Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 218. Pity Click

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

The Ramsey's have so much to discuss on this week's podcast! They have been in London seeing a West End show and they presented a BAFTA... but not without some embarrassing moments of course! Rosie has had underwear malfunctions and Chris has beef about hotel breakfasts. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denoid with Mae Rosie Ramsey and my husband, dot ca Christopher being in London and that? God, that's horrible. Was that because we went to see a musical last night? We did go to see a musical last night. We went to see a musical and she's gone all, oh God. You haven't done your normal thing of singing much, much more.

You haven't actually sung that much today, which is quite good. But as we're leaving the musical, someone did tell you that all of the songs are on Spotify and I could have punched them in the face. I mean, it was a great musical, but as I've said before, I don't like musical music. I don't like punched them in the face. I mean it was a great musical but as I've said before I don't like musical music. I don't like it outside of the musical. I like it in the musical and I think

it's amazing. You were grinning the whole way through. It was amazing. You enjoyed it. It was amazing. Wouldn't say Operation Mincemeat. Big shout out. It was fantastic. God it was amazing. Really, really good. Operation Mincemeat. Very funny. Just great. Go and see it. Songs are great. Songs are amazing but I like them in the place. Same as everything. Hamilton, everything. I like them in the place. It's the same as everything.

Hamilton, everything. I need them in the theatre. Outside, when you're in the house, like, oh my God, I'm like, oh,

for fuck's sake. Like, musical theatre singing is a certain kind of singing that I can only get away with when I'm watching it. And when I'm watching it, I am,

I'm grinning ear to ear. My face was hurting when I came out. I was smiling. But you can't deal with it. That's fine. I mean, I get that.

In the house, I can't be having a blast now that the speaker has in the house fair enough it's a bit like club music yeah do you know what I mean I can get away with like

uns uns uns well not as much anymore but when you're there but you don't want that uns uns is my favourite track uns uns uns

has always been my favourite track uns uns uns uns uns uns do you know what you can get in the bin we've said this before Muzak oh god background bullshit just shit don't want to get in the bin we've said this before Muzak oh god

background bullshit just shit don't want to listen to this hauled music while I'm having a drink is it for money is that why

is it because they're not allowed to play songs with lyrics in that I don't know it's just that background shit where if you're sitting in a trendy cocktail bar you know

somewhere horrible puts me off going to places like Ibiza and that, because I just think I couldn't sit and listen to that shit. I think the one I've just made up there on the fly, I think we could make millions of this. Too much, too much.

Listen, listen. Horrible, horrible. Anyway, listen, we're in London. We're having a lovely time. Have you got one of your daft fucking, sorry, I need to stop swearing. You got one of your daft fucking... Sorry, I need to stop swearing. You got one of your sponsors? Right, well, let's...

It is the introduction. Just take that view of your sponsors out and I'll just... We'll do it slickly, right? Anyway, yes, we are in London. We hope it sounds not too different because I don't like change. We're recording on a different little bit of equipment

and it's actually given us quite a lot of anxiety, to be fair. It's really freaking me out. I'm trying not to look at it or touch anything because it's freaking it's freaking you're only worried that we'll get to the end of the record and we'll find out that it hasn't done it i'm not doing it twice yeah i'm not doing it twice i'm not doing it twice this fucking if that happens we'll just have a week off yeah yeah yeah there we go um however yes you can't have time off right sponsor this time money doesn't sleep right it is money does not sleep actually no because at every point in every moment of

everybody's life someone's spending some money there's not one point nobody goes to bed at the same time isn't that weird right that's not the point i was making money money no but isn't it isn't it odd that like she's gone nobody sleeps i thought it would be quite nice if we all like went to bed at the same time went to sleep listen i would quite enjoy living in a communist country so you just tell me where to be you want everyone you want everyone in australia to sleep during the day because you know it would be nice if we all if the sun rose at all the same time new year man that sets me off what do you mean because everyone's got because you follow people in different places in the world and it's like they're celebrating it now and we it hasn't happened yet what what for them for them it's

next year right yeah i mean that's not what i was getting at all i think money never sleeps it's just it's just the tag from the movie well that's just not sorry no my ex-boyfriend had his brother jack listens hello jack listens to, Jack, listen to the podcast. He lives in America. And I remember when his mom used to be like FaceTiming them. And honestly, I could never work. I'd be like, what time is it? You know, and you just, it never sinks in. My friend Rebecca lives in Dubai.

And sometimes we do like a, we'll do a FaceChat all together or text. And I'm like, what time is it? Because I don't know where I am I just really find it hard to work out anyway bye bye so strange

well Rafe got up really early the other morning oh yeah he did loves a bit of that I was buzzing went downstairs

I watched the last three fights of the UFC because I watched them live because it was on I thought alright what it was still on yeah

because we went down at five o'clock and it finished at half six so I got to watch the last three events the last three fights you saw the little fox cubs I saw the fox cubs

it was that early there was fox cubs in the garden going fucking hell he's not normally up leg it what's he doing yeah

what the hell's happening there's people in there it was bizarre anyway listen guys it is episode 218 thank you so much for coming thank you so much for being here Get out of here. What the hell's happening? There's people in there. You know. It's bizarre. Anyway, listen, guys. It is episode 218. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for being here. If you've just joined,

well, welcome to the fucking party, bitches. Wow. And it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is, I may have done it before, I'm completely not sure, but do you know what? Great.

I'm going to shout out. This week's sponsor is the two-day hangover. Hey. Hey. How old are you over 30 well don't you go having too much of a good time on sunday at the baftas because you're gonna have a two-day hangover what do you mean so the two-day hangover is an interesting thing the two-day hangover your first day is a normal hangover right i got really really pissed on sunday right went to bed you... You actually were...

At one point, you were having a conversation with someone, right? It wasn't that loud. You were shouting at them. Listen. I didn't want to tell you because I sometimes hate to spoil your groove. Yeah.

But you were shouting in their face and I was like, mate, you need to pack that in. It's not that loud. No. I'm glad. I like to exert a loud, annoying dominance on everyone. That's horrible.

I'm totally joking. I hate it. I can't help it. Sometimes I shout in the house. I'm loud. You like to exert a loud, annoying dominance on everyone. That's horrible. I'm totally joking. I hate it. I can't help it. I fuck it. Sometimes I shout in the house. I'm loud. You are very loud, yeah. And when I get drunk, it gets even worse.

But anyway, listen, your next day, right, you get pissed. I went to bed. We did that thing. We didn't have anything to eat. I need, if I've had a skin full of drink, especially if it's an all-day session like that, I need carbs. Same. I need fucking, like, I need a loaf of dry bread. Soak that shit up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I need to go like that. I need carbs. Same. I need fucking, like I need a loaf of dry bread.

Soak that shit up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally agree with you. So we didn't and I woke up at half seven and I was panicking. I was terrified. I was like,

I'm going to be sick. You were still asleep. I needed food, but there was nothing. There was some Pringles in the hotel little cupboard thing. I nearly ate dry Pringles in the toilet on my own

like a loser. Anyway, what I ended up doing was just lying there, panicking, thinking I'm going to be sick here. So you have your first day, two day hangover. You your first day your first day's your hangover but you still sort of got half a buzz you still got alcohol in your system you've still got half a buzz you've got almost that tired haziness where you can just power through i can

power through that first day day two of the 2d hangover i'm a fucking 80 year old man oh really i feel this is today like i'm good like i have got i can barely keep my eyes open i'm looking at you sometimes there's two of you really so tired and i had a decent sleep last night but i'm just it's that it's that neck it's that knock on it's that knock on where your body just goes you can't do this anymore fuck face yeah yeah i cannot do this anymore i actually honestly sometimes it's really pains us to say this i sometimes stop drinking because i just think i can't be asked to feel like shit tomorrow yeah i should have done that i should have done that do you know what it is though once the kids

get older i keep saying this but once they're older and they're sleeping better and you know can like go downstairs and make themselves food and shit yeah that's when we'll get back on it i think we will i do i think it'll come back we're just having a bit of a break get back on we're having a bit of a break a bit of a lull we're just you know

we're tired man we're a bit tired I don't get pissed at home anymore I don't do it I do not do it me mates you know who you are me mates who listen

you go like oh wait a minute just have a few beers it doesn't matter no I'm up at five tomorrow with Rafe I need to be

fresh as fuck. Yeah. My phone, just a bit of a lull, but we'll get back on it. It's all good. It'll come back. It's all good.

Listen. Yes. Let's get that bloody jingle on the go. Let's get the jingle on. Jingle slash music. Music. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle.

So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle! Jingle! Hello, welcome back. That was the jingle. That was the jingle. This is Shagmire and the Noise.

Weird being here, isn't it? It's weird. We're in an office. There's glass. People are walking past. I haven't pressed stop or exported the file. I've done any of the normal things that I do. I genuinely, genuinely don't think this is even recording.

Daisy set it all up. Daisy's amazing. Daisy, we love you. Our producer. But I don't trust the setup. It's working. This equipment is used for a lot of other podcasts so it's fine.

So to talk about we might as well talk about the BAFTAs we went to the bloody BAFTAs. We did. We did. And I put one of them posts on.

You know me I never do much on Instagram everyone who listens you know I'm never on there but I put one it was a very very enjoyable night. One of the things

that we don't go to many things. We live in the northeast we'd rather just stay in. I know it sounds like bullshit but we don't go to many things we live in the northeast we'd rather just stay in like I know it sounds like bullshit but we don't go to many events do we you're saying enjoyable

I found the whole thing actually rather stressful but yeah it was quite stressful it was really hot as well I was sweating yeah like a fucking greasy penguin

but it was it was fun it was a little bucket list thing yeah oh yeah yeah yeah it was such a weird moment when I stood there

and just watched you open it. I said on my Instagram, I just watched you open an envelope on stage in front of all of these, all of these people who I've watched on Telling Me your whole life. And you were on the BAFTA goes too.

And I was like, this is stupid. Yeah. This is so weird. Yeah. Considering this is what we do. Considering this is my main job, sitting, talking shit on my own.

Yeah. And yeah, it was bizarre. I'm dead glad we went. It was good fun. It's a proper bucket list thing, but the whole day was really stressful. Yeah. Because it's just like,

it's just a bit insane, isn't it? Yeah. Like, I don't even know how to describe it. I just found the whole thing really, really mental.

It's really fake as well. Like, so everyone listening, right? I don't want to say it. Well, if you've been on people's Instagrams and you see everyone standing looking gorgeous next to the white board with all the BAFTA logos and the P&O Cruises logos on and stuff,

it looks really sort of cool and sort of glamorous. We fucking queue up for that. It's just celebrities standing in a queue, like school photo. You know when you get brought out class by class and stand in the hall and the photographer's over on the side and it's like, it's that, it's that. And then people who are a lot more famous than you

cut in before. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary Oldman was straight in front of us. Cillian Murphy straight in front of us. What I never knew that happened, right? And this is, you're not going to believe this, right? I didn't know this was a thing. You stood there on the red carpet waiting to get your photo taken, right?

And people, what's that game where you've got, it's like skipping rope. Where people jump into the skipping rope. That's what happens on the red carpet. It's not a queue where it's like, right, next person. You have to jump in to get your photo taken, which I found disgusting. And I was just stood there going i don't i don't want to i don't want to jump and i was like i'll happily not get my photo taken but sadly i've got a tv show we're gonna promote so i had to get a photo taken yeah and but i was like this is i want to

vomit i want to vomit do you not remember that yeah i absolutely like it was it was jumping out jumping chris jump in well first of all do you not remember the one before that so i absolutely like it was it was jump in jump in chris jump in well first of all do you not remember the one before that so there's like four or five places i got me to fucking here get me 14 and i've got them taking so many times and you get a chaperone who walks you from one to the other and they're like they work for the same company as the other chaperones they were all working for bafta but they're all in direct competition with each other they're like i've got chris and rosie in there fucking next fuck you. They're like, I've got Chris and Rosie in there, fucking next. Fuck you. And they're like, well, I've got Gary Oldman

and he trumps them, too. So you go wipe your ass with Chris and Rosie fucking who. It's so weird. And then come back when we first got there, we're queuing up for one photo thing and we first got there and they went, okay. And they went, right, who's next? And they walked us in and they went, Chris and Rosie.

And then a lady went, no, nominees only this one. Nominees only only and we went oh sorry and we walked out and genuinely i don't think he turned the camera on but he took pity on what he went no no i want a photo of chris and rosie and we went okay we stood there i don't think it's like click click click click oh you look good go on well done it was pathetic it was a pity fuck it was a pity click yeah oh it was and then every time i saw the same i saw the same photographer about six times and he as i walked past he kept going not nominated oh yeah he was funny actually really funny it was very funny but

you know what it is it was such it was a great event there was actually some amazing programs which i need to watch because i didn't know a lot of them but that was even more stressful because it just we've got lists on my phones of stuff that people tell me to watch that fucking list quadrupled i know i haven't got enough time to watch all this stuff it's frightening and uh and you know aside from that aside from the the weird sort of red carpet thing which we just find or which actually i think everyone finds awful there was not many happy people on that red carpet it's all very odd it's very strange it's very self-indulgent which I don't think a lot of people are. Well, yeah.

You think they are in this industry, but they're not. I think they all find it really uncomfortable. Yeah. But it was a bloody honour to be there and it was a great night and there was some wonderful, wonderful people there and, you know, nominees and people who won. It was beautiful.

It was a wonderful thing to be a part of. We just like to rip the piss out of things. Yeah. So what I'm going to do now is I'm going to sandwich these stories. I'm going to tell you two sort of backstory stories. As we got drunker, the night got more interesting, didn't it? Right, yeah. For us.

Yeah, well, I'm going to tell two stories of, wow, this is pretty cool. And then I'm going to tell two reality stories of actually how fucking shit we are, right? All right. So first of all, after it all, when I'm on stage, when you're about to do the, when we're saying the nominees are on,

then videos come up. We just stand on stage at a couple of plums, right? So everyone's watching the screens and we're standing. It's like a nightmare. You're standing on the stage. You know me, I have to perform. I have to be doing something.

I can't just look at a crowd. So I'm standing there looking around. Martin Freeman's sitting on the front row. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Martin Freeman, The Office, The Hobbit. If I have to explain explain even more who the fuck do you think you are it's martin fucking freeman he's a legend right and he's looking at us and i'm looking at him and i'm thinking is he actually looking at me and he's and i sort of just went i'm gonna go for it and i just nodded but like i really like how do you do like i mean like a cat like matron like i carry

on nod i went and he's locked eyes with us and straight away he went and he nodded back and I was like oh my god and I think I said he was like

Martin Freeman's just nodded at us I watched a little bit of when we just to see what I look like in case I look like an absolute bag of shade I watched us

giving the award out and you can see you going to me Martin Freeman's just nodded at us yeah yeah yeah which was amazing and then and then afterwards I went up to the bar and he was at the bar and i thought you know what and all i want

to do is i wanted to go up and i wanted to shake his hand and i had it in my head i wanted to go hey mate just wanted to upgrade that nod to a handshake big fan keep up the great work and walk off just because i'm a big fan i just want to say hello because you know i i'm impressed by these people i've watched him my whole life he's brilliant and i went up to sale and he turned and he went hey he went you're all right chris how's it going he went and straight away he just wanted to know all about mcintyre's midnight game yeah yeah he was literally like right so you had no pajama pants on what did you do and i was like what and he was like oh yeah we watched it i mean he's the lady he was with he was like yeah we watched it we loved it and you forget that these

people just want he's just a normal bloke of course he just watches telly so that was amazing and then when we were around all the tables after the meal and we're standing talking and Taron Egerton, Rocket Man himself, Kingsman, he's sitting on a table

and I looked over and I sort of caught eyes with him and he smiled and I thought, nah, someone's next to me who he knows. And I sort of looked away

and I looked at him again and he was smiling again and he waved and i thought nice nah i thought someone someone is ignoring tara negat and they should be ashamed of themselves because this guy's again he's a big deal he's one of you know he's one of our finest actors from around here he's brilliant and uh i'm thinking someone's next to us and i'm turning around looking for who it is then i looked at him again and he looked a bit pissed off and he's still sort of like looking glaring at me and i turned and i pointed at myself and i went me it was it was i mean i was pissed

and it was so embarrassing to be fair because you're looking at it so tragic i literally went make me are you are you waving at me and he went look at us and he went yes and I went oh and I went over and got a handshake and stuff and then I was like oh

I was like sorry mate and he was like no yeah and he was really lovely and then basically what I did I was really pissed by this point

I went oh mate I went it's lovely mate I went honestly rock man phenomenal I went you got any champagne left on your table and he went yeah and he got the shiny

porters of champagne and I was like his fault I was pissed it was a massive glass and I went thank you very much and it was just a weird weird experience so there you go so there's your two show busy stories rosie yes do you want to now tell everyone what you were saying to everyone you met because we were in a room we had a really strange pinch me moment where we were in a room watching kateinslet get her BAFTA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kate Winslet, Titanic. I lent it to you and I went, I was at school.

We were at school and she was in the biggest movie in the world. And now we're in the same room and she's getting an award. It's incredible. Do you want to tell people what you were telling people after the awards ceremony as you were walking around schmoozing? Do you want to tell people what you were saying about Kate Winslet getting her award? So I was just a bit overwhelmed that she was there, right? Yeah. walking around schmoozing. Do you want to tell people what you were saying about Kate Winslet getting her award? So,

so I was just a bit overwhelmed that she was there, right? Yeah. Because it was amazing. We were sat next to Damien Lewis. It was insane. It was mental, right? But I was pissed.

So I'm sorry. So I just kept asking. Can I explain what you're trying to say? Sorry. I mean, wow. No, but you, because you were walking up to people.

So you have a, you know, when you speak to all these people, you have to have like a little line that you say. So you're having a good night? You're having a good night, Rosie. And Rosie's line was, I'm having a great night. And what she was trying to say was.

It's so surreal. What you were trying to say was, I can't believe we've just been in the same room as Kate Winslet accepting an award. That's what I wanted to say. It's brilliant. What you were actually saying, which you said to easy 10 people.

Easy. Possibly Martin Freeman, possibly Tara Neggeton. I think I did say to Martin Freeman, this is why I'm mortified. This is what you said. I said, this is such a surreal night.

I can't believe that I'm in the same room as Celine Dion. And everyone's so polite they're going yeah yeah yeah fuck is it because she sings

the Titanic theme tune it's because yes that is one of them but also on the way down on the train yeah I was watching

watch what happens live right the Andy Cohen show all about the Real Housewives and stuff Sam Heughan Outlander, and, oh my God, what's her name?

Oh, the actress that he's in with. I can't remember her name. She's married to Nick Jonas. Beautiful, fucking stunning. I can't remember her name. Anyway, they were being interviewed and Celine Dion is in that film. Right.

So she was in my brain. And then I think you said about the Titanic. And honestly, I said it. And you know, it's not until later on you go, I fucking just kept saying Celine Dion. And nobody corrected it. Well, that's because no one's a dickhead like me. I mean, I wish I'd heard it.

But you remembered that the next day in your anxiety. That was... Oh, I get terrible anxiety. So funny. And then also, not just terrible anxiety, do you want to tell everyone how much you booted off in the hotel room yesterday when you were getting ready? What did I boot off about?

You put your knickers on and you started kicking off and shouting for about five minutes, having a right go at yourself. I was like trying to comfort you. You were like, look at this. I put these on. Oh, these fit yesterday Chris what is my body

what is my body I can't even have one day of just enjoying you know some food and a bit of a treat and having a few drinks because I just bloat Chris I bloat and this thong this thong fit me yesterday Chris my vagina

I can't even get it on my vagina I've gained weight on my vagina I've bloated on my vagina what was wrong tell everyone what was wrong

I had it on backwards had it on backwards I had my thong so it's a Spanx thong I didn't have it on the day before it was two days before alright ok it had been washed

right yeah so it's a Spanx thong which by the way they're amazing right i hate thongs but they're like they've got a proper big sort of like bit that keeps you holds your bottom good it's really good i don't work for spanx um but if they do want to take um some of my marketing advice i would uh the tagline i'd give them would be uh if your nana wore thongs yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically. I put it on backwards and so it was just kind of

a bit tight on the vagina. It was like sticking up there a bit and I was like, are you kidding me? I thought you'd gained weight. I've gained weight. Bafta, bafta bloat. Oh, bloody bafta.

I've got bafta fanny bloat. They never tell you about this and I wonder, hey, you know this morning, I wonder if Celine Dion's got bafta fanny bloat as well because she was there accepting an award. Don't. It's ridiculous Celine Dion's got BAFTA fanny blowed as well because she was there accepting an

award don't it's ridiculous what a couple of twats we are and as well I just sometimes honestly I get so

pissed off with myself but I'll never I know I'll never change my bra you had to keep putting your hands down the back of my

dress and pulling my bra up because I've had that bra for ten fucking years why didn't I buy a new bra for the BAFTAs

because you were scruff. Because you were scruff. It just didn't fit properly and it kept falling down. And me dress, I did love me dress to be fair, but I had lost like, not much weight, but a tiny bit when it was a bit big

and I was just like, you can't win. But anyway, this is what I hate about these things though. It's just, it's like, it's perfection. It looks perfect.

It looks perfect. Everyone's getting these beautiful photos taken. Everyone was fucking sweating. Everyone was steaming by the end of the night and no one knew if anyone was actually waving at them because well people so half the people thought everyone was waving at them and half the people like me thought no one was waving at them at all little thing that happened the other day actually um we were watching i don't i don't think i mentioned this on the podcast uh i was in there i was in the i was in the living room and Robin had YouTube kids on the TV and him and Ria

were watching Blippi Blippi, nah daddy listen I'll have nothing bad said against Blippi I wouldn't want him around my house but he's good for the kids he gets far too excited about weird shit but that's the point I don't like the slag

I don't like the slag things off you're not his target audience I know I'm not I know I'm not I just find it very it's blue it's blue it's just

hey it's like it's like a piss take yeah but they don't know that no they don't kids love it listen Blippi

you're not for me but me kids love you so you know that's the thing you go down the smallest slide in the world and you'd be like but that's fine it's kids crack right like I say lovely to watch them you're not for me, but me kids love you, so, you know. That's the thing, you'll go down the smallest slide in the world and you'll be like,

wahey! But that's fine, it's kids crack, right? Like I say, lovely to watch him. If he knocked on me door, I'd slam the door on his face so hard

and he's never coming to me house, but I don't think he wants to come to me house. There's two wee blippies, you know. No, I think one of them tapped out and he saw it and the other guy

just does it now. I think he made enough money. I don't know the story behind it. Because he called himself something else though, I'm sure it begins with an M. Mippy. Look, I don't know.

I don't know, but there's two of them. I don't know what's going on. It's franchise. Franchise blippy. It's mental. Franchise it out. Yeah, like the Blue Man Group.

All I'm saying is, he was showing the kids around a car. I think it was a car. And the car had a CD player. And he held a CD up. And he said to the screen, and I was eating breakfast and I wasn't in a great mood.

And he really, really fucked us off for the whole day. What did he say? He said to the screen, he said, these are CDs. This is how people did he say he said to the degree he said these are CDs this is how people used to listen to music in the olden days I swear to god

I nearly the olden days CDs are we olden days the olden days Rosie my first music was on tapes

it was on tapes but he said olden days and because he said olden days about CDs the other day Robin got a Switch game he got Super Smash Brothers for the Switch

I said oh I played this on the N64 when I was younger and he went the N64 is that what Super Mario 64 was on I went yeah

and that was out in the olden days I went Robin I will take this back to the fucking shop I will take this back don't you ever I went it's not

the olden days it was when I was younger it was what 20 years ago that's to the olden days when i was younger it was just how what 20 years ago that's not the olden days is it oh god the bed shit the actual bed the olden days blippy honestly i feel like soon you know when we fill in forms online and i said i've said it before how far you have to scroll down i feel like it's going to be literally you're going to scroll all the way down and it's going to say 1990 and then after 1990 it's just going to say olden days and you just click that

and it's like, oh, I didn't care. Olden days. Sad, isn't it? But actually, you know what it is? I know you always say I'm quite looking forward to getting to 40. Why? Dunno. Close out of me period's ending. Wow. Who knows? I don't know. I'm not worried about getting

older. I'm not worried about getting older but I don't want Blippi to tell us that CDs are olden days. How am I, man, Blippi? Hell, I don't know. I'm not worried about getting older. I'm not worried about getting older, but I don't want Blippi to tell us that CDs are olden days. How are you, man, Blippi? I know what that is. He wouldn't listen to CDs. Well, yeah, he's 40, Blippi. This is what they listen to in the olden days.

Blippi, come on, man. Fucking rein it in, will you? Maybe years ago. Maybe you could have said, when your mum and dad were young, this is what they would have had. Oh, God. On a Walkman.

On a Discman. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. We did the TV show, didn't we? Yes, first episode was on. Thank you for watching. If you managed to watch it, don't worry if you didn't. You can either catch it on Catch Up

or just don't fucking bother. We're not asked. Sorry, we are asked. Please watch it on iPlayer. It's a very good episode. I was very proud. Don't bother. We're not asked. Okay, well, Ier it's a very good episode I was very proud don't bother we're not asked

okay well I'll say the same as to what I said somebody who works in the Avalon offices who make the program yeah just start watching it so we can get your view

and then turn it off yeah put it on the background it's a bit of background noise it's obviously Friday night BBC one 1040 we realize 1040 might

be but I mean I'm not watching anything at 1040 fuck that but iPlayer is an absolute dream it's quite late so yeah we'll have obviously Friday night BBC One 10.40 we realised 10.40 might be a bit I mean I'm not watching anything at 10.40 fuck that but iPlayer is an absolute dream so yeah we had Joel Dommett and Hannah on

they were fantastic love them so good so funny what a nice couple they are aren't they lush such a nice couple they're lush inside and out

yeah I don't want to get too gushy about them but they're lush inside and out they are proper lush like pure lush if I actually fucked them I thought they were good looking

I'm not happy funny people shouldn't be that good looking I'm angry no I'm joking they were brilliant and Alma you read the please keep me in the audience

were phenomenal we had it goes or I go we had a lovely lovely little surprise on it goes or I go don't want to give too much away don't want to give too much away but yeah

thank you to everyone who watched it and it's back on if you listen to this on Friday it's back on tonight again and we've got a wonderful lineup again but as we're's back on if you listen to this on Friday it's back on tonight again and we've got a wonderful line up again but as we're recording this on Tuesday

we don't want to say it because people cancel shit yeah it's so true it might just be me and Chris and we're mum and dads absolutely fine I'd take that you're invited

to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder.

April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Thank you. mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats

for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. We've spent a lot of time with each other at the moment. Spent a lot of time with each other. I've got, I've had to pick

me beefs. Okay, well I was going to say something really nice though. Pretend I haven't said that and say what you're going to say. No, no, no. That's fine. You can leave that in because there has been beefs. But there's also we were in Liverpool on Friday. We did the Zoe Ball show. I'm back in Liverpool and everything

seems the same. I hate it. I hate it when people sing. When somebody says... Tasting your own medicine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tastes like shit, doesn't it? Well, it was Eurovision, obviously. Hope you all enjoyed Eurovision. Everyone was there on the Friday, but we did the Zoe Ball show and then we had the day

we went back to the hotel. We got back into bed. We spent the day together in bed. I had a bloody goddamn nap. Yeah, and do you know what? I actually we got back into bed and we spent the day together in bed. I had a bloody goddamn nap. Yeah. And, do you know what? I actually,

I just think it's been quite good for our relationship. Yeah. Love the kids. We disgustingly miss the kids at the minute. It's making us both a little bit ill, but we're having to put them

at the back of our mind because we've got, it's only crazy busy for a couple of weeks and then it's dying down and then we've got full summer with the kids. This is a really showbiz

heavy episode of the podcast. I know, I'm so sorry. and then we've got the full summer with the kids This is a showbiz heavy episode of the podcast I know I'm so sorry We've just been doing press for the show, this is just what it is and then in a minute it'll be gone But I just think kids really bog down your relationship, nor they do Chris

They change it a lot We haven't fought that much, when we're not with the kids we do not fight fight it's fucked up so it's actually it's not good we went away last Tuesday couple of days

you know we had Tuesday prepping the show Wednesday the show Thursday press Friday press Saturday home kids arguments Sunday

yeah like we haven't argued since we went home we only argue at home we do you're saying I don't have that much beef actually because we've been getting on I've've been getting on look at me we've been getting on like a house on bloody fire and we'll have don't don't even try it at night we'll have it's really beautiful when someone

we have been shout that at you look at me look at me we've been getting out of fire chris say we're having your face don't you like we have been holding hands in the street we have some we've been kissing at zebra crossing so don't you even dare massive apologies to that uh traffic jam caused yesterday at that zebra crossing i'm telling you kids man love them to death absolutely wouldn't have were life without them but they they are the cause i think i think kids ruin relationships yeah well i mean they change it a lot. No, Chris, they ruin it. They do ruin them. So if you are currently, literally, with your partner,

thinking, I fucking despise you, I'm telling you, go for a weekend away. Yeah. Yeah. Go for a weekend away. Have time just you two. Without the kids, right? And just see, if it's still shit,

then I maybe, actually, you're not meant for each other. But if there's a glimmer of hope, stick it out, man. Because I just think. It's the stress of it, man. It is. Like we've said before, man, if Robin can sense in our house, if our Robin can sense that we're having a slightly heated conversation, he just starts fucking shouting.

Yeah. Because he knows. He's like, oh, them two are trying to have a chat. I'll just wind them up. He's a wind-up man. He's like, you little. And it makes it worse. But anyway, listen. But I miss them and I can't wait to get back. they're the best but listen yeah i've got some beef it's not massive i'm not really angry with you it's just little annoying

things that i found the knickers thing was going to be beef but i just thought it's a funny story but i have got what you got do you want to go first or should i go first um mine's a bit boring actually okay you go first and it's pretty similar I'll headline I'll headline this section okay well I wrote here I hate it when you go to sleep and don't say goodnight you did this last night

when I was brushing my teeth we did have an argument last night we did and you so I got back in the bed and you look at us and you wake up

as if you are the most tired person in the world I was the most tired person no it really fucks us off like you literally fall asleep at night you're like oh

and the lights off. And I'm like, you are awake. It takes two minutes to brush my teeth. You were fully fledged awake two minutes ago. I was two minutes. And then I get back in. It's as if you've been asleep for three hours and I've woke you up.

Well, that's what it feels like. That's what it feels like. So basically, you don't like me going to sleep before you're in bed. Let's be honest here. you want us to go to sleep you want me to say i'm fucking knackered i didn't want to sit on my phone you were at the bottom of the bed sitting on your phone for ages right and i went no it wasn't two minutes and i'm lying there i can't even keep my eyes open and i'm going are you coming to bed in a minute i'm just

i'm just watching fucking assholes on tiktok being assholes all right if you brush your teeth no in a minute. I thought, fuck this. And then I roll over to go to sleep and you're like, I can't believe,

what do you think I am? What am I, your fucking guide dog? Guide me to sleep. Okay, fair enough. Right, in future,

just say, I'm going to sleep, good night. You didn't say that. You just fall asleep and then I get back in the bed and you go, oh,

oh. Sorry, I fell asleep. All right, fair enough, but then don't, I didn't speak to you when I got into bed you did you said you didn't say my name you didn't say goodnight did you call me needy Christ alive

what's your beef with me my beef with you is we're currently staying in hotels and stuff at the minute because we're working away we love the I love a hotel breakfast buffet. It's the greatest. It's the greatest. Yeah.

Right. Your selections at a hotel breakfast buffet, the stuff you come back with on your plate. You're embarrassed, aren't you? Gives us anxiety.

Why? It's embarrassing. I want to like, I want to carry, you know, like what they're called, a big carath, a big silver carath

that you put over it, you know, like you put over a plate in a posh film or whatever. I want you to put your stuff on and I want you to hold the karath over so no one can see what you choose it's absolutely it's just it's like fucking it's like you're on shuffle i've never this morning you came over right you had eggs fair enough yeah scrambled eggs you had beans right but then you had like cold ham fruit cold salmon yeah um little capers all on one do you know what it's like i look at the plate and it's like you know when people post photos of the you

know they've got i let my six-year-old dress himself and he's got like a massive t-shirt skirt cowboy hat ice skates that's your breakfast as a toddler dressing themselves that's what your breakfast is i don't think that food has to match it's horrible it's horrible and I sit there and I watch you put

warm beans on cold ham and I want to fucking jump out the hotel window why? honestly I feel like we should get separate tables I feel like we should get separate smoke cold

freezing cold smoked salmon with hot beans it's like a nightmare it's like a bush talk a trial honestly I mean, personally,

I've never been happier. It would be the, you know the Marks and Spencers adverts where the whisper, the whisper all the stuff. It'd be the worst Marks and Spencers. Cold, freezing cold,

rolled up ham with hot beans and capers. Do you want to die? Yes, so do I. Honestly, I love it. It's because I just,

it's because I'm a greedy cow. I just want everything i can't go and be like like you you'll go you could this is what this is i find this mental about you you can go to a buffet yeah and have beans on toast yeah and nothing else stuff no oh god what are you doing taste everything have a bit of everything all the capers in my pocket i took them i took them out of the room it kills me you know I'm just like

I am if anyone out there you go to your hotel breakfast right everyone who goes up there you get your plate and if you go and do your toast

and then start filling up you're making a mistake mate right you need two trips two trips first trip up get your plate toast your bread

get your butter go back to your table, butter that bread, cut it up, lay it around your plate as a base, then add your beans, then add your scrambled egg, then add your bacon. Just get it all. Don't be going up at once and then coming back and buttering your toast at your table with all your stuff on. No, no, no.

Two trips. Two trips. You've done a lot of these, though. And the one this morning, the hotel this morning, big shout out, I had little ramekins for the beans. That was a good shout. I've never seen the like of it. Good shout.

Do all your stuff on your plate and then a tiny little bowl, put your beans in and you put that little bowl on your plate. Although, we're clapping it, I actually hate ordering a meal. So say if you order a full English breakfast and it's like with beans, you get them in a little pot. I hate it. I don't know why I'm clapping it actually because with beans you get them in a little pot. Yeah. I hate it. I don't know why I'm clapping

actually because I hate that. Why? It's brilliant. They're not all over the beans. You hardly get any and I like my beans used to be on everything. Actually,

I take back that clap. Rewind that clap. I don't like the ramekin. You're actually just clapping more. I don't like the ramekin. I liked it this morning because obviously I had it with smoked salmon.

So it was quite nice. You kept all your capers and salmon out of your beans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in normal life and I hate that as well in a restaurant where you've got mushy peas with fish and chips and they come in a tiny little pot and you're like oh man you can dip into them i think that's great no i disagree no i just kind of like my meal everything to be on the plate i hate chips in a basket hate all that shit put them on there put them on i want a plate i just want a plate

of food i don't want loads of different bowls yeah yeah sorry i got so excited we've talked about jenga chips before haven't we we must have it was not long ago jenga chips i don't think they're a thing much anymore no it went went through a phase i think i think the public caught on pretty quick you go to like a quite you know like a nice sort of saturday night meal out quite a nice steakhouse or whatever and you go oh jenga chips oh hold on there's fucking four chips yeah yeah it's shit isn't it yeah yeah do you know what i need to stop putting on my plate at a buffet breakfast uh cold meat and capers no no i'll never stop doing that i love that no ice cream i love mushrooms right yeah i fucking hate grilled breakfast massive mushrooms and i always get one

because i think i love mushrooms they're horrible it's a big sweaty mess it's horrible isn't it big sweaty tomatoes but i love them get them off me breakfast love mushroom love them in love them in any other food love them raw love them in a salad also do love them grilled like but just the breakfast ones always horrible remind me next time go if you see me no it's not my job no please no no if you see me put one on my plate go listen don't you're gonna regret that great get something else everyone listening do you see what's just happened to you right chris remind me next time not to get that mushroom if you see me put a mushroom on my plate you know what's gonna happen i'm gonna remind her and she's gonna go don't you tell me what to do how dare you man mansplaining gaslighting how dare you tell me not to have a

mushroom because you fucking told us you told us on the podcast to tell you not to have a mushroom right oh this is the hysteric all over again okay you're your own worst enemy oh my god is this like on the train the other day so basically i think i've got ibs right i need to send off a stool sample or something because i just blowed shocking, right? Look at that. Oh, it's coming. Great day in the house. Or a blood sample. Great, do I? All I can, all, I think,

everyone listening now because they know you so well, all we can picture is you walking around the house with a handful of your own shit going, where did I put the tub? Chris, have you seen the tub?

Have you seen the tub that I've got to send it off in? Just with a handful of your own shit. You normally only have to put a smear on a page. You don't have to send a full shit, I hope.

I've never done one. You don't have to send a full shit, I hope. I've never done one. You don't, do you? Dear Mrs. Ramsey, we received your stool sample. We can't have a noise. It wasn't a full shit. Can you please send it again so we can do the tests correctly? I'm really good at urine samples after two kids.

An amazing thing to brag about. Put it on your CV yeah if you haven't had kids yet great listener love having love socialising with my friends

and very good at urine samples very good at urine samples got really good at that shit but the little pots they give you to pour into the pot are much better

because at first I didn't use them and I was just spraying everywhere anyway shall we crack on oh my god the hotel we're staying at has got a really posh toilet that washes your bum yeah brain everywhere. Anyway, shall we crack on? Oh my God, the hotel we're staying at

has got a really posh toilet that washes your bum. Yeah. I was sat there for five minutes. I've literally been, had hot water on my arsehole

for five minutes this morning and genuinely, lush, absolutely lush. How the other half live. The seat's warm. Yeah, it's amazing.

The seat's on all the time. I mean, that must cost a fortune. Yeah. But aye, the seat's hot. There's something lovely about sitting on a hot toilet seat. You didn't finish the story about on all the time I mean that must cost a fortune but aye the seat's hot there's something lovely about sitting on a hot toilet seat

you didn't finish the story about on the train you said you've got IBS oh so I think I've got IBS because I just bloat horrifically so I've cut out bread last week

you bloat or you just put your knickers on the wrong way you know juice out so I don't know what I'm trying to work out what it might be

gluten I don't know if it's like I don't know what it is right so I did say it to you not that not that you tell us what to do because i don't know but i don't want anyone to ever think that we're in that kind of relationship because he absolutely doesn't and i would never allow that but i do sometimes say to you like i'm not no i don't think i said don't let us i said i'm not getting the bacon roll i'm not getting like anything bready don't i'm not

getting a sandwich today on the train because I know that it's bread that's blown us, this was the day of the BAFTA we got on the train and the woman was coming round asking people what they wanted because we're first class we've treated ourselves with the BAFTAs and then she came

and you went, you said you weren't going to get the bacon roll and I was like who the fuck are you talking to, telling me what to eat? But then do you know what it is? But I had said the... But the train was packed and there's people next to her,

there's a bloke sitting next to me and I look like the biggest arsehole on the planet. Because I go, no, you're not getting the bacon roll, don't get the bacon roll and you're like, don't you dare. And he's like,

oh my God, he's like, you know, typing out on his phone, do you need help? You didn't, in your defense, you didn't say like that. You actually just said,

are you, I thought you were cutting out. And I was like, you, not today. There was a woman diagonal. There was a woman diagonal to her and she looked up from her paper

and she looked at us as if to go, you horrible man. And I wanted to go, no, no, you weren't, you weren't, half an hour ago,

she said, don't let us get the bacon roll. I don't know. Oh yeah bacon roll i don't know yeah man do you know what i've got a problem i'm tapping out from yeah you know your best to your best because this is gonna go on for years man and honestly once some days oh i'm so sorry i feel like all i do is bang on about this on the podcast but it's just i think it's a i don't think i'm alone because some days i'm like i love body. I am living my best life. And I am so happy.

And I'm full. I'm surrounded by love. And, you know, I've got a great life. And, you know, I feel amazing. And then other days I'm like, I am disgusting. And I can't, I literally can't look at myself. And it's such, it's such a head fuck. And I think I'll always be like this. And I think most people are.

I think, you know, I think it's the norm. So maybe it's not. But anyway, I'm getting better. Once again, you're gorgeous. Stop it. Thank you. Put that bacon roll down now.

We're recording a podcast for God's sake. Put it down, man. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-public. Public. Somebody told you the other day that you missed out on the best opportunity.

Yeah. Because the BAFTA award that we gave out, still mental saying that, it was voted for by members of the public. And you didn't say public, public. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-public. I didn't think. We could have promoted.

That could have been the perfect opportunity. Right, two. I didn't think. We could have promoted. That could have been the perfect opportunity. Yeah, right. Two things. One, yes, we could have promoted. Or two, we could have literally both went public, public, public, public, public, public. And that entire room would have been fucking silenced. I know. Martin Freeman wouldn't have nodded to me if I'd done that.

I know. He'd have thought you were a villain. He'd have avoided eye contact. He'd have been like, what the hell's wrong with these people? And yeah, but I was devastated. We didn't give a big up to Rob and Ramesh. They did such a good job. Yeah, they were amazing. They were absolutely amazing. Such a good job. eye contact. He'd be like, what the hell's wrong with these people? And yeah, but I was devastated. We didn't give a big up to Rob and Ramesh. They did such a good job.

Yeah, they were amazing. They were absolutely amazing. Such a good job hosting that. But yeah, it was, you know, it was a missed opportunity. I got a tweet saying you should have said

public and I was genuinely quite upset for about 45 minutes. Weird, isn't it? You've got to find these opportunities when they're coming to you. Fucking idiot.

But listen, if you want to get in touch, shagmarinoid at gmail.com. Send in an opportunity when you've completely fucking wasted a brilliant moment. So there we go. Hi, Chris and Rosie.

Long time listener and first time messaging in. Beautiful. I have a Rosie's mystery to share that might just ruin Britain's favourite beverage for you. The good old cup of tea. Oh, no, no, no. You love a cup of tea, don't you? I don't like a cup of tea and it makes us dead sad I said to you I'm going to

oh you did this yesterday it must be horrible being married to me like literally yesterday we went for some cake and some tea and I said to you oh you're going to get a cup of tea and you went yeah and I went oh I wish I liked tea and I said to you I went oh are you going to get a cup of tea and you went yeah

and I went oh I wish I liked tea and I said to you I might start drinking like peppermint tea and herbal teas and stuff I was like you know what

I might start drinking them we got to the cafe and what about order and you went why don't you get peppermint tea I went oh no yeah she's got Diet Coke literally 10 minutes

not even 10 minutes we're in the queue for the cafe am I? I might start hard work oh really hard work, yeah. It's a fucking nightmare. I might try a peppermint tea.

What would you like, madam? Diet Coke, please. Diet Coke and a slice of carrot cake because I'm a fucking animal. Who gets Diet Coke and a slice of carrot cake? Horrible. Excuse me?

Oh, there we go. What are you talking about? It was just weird. It was a weird thing to get. Why is it a weird thing to get? It just was. Diet Coke and a slice of carrot cake. I wanted a Diet Coke because I needed some caffeine some caffeine yeah it's not that much sugar and

diet coke diet coke just weird though on it it's just weird it's just weird you got you got a brick of cheesecake and then you ate half of my carrot cake uh are you are you food shaming me right now is this what's happening here oh here he is oh he's mad the mask has slipped you're gorgeous you look great. This is it. This is the real him. Look at him. Do you see what I live with?

You disgusting pig. I'm saying they don't go together. Why do you want a fizzy drink and a cake? It's really weird. Have you ever been to a birthday party? What's the matter with you? When I was fucking six. Yeah, all right.

I'm living my best life. Jesus. You dick. I can't believe that. I can't believe this. I'm glad that they life Jesus you dick I can't believe that I can't believe this I'm glad that they've seen you for what you are that's not even that bad because to be honest with you

actually you should never have said that to me on the train about bacon the bacon roll you told us to no you shouldn't have said anything you fucking told us to

alright well you should have learned to not say anything I'm not going to ever again tell you what you can sit there you can sit there in a dying coke and a carrot cake

full of sugar I just meant that they don't go together do you know what it is yous are listening into something here because he started eating just protein bars

and he goes to the gym all the time and he's eating better and honestly you'll lose me because I hate that shit is that a promise I hate that life

can I get rid honestly if you turn into a good fitness guy and you don't eat no if you stop eating right or if you stop drinking mate that's guy and you don't eat... No, if you stop eating, right? Or if you stop drinking, mate, that's us done. Listen, I'm never going to say again, right?

I'm never going to say... I'm never going to put you off eating anything ever again because it's just not worth it, even when you tell us to. So, guys, next time you come on the train and you walk past mine and Rosie's table and she's eating a fucking tub of Lurpak with a spoon and I'm avoiding eye contact,

that's why. spoon and i'm avoiding eye contact that's why dip my fucking yorkshire pudding in a big tub of margarine i'll just be looking at my phone and everyone else will be going what's wrong with that lady this is funny right because relationships are mad aren't they because we have been married for nearly 10 years right spend nearly every day together. Yeah. And you, like, you should,

like, if the kids eat loads of sweets and chocolate, I'm like, no, your teeth are going to fall out and you can't eat that. I can't say that to you. But it's like, you can't say it to each other.

Each other, each other, you were the first one to say that to me. Are you kidding me? You fucking, you'd be knocking fucking Twix's out of my hand like bloody Michael Jordan, blocking a shot what is it?

isn't it mad? it's hypocrisy is what it is it's hypocrisy and pigheadedness and arrogance on your part I love it don't you tell me what he, don't you Chris you having another twix? that's two this week you'll lose what to eat. Don't you dare. Oh, Chris, you're having another Twix. That's two this week.

You'll lose me. You'll lose me, you will. Chris, you know what it is? Chris, you'll lose me if you put loads of weight on it. And you'll also lose me if you get really fit. And you'll lose me if you tell us not to eat. And you'll lose me if you don't tell us not to eat. The fucking tightrope that I live on.

Swear to God. I love you'll lose me. I've never said that before. He was like love you'll lose me. I've never said that before. He was like, you'll lose me. Oh, Jesus. Got a new catchphrase. You lose me, you will. I'm going to honestly.

I'm literally crying. I'd love to, bloody love to lose you. You would. You wouldn't last a day, mate. Get that lost property bin in here and stick her in it. You wouldn't last a day. Oh, God. However, cues from the pubes It wouldn't last a day. Oh, God. Oh, yeah.

Cues from the pubes. Okay, yeah. Okay, sorry. Right, well, sorry. We really went off piece there. Now, this happened eight or nine years ago when I was about 14. Like most people, I love a good broom, but this one was different and has become a memory, brackets, not a good one.

Wow. That still makes me wretch every time I think about it. Crikey, okay. So, my family and I were all settled down in the living room in the evening, in front of the TV. I had my cup of tea next to me on the side unit. Now, I love biscuits to dunk in my tea, but this evening, I didn't have any biscuits.

Oh, that's a shame. Oh. As I sat cosy on the sofa, I took a sip of tea, all fine and normal brew, until the next sip. Oh, God. As I took a sip of tea, I could sense something small and grainy had also entered my mouth. I felt it with my tongue and thought it was a biscuit crumb. Wow, how much hasn't got biscuits? Well, it then took about half a second for me to remember

that I hadn't had any biscuit in my tea. Oh, God. What could it be? Oh, God. I spat the small grain out onto my hand to see not a biscuit crumb, but... Chris will never get this.

Chris will never get this. Chris will never get this. Chris will never get this. La, la, la. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. What has she spat out of her mouth from a cup of tea onto her hand? What do you think it is? I don't know why, but I'm going straight to this.

I believe, and this is just a total random guess and i feel like i'm gonna get it i feel like i'm gonna get seriously i believe that someone has been using that cup to keep uh toenails or fingernails in and it was a toenail or a fingernail right okay a little bit of toenail or fingernail am i wrong i'm wrong you're wrong you're wrong can i guess no okay yeah i mean okay go on but you might get it i don't want you to get it. I don't have another one. I don't actually have another one. Okay, okay. I thought I was going to,

I was doing the thing where I was going immediately for the slam dunk, but yeah. Right. I'm going to tell you now. Yeah. I don't think you would have ever get it. I smacked the small grain

out onto my hand to see not a biscuit crumb, but a small hamster shit. Oh, I'd never got that. I then looked into my tea to see that my hamsters, whose cage was next to me on the unit, had been doing his daily mile in his wheel and the little shit he had done inside it

had been flying out of the air holes and landing in my tea. Wow. Which I then almost swallowed. Wow. I proceeded to leap off the sofa to the kitchen sink and retch while my mum dad and brother sat crying with laughter at my misfortune oh that's horrendous you're probably trying to picture the hamster cage that's wheel and how this happened so she attached a photo which because

this is not a photo medium i can't show you but it was bit so if imagine a hamster cage and then it's a little bit of a posher one and there's like you know how they run around in a wheel it's on the top of the hamster cage yes so they must kind of climb up yeah yeah and then so when they're running around the shits are just flying out who in the world is storing their tea cups next to a hamster cage i don't know so it's not a bit of a posh one i'm not having that oh what kind of house what setup you got you got? What kind of set up you got? Oh, where's your knives and forks? Oh, yeah, the cutlery's just on top of the rabbit hutch.

I'm sorry, like, but I'm not, one, right, it's everyone's fault, right? Who's keeping your, why are you keeping your cups next to your hamster cage? They always,

I've had a hamster when I was younger, they're always flicking stuff out their cage. They're always digging and hiding stuff. In their defence though, I don't think you think that the shit's going to go in your teeth.

Yeah, but look in your cup. Just love the hamster. Look in your cup. Yeah, fine, the hamster's dead canny, cute, but again, they're in the, I don't think you think that the shit's gonna go in your teeth yeah but look in your cup look in your cup yeah fine hamsters dead canny cute but again they're in the I put them in the category

of pet that's always trying to escape doesn't like you if it could speak if it could speak and you put a microphone to it you go do you like these fuckers

oh me cap does no I don't you know what I mean dogs and cats where would hamsters are hamsters wild I don't know this is you've done it again

you've done it again. You've done it again. You've came up with a question that initially sounds stupid and I wanted to burst out laughing, but it's actually not a stupid question. Think about it, right? Birds. Are hamsters wild?

Birds. Sky. Rabbits. Keep going. No, okay. Birds, sky, yeah. Well, okay. Birds, wild, sky. Sky, yeah. Rabbits sky, yeah. Well, okay. Birds, wild, sky.

Sky, yeah. Rabbits, burrows, fields. Yeah. Mice, fields. Yeah. Leaves in there. Fish in the water. Frogs and shit, right?

Hamsters. What's a hamster's origin story? Oh, wow. Where do hamsters come from? This is... I think hamsters have been man-made. Are they man-made for people to keep? Where the fuck do hamsters come from? This is... I think hamsters have been man-made. Are they man-made for people to keep? Where the fuck do hamsters come from, Chris?

That's a really good point. Where do they live? I don't know. If they're not in a cage in someone's house, where do hams... What the shit in hell? Where do hamsters come from? I'm going to have to Google it.

Guinea pigs, where do they come from? Fucking hell. Do you ever see... Like, foxes and that in the garden, but when... Do you ever see a guinea pig that in the garden but do you ever see a guinea pig in the wild? Are they wild? Shit, the birds.

It's alright, I don't know. Oh, wild hamsters are found throughout much of Europe and Asia. All hamsters are nocturnal or active at night. They have terrible eyesight but their sense of smell and touch as well as their whiskers, help them navigate. Do hamsters live in the wild in the UK?

They live on flat steps. Step S? S-T-E-P-P-E-S? Covered in short grass, which are mainly agricultural. Steeps? Steeps. Is that steeps? S-T-E-P-P-E-S? Oh no. Step S?

Step S? Sounds funny. Careful, careful carrying no. Step S? Step S. Step S? Sounds funny. Careful, careful carrying your cases down them, Step S. They're steep. Apparently, yeah. So they are wild. Oh, well, there you go.

They live outside, apparently. What about guinea pigs? I'm not a bit asleep. I suppose dogs are the same, though. Well, back in the day. Although they were domesticated around 500 years ago, guinea pigs haven't lost their original instincts. Oh, hold on.

Their natural habitat is the mountains of South America. Where the climate is tough, making them highly adaptable. Nice. Do guinea pigs still exist in the wild? No. No, domesticated guinea pigs

are no longer found in the wild. Oh, that's a shame. Oh, God. That's a shame. They knew where their fucking bread was buttered, didn't they? I know. We've extincted. What? What's the shame. Oh, God. That's a shame. They knew where their fucking bread was buttered, didn't they? I know. We've extincted.

What? What's the word, man? No, so you can say it again. What have we done? Extinct. We've extincted. We've extincted. What's the word?

What's the... What's the... The... Tense. That's tense. Of that. Step out. Wiped out.

We've wiped out. Well, we haven't wiped out because they still exist, but we've just... We've wiped out. Well, we haven't wiped out because they still exist, but we've just made them in the houses. In house. Weird, eh?

Yeah. Bit sad. Hi Chris and Rosie. I would just like to share one of my irrational thoughts I had while cleaning today. Nice.

Love, love, love an irrational thought. Love an irrational thought. Love an irrational thought. Rosie. Nicely other people's instead of just mine. Same. Same, Chris.

Rosie, I think you might be on my side here. My fiance and I got our first puppy together last September and she has just had her first season in brackets, period.

Which means that her period blood has been all over the house. Fucking hell. Living room floor, kitchen floor and most disgustingly on my pyjama leg. I made a cup of tea and... Her period blood has been all over the house, living room floor, kitchen floor, and most disgustingly, on my pyjama leg.

I made a cup of tea. Oh, don't. The milk is red. When they have a period, they can... Yeah, people sometimes put little nappies on them. They can't wear a little pad, can they? I think sometimes people put little nappies on female dogs. Oh, okay. But I got annoyed at my fiancé today because he is not bothered by the dog's period blood on

the floor and is in fact very sympathetic even bought her some doggy chocolate but when i'm on my period i do not get anywhere near that treatment in fact if there is some some of my period blood around the rim of the toilet there is a kerfuffle in this house quite right quite right am i being an irrational psychotic person or do i have a leg to stand on um she's got a point i'm not being funny as a man i've got to be careful i've got almost back out of this haven't i because i can't have a go at a woman for having a period but the dog's not capable of wiping it up you are capable of wiping your fucking toilet seat. But that's the same thing. It's not. The dog isn't capable of wiping it up.

That dog cannot wipe it up. And that dog doesn't even know what's happening. They could lick it up. They probably do. You could as well. You could, but you never, you know, you're wasting toilet paper. Think of the planet and just lick your bloody period blood up, please. Oh, come on. No, seriously,

that's my only point that I'll stand on there she can wipe her toilet seat well i know but but sometimes accidentally you can't it can't be helped do you know i mean well i listen do you want to hear something is it horrible to you maybe but to women who have periods no because you know what I love to bang the drum of the periods. Yeah. I got blood on our new carpet the other day. Excuse me? Well, because I was having

a heavy flow. I'd been in the shower. No, I'd been in the shower, right? Come out of the shower, went to put a tampon in and just bled.

Blood dropped out on the carpet. You cleaned it up? Yeah, I have. But literally, I was like, this is...

Did you use toilet paper or did you lick it up? I used the, what's it called, the doctor's stomach, the carpet cleaner stuff. It's come up. But you know when you're like, this is fucking ridiculous. It's unfair, I've said it before. It's just ridiculous.

I literally come out of the shower, it must be, what is it, like 10 foot to me chest of drawers where the tampons are. Yeah. Pulled over the drawer, got one out, opened my legs.

Vile. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous. Listen, do you want to hear one of my weird,

what did you say, weird intrusive thought? Irrational thought. Irrational thought. Do you want to hear my irrational thought? So we all know I catastrophize.

Yeah. So we got ready in the hotel. Sorry to mention the BAFTAs again, but we got ready in the hotel honestly and i put me i've got a suit from the place that i think i mentioned i got my wedding suit from jules b very nice jesmond yeah got a nice tuxedo i was dead happy with that i never really dress up i was well well chuffed with it you did listen you look lovely thank you and i told you throughout the day you did you were lovely thank you but my panic until we got inside,

because you have to pull up and go in the red carpet and everything, there's crowds of people watching. I was convinced that the Just Stop Oil people were going to throw orange peels at us. Oh my God. You were panicking about this. I couldn't stop it. I don't know why I got it in my hand. I think it's because I was watching the snooker

and they went and put powder all over the snooker tables, orange powder. But why did you think they would specifically target us? I don't know. I don't know. I've got no idea why, but I couldn't get the thought out of my head. And I said to the people with,

I was like, oh, do you think the Just Stop Oil people will be there? They were like, well, probably not. No. And I was like, throw orange paint. I saw a video of them throwing orange paint

on like a Rolex shop. And I was like, oh God. And I don't know why, but I had it planned. I don't think you've done anything to kind of. And I drive a Tesla. It's electric. Yeah, you're all back. You're doing good. I was going to oh God. And I don't know why, but I had it planned. I don't think you've done anything to kind of... And I drive a Tesla. It's electric.

Yeah, you're all right. You're doing good. I was going to shout it at them. I was planning it for a couple of hours. I was going, oh, Tesla, don't! It's new, it's new, please! I couldn't stop thinking about it. I bought it locally.

Once I got it in my head, a lot of support, local businesses. Once I got it in my head, I couldn't get it out of my head. I know. Mate, I was in the taxi with you. It was... Yeah, yeah,. I know. Oh, mate, I was in the taxi with you. It was... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then again, my brain just went to how fucking funny would it be if they were like, to present the award, Chris and Rose Ramsey, and I was just fucking covered in orange paint.

And I was like, all right, apparently we've got to stop oil. Would you have stayed? Yeah. Covered in orange paint would have been fucking hilarious. No.

It would have been hilarious, yeah. I'd have baby wiped my eyes and I'd have just walked around with orange paint on us Would you? It would have been fucking hilarious. No. It would have been hilarious, yeah. I'd have baby wiped my eyes and I'd have just walked around with orange paint on us all day. It would have been fucking funny as fuck. We haven't talked about how the universe hates us a little bit though. Why?

Because what, me Spanx broke. Oh yeah, and you had a big metal rod sticking up your arse. Yeah. Look, absolutely love Spanx.

I had, but the dress I was wearing, they're too tight, so you can't, I just pull them to the side when I have a wee just kind of

literally get my lips out of the way hoi them to the side pay your way I don't think you can do it for number two but who's having a

number two with the baptist come on pull it in vile I can't have a shit I'm just going to fill a bit of time

because our next host is just not going to shit out imagine you couldn't be having a shit about it anyway they've got hook and eyes on the crotch I'm just going to fill a bit of time because our next host is just not going to shit out. Imagine. You couldn't be having a shit about that. Anyway, they've got hook and eyes on the crotch. Pulled it. It snapped.

And it was poking in my arse all night. So when I was sat on that seat, I had a bit of metal. And I showed you, didn't I? I was like, that's been in my arse all night. Not in the hole, like the cheek. And you know, I got a bit annoyed, actually. I just got a bit annoyed because, you know, when you're just got a bit annoyed actually I just got a bit annoyed because you know when you're just like

why can't I just have a day can I just have a day of just being like comfortable and not something not go wrong I'm sure everyone listening is thinking

did you have them on the right way I did have them on the right way are you sure about this well it just happened before we went in the toilet before we went to do the award

and I was like am I going to have to open these up? I thought I was just going to have to have literally crotchless given out an award at the BAFTAs. Imagine. I sometimes just look at the sky and I'm like, why? Why? Yeah, I'd love it if you stopped doing that in public.

I just feel like the universe is like, listen, listen. Not going to run with you when you're in one of those moods that's like the end of Planet of the Apes. No! Why? You did it! No, but sometimes I just feel like someone up there or something is like, you're here, but wind your neck in.

Right. Do you know what I mean? Like, yes, you're here. Yes, all right. All right. You've done okay. You've been asked to come here it's lovely

and you're having a lovely time but you're going to sit with a metal rod up your arm yeah and it's like can I just

why because because fuck you that's why it is it is a big fuck you but it's fine keeps you on your toes

I guess literally babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hi Chris and Rosie just listened to episode 212 where the lady says her boyfriend a big fuck you but it's fine keeps you on your toes I guess literally babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hi Chris and Rosie just listening to episode 212 where the lady says her boyfriend slash husband

gave her the ick when he just randomly passed out this reminded me of an incident that took place back in 2021 just for ground

my husband what's just for ground like oh just for background sorry background I forgot to say back just for ground like oh just for background sorry background i forgot to say back just for fucking hell man oh someone's tired painful just for background my husband has a weird condition

where he passes out and convulses a bit when he is in any stressful medical situations. He passed out when seeing our first born son was crowning and I had to have an epi-sister to me. What the fuck's that? Epi-sister to me. For the fact that you couldn't read background earlier on, I've got no faith in whatever this is. Never heard of that before, but it sounds

pretty nasty. Not a pretty sight, I know. As our son was in distress. Just as our son was born he hit the deck and multiple midwives came running over to help he had passed out with blood tests and even an eye test my sister does that all the time my case has to have people with her at every appointment she goes to i can't imagine the lack of sympathy you would get from midwives and your wife if you passed out i know i know what happens i know i just whenever i hear a bloke passing out during pregnancy i feel sorry for him i feel sorry for the the i don't feel sorry for

him no i do feel sorry because of how much fucking shit yeah like it gives us anxiety to think of how much fucking constant shit he would get as a woman who has been through labor nine months of pregnancy no no you would never let me forget it shut up you would never let me forget it shut up faint and quietly you would never let me forget it my mates would never let us forget it it would haunt us for the rest of my life

if you fainted while I was giving birth or in labour I swear to god I don't think I could have sex with you again I couldn't even look at you you would lose you faint during this and you lose me

I would be so angry but actually but at the same time it's very overwhelming and if you are squeamish and you lose me. I would be so angry. But actually, but at the same time, it's very overwhelming. Yeah. And if you are squeamish, I get it. Like, I get men feign.

I'm not trying, listen, I'm joking. Serves you right for looking at the business end. You will never catch me down there. Would you not look? Not a fucking chance would you catch me

down that business end watching heads coming out. We never got that far, sadly. Nah. But I wouldn't, when you got the C-section, they were like, do you want to watch? I was like, do I want to watch you chop me down that business end watching heads coming out. We never got that far sadly. But when you got the C-section, they were like do you want to watch? I was like, do I want to watch your choppy fucking wife in half and pull a

fucking human out of her? Do you remember that? I got a bit annoyed that you didn't watch. No. Of course I'm not watching. Oh my God, are you crazy? You probably would have fainted at that actually. I don't think I would have fainted, I just think it would have really heavily affected us for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life. Yeah. Like I wouldn't be able to eat certain things yeah like what oh i don't know

just hamburgers yeah cheese toasties meat anything kebabs anything anything sloppy oh it's so good tomato soup it just yeah every time i look at my kids i'll be like oh look it's you from that horror movie i watched awful oh it's you from saw six oh no but you know okay right i was very much kind of joking a bit when i said about that because men men feigned i'm not trying to be you know it does happen but it's just so you never look down it's so unfortunate that it happened at that time anyway at the moment when your wife's going through the worst possible things you've been going through because it is it's the worst thing in the world but actually i was when i was speaking to joel and hannah um i was telling

hannah because you hear so many horrible birth stories given birth i found was one of the best but actually when we were speaking to Joel and Hannah I was telling Hannah because you hear so many horrible birth stories giving birth I found was one of the best things I've ever done in my entire life

but you're still whinge about it no it was awful but it was so empowering and it was brilliant it was one of the like it was

brilliant it was really really good four stars yeah I'm not going to do it again but you know i did it twice so it wasn't that bad but once again thank you for our two beautiful boys you're welcome you're welcome so right okay back in 2021 we were all doing our bit and getting our covid vaccinations i went with my husband to his appointment as i knew he was likely to pass out Bless him.

Bless his heart. I pass out all the time. It's awful. We got called into the room ready for him to be vaccinated. We explained that he might pass out and they were very understanding. They laid him on the bed and jabbed him and he was absolutely fine. They gave us a 10 minute timer

and asked us to sit in the waiting room with everyone else. Remember that? Remember that? In practice, the room was full. The chairs were all spaced out in a U shape. We sat on the very end nearest the door to get some fresh air just in case. I was talking to him and keeping an eye on him as I don't trust his body. I asked him a question and he mumbled.

I thought, oh shit, we got to go. He slumped forward. So I put one arm around the back of his neck slash head and tried my best to lower him gently. So he didn't bang his head. But it was too late. He was gone. And a complete dead weight. I dropped him. I called for help.

I was unaware his arm was caught under my floaty top. I called for help. I was unaware his arm was caught under my floaty top. The nurses came running and my husband convulsed, throwing his arms up, lifting my top and exposing my tiny old maternity bra. His jacket sleeve got caught, the clip at the top of the bra cup releasing it and my boob for all the staff and patients to see.

Sorry, sorry, two seconds. You're telling me that that man can undo a bra one-handed while unconscious. Legend! Legend! Talk about party tricks. Lads, lads, lads, lads, lads. Knocked out, still got it.

Knocked out, still got it. The nurses were attending to my husband and I quickly threw myself back together. I was mortified. I looked up and made eye contact with a man across the room. He was in a mask, but his eyes said and saw it all. We were taken to a side room where my husband was checked over and we were eventually sent on our way.

A few hours later, I told him what had happened and he thought it was the funniest thing ever and would have loved to have seen it. He also said his head was sore from where I dropped him and I wasn't even sorry for the embarrassment I had suffered. Please keep me anonymous. Funny. Funny.

Passed out while she was giving birth. Passed out getting his COVID injection. And also flashed his wife. Oh, great. Exposed a boob to everyone while unconscious. What a... I'd be seething. He's a joy.

I'd be seething. Night out with him. Please. Oh, God. Imagine, I'm going to go, I'm going to go. Let's grab it. I'm going to go, I'm going to go. And I'm going to take you to it with us.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Doo, doo, doo'm going to go, and I'm going to take you to it with us! Thank you so much for listening to this week's BAFTA-heavy Shag Mountain Road. Apologies about that. Which is part of the Aircraft Creator Network. Yes, yes, we promise less showbiz and more shit next week. Thank you so, so much for listening.

We bloody love you. If you want to get in touch, it's shagmountainroad.gmail.com. The Chris and to get in touch at shagboundinorda at gmail.com The Chris and Rosie Randers Show is on Friday nights on BBC One at 10.40 and on iPlayer.

Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. We love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Do, do, do, do, do, do. in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night

on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.