Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 209. Biggest Loser

Episode Date: March 17, 2023

On this week's podcast Rosie reflects on her appearance on The Wheel and why she thought a hamper was needed. Chris gets annoyed about stray snacks and the pair agree to do more kissing after Rosie watched a TikTok video. All of this plus some brilliant QFTP's involving a practical joke, some icks and a strange massage technique. Enjoy! Mars bar anyone? Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening on Watch. Can I stop you right there, actually? I feel like just as a one-off out of nowhere,

I feel like I should do the intro this week. Why? Is that all right? What's happening? I think it's really important that I do the intro this week just for everyone listening, everyone who's up to date with things and stuff. I think that's...

Is that okay? Can I just for once? Can I do it for once? Is that okay? Yes, I have no idea what is happening. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marinoid with me, Chris Ramsey, and the bottom celebrity on the

wheel, Rosie Ramsey. Get lost. Bottom. Dead, dead bottom. The bottom. You know the top? You know the one at the top? The opposite of that one. The opposite of that one. Anyone out there who's got 76 grand that they want to lose

come and see Rosie because she will, quick as a flash, lose you 76 grand that they want to lose come and see Rosie because she will quick as a flash 76 grand lose you 76 76 grand who a fucking bloke he was so chipper

after though yeah really like to the I saw him he'd waited outside to meet everybody oh he'd wait Rosie's

that lad's waiting outside I shit my pants because I was like oh here we go he has me first nutton and then he was like oh and I I was like oh here we go he has me first nuttin and he was like oh and I genuinely was like I am so sorry I felt terrible um I wanted to send him a handbag remember I tried to get in touch with the management to send and my manager went people don't normally do that well first of

all I think it's horrible that people don't do that and second of all i think it's horrible that people don't do that and second of all i think it's really lovely that you tried to do that well i mean i still would but i don't nothing came of it i didn't get his address in the end so jonathan um i've got a hammer with you on it i'm gonna get him i'm gonna get one to him because he was such a nice guy and i genuinely felt terrible that he lost it but what was that girl's name who actually did win oh yeah she's gonna want a money which is great so somebody did win on the day and to be fair

that question was really hard that we got wrong oh you did I tell you that afterwards I was speaking to Stephen

Stephen Mangan Mangan and I was like oh for fuck's sake another thing that Chris because one of the questions beforehand

we got right because I'd heard you say it so many times about Jay-Z being the hip hop's first billionaire even though side note

even though Dr. Dre sold Beats to Apple for 4 billion he wasn't a 25% stakeholder in Beats he got taxed

most of that as well yeah but LeBron James and a few other people were in on it so he didn't get even a billion so he wasn't a billionaire

God I imagine imagine that shocking what's the point eh it wasn't until after yeah and if you're listening jonathan i'm sorry it wasn't until after that i remember that one time you said that if you put your hands out yeah yeah yeah but like out stretched yeah and uh if you took a nail file and literally filed a tiny little bit of your nail, that would have been,

you would have wiped out human existence in the span of the Earth. Is that right? This is the span of the Earth. Yeah. How long the Earth's been around. Because that was the question.

How long has Earth been around? Yes. And if you said, if you took a little nail file, to visually let you... Listen, don't you try and explain a thing that you explained to me one time.

No, I'm saying for people listening, because you're fucking sitting there like the fucking angel of the north and no one knows what you're doing i know i'm sorry put your hands like the angel of the north the guys everyone listening now do it if you're walking your dog or whatever keep a hold of the lead um this is from a bill bryson book if you hold them out as far as you can point your middle fingers away from you and take a nail file and just swipe just once on your most prominent nail which is normally your middle finger

you have eradicated human existence from that timeline if that timeline from nail to nail is the beginning of the earth and now that is it the answer was 4.5 billion people also use 4 billion people also use a sheet of paper was wasn't it yeah it's like four billion four billion odd years people also use

post-it notes a sheet of paper on top of the Empire State Building so if you take the Empire State Building as the floor I think this is what

this one I haven't read in a book so this might be bollocks but if you take the floor as beginning of the earth and the top of the Empire State

Building as now a sheet of paper is the width of or is it a stamp is it the size of a stamp anyway you've lost half of this list, so that's fine.

Fuck all is us. We've been here five fucking minutes. Like, a blink of an eye. Yeah. So, yeah. Long enough for you to make some guy fucking gutter do! Other than that, I had a really nice time. I just...

Honestly, like, it's... I didn't... One, you didn't do really badly. You did really well. There was that one moment, and that happened to be the high-stakes moment, but I thought you were funny. I badly you did really well there was that one moment and that happened to be the high stakes moment but i thought you were funny i thought you looked like you were having a nice time i did i thought that horrible bit with the meat you go around on the chain film the fucking camera right in your face and you've got to dance people listening you've got no idea

how long you have to dance for oh ages the film all them the wheel bits at the beginning and they put the camera in front of you because i haven't got them if you notice there's not a camera in front of everyone all the time so you do 45 minutes of let's all dance well i mean i was devas because i did dab a lot for robin you don't keep any of me dabs in i did loads of dabbing because i was like oh they'll keep one of these in for the bane so the bane would be like you're dabbing didn't do one well is that not because a dab is normally a celebratory thing and you stank the place out maybe if you jay-z'd one

you could have dabbed if she'd have done better maybe she would have put that dab in but I know it was good fun good fun so very well done

and commiserations again Jonathan and if the world allows it Rosie might send you a hamper so there you go I'd love to there we go but this is

we've just started this is just the start this is the start of the episode it is yeah guys it's episode it's episode

you're not going to believe this what is it it's episode 209 shit the bed 209 shit the bed shit the bed 209

guys we hope you're all well out there we hope you're having a nice little time again whatever you're doing you're walking the dog you're at the gym you're doing your ironing you might just be sitting you might be sitting down

having a listen I don't know what you're doing that'd be nice wouldn't it thank you for coming back thank you for being your ironing you might just be sitting you might be sitting down having a listen I don't know what you're doing that'd be nice wouldn't it thank you for coming back thank you for being here Rosie's here I'm here more importantly

this week's sponsor is here here we go this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor is waking up when it's light oh oh high five Ramsey

high five two two against two no three four five six

even number six high fives. Six high fives is excessive in any... I know. That's crazy. This is not excessive. People have won the Super Bowl and not done six high fives. We woke up when it was light today.

We did. It was the greatest thing in the world. Half seven. But should we talk about that in the actual podcast? Yeah, we can do. But basically, I think I've mentioned before,

but going to bed when it's dark and then waking up when it's dark is actually the most depressing thing in the world. Watching your nighttime telly on the same lighting as you're watching CBeebies on the morning with the same amount of lamps on is fucking soul-destroying, and I'm sick of it. Unless you're in the deep, dark depths of December.

Yeah, I suppose. Because your brain kind of goes, ah, it's Christmas. Yeah, like Christmas morning. But, you know March you're not in that mood you're not in that vibe no but I mean like pitch black

yeah yeah yeah we're talking 5 o'clock in the morning upsetting upsetting hopefully fingers crossed we might be out the back end of it

find out more after the jingle oh here we go we had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle.

So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, bah. Jingle. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to Shagged Married Annoyed and lovely to have you back

with the bottom celebrity from The Wheel on Saturday night and me who was I came second on Taskmaster I won Catchphrase Tip and Point just the list goes on that might be it actually

I just always think it looks a bit desperate when celebrities do all of the programmes The list goes on. That might be it, actually. I just always think it looks a bit desperate when celebrities do all of the programmes. Oh, well, you know. Right, innit? You just think, oh. I've always had my own telly show. I've always had my own podcast in the arena. I used to do bloody, me,

little port-a-cabins in Edinburgh. Oh, he'd do them all. Oh, what do you want him to do? He'll do it. He'll come and do it on every channel every every programme

quiz I'm good at a quiz celebrity mastermind you didn't win that no I came I came third out of four on celebrity mastermind oh terrible

fuck that was two that was another level that that was hard Jesus Christ I don't think I've been asked to do that general knowledge my arse nothing general about that

Christ I got my specialist subject alright I did well you did well on that looking back looking back over my shoulder

why did I think I would get away why did I think I would get away with that like again everyone

when she went ready to do over my shoulder there the body language she proper just like came up like a lion and then just double double gun fingers i genuinely maybe it is a sexual thing i just love

singing i get like a proper release yeah uh-huh like an endorphin release yeah yeah like a sneeze what am i saying what i mean robin singing loads like really at the top of voices at the minute even when i'm lying in bed on my own, when I wake up and I don't see your name on my phone. Me and Robin are enjoying singing that at the minute. Top, top of their lungs, everyone. Anywhere, any situation, both of them, top of their lungs. It's a joy to behold.

Neither of us know the next bit though. Only when I'm lying in bed on my own, when I wake up and I don't see your name on my phone so when i'm better alone that's when i remember that's you remember i've said it for years you remember little bits of the of the lyrics so it genuinely sounds like walking your dog in the rain yeah it sounds like someone eating a sandwich and singing at the same time where the odd words coming out and the rest of us just garbling a sandwich it's really annoying what were you saying what were you going to say

don't know what were you going to say what were you going to say what were you looking at us there for what were you talking about we just in the pause moment there

we worked out why you can't send that guy a hamper yeah we think that it might be the rules I think it's the rules of something oh no you were going to say

looking back and that's why I sung looking back and then nothing happened I was talking about mastermind I was talking about I did general knowledge and I did well on the

oh looking back looking back over my shoulder I wait when they said what do you want your specialist subject to be for the wheel

well I did say real housewives but that got beat up because it's another TV yeah it's another TV program that probably didn't want to no I just think

it was a stupid idea they'd be like nobody actually really watches it except you just you your daddy and then so they said podcast and I was like

fair enough I wish I'd done crisps do you know I nearly did pizza because they ask you loads on the phone call they ask you like what's your favourite stuff I nearly did pizza

I nearly did UFC I found it a really sad phone call though when they were like what's what's your interest what's your hobbies what you're really into what do you know a lot about and i'm like um real health what i think they thought oh jesus christ i know exactly what you mean so i couldn't think of anything else and

then when i think about it the only other thing i know a lot about is crisps yeah what they made out of potatoes I did a crisp quiz with you before exactly I did really well so there you go fucking hell what flavour is this

salt and vinegar cheese and onion prawn cocktail beefy but like I think I'd have done alright impromptu crisp quiz now go

ready red and white packet t-bone steak bubbled crisps. Steak. What's the make? Oh, that's hard.

Is it? Oh, it's a brown and white packet. Is it Tex-Mex or something? No, no. The flavour is T-bone steak and they're like

round and bubbled. What's the brand? Fuck. Not fuck. McCoy? Nope. McVitney's? Nope.

No, I don't know. McVitney's is biscuits. What is it? biscuits begins with a R what Roystons Roysters yes Roysters that's fucking hell

you are you're off hey Jonathan get you're not going to Aaron's bruh if I'd have seen it if I'd have seen it

and wrote down I'd have got it one more come on yeah oh fucking hell alright give us a second I love crisps I haven't ate any

for ages actually I'm being really good proper you know what you said to me what do you want for Mother's Day yeah

I want a family pack of kettle chips right salt and vinegar okay and I want an easter egg

please that's genuinely what you want for Mother's Day yes please really guys but make it one the massive like the massive easter egg please that's genuinely what you want for Mother's Day yes please really guys but make it one

the massive like the massive easter egg massive ones guys you might think that's just just seeing this to sound like

she's very low maintenance and trying to sound like one of the people no that's what I want that's genuinely you would be over the moon if I got you that yeah you've done it before

yeah yeah yeah you got us an easter egg before I think it was in lockdown right well there we go yeah sorted alright then that's good.

Because I'm missing half a Moles Day, aren't I? Eh? Me? Not even here. Not even here. Shocking, that, like. Going to see the UFC this weekend. If you all listen to this on Friday afternoon,

I will already be a fucking hammered. Me and the lads getting the train down Friday midday. Woo! Me, deep in dick. Night on the drink. Yeah, dicks everywhere. Night on the drink. Woop, woop.

And then Saturday, going to the O2 to watch Usman vs. Edwards 3. Is he posh? There's two of them. Kamara Usman and Leon Edwards. It's the third time. Do you think I meant the third? The third person? Like, in line of his family?

Is that not what you meant? Is it Edmund 3? It's the third time they've fought. Oh. It's the trilogy, Rosie. Oh, but that's... So, say it again how you said Edmund 3 it's the third time they've fought oh it's the trilogy Rosie oh but that's so say it again how you said it

Usman versus Edwards 3 probably Edwards versus Usman 3 because Edwards is the champion so just the third time that they've done it

what were we had to say it I thought you said it wrong I thought you meant the third it's industry standard Rosie

it's industry standard so why are they fighting three times what happened in the first two? First time, Usman won. Second time, Usman was the champion and Leon Edwards knocked him out with a head kick in Salt Lake City last August.

This is Leon Edwards, Birmingham lad, England, home turf, 0-2, fighting. So Usman's trying to get his title back. Right. Oh, it's going to be good. Where's Usman from? So Usman is an American fighter and Edwards is a American fighter and Edwards is

a British fighter and obviously we want Leon Edwards to win okay I sat next to Leon Edwards the last time I watched the fight in the autumn oh did you actually

he was sitting right next to me he was a really nice guy shut up really nice guy was that the one in front of you who you got the picture with yeah yeah me and all the lads

were like tapping on his shoulder going you're gonna you're gonna beat him you're gonna because that was in June and then he fought him in August and he beat him

so now we're going to be watching him very exciting very exciting far too excited anyway um back the the the guy who um whose dreams you destroyed on Saturday night on the wheel we thought the reason that you couldn't give him a hamper is because of the rules it would be it would sort of cast as like I think it is I genuinely think it is the BBC rules or whatever did I ever tell you when I had the Chris Ramsey show on Comedy Central on series two we had games at the end

and it was to something to play for like a tenor or something one of the games was just a joke to play for a tenor so there's an example

in Jade Adams I think while doing this shot glass game for a tenor and I said at the end can we just give it to a member of the crowd

and the genuine rule is you can't just give someone in the crowd money at a tv show because to win money on a tv show skill has to be involved that's why deal or no deal even though it was total fucking luck yeah the maid they'd play that whole bullshit of you're playing a good you're playing a good game here you're playing a tactful game you're right you're playing tactics no no no you're opening boxes around it was absolute fucking luck it was total fluke the whole time but you had the banker ringing up and it was that so they made it into a game they made it in yeah like so you

were playing and gambling but you weren't you were just opening boxes you know i i was a little bit obsessed with deal on audio i fucking loved deal on audio do you know i bought the dvd game wow yeah wow yeah bought it but it was for 15 quid Do you know I bought the DVD game? Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, bought it. But it was for 15 quid. It's a play it on. This was heyday deal on Odeal. Like this is when it was,

I think I applied to be on it. Did you? Yeah, yeah. I never got picked. It was so, what a brilliant game. It took the world by, it took I never got picked. It was so... What a brilliant game. It took the world by... It took the country by storm.

It was so good. Just like, I'm going to go for number 12. Oh, it's five pence. It's five pence. It's doing the sick. I'm going to bother going, it's this one.

It's definitely this one. It's this one that I've got here. It's definitely, definitely this one. And it wasn't. So devastating. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. do you want to ask us what i've been watching on tiktok oh for fuck's sake um yes what have you been watching on tiktok so on tiktok recently i saw a video of a lady who is uh like a relationship psychologist relationship i think

her and her husband might be so that that sounds awful first off but she said that her and her husband recently have been like smooching every night before bed and not not necessarily having sex after every smooch just doing a smooch yeah and it actually made a lot of sense right because for some reason when you get married right or not even married to take marriage out of it, because marriage, as we all know, is a crock of shit, right? Hate that I'm married. But anyway, me views have massively changed on marriage. Anyway.

Wow. It was a nice day, though. We had a nice day. It was a nice day. Cost a fucking fortune. We had a nice day. No, it was ridiculous. We had a nice day.

It's a piece of paper. We had a nice day. So. Don't know where that piece of paper is. It's a debt and a piece of paper. Don't know where it is. No, me neither. No, I don't know where that is.

No, I think I had to use it when the band got christened. Anyway, I don't know where that piece of paper is. It's a debt and a piece of paper. I don't know where it is. No, me neither. No, I don't know where that is. No, I think I had to use it when the band got christened. Anyway, I don't know where it is. So what happens is when you've been in a relationship for a long, long time, you just kind of don't kiss anymore. No. We don't hardly ever kiss anymore. Unless you're doing the sex. Unless you're going to go to the sex, right?

Right. And so she was like, what we need to do, and it actually makes sense, and I'm kind of just trying to pass this on because we're going to try this. You don't know this yet, but we are actually going get get on the smoochies no because it made sense and it was like you know what it is you should kiss more often and it not just have to be like all right well we're kissing and now we're gonna have sex right because that's that's like i think that's an awful way to just does that make sense i totally understand it and it does make perfect sense two questions um are you going to have brushed your teeth?

I mean, what about you as well? So I have to have brushed my teeth and you don't? That's awful. Have you ever kissed somebody when you've just brushed your teeth and they haven't? I will have brushed mine as well.

Okay. You're putting caveats in it now. It's meant to just be an off-the-hook smooch. Off-the-hook? How is that smooch? Off-the-hook smooch. Off-the-hook. How was that smooch? Off-the-hook. Second question. Will you be wearing

your terrifying Tron Darth Vader in his egg mask? Well, no. Obviously not. Right. That was my last question. Yeah.

That's fine. And it doesn't have to lead to sex. Right. I mean, maybe it's every now and again. Eh? It might be.

I'll check my diary. Very busy. But it doesn't have to. And I just my days. I'll check me diary. Very busy. But it doesn't have to. And I just thought I'd impart it in case anyone's not seen it on TikTok. I think it's quite a nice thing to do. Yeah. I think it's a nice idea.

Look forward to the old... Better get these tonsils in order. Better get this mouth exercises and all that. Puck her up. Weird for this. Ramsey. Hey, have you got a busy night ahead of you? Because it sounds like I have.

All the bloody smooching I'll be doing with you, Boney Bob, Cliff, your brother. No erections allowed. No smooching and then doing the idea crotch because that winds us up. Right, okay. That's offensive. Everybody listening will know exactly what I'm talking about.

Men are weird and you just seem to need to like announce a half erection and i find it really odd do you know what i mean the blood has flowed to the nether regions and the erection is indeed upon us. Ding, ding, ding. That's what it's like. I mean, it's less, it's a lot more subtle than that.

It's usually just a little look down. I'm going to buy a bell. I'm going on Amazon now. I'm going to buy a big bell. Big bell like at the end of playtime at school. Line up, line up. It's time for What's Your Beef?

Ladies first or gentlemen first? Well, I don't see any of them in here, so perhaps I will go first. Go on then, slags first. It's great. Happy Slags Week, by the way, everyone. I don't know if it is anymore now. Where was last week?

I did a Peloton run today because I'm an athlete and it was Slag History Month. Is that what it is? You're not allowed to say it though. You can't say it. I can say it. Women's History Month

apparently in America. All the songs were female EDM artists, electro dance music I think that thing's for. It's really good. Lush. But yeah,

I got a little badge at the end saying well done you've done one of them loads of badges on Pelton now I wish they'd send you them and I could sew them

on my underpants I'd love that see how he turned it on himself though even in an international women's month and he turned it to his own achievements

like a fucking man that he is okay I'm gonna back out of this cul-de-sac because I feel like I'm not gonna win so my beef

don't go down there mate it's a trap no drive the other way this is her time this is her time you shut up it's very bilber shout out to bil My Tiger. If you haven't seen it on Netflix, watch it. Right, okay. So, my beef with you, Ramsey, is... Why are you under the table? I'm touching your leg? Oh, my God. As if I was... So, under the table.

She's got her feet either side of my feet and I feel like you're going to capture us. Am I not allowed to touch you? No, you can. Wow. You can. You can't stop touching my feet now. This is neat.

What's happening in here? Bloody filth. So, is this work? Is this workplace? Filth this week. We've got a bloody kiss every night now you're touching my feet

we're bloody honestly you'll be bloody poking me bum next what the hell's going on there'll be no bum poke I was watching on TikTok

apparently now you've just got to like before you have your breakfast you've just got to quickly poke each other's bums it makes your wedding marriage longer you first Chris

I was joking I didn't say that on TikTok right my beef with you is this weekend yeah on Sunday specifically you banned the bin

on his iPad yes and honestly I was really pissed off and I agreed though because he was being a twat right his iPad. Yes. And honestly, I was really pissed off. And I agreed though, because he was being a twat, right? This is Robin,

by the way. He's only allowed his iPad. He's only, he's got my old iPad. He's only allowed it on a weekend. He's not allowed on it after school or before school. He doesn't even have his own iPad.

He's got your hand-me-down iPad. but I don't know about you guys, but I'm just find iPads too much for kids. He's one of them kids. He can't, he just can't know about you guys, but I just find iPads too much for kids. He's one of them kids, he just can't handle it. Especially, he's a bit better now he's older, but trying to get him off it is horrible, so we just put a flat-out ban. If he's not ready to come off it,

if he's not ready to come off it and you're like, time to get off it. Yeah, but I can deal with it on a weekend because the day's a bit longer. The before bed in the morning, it was just every day, and I was like you're not

you're not going on your iPad before school like no you're not and I have to just keep reminding myself of my childhood and how fucking bored I was all the time

and I just feel like I think kids need to be bored yeah I totally agree I was fucking bored shitless oh my god like this is the thing right I have read somewhere like when we were younger

our parents had their tv on all the time oh god yeah but in our house it's constantly for the kids so every now and again i do and i don't know if you've noticed every now and again i will whack on like grand designs or something and to be fair robin absolutely loves robin requests george yeah and we watch george clark on in bed on a night time before he goes to bed but that's i don't know he's just weird like that but like Heartbeat and all that shit was on the telly

and you'd be so bored Antiques Roadshow Sunday afternoon Antiques Roadshow Killers wildlife programmes fair enough only when you

I only appreciate wildlife programmes now I didn't as a kid I was bored shitless yeah Heartbeat you're right what the actual fuck

Holby City that fucking thing that thing did your dad used to watch the results the football results on a Saturday the pools

no he wasn't allowed it was just it was just a screen it was just a screen football names it was like West Bromwich Albion oh yeah

no I no scored raw yes and he would just sit and I was like this is like I do remember that tell your text man you still have the telly text on I used to go in is like. I do remember that. Teletext, man.

You used to have the teletext on, Bored? I used to go in the living room. I'd be in the kitchen. My mum would be making tea. I'd be doing something, right? And I would go in the living room. No lights on. Full darkness.

Tele on. Words. Just, Queen's Park Rangers. One. I've only remembered it from that voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Bored.

So boring. Yeah. So boring. So anyway. And then I had to go upstairs I would go upstairs and I would play on Sonic on the Mega Drive

where if you died you just started again so I'd play the first three levels of Green Hill Zone do you not have the cheats man do you not have the cheats up, down, left, right, in start, ofs

but still you know sometimes I like to challenge myself you want to do it proper yes but the only thing I'm saying is he only has it on the weekend and I banned him you banned it

but you had nothing else in place. Yeah. So all day, he just kept slyly coming up to me going, please, can I go back on my iPad? Right. And obviously I wanted to go, yeah, because I'm fucking actually sick here.

But your dad said no. And apparently we've got to have a united front. Yeah. That's a thing, isn't it? You have to keep a united front with me if you expect any of this Twilight smooching to start happening. You keep a united front with me if you expect any of this twilight smooching to start happening you keep united front with me right here the united front and

and parenting like i do actually do it you do it very rarely you're you know to be fair i'm usually the one undermining me right no no but i didn't uh come on i didn't on sunday i went with it you did go with much to me annoyance now i'm hearing that you weren't with it you know your soul wasn't in it well i did he could tell that's why he kept asking you every time he kept asking as i went well your dad has said you can't so yeah your dad your dad wow so my beef with you yes is now we all know famously you claim to not like cheese. I don't like cheese. Shut up, right? Pizza, love it. Cheese toasties, I love them, right? I do like, yeah.

You do like... No, cheese on toast. Not a big... I don't like a cheese toasty. Right. I like cheese on toast. Right, okay. With a bit of Liam Perrins on top.

Yeah. Gotta be Leigh-Adama. So I recently have started having to do a really horrible thing that I don't like doing, and it's because of your weirdness. You don't like cheese. No. So you don't like Dairy Lee. But you do like the sticks from Dairy Lee Dunkers.

Yeah. They're like chivy crisps. It's so fucking annoying. So what you do now is you will get yourself a little Dairy Lee Dunker and you will take it to somewhere in the house like a little squirrel because you're like a teenager and you don't eat. I eat all of my meals either in my office, which is next door to the kitchen, or in the kitchen.

You are just, I find stuff you've eaten all over the house like a teenager and I hate it, first of all. That's such a weird thing to say. It's so strange. You left a plate with a big glob of ketchup in your little dressing room thing for like two days the other week and i was like what the fuck is wrong with this person wasn't two days easily three days no it was not now you what you do you must move because i didn't move it of course i moved it it's like a standoff

you know i'm gonna move it that's your you know i'm gonna move it now you got your little this is what it does guys right you got your little little... This is what you does, guys, right? You've got your little Dairy Lee Dunkers and you take it upstairs by the side of our bed. Bedside table in our bedroom. I like to eat in bed. It's disgusting. I love to eat in bed.

My bed's my favourite place and food's my favourite thing. Yeah. Why not marry them both together? Because I'm here as well and I don't approve. Don't come on my side. So what you do is

you get your... You open your little Dairy Lee Dunker. You don't even open the cheese bit, right? And then you eat your you get your you open your little dairy day dunker you don't even open the cheese bit right and then you eat your little sticks you eat your little sticks and then you leave the dairy day dunker cheese pout little cheese pouch thing at room temperature somewhere in the house for over a day so what i have to do as head of recycling in the household and the only person who isn't annoyed the person who who is annoyed by this, I have to come and get the thing, take it downstairs,

peel the thing off, then I have to scoop the room temperature, two day old possibly, Dairy Lee cheese out of it and flick it in the bin, then rinse it

and recycle the pack. What are you using your finger for? What do you mean? You said, you do it with your finger. When I'm about to wash it. Or yeah, when I'm about to,

a spoon or whatever, I'm about to wash it so it doesn't really matter. But I have to get the room temperature Dairy Lee. I'm quite a it doesn't really matter but I have to get the room temperature Dairy Lee I'm quite a fan of Dairy Lee but I have to

get room temperature Dairy Lee out of that little thing because you've hit the little sticks

and it's just starting to do me tits in twice last week I had to do it rain again anyone from Dairy Lee

listening you didn't do it twice last week because it must have been the week before because I've not been eating crisps

no you have oh god yeah you have anyone at Dairy Lee listening right don't send with the cheese It must have been the week before because I've not been eating crisps. No, you have. Oh, God, have I? Yeah, you have. You'll be doing it without realising. Anyone at Dairy Lee listening, right? Don't send with the cheese. Just, if you can somehow send with a bin liner. They could make them into just packets of crisps.

Just send a bin liner of them sticks. Yeah. The chivey sticks. Your cheese is great, but in this house, it's not going down well. Just send with the sticks. Grave likes them. Stop it, because you'll just leave it around the house. Stop it. Don't consume enough but in this house, it's not going down well. Just sell me the sticks. Grave likes them. Stop it, because you'll just leave it around the house.

Stop it. Don't consume enough cheese in this house. Sick of it. The kids eat loads of cheese. Great at cheese. They eat them nibble things. The cathedral nibbles, which my mum told us off for buying. Why are you buying them in the packs?

Just buy a block of cheese and cut it up in a little bit. I don't like touching cheese. You can't touch cheese, can you? I don't like touching cheese, ma'am. That touching cheese that's another thing by the way here's another beef while we're at it rosie can't touch cheese or bananas and it's like living it's like living with so i don't know it's just it's craziness it's like living with someone who's imposed their own weird rules on life oh the banana will you give him a banana i can't touch bananas i hate bananas and rave is obsessed with you he comes down the the stairs and he's like, no, no, no, no.

I'm like, there's something wrong with you. You're disgusting. I'm going to bug you up. Bananas are amazing. Banana, it's in its own carrier to its own little pouch.

Gives you energy. Oh, it's brilliant. Makes your breath stink. Ever been to someone who's had a banana, man? Oh, God. I'll be having bananas every night before bed now.

Listen, if you didn't want to tash on with us, you don't have to tash on with us. Banana smooch. No, I'll not be having no banana night before bed now listen if you didn't want to tash on with us you don't have to tash on with us no i'll not be having no banana banana smooch or no smooch mate it's not that i want to kiss you every night i'm just trying to make my marriage better well i've watched on tiktok there wasn't even a video on tiktok man you just can't get enough of this you're invited to an immersive listening party led by rishi kesh her way the visionary behind Jesus Christ. mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece,

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I thank you kindly. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hi. I've been dying to email this blinder in for a while because it's a rollercoaster. Strap in. Lovely. I've lived in a small town called Yeovil.

You know Yeovil, don't you? Big fan. I play Yeovil Octagon. Incredible theatre. Westlands is the next step up, which is a lovely room as well. Fantastic comedy fans in Yeovil. Big shout out to Yeovil.

Yeah. Well, they clearly have a good sense of humour as well. Okay. So I've lived in a small town called Yeovil for most of my life due to my dad being in the Navy and being stationed at an airbase just down the road. So as you can imagine, this is...

Navy? Yeah. Airbase just down the road. So as you can imagine, this is... Navy? Yeah. Airbase? Uh-huh. Navy? Airbase? Oh. What happened?

That's contradictory, isn't it? Navy's on water, isn't it? I smell an early fib. Do you think this is bullshit? No, I don't think... I think they're sort of... I think... Would the air

base need the the water guys might have a lake no i think we're being very ignorant here i think they do kind of do stuff at each other's things i mean that's the most ignorant i think they have sleepovers i think sometimes the air people go look we don't get to do the boats can we go do the boats? Can we go do the zooms and the planes and then they come over there.

So as you can imagine this is in a long list of vile hilarious and traumatising matliot stories. Matliot. I don't know

whether they've spelt something wrong or that's a word. Okay. I don't think it is. Should we google

matliot? Yeah matliot. M-A-T-L-E-O-T. It says, I'm sure most military kids can relate. M-A-T-L-E-O-T. M-A-T-L-E-O-T. Matt Leot. Dictionary.

A sailor. Oh. Really shown off there typing that, wasn't there? Good word. I mean, it hasn't recognised it on my thing because the little red lines come underneath.

Ah, ooh. Spell checker. That's embarrassing. Spell checker. Yeah. What? There was no real need to send that.

What about, yeah, and actually, the fact that the dad is in the Navy or the Air Base has nothing to do with the story, but that's fine.

Fantastic. It's just sometimes, it's nice to get a bit of background. I feel inferior that I had to Google that now. I feel very embarrassed. I feel like, is this what it feels like to be the bottom? There's nobody on the wheel.

This is exactly what it feels like. Did you see my face? At one point, didn't I just kind of go, oh. Oh, God. When me and my older brother were kids, around seven and eight, we were relaxing in the living room one evening before bed

when we were startled by a blood-curdling scream from our parents. Boys, boys, come quickly, please help. Oh. As you do when you're a kid, we panicked and ran towards the commotion to where the commotion was coming from, sorry, in the kitchen. However, as we turned out of the living room, we both stopped in complete and total horror. There in the kitchen was my dad,

trousers and boxers down to his ankles, covered in shit. He was covered in shit. The floor was covered in shit. The walls, the fridge. It was fucking everywhere. What? He explains. I don't know what happened. I thought it was a fart and I couldn't stop it. No. That's what he said.

We were frozen, wondering how the hell he'd managed to make such a horrific mess. My mum then comments, I can't believe this. Do you think it's something that you ate? Maybe the curry? Without a second's hesitation, the dirty C-U-N-T wipes some off his arse cheek and puts it in his mouth. No, no, no. And says, aye, it's the curry. What the hell? Now, I know what you're thinking, Chris. Social services? Send the media. But there's more to this.

After having a taste of the devil's chutney dripping down from his arse, my dad and mum both started historically laughing. Sorry, hysterics. Hysterics is historically in my defence. Well, it was a while ago. What's going on? Is this a prank? It turns out my mum had cooked a huge pot

of Chinese chicken curry that day and after it had cooled went to put it in the fridge when she dropped it all over the floor my dad witnessed this saw his opportunity and took it once explained me and jamie saw the funny side and off we went to carry on with whatever we were doing on the telly but that's not the end of this story wow a few weeks later i was at school when my class were asked to write about a funny and memorable experience we'd had in the past with our family as part of our english lesson it saves them right it saves them right oh god i just as a parent now i just have to no but I have to just think of like

that would be such a good prank to pull on your kids imagine if I dropped curry right and Robin and you literally put your

I mean actually hang on Robin 7 would we do that with Robin now I don't think Robin could handle that no but do you think

we would see your dad shit himself and you'd eat it I think that would be funny do you think we would see your dad shit himself and you'd eat it I think that would be funny do you think I don't know whether but I think the thing with Robin though

Robin's like I don't know he's quite highly strung I don't think he'd be okay for a while I think I'd be like no look it's a joke

Robin had to put a bit of cake in the bin yesterday because Rafe snorted on something and he can't look at it and eat what did he do what did rave do i think rave would like sneeze did you know what a bit and robin was like oh i can't finish this yeah if rave goes anywhere near robin with

snots robin's just like nah so yeah i I don't think Robin would recover from me pretending to eat my own shit. No, I don't think it's the eating it that would get him. Yeah, I don't think. Maybe you could be like, oh, no, you can't. I don't even think you could say your dad's poop. No, I could. I could be like, Robin, look what's happened. I've had an accident.

And you'd be like, ah! And then you'd be like, I'm joking. Mammy spilled the curry. But the eating it, it would send him over the edge. It would send him over the edge. I think if there were teenagers, we could do it. It is hysterical, though. The fact that he just put his finger in his arse.

It's disgusting that, like, he was, oh, God. Whose brain goes to that? What a bloody mess. We're out of my tea. Hold that thought. Yeah. It's the same dad who hid the shoes. Yeah, yeah.

Same guy. Yeah. Yeah, same guy. Well, fair play. But it backfired because they wrote it down for school yes they put that was the story my parents were greeted to parents evening a few weeks later with a bright red face teacher holding said story who then had to explain to my parents what i had wrote and also commend me for adding such fine detail um there's a question here my

question is did you do anything this horrifically embarrassing to your parents when you were younger um i think the only thing i probably ever did that was embarrassing my parents probably my mom so i don't know if my dad would have bothered was just times throughout life when your mom's telling a story and lying and you go oh no man that didn't happen yeah yeah yeah and the person's just lying and your mom's like it did looking at you like literally she's like trying to get out of a situation yeah um it did and you go mom i don't know it didn't oh sorry we can't come there we've got this on saturday no we're not that got cancelled yeah yeah well that's probably about it that's not really embarrassing but my mom's still angry with me when um whenever she was ill on a sunday um it turned out to be the change that

she was going through but it was always like a hangover and i used to shout out in the street don't knock on the door because my mom's in bed with a hangover yeah i used to shout don't and one time there was mice in my garden and i ran in the front street and told everyone we had mice in the garden she was mortified by that but yeah i can't think of any others i remember i was i mean i always said stupid stuff. Have I talked about it on the podcast? I used to pretend, we've spoke about it, I used to always pretend I was ill at school. I didn't hate school, I used to always pretend I was ill.

And obviously if my mum was off, and I knew she was off, I would pretend I was ill on a Friday. And famously, she would get her clothes on for work, drop us off ready for work, and pretend she was doing work. Yeah, crazy. Spurt rotten. Because every single time, they would just send us home for some reason

they knew I was bullshitting but they'd send us home probably probably fucking sick of you I actually the way that your parents talk about you when you're younger

he was no bother I bet you were a twat I think I was a total fucking prick I honestly think I would have hated you when you were a kid

I genuinely think I was a fucking prick I imagine a lot of people who knew us when I was a kid but weren't friends with us and now are aware of what we do in life think, fucking hell, how did that prick end up doing this? Because he was a weird little prick. Well, famously, your mum and dad, when

Robin was younger, and you'd kick off in that because obviously he gets told no and he gets iPads taken off him and he gets consequences. Your mum's like, Chris was never like this. And I'm like, did you ever tell him no did you ever yeah say no because weirdly kids who don't get told no they're not like badly behaved because they just just do what they want well the story i'm getting at here is i was uh it

was an i was an infant and i was saying i wasn't very well and i was fine and i was in the head master's office or whatever and i was like right okay't very well and i was fine and i was in the headmaster's office or whatever and i was like right okay and they were like debating whether to take us home and they're like all right we'll phone your mom and dad at work phone your granddad your granddad can come and get you and like a fucking idiot i went oh i hope he comes soon and they went why and i went because sesame street's on soon and they went right okay and i got sent back my glass oh yeah mug you mug couldn't record

you couldn't record it these days you know what I mean I can do it on an app from my phone I'll catch up and watch it on catch up what channel was that on because there was no kids shows during the day

yeah it was it was on lunchtime for channel 4 don't don't you ever question my Sesame Street knowledge again I never got days off babe

nah I mean I did used to love watching this morning on a day off with a can of little like this morning with a can of little yeah that was that was like going on holiday for you on it yeah yeah yeah dear rosie and chris this is going to make you lose your shit okay i was listening to the episode about matt the mars bar man my name is also Matt and I also have a story about Mars bars. But don't get too excited.

This one wasn't me. A friend of mine worked as a mechanic in a BMW workshop. There was a woman who would regularly bring her BMW in for work to be done. And as part of whatever was being done, my friend once had to open the boot. Right. Upon opening, he found it to be packed to the brim with Mars bars. To the brim?

I don't know whether that's just a bit of an exaggeration. I bet there was a couple of multi-packs. Well, I think... I bet there was no more than

10 Mars bars in there. At most, a box. Right, there's gonna... Right, imagine back in the day when you can't buy

near Costco, right? Well, someone might have a macro card if she knows. That is true. There's just loads of Mars bars in the boot, right? Fair enough, but back in the brim, what kind of car was it? What size was the boot? I haven't got enough information here.

How many Mars bars are we talking? How many cubic feet of Mars bars are we talking? Let's just imagine there's 50 Mars bars in the boot, right? And you go, fucking hell, that's a lot of Mars bars. Must be a sports car then just imagine there's 50 Mars bars in the boot, right? And you go, fucking hell, that's a lot of Mars bars. Must be a sports car then, small boot.

Right, there you go. There you go. I think it is a sports car. Right. It said here, she must be a lifetime Mars bar competition winner or maybe she sells them,

thought my friend. Okay, so there is quite a lot. Okay, so there is a lot. Everyone in the garage was a little confused but thought nothing more of it. The first thing you go to isn't

she's bought loads it's she must have won a lifetime supply of mars bars did you see who came in did you see i recognized her from the paper she's that woman she's that local woman who won the lifetime supply gotta be in it to win it hey honestly she did she wanted her name taken out the paper because she thought she'd get robbed do you know what Mars bars very underrated chocolate bars I fucking hate them oh what

I knew you'd hate them horrible oh I fucking love them oh nah just fucking like a bar of nout oh no it's lush

eat the nugget on the like eat that off we've been through this before oh yeah man call it what you want nugget right eat that

you're a fucking nugget because it's nougat who says nougat nobody says nougat it's what it's called it's what it's called alright okay sorry

how's your eczema doing I'm not getting into this again we've done this before people listen you're giving me a headache I'm going to have a couple of brufen no shut up with the brufen

oh no what was it Ibuprofen Anyway Ibuprofen So Do you want to hear the rest of this What was I saying

You were saying How good Mars bars are No you eat the nugget Off the bottom And then you eat the Eat the caramel It's like a separate thing It's like a separate thing

Camarrel Say it right Nougat camaral and chocolé certain things I can't watch you know if they say

something wrong yeah and I'm not I'm not a really clever person you know I'm not but when somebody or when they deliberately

say it the right way and you're just like oh yeah no one says that do you know what I mean yeah like when someone really goes over the top and they go like

and just add your jalapenos yeah oh you didn't need to go that far but then I hate jalapenos but then they go like and just add your jalapenos and you go oh you didn't need to go that far say jalapenos but then I hate jalapenos I hate jalapenos so you know

I want to die when someone says jalapenos I'm sure I've said it on the podcast when I saw I went on YouTube and I was getting a fajita recipe

and the guy said right at the beginning of the video he went I'll teach you how to make the perfect fajitas video off video off

I guarantee you, I'm not taking any advice from you. Welcoming video. This is how you make the perfect vaginas. Laptop shut. Idiot. Right, okay.

So, everyone in the garage was a little confused but thought nothing more of it. They're just like, where's all these Mars bars coming from? Crazy. Every time the woman

came back to the garage, my friend had a sneaky look to see if all the Mars balls were still there. I wonder what they're for. It's driving them mad, right? After months, a new mechanic

started at the garage and after another visit from the woman, he said that he could reveal all for us. And he says, dot, dot, dot, I can't unhear this information

so I'm passing it on to you. Do you want to guess what she was using them for? Mars bars. What was she using them for? How do you think she's got them? Why do you think she's got them all? I mean...

Do you think she's won a competition? No, I mean, running a tuck shop. Just of Mars bars? Just the Mars bar. Like, oh, Robin, what do you want? As you treat this weekend,

oh, I'll tell you what, man. I fancy one of them Mars Bars. Let's go to the Mars Bar exclusive tuck shop in the leisure centre. Worst tuck shop ever. Well, maybe it's right. Here you go. Smart ass.

Maybe it's a tuck shop run by six or seven different women and each of them specialise in a different confectionery and she's Mars Bar Marjorie. She's Mars Bar Marjorie she's Mars Bar Marjorie she brings her Mars Bar someone else brings her Twix someone else brings

the jellies Snickers Sally yeah yeah Snickers Sally do you like my jellies Tracy Twix I don't think Marjorie would do as well

that's all I'm saying okay okay yeah because they're shite they're not shite given them does she work I don't know does she fucking

runs a youth football team and gives them all a Mars Bar at the end I don't know I mean youth football team and gives them all a Mars bar at the end I don't know I mean what podcast are you listening to alright okay fair enough I don't know it's a swimming ming I don't know

why did I go there I don't know what it is I shall tell you the woman was shall we say, a lady of the night. And apparently, she was well known in certain circles for a particular party trick involving

a Mars bar, where she would insert it in her rear and slowly push. As it slipped out, it would be eaten bit by bit by the man she was squatting over. Marjorie. Question.

Yeah? Would you eat it if it was coming out of my vagina? A Mars bar? Uh-huh. You're going to have to pick one I like first. Hang on. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. You don't understand how these games work.

You're picking one I wouldn't eat if it came out of your. Sorry. You don't understand how these games work. You're picking one I wouldn't eat if it came out of your fucking hand because I don't like Mars bars. What the fuck makes you think you can hide up your fanny

and I go, actually, I fancy that. I mean, if you're loved as you, any other man, any other man with a pulse don't go,

I'll eat anything out of your fanny love. Anything you want. It's usually something I don't like because I love your vagina. You, Mr. fucking prude. Not a Mars bar. Right, okay. Not a Mars bar. All right, then what?

Right, okay. Twix extra. Right. Extra. Oh, hey. Long night there. Listen, my first couple first couple of thoughts

first couple of thoughts are for me right has a bloke ever went look I didn't like them and she's gone well I've got a boot full of you I'm not what do you want us to give you a menu and you pick it's Mars Bars on out you pervert

second thing second thing all I can imagine is what do you want us to give you? A menu? And you pick. It's Mars bars on out, you pervert. Second thing, second thing, all I can imagine is she's doing pretty well doing this because she's got to sell a BMW. Oh, good. Well, why, aye? She's doing all right, ain't she?

Yeah. Wow. Mars bars, back in the day, my dad used to be really partial to a Mars bar. Aye. A bit worrying now,

ain't he? How did he used to eat them? I think he ate them directly out of my mum's arse right not joking I'm sorry

oh wow I think I think that mechanic's having them on as well by the way I think he's just

no well it says here safe to say the new mechanic was interrogated thoroughly on how he came by this

information he swears it to be true but also swears he hasn't witnessed it firsthand none of the other mechanics believe him yeah no no he's either he's either two things he's either lying he's made it up or he is yeah yeah he's getting he's getting discount for fixing our car oh my god yeah yeah wow so what would you eat out of my vagina what pizza oh just thinking about oh

god I'm not listen you've got a really sensitive vagina anyway you've got to use special soap you've got to be hiding confectionery up there you're going to hurt yourself actually yeah you're right

I mean I I definitely I didn't like Mars balls before this and I like them even less now yeah I thought you might yeah be half melted off the body heat oh god

what if he doesn't fancy a Mars ball what if what if he doesn't what you might, yeah. Be half melted off the body heat. Oh God. What if he doesn't fancy a Mars bar? What if, what if he doesn't, what if, what if he, is that, is that the specific,

why don't you go like, look, I just want a shag, sorry mate, it's Mars bars up the arse, that's all I do. I think that's just a speciality.

Speciality. She's got, she's got a niche. People travel for miles for Marjorie and her Mars bars. That's why, that's why she's got to get... Actually, you know she travels.

That's why her car's always breaking. She travels to them. She travels around the country with her boot full of Mars bars. Fucking miles on this stuff. The miles. Do you know how it is as well? If she didn't take as many,

if she just took enough Mars bars for each time that she needed them, she wouldn't be using as much fuel. That is true. The weight of all their Mars bars. Bet you didn't think I was going to go to fuel consumption at the end of this. No, I didn't.

If you're listening, Marjorie, just take as much as you need for the day. Maybe a bag full. Yeah. Maybe a multi-pack. Not a full boot. Yeah. It's too much weight in your car.

You're costing yourself a fortune, love. Eating in your profits. Eating in your profits with your arse. I've got an ick. Ick. Ick. An ick. And I've got an ick. Love an ick. Please get me anonymous. Eating in Europe profits With your arse Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo I've got an ick Ick Ick An ick

And I've got an ick Love an ick Please get me anonymous My ick is with my boyfriend of 10 years Nice He's always spent a good 30 to 40 minutes on the toilet And feels it necessary to walk into whatever room I am in After having a dump

And doing a weird back stretch slash squat thing In order to put his piles back in place. Sorry, what the fuck just happened? Read all that again! The ache is with the boyfriend of 10 years. He's always spent a good 30 to 40 minutes on the toilet and he feels it's necessary to walk into whatever

room I am in after having a dump and doing a weird back stretch slash squat thing in order to put his piles back in place. He needs to go to the doctors. Thus, actually damaging their relationship because that is awful. Right. A couple of things.

Yeah. First, get your piles sorted out, mate. Sounds really dangerous. Yeah. Sounds painful. Yeah. Sounds horrible. Two, put them back in the bathroom.

I know. Why are you parading around like a cock of the walk? What are you doing like a cat going in and lifting your leg and licking your bits while making

eye contact with her what the hell maybe she thinks that it turns her on look at me love look how flexible I am

oh it's popping all them back in that's awful I know that's more than an ick that wouldn't be an ick for me

that's not like oh that's not that's not an ick that's not that's a do you want to pack it in that's vile yeah an ick's like

chewing loud or something yeah that's like go to the hospital now popping your piles back in in front of us it's horrible

it's bad enough when you actually that's an ick with you you love to stretch like on the floor and that in yoga positions and stuff while we're around would you do that somewhere else actually in future wow it's horrible to watch someone just having a little stretch i just like to have a

little stretch it's just not fair it's just i don't know it's just this is unbelievable it's horrible actually horrible to watch wow yeah fair enough i'll just be stiff everywhere shall i don't know that ick yeah hey chris and rosie my husband and partner of nine years has given me the ick. It says here, this man loves his dressing gown. Cold evenings, he's all bundled up and it says in brackets because who can afford

to put the heating on nowadays? That's true. And he climbs into bed for a cuddle. Tell me why... I don't really understand how this is wrote but this is how it's wrote.

Tell me why he takes his dressing gown off like it's a jumper and not just take his arms out when it's like a jacket. It's an arm over the top. To visualise, he lifts his arms up behind his head and pulls at the collar from the back of his neck, pulling up and over his head like it's a jumper

and she's attached a picture to explain how he does it and it's a man taking off a top. Have you ever seen someone take a dressing gown off like this? No. Madness. Instant ick. So how does he get it back on? Does he then undo?

I've got no idea. So he then picks it up and he'll undo the belt and then put it back on. It makes no sense at all. That's so strange. As an avid dressing gown wearer myself. You are. You've got multiple dressing gowns.

Love me dressing gown. Hate the look of us in it. It's not a flattering garment. It's because it just it's not a flattering garment it's really not it's not a flattering garment I look like Penguin from Batman Danny DeVito

Danny DeVito I do when he's got his gown on it's every time I look in the mirror it's horrible but I just love the comfort of it

but me tits look disgusting it just it ties in all the wrong places it's not nice I'm not a fan of dressing gowns I never wear dressing gowns I'd love you to wear dressing gowns I'm not a fan of dressing gowns. I never wear a dressing gown. I'd love you to wear a dressing gown.

I'm not a fan at all. Just find them a bit. I don't know, like... Why? Do you hate me in mine? No, I don't. No, you do. You look at this funny.

No, you do. You always look at this funny. I don't like you fucking... I don't like you leaving it lying around the floor everywhere. But yeah, I don't. Be honest. Honest. Do you hate us in your dressing gown?

No. No, I don't. Because I know you're comfortable. I know you're happy and warm I've already wore your dressing gown and fucking asked her to turn the heat up yeah I'm just not a fan

I've never had I remember my mum got us one when I was younger and I was just like ugh and like all through life I like the idea of it

then I go fuck that I'd rather wear a jumper it's not a fan of dressing gowns there's a lot going on there or house coats some people call them dicks

yeah dicks call them house coats yeah not fan but uh so he's obviously picking that back up but then untying the thing i mean what what kind of admin just untie the belt and take it off like a court man what's wrong with you it's his way it's his way if you're listening you're putting your wife off you go really strange massively hi rosie and chris a long time listener first time emailer please keep me anonymous Always I am a student midwife and I think this experience

would be perfect for the podcast it could even be a Rosie's Mysteries but I feel like Chris may get this too easily Okay let's try I'm due a win

on Rosie's Mysteries so let's do it This was the shift I delivered my second baby At the start of the shift myself and the midwife supervising me were warned that the couple we were going to look after

were a bit odd. Right. This should have been my first red flag, but I didn't think anything of it. I mean, it's a little red flag, isn't it? They're a bit odd. Yeah. Literally, he has a red flag.

Yeah. Yeah. So we entered the room and introduced ourselves to the labouring woman and partner. All seemed normal at first until she had her contractions. The woman was laid on her back, breathing on the gasoline, and her partner was massaging her. Now, you would think a normal person would rub their partner's shoulders

or back, but not this guy. Guess where he was massaging her? While she's in labour, having contractions. I already know. Where? One word, tits. Her breasts. Yes.

I knew it. I knew it. It's so weird. Why is he doing that? The guy. Wax on. Wax off. Yeah.

The guy was full on window washing this woman's tight ass when she was having contractions. And she wasn't telling him to get off. This was so awkward. I was literally trying to do slash look at anything else when she was having contractions. Safe to say this was the most unusual birth experience of my studies so far. What's he doing?

I don't know. Maybe it relaxes her. It's so weird. Maybe it relaxes her. It's so weird. It's horrible, isn't it? Can you imagine? You would just be waiting.

You'd be waiting the whole time for it to go. Gavin, will you stop that? Sorry, love. It says, a quick question, if you have time. Did Chris do anything unusual slash annoying when you were in labour slash had your plans cesarean? First one, I immediately asked the mid uh what the wi-fi code was which you call is a stupid man oh yeah that did happen actually yeah yeah i was joking i was like what's

the wi-fi code i was like you stupid man and that was you very quickly putting your pace in your place but i was joking it was like we're checking in a hotel that was the joke um what else well weirdly the first well well, with Robin, the world hadn't gone to shit then. The world was quite normal. Everything was quite normal. But with Rave, we were in the middle of the second lockdown. So it was really sterile and weird.

And you weren't there very much. And dare I say, it was quite... Fantastic. It's always nice to hear. Popped in. I popped in. I picked the playlist. I did that. I did the important jobs. Yeah, you did. Put Mr. Blue Sky on. I popped in. I picked the playlist. I did that.

I did the important jobs. Yeah, you did actually. Put Mr. Blue Sky on. Yeah, that was nice. And then, yeah. And then I just popped out down the old pub with the lads

for a couple of weeks and then came back and saw how you and what was his name? Rafe. How you and Rafe were getting on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never happened. That did not happen. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Maridonoid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you so, so much for listening, guys. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is shaggedmaridonoid at gmail.com to send us anything you like.

The tour is on sale. We are going on tour this autumn, hitting arenas all over the UK. It'll be wonderful to see you there. There are some tickets left for some of them and some extra dates being added in other places. So once more for this week, thank arenas all over the UK. It'll be wonderful to see you there. There are some tickets left for some of them and some extra dates being added in other places. So once more for this week, thank you so much for listening. It's goodbye from me, Chris Ramsey, and goodbye from Rosie.

Bottom celebrity on the wheel. Bottom out of seventh. The wheel! Seventh. The bottom. Bye. The bottom. Bye. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

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