Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 24. Viennetta Vinny

Episode Date: July 26, 2019

This week Chris is getting very comfortable with the opening of the podcast, a bit too comfortable for Rosie. They have alarm clock and Maltesers based beef and discuss toothpaste dispensing and teabag etiquette plus have a couple of questions from Rick Edwards. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Hello. You're listening to Shagmired Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey,

and my husband, Chris Ramsey, who has just done a mic test by belching into the mics. It sounded, I mean, I'm not going to do it for you guys because, you know, you're lovely listeners and we really do respect you. But it sounded amazing in these headphones, I've got to say. It was like being at the cinema in surround sound. It was like being inside the burp. It was really good. This is not a good way to start a new episode. Well, I'm not going to burp, so don't worry about it. Yeah, but you have. Yeah, but I'm not going to do it on here because it's

unprofessional. We are not professional. I can barely keep a straight face. What episode is this? 24. 24. Goodness me. For hours in the day look at that oh yeah

you so actually if this is the first one you're listening to stop head on stop right now go back

go back you know cancel all your plans spend the full day you've got that's your day sorted and night 24 hours

there's a little gap between because they're not quite an hour so there's a little gap between each one go and get yourself a little cup of tea in between or whatever

snackage happy days hey before we start this week we've got a real sponsor this week what? genuine real sponsor

an actual real sponsor what? like money in the bank? yeah well probably if sponsoring goes well yeah right this week's sponsor

this week's episode is sponsored by my new tour that's that is a sponsor my new tour well I'm is a sponsor my new tour well I'm going on tour

stand up tour in 2020 from March all the way through to possibly the end of the year more dates to be announced but the ones that are out now are on my website

and the tour is called 2020 and it's on sale now www www this is a real one don't interrupt the real sponsor www.chrisramseycomedy.com

on tour March onwards 2020 tickets on sale now i should probably put that in my diary that you're not here because i haven't it's just but it is a real sponsor because it's it's it's a job well yeah because you're going to get paid for it hopefully yeah if people go oh well i mean all the listeners will be there and all the world listen i'm going to chime in on this yeah i've seen you on you on tour. Uh-huh. Are you good? Thanks.

No, but you are. No. I'm not surprised. No, genuinely. Listen, right? I'm not going to say this again. Right. You are very good on the stage doing stand-up.

Right. That's where I like watching you the most. Good. You always look quite handsome. Uh-huh. And you do the funnies. Okay. So you prefer that when we're with each other talking in real life yes right good well there you go guys come and see the best version of me

he's good i promise we're also sponsored by burps by the way that was tiny you guys if you're listening to that if you were disgusted by that you got off lightly because i can bring the house down with these bad lads. Don't, don't, Chris, don't. Okay, here's the jingle. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello, welcome back. Lovely to have you here. Muchas gracias. Muchas gracias indeed. Here we are. We've got a new table. You're not built here yet, but we've got a new table. We're a little bit further apart, but I quite like it you say this is new but this is actually we got this when we first moved in the house yeah but then I changed

my mind like I do with most things all things went in the loft yeah and now I've got it back out again I'm surprised you

haven't swapped Robin out just for another kid would if I could especially this morning just dropped him

off at Mamma's at Sandra's house little grot bag kicking off well because you didn't put Batman in the bag apparently

oh I've lost Batman from the cart in my mum's house oh god right okay if i started yeah you've lost batman well you just saw me look over at the toys there i don't want to do any of the podcasts now i want to find batman don't i'm not kidding you got your car keys don't chris right okay please because i oh i can see it in your eyes oh what have i done what have i done i can't cope my goodness oh jesus well anyway he kicked off and you know when you're like, I did the whole, right? I've got him by the hand. I was like, right, mama, we're going.

Get back in the car. Not having this. And then, you know, I don't want to go home. And I was like, right, we're packing him. So that was a nice way to start the day. Oh, that's good. That's really good. Yeah.

Poor Ag Bain. Stop looking for Batman. I keep turning around, guys. I keep looking over. Oh, goodness me. This is just reminding me of something, a little bit random, but I've been getting loads of messages recently

from people who are listening to the podcast who say that this podcast is really helping with their anxiety. I know. Isn't that interesting? Really? How come? I don't know. I don't know whether we're relaxing

or I don't know whether they listen to you and they think wow he's got much worse anxiety than what I do I thought I had it bad this guy's a this guy's a

a lost cause riddled so no so that's that's lovely to hear and if we are then that's that's great

I hope it is yeah guys if this podcast is helping you in any way shape or form helping you get through the day helping you get along your commute

anything like that we're so happy to hear it let we know they're getting touched shagmired annoyed at gmail.com and stick a little question on the end as well because we know you've all got little dark little questions and things you want to know about and we'll tell you me and her she's a she's a chocolate quilt chocolate quilted and she's chocolate and she's quilted and she's also a shit pig. Yeah. Shit pig. Well done. That was to the tune of Maniac on the Floor. What?

That was to the tune of She's a Maniac. Oh, Chris, it did not sound like that. Oh, come on. Right, listen. This isn't bloody The Voice, right? I was trying to do a little jingle for you. I've wrote you a theme tune. It sounded nothing like that. She's a chocolate quilted shit pig.

She's a chocolate quilted shit pig she's a chocolate quilt chocolate quilted shit pig that is she's chocolate and she's quilted and she's also a shit pig

let's stop that good but that's your theme tune and I'm going to play that every time you walk into a room now hey I'd love a theme tune even if it was

chocolate quilted shit pig that would be grand I'm going to record it on my phone and we're going to walk through the micro center I'm just going to be

playing it as you walk past on a boom box yeah on my shoulder what you been up to um arsehole wow uh i uh i went to work on friday in manchester good for you with my little mate didn't i yeah oh me you oh jesus the days roll into one we did very exciting we did a telly show together we did a telly show together we did a telly show and do you know what Chris

yeah personally for me I know we spoke about this it was bloody wonderful it was really good fun wasn't it yeah well because for

all of our whole time together seven years yeah I've always kind of just been your wife which you know I'm more than happy to be your wife

lucky bloody lucky count your blessings yeah bloody so lucky yeah I picked you could have picked anyone of just being your wife, which, you know, I'm more than happy to be your wife. Lucky, bloody lucky. Count your blessings. Yeah? So lucky, eh? I picked you. I could have picked anyone.

I picked you. Didn't I? I mean... Why are you messing around on Instagram and carrying on and singing? Why don't you just chill out and just relax and enjoy the wonderful life

your husband's given you? No, somebody actually said that to me on Instagram, so that's nice, yeah. So guys, my new thing now and then is if someone says something slightly nasty to rosie and then uh and then she'll tell me it and i'll remember it and i'll quote it back to elliot just normally when i'm going past on the scooter yeah scooter assault why don't you just enjoy the life that chris has made for you jesus unbelievable what a day yeah but at the same time right if yes i've been away working and stuff but at the same time, right, if, yes, I've been away working and stuff,

but at the same time, if you hadn't been at home looking after a child, that would have been a different, do you know what I mean? Like, it's 50-50. Of course it is. Like, you're doing an important job as well at the time, but now, now you're a bloody professional podcaster.

I know. And you're a bloody telly face. I know. And we were both on, and then we both, like, got ready ready and did it and it was just really nice I had a lovely time we went to the dressing room went out we checked in the hotel and we got picked up we went to the studio and went to the dressing room and they were like Rosie we need to take you for your makeup now and you swanned off to do your makeup and I just bloody sat in the dressing room

sat and I had so many celebrations even before like no I wasn't celebrating I mean I was like high-fiving myself. The chocolates. Yeah, like little Snickers. Because they ply the dressing room with loads of ket and loads of like crisps and stuff. Ket is Rosie's word

and it's kind of like a Macam word for sweets. It's not ketamine. Not ketamine. Otherwise that would have been a terrible, terrible TV show. No, let's spread some rumours. Okay.

Okay? Yeah. When you work in telly, they've got ketamine in their dressing rooms. They have, yeah. All the chairs have got like anal dildos stuck on the chair when you sit down on it. Dirty. They don't clean them. They don't clean it. I didn't like it at first but I got used to it now.

Now I kind of sit on a chair without one. It's just not the same. It's just not enjoyable. I totally understand. You know? That game of musical chairs got a bit out of hand there. Oh God, I feel understand. Ori and Portia. Yeah. And Martin McCutcheon and Jack. Yeah. Yeah, it was lovely. It was great. Celebrity wife and husband. Well, I only worked that out

about half an hour into the thing, didn't I? And I was like, everyone's married. Yeah, and you said it out loud. Yeah. Yeah, while everyone was sitting there, you're like, oh, I've just realised we're all married. And everyone's like, yeah, that's kind of why we're all here. That's the whole point.

But, you know, never mind. It was really good fun. I enjoyed it very much. I mean, very stressful, wasn't it? Oh, God. Well, obviously, we can't we're all here. But, you know, never mind. It was really good fun. I enjoyed it very much. I mean, very stressful, wasn't it? Oh, God. Well, obviously, we can't tell you what happened, guys, but play your cards right. Jesus, I need to lie down afterwards.

But we're extremely competitive. You see, I think I'm not, and I tell people I'm not competitive. And whenever I'm going to do anything, like chase or whatever, they go, oh, you're competitive. And I go, no. And then it starts, and I'm like, ah anything like, you know, chase or whatever, they go, oh, you're competitive. And I go, no. And then it starts and I'm like,

ah, like ripping my shirt off. Sinner, sinner man, I'll fight you outside. I'm the same. I didn't think I was that competitive. And then when we were on that hen do the other week,

cause my friend Angela is quite, she doesn't think she is, and she's not aggressively competitive, but she's, she's like a teacher and she's, she is, she loves like games and competitions and stuff. she does get quite competitive but in a lovely way she's one of the nicest people i've ever met in my whole life and i was like oh i'm not even that

bothered got into it yeah it's like get out of the way and i would say i don't like team games i don't like playing football or anything because you get shouted at by other people. Your own team shout at you on football, which I don't think is nice. Ma'am. Did you just say ma'am? I was biting my lip and I wanted to go, but I went ma'am. So weird. That was so strange. Your own team shout at you.

Ma'am. What? Nothing. What was that? I'm so sorry. I've got no idea what... Bam. All right, I'll stop talking about football. Jesus Christ.

Hey, gosh. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Capaccio beef. I like it from your sushi. What's capaccio beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef, beef. Beef, beef, beef. Beef carpaccio. Beef. I like it from your sushi. What's carpaccio beef? What's that?

It's when it's like a bit raw. Ah, is that what it's for? It's just sliced really thinly. Is that right? Have you used the right word there? Beef carpaccio. Yeah. You sure?

I think so. I don't know. Probably not. But anyway, it's lovely. The one that's like seared on top of the rice. Yes. With a little blob of mayonnaise on it. Yes.

Oh, yes. Ladies first, as always, what is your beef? Do you not want to go first this time? What is your beef, my darling wife? No, you go first, my sweet husband. No, because I've got it.

No, no, my sweetheart, my light of my life. Star of my stars, moon of my moons. I have got a couple and I want to say how hard you go. You've got a couple?

Yeah, I'm obviously only going to do one but what I do is, you know, I play the odds because I don't want to come in with like a little silly, whimsical one because I've got some silly, wh I'm only going to do one, but what I do is, you know, I play the odds. Because I don't want to come in with like a little

silly whimsical one, because I've got some silly whimsical ones that aren't really that bad. But if you come in with a, if I go all silly whimsical

and you go, yeah, what am I like? And then you're like, your face is what I hate. I'm like, oh shit. All right then,

okay, I'm happy to go first. All right then. You know me. My beef with you this week is, you, Christopher Ramsey, scum of the earth, you can go to bed quite happily without setting an alarm.

I can. Ever. Because you know that I will set the alarm. Yeah. And it wasn't until the other night and I just thought, you know that i yeah will set the alarm yeah and it wasn't until the other night and i just thought you know what what if i forgot to set an alarm and robin was late for nursery yeah or you were late for work or something like that yeah how how do you just go to bed knowing that i'm gonna do it i don't know and i'll be honest with you. Sometimes when I'm not, it's actually backfired and I've never told you this.

Sometimes when I'm staying away at hotels, I'll go to bed on my own and I know I've got a train in the morning and sometimes I'll wake up and think, shit, I've got 20 minutes to be ready and at the train station. Yeah. So it's actually just filtering into your

It's filtering into your, yeah. I rely on you so much that when you're not there, I still rely on you. To the point of where if I miss my train, I'd phone you and I'd go, why didn't you set an alarm? Why didn't you set an alarm?

And why didn't you ring the hotel and get me up? Yeah, I've never thought of that. I don't set alarms. I hate alarms. If I don't need... I'm sort of used to Robin waking us up. And I normally need a wee at some point. My body kind of wakes us up.

I don't know. I can't live like that. Yeah, but I don't understand these people who can be like, i had to be up at eight and i forgot to set me alarm so i slept till three in the afternoon and you go really is that is that did you not sleep till 10 past eight or quarter to eight i can't understand and i really dislike people who sleep in really yeah i don't know why i just think you know if someone comes to work or you see someone that like, yeah, slept in this morning, you're like, how? It is like...

How? I think we might have touched on this before, but let's delve deeper. I think it is, it's a real kick in the bollocks to go like, sorry, why weren't you here when I needed you here? I was asleep. Like, it's the biggest, like, fuck you. It's just, what kind of person?

How do you get how do you get through the day if you are if you can sleep in in the morning when you need to be somewhere right I don't know how

you use public transport I don't know how you make yourself a cup of tea I don't even know how you get dressed if you are capable to sleep in

then what are you doing that's a basic life skill of setting an alarm of setting an alarm or being able to wake your body up get no sort it out it's up there for me with right and i know i know it's it's an accident we shouldn't really get annoyed at it but we do and that's what's funny about it but i also i've told you this before if we've ever got anyone and i know i'm a dick and i know i'm

wrong but if we've ever got anyone working on the house or you get a gardener come out or you get a painter and decorator come out or something and you go, oh, look, look at the job, you know, DIY or whatever. We need this done. When can you do it? If they ever go, well, I can't do it in the next week because I'm going on holiday, I get irate. I get so angry. And I know that's so selfish and such a dickhead thing,

but I'm just like, oh, really, this needs doing and you're going to be sitting on your arse in Spain, are you? You lazy piece of shit. I know that's so selfish and such a dickhead thing but I'm just like oh really this needs doing and you're going to be sitting on your arse in Spain are you you lazy piece of shit I know I know I'm wrong I know I'm wrong I'm telling you now

people listening I know I'm wrong but when someone can't do something because they're on holiday I'm like oh fuck off man

but you've hated this for years I do and I know I'm wrong I know everyone deserves a holiday especially you know hard working people who drive around in vans and you know i'm wrong i know everyone deserves a holiday especially you know

hard-working people who drive around in vans and you know you put there's a plaster and like and i've done physical work myself very briefly and i know how difficult it is and i know you deserve a holiday and i know i'm wrong but when someone says i can't you know i can't plaster your kitchen or whatever because i'm on me holidays i'm literally like well i'm finding another plaster because you are fucking worthless and i know i'm wrong well you know what the reason i know why you get annoyed with that right because we don't have a life where you we can't book holidays yeah like a year in advance like other people do and count down to it because one year we had to cancel three holidays yeah do you remember there weren't mega holidays one of them was like a staycation in england but we had to cancel every single one of them because of your

work commitments i know and i think you just get jealous because you're like oh god you know when you're going on holiday and you know that you're going to be there point in fact example obviously we can't say what it's for um but we're going on holiday next week and i have to now it's been booked for months yeah uh and i have to i have to leave i have to now, it's been booked for months. Yeah. And I have to leave, I have to stay at home an extra day. An extra day. And fly out the day later

and miss two days of the holiday because of something to do at work. I know. And it's well annoying. However, I do get to fly from London on a lovely British Airways flight

without a toddler. On your own, yeah. Yeah, without a toddler. So I'm going to turn up. I'm telling you, I'm warning you now, Rosie, I will turn up in Rhodes two days late,

at night, hammered. You better bloody not. Free drink on that plane. I'm going to be mortal. I might get arrested on the plane. Don't you... Excuse me,

you remember when we went to Italy for our friend's wedding and you got so minging drunk that you had to stay in bed the whole next day and I was livid. Yes, yes. So don't you dare.

I'm joking. I'm going to, but I'm going to be on the plane onvid. Yes, yes. So don't you dare. I'm joking, I'm joking. But I'm going to be on a plane on my own. I'm going to bloody, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to put an Instagram photo of the plane wing on. That's me, that's where I'm at. Great. Good for you. Good.

Have a lovely time. I will. I'll miss you. Right, you got off very lightly with your beef there. Well done for blathering on about other shite yeah you dodged that bullet so

yeah I did you know it's called a conversation Rosie it's called wiggling out of it Chris actually my beef with you this week and it is an extension

of another beef oh great my favourite yeah it is I love an extension yeah it's it's beef 2.0 of a previous beef.

Right, okay. It's very much a conservatory on an existing beef. Right. We were the other night watching a film, I think, or watching TV. And you went over and you got, we know your problem with sweets. You got a box of Maltesers. There was box of Maltesers from somewhere. Angela brought them.

Angela brought some Maltesers and we sat with the Maltesers. And I thought, okay, great, let's eat some Maltesers, those box Maltesers from somewhere. From Angela brought them. Angela brought some Maltesers and we sat with the Maltesers and I thought, okay, great, let's eat some Maltesers here. You sit and you eat loads of them. You're on one end of the sofa, I'm on the other end of the sofa and you eat loads and then you go, right, I'm finished. Get them away from me. And I take them and I go, no problem, and I put

them right over down next to me and the rest of the night is spent by me passing you Maltesers. It's just, it's so, like, you've achieved nothing. Nothing's changed. All that's happened is, I can't fucking sit still,

because I've got to be up and down putting Maltesers in your mouth, like a Roman emperor. Like, I'm fanning you and feeding you grapes. You're still eating them. Get them away from me. Oh, okay, she's not having any more. Well done.

Oh, no, she is. She's going to have exactly the same amount, but I'm the fucking middleman now. Oh, Chris, you know I've got a problem. This is... Rosie, the only way we're going to stop this is when you go, get them away from me, as if I went and flushed them down the toilet.

If they're still in the room. Maybe that's what you need to do. No, because I want to eat some. Do you know what I had to if they're still in the room maybe that's what you need to do no because I want to eat some do you know what I had to do at Minchella's the other day what did you have

to do Minchella's by the way it's an ice cream place where we live it's lovely for sponsorship if you're listening

guys other ice creams available I used to work there I love Ben and Jerry's as well and Cart

I'm just saying other ones so they don't get free sponsorship all right okay yeah all the ice

creams yeah soft scoop I don't know anyway I had a tub me and my friend Steph shared a bit of a tub and then there's I don't get free sponsorship. All right. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All the ice creams. Yeah. Soft scoop. I don't know. Anyway, I had a tub. Me and my friend Steph shared a bit of a tub and then there's a bit left because you get loads in it. She was like, do you want that?

And I was like, I do, but no, because we're going to a wedding on Saturday and I'm already worried that my dress doesn't fit. Right. Yeah. So I poured my leftover coffee in the ice cream. You destroyed it. I destroyed it. Robin was like, mommy, are you having a coffee ice cream. You destroyed it. I destroyed it. Robin was like,

Mommy, are you having a coffee ice cream? I was like, no, sir. No, sir, Mommy's just got issues. Mommy's just a greedy fat pig. So she has to destroy your food. Anyway, that's just my issues. But yeah, I can't help it. I could just, I could eat it.

What's that syndrome that children have? Prada willies? Prada willies. When you can't stop eating. Adults get it as well. Do they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got it.

I mean, you've definitely got the symptoms of it. I don't think you've actually got it. But yeah, you could, yeah. But I'm the same with pizza. Like, if you told me, right, that I was going to die tomorrow, the world was going to end tomorrow, because I want to try this, I've always wanted to try this,

but I worry about my health. But if the world's going to end tomorrow and it's fine, I'd go, right, get literally 10, 14-inch margarita pizzas from the shop. I'm telling you I'd be able to eat them all. I don't think I've got, I don't think there's a level in my body where i'm full of pizza i can eat pizza none if it's the flat kind of stone baked ones

forget it 20 of them honestly i've got but i'll never put in i'm happy to i'm i mean i'm happy to test no because i think it'll be a difficult day on the loo the next day yeah it probably will. Very doughy. Oh, God. But yours is just pizza. Mine's everything. Every food. Well, except like salad. That would be nice, wouldn't it? That would be quality.

That would be great. Do you know what I can't stop eating? Kale. I just need more kale I find myself going to the supermarket in the middle of the night and buying kale said no one ever if you know someone who can't stop eating kale

and they go out in the middle of the night to eat kale don't be friends with them anymore because they're a murderer but he goes to the garage I found myself running down a he's from Essex isn't he I think so. Yeah.

I find myself running down a garage. Got any kale now? Disking for a bunch of kale. I go with my gardener guy. I often find myself face down in a fly bed eating kale. Planking at the same time. I've got to be honest. He's gorgeous.

He is gorgeous. And he's fucking... We've got one of his walks. It's fantastic. Oh, it is. It is one of his walks, isn't it? Bloody well done, Jo. Well done.

Good for you. Good for you, mate. Now give me 20 burpees. It's time for questions from the public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. Public. That was lovely. I thought that was nice. How was it? Well, see, because I've got a very low, I don't know what's in tune and what's not. No, you don't.

Right, but I thought that was very nice. Thank you. I enjoyed it. As always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it is shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Send us your thoughts. Send us your beefs. Send us polls you've done in the office,

because everyone's doing that these days. You can also message Rosie on Instagram, if you like. Not so much actually because it's getting a bit... Yeah, honestly guys, it's better if it just goes to the email address. Little tip,

if you really want them to get read, send them on Saturday, Sunday, Monday. That's when we'll probably read them. Stop sending them to Lee as well. Oh yeah, my email address

on my Instagram goes straight to my manager. Guys. Sorry guys, can't be putting my personal email on it i don't know the stuff that she has to send to us i mean she's a professional lady in london managing you know actors comedians presenters chocolate chip pigs and the stuff she has to forward on to us she loves it though doesn't she like reading and then she puts a little comment at the top

she's australian as well so we like I don't know if she was ready to have the psychotic psyche of the British public opened into her email address. Poor love. God love you, Lee. Right, I've got one here. Dear Rosie and Chris, how do you squeeze your toothpaste on your toothbrush?

I squeeze from the middle. Don't give a shit like. I don't know. My other half, however, is so anal about it I squeeze from the middle. Don't give a shit like. Animal. My other half, however, is so anal about it and moans that I'm an animal for squeezing it from the middle and curses me every time he comes to use it. He also moans that I don't click the lid back down

on the shower gel. So I'd like to know, what do you guys do to settle the argument of who's weird and who's not? Right. Well, first of all, if you're... How do you squeeze it, Rosie? How do you settle the argument of who's weird and who's not right well first of all if you're what like i mean how do you squeeze it rosie how do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle yeah i knew it i knew you're gonna say that but thankfully we use separate toothpaste we do don't

we you use special um chocolate quillet chip pig powder and i use normal stuff i use sensitive because i once used one of them daft toothbrushes from america and it took all the enamel off my teeth fantastic so now they're ruined that's good um brilliant lovely story um i uh yeah i squeeze from the end obviously of course you do and then i've got a theory actually that you can never empty your tube of toothpaste i don't think you're gonna ever ever empty one how do you mean well you know when you squeeze it all the way from the end right and i get it all the way down to the point of sometimes i'll roll the top yeah yeah yeah right i'll have it i'll try and empty it yeah but when it gets to the bottom in the kind of cap and then you have to press the

corner bits in does that make sense so it goes flat yeah and it makes little bits and you've got to press them in always i have never i've never ever ever emptied a full tube of toothpaste i've always just thought i can't be arsed with this anymore well I remember back before I married you in my skin days yeah you know good old days before I gave you a brilliant life

that you should be enjoying before you gave me this brilliant life that you should be enjoying absolutely that I provided for you yeah thank you I once or twice possibly

have cut a tube of toothpaste in half and dipped my toothbrush that's my mum used to do that yeah she'd chop it like and you just dip it in

like a little garlic pot. Yep, yep, yep. Like a little garlic pot from Domino's. Definitely. I'm going to do that. I missed that. I know.

I missed that. I'm going to do that. That's great. Are you going to do it? Yeah. Or why don't we have why don't we get like a Tupperware and buy loads and loads

of toothpaste, right? And squeeze it all into the Tupperware so we've got like a massive bowl of toothpaste and then you just dip your toothpaste in toothbrush in it

and then put the lid back on. That's so weird. I'd do that. That would be amazing. I'm not doing that. You know how like posh people put like their soap in like

a special soap. You know if you've got like a porcelain soap dispenser and they pour their soap in there. Well we can do that. Well why don't we do that with toothpaste? That's a good idea.

Put all your toothpaste into like a soap dispenser come and brush your teeth just give it a little press and you've got your toothpaste on. Trademarked. We've just trademarked that.

We've just invented that. We've just invented that. Trademarked. Look out for the merch. Yeah. Toothpaste squeezers. Saves on plastic. Yeah.

Trademarked. Charcoal-ridden oil, chocolate-quilt shipping, and significant knobbed, which I'm going to call myself now, 2019. You're not stealing it. That's ours.

Right, mate. High five. Yes. Invention station. And when you press it down, it can go... Toothpaste. Toothpaste. Right.

Oh, God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director

Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition

of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tSO.ca This Friday

You must be very careful, Margaret It's a girl Witness the birth Bad things will start to happen Evil things Of evil It's all You know, don't

The first omen I believe the girl is to be the mother Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Got one here. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hi. Hi. I don't know how to quite take what I have just had to witness. You need to hear this. What a start to an email. You've reeled us in. My boyfriend of three years to the day this happened just ate a fairy cake.

Then after he'd finished the cake, all capitals, put the cake case in his mouth as well. What? Dun, dun, dun. I instantly called him a wrong and thinking he was joking because it's a serial killer thing to do. And I asked him what he was doing.

He said, it tastes nice. So I thought, well, there may be some cake left on it, I suppose. Then I looked back and he had swallowed it. The case. The case. No. The paper cake case. No.

This psycho ate the full thing. What? Mate. I made him show me it was gone. Like a dog. Open your mouth. What's in there? Let us check.

Wow. That's the worst. He's just ate paper. That's not like special paper that you can eat. Yeah. He's just eaten paper. He's just ate some paper. What?

That might not digest in his stomach, you know. That's madness. So this is from Emily from Liverpool. Emily, he's going to kill you. Leave. Yes. He's going to kill you in your sleep. Pack your bag.

If you're listening now, Emily, pack your bags. Yeah. Hide all sharp implements. Yeah, check his wallet for toenails because he's got some. It's the toenail killer. Do you know what he does? Do you know what the toenails are for? It's to pick the little bits of paper out of his teeth.

It is? It is? That's honestly, that's maniac part of that. Listen, I have been partial to scraping the bits of cake left off a cake case with my bottom teeth. I'm not going to lie. I've done it. What? I did it the other day on a train and caught someone looking at us

when I was doing it. What? When were you eating cake without me? I got a little cake when I went on the train the other day. They give you a little cake and yeah, I was properly like,

I used me top teeth like a gopher and I was just scraping and then turning it and then scraping and then turning it and I looked up and someone was just mortified.

But you can't be eating the cake case. You can't swallow the whole thing, dude. What the hell's wrong with you? Like, I think you could probably put it in your mouth and chew it. Yeah. I think I might have done that before. That's what, like chewing tobacco to get all the stuff off? When I was younger, possibly.

And then, but never swallow it. But that's like people who swallow chewing gum. It's a matter of years. Yeah. Apparently it stays in for like seven years or something. My friend used to do it all the time. I'd be like, your stomach is literally a chewing gum. A big giant chewing gum.

A layer of chewing gum. People have been sending us all this week actually on Twitter. Have you seen your Twitter? What people have sent with a video of. Oh! The guy on the train. The man on the train. Eating a full V&L.

Yep. He's my hero. Can we just... Yep. Yep. Guys, you may have sent us that to think that we're going to get annoyed by it. I've never...

He's my hero. I said, I put a tweet out today, I said, mate, this man, Prime Minister. Yeah. Absolutely phenomenal. Did you realise, though, that he actually, he had a metal spoon.

Brought that shit with him. So he brought that shit with him. Yeah. And I was thinking about this. V&L, those are frozen. So the Viennetta, if you don't know what they are, they're a frozen, like a frozen ice cream cake. Ice cream, got no thing in it.

Oh God, I haven't had one for years actually. I used to love a Viennetta when I was a kid. Other cakes are available. Well, so. Yep. They are. It's fucked. He has bought

he's took his spoon with him knowing he's going on a train ride and he's known he's going to go to the shop buy a Viennetta

and eat it on the train and I think that is just legendary behaviour the planning involved in it is incredible he's brought the spoon he's had the time

he's going to have to eat that quick enough so it doesn't melt if your Viennetta melts on one of them little train tables it's game over and the reason people are like oh look at this weirdo no do you know why it doesn't smell that's why it's fine no it doesn't

smell and it's delicious good for him i'm so proud of him one more little clap little clap i want to meet him what's his name do you think i don't know viennetta vinnie babadoo babadoo babadoo bah here's a little cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky one just a little thrown in there right okay hey just a quick one tuna sandwich made with mayonnaise or salad cream from lauren thanks lauren uh i didn't know you could make it with salad cream neither did i and i'm gonna try it because i flip and love salad cream i do love salad it's a bit more vinegary in it than mayonnaise. It's a little bit more... I love mayonnaise.

Tangy. Do you know what? I realised yesterday, I love mayonnaise so much. It's weird. And it wasn't Carl. I love mayonnaise so much. But honestly, I love it.

And I didn't realise. Carl said it the other day, Carl Hutchinson. And he told me something or whatever. And he went, oh, you'd love that, bloody mayonnaise. And I thought, why has he said that? And I was like, I do. You have mayonnaise with everything. Honestly, it's the greatest.

I made a chicken mayonnaise sandwich yesterday. And I spread the mayonnaise around with a spoon. And then I just sat licking the spoon. And I was like, I could just have the mayonnaise. It's so nice.mas sorted honestly and there was a guy this is uh so me and jason cook did a gig on sunday night where we just sit on a sofa and talk shit at the customs house in shields and there's a guy in the front row and i recognized him right and i worked out through the show how i knew him and this is why he stuck in my head so the guy he was sitting next to stood up and went to the toilet and we said

oh you know I'll get information about him and said what does he do and he said oh he's a manager at McDonald's and I went someone you want to know innit well the broker was saying it

he's mate I went do you work at McDonald's with him he went I used to and I looked at him for a second and on stage during the show I went

I know why I know you I went you worked at McDonald's when I was at college didn't you and you worked with my girlfriend at the time you worked at McDonald's with her and he was like yeah't you? And you worked with my girlfriend at the time.

You worked at McDonald's with her. And he was like, yeah. And then I was like, oh, lovely to see you again. And I remember the reason I remember his face, and I like him no matter what, McDonald's don't do mayonnaise. But when I went in and he was there, he used to get a little McFlurry lid and he used to put a load of chicken sandwich mayonnaise on it for us

and give us it to dip my chips in. That's nice. And I was like, I still fucking love you for that, brother. Can we just... You had a girlfriend who worked at McDonald's? Yeah. Did you get free McDonald's? Yeah.

Did you? Yeah. I did. Was it nice? Are you sort of wishing I was like a Mormon now and I was married to her and you? Yes. I would enter

into a three-way for free McDonald's. Oh, a child might hear this one day. Well. Gee whiz. I'm telling you, he would love it more than me.

Oh, aye. I, um, yeah, it was, so McDonald's stuff. What did you get? Oh, like, you would literally go, kind of have a,

you would walk in, you would go, kind of have like a big Mac meal or whatever. Did she have to be you get? Oh, like, you would literally go, kind of have a... You'd walk in, you'd go, kind of have, like, a Big Mac meal or whatever. And if she was serving... Did she have to be at work? Yeah, if she was with you, it would be, like, you'd order a Big Mac meal, you'd pay the three quid or whatever,

and it would come, like, a carrier bag. Do you have to pay? Well, yeah, for... Listen, for your Big Mac meal, but then you'd open it and there'd be a McChicken sandwich, there'd be more than... There'd be a couple of apple pies,

there'd be double cheeseburgers burn your mouth apple pies everything yeah yeah molten apple pies it would come like you'd order one thing

that could come in a tiny little bag and it would come in one of the big big carrier bags with the handles I've never seen you this turned on

I can see your nipples they're coming through your top so erect so just we'll move on but just one last thing. So like, what age were you together?

16 and 17 and 18. Would you come home with loads of stuff? If you were at like a church house or something? Yeah, sometimes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. Jesus. Well, my dad once, when my dad wasn't working,

when he went back to uni and me mum had to quit jobs, my dad used to wash dishes in an Italian restaurant. And he'd always, we loved it, right? Because he'd come home with free pizzas that were just left from the night. And we were buzzing. Why couldn't I have been with you then? Free pizza. My mum would let us stay up until he got in and would be like buzzing, like excited.

Dad's coming in. And it was before phone, so he couldn't let my mom know if he had a pizza or not. So it was just like, oh. Hold on. So sometimes he would come in without a pizza? Never did. Right.

He always had one. So it was like, you know. Here's another one for you. Great. There used to be a Fat Butter in Fulwell takeaway. You know, there's the big Fat Butter in Durham. There used to be a smaller one in Fulwell. What kind of food did they do

it's like Asian sort of fusion Asian fusion kind of like they do I think they still do little bits of sushi and that

but there's mainly sort of you know noodles and chicken you know Chinese chicken things another girl

from my next girlfriend used to work there what and she used to come back from Fat Butter with,

Lord, they do this, you know that honey chilli chicken that they do? She would come back with two things, that honey chilli chicken and egg fried rice.

Why I settled for you, I will never know. I mean. Do you know what you bring in? Grief. That's what you bring in. Lord, I used to work in a nursery

so I'd just bring home sickness bugs. Do you remember? I do remember that. That was horrendous. When you work in a nursery so I'd just bring home sickness bugs do you remember I do remember that that was horrendous when you worked in a nursery when we first got together you were literally going to work

collecting every little sniffle and illness and coming back and just going I love you and just breathing them in my mouth

thankfully we don't have any physical contact now so you can go and get a job at the nursery again if you want we've been married too long hey it's our anniversary

this week oh it is happy anniversary happy anniversary five years five years married what we're doing for it oh nothing

because you have a gig I do have a gig at the other end of the country yeah well done yeah sorry however

no can I just say though and this could be a beef I said I've got a gig I said I'll try and get rid of the gig I couldn't get rid of the gig so I said the night beforehand let's go out I'll take you out and this could be a beef I said I've got a gig, I said I'll try and get rid of the gig I couldn't get rid of the gig, so I said the night beforehand let's go out, I'll take you out and you said, oh no, we're going away

we're going away at the weekend, we're wedding and I don't want to go out again, and I said right so if I didn't even have the gig, you wouldn't want to go out on the night and you said, no I wouldn't, but you're still giving a shit for it, even though you've admitted you don't want to do anything Not the point though is it? Not my anniversary

Honestly, I used to get showered with McDonald's and fat butter and now I just get showered with shit. Do you know that? Yeah. It's the bloody point. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Hi, Chris and Rosie. I'm wondering if you could settle a debate in my house.

Always. Always ready to weigh in on a debate. Ready and willing. When I make a cup of tea, I use the spoon to press the tea out of it. However, my partner uses his finger. Out of the tea bag? As a spoon. So normally, people use a spoon to press it and get all the stuff out, right?

How does he use it? Well, keep listening. What the hell? He will squeeze the boiling hot tea bag and scald his fingers oh that's so annoying this doesn't make any sense to me and i think he's a right dick for doing it that way i agree um who's right and what do you do in your house thanks daniel that's so irritating because i can see him now i can see him whinging every time he burns his finger oh yeah get a spoon Get a spoon, you prick.

I know. Oh, for... I've done that before when there hasn't been any clean spoons. Yeah. It was horrible and I didn't enjoy it at all. Well, I don't understand. But you're totally right. You'll now just do it out of habit or that's what I do.

Yeah. Yeah. That's just why it's easier. Every time. Oh, that's really annoying. Well, I hate watching people eat hot food yeah

and you just like wait until it cools down they're like oh okay yeah really you want to go there what you want to go there

you want to know what happened this week yeah oh it was the end of last week oh yeah so picture the scene I genuinely don't know what you're talking about

yeah no it was I went to I went to Greg's last week got myself a little sandwich a pack of crisps and a lovely little sausage roll. It had just come out the oven, it was lovely. I was leaving it on the bench to cool down while I cooked my sandwich, while I got a little plate to put my Greg's on and made

myself a little cup of tea. Turned around, I just heard like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And I looked and there was you standing in a corner, steam coming out your mouth like a flicking dragon. A flicking dragon. A flicking... A fucking dragon, right? And a big bite taking out my sausage roll. Them mice. I did. I thought I just heard...

And I was like, what the fuck's that? And then I looked and you were just bellowing steam into the air. And then my sausage roll was a shadow of its former self. This all comes under the umbrella of my eating disorder, right? So don't be taking the piss. If it's not my sausage roll as a shadow if it's for myself. Listen, this all comes under the umbrella of my eating disorder. Right? So don't be taking the piss. If it's not my sausage roll,

it doesn't, there's no calories. Alright? Oh, great. Great. If it's not my full Viennetta on a train, there's no calories. God, if you were sitting next to that bloke, he'd have been gutted. It's you just weighing in with your hand. I'd be like, do you have friends that had a fork in your pocket?

What will happen? You have. You have got a fork in your pocket all the time. Yeah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. My question is, if you go into a public toilet with a friend and you are both going about your business having a wee,

but you let out a little fart, do you say, excuse me or pretend it didn't happen and just ignore it it's happened to me a few times and is likely to happen again so i'd like some advice on future occurrences thanks cat 39 from preston fully fully named and everything no address unfortunately great yeah i mean come on i mean first of all drag your head out the gutter

when you're sending us I'm just kidding I love these messages I love these ones so if you go to the toilet and you let out a little pump now this is a lady thing yes

because blokes don't care if you don't if you don't let out a massive fart when you go to the urinal you're kind of letting the side down oh really oh you've got to you've got to rattle it

you've got to rattle the room right okay then well I'll tell you now from a woman's point of view and you know me i'm not a shy woman farting on the toilet in a public toilet is the worst thing in the world really yeah and you know what i've got some advice yeah i've got some tips okay okay i've learned this over years of going to toilet and public toilets yeah what you need to be doing, right, if you feel a pump coming on, get a bit of toilet roll, put it on your bum hole. Literally.

Call it on your bum hole. Like a silencer. Like a silencer. Let it come out. It's sometimes a bit of a noise, but it stops. Because the noise of a pump is it vibrating off your bum cheeks. Yeah,

so the bum cheeks come rolling off. So if you can stop that. Wow. And then as well, if you're going to have a twosies, you can put the toilet roll in the toilet. And it stops any noise. And then it stops. It's like a sound break.

Goodness me. Because it is really embarrassing. Yeah, well, I tell you what, as a man who never shits in public, stop shitting in public toilets. Plan your day. Have your poo at home. Or hold it until you get home as a man who never shits in public, stop shitting in public toilets. Plan your day, have your poo at home, or hold it in until you get home in the night. Stop shitting in public, you animals. It's not shitting, it's because what happens is when a woman sits down in the toilet, it opens up all of the canals, so pumps do come out.

Sorry, guys. Canals. But pumps do come out. Right. But then again, we shouldn't be embarrassed. You're in the toilet, aren't you? Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be embarrassed. You're in a toilet.

But I mean, sometimes I'll be standing in the cubicle. I'll go to the cubicle for a wee. And I'll just be standing there for a wee. And someone can be next to you. And they can be... I mean, it sounds like they're possessed by a demon. Oh, really? Like, just like...

Does that happen? And you're just like, fuck, come on, man, dude. Like, this is, you know, it happens in the airport a lot. The amount of people who are going to have shites before they get in the plane.

Do it at home. I'm sorry. I know I'm weird here. I know there's toilets in public. I don't think there should be toilets in public that you can poo in. I think there should just be urinals.

Well, I think you're absolutely ridiculous. And everyone would be crippled with peeing. Run your dayled with poo in the house. I'm sick of it. It doesn't work like that. You know that my poos creep up on me. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.

It's time for this week's Celebrity Question. Yes. Celebrity Question. And Celebrity Question this week is from the very talented and very lovely gentleman, Rick Edwards. Oh, lovely. Hey, Rosie and Chris, it's Rick. Hope you're both doing well.

I have two questions for you, and they are tonally quite different. The first question is, because I know you love talking toenails, so due to playing football, my big toenail on my right foot fell off about seven years ago. I've been very patient,

but it still hasn't grown back. Is it time to give up on it and secondly i've noticed lots of seemingly normal people saying they think the moon landings were faked or the earth is flat things like that do you have any sympathy for these lunatics thanks guys lovely questions there brilliant questions there he's gazed up he's professional you can tell that man's been presenting tv since we were kids he's got a up he's professional you can tell that man's been presenting TV since we were kids

he's got a lovely voice hasn't he since we were kids isn't he like near our age he's very good he uses a lot of moisturiser

I'm telling you now I've spoken to him I've met him he's 95 years old good for him can you remember Tool Academy that he did did you ever watch that

erm god it was good no what was that oh man you would love it it was a reality programme. Yeah, where they got all these blokes on thinking they were in like an ultimate lad competition

and they were just going on and they'd had like a full day of being like ultimate lads and like, you know, like just being absolute dicks. And then what they didn't realise is their girlfriends were there. They got all their girlfriends. Yeah, and they'd signed them up because they were tools. Yes, I do remember that. Oh God, what a programme that was.

God, bring it back, Rick. It was amazing. Love stuff like that. So the toenail question. That, God, what a programme that was. God, bring it back, Rick. It was amazing. Love stuff like that. So the toenail question. It's come off during football. Yeah, it's come off when you've been playing football and it's never going to come back by the sounds of things. Don't they grow back?

I don't know. Well, he's obviously kept playing football, hasn't he? Blokes who play football recreationally and get injured and then keep playing football, you're idiots. I'm telling you now, you're idiots. I've got a mate, our friend, and get injured, and then keep playing football. You're idiots. I'm telling you now, you're idiots. I've got a mate, our friend, his toenail. It's the same. Michael.

Michael's toenail's knackered. Michael who? Michael Pratt. Oh, right. His toenail's knackered. Is it? Yeah, yeah, he's got a knackered toenail. He keeps going, oh, playing football.

Toenail came off again. It's not that good. It's not that fun. Right? Billy Bone, another friend of ours. You're losing a bit to your body, man. Yeah. Billy Bone, another friend of ours. Yeah. losing a bit of your body, man. Yeah, Billy Bone,

another friend of ours. Twice, he's done his knees in playing football. He's really done his knees in, hasn't he? Really done his knees in. Didn't one go around the back of his...

His kneecap came off and ended up behind where the fold of the knee is. Yeah. So there's tendons that hold the kneecap in and it's spun round the wrong way

and he did it to the other leg as well. He'd done both of them and he played again. He's like, I can play again now. Have you got a death wish? It's not for you.

You say this, but at least they're doing some activities and sports and stuff. I cracked the same tooth twice, just pissed. Yeah, to be fair, yeah. At least they're actually

doing something active and enjoying themselves. However, life's full of stuff you're going to hurt yourself with. Yeah, I think, Rick, I think you should give up. I think you should call

it a day on the toenail. Maybe fashion a little, fashion yourself a little toenail out of... Get a stick on one. Get a stick on toenail, yeah.

If you've got any, you know, if you're going on holiday, you're going to be wearing some flip-flops or something. Yeah. Get a stick on one. If you're worried about

it, yeah. Get a shellac. If you go to like a, if you go to a gig, like a festival or something this summer, they give you them plastic cups because it's not glasses. They give you the plastic ones where your beer's in. I reckon if you cut a little toenail shape out there, that would be the perfect kind of stuff you're making out of.

Yeah, I mean, we've solved the problem. Fashion yourself a little toenail. Don't super glue it on. Well, no, don't. If you make it a bit longer, you can lift up where the toenail used to be and you just jab it into your skin. Oh, God. And leave it there.

Oh, this has just reminded me of something. Somebody sent a picture on instagram right the other day of oh god it's gonna make us feel ill again you didn't tell me about this what is this oh i've saved it on my phone because i knew that it's gonna make us feel ill i've saved it on my phone it's my wallpaper oh no it's basically the bottom of someone's foot? And they've had a blister or they've got such bad dry skin that they've made a little pocket and they've put coins in. Love that. Yeah. I've seen one with pens in once.

Yeah, it's great. Oh. Yeah. Oh, lovely. Oh, I've gone a bit funny. Lovely, yeah. I've gone all a quiver. Really?

Stuff like that. The toenail murderer. So the toenail murderer keeps his toenails in his... Pocket of skin. Yeah, no, he keeps them in murderer keeps his toenails in his... Pocket of skin. Yeah, no, he keeps them in his wallet and then he keeps his money in that skin. That's how he never gets... So he never gets...

Yeah, we thought he's getting coins out. He goes, oh, no, how much? I've got the 10. And he whips his shoe and his sock off and he... Oh, don't. I haven't eaten yet, so it's just going to be bile. Now, second question. So it's the anniversary.

It's the 50th anniversary of the moon landing hang on I still feel a bit funny really do you know when I think about like I'm not that squeamish but like

I can just say it I've gone a bit faint stop because you are a fainter so I don't want you to faint on the podcast I'm alright yeah at least wait until

we're filming the podcast so you can do it on the video yeah it's the 50th anniversary of the moon so you can do it on the video. It's the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. There are people who think the moon landing was faked. Yes, there is.

What do you think? I don't think it was. No. There's no way it was faked. Because the Russians even said, the Russians were racing the Americans to do it. And the Russians went, yeah, you've done it. Oh, they never lie. They would go, well, yeah,

but why would they lie the wrong way around? True. They would go, yeah, you did. Yeah, it is fake. They went, no, it's not fake. Oh, they never lie. They would go, well, yeah, but why would they lie the wrong way around? True. They would go, yeah, you did, yeah, it is fake. They went, no, it's not fake because it wasn't fake and if you think it's fake,

you're a nutter and if you think the earth's flat, never been in a plane? Yeah. Never stood in a tall building? Mm-hmm. Eh? I mean, I don't know enough

about either side to argue. So you think the earth might be flat? No, I definitely don't think, well, I know that the Earth isn't flat. Yeah. Definitely. I don't understand why they think

that every single other thing out there is round. You know, Mars, Venus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything. Well, these are just dickheads who like to argue with people. Yeah.

And they've got nothing... They just want to argue about stuff. And I don't really care. Do you know there's people who think the Earth's on the back of a giant tortoise? What? They think Earth's on the back of a giant tortoise? What? They think it's on the back of a giant tortoise going through,

swimming through space. Big, massive giant tortoise and wait on its shell. That's not, no. I'm telling you. Google it. I'm telling you. For once, I'm not winding you up here. Big giant tortoise.

Are these the same people who marry ghosts? Yes. Well, then there you go. That's what you deal them with. Hey, tell you one thing. Marry a ghost. You save on the catering at the wedding

well they won't eat anything they don't eat anything just loads of empty chairs yeah you don't even have to put the chairs out like Casper well they might eat

and it just goes through oh pick loads of food off the floor it's just a mess isn't it or is that Ghostbusters at dinner one of them

ah all the ghost films just merging into one good stuff it is time to bid you farewell thank you once again for listening we love you guys that's it thank you very much

thank you as always guys if you want to get in touch please email shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com and don't forget this little fella is on tour tickets on sale now

going on the 2020 tour in 2020 chrisfamsiecomedy.com there we go is it just called 2020? it's the tour's called 2020 nothing else? 20 slash 20

what? rather than 2020 like the year 20 slash 20 like mad dog like the drink? like mad dog 2020 like the drink yeah that's like mad dog like the drink like mad dog 2020 like the drink

yeah that's the kind of little joke that I did yeah but it was mainly so that people say 2020 and not 2020 right

because I know someone will go oh I saw you too at 2020 and I'll go like when people go I love that sitcom you were in

Hepburn you didn't love it that fucking much because when the characters said heaven you just ignored it Hepburn dicks is't love it that fucking much because when the characters said Hebben you just ignored it. Hepburn.

Hepburn. Dicks. Is it too late to rename you? Sure. Yes. Why? Nothing. No, nothing.

Great. It's going to be great. Love you. God damn it. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- This evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to