Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 27. Found a good a chew

Episode Date: August 16, 2019

The Ramsey’s are back. The beefs reveal some questionable behaviour, there’s some strictly chat, a story involving a four finger Kit Kat, love bite tales and not one but three questions from YouTube super star Zoella. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maradonoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Electa, please. What's happening? Christopher Ramsey! That's me.

Terrified. I don't know how long this lasts for. Hang on. I'm already out of breath. Somebody goes... That bit. Right. Oh, God.

It might be the long version. Shall I tell that to stop? Yes. Hang on. Ready? That's it. Right! No.

Jesus. Alexa! Alexa! Alexa! Alexa! This is painful, guys. Alexa! Alexa!

Hold on, hold on. She doesn't like you. Wait. Alexa! Alexa! Alexa! This is horrible. Alexa! Alexa! Hold on, hold on. She doesn't like you. Wait. Alexa! Alexa! This is horrible. Alexa!

Alexa! Alexa! Alexa's possessed. Turn her off at the wall. That was awful. This is the worst intro that's ever happened. Why wouldn't you turn off? I had to put it on volume 10 so that you could hear it all the way through.

Right. That was horrendous. I can only apologise to everyone listening. That was the worst. Jesus. Good heavens. I feel sick. Jesus. Good heavens. I feel sick. Sorry. I don't even know what episode this is. I don't know. Do you want to do it again?

Or should we just leave it? Might as well just leave it, I think. Okay, sorry. Good heavens. I got really angry. Alexa's actually frightened. She's scared. Don't say it. I've turned it off. It's fine. Good heavens. I got really angry. Alexa's actually frightened. She's scared. Don't say it. I've turned it off. It's fine.

Good God. Okay. What happens now? You normally say what episode it is and thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. This is episode 26. 25? 26.

Oh, I don't know. We should have checked. So unprofessional. Sorry, guys. This is an episode in the 20s. All right, you settle down, you calm down. I'm okay. Sorry, I thought that would be really good production value.

Yeah. No, I bet you it sounded like you were playing it in a bin. Probably. Yeah, I bet you it sounded really bad. Really bad. She would tell everyone that Robin is now doing that around the house all the time. Constantly doing that tune, isn't he? Playing with these toys like...

around the house all the time. Constantly doing that tune, isn't he? Playing with these toys like... It's craziness. Anyway, go on. I don't know what to say. Is he not got a sponsor? Well, yeah, but what's the point in doing it? Yeah, that should have been the start of the episode.

This is the start of the episode. Yeah, but instead of the intro, that should have been the start. That should have been been after the jingle are you annoyed that i've surprised you with that no no it was very good but this should be the start of the show and then the sponsor should come before this okay because what people don't understand is we did the podcast two podcasts ago when we're talking about me doing being announced for strictly we did that before everyone else knew because we had to record that on like the monday and then it didn't get announced on the friday yeah the bbc had to check it and everything yeah

are we allowed to talk about it now yeah then we've had a week off yeah we've had a week off where we didn't really talk about it because it was like a best of show of stuff's were missed out of office reply number two okay and now we're talking about again so everyone might be thinking this is all news but this is the first time you've got to use your little alexa i enjoyed that have a week off the sponsors this week. Okay. Okay? Did you have one prepared?

No, no. Sorry. Have a week off. Okay. We'll play the jingle now, and then we'll get talking again. Okay. Is that our podcast? We can do what we want?

Okay. Do you want to play the jingle now? Yes. But before we play the jingle, this week's sponsor is... Cereal. So you did have one. Hey. Oh, yeah. Hey. Is it morning? Are you did have one. Hey. Oh, yeah.

Hey. Is it morning? Are you hungry? No. Cereal. Is it nighttime? Are you hungry? Yeah.

Cereal. Great. Is it the middle of the day? Mm. Are you hungry? Mm. Cereal. Yeah.

Yeah. Is it middle of the night? Are you hungry? You hungry? Cereal. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey. Are you hungry? Cereal. Hey, hey, hey. Are you hungry and thirsty at the same time?

Cereal. Hungry but can't be bothered to cook anything but want something with a bit of texture in it? Cereal. Hey, want something healthy? Stop hating it. Cereal. Hey, want something with a little bit of chicken and a bit of sugar in it? Cereal. Hey, you want to make a little bit of chicken and a bit of sugar in it? Huh? Cereal.

Hey, you want to feel bad for giving your child cereal in the morning? Watch the Hugh Fearnley Whittenstall documentary. No, let's not. Come on, look, look. When they sent me the email, when Cereal said they wanted me to sponsor email,

they'd sponsor cereal. That is the one thing we weren't allowed to mention. So you've just voided the whole advert. So, this, do you know how much you've just cost us? Oh how much? 7,000 boxes of Frosties

Oh they're my favourite Do you remember Choco Corn Flakes? Do you remember Ricicles? They're still around Choco Corn Flakes aren't around anymore Remember Nesquik that were like just balls Are you kidding me? Do you ever go down the cereal aisle?

I just eat Special K mate Nesquik's still a thing I'm They still got are you kidding me? Do you ever go down the cereal aisle? I just eat special cake mate. Nesquik's still a thing. Stay special. I'm trying to stay special so I just have special cake. Good for you. Are you finished? Am I finished?

Yes. Hey! Want some want a little cake? Eh? Want a little cake with some chocolate in it? Eh?

Cereal and melted chocolate and a cake tin. Rice Krispie cakes. Here's the jingle. That was shocking. We had a fight about the jingle jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle

jingle So this is the jingle jingle We hope you like the jingle jingle Jingle! OK then, We hope you like the jingo. Jing-go. Bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, bah. Jing-go. Hoka'i dh'ni, ye ken?

This is Shag's Married Annoyed, and I am Rosie Ramsey, and that's my husband, Christopher Ramsey. This is episode 27. It is episode 27. Stop that accent, it's horrible. I would like you to give me the respect that I deserve. We are in 1743. No, it's going weirdly, sort of slightly,

slightly a bit German, a bit Russian, creeping in there. A little bit more. You can. Yeah, well, you can say you can. Ken's fine. This is episode 27. And can I just say, Podcast Awards 2020,

if you're doing an award for best and longest intro that bad boy we've just did I think I think that's up there I think we'll accept

the award now the prize is ours do you want to explain why you're talking in that ridiculous voice I'm currently balls deep in Outlander

you sound like on Amazon Prime you sound like a tennis player, a European tennis player. I think it's because I'm taking it too seriously. Right, don't stop the accent. Anyone Scottish? No, no, no.

Not only was that still in the accent, it was actually a yes that you said there. So stop. Right? Sorry. We're a little bit obsessed with Outlander. I keep thinking about it all the time. Well, with my special coming on Amazon Prime, we've been watching Amazon Prime quite a lot, weirdly,

because it's just been in the forefront of me. August 19th, by the way, my special. Is that when it is? Yeah, Prove I'm Needed, my special goes on Amazon Prime. Oh, God, I've never got anything to promote. Yeah? No. You promote loads of stuff.

I've got now to promote. Well, you know. Might have a new... What? A new Cutlery range coming out soon. You might have soon. Because remember this morning? Remember this morning I couldn't have egg with me bacon and eggs

because you needed the eggs to film an audition for something. Oh, yeah, that's true, actually. You needed to go in the garden and smash some eggs. Okay, right. Then maybe... Well, fingers crossed that I get that part and actually. We need to go in the garden and smash some eggs. Okay, right then. Maybe, well, fingers crossed that I get that part and I'll be able to announce it on here.

Anyway, your Amazon Prime special is coming out. Yes, yes. Which is very good. Quite right, back to me. I'll never forgive you for that. That was the driest bacon sandwich I've ever had in my life

with no egg to moisten it up. Yeah, so my special approval needed me 2019 stand-up special comes on Amazon Prime on the 19th of August I've seen it already you have seen it

already oh and by the way me 2020 tour which is a different show stop asking is on sale now chrishamseycomedy.com

haven't wrote that one yet have you haven't wrote that one yet look forward to that you are at your absolute best like marriage wise

when you're writing the tour honestly I've never loved you more and never wanted to stab you're writing the tour honestly I've never loved you more and never wanted to stab you as much the Amazon one was pretty I'd only had you know there was a deadline with that that was

they're all just as bad as each other so I'm not fun to be around when I'm writing a show we've been through seven of them which is ironic really because I'm writing comedy so I should be really fun it's not fun at all it's really not fun but anyway

well with my special coming on Amazon Prime we've been watching Prime we've got the boys on there preachers on there it's genuinely it's good

it's better than I thought well I had it for ages but I only had it for the for the delivery the packages yeah for the quick delivery and

and then they kept emailing us going you know you're not watching your stuff and I was like what are watching your stuff and I was like what are they talking about and I was like oh god

but Outlander we've only just got into that and my mum used to read the books yes cross stitch and all that that they were called through the stones

or whatever and she has constantly told us how good it is well she's obsessed with it last year I remember you were downloading them for her yeah

do you want to full of filth unbelievable amounts of filth? Unbelievable amounts of filth. To the point of where we were actually watching it last night and there was a sex scene. It was gratuitous. It made Game of Thrones look like Sesame Street. Yeah.

And it was properly... They did like three positions. Normally, you know, they'll fade out. It showed all the positions. It showed afterwards. It showed her going for it again. I was like, why is my mum a filthbag? Because she's a wee lassie

with a beaten heart between her legs and her groins. A beaten heart between her legs and her groins. Did you mean loins? And her loins as well. The groin, the loins and the breasts. I love saying breasts in Scottish accent. Breasts. You're a wee tiny little breast.

Stop. But yeah, it's a very good show if you haven't seen it. It's a little bit strange at first, but it does get really, really good. It's very good. And it's on Prime. What? What else have we been up to? We've been on holiday.

We did go on holiday. Yeah. We had it last week because the podcast came out last week while we were at home. So it was like an out-of-office reply of all the stuff that got cut out. But we'd missed,

yeah, because we'd missed the deadline for the editing. Yeah, because we have to record earlier in the week. But the thing is, with out-of-office replies, we record for like an hour and a half to, oh, sorry,

an hour and a half to two hours. Sorry, as soon as you started shaking that pen around, I thought, there we go, twice. Put the pen down. But don't you be telling me what to do.

Please, please. I can't stop. Right. I've stopped. You know, I'm going to get a message on Instagram going, eh.

Why can't you, why don't you just, yeah, why don't you stop doing a Scottish accent and enjoy the brilliant life your husband's provided for you? Exactly. When I'm with him. Yeah.

What was I saying? Yeah, so went on holiday. That was really nice. No, the out-of-office replies. We miss loads of good stuff. Yeah. I listen to that because obviously I have to have a listen to check that we don't see anything horrific that's going to come

and bite we're in the arse in years to come. Ah, we've already said all that. It'll be out there somewhere. There's loads. Before they're getting dragged back up. I'll go with here's everything that you shouldn't

have said. Get in. So I had to listen and there's really good stuff. We should really go back and just get all the other stuff

that we've used. We talk for too long essentially. We record far too much of this. But yeah, you know, we'll keep plopping it out in dribs and drabs

every time we have a little holiday. Exactly. What else has happened? We had a a holiday uh well it was nice it was lovely the holiday was lovely except we felt a little bit ostracized is that the word well i think the problem is here um we are let's be honest scum uh and we are used to going to hotels where people are hammered during the day and spilling pina coladas in the pool and jumping in the pool

and there's music on and people are raving and stuff. And we actually went to quite a posh hotel, which was lovely, but we were the only ones drinking during the day. To the point of where the lifeguard made it a personal vendetta of his to make sure-

I know. God. Right. Set the scene guys I'm in the pool with Robin Robin can stand up in the pool

I've took his life jacket thing off because he's trying to learn to swim he can stand up he can keep his head above but what he likes to do is he likes to put his head

under and swim under he can swim he's better at swimming under the water than he is at floating that's how you learn how to swim exactly

but he can only swim with his head under he puts his head under and yes I will give the lifeguard this. He does often look like he's drowning. He does. Yeah, because he goes, and then he goes back under.

Exactly. And he stays under for ages like that, deliberately under the water just to wind up holding his breath. Yeah, exactly. And again, in the lifeguard's, in his favour, it was 11 in the morning

and I did have a pint in my hand in the pool. But I'm on my holidays, right? And he did. He looked over and he was like, he needs armbands. And I went, but he's learning to swim.

He went, well, no, he's going to the water. He's doing it on purpose. I went, he can stand up. He went, well, are you going to watch him? And I'm like, yeah, believe it or not.

Do you want us to watch him? Can you not? You've got to watch your child in the water you've got to watch him while he's in a large body of water what the hell

is a drown I've never heard of that idiot and I did I did lose my temper a little bit but thankfully I think it was just

because of I didn't me losing my temper with a member of the public is a very internalised and when I say I've lost my temper

I ran back to the room and started shouting and screaming obviously i didn't lose it with him i mean i did say to him i went he's me son i will watch him yeah he did the same to me the next day i was buzzing when he did the same to you because i tell you right now i told you about him and you gave us a look as if to go i bet he didn't and i bet you were in the wrong place and then he did it to you and i was buzzing because i was like you know in his defense he doesn't know who you are, you've got a pint of beer

in the swimming pool at 11 o'clock in the morning and nobody else was drinking because we're scumbags. Sorry, by that you mean, you don't mean he doesn't know that I'm a comedian, you mean he doesn't know

that I'm the kind of person who would just leave me kid. Yeah, he doesn't know that and it's his job to watch. Or he's a comedian, pool safety doesn't apply. He's probably looking for an anecdote out of this.

Thinks he's funny. No, so, but then when he did it to me, I was livid. I nearly threw me a glass of Prosecco at him, I'm not going to lie. Me breakfast Prosecco.

My half-eaten Prosecco. Well, that's the thing, because I sometimes say to you, like, you'll be doing something, say, picking a subject out of the air, you'll be putting factor 20 on Robin,

and I'll go, do you know there's factor 50 or something? And you'll go, don't tell us how to mother. I imagined, I can only imagine the wrath that that man got from you when he told you how to mother.

Oh yeah, and he did the eye-pointing thing. Yeah. He did the, are you watching him? I was like, I'm stood, like honestly,

about 30 centimetres away from him. How, how am I not watching him? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, it was really irritating to be fair. But again,

doing his job. You're not listening to this. Yeah, you're not. Yeah. Do you know the main reason I hated that lifeguard? Why? His tan was phenomenal.

Yeah, he had the best tan. He didn't even have any tan lines and I think... Do you know what he looked like? We've talked about them before, right? We've talked about them before on the podcast

and people say they're still out there but I haven't seen them in the shops. He had the exact colour of Mr Kipling chocolate chip cake bar. Just a golden brown. He was browner than that. No, no.

He looked like a wrestler, brown. He was fantastic. Good God. See, my main thing about Strictly. Rosie, the talk about the Strictly curse, I tell you what. You've seen some of the blokes. Yeah. There's more chance that I'll come out with this gear, you know.

There's more chance. Listen, it's with this gear you know there's more chance listen it's 2019 yeah I mean yeah we'd have to break up but yeah so you'd leave us

I think we couldn't you know couldn't could we put an extension on the house I don't know

maybe one of the male dancers that live upstairs someone said it was the idea they showed us a photo they were like oh I think this might be the dancer that you get

and they googled her and on one of the images she was standing with her partner who was one of the dancers bloody hell Someone sent us the idea. They showed us a photo, though, like, oh, I think this might be the dancer that you get. And they Googled her, and on one of the images, she was standing with her partner, who was one of the dancers. Bloody hell. He was amazing. He was lovely, wasn't he? Yeah. They were all lovely.

That's the thing, they talk about the curse, and then they go, look, by the way, they're married to these amazing, gorgeous male dancers. And you go, mate, if I was single and looking for it, I wouldn't have a chance. You're joking, aren't you? You've seen these fellas. Jesus Christ. Bless you. I aren't you you've seen these fellas jesus christ bless you i can't wait me it is so excited i've so we're recording this uh during the week and i've got to go literally when we finish this i've got to go down to london i'm filming me um me sort of yeah vts like me

interviews so rosie's been helping us pick some clothes out and stuff and i've got to sort of do the little dancers with the props and all the things. We've been watching them off the previous series, haven't we? It's proper scary watching it now. I know. I've watched it as a punter. Watching it as a punter is fine. But when you've been signed up to do it and you watch it, it's another level.

I don't know how I'm going to feel watching you. I don't know. I don't know. It's going to feel watching you. I don't know. I don't know. It's really strange. It's so alien. I was texting Simon Rimmer yesterday and he was like, oh, I'm really excited for you. It's hard, but it's really good.

You're going to love it and all this. And everyone said, look, you're going to love it. But they're the same kind of people who say, don't you feel brilliant after a run? No. I feel like shit. I feel like shit after a run. People say you go to the gym and they go, doesn't the endorphins hit run? No. I feel like shit. I feel like shit after a run. You know people say you go to the gym

and they go, doesn't the endorphins hit you? I know. You hate it. I feel gutted. I wish I'd went to the pub. Like, I want you to do well,

right, obviously, but I just, I know that you're going to hate it. But, I think, watching you, what I meant by it's going to be strange

and I don't know how I'm going to feel when I'm going to be watching you because it's such a big competition that I'm just going to be like so anxious. And because I can dance. Yeah. And I used to, I don't mean like because I can dance,

but because I used to dance years ago. I don't know. We'll just see. You'll be fine though. You'll have fun. Just enjoy it. I'll try and have fun. I think. I don't know I'm we'll just see you'll be fine though you'll have fun just enjoy it I'll try and have fun I think

I don't know I'm frightened I am frightened so you should be it's going to be hard yeah normally when I look like I don't know

don't worry have fun oh god it's time for what's your beef Rosie I'll stop you there what right

we've got a jingle for it this time are you taking the mic no I'm not at all so none of your no no no no no no what yeah we'll go friend of ours glenn roofhead did a bloody beautiful jingle here it is what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what is your beef tell you what i'll see you in court that's great i like that what's your be tell you what I'll see you in court very good fantastic that's my new catchphrase

I'll see you in court amazing time for what's beef as always ladies first okay my turn this is recent you hate when I play with my mic

yeah you're fucking about with my things I can't help it this is very recent okay so obviously you've got Strictly coming up we all know

yeah you're trying to get a we all know yeah um you're trying to get a bit fitter yeah not like to lose weight or anything just a bit fitter because you don't seem to realize how exhausting it's going to be yeah well i don't want to be able to taste blood while i'm trying to learn me cha-cha-cha yeah because it is it's harder than it looks yeah right it's very much cardio like you're gonna lose loads of weight i'm gonna be furious but fine i'm already already lean mean mean, frightened machine, but carry on. Great. So you this week have done three high-intensity workouts.

Yep. And last night, whilst doing your boxers, before you went in the bath, you made me look at your legs. Yep. And you said, how good do my legs look? Look, yeah. How good do my legs look? Yeah.

Like, that they they changed after three workouts well had they no because that doesn't happen well they definitely had it doesn't happen well someone stopped us in the street the other day

and said have you done three workouts and I went yeah and they grabbed my leg that's ridiculous I've also got another part of my beef I just

you know what it is I feel like the have hang on I've got more oh you've got more also part of my beef is when you exercise you sound grotesque.

Have you recorded it? Maybe. You're such an arse. These are killing me legs. This is an invasion of privacy, this. Six minutes long. Listen to that. I'm going to the...

I'm pushing. This is slander. Oh, fuck this. Oh, fuck this. This is a deep fake. You alright? The tree's stiff. They look shite.

No, it doesn't matter. It looks shite, doesn't it? I didn't do them properly. Come on. Come on. Jesus. It basically just goes on like that for like five minutes. Go to heavens.

Yeah, so that's... Yeah. That was in the same room where we do this it's a gym a playroom dining area podcast studio

podcast studio oh fuck this listen I was pushing myself to the limit and I'm not scared I'd rather make them noises here

on podcast for what six million listens or whatever than do it on telly for the 15 million viewers well there you go um but yeah i i just i don't like exercise i don't like it as soon as i started i wanted to end immediately i'm the same honestly i used to i used to go to a gym near where we live

and i stopped going because i didn't like the carpet because it made us feel sad the carpet every time i walked in i saw the carpet and i went oh i know what this feels like now i can't go anywhere with blue carpet because it reminds us of that horrible so what is your beef with le moi what is my beef well my beef with you other than the absolute obvious invasions of privacy that's going on right here right now doing it doing it for the podcast doing it for the love not doing it for the money obviously good or the cereal that you lampooned earlier on yeah um i've got two beefs great uh one is of the kind of um little jokey jokey he he isn't this nice variety okay which i'm shelving this week because you recorded me exercising like some kind of paparazzi member

right i'm just doing it before they do. All right? Cool. Well, brace yourself. Remember it's for the love. Remember why we do this. Oh no, don't. What are you going to... No. I'll veto it. I'll scream.

What are you going to say? I'll scream. What are you going to say? My beef with you this week, Rosemary Ramsey, is we were lying in bed the other night.

You picked one of your toenails off and put it in your mouth and chewed it for around about 15 minutes. And I could hear the... of the chewing of the... And I went, what is that noise?

Oh my God, are you chewing that toenail you just pulled off and you went yes what's wrong with that it's my toenail why can't i have a little chew and i lay there reading my book as the noise just got louder to the point of where i went you're gonna have to stop because it sounds like someone chiseling in your mouth and you spat it out right okay and it's right notice i didn't say anything at the time i immediately wrote it in my fizzling in your mouth, and you spat it out. Right, okay. And it's, notice I didn't say anything at the time, I immediately wrote it in my phone,

rolled over, went to sleep, and had nightmares about it. The toenail murderer is not going to find a victim in this house, he's going to find an ally. Minging. Fucking minging. Listen, right,

let's just clarify this, it wasn't a full toenail it was like a hangnail off the end of it that I had to pick off before I went to bed because it would have just you know when the thingy's

on the sheet and you can't sleep so it was just a little bit and I thought you know what I'm going to have a bit of chew on this you know I love chewing stuff and it was just it was quite chewy

and then I spat it out so I don't see what your problem is. Is that a bad thing? You do love a chew of stuff because if we ever, you know when you get a bottle of water

and you've got to pull like the sort of seal bit off or like maybe like a, yeah, like a little smoothie or something, you will chew it for ages. Well,

I worked with a girl called Natalie once and we both love chewing stuff. Yeah. And we used to text each other saying, found a good chew. Like dogs. And we'd tell each other what it was.

Like if dogs could use food. Like if dogs could use food. Do you know what the best thing was? What? The best chew, right? I don't know if they do them anymore, but you know like bottles of pop? That's when I used to drink pop.

Inside the lid, there was like a little tiny bit of plastic. Yes. And I used to drink pop inside the inside the lid there was like a little tiny bit of plastic yes and I used to fold it over and that was a good chew Pringles top like the top of a Pringles box

that was a good chew wow I used to also I'm a bit I am a bit strange I'm going to admit this very I used to

do you know a pack of chewing gum when I finished a pack of chewing gum I'd open up the wrapper do you know the glue right the glue that sticks all the chewing gum wrapper together. Okay. I used to scrape it all off.

Right. And I'd get it all together and then chew that. What the hell's wrong with you? I don't know. That's the worst thing. My incisors must be like, I am the toenail murderer. You blatantly are.

Oh, the noise. The noise of you chewing the toenail. Oh. Oh, the noise. The noise of you chewing a toenail. So bad. You sound like you're literally having sex while you're doing burpees. I'd rather listen to crunchy toenails. Don't think you would. Minging. Stop that.

I'm trying to find a proper... Is this what it sounded like? I can't even describe it. It just sounded like... When someone bites their nails and you hear like a... It sounded like that, but I knew you weren't biting your nails. Oh, fingernails are rubbish.

I don't bite fingernails. Oh, I know, I know. But toenails are loads thicker. See what I live with, guys? Just see what I live with. The rest is my case. Will you still have sex with us after this cut your nails first always

and dispose of them not in your mouth appropriately you bastard will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday.

You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't.

The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? You think of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks

at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for questions from the public. That's you. That's you. That's you. That's you. That's you.'s you as always guys thank you so much for getting in touch if you want to get in touch and ask a question

or tell us something or give us a little fact or let us win an argument whatever you want please email shaggedmardenoid at gmail.com and while you're on

your internet browser www.chrisfamsycomedy.com slash gigs yeah me 2022 has nearly sold out yes go for it guys

get yourselves a ticket guys all the money goes to our family. And, um... And, uh... Sofas. Yeah, yeah. And all the sofa shops in the area. Yeah.

Dining tables. Yeah. Et cetera. Et cetera. Not toenail clippers, because, you know, we all know what happens there. They're only for losers.

Wasting good toenails right I've been going through all the questions and on the there's 5000 emails of questions crazy

I kind of keep up and it's hard because when you go through them some of them are just and it's lovely people are like loving the podcast and I'm like

that's not a question do you know what I mean if you love it like, rate and subscribe yeah tell your mates like, rate and subscribe anyway I stumbled across this

recently it's a bit of a story love a story but I just thought you might enjoy it because I Like, rate and subscribe. Yeah? Tell your mates. Like, rate and subscribe. Anyway, I stumbled across this recently. It's a bit of a story. Love a story. But I just thought you might enjoy it because I was reading it and I was like, but then it's good. It's not a question or anything. It's just a story.

Not a problem at all. Hey, if you want to send me a little story, get in touch. Shagbrownynoid at gmail.com. That was nice for you. Well done. Yeah. I thought you were going to say something sarcastic.

No, no, not at all. Yeah. I thought we were going to say something sarcastic. No, no. Not at all. Okay. Are you ready? A few years ago, I started a new job. And at lunchtime, I walked into the local town to have a wander. I found a small cafe and thought, Oh, this looks nice.

I'll have a quick cup of tea. I went in and ordered a cup of tea and a four-finger Kit Kat. Oosh. When I turned around, there were no tables free. However, I spotted a little elderly gentleman with some seats free on his table. I walked over and politely asked if anyone was sitting there. There wasn't, so I sat myself down.

He was just sat there with his pot of tea watching the world go by, and I had my headphones in, casually scrolling through social media as you do. I was sat minding my own business, having a sip of tea and noticed the elderly man pick up my Kit Kat, open it and have a finger. I was traumatised. I honestly didn't know what to do. I avoided eye contact and was messaging my friend like, Oh my God, what do I do?

A minute or so later, I picked up the Kit Kat and helped myself to a finger. Quickly, followed by the elderly man helping himself to another. With one finger left, I rightly picked it up and ate it, screwed the wrapper up and threw it back on the table. I couldn't believe what had happened. Still no eye contact, yet we had just shared my Kit Kat. Five minutes later, the elderly man got up and left. I thought, thank God for that.

I've never felt so awkward in my life terrible 10 minutes or so after that i also got up ready to leave put my coat on etc and went to put my phone in my coat pocket however it was at that very moment that i wanted the floor to swallow me up i only only pulled out the KitKat that I had bought. No fucking way. No fucking way, man. I had put it in my pocket after I had paid as there were no trays available

and I couldn't carry everything. So, basically, I had just sat there eating the elderly man's Kit Kat, thinking it was mine, and he didn't even say a word. Oh, bless him. I'm going straight to hell. Oh, my God. That was an epic saga. That was like the Shawshank Redemption.

I know. It had twists, it had turns. He was the villain, then he was the victim. Lovely, isn't it? That was like the Shawshank Redemption. I know. It had twists, it had turns. I didn't think that was going to happen. He was the villain, then he was the victim. Oh, my God. Poor Brooke. She's just, like, snapping her fingers. See, I cottoned on straight away.

As soon as she said she'd put her hand out, I was like... But I was laughing, and I was prepared to say it to you. At the end, I was going to go, do you know what I thought you were going to say? Yeah. And that was me joke that I had prepared, that it was in her pocket all over. isn't it oh bless him i wonder what he told people and he didn't say anything god do you know what she didn't say anything to him and he

didn't say anything to her some people are a lot nicer than me i'd have flipped that table over well he'd be like mate that's my kit kat what are you doing i went do you want to buy your kit kat i'll buy you a kit kat you cheeky fucker i know like i would no you see i'm saying that i would have done i'd have done what she did and i'd have just been like oh so we're sharing a kit kat now do you know what i mean oh he must have honestly thought like oh apparently that's what that's what the youngins do these days if you share a table with them

I'm surprised I haven't had a sip of my tea topping a tea up from his pot that happened to my mum and my aunt

remember she was telling me that my mum and auntie went to a bar and they ended up sitting across

from a couple of ladies who were about the same age as them and when they went to leave me auntie had the sun i had her pair of sunglasses on the table yeah and the other lady across the table went to pick them up and put them on and my auntie was like oh i'm really i'm sorry but that

they're they're my sunglasses and the woman was like you know they're not and then my auntie was like no they're mine but then because my mom said that my auntie was like other you know you started doubt yourself but she was like no like they're mine i wore them here i put them on the table the other one was like no they're not they're mine turns out they were actually my aunties and the other woman was just a lunatic they were in her bag no they were on her fucking head they were on her head that was the story they were on her head while she was saying they're my sunglasses they were on a friend's head yeah yeah that's what it was so a friend had a hold of her own sunglasses all gone these are mine and she had a mate on her head

while a mate was properly ready to fight your auntie cat but you just know it'll have been so british though and they'd have been like sorry but i think no are they no I'd have died what a lovely story about the Kit Kat but hey podcast fans you know sometimes you see we're out or maybe social media

you tweet with something or sometimes you see us out or you see us at a gig and you shout something from the podcast very funny but if I'm ever in a cafe and I've got a Kit Kat

or a cake and for a laugh you come up and try and do that I'll break your fucking mind you will thanks for listening just quickly before we go on a bit of a public service announcement of the podcast life don't don't steal chris's cakes in public is that that i just did that i

just did that no no man this is oh if you're listening to the podcast now and you listen to it on your iphone and we sound a little bit like chipmunks a bit fast there's a part at the bottom at the left hand corner where it's got like a one and a like an X yeah you need it on one rather than half or two

or one and a half because it makes it go faster because it makes it go faster can I Rosie if they have it on that speed and they don't realise the chances of them

still listening now at this point in this episode pretty slim although then again it's probably only about five minutes I had to slow someone's down just yesterday. Really?

Yeah. She was talking. I'll give them a shout out. It breathes in East Baldwin. It's a lovely furniture shop. And she was like, love the podcast. She's like, you're doing off talk fast though. Shut the, no way.

Yeah, I was like, what do you mean? And I went onto her phone and I corrected it for her. Wow. So there you go. Wow. Okay, you go. Wow. Okay, got another one here. Dear Rosie and Chris, a couple of years ago

when I was at uni, I was hungover after a great house party for my friend's birthday. At around 4pm, I went to do my hangover beer poo. PM?

The next day. She nested on it all day? The next day that student's probably well exactly i was horrified to see lots of bright orange liquidy spots in the toilet convinced something hideous was happening to my stomach post blackout drunk session i rang my mom who said to call one one1 in the meantime i discovered on the desk at the bottom of my bed was a bottle of baby oil with the lid off full of spit back in my drunken sleep i had woken up and gulped down baby oil thinking it was water which had passed through my body and came out in my poo. Since then, my friends have ripped me for having an oily bum and I've never lived it down.

Oh, that is... Honestly, I feel sick. Do you know how thirsty you are when you wake up in the night? I know, can you imagine drinking baby oil? My question for you is, what is your worst, slightly alarming, but also turned out to be funny

medical story lots of love Oily Bum Lucy from Manchester Oily Bum Lucy hey I bet you can I just say I bet you that poo

came out like someone off a slide in a water park I bet you it slid I bet you there was no pushing involved there'd be no wagon I bet you it just slid out like someone's

like someone's tenth baby just I'm in labour I'm finished I bet that happened No wagon. Just slid out. Like someone's 10th baby. I'm in labour. I'm finished. I bet that happens, you know. Feel the rhythm.

Feel the rhythm. Get on up. It's bobsleigh time. Oh, God. Heavens above. You got any... Medical stories. Funny medical stories. I really think I have.

All mine have been pretty dramatising if I'm honest. I was going to say one at the end of one of the last. What other stuff have we talked about here? I nearly said one. Have you ever told the story of when you got absolutely blind drunk when you were around about 22 and you

just bought a new watch that day and you ended up in hospital but before you went to hospital oh no no no no no no no no so that's right that is can i tell this story yeah right so my blackout drug story i can give you here is uh when i first started doing like a bit of telly and like my own tours and stuff, I always wanted a really nice watch. So I bought myself a really posh watch and I came home from Manchester where I lived at the time and I went out with all my mates. And I was, you know, thinking I was Johnny Big Bollocks. I was flashing the glass. Yeah, we went out in Newcastle.

I got a table in some of the bars. Oh, did you get the fireworks out of the bottles? We didn't get the fireworks out of the bottles the bottles we got like bottles of gray goose and stuff and we were like throwing it back and i ended up in hospital so bad drunk apologies to everyone involved uh hammered i woke up in hospital my mate was like stroking us like a cat like awful uh apparently i'd been sick in a taxi then we had to get out and i was like lying in a tesco car park um so yeah so i You should be ashamed of yourself. Yeah, so I woke up in hospital, done in, terrible,

don't advise it, awful crack. Then I look forward to the headline this weekend, by the way, Chris Ramsey blind drunk in hospital on the front page. And then page 17, when he was 20. Yeah, this was an old man.

He was talking about it in his podcast and it was an anecdote and we're a bunch of dicks who just do clickbait to sell shit. So then I woke up sort of the next day at about 11 o'clock in my mum and dad's house

after being you know I was in the hospital I woke up in the hospital I went back got back about 6 in the morning went to sleep and I woke up

and I was in my clothes oh no I was in my underpants sorry my clothes were on the floor and I checked and my wrist and my watch wasn't on and I was like

this is a really expensive watch oh my god the room was a disaster area and I was looking around for ages and i went downstairs and i'm phoning my mates and i'm thinking i need to go to the hospital i might left at the hospital freaking out and i came back upstairs and i looked at the box that it came in and i'd come to i'd brought it home to show me mom and dad because the box you know was posh box like boxes yeah yeah and i thought could it be there the box was as it is so i took the sleeve the plastic sleeve off the box then i took it out of the cardboard box then i opened the actual box and then i moved the little

foam thing the little blanket and there it was the watch clasped around the cushion the display cushion with the plastic bezel cover on with the little tie clip that looks like a tiny little luggage tag around the watch so i'd got in from hospital still steaming took it off put it on the cushion put the plastic bezel put the little tag on put it into the box put the phone thing over close the box put that box into the cardboard box put the cardboard sleeve on then fucked the entire room up and went to sleep you're a psychopath mad behavior that's that is that's really bizarre you told me that after we'd been courting for a while courting because this was 1953

I'll be telling you that we're courting and you'll be listening you wee little bastard yeah Tom completely smashed me up a bit after putting the watch back into display quality just an idiot

just on a note the girl who drank the baby oil to display quality. Oh, just an idiot. Terrible behaviour. Yeah. Just on a note, the girl who drank the baby oil, Carl Hutchinson told me once that he was at a house, sleeping in someone's house, and they were really drunk, and he went to sleep, and he woke up,

and there was no, he didn't know what room to go in, he didn't know, he didn't have no water or anything like that. So the person had a fridge in their room, it was like a lad who had

a fridge in their room, so he opened the fridge and he got out a warm can of Stella. Oh, no. And he necked a warm can of Stella in the middle of the night. Oh, no. And went back to sleep. Because it was a, quote, I quote, because it was the only thing that was wet. Imagine waking up hungover in the middle of the night and necking a warm can of Stella.

And necking a warm can. You'd have to, though. Do you know what I mean? The worst one I've got of them is I think recently in a hotel I woke up and I'd had a few drinks and a pizza before going to bed and I woke up and I got a bottle of water out of the little fridge and I started necking the water and it was fizzy

water and I spat it all over the floor. That is upsetting. I've done that before. Do you know what the worst thing is? Do you know if you've had like a house party or something and you come down, you wake up the next day and you come down and there's just like leftover drink all over and you're like How would I know? How would I know about that? Oh yes, because you're in the look down

you clean up before you go to bed. Tell everyone what I do. I clean up drunk at house parties. It's like no one's been. It's like you wake up in the morning and it's like it never happened and it's perfect because you're hungover and you can't be arsed but when you're pissed at that, this is why this should be a podcast sponsor. Hey, hey. Yeah. This week's podcast is sponsored by but when you're pissed this is why this should be a podcast sponsor hey hey yeah

this week's podcast is sponsored by cleaning your house up when you're hammered at the end of the night because nobody would do that I do it

I've painted once you are a very very unique person I paint unique that sounds that sounds backhanded I'll take that

unique thank you I'll take that as a compliment it was not a compliment no it wasn't but I'm taking it as one I'm owning it well done you

what a ridiculous way to go through life someone hurls an insult at you and you take it as a compliment wow always look on

the bright side of life can you remember when your dad when we used to live in the bungalow I had like my second stag do

and your dad stood with his arm on the bench all night drinking in the same corner. And on the white wall, he had a big blue Asda George denim arse mark on

the wall. And at four in the morning, I emulsified the wall. Yes, you did. Yeah, I've got 10 pictures of that. It's the best thing to do because you're drunk and it's like, shall I go to bed now? I'm knackered. Oh, everyone's about to leave. You know what I'll do? I will clean the whole house and area now because do it while drinking water.

Oh, hey, have another beer if you want. I do it while I'm drinking water. What it does is it makes you, it sobers you up so you're not going to bed as a drunk. So your hangover is divided a bit. And then you wake up and you go, oh God, there's a mess. There's not a mess. We are never going to agree on this.

Well, you need to try it one time. It's really good. Absolutely not. Because you know why? I like having a good time. Hey, I like having a good time. there's not a mess we are never going to agree on this well you need to try it one time it's really good absolutely not because you know why I like having a good time hey I like having a good time clearly not

no mister spends an hour cleaning up everything not talking to anyone not enjoying themselves if it's an hour if it's an hour I haven't done it properly

couple of hours and you know what I enjoy cleaning especially when I'm drunk oh well why don't you just marry it hi Rosie and Chris especially when I'm drunk. Oh, well, why don't you just marry it? Hi, Rosie and Chris. I work in a fast food restaurant.

A girl I work with who is in her late 20s often comes to work with an enormous hickey slash love bite on her neck and they absolutely repulse me. My question for you is how would you feel if somebody tried to give you or how would you feel when you see someone with one, especially someone who works in customer service? Hope you're having a lovely week.

Please keep me anonymous. Do you know what? I knew it was going to be quite a juicy little letter when they said, I work in a fast food restaurant and they didn't name the place. No, they didn't. If anything, it got me hopes up. I was expecting like, you know, like pissing in the deep pad for iron stuff. But, you know, we'll deal with this. No, sorry. No, it's just, it anything, it got me hopes up. I was expecting like, you know, like pissing in the deep pad for our own stuff,

but you know, we'll deal with this. No, sorry, no, it's just, it's about. Ooh, hiccup. It's huge. Love bites. A hickey from Kinnicky's

like a home walk card. A hickey hiccup. I have never had one. I've never given one, I don't think. No. But I remember, this is tragic.

I remember when is tragic I remember when I must have been 14 two girls from my school came onto my estate and were going out with two lads this isn't you

this was this was I mean I think I'd remember it you know it wasn't you I could say their names but I'm not going to say

their names on here. Do I know them? But if they're listening, they know who they are. One of them will be listening because I saw her in Jumbo Jim's a couple of weeks ago and she said,

I love the podcast. Great. You know who you are. They were going out with two lads, so they genuinely planned love bites. It was like, can we give you love bites? And they were like,

yeah, we'll come round tonight and you can give we'll love bites. Oh. So they sat in me friend at the time, in his garage. Classy. Girl and boy each. Mm-hmm.

Giving each other love bites. Wow. In the dark. The boys giving the girls love bites. In the dark. Yeah. I was there as well. It's in the dark.

What were you doing? Sitting there. By yourself. Yeah, this is before mobile phones. Genuinely. They were over on one bit. Oh no, I can't breathe. Saddest. I've only just remembered this

and it's one of the saddest things I think I've ever remembered. I swear to God. this and it's one of the saddest things i think i've ever remembered that's the way down so if you imagine well no because it was dark i couldn't see so imagine sort of the garage what if I'm married I don't know why I was there I don't know why I didn't just go home so like imagine so I'm sitting here right

the back's against the wall the garage door's on me right now across from me one of them the girl and boy are across having their love bite session and then sort of over to me left they're all like in the corner next to the sort of utility room door they're having their session

and i could just hear like you know like a little bit of like was anybody else no no i was just there before me i was just there you know probably had like i think i either had a football under my arm or i was i was either sitting on if i remember rightly i was either sitting on a football or a skateboard and uh yeah they just gave each other love bites and then one of them one of them was like one of them looked like a knife wound like it was the worst it was so horrendous and the other one was like because i was the judge i had to judge them at the end i'm joking i might as well have been You just made me remember something, actually. I remember when I was about 14, being in a garage,

and there was me and my friend and the two lads, and we were giving each other love bites, and there was a boy there. Shut up, man. It was you. Picture this, though. Picture this, though, right? So this is before phones. This is before any...

I'm sitting in the dark in a garage. Two people are sucking each other's necks. I'm just sitting there and I can't say anything. Oh, Chris. Rubbish. That's the saddest story I've ever heard. That was my first lovebite experience on my own. Oh, bless you.

Yeah. I don't know why I stayed. I should have just went home. I mean, you're just a young lad. Guys, we're talking about, you know, we're talking about, there's only four channels, five channels. There's nothing on the telly. I think at this point,

I don't even have a VCR in my room. Did you? Did you? Did you have it? No. No. That's a disgusting thing to say. Oh, all right.

Sorry. At least you might have had a bit of fun. Just on my own. Probably just, you know, hoping that I could finish up and I could go back outside and play on my skateboards. Wow.

Oh, Milhouse. God love you. It's time for this week's Celebrity Question. Yay! And this week we have the fantastic and brilliant and genuine celeb fan. She enjoys the podcast. She does.

She's absolutely gorgeous. Never met her in real life. Never met her. Not yet. The fantastic Zoe Sugg, a.k.a. Zoella. Hi, Chris and Rosie. It's Zoe here. Firstly, thank you so much for asking me to do your question because I bloody love your podcast. It's amazing. So I thought my question could be based around social media because we all use it. We all love it.

also doing this whole social media over sharing your life thing, has occasionally uploaded things that I have not wanted him to upload. One being the occasional nip slip over the years, which obviously didn't go down too well. Have either of you ever uploaded anything of the other one and shits hit the fan? Do you have rules around that sort of thing? And who do you think is the best at social media? Sorry, that was kind of three questions all rolled into one.

Thank you. Not a problem. Three questions any day, mate. Any day. Good questions, then. Yeah, and... I'm just trying to think. A sharp, stern warning to the men listening.

Do not be trying to find them nip-snip videos. That is not cool. They've gone. They've gone. They've gone. They've been deleted. Just got rid of them. Don't you dare. No, they've gone.

They've gone, guys. They've gone. Hey, you've got... This week, you've had sound. You've had recordings. You've had Alexa, percussion. You've just done a prop for your laptop. I know.

Do you know what I mean? I'm an actress, darling. It's killing me just talking. I want them so method. Now, that's a really good question from Zuella there because we've had, obviously with me doing stand-up for years since we first started going out,

there has been things that have been vetoed. Loads. That I can't even mention on here. People say to me, is there anything you can't tell? And I go, yeah. And they go, what is it? And I go, I can't tell you.

Yeah, there is. There are things. And bearing in mind, if you've seen my stand up with stories about all kinds of things that you've done and I've done you've overshared a lot

with me over the past few years but I don't really mind but there is a couple of things because we are still a married couple and there's a couple of things that we need to keep private

can I just say I didn't think I was going to get away with this week's beef I had another one on the back burner just in case I was like she might veto this, I don't think I was going to, I didn't think I was going to get away with this week's beef. I had another one on the back burner just in case I was like, she might veto this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, I didn't mind. It was very funny. Yeah. As well, everyone,

we've seen the picture on social media of the jar full of toenails. Are they actually toenails? Yeah, it's a piss-tick picture. Okay. Stop sending it. We've seen it. I'm not joking. I get it once a day. Stop it. It's making us sad.. Stop it. It's making us sad. It's disgusting.

It's making us sad. Very good, but disgusting. Very funny, but it's making us sad. Yeah, what do you... I mean, we do have... We kind of check with each other. Well, because we've got a big following and I think you do need to go,

are you okay with 220,000 people seeing this? Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? 100%. And you do the same with me yeah but we are quite open we're very rarely going no like you are very lucky that i'm not the kind of woman that mine's getting my double chin out do you know what i mean triple um wow the amount of times i'll walk into your dressing room room just in me underpants to ask you something

and you'll be busy doing an Instagram story and I'll be like, oh, sorry, you'll have to get rid of that. But I'm like, honestly, one day I'm going to walk in and it's going to be an Instagram Live and I'm going to have my dick out and there's going to be nothing we can do. Well, Chris Ramsey gets his dick out on Instagram Live. No, it's not there.

We'll do that. If I come bottom in one of the weeks in Strictly, we'll do that. We'll accidentally do that. Oh, on the dance floor. Oh, he. Get your dick out. Accidentally do that. On the dance floor. Uh-oh. Not on the dance floor. Not on the BBC.

I meant on your Instagram. You can't get your bloody todger on the BBC. Wow. Bloody... That's not what the licence fee goes towards. First for everything, isn't it? Todger fee. Yeah, there's totally stuff that we're veto, isn't there?

There's totally stuff we're not allowed. Mainly to be fair, like. Mainly it's just, I look like shit, get that camera? There's totally stuff we're not allowed. Mainly to be fair, like, mainly it's just, I look like shit, get that camera out of me face. Yeah, or if you're not in a good mood, or if, sometimes you can say something

and you think, you know what, that's not very, you know, I shouldn't really say that. Because we're all human at the end of the day. We are not, you shouldn't have social media on your 24-7 because we all say things that we think maybe shouldn't say that we probably say far too much than what we should on the podcast

but because we're just sitting in the kitchen talking and because it's not visual there's another bit of it that goes out i'll just say someone had someone do an impression of us yeah that wasn't deep fake deep fake got no evidence what was the last question the last question was who's the best at social media oh Ooh. I would say you by a mile. Would you say me? Yeah, 100%. Because if something happens and I go, that's funny, shall I put it on social media or shall I keep it for a tour?

I'll keep it for a tour. Yeah, that's true. My social media is just everything. It's your outlet. Yeah. I still quite like social media, you know. I do. And I don't get as much shit as I thought I would on social media.

Please don't rectify that if you're listening now. Just keep sending nice things. Yeah. I don't rectify that if you're listening now just keep sending nice things um yeah i uh i don't know a lot of people have a bad relationship with it i can't be on it too much i can't be on it too much it stresses us out yeah i don't think anyone should be on it too much that's why i've turned mine into like my job yeah as weird as that is we when robin's goes back to nursery he's getting babysat three or four afternoons a week and I just sit on my phone it's so strange

but it's got to be done because otherwise I'd be doing it every hour of the day otherwise you'd just be sitting back and enjoying the brilliant life

your husband's given for you and obviously you don't want to do that I don't want to do that who would want to do that you've made that clear exactly Mondo erm

yeah but there's one thing that you have vetoed that i will never get to say don't you dare i know i'll never get to say it it was something you did and i remember looking at you and go one time and i remember going that's amazing and you were like no and you vetoed it and i'm never allowed to say it and guys if you've heard everyone's gonna ask what it is yeah you're not telling us okay it was class so funny it was not you've heard some of this stuff... But now you've said it, everyone's going to ask what it is. Yeah. You're not telling us. Okay. It was class.

So funny. It was not. You've bigged it up more than it actually was. Anyway, this is the end of the podcast. The podcast is... Podcast is over. I am going to start a Kickstarter page to reveal what it is that Rosie did that I'm not allowed to tell anyone.

If it gets to £25 million, I'll tell you what it is that Rosie did that I'm not allowed to tell anyone. If it gets to £25 million, I'll tell you what it is. Are you kidding me? I'll tell them what it is. You're joking. Nobody mentioned money. A million pound? A million, aye.

£10,000? No. £15,000? No. £20,000? No. £500,000? Yes. £30,000? No. £50,000? No. Ooh, £20,000. No. £500,000? Yes.

Ah! £30,000? No. Ah! £50,000? Yeah. £50,000. £45,000 though.

No, £50,000. £45,000. £50,000? £45,000 after tax. £46,500. £45,500 after tax. £46,500 after tax. There we go again.

There we go again. There we go once. £50,000. There we go. Right guys, kickstart a page. £50,000. I'll let you know what you did. Can't wait wait I'm kidding

I'm not going to do that please don't send money I hope that guy got his tenner back by the way so do I there you go and just like that

it was all over again like Chris's dancing career wow I think you'll find soon very very soon

I will be referred to as the greatest dancer in England can't wait very soon I will be referred to as the greatest dancer in England can't wait very soon thank you for listening not a problem not you

the listeners thank you so much for listening obviously go like rate and subscribe yes

yes and if you want to get in touch it is shaggedmoudanoid at gmail.com and also a few little things for you to remember I'm on Strictly

you better be voting when it's happening I need you I need you if you don't know me vote for stuff just do it please I'm sure you can do it

on an app or whatever free on the app I think I'll be reminding them don't you worry darling thank you very much I've got your back babes thank you very much my 2019 stand up special

approval needed comes on Amazon Prime Video all of I think 200 countries on the 19th of August. And a different show, a new stand-up show, 2020, is on sale now and that will go out

onto our next year. Rosie, what have you got to promote? Go. I am on Instagram. Yeah. Rosemarino Ramsey. Cool. That. Check me out. I'm on there nearly every day. I'm always posting new stuff, always keeping it real, keeping it up to date. There's always stuff that interactive things, you know. Check me out. I'm on there nearly every day. I'm always posting new stuff, always keeping it real, keeping up to date.

There's always stuff, interactive things, you know. Excellent. Drop me a message. I'll be there. Cool. Anything else to promote? I'm probably,

I'll be going, maybe going to Sainsbury's later at the Nook. Cool. I'll see you there. If you're there. Good God. Bye. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.