Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 221. Lego Destruction Pending

Episode Date: June 9, 2023

On this week's podcast Rosie and Chris are revisiting the realities of very early mornings and they have a catch up after Rosie destroyed Chris' Lego on the TV show. There's beef, icks, a sore bum crack and everything in between! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm Rosie Hayes, Chris. That was really nice. I'm mixing it up, Chris. It's like a bit of a Barney the Dinosaur. A bit of a Barney the Dinosaur vibe. What do you mean? I love you, you love me. Whatever happened to him?

Is he still kicking about in America? Maybe, I don't know. I don't know. But he used to come to Pondins all the time. Did he? Yes. Over the pond? Well, so, if you've got kids,

you shouldn't have kids listening to this, but, you know, don't want to ruin the dream. Don't let them listen now. Ready? Five seconds. Five, four, three, two, one. Sorry, no. I believe if your kids are listening to this,

I don't think you deserve to be warned about any dreams being shattered fair enough yeah anyway the costume the Barney costume weighed

well see if you can guess guess how much it weighed erm I don't want to do that thing we've talked about this before in stones because I do this

I do that thing where I ruin it though I go like 50 stone ok I'll just tell you ok a realistic one 2 stone 6 stone shut the fuck up it weighed 6 stone wow ruin it though I go like 50 stone okay I'll just tell you okay a realistic one two stone six stone

shut the fuck up it weighed six stone wow that's like a 10 year old it's crazy wasn't it yeah and the guy who used to do it had to have like

proper training in it wow he took it very seriously yeah dripping with sweat oh Terry Drippen when you come out of it Terry Drippen

honestly and the mechanics inside do you know how his eyes and that moved no a mouthpiece right so you'd have to put the thing in your mouth and you'd have to bite it Kerry Drebben. Honestly. And the mechanics inside. Do you know how his eyes and that moved? No. A mouthpiece. Right.

So you'd have to put the thing in your mouth and you'd have to bite it for him to do stuff. This is unbelievable. So like animatronic eyes through a mouthpiece. It was so believable. How did his mouth open then? Did you blink your eyes to open his mouth? The mouth was always kind. Or maybe it was the memories that moved the mouth.

I imagine it probably moved the mouth. So it was the biting which moved the mouth. Right. Yeah. That makes more sense, doesn't it? But yeah, it was the memories that moved the mouth I imagine it probably so it was the biting which moved the mouth right yeah that makes more sense doesn't it but yeah it was really heavy and it kind of like

sat on his shoulders like a piece on his shoulders and then huge so believable though and then Bebop and the other one which I can't remember what it was called

sorry the two dinosaurs what do you mean so believable it was just amazing it was great the kids loved it right okay

sorry the way you said it no not to me you thought it was a real dinosaur run it's gonna eat me imagine literally you'd sit backstage putting his head on

and be like this is so real and then the two and it was two ladies who played the smaller dinosaurs wow two

two smaller ladies and that was their full time job that was their jobs again again we've struck on a conversation that we never spoke about before that's incredible

so I bet you'd fucking stank that uniform disgust well I used to do the characters yeah yeah oh god you know you'd have you had to wear a t-shirt and shorts

and you'd get out of the character and you'd be you could wring out your t-shirt yeah yeah I was so skinny I was so thin oh god it was brilliant

oh my god look out for Rosie's new workout Instagram videos, by the way. It's just do your normal exercise, but wear a Barney the dinosaur suit.

That's what I, honestly, that's what I want for Christmas. Get us a suit and I'll just walk around the Metro Center. Any boxers

or UFC fighters, listen to this. You want to cut weight, right? Don't be going in sauna suits or wrapping yourself in plastic. Get a Barney

the dinosaur suit. Bite your teeth blink the eyes loads blink the eyes imagine he's on a windy day at the beach right get that jaw going

fucking it'll drop off and you'll be fighting one way class below I'm telling you I'm telling you I ate everything I wanted and I just had to wear that you weren't allowed

in the suits for longer than like half an hour yeah I think I've mentioned it before but I once wore the suit of the cat, who was the black

cat's mascot for Sunderland when I worked at the Sunderland Stadium. Oh, did you? So you've done character work like once, and you're

trying to bring it up? Oh my God, I didn't say I've done character work. You fucking loser. Oh my God, you heard yourself.

Oh my God, so you've done like, you went in it once and you think you've done character work? Oh my God. No, I'm just saying. I think you find I was

the best gnasher of the dog. I put, do you Nasher Nasher Nasher Nasher that's pretty good I put the

what was he called Samson I think he was called the black cat yeah yeah I put that on once for a wedding for the children

and I had it on for about 10 minutes and I thought I was going to pass out when I talked about it yes it's intense like

fair play to all of you I always see videos of these it stinks but I always see videos of the mascots like at American basketball games and baseball

they're doing all kinds I know they're fucking slam dunk and they're jumping off yeah trampoline they must be fit as lops under there

yeah they'll be driven racing people in that hungover in one of them oh god bet he gets rid of the hangover though bet he sweats it out of you

yeah probably I bet you're fine when you come out with like a new whole new world just take that lid off and then the kids try to constantly

like take your head off and pull your gloves off and that oh the amount of kids I've pushed like literally but their parents are nowhere to be seen

and I'm like this kid is going to get drop kicked in a minute if you don't move it out of the way nasher nasher nasher Santa's not real nasher nasher nasher

that was the crap anyway thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here. This is episode 221, your beauties. Thank you for joining us if it's the first time.

I know I say this all before, but genuinely, the fact that people are still here, it means the world. We don't take it for granted that you listen. Thank you so much. And just a big shout out

to everybody. Sorry, Chris, to put in. Everyone who's coming a little bit later who actually listens through the lockdown episodes. Oh, the amount of people I've spoken to

recently who are doing that. Our breakdown, Chris. We were not in a good place at all. No, no. I don't remember most of that. I don't remember most of that. I was just sort of

grinning and bearing it. Just biting my teeth like a blinking Barney the Dinosaur. Yeah, horrendous. Just gritting my teeth. But people listen to it and they're like,

it's going to be okay. Yeah. You guys, we can see the end. Someone told me the idea that they were listening and I said, oh, so the lot were down for six weeks, so one week left or whatever. And they were like, ah! Sorry.

Awful times. Yeah. So without further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Oh, still doing them. Yep. Still doing them. This week's sponsor is... What weather am I dressing for?

Please. Please just tell us. Tell us. I look on the weather app in the morning. It's crock of shit. I don't know what's going on, right? I mean... Tell them what London is next week.

Oh, Jesus. Is it hot? Is it cold? We're packing to go away to do the TV show. Wednesday in London, just because you can't go right ahead, so it doesn't tell you the hour by hour like it does. To be fair, the hour by hour on the day is pretty spot on,

but a few days before, this is how much they hedge their bets. Wednesday is between 9 and 23 degrees. What is it? That's a 14 degree deficit, Rosie. That's a desert. That's a Sah degree deficit, Rosie. That's a desert, that's a Sahara desert level deficit from daytime to nighttime.

Crazy. What if you've got a really early morning? Oh, you've got to dress for three climates. You're either going to be too hot at the end of the day or too cold in the morning. What are you going to do? I've said the stressful thing

about going to London in this kind of weather is you've got to dress for like, you've got to dress for three or four different climates. I've told you before, you've got to dress for going to the station in newcastle when it's bastard freezing in the morning yes it is that's for your train right but you've got to dress for two possible

trains if it's a hot day because you've got to dress for the carriage where the air condition is working and the carriage where the air condition is inexplicably fucked okay and then you've got to dress for whatever the weather is when you get off the train in london i tell you the time when i was on the train and they put an announcement over i went into one of the carriages and it was blistering fucking heat and I was like what the hell's going on it was empty and they put an announcement saying you know the the temperature the sorry the aircon in coach whatever M is knackered so everyone's sitting a different one so everyone was rammed into these other carriages yeah that were full but cool um but I had shorts and t-shirt in my bag so I went to the toilet put shorts and t-shirt on clever sat in M on my own the toilet, put shorts and t-shirt on. Clever. Sat in them on my own.

Clever. You can't open a window on a train, can you? No, there is no windows. Why? I just said, just crack a slather, mate. Just crack one of the slathers open. Don't do that again.

I've just lost my fucking lips. He has a blast from the past, right? Well, I say that, and I don't mean to sound like a dick, just because I very rarely go on the bus anymore. Sorry, two seconds. I need to just quickly interrupt because you're going to get pedants listening.

Oh, where are the windows? The doors used to have windows and on some trains, the doors still have that slidey down window. Yeah, but once my dad was going to a football match and someone stuck their head out the window and got their head knocked off. That's probably why they got rid of them.

Wow. Well, I don't know if they've still got them on some trains, but there's a bit of... Old-fashioned trains, yeah. Yeah, but a friend of the podcast, Carl Hutchinson, wants to get out of it, because you had to pull the window down, lean out,

and get your hand around on the handle and open it from the outside at the station. Did you? Yeah, sometimes. But they were spring-loaded, the windows. Carl once got his teeth knocked out by the window. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. That's like when I got my head stuck in the tube doors. Yeah, yeah. We all know about you getting your head stuck in the tube doors. Bad times. No, so I haven't been on the bus for a long time, right? Shit. What a dick.

Your privilege. What a fucking dick. But do you remember being on the bus and, like, the window control? Oh, God, yeah. When someone used to open a window and you'd be seething, you'd be, like, fucking freezing. do you remember being on the bus and like the the window control oh god yeah when someone used to open a window and you'd be seething you'd be like

fucking freezing or they wouldn't open the window and it was too hot and nobody would open it and it'd be like what's happening because that window

covered like six like six seats yeah a lot didn't it it would cover like three little bits of two seats so you're like there's six people's opinions here what the hell's going on

insane did you ever did you ever used to randomly be on the buses and shields when little chavs would open the fire exit at the back and jump off? No.

Oh, they loved a bit of that. Loved a bit of that. Why would they do it? Just to jump off so you didn't have to get off past the driver. It stops at the bus stop and they would just jump off and run.

I mean, pointless. Absolutely pointless. But they... So they're not getting out of pain for it or anything? No, no. They've already paid when they get on. They just open the bus

and open the fire door and jump off the back when we used to go pure rebels hard as fuck so hard wish I was them when we used to go

to the roller disco remember the roller disco at Temple Park yeah there's a roller disco at Temple Park in South Shea we should bring that back actually with alcohol

I might do a night let's do a night you won't do it I'll do it I'm not going yeah you'll fucking you'll not be in touch I'll just tap out I'm not going. Yeah, you're not even turning. I'll just tap out.

I can't automatically tap out. Honestly, I hate that you are so shit with stuff. Oh, but you hate that I won't go to a roller disco that you've just invented. I want to put a roller disco back on. Right, okay. At Temple Park. With alcohol though.

Yeah, adults. Yeah. It'll be full of dickheads. But it was, we used to go to the roller disco, right? And we used to go, so it was a big hall at Temple Park at the Leisure Centre in South Shields.

And you'd have the music on. We are the children of the night. And all that. We'd go round in circles. Me and my mates would get there. We'd go round in circles a couple of times. We'd be like, right, are you doing the fire door trick?

And we'd be like, yeah. And you'd go round and round and round and you'd go on a big train and then you'd press the fire door and you'd all skate out into the car park and be like, we'll press the fire door. They'd close it. Yeah.

And that was it. You couldn't go back in oh good and remember the first the first time we did that I went what now they went oh no we've just done the fire door thing

and I was like so you got chucked out yeah you basically chucked yourself out by going out did you have to wear your own rollerblades I can't remember

yeah yeah right so you couldn't hire them not like bowling I don't think I went very often but we used to rollerblade all the way down

from where my mum and dad lived but then you had to take your rollerblades off and walk through the leisure centre then put them back on I always just found the cobbles too tricky yeah

on pavements you obviously weren't a top class rollerblader like me no I wasn't actually could you do half pipes no I was oh my god

she couldn't guys she couldn't do half pipes I'm actually really bad on rollerblades ick I take away my night that I want to do because I'm actually really bad on it okay well that was a short my night that I want to do because I'm actually really bad on it.

Okay, well that was a short lift. Here's the host. Rosie, do a spin. I'll be like, oh, oh, I'm all out. Here's the host. And what's this? Some kind of rollerblade wedding where you come up and do speeches?

I've been watching too much Real Housewives. Yeah, what the hell? I don't know. Welcome to me rollerblade. Welcome to me. Oh, sorry. Can I keep my belly? Welcome. Hold on to two. Welcome to me rollerblade welcome to me oh sorry can i keep me back welcome

holding on to welcome to me oh god i'm just gonna take one off and use it like a skateboard welcome to me rollerblade oh she's going around in circles look welcome uh fucking what a loser you are why do you ruin all my nice plans see everybody we're gonna chat about we're gonna chat about something soon after the jingle. Remember how horrible he is to me. You've ruined it yourself. Remember how horrible

he ruins every idea that I've come up with. You can't even rollerblade? What do you mean I've ruined it? Watch this space. One Friday night, Saturday actually,

give us more time to plan. In the future, I'm going to bring a rollerblade night back to Temple Park Leisure Centre South Shield. But I'll not be taking part. No, no. You the future, I'm going to bring a rollerblading knife back to Temple Park Leisure Centre South Shield, but I'll not be taking part. No, you'll be in the middle on some kind of podium. Yeah, I'll just...

Why don't we... You know how when you go ice skating, you hold on to the little penguin thing, or you hold on to the little sort of Zimmer frame with ice skates on. You can have one of them. I'll take the Ben scooter. Why don't we put you in a little go-kart that's designed to look like a big roller boot you're coming

you're not invited I'm just coming to laugh at you and your stupid roller boot you're not invited yeah yeah no let's hear the jingle we'll get the kids

washed I'll just have a night out no you're not coming mate you can't shit on stuff and then want to come I'm saying I'm not coming I'm saying you do your shitty thing

he'll come I'll be in the pub round the corner telling everyone how crap it is can I come yeah well I'll come I'll not be there long

I'll fly around a couple of times I'll do the fire doors and I'll be out. Coolest kid there. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to Shagged Maronanoid. Thank you so much for joining us on this lovely podcast medium.

No matter what you're doing while you're listening, you know, you might be walking the dog, you might be doing the ironing, you might be rollerblading in preparation for Rosie's rollerblade night. That's not going to happen. Get ready. It will happen. I follow through on things. You absolutely do not follow through. You're full of shit. Bloody do.

You can follow through on anything. Do you remember that event that I did? Yeah. In 2018. Oh yeah, the Mother's Meeting. Mother's Meeting. Loads of people came. It was very successful. Raised a lot of money for charity.

Decent sized hall for rollerblading. I'm heartened I could use that one. Thank you very much. There's a climbing wall at the edge as well where you can just hold on if you're scared. That'll be good. Yeah. All right then. How are you doing? You all right? I'm all right. Yeah. you very much. There's a climbing wall at the edge as well where you can just hold on if you're scared. That'll be good. All right then. How are you doing?

You all right? I'm all right. Yeah. Not too bad. Not too bad. Tired. Very tired. Extremely tired.

Well, I know. Been for a nap, haven't I? Yeah, you have. Which, I mean, I don't want to get into it too much. So Chris and I take turns to get up with Rafe because he's just horrendous. He gets up any time between half four and half six. He sleeps all the way through most of the time.

He didn't last night, but he does sometimes. He sleeps all the way through. Yeah, but he wakes up crazy early to the point where, you know, if he gets up at quarter to six, we're buzzing.

Like, that's not right, Chris. No. We're like, you got up at quarter to six? Isn't that brilliant? 15 minutes after half past fucking five. Yeah. It's not good,

but he's just up and there's no working day. We've tried loads of stuff. I believe that a while ago on the podcast, I might have said something along the lines of, if it's got a seven in it, I'm fine. So if it's like 6.30 is bad, but 25 to seven is fine because there's a seven in the time.

I'm now fine if there's a six in it. Yeah, same. Like if there's a six in it, I'm over the moon. If he's up at 5.45, I'm like, that's quarter to six. That's a visit. Fucking 4.32. He's chucking out a few half fours. 4.32 this morning. I was absolutely gutted.

But the thing is, Chris, so we take turns. So I have these mornings as well. But when it's your morning, oh, do we not? We know. We know that you've been up. I didn't sleep last night. I didn't sleep very well at all. I don't sleep most

nights. I kept waking up loads. Rafe was up a couple of times. Couldn't find his blooming dummy in the dark. And I was absolutely knackered. And I woke up this morning and I was begging him. I was like, please go back to sleep. But you can't tell him. He's like, it's morning.

And you're like, it's fucking not. But he doesn't get it. Doesn't get it. And I was downstairs just absolutely devastated. Oh, window cleaner. Window cleaner. I was just devastated downstairs. Just sitting there.

And I'm like, like you go on your phone and it like sucks what little energy you have out of it and you have coffee. Coffee does nothing. I had two coffees, two double espressos

and then I had a nap. What does that tell you? Bollocks. It tells you that you're just, yeah, your body's too used to caffeine. Bollocks. I need something stronger.

Do you know what it is? Sometimes. I might have to get on the old crack. Oh God. Please don't. I'm just to get on the old crack. Oh, God. Please don't. I'm just... You on crack would be horrible. Oh, God.

I'm just trying to embrace the early mornings and just make myself turn into a morning person because I'm not a morning person. But let's try. Anyway, life is good. Life is great. You've got two weeks of me being nice now. Yeah, you're off your period.

That's good. We're through the thick of it. I'm reeling off've got two weeks of me being nice now. Yeah, you're off your period. That's good. We're through the thick of it. I'm reeling off that. And you'll be all right now. Yeah, two weeks, Chris. This is nice. Half my life is shit. Half my life is shit, mate.

So don't even start. Should we talk about what happened on the TV show? Oh, you. Most hated woman in the country. No. Cancelled. Rosie. Cancelled. Rosie. Cancelled.

No, I'm a bit upset because, yes, if you watch a TV show, I broke Chris's Lego, okay? Yes. Because I know what makes us laugh and we have that kind of relationship.

Yeah. Do we not? Yeah, it was, like, obviously, so when it happened, I was like, oh, what a fucking fucking i always think of the show and i always think of the moment and as i had no idea that that guy was coming on with like we don't know what any of those items are we have a really weird to let you behind the curtain yeah we have a really weird rehearsal where we sort of block through the things and we don't know what the audience beefs are we don't

know what the guests beefs are we know a couple know what the guests beefs are. We know a couple of things that we'll have to sort of flag up with them. Like, oh, Fruitcake, you've brought a maid outfit. What's all this about? So I know I have to tell her that, but I don't know anything.

I got told about the Lego. So you got told about the Lego, but we didn't know, but we have this weird thing where on It Goes Aragog, I have to practice the destruction methods of things that I don't know

what they are it's so weird so I'm standing there on that exact day they're like right there's three things one of them they're gonna hit

with a baseball bat I went okay no idea what that is and they're like this is where you have to stand this is where you have to get them to swing I'm like right

then there's like they bring out a massive sand pit and a blowtorch and they're like this is how you get them to burn a thing and I'm like

I don't know what that is I'm guessing that was the pyjama pants and then a fucking turkey carving electric knife and they're like this is how you get them to burn a thing and i'm like i don't know what that is i'm guessing that was the pajama pants and then a fucking turkey carve an electric knife and they're like they're gonna have to cut a massive thing and i'm like i don't know what that is how lush would it have been to do the lego with that bat i mean as much as i love lego that would have been fucking beautiful so but sorry i was gonna say was as you as it come out and i'm like oh my god i've got that one and then you're like we've got yours i'm like oh i'm really annoyed because it's i love me lego but this is such such a good moment

and it's funny and then obviously when you threw it out my hand i was devastated when it smashed on the floor but then in my head i'm like this is funny no but devastated is a big word devastated in the way of your shopping bags rip oh fucking bit of graft i've got to pick my shopping bags back yeah not like actually upset yeah but once i heard the crowd booing you i obviously hugely hammed it up because you know it's very rare that they go rosie you came to my arena gig years ago and the fucking crowd chanted your name it's very rare that these people are on my side i was like fuck you i get it but some people online have took a bit too far haven't they? I've had some comments. I've had some comments. Like a couple of trolls saying that I'm horrible,

saying that they don't like us anymore, which is fine. That's absolutely fine. Probably my account. That's absolutely fine. But yeah, so just wanted everyone to know that you're all right. I'm fine, and it's great. And it was funny.

It's a funny moment reducing me and Fred Siriex, who is a stylish French gentleman crawling around on my hands and knees picking up Lego like a couple of fucking toddlers I've got to tell you though

so I was very much that was like period time right and I like I don't know if I would I know this is so ridiculous

right I don't know if I'd normally done that I'm period rage to smash my Lego and is that I'm not obviously

I'm not I'm not trying to like stick up for myself or anything, but sometimes I don't make very good decisions. When you're on your period. I just, yeah,

and it just, something came over us and I was like, fuck it, and I was just like, I'm going to stand on it, I don't give a shit. Thankfully,

it was Saturn V, which is extremely modular to put back together. It's a very satisfying bit of Lego to put back together and it's very easy. Everyone who listens

to this podcast knows that you would have done that to me. You need to stop getting, yeah, of course I would have. Rosie, if they somehow... I don't like to live in a world where I know

what other people think. Rosie, if they do some kind of thing where I can get revenge and they bring, this is off the top of my head, if they bring lamps or some shit that you like on

No, don't you fucking dare. and I can go at them with a baseball bat, they'll have to put an extra long version of the show out because I'll be like taking my jacket off and like you fucking dare and I can go at them with a baseball bat they'll have to put an extra long version of the show out because I'll be like taking my jacket off

and like hold the guests and I'll be fucking up lamps left right and centre it's fun but I think no but okay but on this podcast

everyone knows our personality really well like because we've been listening for years they get it but the TV show's a new thing that's what happens

when you put it in a wider audience I'm just I hate that people now think that I'm a dick who just breaks me yeah but you played it up you hammed it up so much they're never on my side they're never on my side

you were getting booed by our audience which never always booing me i was like this is fucking great i had a semi on i was buzzing oh well fair enough yeah but everyone knows you've got to not you've got to not take them little comments on board and everyone knows and do you know what they might even be joking but yeah I got the build

I'm not going to lie though it felt so good kept all the bits I get the build back up which I love building and did I tell you man I went on

I think I went on what was it oh Extra Gear when they changed it from Clarkson and all them to Chris Evans and Matt LeBlanc I did the Extra Top Gear Extra which was on BBC3 or something straight after it from Clarkson and all them to Chris Evans and Matt LeBlanc and all that I did the extra top gear extra

which was on BBC3 or something straight after and they gave me a Mustang a Lego Mustang because I said Mustang was my favourite car already built

they handed us it and I was like what the fuck am I supposed to do with this they're like we've got you this and obviously I didn't see it I was professional

I went oh thank you but I wanted to go who the fuck built it what so they think that you just want the Lego done the actual enjoyment is putting it together Obviously, I didn't say it. I was professional. I went, oh, thank you. But I wanted to go, who the fuck built it? What? So they think that you just want the Lego done. I want to put it together. The actual enjoyment is putting it together.

They gave it. Honestly, it might be on iPlayer somewhere there, but I had to hide it. I look around going, whose fucking idea was this? Oh, my God. I need to find that moment. This is already built. Why have you done that? I was devastated.

I need to find that. I wonder if that's on anywhere. I'm like someone accepting a present that they've already got but they don't want you to know they've already got it I'm like oh oh great

yeah that's hilarious I was like the pleasure of Lego is putting it together not the actual end thing loads of shows did that when people first

found out that I liked Lego I went on what was it was it the Sarah Cox show on a Saturday morning or was it someone else or was it Zoe Ball had a show

and they gave us the they gave us the ship pirate ship in a bottle pirate ship in a glass morning or was it someone else? Or was it Zoe Ball had a show on this and they gave us the, they gave us the ship, pirate ship in a bottle, pirate ship in a glass bottle. That was made? Already made and I forgot to take it with us. Oh.

And they've discontinued it. Oh, shit. Oh, mate, me and Lego. I could write my memoirs about my Lego bows. I feel like you could as well. Lego bows.

But do you forgive us? No. Stop it. Long may the trolling continue. Stop it. I'm course, I forgive us no stop it long may the trolling continue stop it of course I forgive you the minute it happened

don't because it upsets us you know I forgave you the minute it happened I wasn't even bothered about it do you know how weird like just you listening

do you know how weird it is to live in this fucking world where we do things as a couple and people can comment on it and that like it's weird

it's a very odd life and I just needed people to know on it and that. Yeah. Like, it's weird. It's a very odd life. And I just needed people to know that it wasn't upset. Oh, no, I wasn't upset in the slightest. No. But again. Stop it. No. You fucking stop it.

Stop it. Because you doing this makes people believe it. So pack it in. I wasn't upset in the slightest. But I hammed it up. It's all I'm saying. I hammed it up. Well, don't in future, right?

It's a great feeling. That was great honestly obviously I never had siblings but I'd have been fucking amazing and pretended I was

hurt when I wasn't mum you'd have been brilliant that was so funny do you know when I destroyed your Lego

I literally went the guy who brought on the Lego Dan I went to him and I went to touch it and his face

I swear to god he was like like I had leprosy like I had leprosy he couldn't he was just like get away wow wow because I was like you're so ridiculous man oh man it funny. All fun and games. Love it. So as my heart is broken, just like my Saturn V Lego that Rosie destroyed, maybe you can make me feel better by voting for us on the NTAs. That would be lovely.

We're still long-listed for an NTA. It would be so lovely if you could go on the website and give a little vote. We're in Best Interview Show, I think. Yeah. Which is a... Category. Interview category, which is fucking... That's a bit stupid,'s just like if you can call it that i mean some of the stuff what i've been thinking about as well i wrote it down

in my notes so some of the stuff that i have i wish i'd saved them all and took screen grabs but some of the stuff i have said to me at the day that they are editing the show is hilarious like just just last week i got a message from our producer saying um uh the the big wigs at the bbc so we'd gone i don't think you used the term big wigs but that's the best way to describe it so we'd gone higher up the chair bbc and someone had had a meeting about the fact that they had to take me bukkake joke oh god out of the show yeah i mean these people work for for the BBC. I feel like I'm dragging their job into the dirt. Well, what else did I get told? So when I said about how much do you scratch your fanny,

that stayed in. Another bit had to come up. Another bit that I said something. Oh, because I said, it didn't make the show, but when they'd had the maid's outfit, I'd said it would be lucky to cover one of my lips yes that's what you said and so I had an email

conversation of which one would you rather have in so I was like ooh which fanny joke can I give yeah that's fanny joke

that's not lip or light yeah yeah yeah so yeah they do the same they go so we've got two vulgar vagina references so we're going to keep one

and there's these people who I mean I know it's a different department they count the F words yeah well that was that was one of my favourite ones we were on the first edit mean I know it's a different department but count the F words yeah well that was that that was one of my favourite ones

so we won the first edit and said right we've got a few too many F words in so we're just going to do a fuck pass now a fuck pass meaning watch the whole edit again and count how many fucks there are

and try and take some fucks out what a life what a job we are dragging this channel into the dirt what is a buccacchi what is it? buccacchi

because I thought you said Bugatti like the car yeah you did but What is it? Bukkake. I thought you'd said Bugatti, like the car. Yeah, you did. But what is it when they all come on each other? I, again, don't think it's a thing

outside of pornography. I don't think it's ever been done. Right, well, I'll tell you right now. Yeah. I know somebody who... Pray tell.

I can't say anything more. Right. I have to keep this person completely anonymous. Okay. But they've got a load of people to spunk on them. Yeah. For his birthday.

Oh, right. A gay guy? Yes. Oh, right. I imagine they might be more for it than straight women. That's all I'm saying. Oh, my God. Yes.

Absolutely. Like, I think, dare I say, I think you enjoyed it. Happy birthday to me. Yeah, okay. But yeah. I mean, maybe I'm generalising here. Honestly, if you want to pick something, like. I mean, maybe I'm generalising here. Honestly, if you want to pick something,

like if I went on I'm a Celeb. So we've mixed it up this year. You know, the animal rights people have been involved. They've had enough.

They've been on my case. No more cockroaches, no more widgetty grubs. It's not fair. All we're going to do is, people are just going to spunk on you.

See how long you can last. Rosie, that's no stars again for the camp. Please, please just bring back the rats. Just a couple of little rats. No, no, totally unfair. Totally unfair. Pete Aaron, all the animal rights being involved. Just 25 blokes with their knobs out.

Never ending, these fellas. Don't know what, honestly, the stamina on these lads. Don't know what they're eating. Oh, my God. They'd be like the gladiators. They'd be like the gladiators on the new gladiators. Just 12 blokes, 20 odd blokes.

I'd rather die. I would rather die. That's hell. How far away are they? Eh? How far, is it going to touch us? I mean, I've never watched a video of it other than, I mean, I've just loaded the blokes. How far away are they? Eh? How far? Is it going to touch us? I mean, I've never watched a video of it other than, I mean, I may have seen clips in passing of piss-taking

of watching it with your mates when we first all got broadband, you know what I mean? Right. But just the idea, I mean, who's up for it? But I can imagine what it's like, but how... Who's watching it, though? Who's what... What person is watching that video of a load of men

spunking all over a woman and going, oh, it's brilliant, this? I don't know. I mean, what the hell's going on how close are they i mean the range isn't the range isn't how much okay so we're putting right let's play let's have a game there's no money that can make you do that oh no there is really yeah you couldn't is oh no i don't know if i want to play this with my wife i don't know if I want to offer my wife money for loads of blokes. No, but it has to be. Again, what if there's an eccentric billionaire listening who goes,

I'm going to make this happen and I'll have to be there when it happens. Listen, let's talk numbers, Mr. Mr. Eccentric Billionaire. Because if they look half decent and they've got a good diet and they're not like, it doesn't fully touch us. Maybe, not on my face. It's got to go all over your face

all over your face and hair it's got to be everywhere it's got to be like it's got to be like they're putting fucking wallpaper up I don't know

I could how much what I don't know five pound no plus expenses it would have to be

it would have to be a lot you get your lunch you get your lunch thrown in is that my lunch liquid lunch protein liquid lunch oh god

no no they'll do that if it was just on my body right okay my face no face and hair no but just on my body I could probably do that

I don't think you're going to make it as a Bukkake porn star I don't think you've got any dicks I don't think I do I'd cry I'd probably cry

yeah that would be just awful come quicker wouldn't I a Bukkake porn star I don't think you've got any dicks I don't think I do I'd cry I'd probably cry yeah that would be just awful come quicker wouldn't it I want to you know what I feel like we've even gone too far for the podcast

no nah they should have left it in the show disgraceful I've never explained that to me nana oh god my dad's enjoying the show

by the way oh good well I'm glad we took that out then. No, I think he would have liked that. No, he enjoyed the show, and he said his favourite bit was when I said to Fred about being French and lovely, but your piss still stinks.

I think you'll tell he's made it to the pub, that. One of the best insults I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, he enjoyed that. Fantastic. Ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo, ba. Yeah, he enjoyed that. Fantastic. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday.

You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad times will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all for you. No, don't.

The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock

hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com it's time for what's your beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef nice ladies first um no you go first okay then okay um so you mentioned before that you are mrs headphones

around the house now um any room you're in there's headphones or you're listening to stuff what because i've got my headphones in yeah but you're like you know you basically shut yourself off from the rest of the family while you're watching something or if you're cooking you've got big massive headphones on yeah um looking like a fucking dj in the kitchen island um yeah he beats headphones like even fucking some kind of a beat that super club uh watching you know house wives and all kinds of shit that you watch so i speak to you and you're like oh and you like go over and pause it or you like take your airpod out or if you're wearing the airpods or you'll move your headphone you're like oh what like as if i'm not allowed to exist in my own house so you're always like basically like you know for me daring to have a conversation with you

while you're watching some shit you're always kicking off but the other morning you took it to another level and i'd actually forgot to write this down so this happened a couple of weeks ago yeah so i forgot to write this down this happened a couple weeks ago i forgot to write it down but then you did it again today and i remembered. You did it again yesterday, sorry, and I remembered and I wrote it down. So I tried to have a conversation with you the other morning

and we were sitting in the living room with the two kids, but you wouldn't talk to me, right? Because you were watching Finding Dory with the kids. And let's finish. And I quote, you said,

Chris, can you just stop it? I'm really into this. Can we talk later? I'm really into this. I just had to rewind it when you spoke before because I missed a bit.

Mm-hmm. Finding Dory. I've never seen it. It's actually quite good. I was trying to have a conversation with my wife. I was trying to watch a film. Am I not?

Sorry. A child's movie. I'm sorry. I don't give a shit. A child's movie. It was really good. Yeah, today, I was trying to watch a film. I'm sorry. A child's movie. I'm sorry. I don't give a shit. A child's movie. It was really good. Yeah, today I'm trying to phone up to get my windscreen sorted out

from my car and you were fucking Mrs. Not only were you Mrs. Chatterbox, you were then Mrs. Just do everything noisy in the whole fucking room. Oh, yeah, but you had it on speakerphone.

Put it here. I'm sorry. I had to read my insurance number. You banked so he was on the phone and i was making a bit of noise doing you know admin stuff in my own house for stump you were on bloody speakerphone and then he looked at us and he literally went and banged the table i should have threw something at you honestly i had to read my policy number off the fucking

email that was on my phone so i had to have it on speakerphone you were fucking bullshit you weren't reading anything off your phone you weren't having a conversation chris i had to swear swear on the boys lives that you were gonna ask for it i swear i knew because i knew they were gonna ask for it i knew they were gonna ask but they hadn't asked for it but they were going he's gone from i was reading the number to I thought they were going to ask for it I had to have the email open with the number on shut your face

honestly the noise you made when I was on that phone you emptied the dishwasher right you got like loads of nappies out of a plastic bag and just started

piling them up on the table scrumpting up you did recycling I've never seen you do recycling in your life and you started scrumpting up paper and putting it in the recycling bin I do recycle all the time

yeah fuck off what you got oh hey and do you know what it is right this is the thing about being married right and you start scrumpting up paper and putting it in the recycling bin. I do recycle all the time. Yeah, fuck off. What are you going to do? Oh, hey. And do you know what it is, right? This is the thing about being married, right? Or being in a relationship. Yeah. I hate that you're just meant to be available all the time.

If I'm watching a film, right? Like, we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. Hopefully. Right. Hopefully not. Lego destruction pending. Yeah, good. Give us time

let us watch a film don't speak to us wow there should be rules in place finding Dory with the children I was having a lovely moment with our children

watching a film together in your Robert was on his iPad Robert was on his iPad Rafe wasn't fucking watching it you were watching it you know he watches it he puts his iPad down

he watches it so whatever it's just his crutch I haven't really got a beef with you i've got a bit of an ick oh i have got beef but i've got a bit of an ick oh you right every time that you pay for something on apple pay on your laptop you rub your fingers together before you do your your id and it's it's vile like you're really literally you literally rubbing your little fingers

like this. So I've got the Apple Mac that's got the fingerprint button. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People know what it is. So you rub your fingers and then you just kind of but then you kind of

put your big finger in the air and you probably go press down. Right, okay. It's like you're opening a billion pound vault in your basement

and you're not. I was buying some new luggage and you keep it on for really long you've got to keep it on for long you can't just dab it you've got to keep it on

for long I've got one quick right don't rub your fingers together I guarantee you haven't even got

Apple Pay set up on my laptop I have bullshit I have annoyingly it always goes to the old address

so I have to change it manually every time so I don't know how to do it great but it's great ick right wow no beefs though wow okay well you know still hurts so I have to change it manually every time so I don't know how to do it great but it's great

yuck no beefs though wow okay well you know still hurts still hurts it's time for questions from the public

questions from the public public public as always if you'd like to get in touch it is shaggedmarriedanoid at gmail.com.

Hi, both. I'm re-listening to episode 164, where one of the cues from the pews was what is the worst thing you've seen someone snack on in public? Okay. In the email, I talked about someone eating an Easter egg on the Glasgow Metro. In brackets, I put,

very tame if you ask me, an Easter egg is for life, not just for Christmas. Fair enough. Agreed. I could eat an Easter egg any time of the year. I suppose it's just the admin have eaten a massive, massive Easter egg is for life, not just for Christmas. Fair enough. Agreed. I could eat an Easter egg any time of the year. I suppose it's just the admin have eaten a massive, massive Easter egg. I did get it at the time. Yeah, it's a bit weird.

Anyway, they've said, I was once making some purchases in Wilkinson's and had a basket full. A fella joined the queue behind me with only one item. In brackets, a drink. So I offered him to go ahead because i'm not a knob that's nice when people do that that is quite nice when you've only got one thing yeah he leaps

forward pays for his item and gulps his drink there and then how normal i hear you say that's not that normal but weird oh no the drink he had bought was do you want to try and guess or should i just tell you he's drunk it right there and to try and guess or should I just tell you he's drank it right there and then literally oh thank you I'll just hop in front of you

oh brilliant paid for it drank it literally stood there did they say it was a can or a bottle what did they say they didn't

they haven't said anything about what it's in so he's just drank it so I'm guessing it's not a drink that you would drink so it's not like a Capri Sonar

I don't know is it an energy drink what are you going to go with I think it's only me and you who get weird about energy drinks. Was it something Raj like mouthwash or something? Okay is that what you're going with? Yeah. Okay. The drink he had bought was

cat milk. I would not have got that. I would not have got that. As in milk for cats. Yeah. Now, a drink of milk is fine, nutritious even, but why, why, why, why did he choose that? I was horrified, and I need everyone to know

about the cat milk pervert of Preston. Oh, that's so weird. I didn't know there was a special milk for cats. Yeah, yeah, no, cat milk. Yeah, I've heard Carl Hutchinson talks about it. Could they not have normal milk? Cow's milk? I don't know. was a special milk for cats. Yeah, yeah, no, cat milk. Yeah, I've heard Carl Hutchinson talks about it. Could they not have normal milk? Cow's milk?

I don't know. I've got no idea. Then poor cows, honestly, everyone's really giving cows a really hard time about their milk. Right. Do you not think? Yeah, I mean... It's like, we grew up, everyone was like, milk, oh, it's brilliant for you.

Like, to the point where if you had little things on your nails, they were like, don't drink enough milk, your bones will break. And now it's like, ugh, cow's brilliant for you. Like to the point where if you had little things on your nails, they were like, don't drink enough milk. Your bones will break. And now it's like, ugh, cow's milk. Not your mam, not your milk. Yeah, not your mam. Yeah. And yeah, poor cows.

I'm on oat milk. Obviously, we've done that. I'm on oat milk these days. I know you are. Yeah, I did. It's sweet though, isn't it? Well, I did Who Do You Think You Are? And I found out that my mam is actually an oat.

So it's fine. Fine, I'm allowed. She is my mum. No, but I mean, why is he drunk? But he's stayed there and he's done it as a, this is what I do. Probably had a hard on. Yeah.

It's always about someone's tiddler. Always about someone's tiddler. It's always about someone's tiddler. It is. Yeah. So my thing is, how has he learned that cat milk's nice? Do you think he's been desperate for a cup of tea one day?

And he's like, oh, the only thing we've got is the cat milk. And now he's like, that's delicious. Yeah. Might have catnip in it. Catnip, cat milk, don't know. What's catnip? You've not seen catnip? It's like a legal drug that you can give cats

and it just gets them off the box. Why? Because they love it. It's like a herb, it's like a plant. And the catnip, and they have it, and they're just like off their face. It's like a herb. It's like a plant. And the catnip. And they have it and they're just like off their face. It's like drugs for cats.

That is so... I never knew. You've never heard of catnip? I've kind of heard of catnip but I genuinely didn't ever know what it was. They just fucking sniff it and lick it

and just roll around. It's just off their bait. Just rolling around. It's mad. Wow. I don't know what the side effects are. I don't know what it does.

But Preston, you said it was at Preston. Yeah, where's Preston? I've always heard sort of near Manchester. Northwest? Yes, Northwest, yeah. Sort of generalised. It's not near Manchester.

It's probably... I mean, it is in general. But don't get upset if you're from Preston. Get upset at the thing I'm about to say next. Because I used to do gigs in Chorley, a Chorley little theatre. And someone once told us about a guy who used to drink petrol from a milk carton

what? yeah so petrol ball? no he was called Toxic Terry as well yeah yeah

oh we had we had hours of fun at this gig when they mentioned it yeah but erm I don't know what I don't know what he's

whenever I went back there was always a new rumour about him and it was always like have you heard he's like a sort of Preston local Preston legend and he used to apparently drink so there's also whenever you say someone in preston drinking some weird i always just think

fucking hell yeah no well let's hope it is yeah yeah well if it is bloody well done mate because he's sorted himself out no wrong with a bit of cat milk if you've downgraded from petrol to cat milk your fucking life's going in the right direction, my man. Hear, hear. I can't. Side note, I fucking love the smell of petrol. Okay. I do.

I do. I mean, I wouldn't drink it, but I love the smell of it. I do, Chris. Do you not? No, not really. Every time I go to the petrol station I'm like I'm one of the only people I know

who uses the little plastic gloves no I use the plastic gloves oh right yeah I don't want it on me hand I don't like the smell of it on me hand but I love the smell of it like in the air nice

lush is that why you spray it in the air and walk into it like a eau de parfum petrol perfume walk through it like Jesus poor Terry

babadoo babadoo babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Quick one for you. A couple of weeks ago, my husband was bathing our two young children and I noticed as he was bent over that his bum crack was sore.

Sore? Yeah. So, for reference, it wasn't that his trousers had fallen down. He has quite a high bum crack and everyone we know has seen it peeking

over his trousers more than one time. Unfortunately, he might just have had a bit of skin irritation. I don't think I'm alright with the phrase quite a high bum crack.

I don't know if I'm going to let that go. I don't think he's got quite a high bum crack. I don't think that's a thing. I don't think any of his trousers fit. Yeah, yeah. How high is his bum crack?

Where does it go? Me granda had that. High bum crack runs in the family. I tell you what. Our whole family, every time a bloke in our family gets married, got to get a suit tailored for the high bum crack. Honestly, you got a high bum crack

fucking hell yeah I think he's just needs a belt although she has said from his nipples from his nipples go all the way around to his back

and the bum crack is level with his nipples right up his back no shut up he's got a one metre bum crack high bum crack she's put unfortunately

both our daughters have inherited a high bum crack from him I can't I can't I refuse to believe that a high bum crack from him. I can't. I refuse to believe that a high bum crack is a thing.

How is it a thing? What do you mean? I'm now thinking of everyone I know who's got a high bum crack. Think of all your exes who you've seen naked. Who's got a big bum crack? I can't remember.

So what? I can't get my head around a high bum crack i can't what so so that it just it just bum just keeps going up your back and i can't get me no you'd have to have a really flat ass right wouldn't you to have a high bum crack no you don't get it no you'd have to have a meaty ass for the bum crack to go higher right it's not a thing is... I don't get it. No, you'd have to have a meteors for the bum crack to go higher. Right. It's not a thing, is it? I don't think it is.

What's the next thing you've got? Low armpits. It doesn't make any fucking sense. What do you mean you've got a high bum crack? Anyway. It sounds like a doctor joke. Doctor, doctor, I've got a high bum crack. Pull yourself together.

I don't know what the punchline would be. I'm on that big bottom spot here. I've got a high bum crack. Do you want to hear the rest of it? I don't know if I do. No, because listen, they've got a high bum crack. And it's a bit so, because it's exposed. So, right, okay.

I mentioned it to him and suggested he used some Sudocrem to sort his crack out. And then brackets just put bleh. That's being married, isn't it? The ick comes a week later when bathing the kids again. As per usual, his bum, his high bum crack was peeking out. And there in the crack was some weak old Sudocrem. He's packed that high crack, hasn't he? He's packed that high crack with Sudocrem. A little packed that high crack, hasn't he? He's packed that high crack with

Sudocrem. A little vomit appeared in my mouth and I told him it was there, handed him a pack of wet wipes and told him he best sort out the old Sudocrem as he was really giving me the year. A little vomit appeared in my mouth, which happens often because I have a low throat. So the vomit comes up

quicker from my stomach. Between us I have a low throat. He has a high bum crack. I also have wide feet and narrow fingers. It's his, yeah. This is fully a thing in their family. Please keep me anonymous as my sister listens to the podcast. Although with the talk of high butt cracks, you'll probably guess it's me.

A high bum crack. Hey, listen. Every family's different. Oh, God. Just pull your fucking butt. You haven't got a high bum crack. Pull your pants off. Get a fucking belt. Buy a belt.

Do you think you like take the bean the dog goes yeah high butt cracks I don't know give him some like I don't know next roger

he has some drawstring pants on subscription on prescription sorry he has some drawstring pants on prescription Mike has got a high. He has some drawstring pants on prescription. My cat's got a high butt crack.

Fucking he hasn't. He's just got his pants hanging around his arse all the time. Arse all the time. It's weird. Having a high butt crack. There's a direct correlation between having a high butt crack and listening to Blink-182 and that kind of music when you're a teenager.

Or hip-hop as well. Oh, funny. Hi, bum crack. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous. I would like you guys to settle a heated debate my partner and I had recently.

Yes. My partner had spent hours in the sun playing in a 36-hole golf competition and failed to drink enough water or put on any sun cream. Oh, my God. So came home shriveled and red he then proceeded to get sunstroke and was dramatically emphasizing how unwell he was and i must admit

i did feel quite sorry for him wow so yeah it's a genuine it's a real thing i think i had a coming back from holiday in ibiza you did red red dots on me feet yeah because you and you drank too much drank too much in the sun had a day on a boat like an idiot. Yeah, didn't drink enough water. You were ill the next day. I was ill for a couple of days. You love a bit of that on holiday. Yeah. Love a bit of that.

Never happening again, that. Thank God. I'm going to be wearing a massive sombrero and carrying a little ukulele round. Yes, good. So she did feel quite sorry for him

until a few days later he accidentally let it slip that he had a wank that day when he left me looking after our toddler son because he was so unwell with stroke this sparked a heated debate in which i was adamant if he was well enough to have a wank then he clearly wasn't that unwell wow i have to agree with that right he then proceeds to state no matter how unwell men are, they are always able to whack out a quick wank as it makes them feel better. To which he then explained a few years ago when he had severe food poisoning

and made me come home from a work event to look after him and clear up his vomit from our bath. In the brackets, he was shitting in the toilet. He had also had a wank that day. Oh my God. I do not understand how this is a thing. The last thing I'm thinking when I'm unwell is,

hmm, might just flick me bean. Chris, have you had a wank when you've claimed to be unwell? And in brackets, just put,

what a strange question as a complete stranger you've never met. So sorry. Hey, not a problem. Absolutely fine. Just please don't ask us

in public any of these things because I might not react the same way. Come on, answer. Hungover wanks are a thing. Right. you can have a wank when you're hung over okay um but because you tend to be a bit horny when you're hung over even though you feel like shit but i don't think i've ever been like ill like if i sorry if i was completely honest 100 if i was shitting the first so the first instance that you said that the historical one if i was shitting in the toilet and being sick into the bath i don't think i'd be able to pull myself

together to to pull myself um but in sunstroke as well i mean i was it depends how ill you are suppose he's probably he's probably not he's not as ill as he's saying right but yeah i mean a hungover wank is definitely a thing and you can feel like shit but you can be like oh and well yeah it does it's a shot of endorphins, isn't it? It does make you feel better. It'd be the last thing on my mind, but... I think men and women are different. I think we are, yeah.

I think men and women are very, very different. Okay, interesting. You guys have to put candles out on that. No, I don't have to do that at all. Nah, you just do, man. It's really not a thing. Nah, you just do, man. Candles.

Very fast, actually, but... Put a lime of Ritchie on and that. Oh. Whatever you just do. Awful. All that stuff. Yeah. Have a Solero.

You can still get Soleros do you have one of them I don't actually like Solero you have a flake oh definitely a flake you have a flake in the bath

there we go got it creamiest child yeah so um no hungover wank is absolutely a thing but not

not like severe vomiting wank ah not me but then again you know I do lead a little bit

of a sheltered life I suppose when it comes to some people I mean as long as he wasn't being sick into the bath and shitting into the toilet and somehow firing his jizz

I mean I'd be impressed by that I'll be honest with you I'd be impressed by that like a human sprinkler it was the same day oh my god it was just the same day so he probably just

went back to bed and tugged one out well there we go babadoo babadoo babadoo hi guys we came to your show a few weeks ago the episode with ronan and storm thank you very much oh thank you on the way we were discussing beefs and ics of each other and i feel like i have the mother of all ics oh bold very bold statement but let's dance my partner's previous car was a black voxel mariva uh genuinely never heard of

maria but fair enough. No, me neither. He once told me that when he's driving late at night and someone isn't driving great in front of him, he leans his face onto his shoulder and reads out the car reg

as if he is talking into a radio. Yes, that's right. My boyfriend is pretending he's an undercover police officer calling for backup. He is adamant that it works and that the drivers in front completely change. Bollocks.

And I'm completely adamant that I've never been drier than when I imagine him doing it on his own in the car. So, oh, right, hold on. I've just worked out what he means. So, they have the radio on their sort of breast, don't they? So, he's doing that. He's leaning his face in. Pretending to be on a radio.

So, that must be an undercover car so a voxel marina must look a bit like yeah look a bit feddy aye yeah wow do you think are you i would i don't know if i'd be icked by that i don't know whether it's quite impressive but then i'm definitely drama gcse so you know you just like the fact that he's in quite like it yeah yeah yeah it's icky it is icky it is a bit it's just the pretend and what's he saying

Vauxhall Sierra Roger Tutu Tango it's partridge it's very very partridge yeah

nah I mean I doubt it works I think that's bollocks I think it's all in his head that it works do you think yeah 100% I think it's all in his head there's no way you don't look in your but you can't see for the fucking headlights he says it's night time you can't see someone leaning ahead in the car off the behind you because the headlights are blacking

you out john i think would make it even more of a nick but i i think you should do actually well i think you should have a fake policeman's hat that he puts on when he does that and a fake radio you're gonna do it do it he does that. And a fake radio. If you're going to do it, do it properly. And two little, you know, the silver strips, like the silver reflective strips. Put them just down his top so it looks like he's wearing one of them high vizs. So put a little thing on,

lean into the radio, a little policeman's hat. Nice. But then again, if you get caught doing that by a policeman, that is impersonating a police officer. I wonder if even pretending to talk in the radio is technically impersonating a police officer, which is illegal. Is it illegal? Yeah, you're not an impersonating police officer and that's... I wonder if even pretending to talk in the radio was technically impersonating a police officer which is illegal.

Is it illegal? Yeah, you're not allowed to impersonate a police officer. That's illegal. Wow. Yeah. Ooh. That's interesting.

We've got him. I'm saying we've got him. We've got him. Caught him. Got him. Enjoy life in the clink, mate. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Hi Rosie and Chris.

Thought I'd share an ick that my dad gives me. Oh. There's loads of icks this week. and Chris Thought I'd share an ick That my dad gives me Oh no There's loads of icks this week I didn't mean it An ick that your dad gives you Yeah What you're supposed to be

Sexually attracted to your dad No I know I don't know whether This is probably more of like a beef Or just an annoyance Okay Rather than an ick of your dad But then I suppose

I get it Yeah your dad can be quite icky Well you can be You can be icked on behalf Of someone else You can be like Icked on behalf of I think it's embarrassing A bloke came past us On a skateboard A few days ago you can be icked on behalf of someone else. You can be like, icked on behalf of, like,

I think it's embarrassing. A bloke came past us on a skateboard a few days ago, and we both looked, and I was like, ick? And you were like, yeah, ick.

Sort of. No, I said not too bad. I said ick. It's quite impressive. It wasn't impressive. Jealous. I wasn't jealous.

It wasn't, but how dare you? How dare you? A little bit jealous. How dare you? Well, I mean, to be fair, he wasn't falling on the cobbles like you would on your rollerblades.

He was actually doing quite well. he was alright. I had to think, if I remember back to when my dad was younger i'm sure i've said this to you before but my dad used to call everyone mate right like you know like we do now right but i used to get so embarrassed by it oh right okay do you remember doing that when you were a kid uh i mean i was embarrassed by my dad and everything my dad got up at a on a karaoke once on holiday and I was crying my eyes out oh well that's my dad's everyday life

yeah awful so no my dad I remember I get where we used to get on the bus and my dad would be like oh three

one two three kids two adults she has mate and I'd be like he's not your mate why are you calling him mate dad you don't know him

why are you saying mate it's so embarrassing so your dad was at the forefront of calling people mate he's been mating for years my mate he's been mating for years my dad he's been mating for years since I was about three kids

he's a walking ick my dad man there's loads of stuff when he used to wear the bloody school jumper he'd be doing the garden because you could get adult sizes

of the school jumper we've talked about this ages ago and he'd do the garden in the front garden I'd be like dad man don't wear the jumper

in the front garden how embarrassing people would be walking past saying, like, my dad in my school jumper. Horrendous. And didn't he used to have to wear a little tiny little Sunderland badge because your mum would let him wear a strip.

Yeah. He had to wear a little tiny little badge everywhere he went. I mean, where's the full kit now? Kegs and everything. So what's the secret about our dad? Okay, so the thought I chain it that my dad gives me. My dad and I don't tend to spend much time together

as we don't have much in common. He's your typical sports guy and has a much better relationship with my brothers because of it. So every now and again, he will suggest the two of us go out for dinner and catch up. I love my dad, of course, but I dread the suggestion that we go for dinner as he does the weirdest thing that mortifies me every time okay it's exciting he will always have a pint of

lager and once the food is ordered and we wait for ridiculous and once the food is ordered and and we wait for our meals out comes the chewing gum that he constantly has in his mouth and into the pint it goes oh no because of the bubbles the gum proceeds to bob up and down in his mouth and into the pint it goes. Oh no. Because of the bubbles the gum proceeds to bob up and down in his pint until he swigs down the last bit and back into his mouth the gum goes. What the actual fuck. Sorry

so he puts it there as a holding place. Yeah. So it just bobs around there like a fucking boy in the sea. Yeah. And then. And then once he's finished his dinner he's like. Oh there's me chewing gum back. Yeah. Dirty... And then once he's finished his dinner, he's like, oh, there's my chewing gum bag. Yeah. Dirty bastard. Oh, my God. Oh, in a restaurant.

In a house, that would be bad. In a restaurant, that's even worse. Oh, you finished your drink, sir? Oh, no, sorry, my chewing gum's in there. That's where I hold it. Yeah. What does it taste like when it goes back in there? Do you think it tastes like lager chewing gum? Probably like a shandy or like a lager chewing gum, yeah.

Like a lager chewing gum, but minty. A minty lager chewing gum. They've never done alcohol chewing gum, have they? Like beer flavour chewing gum. Or wine flavour. Wine flavour chewing gum. Excuse me, sir. You've been drinking notes me wine flavour chewing gum.

Why? Why is that a thing? Listen. Do I smell a business opportunity? Listen. At that roller disco, everyone's going to be flying around chewing on wine-flavoured chewing gum. Yes.

It's going to be great. It can get you pissed. It's going to be great. Yeah. Pull you over how many bits of chewing gum you had. I've only had three. You're only allowed one. You said wine-flavoured, not actual wine.

No, it's actual wine. It's actual wine. That's how they get you. That's how they get you. So basically, it's sort of a drug. Yeah. Sort of a drug yeah

well they put nicotine in chewing gum so why couldn't they put alcohol in it exactly I think I think they don't do it because there's no market

for it at all because you could just drink a fucking wine yeah true yeah true alright apologise for that stupid idea

no less calories mmm mmm mmm where's the fun just have a little shot have a little shot of vodka then as always thank you so much

for listening to this week's episode of Shagmar and Lloyd which is part of the Acast Creator Network yes thank you thank you thank you for listening to this thank you for watching the TV show

if you have been watching the TV show if you're here to listen to this episode just because of the TV show welcome and thank you also the TV show if you're here to listen to this episode just because of the TV show welcome and thank you also why not go and vote for the NTAs the live dates

are on sale now and if you want to get in touch it's shagmourinoid at gmail.com thank you thank you thank you and good night

or day depending on when you listen to this or morning okay bye Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- evening features her way and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th

when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.