Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 293. Blackhead Bullets

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

The clocks have gone back and we’re all feeling strange! This week, the Ramseys have been on a trip to Harrogate, Chris encountered a child with a very unusual name and Rosie has been dreaming about mice… or has she? The beefs this week include some rivetting conversation in a lodge and an early bedtime. We also revisit a QFTP from a couple of weeks ago and find out what really goes down during brass band competitions... Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The flu remains a serious disease. Last season, over 102,000 influenza cases have been reported across Canada, which is nearly double the historic average of 52,000 cases. What can you do this flu season? Talk to your pharmacist or doctor about getting a flu shot. Consider Flu-Silvax-Quad and help protect yourself from the flu. It's the first cell-based flu vaccine authorized in Canada for ages six months and older, and it may be available for free in your province. Side effects and allergic reactions can occur and 100% protection is not guaranteed. Learn more at FluCellVax.ca Hello, you're listening to Shag Marnanoid with me Rosie Ramsay, my husband Christopher Ramsay. Hello!

Hope you're all okay and hope you're all surviving these stupid clocks doing stupid backwards and forwards, stupid, absolutely ridiculous. You get your kids into the best routine you can imagine, they go to bed on time, they wake up at a decent time in the morning and then and then you go and put the clocks back and my rave has been getting up at half past five every bastard morning since. Our rave. My children. half past five every bastard morning since. I worry if. My children. Sorry, I worry.

So here's a question, I didn't realise this. So the nights get darker, because the glocks have come back, but the mornings get lighter. Yeah, because it's for like, shed beds. That's why they did it. Wankers. Years ago, it was because back in the day,

back in the day, everything was plowed in the fields and the knees but now like you said the other day, combine harvesters have massive fuck off flood lights that don't need... I definitely didn't see that. Who said it? Why are you attributing me with combine harvest? I partner that I didn't see it. Well what other man have I spoken to since then? Oh, here it is. Here it is. Who said that then? Farmer that you're shagging. That farmer that's plowing you. Chris, it was me dad. All right. Thank you very much. All right. Okay.

Horrendous. Yeah, so back in the day, they needed the sunlight. That's why they would do it. I don't feel like I had enough credit for that farmer that was plowing you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With his big lights on. Oh, in the hair barn. Oh, there's a porn. There it is. Awful. Sharp hair. Everyone thinks, oh, I've got a fall out in the... barn. Oh there's a porn. There it is. Um, awful. Sharp hair. Everyone thinks, oh I've fallen in it. Get sharp. Horrible hair. Oh horrible. I used

to play, when me nana had that cottage in the countryside when we were young. Cottage. Shack. The shack. We were playing the field and there was, over the next field there was like a massive hair barn. There were mice everywhere. It was rotten. It was absolutely meh. Horrible. It was like running around in a load of plastic straws. Yeah, not good. Absolutely awful. Oh, I had a dream about mice last night. Oh, this is so, hey, I think we're gonna. Oh, what does that mean?

Guys, it's a Rosie shuffle. It's a Rosie shuffle. Oh, oh, she's gonna Google what does dreaming about mice mean. Mice in dream meaning. What was it? Mice and rats. It's meaning you're gonna go to Disneyland. Reveal your feelings of fear or your characteristics

such as shyness and timidity. Oh, that's me. No. Timidity, is that a word? Like humidity, but timidity. That's not. Pfft. Yes, she is.

Oh, dreams about mice could also symbolize lack, loss and poverty, that's it. There it is. But if you were catching them in your dream, they could well be a sign of financial wealth and gains. I was catching, me and you. Fucking bullshit. Me and you were catching rats in my dream. Really? Yeah. Is that rats not different to mice? So sorry. Oh no do you know what it is? It wasn't my dream. I was

watching Enchanted the other day with Rick. You are ill. It wasn't even a dream you were watching Enchanted. Maybe, maybe well because he picks them up. This is terrible. Dr. McDreamy picks them up in Enchanted, and the legs are, it makes us feel sick. And I'm like, that's the only thing I can get paid enough as an actor to have to pick up a rat. And then he puts them, and maybe they have Dremna, I can't remember, anyway, we're losing all our money. But we're gonna be getting loads of money.

Brilliant, so what I was just about to say there was, that's the absolute bollocks in these things of like, a bit of a dream means Oh someone close to you will betray you soon. There it is. That's what it means That's you because you're getting plowed off a farmer. Listen, can I just tell you this? Saying mice or rats in your house while dreaming could mean the same thing They could mean that someone close to you will soon betray you it could also mean that someone you trust may have malicious intentions It could also mean that someone you trust may have malicious intentions. Mice running into your house can signify problems that are to come or some arising conflict.

Bollocks. What you gonna bring to my door, Ramsey? There it is. So this is the part of your life that I enjoy where when she reads something spurious like this then I get a load of shit for it. She's laughing now and joking but we'll be sitting watching the telly. Guys have I laughed? Have I laughed once? I haven't.'ll be sitting more to the telly later on and she'll go, so what is it you're going to do then? What you got planned? You bastard. What you got planned with this? So in same breath, in one breath, it can mean poverty or it can mean financial gain. And also fucking bullshit. I hate all that. Or does it mean to see at the bottom there?

Does it mean that you've been watching enchanted during a fucking idiot? You can't remember whether it's a dream or real? I can't remember. I'm so tired because the clock's running bad and I've had no sleep, but I'm not tired enough at night to go to sleep. Honestly, I am putting my hand right up now and saying I am a stupid fucker

because I'll be like, oh no, the mornings get darker. No, the mornings got lighter. I'm an idiot. I've always thought it meant the mornings got darker. I don't know why, but night's get several o'clock this morning it was blazing sunshine through the living room I was over the moon I was so happy it's fantastic hey so there you go no there wasn't a rat or a mouse in sight either means what you got a rat on ice facts guys it is episode 293! Thanks so much.

Dick. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being part of this wacky little world. Please continue to like, rate, and subscribe and all that on your little podcast shops. It really does help. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, le-i-operative.

Le-i-oo-ee-i-oo-ee-eye-operative. None that far me had a... Mouse. Which means he's coming into money. Bollocks. Um... Do you remember all that? I used to live by all that shit when I was younger.

Like, don't walk on cracks in the road or you break your back. Your ear's itchy, someone's talking about you. If your hand's itchy, you're coming into money. Honestly, I was like... You still do. Every feather's a fucking relative. Oh, because, talking about you, your hands itchy, you're coming into money. You still do. Every feather, every feather's a fucking relative. Oh because, I'm sorry right, I don't want to get into science shit, but if you can believe all that. It's not science. I know it's not science, but if you believe all the science stuff, I'm allowed to believe

all my stuff. The stuff that's proven. They're not proven. Absolutely proven. Listen, shush. Like on Housewives when they've got something wrong, I'm just gonna go quiet. Great. So, this week's sponsor, this week's lucrative sponsor is, setting up a kid's iPad. Oh, for fuck's sake. Fucking demented. Right, you've let this, you've really, really let this overtake your life too much.

It's ruined the last two days of my life. Three, no two, was it three? Three days, it's ruined the last three days of my life. took us two and a half days to set that iPad up correctly. And I'll tell you why. We've got Robin an iPad for his birthday. Got it for his birthday because he's used Rosie's hand-me-down one that's literally fallen apart. The kid's gonna get electric shock if he keeps using it. Well, he's given it to Raph, so...

Well, he's on the list. Shout out to all the parents there who try and do the good thing of going, oh, well, I set them up in family mode. You know, there's an option on the iPad that goes set up, set up an iPad for a child. And you go, I set them up in family mode. You know, there's an option on the iPad. It goes, set up, set up an iPad for a child. And you go, mint, I set up for a child. Oh, it restricts any nudity. It literally, either thing. It can tell if there's a nude image and it'll not send it.

It can do this. It can monitor a website. It can do all this. Great, I've set it to nine plus. Excellent. Oh, what's that game he wants to download? Oh, Among Us. Oh, what's that?

Nine plus. Oh, fantastic, nine plus. Gotta be 13 to play it for no fucking reason whatsoever. Dickheads. Utter dickheads. Why is it? I don't know. And I've been all over the internet and the internet was full of people like me, I rate,

and if you listen to this, you as well. So I had to then create him another account and to pretend that he was 13 and I got the dates wrong and it ended up being, he was 12. Oh, can we just take a minute to, right, listen, you and Robin sitting there, like, family ick, right? And then Rafe was just somewhere as well. I was sat on the sofa.

You can't bundle Rafe into that. Oh, he gives us a yicking hand. And you were sat there and you were going, right, right, right, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, so you were born in 2015, right? But if we're gonna sit, so you're nine today, but if you're gonna be, so you were born in 2015, right? But if we're gonna say, so you're nine today, but if you're gonna be, so you literally went backwards

through some of your like, six, 12, 13, 14, right? And then you got it wrong? Yeah, I got it wrong, yeah. Because it clicked the wrong way, because you can't set up a child one for a kid. So it clicked like two days. So like his birthday was in two days time, so he was still 12.

It's fucking bullshit. Oh my God. I hate it, absolutely hate it, awful. So now can he just say everything for 13? Oh, just give him just fucking, his home screen now was just pornhub, just thought fuck it, just get it sorted. At least he's got something to do his cork off.

Exactly, when it runs out of batteries, perfect for doing lines of cork off. It's as simple as that. Oh sorry, I'm so sorry. It's horrible when you, we shouldn't talk about it with children like that. But we do, so what are you gonna fucking do. The joke is not about the children The joke is about trying to protect your children. But then you know what it is Chris

Then what'll happen is we'll do a fucking interview with somebody and they go so how do you feel about talking all the things you said about your child? And I go well Do you know what it is they're gonna be an adult when they listen to this and they've got a good sense of humor and they'll have a laugh And then I'll buy them a new iPad So shut your face. I'll set them up with 13 because they'll never a laugh and then I'll buy them a new iPad. So shoot your face. And I'll set them up with 13 because they'll never get away from me and my pride and I. Oh I just, yeah anyway that was a private thing.

A private thing that Rosie said on the podcast. Sometimes journalists ask if we put too much out about our kids and we say no. Well who knows but hey we'll cross that bridge when we're coming to it. Do you know what I mean? Some people's parents have got sex tapes out. There is that. At least there's no sex tapes. Well, which brings us to me next. Yet. Our sex tape is due out next month.

It's called a barn of mice and rats. Brackets, plow, plow me now, one hour early, sunrise. It's called, spring forwards, fall back. It's called, rise an hour early, like daylight savings time. Do you know, knowing this industry, because like, you know, we're not, I like to treat you like you're in the gang because you saw and he's on stupid right and you understand the people in the public eye you know got a podcast do TV shows this is our jobs like this is the

stuff we do books and all that literally do you think it'll get to a point where we're like so guys here's what's next. Scraping that barrel. Oh that's a barrel call that. Oh call it scraping that barrel. Oh, that's a barrel, I'll call that. Oh, scraping the barrel. Call it scraping that barrel. But the barrel can be my asshole. Yeah, you're the barrel. Yeah. I was never gonna be the barrel. Oh, okay.

I'm a fucking athlete. What's happening? Guys, do you know the kids are staying up at night? That's why we're giddy. We're giddy. So we are recording this. We are recording this at half past three in the afternoon. Oh, what's it?

Oh, half past four really, because the clocks went back. Oh, she's spitting that drink. Oh, she's spitting that drink. Oh, she's spitting that drink. Oh, what's it? Oh, half past four really, because the clocks went back. Oh, she's spitting that drink back. Because I won't eat it. It's literally been, it's been five days and I've only just stopped saying, oh, I can eat this now, because it's actually this time. I can't drink this now. Yeah, don't drink that.

You'll just spat back into it. Yeah, we're recording at half three in the afternoon, and we're giddy, because we never record this late. This is crazy. This is water. That's water. We would have done a plonk cast, but we've got a meeting straight after this, which is irritating. And the meeting's late because of the person who we're getting a meeting with is in America.

But that doesn't mean we're late. We've got a meeting at half six. He's in America. That's a good news. He's in New York. Anyway, too much information. Let's crack on. Here's the jingle. Let's fucking dance. Woo!

We had a fight about the jingle, jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle So this is the jingle, jingle We hope you like the jingle, jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Scraping the Barrel. That would be a nice podcast title wouldn't it? Copyright, Chris and Rose Ramsey 2024. Maybe if we're still

doing this in years to come we'll call it literally like Chagmere and Oatey Scraping the Barrel. But can I just say? Sorry, you could do a podcast where you interview people at like the end of the career or people who like used to be famous and you call it Scrape in the Barrel. But can I just say it? Sorry, you could do a podcast where you interview people at like the end of the career, or people who like used to be famous, and you call it Scrape in the Barrel. Oh, I bet they'd love that. Imagine. Oh, hello famous actor who used to be really famous

who we loved on the telly, but now you do fuck all, because nobody wants you anymore. Do you want to go on a podcast? Oh, what's it called? Yeah great love shag when I know it's called scraping the barrel. But I'm writing it down. Do you want to come on our new podcast? Yesterday's news? Today's fish paper. I'm writing it down though. I like scraping the barrel. Do want to come up with a new podcast? Who the fuck are you? Where are they now? Do you want to come up with a new podcast?

Remember this cunt. Brackets no. Scraping the barrel. Scraping the barrel. Yeah, there it is. There's probably one, there's probably a specialized podcast out there about wine called Scraping the Barrel.

Don't know. Please just let us know if there's a podcast called Scraping the Barrel. God. Why won't you let... Let's see if there's a podcast called Scpe in the Barrel. Don't know. Please just let us know if there's a podcast called Scrape in the Barrel. Why won't you listen? Listen, this fuels our ADHD. Natalie Cassidy, I think it was just an episode because her, is her podcast? No, it's called Life with Nat.

But then I think she's had episodes called Scrape in the Barrel. Got you. By the way, I worked with Natalie Cassidy once and I swear to God, she is one of the nicest people I've ever worked with. She was absolutely gorgeous, big love to Natalie Cassidy. There it is. But yeah, script in the barrel. What other names would you like to drop? Yeah, I used to, I sang with Brian Johnson Johnson and Mark Knopfler. Oh God. Who else? Stop it. I haven't got that many names to drop.

So I noticed something the other day. We were a lovely little weekend away. Well, it got a couple of days away at the beginning of the week. You call it a weekend. Do you ever do that? You say I've had a weekend away but you're away Monday, Tuesday. Yeah. But it's always like have a good weekend. It felt like a weekend. But yeah, it's always like we've had a nice weekend. Went to Harrogate with the children. Harrogate with the children, it was very nice. It was gorgeous. I noticed something and I didn't say this at the time so we went for lunch the kids are getting better the kids are getting to the age where we can actually go to restaurants again now. Yeah yeah well okay so in our defense like sorry not in it you're not even our defense but you know we're modern-day parents people eat out all the time. We have avoided eating out with our kids

because they're just a bit feral. Yeah. And I don't, there's nothing wrong with it and I have done it. I'm not against iPads or tables, absolutely not. I'm not against food. I'm not trying to be preachy here because I've done it myself,

but I'd just rather they wouldn't. Yeah. But ours will not sit. So if we know a restaurant takes ages, we just won't go. Oh, in the past, I mean, we've got a restaurant to put people in, they've been like, let's get starters and desserts. I'm like, no, no, no, no, we need to fucking, we should have ordered on the way here because he's going to get bored and stuff. I read the menu out in the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. That's how we eat out. So we went to, we took, I'm actually to quite a posh, but we went

to the Ivy in Harrogate, which is a lovely posh restaurant. There's a few of them knocking around the country if you've ever been to one. Now I noticed something and I worked it out. I was happy that I'd heard it because I'd never had anyone say it to us, but as I worked out what it meant, I was a little bit deflated. Oh no, what happened? So I ordered, no, no, it's fine. So I've never had a posh waiter in a posh place go, very good sir. You know when you order,

I've seen it on films and stuff, and you go, I'll have that and that with the broccoli. When they like agree with your order. No, like with the broccoli on the side, and they go, very good sir. Yeah. Like that. So the guy was proper posh,

the fella was serving, right? The harrogate is quite posh. Well yeah, it's lovely. So this is what I got, right? I got the steak, I got a fillet steak. You did? Really? Yeah, I got chips on the side. I got broccoli on the side.

And I got macaroni cheese on the side. Fuck me. Right, so that's it. So he went, very good sir, as I said the macaroni and cheese. And I went, oh, very good sir. And then in my head I went, that's posh for you're a fucking pig. I don't think it is.

I'm telling you, he said it to no one else on the table. No one else. Well, because we did not have nine sides. So it's posh, it's posh code for you're a greedy fucker. I'd never heard it before. I've never had it said it was before, but it was literally like, and the macaroni and cheese as well.

And he went, very good sir. As if. No, I think you've got it wrong there. I think he's just agreeing with you because at the end of the day. I don't think he's agreeing with us because he didn't look like a house end. And I was eating like a house end. Yes, but you've got it wrong there. I think he's just agreeing with you because at the end of the day... I don't think he's agreeing with me, it's because he didn't look like a house end. And I was eating like a house end.

Yes, but you didn't have a starter or a dessert. So you just had it all at the same time. I think he's just like, very good. Was it nice by the way? Was your mac and cheese nice? A bit sloppy. I like it with a crispy crumb on top. I like it a bit... But that was good. I ate it all still. I made mac and cheese dinner for the first time the other day.

Not in two seconds. I know. Love it when you do that. The kids were buzzing with it. Yeah, it was gorgeous. I know, I need to make it more. It was so easy. Because I always just do pasta and cheese with a bit of mayonnaise. Our Robin loves that, but Rave doesn't like mayonnaise as much.

And they both like different cheese. Oh, fuck my son. It's really annoying. Robin loves mozzarella, Rave loves cheddar. Cheddar boy. So just got two different cheeses, always constantly on the go. And they always know if you've used the other one, which is infuriating.

Oh, they can tell straight away. But yeah, just knocked up a little, I just know how to make a cheese sauce, which is mad. Bit of butter, bit of flour. Get it so it's like a, what's the word? There is a special word for it, I can't remember. Get a little congealed. I congealed together and then add loads of milk

and then add your cheese and melt it. It was very nice. I could have done with you putting it in a dish and then grated cheese and breadcrumbs on the top and then hoiled it on the grill. Oh, that would be nice. On the grill for 10 minutes. You can do that later.

You can do that later. I'll be doing nothing later. You can do that later. You fucking take that tone out of your voice. Thank you very much. I got really scared there, and if I do that. Do you know what I've been watching? Sorry sorry to my brain's all over the place today and I've been watching The Rivals on Disney. Right. It's really good. Okay. I'm really enjoying it. What's The Rivals? It's just a new

program well Lisa McGillis who you did Heaven with who's amazing such a good actress she's such such a brilliant actress I love everything she's done she's been amazing in Emily Atax in it, David Tennant, Danny Dyer. Holy shit. The cast's really good. So it's a? It's set in the eighties. Oh, so it's a sitcom?

It's a sitcom. It's not like- Or drama. So it was a book, it was like a sexy book. So it's like a scripted drama. Scripted drama sitcom. Right, so sorry, The Rivals. I'm sorry, I'm not shitting on it here,

but The Rivals. It sounds like it's the trailers. No, no, no. It sounds like a TV show. It's not called, it's just called Rivals. Okay'm sorry, I'm not shitting on it here, but The Rivals, it sounds like it's The Traitors, it sounds like a TV show. It's not called, it's just called Rivals. Okay. What might even be Rival. And it's like very sexy, it's kind of tongue in cheek,

set in the 80s, which I love, and it's kind of like in the Cotswolds and put it out in like the TV industry. Well, okay. Honestly, I've heard really mixed reviews and it's been, they've done so much promotion for it. And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna watch this. Cause when you were knowing like a few people in it and I really like Emily Yatek as well.

And I was like, I'm gonna watch it. And it's just, I've really enjoyed it because you haven't watched it. But I don't know if it's your cup of tea. Have I told the story on here about when Lisa McGillis was getting done up for heaven? So I'm not sure if I've told this story of the podcast, but when I was in the sitcom heaven,

Lisa McGillis played me sister. And I'd like to watch heaven again, actually. It's been like 10 years since I've done something. I can't look at my hair in it. It's really bad. Oh yeah, your hair is terrible. And do you know what it is? I wish I'd listened because Jason Cook and everyone in production said you need to get your hair cut for this. And I said, no, no, like we can't force you. And literally it's not even that thing where like years later I look back, it was like six months later, I was like, what the fuck's that? What the fuck's wrong with my hair?

I met you with that hey. Yeah exactly. So Lisa McGillis is playing my sister in it and she's getting all dolled up for the pub scene where we're all in the night out and just getting dolled up like you know like a ridiculous and just in the makeup trailer and just getting done and like we're all coming in like howling just got like the hairs massive piled on her makeup like the tanner is insane she's like mahogany and like fake nails looks like lily savage ridiculous and we're all getting a photo taken where they were laughing our heads off we pulled up at the venue in heaven the pub where it was and she got out and there was loads of lads

at the bus stop and they were all like, fucking hell, she's amazing! They didn't even get that she was essentially in fancy dress. They were just like, Rockin', she's the best rockin' lass ever! God, it was funny. I was like, I was going to everyone else, I was going to listen to them. I was like, they don't know it's a joke. They don't fucking know.

God, it was good. Yeah, speaking of Harrogate, by the way, quick one for you. Haven't told you this. I was in the park in Harrogate by the way quick one for you. Um, I haven't told you this I Was in the park in Harrogate with the kids. Yeah. Yeah. I was in the skate park with the kids while you were looking in All the shops in Harrogate. I'm a good dad. I'm a good husband. He was there for 40 minutes I looked in two shops and then I went to the supermarket to get all of the food. 40 minutes more than I got to myself on The trip so. I went to the shop to get all of this. On your own, the time on your own must be nice. It was fucking lovely.

Holiday! Right, bloke in the park shouting at his kid. Yeah. Okay, I wasn't prepared for what the kid was called. Right. I'll give you three guesses. Trigger warning, if your kid is called this, I apologize. I just found it really funny.

Okay, hang on, Harrogate. Harrogate is a bit posh. Was it Claude? No, you're going the wrong way. Okay, hang on, Harrogate. Harrogate is a bit posh. Was it Claude? No, you're going the wrong way. Oh, I don't know. Like Halloween? Halloween? Halloween?

Prince? Prince? I was in the park, no. I'm gonna tell you, we were totally wrong. Everyone prepare yourselves for this. Okay. There's a guy, the kid must- How old was the kid? Must have been three.

Okay. Three, race age, just toddlin' around, toddler. And I had to listen a couple of times because I wasn't prepared for what I heard. And I had to literally. Jesus, was it Jesus? It wasn't Jesus. If I remember rightly, I pretended I was trying

to take my hoodie off because I had to put my head in my hoodie because I was laughing so much. There was a man in the park in a Harrogate and he was calling his child over and his three-year- old child was called Colin. Aww. Aww, little baby Colin. Little Colin.

Aww. Oh no. Apologies if your baby's called Colin, right? Huge apologies. Is it bad? Sorry, I don't want to upset anyone here, but I wasn't prepared for a video with Colen. I don't think I've met a kid Colen. I've never met a child Colen.

Honestly, I don't know whether to push him on the swings or ask him to do me fucking tax for two. You know his dad's called Colen. It might be his dad or his grandmother. The last Colen that I met lived next door and he was older than me. He was a bouncer on the nightclubs, I tell you didn't I? Yeah. That time when he chucked someone down the stairs and I was going in I was like, hiya Colin. He's like, alright Rosie I was like, oh god I can't just see you chuck someone down the fucking stairs. There was a lad in my year called Colin. Was there? Yeah. I wasn't prepared for a three. It took us by surprise. I'm not saying it's bad, it just took us by surprise.

Hey, original though, do you know what I mean? You'd be the only one in his year. Exactly. Loads of Robins, loads of raves, I love that. Go on Colin. Not many Collins. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. It's time for, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, ch Okay, we've been doing this for a while and I would I would usually be like we're not doing anymore It's too much, but the amount of the amount of emails we've had

I can't keep up. It's ridiculous. And again with the stories and with everything you send in everything Please anyone wants to send anything if you want to send in word rules You know anything else questions anything you want stories, whatever and x would you rather shagmarynote at gmail.com You know the email address now, but I just want to tell you again But like with some of them you you go, oh, can you skip through? You go, you know, maybe that's not suitable or whatever. In the folder that we have that gets set up for us with all of the Woodrosy Eat emails in, I'm losing sight of the finish line.

I don't know what they are, by the way. There are so many. We've got no idea what these are. There are so many. Right. Straight in. Woodrosy Eat, a Mr. Hang on.

I am a bit of a peckish. I've told you. The rules are.ish. I've told you the rules are okay a little recap of the rules for everyone listening. It helps if I am feeling that way though. Okay well you gotta pretend, you're acting right? You're absolutely famished yeah you haven't eaten in forever right? Can't change any of the rules on it or the man kills the entire family. Oh there was never the man kills the entire family. Spicing things up. That's new.

Season six, spicing things up. Right, Woodrozee Eat. Season six, it's great in the barrel. It's great in the barrel. I'm so excited about it's great in the barrel, by the way. No one's gonna come on that show. All right, we're doing a show about fucking nerds. Do you wanna come on a new show?

Has been. Woodrozee Eat, Mr. Whippy 99. Well already you've kind of lost us. Really? Well because we live at the seaside we have got really really good ice cream. Okay so you don't like a Mr. Whippy so we'll transpose. I mean I wouldn't say no. Well we'll transpose Mr. Whippy for your favourite. What's the one that we'll have? The raspberry panna cotta one that we'll have in the fridge that you get. Oh the one from Asda. The raspberry ripple thing? Asda's own make it's a it's yeah I think it's like a panna cotta it's just delicious.

That one. Right. Pavlova. Pavlova that's the one. Sorry mate. So it's that one. So would you eat that on an ice cream cone? Oh yeah yeah yeah.

That has been. Oh god. Fully, capitalism repeated, fully licked by a dog. No. Not just a little lick on the side of the ice cream, but all over the ice cream top. And no, she doesn't know whose dog licked it.

And yes, I know how many people would have shared an ice cream with their own dog, but this question's for Rosie. No, no, vile. I hate it when people kiss their dogs and let their dog's tongues go in their mouth. It makes us feel physically sick. I'm absolutely fine with people getting the dogs to lick their face, but when someone gives the dog their lips

and the dog licks their lips and you see for a moment the dog's tongue just separates the person's lips and literally goes into the mouth and licks their teeth. You're basically necking on with your dog. Yeah, you're literally bestiality. You gotta get your dog taken off your back. It's disgusting. I hate it when dogs lick you anyway. Oh, I quite like it.

Oh God, what? Like, Bear licks me all the time on my hands and that and I'm like, and he smells me grudge all the time. Uncle Bear? Uncle Bear. So I've started, guys, Rosie's sister Kate's got a dog called Ben, because Kate comes round with the dog, I've started calling guys, Rosie's sister Kate's got a dog called Ben, because Kate comes round with the dog I've started calling the dog Uncle Ben. It's catching on, I'm really enjoying

it. Our kids think it's hilarious. Right. Did you sign Uncle Ben in the card? I think so. In Robin's birthday card? Okay. Oh, I mean I do love Ben, little Basie, but I do hate being licked by dogs. Right, someone's wrote something, I'm gonna to change them. They've wrote salt and vinegar, but again, I'm going to change it to prawn cocktail for the game.

Okay. I do love salt and vinegar, but prawn cocktail definitely. Her favourite prawn cocktail crisps have been discontinued. What? You can't buy them anyway, but the delicious contents of the last ever pack are wedged between, and this is very specific here. Oh, Jesus Christ. last ever pack or wedged between, and it's very specific here, between an 86 year old man's toes, brackets like a toe separator you use when you're painting your nails, but instead it's crisps, close brackets.

Separate crisps, individual crisps. Yeah, and then when you've done them all, they'll just put them back in. The man's feet have several corns and verrucas on them. She needs to eat the crisps without using her hands, just bite and grab them with her mouth from between his toes. No. No. She's got high standards today, guys. This is terrible.

Guys, no. Maybe she's not feeling a bit sick today. That's, that's... Is it really sexist that I would if it was a woman? Isn't that terrible? If it was an 86 year old woman, I would. It's disgusting. This is the last time you'll do this podcast.

No, because older women are much nicer than older men. Sweet bit of generalisation there. Okay, next one. Set it. Would Rosie eat or in this case drink the last ever glass of her favourite wine? So it's been discontinued, right? Why is everything I love being taken away from us? Because people want to make you consume them in disgusting scenarios.

Okay. Your last ever wine's been discontinued. Right, fantastic. You've got to drink it out of a sweaty cricket wine's been discontinued. Right, France has. You've got to drink it out of a sweaty cricket players crotch cup. Oh, fuck him out. It's the last ever one. He's just played a hell of a game.

I don't know what they are. The last 25 days or something. He's just on all the innards. A cock piece. Like, are you like a... Oh, yeah, yeah. I know what it is. They call it a box.

Oh, do they? It should be called a cup, but they call it a box. Okay. Do they weigh anything in between? This guy hasn't. Oh God. It's just fully been on his sweaty knob. Listen, if there's any pubes in there, you can lift them out with your fingers.

Oh God, you've lost us. No. Oh God. I mean, I do love that wine. Last glass of this wine. Would it be cold? Perfect temperature. Right, I will.

Hee hee! Ah, I can't explain the excitement I get from getting you to do it. I'll have one of them please. What's really weird is we've got quite a big podcast here, we've had TV shows and stuff like this. I've got the facilities and the resources to actually make a few of these things happen. You never will. Like I said before. We're doing a pilot for a new TV show next month, we'll see. Okay. Woodrosy Eats.

Ah! No, don't. Okay, next one. This one is so random. Woodrosy Eat, a leftover KFC booklet given to her by someone who's just climbed out of a sewer. Doesn't say whether this person works in the sewer or just lives in the sewer.

No, no, like no, just fucking Shredder coming out of the sewers. Splinter. Oh, who's Shredder? He's the bad guy. Oh, damn it, I got it wrong. Doesn't live in a sewer, I think that's why Splinter's so annoyed at him. Doesn't have to live in a sewer. Bullshit, right. How many different variations do the one have

of the Teenage Mutant Hero too? It's non-stop. It's just gonna go on forever. Because I wanted to show the kids, the ones that we watch as kids, but I can't find, I don't know which one it is anymore. There's so many. Yeah, they're dated now.

Next one. Yeah. You know the videos of people squeezing the blackheads. I love them. Love them. They keep the blackheads? I love them. They keep the blackheads all over the gloves after they squeeze them. Oh god I hate it. No, I hate that they do. Why do they do that? Why do they just put all the monkey little bits of scrim on the glove?

Horrible. Would Rosie eat McDonald's chips? Oh god I love McDonald's chips! While wearing a glove that has just been used for making one of's chips. Oh God, I love McDonald's chips! While wearing a glove that has just been used for making one of those videos. Oh, it's not touching it. The glove can't be cleaned, but Rosie can have a good blow on them to try and get rid of a few blackhead bullets.

Never heard that very good. Bullets. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there we go. I'm not touching it. Wow.

Wow. Okay, final one, and I love this one. Oh my God. Bit of a story here. For context, when I had a newborn, I was feeding him and eating crisps and beetroot hummus at the same time. Important fact here is we lived in Australia and at the time they had this beetroot hummus with little onion slash beetroot relish stuff on the top. I saw a piece of the relish on him so I picked it up and ate it only to find out it was actually God Like she got some sort of what is it called my status when you're breastfeeding is it some sort of blood clump?

That's come out of our boobs awful a piece of his own biblical code That had fallen off brackets remember the manky bit in the clip and the clip in the way for the fall off. I spat it out with immediate effect, but I could feel the exact spot where it had touched my tongue for days, no matter how much I brushed. Question, would Rosie eat her favourite crisps and dip using a newborn baby's umbilical cord that's fallen off?

Brackets, can't use your hands because they're covered in shit great is it my baby it just says newborn baby I let you pick the baby if it's my yes I would if it's my there it is there it is okay that was woodroze eat the flu remains a serious disease last season over a hundred two Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! and help protect yourself from the flu. It's the first cell-based flu vaccine authorized in Canada for ages six months and older, and it may be available for free in your province. Side effects and allergic reactions can occur

and 100% protection is not guaranteed. Learn more at flucellvax.ca. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef, beef, beef? What is your herb? Beef. I'm beef beef? Beef beef beef beef beef beef beef I'm going to go first I am, I'm exerting

I'm putting my foot down today I told you you would make some macaroni cheese later and you're going to do it. Now listen He's terrified of this Absolutely shit me pants in my pants Okay, this one hurt This is my beef with you This really hurt, I wrote it down immediately.

Again, we were staying at a lodge in Harrogate. We didn't fight at the lodge? We didn't fight because I didn't bite at this. I just had to take it like a man. At the lodge, we're all sitting around the phone. Your mom came down to visit for the day. Okay. We're sitting down, just sitting in front of the fire. Just on my phones for a day. Okay. While sitting down, sitting, just sitting in front of the fire. Uh huh. Just walled on my phone for a moment. Uh huh. You turned your phone off and put your phone down and you went, right, do you remember this? I do. You went, right, would anyone like to have a conversation with me? And I put my phone down and I went, oh yeah, of course, what do you want to talk about? Do you remember what you said? You said, oh no not you I didn't mean you I talk to you all the time.

And I just picked my phone back up. It was so offensive. Oh whatever. The disappointment, because I was like, oh yeah, of course, love. I was like, what do you want to talk about? And you went, oh, oh no. Not you. I didn't mean you. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean you. It was the in real life, in person version of like, if you go in a WhatsApp group with loads of people and you're like, anyone fancy a pint tonight? And no one can, apart from your least favorite person in that WhatsApp group and they're like, Oh, actually, I didn't mean it. I kind of get, I kind of get you. Okay. Oh, sorry, babe. I just, yeah. We talk all the time. We talk constantly. It's just upset. Okay. All right. Well, my beef, weirdly, you want to spend so much time with us. Hang on a minute. Mr. bloody hypocrite, right? So last night, Chris went to bed super early

because he's just so tired. Just always so tired. Half nine, I went to sleep. Just can't keep his eyes open. Struggles to get through the day. I'm so fucking tired. Broke ass digestive, I was tired. I went all the time.

He looked as I was a nutter, by the way. I was at the trampoline park and I was at the counter buying a coffee and why do people keep asking you if you're tired? Because I look like shit. No you don't. I was to be in his defense I was yawning and stretching at the time. But that's your nervousness thing that you do it's not. And he went oh tired and I literally went all time. That's all I said to him I went all the time and he went oh I'm always tired. I've got two kids. I'm, I'm, I'm. What are you meant to say to that though?

No, no, I'm not tired. What are you talking about? Fuck it, yeah. Me auntie came round the other day. She was here to drop Robin's card off. She was here less than five minutes. Told us I looked tired three times. That was nice.

I think you look lovely. You don't look that tired. Anyway, you're going to bed. Last night. Last night. And I, yeah. I, of course, obviously, cause we're still in separate beds because what is our life? That's what's the point. What is our life? You're going to bed? Last night. Last night. And I... Of night. Yep.

I... Of course, obviously, because we're still in separate beds, because what is our life? What's the point? What is our life? Hey, kids are out tonight. Same bed. Ooh! Woo, woo, woo!

Well, the last time you did, you snored your fucking tits off. We've been to a party. You woke us up three times during the night. We've been to a party. I was drunk and I had a cold. Today, I'm absolutely fine. Got a little bit raspy through, but it's fine. So you should be okay. I've never honestly never missed the burn more. I was like Rafe doesn't make his peep during the night. He's a

ne'er bother. Anyway so last night I had to buy it actually which is ridiculous but I just really wanted to watch The Notebook so I had to buy it. Okay. I just haven't seen it for a while and I just it's like one of my favorite films. I watched it, it was bloody beautiful. Cried my eyes out. Really, it's just a beautiful, beautiful film. Got really emotional. And it was about, it was literally 10 to 10.

You hadn't been, that's why I was, I didn't know if you were still up. I was like, you might still be awake. Last time I looked at my clock, it was half past nine, and I turned my phone, I put my phone down, and I took my headphones out, because I was watching the UFC, and I rolled over,, I put my phone down, and I took my headphones out, because I was watching the UFC, and I rolled over, and I was like,

out like a light, lovely sleep. Good, I'm glad. Well, I thought, do you know what it is? I'm gonna go for a cuddle. So I just wanted, I was get upset. I wanted a hug. Because it's about people who are in love, and I love you, and you're me and my husband,

and I thought I'm gonna go for a cuddle. Because we don't share a fucking bed anymore. Can't just roll over and give you a hug. So I went through Robin's room where you were and I opened the door and you were asleep. But I thought, yeah, but it's only been 15 minutes, 20 minutes, you can't be that asleep. And I stood there and this made us realize

how we got away with Michael McIntyre's because you just didn't know I was in the room at all. I walked back outside, I put the hallway light, the lamp on, still nothing. And you were asleep, but I was there and I thought, I actually went to go, I went to leave, and I thought, well, I'm here now. So I just wanted to cuddle.

No one listens on your side now, by the way. Your husband was fast asleep. And you came in for a cuddle. Come on then. All right. So I went in. That might be, I'm joking. Literally I was like, Chris, and you did the,

I've done it as me beef before. You did that horrible thing when you wake up and you literally were like, I hate doing it because it makes us feel so sick. You went, you went. Oh and Chris you went, ah, why, what, what, what's the matter? Are you all right?

What's wrong? I was like, literally, I literally had like tears coming out of my eyes. I was like, but weirdly at that minute, I didn't want to cuddle anymore. Because you'd done the thing that I hated.

So I was kind of like, just, I just feel a bit sad and I wanted to cuddle you. I'm like, what, I was asleep man! What's wrong? What's going on? And at that minute I thought, we're not soulmates. And so I literally got back up and I left the room. And I was like, do you remember what I said? I was like, it doesn't matter. Yeah. So all I remember that, so you're a fucking dick by the way. All I remember of this was-

You're a fucking dick. I'm coming for a cuddle. I was asleep you bastard! Oh God. So look at, no, so in a lodge, when you put your phone down and you wanna have a chat with someone, oh but not me, oh no someone else, but in the middle of the bastard night

when you decide you wanna cuddle- You'd be asleep by, honestly must've been 16 or 17 minutes. I'll tell you, straight into a deep sleep. In the middle of the night when you wanna cuddle, the world's gotta fucking stop and dance to your tune. Middle of a deep sleep. In the middle of the night when you want to cuddle, the world's got to fucking stop and dance to your tune. Middle of the night! Bloody, bloody middle of the night!

All I remember is, I came to the side. Why'd you wake up? Like you're living in World War 2. Danger! Danger! I'm ready for the danger. So I was literally, I remember going, huh, huh, and I went, have we not said night night? What's wrong?

I remember saying have we not said night night? And you were like, doesn't matter! And I was like, what? And you were like and I went, have we not said night night? What's wrong? I remember saying have we not said night night? And you were like, doesn't matter. And I was like, what? And you were like, I went, no, come back. And you were like, it doesn't matter. You didn't say come back. No, I thought it. And you left.

You didn't say come back. I've never been so bewildered in my life. I lay there for a bit and I was like, was that a dream? And I was like, she's just come in. But you basically, let's put it down on paper here. You came in. Oh, right, okay. Decided you wanted a cuddle,

woke us up, were annoyed that I was startled, and then got a huff and left. But I just, in what world can you not just wake up and sort of like stir and go and have a cuddle and then go back to sleep? I'm not a relaxed person. Why have you? I'm not a relaxed person.

Don't, I'm fucking annoyed. I've got two sentences, right? I've got two sentences, nout and everything. Oh, you are, you are literally everything. All or nothing. It was ridiculous. Yeah. It was ridiculous. You look you didn't catch you in a dastard and put you straight asleep. Honestly. Horrible. And I won't be doing it again.

Until you watch fucking La La Land or some other piece of drivel like you do. Never seen La La Land. I've never seen it. I say a piece of drivel, it's probably fantastic. No, do you know what it is? I've never seen it and I should. And I don't know why I've never seen it. Disclaimer, whenever I slag something off, I know that I'm not the target audience. I know that the major La La Land's not going. Did you not like the notebook?

No, it's terrible. I hate it. You can't say it's terrible. It's not. I don't like it. I don't like the premise. I don't like, he's torturing that poor woman. Every day he goes in and tortures her.

Eh? Tortures that woman. Oh, the woman, because she's got dementia? He's eating all her stuff, torturing her, putting her through it, getting her back lucid again, giving her a shake and then she comes back down. Absolutely not what you're doing. Honestly, he should be barred from that care home.

I'd have him, I'd have his fucking poster on the wall. He comes in and fucking makes her right. Honestly, all the work, all the work, the professional, sorry, are you a medical professional? No, you're not. All the work the medical professionals are doing with that poor woman and he comes in and shites all over it. He doesn't know what they're doing.

She might be on a proper, a proper sort of thing that she's gotta do. Comes in, tortures that poor woman. They die together? Tortures her. I'm not surprised. How long have we got? Oh.

Tortures that poor woman. I'm sorry, right? If that was us in the future, you would not leave me alone. Imagine. Is that the cracker? She can't remember him so he's gutted. Because she's got dementia, poor lady. And he tells her, he's reading, so she wrote the book, the notebook.

She wrote it and said, read this to me every day. And hopefully, you know, when she must've been going a bit thingy. So imagine you would, you'd be shaking me. You'd be literally, you'd have my life. Rosie, man, where are you? Yeah. Yeah.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. It's time for questions from the public! As always if you'd like to get in touch it is shaggedmarynoid at gmail.com Hi Rosie and Chris, this is a cue from the pew or could be of Rosie's mysteries for obvious reasons which will become clear, please keep me anonymous. We shall. I play in a brass band. Wow! Which is surprisingly quite an incestuous group of people. Not surprised. Is it in Yorkshire?

I don't know why. Because that was the film Brassed Off. Oh yeah. It's set in Yorkshire, wasn't it? Good film that. And at no point does anyone torture an old lady. So, good film. There's no mental anguish. When did you watch this? When did you watch The Notebook?

I feel like you'll have watched it and you're really starting comedy trying to find an angle days. If you watched it again now, I'll happily watch it again. I'll watch it again. You will blubber like a fish. You know I'm full of shit. I'll cry in my eyes. I'll cry in my eyes when I watch it.

I know you will. No, I can guarantee you'll watch it and then you'll go, ho, can I make this entry? I'm funny. I'm just taking the piss, mate. I'm just taking the piss I'll cry my eyes out. I think I'll cry my eyes out when I watch it. No, I can guarantee you'll watch it and then you're going, how can I make this edgy and funny? I'm just taking the piss, mate. I'm just taking the piss. That's what I do. I'm just coming at it a different way. Oh, put your hands down. Sorry.

I wasn't gonna hit her. Sounded like you were. Yeah, it sounded bad. I had them up like I was gesticulating. Right. I play in a brass band. I forgot a bit here. I play in a brass band,

which is surprisingly quite an incestuous group of people with numerous affairs happening. Oh, right. There's one player in the here. I play in a brass band, which is surprisingly quite an incestuous group of people with numerous affairs happening. Oh, right. There's one player in the band that I play in who has an open relationship with her husband and takes the opportunity to get her leg over at brass band competitions whenever she can. Heavens above.

Loves it. One particular year, I'm laughing because. One particular year at a weekend competition she had quite a few liaisons, liaisons, liaisons, liaisons shall we say. Upon arriving home her husband opened the front door and greeted her with, get any of your slut who you been with this weekend? Get any of your slut who you've been with this weekend. Come on get any of your slut who you've been with this weekend. That's terrible.

The phrase has now become a part of mine and my partner's day to day plan. Anytime one of us is doing a mundane task such as putting away an item from the weekly shop or a dish in the oven, one of us now says, what do you say? To which the other one will reply, get an ear slut. That's brilliant. That wasn't in Brasdough was it? That's brilliant. Get an ear slut. Wow.

Oh funny. Oh well done, well done. Hey, I wish she was having a nice time. I just can't imagine. I just, I mean, yeah when she said there was incestuous I just thought they were like, I don't know, I didn't take it to mean that one of them is just shagging loads of people at competitions. Competitions as well.

Brasdorf, I didn't know they did brass band competitions. The worst bit is while they're all necking on that all, most of them's just shagging loads of people at competitions as well. Brass band? I didn't know they did brass band competitions. The worst bit is while they're all necking on that all most of them will have that little little red thing on the lips off playing the trumpet too. Oh I bet they've got good stamina though. The diaphragms would be amazing. Hello again Chris and Rosie. Oh again. Listen I was so excited to hear my ick being turned into a song on this week's episode. It's so catchy and my friends can't stop singing, thumbs in the steam on the shower

screen. My husband, the shower mathematician in question, doesn't listen to the podcast brackets loser. But I immediately told him to tune in so he could hear the song, thinking he would find it hilarious. Now, he is quite shy and easily embarrassed guy. He began to absolutely shit himself and the first thing he said was what if the turnip would be working make us sing it. I'm not sure why he thinks you would do this, but it would actually be hilarious. What if they tear up at me work and make us sing it? That's what we do mate, that's what this whole podcast is.

Oh God. Gotcha. Do you know what he...can you guess what his job is? Err... Can you remember? I don't think we said... I can't do it, no. He's a doctor. Oh wow. Versus a doctor. Oh, wow. He's a doctor in a local hospital.

Oh, that's just fucking saving someone's life. Put that down there. Hey, Chris Rose, I was just like, sing this into the mic. You know, look at you. Someone needs his urgent urgent care in the corner. Well, his partner thinks it would be hilarious. I think it would make a great music video. It would go along with the song. Wow. Just him bewildered from Newcastle. Oh, they are actually from Newcastle. Do you know what it is? It actually got a bit more

it actually got a bit more possible there. Yeah I know. Wow. Absolutely we will not be coming up to your place of work. Do not worry. I mean he doesn't listen. He doesn't listen. He doesn't. Please reassure him that that's not something. Promise you won't. Because actually that would probably be something that I would like worry about. If I was I mean I'm not I'm an absolute exhibitionist. But if well, yeah, they know what they know what it means. Yeah. But isn't that exhibitionist? Uh, similar.

I think exhibitionists just show off who gets her tits out. You slut. Get in here. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I got told a story the other day and I've been meaning to email in since I know you are both coffee drinkers and knew you'd find this story absolutely disgusting. Oh. Love coffee by the way.

Love coffee so much. I was talking to my mom's new boyfriend, let's call him Alan, the other day and for some reason we were talking about people who absolutely stink and don't seem to notice. Love them conversations. Oh god. He told me that he once lived with a mate, we'll call him Dave, who never showered and would go into Alan's wardrobe and wear his clothes and then give them him back without washing them. Oh man. Not nice. Anyway.

Sorry, so he lived with someone who would never shower and who would just borrow his clothes and then give them him back without washing them. Oh man. Not nice. Anyway. Sorry, so he lived with someone who would never shower and who would just borrow his clothes without cleaning them. Awful. I'd fight him. I'd have to fight him. I mean, why has everything got a turn to violence? Could you not just say,

yeah, mate, don't take me clothes? I would, but I don't think we listen. I've jumped all the way forward in my head. Okay. He's dead, I've killed him. Oh no. Murdered him. What is wrong with us? We get one night without the kids and we're literally like, I feel like I'm on acid. I'm having

a drink. Anyway, one day Alan went into Dave's room and said, Hey mate, you're for going out for breakfast this morning. As another friend had come over to go out with him. So they thought best to invite him. Dave said, yeah, but that he really needed his morning coffee first. Alan told him that they didn't have any coffee in the house, but then Dave reached under his bed and pulled out a clear plastic bag

filled with whole coffee beans. Okay. Alan thought it was a bit weird, but said, all right, I'll go and make the coffee whilst you get ready. As he had to go and grind the beans by hand as he didn't have a coffee machine. Right.

So you know, you coffee grind, you grind the beans and then you put them in the coffee machine. You understand? No, but okay. Yeah, well that's what you do. What's he got the beans for if you haven't got a grinder? Because I'm guessing they've got, I'm guessing they've got a grinder.

Well, anyways, took the beans downstairs. Okay. Somehow ground them and they have, they can have a coffee. Bed beans, he's under the bed beans. He's under the bed beans. He's got a stash of bed beans. Oh mate, that's just the beginning of it. Oh fuck it, dog. A bit later on, as the three of them are sat drinking their coffees,

Alan says, so why did you have a plastic bag filled with coffee beans under your bed, Dave? To Alan's horror, Dave replied, well, my mum bought me some chocolate covered coffee beans, but I didn't like the beans, so I just nibbled off the chocolate and put them back on. Shut the fuck up. Oh. Why, why, how can you buy coffee beans? I don't understand. So his mum had bought him a bag of chocolate covered coffee beans. Why?

Is it, I'm, what, I don't know, Christmas? But what are you supposed to do with them? You're supposed to eat the coffee beans? People eat coffee beans. Why? Is it um what I've done at Christmas? But what are you supposed to do with them? You're supposed to eat the coffee bean? People eat coffee beans. Oh god I didn't know that. My mam will happily chomp on a full coffee bean. Oh. The sick man Chris people are ill. Oh so he's nibbling off. He's nibbled all the chocolate off. Oh you've done it! Oh they've had nibbled... God that's so sad. From stinky Dave. Oh I mean it's part of a straight away I go to germs and I go to how disgusting that is but if the water's hot enough that they've had the coffee with it's probably killed most of them germs but still. It's a fact that you would know wouldn't you

and you're still trying. I mean straight away Oh, it's safe to say only Dave finished his drink. Of course he did. Straight away, someone goes, here's this bag of coffee beans from under my bed. I go, nope, we're going out for breakfast. They'll serve coffee there. Put your fucking clothes on. You toss her. See, this could be a word, because I probably would drink it. I mean, I'd ask. I would say why you got them under your bed? Why the open? Straight away, I would go, no. I would know if they'd had chocolate on them.

That is not an official container. That is just a plastic bag. They are under your bed. Oh, my God. Why? He must have sucked the chocolate off because disgusting. He's the same nibble there. But he's ground that you would see the chocolate on it. He must have sucked the chocolate. Oh, God, that makes it worse. Filthy pig. You filthy pig.

If you're listening, you filthy will come to your work and make you eat the chocolate on it, he must have sucked the chocolate. Oh god, that makes it even worse. Filthy pig. You filthy pig. If you're listening, you filthy pig, we'll come to your work and make you eat the chocolate off it. Do you remember, what were they called, man? People used to give them out, sugar almonds. We used to call them sugar armings. You used to get them at weddings. Yeah. They were a fave at a wedding. Yeah, do you remember just sucking them and then not eating them?

Never touched one in my life. Never touched one in my life. What? I've never lived. Do you know why you've never touched one? Why? Because when you were younger, you had sweets and then not eating them. Never touched one in your life. And almond and stuff. Never touched one in your life. We've never lived. Do you know why you've never touched one? Because when you were younger, you had sweets and that in the house. Right, okay.

We didn't. You were out there foraging. That was a scrape in the barrel. There it is. Oh, there it is. On brand. That was like at the back of the cupboard from last year's wedding.

And I'd be like, I need a sugar hit. God. Still not eating much sugar by the way, everyone. I know, I know. Although we are doing a TV pilot and we have just had a photo from our producer. Oh yeah, what's this all about? Apparently next to the studio

that we're gonna be working in in a couple of weeks time, there is a Cadbury's, some kind of Cadbury's outlet that sells bags of smashed up bits of Cadbury's chocolate. The fuck? Robyn, our producer has been off sugar for quite some time and she's now smashing through bags of that. So, Oh my God. That's like when I used to work down street at, which one was that? It was

Dorothy Perkins. Thorntons was over the road. They would come in, Chris, with, I'm talking like industrial massive carrier bag size of chocolate that was just out of date. Adam's Dad Really? Kirsty And just be like, just want this. Adam's Dad Oh! Kirsty Oh my God! Adam's Dad Every Saturday when I used to go down to Shields... Kirsty No idea how much chocolate I was eating.

Adam's Dad...when I was younger, I used to go down to South Shields, I would get a bar of Thornton's Vanilla Fudge. Kirsty Oh! Adam's Dad A bar of it. Adam's Dad Oh! Kirsty It's not what I would choose. Adam's Dad So good. Thornton's used to be an actual shop. Kirsty Yeah. Adam's Dad Not mental.

Kirsty What? Yeah. Adam's Dad Yeah. Adam's Dad It was a shop. Kirsty Yeah, it was a full-on chocolate shop. Adam's to be an actual shop. Yeah. Not mental. What? Yeah. It was a shop. Yeah, it was a full-on chocolate shop. It was a chocolate shop. It had the little chocolates. It was like, yeah. It's insane. Probably luxurious. Oh.

I know. Is it still going? No. I mean, the brand is still going. Yeah. But the shop's gone. It's nice. Less overheads now. Well done, Thornton's. Yeah, well done.

There's a free plug for you as well. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hi both. Listening to Rosie talk about pretending to go to the supermarket to get some time to herself. Aye. I think I can one up it. Okay. I have a friend who misses having the time to read since having kids so much. Right.

That she tells her husband she's going to the supermarket and she does, but she stands and reads the ones on the shelves for sale. She has to remember what page she's on and come back another time before they stop selling at the finishing. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! She's the fucking supermarket like a library. Yeah. Remembers page 79, right? I'll come back and read it again. She could just go to a library. I mean, it sounds like you're ruling

with an iron fist in that house. Well, do you know what it is though? It's not even that. It's not even, you can't say that because- The crime. The crimes, the secret ingredient, she wouldn't enjoy it as much if she wasn't doing it on the sly.

No, I just mean like when you've got kids, like you feel guilty when you leave the house for too long doing things. You literally had to go with me because we're in Harrogate and I went to two more of their furniture shops before I went and got all the shopping for the family. Bloody brilliant time you must have had as well. See what I mean? You kind of will. I don't blame her. I think it's genius.

It's fucking incredible that. Incredible. You could read There's a Boonami in My House. Yeah that's in there. Very quickly. Probably one. It's probably a one trip at that as well. Oh yeah. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Scrape and the, I mean, Shagged Married Annoyed.

Ha ha, it's gonna happen, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you so much, guys. As always, if you wanna get in touch with Shagged, marryannoyed.gmail.com. I've said it three times this episode, so there we go. If you don't know the email address, you fucking do now. Thank you very much, back in years next week.

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