Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 29. Use your face more!

Episode Date: August 30, 2019

Strictly is getting closer and this week Chris and Rosie discuss Chris's dancing face and what happened when Rosie gave Chris some dancing tips! There's some Birthday Beef and we hear from a body double plus a brilliant celeb question! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maridanoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hiya.

Hello, darling. How are you? I'm really good. It's episode 29. Yay. Are you excited? Extremely. Nearly episode 30.

No one happens after episode 30. Do we start getting paid? Nope. Episode 31. Oh. And that's how numbers work. We are currently doing this episode with wine cheers

with wine cheers indeed it's a wine one it's a wine cast your mum got us this this is the wine do you recognise it nope

this is the wine that we had on Saturday Kitchen oh yeah that she went to about nine shops to get us she's a lunatic

isn't she my mother it's very sweet though yeah but my mother is absolutely insistent the amount of times she'll go we'll try to get one she's a lunatic my mother very sweet though yeah but my mother is absolutely insistent the amount of time she'll go we'll try to get one of them that she did the idea she went try to get one of them things that water your plants for the garden the bulb that you put the water in we went to here we went to there went about 20 different places couldn't get them i went mom amazon go on amazon she went no no i don't do the internet. Do you not? So you just, hey, hey,

episode 29, sponsored by walking around all the shops and trying to find something when you get easy, just go on the fucking internet, you absolute psycho. Have you just done this off the cuff? Just off the cuff. It's my new sponsor. I've just decided. Hey, hey, got loads of fucking time on your hands? Loads.

Can't be arsed to use the internet? Uh-huh. Scared to use the internet? Yeah. Yeah? Don't want to ask your son how to use the internet yeah well why don't you walk around every single shop in the local area yeah and try and find a product that could easily be attained in less than two clicks you say you don't want to ask your son so you know what they started doing they're asking the daughter-in-law thank Thank you very much. Much more patient than you. She goes around so many places. But actually, the real sponsor

of this week's podcast... No, no. No. No, you've used it now. Nope, nope. Oh, piss off, Chris. Hey, hey. Now, don't you belay that

because the real sponsor of this week's podcast is... It's Rosie's birthday's birthday oh bless you happy birthday dear chocolate quillet shield pig happy birthday to me so there you go you're trying to stop the sponsor and it's your bloody birthday. Thank you for going all out with that theme music. The recording.

No, I couldn't have. I've actually, if you noticed before we started, I went over and I disabled the microphone and she's got the red light on top of her because I wasn't having another debacle like that. People are freaking out, man. Their Alexas were joining in. The robots nearly took over. Hey, happy birthday sweetheart thank you

here's the jingle is this the jingle? oh Chris I'm lost am I drunk? I pointed at her guys I pointed at her and she just the fear on your face

then you're like here's the that's the first time you've said here's the jingle and it's actually been a question here's the jingle and it's actually been a question. Here's the jingle. I'm Ron Burgundy. We had a fight about the jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Jingle. Hello.

Bonjour. Hello. Welcome. Bon anniversaire. What? Is that happy birthday in French? Thank you. Bon anniversaire. So if you listen to this on Friday as it comes out,

it is literally the Chocolate Quilted Shitpig's birthday as we speak. Get in. On Friday. The Chocolate Quilted Shitpig is turning 21. Not a diff. Forty. as it comes out it is literally the chocolate quilted shit pig's birthday as we speak get in the chocolate quilted shit pig is turning 21 45

45 years young 48 thank you 45 years young don't I look good for it fantastic they all said

don't marry an older woman should fade fast but you know what you're fading moderately I know and my vagina it's like a mouse's ear

oh my god isn't it you're fading moderately. I know. And my vagina, it's like a mouse's ear. Oh my God. Isn't it? Like a cat's anus. Oh, stop it now. It's so early in the podcast for that kind of talk. Listen, it's my birthday. I will talk about my tight...

Stop it. ...vagina, if I like. Stop it right now. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you for all of the... Birthday, birthdays you for all of the non-stop birthday messages that I'm sure are flooding in today. Well, actually, we're recording this on Tuesday.

I've already had three. Really? It's not my birthday yet. Yeah. So I don't know why that's coming up. Do you know what it is? It'll probably be like on a... Somebody's probably tagged us in something years ago on Facebook

on the wrong day on my birthday. And it's coming up. And now it's coming up and they're just it's embarrassing for them I haven't replied hey I tell you what since I got signed up with Strictly

I have lost so many years I've gone five years younger I am what do you mean I thought you were going to say wait no no

all the press they say I'm 28 I'm buzzing 28 28 it said the other day in the paper the funny man 28

wow I'm wrong on two accounts there. It's embarrassing. Do you know what I'm finding? I'm laughing, but I'm actually crying inside. You know what I'm finding hilarious about the whole Strickley thing? That the press seem to have latched on to me being a professional dancer. Rosie, I did a pit, a press pit pit last night like on the red carpet and i judge sort of like it's pit sounds like i literally hey chris what's going on come on in the pit

like i jump off the stage every single question started with um every single it's like all of the papers all of the tv shows every single question started with um so you've got an unfair advantage because your wife's a professional dancer right can we just clarify i have never been to dance classes i've never been to theater school my professional dancing qualification is working in the clubs and abroad and pontons i was a part of blue court it's very minimal dance it's look i'm all right i'm not i'm not strictly come dancing standard i'm not slagging you off by any chance by any stretch yet no you're gonna i'll go on then i will listen listen to your slag no i'm not shit you know your shit put your

dancing shoes away listen i am not slagging you off at all here but what i'm saying is yes you're a good dancer yes you can move i see you dancing and when you get up it just flows through you very naturally when i showed you a couple of the dance moves that i've learned you were like oh yeah and you knew what it was but you are not on the level of them bad lads are trickly i'm serious right now the lasses and the lads are on don't pull that face they're in rosie they're irritatingly good yeah well obviously because that is their job i know but i knew they'd be good but listen right so one day what happened was all the celebs we all went in and we learned like a dance routine right we all it took we're easily four and a half hours to learn this thing in the afternoon and

we'll learn all these different bits and we're so proud of ourselves like so and we're to the point of where me and a few others went to the bar in the hotel that night and we're like oh my god that was so good i didn't think i'd be able to do it i was on the phone to you rosie going i think i can do it halfway through the bar, I'm sitting in the bar stool. I got cramped. I had to like stand up. I'm like, oh, just me dance as cramped

because you know how I'm a class dancer now. I swear to God, the celebs came in the next day. Four and a half hours it took us in under 30 seconds. The pros, sorry. The pros came in the next day in under 30 seconds they had that dance. I feel sorry for them.

Under 30 seconds. Yeah. And I knew they'd be good, but that was a kick in the dick. I honestly feel really sorry for them. Having drag my ass around you know i just think if you when you're that good at something having to teach someone whose crap would infuriate me i'd be like it's step ball change step ball change you showed me a couple of weeks ago like a couple of moves i tried to teach you and I was done in

by five minutes in this was yeah so this was before I'd even went down to meet the celebs this was before I'd even met anyone or started anything

you said oh look I'll teach you a couple of little things I mean we argued after two minutes yeah it was horrible you sat down you were like

you're going to be shit if you're not going to listen to people you're going to be shit and I was like well they'll be nicer than you and I could stop

they might not be you still don't know who you're with do you no no people are going to be shit. And I was like, well, they'll be nicer than you. And I could stop them. They might not be, Pat. You still don't know who you're with, do you? No, no. You still don't know who you're going to be bucking behind my back? Bucking's a horrendous word. By the way, if you're not from the North East, welcome to the world of knowing the word

bucking means sex. Enjoy that. Take it out on your lives. Feel free to offend everyone with that. Who did you who did you buck last night do you know what's ridiculous I don't think I've ever

really used that phrase before bucking bucking's disgusting it's horrible isn't it you're bucking him bucking wall ass what were you hey I rang you

why didn't you answer your phone sorry I was bucking wall ass so busy getting me buck on did I never tell you Carl Hutchinson who we mention

all the time on the podcast have you got any other friends no no none first of all can I just say

I spoke to him the other day he was at the end of my fringe he was he says he was coming out of his venue and there was a comic on after him and his queue were there

and the person at the front of the queue wanted Carl's autograph and Carl stopped me and the guy went the front of the queue wanted Carl's autograph. Yeah. And Carl stopped me and the guy went, oh, I was listening to Chris and Rosie's podcast and Carl went, oh, what's he said this time?

And the guy went, the bedsheets, Carl went, blow me nose on the bedsheets. He went, yeah, he went, ah, yeah, that's it. And he's just.

Should we just see if we can say something awful about him? It's all I've ever wanted is for the general public en masse to call Carll out on being a dirty bastard and it's but but but my story about him is he said once he was in a pub in south shields and he was walking past a guy and there was this guy on his phone outside of the room where the football was on and he was on his mobile phone and he was talking to his mate and it was a saturday afternoon he was talking his mate by the night and he genuinely said the words so have you got your hole for the night then?

Oh, yeah. Isn't that... Oh, no, because I've heard that. Isn't that disgusting? That's horrible. Isn't that... I mean, talk about objectifying women. That's the next level. Yeah, it's vile.

I've heard that so many times. A hole? An absence of space? What about waiting around at the end of the night for me hole? Oh, you dirty, vile bastard. Honestly, well, there should be

a shame to you. There should be. You're not being bloody brought up proper. Not hole, it's bucking. Yeah, it's bucking. You can't buck a hole.

Getting one's buck on. We've started this really vulgar. How can we go from talking about Strictly to bucking, to getting hole? The press do it

they kept the most the question I got asked the most yesterday at the Red Carpet oh yeah what was it about sleeping with somebody else yeah

are you worried about the curse oh god and I said to every single one of them I said to them I looked them dead in the eye and I said I sort of set it up as if I was going to be

really sincere about you okay I was literally like listen I don't know if you're aware but I've been married for five years I've got a child.

But more importantly, me and my wife have got one of the top podcasts in the UK. And if you think I'm going to put that on the line to book some hole. Imagine I said book some hole. Book some dancer hole. Oh, gosh. It's just. Book some more. Book some dance a hole.

Oh, gosh. It's just... Do they have to listen to this before it goes out? I don't think so anymore. I think the first time we mentioned Strictly on the podcast, it was embargoed and they had to listen to the podcast. Imagine that. Yeah. I feel sorry for her, to be honest.

To be the person I've got to dance with. The person you've got to book? Stop saying book. I'm embargoing the word book for the rest of the podcast. It's disgusting. Sorry. I feel sorry for the person who's got to teach me. It's going to be a long, hard road.

It's going to be hell on earth. Yeah, a long, long, hard road. I'm looking forward to the break, if I'm honest. Can it wait? Because you know I'm going to come home every night crying. Sorry, this is my point this is I've come back right back round

to my first point so my point is I worked this out yesterday when I was talking to the press having you who you can dance obviously you're not a professional full on

you know strictly dancer but you can move you know you can move right you're a good judge of what's a good dancer and you can move I thought you were going to say

you're a good booker stop hey you've broken the embargo less than 30 seconds after I said it. I don't even know what embargo means. I heard it the other day. I don't know if I'm using it in the right context.

Half a glass of wine, this is amazing. My point is, I have a disadvantage because I said it to them yesterday. I worked it out. I'm going to be judged on the night by the judges, then i'm gonna come home or phone you afterwards and you're gonna be down my throat about something i knacked up as well i was showing you my dance moves the other day and you said sort your face out that was your note because you kept doing this thing with your lip and you're going and touching your stomach that's my sexy bite lip like what i could imagine you

know like back in the day when they used to have little things on sticks that like move like... I don't know what that reference is at all. In Spain, with a little... With a little mariachi thing. Yeah, and then move like... That's what you look like. Okay, well, I've got no idea what you're talking about,

but fair enough. But yeah, your only note was sort your face out, which is not constructive. I don't know how to do it. Well, do you know what I've learnt that when I used to do I'm at Romatics

Auntie Gwyneth yeah Gwyneth who was the director of the South Shields JNS would shout at me use your face so it's I'm just passing that

on to you well thank you very much never knew what it meant just use your face. So when we did the red carpet thing yesterday, what was really bizarre and what... You know, they talk about the North-South divide and the difference between London and living here and stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, tell me some good stuff. No, this is so weird, right? Okay. So we're performing. We're on stage. Well, I say we're performing. The professional dancers are doing their professional dancing

with each other they're incredible we're in the background clapping you did a cracking little dad clap I did a little dad clap I did a little point right

yeah loved it that was keeping in with the kids so we're all on the stage there so we're all on the dancers at the front we're standing at the back clapping it's in front of BBC Television Centre

which is on a main road right Kylie Minogue is performing with us she's performing and singing and we're just dancing along to her songs right across the road which is on a main road, right? Kylie Minogue is performing with us. She's performing and singing and we're just dancing along to her songs, right? Across the road is a tube station.

There's people standing outside the tube station watching across the road Kylie Minogue performing in the street. That's mental. That's London. That's London. You literally come out of the tube. Where do we go from here?

Is it left or right? I'm just checking my Google Maps. Hold on. Is that Kylie Minogue doing a fucking gig on that pavement over there? Yeah. London. you literally come out of the tube where do we go from here? is it left or right? I'm just checking my Google Maps hold on is that Kylie Minogue doing a fucking gig on that pavement over there? yeah London

bet none of them stayed to watch though a lot of them did I was buzzing I was waving over at them they were waving back well I'm shocked at that yeah can you imagine that?

just walked off can you imagine coming out of Chi Metro in South Shields and looking onto the roundabout and seeing Kylie Minogue outside the bus station doing a bit or outside where that pet shop used to be in the little square bit and looking onto the roundabout and seeing Kylie Minogue outside the bus station or outside where that pet shop used to be

in the little square bit doing a gig. Crazy. Well, do you not remember? Well, don't listen. What about Jarrah Elvis? Do you remember Jarrah? I don't even know if he's still alive.

There's a place near us called Jarrow. Everyone calls it Jarrah. And there was a man who lived there for many years. I think he's still alive. You can have to explain everyone who Jarrah Elvis is. There's a place near us called Jarrow. Everyone calls it Jarrah. And there was a man who lived there for many years, I think he might still be there, who thinks he's Elvis. Dresses like Elvis all the time. Cracking Elvis impersonator. He's great.

Jarrah Elvis. He was the Jarrah Elvis. I've seen him loads of times in Jarrah. Yeah? So, you know. Did he ever come out with Jarrow Metro Station and he was doing an impromptu gig or did he have to be booked?

Had to be booked. Still, see? It's that. It's the impromptu-ness of it. The impromptu-ness. Yeah, to be booked? Had to be booked. Still, see? It's that. It's the impromptu-ness of it. The impromptu-ness. Yeah, you're right. Incredible. Yeah.

What did you sing? A medley of all of the stuff. Oh, did you do like the old stuff? Like Locomotion? No. All the newer stuff. But she sounded amazing live. I don't want the new stuff.

She did Dancing. Dancing? How's that called? Dancing. So that's a new one? No, it's newer. We're talking late 90s stuff. We're not talking 80s and that.

We're talking 2000s. Oh, okay. Like spinning around? Yeah, all of that. Oh, that's okay. That's all right. It's when they come out and do new stuff and you're like, look at it. No, I knew all of the songs.

Don't. I knew all of the songs. Oh, well, that's okay then. Yeah. I'm going to have to Google dancing because I should know that. Yeah. I can't remember what it is. Very apt. Well done, Kylie. Yeah. I think it was definitely planned out. Yeah. It's okay then. Yeah. I'm going to have to Google dancing because I should know that. Yeah. I can't remember what it is. Very apt.

Well done, Kylie. Yeah. I think it was definitely planned out. Yeah. It was good fun. Did she look good? She looks amazing for her age. All right.

Put your dick away. You're only a couple of years behind her. You're 45. She's... Oh, God. You look cracking for 45, honestly. Thank you. Well done.

Happy birthday. I'm 33, you bellend. 45. 42. 45 and dog years. Snort. Pig years. In pig years. Charlie Quill and shit pig. Charlie Quill and shit pig years, yeah.

What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What is your beef? Tell you what, I'll see you in court. Okay, ladies first. What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What is your beef? What's your beef? Shouldn't be such a irritating... Tell you what, I'll see you in court. Okay, ladies first. What is your beef, my darling? I've got two.

Oh my God, pick one. Well, I don't know which one to pick. It's your birthday, you can do two. Right, well, there you go. It's my birthday. So it's my birthday. You'll be listening to this today on Friday. It's my birthday. Guess where's my birthday. You'll be listening to this today on Friday. It's my birthday.

Guess where Chris is? Chris is at work. Guess where Chris has been for the last seven years on my birthday that we've been together? Guess. Guess. Work. You love to work on my birthday. Every bastard year.

And you know what? I'm not a massive birthday person it's not i'm not one of these people who drags it out for three weekends i'm not that bothered but why have you why have you worked every single one of my birthdays for seven years you can opt out of work you know yeah not this year not this year you can't right that's fair i know and that's fair enough because it is a strictly thing you're doing and i get that right but all the other years all the other years you've chose to work you have just said yourself that you're not a massive birthday person don't tell us that don't tell us that and then kick off when i work but still how we listen if you're going to keep

trying to make me get caravans and move to the country against my will, then I have to work because you're spending all my hard-earned money. I haven't even spoke about that. So Rosie got trolled again

and someone had to go at her. These trolls keep giving me such beautiful ammunition. Just for moments when you're annoyed around the house or something or just when you

randomly say, oh, I don't know what to do today and I'll say things like, you know, I'll just pull it out the bag. Why don't you sit back and enjoy the life I provided just when you randomly say I don't know what to do today and I'll say things like you know I'll just pull it out the bag why don't you sit back and enjoy

the life I provided for you boom why don't I so what happened what did someone say so well we have been debating for

flipping ages about possibly moving out of our local area to either the countryside or like main Newcastle still in the northeast

yeah we've just lost as to what to do. And it's an ongoing thing and we're not planning on doing it anytime soon. But you threw it out there to Instagram as a question. I've read some of the comments. It was very helpful to see what people would say. It was really helpful because moving to the countryside, even though it's only 40 minutes down the road,

is a big jump. And I was like, what's it like living in the country? We live in a seaside town, quite a big town. What's it like? Got loads of good advice in a seaside town quite a big town what's it like got loads of good advice one person should i get the comment i might as well read it you might as well read it word for word right so somebody commented i don't know how to put this but while i love your blogs etc can i just interrupt you first they always the worst ones always start about how much they like you i know it's the double-edged sword i love your blog never wrote a blog in my life yeah this is instagram it's not a blog i don't know how to put this but while i love your blogs etc but if you wanted a caravan or to move house so badly would

it not be a joint financial decision sadly it looks as though you are spending your other half's money each time he earns it i mean i don't really even know what it means. She's basically saying you're just spending Chris's money and he doesn't even know that he's spending it. How much money does she think you earn? Does she think I could buy a house in the country and you wouldn't flip a no? But I mean, if I don't know... What are you putting on Instagram for

if you want to keep it a secret from us? Does she not know I follow you? But does she not realise that we're married and we've actually talked about these things? Well, I'm annoyed because I told her I whinged about you to her in confidence and I can't know I follow you. But did she not realise that we're married and we're actually talking about we've talked about these things? Well I'm annoyed because I told her I whinged about you to her in confidence and I can't believe

I can't believe she's went and made it public. Sorry is this you've been booking her have you? She's teaching us some dance. That's my beef for this week and I'm going to keep the other one until next week.

Oh thank god. Because we went on a bit on that beef. I can take this coat of armour off now can't you? Yes well done. Stop working on my birthday. Okay I'll try. take this coat of armour off now, can't you? Yes, well done. Stop working on my birthday. Okay, I'll try.

You fool. What date is it next to your birthday? It's the same date as the bonus. One, idiot for Anson. Two, I've got something booked in. Hey. Birthday burps. What are you going to do about it?

Goodness me. Goodness me. Okay, there's my beef laid out. Beef, what's yours? My beef with you this week is, it's your birthday, so I'm not going to have a beef for you. I'm going to let you off.

Happy birthday. That is your present from me to you. Is that my actual present? Because that would be really disappointing. Okay. Do you want this as a present or do you want an actual present? Listen, I'll want this as a present or do you want an actual present listen i'll have that as a present thank you so much yes you're taking well you are taking us out for dinner tonight so oh that counts as a present actually

doesn't it right every time i ring you what what you drink water on the phone for fucking ages and it's doing me nothing and we're genuinely had an argument last night and i had to put the phone for fucking ages and it's doing me nothing and we genuinely had an argument about it last night and I had to put the phone down on you guys I phone her up and she starts talking on a night I'll be like I haven't supported you all day

and she'll be like yeah yeah yeah right no and I'm going and last night I went can you stop just drinking your

you know the thing she does the juice thing she does where she drinks a full glass she does it on the phone and I can hear it it's like it's happening inside me head you ring us just before I'm about to go to bed that's my water

before bed bed drink water before bed bed drink hey go on bed bed no before water water oh bed bed night night bed bed water drink drink slurp slurp phone chris okay i will stop doing that it's horrible i phoned you about 10 minutes later and said I'm really sorry. Yeah, because on the phone you're like, will you stop drinking a drink of water? How dare you hydrate yourself whilst on the phone? To me, the king.

I am the king. King of the dance floor. It's because the night before, you did it through the full, we talked for ages. I was pissed. I was pissed. I was drinking water

so I wouldn't be too pissed in the morning to look after our child I bit my tongue that time you did it the first time and then when you did it

again the second night it was like all of the final all of the night before it was like the straw that brought the camels back and you did it and I was like

stop stop like slurping water while I'm talking to you I can't believe that you want me to just be dehydrated all the time

do you know what I mean I don't at all seriously my me to just be dehydrated all the time. Do you know what I mean? I don't at all. Seriously, my ways are so sugar puffy. This. Disgusting. Yeah, I had some asparagus the other day and I forgot I had it and I went to the toilet and I got a fright and then I remembered. Do you ever have that?

Babadoo babadoo babadoo bab. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen.

Evil things. Of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying.

Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday.

Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.

It's time for a question from the public. Public, public, public. Now, this one is a bit strange and I don't know whether to believe it or not.

And it throws back an episode that we've already done. But I'm going to bring it out here because it genuinely it did tickle me pickle. Okay. Okay.

Just to clarify, Chris has done the questions this week because It's your birthday. Well, he's been on the train more. I've been mothering. Full time mothering.

That's cool man. I'm sick. Go back to school motherfuckers. So, hello Rosie and Chris. My fiance and I are obsessed with your podcast that's very nice i just wanted to share my story of the sunny d and my skin turning orange so is

this happened this is happening to him so this is a a lady right and this refers to the thing we're talking about the other week about how apparently someone in the 90s drank too much Sunny Delight and went a different colour. So listen to this, right? Shut up, is it her? Have we found the Sunny Delight girl? Just listen. I'm going to piss myself.

I woke up one morning when I was around seven to discover my arms and legs were a funny colour. My mum completely freaked out and took me to the doctor's first thing in the morning. The GP was just as confused as my mum and they had never seen skin this colour before and were really panicked. My mum and dad were too hysterical to wait for a referral to see a specialist so paid a fortune to take me to see a private doctor that day. Again the specialist was baffled and had no idea what it was or why I turned this orange color they all came to an agreement that it was sunny delight and the story was circulated in our village and surrounding schools i was

mortified as i was now known as the girl who turned orange from drinking too much sunny d and i was it was banned from school clubs and all over the county etc years later i discovered fake tan and realized that my skin looks a similar color to when the sunny day turned me orange when I use it. Then I remembered that the night before the fateful day that I turned orange, my friend and I stole her mom's moisturizer and put it on. Oh, shut up. Shut up. Yes, it was fake tan all along. I was too embarrassed to tell my mum that I now remembered exactly what happened

and that Sunny D did not in fact turn me orange, so I kept it to myself. She's still telling people about how Sunny D turned me orange and so are my friends' mums. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm livid. My mum stopped buying that. I loved Sunny D in California. friends mums oh i'm sorry i'm livid my mom stopped buying that i love sunny day california now i've got two ways of this one oh my god we've uncovered the thing and this we've found the

person and it was all fake or this woman emailing in now works for sunny delight and is trying to get them back on oh yeah do you know what i mean like is this an exec of sunny delight and is trying to get them back on oh yeah do you know what i mean like is this an exec of sunny delight and are they trying to get us back in did you email back well no i didn't email back because this is a lady from glasgow right now the other day someone tweeted me saying that they're giving these out chris they're handing these out in glasgow and it was cans of fizzy sunny delight right there must be new so they must be trying to make a comeback and this email's from glas Glasgow and they were from Glasgow. So I don't know if she's just

taking the piss here. Right? Well, I wish you'd had more concrete evidence I don't know but it's before you brought it to the table. It tickled me. Pickle. That's beautiful. Do you know what I mean?

I mean, yeah, because, right? It was only one person. It was only one person turned yellow. Yeah. It's her. Shit. Isn't that crazy? That's great.

It's got me very excited, yeah. I might email her back. You need to. And then come back next week with what she said. Okay, let's see what happens. Just to let you all know as well, I got a lovely message on Instagram from a girl called...

Hang on a minute. Is this what you sent me last night? Yes. Yes, this is exciting. Hi, Rosie. I know you'll probably be inundated with DMs, but I was listening to your podcast the other day and heard you mention your new love for the Outlander series.

This makes me chuckle, as I actually work as the lead character's body double. Wow. It might be a bit odd that I was kind of flattered by the comments about the full frontal sex scenes, as they're all me. Anyway, thanks to you and Chris for such an entertaining podcast. Me and my partner are huge fans.

So, she's called Ashley and she plays the main lady, Claire. The Sassenach. She is Sassenach's tits. She's Sassenach's tits and vag. What a beautiful pair of tits they are they are fantastic I mean if anything I'll be honest with you

when I watch it for me yes she's got a beautiful figure and everything but it's her skin I don't know it's a bit it's a bit pale I just

can I just suggest a couple of liters of Sunny Delight each night before filming a couple of litres get them down you get that jaundiced look you'll go a lovely mahogany in the morning you sassanac

you sassanac also just to let anyone know because I've had loads of messages about Abelander that he Sam what's his surname

Horne I think the guy who plays Jamie Fraser he does his own sex scenes yeah he does yeah so she gets to have

pretend sex with him oh she gets to roll around with him you don't and I know her you don't know her I do I know her

who has pretend sex with him right no this isn't like seven this isn't like one degree of Kevin Bacon or whatever

you haven't had sex with him by default you have not had sex with it have been touched by the fraser clan oh no no i don't like this i've had a bonnie wee bucket the fraser d the sunny d The Frieza D. The Sunny D. The Frieza D. Oh, God. Good heavens. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Bit annoyed that her name came first, but whatevs. Wow. Following on from last week's discussion in episode 28

about how long you spend on the loo, I wanted your opinion on my husband's, brackets in my opinion, excessive toileting habits. Right. Right. Great. To put it into context, we are a married couple with a two-year-old toddler and I am currently a stay-at-home mum, lazy,

with full-time day-to-day responsibility for looking after our daughter. Oh, must be knackering. I'm joking. I'm totally joking. For anyone listening, that is what I did. I'm totally joking. I'm totally joking.

As a result, I've barely got a second to myself, let alone extended periods of time. My husband, however, takes at least... Rosie, get ready for this. Takes at least an hour to do a poo. Sorry, no. And insists on, one, going at the most inappropriate times, e.g. when we are in a rush to leave the house,

and two, he insists on complete and utter privacy with the door locked and no interruptions from a toilet train toddler. So much so, that if we are in the vicinity, he will often ask us to go downstairs or to another part of the house so he isn't interrupted. Rosie, after three,

let's both say what he's actually doing. One, two, three, he's having a wank! He's having a wank, you divvy. Oh, sorry. Can you please go downstairs whilst I have a shit? I mean wank, I mean shit, I mean wank. Brilliant.

Isn't it? That's ridiculous. Can I just say as well, e.g. when we're in a rush to leave the house, can you remember once I was, this is when I knew what, I think, I don't even know if I mentioned this on here, but once I said,

ew, I need to pop to the toilet, and you said, can you go later? We're in a hurry. And I was like, when I knew I don't even know if I mentioned this on here but once I said to you I need to pop to the toilet and you said can you go later we're in a hurry and I was like is this life now is this life I've got to waddle around

all day like John Wayne because we're in a hurry I held mine in yesterday when I was hanging the washing out heavens above I yeah love he's having a wank

he's having a wank he's having a really long wank a really long wank and now he's having a couple of wanks he's enjoying himself. Heavens above. He might have a poo in between. It might get him off.

He might love it. He might do it while he's having a poo. Oh, stop. Come on. You've got a little half glass of wine you've had. It's pushing you a little bit too far to the edge here. Listen. Actually, I need a refill. Refill! Got nobody here. This one cut me deep, I'll be honest with you. Dear Rosie and Chris, happened again, irritating.

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 10 months now and everything is going well. Congratulations. The only problem is he hasn't said I love you yet. Right. Okay. Mm-hmm. I said it to him about four months ago.

And his reply was to say, Oh, that's cute of you. I haven't said it since for fear of him not saying it back again. Wow. Do you think it's strange that he hasn't said it yet? How should I broach the subject with him? And how long did you wait until dropping the L-bomb? Oh, that's cute of you.

Oh my God. That's awful. Love, you should have drop kicked him in the dick as soon as he said that. oh that's oh that's cute of you that's oh my god that's awful love you should have drop kicked him in the dick as soon as he said that I know 10 months is pretty long time I think I definitely

have said that by now I think after 10 months if he doesn't love you he's probably never gonna love you no probably I don't mean that I'm sorry I don't mean that

to sound really harsh if you're not in love after 10 months what are you doing but maybe how old are they I don't know anonymous it says really harsh. If you're not in love after 10 months, what are you doing? But maybe, I don't know, how old are they? I don't know.

Anonymous, it says. Because it might not be like proper love. Yeah. But you'd kind of say that's, I mean, yeah, leave him. I would, honestly, love,

I would run for the hills. She's wrote anonymous but her actual name and full email address are above but I'm obviously not going to see it. Well, I just want to tell her

something really quickly. What? I love you. Me? No, well I just want to tell her something really quickly what I love you me no her oh you love her oh Rosie loves you there you go

there you go that's good isn't it it's not that hard to say is it really yeah been with her for 10 months and I think you're cute

I think that's cuter we actually said it really quickly didn't we yeah really quick we were bish bosh bosh book

stop saying book when you know you know and I don't think he knows and I think that's okay I think maybe you know you can't force him to say it do a runner

but it's just sad that they couldn't have a conversation about it it's sad that she's gone can you have a conversation about it though can you go I love you

do you love me it sounds a bit partridge do you love me tell me tell a bit partridge. Do you love me? Tell me. Tell me now. I mean, I would have to have a conversation about it. I couldn't be letting that lie. So what should she do?

Because she obviously loves him, so she doesn't want to just do it right now. Well, that was four months ago. So I'd be like, do you remember that time I said that I love you and you said that's cute? That was a bit weird. I do actually love you.

Do you love me back? Or do you think you could love me or do you think it's a silly word what are your feelings on it are you booking someone else that's a good that's a good point

I would have you'd have to talk about it what's the point I think you broached that really well there yeah just say look as I love you

and if you don't love me I don't want to get you know deeper in until I get hurt yeah what's the point yeah do you know what

life is short really short crazy short don't be wasting time on bellends who don't love you back, who say you're cute. Honestly. They're fucking cute. Life flies by. I don't want to sound like a, you know, jaded old dude here, but life flies by.

Look, Rosie's just turned 45. She's halfway there. Crept on us. Nearly done. Huh? Yeah. Halfway there. I'll be getting me midlife crisis boob job.

Yeah. And you'll be getting me Midlife crisis boob job Yeah Then you'll be getting Your bus pass Eh Boobs in a bus pass Boobs in a bus pass Might not need the bus pass If me boobs look that good

If you know what I mean Wink wink Book book Babadoo babadoo babadoo Okay Okay Rosie Yeah

I am so happy I got to do the questions this week. Okay. It's very exciting times for me personally. Okay. I am glad I found this. I don't know whether you would have buried it, but I found it.

And here it is. You got us worried now. This email is titled, Rosie's date with porn star info update. Five exclamation marks. From when I went out with a porn star. Years ago, you said you went on a... Episodes and episodes ago,

you said that years ago you'd went out on a date with a porn star. I did? Yeah, with a guy. So, here it is. Hi, Chris and Rosie. That's the correct way to put them in that order. Me and my partner.

Is this him? Me, listen to this. Me and my partner love your podcast. We are regular listeners. So, we listened to your podcast a while back in which Rosie stated she went on a date with a porn star and we've been meaning to contact you. My partner was the only male Geordie porn star.

What? Brackets, he's retired now as he is old and useless, lol. And ironically, he is a guitarist. Many people, including myself, have asked him if he went on a date with Rosie. He has no recollection of going on this date, but it must have been him unless someone was pretending to be him. So what? So, do you have any info on where you guys went on the date

or anything that can spark his memory as we are so eager to know? Simon. Yes. It's in the biz. No. Oh, Simon, brackets, the porn star, has met Chris. They did a gig together at the City Hall.

Oh, so he remembers you, but he doesn't remember me? It's in the biz Sunday for Sammy concert Simon was in the band Is this some sort of joke But you The best bit is

You did Sunday for Sammy When I did it I was there Oh no I don't think He was there when I was there Was he no Yeah Anyway love to hear your response

His work twitter Is still active And I went on it And Jesus I shouldn't have went was there when I was there. Was he not? Yeah. Anyway, love to hear your response. His work Twitter is still active. And I went on it. And Jesus, I shouldn't have went on that on the train. I slammed the laptop immediately. Porn? I had a look on his Twitter. Basically, what I'm saying is, Rosie, I read these on the train. And I saw his dick earlier on today.

More than I've seen. Yeah. Thank God. So, yeah. So, Katie and Simon. You might remember this a little bit more. So, that's Katie emailing there. Yeah, was it him?

Was it Simon? Yes, his name was Simon. And was his porn name Luke Hot Rod? I have no idea. The only, can I just say. I'm so extremely offended that he doesn't, so he doesn't remember going on a date with me at all. Nah, he doesn't even remember you.

Can you believe it? Right, so hang on though, because we went on a date, right? And then I saw him a few weeks later and he was like, I haven't heard from you. Why haven't you been in touch? And I said, because you do porn. So, but he still doesn't remember his? No, he doesn't.

No, he's got no idea. Well, that's great.'d say it's a lot more to be fair right in his profession in his profession to be fair he saw a lot of holes

so he probably doesn't remember you clearly in his game any hole is not a goal can I just say the only male Geordie porn star. I know, that's tragic. That's the greatest sentence.

Simon, I'm sorry, dude, but that is the fucking funniest sentence. Is that true? Yeah. So there's no other Geordie porn stars? No, I don't. I mean, I've never looked. But no, the only male Geordie porn star. I'm starting to regret not bagging him for myself now.

Oh, Katie Katie thanks for being I am laughing that much I'm sweating Katie thank you hey I'm glad he's happy though guys congrats

well I mean I'm fuming but you know hello oh bless you oh hey let's do

let's get in touch with all my last dates and see if they remember us probably not Rosie when I read the email when I read it that's really upsetting I honestly thought right

I read the email and I thought this is going to go one of two ways when I tell this to Rosie she's either going to go oh my god no let's not put that

on the podcast that's terrible or and I was correct this was I was 80% leaning towards the tosser doesn't remember me. I knew that would be your default set.

Well, can I just clarify, right? Not being funny. I was lush then as well. That's probably why he doesn't remember you. Why? Because I was lush? Because he'd probably think, I can't be the same woman.

A 45-year-old podcaster who's let herself go can't be that same lass I went out with. The Rosie I remember was lush. Oh, well, hey. You're still lush, you're gorgeous. Foxy. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Got another one here?

Mm-hmm. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Back when me and my wife were first dating, I was staying over at her house for the first time on a work day. In the morning, we were all busy potting around and getting ready for work. I came downstairs and noticed the clock in the hallway had stopped working i went to the kitchen where my now wife was standing in her pink dressing gown brackets house coat lol and told her that the clock had stopped she walked off to go and fix it i finished up in the kitchen walked back through the hallway my wife was stretching up to reach the clock so on the way through i gave

her a swift smack on the arse. I turned to walk up the stairs and standing at the top of the stairs was my wife. Fixing the clock, also wearing a pink dressing gown, was my mother-in-law to be. Oh, God. Oh, no. Luckily, she saw the funny side and we still joke about it to this day. That's beautiful. That is beautiful.

Do you know I've got a story like that? Yeah. Do you know my two best friends, Angela and Steph? Yeah. Steph is married to a gentleman called Jonathan, who you're also good friends with now. When Angela first met Jonathan, when we were leaving a party, she was very drunk

and she went to kiss him goodbye and she kissed him really like sexually on his neck. By mistake. How do I not know about this? Do you not know this? No. We laugh about it all the time.

Oh my God. And then every time Jonathan sees Angela, he's like, oh yeah. Do you want a bit of the neck like she was drunk she was like bye misty's face and just like kissed his neck oh my god it's just lovely well yeah if that's that kind of thing if she wants to give him a love bite i know a good garage worker yes oh well we can do it and then they can do it and then if you don't get that you're gonna have to listen to previous episodes of the podcast but i trust you that was a banging gag got another one here hiya chris and rosie got a weird one here i've had an office cleaning job this summer so i've been observing people's strange workplace

antics over the last couple of months i already love it the most bizarre one was a guy who wears sandals to work brackets with a suit then takes them off at his desk and walks around for short distances with completely bare feet in the office that's i mean that's already bad isn't it right well it i mean it depends whether his feet smell or not i don't mind feet that much. It's just if he's got stinking feet, then I would be really upset. Bare feet in an office is not cool.

No, someone needs to complain about that. I don't think it's good. I don't want a people to take their shoes off on the train. I don't like it. It annoys us.

Yeah, but he spends a lot of time there. Well, get some shoes that are breathable or some socks. Don't come in with sandals and a suit. Like, who do you think you are?

You think you're in the Beatles? Jesus. Yeah, Jesus. I don't think it would? You think you're in the Beatles? Jesus. Yeah, Jesus. I don't think it would bother me. Nah, it would bother me massively. You're really upset. I hate him. It gets worse.

Sorry, can I just say, unless he's got something wrong with his feet, some medical condition, but I don't believe that would be a thing. Listen, it's our podcast. I don't believe that would be a thing. Don't have to cover him for any medical problems. I've even seen him going to the toilets

without putting his sandals back on. That annoys us. So he sits at his desk barefooted then he walks to presumably piss and shit particle covered floor and then comes back.

You know what you have to do? I hate doing that at the swimming baths. It really upsets us. Yeah, it is annoying. When you go to the swimming baths and the seat's really wet and you're like, is that water or is it piss?

Am I standing in piss? You can't tell. That's not the only weird thing he does, though. Of course it's not. He also brings... Strap in, Rosie. Yeah. He also brings peeled onions to work

and sits and eats them like apples. Oh, no. He's a lunatic. Oh, no. Hang on. You know what i delivered well i kept pausing it so that i knew because i knew you'd back them up on some of the stuff and then i thought i'd drop the onions in at the end there no onions like apples he must stink i am sorry you are not eating raw onions like apples

And have a nice smelling feet That's not a thing He's Shrek Shrek's got a new job It's time for this week's celebrity question And this week it is My sister It's me sister You haven't got a sister From heaven Time for this week's celebrity question. And this week it is my sister. It's me sister.

You haven't got a sister. From heaven. Oh, Lisa McGrillis. Lisa McGrillis, who played me sister in heaven, is now currently smashing it in all kinds of things, including Mum. She's one of the main characters of Mum as well. Very good programme.

Fantastic actress and a lovely person. Here's her question. Hi, Rosie and Chris Ramsey. Thanks for asking me to ask you both a question for your amazing podcast um i would like to know who both of your celebrity shags would be apart from each other obviously um i mean rosie's actually probably a bigger celebrity than you are now, Chris. But I want to know which other celebrity you would let each other off with shagging. I can't wait to hear the answer. Thanks, bye.

Now. I love that she's gone straight in with shagging. Yeah, straight in. We've been asked this question a few times. People ask this question now and then. They've never worded it the way she worded it there. But it always gets me thinking, then um they've never worded it the way she worded it there but it always gets me thinking i don't think you would ever fully let someone off with anything i don't think you could because

it's always hypothetical well yeah it's hypothetical but imagine it became a thing imagine you could is my point imagine it was literally you go in that room with him i'll go in that room with her see you in a bit do you know what i mean i know but right let's just right okay let's just put this into context a little bit okay we are two laymans from south shields yes you're on the telly doing strictly quite a big name i've got my instagram and that right but in reality we're not huge celebrities okay yeah pick for yourself but carry on no but listen listen right if brad pitt wanted to shag me yeah wouldn't you be a little bit like go for it babe well i'd say no i'd say make us an offer brad put your money where your mouth is what you're whoring us out now i might as well get something for you seen

his watch collection i'll have a watch no wait don't prostitute us out listen he would be wanting to do it for free because he loves us that much right well is he gonna come is he gonna come for a pint with me at least in this scenario right is he gonna wank us off in the pub toilets if you want right well okay i mean i'm a i'm a i'm a strong maybe no but what i'm trying to say is i know know you're very much going, oh, you wouldn't let it. Let's think for you, okay? Right. Charlize Theron.

Not a fan. Right, okay, well, say someone who you think is attractive. Like a mega star. I don't know. Just, well, let's, right, a mega, mega, lush, famous woman. Marilyn Monroe, right? From her grave.

I'll have to dig her up first, but fair woman. Marilyn Monroe, right? From her grave. I'll have to dig her up first. We're fair enough. Marilyn Monroe. Back in the... Oh, right. Okay. Who do you find attractive? Kate Beckinsale's fit. What?

So you... Right. I'm joking. I'm joking. Right. Okay. Kate Beckinsale. Right.

Don't say myself, but whatever. What else? She wants to have sex with you right there'd be a part of me that would be like alright

why is she being so forward is my question why is Kate Beckinsale world at her feet megastar why is she just knocking on our door just being so

I don't trust this I think she's got an ulterior motive I think Brad has as well I think they're setting us up maybe it's just what they like to do maybe it's what gets them off in the bedroom

is having sex with lesser known celebrities. Maybe. And they're like, I'm more famous than you. How many followers you got? Yes. Screw you. My only thing is, right,

we've been from massages before together and you go in one room and I go in the other. It's always awkward when you come out and you're waiting for the other person going why have they had a longer massage than me I'd be well gutted if I came out and I was sitting there waiting for you and Brad and you just took another hour I wouldn't know what I wouldn't know where to put myself me kindle would probably be in your bag in the room

and I wouldn't come in and get it I'd be bored out of my mind oh we'll take it he'd be gutted can you imagine poor bugger this is the outro Shag Married Annoyed thank you so much for listening

episode 29 please rate subscribe and like leave us a comment as well we've got loads of comments on the

Apple podcasty thing we've got like over 10,000 comments which is lovely over yeah over 10,000 thanks guys we really do appreciate it don't forget I'm on tour comments on the Apple podcasty thing we've got like over 10,000 comments which is lovely oh yeah over 10,000 five star ratings which is

amazing thanks guys we really do appreciate it don't forget I'm on tour in 2020 it's on sale now chrisramseycomedy.com slash gigs and I'm

on strictly soon trying to dance so yep good so get voting on that when I'm on because I'll need

your votes and yeah and watch it and stuff and thank you very much for listening and we bloody love you all love you might be the wine talking though bye

no it's not no it's not I genuinely love you I love everyone I love you all so much don't leave please don't go stay

no oh bye moments past bye Moments passed. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats

for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.