Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 283. Pedalo and a box of wine

Episode Date: August 23, 2024

On this week's podcast the Ramsey's discuss summer holidays, bad smells and ankle socks! Chris shares the details of a recent incident involving some young people and Rosie gets another chance to play Would Rosie Eat... Beefs are getting weather related QFTP cover hot crocs, pet shop banter and an unfortunate trip to the hospital. Also this week Chris and Rosie share their thoughts on dating again... Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers' internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. fiery rivalry, a nemesis with benefits, a race to get to the bottom but stay on top. Here Canada's own best-selling romance author, Lily Chu's newest audible original, Drop Dead, starring Hamilton breakout star Phillip Assu paired with versatile funnyman John Cho of Star Trek and Harold and Kumar fame. Filled with huge laughs, big twists and sizzling

banter throughout, Chu's latest must-listen, once again set in her beloved Toronto, weaves together a scandalous mystery and a slow-burned romance to heart-pounding effect. Unravel the secrets and watch the sparks fly as fellow fearless reporters Nadine and Wes embark on a fast-paced adventure, chasing down the truth and stumbling upon something far deeper than either could have imagined.

From the queen of swoon-worthy moments herself, Lily Chu's hilarious and delightfully lustful Drop Dead should not be missed. Listen now, go to audible.ca slash drop dead on Audible. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mound Anoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband from another mother, Christopher Ramsey. Thank God, thank God.

Imagine. Imagine, husband from the same mother. Would that work? Husband from the same mother? Brother from another mother doesn't work. Don't want to spoil anything for you but what's the dragon? The dragon what they're called? House of the Dragons? House of the Dragons? Definitely some sibling marriages going over there. It was alright back then when in the time that didn't exist. In the mythical times. Back then in make believe. Back then in make believe you could book your sisters, your brothers, your mothers. We're not related.

And if we ever do a program like that, I'm always a little bit dubious. I was worried when I did Who Do You Think You Are? That they were gonna be like, you and your wife are related, but thankfully. Cause they did, they were gonna have you on for one episode. Were they?

Remember when I did Who Do You Think You Are? And they were gonna have you come down for something. And I was like, oh God. Oh, this is it. Oh, this is it. Oh, this is it. I'm sure we've mentioned him before. We're cousins. Yeah, so there.

How are you? I'm all right, how are you? I'm all right, not bad. Two weeks left. Two weeks left, some hall is left. Two weeks. It's going well, it's going well. It's gone bloody, it's gone really well actually.

Dare I say, I mean, oh God. Yeah, actually you told Robin yesterday that when he goes back to school, you'll miss him. I was kind of joking. I just want him to always feel loved. I've listened to too many podcasts and I've watched too many Instagram videos of how you've got to constantly shower your kids with appreciation and love and just let them know they're loved so that in years to come, they can't blame us for anything. Yeah, well, they still will. They blame me for everything because yeah of course they will

so there it is. You molly coddled me. Yeah hugged too much or not enough. I'm being touched too much at the minute. You are aren't you. This morning I was sat down having a coffee and I deliberately kind of sat somewhere different to the kids and then you came and sat down on your chair and then it just came to me. Yeah. I was just all over it us. Literally I had to tell my eight-year-old son about boobs this morning and I said to him, I was like look women have got boobs, breasts, I call them boobs because breasts that's right, I probably should call them breasts but anyway tits right son, me tits. I do believe you said chebs. I did not say chebs. I did not say chebs. Sure you said fun bags.

I said me juicy melons. I said me big fat juicy melons. No I said me boobies. Hurt? I was like you can't just elbow them and lean on them. It's as if they don't exist to them. They're just constantly like, ugh, and it kills. It actually hurts.

I said you're gonna find out one day if you get a girlfriend. You can't. If you can get a girlfriend. Wow, wow. Wow. That, you know, she's not gonna enjoy, I need to turn this off, don't I?

Like your Apple Watch. Yeah, Apple Watch, I'm getting messages. Apple Watch. Yeah, yeah. Stinks, actually. Apple Watch problems. I bought the wrong kind of strap. You bought another strap for it and it's wrong?

No, this is me normal strap, but it's a fabric strap, and I wear it to go on the peloton. And the other day, I did the thing that I did at the dentist years ago when I had an abscess and I thought it was his breath, but it was actually just him bursting my abscess. Arrogance. I arrogantly the other day was like, something stinks. Something stinks. It was my arm.

Does that have a smell? No, thank you. No, go on. Go on, you have to. If you love us, have a little smell. Have you put it on flight mode? No, but just have a smell? No thank you. No go on. Go on you have to, if you love us have a little smell. If you put it on flight mode. No, but just have a smell. Oh fucking hell. Oh you went back.

Oh it's really bad. Oh look you went back three times. Oh Rosie it's massive. Why have you smelt that three times? Just to try and like really really get the, well you see when you know when you see them on the telly do a wine sniffing, they don't sniff once. Oh my god you love it don't you?

No it's fucking disgusting now. You're obsessed. It's like an old pillow. You are obsessed with me. You smelt that three times. Literally went back for more, didn't give us a pipe. That's my pheromone to that. God, why are you so,

you love me so much more than I love you. If you would have given me your smelly watch out of being sick. No, the right kind of nasty smell. You love the right kind of nasty smell. Your own, not yours. Yeah, no, you're all out. Oh God, that smells so good.

It's horrible, it's horrible. It smells like an old pillow. Oh, that bit doesn't. Like a warm, old, horrible pillow. Well. I'll just wash it. I'll just wash it. Are Apple gonna be happy with this ad for the Apple watch? It was my fault, I chose the fabric one.

It's my fault really, isn't it? Can you imagine watch? It was my fault, I chose the fabric one, it was my fault really isn't it? Can you imagine this? If someone's going, is this the worst Apple watch ad ever? Does that stink? Aye it stinks. Apple watch. No I love my Apple watch, I love the actual Apple watch but the fabric, don't get the fabric strapped because the fucking... Don't, I think I do believe, no no, you know, if asterisks, asterisks here, don't get the fabric one if you're a sweaty bitch. I do believe. If you're an exercise and a little more for like, no, look at me in my fitness era.

Yeah, there's different ways to say things. I said, sweaty bitch, you said. Yeah. So there it is. Thank you so much for listening, everyone. It's episode 283. Thank you for being here. Goes up by one each week. Right. We've done 282 of these.

What the fridge? 282.4, I reckon. 0.3 at this point. 0.2 maybe. So yeah, thank you for being here. Obviously, please like, rate, subscribe, review if you want. Write a little review on all your little podcast shops. Only if it's nice. Don't write a horrible review.

If you write a horrible review, literally, fucking do one. Yeah, if you just go. If you don't like it, why waste your time? Why waste your time? I never understand horrible reviews. Do you want to swallow that or spit out that little bit of skin you've just bit off of here? I'm just biting it for a bit.

Why do I tell everyone my secrets? Everyone in here, you sound like you've got a fucking toothpick in your mouth like a cowboy. So yeah, thank you for being here. Oh my god, you do not have my back at all. Let me just pick my skin. Oh, sorry, I don't have your back. You've just told everyone listening that I'm obsessed with you and that I love you more than you love me.

They knew that anyway. Guess what? You're going to get a big fucking back for that, right? The gloves are off. They all knew that anyway. Alright, okay, I didn't have a beef this week, but I've got a beef now, you fuckers. Honestly, such a bastard sometimes. Unbelievable.

That's the thing, I think. A man can be a woman's punch bag, emotionally, but a woman man can be a woman's punch bag emotionally, but a woman can't be a man's punch bag emotionally, I think. I think you can just give a load of shit. I beg to differ. Yeah? I beg to differ.

I don't give you a load of shit for no reason. I'm not gonna say that to you. Not shit. Oh my God. Oh my God, it was a joke. You've done it now. You've opened the floodgates. Yeah, go and cry about it.

It's because you haven't got any brothers or sisters. You're just not used to riffing. Yeah, it is. This is it. You never learned in the trenches. So you're like, no, no, no. In the trenches. No, because you can always,

growing up you could always tell people who had brothers and sisters when they would argue, because the kind of, it would rub off the back ways. I can imagine you have an argument and then you just, you'd literally get the end of the day and then you go, well, I hope you die. And you'd walk off. And then like, whenever you came across people like that

when I was younger, I'd be like, whoa. You're full of shit, because me and my imaginary friends always fell out. Always fell out. Some of them still aren't speaking to me. Right. It's episode 283. Thanks for being here, like I said,

and without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, li-i-ucrative, lu-hu-hu-he-creative sponsor. Now, I got told, close to my heart this one, I got told the other day that ankle socks are hugely out of fashion now. Oh yeah, I knew that. Yeah, do you know what? Honestly Chris, I'm glad. I'm not glad. I love my ankle socks. Oh, mine don't stay on. Let them stay in the past. No. Ankle socks. You got shit once. I'm glad. I'm not glad. I love my ankle socks. Oh mine don't stay on. Let them stay in the past. No. Ankle socks. You got shit ones. I'm constantly gripping down around my heel trying to pull them back up. You've got sharing socks. Actually, is this, is it gonna spoil your sponsor if I say something? No, no, why are we gonna say?

You still wear ankle socks and it gives me the itch a little bit because I've really moved on. Wow. I've proper embraced. Probably because I love you more than you love me. Oh my god. Alright. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry. No, no, that's fine. We love each other the same. Okay. Why do we both want to win that? Why do we both want to win? Why do we both want to be the one who loses the other one a little bit less? I don't think. Oh no. I'm not even gonna say it. Say it. You might as well. Why? I don't know. I just think women. Mm-hmm. Because we are the, like, oh god, I don't even know how to say it properly. Maybe this is just me and my upbringing and kind of like life and experiences. I just think we should always have, try to have a bit more of the upper hand, because

we're doing in certain circumstances. Right, okay. Does that make sense? If you just joined, we're working on Woman's Hour on Radio 4. It's not Woman's Hour, it's called Real Life Hour. It's always Woman's Hour around here! Am I right lads? Now listen. It's not, it's Real Life Hour. This is genuinely real life. Watched a really sad documentary the other day. That doesn't sound like something you would watch. No honestly. No really? Was it on the background? Did someone else have it on? What? Doesn't sound like something you would choose to watch. No I've

watched a few but this one really stood out. Come on then before do me sponsor what was it about? Netflix. Yeah. It was about a man who. Was a bastard. Yeah he's a bastard. His wife was pregnant with literally eight and a half months pregnant. He didn't really want the kid he was having an affair with somebody. Killed her and the kid. Murdered them both. So... I might not bother with my sponsor. No, no, do it. Sorry. No, I was just... Sometimes, okay, the fact that I might joke on and I don't really mean it, like being like, you love me, just, you know, we've got to look after ourselves. And again, again, can't even keep count of how many times I've said this, stop watching stuff like that,

it's affecting you. It's not affecting us. It's affecting me. How is it affecting us? It's causing trouble, isn't it? Do you know what can I tell you right now? It doesn't affect me because actually the difference is, I watch all of these really grim stuff and I've chatted about this to friends.

I've got other friends who are like, I can't watch it, oh my God. I'm like, who would be better in a situation? And then tell you fucking right now it'd be me because I'm cautious of everybody. Yeah, to a ridiculous point actually. No, to a real life point. I'm telling you right now it'll be me. Because I'm cautious of everybody. Yeah, to a ridiculous point actually. No, to a real life point. I'm cautious of everyone.

And put me in a situation and somebody who doesn't know and doesn't watch all of this stuff and trusts loads of people, put we in a situation together, so I can guarantee he'll come out alive in this motherfucker. Okay, yes. Trying to keep it light.

So listen, the other day, but how can we get from ankle socks to that? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I don't know. Right, so I got told the other day, it's very personal, you know, there's been a lot of email, a lot of back and forward here, it's very serious, I got told that ankle socks were hugely out of style and only old people wear them because obviously everyone now has, all the kids now have got socks half way up their shins like they're going to fucking

centre court at Wimbledon. But do you know what it is though? They're just like comfort and I love that. I love that about them. All I see now is kids wearing black trainers, socks half up their shins and shorts even if it's pissing down. I don't know what's going on. I quite like it. I don't know what's going on. Honestly they're getting the aid of the gentles which I think that they need whilst they're at their down of life. And they're just that time of life. Just kidding. Listen. I like it. Okay, I disagree with you because I'm on brand, but I know that you are stuck in 2011.

I just love my ankle socks. And you love ankle socks. The worst bit is I only just bought a new pack the other day. I know, but Chris. Someone's like, I can tell you're a millennial because of ankle socks. And I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake. But listen, ankle socks have been in touch. You're like, you're like, Limp Bizkit and fucking your tittle.

Yeah, no idea. I bought one of them red caps the other day, backwards. So, Angle Socks have been in touch. We've put our heads together and we've designed an advert. Me and in conjunction with Angle Socks, we've designed an advert that will hopefully get all of the youngsters back on board. Right, okay.

Okay. All right then, let's sing. Right, okay. Okay. All right then, let's sing. Okay, here it goes. All right. Oh. ["The Young Stars"] Calling all young people. Calling all young people.

Come on down to your local clothing store or fashion emporium and get yourself a brand new pair of highly trendy ankle socks that all the young folks are wearing. They can make your, they can make your dreams come true. a brand new pair of highly trendy ankle socks that all the young folks are wearing. They can make your dreams come true. Taking a girl that you are courting to a formal dance or even a disco tech? Ankle socks! Trying to get that job you've always wanted down the mine? Ankle socks! Want to look cool and like it's not even hurting while the teacher gives you the cane in front

of the whole class? Ankle socks! And that's not all! A low slung sock such as an ankle sock can really show off your rickets and or scurvy. Ankle socks! Tomorrow's fashion today! Is that why you are writing before? That's not what I were writing before?

What year is it? Is it 1920? 1912? I don't think they had ankle socks then. This would have been much better. Go back. This is for now. Do it again next week and do it from like 2000s perspective because ankle socks were

not a thing in the olden days. But the joke is. I get it. I get it. I'm out a thing but the joke is it's I get it touches the joke okay okay I get it good ones you know it is though do you want to really sad children kids nowadays who wear these stuff like so like 15 year olds yeah their olden days is the 80s yeah do you understand we're looking back on the olden day you're like 1950s you? We're looking back on the olden days. You're like 1950s, I'm like 50s, the olden days. The 80s is the olden days to them. Yeah, and that's why they're all fucking dickheads.

Oh no, they're not. They are, and I hate them and I'm jealous. I love the younger generation. Ah, yeah, well done. They're a lot nicer, can I just say that? They are not, and I'll tell you after this, I'll tell, whoa. Oh, right, okay.

I'm lucky to be here today. Eee. Yeah yeah cliffhanger oh don't think we can use that get sued shut up we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle So this is the jingle, jingle We hope you like the jingle, jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle! Hello and welcome back to Let's Find Out Why Chris Hates The Younger Generation

No, I don't really, I don't really, but honestly I'm lucky to be here I'm lucky, I think, when I tell you this, I think we're going to have to, I don't think you'll find us attractive anymore. I don't think you'll see us as the man of the house. I don't think you'll see us as a father. I just think, why do you pull a face when I said man of the house? I'm the man of the house. No, yes. Come on. Listen, I am the man of the house and there's nothing you do about it. Right. All youirking and laughing. Right? But after this revelation, my point is, I might not be.

So I was in the Metro Centre yesterday with our children. I was walking back towards the car park. Which one? The multi-storey one. The red one? Yeah, next to where Debnam's used to be. I just like to paint the scene. The red one.

Again, showing me age because now it's sports direct. It's just a massive sports direct now. Sorry, cause now it's Sports Direct. It wasn't that. It's just a massive Sports Direct now. Sorry, what? It's huge, huge sports. It's not Debenhams anymore. What is next? It was next?

It went from Debenhams to next? No, it's a huge Sports Direct now, with a USC inside it, which I find strange. But yeah. Oh, gigantic. God. 900 floor Sports Direct. Looks decent, like.

I mean, the Baines will love it. Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna go in and get some golf stuff actually, but I had them and you got them too with you. You can't do any real shopping. Okay. Oh God. I've been for a while. Anyway, I'm on my way there, right?

And I'm walking down towards the car park, down this long corridor. And there's a lift at the end of the corridor. And there's two, two youths standing in the lift. How old are you talking? 15. Okay. 14, 15, maybe 13. I don't know what that is. Male are you talking? 15. Okay. 14, 15, maybe 13. I don't know what they're big these days.

Male, female? Two boys. Okay. One a little bit short and the other one standing in the lift and they were standing and they were pressing the button in the lift and they were both looking at us. And I was just like looking at them.

And I looked behind to see if there's anyone else they were looking at. And I was like, oh no, they're looking at me. And they were staring at me. And I kept walking. Rosie. Just as the doors were closing, and I was too far away to get to them,

stuck the fingers up at us. Oh. Yep. Which ones? The doublers? One of them did the middle finger, and one of them did the two fingers. Eh, that's, oh, gross.

Just as the door was closing, and it just, the width of a hand, and it did that. Oh. And that's just as the door was closing and it just the width of a hand and it did that in front of me kids. Did the kids see? Robin went who were they waving at? Thank God he hadn't seen it these glasses were dirty. Fantastic. Who were they waving at? I went almost to someone behind. Oh my god. I'm finished that's it I'm finished. Do you think I mean did they know that it was you off the telly or were they just doing it for domestic? I doubt it very much. I doubt it very much. That's it. I'm finished. Do you think, I mean, did they know that it was you off the telly or were they just doing it because they were doing it sick? I doubt it. I doubt it very much. I think it was whoever was going to come down was going to get the Vs and it just happened to be me. Do you know what it is though? Like you're okay. Am I though? Am I okay? Oh no, are you not okay?

They'll have loved that. Well, do you know what I found really hilarious about it? Was like they in their heads as it's closing and they've stuck their fingers up at me, they probably got like a rush of adrenaline. They're like, fucking yes, that was amazing. And if I was younger and I'd done the same thing, I'd be thinking exactly what they were thinking, which is, we hope he doesn't run down to the next floor

and confront with. And in my head I was like, what would I say? Like if I ran, because we went down the floor and I heard the lift open, I was like, fucking hell, it's gonna be hilarious if it's them, because I was just gonna stick my fingers back up. Yeah. Just go back at you boys.

Like something daft. But when you were younger, you would think, oh, that guy will chase me. And he's like, what would I do? The door would open, I'd go, hey, don't do that. And they'd be like, no, and they'd probably do it again. What can I do? Do you know what I mean? I know. I mean, yeah. How witty the point is. In a dream world you know what I mean? I know. I mean, yeah. How witty point is-

In a dream world, I'd run downstairs and went, hey, who do you think you are? Stick your fingers up. Yeah, they'd probably spat in your face. But like, that's the thing, like, when you're younger, you think that bloke's gonna chase us and shout at us or whatever, but then you don't think of how much of a fucking nutcase

that bloke would look. Imagine, stay here, Robin, Rafe, stay here. And I'm just running up and down stairs sweating sweating trying to find the kids who just stuck their fingers up at us through the lift door. Well, it's just, they're just having a laugh, aren't they? Yes, I mean, at the expense of my pride and ego, but whatever it is. Very funny. Very funny. Similar to when the man at Tesco called me a fucking bitch last month, which we haven't talked about.

We haven't, but you know, it is what it is. He made some good points. Does he have an argument? I'm joking. Horrible, though. It was awful. Just got casted by some bloke who was actually trying to steal the pound out of Robin's trolley because I thought I'll give Robin a little bit of responsibility. Let him take this trolley back and get the pound back. But because he's a privileged little shit and he's never had

to take the trolley back, he didn't know how to do it and the bloke tried to steal it and when I came in front of the bloke I got called an effing bitch and all sorts, which was not very nice and pretty horrible for Robin. But hey, welcome to the fucking world of people thinking that they're hard. Anyway. Again, again what's happening in this section is I came in with the comedy and again, again you've shat on it. Drag it right down. Again though, again the trauma of two little lads sticking their fingers up at you being a grown man is fine.

But living as a woman in this world with men and kids who think they can be horrible to women is awful so stick your comedy podcast up your fucking arse because I'm out here with me juicy melons having to deal with life and it's really tricky anyway yeah back to the comedy you're listening to Shaggy with your top comedy podcast in the UK sorry I'm going for a lie down oh I'm sorry I'm sorry babadoo babadoo babadoo ba I've been back watching below deck again below deck I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm on the fence, I don't know what I think. It looks... Well, I'm gonna tell you now why I think I would hate it, right? Okay. They spend a lot of time with them. Yeah. The people who work on the boat spend a lot of time with them and I think I'd be like, Oh, it was lovely saying hello to you.

Nice getting to know you. Now, can you fuck off? They're literally right. It's true. I was watching it last night, Chris, and they went off the boat and they went round the shops and the people who work on the boats were just with them and I was like, what the fuck? Do you want to come and eat me ice cream with this? I think that might be one lick for you, one lick for me. I think it's for the TV programme. But yeah, I can't work out again, you know, I doubt it'll ever be something we do, but

if I was in that situation where I wanted to spend that kind of astronomical money to stay on a fucking yacht for two nights, I don't, I can't work out whether I would like it or not. I don't know at what point you're supposed to be enjoying it. I mean, you get on and you're like, oh wow, isn't this crazy? Isn't it decadent and isn't it quite posh? Then yeah, you set out and then it's like, right, is it the journey that we're enjoying

or is it the one we're somewhere or is it when we get off and go, when they go, oh, we're all going on at the beach for a picnic. No, we're fucking not. No, thank thank you I'm going to beach for free I'm staying on this big ship. How much is it? How much are you on the mat? It's like quarter of a million quid for two nights or something it's like 250,000 it's insane but again you see them and they go oh well tonight the guests have requested entertainment so you see So you see all the fucking poor staff dressing up and doing like a limbo show and you go, I don't want to see this.

I know that we're watching the TV program and I can imagine it's not always like that because actually I can imagine if you just want to go on and read your book all day, you could and just get drink, which would be quite nice. But when they're like, I just can't be organized fun. Ah yeah, exactly. I'm exactly the same. You know when they're like, I just can't be organised fun. Yeah, exactly, I'm exactly the same. You know when they're like, we're gonna do a game, one of them, sorry I didn't mean to put in, one of them was like, we're all,

and they do quite often, they're like, we're gonna have a real race around the board, us, V staff, and they all love it, and I'm like, oh God, no. Sorry, is this a luxury yacht or a fucking school sports day? Ew, ew, hated that as well. Honestly, get in the bin. I hate organised fun.

Yeah, honestly, I don't know. I think I would get off the yacht. I think I would spend all that money and I'll get off the yacht and I'll go, all right, I don't know what part of that I enjoyed. I think I would just get fucking stoned. I think I would as well. I would just get stoned to the point

where I think the staff will be like, we can't serve you anymore. And I'll be like, what's the point? I might as well just go to a pedal owner, create a fucking lager. I don't think they do that though. I don't be like, we can't serve you anymore. And I'll be like, what's the point? I might as well just got a pedal owner, create a fucking lager. I don't think they do that though. I don't think they say we can't serve you anymore. I think it's pretty-

I'll be honest with you. I think I've just invented a new TV show, pedal owner, create a lager. Okay, what happens on it? Me and a comedian or a famous person just go out on a pedal with a create a lager, GoPros interview each other. Get pissed.

Yeah, so you've got Jerry Seinfeld does comedians in cars, getting coffee. I've just invented it. Copyright Chris Ramsey, Shagmary Noy, Rosie Ramsey, 2024. Don't involve me in a pedal owner. Whoa! You're on the boat next to him. Make sure we're all right. All right. Well, I'll go on. I'll do pedal owner, box of wine. Box of wine. Mm hmm. Pedal owner, yeah.

You do create a logger. I'll do pedal owner, box of wine. Great idea. Easy. Oh, get in. Come on. box of wine. Great idea. Easy. Get in. Come on. Yes. What a day we're having. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. So if you listened to last week's episode, you will know we put a shout out to see what

would Rosie eat. Oh. And we have actually had some fantastic, fantastic contributions. Right. And I'm over the final one being my absolute favourite one because it makes us feel really sad, but really happy at the same time. So I've got a list of them for you.

So are you ready to play Wood Rosie Eat? Oh, is it so Wood Rosie? So I just have to say whether I would or not? In a scenario, it's food with a certain thing. So it's not like, you know, Wood eat a dog shit sandwich for a million quid or whatever. It's not that, although I know you definitely would. I just felt sick. A million quid? Come. It's not that, although I know you definitely would. It's- I just felt sick after you just said it.

A million quid? Come on, that's four nights on a yacht. Oh, when you put it like that. That's four races on the yacht against the staff. How is it that expensive? That's insane. Awful. So, that's basically, it's food in different scenarios

with different implements, okay? All right, okay. Okay, so a couple of them are slightly similar, but we're gonna run through them all, because thank you so much for the people who sent them in. Again, you really do make the podcast, so thank you, right. And you've caught us, I am quite hungry, so. Okay, so I have to put it here,

in each of these scenarios, you are fucking starving, you have this food, and you only have this implement. Okay. Okay. Have you got a theme tune? Can I interest you in the theme tune from Angle Socks? No, you can't. It's the only one I've got, it's the only non-copyrighted theme tune I've got. Why do I go straight to dun, da da da da da, for everything? I go straight to Blind Date. Da da da da da, er, what would Rosie eat? What would she eat? What would Rosie eat? Okay,

ready? Yes. A fish pie with a pen. Oh, tricky, but yes. Yeah? Could stab stuff. Stab stuff. Stab stuff. A bowl of ravioli with an envelope. Easy.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, make a little like spatula thing out of your envelope. Yeah, sort of scoop it along there so it's like a long spoon. Yeah, and by the way though, not a big ravioli fan. Get it down here with your envelope and stop talking back to me.

I have ate paper before though, so if it got soggy and I accidentally ate it, it would be fine. You'd have to turn it around halfway, I think. Yeah, I think so. You'd absolutely have to turn it around halfway. Chicken noodle soup with a credit card. Oh, sloppy.

Fuck me. Whoa. Doable though, yeah, I would. Yeah, of course I would. What? An Easter egg with chopsticks. I'm really good with chopsticks. I think you'd enjoy that. I think I would love that. I think it would be a way of savouring the Easter egg a lot more.

Yeah, because it would take a lot longer. Yeah, I'm good with... aren't I good with chopsticks? If you say so. No, you're not saying you're good with chopsticks. That was like, you know, when you're a kid and you're telling a lie and you go to the... tell them. Aren't on at that, on at the fastest in the school, on at the second hardest in year five. We went through a really bougie random stage before kids of eating all our meals with chopsticks, do you remember? To the point of where you made me a stir-fry the other day with noodles and the fact that you didn't hand me

chopsticks I was a little bit angry. chopsticks, I was a little bit angry. Yeah. I was a little bit angry. No, we haven't done it for a long time. Wait, there was a one point where I think we'd done a Costco trip, we had hundreds of chopsticks in the house. We used to just eat all of our meals with chopsticks. Bring it back, I see.

You've got to enjoy yourself, man. I did quite enjoy it, but it was just very random. Okay, someone's really, really, you can tell they're a long time listener to the podcast here, fully on brand. Okay. Spaghetti Bolognese with a dildo. It's a small one. Oh God. Oh. And then every time I put it in my mouth, I'd like, suck it off. Like a little, little peanut. Not on vibrate, are you going to hurt your teeth? Oh yeah. Yeah, I would eat that.

Okay. Love this one. Chili con carne with your tannin mitt. In my head. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm saying, you know when Winnie the Pooh gets honey out of the pot? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've actually got one that's a glove, like a full on glove. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, by the way, I mean, yes I would, by the way. That's fine. I washed all my tannin mitts the other day, Jesus fucking Christ. Just a few I slept on. I've got about 10 of them. It's ridiculous. You've got 10 tannin mitts. Yeah, and then like sometimes I get bad skin.

Why have I got bad skin? I'm like because I've had that Tanamid for about five years and not washed it so. Disgusting. Yeah. Absolutely disgusting. Anyway, I washed them all the other day. Tuna mayo with a used toothbrush. Oh Jesus, whose toothbrush?

I think in my head, you're starving. You feel, you're starving. Yeah. You feel sick. I do like're starving, you feel sick, you're so like, oh my god. So hungry. So hungry. There's nothing needed with you. You can't eat with your hands. You're not allowed or the evil guy kills you and kills your whole family. You're not allowed to just pour it in your mouth or the evil guy kills you and kills

your whole family. You've just found this toothbrush next to the sink in a train toilet. Oh, you know that that you know that train toilets are my nemesis. You know this. I hate train toilets. Yeah, they're the worst. Chris, I don't think I could. No, I don't. You're going to be ill. You feel sick. You've got that. You know, I'm going to be more ill

if I eat it with that bloody toothbrush. You know, it might be. It might. I'll use a plastic bit at the end. I'll turn it around and use the plastic bit. He's gonna kill me. No, I'm just... I just talked to death. Tuna mayo of all the things.

Jacket potato, loads of butter with tuna mayo on it with the back of a makeup brush. Why I? Yeah, go for it. I think I'm out of it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy. This one is again. These are these are. Okay. Okay. You ready? Okay. A packet of your favourite crisps with a pair

of tweezers which were just used by I think this was sent in by a woman which were just used by a big sweaty man to get an ingrowing pubic hair out and they haven't been wiped and you're not allowed to wipe with my whole family, that's murder. Oh god. So I've been off crisps at the minute. Yeah. Because I'm trying to be good. For this very reason.

No, because I'm trying to be good and I feel like I was living a lie where all the time I'd be like why am I not losing any weight? It's because I was eating like six bags of crisps a day. Yeah. So I've stopped buying them and I've lost a bit weight. So, do you know what? If you brought me a packet of prone cocktail walkers right now and I had to use them trees as I would. Wow! Yeah, I would. Wow, I did not see that happening.

Honestly, I would because I'm just clamming. Okay. It's not that transferable to be honest with you. Okay. I mean, I can sort it out. I know plenty of big fat sweaty men. I mean, I don't know how many of them have grown pubes, but I can sort it out. Final one. This is my favourite one. Would you eat a bowl of soup with a sponge? with a sponge. That is my absolute fucking high five whoever sent this in. Absolute favourite one. So it's not got bits in it. It's like tomato soup or it's cream of mushroom or cream

of vegetable or cream of chicken but no bits. And you've just got to put your sponge in, let it soak in and then suck it out the sponge. I mean yeah I would. But that would be not, it wouldn't be nice. I can't imagine that being enjoyable. No, it wouldn't. Would you? Well, again, so I'm starving. I feel sick in this situation. You're starving, you feel sick, you know what I would do in any other way. I think I'd have to. You'd have to, wouldn't you? You'd have to. Disgusting. And I feel like because you dip bread in soup, you would have to fight the urge to bite the sponge. Oh, it's just, it's a horrible visual.

All you'd have to think about is when you were a kid and used to, I would, I would used to drink sponges all the time. In the bath? In the bath. Yeah, I used to drink a sponge. Why did bath water always taste better than normal water? Really did, didn't it?

Really did. God, it did. Do you remember them like, manky, and I know this is probably the wrong, do you remember how everyone went through a phase? Everyone's parents went through a phase of buying the proper, like natural sponges. Yes, like the luffas. Like, yeah, but they looked like really weird shapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone, that was a real 90s trend. What is this sorcery? And then everyone went on the, what they call the shower puff things, which is basically a

load of rags all thinking together. Remember them? They were disgusting. Yeah, something for you. Yeah. Did you, you still like going in your friend's bath? Sorry? Did you enjoy going in your friend's baths? Can't really imagine a time where I went in my friend's baths. Oh, did you not? I don't think so.

All right, okay. I think it's a girl thing. Is it? I imagine like all the lads are sitting around on the Xbox playing Halo. Hey, Kyle, do you mind if I just, might I just have a quick bath? What? Can I just... Just before the pizza comes?

When you slept over, did you never have a bath at your mate's house? No! Oh God, I used to love having a little foreign bath. Foreign because it's not your house? Yeah. I loved it. I could literally reel you off loads of people's baths I've been in and I had a really nice time.

Just a different experience. Just quite nice. And always kind of like, not in a good way, I guess, but just a bit edgy. Because you'd be like, oh, the brother's in. Like, I don't know. It's just, yeah. Is that weird? Am I weird? It's just something as a, as a, oh, I'm just speaking for myself, but I do imagine as boys, it's probably not a thing that happens as much. I don't think any of my brother's mates stayed over and have a bath, if I'm honest with you.

But yeah, now I used to have some nice little baths at my friend's house. Coming back in with the towel around your head. Yeah? Is it my turn yet on FIFA? Well, we skipped you because you were having a fucking bath. You weird bastard. Oh, you can't have skipped us

because you're not just a weirded man. Away! That's such a girl thing. Such a girl thing. Yeah. But yeah, great. Just staying over before we watch a film, get our jammies on. Do you want a bath? I'd love a bath. Mint. God, that's something I've never had. That's really strange. I know. Really strange to

me. Well, I mean, it's not to me because I've had baths in loads of people's houses. Slag. Pure bath slag. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? It's hard to make time for the things that keep you healthy, but being consistent with self-care you can do from anywhere. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelpHELP.com today to get 10% off your first month. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit Rogers.com for to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details.

We got you, Rogers. Canada's own best-selling romance author, Lily Chu's newest audible original, Drop Dead, starring Hamilton breakout star Philip Esso, paired with versatile funnyman John Cho of Star Trek and Harold and Kumar fame. Filled with huge laughs, big twists and sizzling banter throughout, Chu's latest must-listen, once again set in her beloved Toronto, weaves together a scandalous mystery and a slow-burned romance to heart-pounding effect. Unravel the secrets and watch the sparks fly as fellow fearless reporters Nadine and Wes embark on a fast-paced adventure, chasing down the truth and stumbling upon something far deeper than either could have imagined. From the queen of swoon-worthy moments herself,

Lily Choo's hilarious and delightfully lustful Drop Dead should not be missed. Listen now. Go to audible.ca slash drop dead on Audible. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef, what's your beef? Beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef. I didn't have one, but I remembered one. Brilliant.

So you said, you said your exact words were, I can have one if you want us to have one. I can have one all the time. So what's your beef? I'm going first. Whenever you are hot, you open every single window in the house without taking into consideration

that other people might be cold. You are very, very selfish with your own body temperature. Right, yeah. To the detriment of your family's wellbeing. Wow. You got a little bit hot yesterday because we put the kids in a bedroom together again because we're just glutton for punishment, you know that?

And I'm just like- Fucking disaster again. No, I know. What they were so obsessed with were, like, they just will not leave us alone. And yeah, so anyway, they lasted till about half past 12. And then the boat- And then I got about half past 12. And then the boat.

And then I got dragged in one of the rooms. And my sleep had been interrupted, so I had a terrible night's sleep. I know. And my phone at three o'clock. Were you? I couldn't get to sleep man, I was lying there wide awake and to be fair, if all I'm doing is tossing and turning,

I'm gonna wake Robin up. So I just got my phone and just sat on, sat on two and didn't get to work. So you just can't be woke up in the night. You just, it's just, you can't. I find it very difficult. I go back to sleep once I'm w woke up in the night. You just, it's just, you can't. I find it very difficult. I go back to sleep once I'm woken up. Very difficult.

Well, we're just destined for separate beds then. Ah! Anyway. Good night, sweetheart. Sorry. We were just changing the rooms around yesterday. You got a little bit hot. Open every single window in the house.

Every single window. And it's just unnecessary. I just find it just unnecessary. By the way, you need to put some more house, every single window. And it's just unnecessary. I just find it just unnecessary. By the way, you need to put some more locks on that top window. So I'm scared the kids are just gonna jump out the window. Okay. It's me fear, guys. It's me fear.

I've got about six packets of them locks. So any window you want locked, I will lock. I've got a few, we'll walk around. Fucking travel lodge around here. You can open the windows an inch and that's all you're getting. Oh yeah, it's horrible. I mean, I do. That's all you're getting. Oh yeah, it's horrible. I mean, I do. That's all you're fucking getting.

Ground floor, saw a fork. I think it's just terrifying kids in windows. Just freaks us out, yeah. Okay, well I'm on it. Okay. My beef with you is you decided the other morning to have a clear out of all the toys. Yes.

You grabbed a bin liner and you just filled it up with random toys, loads of stuff that you couldn't be asked with. And you said, this is all for the... These are all random bits for the charity, sorry. But there was random bits that belonged to other bits of toy that weren't in the bag as well. No, there wasn't.

There is. No, there wasn't. Like what? The Super Wings thing. They can be separate though. They don't have to be the full set. The runway that goes on the Super Wings base can be separate from the Super Wings base. That wasn't in the charity bag.

That was in the miscellaneous. Okay, okay. Okay, on to my next point. You then got basically four bin liners of stuff, one for charity, one for miscellaneous, left through for miscellaneous stuff, and said, I think you knew that I was gonna get upset by it. So they've just, mm. So now they're now in a random room in the house

and your exact words were, well, you will have to sort through them all then. So now I've got three bin liners of fucking tat to sort through because you knew my conscience wouldn't let us just get rid of it. Okay, right, listen to us right now, right. Listen to us. Listen to us right now. Right. Listen to me. Good. Okay. We are very... those same toys, we have kept toys for like eight years, right?

Raph, poor Ben, barely has any new toys. All he's done is play with Robin's old stuff because we kept them so nice, right? And some of the stuff you can nice right and some of the stuff you can't recycle and some of the stuff it will end up in landfill but okay but here is out here actually what we have contributed to landfill together is very very minimal and you need to be proud of that but sometimes they have to just go with the journey because they're missing things that they don't work or something like that and that's what that

bag was. That was miscellaneous shit. But I think you know I'll spend to the end of my days on this earth looking for the missing bits. Right then then listen that'll keep you busy and you'll have a nice little time because I'm not doing that right. We're very good to the environment we'll do a bit we'll try our best. We've got solar panels. We've got solar panels, we do our bit, we try our best. We've got solar panels. We've got solar panels, we do hand me downs, we do everything, we've kept bloody toys for years, but it comes to a point where Rafe's older, doesn't play with them anymore, some of the bits are broke, they don't have parts to give away to people, you know.

Charity shops are quite, they're quite bad. I do feel like it's a fuck you when you give them something that's completely not, but they don't take it. Hasn't got all the bits. They don't take them? Yeah. Why should they? I don't know what to do.

I might just dig a hole in, ah, I'll dig a hole in the garden, just put them in my garden. Yes. So it's. What does that mean? Does that do anything? Just means it's not going anywhere else.

It's just staying in orbit. Do it then. Do it? Oh, I thought you were gonna, I don't know, I don't want to. What the fuck are you doing up there? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. It's time for Questions from the Public

Questions from the Public, Public, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Public As always if you like to get in touch it's shagmarynoid at gmail.com Send us your stories, send us your embarrassing situations, your would you rathers, we do love some of them Ix and your what would Rosie eats, that was a nice one I do enjoy that That might have done it's farewell debut, you never, but they were very good fun. That was quite interesting. I think, I honestly don't know if sponge soup can be beaten because that is just... Soup with a sponge. Oh, it's fucking delicious.

Well done. Just as we were about to start there, when you guys were in commercial break, Rosie said that the person who's emailed the first thing she's gonna read out is his email address is his name and then what number? 1609. And you said? Is he just really old? So it's either. He's under 1600? Probably not 1609 from the 1600s I doubt it. Unless you know he's some kind of time traveller. What a random. Well, either it's the 16th of September as his birthday. Oh. Or he's typed his name in and thought, I'll be the first person on Yahoo or Google or whatever with this email address. And it's went, can we suggest, and it's given a random number. Oh, God, honestly.

Do you know what it is? I do not enjoy setting up new emails. Horrible. I set up a work email, you know. Did you? I just forgot to check it. Brilliant. So I had loads of emails in there. Well, I'd only told a few people and I was like, oh,. Did you? I just forgot to check it. Brilliant. So I had loads of emails in there.

Well, I only told a few people and I was like, oh, this is a system I can't get on board with. Great way to get rid of people. I've got a new email address, by the way, so just email us on this one, not the other one. My mom said the other day that I need a work phone and I thought, oh God, I don't know if I could deal with that. Yeah, there's everyone.

You heard this? What? Do I get two phones? Oh, is with that. Yeah, there's everyone. You heard this? What? Do I get two phones? Oh, is this from your old, all me cheating? All me cheating. Suspicious. Oh my God. Do you know even just,

me and my friends talk about this all the time. Even just the thought of cheating makes us feel ill. What part of it makes you feel ill? Just having to like be nice to a man. Oh god! Oh jeez, I'm stressed. Having to find out what they like, what they don't like. Just a new thing, I just couldn't be asked. Yeah.

And I don't know, like, no, wait, we're joking by the way. We love each other very much. Yes. And like, we love each other the same. Chris got upset because I said, because I joked and said that he loves me more than I love him, but I don't. We love each other very much. And like we love each other the same. Chris got upset because I said, because I joked and said that he loves me more than I love him, but I don't. We love each other the same.

But honestly, I just couldn't, I love, that's one thing when people are like, if people say what's nice about marriage and I would genuinely say. Not much, but. Not a great deal, but just the fact that you can be yourself and you don't have to like make the effort because I just couldn't be arsed.

People have got secret, just secret lives and secret families and shit. And I'm just, well, no women have secret families. That's never a thing. Sexist. It's true, true facts. Sexist. I just couldn't be bothered.

Anyway, how did we get to that? I don't know. Fucking awesome. Oh, email. Oh. There's email. Oh, don't rub me. There's Fucking awesome. Oh, email. Oh. There was email. Oh, don't know about me. It was on two phones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Top of your two phones over here. Yeah, I see sometimes people on dates. I was actually in the Metro Center yesterday with kids and there was a lad and a lass walking around and they were clearly on some kind of date. I hadn't been out much and they were chatting to each other and it was like small talk, finding out about you,

finding out about me and I just literally wanted to go, ah! Like bless them and good luck to them. But oh, nah, nah. I saw an Instagram video the other day, actually, it's probably a TikTok off years ago that I've missed out on. But it was like a woman saying, dating in your thirties.

And it was her putting her makeup on and she was looking in the mirror and she was going, so what do you do? Oh yeah, no, I've seen it. Do you like it? Do you like it? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I couldn't. Honestly, I think I've seen it. Do you like it? Do you like it? I really like it. I was like, yeah, yeah, I couldn't. I could like, honestly, I think I've said it before

and yeah, I would be arrogant enough to go, if you listen to the podcast, and if they're like, no, I'll be like, oh God, oh God, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go over all this again. If you're serious about this, go and listen to the podcast, come back, you'll know everything about it, is that I just ask about you,

because I can't be asked to tell you anything. That's horrendous. Would it just be easier? Do your homework, love, do your fucking required reading. Would it just be easier that if you're in our age bracket and you do split up, would it be easier to kind of put something out online and just go look, is there anyone that I kind of know already? That's in a similar situation. So I know where you've been and I know who you are.

Like a school reunion, but only the people who are single still turn up. Kind of, I didn't, no I'm joking. I just know it's just not on our radar, is it? But you know, I can imagine, I could imagine if you were deathly unhappy in a relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you would think about it all the time and it would be quite appealing. So if you are in that situation. Check your privilege, me and you, check your privilege, because we are very happy together and it wouldn't cross our minds. I think that's a good thing that it wouldn't cross our minds. Can I say something really dark?

Um, yes. Okay, apparently, right, that you hired a new film out called It Ends With Us. Yes, I don't know anything about it. A humble brag, can I do a humble brag? I've read the book. Oh, oh, is the fucking book better, is it? Yeah, OK, but listen.

Well, the book, well that bit, the book was in so much detail and that character looks nothing like you should have, that dark haired, six foot four. The only reason I'm buzzing is because my mom and Kate were around the other night and I was like, oh, we should go see this. I was like, he's read the book. And they were like, no, and I was like, uh, am I the only one who's read the book? So I was like, guys, can't you, I was like,

can you read the book in a week? Cause we'll go next week. Like, can you just read it? It's really good. Anyway, right. So it's a bit, it's, you know, it, it kind of touches on, uh, like violence and physical abuse within relationships and stuff like that. But it's made, a lot

of people who read the book and a lot of people who've seen the film now have actually, it's made them get out of situations. Oh shit. Like that. That's brilliant. And I just think, this is, I just think, you know, platform. Yeah. If you're in a relationship, we've been together for 11 years, never ever, ever once got physical.

No. Or heated, yes, but never that heated that either of us have felt. Not that heated. No no but never that heated that either of us I think it felt unsafe if you're in a relationship like that pack your bags and leave and just do it and just don't think about it and just fucking do it anyway that's all I've got to say about it. Can you just say that again without me taking a drink in the middle like a fucking asshole. No no because you took a drink because you know what it is, you're actually a bit uncomfortable but sometimes you have to sit in your uncomfortableness.

I know that's the thing with comedy isn't it? It's fine. Guys, you hear Chris is learning just how to actually be like a grown up, so there you go. A real boy? Yeah. It's okay, it's alright, there you took a drink. I felt bad that I took a drink but I was nodding as I did it.

Don't be... No, I'm not having to go. It's uncomfortable conversation, but do you know what it is? We've got... people listen to this. A lot of people listen to this, and sometimes somebody needs somebody to say, that's not how it should be, and there is people out there who won't treat you like that. Yeah. Hence, us. There we go.

You know? Anyway, look after yourself and no, you shouldn't be in that kind of situation. If somebody's making you feel like shit, no, you don't deserve them. Babadoo babadoo babadoo baa. So what did this guy from 1609 say? Okay, back to the matter in hand. Dear Rosie and Chris, I've been with you since episode one and never thought I had anything to send in. Oh bless you. And you. Then, lo and Chris, I've been with you since episode one and never thought I had anything to send in. Oh, bless you, and you. Lo and behold, the other day I realised that I had a story this entire time.

This entire time. Dun-dun-dun. It was me all along. Five years ago, at the age of 28, I went into hospital to have me tonsils out. Oh. Are you still got your tonsils? That's a personal question, I'd rather not answer that

on the podcast. Yes. I was always jealous people got the tonsils out. Oh. Are you still got your tonsils? That's a personal question, I'd rather not answer that in the podcast. Yes. I was always jealous people got their tonsils out. Don't they, right, is this an urban myth or did they just used to take them out with a lolly stick? I don't know. I don't think. You can't take them out with a lolly stick. I thought you just put a lolly stick in and they just pushed on them and they came out. No. No? Are they like tonsil stones or something? That's to check how your tonsils are. It's to keep your tongue down. Oh. Like the doctor with the lolly stick.

It's to keep your tongue down. Well, blow me sideways. Wow. I thought they just took them out. I thought they put that lolly stick in and they just put it under them and they just lifted them out. Is that if they're fucking like attached to your mouth? Be fair, yeah, because you'd swallow one, you'd swallow them, wouldn't you?

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Have we reversed rules for us? Are you me? What's happened? Are we? Did we touch a vase at the same time? Have we swum bodies? I don't know.

Is this Freaky Friday? Vice versa. Vice versa, Freaky Friday, whatever one you want to have. Vice versa was great. Freaky Friday 2 is coming out, by the way. Books better. Having luckily never had to have surgery. This was my first real experience of going in the hospital as a patient. How exciting. My surgery was scheduled for 11am and I arrived at 8am ready to be tonsil free. Keen. Keen bean. Wow. Why did they get there so early?

You've got to get through security in that, haven't you? Go check in. Check your bags in. Take your iPads out with your bag, hand luggage, check in, you gotta go out duty free, then you gotta get your tonsils out. Oh I went through the pre-surgery checks and was led to the cubicle to remove my clothes and change in the hospital gown and cap, ooh la la. Sorry Annie, get your tonsils out, what are you getting your arse out for? Well yeah I think you have to put your bollocks in this bag. No you've got to be fully gowned I think whenever you get a surgical thing done. Have you had any surgery? Well, say I didn't want to say anything when they said that but no touch wood I've had. No? I haven't

even had any fucking dentistry done. I've been super low. Yeah you've been really good. I had a lumbar puncture when I was younger. Oh that's pretty box. Oh, that's pretty intense. Yeah, yeah, that was pretty awful. I used to box. I had me two fights. 100% record. Stop saying when I used to box. 100% record. 100% record, yeah. It's not that bad, I had two of them in.

Two losses, two losses. Two fights, two losses, 100% record. Retired on top, slash bottom. What was your lumbar puncture for? The thought had burst a blood vessel in my brain. I had this headache that wouldn't go away. Jesus! Turns out I was just dehydrated and hungover.

Of course you were! I went training when I was really hungover. Really hungover. I went boxing training and I had this headache that just wouldn't go away. Fucking lumbar, that's so intense. You're like fuck. Oh my god aye? Yeah they take the flu down from in between your spine and have a look at it. And you just hadn't had enough water? I hadn't had enough water. No one thought to say, you had enough water, you stupid prick.

Fuck me. Are you not just hungover? Wow, right, okay. I'm sure I've told you about this. My dad brought us in a Gill's Pizza, a fish and chip shop pizza to the hospital. Don't know, to make us feel better, he brought us in a pizza,

but he carried it like a fucking book. Oh God! So it was like a calzone when I got it. Oh my God! It was devastated, it was all slid to one side of the box. It was horrible, I went, what the fuck do you carry that apple? Oh, that's so depressing.

Yeah, nice pizza, though. No, yeah, yeah, the best, yeah. Right, are you ready? They then led me to the waiting room and asked me to wait whilst they set up the operating room. There was me and three other men also waiting to have surgery that morning. These men were of the silver persuasion.

Basically, they were old as fuck. I quite enjoy that silver persuasion, that's nice. Makes it sound like there's a silver surfer from Fantastic Four would carry on. Doesn't it? It just means like silver fox. Doesn't work, doesn't my head. All three silver blokes just standing there. Surfboards under arm. Like a pizza in a hospital.

And there you go. As soon as I sat down, I immediately started questioning the hygiene standards of the hospital. My bare arse and balls were directly touching the seat. Then I thought, it's leather, they probably wipe it down. However, after about 15 minutes, the bench started to feel really uncomfortable. If you've ever sat on a leather sofa in shorts shorts I'm sure you can guess why. What I couldn't understand is why the other men in the waiting room seemed so content. Wiggling around I kept having to peel my ball sack off the leather bench without flashing the OAPs

and dead pan receptionists behind the counter. After about 45 minutes I started to get quite hot and then I started to panic. What would they think if I stood up to go in leaving the outline of my sweaty balls and crack? At this point I started to get annoyed at the other men. They're ancient, their balls will be much saggier than mine. As I passively aggressively stared at the men I realised something. None of them were wearing surgery caps. It was only then, after an hour, I realised I'd been sitting there the entire time with a pair of paper underwear on my head.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Tufts of hair sticking out where my leg should go. Oh that's so good, gorgeous. Oh that's beaut- and they're all going, fucking don't look now, but that mad bastard has got the payback eggs on his fucking head. Don't look, don't look, don't look. Oh my god, the younger generation. Look at him. Look at his hair sticking out the side where he's like, could be, what a fucking moron. I immediately whip the pants off my head and try to shimmy the pants on without having to stand and let on that I'm a complete nod.

That'll be in a moment as well. That'll be in a moment. Watch him. He's just took them off and put them on. What a nutcase. Once I finally had my balls safely tucked away, I saw the receptionist give me one solitary nod. one solid renowned. You get it. Yeah. Well done. Well done. Had faith in you. We've had a pool going in the back.

I just want to fire her. Yeah. They all said you wouldn't realise and would have to tell you. You gave me three hours earlier. You had a minute left before we're going to tell you. Thank you very much. Just 15 quid off the girls. Oh, well done.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo bab We're gonna tell you thank you very much just 15 quid off the girls Hi Chris and Rosie your tip ex chat last week reminded me of one of the many stupid things my dad has done over the years Ah tip ex remember tip ex yeah class. He wanted white teeth Going fuck off. He didn't want to pay to have them whitened shut up He spotted the tip ex on my table. No. He painted his teeth with it. No. It dried very wide like he hoped but then it wouldn't come off and of course he looked insane. He had to scrape it off bit by bit with his nails.

Oh God that's gone right through me. There's my mole, my mole rattle. There's my role model right there. Loads of love Lindsay from Liverpool. P.S. No need to keep me anonymous. Everyone knows us, knows about the time. Roy painted his teeth with Tipex. Oh Roy. Wow. Roy, Roy, Roy.

Wow. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. You're gonna do, you let your yawn out, you know you can't not make a noise. Oh wow. Oh you can. Did it silently. Christ on a bike.

Did a silent yawn. Well, keep that up please. No problem. Do you want to have a drink? Sorry, had to just do it. Do you want to have a drink tonight? Shall we have some wine tonight? I would like some wine tonight. Let's have some wine tonight. When I get back from the driving range. Oh yeah. Hi Rosie and Chris. Long time listener, first time emailer. I was in my local pet shop buying a new lead for our dog. A heavily pregnant shop assistant asked me if I knew which lead I wanted. Without hesitation I replied I have a rough idea. Before I realised what was happening I chuckled at my own joke.

Then apologised immediately. Ick. You could hear her eyes roll for several miles. Nothing more testicle shriveling than the look of disdain from a heavily pregnant woman. That's from Graham. And Sid Cupp, where's Sid Cupp? Oh, I don't know, but rough, rough's very good. I have a rough idea. I would have laughed actually. I quite enjoy that. I must just find out where Sid Cupp is. Graham, throw enough shit some sticks. I think, do you know what, you might have said that to someone and you might have made the day. audience wrong crowd that day but keep it up yeah

don't let that put you off oh Sidcup looks nice yeah where's Sidcup oh it is London Borough in Bexley keeps it just keep saying places I've never heard of um Frompton 11.3 miles southeast of Charing Cross. I mean what is this a fucking well, orienteering? I'm just put I just literally typed it in Google and loads of nice places came up on the pictures. Is Sid Club a nice place to live? Oh yeah it offers a perfect mix of the hustle and bustle of London and the tranquility of the Kent Downs. Brggots. The odd little dad joke gets thrown around in the local pet shop too. Yeah. I was gonna say, I just now, the older I'm getting, I like to know where places are.

Right. Do you feel like that? Nope. No? No. Okay. That must just be me. Once upon a time, I couldn't give a shit. I'd be like, oh no, I don't care where that is. But now when someone says something, I'm like, where is that? I was watching the UFC the other night, last night, from the weekend, they were in Perth, Australia, and one of the commentators found out live on air

that New Zealand wasn't in Australia. Holy shut up. It was incredible. Where was he from? Incredible, America. But that's the thing, Americans don't give a fuck about the rest of the world. They don't give a shit.

Well, because they never leave, because everywhere is seven miles away, and so they never, you know. You mean even their local things are seven miles away. Well, yeah, we've talked about this before with America. You're very much kind of, I think, I mean, this is, you've been, that is a generalized statement because not all Americans are like that. We've got American listeners who I'm sure are very knowledgeable. Yeah, it's a stereotype, but it's,'s you know stereotypes are there for a reason you know it is a thing. We probably say that about British people to be fair. Yeah but we don't

learn other fucking languages. No, exactly. We're disgustingly lazy. We're like, you learn mine and I'll just talk louder and shout. Yeah. But yeah he was like. So what happened? So we're talking about the gyms and they're like yeah it's probably the best gym in Australia and he was like well no, city gyms and they're like, yeah, it's probably the best gym in Australia. And he was like, well, no, city kickboxing. And they're like, the other commentator went, well, that's not in Australia. He went, yeah, it is. He went, no, it's New Zealand. And he went, is New Zealand not in Australia? Oh, no.

He's just started, to be fair, he's a legend. He just started laughing his head off and he was like, oh, he's like, I thought this whole time I thought that was in Australia. Just laughing his head off. Wow. It's completely just, yeah, it was amazing. It was amazing. I mean, I feel like I might have thought that 10 years ago.

But the point is you get embarrassed about stuff on the podcast, like when you said the ninth hour and stuff. But you know, it happens all across. That was a live sporting event in Australia and he was like, yeah, New Zealand's over here as well. So yeah, don't worry about it. I love him. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hello Chris and Rosie. I've got a major ick for you. Come on.

I was at the gym on Tuesday with my step-mum who also listens to the podcast and she had the exact same thought in this moment. We were having a lovely sauna after our workout, approximately five people in the sauna and one of the lads was wearing his crocs while sitting baking in the sauna. What? Okay. Just crocs. Just outside footwear. I think the fuck it's... Outside footwear in the sauna. What? Okay. Just Crocs. Just in the, just outside footwear.

I stay there for kids. Outside footwear in the sauna. There's a time and a place. I just find Crocs for kids or medical staff. I get you. Chefs. Chefs in that kind of field. I just can't get away with them.

I'm sorry Crocs. Me kids love them and I think they're great for them. But on adults, I just wanna, I just wanna die. But then maybe there's are there are things that people hate but I just yeah I can't get away with them anyway. He did his time and was ready to leave but before he left he did the most ickiest thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh gosh. I don't think this is ickiest I think it's just gross. As a regular sauna user I'll let you know. Alright. I'll tell you how I feel. Do you get very very hot in a sauna? That is the uh that's the point yes. I don't know but what I

don't I don't like saunas. I stay in them. I find them really dry and gross. Yeah I like your steam room. I stay in them until I'm in physical pain. Yeah I like your steam room. Yeah. Yeah okay. Before he got up to leave he lifted up his croc so he could empty out all of the sweat. he lifted up his croc so he could empty out all of the sweat. Oh, that's fucking vile. No, that's vile. Yeah, that's vile. It wasn't like a few drops of it either. Yeah, no, it'd have been loads. It was a good cup worth of cloudy sweat. He tipped out of his croc and the stench that came with it

when he did was just as bad. That's absolutely rotten. That's rotten. That's horrible, isn't it? That's up there with like taking your pants off and just wringing out your sweaty kegs on the floor. Just take it out with you. And that is why I don't go to the gym. Oh God!

There is something odd about a communal sauna sitting with people you don't know. Communal Jacuzzi is really weird. Communal sauna is really weird. Communal steam room is even weirder. You ever been in a spa day and you're in the Jacuzzi and a stranger comes in and I'm like, you've ruined my spa day. You just coming over here casually, sitting this jacuzzi bath with me you have ruined my spa day. I know what you mean yeah and the bubbles go off I've seen this loads of this has been

said loads of times but I still find it fascinating that the bubbles go off you're just in a bath together. Yeah it's awful I can't get I can't get on board with it and you know what really upsets me a lot of our local spas, and I kind of know why they've done it, but for the innocent ones like ourselves, they've stopped letting people drink. Yeah.

No alcohol allowed because like stag dos and hen dos have ruined it. Spoiled it, yeah. Fucking hell, I just want two Prosecco's. Yeah, I know what you mean. Three, maybe three tops. Put a limit, that's what I said. Put a limit on it.

Be like, you can have three drinks each. Mm-hmm. But then there'll always be the person going, I don't want one, and someone going, alright, man, I can have six. And then they're pissing the sauna. I'm pissing on the coals. Look at me steam. Look at me piss steam evaporate. And that's why we're not allowed nice things. Anna, Anna, Anna. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Do do do do do do. things. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Shag Mardinoid which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes thank you very much and as always if you'd like to get in touch with

shagmardinoid at gmail.com and please like, rate, subscribe, review or if it's nice on all your podcast shops and I think British Podcast Awards voting is still open if you want to vote for and listen as choice that would be nice. Yeah, oh and we've got the kids book coming out very very soon. Kids book comes out next month, 12th September. Exciting times! Bye! Bye! This episode is sponsored by Audible.

A fiery rivalry. A nemesis with benefits, a race to get to the bottom but stay on top. Here Canada's own best-selling romance author, Lily Chu's newest Audible original, Drop Dead, starring Hamilton breakout star Philip Esso, paired with versatile funnyman John Cho of Star Trek and Harold and Kumar fame. Filled with huge laughs, big twists and sizzling banter throughout, Choo's latest must-listen, once again set in her beloved Toronto, weaves together a scandalous mystery and a slow-burned romance to heart-pounding effect. Unravel the secrets and watch the sparks fly as fellow fearless reporters Nadine and Wes

embark on a fast-paced adventure, chasing down the truth and stumbling upon something far deeper than either could have imagined. From the queen of swoon-worthy moments herself, Lily Choo's hilarious and delightfully lust-filled Drop Dead should not be missed. Listen now, go to audible.ca slash drop dead on Audible. Hey listeners, wanna diversify your portfolio easily? The all-in-one ETFs from Fidelity Investments Canada lets you do just that.

Each ETF provides exposure to stocks, bonds, and crypto so you can potentially maximize your return. It's essentially like getting a complete portfolio in one trade. Visit Fidelity.ca slash All-in-One and find the ETF that's right for you. Commissions fees and expenses may apply. Read the funds or ETFs perspectives before investing. Funds and ETFs are not guaranteed. Their values change and past performance may not be repeated.

This is an ad by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? It's hard to make time for the things that keep you healthy, but being consistent with self-care is like working a muscle. And when life gets crazy, that muscle keeps you strong. Therapy is the ultimate self-care, and BetterHelp makes it easy to get started with affordable online sessions you can do from anywhere. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelpHELP.com today to get 10% off your first month.