Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 230. Daytime MILF Event

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

On the podcast this week, Chris went too hard climbing a mountain and Rosie remembers the best Christmas present she ever received. Chris has a beef about Rosie's cooking habits - and the QFTPs teach us all about 'reclaiming'. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway,

the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shagmarian Annoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, who feels a whole lot better than my husband, Christopher Ramsey.

Don't know what it is. Yeah, you're bracking up. I've hit the wall. You've done a flipping, you went too hard in the gym. Well, go hard or go home, innit? Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, exactly. Don't think so.

We did watch your documentary. Listen, I, yes, I don't know what it is. I feel slightly empty and I've been, I feel a bit tired. I've just been having to do that thing where, I don't know if you've ever driven long distances and felt a been I feel a bit tired I've just been having to do that thing where I don't know if you've ever driven long distances and felt a bit tired and you've just had to

basically open the window and shout I've sort of been doing that I've suggested a way to fix this because we've been sitting for a while trying to record this week

sometimes it happens I'm not opening a bottle of wine come on no I'm not the kids are out with my mum and dad Chris I'm not they can be dropped off

let's just open I've got my gym gear. I'm going in the gym. Look, you can drink wine in gym gear. There's no attire. There's no formal dress code. I'm not having a bottle of wine. Come on.

No. Just half a bottle of wine. I'll have the other half. What time is it? It is 25 past two in the afternoon. No, I'm not. I don't want any. No.

Oh, that is rubbish. Sorry. Everyone listening now is willing you to have a bottle of wine here. No I'm not I don't want any Oh that is Rubbish Sorry Everyone listening now Is willing you To have a bottle of wine here I'm not having a drink Don't Chris Don't

Tell them what episode it is What episode is it 230 Say it It's episode 230 Take out the hundred 230 Right

And it's nearly 230 In the afternoon as well What's the joke that goes with that It's a racist joke. Congratulations. Eh? This is the day we've been waiting for. Guys, get in here and cancel this fucker.

Get in here and cancel this fucker. Unbelievable. Eh? I'm so sorry. God, you're so stupid. So stupid. I'm sorry. You should open a bottle of wine, shouldn't you?

See what's happened? See what's happened? If you'd said yes, I'd have paused, I'd have ran out, I'd have got a bottle of wine and I'd have brought it back up. In my defense. Yeah? I didn't know the... I didn't really know the joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry. Real piece of shit, you. Do you know that? Real piece of shit. Oh, that's woke me up, that. That's good. Oh, my God.

That's woke me right up, that has. Guys, I'm really sorry. You didn't know woke me up, that. That's good. Oh, my God. That's woke me right up, that. Guys, I'm really sorry. You didn't know. You didn't know. I forgot. Listen, it is episode 230. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for joining us on this. For us, it's a Tuesday afternoon. Yeah, it's a Tuesday. It's a Monday. Oh, for us, it's a Monday afternoon. Summer holidays. Summer holidays. But it's obviously a Friday or after, if you're listening to this.

So thank you so much. It's episode 230. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Out of date food in the fridge standoff. Oh, for God's sake. Oh, you and your partner.

Who put that there? Oh, don't know. Was it me? Oh, it was definitely you. Was it me? Oh, look, it's growing fucking legs and trying to walk away. Oh, you threw it away then. I didn't put that there oh don't know was it me it was definitely you wasn't me oh look it's growing fucking legs and trying to walk away oh you throw it away then i didn't put it there i didn't fucking put it right okay oh right he's clearly talking about me isn't he i think this is aimed at me right he's not looking at his fridge with anyone else right well i don't fucking know

yeah so what i've got to buy it yeah i've got to cook it and i've got to throw the fucker away uh no you only have to do you only have to do two can you please you only have to do two of the last things that you said one of the last two things that you said two of those three you have to do you can't cook it and throw it away what you've done is

you have put some kind of tupperware in the fridge and it is about two inches full of some red liquid it's pizza sauce right and there's about six inches at the top

and now there are basically flowers of mould on the side of it. And you're just refusing to move it. And yesterday I said, what the fuck is that in there? And you went, well, why don't you throw it out? And I said, because it makes us want to die. Maybe I'm doing an experiment with the bin. I guarantee you're not doing an experiment.

I guarantee you're not. Can you put money on that? It's honestly something, some kind of world. The next pandemic's going to start in that back fridge because you are taking the fucking piss. Why is it in there? I forgot about it.

Right. And why, and when I reminded you of it, why didn't you throw it away? Because, because I can't be arsed. Brilliant. There it is.

There it is. That's all I wanted. Can't be arsed. Can't be arsed. Well, what does that make you feel better? Does it, you know I can't be arsed.

Well, I'm just hoping it'll go. I'm hoping it'll go. I'm hoping it'll go. I'm hoping my man might come round and go, that's disgusting. Slag us off and throw it away. I don't want to do it. No, God.

I don't want to touch it. I'm not taking it. I'm not. I don't want to open it up. It's horrible. But I want that Tupperware back as well. But this is why I keep saying, right, you know, this is my thing, right?

Do you know how you can go to Costco and other places like that and you buy massive, you buy loads of meat, you buy loads of... Why can't you buy little things? Did you go Welsh there? You can buy loads of meat you buy loads of why can't you buy little things did you go Welsh there you can buy loads of meat

massive amounts massive no why can't you just buy little things why is everything I've always had to put up my way of stuff and I don't use it again

sorry that pizza fucking sauce you're talking about comes in a tin the size of a tin of beans exactly it's massive it didn't come in a fucking gallon jug you don't need that

or what am I going to feed my kids homemade pizzas every day for a week. You only need a tiny amount. What's it in such a big tin for? Right, so you think it should be in some kind of tube? I think it's in a smaller thing. All right, okay, okay, okay.

You know? All right, maybe I'll just... Tins are a smaller tin. Why is everything fucking massive? All right, I do understand. I love that they do smaller tins of beans. Yeah, that is pretty good. That is so good.

Because you know when you're like... I've been in sausages, they do little ones. Yeah, you're like, oh, well, that'll just do for me or whatever. Yeah. Instead of having to put, oh, we always have to tub our hair stuff.

And then you do forget about it because your life goes on. And I found out from you that you can't put tins in the fridge. No, you can't. When did that happen? About 25 years ago.

Well, why are they doing that? What's the fucking point then? You've never been able to put tins in the fridge. The metal. Something to do with the metal. Something to do with the metal. Something to do with the metal. It reacts with the food badly if it's in the fridge.

Honestly, that is something. What's the fucking point, man? All me Tupperware's mixed up. Yeah, yeah, I've got, yeah. But then I can never throw it away because then I feel bad about it. Our Tupperware situation is disgusting. It's shocking.

It's either a dusty one that we haven't used for years or it's tomato stained. Yeah. I know that there's a word. There's a word for that. Yeah, ooh. It's shocking. It's either a dusty one that we haven't used for years or it's tomato stained. Yeah. I know that there's a word. There's a word for that. Yeah. Oh, there's a word for that red stuff that stains the Tupperware. Oh, what?

It was on me crossword the other day. No. Yeah, but I forgot it. Oh, that's annoying. It was the thing in tomatoes, sauces, that makes stains things. No way. On the game, I had to go reveal word because i didn't know the word oh i wish you knew it that's annoying can you google it nah i refuse oh no

please i want to know that nah nah because you'll forget it but i'll tell you what i'll tell you what um if you quickly run downstairs and empty that tupperware out the fridge i'll tell you the word they'll be on there i'll bring them back there you go i'm gonna call it bolognese screm bolognese screm one Bolognese Screm. One word. It definitely wasn't that. It definitely wasn't that. I don't think that would fit

on my crossword. But it definitely wasn't that. But fair enough. Right. I like that. Screm's a good word. Screm's an awful word. I think if we had another baby,

it would be up there. Screm. Screm Ramsey. Screm Ramsey. Why not, eh? Scremular on a Sunday some mad names knocking about

at the minute like go on then go on offend someone no I'm not go on mention a name offend someone

but you just have to go oh yeah so it was fun when you're out with me mum because she can't hold it in no she can but she just

he has a name you're the same you'll hear a kid's name and you'll just repeat it and you'll go yeah keep it to yourself yeah but like the names that go out are really it's always fascinating to me when i meet like an old bloke and i think so you were a baby like you were a baby called barry that what there's right okay well we're from the northeast how many of them shiras and keegan's so you were a baby like you were a baby called Barry it's mad isn't it right okay well we're from the

North East how many of them Shearers and Keegans are going to be grown men now oh yeah yeah loads of them yeah they'll have

mortgages now just if you didn't realise in the North East when we went to school younger than us I think

a little bit I remember being in primary and kids coming up through nursery were called Shearer and Keegan and at the time

I was like alright okay Alan Shearer what's he called Kevin Keegan. Yeah, yeah. And at the time I was like, all right, okay, Alan Shearer, you know, like, what was he called? Kevin Keegan. Kevin Keegan. They're blokes now. I think I was about in between sort of five and seven years old when Keegan was manager in Newcastle

and they came second in the Premier League, I think. They went like the playoff. They were like one of the best teams in the Premier League at the time back then. And yeah, loads of people. Dogs were called Keegan. A shitload of dogs. You always heard someone in the park shouting Keegan. And yeah, some people, dogs were called Keegan. A shit load of dogs. You always heard someone

in the park shouting Keegan. And yeah, some children at school were called Keegan. So yeah, there'll be loads of Keegans with mortgages now. Let me know if you're Keegan

or you're Shearer. Yeah. That's cool. Are you a Keegan? Hey, welcome to our new Saturday Night Game show, Keegan or Shearer. What's the tune?

It's the only one I ever use. It's the blind date tune. Or Britney's. There'll be a lot of Britney's. Britney's. Hey, Britney. Yeah, but again, it's just, I can't imagine like a lot of Britney's Britney's yeah but again it's just I can't

imagine like baby like a baby called Jeff yeah not so much anymore there won't be Gary went out didn't he

Gary died Gary died quite quick yeah yeah that one's gone no one's calling each other Gary anymore as the world turns there we go

should we play a jingle let's do it I'm not gonna have a word with myself why just fucking oh come on oh it I'm not going to have a word with myself why just fucking knackers oh come on

oh man I'm on me good week I'm on me bloody good week oh look at this you pick and choose when it's going to be your fucking good week don't you

you pick and choose I'm having some good weeks some we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle so this about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle.

So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed. Whatever you're up to, we hope you're okay. And thanks for coming back. Yes.

And joining us here. Worked out why I'm so knackered. Why? Climbed a mountain the weekend, didn't I? Yeah, you did. Climbed Hell Velen in the Lake District. Me, me mate, Robin, and me mate's daughter. Yeah, tell them how much Robin enjoyed himself.

Zero. What? He enjoyed himself zero. It's too much. I told me mum and she was like, that's too much I told my mum and she was like that's too much for the bin

why did you do that it was my mates idea he was like yeah outdoorsy we'll do this we'll go paddle boarding pissed down my brain so we didn't do paddle boarding

we'll take them up the mountain and I was I was five minutes into walking up this massive hill and I remember thinking I have slagged my mum and dad off on this podcast

I've slagged my mum and dad off for making us walk around the old town on holiday and I took that poor kid up a mountain and he was fucking beside himself. He was really... Do you know what I had to tell? Me and my mate had to tell his daughter and Robin.

We had to tell them that at the top there was a golden iPad. No, you didn't. Yeah. When at the top there's a golden iPad. It's gold. What happened when you got to the top? Well, me and Robin stopped just before the's gold what happened when you got the top well we me and robin stopped

just before the top you sort of get to the top and then you go sort of almost down a bit and then up the next bit and we told robin like well like look this is the top and you get and you see the next top and he was just like no and i went i can't take him any further so me and him went down but um did they keep going yeah they kept going me mate and his daughter kept going they went all the way to the top top uh yeah but's impressive. Yeah, but it was, obviously there was no golden iPad. It was just, I was going to get, I think, I thought there was a plaque there,

but apparently there's not even a plaque. There's just a little stone. But people, when we were walking down, people walking up already, like five minutes up, looked like they were going to die. And I wanted to go, you shouldn't do this.

Because you, like, I'm talking like backpack on two sticks like and we're like me and Robin ran down like really like jumping over stones and it was quite fun running down

but then I was like hello and they're like and I'm like oh you this why are you doing this why are you doing this yeah

it was a it was rough like it was rough not a fun not a fun afternoon for a child no don't know why we did it don't know why we did it do you know what it is I'm quite surprised you got them that far character building I suppose I told them I was like look sometimes It was rough. Not a fun afternoon for a child. No, absolutely not.

Do you know what it is? I'm quite surprised you got him that far. Character building, I suppose. I told him, I was like, look, sometimes stuff's hard and you've just got to sort of soldier on. Well done. But you'll not be doing it in a hurry.

And you'll not be doing it again in a hurry. And what I can do is I can use it as a threat in the future. Right, I'll drive you all the way if you don't do that. Behave yourself or we're going up that mountain tomorrow. Going back the lake. Oh, sorry! It was lovely that you took me away for a weekend

that was nice yeah really enjoying this separate parenting thing divide and conquer divide and conquer it's nice I had little

I had Rafey we had a lovely little time it's nice isn't it I tell people that all the time we just take a kid each and then we meet at like tea time it's lovely

Rafey is on the potty at the minute oh I mean he's squeezing them pisses out like something have you seen the size of them he's definitely a Ramsey because the first time he goes on the potty at the minute oh i mean he's squeezing them pisses out like something have you seen the size of them he's definitely a ramsey because the first time he goes on the potty and has a wee

and we're like yeah he's like okay okay getting rounds of applause here or enjoying this ripping this gig honestly he's gonna do himself a mischief he's gonna turn himself inside out he is forcing like droplets of piss out I feel a bit bad because I don't think he's ready yet so I did it too soon with Robin

and he was shit and like I did a week and he just didn't get it so I had to wait he was shit and there was shit exactly I had to wait another

sort of like three or four months I don't think Rafe's ready so annoyingly we've got it hanging round and he likes to go on it so I'm doing it a different way

because I've read that you shouldn't really if you're going to do it you should start it rather than just the pissing about but I was like I can't be go on it so I'm doing it a different way because I've read that you shouldn't really, if you're going to do it, you should start it rather than just the pissing about but I was like, I can't be arsed yet so I'm not doing it yet.

I'm going to do it at the end of the summer holidays. Right, so we shouldn't be doing it then? No, you can't. I don't care. I don't care.

What the hell's going on? Because I just, I'm the second time around and I'm not as precious. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah. You keep mentioning as well

there's a vicious room where his naps are going to stop soon. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. You lose a big chunk of your day then. I get a lot of chilling done in that. In nap time. Nap time's my time.

I'm normally walking, which I find annoying because I'm like, oh, I just fell asleep and now I'm out for this walk. Right, okay. Wasting me sitting on my arse time. Yeah, there is a lot.

You don't get much sitting on your arse time. Don't get much sitting on my arse time. Yeah, there is a lot. You don't get much sitting on your arse time. Don't get much sitting on your arse time. Oh, it's just the summer holidays. They're just fucking dragging. They're not. They are, man. They're always here, man. They've got nowhere to go, man.

They've got no jobs. They've got no friends. They're with your mum and dad today. They're with my mum tomorrow. Barely. Right. I think, honestly, touch wood, I think we're halfway through now

and I genuinely think they've been okay. Right. I think they've been quite nice. They haven't been on tablets that much. No, honestly, touch wood, I think we're halfway through now and I genuinely think they've been okay. I think they've been quite nice. They haven't been on tablets that much. No, okay, yeah. Just a couple of paracetamols here and there. Great. Thank you very much. Great work.

No, we've been quite strict with screen time. They've been all right. We've played with them a lot. We've still got work done. I think it's been okay. I do, I do. I think it's been, this is the best. The Vyranconca is working well.

Listen, this has been the best year that we've had yeah so again i think it's um i think it's a hangover from covid as well i think when yeah we were parents when robin's just in the house i'm like oh i get like anxiety pangs of it i'm like oh god but then there'll be a huge chunk of parents who are scarred for life because of lockdown yeah really it was horrible horrible horriblerible, horrible, horrible. Some people have got really fond memories of it. I genuinely

could have left and never come back. Where would you have gone? Heaven. Oh, right. Jesus. Fucking hell. I just mean

I could have gone. You're laughing because you're thinking She's never going to heaven Blasphemy No chance I'm still reeling from an incredible diss That I got the other day And I didn't realise it was a diss Until sort of hours later

From who? We've been getting the kitchen done And the guy who sorted all the kitchen out, a bloke called Alan, very nice guy. Yeah. He said that James, who was the guy who was fitting it,

needed to go in my toolkit and borrow some tools. He was like, so I hope you don't mind he went in your toolkit. I was like, right, okay. He went, yeah, he borrowed a spanner

and he commented on how clean your spanners were. And I went, thank you very much. And then about two hours later, I went, oh, that was a negative thing. Is that because you haven't used them very much? Yeah. Right. Brand new set of spanners, never used them.

I don't understand why you would, just as a homeowner. Yeah. When do you use a spanner much? Why did I buy the spanners again? I can't remember. Did they come with the Ikea one? Everyone's got that sort of starter. Ikea.

Listen, listen. The orange background little kit. Listen, listen. Licking. Linda, Linda. Linda, Linda. Honey, honey. I am the guy who I will open the kit

and the fittings that are there, I'll go, you give us them lamps to put up, them wall lamps to put up the other day. Open them. The screws and the wall lamps to put up the other day open them the screws and the and the wall plugs shite mate

cheap stuff got rid of them got me own John Lewis got me own out of me thing didn't I right yeah

so I get what I do is I open the case I open the box of the stuff I get all the bits out I look at the wall plug and the screw and I go

oh fuck look at that man and I go and get almost identical ones from my toolkit. Why? Because it makes us feel better. Good.

Makes us feel like I know what I'm doing. I go, get rid of them. These are my ones. You put them in with your spanner. I go, different colour these. Didn't like them. Guess what? What?

I watched a video online of what happens to a wall plug inside the wall. Right. Nice. Never understood them. What kind of wall plug was it? There were loads of different ones. Right. Nice. Never understood them. What kind of wall plug was it? There were loads of different ones. Right.

So there was a video and there was a bit of plank of wood in the middle and then loads of different ones to show them. It was nice.

To show you how the grip on. And I was like, I never ever watched that properly. Clever. It's good, isn't it? Because they kind of go in and then back on themselves. Yeah, and they open out.

Yeah, nice. You can get ones that open out in cavities and stuff. Nice, nice, nice. How do you think my dad back back in the day, got a 21-inch square, massive brick fucking Phillips telly on me bedroom wall in a new build? Don't know. With wall plugs that open out.

Nice. I mean, it did come down at one point. Come on, how big tellies were? Like, well, they had the big bit on the back. They were cubes. You put one of them on the wall? On a wall bracket. Shut up, no you didn't.

With a fucking, with a VCR recorder above it. It was unbelievable. Jesus. Unbelievable. Screws must have been three foot long. I kind of miss them tellies. Why? I don't know what was in them.

Why were they so big? I don't know what was going on. I don't think there was anything in them. Were we being conned? Were we just being charged more? I don't know. They were bigger. I don't think there was anything in them. Were we being conned? Were we just being charged more? I don't know. They were bigger at the back than they were wide. Yeah, was there wires?

I don't remember. I don't think I've ever seen inside one. They were massive. Do you know what was the best thing I ever had? What? I loved it so much. What? I've heard for Christmas one year,

it was a telly with like a video in it, like the full little thing. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. I just love that so much. What did you watch on it? What's the first video that comes to mind when you think of that telly so the only video that i really remember fully owning that was me own oh god what get the violin out all me videos were hand-me-downs recorded from the telly stolen from Blockbuster

all me videos never had me own video from scratch never had it always had Kate's video written on that, let's cross out Kate and write Rosie oh god

what was the only video you ever had? Home Alone 2 a Christmas film a once a year video Oh, God. Oh, yeah. What was the only video you ever had? Home Alone 2. A Christmas film. I got it. A once a year video. I got it. One year for Christmas.

Rosie. Rosie, stop being naughty. Go upstairs and watch your video. But it's June, Mum. I don't want to watch it. It's a Christmas. Get upstairs and watch your video. I can remember.

It was actually a copy, which is more judging. I can remember the writing on the spine of it. It's a Christmas. Get upstairs and watch it. I can remember. It was actually a copy, which is more tragic. I can remember the writing on the spine of it. Right. I've got to find it. I can't remember. Kevin for Christmas one year. Your auntie and uncle got you a home loan too. A copy for you.

Got you a pirate copy of Home Alone 2 for Christmas. Fucking hell. Oh, I was buzzing with it. I was absolutely buzzing. Do me best ever. I was absolutely buzzing. To my best ever, I know, sorry, we're talking about Christmas in August.

My best ever Christmas present I used to get, and we got it every year, right? Me Nana Margaret, me Granda Ronnie, me dad's mum and dad. You got the same present every year? We used to get,

each of us, right? All three of us, we'd get a shoebox. Stop, stop, one sec stop because this is all i know of all i know of uh ruddy ronnie and margaret is that you used to go to the house and they used to give you like you could stay up till two o'clock you could mars bars at midnight it was the wild west wasn't it yeah yeah yeah you came back and your mom had to brush your teeth because you'd eat that much sugar oh yeah like three for all so it was so each year you got a shoe box from them

like one each one for you one for Kate, one for Kevin, right? Full of chocolate balls. Of course, of course. To the brim. That was your favourite. To the brim. Of course. So a shoe, how big a shoe box?

Are we talking adult shoe box or a child shoe box? I'm thinking adult because I think they're what it is. So they've basically went bloody, that is pure northeast nana crack. That is bloody selection box. See this. It's all packaging. It's all packaging. Look at the size of it.

You only get six in it. Right, that's it. Come on, Ronnie. We're going to Costco. We're going to Costco. No, do you know where they used to get them from? Fucking multi-pack.

The warehouse. The food warehouse. Fantastic. I should have to think how much chocolate you can fit in a shoebox full of them. Oh, Chris,

there was so much. Did they wrap it up? What, the shoebox? Yeah. I can't remember. Of course I fucking didn't. I can't remember. I just remember being like, Kate, Kevin, are yous ready?

A shoebox full of chocolate. Are yous ready for the shoebox tomorrow? The shoebox. Unbelievable, man. That's incredible. I know. That's incredible. It was brilliant. I might do it one year just to see how much you can fit in.

There must have been about 30 bars of chocolate. Probably more. Probably more. Oh, God, it's so good. There was Rolos. There was dairy milk. Yeah. There was Mars bars.

I didn't really like Mars bars, but I still ate them. Of course you did. Chew it so there was a mixture. It wasn't just chocolate. No, no, not just chocolate. Loads of stuff. Also sugar-based chews.

That was great. Yeah. I feel like I'm making it up. You feel like you're making it up? Do you know sometimes when you go, have I made that up? There's only one way to solve this. Shall I ring Kate?

I know she's at work today, but I believe it's a phone call to Kate. Wait, hang on. My bet is it was between yous, but you're misremembering it and you think it was just for you. Maybe I just took it. Probably the only one who wanted it.

Hello? Hello, are you alright yeah yeah good you yeah good just dead quickly we're doing the podcast right do you remember when we used to get

a shoe box full of like chocolate and that from Nana and Granda Margaret and Ronnie yeah yeah did it happen every year

most years yeah yes did you get one each did we get one each yeah we used to have like marbles yes how big were the shoeboxes

is it adult shoebox adult shoebox yeah told you told you full to the brim full to the brim wasn't it yeah

yeah jeez that's great yes that's the nana I want to be Kate oh yeah that's that's what I'm going to do

oh god me too. Oh, God. Yeah, how good... I was just saying that was my favourite present. Of course it was. Mm-hmm. Of course it was. You keep your dream phones

and your pedal pushers. That's what I wanted. Right, Mint? What was your favourite ever Christmas present? Oh, the Barbie dream house. Oh, yeah, the one with the pool. The pool, it was like a Malibu beach house. Was that yours or mine?

No, it was mine. Brilliant. Was it? Yeah. Why do I remember it being mine? Wow, this is good. You probably got it when I was finished. No, didn't you do that thing? So that sounds to me like that was a Kate big present year. Because each year, someone got a main present but you all had to share it yeah yeah so that sounds like it was

a kate big present year and you and kevin had to have dibs on the fucking pool wow yeah do you remember when you got the keyboard oh it's raging oh my god she got a fully blown keyboard and because it was hers obviously if you wanted to turn which was like it is actually my present so what happened did he just get the computer the next year wait oh god no he's just trying to be funny he you got the mouse kevin you got the mouse last year remember you've been feeding the mouse pulling it around by its little cable can't you get the keyboard you get the monitor the year after then you're gonna come spoken like a true only child and isn't he? Did you get a printer for Easter? Remember the keyboard went missing? You what?

The keyboard mysteriously went missing. What do you mean? Did it? I think mum and dad just got so sick of us playing it. No, did it? Yeah, I've done that. It wasn't there anymore. Where's the keyboard?

No. Yeah, no, I feel that. Robin's school keyboard's currently in hiding because I was sick of them putting the demo mode on every morning. Oh my god! I'm ringing ma'am. Fucking hell. Love you. Okay, love you. Bye.

I love the idea of your friends knocking on the door on Christmas afternoon going, are you coming out on my bike? We all got bikes. I got the opposite of a bike. I got a shoebox full of fucking sweets. Best Christmas ever. Hi, Rose. Hello, you all right?

Hi, yeah. Really quickly, did you and Dad get rid of the keyboard that we all got for Christmas? What do you mean? Kate said that it disappeared one year. This is pathetic. Kate said that it disappeared?

It disappeared? This is not. Kate said it was a keyboard. It disappeared? This is quite a popular podcast. We were just talking about Christmas presents and Kate said about the keyboard and then she said it miraculously disappeared one day. Well, we do though. She said. I'll be honest with you,

she sounds really guilty here. Unless it was noisy. There we go. Ask her what she thought of the shoeboxes full of sweets. Oh, ma'am, do you know how we used to get shoeboxes full of sweets off Nana and Granda? What did you used to make of them? Oh, my God, it was awful.

It was loads of shit. It was shocking. Right, okay, question number two. How much did your ma'am... How much did she siphon off for herself? There we go. Did you have to hide? I think that was my favourite present of all time.

Yeah, because you used to take them straight upstairs to your room. I was like, no. What's happening? Oh, God. I'm too doing that. Oh, God. I know. Full shoebox man I'm shook shook okay mom what's your what was your favorite ever Christmas present you've ever had I remember I once got a bottle of perfume um yeah I did It's going to be in my brain. I can still smell it. They say it's called Aquamanda. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. That's a film now with Jason Momoa.

There's two of them. Oh, bless you. That's lush. Why is Aquamanda funny? It shouldn't be funny. Okay. Right. Love you lots. See you. Bye. Aquamanda funny? Shouldn't be funny. Okay, bye. Love you lots.

Bye. Aquamanda. Oh, funny. This summer, Jason Momoa is Aquamanda. I'm the Aquamanda down under Oh bless her Oh god

A shoebox Full of chocolate Can't get my head around it Yeah I can't get my head around it It's brilliant Wow But I can imagine as a parent being rich

I'd be fucking furious I'd be furious This Friday You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year the first omen in theaters friday get tickets now rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca today at SunriseChallenge.ca That's SunriseChallenge.ca It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef with me? What's your beef with her? What's your beef with everybody in this room? Because if you don't fucking tell us, then I'll absolutely do you in.

Good stuff. I like that. I like that a lot. Very good. Got a bit scared there. I love do you in. Very good. Do you in's fantastic. Do you in. Good stuff. I like that. I like that a lot. Thank you. Very good. Got a bit scared there. I love do you in. Very good. Do you in's fantastic. Do you in. What else?

He's going to do you in. He's going to bray you. Bray. He's going to bray you. Him when he sees you. He's going to bray you. I never had a fight in school Wasn't it the worst thing?

Did you never get told someone was going to bray you? It was the worst thing at school to be told that someone was after you or someone was going to bray you. And never ever thing at school to be told that someone was after you or someone was going to bury you. And never ever, touch wood, not like I'm going back to school, never ever had a fight or got started on at school.

Right. I remember being in a nightclub once, and actually here's a story for you. I was in a nightclub and the lad I was with, he was a lot older than me because that used to happen quite a lot, which is awful looking back. Who's that? Who's that? Who's that?

He was... Must have been all that Aquaman that you were wearing. It must have been. It must have been. He was cheating on me and the girl that he was cheating on is with,

like, got me face and, like, shoved us back. The old face shot. And I was, I remember thinking, I didn't really do much at the time

because I was quite young and I remember thinking, I don't think this should be happening because I'm not in the wrong year yet I'm the one whose face is getting shoved. No, no, no. You got in a relationship with that guy that she wanted to be in a relationship with

so get your face out. She was older than me. Get your face out of your relationship so I can get into your relationship. But she was older than me. Get your face out of your relationship so I can get into your relationship. But she was older than me and probably the right age for him. And I remember a couple of weeks ago, I saw her and she smiled at us

and I thought, I don't think you remember that interaction that we had. Okay. But it's ingrained in my memory forever. Look out. Look out. I mean, I would do nothing about it, but it was just,

it stayed with us. Got you. And then one time, got a pint poured over us. Okay. And I sat under the, I would do nothing about it, but it was just, it stayed with us. Got you. And then I one time got a pint poured over us. Okay. And I sat under the, I sat under the head. For someone your size, that must have been a lot, that must have been like an ice bucket challenge. It was awful. I sat under the hand dryer

for about 20 minutes, and I just carried on. Was it your hair? Was it your face? Where did the point? Over my head. Who was it like? I don't know. What did it do for? Was it your hair? Was it your face? Where did the point? My hair. Over my head. Who was it like? I don't know.

Somebody. What did it do for? Was it an accident? Or was it aggravation? No, I think it was an aggravated sort of thing. Oh, right. Might have been the same night. I can't remember.

Did it wash all of your Aquamanda off? Did you have to say to the person in the toilet, do you have Aquamanda? The Aquamanda bit might not have stayed in. Right. So, well done for being a shit comedian. Wow. Wow. I think it'll stay in. Why not? Aquamanda? The Aquamanda bit might not have stayed in. Right. So, well done for being a shit comedian. Wow. Wow.

I think it'll stay in. Why not? Aquamanda. I don't know why we started talking about Christmas in August, but fuck it. Listen. Yes. What's your beef? My beef with you is, last week, we recorded the podcast.

Obviously. Had a lovely old time. We did indeed. It was nice. It was good fun. Yeah. We were disgusting. There was nobody in the house. Excuse me? We... Whoa, It was nice. It was good fun. We were disgusting. There was nobody in the house.

Excuse me? We... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't tell people this. Don't tell people this. We may or may not have gone into our marital bed. No. And...

We never... No, we've done that once. Fisted each other. For Robin. We've done that once. We've had sex once. What about Rafe? You must have kept some.

You must have scooped a bit. Scooped a bit out. Listen. You must have scooped a bit out. This isn't the bad bit. And once what about Rafe? you must have kept some you must have scooped a bit scooped a bit out listen you must have scooped a bit out this isn't the bad bit so we did our two monthly duty

right and I'm not even joking there right Andy bi-monthly it's not even a joke it doesn't happen very regularly it's always lovely when it does happen

but anyway we did lovely lovely's a good review we're finished lovely as a man lovely's a great review pleasant

yeah that was that was that was spot on that listen but anyway we did lovely lovely is a good review we're finished lovely as a man lovely is a great review pleasant yeah that was that was that was spot on that listen we'd be fair we'd finished we'd just finished

we're having a cuddle and enjoying the moment and you said I remember what I said you said always space for a joke as a comedian I wonder if Rob and Josh

do this when they've finished recording the podcast I was really proud of that I actually said I bet Rob and Josh do this when they finish recording the podcast. I was really proud of that. I actually said I bet Rob and Josh don't do that when they finish recording the podcast. Oh god. You look where you set it. It was awful. We're talking about Rob Beckett and Josh Whitaker if you don't know.

They're good mates they might. You never know. Nothing wrong with that. They do it over WeberChat so it would have been a totally different. Look, they're good mates, they might. You never know, nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. They do it over web chat, so it would have been a totally different... Well, you know, if the mood takes, jump in a taxi at the other one's house. Listen, lads, not judging, right?

Good lads, well done. Listen, my beef with you is, and I'm being a very, very brave boy here. Okay. And I'm going to, for the interests of comedy and, you know for the interests of of comedy and you know the people listening i'm gonna have a go at you for the way you make my tea are you fucking kidding me you're actually gonna continue it's a beef it's a beef you know that my biggest bone of contention

is this house is that i am the chef right for everybody you are and i'll tell you this right now you are the loudest chef in the history of the world um you again i've said i've said it again again i'm so lucky that you're amazing you're phenomenal in the kitchen you knock up amazing stuff you made like this rice thing from scratch the night and it was amazing you're brilliant but i i took robin up to bed and then i had to text you the noise i got it the not i have not heard anything like the noise robin was nodding off to sleep and then he sat up and he went and i haven't told you this because i saved it for this he said is mom okay down there were his exact words is mom okay it was i've never heard noise from a kitchen like it it was madness

absolute madness i think listen i don't think i'm normally that loud the pro i had them bo's headphones you do all that so that that's part two of the beef right you've always got headphones on and you can't hear yourself so you're smashing and banging and clattering it's like stomps going on in the kitchen and it's so loud and then i come down and i'm like he's asleep and you're like what why why are you so loud and why do you always have to listen to something starting to get ridiculous now you've got problems you always have to have you've got them headphones on honestly you're standing'd stand in the end of that kitchen island. You'd look like fucking Fatboy Slim in Ibiza. Stand in there with a wok. Just...

Steph rings you. Hiya! What? Yeah? What? It's not that bad. Steph rings you Hiya What Yeah What It's not that bad Fucking The Ben You woke up

The Ben Can literally Piss off Because He's so loud Every day And I wonder where he gets it from And I make his tea every night

I make his tea And then some Because our kids Have a supper Which really pisses me off. Do you know what they eat? Sorry, but our kids can eat

at quarter past six, right? Have a really quick bath and then they'll both want a supper and I'm like, you're going to bed in ten minutes.

They have to have a supper once we're done. He has to have the cereal after he goes, but I haven't had my cereal. Yeah, no, no,

now it's gone from just a cereal, it's now cereal and or toast or a hot cross bun and then a fruit and a yoghurt. Yeah, just a cereal. It's now cereal and or toast or a hot cross bun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a fruit and a yoghurt. Yeah, and a fruit.

Bat little shits, the pair of them. Greedy little shits. I now understand when people say about teenagers, because my Kate all the time. Dreading how much they're going to eat when they're teenagers. Dreading it. So am I. So am I.

Dreading it. We're not going to be able to keep up. There's no food to eat in the house. And I'm going to literally hire a handful of money at them and go get to the shop and buy it yourself. Oh, no, I'm going to be at the keyboard. There's no foodie in the house. And I'm going to literally hire a handful of money at him and go get to the shop and buy it yourself. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm looking forward to doing the whole, you could make loads of meals.

Oh, you're going to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this. Look at this. There's a nut here. There's a nut, a bit of oil. Look at this. There's a cornflake.

Watch me put these together. Look at this. Listen to how much noise I make when I do this. I get lost. Bit of flour. Bit of flour. Yeah. Bit of water. Look at that. Bit flour. Bit flour. Yeah.

Bit water. Look here. Have your Yorkshire pudding, nut, oil roast, almond, cornflake. I'm not being funny. Like, we live a bit differently than how my house was when I grew up. I don't know about you. We weren't a snack household. There was no snacks.

No? Nah. There's this thing on TikTok at the minute that takes a piss about almond mams saying like if your mum was an almond mum like just there was just never like any snacks or chocolate

or crisps in our house at all I don't know if it was a money thing or like a health thing there was just nothing except for Christmas but then I'd go up to my other friend's house

and they'd have like a drawer full of oh yeah we've talked about your jealousy of a child before oh my god so hold on we're that house now we've always got to go back to the shoe box full of oh yeah we've talked about your jealousy of a child before oh my god so hold on we're that house now

we've always got to go back to the shoebox full of chocolate oh yeah how long would that last because that would if I got a shoebox full of chocolate

that would last me well into April if I was a kid oh no I was deprived of it I would gorge on it I still do now you've seen it

yeah it's horrible I had three chocolate mousses the other night you did have three chocolate mousses the other night one after the other you did

you did but I do blame that on the anxiety night. One after the other? You did, you did. But I do blame that on the anxiety of watching The Deepest Breath. Oh yeah, that's true. That was the worst programme ever. Everyone, Rosie made me watch The Deepest Breath on Netflix before bed the other night. Oh shit.

And I had to lie on my acupressure mat for twice as long because I couldn't calm down. So stressful. Incredible documentary. Brilliant. So sad. So interesting. So fucking nuts that. So sad. So interesting.

So fucking nuts that they do that as a sport. I mean, each to their own. Have you on this live been practicing little breaths? No. Oh my God. Before they go into the water, they do like one big breath. They go like,

and then they do. Awful. I can't believe they do it. I wonder how long they hold it in. They come up. I mean, I'm'm alright for doing a sport where there's a massive chance

that at the end of each session I have to be revived yeah they're literally like do a dive and come up oh are you

oh not blacked out right come on revive the fucker I mean what the hell it's horrible

oh if you've never seen it i don't want to spoil an incredible documentary and they are i mean they're they're amazing humans for what they do but i am all right forever trying it in my life ever i can barely i can barely take enough breath to stop me hiccups good god it's yeah it's not it's not good like ageing very ageing I can imagine going that deep with pressure

I think they're all they're very weathered they're basically in the sea non-stop yeah terrifying as well because it goes dead dark horrible

have we ever told the story it's everything about me nightmares the whole thing is me nightmares not being able to breathe not being able to see the bottom it's dark have we told the story about when we were on our honeymoon

I've told loads of people in my life I don't think I've ever told it on here well it's that thing if you don't want to sound geeky flash do you but we got it was our honeymoon

and we got like a yacht for the day I mean you're saying yacht it wasn't yeah everyone think less Jay-Z

Roman Abramovich yacht and think more North Sea Fisherman yacht it was not a yacht no to be fair we were completely ripped off it was like oh this yacht. It was not a yacht. To be fair we were completely ripped off. It was like oh this yacht is this much for the day. No it was like you could pay 50 euros

each to go. Oh was it 80? It was quite expensive to go with like 10 other people or you could pay 100 extra and go by yourself. So we were like we'll go by ourselves. Turns out no one else was actually booked that day so we got completely fleeced but yes they made you food and stuff. It was lovely but Chris and I

are both terrified of open water and the guy I think was it his son or daughter I can't remember his daughter so canny

so lovely and they like drove us sailed us into the middle what's it called sailed us in the middle

of the ocean why are the windows up mate it's getting water in here they sailed us in the middle, which was beautiful, the views were beautiful,

and then the guy was like, go swim. Me and Chris were like, fucking terrified. It was really fucking scary. It was deep, dark blue water. You couldn't see anything. It wasn't like lovely crystal sort of blue. It was like black. It wasn't like any other places.

I don't think I got it. Did I get in? I don't think I did. I remember she was like, you can jump in. I was like, I'll jump off here. She was like black it wasn't yeah it wasn't like any other places I don't think I got it did I get in I don't think I did I remember she was like you can jump in

I was like I jump off here she was like yeah and I jumped off the front of the boat and fucking

booted it as fast as I've ever swam in my life back round to the steps and straight back up the steps

and she was just like why aren't you staying in the water and I was like because we're both really scared because all I can think is how much

is underneath us and oh not my cup of tea at all I can think is how much is underneath us. Oh, not my cup of tea at all. Again, I just think, obviously I catastrophize and I always go to the worst possible moment. And I just think that a massive, big, giant tentacle is going to come up and grab us and pull us under. Or a huge sea monster or Godzilla,

a massive, big head like a dragon is going to come out and i know that's ridiculous but i'll in my head i see it and i see it on the news and they're going we've discovered a massive sea monster it's comedian but it's this massive scene like it's the most incredible discovery it's been living under the ocean but didn't know yeah he was did podcast with his wife's dead now but it it's amazing like evolution it's a missing link in all it's been living for eight i mean what does this tell her about there and uh yeah yeah it leaves two kids and a wife did i survive did i survive yeah you didn't because i didn't get in yeah you didn't get in but that's i always go to when everyone whenever anyone goes that yeah but the chances of that happening are really slim i

go yeah but when it happens they'll be they always something always is like we didn't know this had happened I always feel like I'm going to be the one there

yeah yeah big tentacles my main fear is big tentacle just pulls you under how many times have you thought

about dying today I haven't thought about dying today thought about a lot last night when we were watching the end of that documentary

horrible haven't thought about today just thought about there now but I'm alright now just from the sea monster yeah it's Loch Ness real have they ever proved that what I think

the sort of overriding agreement of what people realised is that it was either bollocks or didn't they say that there might be a channel to under the sea from there?

I'm sure they said that. I'm sure they said, because it's unexplored underneath it. I'm sure they said there might be a channel where it might just be a dolphin or a porpoise or some shit.

Oh, right. I think it was bollocks. It wasn't, I mean, again, though, definitely wouldn't go swimming in there. No, I'm alright. Because it'd be it'd be on the news yeah comedian chris ramsey dies by the way loch ness monster's real yeah

because it got him the tv program was good though the kids tv program i used to love that the loch ness monster one i can't remember that do you know was that real have you just made that up no it was on cbb's or something not cbb's what was it called man c-i-I-T-V. C-I-T-V? C-I-T-V. No, that was on Channel 3, man. Right. What was the BBC one? C-B-B-C? Well, I don't know. It's still called C-B-B-C.

Is it? Anyway. Painful. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Family as always if you'd like to get in touch it is shagmoudanoid at gmail.com it's called the family-ness the family-ness the family-ness we've just watched the theme tune for the family-ness yeah yeah yeah every time I see an old theme tune or a clip of a TV show

that we used to watch when we were kids I just can't get my head around how lucky children are now oh I know they've got no idea that what you just showed me there was utter utter shit terrible state of it I know awful and now they've got no idea. That what you just showed me there was utter, utter shit. Terrible. State of it.

I know. Awful. And now they've got everything. Rafe woke up this morning and requested the Super Mario Brothers movie. Yeah. The easily, I think now, by a country mile,

the most successful animated movie of all time. It's good. I actually really like it. With A-listers in it. I'm obsessed with that. And you're watching Family Ness. Peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches.

Ah! Ah! Yeah! Yeah! Peaches! Right, stop, because it's a fucking earworm I've been singing all the time.

Don't. Hello, Chris and Rosie. Hi. Some simple ics sent on behalf of me and my wife. Yes. I know we've been doing ics for a long, long time

and I know you might be, icks for a long, long time. And I know you might be, but I just find them really interesting. And I think they can broaden into other things rather than just like, ugh, ick. There's always a bit more. There's always a bit more to these ones that we get. I was thinking about this the other day. I was, when I was at the Lake District, I was at the buffet breakfast. And I did, what I do is I do me toast.

If I've got a buffet breakfast, I go up. Buffet. Buffet. I do me toast if i've got if i've got a buffet breakfast i go up buffet buffet i do me toast first nice i go back to the table i butter me toast i cut me toast then i go back up to the buffet and put stuff on top of me toast yes i've seen you do it yeah and as i was doing it i was just thinking like imagine someone catches me doing this and it's like ick probably because it's like, there's so many things that can just be an ick. Oh yeah, there's no, it's like beefs isn't it? But when you were younger,

well like, I don't, like at school and stuff, if you like fancied a girl and the girl fancied you, and then they didn't anymore, just all of a sudden it was like,

she doesn't fancy anymore and it was all, it would be in something, it would be in something really simple like you did, ick, gone. Crazy. That's why love at first

sight's bollocks what do you mean love at first sight people say do you believe in love at first sight absolutely not no why because you could go oh my god look at him i love him so much and then like we say you drop a fucking ping pong ball and chase it across the floor and you go i don't love did you not love me at first sight no no did you did you not think no i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with her i was 14 when i saw you the first time no well maybe it's not them maybe he's in adult life no but later on no no great is that why you had sex with that other girl in the interim how dare you oh yeah oh yeah we all know we all know don't stop it simulic sent on behalf of me and my wife my ick about my wife was the other day i smacked and grabbed her arse in a loving way and when i grasped her arse i felt the scrunching

of her sanitary pad oh no i'm sorry i'm gonna have to stand up for your wife here that's that's your fault how dare you how far in was he going? Oh, nice, guys. Oh, how far up her arse was it? He's a mountaineering kid here, like. Christ, he's slipping a little finger in. Is he looking for the golden iPad? I have to say, girls, if you haven't tried period pants yet,

they're unbelievable. Meaning? Just a mass of pair of knickers, you mean? Knickers, but with a pad in and you wash them. Knickers with a pad, what do you mean? Like a material pad that soaks up all the blood and then you wash them in the washing machine. So do you not put a tampon on anyway?

Well, I have to because I'm really heavy, so I have to wear it, but they're good for the beginning and the end. Do you know when you get all the brown sludgy stuff? Nope. Well, you wouldn't know. Nope. And you'd never look at my knickers.

Didn't want to know. Well, you do. You get brown sludgy stuff. Nope. Well you wouldn't know. Nope. And you'd never look at my knickers. Didn't want to know. Well you do. You get brown sludgy stuff at the beginning. Lovely. And it's not enough to put a tampon in. Pads are so uncomfortable but these knickers are unbelievable. I get mine from this place. I think it's called B3. Oh that was actually Halal B3.

That was what one of the teachers used to say when I used to prank call him at my old school. He's probably dead now so that's probably really inappropriate. You had phones in your classrooms? Yeah, the teachers had phones. Wow. And everyone would ring him because it was quite funny how he used to answer the phone.

So everyone around the school knew that he would answer the phone because his classroom was block B and three, and he'd go, hello, Bay 3. So, yeah. On a side note, you've just reminded me there, I was in the swimming pool the other day, South Shields Swimming Baths. I was in the changing room,

and on the wall of the changing room, someone had stuck the protective sticker that they got out of the crotch of a new pair of swimming, a new bathing costume. Just stuck on the wall there next to my child's head as he was eating his raisins. That was a wonderful start of the day. Why not put it back in your bag?

Why not throw it in the bin? Why stick it on the wall? There's a protective crotch thing. There you go. Fanny wall. Oh, there's a nick. Oh, hang on. My wife's ick for me is that when she observes

my running slash gym thermal underpants on the washing line, she can't help but laugh at the shape of my cock and balls imprinted into the material. If she's hanging on the washing line, she can't help but laugh at the shape of my cock and balls imprinted into the material. If she's hanging out the washing or simply just sees them, I can't expect to hear her shout, Ick!

from wherever I am in the house. I know whenever it's washing day I'm not going to get any that night. Oh my god. Imagine. I'm sorry, his ick cannot be that it could feel. Don't go so far up, you pervert. What are you doing?

That's your ick, that you're grabbing hold of her arse and you can feel a certain... How are you, man? I feel like he hasn't got a leg to stand on there. I'm sorry. No, I know, but it is a bit like...

It is a bit manky. Yeah, but it's like, how dare you be on your period on the day I decided to grab your arse? No, I've actually got his back, yeah. I don't think it's... I think it's just a bit like yeah like oh hang on though mister you would you have never ever to this day looked at one of my used tampons why in the name of god would i do that because i want you to see i don't want to see i just want to show you you've you've never came

in the toilet and looked at a bit of toilet paper after I've wiped my arse why because I shit as well nah you don't not like me you're an amateur I've got his back it would be a bit I can't imagine so I'm trying to think

of a different way so say well there you go I can't imagine if I like smack your arse oh god

I can't even think of something oh so I've seen your skiddies in your underpants I can't think I have no skiddies in my underpants I shower my behind

after every toilet you actually do don't you and I'm not stupid enough to wear white who's wearing white underpants yeah I don't know blokes out there

going yeah 100% confidence in my sphincter I'll just have these tighty-whities on. I know. No chance. Yous are mad.

Mad. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous. Long-time listener and have been meaning to send this in for a while. Eee, thanks. This is a bit gross, by the way. Good.

Trigger warning. Good. If you don't like gross sex stuff. Don't know what you're doing here. Yeah, what you still doing here? Yeah. If you don't like gross sex stuff. Don't know what you're doing here. Yeah, what are you still doing here? Yeah. What are you doing here?

We don't, you know, we don't, it's not the full, like, broad spectrum of what we do. It's not the full spectrum of what we do, should I say.

There is a broader spectrum, but there is a lot of dirty filth on here, but it's funny. I love it. I enjoy laughing at it. This is what I talk

to my friends about. Exactly. Okay. So after being in a long-term relationship all my 20s, I became single again in my early friends about. Exactly. Okay. So after being in a long-term relationship all my 20s, I became single again in my early 30s. Uh-oh.

After feeling like I missed out on a lot of sexual experimentation in my youth, I decided basically to become a bit of a man-whore for a year or two. It's tiddler time. Yeah, time for some tiddler action. I did the usual and joined Tinder. Got you. Someone then showed me a swingers site, which then led onto swingers clubs.

How can you be a swinger if you're single? I don't understand. I sometimes think that the let singles involved. Right. So, I mean, I don't know. Never been part of one myself. Never understood it. I think the let people in that they can like,

you don't have to just swap with couples. You can have like a threesome so you're literally third wheeling yeah okay yeah strange

is it yeah because I thought swinging was the whole point do you know what I mean like don't put if you've got no car if you haven't got any car keys

you can't put them in the ball kind of thing I think it's it's just what's the word it's allowing your partner to cheat do you see your parents there nearly it's awful that like i might have to go and have a wash after that sorry

so i visited a local club for a daytime MILF event. I mean, everything about that screams awful to me. I mean, I love the next line. In brackets it says, Rosie, you would fit right in. Definite MILF. But sadly, I didn't get invited. No, no. I mean, I can only imagine how bad the catering is at a daytime MILF event. What do you think they've got on?

Oh, there's a couple of quiches. There's a couple of room temperature quiches there. Definitely. There's a couple of vol-a-vents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one of them hedgehogs with the little cocktail sticks. A coleslaw? There's definitely a coleslaw with a skin on it.

Someone's stuck their dick in it, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's what happens. Coxlaw. Yeah. Do you know what it is, though? It's funny because I think they say a MILF event, right? But I can't imagine there being many women there.

I imagine they're playing fast and loose with the term MILF as well. Yes. Well, we'll see. There's a lot of open playing going on for you to just walk around and watch or get involved. Oh, God. It's your worst nightmare, isn't it? It's so fucking grubby. It's so grubby.

I know. Just walking along, cock in hand just from I mean right imagine when you're at a party and you're not really speaking to one certain group so you've got that awkward thing

where you float from group to group to try and join in conversations now imagine they're all fucking and you're walking around with your knob in your hand I'd rather die than go there

and it's the middle of the day and it's the middle of the day and it's the middle of the day MILF event and I guarantee you the men outnumber the MILFs ten to one yes one couple caught my attention

so I stopped to watch one couple caught his attention so he stopped to watch yes very quickly the wife of this couple asked me to come closer closer

good god come closer little boy let me see your big dick in your hand while her husband was shagging her she removed my towel Come closer, little boy. Let me see your big dick in your hands. While her husband was shagging her, she removed my towel and started to suck my... Eee, Mike. Eee, this has got graphic.

I know. Eee, dirty, horrible things. La, la, la, la, la, la. Do you want to hear the rest? Sort of. I mean, try and dance around the really graphic stuff. Okay, why? We've never danced around...

Who provided the towels? Probably the person who put it on. I bet none of them are matching and they probably stink of damp. Some of them... Yeah, my towel's too small. It doesn't go all the way around. Come over here, then.

Oh, I know. I know. Do you want us to finish? Yeah, well... Okay. Now, this was a very unusual blowjob as she was very teethy. Oh, for fuck's sake.

It gets worse. This is the worst day ever. Oh, my God. I'd rather help someone move house. I'll rent a van. We'll shift you. you plus she reached around and pressed her finger on my I said that fucking face

doesn't even know her name husband's watching I didn't get sucked up on someone's husband giving you the eye oh I know oh god almighty I don't know why

that's a fetish I don't know I don't know why that's a fetish. I don't know. I don't know why that's a fetish. Can you imagine? Genuinely serious question. Would you enjoy watching somebody have sex with me? No. No?

No. No. How would you feel? I can barely be asked to have sex with you. I'm not watching someone else where I can have the PlayStation on. That's a horrible thing to say. I'm joking.

But I love you. Yeah. I think this isn't a love thing.'m joking but I love you yeah I think it's this isn't a love thing this is just people going mental yeah don't even marry

probably brother and sister I can see the poster now in the local community centre daytime milf event warning no siblings welcome siblings are not passports must be brought we're talking about you do not try and sneak your sister in again mick sick mick with the dodgy dick nice Nice. Passports, driving licences

and three months of utility bills must be provided. However then, so this... It gets even worse. Just teaching him to touch his bum and our husband's watching. Oh, this is just the worst. Although this was very strange

for you and I together, I still did the job and it ended up coming in her mouth. Excellent. This is the most graphic thing that's ever happened. However, I was not prepared. The husband's eating a quiche off her back.

Got some of this quiche off her back oh god what kind of quiche is it I don't know it's just warm not from being heated up just the moistness in the room from her back however I was not prepared for what happened next oh Jesus oh people listen to this

you know are you going to say something awful like she turned around and spat on her husband and he was loving it kind of for fuck's sake man

I hate everyone do you not want us to finish no but you're going to I think I have I think I've filled in the blank if you don't like it guys just skip this bit this could have been the worst Rosie's mystery ever.

Right. Come on. She then pulled my... Yeah. Out of her mouth, grabbed her husband, and started snogging. Oh, for God's sake, man. This became the day I learned of the term reclaiming. Not something I wish to witness again,

but hey, life is all about experiences and stories. Reclaiming. That's terrible. Yeah. They, Urban Froob, on the way home, them two as well, I guarantee it. Of course they did. That's just the worst.

Fucking disgusting. Reclaiming. Isn't it? Why are people gross with sex and stuff, man? Do you know what? This story has ruined the computer game Halo for me. Why? Because in Halo, you play a master chief

and you go to the Halo, which is a big sort of a planet shaped like a ring, which is made by the Forerunners to destroy the Flood, which is an alien race. And you go into the bowels of it and there's a little sort of robot who runs the place and he calls you Reclaimer.

And he keeps saying, come this way, Reclaimer. I will never be able to play that game again. And I've played that game a few times through now because it's a classic. There you go. I will never be able to play that game again. My dad likes that game.

You'll have to tell him this story. I'm never having this conversation with my dad about this in a million years but he will basically be saying come here spunk in a woman's

mouth and then into her husband's mouth warm quiche of her back there's no warm quiche there's so much

warm quiche in here the whole place I don't think it'll be warm quiche I would think it would be open ham and peas sandwich

ham and peas pudding sandwich I'm really sorry about that. That might not stay in. What if you... No, it will stay in. What if you see those people in the local supermarket?

I don't know. Or you're travelling out of your area to go to that because I don't think... What if you're both at the crossing? Oh, I couldn't... I couldn't live with myself. The thing that upsets me most, right,

and I don't know why, and I know this is silly because I know it happens and it's each to their own. We're not, like, I don't want to right and i don't know why and i know this is silly because i know what happens and it's each to their own we're not like i don't want to shit i don't think swingers listen to this do they i think they do i think yeah i imagine so okay i imagine i imagine more people swing than you know i imagine i imagine we know people who swing but we don't know the swing shut up i reckon like acquaintances and people people you work with maybe people you've worked with

I bet you it's bigger than what you think but I can't imagine them going to a house party to do it I can imagine them just finding I don't think this is

in a house like I've said I think this is in a local community centre and they've put a foil up against the windows really

a daytime milf event where's that advertised where have you seen that how what's going on it's on a rock outside the church yeah

outside the church wall. Yeah. Outside the church. Lampost, one of them, your tailor thing. Yes. Oh, God. No, the thing that upsets me most is just that it's during the day. No one's pissed. Yeah, during the day is weird. Just during the day, it's like in the sunlight and that.

I would want it to be at about 10 o'clock at night. Whenever I hear these stories, you always hear it. They go in and it's always like this. And it's in the midst of it. I can't get my head around how awkward it would be at the beginning. Yeah. Everyone in. Right, you got your towels on?

Yeah. Right. Put your music on maybe? Yeah, go on. How does it start? Right. So what we're doing this maybe. Yeah, go on. How does it start? Right. So what we're doing this then? Right, okay then.

Well, I'll start with my wife then. Why are you going to a daytime milf event to have sex with your own wife? I don't know. I can't understand. I can't get my head around this. Some people have got too much time on their hands. I think people, you know what I'm saying,

we might know swingers and stuff like that. I think there'll be people who've just because like they've found them out if that makes sense they've asked some questions probing questions and then they've found them out

but then I think that's actually not as bad is it I think swinging if you're up for it and the other part the other couple's up for it do it together

like that but they're partying that I find a bit weird as I always say on this podcast do whatever you want do what makes you happy as I always say on this podcast, do whatever you want. Do what makes you happy. As long as you're not hurting anyone, do whatever you want. But don't expect me to not take the piss out of it

because I will take the piss out of everything that I find strange because that's how I live my life. Yeah. End of. Fair enough. But it smells rank now. Who washes all the towels after? I don't think they get washed.

In my head, they don't get washed. Oh, God. Is this cold, slow, or jizz? Is this cold, slow, or jizz on this towel? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. We're so grateful for you listening every week. And, yeah, thank you.

What's it part of, fool? Part of the Acast Create Network. There we are. We came up on it. What? We came up doing an advert on a different podcast I Creator Network. There we are. We came up on it. What? We came up doing an advert on a different podcast. I was listening to the idea. I couldn't believe it.

It was part of the Acast Creator Network. Right. There we go then. There we go. It's everywhere. Watch out. Thank you so, so much for listening. We really, really do appreciate you listening to our absolute drivel and bollocks every single week.

We enjoy it. We're so glad you do. And we'll be back in years next week. Thank you so much. Cheers, everyone. Bye! You're invited to an immersive listening party, led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder

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