's not fair Colonel Mustard is it why didn't you tell us where it's gone oh he did it with a pen lid. That's not fair. Colonel Mustard. You didn't tell him. Why didn't you tell him where it's gone? Oh, he did it with a pen lid in the library. Unknown to him, it was held together with a wooden stick.

Oh, God, how? Because he's a greedy, stupid man who eats too fast, like you all are. Ridiculous, right? So it's a wooden stick, the kind that are bigger than a cocktail stick, but smaller than a barbecue skewer stick. You know exactly what it is.

Nando's do them. Yeah, the old immediate stick, cocktail stick kind of thing. The kind with a tail that you get in a fancy burger establishment around four to five inches long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A few weeks after the holiday,

he started to notice a pain whenever he sat down so went the hospital where they found the mostly intact skewer wedged horizontally inside him which would be which had to be removed surgically how the hell it got that far down without causing other issues i'll never know he was lucky, surgery aside. What does it say? Thankfully, there was no serious damage, but this story gets wheeled out of family parties. The moral of the story, don't be such a greedy bastard, you end up with a literal stick up your arse.

Wow. That would happen to you. Yeah. That would actually happen to you. And I wouldn't believe you at all. And you'd be like, I can't sit down. I've got a pain. I'd go, you're an idiot.

I swallowed, I swallowed the, yeah.'t sit down. I've got a pain. I'd go, you're an idiot. I swallowed the... The cocktail stick. I swallowed the scaffolding of that burrito because I'm a dirty, greedy pig. I'll tell you who it wouldn't happen to. Who? Cowboy. We're going to take that back up. Oh, hold on, there's a cocktail stick in here. Nearly a nightmare.

No problem. Gone. I'm going to fucking rip his windpipe in the time being. I've been watching a lot of TikTok recently. Of course you have. Kind of ruining me life a little bit. It's horrible. Because it just tells you loads of stuff.

You know what? I just think we know too much, right? Yeah, but you know a lot of them are talking shit. Well, no. There was a doctor. What university did he go to? What university did he or she go to? What is their past, their background, and whatever they're talking she go to um what is their past the background

and whatever they're talking about and how recent is their research well can i just tell you what happened okay just tell us the sensationalist bollocks that they said and there was a kid who was really really ill and they couldn't work out what it was and they had a pain like behind the ear yeah and they were just constantly ill and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and then it turned they did loads of cat scans they did loads of CAT scans, they did loads of things. It turned out that, you know, a grill, a barbecue grill, you know, the metal wire brushes that you clean them with. They hadn't, one of them had got into the burger. And they'd ate it and it got lodged behind the ear. And there was a few other cases of it when it had gone down people's stomachs and stuff.

So you've got to be really careful. So now I'm just warning everyone if you are using them on your barbecue then wash your barbecue grill after. Thank you.

In my defence I thought it was going to be one of the TikTok doctors who comes on and tells you that fucking water gives you cancer and you go

oh shut the fuck up. Stop it. Yeah I thought it was going to be one of them. It's not. It's not.

It was really interesting. Horrible. So how did it get behind his ear? What was he doing?

I don't know. Oh we're talking so it must have went like up past his wisdom not. It was really interesting. Horrible. So how did it get behind his ear? What was he doing? I don't know. Oh, we're talking. So it must have went like up past his wisdom teeth. I'm guessing so. Just a tiny little bit of like the wire thing, but obviously it's metal. Yeah, no, no, no.

It's horrible. It's a fun video to watch. That's upset me. Sorry. Greatly, that. Sorry. Horrible. You would love TikTok, you know.

No, no. I can't. I know no no I can't I can't I can't lose any more of my time to my phone I know the amount of times I pick up my phone

and I go right I've had enough of this and I sling it to the other side of the room two seconds later I'm back on it I know we're all addicted

I need to check my calendar actually calendar and then calendar turns in back on Instagram and hold it I did see something that was really cool

right just to chat about this because our kids are not Robin obviously not yet, but soon, will be wanting a phone. Yeah. You know, I think the normal age now is like 12, 11, 12,

when they're going to be going places. When he starts going places on his own, he'll have to have a phone. Yeah. But I watched a TikTok video, and this woman has got three children, and I thought it sounded like a really good idea. You know what they've got?

They've got like... Bells. Bells around the neck. Loud bells. No. Why you got to see this? This is what I mean about making jokes all the time.

I'm just chatting to you. Ring, ring. He's over there. Come back. He's in the shop. Ring, ring. He's in that bus stop and you hear the bell

and come back. String. Three bits of string. Fuck. Do you want to hear or not? You've lost me. You've lost them. Come on.

I haven't. I'm joking. You've lost everybody. You've lost them. Come on, I haven't. I'm joking, why not? You've lost everybody. Okay. Communal phone. Like, not a house phone, like a communal mobile phone. Oh, no.

What a fucking stupid idea that is. Do you think? Oh, God, I... So whenever one of them goes out, they can take the phone with them. What if they all go at the same time? To different places. Hmm.

Okay. This is... So they're going to have to fight over that phone....easily the worst idea. what if they all go at the same time to different places okay this is so they're gonna have to fight over that phone easily the worst idea that's the shittiest thing about TikTok because it's like a three second video

to go I just gave my kids a communal phone and everyone's like oh my god that's amazing no she explained it and I thought it was quite good ah she's an idiot

right I'll tell you why I'm glad I didn't share it three different places they go to three different places separately right who's taking the phone but only one of them at a time

what your favourite one probably the youngest right the other two who would you miss the most if they weren't missing great there we go the ones that you think

they're definitely not going to get kidnapped they don't take the phone and then in the house if they're wanting to sit and play on the phone who decides who gets it there's no social media on it

right but they've got to take turns if they want to text their friends or whatever right they'll have oh great that's good if you've got a girlfriend

or a boyfriend that you're chatting to and you accidentally get mixed up with your sister well I would think when you're in your

late teens they can have their own phone but I think she's talking like young because some kids get phones at fucking 8 so they've got a communal right okay

so they've got a communal phone also that means the old what are the triplets I don't know so they're all getting a phone at a different age then

get this woman on the phone get this woman on the communal phone now I'll tell her what I think about

I'm sorry I've been really opinionated this episode I don't know why nah man it's fine

don't worry we'll let you off yeah there we go alright then thank you so much for listening to this week's episode

of Shag Marinoid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. That's offensive to everyone from Scotland, if that's what you were trying to do. It was a Scottish thing. Yes, thank you so much for listening. I know I've been a bit grumpy and a bit ranty this week, but do you know what I think?

I've got a lot off my chest. Do you know what it is, Chris? They're finally saying the real you. Oh, yeah. This is him. Everyone thinks I'm awful to you. You are a miserable arsehole. And this is the real him.

Day in, day out. How many of our podcasts finish on such a light note? I don't know. I'd like to know. We'll be back in years next week. Do or die, come hell or high water. Yeah, we'll be back. Yeah.

Bye. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast

and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together,

they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.