Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 297. This is horrifying

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Chris and Rosie have been creating some new Christmas traditions at a Garden Centre and there’s been some online chat about Santa V’s Father Christmas. Rosie has started a new greeting and there is some important retro Gladiator updates! All of this plus an email from a listener about a very unusual spelling task! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The flu remains a serious disease. Last season, over 102,000 influenza cases have been reported across Canada, which is nearly double the historic average of 52,000 cases. What can you do this flu season? Talk to your pharmacist or doctor about getting a flu shot. Consider Flu-Celvax Quad and help protect yourself from the flu. It's the first cell-based flu vaccine authorized in Canada for ages 6 months and older and it may be available for free in your province. Side effects and allergic reactions can occur and 100% protection is not guaranteed. Learn more at flucelvax.ca Hello, you're listening to Shag Mardinoid with me, Rosie Ramsay and my husband, Learn more at Flucelvax.ca we're gonna call them the lasses but fair enough. Oh yeah, oh. The lads, but we have them being lads. Well, yeah, I dunno.

Girls, the lads, I dunno. I just think you should have, you know, if we're gonna really do some really good radioing here, I think we should have done, you should have said, and I'm not wearing something that I normally wear, find out after this, but you've ruined it. Sorry. Just literally, spaffed your load, spaffed your beans.

Instantly. You have been quite the same, spaffed your load in a sentence since last week. Yeah, since last week. I don't think I've said it since last week and as soon as I sat down, it's the first thing I wanted to say. It's unbelievable, isn't it?

It's the strange. It's the strange how the mind works. How the mind works. Crazy, crazy. Have to tell you really quickly, I had an email, right? Oh. You know how I talked about the heating last week? Yeah.

Somebody has emailed in. Ranny has emailed in. I don't think they need to be anonymous because it's not disgusting. They said, they've seen me Instagram saying that I was, the heating wasn't on, it was kicking off. And they've sent something saying this was taken from The Guardian published five years ago, right? Okay.

Topical. Scientists have raised the stakes in the battle of the sexes over office air conditioning by discovering women's brains work better at higher temperatures. Men on the other hand work better when the temperature is cooler according to a study published in the journal PLOS1. Yeah do you know who wrote that? A female journalist in an office that was perfect temperature with her fucking hat and gloves on like Bob Cratchit while everyone else was absolutely fine. So she went right I'm going to write this absolute twaddle to try and do this. But why are you being like that because it's saying that men

work better in cooler conditions than women so it's just nobody's having to go here. The sides either side. Why don't feel attacked. It's been conducted in Germany tested the ability 500 men and women. Right. To perform a series of tasks at a variety of temperatures. Okay. Good. I never believe bullshit like this anyway. Alright good glad you brought it up then. Oh no but this one I do. I pick and choose. Yeah we do a lot of that. Yeah. I believe that one. See again, again, two things, Friday night dinner, unbelievable series. I never believed until I was married with children. When I watched it when I was younger, I wasn't married with children and the parents support each other

and the constant just went, what, what? I was like, why are they saying what all the time? That's all the fucking life is. But no, because you- And dads are always boiling. The dad is always boiling. He's always ripping, he's just, I want to rip me skin off, I'm so hot. It's because the mam has got the fucking thermostat absolutely

black like a thorn us like a thorn us. Now my dad still goes around with his top off all the time. That's just cause he's lush. Well, some would say some would say. Speaking of lush, not only do you not have a bra on, you have you're covered in fake time. Yes. It's like I'm doing a gig with a podcast with Morph. Um, brilliant. And good reference. Yeah. Little mahogany thing that you are. And this is an extra dark one because I'm not going to have it on for long. I'm

only leaving it on for four hours. Oh, well we've got a photo shoot tomorrow and I really hope it's not that dark. So fingers crossed. Well, do you know what's going to happen? Which is really upsetting. What happens all the time? They're going to go, Chris, you look like a ghost standing next to her. We need to put some fake tan on you. Okay, I keep offering to tan you. Then I've gotta, I don't like it! I don't like how it feels!

I don't like how it smells. I don't like how it sticks. I don't know how it makes me clothes feel on us. I don't like it. Sam, Sam I am. I don't like them. You look like a ghost. Right, I don't like brown legs and tan.

Sam I am. Sam I am. I was watching that this morning. And you've also got a shag marinoid ones, Yon. That's got little holes in it and tan. Is that what I am? Is that what I am? I was watching that this morning. And you've also got a shag marinoid onesie on. That's got little holes in it and stuff. It's your tan onesie. Yeah. You look like... It's so comfy. I tell you what, wash as well.

Do you know what you look like? What? You look like a Teletubby down on a look. You look like you would be sitting in the corner of a pub smoking. Blinky-blanky. Yeah, going, uh, uh, turn Teletubby... I don't know why Teletubby's on in the pub, but in this scenario it is. You want to turn that you, I used to be a fucking telly Toby. And then you get up and you do a little dance.

Everyone was going to get up the pub, please. Madam. Yeah. That's what you look like. Okay. I'll take that. I don't mind. Listen, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. This is episode 297.

Hang on. We'll get fucking absolutely obliterated is episode 297. Hang on. Three more and we'll get fucking absolutely obliterated, mate. What? Hang on, what? Hang on. So three more episodes till 300.

Yeah, including this one. Yeah, not including this one. As if we've done 300 episodes. Madness. Thank you for being here. I can't believe that. I know. And I still like it.

I still really enjoy it. I know. It's really good. Honest, can I tell you right now? Cards on I still really enjoy it. I know. It's really good. Honest, can I tell you right now, cards on the table. Cards on the table. Where are the cards? Gun to me head. There's no cards on the table.

What else is there? No gun to head. What else is it? Cards on the table. Back against the wall. Back against the wall. Yeah. Hand tied behind me back. Call a spade a spade.

Hands behind me back. I'll tell you how it is. I didn't think I would still like this. Right, okay. Honest to God, I thought about a year ago, I was like, we can't keep doing this. I'm telling you. But honestly, Chris, I thought about a year ago, I was like, we can't keep doing this. I'm telling you. But honestly, Chris,

give us your hand. Still have a right little laugh with you. And it's nice. Dare I say, I kind of enjoy it a bit more. I enjoy it a bit more because we're not doing as much. Yeah, not doing as much of that shit at the same time. We're not over saturating. Yes.

We're life anymore. Because I feel like last two years. Well, it's weird with stuff like this cause you've got to have something to talk about but at the same time you've got to have time to talk about the stuff. It's odd. It's a weird one.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It's all good. It's all relative. Listen, time is money. This week's sponsor, this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor is and it's getting cold and you need a bit of this, right?

It's getting cold, bit of heartiness, bit of wholesomeness. Soup. Dipping bread in stuff. Oh, this week's sponsor is getting a bit of fucking bread. Fucking dipping it in something, you little bastard. Oh guys, okay, sorry, no, I know what you're, I know, okay, sorry. I've got a script here to read.

All right, right. You're getting your, whoa, soup? Go on, fucking get it in. Beans? Why the fuck not? Curry? Whoa, yes! Pasta? Or if it's saucy enough, I he goes. Oh, get your, oh, soup? Go on, fucking get it in. Beans? Why the fuck not? Curry? Oh, yes, pasta? Or if it's saucy enough, I fucking will. Hummus?

Hummus? Come on, get it piled on there. In your obsession? Mm-hmm. Chachachachikiki? Chachachachikiki? No, it's not. Chachachachachikiki.

Get a bit of chachachachikiki on there. Oh, the Greek inside of us is... Chachachachikiki. Hating this. Oh, taramasalata? Have a bit of tchicka tchicki on there. Oh, the greek inside of. Yeah. Fucking get that. Get that bread. What made this? Come on. Headbutt that bread into that fucking soft butter. Put a bit of salt on it as well. Me and me mates, me and me mates went out on Friday night. We haven't told you the full story of this. We went to see Carl Hutchinson's show at the Tyne Theatre. He was fantastic. He recorded it. The special will be out soon. We went to a steak place first, downstairs in Phoenix.

A steak place, unbelievable. What is it called? Porta's? Porta's House, I think. Yeah, very nice. Unreal. Me and one of the lads got fillet steak and another lad got a surf and turf. And the surf and turf came with this, it was like a garlicky, tomatoey, herby sort of jus sauce thing that went on top. And one of the lads, because one of the lads is really picky eater, right?

So, me and Jordan got scallops to start. Cheryl got a little bowl of bread. And they put the bread down and he went, ''This looks lush!'' and I went, ''Bless you.'' And anyway, and I know he listens, right? And I told him at the time, ''We got that bread and we dipped it in a bit of that sauce and we were loving it so much the man brought another jug of the sauce. Most of my meal was dipping bread in this like garlic. And this is where the sponsors come from? This is where the sponsors come from and I've got to be honest with you here and I don't think I've told you because

I come in and you don't like it when I'm half-cutting, I'm telling you about it with night. You know, okay, right, well. We went to see Carl Jensen. We went backstage first of all to say hello while he support I was on just to say hi. I must have fought 25 times in his dressing room. That's horrible. That's not okay. I was like, I was laughing my head off when I was doing it and I was going Carl, I was climbing at the shower cubicle and I was closing the curtain. I was farting in there then I was getting over there and he was laughing his head off and I was like, mate, I was like, I would, if this was me and I was about to do a gig and people came in and started fun you would be absolutely

fucking cancel the gig yeah he blessed me took a really he actually went hey you've perked us up I'm surprised actually oh just one more time dipping bread and stuff don't do too much though or you'll have trouble pooing right um what What I was gonna say before I got too excited, I haven't made a new loaf of bread in a week. I'm glad. Oh Chris, it was too, I was eating just, I was eating so much bread. I was eating a lot of bread, there was a lot of hot,

hot bread. Hot, crusty bread. There's a lot. Because there's no, there is just no way that you can get that bread out of the bread maker and not have a couple of slices. Well the thing is. You just can't.

And I was wasting meals. I was buying healthy stuff because I'm trying to be a bit good. And it was just in the fridge. And I had to put stuff in the freezer because I was just like, Oh, well, I've had my bread. I've had my meal, which was just bread and butter. But the thing is, you said you were like, Well, I'm going to stop making bread because I've read some way,

which means you saw on Instagram, I've read some way that that that normal bread's got loads of additives in, so I'm making bread without additives. It's still bread, so it's still like loads of carbs and loads of stodge, and you know, but wait, did I ever tell you when I was younger? Listen, I still love normal bread. Oh, don't slide bread off. I've said it before, I'll fight anyone who slid bread off.

Chris has been buying the Warbottons on the sly because the kids will not eat the fresh bread, which is very upsetting. Yeah. They're still, they're 50, 50. I'll fight anyone who slaps their breath. Chris has been buying the Warbottons on the sly because the kids will not eat the fresh bread, which is very upsetting. Yeah. They're 50-50 till they die, them two. Your fresh bread and your jack of potatoes, you need to stop buying that drum with the kids.

Oh my God. They're never gonna eat them. What the fuck? Dog shit. They will not, that's just because they will not eat jack of potatoes and it's really upsetting us because I just not eat jack of potatoes and it's really upsetting us because I just think a jack of potatoes is just such a good, it's just a good dinner.

You gave the kids yesterday a jack of potato, we've been over this before, but you gave them a jack of potato. Do you know how much butter I put on it? Yeah, you put so much butter and so much cheese, Rafe didn't eat it so I had it and I said, what did I say? It's like I've just ate a mouthful of dust from the hooves. Why did you eat it? Because it was leeeeeee.

No, did you enjoy it? No, it was like eating a mouthful, it was the driest thing ever. No, I'm sorry, I will not have that. It was like eating a bowl of cotton wool. It could not have been dry it had so much butter on. Still dry and tasteless and that's the point you have to put all of that stuff on. What do you know about this? I don't put much butter on mine I'm quite broke. It was fucking it was swimming in it. Anyway listen I just want to tell you. Listen no I can't leave I cannot leave it there because I love jacking potatoes. I know you do. I love them so much so it's really upsetting that I'm in a family where people and honestly, it's like us just all going, we hate Peter.

Fine, I'll still eat Peter. I don't care. That's the difference. It wouldn't upset you at all. No, the difference between you and me is yesterday you're like, kids, I'll do you jacked potatoes. And I'm standing there going, I know where this is going. No, Robin asked for one actually because because they do them at school and he keeps going mom would I like jacked potatoes and I'm like well you never have yet but let's try again The difference is if those kids didn't like pizza, I wouldn't be knocking up pizzas every month going have here's your pizza Oh God, oh they didn't eat it again. Yeah. Yeah, they've stated quite clearly that they don't like it

You have to give children things so many times. It's like 30 odd times. Rafe has only just started eating chicken. Right. I mean, he's probably wasted, and I hate to say this, about three full chickens in his entire little life because that Ben has, but he had, he's eaten chicken now. I don't think you realise how many of his chicken nuggets

I eat on the way to the bin. Ah, there's not been, there's been a quarter of a chicken at best. Good, I'm glad they're not wasting. All I was going to say was, the thing with the bread, where you made the bread and you're like, there's no additive, so we're just eating like big hot fucking handfuls of bread every day. Did I ever tell you when I was younger, my mate, I saw him making, he was making bread and butter in his house once, right, different mate, he was making bread and butter, and I'm not joking, it was this Flora stuff, the blue active Flora Betta for you thing on the side

or whatever it was, it was off years ago. I'm sure it was called something like Flora Betta for you or something. I'm not joking. The one with the, no, that was the old people in the advert with the olive oil. Yeah, no, that was a Livio or something, yeah. Full on believe that, just like literally just.

Good for your joints and that. Yeah, just drink butter and you'll live to be 97. He was putting like an inch, easily an inch of butter Good for your joints and that. Yeah, just drink butter and you'll live to be 97. He was putting like an inch, easily an inch of butter on this. I've never seen, I've never seen someone pie that was like fucking, it was like a cupcake with frosting on top. Oh, bite marks. I, but I, teeth marks in the butter. No. And I went, mate, what the fuck?

I was like, how much butter on there? And he held up the packet and he went, look, it's better for you so you can have more. Wow. That's you that. That's something you would say. So good. No friend was that? You don't know.

You've never met him. No, I'm sorry. I've met all your friends. You've never met him. You went to a different school. You went to a different school. Met him on holiday. Met him on holiday.

Have you got friends or I don't know? I just don't hang around with them anymore. I don't want to name check them on here. That's all. Have you genuinely got friends or I don't know? I don't know. I don't think you have. I know I have because I've worked loads of different places but I don't feel like you have. I mean around with them anymore. I don't want to name check them on here. That's all. Have you genuinely got friends or I don't know? I don't know.

I don't think you have. I know I have because I've worked loads of different places but I don't feel like you have. I mean, you probably know who he was but it's boring to just explain who they are on here. Okay, sorry. God. Tell us off Mike.

It's someone I never see so don't worry about it. Okay. If you're listening to me and I'm sorry I didn't mean it, I'll see you tomorrow, bye. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a tomorrow, bye. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Oied, Still Together. Still Together. Hashtag Still Together. Still here. Still loving life. Still love you. Love you.

There we go. What's going on? Being up there? So we, just to let you all know, we made a new Christmas tradition yesterday. We did. We went to a garden centre in Durham, close to where we live, and it's got a little bit there that I'd never been to, which actually I didn't really enjoy, I'm not going to lie. It's a lovely bit. There's loads of snakes and reptiles, but there's loads of birds flying around. So?

I didn't enjoy it at all. It's not for you. No. I thought it was great. The kids thought it was great. You go to the back of the garden centre and it's like a little tropical world. You go in and first of all, it was great. You go to the back of the garden center and it's like a little tropical world you go in and first of all it was a couple of quid each, four quid each or something like that and there was we went down this little corridor and there was four sort of vivariums with like lizards and stuff in and we got the end of the corridor and I'm not a skin fluent by any stretch of imagination but I literally looked around and I was like

fucking four quid each I was like what was it a pound of fucking tank, a pound of vivariums I was like this is just great and then then two seconds, and then Robin opened this door to this fucking Jumanji. I thought it was amazing, but you didn't. I hate every second. Did you see after the first four little, you know, whatever they were, vivariums, never heard of that in my life. Did you see the basket of lizard skin?

There was a basket of skin that the lizards and the snakes had shed. Just so unnecessary. I thought it was great. Just sat there. So, just sat there. A common was called, it was called Potters. Potters World.

Potters World, ah, it was fantastic. So you go in, and nothing to do with Harry Potter, and you go in and there's birds in there, and the birds are just flying free around the place. Awful. There's like parakeets and parrots just fucking like zooming about above your head. And then there's all of these like

Again, these enclosures with massive fucking snakes Tortoises like it was great. The kids loved it. I loved it. What was hilarious was I could tell how much you weren't enjoying it Cuz you just I mean you're going I was like someone's gonna shut on your shit I did nearly shit on your coat and you were just not enjoying it at all And I have to apologize because a staff member came up and said, Oh, we've just we've been told that you two are here. Is it OK if we get a photo of you for social media? And I was like, yeah, you can't absolutely. I was like, come just have a look around first and then,

you know, come and find you at the end. When I saw how you were reacting to the thing, I was like, I don't think I can let them take a photo of her. I didn't know that. Because it'll be me, Rafe and Robin smiling and you going, take the photo quickly before something shits in my hood. It was awful. But one thing I did enjoy. Yeah. And I put it on my stories on Instagram was there was a massive snake. Yeah. And the snake, we watched the snake eat a rat. Yeah. For fucking ages. Yeah. We actually we went up

to get Christmas decorations. Every year we buy a new little one of them houses things that were on display. It's like a little tradition that we've got new little one of them houses things that we put on display. It's like a little tradition that we've got. And what I enjoy now is that is now part of our Christmas traditions. And as per our family, we turned it into a song. And do you wanna go with it now? So what I did was I said,

we've made my new favorite Christmas memory is that snake eating the rat. Snake eating the rat, are you ready? And there's my new favourite Christmas memory is that Snake Eating The Rat. Snake Eating The Rat. And there's my new favourite Christmas song. Snake Eating The Rat. Snake Eating The Rat. Snake Eating The Rat. Snake Eating The Rat.

There was a lot of verses but we'll come and see. So instead of Felice Navidad it's Snake Eating The Rat. Come on everyone. Snake Eating The Rat. Snake Eating The Rat. So there you go. Happy Christmas. Come on everyone! Snake eat dinner rat! Snake eat dinner rat! So there you go, happy Christmas!

It was on the video, which I love, I've just watched it on your Instagram stories, the video, you just hear Raph so clear as day going This is horrifying! Shall I play it? Yeah go! You ready? This is awesome. This is scramming. Scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming,

scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming, scamming you know roll up roll up step right up like I've never seen such a queue of people there was just families like just in awe of this snake because it's really interesting so imagine if you never see the video on Rose's Instagram but imagine because it'll be gone by the time this comes out imagine the snake

is the size of your hand and it's literally trying to eat like a five a side football it It was insane. So interesting. Yeah. And by the way, I hate rats so much. The tail on that rat. The tail was massive. The worst bit was the more that the snake swallowed of the rat, the more pressure it

made on the body and the more like blood and guts was coming out. Oh yeah, there was definitely a little kid when we went back, because I went back to check on it. We went back a few times. We went back a few times just to see if he'd fully, you know, and there was definitely a young kid in a Geordie accent giving it the, he's bleeding out his bum. Yeah. The rat's bleeding out his bum.

Great, great day. Great Christmas tradition, we'll go and watch it again next year. Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. Another, just speaking of Christmas, not long now, happy Christmas, can't wait. I commented, right, on somebody's Instagram, a person in the public eye, Kate Lawler, right,

follow on Instagram, she's dead funny, lovely woman. She was getting annoyed, right, because she has always called, you know, Father Christmas, Father Christmas, right? And there was this whole thing going on, she was like, why is everyone calling Santa Claus? And so, I commented saying, up north, most people...I've never called him Father Christmas. Adam's Dad- Yeah, it's a bit of a... Kirsty- It's always been Santa or Santy.

Like, do you know what I mean? That's a northeast thing. Adam- Yeah. Kirsty- Honest to God, the amount of people who really, really, really got irate with me. Adam- Really? Kirsty- Just every time I go on my Instagram I'm like fuck me. Yeah. It's how ridiculous are people? Like I'm from the north and I'd say Father Christmas.

Do your fuck. You're trying to be Instagram. No one up here says Father Christmas. Just. Wash your fucking mouth. Well they might a little bit south. Yeah. If you're from Northumberland or Hexham or Corbridge, you'd probably say Father Christmas. If you're from Durham, you might say Father Christmas.

Most people in working class towns in the North East say Santa. Most children say Santa. I think they meant because I'd put up North. And I think most people who live north of, you know, Liverpool think that. No, Liverpool is the north as well. So north of like Leicester and that the middle. And so anyone above that thinks that they're in the north. But we, you know, we we are.

Yeah, Liverpool is the north. But we are North. We are North. We are just under Scotland. Do you know what I mean? We are Scotland's chin. Honestly, I rate... You are wrong. I disagree. I'm like, what? Stay out of the comments, man.

Stay out of the comments. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Anyway, what do you want on Father Christmas? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. I seen something interesting the other day. Did you? Uh-huh, when we were in the car. You know the posh car that we had in Manchester? Yes.

So we ordered a posh, we did get a different taxi service the day before, but the guy's boot didn't open. Yeah. And it was like getting into, again, getting into his fucking bed. It was disgusting. It was one of the dirtiest cars I've ever been in. And I literally was like, this is your job. You had pajamas.

I'm paying. Genuinely had pajamas on. Yeah, but you know, I'm not being funny, right? Not trying to be a dick. I'm paying money to get in here to go somewhere. And it's absolutely filthy. It's my pet hate. I'm not OK. Chris, I'm just not all right with it. Seriously. It's me, it's me pet head. No, I'm not okay. Chris I'm just not alright with it.

Seriously. It's not your fucking living room. This is not all taxi drivers because I've been in some absolutely gorgeous taxis. You know people who actually take pride in their job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, like literally. So his boot wouldn't open so he couldn't get the suitcase in and go at the TV studio. So he walked on the front in, again, the dirtiest fucking grey tracky pants with loads of stains on them. And he opened his front door and he slid the fucking chair right back and he put the suitcase on the chair. And then I had to like almost fucking limbo into the back seat. And you just want to go like, mate, like, I could understand if my car, like if my car's broke down, I'm on the side of the road and someone picks

us up, by the goodness of their heart and their cars are fucking shitting. I'm not gonna go, God, it's fucking disgusting, I'm gonna go thank you so much for randomly picking me up, kind stranger. But when your job, again, I hope we don't sound like take-hits here, but if you have to get taxis as much as we do,

and fucking hell, when your job is your car, what the fuck? Why is it like a bin on wheels? Why can I get in and smell your cock? Oh totally. Totally. So upsetting. No it's horrible. So upsetting. It's absolutely awful. I can't bear it. So anyway, so we paid a bit extra and got a nicer car. Sorry, I did tell you the worst one I ever had didn't I? We've talked about the halitosis taxi. Yeah we've talked about it. Yeah but did I mention the one way I got in hungover and again in London to be driven around

to do stuff, interviews and stuff. And I opened the, I've told you, haven't I? I opened the, the what do you call it was down, the arm rest and I opened the little centre console and there was chips and garlic sauce from the night before in the centre console. I'm sure I've told you that. Oh, for God's sake.

It was, I literally opened it and I went, oh, and I put it, and I was like, mate, you need to pull over, we need to go to a bin. And I had to pull over and throw it out myself. And I was like, where were you last night? He was like, oh, and I put it, and I was like, mate, you need to pull over, we need to go to a bin. And I had to pull over and throw it out myself. And I was like, where were you last night? And he was like, oh, I picked people up from a nightclub. I was like, fucking hell, man. They've left chips and garlic sauce in your centre console.

Oh, Jesus Christ. It's normal, there's hand sanitizer or something in there. Just, I'm sorry, I just think if you're paying for something, it's like, do you know what I mean? You wouldn't go to the supermarket and wade through, like you know. Full of rubbish. Full of rubbish and go and pay for your shopping.

It's just not, it's not on. It's not okay. Anyway, what I was gonna say, you didn't notice this and I didn't actually bring it up because we were on the way at the TV studio and like, and sometimes, you know, it's just, can't be bothered. But it was quite funny.

We were in the posh car, the guy, and it was lovely. And the guy was lovely, a really nice guy. But did you see when he got under a cut and he got angry, but he didn't actually get angry, but he, you couldn't see it. But he was just like, he was sticking his finger up with people under that car. I was like dead slyly. Like, I was like, I can't fall on stage yet.

Yeah. Like I hear that this isn't visual, because literally he was just like, he's on the steering wheel and he's going, really? Cause I was behind him. So I could see round the side and he was just like this to all the other cars like on his wheels like cause obviously it's a Porsche car. So that I couldn't see from the angle I was at. He was yeah, he was pretty tense to be fair.

He was pretty angry. So I like, have you ever seen a Ali G in the house? Oh yeah. He was, yeah, he was pretty tense to be fair. He was pretty angry. So have you ever seen Ali J in the house? Oh yeah, it was exactly like that. Where he's down, he's under the window to the commas. Yeah, so he's basically doing that. I see. We used to do that with my kids all the time after Ali J. Remember, you used to be like, whoa.

He was a crazy man, he was a fucking crazy man. So good. Can you believe that's Martin Freeman? Oh, eh? Sitting next to him in the car. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Follow me. I didn't realise that. So good. It's time for. Oh my Christ. Woodroze Eat. He's still doing this. That's a good one. I just had an omelette beforehand so that burp was one. I just had an omelette beforehand,

so that bit was really easy. You love an omelette at the minute? Love an omelette, mate. Oh God, you're so, like, such an obsessive person. You've got no idea, like literally. How many days on the trot you had an omelette? Don't know. Few, like, I just.

Oh, sorry, should I be eating the full loaf of hot bread? You fucking skip of a person. Okay, maybe I'm just as bad, all right? Exactly! I was pretty obsessive, but not just you. Oh, you're just canny. You're just like, I eat omelets every day now. Ha ha ha!

That's just dead easy. So what is the thinner the better? I actually do them in a crepe pan now. Got that crepe pan, Just two eggs, not three. Don't do three eggs. What are you trying to make? A fucking quiche? Flan? Just a little bum bum bum. Nice and thin. Cooks dead quick. Bit of leodama. Bum bum. Fold it over.

Couple of tomatoes on the side. Cherry tomatoes. I'm not eating full tomatoes, like some kind of fucking, you know, like I'm going to play cricket. I hate full tomatoes. Big old beef tomatoes. Just a half of them. When I get a burger with a beef tomato in it. I don't mind them in a burger. When I get a burger with a massive slice of wet beef tomato I think you might as well have dunked this

in a bath before you gave me this. Because we live in England, they're always pasty as fuck. Half green, half red wet tomato on your burger. There you go. That burger was hot but that freezing cold wet tomato on your burger. Yeah, there you go. There, that burger was hot, but that freezing cold wet tomatoes cooled the top of it right down for you.

Like you're in a fucking fab. Right, okay. So we're gonna, they're attacking all your senses this week on Good Rosy. It's fantastic, right? Okay, first one in. Picture the scene. She's starving.

Her favorite food is in front of her. Brackets her choice. What do you want? Jatted potato with tuna sweet corn and balsamic excellent okay it's on the floor on a plate in front of a man oh why is it white already already disgusting wow the plate is clean but every time Rosie has a mouthful the man makes sex noises he is so aroused and gets louder and louder with every bite she takes he would be looking her in the eyes the whole time as this happens FYI the man is old and dodgy looking full stop new

sentence also stinky full stop the smell would upset us and that's a tricky one that's a tricky one so I really don't like perverted people at all. Really, really don't. I don't think he's doing anything. I think he's just going, oh. He's making sex noise. That is doing something. And the next one he's going like, oh. So by the end, if it's a jackpot, he's going to be absolutely screaming by the end. I don't think I would like that at all, actually. No, I don't like that at all. No, no, no.

I don't want to punch him in the face. Okay. I've seen a great video on Instagram, obviously. Some last was on the train and some bloke was just staring at her. So she was eating, she was eating something. So she just literally opened her mouth. She was like,

ah! Ah! Jesus Christ. Good for her. Wow. All right, next one, you ready? I hate that man watching us eat me jack potato, by the way. I hate him.

It's not real. It's not really. I know you hate him. I hate him. I want to punch him in the face. Okay, good stuff. Well, you know, you ready? I hate that man watching us eat me dry potato by the way. It's not real, it's not really. I know you hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I wanna punch them in the face. Okay, good stuff. Well, you know, why not? Okay. Just cooking some boiled eggs and thought to email you. Great. Would Rosie eat boiled eggs?

Love boiled eggs. That had been used by a juggling act in the circus. The eggs have been de-shelled. What's wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? I honestly thought we were weird but you guys are mental. Again, hate the sentence but they all understand the assignment. The eggs have been de-shelled before the act. The state of the eggs at the end of the juggling spectacular can be decided by Chris. Okay, so they've been juggled. The eggs are very fragile boiled eggs, you know.

So that's why the act is so impressive because the guy does it without breaking or dropping. None of them are splattered. They've been thrown around so that integrity's gone a little bit. A couple little cracks in them. But his hands, he's been looking after the lions. He's been, not allowed them in the circus anymore, but you know, just entertainers here. He's been he's been looking after the lions he's been not allowed them in the circus anymore but you know just just entertainers here he's been touching animals and he's had hairs on them you know at some point he flicks them up in the air and he's doing them one-handed and while he's doing them one-handed he just picks his wedge out and then he starts again it's already a no it's a no okay it's it you've lost it absolutely starving absolutely starving I don't like I don't like that's why I haven't got pets all

right then oh right okay then okay. Don't build the lines then. While he's juggling it, he picks his wedgie a couple of times and then he stops and then he puts it on his face. Also, I don't like man's horses. He didn't state that in the original sentence, but fair enough. It's a no. It's a no.

It's a no. I'm very funny about boiled eggs. I have to do them myself. Jack Maio's. Bit too much of a gap there, fair enough. Shouldn't have asked live on it. I wouldn't, no, I wouldn't eat off it. Wow, that's offensive. Okay, for the sake of this Wood Rosie Eat, one of your kids has just turned a year old

and has just finished feeding themselves some chips, wearing one of those bibs with a catcher at the bottom. The baby is teething, so it's a combination of a lot of spit and dropped food in the catcher. Oh God. Would Rosie eat the half-eaten chips from the bottom of the catcher? They are still warm, but very mushy. Yes. There it is. They are my children. My germs.

My stuff. If I'm still, I wouldn't want to. Won't eat off my perfectly clean ass, but we'll eat half chewed stuff from our children. Yeah. Very offensive. Lots of love, Emily and 18 month old Edward, the inspiration for this wood rosy. I hope Rafe doesn't do that. Cough greeting that we've made.

Oh, so I'll get an email about that, won't I? If you told everyone about that. No. So you and Rafe have. It's just a fun. Invented a greeting where you just cough in each other's faces. When we get locked down and get everyone, you know everyone you know where we're going to put the blame. It's called a cough kiss. Cough kiss. Cough directly into each other's faces. No but it's very jokey. It's jokey.

Oh yeah it's hilarious. Yeah it's great. Yeah definitely. I love taking time off work. Love being in bed. Just in time for Christmas as well and Miss Loda Nights Out. Fantastic. Okay. Would, this is one of my favourite ones. Oh God, he's still going. Last one. This is one of my favourite ones we've had for a long time, right? Would Rosie eat her favourite meal? Mm-hmm, jack-o-potato or seafood pasta maybe. All right, let's go with the best Michelin star seafood pasta.

It's been knocked up by Kenny Axon of Solstice and House of Tides fame, a good friend of ours from the North East, amazing chef, Michelin star. It's been knocked up by him, it's unbelievable. So would Rosie eat that meal in a room full of hot farts? I hate farts and burps. For context, it said men here, but I'm gonna go half and half, half men half women. For context, five men and five women in a very small room have been farting for over half

an hour. Oh God. They leave and you walk in, you sit at a table and you eat your meal, no windows for fresh air. Nah. Nah? The smells is my biggest thing. I couldn't. No, I hate smelling people's farts and burps. Really upset us.

Again, again, I love the idea of this scenario that they're all queuing up outside. Just waiting for the fart. Just waiting, going, are you here for the half an hour of fart? Yeah, I'm here for the half an hour of fart. No. Right, okay. That'll be a fetish. A couple of them are, by accident.

There'll be a room in a sex club. Dedicated. Dedicated to exactly that. Somewhere in this world, literally I'll put money on it, there'll be people farting in a room and then someone's gotta come in and eat the bait. 100%. Oh God, I hate them. We should do a new feature, Fetish or Not, we are, oh, let's do a new feature, Fetish or Not.

Ooh, okay. Fetish or Not. If I make it up, but then again, if you can even dream it up, someone will be into it somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. But no, you'll have to do research though. It would have to be. I'll say, but then again, if you can even dream it up, someone will be into it somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. But no, you'll have to do research though.

It would have to be. I'm not doing any extra work. I'm not having that. No, no, it would have to be like a genuine fetish, because I won't know. I'm vanilla as fuck, my man. But I won't know, I don't know much about fetishes. Never entered that world. I don't know if I want to subject me to search history. We'll see, we'll see, we'll see.

Okay. Looking for a screen free way to keep your kids entertained and learning? Welcome to the Earth Rangers podcast. It's the perfect blend of animal adventures and eco action that will capture their imagination and spark their love for the planet. Join thousands of other families and let your kids go wild with the Earth Rangers podcast. Find it on your favorite podcasting app and let the adventure begin.

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The flu remains a serious disease. Last season, over 102,000 influenza cases have been reported across Canada, which is nearly double the historic average of 52,000 cases. What can you do this flu season? Talk to your pharmacist or doctor about getting a flu shot. Consider Flu-Silvax-Quad and help protect yourself from the flu. It's the first cell-based flu vaccine authorized in Canada for ages six months and older, and it may be available for free in your province. Side effects and allergic reactions can occur,

and 100% protection is not guaranteed. Learn more at FluCellVax.ca. It's time for What's Your Beef? What is your beef with me? Because I'm perfect so I can't even imagine that you've got anything to say. Well, this was going to be my beef a couple of weeks ago and I decided not to and I'm so glad that I decided not to because the story

advanced this morning. There was another chapter added to the story of this. This morning? Yes. Look at you. It was hard work. Me? Yes. Sorry, I'll just explain my morning to you quickly. I got up at five o'clock with the bayon and then I came downstairs, breakfast, sorted the uniforms out. I've done three loads of washing and it's eleven o'clock. Which brings us to my next point. A little while ago I bought you

a new set of AirPods engraved with RR, new ones, beautiful ones, because you went and bought the other ones. Found them there, actually though, very sort of like Brandon, what's the word? I didn't even want your name. Wow, so they've got RR on. Yeah. And you lost them.

You lost them. I did. I walked around the house with Find My iPhone, trying to find them and all that. They were in the house. Yeah, they were in the house. All right. They were in the house. Do you want to tell everyone where you found them this morning? May I add, you've been missing for fucking weeks.

Yeah. Weeks. Yeah. Where did you find them this morning? I found them. Was taken out a pair of my jeans from the washing machine. They were in the pocket of a pair of jeans. I don't because I've lost a bit of weight so I haven't worn these jeans for a long time and I was gonna wear them in the day and I noticed they've got a stain on the leg because actually I wear my jeans for like at least three or

four times before I put them in the wash. Ah yeah yeah you've got it you've got it yeah. People who's washing their jeans every time they wear them and I thought oh they've got a stain on, so I wash them, but they've been in the wash. They still work though. Got the light on. Really weirdly, they still work. They do.

Which is really strange for me. I mean, and as well, they're nipping clean. Oh, I thought they'd be sparkling, you'd eat your dinner off them. Crikey. So I will have to take, I'll take them away today, but I'll take me back up here as well. So, for when they, could they burst them?

Could they blow up? He has open. What's your B for me? So honestly, we've actually been getting on really well recently. We have to be. We have and you know, like it's nice I think sometimes you've got to, I think, you know we're very quick to kind of, especially like me and me mates might be like, oh he's getting my nerves and blah blah blah blah. Yeah. But I think it's also nice to be like, actually, you know what, we're all right right now, which is lovely. But, but, but.

Oh, here it comes. But, I've mentioned this before, when you go out, you come in, you just wanna talk to us, and you don't realize how loud you are. And then like I say, you come on, you sit on the bed and that, and you wake the burns up,

and you keep burping shit, and it's just disgusting. I don't burp and shit, I burp and stuff. You on the bed and that, and you wake the veins up and you keep burping shit, and it's just disgusting. I don't burp and shit. I burp and stuff. I don't shit. But I don't want you to just, when you come in, just come in and go to bed. You don't have to come chatting. Chat that chatting to me. So, on the flip side, when you come in drunk and you want to have a little chat with me... I don't chat to you when I'm drunk. Oh, you friggin' do, man.

No, I do not. Oh, you do. You want all kind. You want a debrief, man. You want all kind. Can I just clarify as well, by the way, Mr. Social, I haven't been out for weeks. Oh, OK. I have not been anywhere. OK. Should we just go over this week's schedule, dead quick? Oh, yeah. I've saved them all for the same week.

Well, they've all landed the same week. I'm out three days on the trot. Three nights on the trot. Yeah, well... Four nights on the trot, because you're doing your daft singing on the Wednesday. That's very important for me. Four nights on the belt. I will be holding fort on me own.

Well it's just adding up from all the ones that you've had. No, no. Disgusting. Disgusting. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba It's time for Questions from the Public! Questions from the Public! It's there. Public. Snuggeting a rat It's there. Public. If you'd like to get in touch it's shaggedmarydenoidatgmail.com That snake ate the rat and it broke out his bum and the blood came out his bum. Good stuff.

Hiya Chris and Rosie. Hope you're all right. Just dead quickly off the back of the gladiator's chat this week it reminded me of a famous family story of ours. I love that every family has got like a famous person story. I find them really interesting. I have an older brother called Adam, nine years older than me and my twin brother and in the 90s he was obsessed with the gladiators. There was an annual competition with the milkman, in brackets, don't ask me the logistics of this please. I don't remember this, where you exchanged bottle caps for tokens and then it was like a big raffle. Do you remember that? Oh fuck no, simpler times, weren't it?

I really miss them times. Oh, do you know what I completely forgot about? I was chilling out last night and I got a text off Derek who does our flooring. Have you won a competition? out last night and I got a text off Derek who does our flooring. Mm-hmm. Have you won a competition? No, I need to speak to him about this because he just said, Chris, on a dog walk listening to your podcast, the gladiators bit, sorry to bore you but, and I don't know why he thinks this would be boring,

sorry to bore you but Hunter and Eureka used to live in my house. You can sleep well now with that nugget of information. What house? I don't know I just said yeah I'll have to explain that when I see you and he just sent a thumbs up. Well I can't live like this. I don't know what's going on. Up here? Down south? I don't know. Hunter and Eureka? Eureka? Eureka? Used to live in his house? Eureka ka ka ka ka. He wrote ka ka ka ka ka like yeah like like shooting stars. So do you want to ring him? Not live on the podcast. I don't think he wants that.

Oh, okay. I don't think he wants that. Oh man. Ocana, Ocana? I don't know. Shudder? I don't know. Coda?

I don't know. Would I? We'll find out, we'll find out for next week. Come back next week, come listen. Yeah, we'll find out for next week. Right, okay, so there's a competition with the milkman apparently. Right.

Or milk person, milk lady, I don't know. To collect the caps. Yeah, to collect the caps. Sounds, sorry, it sounds like the milk man apparently. Right. Or milk person, milk lady, I don't know. To collect caps. Yeah, to collect the caps. Sounds... Did you used to get... Sorry, it sounds like the milk man's winning that one. Oh, they're in a competition where you've got to collect as many milk caps as possible by the way I sell the milk.

Well listen, you haven't heard the prizes. Okay. You exchanged the milk bottle caps for tokens and then there was like a big raffle. Top prize was a brand new car. God, fuck off. Well, it was. How much milk you drinking? And second prize was an all expenses paid trip

to the studio in England, we're in Northern Ireland, so this was ooh la la la fancy. Right. To see them film an episode of Gladiators. I refuse to believe that you were eligible for this competition. What? I refuse to believe that they were eligible for this competition. Why?

Because every single competition in the world, the whole time growing up, always says, excludes Northern Ireland. Oh, I know. I'm so happy that you're here. Why? Because every single competition in the world, the whole time growing up, always says, Excludes Northern Ireland. Oh, I know. I'm so happy that you are eligible for this. This is them holding this competition. Oh, get it. We'll have our own fucking competition. Fuck you.

The fuck I'd watch it on the ITV and then they'd just go over there and it says Excludes Northern Ireland. We'll have our own fucking milkman. Get the battle tops. Do you know back in the day though, I'm so sorry if that's effective. It was actually quite a good accent. It's all right, wasn't it?

Oh, I've missed 1111, are you shitting me? Oh, for God's sake. Oh, she's missed 1111. I've seen 1110 and then 1112, my life's gonna be shit. What day, what's gonna happen today? It's just my life all over. So, back in the day, back in the day, when everyone was getting milk,

they must have made an absolute fortune. How about either, man? I tried to get milk recently. I didn't even get a fucking email back. I emailed the company saying, I'll have some milk delivered, and they didn't say no. If they tried to do it again,

I think everyone would go back to old school because it would make life a lot easier. Yeah, but it would be like, can I have almond milk? Can I have oat milk? Well, surely they could do it though, couldn't they? Ah, fuck it. What are they gonna get in, man? What are they gonna get in? What do you mean? I don't know. I think that was just when there wasn't a supermarket in every street corner.

You know, you used to have to go to the big supermarket, but now there's little Tesco micros and minis and Sainsbury's locals all over the place. Yeah. Fair enough. Anyway, right. My mum diligently collected these tokens to try and win Adam a trip to see his heroes, the gladiators. Fantastic. The time came... It's cereal every meal. Morning, noon and night.

Cauliflower cheese. It's just fucking necking it. Two big white fangs of milk down her face, just spilling everywhere. More Yorkshire puddings. Pancakes again. Love it, man, they love it. The time came and they got a letter in the post. They'd done it.

Shut up, man. They'd won. Wow. A brand new car. Adam was absolutely devastated and I'm not sure he ever got over it. But mum and dad were buzzing for their new car. Thank you. That's Beth from Belfast. Imagine. I don't want the car! Mum, dad can we drive it onto the ferry?

I'm so sorry about these accents. Terrible accents. I really want to go to Ireland soon, you know. Love Ireland. I know. I've never ever been. I find it really sad that I've not been. It was a shame that we couldn't get it to work on the tour. Just, we've never been able to do Bristol, ever. There's never availability. And when we're on tour, yeah, we just couldn't make it. Well, let's just go visit, let's take the kids on the holiday.

Oh, because- Lovely part of the world. Yeah, we're gonna do some trips in the Somalian one. Yeah, yeah. That would be a lovely idea. Yeah. Let's do it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Right, this. We'll do that. That would be a lovely idea. Yeah. Let's do it. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba.

Right, this one you're gonna have to listen carefully, okay? Oh. It says, absolutely love the podcast. Currently on my third listen through. Love you. Holy shite. Love you. Oh God, I bet we've talked some utter garbage.

Three times. Mm. Thrice. Being a newly single 29 year old mum, I had missed out on a lot in my early 20s. Ah. I hate to admit it but I certainly have certainly been making up for lost time. Good for you.

Come on in you slag. Come on you slag. What have you been up to? You've been bocking this weekend. And you will absolutely get that joke because you're on your third listen of the podcast. Yes. I can't wait for Christmas Day when all the family come round and I'm going to go come on and get in you slag. Can't wait. However, I'm not not really gonna do that. I'm joking. However, just this last Saturday, I've outdone myself. I went down to the local pub with friends as a normal

Saturday night. Must be nice. I can't remember the last time I went out on Saturday night. But this night took a turn. She's out this Saturday coming. Carry on. Oh yeah, I am. I'm going to see Only Fools and Horses with my dad, my brother and my sister. Must be nice. I'd love to go to the theatre. Never get a chance. Wow. I only saw Carl last Friday. Wow. It was 3am, we were all locked in the pub. What do you call that? Lock-in. A lock-in. I haven't been in one of them for a while. Or unless like it was an accident. Do you know what bad memories of me and Lock-Ins like? I don't know if I've ever been, I think I might have been in one. Yeah I've been in a couple.

Right. A lot of vomit. Got you. A lot of vomit in the toilets, just too young and too yack. Just you know, couldn't pace myself. Karaoke was in full swing. Ooh. Middle-aged women dancing on the dance, on the bar. I'm sure you can picture it. I can picture it. I think I'd love it. Our group of friends decided to head back to one of our houses for a few after drinks. Christ alive! How long do you want this night to go on? Lock-ins? After drinks? With us all living within ten houses of each other, the number slowly dwindled and it left just the two of us.

Okay. Who? Well, we should call this friend Frank. Frank, okay. Her and Frank, okay. One thing led to another, getting very steamy. Good God. Clothes ripped off. Heavens. And I ended up sat on top of him on the sofa. You can imagine where his tiddler was. Oh, in between his legs so that nothing happened,

bad. Probably wedged, I imagine he wedged it in between his legs and kept it there so that, you know, so he didn't upset baby Jesus. I imagine. If he's got it, you know, if he's got any morals, if his mother raised the right man. Why are you bringing Jesus into this? I then decided to try out something I'd only ever seen in porn before. Oh heavens, don't, no. What?

Just something, just- I know, stop, porn man, it's not for you. It's not for us. You're gonna hurt yourself. It's not for us, gnomes. And you're gonna end up in A&E explaining something weird, come on then. Porn stars to me are like wrestlers. Oh, athletes. Yeah, they're athletes, leave it to them, man. And you're gonna end up in A&E explaining something weird. Come on then, what was it?

Porn stars to me are like wrestlers. Oh, athletes. Yeah, they're athletes. Leave it to them, man. Don't try to do it. Don't be bashing your mate over the head with a steel chair. They know how to do it, so it doesn't hurt.

Don't, do not bend, just not bendy enough. I'll spell your name, I said. Oh, what were the movements? I now, very excited, Frank, let me spell his name and damn well, I bloody did it. Can you imagine? I'm kicking. And the deed was quickly done after that and off I totaled off home.

What can you imagine? What? It was just like, I'll spell your name. And he was like, lowercase or capitals. Do capitals. Sexy, I don't think I would find, do you think you would find that sexy if I spelled Chris? You'd get it wrong, I would go, you missed the R out.

Not dot your I. You didn't dot that I, didn't dot that I. Was that a curly cut? I just don't think that. I felt more like a K than an H. I don't think that's, I just personally don't find that very Before Liam's Christopher and by the way, sorry to be really graphic here. It would pop out it would pop out You have to do it again. And it's just that the pork about your pops out. You gotta start again. Yeah That's horrible. How would you mimic tip X just big swishers from?

Let's say let's imagine she did very well. Okay. Once I had very drunkenly settled into bed, I saw it. A message of someone I can only describe is a very, very good friend wanting to come round. Eh? You know the standard you-up text? We'll call him Fred, right?

So this is Fred. Right. So now this is something I've never done before, but fuck it, why not, I thought? Why not? Single, ready to mingle. So she's- Young, dumb, and full of cum. Literally full of cum. So they've had-

Sorry everyone, this is horrible. So she's just had one nice hand. She's just done some very good English comprehension. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good spelling, 10 out of 10. And now she's gone home and just had to text off another man. Yeah. Called Fred. Very similar in case she wants to do the same again.

Easy. Yeah. Just do probably the same movement. What you've noticed. He's coming around now for a bit. Well, listen, I never said anything about coming around. I can't believe this. Right, hang on. Just thought for a bit, why not?

I mean, come on. Yeah. When else am I going to get this opportunity again? Heavens. Wow. Hey. So I quickly jumped in the shower. Fred came round. As it had just 90 minutes ago with Frank, one thing led to another and I found myself on

top once again. Remembering how impressed Frank was with me spelling his name and with Frank now obviously being very present in my mind, I said, I'll spell your name. Very proudly and with what I can only call maximum effort whilst on top of Fred I spelt Frank. Frank? I realised straight away what I had done but surely he won't notice. I can't be that good at spelling out someone's name with their dick inside me. I mean it was only my second time ever doing it. And then he said it.

What is it? Fred sat up and said you do know you said that out loud I'm pretty sure my name is not spelt F R E N K Now my- She said out loud! She said out loud! That's like what? That's like seeing someone's lips move while they're reading! Now in my drunken state I had to concentrate on not getting the names mixed up meaning I had spelt it out loud. I can assure you Fred quickly made his excuses and left. He didn't have far to go remember. We all live within ten houses of each other. What the hell is this? Some kind of pornographic shire? A pornographic shire where you all

just live and just write each other's names with your vaginas? I'm guessing they're all just street friends. Some people have got street friends you know. Street friends. Don't shit where you live, like don't honestly shit where you, what's it? Just yeah. You have to shit where you live otherwise you know you spend most of your time commuting to his toilet while away from your house. You have to shit where you live. By the way I haven't shit anyway. I was speaking to my hairdresser about this the other day because somebody in the hairdressers just can't poo anyway and I was like I can't. No I can, honestly. Oh by the way what happened to us the other day? What? In bloody where were we? God we were in a posh shop we were in Selfridges in Manchester. Oh yeah. And

I got constipated I was on the toilet for about 15 minutes I genuinely thought the cleaner was gonna knock on the door and check I was okay. Yeah that was well walking around Selfridges I walked around with you the entire time. You were looking at loads of stuff, Christmas shopping and looking at clothes and things. And then you went to me, why don't you go and have a look for some clothes of yourself? Because you never buy any clothes. I went, OK. The second I got to where the men's clothes were, I got a text, I'm constipated, I'm going to toilet my head off. I was like, what do you want? Do you need us?

No, just wanted you to not look at clothes. No, I wanted you to know in case you text us or rang us saying where are you? And I couldn't answer my phone saying I'm on the toilet. All right, great. Back to spelling bee slag. At the time of writing this email, it is three days now since this has happened

and I have absolutely no idea if Frank or Fred have spoken. Do they know I was spelling names on top of the both within just 90 minutes apart? Does Fred just think I was thinking of Frank? I mean we were drinking together that night or have I gotten away with it just being a simple mistake. Please, please keep me anonymous. Wow. Yeah. Don't ever go on countdown. I don't think you'd be very good. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I used to work at Tesco Extra.

Big Tesco at the most. Oh, big Tesco. Big old Tesco. You've seen some stuff. I'll never forget. I went to the one in Manchester. It was absolutely gigantic. And it sold, I'm not joking, home brewing kit. Mad. I walked down an aisle. It was a home brewing kit.

They are massive. Couldn't believe it. Fucking huge. We had a seasoned regular known as the Ham Man. Love him already. I do. This guy would come in almost weekly, go to the bread aisle, get himself two slices of bread, stop a few aisles. Sorry, how?

Just open a bag and take the bread out? Yeah. Oh! Listen to this. Stop a few aisles down at the butter, spread it, then go and grab a few slices of ham. He would eat the butty walking round before leaving. Nobody ever stopped him and he always came back for more. But yes, he brought his own butter knife. That was going to be my first question!

My first question was, oh thank you, you tied that up in a lovely little bow. Well he kept coming back because no one ever fucking stopped him. The ham man So a full loaf fucked because some guys ripped into it and a full tub of butter fucked every time Mm-hmm, and how's he getting the ham just open the packet and taking ham out. I Mean the brazen fucking confidence on that the got the goal. That's the perfect word the goal and then he kept looking around eating it Just got away with it big test. I bet you that I bet you that fucking, do you know what it is? What? I bet you that fucking sandwich tasted unbelievable. They tasted unbelievable mate.

The danger. Oh, hey. The thievery. Oh, why I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. God. Absolutely beautiful.

God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. I've been thinking of emailing this in for a while. Ooh. I dated a guy for a couple of months. This guy was a bit of a lone wolf, in brackets, a self-confessed player. Instead of getting a steady girlfriend, he opted for getting couple of months. This guy was a bit of a lone wolf in brackets, a self-confessed player. Instead of getting a steady girlfriend, he opted for getting a puppy instead. He adored

this puppy. Got you. One day after we had finished, you know, sex. It's got a lot of dot dot dots. He called it, what? I feel like letting her lick the fingers he had been using to heavens above. She actually enjoyed it which made it even weirder. Anyway, I couldn't help but feel I had been non-consensually taking part in some kind of bestiality. I didn't mention it at the time but then the next time he did the same thing again. No. When I mentioned isn't this kind of weird he claimed it was good for our soul and probably had goodness in it too plus he wanted to feel included like she was his wingman or something. Oh horrible. Sorry wingman. Wing woman. Wing man. What did I say? Wingman. Oh

Why are you getting so Cuz this is isn't it. Isn't it a bit of friends wish Phoebe saying spider-man. No. Yeah, I hate myself for that Sorry about that. I think I've actually take them make other people who do that. I'm so sorry Wingman spider-man spider-man. Yeah, it's hard because then sometimes I don't like to be too Geordie on here. I understand. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well we were introducing a new segment on a thing that we were doing. I hate not being able to talk about stuff, but we did a thing the other day and there

was a new segment and the endings of each of the words were ing and we were like, should we say, in or ing? Yeah. And we went for ing because we're TV go for ing. We're TV'd. TV'd. Tellied. Right, listen. I ended up leaving the situation for good.

And now when I look back at it, I am actually quite shocked at how surreal it really was. It's horrible. That's gross, innit? I would be absolutely disgusted. It's really disgusting. Anyway, he told me that later, after we had broken up, about how he had recently had a one night stand

with a woman, and that when he let recently had a one-night stand with a woman and that when he let his dog lick his fingers after sex with her, the woman threw him and his dog out of her apartment. Adam's Dad Why did he have the dog with him? Kirsty I don't know. Adam's Dad That's fucking weird. Kirsty Some people take their dogs everywhere, you know. It's like a new thing. Adam's Dad Oh God. Kirsty Dogs are just... Adam's Dad Going on a one-night stand, can me dog come?

Kirsty Yeah. Adam's Dad No. Kirsty I know. Adam's Dad Heavens are born. Honestly. Kirsty Couldn't help but laugh. Adam's Dad Even if, I'm telling you right now, Rosie, even if... can my dog come? No! Heavens above. Honestly. Couldn't help but laugh. Even if, I'm telling you right now Rosie, even if we hated each other, I would still

like to stay married and live in the same house because I'm not going out there. Oh it's wild. Honestly. It's a lones waist down there. I know, I know, I know. It's like fucking mad max. It's no wonder people have a phase. because I think most kind of like normal folks. Don't wanna go back out there. Don't wanna go out there,

and they're all like everyone's taken because they're all semi-normal. So you can kind of understand rather than going back in the bloody dating pool. Fingering dog lickers left. Oh Jesus Christ. Honestly, guys, good luck out there. Good luck out there.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Do do do do do do do. Honestly, guys, love you, bye. I'm on a mission to uncover the secrets of the animal kingdom. Catch all the action on the Earth Rangers podcast, where you can join the wild journey and learn how to protect our amazing planet. Look for Earth Rangers in your favorite podcast thingy. I'll meet you there. Twas the season of chaos and all through the house, not one person was stressing. Hollid differently this year with DoorDash. Don't wanna to holla do the most? Holla don't. More festive, less frantic. Get deals for every occasion with DoorDash.

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