Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 290. Sounds Like Churros

Episode Date: October 11, 2024

It's all happening on this week's Shagged Married Annoyed! Sex parties, death, an unusual way of eating cereal and even some religion chat! Beefs are domestic and Rosie is onboard with the weather! Get in touch with the show [e-mail] Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Celebrate Small Business Month with free shipping Tuesdays, plus discounts and more all year. Visit canadapost.ca slash Celebrate Small. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mound Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello. Good day to you all. Good day, it's pissing it down. It is, the weather has turned. British, talking about the weather,

immediately pissing it down, absolutely gutted. I don't mind it, honestly. I don't, I quite like, like maybe I, like maybe I like autumn and winter better than summer. There is a coziness. I prefer it, Chris. You prefer it? I do prefer it. Really?

Yeah. Maybe I'm less inclined to drink. Right, well yeah, I did say to someone the other day, I was like, if I lived in somewhere where it was sunny all the time, I'd be a problem. When the the sun is shining we just have to look at each other a certain way and there's a bottle of wine being opened. But in this cozy winter I mean I love a red I love a red in the cold. Oh God. But I don't know it's just not as I just love it and I think as we're from up north we're used to it. It's never. I know what you mean. You know. And I like the season, man.

It's the going to bed in the dark and waking up in the dark. It's, oh God. Ah! But it's all right. Once the day cracks on. Everybody remember, get your vitamin D down you. Chug it.

Get your vitamins, guys. Vitamin D. Make sure you get your vitamins. It's episode 209. Shut the front fucking door. Can you fucking believe it? And 10 more. He stops, what were we swearing for?

Why were we swearing already? Oh. What's wrong with we? I don't know. Stop it, man. Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. In 10 more, it'll be 300.

Mad. Seems like two minutes ago it was 200 episodes. As if we'd been doing this this long. How are we not strangling each other yet? Uh, dunno. Because the desk's quite long. No, I don't know. I can't reach it.

Are we getting happier? I feel a bit happier. Yeah. Is that weird? Is that bad? Did it take us 90 episodes to hit a groove maybe? Don't know. How long did it take you to get into a rhythm of work?

Just casual five years. E, longest job? My longest ever job? It's still your biome mile. You will never have a longer job than this. I guarantee mile. You will never have a longer job than this. I guarantee it. You will never have a longer job apart from being a mam. Definitely.

Listen, let's crack straight on. It's episode 290. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. Please continue to like and rate and subscribe and all of that stuff. And without further ado, it's time for this week's LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Hmm? Oh don't, are you doing it? Lee, hey, her, three, them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha This week's sponsor is a grown man drinking milk in the supermarket from the bottle while making full eye contact with me. So I was walking along the supermarket and I had my little trolley. Which one? I need to visualise.

It was Asda. Right, big Asda. It was big Asda. There's no little Asdas is there? I'll be honest with you, there are little Asdas. I've seen them around the country. Very unsettling. Don't like them. We haven't got a little Asda. We don't have one round here. Shout out to We haven't got a little Azda. We don't have one around here,

but shout out to anyone who's got a little Azda. Oh. Why? Oh, I don't know, something about it. You know, you've got your Sainsbury's locals and your Tesco Express and all that. Very comfortable in a Tesco Express or a Sainsbury's local. Yeah, a little co-op, love it. When it's just a little Azda at a petrol station,

what you want, am I in a parallel dimension? Azda, and Azda, we're from one spot, I can see all four walls. No thank you. Get out me face. I feel like it's been set up. You know sometimes in movies, I don't know, just off the top of my head, like a Tom Cruise film or something, you go to a diner and they'll be like, everyone in here is an actor. And they start braying people.

I don't know what film it is, but I remember a film where someone sits down at the diner and he realises that everyone's an actor because the waitress is wearing heels. I don't know what film this is, but I remember a film where someone sits down at the diner and he realises that everyone's an actor because the waitress is wearing heels. I don't know what film this is, you'll know if you're listening. Oh, are they eating chicken burgers at the de- Oh my god, I don't know, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit,

it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not a bit, it's not He looks and he goes, he goes, this is, you know, she's an actor. They're all actors in here. This isn't real because my mom was a waitress in a diner for this many years and she would

never wear high heels because she'd be on her feet all day. And he realizes that that all I'm saying is when I walk into when Asda, when I walk into a small Asda somewhere in the country, I think, have you set this up to ambush me for something? Is everyone in here an actor? And am I about to get fucking, you know, like on prank shows when they're walking into a fake shop. That's what I'm saying.

I should have said that quicker. Right, okay. I don't know what film you're talking about. I'm really sorry. And I don't know what film I'm talking about. I'm talking about one where they're putting loads, oh my gosh, someone dies at the diner. They put loads of chilies in his burger.

Is it? Dumb and Dumber. Dumb and Dumber. That's what I'm thinking of. Is that not what you're thinking of? I was going to say Uncle Buck. Anyway. No, it's not what I'm thinking.

Okay. Maybe popular or unpopular opinion. I love a big supermarket when you've got the time. Honestly, I'll avoid them like the plague when you're nipping in and nipping out of a big bloody, big Tesco, a big Asda. You add it up and you compound it in your head because you go, I've got a park. I've got to walk all the way from you go, I've got a park,

I've got to walk all the way from the car, and I've got to go up the escalator because the park was underneath it. And if you need something from the freezer, take the other end of the shop. So honestly, we live in our little Sainsbury's. I love it. Yeah, a couple of things.

So first of all, the man drinking the milk. So I was walking along with me, I was walking on the main aisle down the middle of the Asda. Oh yeah, shit, okay, sorry. Very much the vein of the Asda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was walking in the middle of the top aisles and the bottom aisles asda. Oh yeah shit, okay sorry. Very much the vein of the asda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was walking in the middle of the top aisles

and the bottom aisles. Yeah. And I just, I just. Was a Gretchen hour asda now as well, sorry. Mad that. Was a Gretchen hour asda. Brilliant, get the Benz, I would toss a drone on the way around, it's the tallest.

So I'm going along and I turn to me right and I'm looking at a man and he was just holding. Was he a handsome man? Oh no. Oh okay. Oh no. And he's... No disrespect here, but come on.

You know what I'm about to say, he wasn't a looker. Okay. And he was just holding four pint of milk. Four, what colour? The big one. It was green. Semi-skimmed? Yeah, semi-skimmed.

Yeah, thank you for loving the detail you want in the story. I just, to say someone... Do you want to know what aisle he was in? The milk aisle. No, ketchup aisle. So he'd walk up from the milk aisle, he'd look at it, he'd obviously got the milk, he'd look up at it and he'd go, oh I'm having this. He opened the milk. You shouldn't do that.

What? He hasn't paid, has he? Well, if he, as long as you're not doing self-service, I think you can basically eat whatever you want as long as you're giving them the things. I've so, okay, our kids do. We've talked about this many times. Yeah, but not, but grown-ups can- I've never seen a grown-up drink a milk've talked about this many times. Yeah, but grownups can- I've never seen a grownup drink a milk, it's me point.

This is me point. He could hold that, kids, you know, you're keeping them quiet, that's the only reason you're doing it. Yeah. But he can, he doesn't need that milk. I've had a protein bar walking around, gonna be honest with you.

Yeah, have you? I've had a protein bar walking around. Oh, why? Do people know who you are? What are you doing, man? Well, yeah, but do you know? What's his name? What was that chef years ago?

Got done for the nicking cheese? Anthony Warrell Thompson. Yeah, what was her offer? What was that chef years ago? Got done for Nick and Cheese. Anthony Warrell Thompson. Yeah, what was her offer? Allegedly, I'll just say that just in case. Winona Ryder. Winona Ryder. She got done with it. I don't know about the thieves. That's as far as I'll go. I will eat it and then pay for it on the way out

and be like, danger. So was it out of a packet or did you have to like scan? You honestly should not do that. But listen, all I'm saying is, I looked out, Rosie, I looked down this aisle and I just saw the man holding the bottle in front of him, and he took it off, and he was fucking about with the, you know, the peely bit,

like the yoghurt-y peely bit that he did. He was fucking about with that for a while, and I was just looking at him. I like stopped at him, he tracks down, just looking at him, and he got it off, and he put the thing, he got a little bit of foil off, and he put it down, and he just put the milk to his mouth, like that, just like that, and you're me, right?

And he just went, and as he lifted it up, he just made full eye contact with me, and he just drank his milk, and he just stared at milk to his mouth like that, just like that, and you're me, right? And he just went, and as he lifted it up, he just made full eye contact with me and he just drank his milk and he just stared at us while he was drinking. He took a good old gulp. Oh, Jesus Christ. Good old fucking gulp. Did he put it back or did he take it with him?

Oh, he bought, I'm sure he'd have bought it. I mean. I mean, it would have had to go all the way around the restaurant. Sorry, you sure the man who's had to open a four pint there of milk is paying for it? All right, no, I'm not sure, because, you know, wasn't it? Wasn't it a while ago that people fucking were opening

ice cream and licking it and putting it back and then that was the rest of it. Oh, that was horrible, that was a disgusting trend. Speaking of disgusting. Yeah. Honestly, since COVID, I have, and I need to tell myself I'm wrong, but whenever I've been to the supermarket,

I feel like I've just been rubbing my hands all around the urinals in a man's toilet. I get out and I'm in the car and I feel like my hands are tainted. They are. And it's since then. Yeah. But I don't think that's a bad thing.

I suppose, yeah. Wash your hands before you touch a toilet. No, just wash it before you eat. It's mainly, you could have the dirtiest hands in the world, but until you put them hands on food to your mouth, you know, it's fine. But just wash your hands before you eat anything. That's all you gotta do.

Public service. Wash your hands when you, I've always been a clean hand person. My mom was massive on, like, you know, it's fine, but just wash your hands before you eat anything. That's all you gotta do. Public service service. Wash your hands when you eat. I've always been a clean hand person. My mom was massive on like, you know, when we were little. So for me it wasn't that different, but yeah. Gotta keep them bum worms away, aren't you? I do. Nobody wants them bum worms.

No, thank you. No one wants them bum worms. Thought of the day. So here we are, working with Shagmire and annoyed, talking about bum worms. And here's the jingle. Yeah. So here we are, welcome to Shag Marry Denied, talking about bum worms. And here's the jingle. Erm, yeah. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to thiso babadoo ba Jingle Jingle Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Marinoid. Rosie I'm going to have to interrupt. Eee Jesus. Rosie I've got some big news.

I love big news. Got a new section. It might not be a new section it might not. Big news. Is this Rosie? Big news. What would Rosie be? It's Chris's big news. Okay. It's Chris's big news. Alright then. Are you ready for big news? You go Jingle. I've got two bits of da da da da da da Chris's big news. Chris's big news. That was Mario. Okay. He put us on got a jingle. I've got two bits of, da da da da da da! Christmas big news. Christmas big news. That was Mario.

Okay. He put us on the spot there. I've got two bits of unbelievable news. Yes, love it. Do you want number one or number two first? One. You sure? No, two?

You want number two. I don't know. Tell us, you tell me. I don't even know what's happening. Number two is, There's a Poonami in My House is now a Sunday Times bestseller. That's beautiful.

We just found out before we started. Fantastic. Very excited. That was hot off the press. Okay. Also hot off the press. Yes. No one's going to believe this. Can't believe it's finally happened. We've been waiting and it's happened. Yes. The world record for the fastest time to drink a Capri Sun with a paper straw has been shattered. Oh my God. Shattered. How long? Now. I saw this online, right? And I, my toxic trait, and I do believe yours, is thinking I'd be able to smash this record. Oh, always.

Anything I see. You and everyone listening now, you are gonna be surprised by how long it took this. And this is the world record for the fastest time to drink a Capri Sun, bracket, paper straw. So this is- Can I just say, bearing in mind, I think I could do one,

I could smash one in about six seconds. Okay, you're gonna shit your pants. I swear to God. You might have a new job. Honestly, I think I could do one, I could smash one about six seconds. Okay, you're gonna shit your pants. I swear to God. You might have a new job. Honestly, I think I've done it before. You might have a new job after this. Right, come on then. So we're talking picking it up, opening the straw,

putting the straw in, necking it. Oh, all of that as well, right. Brackets, paper, straw it says. Oh, they're a nightmare, yeah. Mike Jack in Canada smashed it, got his thing. 21.71 seconds. Shit! That's shit!

No! That's mad, isn't it? Get yourself that one stop. Get the Capri Sun. We'll do it ourselves. That's no way. 21.71 seconds. That's crap. Do you reckon?

I just feel like there won't be much competition though. He's done it and he's just probably the only person who's ever done it. I just feel like there won't be much competition though. He's done it and he's just probably the only person who's ever done it. I'll tell you what, right now, Mike Jack, watch your fucking back. Yeah, watch out. I'm gonna do it.

I'm coming for you. Yeah, I've smashed a Capri Sun pretty quickly in the car. I've never used the straw for years. You're gonna have to lose every use of the straw. I just get, make it fall to the right point, give it a bite, squirt it in, gone. Gone. Anyway, that was that.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun! That was Chris's big news. Brilliant, enjoyed every second. Thank you. So like, this isn't an ick, because I didn't really fancy the person that I seen doing it, but I had seen something the other day

and I was like, oh God, that's like, just rank. Was it above or below drinking milk in the supermarket from the big bottle? Oh, it's probably above that. So ranker? No, like not as ranker. Oh, not as ranker. That is pretty ranker.

Okay. People who hide the vapes. Yeah. Oh, so obviously I flew to London not long ago. Check privilege, yeah. Checking my privilege. It just takes, it's just so much quicker than the trip. Like, because it was outside of London, so it was just anyway.

The studio you had to go to was outside of London. I flew to London. I was waiting for my bags to come off the belt and there was this bloke opposite and he must have just been desperate for his vape. Yeah. But he was like trying to hide it and I was like, I don't know what you're doing. You're gonna get arrested for doing it in an airport. You get arrested? Yeah, he'd have been, yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah. Okay, now me respect for him's gone up a little bit. Oh, because he's a bad lad, eh? Getting a bit down below because he's a bad lad, eh? Because he's a rule breaker. Oh, he's pathetic you like. I love the bad lads, man. No, I'd never marry one. Sorry, did he have a leather jacket on and just before he did his vape, did he flick his leather jacket up? And was there a jukebox in the corner that wasn't quite working? That's my dream, man. Was there a jukebox in the corner that wasn't quite working? That's my dream, man. It was a jukebox in the corner that wasn't quite working.

And he went on and just gave it a little, ay, and then, ay, ay. Have you seen Grease 2? I haven't seen Grease 1. Oh, fuck off. Exactly. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, no, he was just proper hiding his vape, like in his hand, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought, ugh, but now, So, I have a friend. Now I think you're hard. I have a friend, not naming any names, who vapes places you shouldn't vape.

Yeah. Is it the friend who vapes really full on? Yeah, on the train. Yeah, on the train. You've seen him before, he takes that, puts it together, like he's putting a sniper rifle together on the top of a book depository. He sucks it in on the train and just holds it until there's nothing to blow out.

Which is so bad. That's really not good is it? So bad. But literally like just just hold it like that until it went until the... and there's nothing. Why don't they make a little hole? Sorry? Next to the door so that people could blow the vape out. Excuse me? Sorry? The train? Why? So you think there should be a hole on trains where you can go up and blow your vape smoke out of the window? It's not like an airplane, there's no like gravity or whatever it is. Why can't you open the door? Gravity, yeah.

I don't know, the suction, you know what I mean? You're on the ground. It's just going fast. Imagine that. Imagine the train just a constant fucking just whistling of air because you. Where would this hole be? Next to the door. Next to the door. Well, that's what they should do. Why don't they just whenever the door, whenever the train stops at the stations, stand up and stand at the door and do it then.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not addicted to smoking or vaping. But what I do know is the first time I realised how sort of severe an addiction it is, is when me and the lads, when I was 16, flew to Falaraki, and one of the lads, who was a full-on smoker, I was just being the usual annoying 16-year-old self, and he genuinely tried to fight us

in the airport in Fallarachie because he hadn't had a cigarette for three, four hours or whatever it was. He literally wanted to kill us. And I was like, okay, that's it. That's pretty serious addiction you've got there. Happy days. I used to smoke.

I used to smoke when you could smoke in pubs and that. Sorry, ma'am. Ma'am, I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. Disgusting. Like literally me ma'am hates smoke. She hated it. It's the worst. And I mom. Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like literally, my mom hates smoke. She hated it. And I lied to her for years about it. So I'm sorry, mom. But yeah, full on did. And then I loved it though when you could smoke. And when they stopped it

in the bars and that, I was like, that's not as fun. And then what happened was I was about 20, 19, 20 and I was like having one at eight o'clock in the morning. Yeah. When I worked puntings before rehearsals and I was like, oh, this is rank. Just took that and I thought, no. Again, again though, what I will give for smoking, what is a very positive side of smoking, and there's not many, you can stand anyway and not look weird.

And it's cool as fuck. No, I'm joking. Don't be ridiculous. I'm joking. I'm joking. If I went and just stood, if I just went and stood somewhere in public against a wall.

You've got something to do, that's the whole point of it. Just looked. Oh why is he standing looking at that field? Oh he's smoking, oh fine. It's something to do. I haven't actually, oh do you have a phone call with me brother? Oh yeah. To tell him to quit smoking. Got you. Haven't had one for a while. I like to do it. At least, at least once a month. I bet you now that smoking's sort of really, like really, really on the downswing now.

Hardly anyone smokes. I bet it's harder to be a spy. Why? Because I reckon spies could probably just blend in. Do spies still exist? Well, that's, well, there it is, isn't it? They're either, the either, that question there proves to me

the either don't exist anymore, or they're fucking getting bad. Really good. They're getting better. I don't think they need to exist because they're just looking you through exist anymore. Well, they're fucking really good. They're getting better. I don't think they need to exist because they're just looking through the thing. Through your camera. Maybe. Yeah. But I bet you just stand and smoke. How good. How good. Have you seen them videos online where they catch the air scammers?

So good. I mean, they don't give a shit like they don't give a shit. What do you mean? The guys who get caught. I've seen them where he hacks into it. There's a guy who hacks into security camera. In the corner. Sometimes he doesn't go through the monitor. The hour watcher guy who goes, he gets them in the corner of the security cameras and he can see the whole office and they're all just sitting around the phone, taking a piss, just fucking shouting at him and just saying different stuff. And they're all just laughing their heads off. They don't fucking care.

No, I think they do though. I think they're a bit like shit. The ones I've seen, they don't care. But then again, they're all ones where he comes through their webcam and the fucking brick it. It's quite nice. Good, good scum of the earth. If you're doing a job where you're scamming people out of money, give your head a wobble. Because I know.

I'm sure we've been over this before, but I'm happy to go over it again. Fuck them. Fuck you. Fuck you. Sorry. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Fuck you. Sorry. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. It's time for...

... ... Woodrozy Eat. So difficult to do. That's... I need to pre-record that. I need to edit one and just play it in because that is... Oh, I got one trapped.

We've been thinking. I don't get too excited. We've been thinking about maybe recording the podcast. And I'm currently scratching my bum cheeks. Not gonna lie. You've just done that and you look disgusting. I've got me gym gear on, I haven't had a wash yet. I haven't had a shower.

It's terrible, innit? Yeah, we're toying with the idea of filming it. Actually let me know via socials and stuff if that's something you're up for. If that is something you're beautiful so... But then it takes away all...should we just not even dress up? I'm not changing. I'm not changing my life. The reason I like this job and I've kept it so long... I can't change even if I try, even if I wanted to, I can't change.

Is that a song? Wow. It's Mark Rommel. Wow. Wow. I don't think that was in tune at all. Of course it wasn't. I can't sing.

I don't think, I don't know that song. I can't change. I can't change. Even if I try. Even if I wanted to. I can't change. I don't know it. Unless you just, I think you sing it so badly.

What's gonna be really upsetting is when I play the actual version and you go, that's not what you were singing. What is it? Sorry guys, sorry everyone. I can't believe I have to say this again but it's... It's I Can't Change by Macklemore. I'm sure it's Macklemore and it's someone else and it's... I can't change. Good song.

This is gonna be hilarious. It's got a lovely message as well. Even if I tried, even if I wanted to. Or you've just sang it so well. Even if I tried, even if I wanted to. Yeah. Or you've just sang it so badly. Of course I have. There we go, I was in that key. You weren't.

There we go. That's...that is me. No, that was that. I was so close to that. You can't tell me I wasn't close to that. I can't change. There we go. So anyway, what are you trying to say? What are you trying to say? Oh nothing. It's what we're...ok it's Woodrozeat. Ok, once again, thank you so much for all of your wonderful Woodrozeat.

Please send them in. Hardly any doves. I get hardly any doves on this. Like I say they're all bangers. Okay, so got two soup options for you. People are loving soup. And there's something about, because it's, I think it's because it's such a comfort food, something about having to eat it in a horrible way is really quite funny. Yeah, I do like soup. Yeah, so would you like like it? Would Rosie eat soup with one of the boys socks after they've been at a soft play for hours? Oh. By eating the soup, you have to use it as the sponge, you have to suck it through the sock. No.

No? No, I don't think I could. I don't... Do you know what it is? I can use like, eat off receptacles. Is that right? So I can use things as cutlery and all that kind of stuff. But having to like eat something that's been through a thing, like the sponge element. I find that really upsetting. Absolutely fine.

And no. Well done, you're keeping some dignity so far. Let's see how you go. On another soup one here, I'm very much enjoying this one. Would Rosie eat pea and ham soup? Love it, my favourite. Absolutely. With someone else's sick kid's brackets just vomited and then being given Calpol syringe.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. So the kids gone, yeah, oh yeah, on the syringe. Have some Calpol and then you've got some, put a bit of Calpol in there, that's good stuff. Oh, so hang on, they've not vomited on the syringe?

They've vomited, but then straight away Calpol's syringe has gone in their mouth and it's not your kid, it's someone else's kid. The details, the details are so okay in here. I love it. You're all sick. Honestly, you could all get together and write the next Saw film, because these, it's just unbelievable. Right, okay, so that's two nos.

Okay, this is a couple. Oh, here it is. No, it's a no. I don't wanna get ill. Would Rosie eat a selection of crisps and dip? Rosie? Yes, I of crisps and dip? Rosie? Yes, I love crisps and dip. Held within the cups of a very sweaty, smelly gym bra,

worn over 10 times and never washed. Oh, let's note that man. No? No, I am. Are you fine? Well, there's a caveat. Pia, she is starving and this is the last time she'll ever be able to eat crisps in her life.

Yeah, no, that's fine. It is? That's fine. There it is. It's the sick and the vomit and the illnesses and that and the reset but eating out with someone's sweaty bra, I'm irate with that. Would Rosie eat Roe Marpherings? Love Roe Marpherings.

Oh, don't you love them this much though? You know I do. With a cocktail stick that has been used to scrape the dead skin sock fluff nail cheese from under someone's toenail. Oh no. Hold on there's more details. Oh god no. The stick has not been cleaned, the toenail is that of a man in his 50s. Agest. He has been... It was the man. He's been out for a run and was wearing new black socks that haven't been washed yet. Brackets, loads of sock fluff and he last cut his nails three weeks ago. Absolutely unbelievable, did you there? Thank you very much.

No, I'm gonna say no. I'm gonna say no because feet are... Adam's Dad- A lot of black sock fluff in there like. Just no. And why am I picturing like the worst feet in the world? Adam- Because that's exactly what they want you to picture. Okay, no, I don't think I could do that, but I do love Role Model Perron. Yep.

Well, they're not... I actually haven't had Role Model Perron for a while, have I? Please don't buy anymore. Don't look at them in the fridge. Just upset us. Upset us. It's like opening a fridge in a science lab. There's no eyes or nothing. There is. There's all kinds going on, man. They're floating there. It's like a specimen. It's like a fucking specimen jar. Sick of it. Don't. I love them, just sometimes it's just like i sometimes think you shouldn't

really eat like pickled onion just like during the day sorry what do you mean because it's got because they've got like onions and gherkins in that are like pickled yeah and sometimes i just think i'm eating that and then i'm like going out later on yeah yeah you're going out in the public it's disgusting yeah it's horrible. They're good for you. Take the wallpaper off the walls. Mingin. So that was... I kind of do it.

Woodrozee eat. Why can't you do it? Take a breath. That was... Woodrozee eat, you can't do it. Why don't I do the... You ready? All right.

Okay. That was... Woodrozee eat. There you go. There, okay. That was.................. ... ... ... ... ...

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... ... .............................. Christopher Ramsey. Hello. We've been married for 10 years now. I've been doing the washing for 10, 11 years actually. Out of all of our family, I've been tallying it up over the years. You wear too many clothes or you don't wear your clothes for long enough. You wash them too early. Your pile is always bigger than everybody else's. Maybe I'll let it gather up more.

What do you mean? Maybe I don't take it down to the washing pile in the bag as much. That's bullshit. Because every time I do a wash, I check all of the baskets. So that's, you know, whatever you've just said there is completely flawed. OK. You just, you literally, you wear a pair of jogging pants and they just, they see the light and you put them in the washing basket.

Light's dirty. They're not dirty. None. The light's dirty. They're not dirty. None of your clothes are dirty. But how then on the same breath can you tell us I stink all the time? I never tell you you stink. You tell us I stink, you tell us my clothes stink, you tell us stuff not being washed properly or whatever. You keep your clothes too long, that's a problem. Right, so I keep them too long but I wash them too often?

Yes. Right. I don't think you're meant to keep t-shirts for longer than like a few years they're not meant to last that long fast fashion oh yeah you you'd be right up against the wall you will get you Stacy Julia BoE giving you a right fucking slap listen like well-made like wool jumpers and that, I think they can keep a lot longer. But basic, bloody, George Azdar t-shirts that you've bought for three quid each, you can, you know.

I've had some of them for 10 years. I know you have, that's why they're disgusting, that's why they stink. And that's why you're having to wash them all the time. I don't throw stuff away, I just downgrade stuff, that's what I do. Right, okay, well you need a massive overhaul of your wardrobe because I'm sick of washing all of these stupid clothes.

Everyone, everyone, she's trying to change me. She is trying to change me, have you heard this? It'll start with that, it'll start overhaul of washing, then it'll start, wear these, oh, wear this, oh, this is smart. She'll have me looking like fucking Carlton from The Fresh Prince in a couple of months. You're always trying to make us wear bright colours. You and your man, remember?

I am not. You and your man went through a phase of gaslighting me and trying to make us wear bright, you had us dressed like, remember? You and your mom went through a phase of gaslighting me and trying to make us wear bright... You had a dress like I was on the fucking Starship Enterprise. Big bits of red on my t-shirts and that. Pack it in. Absolutely not. You will miss that burgundy for like years. It's the worst colour. You've actually banned me wearing burgundy.

I hate burgundy. I hate the colour. It makes us want to die. Just makes us think of really sad people. We don't like burgundy at all, sorry, don't like it. I don't even read- You like Ron Burgundy? I love Ron Burgundy.

Can we just stop washing your stuff all the time? Why, like, how many socks do you go through a day? I wear a couple of pairs of socks a day. Why? Because I do different stuff, right? So I put a pair, listen to me, right? So I put a pair of socks on in the morning to go and take the kids to school or whatever I'll take Rob to school and then I'll come back and then I'll have to get a shower before going to BJJ or doing whatever

Right, so there'll be another pair of socks to go on for that. Put them back on you've not done anything I'll be out in them with dirty feet. Oh, this is so here we go. Here we are. Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you here So I'll come in I'll take them socks off and then I put new ones on to go to BJJ Then I'll come up for BJJ and I'll take them socks off because I've had them on for BJJ. No, no, but you don't wear the socks during BJJ. But I come off the dirty, not dirty mats, but I come off the mats and I put the sock on.

Well, don't wear socks to go there. Well, but then inside my shoes, they get dirty. Then we're just wearing, Robin wears sliders, just wear a pair of flip-flops to go there and back. Yes, you can. I can't drive in flip-flops, you want us to die? Is that what this is? I can't drive of flip-flops to go there and back. Yes, you can. I can't drive in flip-flops, you want us to die? Is that what this is? I can't drive in flip-flops, what do you think this is?

Everyone can drive in flip-flops. Do you think this is Miami in the 70s? Hey, do you want us on a moped with a Hawaiian shirt on? Well, put your Burton Stoxx on. Oh, Burton Stoxx, yeah, I could use Burton Stoxx, wouldn't I? Please stop. Away! And then I'll put another pair of socks on for the afternoon.

Oh my God. And then actually, this is quite a lot. Actually kill me. All of those come with a new pair of boxer shorts as well, by the way. So I'll get it. Oh yeah, this is actually bad. So I'll get up in the morning.

I'll take off the boxers that I slept in. I'll put a new pair of boxers on for the school run. Then I'll take them off. I'll put a new ones on for BJJ and then I'll put new ones on for the afternoon. And then if I go in the sauna suit on the night. So you will wash the boxes and socks that you've just dropped the kids off at school in? I will what?

You'll put them in the wash? Yeah, because I've been there and back in them without a shower. 45 minutes? Why don't you wear the ones that you've just wore for bed? Because they're massive. Chris, you're fucking killing us. You're actually killing us. Yeah, I am. So, can I tell you right now, do you know on a night time,

you know if I have a bath or a shower in the evening and I tell you right now, do you know on a night time, you know after if I have a bath or a shower in the evening and I wear a pair of socks and I like to wear socks in bed then I take them off, I will wear them the next day if I'm going in the gym or whatever. I will literally, same with if I have wore underwear in the afternoon the day before, I'll wear it the next day to go in the gym. That's disgusting. It's not disgusting, it's my body and it's like, you're not that dirty. If you're clean and you've had a wash. Uh huh. Oh, please stop.

I'm going to get really angry. I'm literally going to clean. She's getting really angry everyone. Your pile of washing is berserk. Right. To the point where you've got so much underwear. Great use of the word berserk. Thank you.

You've got so much underwear. I'm literally like, have this, have I not done your washing for three weeks? Like, what's happening? Adam's Mom- It's three pairs of underwear a day. It is three pairs of underwear a day. Kirsty- Oh, stop it! Stop! Adam's Mom- I thought it was being really good. Kirsty- I thought you having a... I thought something was... I thought it was me. Adam's Mom- Right.

Kirsty- I genuinely thought it was me. I thought like, am I... Chris, this is... that's ridiculous. Please stop. Adam's Mom- Okay, God. You're not dirty enough to warrant that that pair of underwear and sock is... So, you could do the school run in them underpants and socks. Put them to one side, go to BJJ and then... Did I mention I shit myself every time? Well, obviously. But then you could put them back on after your shower. They're not dirty.

But then what's the point in the shower because there's something a bit dirty going back on. Dirty and it's... dirtyness alright Captain Planet do you know how much washing I'm having to do with your stuff you worrying about the environment all right man god okay I can't believe this how have I not how have I not known this sooner that you're just Mr. fucking fabric gone through this is the cotton king all right man all right god oh shit I'd This is ridiculous. The Cotton King! Alright man, alright. God. Jesus Christ. Oh shit, I'm probably not even doing my beef now. I feel like I've been grounded to the floor.

No, go on. I'm going actually. I'm just flabbergasted. While you're getting holier than thou and up your own arse, this is my beef with you today. Don't get us wrong, I don't want this to stop because I'm enjoying it, right? About the bread? Yeah, you're getting a bit holier than now about your bread maker you've got yourself

a bread maker you're making bread now we haven't had actual bread in the cupboard yeah for weeks right because you're just like oh I make bread now it's fucking like you can still have normal actual bread no we can still have normal like for emergency we're similar like I've got a pizza oven but I still buy fridge and freezer pizzas because I can't use that all the time. It's not practical. But that's the whole point. That's why I'm doing, that's why I'm making bread. We need a back, we need back of bread.

For when the Baines want like a Nutella sandwich and I don't want it to be a fucking inch thick. Well, well, excuse me? No? What? Why are you doing this? We still need back of bread. I've had to go out and buy, I bought some bread on the slide today and I've hid it at the back of the cupboard because I'm like if she sees that she's gonna be like,

that's this, additives, preservatives. Fuck it, look, we just need a little loaf of 50-50. No, it's not that. I just, do you know what it is? I really love bread and I just feel like I wanna make it and I just think it's nice. But all right, if you want some bread. You get a bit obsessed with it.

It's like you've joined a cult. I would never do that with anything. You're good for a top. Oh, wow. you've joined a cult. I would never do that with anything. You could vote off. Wow. I never get obsessed with anything and honestly it's eating you're not going to have that. Well no because I actually need to make, I was going to ask you to get some bread. I'm glad you have because Robin's got packed lunch tomorrow. Yeah you can't eat it. And I just thought I can't be taking these, are you right? I'm going to, do you know what, I'm going

to buy one now. I wonder, a cutter, like a meat electric knife. Adam's Dad's Voice-over- Adam's Mom- An electric knife for meat? Kirsty- Well, but you can cut bread with it as well. Adam- So, an electric knife for bread? Kirsty- Electric bread knife. Adam- Get off Google. Where it work? Kirsty- Oh, yeah, man. They work. Adam- Right! Listen, she's gonna Google,

I've we've done half a podcast in these underpants. I'm gonna go quickly change them. Kirsty- Oh, you're so new to it. I'm so annoyed with that. I feel like I've downplayed how annoyed I am because for years I've literally been like, wow. To the point, so before you used to get away with it for years because you'd be on tour and then you'd come back and you'd have a massive pile

of washing and I would do it all in one thing and I'd think, right, fair enough. But recently I'm just looking at the piles of washing going, what's happening? You've just unlocked a memory that I've never told you. So me and Carl Hutchinson were on tour once, on one of my tours, and we were down south somewhere, Portsmouth, somewhere down on the south coast, and we'd been away for about a week and a half,

and half of me had a massive, imagine the biggest suitcase you would take on holiday, where half of it goes one way and half it goes the other. So in one half of it was like one of those hotel laundry bags, that's basically the size of a pillowcase full of dirty washing. And me, we'd had a little row about something, he was annoying us about something.

And he was in the corner of the room on his laptop, and I came up behind him and I poured the entire bag of dirty washing, a week's worth of two hour dirty washing, gym stuff, all kinds, gig stuff, all over him and his laptop and I shouted, smell me dirty washing. Wow. You hard bastard. So all I'm saying is, watch out, because I poured it on you. Oh Chris.

Because I've got enough of it. Chris, I'm sorry, can we all disagree that it's probably cleaner than anything in my room? It's the cleanest washing I've ever known in my life. Oh God. Literally like about 15 pairs of socks. There's not enough days in the week. You don't need two pairs of socks a day. One pair of socks.

That's why you fucking stink, right? I never stink, you know, I don't. You've gone nose-blind to it. Sad. Very sad. This message comes from BetterHelp. Can you think of a time when you didn't feel like you could be yourself? Like you were hiding behind a mask, at work, in social settings, around your family. BetterHelp online therapy is convenient, flexible, and can help you learn to be your authentic self, so you can stop hiding. Because masks should be for Halloween fun, not for your emotions.

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Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Public. As always, if you like getting touch, it's shagged, married, annoyed at gmail.com. What's this remember this

What is it? Is it picking back child of trauma? What is it? Do you not remember this? I do but I don't know what it is Hahaha! Is that what it is? It is. Listen. Oh, that's fucking harrowing. This is probably better than... This would be good club tune, wouldn't it? Imagine. No. Anyway. God, there's so much...there is so much going on in that song. It's so intense, isn't it?

Fucking hell! No wonder we're all fucked you know. Listen to that! What the fuck! It's literally like a stabbing scene in a musical. That's so horrible. Get off, get it off. Okay I've stopped it. Anyway there is a reason why I'm playing it. Oh god there's so much going on there. There's a reason why I'm playing it. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Just listening to the episode 289, you are talking about 999, where a girl got a metal gate through her neck. Well, I played that girl on 999. Oh my God!

No way. Yeah, yeah. I was 15 at the time, and it really was a scary experience, even though I was just acting it. They tied me to the actual railing the event happened which had a 6 foot drop on the other side and then proceeded to actually cut the railing down like they did when it actually happened.

I was probably shitting my pants and crying. I told them I was just getting into character and they thought I was fabulous, but actually I was terrified I would fall face down, a six foot drop with a metal railing attached to me. It was a great experience in my only acting role. It was a great experience. Do you want to guess how much you got for three days of filming? 999, three days of filming in the 90s. 15.

She was 15 years old. Was it cash in hand or bank transfer? 399, three days of filming in the 90s. 15. She was 15 years old. Was it cash in hand or bank transfer? I mean, it would have to be a bank transfer, I would think, but. How much did you get? Come on, how much? 150 quid?

100 pounds. 100 quid? 100 quid. Oh God almighty. Back then though, that was probably quite, I mean, when you were 15, getting paid 100 quid for three days, I'd have been absolutely over the moon, but yeah.

So yeah, so she was that girl. That's crazy. That, so they just cut it down and basically made her put her face over it. Oh, no. I bet you the health and safety was a fucking joke. Oh, I bet it was. I bet it was genuinely scary. Wow.

Thank you so much for getting in touch. That's made my day, that. Thank scary. Yeah. Wow. To anyone, to any- Thank you so much for getting in touch, that's made my day, that, thank you. To any of our younger listeners and to anyone overseas, it was a program when we were kids, and it was just loads of reenactments of nine, of people calling 999. What was the point in it?

I really actually don't, I loved it, I don't really know. Because we also had a show called Watchdog, and stuff where you would... Watchdog was Complaints. Watchdog was Complaints. What was the other one? Crime Watch. Crime Watch was looking for people on the run and that. So Crime Watch was, yeah, someone's on the run or this has happened if you have any information

call in. I'm sure 999 was just like, ugh, look what happened, isn't it horrible? It was a bit like in America how they have, and then they were on the run for three days. Sort of, yeah. It's a bit like that. It's like a British version of that, just showing. No, but I just remembered being in horrible accidents and harrowing moments. And yeah.

Well, we've talked about it before, man. Kids fucking throwing bricks off bridges over motorways and stuff. Like, god, it was terrifying. I still, sorry, still to this day, when we drive, when we're on the motorway, and we drive under the walk over a bridge anyway, and there's people on it, I'm terrified till we get past. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Terrified. Yeah, massively. Strange but true. That was brilliant as well. Strange but true. Howie, we've talked about it before. Strange but true. That was more sort of spiritual than that.

Right, okay, yeah. About the woman who was on the plane and someone went, put your belt on. She put her seatbelt on and she like, and then they had a plane crash. Right. You've never mentioned that to me before. I have, man. So she just heard someone say put your belt on.

Somebody said to her, put your belt on, chick. Yes, ASMR, put your belt on. No, she put her seatbelt on and then they had a plane crash. Right. It was just loads of stuff like that. And it was like- So it was just a load of bollocks? So it was just a load of bollocks? No, it was not a load of bollocks.

But it was kind of like, look at the picture and all that kind of stuff. Oh my God, you know how I've been really toying with my faith recently about Catholicism? My mom told us that they've actually proved that, do you know what Jesus was, oh fuck, I'm gonna totally fuck myself. Here it is, so- Like the tabernacle. have actually proved that, do you know what Jesus was, oh fuck, I'm gonna totally fuck myself. Like the tabernacle.

Here it is, so here, just another, just another instance of Rosie. No, no, no, they proved that it's real. They proved that it's real. Of what's real. The thing, like the stains, because it had like his face on it and that, like the thing that they wore, was it the tabernacle?

I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, anyway, so now I'm like, oh, it's real. Okay, everyone, just to summarize, Rosie's been toying with her faith someone's told her a fact about something she can't remember that fact or what the word is for the fact or anything about it but whatever it is apparently now it's real. I was three wines deep when she told us and I thought oh. So there we go. Yeah I don't know. It's horrible. Wow. I feel like I need it though. I want to get back into it. I feel like a lot of people bash religion, but I feel like if it's used just for comfort. I'm not bashing religion at all. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying

people do bash religion and I've bashed religion in the past, but I feel like if it comforts people and they're not doing any harm, then fill your boots. If they're not using it, fill your tabernacles. Exactly. Not using it for hatred and... No idea what tabernacle it is. ...you know, keep yourself to yourself then. I couldn't Google tabernacle. I think it's what he was... Was he buried? No. Was he on the cross and...

No, it's a house. A tabernacle is a house. A dwelling. Jewish history. Well, put Jesus next to it. Great. It's not a tabernacle, is it? I'm gonna ring me mom. No, tabernacle is a dwelling.

Kirsty- Hang on. I'm really sorry. Adam's Mom- A place of dwelling, yeah. Kirsty- I'm just gonna ring me mom. My mom was very happy about it. Hi, mom! Just me dead quickly. You know the other night, we're talking about what Jesus...the thing that's true about Jesus. Adam's Mom- The thing that's true about Jesus. Adam's voice- The thing that's true about Jesus. Kirsty What is it?

Christy Truin Shroud. Kirsty Is Shroud. Is what? The Truin... Christy Truin, T-U-R-I-N, it's innately. Kirsty Yes. Christy Truin Shroud. Kirsty And the thing it's true is, don't they? Christy Yeah, they've done new testing on it. Kirsty Yeah.

Christy And apparently it's authentic. Kirsty There you go. Adam's voice- I still don't know what you're talking about. Kirsty Alright, okay. I was just telling Chris about it. I just, I thought it was, I thought he'd said... Chris' Mom He'll dismiss it out of hand. Adam's Dad More dismiss the way it's been presented to me, but whatever. Kirsty Okay. What a non-believer, eh?

What a non-believer he's got now. Now to believe it. All right. Okay. Adam's Dad Great. Kirsty Sad. Adam's Dad Right. Kirsty, okay. Great. Turing, Turing, Troud. Right. Turing, T-U-R-I-N. Turing, Stroud. Okay, alright. Mum, do you know what a tabernacle is?

Yes, it's where they have the horse and the chalice. Oh yes, it is. It's all mass, it's all each room. I went here when I was an older girl. I know, Chris said it's a house. Anyway, alright. It's a dwelling, I've just Googled it! It's a Jewish dwelling! Alright, love you! Bye! Peace be with you.

And with you. Turing Shroud is the cloth Jesus was buried in, scientist claims. Says he has an enormous quantity of evidence to prove it. Right, awesome! I'm a believer! I could leave her claims says he has an enormous quantity of evidence to prove it. Right. Awesome. I'm a believer I could leave her if I tried and then I saw their face. What's the name of the shroud again? Turen. Guys, this does need to be videoed because the effort you had to put in on your face there to say Turing was unbelievable. What does it sound like? What are the word? Sounds like Choo. Oh God. No, there's a word that since I've had kids

that I say that sounds like that, like Choo, not Cheerios. What is it? Not Cheerios. How about that Chris? Turing. I can't think. Anyway, it'll come to us. So there you go. Right, I've got a really good story to tell you. No, no, no, sorry. Not there you go. Right, I've got a really good story to tell you. No, no, no, sorry. Not there you go. What? There's no there you go there. Just no. What do you mean?

None of that. Like, oh. I heard me mam. I heard she loves it here. Do you know me mam was one of the people who would give out the wine? Right. A barmaid. No. Eucharistic minister. That was one of the... How can you remember that? But you can't remember Turing shroud? Two of the easiest words to say in the world but I don't even know what you just said. Eucharistic minister minster. She would give out the wine, my mom would give out the wine.

And I served on the altar. I did all the stuff. Yeah you got that right. Thank you. Holy hell. I should probably add a Dean that right. Thank you. Holy hell. I should probably add a Dean that, so she'll have a couple of swigs for herself. Probably. Get out of the house, I think. Babadoo babadoo babadoo baa.

For something completely different. Time for something completely different. Dear Chris and Rosie, I have put Chris first as I think this will blow him away the most. Ooh. Alright. Always up for being blown away. Let's go. I bet you are. Please keep us anonymous.

Us? Me and my partner have been swingers for nearly two years and have been regularly going to a sex club. All right then. I'm taking my jumper off. Dirty fuckers. Oh, don't. Nah, well, each to their own.

You can't be kink shaming. You can't be shaming. OK, fair enough. Each to their own. But I, personally, couldn't think of anything worse. Absolutely. It's okay. Come on.

But, you know, each to their own, alright? The club comes the club. Dun dun tsh tsh tsh tsh tsh tsh. Bow chicka wow wow. Dun dun. You can find me in the club. Subcontinent club. I was gonna say it. You can find me in the club. Face full of spunk. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun area upstairs, which has literal cars in and a camouflage leaves and camouflage leaves

on the wall. No. So what? So it's like a fuck. It's like there's cars there. So there's cars that you don't drive your own car. There's actual prop cars there and camouflage leaves. So it's like you're in the woods, but you're not. Safe dogging. Wow. Legal, legal safe dogging. Consensual legal safe dogging. All right, that has blown my mind. All right, and no one's gonna get their toes ran over by accident if you have left a handbrake on.

Well, they've got. Which I imagine is a problem. Yeah, no. Two dungeons, plenty playrooms in a hot tub, et cetera. Yes, Chris, it is recommended to use the hot tub before 12 as it can get a little dot dot dot soupy. That's. Oh, fuck me. That's ruined, that's ruined my day. You've ruined it already. As the man. dot soupy. That's, fuck me. That's ruined, that's ruined.

You've ruined it already. As the man. I was up for it with the fake claws. They're fucking chlorine they must go through. But. No, I'm all right. Oh, buckets of the stuff. Right, we're all having a fab night,

watching a couple's display, partaking in some fun, the usual sex club activities when we all got called to the dance floor. Right, everyone's been called to the dance floor. Me and my partner thought, oh, maybe there's some strippers, a band or some dancers. Oh, exciting. Come on. Someone's lost a fucking false leg or something. It's going to be something tragic.

We did not. Someone's lost a glass eye. It's honestly going to be some kind of horrible. Val, it's in be something tragic. Someone's lost a glass eye. It's honestly, it's gonna be some kind of horrible. Val, it's in the hot tub. In the hot tub. There's three pairs of dentures missing and someone's lost a toenail.

Come on then. Okay, so we did not expect where this went. Maybe a Rosie's mystery. Stop and point it. You ready? It's the fire meeting point or something. What do you think it is? It's something like that.

It's some kind of like sex club admin. Like it's the fire safe meeting point or something like that. Yeah, because there's gotta be fire and safety. Okay, is that what you're going for? The raffle or something. Is that what you're going for? The raffle, oh Jesus.

Yeah. It's something like that. It's a bit of weird admin, is my guess. I know that's broad and I'm sorry, but- No, that's fine. Yeah. Right, okay, you're wrong. Great.

But that's fine, but I get it. I get it, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of a sudden, the music stopped and a woman started talking very lovingly toward her partner when she got down on one knee- Go and fuck off. And proposed. Oh, great. Great. Oh, Nat.

Are you waiting to propose? Well, oh, God. I remember, I remember I still had the hot tub spunk on me back and I got them to turn off, I got them to turn off YMCA that had been blasting for three fucking hours. Oh God. We did not know what to do. Everyone was cheering and clapping. The horse brought out flowers. Me and my partner were trying not to piss ourselves laughing. I mean, what are you meant to do? A couple whose first... sorry, this is a different sentence, I can't read.

A couple whose first time it was at the club leaned into us and went, does this always happen? Funnily enough, no. Propos proposals at sex clubs are a little unusual. So my question is how do you tell your family you got proposed to at a sex club in front of 100 swingers? 100 swingers? 100? Oh god! I think this is like a proper club like a proper space. This is the passion. This is the passion of sex club. I tell you what we've been thinking about getting into like property or something. I'm not opening a proper space. This is the pasha. This is the pasha of sex club. I tell you what, we've been thinking about getting into like property or something. I'm not opening a sex club. I mean... I'm not opening a sex club.

I mean, what... I put a cab reactor. The red tape involved the health and safety nightmare. What are you going to say that is? Council be our law, are you? I've got a question. All right. Do they all keep their shoes on?

Rosie, that is the least of my worries. Are you allowed to use glass? See what I mean? I know. Do they all keep their shoes on? Rosie, that is the least of my worries. Are you allowed to use glass? You see what I mean? I know. Already. Imagine fucking dropping a contact lens in there. Jesus. Oh God. For me it's just the smell.

The smell of it. Oh God. I think I'm fuster. Oh God. I don't foster. Yeah. Oh God. I don't like rolling a jujitsu with someone who I know has been at work all day. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

And if you're not on your third pair of kegs that day, I don't want to roll with you. Um, I just, weird, so weird that someone would be like, I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Okay, right, I'll say it off now, I'm just gonna go and get fucking backdoored in the other room of someone. But then, you know what?

Each to their own. Yes, each to their own. It is very much each to their own, but yeah, it is wild. I reckon we've said each to their own over a thousand times on this podcast. I just, yeah, it's so strange. Hey, there's still time for us. You're joking, aren't you?

I couldn't, you know, if you ever suggested it, I'd be, I'd be really upset. I couldn't imagine. That's the thing as well. So that would be really interesting. Seeing people come to a place like that where one of them is bang up for it and the other one's not sure. I bet that happens all the time. Yeah. I mean, you fucking know, you get you, you get enough of that

when you go to a National Trust place. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, like someone who's like bang up for walking around the Abbey and someone's like, I fucking didn't want to come here. Like you get that everywhere. You get blokes getting dragged around the shops. Imagine dragging someone around the sex club. Well, all right, well, okay.

I know you didn't like the hot tub. I know, right? Not as warm as ours. Let's go and try the dogging roof. Fucking hell. I mean, the dogging room is mad, isn't it? Actual cause. Do you think they're actual?

Do you know what I'm picturing? You know when you're going paintballing? And they've got... And they've got crops. Well, we did a flash dance section at Pontons and we had like a fake car. Like a bump out taxi thing. That's what I'm singing.

Oh, grease lighting, da da da, just a front bit. Yeah. Maybe they get them, do you know when you take a car to scrap and you get money? Maybe it's just that. That's what we buy any car actually is. They're just buying it for them clubs. God.

I feel they're very interesting though. Please keep sending them. Well, they said on the last email about they said, do you want to hear anymore? And yeah, we do. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Send some more in because it fascinates me. Yeah, it really does. And like we say, yeah, yeah, yeah. Send some more in because it fascinates me. Yeah, it really does. And like we say, genuinely, don't please don't take offense

because that's how you if as long as everyone's consensual and you all have a time that you know by now that we're prudes. I think you know this by now that we are quite prudish when it comes to stuff like this, even though we do this podcast. I don't think we're prudes. No, we wouldn't even talk about it if we're prudes. I suppose, yeah. Well, we're not prudes, but I think, you know, we don't wanna go.

Aye, there we go, there's a question. Are you a prude if you don't wanna go to a sex club? No, absolutely not. No, I think you just don't fancy a sex club. I think you just don't fancy it. Here's a question, proposing in a sex club, do you reckon they would have the wedding in the sex club? Oh, God. What would be the worst event to have in the sex club? Christmas.

Holy water, we'll use a hot tub. Better not, better not. Okay so that's a terrible answer and how dare I? I've got it. How dare I? How dare I? Talking about churros and chowdrows. What is it? Is it churros? Churros? Churros? It's fucking churros? Sounds like churros. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the delicious, bloody, sugary snacks that you dip in chocolate. Yeah, churros. Churrine churros. Took you 15, 13 minutes I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got it. Right, the worst.

So I know what the worst event I have at a sex club is. Now you tell me what you think yours is and I'll tell you what mine is and I think it's gonna be whatever you can come up with. Right, okay. Oh, worst event I have at a sex club. Oh, like Slimming World meeting. Nice, I've got the worst one. Right.

School reunion. Oh God. Class of 2001 this way. Hello Rosie and Chris, long time listener, first time emailer. Now my stepdad Steve enjoyed a drink or two and had been nauntlessly on the set day a lot because he'd had a few too many. Got you. Cut to one called February morning when my mum gets up to work and sees her husband lying on the settee. They'd had a little falling out the night before so she sat and had a

cup of tea and told him to go to bed as he must have been poorly to not go to work. She got herself washed and dressed all while berating him under her breath then left for work thinking nothing of it. A couple of hours pass by and my mum starts thinking it's strange she hasn't heard from him. He never sleeps in this late she thinks. He must really be poorly and decides to drive home and check on him. Oh he had indeed been really poorly and he was in fact dead on the set day after having a massive heart attack during the night. We were all absolutely devastated as you can imagine but when I found out this snippet of information I couldn't help but chuckle about the fact that my mum had unsuspectingly had a

cuppa with her husband's corpse before driving off to work. Fuuuck! So she just sat there and you better get up soon and get yourself upstairs. Bloody hell with you man, what's the matter with you? He was brown breed. Fuck! Steve, who sadly passed away, was a perpetual joker who would have died laughing if he hadn't already left us so I think the thing of this is he's part and gift which is lovely so they're having a laugh about because you've got

a laugh about these things yeah and I actually started listening to the podcast from the beginning again after he died as it was one of the only things that lifted me out the haze of Greece so thank you oh thank you thank you for listening to be a service so sorry for your loss, but yeah. Kirsty- Yeah, but isn't that terrible? Adam- Dark, dark comedy, man. Adam- Dark! Adam- Oh, bloody hell. Kirsty- I wonder if I would know if you were dead or whether I would literally...

Adam- Depends what you were doing. It depends what you were doing at the time. If you had a podcast on, you were listening to a podcast and you're busy making some bread, I could be on fire in the other corner of the room and you wouldn't know I was on fire. I probably wouldn't know. No. Not at all. Ehh. Well, we'll have that look forward to it. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba.

In connection with you seeing the man drinking the milk in Asda. And him very much seeing me watching him. Oh, okay. We're locked eyes. Got an email and I'd already picked this before you told us that. On the morning commute today I saw a guy waiting for a train at Clapham North Station with a box of cereal on his arm and a glass bottle of milk in his hand. No. Every now and then he would take a handful of cereal from the box, shovel it into his mouth and then take a swig of milk.

milk. I mean. There goes my hero. What a legend. But you're singing all dying vote today. Oh my god. Well done. My god. It obviously looked very strange but I couldn't help but admire his efficiency and confidence. I can't get over how much I admire that man. It's pretty cool innit. That is absolutely fantastic. My main thing, I used to go fucking off it on tour that cereal wasn't readily available. I used to get really angry and once I remember once about oh god I must have been gigging about five years six years and I was on tour and I went to a service station and they had these things. It looked like a yogurt pot. Yeah yeah yeah. A yogurt pot you opened it and it had a little milk inside and cereal and they stopped making them. They were only out, I'm not joking, they must have been out six months. Too much plastic packaging.

I had a few with them when I was on tour, Frosties. And now they do, in very rare occasions, they do the mini boxes. So not your variety pack, your mini box where it's a perfect cube. We've got some in the cupboard. You're looking B&M man, I think. Is that where you get them from? So they're amazing. They were amazing for tour're looking B&M man, I think. Is that where you get them from? So they're amazing. They were amazing for a tour.

But yeah, I remember once I bought two bowls, two spoons, and me and Carl used to eat cereal on tour. Cereal after a gig was perfect. Sometimes you don't want a fucking pizza and all that shit. That's how I knew pissed food, isn't it? Cereal. Like back in the day, when, so before children, I very much remember getting like,

take away food on it, like being able to stay up late and wait for a pizza to come. Yeah, yeah. Or something like that after a night out. I remember, we used to do that all the time. But now it's like, get to bed, we've got the kids back at nine o'clock. Yeah. Bowl of cereal. Yeah. Sort you right out.

Love cereal. Me too. Me too. Won't have a bad word said up against cereal. Will not. Really love a bowl of cereal. Mm- Me too. Me too. Won't have a bad word said up against cereal. Adam's Dad- Will not. Kirsty- Really love a bowl of cereal. Adam's Dad- Mm-hmm! Kirsty- What's your favourite cereal? Adam's Dad- Special K.

Kirsty- Oh, alright. Okay, that was quick. Adam's Dad- Just is special K with a banana. It does everything. Kirsty- Yeah. Adam's Dad- It does everything. There's nothing that doesn't do. Kirsty- Yeah. Adam's Dad- Oh!

Kirsty- Honestly, I like, I do like cornflakes, you know. Adam's Dad- Just on their own. Kirsty- I mean, I have to have a little sprinkler of sugar because I'm a baby. Adam's Dad- Don't like that much, do you? Kirsty- But I do. Adam's Dad- Don't like them that much. Kirsty- Still off the sugar though. Adam's Dad a baby. Adam's Dad Don't like that much, do you? But I do. Adam's Dad Don't like them that much. Still off the sugar though. Adam's Dad Yeah.

Adam's Dad I believe what I saw. No, I did. Actually, guys, I lied. I had breadsticks with Nutella last night. I had them, but I only had four. Adam's Dad Not too bad. Not too bad. Adam's Dad Four jars. Not too shabby.

No, just four breadsticks. Thank you very much. Alright, I love you. Love you. Alright, I love you. Love you. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah! Do do do do do do do do Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed which is part of the Acast Creator Network.

Yes, thank you very much. Obviously, please continue to like, rate and subscribe. And There's a Poonami My House is out. It's a bestseller. Kids are loving it. We hope your kids like it. We hope you enjoy it. And we'll be back in a year's next week. Bye! Bye! Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do! Whether you ship cookies, candles, or custom kitten mittens, at Canada Post, we've got your small business covered. Celebrate Small Business Month with free shipping Tuesdays, plus discounts and more all year.

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