Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 226. Whiskers

Episode Date: July 14, 2023

On the podcast this week The Ramsey's talk tantrums, kids performances, comic timing and pool etiquette. The beefs are packing based and QFTP's are pretty filthy but spark a fun new games! Plus a listener gets in touch about the man who drank the cat milk! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag, Merit and Nord, you knuckleheads. Aww, Rosie went to see the kids do Bugsy Malone and this has been my life for the past couple of days. Me and Robin. Everyone in the house calling each other knuckleheads. You salami.

That's my favourite one. Salami. That was the best one. They said idiot a lot. Yeah, Robin's school just did Bugsy Malone and it was bloody brilliant i had really enjoyed it yeah you um you wouldn't make a theater critic you wouldn't make a very good theater critic it was guys no don't all right don't slag it it was all right rosie went the

first night came back bloody bravo bravo five stars life changing. It was all right. It was children doing Bugsie Miller. I'm sorry, they did so well. Yeah, they were great. They had so many words and the singing was passable. It was really good. They were fantastic for children. It was a children's play. I don't know what I went in expecting.

Of course, what were you expecting? I don't know. I don't know. I've seen some good shit recently, I'll be honest with you. Operation Mincemeat Hamilton. It's just, you know, I'm cultured now. The bar's raised high.

One of the fucking mics kept popping like nonstop. This poor kid, you know, I'm cultured now, the bar's raised high. One of the fucking mics kept popping like non-stop. This poor kid, his headset mic, he was fantastic, the kid who played Bugsy and his headset mic

kept popping and I wanted to run backstage and throttle whoever was doing the sound. Oh God. But yeah, honestly, I can't watch stuff.

When it's going wrong, when stuff, even if it's a child's performance of Bugsy Malone, I couldn't, I wanted to go, it's a fucking sound man, did you not check this you've had all day you've had all day to run this through like oh so angry but um no it was good they were great i think that's why i could probably never get involved with like the school theater shows or anything because i would just i would say i'll kind of take over well yeah it would be let's all

go and see what kids hold on why was that an hour a hot hour and a half of that woman singing where are the children no it'll be you going welcome to me show yeah and now another musical yeah the children are just holding cue cards for you because you don't know your fucking lyrics no i wouldn't do that i just mean like i'd be sat there going i have hair bands on the wrong way i can't even look anyway no it was great and now me and Robin are going around talking to each other in

is it New York where is it set New York yeah it's like a sort of New York New Jersey Robin's picked up the accent just by

watching the show for a couple of nights he's good man he's canny he was sick of his life though he saw you

he's totally me he saw you he did one run through the second night he was like I don't want to go anymore no it was the first night we did it during the day one run through of it. The second night he was like, I don't want to go anymore.

No, it was the first night. So we did it during the day at the theatre as a run through and then he was like, we've done it. And I was like, no, we're coming to see it tonight. He was like,

no, but we've done it. I don't want to do it again. And I was like, you are your father's son. I don't watch back anything I've done. I don't listen back to anything I've done. I don't rehearse.

I don't run through. I'm fucking, he's the same as me. Just move on. Move on. He needs to get used to it though because if he's going to be a theatre kid, you need to get used to just sitting there for hours on end. No. fucking, he's the same as me. Just move on. Move on. He needs to get used to it though because if he's going to be a theatre kid, you need to get used to just sitting there

for hours on end. Anyway, let's crack on. Let's crack on. It is episode 226, also known as 226. It's mental. In new money, it's 226.

And thank you for being here. Thank you for coming and listening. Our little bullshit, our absolute bullshit every single week. But we enjoy doing it and hopefully you enjoy listening and without further ado, it's time to pay those goddamn

bills and it's time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor, this week's sponsor is Toddler Tantrums Hey how's your toddler today? Oh in good spirits? Well not for fucking long mate, because at some point for absolutely no reason because

they're a toddler they're going to turn into a weapons grade cunt mate a weapons yeah and it'll be loud and it'll be long and it'll be horrible then it'll end as abruptly as it started and when it does you will feel like you've been attacked by a pack of wolves and you'll be reeling from it all day this is you horrible so Horrible. So I was away for a lot of the time when Robin was this age. So you would ring me going,

I remember, the one that sticks in my head is you were in B&M bargains with him. Yes. And he kicked off because he wanted some toy and you said you had to

basically fireman's lift him out of the car. I had to. You dropped everything. Abandoned my basket. Yeah. Which I'm not being funny. I bought,

we were going to make cakes. Right. We were going to make cakes right we were going to make cakes I bought like the little you know how you the ready the shit ones like the hay juggy ones

and shit like that how dare you nah shit I know what you mean powdery icing crap but like you know whatever

you didn't want to be getting all your sugar and shit out do you just before have I ever told you that my mum bought two of them once

Tom and Jerry ones I remember bought them when I was a kid and did them after Sunday dinner and I kept coming in once they were

getting ready to cool or whatever I made the mixture and just put them in the oven so they had to go in the oven then cool I came in the house so many times

to ask if they were ready yet just stop getting them is that why? just stop getting them like she literally put the oven out and I was like they're ready

like we're talking 30 second intervals and I came in non-stop every 30 She was like, no. Like we're talking 30 second intervals and I came in non-stop every 30 seconds. I said, I don't know what you want. We'll never get them again. How you never got a diagnosis

when you were a kid. I am honestly shocked. Different times. Honestly, if I went to school now, I'd get a free laptop. Your mum.

Yeah, you would. You would. You'd get extra lessons. Honestly. You'd get extra lessons on everything. I swear to God, Chris,

you are so undiagnosed. Anyway, your mum let slip something the other day because Chris's mum and dad love them to death, but they love to wear, they are rose tinted glasses, right? Like my mum will happily be like, you are a dick. But your mum and dad were like,

yeah, but Christopher never, he never did this. I'll tell you right now, I was a shithead. Well, they let slip the other day because they were saying something about, about how much you used to talk

and your mum was like oh my you never shut up she went you never shut up and used to like literally drag on their clothes and just talk and talk

and talk and I was like ah ha ha yeah right yeah yeah you would

you would have irritated the tits off of me if I worked in schools and you were there I'd be like don't let that little rambi come near me

I've said it before every single time people left the house if they had people around every time people left I still have when people leave our house I still get a little fright

when you shut the door because the door would shut remember it the door shuts and I get a spike of adrenaline because I know I'm about to get bollocked it's like bye bye see you next time

right you still like that now yeah yeah yeah so what were you saying about the cakes you weren't going to get the cakes in B&M's well that's why I kicked off It's like, bye, bye, yes, yes, I'm right. You still like that now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what were you saying about the cakes? You weren't going to get the cakes in B&Ms? Well, that's why I kicked off. I mean, he was only like two and a half.

But we're buying the cake mixture and we're going to have a lovely afternoon. And he was just being a dick. And he was just, and I was like, this is a treat. You're getting something nice here. And you kick it and you just wouldn't have it. So I literally firemen's lifted him out of there. Like wrestled him into the car seat. And then we're both sat in the car crying.

It was horrible. But you forget about it though, because now I look back on Robin and I'm like, oh, he was just great. And he wasn't because we were saying Rafe was all brilliant last week. He's been horrible. So that's the thing. So you would ring me going like,

we're crying in the B&M car park. And I'm like, loser. Yeah. Like, she can't say, hey, Carl, you know, this idiot tried to pair and I should probably go home. She hasn't got a fucking clue.

Now, I get it and I apologise. It was, oh my God. Oh, what? Yeah, I apologise. I apologise. Thank you. Two things I want to apologise for. Okay.

Seeing that I was tired of the new when I was on tour. Yes. Oh my God. Very sorry. Oh my God. Right. Very, very sorry. Shut up. Right. I'm closing my laptop. You're was on tour. Yes. Oh my God. Very sorry. Oh my God. Right. Very, very sorry.

Shut up. Right. I'm closing my laptop. You're all right. Okay. Just because the light was shining on us. Sometimes it puts us off. I probably should have been in the room as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, go on. Honestly, it's really difficult this age. Right. It's really difficult. Isn't it more tiring than like being away on tour and getting up at 11 o'clock in the morning? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great. This is big. Although I did sleep on tour. I did sleep solely. Iclock in the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is big. Although I did sleep on tour, I did sleep solely and I did miss hotel breakfast, so you know, pray for Chris. And I, yeah, and I, yeah, and I apologise for not thinking that the tantrums were anything. It's so horrible when your kid is just, like when they're like fucking apoplectic, when they're going mad, when there's no reason, when they're just screaming. When they lose use of their arms. Yeah, yeah. Like when you go to pick them up and they're like. And then they can't breathe, they're crying when there's no reason screaming the loose use of their arms

yeah when you go and pick them up and then they can't breathe they're crying so much the car it's just like he did it in the swimming bath so basically what happened was i got i sat him down on the bench and i put the towel on then he didn't want the towel on so he just wanted to sit and i was like we'll sit on the towel didn't so he's sitting on the bench completely stark naked freezing cold and Robin's standing there and I went right this pack of pommes

I'll shut them up so I handed Rafe a pack of pommes and I opened them and they went there you go pommes and he went yeah thank you daddy

and I was like sorted and he starts eating them and I gave Robin two pommes and I went have them I'll buy you some crisps

and we'll get out don't take any crisps off them okay two seconds later I turn around Rafe is screaming I turn back round Robin's not't take any crisps off him. Okay. Two seconds later, I turn around. Rafe is screaming. I turn back round. Robin's not only

took the crisps while I put his hand in the bag, he ripped the side of the Pombay's packet. Well, that was that, wasn't it? The bag was ripped and he's just like,

rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. Just trying to grass him up. There's a level, there's another level to this story though. What? I told you, man. So what happened was, I can't remember where I was and then i came back and he'd walk he was had a nap when he got

back from swimming oh yeah and then i was there when he woke up from his nap but he doesn't know if he's coming or going and there when he when i woke him up he woke up saying rara and i was like what's the matter and he was going mom best and i went in because you told us what he calls robin robin yeah i was like did robin break your crisps he was like yeah i was like you what's the matter? And he was going, but I'm best. And I went in, because you told us. Rob, that's what he calls Robin. Robin. Yeah. I was like, did Robin break your crisps? He was like, yeah. I was like, it's still not over.

He's like, no. Well, we saw, he's crying and screaming with it. And I'm like, right. I get Robin, to be fair, Robin went in a helpful mode, because he knew it was his fault. And I was bollocking him as well. So Robin got ready. You shouldn't have bollocked him, really. His fault, his fault.

Seven. His fault. Told him not to do it. He did it. So we got ready and he sits there he's literally standing to attention he was amazing to be fair

and Rafe's just kicking the dummy away everything just fucking carnage just furious and I picked him up and I walked out and it was just

like I was just in it he was screaming and screaming and I was just in like a rage and I just I can't

and Rob's walking alongside us and I'm walking along so anyone who saw me on that day around the other swimming pools and shields must have thought he is just a fucking arsehole when he's out I was just in like a rage and I just like had him and Rob was walking alongside us and I'm walking along so anyone who saw me on that day around near the swimming pools and shields must have thought he is just a fucking arsehole

when he's out in public. I was just staying straight ahead and I was just walking and I don't know why but I was in that mood but I was just like someone come up and try and mug us.

Like someone. Because I was so angry at this child but I can't do anything to the child but I was like someone just come over and go what are you looking at

and I will fucking swing this baby around by his feet and hit you with him because I'm so fucking angry like and i put him in the car and they're both sat and rave sat in the car in silence robin sat in silence and we drove home silence no music nothing silence no one speaking and again i was like someone go on i was like someone cut us up and and fucking shouters right okay well cheer yourself out mr psychopath you came home and looked like you'd been to war

it was ridiculous I felt like I'd been out clubbing until four in the morning I had like you get a hangover off a toddler tantrum I think it takes

a couple of years off you awful definitely but you know what he's alright now and in his defence the other morning

he like ragged his teeth on a spoon and he had a massive tooth coming out of the back so that's what I think anyway let's talk about the kids we're's talk about the kids. Still, still, still, still.

We're just talking about the kids. If you're out there having toddler tantrums, right? Look, two things you can take away from the story. If you've got children and you've got toddlers and they've had tantrums

or you've had children in the past and they've had tantrums, we all lose our shit. It's absolutely fine. These things happen. You're only human. And if you don't have any kids, fucking congrats, man.

I mean, enjoy it. Fucking hell. God, enjoy yourself. Yeah, congratulations. Well done. Well done. fucking congrats man I mean enjoy it fucking hell god enjoy yourself yeah congratulations well done well done you genuinely I know you're loving them

but you would absolutely have your life without them wouldn't you I would have them I would lend them out for long term I would lend them out long term

is all I'm saying but anyway look let's play that jingle and let's talk about something that's not there let's go make this sad we had a fight about the jingle, jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to Shagged Maridonoid. Lovely to have you all. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Where did you go during the jingle? What did you do? Well, hope you enjoyed it. Chris had a lovely swig of the loudest bottle in the world. Loudest and biggest. What is with you just buying loud, shitty, horrible bottles? Just what I do, innit?

Just a big old... Ridiculous. And again, I slagged off these bottles. You know, like, this was years ago. This was pre-pandemic when we did the podcast and i was seeing people who have their massive ridiculous bottles of water i'm that guy now oh god yeah were you a hypocrite i'm a total hypocrite i've said this for years i'm a total hypocrite but yeah it's me i used to say i am cycle i used to slag off like cycling shorts with big t-shirts wore one the other day yeah it just takes me a while to get on board with it

and then I go right this is a round yeah yeah yeah what's that what's that something new fuck off I'm cooler than that by the way I'm on board

five years later hi everyone my name's Chris how are you anyway you're on your good week this is the good week she's on a good week yep

don't want to kill anyone this week so I'm not due on and I'm not on and this is the one week that I get the sweet spot the one week of my anyone this week so I'm not due on and I'm not on and this is the one week that I get. The sweet spot. The one week of my life

where I'm not in danger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still going to get the coil but we're going on holiday so I'm going to have to leave it a little while. Right, okay. So look forward to some

unprotected sex, eh? Hey! Don't know that. Meet other boyfriends. Yeah, can you get tested first? What? Can you get tested for STDs? Do you know what?

When were you tested last uh i guess just yeah what i get up to when you're on a boat i have to get once a day me man i get tested once a day just to make sure great because i'm out there bloody shagging no i see it's like a bloody it's like a wheelie bin laid around here excuse me that makes absolutely no sense the condensation off the like hot wheel bin lid bin, juice in the thing. Just a little, just a little visual joke. It's gross.

Didn't really work. Anyway, so what, why ask me when I got, I was joking. Why ask me when I got tested for? Because it's just, we're so out of the game, right?

The game. Do you not remember that conversation you used to have? Yeah. When you'd been in a relationship for a little while and you'd like, we're at the point of possibly stopping using condoms because they're awful and you'd be like when when were you last tested roses are red violets are blue when you when were you last tested because uh i want to fuck you

unprotected unprotected brackets unprotected i do remember yeah yeah god I was before it'll obviously be ten how long have we been together ten years it's been ten years since I got tested yeah same yeah same

all brilliant all brilliant all great listen it's still intact it's not fell off yet we're alright oh god by that I mean my vagina

yes we all knew what you meant babadoo babadoo babadoo so I discovered Rosie that our son has got some serious comic timing the other day and I was very, very proud. Robin made us laugh

so much just with one word. So I got in the car and I was driving him to his little parkour club. It was a Sunday morning. It was lovely and sunny. I was driving along.

I had my sunglasses on and I always play their songs in the car. And we were saying this the other day. It's always the kids' songs that I play. I've dropped down. Well, I thought, you know what? My mum and dad were listening to fucking Simply Red and we were saying this the other day it's always the kids songs that I play I've dropped down well

I thought do you know what my mum and dad were listening to fucking Simply Red and Wet n' Stop oh yeah we didn't get any choice

I'm going to put my songs on so I put my 80s playlist on and Cinemaw's Fire by John Parr came on I'm driving along

and I've got I can see the new horizon and I'm singing Blazing Sky I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher that'll do let's do the full bit

no gonna be a man in motion all I need is this pair of wheels take me where the future's lying Satan was fire that'll do

because this is painful painful painful stop it stop it so I'm like that I'm singing away and Robin's just sitting

looking forward he's just sort of slightly nodding his head and I'm like oh my god he's enjoying he's enjoying daddy's music this is amazing and the song stopped

and I paused it in the silence so there was just some sort of chat and I just looked at him and I went Robin did you like that song

and without looking forward sorry without looking up keeping looking forward without looking at me he left a tiny little gap and just went nope and I fucking thought I was gonna die it was so just without looking at me, he left a tiny little gap and just went, nope.

Aww. Fucking thought I was going to die. Devastating. It was so just, Robin, do you like that song? Nope. Nope. So, yeah, I mean, I died inside, but cracking comedy timing, so, you know,

he gives and takes. He's quite funny. Funny kid. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef beef beef beef beef beef beef

beef beef beef before we crack on before we crack on beef oh yeah I've got a beef with em

we're going on holiday this year obviously we're going on holiday summer holidays in the summer holidays em question who took the kids out

before the summer holidays and got a fine instead of paying full whack well done if you did. You've got to weigh it up. You've got to do what you've got to do. You've got to weigh that shit up. I'm sorry, you can keep them off for two and a half years

for bloody COVID, but then God forbid you miss a few days to get a cheaper holiday. Go fuck yourselves. I think it's absolutely ridiculous. I don't understand the whole holidays thing. I was working... Obviously, I don't want to name any names here,

but I was working abroad once with someone and this person brought their kids with them for a bit and said that their school said, well, travelling broadens the mind. Yeah. So take them out for just a little while to be able to go and experience other cultures and see other parts of the world is all right.

And I think that's quite a forward way. I mean, obviously, if they're fucking revising for the GCSEs, maybe not, but I mean, our kid's seven. Do you know what I mean? What's he going to miss? Oh, it's alright. We'll make him scribble a load of shit at home to put in the fridge. Don't worry about it. You can do it on the plane. I totally agree with you. I think

schools at the minute and the targets and it's all, it's mad. And I only know this because I've got teacher best friends. Let the kids be kids I say let them be kids but one thing I was going to say

very quickly I forgot to tell you about this when we went on holiday me, me mum and Kate and Rave the amount of people who let their kids

sit on iPads around the pool without headphones on and just just oh my fucking god yeah yeah yeah so this is your beef with the world this is my beef with parents on holiday absolutely without headphones on. And just, just. Cocoa Melon just blasting. Oh my fucking God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like.

So this is your beef with the world. This is my beef with parents on holiday. Yeah. Absolutely, whack your kid on an iPad. Rafe had my phone loads when we were away. But,

the, just don't have the volume, absolutely sky high. I know what you mean. Horrendous. So many people are so rude. Because you've got to get them, because you've got to keep them in the shade.

You do have to for a certain, you can't just have them in the blistering fucking heat all day. You do have to keep them in the shade you do have to for a certain you can't just have them in the blistering fucking heat all day you do have to put them in the shade point just turn it down

but you can't expect them to sit and watch the world go by like an old man sitting in the shade so yeah I swear to god I was raging and it was when

Rafe was asleep and I was trying to read my book and this kid next to us just had like like YouTube kids so loud I was like are you

having a laugh on YouTube kids like oh so rude was it YouTube as playing games? Oh my God! Let's have a laugh! Wasn't far off.

Bunch of dicks. Anyway, that's just my beef with the world. So my beef with you, I'm going to barrel straight and I'm going to be first. My beef with you

is your new job is starting to irritate us. I'll be honest with you. The new job that you've got. What job have I got? The new job. If I'm not mistaken, you are the new CEO

of Packin' Cubes Incorporated. Because you see, I go on about stuff. You have not stopped banging on about fucking Packin' Cubes. And I've had it. I've had it, upped it. You can't see me arm, everyone, but I've had it upped it here. And my arm is stretched out right above my head.

Do you want me to do it? Like Packin' Cubes, everybody. No, no, no, no, no right above my head. Do you want really like pattern cubes everybody? No, no, no, no, no, no. I think they're like nine quid. No, no. Honestly, honestly I saw the same YouTube video. I saw the same Instagram ad

of putting all your stuff in pattern cubes. Oh, you got a case. Oh, we'll put them in little cases before they put in the case. Fuck off mate. Who's got that kind of time?

Right, so you're not going to use yours? I bought you a full pack. Oh, I know you bought some half-eaten dogs. You haven't even looked at it. No, I haven't even opened them so you got me one pack you bought me one pack and you went i want some packing cubes so

before you went hardly worry if i had to see you doing this and now we've got a whole day coming up shortly and you're fucking banging on about them again then you bought me some i went i bought you these packing cubes these are great these are brilliant i thought i know i've heard it 500 fucking times how good they are then the other day more arrived in the post and i went why is there more packing cubes and you went oh well I gave yours to me ma'am and so you could bang on about the new ones that came again

going I've got you these sick of it I'm not using them it's ridiculous why aren't you using them because I've got a case why am I putting stuff in a case

before I put them in a case because it just makes them it just makes Chris it's like magic I know what my stuff looks like I know what it looks like

you're going to lose your mind what do you think I'm doing putting fucking underpants on me head when I unpack going well this is my face on me hat

no it's not that it's just I don't know how it happens right but they're just everything's everything gets in easier it's smaller

I am a professional packer I have been travelling around the UK sometimes the world for fucking 15 years I know how to pack you've not travelled around the world

I have been to Australia which is half the world and I've been to Montreal and I know how to pack. You've not travelled around the world doing comedy. I have been to Australia, which is halfway around the world, and I've been to Montreal, and I've been to Dubai. It's three places, Chris. Right, where have you done comedy? Oh, hey, listen. Shut your shit.

Everywhere. Everywhere. You would just travel there not even to do comedy just to pack your fucking cubes up, wouldn't you? I am a convert. Sick of hearing about it.

Sick of hearing about it. Not on the way home, mind. Oh. Okay, so it's very one, it's just one way because coming home, I didn't really use them. Right, and there you go.

I just hide everything back in. So they're absolutely fucking unnecessary then. They're unnecessary. They're unnecessary and stupid. I'm using them. Brilliant. Ridiculous. And it's really, really nice

because they say on on them have a colorful day spelt wrong spelt american i think so no i don't actually think it's spelling it's just completely spelled wrong why is that a good thing it's just quite sweet getting your creams out and someone's saying having a have a colorful day anyway my beef with you right is that you haven't used your packing cubes yet no my beef with you i don't know if i've actually done this beef but it's it really fucking irritates us yeah you so at the minute right chris lies on a spiky mat before bed it's it's an acupressure mat right and it lowers your cortisol levels and chills you out before bed which is great right right

and this isn't me beef because I walk in the room right the bedroom is pitch black and he's just

like on the floor hello I'm like oh there he is every time you walk in you laugh just because

it's so it's just pitch black and I'm like I'm fucking mad walk in you laugh you hate me you hate me bettering myself having a bit of self-care or enjoying myself you just you can't you just can't have it this isn't me beef me beef isn't this you're honestly if i was just in a butler's uniform, standing in the corner of every room that you're in, just in silence, ready and waiting for you to tell us to do something, that would be your perfect life.

That would be your perfect life. Not doing anything for me, not enjoying myself, not going anywhere, not on the phone to anyone. You always have a go at me. You're always on the fucking phone to Steph. And every other day I was on the phone to Carla. I thought, she's going to come in and go, I don't know.

No, I'm talking. Don't stop me being ridiculous. Don't stop me was on the phone to Carla. I thought, she's going to come in and go, I don't know. No, I'm talking, don't stop me being, you're being ridiculous. I don't stop you being on the phone. You do not want me to live my life. I'm not even slagging you off for being on your mat. I think it's lovely.

It sounds like it. It's just quite funny. Every time I come in, you're just lying on your little mat. Me beef is, so your job, you know how we've got little jobs? Yeah.

Each, right? Your job, you normally set the alarm. Right, the house alarm right we can set the house alarm on my phone yeah but you started over the last few months right yeah just always asking me to do it right and i'm it's really pissing us off i didn't know that that was my job why is it my job well why is it why is it my job it's a man job what a sexist thing to say i don't care it's your job your job is to set the alarm. Your job is bins,

the alarm, lock on the door. Right. Genuinely, that's probably all you've got. Brilliant. No, now, right. When I ask you to set the alarm,

you are on your phone. Right, this is, right, okay. This is the problem, okay. I'm on my phone. Yeah, and I'm on your mat. I'm not on that bit. Oh, flick your thumb up, click another thing, put the cord in, done. No, sometimes if I'm scrolling, if I'm not on that bit or flick your thumb up click another thing

put the cord in done if I'm scrolling if I'm having a little bit of social media time to myself if I flick my phone up I'll lose where I am

oh no oh yeah what are you going to do yeah and then I'll have to you're going to have to watch that packing cube video twice

shut up man it just irritates us when you just it's like I don't know is it gas no it's like, I don't know. Is it gas? No, it's not gaslighting.

Oh, no, no, it probably is because everything I do, everything I do is gaslighting, so it's probably that. It's not. Do you learn what gaslighting is? No, you admit it a little bit, you are gaslighting this, because at the minute, your thing is all the time, this is me beef, this is next week's beef, which I'll go in in Morty Dale. At the minute, you are constantly saying that I'm out more than you, and I'm not. This is me beef. This is next week's beef which I'll go in in Morty Dale. At the minute you are constantly saying

that I'm out more than you and I'm not. I'm actually not. Like we've been out the same amount of times but you constantly make a joke of being like well I'll just put

the kids to bed and be silly. And I'm like mate we've been out the same. You had two nights in a row the other day. You had two nights in a row out

both starting during the day. They weren't in a row. They were in a row. It was one day after the other. Was sunday monday it was just their consecutive days just glad you've learned sporadically that though did you learn that sunday then it goes sunday then monday did you learn that off that kid's ipad on holiday when you could hear it you know sunday monday what's next one go on thursday oh so close we'll get back to that she turned it down eventually i've turned me daggers Go on. Thursday. Oh, so close. We'll get back to that. She turned it down eventually.

I've turned me daggers. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen.

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In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone.

Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public.

As always, if you would like to get in touch, it is shaggedmoudinoid at gmail.com. Send us your ics, send us your embarrassing stories, send us your would you rather, send us your questions,

just send us whatever you think's funny. Send us your nudes. Nope. No dick pics because dicks make me feel sick us whatever you think's funny. Send us your nudes. Nope. No dick pics because dicks make me feel sick. Okay, that's good. As a man who lives with you and has a dick and would now and then like to offer you said dick.

Noted. Noted. Sorry. Fanny's our aunt and I'll... it's all a sweaty mess isn't it it's all a sweaty mess right listen to this dear Chris and Rosie I didn't think I had an embarrassing story

until I was listening to the episode with the story of the Indian massage the other day and my brain shot out a story that I thought I'd repressed I've said it before and I'll say it again I love this I love that people listen and go oh my god bing yeah it's what

happens in like a really good conversation with someone where someone's talking and telling you something and you think oh i've got something that relates to this that i completely forgot about brilliant love it love you all when i had just turned 17 i was a bridesmaid at my auntie's wedding about a week before the wedding it was decided that we were all going to get a spray time now i was a really innocent teenager and my mum was super strict so I'd never had anything like this before right anyway I went into the tanning booth and got undressed they'd given me the little paper thong to put on but I had never seen a thong before oh don't bother

they're shite and as I said I was not super shattered. Not worth that song. Not worth Siskel. I just, I feel like the Siskel, the thong song, I feel like he did it without much knowledge of thongs. I think so. Don't some men really like thongs though?

I don't know. I just find them, I just literally just think, oh, that's, there's been a bit of string up your arse crack all day. Yeah.

Weird. Mingin. Yeah. Stink. They stink. They do. They just smell like sweaty. Constant contact with the arsehole during the day.

I mean, maybe if you put them on as a bit of sexy underwear, just, you know, I'm going to go get ready, you know, wash on. They'll be off. They'll be on the floor in two seconds if you're having sex. Fair enough. But not like, I've had this thong on all day. I don't mind that. I don't know.

Great. I just think if you've got, it depends what kind of arse you've got. I just feel like the reminders of that string at the supermarket that they used to cut cheese cut cheese yeah well yeah cheese string like since I've had the kids

I've got a bit of a long arse now have you noticed like a mom arse right flat mom arse right and it just looks they look horrible

anyway that's just me got a long arse I was really I have. Didn't read you. Didn't read you. I had an email the other week

about someone who had a high-ass crack. Yeah. So what is the difference between a high-ass crack and a long ass? No, so mine's just got flat, I think. It's just a bit long. Look, I'll show you. Look at that.

Do you know what used to be for all the kids that used to do squats in that? Now it's just gone a bit long. Nice. See what I mean? Got you. Okay. Flat. I still like your bum. Thank you. I'm not putting a thong on though. I'm fine with that as well. Good. I was really self-conscious about my bum and so I decided

to put the ever so slightly larger side of the thong over my bum and have the strip at the front. Oh for fuck's sake. Of course my fanny decided it was starving and gobbled it up completely. Meaning that as the lady walked in I was digging this now ever so slightly disintegrating thong

out of myself. She took one look at me and it was very obvious that she was trying not to laugh. I was mortified. All she said was goes the other way around, darling.

I'll get you another one. Oh, I can see her. As I took the first pair off and another pair was being passed to me I could hear the staff members giggling Just around the corner Oh no She was only 70

That's not cool A different lady came in And gave me this bray tan in the end And I've never been back there Oh well I lost a customer It wasn't your fault Bless you

She said I am ginger And pale as fuck So I just look like noomba loomba anyway so i was it wasn't even worth it my brain likes to spit that one out at me every so often at about 3 a.m and it still makes me cringe every time yeah yeah got them got so many of them i love waking up i don't love i hate but i'm you know i'm a professional at waking up in the middle of the night and freaking out about shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Dear Rosie and Chris, I'm sure I'm a huge ick myself being 36 and still depressingly single on Tinder, but that's another story. That's not an ick. You'll find someone. Don't be like that. All right. Patron. I'm just trying to be nice.

Yeah. I'm not patronising. I'm just saying, you know. How old? 36. Depends what part of the country you live in London normal

fine up north should be a grander by now yeah I know I know you'll get you'll get looked at in the street

being single at 36 up here yeah good luck up here I have just been mindlessly scrolling through tinder and stumbled across an ick and so

the ick is basically when people put in their tinder their age and years young. So she's found someone who says, I'm Carl in 33 years young. Oh, for God's sake. Yeah, years young.

Not sure why, but ick. Big swipe left, didn't bother reading any further. Yeah, years young. Years young is a massive ick. It doesn't make sense grammatically. It's years old. That's how old you are. Let's not write him off completely because she did send us a screenshot

okay so it's Carl he's there I'm Carl 33 years young right looking for someone that turns out to be a best mate

as well as a partner big believer of everything happens for a reason if we match please don't be and then it's dot dot dot dot dot and I'm just sorry

well I haven't got Tinder have I it's a screenshot please don't be oh for fuck's sake what do you think it is oh yeah shall I check them on my shall I it's a screenshot please don't be oh for fuck's sake what do you think it is oh yeah

shall I check them on my shall I have a quick look on mine I mean oh oh oh sunny the day warm again innit

warm Carl 33 years young good luck good luck he looks very like just looks a bit can I look at him bit perplexed in the picture not a bad looking fella he's not He looks very like... He just looks a bit... Can you look at him?

A bit perplexed in the picture. Not a bad looking fella. He's not. I'll be honest with you. I'm going to say it right now. Yeah? Looks like a shagger. Does look like a shagger.

Shagger that lad like. But he's not looking for a shagger. He's looking for someone. Best mate. That's how he shags you. Right. That's how he shags you. Oh. I want to be friends.

Ooh. Okay. Oh, I just want to cuddle. Oh, it slipped in. Oh, God. Oh, I lost your phone number. Bye. He's an absolute shagger.

He does look like a shagger. Oh, yeah, 100%. Go on, Carl. No, no. No? Well, yeah, enjoy yourselves. Stay safe, kids. Sorry, Dad.

Hi, Rosie and Chris. Long-time listener, first-time emailer. Lovely. Pop your little email cherry. Hello. My friend shared a story with me last week which has stuck in my mind and had to share with the two of you.

Please keep me anonymous as I'm unsure who of her family listens to the podcast. Oh, nice. So a bit of a background on my friend to paint the picture. She is a sex pest and gets herself into all kinds of strange situations. Okay, right, okay. Right, so she's a shagger. So does sex pest mean like a perv?

Yeah, I mean like, yeah, the Daily Mail will use the phrase sex pest quite a lot for someone who's done something terrible. She's just a shagger. Just a bit of a, yeah, bit of puts it about a bit. That's fair enough. Good for you. Don't be saying she's a sex pest and we're like,

oh, what's she like? Like, we, like, we get it. We know what you mean. You all know what we mean,

but you know, let's be slightly careful. I don't know why. I'm just being a bit cautious today. I don't think she's a, a predator. Right, yeah.

I think she's just, a slag. There we go. You can say it. Yeah, I can call her a slag. Once you say it, I can then say it. All right, okay. Good slag though. Yeah. You know, consent and slag. There we go. You can say it. Yeah, I can call that a slag. Once you say it, I can then say it.

All right, okay. Good slag though. Yeah. You know, consent and slag. It's all a bit of fun, isn't it? It's all the same. Listen. Takes one to know one, Chris.

There we go. It began by us meeting up and lunch. It began by us meeting up for lunch, myself, two friends and the sex pest. Let's call her Lucy. let's all right yeah let's

stop saying sex okay lucy the slag great lucy was super excited lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy was super excited and was telling us about the boy she's meeting regularly for her dick appointments and that they had a meeting on Wednesday night. You'd love Siri to shout that out from your calendar in the middle of a shopping centre or a meeting, wouldn't you? Oh, yeah. You have a dick appointment at 11.30. Oh, shit! I'd run a mile, personally.

Yeah? From a dick appointment. Scheduled dick. Scheduled dick appointment. Why, hi, dick appointment. No, thank you. Do you think it's. Yeah, from a dick appointment. Scheduled dick. Scheduled dick appointment. Why, aye, dick appointment. No, thank you. Do you think it's actual full-on scheduled dick appointment? So it's just when she's meeting up with them.

When she's meeting up with them. Yeah, but it's just a dick appointment. Nothing else. Just for sex, then gone. I'm guessing it is. I think it's friends with benefits and all that shit. I think it is. So they're going to be meeting on Wednesday night.

Her dick appointment buddy had organised for a second guy to join them. Oh, for fuck's sake. Yep, a typical Wednesday night threesome saga. Happy days. Wednesdays, man. What's going on? It's on Wednesdays.

If you're new to the podcast. Whatever gets you through the week. Yeah. If you're new to the podcast, one of our first episodes was a dilemma of a lady who was having a threesome. Foursome.

Foursome, sorry. On a Wednesday. And it was on a Wednesday. As Richard Osman pointed out on the Graham Norton show, probably because parking is a bit easier on a Wednesday as Richard Osman pointed out on the Graham Norton show probably because parking's a bit easier on a Wednesday

that is true yeah that's very funny man that's what he pointed out he delivered it a lot better than I just did but there we go I don't think they kept that

in the show did they not I don't know but it was very funny on the Tuesday she was relaxing at home and her mum came to her bedroom

and gave her a birthday card for her grandma to sign as it was coming up to her birthday. What day is she relaxing sorry? This is the Tuesday. Alright the day before the threesome she's relaxing. She's at home in her room

and her mum's come up and went it's your nana's birthday What a juxtaposition of days. Like Tuesday afternoon fill out a card for me nana. Wednesday afternoon double dick! God two's up. Went with me mates for a drink on monday signed a card for me nana on tuesday i was spit roasted on wednesday and on thursday and friday and saturday chilled on sunday oh what a week what a week okay so she's come and give her

a card for her nana Lucy put it on her desk and pretty quickly her mind turned to something else not being able to

contain her excitement for the Wednesday night booking she began masturbating with her toy box she's got a toy box

but that hurt with a toy box it was a lego box oh the chop suitcase. But that hurt. With a toy box. It was a Lego box. Oh, the chop. Oh, out.

Lucy then proceeded to inform us she got that excited she couldn't help but explode. Yep, she literally squirted everywhere. Shut up.

Drenching her bed, floor, desk, laptop and indeed her grandma's clothes. Oh,

Bon Anniversary. That's fucking disgusting. That's fucking disgusting. Oh, God. Bon Anniversary. There you go, Nana. Happy birthday. Sorry, what?

That, yeah, squirted on it. Sorry, just buzzing for the double dick and I was getting the day after. Yeah, it was lovely, by the way. There you go. Anyway. Oh, God. Done some cake. This is a TikTok video, I i think fucking horrible this why is it when you say bon anniversary do i want to go

this is why my this is why i think i've got problems you go bon anniversary and i was saying put on a red light that's roxanne what's wrong with this with us I don't know oh happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday In sheer panic, she began using her hair dryer to dry said card. Get it all crusty. Not long after, signed this crumbled mess and put it back downstairs for everyone else to sign.

Going to buy a new card. Everyone else to sign. Going to buy a new card. I'll tell you exactly what you do. You tidy up. You go downstairs. Make yourself a cup of coffee. You take the coffee back upstairs.

You pour it on the card. Oh, ma'am, I'm really sorry. I spilled coffee on the card. I'm going to pop to the shop now and get another one. Why does it smell like fish you slag where's she gone she's gone again new card

spilled coffee on it she reckoned squirting again did she she did aye same as that pumpkin for Halloween and the Christmas tree she does it all the time

remember pancake day man squirted in the bloody mixter didn't she man they're the worst pancakes I've ever had yeah we should kick her out we should kick her out now We should kick her out.

No, she's getting double-dicked tomorrow. I'll be everywhere. Empty in the tank for tomorrow. Having a clear out for tomorrow. Cleaning the pipes. Eee, what do you like? Horrible, that. Absolutely horrible. On your Nana's birthday card. oh my god oh my god what you like horrible absolutely

I'm your Nana's birthday car now there is a sort of certain he has an interesting question

yeah yeah no finishing in a second but he has an interesting question so men get this and like I think I think I've seen

is it Russell Brand I think I saw Russell Brand do stand up about it ages ago and a few stand ups have touched on it but it's like weirdly especially when you're Brand do stand up about it ages ago and a few stand ups have touched on it but it's like

weirdly especially when you're younger like after as a man after you have a wank you feel a little bit of shame alright okay it's always just like

I can't remember was it someone else I haven't made this up myself but it's always just like oh what would my mom think like terrible right it is pretty awful

but I can't imagine the shame coupled with jizzing all over your nana's birthday card. Like, talk about shame squared. What would my nana think? And I ruined her birthday!

It's horrible. It's really horrible. So she took it downstairs for the entire family to sign. A hot pot from the hairdryer. Hot from the hairdryer, right. She's put it downstairs. The next day after her dick appointment,

she's still standing, and telling us all about the night's antics, she went on to tell us her mum questioned her about this card, asking why it was damp. Lucy told her mum she had simply spilt water over it and tried to dry it. Nothing more was said and done, and this poor grandma received a cum stained

and dried birthday card with lots of love from her granddaughter we share a lot of more lots of love more love than you would ever

receive in a card from Lucy all the love we share liquid love oh god Jesus come on we share a hell of a lot

with each other but I couldn't help but be mortified at this whilst our other friends found it hilarious. Wow. There's a question here. Yeah. Question for you both is,

have you ever tried to cover up anything so disgusting slash mortifying? And if so, what? Well, I doubt we're going to share it on here. Oh, yeah, I'm not going to share it. I think I remember as a kid, I remember having a, I think I had a little bit of jizz on my bedsheets once

when I was younger. And I remember going downstairs to get a drink of juice to take upstairs. And then I realised that if I just licked my finger and rubbed it, it came off.

So, not as funny as that. So, you ate your own gum? No, because I, I didn't lick, wipe, lick, wipe, lick, wipe, lick. I bet you didn't. I licked and wiped and that was that. No, don't,

don't bullshit a bullshitter. I love you. I've never tasted it. No, I swear to God, I've never tasted it. You've never, have you not? No, never, never, never. I don't know why you would. Not your own. swear to god I've never tasted it have you not no never never never I don't know why you would

not your own like what are you doing why would you not well Bear Grylls has never done it when he's stranded somewhere so I just thought it mustn't be that good

for you then although it apparently is protein is it oh dear oh god now you'll eat it no I will now

gains babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hi Rosie and Chris after listening to the story about the couple who play fanny or thigh before bed

I thought I'd tell you do you remember that was a while ago what was that again it was ages ago because when we when I went away we did like a compilation

of some of the questions right and it was from ages ago and he has to they have to guess whether it's a fanny or a thigh right yeah yeah yeah

we've had a lot of other emails of people actually where people play ball sack or like something at a thigh. Yeah, if all you fuckers not got tellies in your bedroom, like, what the hell's going on? A lot of people don't have

a telly in the bedroom. Get one. Stop putting your balls and fannies on each other before bed unless you're going to have sex. Jesus. Quick game of fanny or thigh

or are you going to sleep? Oh, I can't be bothered at night. I'm going to sleep. Hey, what are you doing? Oh, Fanny, all right. Bye. Night, night. Too busy on you, Matt. I thought I'd tell you about the game

my husband and I sometimes play when we can't sleep. Okay. It all started when for some reason we remembered a safe sex slogan that was used a few years ago. Okay. It was, don't be a fool, wrap up your tool. Brilliant.

And we couldn't resist coming up with some of our own. Right. Here are a few of our faves. Okay. Don't be a cock, wrap up before you dock. It's all about putting a condom on. Yeah, but you said cock on the first bit. Right, fair enough.

Why, what's wrong with that? Don't be a cock, wrap up before you die right but the no the the structure is the tool cock you can't have cock at the beginning because that's another word for your tool so they've completely fucked the structure of the thing on the first one why because it just have i don't think i suppose fool and cock okay fair enough come on then it doesn't have to be like fool right Right, okay. Come on then. Don't be a clown. Do you think it has to rhyme fool? No.

Come on. Just do some more. If you don't want a lodger, cover that todger. There we are. That's it. Excellent. So todger's at the end.

Yeah? Yeah. Don't be a prick. Sheath up that dick. Brilliant. Yeah? If you can't do the time, contain that slime.

That's the best one! That's absolutely... I'm going to say the started week, but that is absolutely wonderful. This one's quite good. Before you stubber, put on a rubber. Stubber. Oh, is that a word for shagging?

I've never heard that. It's horrible. Stub's a stubber. It makes us think of a tiny little thumb dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stub, so we fancy as in stub her. It makes us think of a tiny little thumb dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stub, so we fancy a stub in tonight. Oh, God. Don't catch his load, make him

cover that chode. That fucking disgust. This one's quite tame. Don't slap and tickle with an unprotected pickle. Okay, yeah. That was very Mr. Tumble that last one. We could probably use that with Robin. Oh, pickle. Okay, yeah. That was very Mr. Tumble, that last one. We could probably use that with Robin.

Oh, God. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Awful. Anyway, they're very good. Thank you very much. All right, come on then. You have to come up with one now. Oh, no.

Come on. You've got one. Yeah. Come on then. Don't make what you can't afford. Cover that pork sword. Because kids are expensive. That's fantastic. Is that actually going good? Don't make what you can't afford. Cover that pork sword. Because kids are expensive. That's fantastic.

Is that actually going good? Don't make what you can't afford. Cover that pork sword. Get it. Thank you. That's really, really good. Have you got one? I don't, you know.

I've been trying to think of one. Come on, wordsmith. I know I'm supposed to be a wordsmith. A bit longer this one. Babies puke, cry and scream. So make sure you don't blaster full of that cream. Awful. That's sad.

Why is it sad? Because it's just, I think sex is really lush, right? The actual ending of it and the ejaculation part. It's horrible horrible isn't it yeah it's really horrible I've got another one for you got another one for you

getting up at 5 o'clock on a Saturday to watch Coco Melons the pits so just spray it on our tits yeah there you go that's the one

that's the one yeah yeah yeah yep yep yep yep babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo speaking of wanking I mean that that segway could be dropped into almost yep yep yep babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo

speaking of wanking I mean that that segway could be dropped into almost any part of any episode of this podcast babadoo babadoo babadoo speaking of wanking

I always like I never think we're going to be that dirty but we are I promise you right in a playful way though we're not like graphically vile

but I feel like people who listen to this podcast may think that we are like this all the time and I assure you, right? In a playful way, though. We're not, like, graphically vile. But I feel like people who listen to this podcast may think that we are like this all the time, and I assure you, we're not. We don't talk like this in real life, do we? Not really, no. We don't? No.

But this is a performance. No. It's not even that it's a performance. This is us just sat here chatting and being rude for this hour. It's lush. We don't talk like this in real life. No.

Well, depends on the mood, doesn't it? Well, true, yeah. How are we then? Hey, Ramses. Hope you're all well and groovy. Yes. Yeah. I recently found out how my boyfriend of over a year

masturbates when he's home alone, and honestly, it's baffled me. Why is he told of this? I don't know. Why is he told of this? He told me he likes to sit or lie down and watch porn while he's getting going. Perfectly normal.

But then when he's nearly ready to blow his load he'll pause go into the nearest bathroom and position himself over the toilet so he can resume and squirt directly into the bowl. He says it's the best way to do it to save mess and that usually by the time he finishes he's done feeling He says it's the best way to do it, to save mess, and that usually by the time

he finishes, he's done feeling sexy and it's just a case of getting it all out. Now, It's like he's putting a shift in at work. Oh, I've got to get this all with, right, to the toilet. Now, he's a very logical person and usually

deals with the practicalities of all our plans and bookings, we're cool. Now, he's a very logical person and usually deals with the practicalities of all our plans and bookings, etc. Which is great. But the fact that he even ejaculates efficiently is just ridiculous to me. What do you think?

Is this an ick, a beef, or just a strange quirk? Phew, I feel better now I've shared this. Please keep me anonymous, etc, etc. Much love.

One, why has he told her? Two, why does she want to know? It's got nothing to do with her. I don't know what you do and you never will no it's a private thing unless you wake up listen

if you if you look at me while I'm sleeping in a wang that's quite oh no no I'm not looking at you oh sorry

I'm joking I'm joking I'm sorry yeah why's he told her that is he fucking mad is he stupid I think you've got to

have some private things in your life don't you yeah I can't tell you what he's not wasting toilet paper or anything like that he's good for the

environment he's doing it the most efficient way possible yeah like I suppose when you're done you're done

he's got a point yeah he might as well you know the pause in it though like so he the only

the thing that he visually finishes himself off to every time is a toilet bowl it is a bit grim isn't it does he not walk into like a public toilet

and see a toilet open and be like oh you dirty slut well I don't know or shame or feel some sort of shame or feel some shame yeah it is a bit strange

but surely that's the best bit surely he'd want to be enjoy that bit I reckon it's a man who's been caught in the past or nearly caught so he probably just literally can run to the toilet and go and that's the best bit. Surely you'd want to enjoy that bit. I reckon it's a man who's been caught in the past or nearly caught. So he probably just literally can run to the toilet and go, and that's that.

Would you ever do it? Where? In the toilet. I'd do whatever me. Point this in something, I'll plaster it for you. Oh, God. Sorry. Sorry.

I'm saying terrible things today. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. Don't ask us scary questions if you're afraid of the answers of whatever he says on Pulp Fiction. If my answers scare you, Vincent, you should cease to ask scary questions.

I think that's the quote. It's weird how he caught everything. Okay. Hello, Chris and Rosie. I was listening to episode 221 and someone has written in about seeing someone standing in a queue with a drink in front of them,

letting them in front, and once they paid, drank a bottle of cat milk. Do you remember? I do remember cat milk, Guzzler, yes. The Preston cat milk guy. I do remember this. Well, I wanted to offer some insight into this.

Our friend, let's call him Dan. Dan. We were a group of five friends who used to go out together on nights out, chill out at the park, etc. Dan was basically Jay from Inbetweeners. Yeah. The Jay from Inbetweeners.

Lad, lad, lad. He would talk about these exaggerated situations he'd been in or all the girls he would pull on a night out. Anything you had done, he'd done it and more. A real one-upper. Yeah, yeah. 11 Arif.

Yeah. Well, one day we decided to call him out on his bullshit. On the night out, he was eyeing up a girl and told us he would bet that she'd end up in his bed. So we gave him a forfeit. If he didn't pull her, he'd have to do a forfeit of something that we would decide the day after. Okay, this is juicy.

This feels like an episode of In Between Us. This is great. He literally tried everything and the girl was just not interested. So next day we asked him about his failure and he just said he was he was off his game but that wasn't going to stop us okay your forfeit is head to that shop buy a bottle of cat milk and when you've paid you have to down the lot and just walk out like it was normal. To give him credit, he did exactly that. Right.

But when he got out of the shop, he walked straight over to the bin and vombed it all up as we were laughing and filming it all. Wow. It was great to hear this story on the podcast, knowing that actually we were involved in this. Fuck off, this is the same people. Apparently so, especially because ever since then, we've been calling him Whiskers. Apparently so, especially because ever since then we've been calling him Whiskers.

And introducing him as that to anyone we meet. But I think we now prefer the cat milk pervert from Preston. The chances of that being another person in Preston who just drinks cat milk, that's incredible. I know. That could be the same person that's fucking beautiful apparently so he said thanks so much and we'll see you in Manchester

we'll try and bring whiskers with us too we're bringing people together what a beautiful sliding doors moment do you think this is actually true could be could be

so if you're just listening now what happened was there was a girl who was in the queue like Biggin M or something I can't remember her name and the guy in front of her No the guy behind her

had just a bottle of catnip so she let him in front bought it then necked it and walked out. Fucking hell. She sent that in saying they're now

and now their mates are saying that that's him. That's amazing. That's amazing. I love a mad nickname as well. Do you know my we all went out when we made Sean's birthday

the other day and we were talking about what time we were going to meet and he finished work I think he finished work at three but he said he couldn't meet until five because it was his birthday

and he said I can't meet until five because I've got to go home and open all my cards so we all call him Clinton now oh right very good and then the best bit was

how many calls did he get? well the best bit was I got a text off him at four o'clock going actually I can meet earlier now and I was like oh someone didn't get as many cards, the best bit was, I got a text off him at four o'clock going, actually, I can meet earlier now. And I was like, oh, someone didn't get as many cards

as he thought he was going to get. I've got to open these cards. Yeah, we've all changed his name on our phone to Clinton. It's great. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Dear Rosie and Chris, I'm just listening to episode 221

with a girl who wrote in and asked you two to settle the argument about a husband having sunstroke and still you two to settle the argument about a husband having sunstroke and still being able to have a wank. We're very wank heavy this week

and I'm so sorry about that but hey, listen, we all do it. Weirdly, this is totally a thing. My group of friends, in brackets,

my friends and their husbands, often use this as a measure of how ill someone actually is. Wow. It started when one of the lads

was on the phone to my husband telling him how ill he was and came out with the line, I'm so ill, I couldn't even have a wank. Since then, if the lads are talking about being ill,

the general response is, but could you have a wank? I love it. The answer is yes. I absolutely love it. It's usually followed up with something along the lines of, oh mate,

do you need someone, do you need anything popping around? Wow. This is an indicator of being seriously ill if the answer is yes little sympathy is usually given for us girls the w stands for wine right i'm feeling rotten oh no but could you have a wine no oh god love do you want to have the kids for a bit you get the gist it's affectionately known amongst the girls as the w test maybe other groups of friends have a similar method of determining how ill their friends are or maybe we're just a bit weird no i get that i've never thought of that before that's such a yeah i'm really ill mate could you have a

wank though uh probably i see you're all right then so you're all right but it's the same with drink yeah so if you're really poorly could you i couldn't even if I came out I wouldn't drink or get yourself to bed wow I love that the W test I love that a lot love it thank you so much

for listening to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed which is part of the Acast creator network brilliant yes thank you very much indeed

we'll be back in your ears next week but before that uh my episode of who do you think you are is on on the 20th of july if anyone fancies watching that that'll be on on bbc if you want to see that see what you want to see rave being a dick rave the editors around rave being a dick very well but he hated the full experience yes and the literally last handfuls of tickets for venues for our arena tour in the autumn are available now there's i've looked on the

seating maps it's almost completely sold out is it? yeah it's going to be awesome so we've got a couple of meetings about that

coming up so that's why that popped in the front of your brain and guess what I'll have the coil by then I'm going to be a dream well there we go

there we go or something will happen with the coil in which case you're just on a sort of medium level of almost period for the entire month

yeah which will be awful sorry everyone yeah and can you get through the airport security with a coil in which case you're just on a sort of medium level of almost period for the entire month yeah which would be awful sorry everyone yeah and can you get through the airport security with the coil yeah

or does it beep like metal no I don't think so is it metal I don't know is it a coil Chris is it a metal coil I thought it was

the bloody vaccine thing oh yeah you thought it was Moderna oh my god I'm asking the wrong fucking person apparently sometimes you can feel it

when you're having sex well shouldn't have told you that yo you shouldn't have told me that. No, I might as well stick my dick in a big rock from Flash Gordon. Right. Do you get that reference?

I don't know what that is. Great. Someone did. Enjoy it. Same with the glasses. If you've got... Sorry? Sorry?

Who's Flash Gordon? Who's Flash... Right, okay. We've got some Google... With the big glasses? No. The black glasses? No.

Who's he? Joe 90? What? What the fuck is going on? I don't know what you're talking about. Go and have a lie down. We'll be back in the years next week. Bye. Bye. Fucking Joe 90. Who's Flash 90? Who's he? Joe 90. What the fuck is going on? I don't know what you're talking about. Go and have a lie down. We'll be back in years next week. Bye.

Fucking Joe 90. Who's Flash 90? Who's Flash 90? I fucking hate you, Flash 90. behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

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