Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 296. Phants!

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

This week on the podcast The Ramsey's get to grips with 38! Chris shares some BTS moments from Children In Need, including some Gladiator intel and a badly timed fart. The pair both have beefs about hot water bottles and we even here from Sandra on her hot water bottle habits. All of ths plus some sock chat, Would Rosie Eat and a foot ick. Email the podcast [e-mail] Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Based on Charles Yu's award-winning book, Interior Chinatown follows the story of Willis Wu, a background character trapped in a police procedural who dreams about a world beyond Chinatown. When he inadvertently becomes a witness to a crime, Willis begins to unravel a criminal web, his family's buried history, and what it feels like to be in the spotlight. Interior Chinatown is now streaming, only on Disney+. The flu remains a serious disease. Last season, over 102,000 influenza cases have been reported across Canada, which has

nearly doubled the historic average of 52,000 cases. What can you do this flu season? Talk to your pharmacist or doctor about getting a flu shot. Consider Flu-Cilvax-Quad and help protect yourself from the flu. It's the first cell-based flu vaccine authorized in Canada for ages 6 months and older and it may be available for free in your province. Side effects and allergic reactions can occur and 100% protection is not guaranteed. Learn more at FluCellVax.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, hello.

Now Christopher, how old are you? I am 38. Okay, and how old am I? 38. Do you know who else was 38 in fictional land? Two people. Two people in fictional land? Mm-hmm.

I don't know. Stifler's mom. What? Was 38 in the film. What? And also, Kevin McCallis' mom in Home Alone. God, fuck off. 38. Oh, God. It's mom in Home Alone. God, fuck off. 38.

Oh, God, oh. It's the saddest thing. Oh. Saddest thing I've ever seen online. I've literally just seen it online and it reminded us that I knew about Kevin McCallister's mom being 38. Well, I did say a meme the other day that had a photo of, you know, the guy from Home Alone who's the old man who does the shovels the snow. Oh, yeah. And someone had put a photo of him online. It went viral. They put a photo out of the setter terrified at googly-eyed into the satna because I know it's

gonna say that he's 30. How old is he? He's obviously an old man. Why am I? Is he still alive? How old was he in the thing? I doubt it very much. He was a very old gentleman. Okay. But the joke being that basically that. Yeah. Sorry I ruined the joke. Very upsetting. Sorry. No you're doing a lot. It's fine. I'm used to it. Um, Stifler's mom, 38. 38? Wow. So how much you went you had Stifler? Yeah, but then again, yeah, but then he's supposed to be, they're only supposed to be 18 or 17 or something in American Pie, aren't they? Definitely in the first one, they're probably 16? Okay, yeah, so so yeah, it makes sense. She would have been younger, but she's probably been about 19 or 20.

But it's your perception, innit? Like, I remember watching Saved by the Bell and thinking, and fucking hell, these are like grownups, but they weren't. Do you know what I mean? They all just looked, I don't know if they're just, instead of getting kids to play them, they're just going to older people to play them.

I mean, fucking hell, the new series of Stranger Things, fucking, they've got beards and that. Seen it? Oh yeah, they are older, aren't they? I don't know how they're gonna deal with that, but they've got like mad, mad older since. She's married now. Oh they're into John Bon Jovi's son? Yeah yeah and she's still gonna be running around in a nightly with a little nosebleed telling all the monsters to stop and it's like you got a mortgage love? You got a kid on the way. What are you doing? Oh, I love Stranger Things. Oh, it's great. Yeah. Coming back. Yeah. Really good. Really exciting. Anyway, listen, how are you?

I'm freezing, Chris. She's got a coat on. It's pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. It's not that cold in here. It is really cold. Honestly, you picked to this room like fucking Scrooge's office where Bob Cratchit works. That's how I feel. Begging for another shovel of coal on the fire. Do you know what? I've done a really silly thing.

A really, really silly thing, right? I'm so annoyed with myself. So all my socks have gone minging, right? Like holes just rank to the point where I was like, Dean, what am I doing? Like just horrible. Now and then some of your socks end up in my sock. I think that's off running. I'm very upset. Can I just say, never used to happen years ago when I didn't run. So, sorry, just another, again, incredible, incredible bit of arrogance by you. You're now claiming that you run so fast you're burning holes in your socks. It's got nothing to do with the speed. It was more just the friction. Because this never used to happen to me socks.

And now that I'm on the treadmill more often than I ever have been in my entire life, my socks are going to shit. So I feel like- So have you not got sports socks? Are you just using any old socks on the treadmill more often than I ever have been in my entire life. Me socks are going to shit. So I feel like. So if you've not got sports socks, are you just using any old socks for the treadmill? What? Disgusting. A socks a sock? No, sock is not a sock. You've got to have your gym socks.

Then this doesn't happen. What are gym socks? Like special gym socks, sports socks that you buy for sports. I wear under armour socks for any kind of. Not gross. What are you wearing? Just normal, what are you wearing? Cozy toes? Desk toes.

Oh God. Supermarkets, you can't beat a supermarket sock. But it sounds like you can because you're fucking ripping holes in them. Well I am actually. They're literally lasting about four months, that's it. Anyway, so what I did a few months ago, I was like, do you know what it is, right?

I've had enough of this. I tripped myself, right? I got rid of all me shitty socks. So I had like two pairs of socks. And I bought loads on Markzies and I was like, look at me, treatin', treat yourself. Oh, they're all really short. Like, they're not trainer socks, but they've got about two inches above

the way trainer socks would be. Look, look. Adam's Mom- Oh yeah, you can see them. Kirsty- It's so depressing. Adam's Mom- Little ankle socks basically. Kirsty- Little ankle socks, so I can't tuck them Ah, yeah. It's so depressing. Little ankle socks, basically. Little ankle socks. So I can't tuck them in. I usually tuck my trousers in. I usually walk around with my trousers

tucked into my socks all the time. Just a sexual feast for the eyes round here, by the way. There's trousers tucked into the socks. I'm gonna take a photo and I'll put it on Instagram. Yeah, oh, there it is. Yeah, that's, yeah, you've, again, not surprised. Not surprised you've ripped holes in your monkey socks. Not surprised you bought a load of them

without even checking what they were. Sometimes you and your mom, for being such organized people, sometimes it's just slap, slap, dash. I bought 10 pairs of these. Of course you did. Yeah. Literally, putting all your eggs in one basket or putting all your socks in one basket on the Moxie's website and then realizing they're the wrong kind of socks.

Yeah, so. Fucking moron. Unbelievable. Sad times. Okay, well, there you go. Christmas. I'm a size 4. Can I have some gym socks, please? Can you write it down? Didn't you just say, aching gym socks weren't a thing?

I know, but I would rather not have to. I didn't actually, right, okay. Well, say what's on it. Forgive my arrogance. I didn't know there were a proper thing. Forgive? Wow, okay. I thought it was just people trying to sell us extra shit. You listen to me right now, right?

Listen to me right now. Yes. I've got trainer socks. I've got ankle socks. Yeah. I've got tall socks for when I wear boots, right? Listen to me right now. Yes. I've got trainer socks. I've got ankle socks. Yeah. I've got tall socks for when I wear boots, right? I've got gym socks. I've got cycling socks.

I've got trampolining socks. I've got golf socks. I've got a set of socks for every occasion, love. Do you know what else you've got? What? Too much fucking time on your hands. That's what you've got. No, I've not.

My brain, if I open my drawer and thought, oh, what category of socks should I wear today? Absolutely not. You're lucky that they're matching. Do you know what it is? That's a man who doesn't do his own washing, right there, what you're just saying. Great.

And I'm gonna eat me own words because I've got a little bit warm because I've got me coat on. You're about to take off so high, mate. You're about to take your pants because they're socks are too high. Do you know what's sad? I bet your ankle's bloody boiling.

I haven't put any deodorant on yet. Oh God! Because I'm going in the gym. She tucks her socks in... I pants into her socks and she doesn't wear deodorant. And... Honestly. ...something else.

Sorry, something else that I put it in this morning. I washed my face. Sorry, just say 99% sure you just ripped that coat when you put it off there. But carry on. I have not ripped it. I definitely heard it rip. But carry on. I'm gonna fall out of the day. I have two things that are upsetting us. I haven't had a wash yet because I'm gonna go in the gym and I just hate washing all that. I hate

showering all the time. That's one thing about getting fit that really upsets us. Just the amount you have to wash is just, I find it infuriating, right? And I've got to do my tan later. I'm gonna do it in the car. Anyway, I'm gonna have it on in the car. Yeah, you're not doing it in the car, it'll be horrible. We need to hurry up, because I'm perspiring, and I haven't put on my clothes yet. Perspiring. Perspiring.

Perspiring. And I bought this jet lag mask by Summer Friday, I think it's called, it was quite posh. And I put it on, and it said you weren't meant to have it on for 10 minutes, I've had it on for an hour, and I'm freaking out. Jet lag mask. It's to have it on for 10 minutes I've had it on for an hour and I'm like freaking out. Jet lag mask. It's like a moisturising thing that I just put on because I wash and clean, I brush my teeth the first thing in the morning.

Have you brushed your teeth yet? Well done, yes. Have you? I got fully ready this morning. Oh well done. I did cold tub and everything before I even took the kids to school. Well done. I was buzzing.

It's fucking cold tub and it's three degrees outside. You're gonna die. The tub, the water in the tub is warmer than the air outside. It's disgusting. I stand in the cold and I'm like oh god I can't it's like one degree outside I'm like I don't know if I can do this again and I'm like this is actually quite nice. Four degrees in the tub. You. Hey hey. What? Not an ad. I bought some socks for family members from TK Maxx the other day. Yeah. What a bloody collection of men's socks they've got. Honestly, hashtag not an ad, I do like taking marks a lot, but if you're after some nice socks for lads, I bought teenager socks, I bought dad socks,

I bought brother socks. Hey, listen, even you got looking, but you pay socks. Adam's Dad You get yourself some socks, man. Sort out your own house first. I've got loads of socks. Kirsty Oh my God! Adam's Dad What? Kirsty What a turnaround that was. I started off talking about how I don't have any socks and I ended finishing knowing that I bought a new one. So actually, I think I'm Jesus.

You think you're Jesus? Well because you go without so that people can have. Fucking Robin Hood of socks, Christ alive. Guys, it's episode 296. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for putting up with Rosie's fucking shit by the way. How are you still here? Honestly, what are you doing? Not on this planet. Seriously, seriously how are you still here? I'm a dick.

You are not on this planet. I'm a dick right? And he's even, he's more of a dick. There it is. Weirdly all of this chat takes us incredibly and I did not plan this, takes us straight into this week's lucrative sponsor. Don't even, because they're gonna think it's fake.

It's not, this week's sponsor is... If it sucks, I'm going to lose my mind. It's Wearing Trainer Socks with Boots. No, you cannot have had that. I swear to God, it's written down there. And they got in touch. Wearing Trainer Socks with Boots. Are you joking? Because I don't like shit like this because I hate that.

I had no idea you were going to bore me senses about socks. I had no idea. But you know, upsetters everyone. I really hate that you might ever think that we overproduced the show and make it up because I tell you right now, it's deliberately done on an absolute... Slapdash. Slapdash. It took the 45 minutes to call me. No, but I can't bear, I cannot bear overproduced stuff. I like, all the podcasts I listen to are a bit slapdash and I kind of like it. Well, we've done that like it. Except the true crime ones, they've gotta be done properly. But the reason we are slapdash is because

if we have to over-rehearse things, we get bored with it. I've done it before. Well yeah, because we're married. Yeah, but I do it with even other people. When I've done TV shows and they go, let's rehearse our chat, I go, I can't rehearse the chat. And they think I'm being an asshole and I go, if we rehearse what we're gonna talk about

when the cameras are on, I will say something else. And it's not on purpose, I just won't be able to say the thing I've said before and make it look genuine unless I'm acting off a script anyway wearing trainer socks with boots did it the other day by accident couldn't go back upstairs I was like I have to leave oh well okay I can't wear trainer socks in the gym it's the worst feeling ever why what you're running in kinky boots will it fall down the trainer socks fall down yeah you've got shit trainer socks what you've got but my point is boots. But they fall down. The come down. Trainer socks fall down. Yeah, you've got shit, trainer socks, what you've got.

But my point is, I'm wearing trainer socks, I put red wing boots over the top. Eee, it was horrible. No, you can't. Eee, it was horrible. I know, I've done it before. And I sat down, I sat down and my pants lifted up and someone looked and they thought,

he's wearing boots and no socks. Kind of perv, I'm surprised he didn't phone the police. Yeah, disgusting. Perversion. And then sometimes I've had them, I've done it before, rogue, you get a blister. It was awful. And they end up like in the arch of your foot.

Yeah, it was honestly, I was walking and I thought, I need to go home and change these. Oh, it was horrible. Oh my gosh. Do you have an arch or you got flat feet? I've got an arch. Let's have a look. Just stand there, just stand there with your feet.

I've got my slip up, hang on. Take your slip-ups off. Actually, while I'm getting up and walking around, I turn one of the fucking heaters off because it's mental in here. Oh, he's got his new, I bought my new pair of slippers from TK Maxx which were, can we just flag that you were an early Christmas present. So, on Christmas morning, if he says he hasn't got enough, that was one of his presents. I'll come back and fight that. Stand your foot down.

Oh yeah, nice, nice, nice. Why am I being arch shamed? Oh because, well I was gonna save it for later but we'll have somebody sent in an Ick that they didn't realise and they've been with their partner for like six years and they just found out that they've got flat feet. Oh! Like little penguins. Bless them.

And I think it really put them off. These slippers don't count as a Christmas present. Why? Because you gave us them before Christmas. Right then, well I'll have £9.99 back please. No, no. No, I'm not. You and your mom can't hold your fucking water.

You cannot hold your water and you both go, I've got a big Christmas chocolate, do you want it now? Well, I'll have it now, but on Christmas morning, I'm gonna go absolutely mental if there's nothing open. I just like giving people stuff. Yeah, do you know what is their bloody lovely slippers? They are really nice. And you don't slip, do you know what it is?

Maybe I'll have to get you another pair for Christmas. I'll have these knackered by Christmas. Because you're disgusted. These will be putrid by Christmas. My feet are the worst. Your feet aren't even that smelly, like they're not like. I don't know.ackered by Christmas. These will be putrid by Christmas. My feet are the worst. Your feet aren't even that smelly. They're not like... I don't know. They smell worse.

Right, okay. Well, yeah. Shall we carry on? Let's do it. I'm in a lovely mood again. I'm in a great mood. Let's get the bloody, the jingle going. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. And then let's do some podding. Here's the jingle. Pod some cast.

We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Hello, just behind the curtain here, Rosie quickly ran through to the bathroom to wash

whatever she was talking about, your jet lag mask off your face because you said you thought your face was going to melt. The heat isn't on in the bathroom so she ran through and screamed. Absolutely freezing, pure the old part of the house and all. And then she came back in and said, I'm really, really gutted about these socks. I don't want to go on about socks too much more, but the only thing that just as you walked out of the room, and I saw your little socks as you walked out,

the only thing that really resonated in my head was, what kind of lunatic throws away all of their socks before the new ones arrive? No, not the ones that were okay, they were mainly knackered. Right. They were all knackered, I can't describe to you. They were all like, to the point one of them,

you know, the sole of your foot, but the front bit, what's it called? Like the pad bit. Right. What's it called? What is that called? Front bit. In between the arch and the toes. Yeah. Like dog, like the dog bit. Like, you know, like the paw, that bit.

There was holes there, just full actual. There's doctors or physios or someone listening in their head, screaming the fucking name of Sharapetis. No, don't, I don't know. Oh no, we're gonna have to know. Oh, you'll never find it, man. Google's amazing. Front part of... The dog bit, the paw.

The weirdest bit is everyone listening. You know what we're talking about, that's the weirdest bit. The dog bit, the paw. Fuck me. The fore bit, the paw. Fuck me. The forefoot. There we are. Metatarsals, phalanges.

Oh, phalange and sesamoids. Right, you're talking about the top of the foot not the bottom, but fair enough. Oh fuck, I meant the bottom, so that's wrong. Right. My Kate would know. Right, no. No. Just because she does reflexology.

No, we're not ringing out. Central forefoot. Thank God, right, there it is. The worst she does reflexology. No, we're not ringing her. Central forefoot. Thank God, right there it is. The worst bit is though, you know what's really weird? What? If you said me central forefoot, no one would know what you're saying, but annoyingly you said the paw bit, the dog bit.

Everyone's gone. Everyone knew, so there you go, but it is that, thank you. Yeah, we're gone. Can't remember what I was gonna say. Something shit about us. Okay now. I tell you what though, what used to be a lovely treat for me on tour, what I used to love doing. I would go, if I had a bit time to kill somewhere, I would

go to the local H&M or wherever and I would get new wonder pants and new socks while on tour. Treat yourself. Oh, lovely little treat. I'd be on stage that night and be like, oh, I got my new wonder pants. It is nice getting new kegs in that. I need some new bras. God, I'm terrible. I once bought new ones from, I think it was an H&M, yeah, and I went to the gig on the night, and I went open the packet, dirty security tags still on it.

Oh, fuck! Took us fucking ages to get the tag off. Do you know what it is? That has happened to me so many times, but I am... Guys, I will warn you now, if I buy clothes off you in a shop, I am that dickhead. I'll watch you, pat it down, and if I don't see you take tag off, I will say, is that tagged? And honestly, you're gonna hate this, you're gonna think, what a bitch, but I'm not going home and getting a tag. Adam's Dad- Going back to get a tag taken off is so upsetting.

What's even worse is what I do, which is I just go to the closest shop that is a shop that has security tags and go, can you get this off? I off our board and they always think you've nicked that all the time. We bought a thing once didn't we? But it didn't work. They changed the shape of them. I bought one on eBay. I bought one on eBay but they changed the shape of them down there. They keep up with the criminals. The criminals. Well done.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Quick shout out to everyone who donated to Children in Need last Friday. It was absolutely wonderful show. Thank you to all of the lovely messages I've had after it. It was really great. Shout out to all the other people. The whole team, everyone behind the scenes, everything was phenomenal.

And I reckon we've probably raised, I reckon because it goes, it would go 39 million on the night. And I reckon- Oh, it's gonna go up? Yeah, so like sort of other things trickling during the night and stuff. And people watching it later and stuff like that And I reckon will have probably hit 40 million

Which is the high I mean, I don't know. Okay. I'm not know. I mean you you you did not contribute any of that money I did we raise I was there. I think no, okay I think you should say the charity not we you didn't we everyone. Okay, I was there. I was doing my stuff I've dressed up as a gladiator. Well, no, listen, it important because 40, nearly I reckon probably 40 million, after my cut, that's 200 pounds for the charity. That's 200 English pounds for children in need. They don't get paid. Listen, compliment, compliment. You did really well. You're very good at it. You're very good at it and I feel like you should do more presenting on your own. And so if anyone's listening, you know what? BBC One, ITV, Channel 4, all of them, Sky, whatever.

Chris loves presenting on his own. So get in touch. Right. With me? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And something I did, something I wanted to talk about, and I've never told you this thing. I've never told you this. Because this happened the day before we were rehearsing, me and all the gladiators were rehearsing my big sort of dance bit. Do you know that the gladiators all call each other by their gladiator names? What do you mean? I was talking to one of them, I was talking to one of them and I was like, she was a female gladiator and I was talking to her and I said such and such and I asked her something and she went, oh I'll just check.

Nightrow, Nightrow, are we doing this? And I went, sorry, stop it there. I went, you're calling him Nightrow? She went, yeah, yeah. I went, you all call each other by your gladiator names? She went, yeah, yeah, but they're not just that. So some of them call them by shortened versions of their gladiator names. I can't remember, one of them was called something and she was like calling them like, I don't

know what it was, but it was like jazz for short. So it was a short version of whatever his gladiator name was. And they were all standing there going, yeah. And they couldn't. Surely there's not that many, they can know each other by their real birth names. They know all of their real birth names, but they choose to communicate via the gladiator names. Okay, I don't know if that's... Come believe it. Is that class or is it rank? I can't work it out.

I couldn't believe it. Okay, part of his thinks awful, horrendous, it's a character, blah, blah, blah. The other part thinks I'm obsessed with that. I can't... What am I, Chris? that. I can't, what am I Chris? How do I feel about it? Honestly, honestly, I don't know. I'm just trying to find, that's a band, I'm trying to find the name of them all because one of them, she was saying it, she- You didn't even meet, I've only met one of them, you didn't even meet him, he wasn't

there. So we haven't even got a mutual gladiator in common. I'll tell you what, sound as fuck. Yeah. Really nice, nice people. They were dead, can't he? Gladiators, there's 16 of them. Right, I can't find all their names. Oh, there they are, Phantom, that was it. Phantom, and she was calling them Phants.

That was it, she was going Phants, Phants. And I was going, what? She was going, short Phants, yeah. Absolutely crazy. Okay, do you know what it is? I was fully on board with it, but the shortened abbreviated, no, I can't get on board with it.

No, you've lost us. Sadly, I wouldn't have minded Phantom. Oh my gosh, do you wanna hear something? Do you know when you think, now that I've got children, right, and you know when they get to experience certain things, and you kinda think, are they gonna be that bothered? But like, I think it's really important.

So when I was younger, do you know, did you know that some of the gladiators came to my school? Beg your pardon. Yes. Right. Hunter, the gladiator, and Jet, who you loved, came to my school. Hunter was the one who was shagging Eureka Johnson? Yes. Yeah.

Sorry, in a relationship. I don't think Eureka Johnson was there. She might have been, you know. Wasn't a gladiator. But she presented it though. Presented it, yeah. Yeah, I can't remember if sheka Johnson was there. She might have been, you know. Wasn't a gladiator. But she presented it though. Presented it, yeah. Yeah, I can't remember if she was there or not. Sadly.

Sorry, allegedly. Just gonna say that. Last week I learned just to be careful. Just say allegedly. Allegedly. He was, I think, if I remember rightly, was the one who may or may not have been having an intercourse with. What was it, a say is like?

No, no, I think they were together for a bit, but allegedly. Allegedly. Just in case. Well done. It's a really good tool. All the Americans do it. Yeah. So, we had to do. It's a really good tool. All the Americans do it. So we had to do a photo shoot with them. And during the photo shoot, we got dressed up in these like sumo suits and we had to run. And like, you know, when you get flipped upside down,

you stick to the wall. Oh yeah, the velcro thing. So we did that, right? And for the photo shoot, I got on Hunter's back. And it was honestly one of the best days of my entire life. And I still remember it now as being just a class time. One of the best, sorry, one of the best days of your entire life. I just remember being... Two kids, wedding day. Two kids, wedding day, sold out the O2, done your own TV show, done comic relief. Best day of your life.

Hunter. Do you remember Hunter? Yes, he was lovely. I was obsessed your life. Hunter, do you remember Hunter? Yes, he was love. I was obsessed with Hunter. Yeah, he was a good looking fella, very good looking fella. I mean, I was actually a bit, so I didn't like fully fancy him, but glad he ate this when I was younger,

it was unreal. It was incredible. But it's the same now for kids now. It's the same for kids now, yeah. And honestly, again, there was sound, and I didn't know how you go, like you meet people, you know, I meet like, you meet sports people in this job, you meet sports people in this job you meet like reality TV stars you meet loads of

people I'm not gonna dig anyone out but you know I've met some pricks and you go okay there's pricks in every part of it. Oh there's pricks at the supermarket of course. Oh no no sorry I'm just saying there's actors who are pricks. Oh yeah sorry I didn't mean just in them two camps I meant across the board. Oh yeah yeah yeah. I didn't know where the gladiators would fall I didn't know I in them two camps, I meant across the board. Kirsty Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Adam I didn't know where the gladiators would fall. I didn't know. I was like, in my head, I kind of had reality TV store and I had like a sort of cross section with sports store, maybe a bit with model as well. So, I was like, what are these gonna be like? Absolutely sound.

Kirsty I feel like what they are is fitness junkies who are, have got charisma. Adam Yeah, yeah. Like a Peloton instructor. Yeah. Kirsty Yeah. Adam Didn't enjoy standing next to them. No. That was upsetting. So I had to wear my little, my RAM thing, my whole stuff. Have you kept that? It's, I'm gonna text someone about it today

because I would like it. Because I think it'd be really funny to turn up to a jujitsu competition with it on. You can't do jujitsu competitions. When are you gonna understand? Can't, got one at the end of the month. Can't, got one at the end of the month. Nothing you can do. You can't, we've, right.

We've got boobah, we'll be fine. Listen. Um, do, um, right. 30th of November. You cannot, we've got a corporate on the 5th of December. Fucking shit! You can't, you get black eyes and you, you will get too excited because people will know who you are and you'll break, you will get broke, you'll break something. I'll break someone else's.

No? Right, alright, then what will happen is you'll break somebody else's arm and you'll end up in the papers. Won't end up in the papers, that'll be, watch out for him, he's good. It'll not be. Will be. Stop it. You don't have a normal life.

30th November. British Open. Listen, what was I saying? 30th November? I'm out on the 30th November? Not anymore. You can't. God, did you just do comedy? You've got the kids? Well, they're coming with us. Listen, what was I saying? 30th November, I'm out on the 30th November. Not anymore. You can't.

You've got the kids? Well, they're coming with us. Chris, I'm so sorry. Listen. You cannot compete. I can. I can and I will. I need to. It's in us. It's in us. The fire. Alright, okay, I'm calling it now.

I'm calling it on here with our bloody, however, I don't know how many people listen now. Four or five. If you dare, if you dare come back, if anything's broken, black eyes, anything, I'm going to, I'm going to be fuming. I'll leave you. I will leave you. Black eye will be fine.

Black eye will be fine. Black eye is not OK. Black eye is fine. You're on the telly. I had a black eye last week. Black eye is fine. We'll just explain it away. Oh look, he's got black eyes, an idiot. That's fine.

Nothing debilitating. Nothing that's gonna stop us helping around the house. And being a good dad. Super dad. Hashtag the Ram. I'm so upset about this. Listen, all I wanted to say is, right... BJJ is fine. It's lovely. It's great. I'm so happy that you found something. You don't have to compete. You don't know what it's like in our gym. Sometimes it's like a competition.

It's fucking nuts, man. There's a fucking 18 year old goes to the gym. His mom listens to this. I met her the other day, she was dead, can't he? Your son's a fucking animal. He's an animal. I literally had to just, I had to slow him down. He wouldn't stop.

He's a maniac. Yeah, and I get that. But I just think in a competition environment, you are not gonna be calm. I know you're too well. You're gonna get overexcited. You're gonna hurt yourself or hurt somebody else. Please. Oh, I can't. Why? It's like having a third child. You can't. I can't do a competition. I can! I can and I will! And I have to! And it's in us! Be fine man, Tom Hardy does them, he's a harrys. Don't worry about it man. Mark Zuckerberg did one. He does all his typing

and that, his fingers were fine. He'll be alright. Crack on. Crack the fuck on. Doesn't even matter what I was going to say about my ram thing, you've ruined it. You've absolutely ruined it. You're posing in a huff now. Great. Oh no, I knew what I was going to say. So I was standing in my little uniform thing and I had to stand on the stage you know and you know you, everyone can say what you've had for your breakfast, you're knobbing that's on show. Did they trip it up? I didn't fully look. No, well they put this thing on so it's like underpants but it's like a padded bra so imagine like what a padded bra feels like. Oh yeah. Knee apre or something. Okay. So they put these underpants on they're like modesty pants. Yeah. stood with all, like near all of them on stage

and I went, and we had to wait for them to set the lights up and stuff. And I'm just standing there in rehearsals. And I was like, I was like, are you used to this? Cause I feel really exposed here. I was like, I feel really like, almost, it's like a turning up a work naked dream, it's really odd. And one of them was like, oh, I think it was Night Row.

He was like, oh dude, he was like, just come and stand with all of them. And he's like, it's a pack mentality. You've all got to just like stand together and just like own it. I was like, okay. And I stood in the middle of Row. He was like, oh dude, he was like, just come and stand with all of them. And he's like, it's a pack mentality. You've all got to just like stand together and just like own it. I was like, okay. And I stood in the middle of them and I was like, oh, this is worse.

This is much worse. I was like, this is so much worse because you're all absolutely rippling. And I'm just like last chicken and sage piece in the middle of that. I was like, this is fucking, this is soul destroying. I went and stood on my own in the corner. No, you look nice.

Don't worry about it. You look great. You look quite trim. You look good. All I think I could never do any kind of job like that because arse spots. Arse spots? Uh huh. Well, I can see your arse spots. Just sometimes I get a spot on my arse and you just think, I mean,

the first shot you wouldn't have seen the first shot. It was just one of their arses. I don't know if it was a mistake or I was like, this is children in need and they've just zoomed in on one of the last horses. I don't know if it was deliberate. I don't know if it was a bit sort of like a cheeky thing, but it was, yeah, just a...and all I thought was I could never do that because I get spots on me also. Right! Okay. Yeah. There we go then.

After I had the kids, I got followed the latest, remember? When I had just the sportiest horse and I was like, I just want to die. I remember. Yay! After I had the kids, I got followed at the latest. Remember when I had just the sportiest horse and I was like, I just want to die. I remember. Yeah. Yay. Oh well. You dragged me,

you dragged me straight out of the dirt twice there. So well done. Sorry. Well done. I'm sorry. Party pooper. Looking for a screen free way to keep your kids entertained and learning?

Welcome to the Earth Rangers podcast. It's the perfect blend of animal adventures and eco-action that will capture their imagination and spark their love for the planet. Join thousands of other families and let your kids go wild with the Earth Rangers Podcast. Find it on your favorite podcasting app and let the adventure begin. that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Based on Charles Yu's award-winning book,

Interior Chinatown follows the story of Willis Wu, a background character trapped in a police procedural who dreams about a world beyond Chinatown. When he inadvertently becomes a witness to a crime, Willis begins to unravel a criminal web, his family's buried history, and what it feels like to be in the spotlight. Interior Chinatown is now streaming only on Disney Plus. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Need to tell you something? Yeah. My friend, Andrew Cudley, who listens to this podcast. Hi Cudley. He's got the cafe in Scarborough. Yeah, yeah.

Espresso yourself. I'm sure, I don't wanna say the wrong name, but I think that's what it is. Brilliant. Hello friend, hello friend. Yeah. He's got two cafes. He's got a cafe in Scarborough,

I don't know what the fuck it's called, but well done. He's got two of them, doing very well. He told me, you know how I talk about soggy cereal? Yes. He told me that he know how I talk about soggy cereal? Yes. He told me that he also enjoys his cereal extremely soggy. Awful. Like leaves it to get soggy. Awful.

He took it one step further. He's got a friend, right? Right. And he told me that his friend. No. Chris. I know what you're gonna say. Go. What?

I will tell you the truth. Okay. I don't wanna ruin this bit. Right. But if it's what I think you're gonna say, I'll tell you if I got it right. Okay then. His friend pours a bowl of cereal on an evening. Oh no!

With the milk. I thought you were going to say puts it in the microwave, but you're going to say leaves it overnight. He leaves it overnight in the fridge. Perfect. Absolutely disgusting. Then eats it the next day. Cereal or overnight oats?

Cereal. Cereal! Like special K, like crunchy nut corn flakes. Fucking nut, nut corn flakes. Exactly.aves them. Nuts cornflakes. Exactly. I crunch out your mouth right now. Exactly. That's disgraceful.

Oh, that's gross, innit? Gross. Overnight. I know, horrible. Heavens above. And you take the piss out of me for licking crisps. Oh, God. You go.

It's sensations though, innit? It's like everyone wants it, so they must just love that much. You imagine how fucking disgusting that is. You're about to drink that. I love a crunch me. The older I've got, I've realized that I'm a texture person and I enjoy nuts in like a noodles situation. I enjoy like crispy onions on top of things.

Crispy onions on a hot dog do all the leg work for that hot dog. All the leg work. I love a hot dog, you know. I love hot dogs. I love them, but I'm very aware that they're absolute fucking dog shit. Are they? I mean, they are just, oh my God,

I completely forgot about this. Well, I mean, like a sausage in a bun. All right, Carl Hutchinson told me something the other day and I don't think I've told you this. He told me that- But congrats to Carl and Sophie. They've just had another baby. They have just had another baby.

Another little girl, well done. Some people get all the luck. Now listen to this, two girls. Now listen to this. Although I mean, he's not going to be able to fart within a square mile of that house when they're teenagers. Yeah, I know, actually. He's going to have to go to the fucking shed to fart and even then someone will run in and go, ehhh! Like, when I fart and you come into the room I'm so upset sure what happened so much it happened so much what are you all lovely pretty much for a shell I was everyone just now were you fine in front of them no no so

what this is so this is the thing right so you do all the rehearsals during the day and you do not say there's loads of people as massive shoes and I'm like I did I did comment release there actually and I'm standing shoes and I'm like standing around. I know I did add a comment release there actually. And I'm standing around and I'm like I need to I need to break wind here I need a pump so I'll go and find a blade oh I can't believe I haven't told you this. What? So I'd go and find a little place to like fart or whatever so I went around the corner next to a door that I'd never seen anyone use right and I stood there I can't believe I haven't told you this and I went around the corner and I and I like let out a thought a fart it was ridiculous as well it was like an absolute because there's not much food in the mons I'd had one of them

Hewell drinks, oh god, gassy right, I'm knocked out I'm not joking I'm knocked out it must have been a five second fart right and I knocked out I stood there no one was coming I thought this is great I swear to you about two seconds after I did the fart the door that I'd never seen anyone use to the foyer opened and a fucking tour came in. A tour? What, like of people? Like a studio tour of loads of people just having a look around the studio. Oh Jesus Christ. Did they have to walk through your fart?

I was going to, well they walked through it and then I lingered right near it while they were watching the rehearsals on the thing and I just, ah, so they came in and as soon as they came in and I looked at the guy and I looked like he knew what was going on so I went and I like pulled a face and I moved away from them as if one of them. Oh you little shit. You are horrible.

Anyway, hot dogs, right? So Carl Hutchinson told me this the other day and he may have told us in the past and I might have forgot it. I don't know if I've told you this so apologies if I had have you ever heard how he used to eat hot dogs? No I haven't I have not actually heard this. God knows how because I feel like I know everything about collagen's in but

come on so how does he eat hot dogs? Everyone prepare yourselves because it's disgusting right? How can I guess? Like a pelican? No no no no no no no no you don't want to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, bun, and he would get the hot dog, and he would bite just the top off the hot dog, right? And he says you couldn't do it every day, you can only do it certain days, depending on how they've been cooked, but he'd bite the top off the hot dog, and he would hold the hot dog. You know I remember these hot dogs.

Yeah, yeah. And he would hold the hot dog, and he would, and he would suck all of the meat out of the skin, leaving basically like a used condom, and then he would put the skin back in the bone and eat just the skin in the bone, like a little skin sandwich. Why? Why does he do anything? Why would he do that? I don't understand. He was on the phone with me yesterday in a

car park. He was eating a quiche. He was eating a quiche while he was on the phone with me. I've been really busy in the house and I've just took some quiche in the car to eat while I wait for the burn. Oh God. And the best bit was there was someone waiting for it. Have I still got the recording? He's worse than me. He's actually worse than me.

There was someone waiting to get into the car in the car parking space and they were watching him eat a quiche and they were really angry. Hold on. It shouldn't be what would call eat. What's this? Sucking the meat out of the hot dog bowl. Hold on. Listen, listen to this. Right. and they were watching him eat a quiche and they were really angry. It shouldn't be what we're, it should be what we'd call eat. What are you sucking the meat out of the hot dog for? Hold on, listen, listen to this. Right.

This is off last night. Right. So I'm not parked perfectly. I think I am kind of taking up two spaces. Imagine how annoyed somebody was there when the soul was taking up two spaces and they looked through and I was eating a bit of quiche. A bit of quiche. What's he eating? Cold quiche. In a car. In the middle of November. Taking up two spaces. That's really upset me. In

the car, cold quiche, in the winter. Yeah, taking up two spaces. Someone's looking, going he's taking up two spaces and they're like what's he doing there? And he's just going and he's just got on a plate and that with a knife. No. Oh yeah, no it was full on. He takes a plate, foil and a fork. You know. Do you know I saw someone the other day in a work van, it was a work man, like a tradesman, in his car, having a coffee out of a mug, whilst driving on the A19. Well he probably had a thermos flask with him,

he probably likes drinks out of mugs. It was just like, it was a really sort of weird thing to see. Respect. Respect! So, thoughts on the hot dog? Awful. They're not that big. It's just suck it out of the skin.

I remember the hot dogs from school. Then you weren't getting any sort of like special, you know, American hot dogs. They were actually crap. They were really thin hot dogs. They're so unnecessary. So he found a way to really enjoy them. But he said some days you couldn't do it.

So some days you could, but if it wasn't coop proper, you couldn't do it. So some days you could but if it wasn't coop proper you couldn't do it and he was gutted. I just can't imagine having to see someone do this. Well, Matt. And being like, he's not an ugly guy. He's quite an attractive guy. But I just feel like you'd see it and go, oh no. What's happened there? Do you know what I mean? Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba.

It's time for... Oh, don't do it. Don't do it. Oh, that was pathetic. People are being getting upset about that burp. What was it? It was only a little one. People are being getting very upset. Yeah, fuck them. **Laughter**

This is so like you say, fuck you. Imagine being that kind of person who just... Stop doing the burp! I just... Who do you think you are? Like, there's loads of stuff. I walk through life constantly being upset by things, but I don't tell them. I slag them off behind the back.

People need to learn to do that more. It's all right. You're not gonna go to hell if you slag people off. Just don't have to tell them to the face. Oh yeah, 100%. Do you know what, I went on X, the artist formerly known as Twitter, on Friday night after Children in Need.

Yeah. And I saw, I did see a negative comment, but... About you? Well, about, yeah, just about the presenters in general. Do you know what I said? What did he say? Bring back Terry Wogan. But he's dead.

Well, I thought, does someone want to tell this person? Or do they not realise? I don't know. Will you just go on? Obviously I ignored it, but... Aww. Or do they not realise? I don't know. Will you just go on? Obviously, I ignored it, but you go, it's an insult, but it's so strange that I'm not going to take it personally because I don't think you know what day it is. I mean, come on. I swear to God.

I mean, come on. Honestly, just bring back Julie Garland. Bring back. No good singers anymore. Are you ready for some wood, Rosie Eat? I am. Okey dokey. OK. No, I've had? I am. Okie dokie. No I've had two boiled eggs I'm not starving. No no but in this scenario you have to be starving I can't be the moment. But it's normally better if I am. Right just to go over the rules again. You're starving. Right. You haven't eaten for ages, you feel sick, you're weak, you

need food no matter what. Yeah. Whatever the rules are set out as you have to follow the rules if not the man murders your whole family right there was never the man was heavily implied from the start okay he was heavily implied from the start okay following Friday's episode where Chris was guys there was a man huh would Rosie eat oh would Rosie and Chris eat a fully wrapped mini fudge from the miniature heroes tub? Worst one. You've already lost us. Oh really I love the fudge. But it has been stamped on by a horde of comprehensive students and you have found it on a muddy nature trail. No. No? No. Does nothing for us. They go on to

say I hate to admit it but I did eat the fudge when I found it. This was only five years ago when I was on my year eight school trip. Eww. Next one. Yes. So you wouldn't have ate that fudge, just because you don't like fudge, there's nothing to it. All right, what's your favorite one?

Little dairy milk. It's been stamped by a whole company. Okay, and I'm starving and I haven't eaten, this guy's gonna murder me. No, he's not gonna murder you, he's only gonna do it if you go and wash it with hot water. Family gone. Right?

Oh my god. This is a horrible joke. You can't change the rules. Why do you have to make everything so sinister? Why can't it just be would you eat this? Yes or no? No no no. You've got to take it.

You know what the world's like today man, you've got to add a bit of sex to it man, I know who wants to know. Bit of danger. Come on. I think this is man, we're competing with YouTubers and Mr. Beast. He's locking thousands of people in cages and that and making them fight each other. We're going to compete with that. Right, we had to turn a Mr. Beast program off the other day because we caught Robin

watching on YouTube. It was literally, he had all different ages in boxes in this massive arena and they were trying to get each other to leave so they could win money and Robin was what? And I went, absolute, what the fucking Hunger Games is this? It was nuts yeah it was it was and Robin's like yeah but he's so kind he gives away money I'm like but he's big and people fight for no no no Julius Mr. Beast Caesar right scenario one there is a shortage of potatoes there's a shortage of potatoes. I love potatoes. There's a shortage of potatoes and Rosie has been offered the last packet of

beefy hula hoops by an 80 year old woman thank you. However the lady admits that she did use the bag to store a couple of her own crusty toenail clippings. Unfortunately as Rosie has handed these crisps, there is a power cut and Rosie can't see a thing. There's so many layers! Why is there so many layers? But she hasn't ate for so long, will she eat them? And there's a shortage of potatoes! No potatoes anymore. This is the last patty who loops.

Yeah. Yes. I would just be able to feel if there was toenails in there. Pitch black. Total darkness. You would be able to feel. Alright, okay. Scenario 2.

There's a shortage of potatoes, Chris! Okay, okay, to be fair. Scenario 2. Rosie is at her favourite place to eat and she wants some of her favourite patty. The chef tells her that she's lucky she's come today as it's his some of her favourite patty. The chef tells her that she's lucky she has come today as it's his last batch of the patty. The only thing is the restaurant has been burgled and the only thing they've got for Rosie to spread the patty is a used earbud that the chef himself has used. Would Rosie eat this?

What is wrong with you people? This person sent in two scenarios and they're absolutely quality. I'm not that fussed about Patty. Alright then. But I am starving, someone's gonna murder me family. Look, again, you don't have to eat it, you just have to follow the rules. Follow the rules and your family will find you. Okay, well I'll tell you right now, I don't want it.

Fine. Because if I was starving, I'm telling you right now, the last thing I'd want is patty. Right. Not that I don't dislike patty, I just... Yeah. We don't buy patty. We're a bit of a can be choosers. No, it's one of them things. Sorry, everyone, we're saying patty would mean meat butter.

But, you know... Meat spread. Meat sandwich spread's upsetting, isn't it? Oh, you just... None I made is a sandwich one. Non-descript stuff. Withcript like a spread and I was just cute. Yeah, this is nondescript. Awful. Yeah.

But I love like so I love like, you know, like ham in the tin all over that. The jelly in that unbelievable. But I can't get away with that. Your sandwich spread just too much. And no, I couldn't. I know I don't buy patty because we don't eat it enough. It would just so the thing is, you've patty, you've gotta fucking smash through that. You haven't got long with a patty. Exactly.

You think I want a fancy bit of patty on a bit of crusty bread, you open yourself a patty on Monday, you're having patty every night for three days or you're gonna be ill. Or you're throwing your patty away. And do you know what gout really scares us? Do you know who's got a little bit of a beginning of gout? Who? What's his name? Jack Whitehall? I'm not surprised. No, but is it bullshit?

The accent. It was on his Instagram story. The accent is gouty. It was on his Instagram story that it was a story in the press, and he shared it, but he did not deny it. Right. You never know with Jack because he's such a joker. I don't know.

But gout, isn't it? That's a very sort of like... It is the goutiest of the foods, like, 100%. It's gout in the packet, innit? I mean, praise for Jack. Praise for Jack, sorry. But he hasn't got gout. It's only a bit of... You lose your limbs. If you've done it, I think if you keep going, I'm sure if you just stop... I don't know. I'll be honest with you, I don't know anything about gout.

Don't know anything about gout. I just know that is normally what people say when they've got gout. It's very rich. I think it's very intense sort of foods. Yeah. I've started using avocado oil. So we're not going to get gout. We'll see. You don't know how much I can eat.

Now, hello. I work in a hospital and I've just got into the lift to go home and inside was one of our cleaners with one of those massive bins on castors which wheels which was completely filled to the brim. Sorry, okay, I just don't like it when things have got a different name. That's why I said wheels upset us. You know so castors is like the wheels also a sugar and also an oil. Got you.

Just upsetting like you just... On castas which was completely filled in the brain with rubbish bags there are seven floors above my floor so he'd just been doing the rounds. I noticed that he had his cleaners gloves on and my fucked up brain immediately thought I wonder what they would taste like. Rosie and would I eat was my second thought and would Rosie eat was my second thought. Here's the scenario. I'm not ready to know. I can't do bins. Will you listen. I can't do bins. It might not be about bins. Do you know if I'm driving behind a wheelie bin? What are they called? The bins. No, no, wheelie bins. When someone's put a motor in a wheelie bin.

The bin lorries. I have to pull over or go a different route. I cannot drive behind a bin lorry because all that bin sauce, juice, air comes in through my car. It really upsets us. I hold my breath when I walk past open bins. No, I can't. It's already, don't even finish. I can't. It's a no. It is a solid concrete. I'm not eating it if it's got anything to do with a bin. All that bin sauce, juice, air. The three stages of bins, sauce, juice and air. Here is the scenario. Presimitation. Here is the scenario. It's September 2020.

You're back in the thick of Covid. You're in lockdown. Chris's 2022 has been cancelled. Bracket, sorry for the reminder, Chris. Thanks. The kids have been home every single bastard day since March and there has been a complete coffee shortage. Yeah. Oh, God. Right. Oh, I was already depressed. OK.

Rosie, you haven't had a coffee since the day the kids stopped school slash nursery. However, you've just been offered the only coffee in all of England. You are very lucky in all these scenarios. People are giving you the last of the things. You are well liked. I am, aren't I? In these scenarios, they love me. The only catch is you have to drink it out of this cleaners used glove. It is tied at the top and the only hole is poked in one of the fingers and you have to suck it like a calf at his mother's teeth. No, no, no, flat out, flat out no.

Bins can't know. I would rather drink it straight in through his underwear. Wow. And I don't even know the man, but I can't deal with bins. That is... Why is everything like the end of... Why is it always the last thing? Sorry, just checking. Yeah, that is against the rules and family gone.

So thanks for that. That's OK. That was Woodrozy Eat. It's awesome that one. That was tough. Yeah, I'll keep doing it forever. Babadoo, babadoo, babadooo ba. It's time for What's Ya Beef? Hey you little beef bastard. Oh he's back? Is that Barry?

No he's not. No no no. You got too excited. You put your beef voice on. He's too marmite. People love him, people hate him. I can't deal with the aggro. Can't deal with the stress of it. Bring him back for the third episode, just for a bit quick chat, just to check in, see what he's been up to. Okay, right, I will. Something to look forward to guys, there it is.

Why do you hate hot water bottles? Why do I hate hot water bottles? What have you got against hot water bottles? Is it your beef? This is my beef with you because I'm really sick and tired of you constantly rolling your eyes, kicking off at me for using a hot water bottle. You hate it? Um, it all falls...

We've got a boiler tap so it's not like I have to wait for a kettle to boil. It all falls under the umbrella of you just constantly being cold, which is annoying in itself. Right. When it's quite normally quite warm and you're like, I'm freezing. It's like, oh for fuck's sake. And I always have to film them. Oh, you've got something. Oh, you've got fucking.

Oh, Magpie right outside the window. Look at him. You've got low fucking whatever. Do you know what I've got? I've got low tolerance. What, one Magpie outside. Yes, one for sorrow. If you believe in all that.

Oh, for fuck's sake. What? I need to go and look at another, find another one. I can't. Just look at that one twice. Idiot. Right oh for fuck's sake she's going the window to look for another magpie. If you open that window in a taxi I'll be so happy. Great she's hanging out the window trying to look for another magpie. She'll you know what she's gonna do in a minute? She's going to wind jealous cold in here because she's open the fucking window. Reedy has on, by the way. And it all just falls under the umbrella of you just being constantly cold.

And then I've got it's not that I've got anything against hot water bottles. It's that I've got to fill up the hot water bottles. And there's so many of them. And the new one you've got very rarely fill it up. I'm not being funny. That new one you've got, which is an old one, but a new one, you've just started using it. I kind of carry the fuck. I want to put it, you can't actually touch it.

It's so hot. Well that's because I am very hard and I don't use a cover. Mine was still warm this morning when I woke up. Pathetic. Either way, right, I have to do it. And once, actually yeah, once you made us fill one up for you and the bottom bloody came out in the sink. Did it?

It was boiling hot water coming out, yeah, and I thought, I'd find them- It broke? Yeah, while I was filling it in the sink. I find them dangerous. Yeah she probably chucked that one away. I find them unnecessary and I find them antiquated and old and I don't like it. I find them delicious. Do you know my mam, here's a fact, do you know my mam uses a hot water bottle every single night of her life. Yeah. Every, even in the summer. She has to have it in her, she has to have it in her bed and then she kicks it out and she thinks she hasn't got ADHD and I find it mad that she won't admit that she's got

some mental health problems. She has to have a hot water bottle every single night of her life. That's nuts. So she just kicks out and then wanes about being too hot in the summer. She just kicks it out, yeah. I'm gonna ask her.

Oh for fuck's sake. Hi mom. Hi mom. Do you know if it was 22 degrees outside in August at home, in a hot...yeah, would you use a hot water bottle? Yeah, I would. Rosie, you know me. Is it every single night? It is but when it's hot, they kick it out again, I don't know.

Oh, I just fill up and throw it away, why not? It's not like the planet's dying. I know. I'm just telling Chris about it. Adam and Kirsty It's disgraceful. Adam and Kirsty Disgraceful. Oh no, not in the summer. Not in the summer, just in the winter. Adam and Kirsty are arguing. Not in the summer, just in the winter. Adam and Kirsty are arguing.

Mm-hmm! Because even in the summer, I always feel like I need that little blast of warmth. Yeah, ma'am, listen, it's your life. You can do whatever you want. Alright? Exactly. Exactly. That's true. Alright then. Okay.

Are you okay? I'm fine, yeah. Are you getting the kids? Yes, you are getting the kids from school. Thank you. Okay. I love you, love. I'll see you later. Alright, ma'am, I'm doing the podcast. I'm not just ringing you to ask. Sorry.

Oh, sorry, sorry. Sorry. It's how mad our life is. You think I'm literally just ringing you to ask. Oh, God. Sorry, I'm so juicy. Sorry, honey. It's alright. Love you. Love you. Bye. Bye.

Alright, just fill up a hot water bottle and then just use all that boiling water, electricity, you know, all that carbon footprint and then just kick it out. I still fill up on a hot night and then I just kick it out. Every night. Brilliant. 11.11. So listen, my beef with you stems from all of this bullshit. Two nights ago... Hang on, what was it? Tuesday? Monday? It does to me! Chris, I need a hot water bottle in the bed.

Chris, it's freezing. Chris, the upstairs heating. Chris, the upstairs heating isn't coming on. It's freezing. You need to get a plumber to come round and sort it out. Chris, it's freezing. Rosie, I will. He's gonna come tomorrow. Chris, is he definitely gonna do? Because it's freezing. Chris, it's freezing. He's definitely gonna come because it's freezing. Yes, Rosie, he's coming tomorrow. No problem. Right, good, because it's freezing. Chris, it's freezing. He's definitely gonna come because it's freezing. Yes, Rosie, he's coming tomorrow, no problem. Right, good, because it's freezing. Chris, I've had to have two hot water bottles to you. I've had a cellophane bottle of water bottles all over my body

like the fucking hot water bottle Michelin man. I'm freezing. Chris, is he definitely coming tomorrow? He's definitely coming tomorrow. What happened tomorrow? What happened the next day? He turned up. I said, the plumber's here. You said, Why didn't you tell me the plumber was coming? Chris, why didn't you tell us the plumber was coming?

The bed's not made, but he's gonna think we're living a shit hole. Told you Rosie, told you last night when you were berating us, told you three times at least during your fucking, during your absolute tirade about how horrible, told you that he was coming. Rosie, I did. You didn't, you didn't.

Rosie, I did, remember? You were in the bath and I said it to you. Then what did you do? You paused for a second, and you said the most arrogant, ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say, and there's a fucking list of them. It does sound like me. You paused for a second and you said the most arrogant, ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say. And there's a fucking list of them. You paused and went, oh, you did tell us last night,

but you have to tell us again in the morning. You have to tell us again on the day. Right. You, you, you. Because Chris, because I forgot you're a prick. I needed reminded. Unbelievable. It was the one day I hadn't made the bed. The one day, I just think it's something. Plumber, if you're listening,

it fucking wasn't by the way. It fucking was? It fucking wasn't by the way. Oh don't, don't, because that's really irritating. Oh, you're swapping the sound. Are you trying to, look here, you're trying to make the fight about this now. No, no, don't, take that back,

because I do make the bed. Ah, she makes the bed. I bloody do, I think it you're trying to make the fight about this now no no don't take that back cuz I do make the bed she makes a bed and I bloody do I think it's really nice to make a bit unbelievable I was just annoyed I hadn't done that day then he came in into the foot fully in the house I didn't you tell us I did tell you well why didn't you tell us again cuz I'm a fucking unreasonable piece of shit and if I'd say you know what you know I said if I'd said so this is how it would have gone if it was me. Rosie, why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell us that the diploma was coming? I hadn't made the bed. Chris, I did. I told you last night. Oh, sorry,

love. Oh yeah, you did apologize. Apologies. That's what I would say. I wouldn't go. Oh, sorry. I'm telling you, I would. Because, because, right. You know what would happen? Do you know what would happen? If I went, right, well, love, you have to tell us again on the morning, right? You would go would go, is that my life now? Is that my life? I just have to constantly tell you stuff, because you think I have stuff, it's not my fault you think I have stuff, it's like living with a child, you're gaslighting me. Honestly.

Honestly. I hate being married. I fucking hate having someone to answer to. I got really jealous the other day. I was talking to my mom and my sister who are both not married. And they were just talking about how easy their life is and how carefree they are. And I thought, you, I'm so jealous. Sorry, the two divorces. Yes, genuinely.

They were like, don't have anyone to answer to. And I thought, oh, God, here's me. Having a bloody talk with you. Aye. Wait till the fucking burglar Rome guards are off in the middle of the night, say hello to the hand guard. Hey, it was horrible Rosie, I was terrified of you, I can't believe it. They ring you? Oh, were you not just really enjoying your time alone, not having to answer to anyone?

No, it was horrible, I hated it. Someone ring a plumber quick. Make sure you tell us on the morning he's coming though. You're a fucking nightmare all three of you. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public. Public as always, if you like getting in touch

at shagmarynoid at gmail.com. We've talked so much, so I haven't got many I'm afraid. Let's crack on. Oh! What? I've actually been leaving something for this section. Oh. I was out with my mates the other night and one of them got a text in the group text and

he just turned and lent it to us he went look what Gaz has just sent in the group text and he just, can I just read you this text that Jordan? Are you not in the group text? No I'm not in the group text. You're not in all that. Such a, oh god I don't know how you not in the group text? No, I'm not in the group text. I'm not in all that. Such a, oh God. I get the highlights.

I get the highlights of some of them. How have you got me? Chris just leaves group chats, you know, and there's still friends of them. I don't get it. I'm in like three stag do group chats and I've just muted them. I'm not having all that.

If I left a group chat, there would be a full other group chat slagging me off for leaving the group chat. Well, they're stupid and they're not efficient because they could just do it in that one because you've left it. Right. Oh yeah. Idiots. So he got a text while we're having a curry and he leant over and he showed us the text and all it said was, someone had an overdose in the woody,

the woody's a pub, someone had an overdose in the woody last night, our kid rang the ambulance and when they searched her bag to see what she had took it was full of crab legs and a dildo. Why? Why? Why has it got crab legs in this dildo? That's all it says. That's all it says. That's all I'm saying. Why have you's never moved to London? This is why. This is why we've never left the North.

Oh God. Crab legs and a dildo. Crab legs and a dildo. Keeping it, like, crab legs where we live are a delicacy. So. I imagine the fish guy had been around earlier one of the day and she'd had bottle loaded. Oh, do you think?

Yeah, the fish guy in the pub. So she'd probably, she'd probably just been on it all day, a bender. But yeah, unbelievable. Crab legs in a dildo. I mean, I hope she's okay, genuinely. Yeah, I'm sure she's fine. Crab legs in a dildo. Brilliant. Good for her. Hell of a night out. Speaking of fish, hi Chris and Rosie. Hope you're both well.

Second time emailer, the first email that they sent was about the man who was looking for the anal deodorant. I don't remember this, but that's amazing. Have we done it on tour? Or was it on this? It was somebody, they're working in a pharmacy and they were looking for anal deodorant and the lady was like, I don't think it is anal deodorant. We've never heard of it.

And the man was like, it is man, I get it all the time. And he went somewhere else and the man was like it is man I get it all the time and he went somewhere else and said I bought it and because they said when you get it can you let me know because we might need to stock it I didn't know it was a thing bloody bloody blah and the guy brought it back and it was like a sort of like a mitcham or a shewa and it basically said on it push up bottom. So he thought it was need that was the read on to sorry guys anyway so this is the show bottom this is always ours hey I tell you how pissed I got on the two I can't even

remember that problem I know there's loads of them that I was like come on back and so this is a different one because we had a different one every night on to a guys just to let you know we had different questions every single reviewers didn't believe it That was fun reading the reviews They claim it's different every night fucking was prick tell my mental health level that it wasn't different every night because Yeah, right listen This person sent in an ache, but a public ache and and you know what it is

I've seen this before as well public ache you would think this would be one-off, but I've also seen this. When I read it, I was like, I can't believe someone else has experienced this. On my way home from work, I have to drive by our local chippy. I stopped and let a guy cross the road and it's only when he started to cross did I see it. Right? He was eating a full-on battered fish like you would a trick and drumstick. No box or paper, just holding it in his fist, taking bites. Oh God, no. Chris, I've seen that as well. I've seen that with my own eyes.

So this is one of my things. So I'm now like really, really uncomfortable. The grease. It's the grease. I'm really, really uncomfortable with the idea of it. It's the same reason I can't watch. I've mentioned it before, the scene in Gavin and Stacey where Nessa and Smithy get together and they're rubbing KFC all over each other.

I've never watched that scene. It starts and I've seen Gavin and Stacey a few times all the way through. They're not rubbing it on each other, they're just eating KFC. No, but then they start shagging. They get together. Put the chicken down. Yeah, but it's on their face and I can't watch it. When there's grease off food on your hands and face I'm look home come fly I'm now I'm sitting in a little bowl. Nah what holding a battered cod? I've seen it before as well. You should have slammed your foot down and put my bs misery fucking pig. It's one of the worst things you ever said. I don't really mean that but horrible it's upset me a lot. So yeah I would I would eat that. But then I'm thinking the greasy fish would hit your windscreen and your windscreen writers wouldn't get that off you.

Well, I would love... Should we get fish and chips for lunch? No. Just thinking about it. What are you doing in two days' time? What am I... Oh, a TV program. We're filming a TV pilot and you'll go, I shouldn't have had the fish and chips. Oh, I hate my life. I hate my life.

Let's get some after the pilot. Right. Great. I can't wait. There we go. Jumping on the bandwagon of baby Colin and 12 year old Keith. Yes. My husband and I accidentally gaslit our three year old for almost an entire year telling her she must have misheard her nursery friend's name because no one would name their child that in this day and age. This is until the key workers list came out and we saw very clearly in black and white, Sharon. Excellent. Little baby Sharon.

Excellent. Do you know what it is though? They've got to come back at some point. Yeah, and you know what it is? You've got to be the one bold enough to make that choice and go, yeah, there might be someone very special in your life who you are going, you're named after, three year old you, three year old you are, three year old Sharon.

Yeah, if we were gonna have a girl, I would have called her Bridget Rose after me nana. Yeah. And Rose just because. Stick a bit of you in there. Why not? Yeah. No Christine, no Christine.

Sorry? Christine. Who's Christine? Me. Oh, for Christ. Christine, no? If I'm saying that Who's Christine? Me. Oh, for Christ. Christine, no? No, but it's not funny, I feel like you could get away with Bridget.

Yeah, well I feel, because it's gone too far. It's like an older, older. Yeah, everyone called Sharon now is probably in their 40s and 50s. Once they get to their 80s, it comes back round on the merry-go-round. Yeah, okay. Generation game comes back through on the thing, doesn't it? Oh yeah yeah okay then. Interesting. We'll probably not live to see that. So there's

gonna be loads of people's nanas called Arya in about 50 years. Yeah and heavenly. Couldn't you name your nana Arya's house? I love it. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagmire and Oid which is part of the Acast Create Network. Thank you very much. If you this week's episode of Shagmire Lord, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Thank you very much. If you want to get in touch with anything, shagmirelord at gmail.com. We'll be back in the E.S. next week. Thanks guys, bye! Whoa! Did you hear that?

Panthera partis, if I'm not mistaken. Cool. I'm Earth Ranger Emma by the way, wildlife investigator and podcasting legend. I'm on a mission to uncover the secrets of the animal kingdom. Catch all the action on the Earth Rangers podcast, where you can join the wild journey and learn how to protect our amazing planet. Look for Earth Rangers in your favorite podcast thingy. I'll meet you there! Based on Charles Yu's award-winning book, Interior Chinatown follows the story of Willis Wu, a background character trapped in a police procedural who dreams about a world beyond Chinatown. When he inadvertently becomes a

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