Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 333 Shepherds Pie For Breakfast And Disappointing Den Making

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

On the podcast this week Chris and Rosie are still in the thick of the summer holidays (den making anyone?) however they are getting ready for a surprise family getaway! They discuss a disturbingly themed party, a Victorian wash, an unusual sex act and they decide that food and funerals don’t mix. All of this plus some Shepherd’s Pie Beef! Keep sending all your weird and wonderful stories to: [e-mail] Join our mailing list: https://www.shaggedmarriedannoyed.com/mailing-list Instagram: instagram.com/chrisandrosie TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chrisandrosie_ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChrisAndRosieRamsey For Gifting, PR or Media enquiries please contact [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagged Married Noy! We have a secret holiday plan that we haven't told the kids yet. We're going to tell them all about and we're going to tell you all about it as well. Very exciting times. I'm excited. I'm very excited. I feel like a child myself. You will be when you get there. And on the flip side of that, I feel extremely old because we were at a party

and we were informed of a very triggering and very upsetting theme party that some young children we know are going to go to. Yeah. And I'm telling you right now, if you have our... our generation, strap in, maybe get yourself a strong drink

to listen to this because it's genuinely painful to hear. Full trigger warning for if you are over 30. Exactly. You need it. And we've got beefs

and we've got questions from the public and we've got chat from you. We have. And I want to know your opinions on eating chapets pie for breakfast.

I mean, we're going to all guess what my opinion is but stay tuned for the real one. Enjoy! Bye. Hello, you're listening to Shagmaronoid

with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Chris Ramsey. Hello, hello. It's me. It's you. Yay. It's blue.

Today. It's a bit dull today, isn't it? Yeah, but let's not talk about the weather because that is vile. And that makes for a really shit podcast, Chris. Yes, yes. I agree. I do agree. However, when I was a kid and I heard adults talk about the weather all the time,

I was literally like, oh my God, you bore and tossers. When I was in, like, me little rebellious young team phase. Oh, actually, I've got to just finish what you were going to say. Yeah, yeah, no. Rebellious young team. teen fades, black hoodie listening to

Limbisket chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavour of water brilliant taking a great pride in telling the dentist

Was that talking about your asshole chocolate of starfish I thought of a different I told the dentist what it was and got bollocked I told the dentist

because he was like chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavour water I was like yeah means assholes in piss and it was like right problems

but that's what it means oh I never knew that so Robin listens to that album now but he's got no idea good but I will tell him Keep it that way.

But I remember just thinking whenever adults talk about the weather, I was like, for God's sake. Yeah, shit. God's sick. But I get it now. It's just because you don't care when you're a kid. You don't care.

No. But now you care. It's a huge part of our life. What are going to do with my kid? Oh, why is it raining but boiling fucking hot? Oh, because he lives in the northeast. Yeah. Anyway, that's all I'm saying about it.

Chocolate starfish and hot off river water. Ozzles in piss. What else? Two weeks left of the summer holidays. Is it? Ham. I think we've done really well. Yeah.

No, honestly, dare I say, Congrats. Kind of enjoyed it. What? No, like it has, like, it's been nice.

It gets easier. Anyone out there who's got tiny, tiny kids get easier. It just gets, it does get easier. Yeah. When they can just sort of be about and be themselves,

like you sort of take, not be themselves. God, you don't want, you know, our kids being themselves. When they can take care of themselves and be on their own

as I was trying to say. The danger part, we were talking about this other day. Yeah. The day, that's the stage of parenting and I hate where everything's a danger.

Yes. And you just have to follow them round and it's just it's I find that mind numbingly boring just following a fucking kid round and then being like hands on the corner of stuff like oh god

careful hands on the corner of like tables honestly I remember following the kids around just going just fucking just grow up just not don't be this age yeah and now and now they have and now I don't want them to get any older now I'm like right

I could stay this family of four at this stage forever Yes and no No? No because I want them to both be able to go on the rides at the theme parks I think once they both go on the rides at the theme parks We'll laugh my heads off Fair enough Does that make sense?

Let's do the intro and then we'll tell everyone where we're going Oh shit, okay, right, okay, yeah it's very exciting Very exciting meeting the man's house So listen it's episode 333, 3, 3, 3, thank you so much for listening Thank you so much for being a part of this Thank you so much for being here Please continue to like and rate and subscribe And all or whatever the fucking hell they've got you doing in your podcast shops

Taking bloody, taking your bloody organs off you That's about it. Oh, I subscribed to a podcast for the first time. What? What? What are you doing, man? Stop giving all that one. Stop it, man. Hookline and sinker because I got so into this true crime podcast.

There it is. And then I was, I didn't play the next episode and I'm like, what the hell? What the hellie? What the hellie, yo? What the hellie aren't say? No, listen. Make sure you're unsubscribe as soon as you finish, listen to that.

Delete it. No, and now I'm part of the, I'm part of the subscribing crew. And you get extra episodes on that And I'm fully It's like, so what was it? It was like 3.49 a month And I was like, I spend that on worse things. So I'm, no, it's got us.

Good money. First one I've ever subscribed to. Wow. I know. Wow. But it was clever though, because there was only two episodes left of this true crime on. It was like subscribers only.

I was like, but I need to know. Yeah, yeah. Did the cult man get put in prison? Yeah, exactly. So I had the note. Two seconds. I just want me pocket here. Oh.

I just look at my hand here. Oh, that's good. You see what I've got in your pocket? What is it? You see what I've got my hand? Yeah. I'm just looking at now. I'm sorry, you can't see it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I'll show you it for a pound. Honestly, I'm that ill, I would. But I haven't got a pound. There's nothing in my hand. You're a fucking idiot.

That is sly. I'm not a fucking idiot. I got this stuff. Yeah, that is, oh, yeah, oh, and then what happened? Subscribers only. There was still, mind, can I just say it? Right? There was still advert on it.

And I was like, you greedy bastards The old double dip. The old double dip. I don't know what was going on with ours when we did. I'm sure we didn't do adverts on ours when we didn't. No, we didn't. No, we didn't. Yeah.

Anyway, you get all off of free now. Anyway, you get the extra ones. You get the best of. Yeah. And more stuff coming as well. Very exciting. Watch this space. Now listen.

It's episode 333. Thank you. Thank you. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative. Let's come on. Looker sponsor. Let's come on. This is what it is.

This is what it is. This week's lucrative. Lucrative sponsor is the sheer look of disappointment that your child gives you when you have finished making a den that they do not approve of. Oh no. Yeah. Yeah.

Did they, hang on, this den you made yesterday? Oh, yes. It was good? Yesterday. Oh, was it now. I thought it was. I tell them to tell their fucking faces. Although, actually, it didn't have like a roof.

It was just sort of like, oh, no, okay. I'll tell you right now. No, in hindsight, honestly. Yeah, it was bitcher. I didn't see you fucking making the debt. Listen, right? I'll tell you the problem. He has the problem.

He has the problem. I can make a good den inside. When the sofa cushion, there's all kinds, right? We're outside. Dare I say it, right? There was, there's a trampoline. There was a little bouncy castle. There was a slip and slide.

There was all kinds. Oh, can we make a den? Why? Why? Why we're making a den? There's other stuff. Oh, you've got a tee in the shed. A little teepee.

Should I get the tee? Oh, no, no. I want a den made from scratch. Class. Right, what am I doing? Oh, two chairs. Dad, just get two chairs. So I guess two chairs.

Put a blanket over. I went to put the blanket over there. The chairs need to be further apart. Do you fucking, no, the blanket won't stay up. If you've got any idea about the structure and integrity of this. But I blame TV shows. I blame kids' TV shows and I mainly blame Bluey. Right.

Have you seen the Dern episode on Bluey? No. Like, I'm telling you, if that was real life, the council would have knocked their door and said, do you have planning permission for this den? Yeah. Because this is mental. Yeah.

It goes through the full house. There's all these kind of rooms. I know, I know. They don't realize that, actually. And as well, So like Topsy and Tim is the same. Right. They make dens and they do loads of stuff.

And I want to say... There's a full production team making them dens. They'll have. Do you know, them bull-nosed them clips? Yeah. What they're called? I know exactly what I mean. They're like really...

The big black curtains up with on TV shows and theatre and stuff. They'll have them. They'll have gaffat tape. They'll have stables. They'll be scaffolding. I know. But the kids don't realise this.

I put two chairs out. And then I put the... We've got a little gold, a little soccer goal thing. I put that across. gross sorry I'm in national podcast now a little football goal

and I put a sheet across the top of them and they're like oh no no no and they were just like no good and I was like how's it no good do you not see so and then I took the football ball off and I just put the sheet on after that right and then Robin went

I'll help them and he ran out to help the little kids and he went oh I'm going to pull that goal up and put a sheet over and they went yeah I was like you fucking assholes well what's wrong with you man it's just they've got

they don't understand that when you watch blueie you see they're dead and blueie, that den doesn't, if you watch that episode closely, that den doesn't actually look like that. It's just their imagination. I get it.

Okay. And I'm expected. I know. Like we said, all the time, the parents in these programs play with the kids too much. I do not remember my mom and dad

playing with us. Yeah. Like, ever, you know, they used to watch with over the newspapers do like shows and that. And it was very half-hast, like very, very half-haust.

And on, like, try now, try to remember your mom and dad playing with you. Nah. No. I don't. Chris, I have no... Sorry, ma'am, and she listens, right? My dad does not listen, because clearly doesn't fucking love us anymore. I don't remember, ma'am. And she'll ring us and go,

well, I was just too busy. I had three kids and I had a full-time job and I was doing the washing and a clean. That's your bad, bloody fault, man, son and she kept your legs shut. I think my brother was a full-on accident. My mom said it once when my kids and I told him... You're a massive accident.

Like, told him ever since. Anyway, listen, on a totally separate note, I can't do the podcast for a few weeks. I'm actually, I'm doing an apprenticeship with a builder just to get me den building up to scratch. Look, and builders on the newswing. Listen, they were just in an ungrateful mood because they're too much more than.

It's fine. It's fine. Should we carry on? Let's do it. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle, Jingle, Jingle.

We hope you like the jingle. Jinggo Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba Jingo Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of shagged, married a night. Hello, hello.

Hope you well. Right, tell them why we're excited. We are very excited because we are going to, should we do a little drum roll? If you want. Disneyland Paris. Tomorrow. Very excited.

Tomorrow. We'll be back by the time this podcast comes out because we're going for three days. I am more, I'm not excited. Yes, I'm very excited about Disney. You've never been? I've never been. You've never ever been, not even as a kid?

So, no, no, God, I was never allowed. So now listen, right? Rosie's excited. Now, I'm probably going to do my standard thing where I'm not that excited for Disney at the minute. I don't think you're meant to be. But I reckon I'll get there and I'll be buzzing because I love a theme park.

I love all the towers. I love all. And this is like that on cracking. It's amazing. So I'm very excited for it. I don't think we'll turn into Disney adults. No. I don't think it'll become my personal.

No. Maybe. Although you did say, do I need to take t-shirts, I might just buy only my t-shirts there. And I said, you're just going to wear Disney T-shirts for the entire three days. And then you quickly went and packed some more clothes, didn't you? Yeah. No, I haven't bought any Disney T-shirts for us. I think, I will you see? I think, you know what, everyone listening, you know what I'm like. If you've listened to this for more than, you know, 10 episodes, you know, that I'm not true about that. And then I become the CEO of that thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please don't turn in it with Disney, I just couldn't. We'll see what happens. I couldn't do that. I'm mainly excited for we haven't told the children. No. Because one, want to make a surprise on the Disney. day and two, they wouldn't stop asking when it is if... They wouldn't sleep the night before.

They wouldn't do it. They'd be dickheads the entire day and it would be literally, or we're going yet, is it yet? Is it yet? If we'll do that thing where you go, is it tomorrow? Is it tomorrow? Is it tomorrow? Is it tomorrow? Is it tomorrow?

Is it tomorrow? Learn your days, man, for God seek, you for. Get a job. But I'm very excited to tell them. That's the thing I'm most excited about. Then I'll get excited about the holiday itself. Yeah. So we, I went with my mom a couple of, well, gosh, it was like... Two years ago.

Two and a bit years ago. I think we still had to wear masks. I'm sure I would just come out of lockdown. It was shit. We went in March. The weather was diabolical. It was snowing. It was terrible.

But still had a nice time. But I'm very looking forward to going with you. Yes. We're staying in the Marvel Hotel. Oh! Which is really exciting because we're busy watching all the Marvel films with Robin. And I just think it'll be really... We only go for three days.

I don't think I could do any longer. No. That's enough for me. And I booked loads of... So last time I went, I had no idea. This is the thing. It's like you need to know these things and I didn't know I didn't book any restaurants

at all. So when my mom got there we were like, where do we eat? And it was like, well, just you can have a pretzel. And I was like, alright, okay, didn't have a vegetable for like four days. Well, what my mom said was like being at the cinema for four days. Yeah, even in the cinema for four days. So now we've booked. So you've got to book the places.

Yeah, you've got to book the places. So I've made loads of bookings. We know what we're doing. Once again, thank you because you've organised all this. I've done literally fuck all. But again, I'll just, you know, I'm very much in control of the vibe. I'm just the vibe controller You're not actually even good at that either

No I'm actually really bad at that You're really bad at that Listen I'll just be in control of mourning Asking what's going on And saying things like I told you this would be shit When it's shit Brilliant

Yeah yeah yeah No it's gonna be great It's gonna be great And I just think I'm just really getting proud of it So we were at a party do babadoo babadoo bab on Saturday Yes And a very very upsetting thing

happened at the party on Saturday and I wrote it down and I imagine I don't know if you had a bit of a drink and I don't know if you're going to remember what it was until the moment I tell you what it is okay

so anyone listening to this was my cousin's 40th yeah it was my cousin's 40th surprise now anyone listening to this who is of our generation this is going to hit hard

Nina's kids came up to me and Rosie oh god I totally forgot about this I wrote down immediately Nina's kids oh this is right guys I don't know me

with Trigger Warning. I don't like them. You know how I feel about Trigger warnings. But if you are in your late 30s, if you're a millennial, you're in your late 30s or 40s, be prepared to be very upset. Take a drink. I'm a little drink.

Nina's children who are of school leaving age. 15, 15, 16. 15, 15. 15, that's who was asking me. They came and quizzed us because they are going to, I shit you not, they are going to, a 2000s themed night.

they go to a party and the theme is 2000s and they wanted to ask us what it was like in the olden days she had pictures she literally had pictures

she was like which one of these should I wear and I was like oh god this is disgusting and we told them stuff we were talking to them

and I was like obviously I very loudly exclaimed and made me disappointment very very clear then I got into it and I started telling them and it was one point I was talking

And I was saying things like I was like watching All Saints video I was like watching All Saints video Watch what they were saying Like with them low cut The jeans Well you could go two different ways You could go combat pants

And like a belly top Like genie in a bottle Yeah With it I said do a zigzag parton Yeah Very straight hair Yeah yeah

You know I in your hair I mean they've got straightness now Look these bastards But like iron your hair No no So it's official I go the full hug Or you could go

The Christina Aguilera, dirty. Right. Like the thongs over the Miss 60 jeans. Yeah. With the... So you can go different ways. Yeah.

But at one point, we were seeing these things to them, and they were writing it down on their notes and their phone. Like, we were telling them about the fucking war for their homework. It was so upsetting. It was so... Do you know, I was going to drive home after that party? I had the car outside, and I hadn't had a beer, and I was going to drive home. And after that conversation, I went to the thing of ice, and I got a beer out and I

fucking neck to be there. Is that one? Did you drink for the deal? I thought it was so upset. It was the way that were, uh-huh, the one writing it down to her. Yeah, and then what happened? Oh, God, you just had to go down into the tunnels for the trains

and you had to wear masks when the air-sair went off. Oh, wow. Oh, wow, what was that like? Oh, I was fucking. But then I sat and I thought about it. Landlines. But Rosie, 2000 was 25 year ago. Oh, I know.

That is like us in the year 2000 asking people what 1975 was like. I know. Well, my mom said, what's Ruby asking? What's going on? And I said to where I was like, well, you know when we were younger

and would say it to you, what did you wear in the 80s? Like what, like what, like what, what I'm going to a 70s party? What did you wear? It's the same.

I was like, mom, it's happening to me now. Unbelievable. It's happened to me. Quarter of a century ago. The millennium was a quarter of a century ago. But listen,

we've got the rest of our lives. This is, apparently it gets, it gets nicer. What, once you get out of like the shit of like having young kids and working and stuff.

Yeah. I've heard people saying like 50s is unreal. Yeah. I can't wait me. Can't wait. I'm genuinely, I quite look forward to getting older. Yeah, you've said this for years. Yeah.

Well, I think it's because we've had kids, little kids, for 10 years and I'm really fucking tired. Well, I said this last night. When we were doing bedtime last night and bedtime, fucking drags in our house. It's like, it's like, it's, what? We're just being negative because it's a summer holidays. Right. We're not normally this down on with kids because we're genuinely do we adore them.

It's a summer holidays and I'm just, God, I'm worked. Yeah. Yeah, I'm full. Yeah. I say my cup's full. No, that's a good thing. Right. No, your cup's empty.

You're running on empty. If your cup is full and it runneth over, that's like, my cup's full. Oh. Like a moon cup. Like a, that's blood. That's period blood. You're sick.

The fuck. I'm talking about your cup. Cupeth runneth over. It's like a nice old, like it's old fashioned way of seeing. No, no. So when I've seen Instagram moms, Instagram moms,

yeah. When they've been on holiday with their kids and stuff and they'll do photos of the, I don't know who was it, but you do loads of. photos of kids, I'd love it, and it's like, oh, my cup's full, meaning like, oh, I've seen my kids loads and me cups full of, yeah.

Well, mine's, mine's full, and then I've filled a couple of fucking Stanley cups up, and they're in the fridge. And there's ice cube trays full. There's a jug with cling film over it. I'm fucking, I know what you're right? No, you're running, you're empty. All right, I'm drowning. Now I'm drowning. Yeah, you're drowning. There is.

Okay, that's the analogy you're looking for. You're drowning, right? Right. What? Just what's it called? Comparison is there something of like the, like the, oh. Come on. What is it, man? Something's the thief of joy, in it?

Yes, comparison. Is that it? The thief of joy? It's not comparison, but the word means comparison, in it? It's basically why are people teaching their kid to ride their bikes really early? Just few people I know same age as Rave

and they're like, take the Stablers off, learn to ride the bike, and I'm like, what? We're not... Take the Stable as off? Stabilizer. All right, yeah. Right, so Rave does not know how to ride his bike?

Right. Fine. We know this. Right, we gave Robin one of them balanced bikes when he was two, and he smashed his two fucking 30-thout. I know, but Rave can ride his bike with the stabilis on, but everyone else is at the parkris, teaching them how to fucking ride the bike. And I'm worried that Rave is behind because we have not done that yet.

But I don't feel like he's ready. Right, why? He's really good on his scooter though. Right, you have not mentioned this to me. Because it's just happened. There's about three people who I follow, who I know, whose kids I know are very much the same age. rave and they all know how to ride a bike

okay so good for them it's luck it's not a race it's a dance right okay it'd be fine right right well it'd be fine let's get the park no you can do it you'll not do it you not want to you take the stabilise off you shit his pants

and if you can try you things like yeah it's like with potty training because I did all the potty training this family you know this um you can go to you're those not watching I've just looked down the car because Chris did no potty training I've rinsed a couple of potty's out heard them in the dishwasher. Now listen,

the, if you could do it too early, you can frighten them off it for ages. You know when your kids ready? It's not that arsed about his bike. Some kids are like, me bike, you know when you were younger, there was a kid who was always on his bike.

Even up until teenager, there was a kid who was just always on his bike. You were all standing around in the street and he'd be standing on his bike. He'd be standing on his bike. Some kids are like that and they're like, some kids are football. They've always got a football to feed.

Raif's, Rave does loads of different things. He's got on a scooter. Yeah, he's not that arced. He can, like, go down. crouches down on a scooter he's mint on his scooter He goes up down the ramp and everything

But like they'll be kids Who are like absolutely all of the bike They're constantly on it And you watch them You know that moment where they're on And they're both stabilizers Lift up off the deck Because the stabilisers aren't supposed

To be touching the thought At the same time as the wheel They're supposed to be up slightly Yeah For when you wobble Yeah I think unless someone listening From Halfer

That's fucking raging now Pungin his headphones If you watch them And they're going along And you think Look now them stabilizers are hard He's touching the ground He'll be fine

But he's never on his bike He's not that arse He's not that arse I've got something to say. Have you heard? Save it for your own podcast. Oh, sorry. Yeah, go on.

Can I, am I allowed to talk freely on here? You all might be the only person who puts a hand up to talk on our own podcast. Do you know what's so ridiculous? We have only been filming this podcast for like, oh, dang, fucking a few weeks, months. I really don't know.

We've always done this. I've always bought hands on. Yeah. Do you know, have you heard the bike club? Right. It's like, are you allowed to talk about bike club? well

the first rule of bike club is no stabilise us you just fight the bike club you're definitely right listen bike club it's like you know how cars

like PCP like finance yeah yeah there's a bike place does it what do you mean so you just like rent your bike I can just rent one

so you like I think it's about 13 quid a month you can do it with kids bikes like but really good bikes so like the bikes are worth like 500 quid and you rent this bike and then when they get

too old for it you swap it for like the next Next one. Isn't that such a good idea? Yes, because Robin hasn't had his bite that long and you left it outside and has been rusted and everything and broke.

I did not that. Right, this, you are gonna, you are, hankering for a slap. Listen. Outside is your, other than the pot, which I do, outside is your domain. At what point?

Am I? Outside is my domain? Yes. Surely. Right. Right, can you look out of it. Can you look after outside? You tied away the toys

And you're meant to put the bikes away But you didn't so the rust you fuck Yeah, because you had a hendoo You had a hindo at our house And then you put them on the side I didn't know it And they stayed in the rain But they're not knackered

Me made fix them Shout out to Sean Sean helped us fix them But I went to Halfads Again Halfads Again Halfads are getting a good shout out of day I went to other bike shops available Stop clutching your chest

I'm just I'm being gaslit You're gaslight In broad daylight Listen I'm still fuming That you're talking about bike club And I will get on to that I went to Halfads

And the guy was like Oh, yeah. And he looked, I was like, thinking about, do I have to get a new one? Until my mate, Sean said, you don't have to get anyone. It's a bit of rust. It's, be ridiculous.

He went, oh, yeah, he's in the next size up now. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Has he gone out of their bike already? He's not seen him, but he doesn't get it. So he sits on it, and his knees are nearly hitting him in the face. But he loves, because he doesn't like the idea that he likes to sit on his seat and have his feet on the ground, like a fucking BMX. I don't know why, but he does, even though it's a mountain bike.

But they grow out of their bikes so quick. Well, let's do bike club. Brightening. Let's do with bike club. That's a really good idea. Yeah, I know. Really good idea. I mean, I don't even know

if it's called bike club, but that's... Fucking hell. Full chat with built-in jokes and callbacks based on a guess. Full ad. A guess. Or bike club.

Well, make sure that is exactly what you think it is. Never buy a kid's bike again. Again, again, again. I've just seen it. Yeah. Subscription kids bikes. Look at this, man. Free ads, you're so welcome.

But I, let's, oh, yeah, balance, yeah, five or a month, 9, 9, 19, 9, mint, let's do it. Class. What a good idea. Aren't people clever? Love shit like that. Very good. Love stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, really. Take a second to think about it, like, really. And you can only choose one item, all right? Is it quick, or am I going to have to take me time to think about it? Because you, you send a mix signals here.

and I've just realized I've got to crack on because we need to get this out of the way because I've got to go move that slip and slide which has been on the same bit of grass we put the slipm slide on Friday it's now Monday Why do you turn it into a really long conversation Because you're pausing your thing

I'm telling you my thing Listen what's your favourite food Like what is your absolute favourite food You can only know that's a meal It can only be one item What's a favourite bit of food Ingredient I'll tell you mine

I'll tell you it I know exactly what yours is What? Potato? No, that's probably second. Right. Do you want to first? Tuna.

No. Wait. I don't think you're going to get it. No. Fish. There's loads of them. Flower? You're a fucking moron.

Do you want to know? Yes. Unions. Right. I love onions. I saw a video yesterday of somebody making caramelizing the onions

because they're working like a burger place and that added a kind of coat which was really upset and did not like that bit, but they were caramelising all these onions and I just thought, I could eat, I could just eat a bowl of caramelised,

I love onions. And then me, that's my favourite food. What's yours? Eat the do sometimes repeat on us though, so it is like, it's not the best food. But I love them.

Here's a question. Got to be quick. By the way, it's not quick. Here's my answer. By the way, I'm not sure. What's yours? It's because you said potato now and I'm like,

I do love potatoes. What's your favorite food? Just item. And guys at home, what's yours? Right. Hey, welcome to local radio, 97.3.994. What is your favourite food?

Just the ingredient. Can't pick anything else. And you've got to eat it until you die. Text in now. Oh, we've got a text. Gary, you've stuck on the United Ian. He says, he says, cast a sugar. Oh, he's got a sweet tooth. Oh, nice one, Gary.

Right. He has a new one by Drake. You would not be playing Drake on this radio station. No, come on. Think. Cheese. melted cheese and I'll tell you how I know

because one time I'm sure I've mentioned this before but one time I was do you know how I have internal battles with myself you know you're just constant you're much better to keeping them quiet which I do thank you

because your internal battles when you used to like what's the word externalised them yeah that was horrible so there's always a battle going on me no matter what it is I've always arguing with yourself about something there's all the hell on

it's how I keep the weight off just pure anxiety I know. You had two curries yet last week. I did. Two curries last week. There's a hell of a lot. Dare I say you look quite defined? Like what have you done? Two, two curry? Two sit-in curries. Yeah, yeah. Two sit-down curries. But you got pot-a-doms. Damn right. But you got starters.

Three pop-badoms. Pickle-Tree. Didn't get starters. Don't get starters anymore. Tell you why. Onion bargy. Beautiful. But late at night with a couple of beers. Repeats on us. Straight to mains. Me, me mate. Not me. I love onions. Yeah, of course you do. Straight at mains. Meanty. Half a bode-a-ass. Bang. Half a rice. Half a rice.

Chris. Bruce, didn't ask you for your order. Want a curry now. Go on a curry now. What was I saying? God, I love curry. What was I saying? What was I saying something?

Something about your cheese. Oh yeah, yeah. So I get an internal battle with myself. So what it was was one night. I think you were, you might have been at your J&S or you might have been out and I was like, right, get myself a pizza at the night. And then I was like, no, I was like, no, I shouldn't. I shouldn't get a pizza. I shouldn't get a take with pizza.

No, I shouldn't, you know, be good or blah, blah, blah. And then I realized that all I was craving was melted cheese. Oh. So I was like, oh, so I just did myself a cheese toast in the house. And I was like, oh my God, I wasn't even asked about the pizza. The melted cheese was the thing I wanted. And I didn't realize until I thought, I think I opened the fridge and I saw a pat of cheese. I just melt some fucking cheese.

Like, I've never had fondue. You could do like a melted cheese pancake where you just literally melt the cheese in the pan and eat cheese. You could even add a bit of tomato puree on top. It would be bloody delicious. What's happening? Just the cheese with nothing on. No bread. No, nothing.

Just cheese? You just heat a pan up. Mm-hmm. You cover it in like a circle of cheese Like you're doing a cheese pancake Yeah And then you turn it over Yeah it would fry it like brown

Lush I've seen it before They do like Palmer Zamb crisps Oh my God Yeah You could oh my God Chris You could have ham in there You could do what you would Just a cheese you could do like a cheese wrap

I'm actually salivating I've actually just had to swat Like this full water in my mouth now I could not think of anything worse No no you've got to eat it with us now You came up with it No That's amazing

Yeah yeah yeah Yeah. So I think cheese is my favourite ingredient of anything. Okay, well I'm glad. And you know what goes really well together? Cheese and onion. Well, well. Oh, vo lai.

Are we writing our vows for when we renew our vows? Is this going to be cheese and onion based? Yeah, let's. And we'll do cheese and onion sandwiches for lunch. And crisps. And I don't know. I'd rather have something. No, come on.

Love you. We've shut our hands, loads here. This is weird. Get off, get off, you hurt me fingers. You're just crapping finger, right? That's, that's abuse, that, and it's on camera. And you're talking about bike club. You're in deep shit you this week.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah, abadoo. Right, what's wrong? You've just checked your phone, you're angry. Just because we're up here recording, so at home we've left the door, like the gate open so that the driver can deliver something. And if I don't get this before Disney, I'm going to have a really bad time.

What is it? Chub rub. It's thy chubruprup. And I'll be upset if it doesn't come. I, you could have given me a hundred guesses there and I would not have come up with that. It's just, you know what it is? When was the last time?

We went somewhere, I went somewhere and I walked and I had shorts on. Right, so it's when you wear shorts. Yeah. And listen, I don't mind my legs at all. Like, you know, I've got lovely legs. I love my legs. It's just my thighs touch at the top, which is fine. It's absolutely fine.

And there was this one time when it was a bit warm and I walked around for a while and I had to put plaster. at the top of me thighs. And I thought, you know what it is? I don't want this happening in Disney. So I bought them, and I shouldn't really call chub rub. So it's not called that, right?

I don't think, I think that's just what you call it. Right. And as a person who suffers from it, I'm allowed. Right. So it's just like a stick. I'm taking ownership of that. It's a stick. Right.

So as if you see. Right. It's just this bit here. Just there. Yeah. That touches. Okay. Together.

And then. And then. And, um, but it's mint. You could borrow some. What? I am. Top flight. BJ.J.

Browd. How dare you? So no, but if it's missed it, if it hasn't come, I'll just have a terrible time. Right, right. What is in it that you can't use butter? I've literally,

imagine. A lot of butter in France, you know? Fucking loads of butter. They love their butter. Do you know what's the button of cuass on? Just put a quass on in between your legs? I'll just, listen, I'll be fine. Sun cream?

Well, suncream not work. Vaseline? No, I think all of these will make it worse. Talc, I'll do talc, I'll just buy some talc. It's fine, it might come. I'm sure talc's just plastic, you know. I'm sure that's just tiny bits of plastic. What do you mean?

I'm sure talc is just plastic. Just tiny little bits of plastic. I don't know. Well. Have I made that up? I don't know, fucking know. You know what is actually, no one quotes on that. I'm sure I heard that in the Alan Partridge audio book.

And I can never work out whether he's telling the truth or not. I don't think it's true. Right, come on. It's, hey, it's time. For what's your beef? Beef. What was that? Just maybe

like an angry little bowl. Or what's your beef and onion? Oh, I know that one of my favour. I'm going to straight in with my beef actually. Yes. Because like this is something you always do. You've done this for years. No matter what the food type is, you do it.

And I've seen you do it. And you've explained numerous times. And I have agreed with you that I feel like the concept you are correct in the way you're doing this, even though it's weird. But we were both slightly hung over the other morning. and you came straight down for your breakfast and heated up yesterday's Shepard's Pie at quarter past nine in the morning and ate it and it stank

and I was really angry and I wanted to die. Okay, right. I've got a massive issue with this in people like you who don't eat regular food at breakfast time right? Because I've said it before, I'll say it again, you would eat a sausage. I wouldn't. You would eat bacon. I personally would not eat the sausage.

I would eat bacon. I personally would not eat the sausage. Yeah. You would eat eggs. You would eat it before. Like some people eat hash browns, would you eat hash browns? Yes. So apart from hash brown, so far, all the things you've listed are not in a shepherd's pie. Yeah, I know, but potatoes are in a shepherd's pie. Yeah, that was the last one you listed.

Mint. Yeah. It's just a different kind of meat, but that's a sausage mince. Right, no. That's in it. Pork, but no, different beef. People would have fried onions on their breakfast. Again, I wouldn't do that.

Basically, I just think it's stupid that you wouldn't eat shepherd's pie for you. So that's what I'm saying. People have savory breakfast. Yes. Of like a full English. Yes. So... I know what you mean

and I do get what you mean because you're like, well look, it's just a meal like you should be... The time of day shouldn't dictate. But it was something... It's something about...

Like, it's the stock cube in there. It's quite flavoursome. Honestly, give me a Sunday lunch when I'm hung over for me breakfast and I'll hoover it up. Yeah. I had two heltons.

Yeah. It was gorgeous. Yeah. What? Surprised you got to buy chobb. Fuck on. I'm sorry. and I'm joking, but that was an open fucking net.

That was an open net. And I can't be expected to, from one second, complaining that you've got to buy something like that and then turn around and saying, I'll have two, fucking English breakfasts. I haven't closed my mouth since he said it. Yeah, and there's another. I'm joking.

You can't say things like this. This all be unusual. No, it's staying in because everyone needs to see the real you. So that when I leave, I'll do a montage. and then when it comes to the annihilation of Chris Ramsey, I'll have it all and we'll montage it. I mean, I've probably said some quite bad things anyway. No, just eat your dinner whenever you want to eat you dinner.

I understand. Again, like, I understand the concept. And when you explain it, it was when you go, why do you have to have a certain amount of thing just because it's morning? I go, do you know what? She's right. Yeah, you're just narrow-minded. No, then I'm standing slightly over having me coffee

and I can smell Shepherd's Pie and I'm really, really upset by it. It was just early and I was, it was just like some shepherd's pie. Oh, I thought you meant you wanted some as well? No. No.

I wanted to throw it in the toilet, but be also no way in the area. And again, dare I say it, it wasn't just the shepherd's pie you were eating. It was the shepherd's pie that you left on the bench

uncovered while you were eating it. That was just, it was just a bit early to have me senses attacked by a shepherd's pie. Again, this is, this is why I hate being married. Yeah, there it is.

Or just living with somebody. Anyone, yeah. Yeah. I watched a video. of her, it was on TikTok and it was a 28 year old woman. I'm so proud of you for now saying I watched a video and not constantly saying

I read it. I don't read anyone. I'd fucking never read anything. I watched a video of a 28 year old woman and it was like my like POV my getting home after work video just looked absolutely delightful. Single.

Live it, no children. Just honestly, she was just like putting the telly on, she was making her dinner she was meal prepping and she closed her blinds and nobody was like shouting at her and just it was so quiet and it just looked lovely and then she sat on the set-e and she ate her dinner and she had her blanket on her nobody talked to her oh god Chris I got cried yeah I actually could have cried yeah I mean Rosie when I've had a bad day with the kids

when the kids have been all over was sometimes I've watched something in the night and someone's been in a TV show or a film I'm watching someone's been in a prison cell and I've thought you looky yeah I know I know peace it's terrible in quiet it's terrible um what's your beef with me So my beef with you. I can't imagine there is one because I'm just, I'm just, I'm just a delight. There is a lot of them.

The more time you spend when there's over something like the summer holidays, but the kids are around as well. I'm just a, I'm just a good guy to be around. I'm actually now, I'm debating whether I do the really harsh one or whether I do the nice one. I would say go harsh.

Do you think? I've got Disney, I've got Disney night to cheer us up tomorrow. Well, the first one was the Disneyland one because I tried to talk to you about Disney the other day. I just said to him, can I just bend you here for a minute

because obviously I've booked everything. everything. Yeah. Flights. Hotel. Airport parking. Airport parking. Transfers.

Meals. Restaurants. Yeah. Everything. Yeah. You're amazing. Okay. Okay.

That's no, but fair enough. But all I wanted to do was just sit in talking about 10 minutes on the app and go through everything that we're going to be doing, the itinery. And what did I tell you at the time? And you told me. I'm playing on Donkey Kong Bonanza on the Switch 2. Can you please leave us alone? I think that is more than fair.

I apologised afterwards. I came up and I said, look, and I wasn't even playing on that. It took me storming out. I left and didn't say bye. Yeah, and I was just like, you know what? And did you know what? I ignored your call as well

because I thought you can fucking rotten hell. The call was actually about something important about the kids, but I was... I was with the kids? And I wanted to know what we were doing. I wanted to ask them a question about Bounty Coven answer. He was such a toss.

I know. It was so rude. I said, I said, I said, look, I'm really sorry you've booked all this stuff like you always do you've done all these things

and I couldn't even sit for five minutes to listen to you because sometimes I don't know why I'm with him I don't know why I'm with you this time so that wasn't my harsh beef I'm gonna leave me harsh beef for next week

really? Why? Because I feel like I'll just it'll make us cross if I bring it up again do you want to know? No no come on I think everyone listening does now

that's the only thing you've started doing it again right remember we had a conversation a while ago about when people are here you like you get ballsy and you just get like, you get like, I don't know,

you get full of yourself. Yeah. And you did it yesterday when your friends were here. Right. And you just get a bit like, just get a bit rude. Get a bit arrogant,

get a bit rude, get a bit sort of like trying to like snipe at us and I just think, who is this? Right. Stop it. It's a cry for help.

Is it? It's a cry of help. When people are here, you can't be as nasty as you're normally are, so I just. Great. I'm joking.

No, I was. I was a bit cheeky yesterday. I think I'm good for myself. Wow, so you do know? I know what I'm doing it. Great. Mainly by the way you look at us when I say stuff. It is classic.

You're shown off in front of your mate. It is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But you know what? It's part and parcel of being married. I think it's just, this is life in it? Is this it?

Oh my God. My God, if I warn you down. You're just accepting it. Hey, we're getting there. We're getting there. Fuck. We're getting there. Oh, no, I have I just.

I'm just, I'm just accepting it. Hey, new normal. Oh my God. I'm so tired. I'm just, yeah. Yeah? You can be rude to us when people are here. It's fine. Oh my gosh. Because I'm just so tired. Plans coming together.

15 year long plans coming together. This is amazing. Oh, this is amazing. Congratulations. Thank you. The last handshake of the day. Stop touching me, man. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu babadu babadu bab. It's time for questions from the public.

Questions from the public, public. As always, if you like and get touch, it is shagged, married, annoyed at gmail.com. Send us whatever the hell you like. And thank you so, so much to everyone who has ever sent anything. I just have to do one of these now and then, because you really do make the podcast. You just give it that extra little kick. Shout out to everyone who listens and everyone who's ever sent something in.

Because when we sat down to do this podcast in the first place, we were specifically told, and this is a direct quote, you can't rely on the public to give you content. And you lot have proved them wrong a million times over. yeah they have unbelievable were you mouthing along with me I was yeah

I did quite well actually I did hear the saliva in your mouth that was that God it was Sunday morning shut my party all over again good God

just it's just I don't know we're so different aren't we can I sort you a little hair why I've just had bangs

I've had bangs right um hi Chris and Rosie long time listener hi just a quick one heard you talking

about the Victorian wash. Yes. It's where you just do your bits. Bits, bits, bits. Your pits and your bits. Pits and your bits. We call it a hose bath.

Pits. No, I want to get this right. Pits, slits and tits. A hosbap. Everything about that is genius and vile. It's nice, though, isn't it? Slits is disgusting. Pits is bad enough.

Slits is dead. Randomly there, I said pits and bits. Yeah. I thought that was quite clever and quite. dirty. Pits, bits and slits. Pits. What, pits? Slits and tits. Because it's a horsewash because it's the bits that, it's the money makers. Isn't it? Pits? Well, just because they, yeah, but they, they spoil the hole.

Pit wank. Hey, if the punter has pain, that's what he's after. It depends what he's after. I've never done a pit wank. And you never, and you, hey, and you never will. You know, no, listen. Be like in a fucking match. Awful. Do you know what I've always wanted to do?

Is it a real thing? What? Can, you know when the Cowboys in the film do a match on their stubble? Do you think people can actually do that? I don't know. You could try? I can't.

I've got a soft stubble. My mate, Angela bought it as a posh box of matches. Right. From our holiday in the lakes. Right. If you want to use a couple. Women are really weird. Just going to put that out in the nicest part.

possible way. Please don't clip that up and put it out of context, but if my mate came back from a holiday... I mean, I was absolutely buzzing. Ramsey, yeah, yeah. I, yeah. I, yeah. Got you something. Oh, did you? What did you get us? Hey. Oh, matches. Not just matches, Ramsey. Posh matches.

All right, thanks, mate. I, cheers. You know what I don't smoke? Well, but you do like candles. Yeah, I like... Listen, I think it's women, listen now. And some men who are, you know, got taste. A nice box of posh matches is a really, I think it's a really good present. Genuinely, it's got like a picture of like a building in the lakes and it's like pink and green and it's really beautiful.

And their matches are white. Right, wow. Nice. It's very nice. I'm buzzing with it. I actually have to hide them though because we can't have matches around Robin anymore. Do you know what it is? I am...

He's at the matchy, matchy age. I'm about eating my own words because your man once got me a bottle of matches. Yeah, with the bit on the bottom. I really liked them. It was like a message in a bottle bottle. You did that and you took the match off and then the bit that you lit them on was on the bottom of the bottle.

So do you know what it is? I tried to be clever for a second day and a memory came back and wedged us and I apologise. What's the box? What is my mum's got? Sorry, the bottle of matches that on my mum's shelf.

What do they say? They say something about how being a woman's mint and I can't remember. Is your mum not? just written that on in pen? No. Seems like something your man would do.

Was it like matches for snatches? Matches, snatches and patches. Batches, batches of matches for snatches, I think is what it says. No, it's something. It does I. It's something like you don't need a man when it's just... When you go bottle of matches. You don't need a man to rub two sticks together when you go a bottle of matches.

On your mantle place that shit doesn't use because they're too posh. Babadoo, babadoo. Love the pod, long time listener, thought I'd share a tale about our summer holiday after listening to the episode where you talked about your trip. Okay. Myself and my husband recently went to the west of Ireland and stopped in Westport, looking for somewhere to eat. Okay.

Yeah? Yeah, we're just really, I find, like, English people, not on the whole, but, you know, as a rule, we're very, like, we're very ignorant about all the different places in Ireland, or maybe it's just me. I literally know two places in Ireland and I'm like that. It's fucking massive and beautiful and there's loads of places and I would really like that.

Even them just saying that there I was like, I bet you that was bloody lovely. I've never been to Ireland. I've never been. I really want to go. Why don't you come on my tour? I don't want to come on your stupid tour. I've got a night off after you fucking dick.

Oh where? Oh, there it is. Oh no, go on. Take that call. In Dublin? No, take that call. Go on. Take that call that you need.

You got a night off. I've got a night off. I've got a night off. I've got a night off. I've got a night after. Hey! Can I have a night in Dublin? Okay.

Oh, I might come. Brilliant. Right? Right. Guys, how offended should I be at the idea that coming while my gig was on, she wouldn't have it? Because then, what am I? What am I going to see?

I'm not going to see the sights, am I'm just going to go and watch you. I want to go out for dinner, I want to get drunk. You'll take up a good, you'll take up three hours of me night. Tickets on sale now, by the way. No, thank you. Three hours of your night taken up by Chris Ramsey in Dublin, Vicka Street. There's still a few tickets left. Chris Ramseycom.

Great. So they're looking for something to eat in Westport. Yeah, go to that. I'd love to go to do it. We spotted... Mustn't have been any gigs on. So I'd go and kill some time. God, he's not done.

We spotted a pub across the road, which had a large queue of people outside it. Weird, we thought. It was just a regular pub. It never came up on a Google search or trip advisor. And my husband, who's a knob about things and insists on looking at the review or rating of everywhere we go.

I'm also a little bit like this. Couldn't figure out why people were going there. It's pub grub and takeaway place he says. not that highly rated either. Right. I point to the queue and say, well, it's doing something right, if all these people are going.

Yeah. And sometimes that's the thing, isn't it? When you see somewhere that's busy, you think, well, it must be nice. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So that's what they've thought.

The queue kept getting longer. So not wanting to miss out, we join the queue and it moves quite fast. I turn to him and say, I hope we're in the queue for the restaurant and not the takeaway. He shrugs unhelpfully and I decide to ask the people in front, excuse me,

queuing for the takeaway or the restaurant, they look at me in surprise and reply. Say it. We're actually queuing to say Breeder and pay our respects. To say what? Breeder. What's Breeder? It must be an Irish name.

Right. There was a... Pay our respect. It was a funeral? Was it, I thought you were going to say they were queuing for the toilet? No. We had not seen the funeral home attached to the pub Oh, that fuck me!

And we were currently queuing for Breeders' wake and to view the body. Oh my God! I've never heard the name Breeder. No. Yeah, it's actually quite unfortunate when you say it aloud. Shad loads of kids.

Good Catholic. Embarrassed, we hurried off, heads down, muttering, sorry for your loss. Oh my God. Imagining what would have actually happened if we reached the top of the queue and faced with Breedah's family and her body. this is a this is a lesson everybody just because it's a fucking cue

it's British people doesn't mean you have to go in the queue it's British people oh I'll go and stand there like yeah like right here's a question here's a question for you yeah Rosie how would you have styled that out if you'd got to the front and you were literally thinking you were about to say you know you know some kind of street food or some kind of Irish traditional thing going on that we're going to make and give Deere in a fucking you know hat yeah What would you do if you got at the front and it was a dead body in the family standing there morning?

So I'm talking, sorry, I'm talking, you didn't realize you're talking, me and you were chatting away, I would skip up a long night, I were looking up with phones, and you're turning, you all right, yeah, I'll have a, and you see a body in the family standing there.

Okay, so I like to think, because I've been brought up Catholic, they talk about death all the time. So I'm quite good with death. Like, it's just being a big part of me. childhood. Like, it's just morbid, right? Being Catholic's pretty morbid.

So I think I would handle it better than you, but I would still be very shocked. I'd still be very sort of like, what the actual fuck? Yeah. Maybe I might have thought it was a themed restaurant. I don't think I'd have worked it out that it was a funeral.

I would have thought it was, you know, them shows where you kind of tell if it's a cake or not. I don't went straight in me, like, I don't know, definitely a cake. Fuck, sorry, shit. I'm joking. No, it's true.

They do make really good ones. that's something that would be quite fun when maybe he's do that when I die what eat stuff off us no honestly I wouldn't mind look I love you to death little mini shit bad spice all the way along my body

I think that's quite funny I love you to death yeah I love you to death you're beautiful you're gorgeous well not by the sounds of this episode yeah no all I'm saying is for us to get away with doing that you're gonna have to die in the next few years otherwise you're going to put everyone off this issue.

You look amazing. I don't know why you keep doing this because you're going to have... You look amazing now. Do you know you're going to wake up in the middle of the night tonight and cold sweats going, oh my God, I said really inappropriate things to Rosie on the podcast and you're going to freak out of it. Oh, you're not going to age like.

You turn around you now telling me that you're not going to age. You're seeing to me now that you are not going to get older. That's your... That's what you're... You're going to have... I think I'm going to grow old gracefully. And honestly, I think before you die, you do lose weight anyway.

really. Well, you do. You immediately lose 21 grams. What do you mean? You don't know. Oh, I'm Catholic. I'm going to talk about death.

You don't know about 21 grams. We didn't, science never came into it. It's not science. What's 21 grams? They reckon it's the weight of your soul. They reckon the minute you die, you lose 21 grams. Apropos of nothing.

You take your last breath and body dies, 21 grams. Shut up. You didn't know about, because of a movie called 21 grams. Put it on your list. Is there? Put it on your list.

Chris, I didn't know that? Yeah. Oh my God. That's what they think, yeah. So that's when your soul goes up to heaven, 21 grams. I got 21 grams to go. I got 21 grams to go. So if I'm on my soul and you want me to be soul, I got 21 grams to go.

Did you see me on the video? Soul, soul, soul. You see me go to heaven, the soul, soul. I got 21 grams. What is it in pounds? Oh. Oh, you got it. No, I need to know.

Hang on. Sorry, I'll be one minute. I do believe it'll be ounces. Hang on. I do believe it'll be ounces. I don't even know ounces. 21 grams. How way, man.

You're from Shields, man. You should know what 21 grams is. Immediately you should know how much it is. I don't. How many bags it needs. One gram. What, hang on. So pounds.

No, so 21 grams. There'll be ounces. Oh, that's football. It's 0.0.04 pound. Yeah. Oh, sorry, you were expecting to drop a dress size. I was kidding. Thought I could have put me size tens on that.

I'm in the cupboard. From 10 years ago. Oh, God. No, it's like, you know, probably a... 500 grams equates to 1.1 pound. Oh, it's a point? No, but I didn't know that. That's really lovely.

And you, as a science man, the fact that you believe that 21 grams goes from you... Apparently, it's a thing. Apparently, it's a thing. Maybe it's just the A. It's just... I don't know. Is A heavy?

There's probably nothing scientific behind it, but it's a thing. I love that. That's made me feel... That's really nice. I genuinely, that is... Just crossing ourself and praying. No, because...

I struggle with me religion a lot because I don't take it very seriously but you know what it is? When I'm really down and when I need something it's fully blown there so I'm like a really selfish Catholic but I think the big man understands

or woman I don't fucking know oh god yeah I was only taught one way but listen well I'm praying Mary Magdalen no she did a horse she did a horse she did a horse

it's not blasphemy she literally was a prostitute Don't email in about that. High end. Oh, you can. Oh, probably high end. You're kidding us, man. One client.

Fuck, you know. The original pretty woman. Were we talking about that recently where someone worked out that in Pretty Woman? Richard Gere absolutely fleeces her. How? Because...

That wasn't me. You were talking to. Someone, well, I was talking about this for someone recently. I don't know who was. I did I hear it on something? Or did I say it on Instagram? If I'm,

if I'm nicking someone's routine here or someone's jokes, I apologize. But I saw a thing, I heard a thing, I watched a thing, that in Pretty Woman Yes

He works out how much Like he says how much she is For the night or whatever Then he's like How much What does he get her for a week or whatever If you work it out He like he gets like a

A bulk discount He like he rinses her So he takes whatever her thing was And he's like Oh pay you this for the week Or this for the fortnight or whatever it is And it's so much below A day rate per day

He like he has our trousers down Really? He has our trousers down Well because he's like Getting a blockbook and then he So she's probably you know She gets get her meals paid for.

She gets some clothes. When did she get a pitying? Well, by the looks of it, she is getting an bidium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A luxury hotel room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the lot. Boy, ways to make a living.

She has a full bath as well, not just a horse wash, so, you know, got to have that water bill in there as well. No, but we can't glamourise prostitution because... That's film, does it? Well, yeah, it did actually. It really did. No, you think someone's listening to this going, well, you know what?

Chris, I don't know what... I don't know what people think are. I was going to finish that degree, but they've just mentioned that. So, and they've just mentioned the quickest week to get a wash when I'm doing that. And they don't look like Richard Gere. And they don't look like...

Maybe it's one in a million, but they're not all going to look like Richard Geree. Otherwise, I would have took it up myself. Here it is. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hello.

I'll keep this person anonymous, so let's call us Susan. Okay. Myself and my partner were at a swing as getaway. Jesus. Brackets, yes, they exist. That went, that went, okay. Susan was not

Like I forget that you've not read these Sorry you've not heard these at all yet That was literally I'm gonna keep this person there Susan very you know You know Susan from the office Formal

By the way this takes place At a swingers getaway With me and me partner were there Swingers getaway In a hired out mansion Full of fun and filth And this really puts a scarp out On my Airbnb business

That I want to do Yeah this is why I would never do that Never rent a nice place I'm gonna fuck in it It's always gonna be the case It's always gonna be the case it's always going to be the case come on then

I really want to do guys I want to do an Airbnb business because I genuinely like really love interiors and I love I don't know and then but then I hear that people just go and shag it

and it makes it really sad because I'd be like this is my house there was a thing recently seeing that Airbnb people people doing Airbnb's we're getting told off because they're having hidden cameras

in the houses well yeah that's not good is it but neither is but if people are going to turn up and turn your fucking house into a porn set I guess it's a risk of

what you're supposed to do yeah but you can't You can't have cameras there. How are you meant to shag in general? Like, what about people who are just couples who go, like, I'm not, I'm not going to naively say that my Airbnb's never going to have people shagging in it. Yeah.

I don't want movies made there. Yeah. You know what I mean? I suppose if you're going to do it and you've got a place where you think this might be, you know, because you know, I'm assuming that could just go and make a porn in a travel lodge or a premiere in or do you know, something like, sorry, Lenny if you're listening. It's got a be a believable story. But, yeah, like, yeah, if you're going to be a believable story.

Yeah, if you're going to have a place that's going to be look good on camera and it's going to be, you know, a big white piano in the back world, people are shagging, then I think you're just going to have to make peace with the fact that you take a deposit off them. Well, this is the thing, yeah. You know, have the made of pony yet, maybe, does it impact my life?

Have the ruined it, have the tidied up. Have the tidied up. Then it is what it is. Throws. Yeah, it is what it is. Yeah. Yeah, well, you imagine, you know how, like, in films and stuff, that everyone's always haunted.

It's always haunted by an old Victorian ghost and stuff like that. You imagine a porn film's being filmed in a mansion and they all die while they're filming it and then in the future the family who move in are haunted by the cast of a pawn. And in the middle of night you're just here just balls slapping off an undercarriage.

Doing what they love. Still doing what they love. 21 grams later. Oh are they? 21 grams all over our face. Oh, that was terrible. You shouldn't have said that. You're horrible.

Right, listen, the swingers getaway. Awful. We got chat. Each to their own. But awful. Yeah, each to their own. We've not lived life fully yet. We might go on a swingers getaway one day.

Doubted it. It would have to be like a celebrity one. That's a Channel 5 show. Celebrity Swingers Getaway. It would have to be because I wouldn't trust anyone with the story. If we ever did swing and it would have to be

with other people who are semi-famous would have to be. A podcast one. We'll do a whip round. We'll do a podcast one. That'd be great. Yeah, let's get...

Other people who do the couple's podcasts. Let's get love. There's fucking millions of them now. Big house. Are you ready? Are you ready? Come on then, come on. We got chatting to a few couples

and took our time interrogating. Integrating. Not... That was just what was say okay i imagine you would have to possibly speak to them a bit and like you know not get the ick by people and think do a click with them or whatever but i thought interrogate was a bit strong but they were saying integrate i never realized how close integrating and interrogating our road down

mad quick so sorry right okay yeah we got chatting with a few couples and took our time integrating and we met this one couple took our time water boarded a couple of them uh car batteries to nipples got all the information out with them she left. The female of which wished to have her fantasy fulfilled called I don't know if you're going to know what this

I've never heard of this one. Leaching. Do you know about leaching? Does it involve actual leeches? No, it doesn't. I don't know what leachy is. You've never heard of it, genuinely? I'm not...

Right, okay. So... I'm already uncomfortable. Come on then. This is what she wants... This is what Susan wanted to do. at the getaway. How many things do we need to vent? So leachin.

This involves a male partner going for a piss, then placing his penis against her leg, releasing his foreskin, forming an airlock against her leg with his penis. That is so convoluted and so stupid. It doesn't make sense. What's the way you got to do with it? I don't know.

Read it again? So this involves a male partner going from. for a piss. Yeah. Right? Is that a piss? Then placing his penis against her leg.

So in my mind, he's just got his flaccid knob on our leg. Right. Now, I'm not a man with foreskin, so I don't understand. But what I can guess here, what I can guess is happening is...

He's pointing out of our leg. So he's putting the penis on a leg and weeing and it's opening the foreskin and then when the wee stop, the foreskin is staying open and stuck to a leg. Oh, so he's not going the toilet for a wee? whee in honour

oh Jesus Christ well you sorry you think you went sorry you think he went for a wee before why would you write that down it involves him having a shepherds pie and then arriving

like stodge for the night ahead I thought he'd gone for a week right so so right okay so so you can't I've got right so that's his penis there

this is the leg right imagine he's pointing for people listening he's pointing his penis at our leg like a gun right then he's had a way

and it opens up for the wee and then it stays on. And then when he's finished his way the foreskin creates a vacuum airlock onto our leg. And that's her, that's a fantasy. What a pointless and stupid thing to get excited by. And at what point is she like, is it stuck? Is it stuck? Oh, it stuck. Yay!

Awful. Would it create a higgy? A higie from Kinnikis like a whole more awkward? No. No. No. I don't. imagine it would. Not as much of the suction. Yeah. You could never do.

You can't leach. Oh, well, what's the point in living anymore? You can never leech. Pathetic. Wow. They gave that a name. Shite. Well, apparently, but I don't know why that's you.

I've just always wanted to do it. I've never been able to do it. Oh, God. Sway down. If I'm, if I, like, if I touch a toilet flush in a service station and it's wet, and I think that's as strange as we, I'm so upset and there's these people

meeting up in mansions and weighing on each other's legs and getting their knobs to go honestly I know I've said it before and I'm going to say it again send the asteroid

send it send it now make sure it hits that fucking mansion and gets all the rest of it but that mansion has to go first while they're pissing on each other have become predictable no it's very upsetting

and as a woman with fantasies that's I'd want to cry I'd want to cry I'm glad you can you imagine though you go for the swingers thing and you sit down

and go oh I've got fancy water and they're pissing me and then you sit me like oh we're just going to we're just going to go there we're just going to sit over there for a bit because you're mental but at what point does poking

licking sucking and sucking become not interesting with strangers anymore at what point are you like we've done all of that You've done it too much. Now we're going to leach.

These are people who've had too much fun. They've had too much fun. They've done it too many times. It's all become normal. And they need to look for that. Like drugs. You get your gateway drug. You get your first drug.

You have a little marijuana cigarette. Next thing you know, you're leaching in bus stops for some smack. Yeah. That's what I go. It's taking McDonald's every day. It would become... Yeah.

The norm. Babadoo, babo do babo do. As always, thank you so much for listening. this week's episode of Shag Marinoid. And I know we're prattle on a lot and I know it's, I don't know we've been doing it for so long, but I still love it.

I still have a really good laugh today. Yeah, I think we need a bit of a laugh because I was very depressed last week. Look, how much better I am. Yeah, and it's the old menstrual cycle. I know, and I'm really sorry. But thank you for coming back and thank you for listening every week.

And genuinely, yeah, we just really appreciate it. We really do. Thank you so, so much. As always, have you got any questions, anything you want to say, and anything you want to tell us at all at shagmarinoid at gmail. and we'll be back in your ears and your eyes next week after we've been to the magical world of Disneyland Paris Firkside.

What's the theme? I can't remember the theme too. Can't do it. We'll get sued. Can't do it. We'll get sued. You can't just got to be careful. Down to Mickey's Garage. Down to Mickey's Garage. We'll say that one. Bye.