Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 35. Bit of the moon

Episode Date: October 11, 2019

Chris and Rosie have been inundated with hostel stories so strap in for some hilarious/disturbing tales! Also this week there is some bluetooth beef, proposal nostalgia, a revelation that involves Yorkshire Pudding mix and a great question from the brilliant Sian Gibson. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag, Married me rosie ramsey and my husband christopher ramsey who forgot to do a mic check so hopefully we don't sound like a bag of shit you did you just started talking there then you went have i done a mic check and i was like well you have now and you went to do another one but you'd already done it good and it was fine and you sound bloody lovely you got a cough this week still no cough listen however you coughed all night last night keeping us up i did yeah it comes and goes but right now i'm all good it's when you have a drink you have an alcoholic drink and it dries your throat out and then you cough all night listen listen and i'll take the i do not drink so don't be starting

that game trying to get it or you know all of our fans thinking that I'm some sort of drinker when I'm not. Good. I sometimes have a little sherry. Christmas. After seven. That's it. Goodness me. Guys, it is episode 35.

Thank you so much for... It feels like some kind of milestone. 35. 35 weeks on the trot we've done this. I've never stuck at something this long in my life. 35. It feels like some kind of milestone. 35. 35 weeks on the trot we've done this. I've never stuck at something this long in me life. Weekly. Nah. Nah. Neither have I. Nah. Not when I did football when I was little. Nah. When I did judo.

Nah. None of that. No nothing. This is a little hobby that I'm sticking at. Because I enjoy it. A hobby is it? A little hobby. A little side note. I think you'll find that this is my main job. Yep. Says a lot about you. Now. Before we go any further with episode 35, a word from this week's lucrative.

Hang on, Chris. Yes? I haven't got a sponsor. Oh, good. Because the real ones are not as good as my ones, which are also real. This week's sponsor is chains that you put on your front door. No, seriously.

Hey, hey. Do you want to keep someone out of your house? It probably won't. But do you want to just forget you've got it on and then go out and get a fright when it clicks and you shit your pants? That's so true. Do you want a chain on your front door? Can your kids reach it?

Probably. What's the point in it? No one fucking knows. Burglars will just kick it in. Sometimes you can reach your hand round, but when you're in a hurry, you'll leave it on and you'll shit yourself.

Chains on your front doors. Inconvenient. Unsafe. Love them. We've got one. Aye, and it's rubbish. Why do we have one? Was it here when we moved in?

A rubbish version and I got a newer version. Robin can't reach it yet but you know. Soon. Are you done? I don't interrupt yours but you interrupt mine with questions and stuff. When you're doing yours about

your tit holders and that. It was Fig Thief's tit holders. That's what it was. Tit holders? Seriously? Fanny Cuddlers. Fanny Fondief's tit holders. That's what it was. Tit holders? Tit holders. Tit holders and funny curlers. Funny. Funny fondlers.

Funny fondlers and tit holders. Bloody load of bloody newfangled nonsense. Let them hang. That's what it is. What load of smut? Let them hang. Tits are funny. Both.

What? Tits are funny. Both. Oh, here's the jingle. Oh, a tit. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ble, Jingle. We hope you like the Jingle, Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello. Fancy seeing you here. Welcome back. Come and have a chair.

Sit down. That's so weird. Happy to have you back. Someone's going to be jogging or walking now and they've got that right in their ear. That's really strange. What? It's just a really strange thing just a really strange way

to say it I'm talking direct to our listener yeah but it was just the way you said is it because you've got a little shawl on that you're saying weird stuff

I don't understand dear listener Rosie is sitting in I want to give her a little fist bump before we started to say have a good show but I can't

because she's got a blanket basically right round her neck like a cocoon little shawl on I'm a little bit chilly because somebody somebody turned the heating down

so that it didn't kick in and it's freezing okay do you want some DP I've got some DP and I'm really warm I've got DP on my legs no because you don't use DP

if you're not hurting I was thinking I've never used DP in my life right and I put some on today because you've never done any sort of hurting. I was thinking that. I've never used DP in my life, right? And I put some on today. Because you've never done any sort of strenuous exercise. Yeah, I know.

I've never had to use it ever. It stinks. It's me. And I put it on and you, the bloody sniffer dog here, I put it on and lay down on the floor to play Lego with Robin

and you just came marching downstairs. What's that smell? What's that smell? I thought you left the gas on. I was like, it's DP. Can you smell it? Does the kitchen smell of you I smelled it upstairs I did

I could honestly I came out of our bedroom and I was like something's awry living with a police dog but yeah I didn't I don't know what I was expecting

because it's called DP but it literally felt like my legs were on a radiator it was actually a little bit uncomfortable my head was sweating as well yeah no it's clever stuff like I don't know how they do it.

Witchcraft is what it is. Give us five minutes and I'll be able to tell you. Yeah. Google. I'll Google it. Well, you can't Google it because you can't use your hands because you've wrapped up like a little cocoon. Well, I know, true. Yeah.

Are you all right? I'm spot on, yeah. My legs are hurting. I'm in agony. But I'm okay. Good. Other than that. Did you talk about dancing?

So I'm doing the drive this week. Nice. I love a drive. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday comes after Friday, Friday, Friday before that's Thursday, Thursday. So if you know your numbers, Wednesday is the one before that. In French, it's macro day. So we'll recap what happened last week.

So I did American Smooth last week, cheek to cheek. Bloody lovely. Yeah, I've had nothing but beautiful responses. Everyone was so amazing on Twitter. Everyone thought it was under-marked. It's not like Twitter neither, is it? Really? Genuinely.

I almost don't trust the amount of love I'm getting on the internet at the minute. There's something going on. It's starting to freak us out a bit. This year, I don't know if people have just grown up. I don't know if trolls have grown up or trolls have maybe died off. Are they going extinct? Like, since the podcast, nothing but lovely stuff,

mainly lovely stuff, and then they and then, they're strictly out. the thing is, I think what's happening with Twitter, trolls aren't dying out, just more normal people are finding Twitter. Yeah.

It just took them longer to get there. Yeah, yeah, maybe. Like, you know, your aunties who have joined

Facebook a few years ago, they now think, oh, I'll get a Twitter as well, because I can do Facebook. Especially since, strictly, I do get a lot of lovely messages

from people who just have the grey outline of a person's photo. Yeah, of course. And they just follow people on Strictly. But it was a lovely American Smith. It was lovely.

I had a lovely night. Karen got a little bit narked, bless her. She was well annoyed. I thought she was going to punch someone out. Bless her heart. But it was a really good night

and everyone was lovely online and yeah, thanks everyone. If you're listening and you voted for me and Karen I really appreciate it we really do thank you so much

if you want to vote next week as soon as the show ends when number ends in 03 I don't know the rest of it it'll be on my website 6525 something right that's a guess ignore everything Rosie just said

completely ignore everything Rosie just said sorry Jason Cook and Glenn Ruffhead did a song didn't they oh my god yeah yeah well it's so good

he said he wants me to do a verse I think we're going to record it and release it should we play them a little clip of it we could play a little clip of it I'm going to play a little clip of it now guys there's a boy that we know Watch him dance on a TV show Just a boy with a dream

His charleston was the best we've ever seen And he'll learn to dance as quickly, as quickly as he can and we'd just like to say to all of you just keep voting he's going to do his best the best that he can do and we'd just like to say to all of you vote as many times as you can see vote as many times as you can see oh god honestly

I was buckled when he sent me that I couldn't believe it he's proper like him and Glenn recorded it in the recording studio on his computer

he's got like a prop in his loft he's got like a full on it was an office now it's basically turned into a recording studio they sat and recorded it all day and then they did the gigs at the customs house and they did it twice live and the crowd are like standing up waving their arms like fucking blasphemy

there's a boy there's a boy watch him dance oh god but genuinely guys honestly uh all the podcast listeners who are enjoying Strictly and Voten, it means a lot. So thank you so much. And people say, I don't expect, like I said this today, Rosie, I don't expect them to go, I don't expect the judges to go, that was brilliant. And I can't, like, I can't dance. I know I can't dance.

So when they go, yeah, four, I go, oh, fair enough. Like, everyone else is getting angry on my behalf. It's like them going, your Latin's rubbish. I know, but I think it's because you're trying really hard. And I just got annoyed because the other people are trying hard. Got more scores than you. But I thought you were better. Oh, well, that's very nice.

Thank you very much. You know what I mean? Big love to all of me, all of my fellow contestants. I'm not trying to take anyone down here. Big love to everyone. They're all on their own little journey and everyone's having a lovely time. They all. It comes across as a really lovely year this year as well everyone's so nice you know what it is there's no dickheads it's as

simple as that there's no dickheads yeah that's my favorite part of life when there's just no dickheads i was just about to say it does not very often um although i am loving that you know you're strictly journey um i've started having a party every Saturday night. Honestly. And I'm just a little bit worried about my liver, if I'm honest. I'm getting genuine FOMO from these parties. Yeah. Like, I'm there doing the show, and it's pretty epic,

but then I watch your stories and I'm like... Last week's was by far the most disastrous. Well, I didn't get a bit of a quarter four in the morning and the show started at ten by seven so and you were third that's a shift

I was third on yeah but um good fun vote Ramsey vote Ramsey vote as many times as you can

very good well done what you been up to um not much mothering doing stuff erm

I'm really proud of myself I don't know I think this is more from me than you I don't know if you've noticed but Robin erm

so I'll take it back a bit for the last few years I've basically been telling Robin how lucky he is all the time and because he's got a very different life

to what we had when we were younger this makes sense ok yes I don't want to interrupt but this is I've witnessed this and I didn't know where this came from well lucky he is all the time and because right he's got a very different life to what we had this makes sense okay yes i don't interrupt but this is i've witnessed this and i didn't know where this came well so i've just for years and i haven't realized how much i've done it but i must have done a lot i've been like you're a very lucky boy you don't realize you know some children don't have these lovely things and some children don't have a hot warm tea you know to eat every night or a lovely warm bed and nice clean clothes you're a very lucky boy you're very lucky so now robin um who's four next month has taken to just constantly saying mommy i am so lucky that's

what i heard that's what i heard I've got this and I am so lucky I didn't know where is it weird or is it nice no it's a little bit where he was like daddy I'm so lucky I've got all these

I went I'm an arrogant prick should I not have said that what did you say prick of course I didn't I'm joking that's really nice his manners are outstanding

yeah honestly can I just see all appearance out there you know why yeah because you because I'm literally put do you know how many times that I go put put put put put are outstanding. Yeah. Honestly. Can I just say, all the parents out there. Yeah, because you, you. Because I'm literally,

do you know how many times that I go, please, please, what do you say? What's the magic word? What, what do you say? You don't get it if you, I'm like,

I'm sick of myself, to be honest. All the parents out there, you'll feel it. It's peaks and troughs and the trough down. How many times did we used to say,

we've got our lovely boy back? Yeah, I know. When it was just out of a sort of routine of being a prick and coming back out of it. And at the minute, he is amazing. His little manners are so lovely. Please and thank you. The way he says please as well. Please, please.

It's dead canny. And when you give him something and he goes, thank you, and you go, oh, shit. Yeah, it comes from nowhere. It's like natural natural like a human like a nice human yeah well yeah high five mate

oh you got your hand out your shawl yes just for a quick high five there you go put it back in tortoise to be fair you've hardly been here

so it's very much I know that that's from me wow that hurts wow it's made took a little dig in there didn't you it's true

I'll tell you what it's intense this Strictly thing it really is intense this was your year off it was supposed to be my year off and there's been Amazon special

and then Strictly it's crazy cray cray cray cray cray but you know you've got to make it while the sun's

shining in this game I agree you're on the bloody scrap heap next week wouldn't I lots of sofas actually I've seen a lovely

table and chairs that I want to get. Oh, a host of the Prince's Trust Award in the North East. That was lush. That was really,

really cool. What else have I been doing, babe? I don't know. I've just been, I've just done. Do you know why? It's because I've gotten out.

I've gotten out. That's all I've got. What have you been up to? Dancing. That's it. That's all it is. Well, all I've been doing

is watching you dance and then get pissed. Yeah, well, there we go there we go well Craig Revel Hallwood said that I had basketball hands even though on YouTube if you watch

if you watch Fred Astaire he does that all the time but all I've been doing today is this week is basically in the training room

at the school where I train every couple hours someone comes in and throws a basketball across the room nice so that's fun

PE teachers are still dicks can I just tell you that they're still dicks every time I walk out Every couple of hours, someone comes in and throws a basketball across the room. Nice. So that's fun. PE teachers are still dicks. Can I just tell you that? They're still dicks. Every time I walk out, I'll go, I'm teaching you a seventh basketball. Do you want to come out? I'll give you the third one a day to do that.

Arsehole. See, my PE teachers were both women and they were lovely. Yeah, none of my teachers were. Two of my teachers were nice. The rest of them were arseholes. Yeah, hated them. I hated, but you loved school.

I hated school. I did really like school. The social side, not anything else really. Brilliant. But I did. I just liked going to see my mates and having fun. In the little maras. Mm-hmm.

Well, when I didn't get moved from them in classes, that happened a lot. Yeah, I used to always get moved away. Nightmare, wasn't it? For talking. Always for talking. I can't imagine. I can't imagine us being chatty. But yeah, I used to always get moved away. Nightmare, wasn't it? For talking. Always for talking. I can't imagine us being chatty. I wanted to put on the end of my DVD,

dedicated to every teacher who ever told me to stop talking. But I just thought, what a shitty thing to put at the end of a DVD. How negative. Well, no, let's put it on the end of the podcast, because ours is the same. One lesson, right? This was year 10.

Me and my friend, Catherine, walked in, and the teacher went, no girls. And just put word opposite sides of the room. What? First lesson, he was just like, I think it was just round the school, like, no. That is just, don't. That was just, don't.

Wow. Was he pissed off when he was all shouting? And he's like, Catherine! Catherine! What's this? Who do you fancy at the minute? What? Passing just aggressive notes.

That's my same friend, Catherine, and we crawled out of a lesson at college. What? We crawled out. What? I can't describe it anymore other than we got our bags, we put them on our backs,

we discreetly put our coats in in our bags or whatever and we just crawled out of the lesson and we managed to do we got away with it wow we just crawled out crawled across the floor and out of the door like not across the floor because it was in so it was like the teachers at the front with the whatever blackboard or whatever and it was kind of like you know at college where they pretend like this isn't like school yeah yeah and it's like well it is and it was just kind of all the desks were in like a semicircle, but a square semicircle. So it was like that.

And we were on the corner nearest to the door. So we just, while he wasn't looking, we just crawled out the door. Wow. I know, that's bad, isn't it? Yeah, that's like something out of American Pie. Yeah. At South Dynastown College. Was Blink-182 playing at the time?

Yes! And did you run outside and jump into someone's car, but through the window? Yes. And go, let's go to the beach. Screw this. Don't tell mum the babysitter's dead. That was my life.

It's gone bad. You know when you've got a shit education. It's time for Watch Your Beef. on the babysitter's then that was my life absolutely scumbag you know when you've got a shit education it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef

what's your beef what is your beef what's your beef shouldn't be such a irritate tell you what I'll see you in court as always with beefs

ladies first no I think you should go first oh I may go first yes ok not a problem men first my beef with you

this week as you said you flagged it up a little bit earlier I'm away quite a lot recently I'm not home that much I'm away

you know for a couple of stints I could be away for I've never been away for a month but I could be away for a month and I'd come back

have you not hang on no no I haven't that hurts and I could come back you're the mic? Why did that hurt?

Saying that I would be away from my loving wife. Are you taking the mic? You've been three weeks before. So I could be away for a month. I could be away for a year. And the first day back, we'd be getting ready in the morning and you would still insist on saying to me, where's and then something

that I haven't fucking touched for a year great it's infuriating you did it this morning yesterday morning so we're getting ready you went where's his bag i'm like you've had him for the last three days i have no idea where his stuff is stop asking us where it is don't i know it where's his bag i've i haven't been here you have been here you're in charge of the bag and i'll go i haven't been here and you go i wasn't asking you i was just saying it but you you weren't you are asking us you're lying piece of shit i'm just talking out loud yeah it's like oh sorry actually i wasn't talking to you i was talking my other husband brilliant but

he mustn't have swapped days brilliant so i've thought it was he was there great because he's here more than you right and he knows where the nurse he's great right yeah do you know you know what his name is what um well who was the man who did find us keepers neil buchanan was it not neil buchanan he did Housekeepers. Hey, that's my other husband, Neil Buchanan. And when you're away, he comes and he messes all the house up. But then he finds everything, puts it all back. Is he messing all the house up, actually?

Or is he doing a big heart attack? And if you stood on the roof, it would look like a picture. A bit of both. Do you remember the sweet room? They had a room on Finders Keepers. Finders Keepers, sorry, for anyone who doesn't know, was a programme in England where they had a house that was half,

so you could stay in all the rooms. Kids used to go in, and they used to have to mess up all the rooms. God damn it, you're talking about Funhaus? I'm not talking about Funhaus. I'm talking about... Are you taking that? I'm talking about Finders Keepers.

Are you sure? Finders Keepers? No, Funhaus was Padshop, and Funhouse was all the go-karts and stuff. Don't you be giving me shit. Oh, no, no, no.

Don't actually. Right, no. There was a shower and everything. Yeah, yeah. I do remember it. It was like a proper house. Two seconds.

Neil Buchanan. Finders Keepers? Finders Keepers on CITV and it was mint. Was it Neil Buchanan? Yeah. 1991, 1996. I've been absolutely slammed. And they used to have to just mess up the house fine let's keep this on CITV and it was mint was it New York yeah 1991 1996 I've been absolutely slammed

and they used to have to just mess up the house and find all the stuff but sometimes they'd have a room that was full of sweets and I can remember

being a kid oh I was such a pig and watching it and being like oh look at this isn't that rank oh Robin is absolutely you

isn't it yeah he's you just one sweet all the time I know so there so that's my beef what's your beef

my beef with you is you insist if you are in my car bear in mind we've got two separate car reach yeah you insist on putting your phone

on the bluetooth every time you get in my car even if it is for the smallest journey ever safety first so every time I get back out car, even if it is for the smallest journey ever, so every time I get back out, it's on your phone. Right. Every time I get back in even,

it's on your phone. Right. And I know that you've literally nipped to Tesco in my car. Okay. Why'd you do it? I don't, it's pointless. Two things.

If you didn't want to just nip to Tesco in your car, stop parking in front of mine. It's annoying. Next thing. Buy a bigger house with a bigger drive. Touche, back at you. Next thing, I don't actually physically do that. It just...

It doesn't. It does. It flipping doesn't, Christopher Ramsey. I don't do it, Rosie. You dare. I've seen you on the drive in my car, sat there for an extra minute or so

putting your stupid phone on the bluetooth I don't and I'm just telling you now I can't believe you are lying through your teeth the truth hurts your car prefers

my phone to your phone and that's as simple as that bullshit I'm telling you that's the crack I don't honestly I don't do it

you do why are you lying I've seen you I'm not lying. It just tethers to it and it obviously likes my phone better than your phone. Oh, shut up.

Why have you got a shit phone? Why are you upset that you've got a shit phone? I'm surprised it hasn't come up on the beef sooner, actually, because it happens all the time. Really? So then what happens

when you get back in your car? Does it not attach to yours? It's still on your phone. Really? No, it doesn't. And it goes, hmm, connect different device. And I'm like, well, it's my fucking car.

But no. Oh, Christopher Ramsey nipped a Tesco. Nobody rang. Didn't use Spotify. Didn't listen to any podcasts. Just got in my car, switched his phone to it, went to Tesco, listened to the radio, came back home after 30 seconds of car use and his phone stuck on there.

So when I get in and I'm in a hurry and I want to ring someone, probably my mum, I have to pull over and I have to put my phone onto it and I have to turn the engine off and stop because you can't have the engine on. Get on my tip. Look, I'm not going to take my phone when I pop the Tesco anymore. Don't.

Right, okay. But what about when he rings at the last minute and you decide that you want a dairy milk or something? Then, here's it, right? Just get one every time. Just play it safe. Always play it safe. We've had this conversation before.

Always play it safe on the dairy. Don't ever think, she might not want one because i might not but if you've got it i love it sometimes you sometimes you shout at us for getting you one well then just chance it just come in and say oh i've got your dairy milk and if i go i didn't want one go well i haven't really right and i'll go oh good yeah and then you know what'll happen 10 o'clock when we sit and watch they you'll go did you get a dairy milk or not oh chris can i just tell you i know you're comfortable sitting down halfway through an episode of whatever will you go and get it can i just tell you we've been invited to cabri world

wow yeah wow yeah me you and robin but you're too busy dancing aren't you having a lovely time so we're kind of go just yet until we get booted out. Well, we'll go soon. Guys, you've got to keep voting for us. Don't be not voting for us just because you want this fat pig in the cabri world.

Oh, look at you shitting yourself. Look at you shitting your pants. Bet you might get booted out from everywhere. Her and Robin buzzing chocolate all over their faces. Me, we're cramp. Rubbing me deep heat on.

Let's make it happen. It's time for questions from the public questions from the public public public as always guys if you want to get in touch it is shagged mydenoid gmail.com and we've got a bit of a theme this week because if you remember last week we asked everyone well we threw it out to you guys because i I slagged off hostels and Rosie slagged off hostels. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together,

they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone.

Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. And we put it out to you guys. Do you ever have any stories about hostels? And they have absolutely

piled in i swear rosie's been sifting through them all day i was dancing training today and rosie was there i have to keep saying training right when i keep saying i'm dancing i have to put training on the end in case people think i was just dancing somewhere sounds like you're doing boxing or something you know in case i was just dancing somewhere and i was training today and you texted a couple of times saying that the questions were amazing well this is the thing right we get messages all the time

of people going oh I was in a cafe oh I was walking the dog laughing my head off and I'm like oh that's amazing well they're listening to the podcast

I was sat in a cafe today because I can't work from home sat in a cafe going through the emails laughing my head off like you guys are hilarious brilliant thanks guys

we've got thousands and thousands we've got over 5000 emails there obviously we can't get through the wall obviously we can't reply but please keep sending them because some of the stuff

that comes through is absolutely phenomenal and we honestly can't thank you enough Rosie what we got okay so we'll stick with hostels for now let's chat about hostels a bit

because some of the stories are golden literally yeah wow can I just say as an a bit because some of the stories are golden literally yeah wow can i just say as an antidote to all of the absolute filth you're about to tell where someone actually sent me a photo of an amazing multi-roomed hostel with ensuite that they'd got for like 40 quid a night well yeah some of them really strike lucky yeah but the majority oh yeah i know hellish so bear with because this one is a little bit long, but I assure you it is worth it.

Got you. Okay. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Following from your last podcast regarding hostel experiences, I thought I would share one that happened to me back in 2004 in Australia. An experience that, even to this day, makes a little bit of sick come up every time I think about it.

I was over in Australia for six months of part of my university study abroad programme. At the end of the term, I decided to travel around the country for a couple of months prior to heading home. Sadly, as most 19-year-olds find, I didn't have a huge amount of money to spend on my travels, so the idea of having to share rooms with people I didn't know became a horrific reality as I stayed in a variety of hostels. Still, I thought that I wouldn't spend much time in there and I would just focus my enjoyment going around the country experiencing new things.

Sounds amazing. Anyway, whilst in Cairns, is that in Australia? Because I just thought you just spelled Cairn wrong. I think it's, yeah. Must be Australia. I don't know how it's pronounced. Yeah, I know it's in Australia. I know how it's written.

Yeah, I think it's that. If you're one of the people listening to it now getting annoyed that it's wrong, you're probably one of five and should probably grow up. I agree. So anyway, whilst in Cairns, I decided to spoil myself and get a hostel room that only had four beds in it.

Jesus Christ. Thereby halving the normal eight to twelve I had experienced before. Oh my God. Vile. Eight to twelve. When I got into the room, there were no other bags on the bed, so I thought that I had won the hostel lottery and secured one by myself for the night. Oh, how wrong I was.

That night, I went out for a few drinks and came back quite late, only to find two other guys fast asleep in two of the single beds available. No problem, I thought. They are fast asleep and it looks like a peaceful night ahead was in store. Then, just as I was falling to sleep, I was woken by the main door opening and the light from the hallway going straight into my eyes. There in the light was a guy staring straight at me, obviously a little drunk, but giving the sense that he was trying to work out the situation in the room before he walked in.

I stared straight back at him and at that point he gave me a little wink and a smile before walking hand in hand with the girl behind him at that point i didn't think much about it but what i had forgotten was that the end of my bed was somehow connected to the end of his therefore when he moved it would send shockwaves through to mine now it is quite obvious where the story is going, but it gets worse. Soon the two of them were quietly, but at some energetic pace, not only rocking their bed, but making me get to the point of feeling seasick. I tried my hardest to pretend I was asleep, hiding my head under the covers, but with each movement, I felt my duvet fall away from the bed little by little to the point I was having to hold on to it for dear life.

I tried to look at the other two guys in the room to rescue me as they were on the opposite side of the room, but the cheeky gits had put earplugs in so they couldn't hear anything. Plus, their beds weren't anywhere close so they couldn't hear anything plus their beds weren't anywhere close so they weren't affected by the movement either this continued for what seemed like an age but then it happened the guy had reached his limit and shot his load at last i thought it's over but what i hadn't realized until that moment is the smell of someone else's cum is quite horrific

this smell came over my bed like a tidal wave of the Poseidon and instantly made me gag as sick started to build up in my mouth. I managed to hold it in, but the room at that point was the last place I wanted to be. So I waited until they had fallen asleep,

grabbed my stuff and got out of that room as fast as I could. I spent the rest of the night sleeping on a sun lounge around the pool, a much fresher and motion-free environment. Jesus Christ. From seasick to semen sick just oh that's wonderful so my question is do you prefer a creaming pasta sauce to a tomato one

and that's from nathan uh from surrey oh man the smell of someone else's cum nathan that was beautiful. Thank you so much. Absolutely wonderful. Oh, God. But, I mean, that was one of many. Oh, man. But, I mean, let's just dissect it for a moment. I mean, the beds attached to each other, what is that? Well...

Who is this girl? I don't... I expected of the man, I don't know if I'm being sexist here, I expected of the man, the drunk man, to go, I'll just come back and have sex with this. I'm in a hostel room with four strangers, but I don't care because I'm being sexist here i expected of the man the drunk man to go i just come back and have sex with this i'm in a hostel room with four strangers but i don't care because i'm a bloke and i want to have sex but am i being for the do you know what i mean you you clearly have not met enough women because i know tons of women like that it doesn't matter if you're male

or female oh my god i mean i don't know them personally, but I've met a lot of women. And you know what? I'm very much of the crack on. I don't think it matters. I couldn't. It must have been like filming a porn. Well, I think it's rank when other people are there. I will stick by that.

I don't care how many people have had sex with. Strangers. Yeah. How could he smell his cum? Where did it go? Where did the cum go? And how much was there for him to be able to smell it from the other side of the room? Well, see, I don't know if he could smell it.

I think he might just be like, oh, he's cum. Aware of it. And I can smell it. Someone told me, right, years ago, someone's older brother when I was 14 or something told me that when um when a like bloke masturbates it gives off like a really strong smell that the bloke himself can't smell but other people can yeah but i don't know if it was a wine to this day i don't know if it was a wind-up no i can imagine that being true do you know what i mean i don't know if it was a wind-up for me because my mates older brother they go you know your mom and dad can smell when you want to do you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know if it was a wind-up for me because my mates told their brother to go, you know,

your mum and dad can smell when you've had a wank. Well, do you... See, I can't keep saying cum because it makes us feel ill. Right. Do you think semen smells? Does your semen smell? It smells like Yorkshire pudding mix.

Oh, God. Seriously? Yeah, I think it smells like Yorkshire pudding mix. Oh, Jesus. Why? This is just taking a really disgusting turn.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know what everyone else's smells like. I imagineudding Mix. Oh, Jesus. Why? This is just taking a really disgusting turn. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what everyone else's smells like. I'd imagine it would be that. I've smelled some foisty semen in my life. I've never smelled anyone else's. Isn't that well done? Lucky you. Pat myself on the back.

Well done. Well, congratulations. Me pat myself on the back. I mean, that's really upsetting that my husband thinks that his semen smells like Yorkshire puddings because I don't think

it does no I don't know I don't know what it smells like oh god don't be telling everyone I hope Robin

never listens to this oh hey man you got a man up man it's for the entertainment of the people man they're loving this can I get enough of it what does your cum

smell like email in do not email in the will do not email in the will not the will in the will do not email that in i got a story actually um matthew ashton who is uh my lego friend from lego masters who actually came to strictly last week those uh the eagle eyed viewers will have seen him in the crowd uh cheering us on um he told me at the weekend

that he was in a hostel in new york Yeah. And it was when he was a student. I was intern, sorry, in New York. And he was in a room with three blokes. And he said it nicely. He said they didn't have the best hygiene. So basically they stunk. And they had loads of unfinished food and wrappers and like balls of cereal and loads of stuff just littered all over the place. And he says he went to bed in one of the nights, went to sleep.

And he heard like rustling in the night. And he was like, who's in the room? I turned the light on. And he said the floor was just covered. No. Covered. Like Indiana Jones, like covered in mice and rats. Just like.

So they were just rinsing everything. And he says he just lay there, just terrified. And then waited until the morning when they'd all gone and, like, ran downstairs. Oh, my God. Checked out and complained. He literally, say, turned the light on, and it was just the floor was moving.

Oh, my God. Like a moving carpet with rats and mice. That's horrible. Isn't that unbelievable? Unbelievable. And these three Mingers were just, like, happy. They were fine with it. Fast asleep.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Disgusting. Here's another with it. Fast asleep. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Disgusting. Here's another little cheeky hostel one. Brilliant. Hi, Rose and Chris. So listening to the podcast of the day about hostels

and I totally agree with you. Defo not my cup of tea. Although New Year's Eve 2018 slash 19, my boyfriend wanted to spend it in Palestine. You know, people always say shit like that to me, and I always think, what's going on? I don't know. Am I boring and untravelled?

Do you know when people always go like, oh, I'll tell you where's nice, Iraq. You go, what, really? I mean, now, as you said, it's not as bad as you think, as we stayed at the Banksy Hotel. Right. That's pretty cool.

Right. You know, it might be nice i don't know yeah i normally avoid places that i've seen war on the news yeah and that's not me being a an idiot here i just normally avoid war-torn places that are always in some kind of political turmoil yes call me old-fashioned so Call me old-fashioned. Safely so. Call me old-fashioned, but, you know, that's just what I do. I agree. So, now, it's not as bad as you think, as we stayed at the Banksy Hotel, as he's a huge fan. The walled-off hotel, amazing place.

Ultimately, it's a hostel, especially if you don't get one of the artist's rooms. Unbeknown to me, though, my fella was planning to propose. Oh, in a hostel. What a guy. He's a keeper. Which was epic because he had told me he wasn't into marriage. So that's nice. It was a great night. Not in the most romantic of

places and even more so because we were staying in the bunk room. That's actually the name when you book it. So that's nice. We couldn't even share a bed of the night of the proposal and was sharing the room with two of our randomers. For fuck's sake. God, I hope you said no.

She sent pics and she just said that. It's always something she'll remember to tell the kids. But can you imagine getting engaged, going back to a hostel and sleeping in separate beds with two strangers. So happy. Can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I love you.

Night. It's going to be just me and you, darling. It's going to be just me and you after the night when we're with these two fellas. What the hell? Honestly. Oh, please tell the story of that engagement that you found. What was it again? Right. I know the one you're talking about

right in Bruges yes right so I've told this story in my stand up but it was when I was doing a smaller tour so you know

I know that I know that everyone listening might not have heard it so a friend of mine did you have 8 million people go to your tours I didn't have 8 million

people go to my tours no I think we're all right so a friend of mine was planning to propose to his girlfriend, and he thought he had it all planned out perfectly. And she basically knew, because, you know, women just know these things.

And he was planning to walk down a certain street in Bruges where the sun was sort of setting at the right kind of time, and he was going to walk ahead and stumble and then turn around on one knee as if he'd fallen over and she'd be like oh no you're falling over then he was going to open the the ring box and be like bam surprise motherfucker like right in her face and he was so excited and she was like every time she was leaving the hotel room every time they were popping out she was like i know he's gonna do it at some point but you didn't know when so

like even if they were just popping out for a walk she was like always dolled up for the photos and the selfies and stuff yeah so they're walking down this thing and he's got it in his pocket he's prepared and he's probably gonna do it and she's waiting she's like it's gonna be this moment it's gonna be this moment oh god i can feel i can feel it and he sort of stumbles and he turns around he gets on one knee and he whips the ring out and she shouted at the top of her voice not here it smells like piss not here it smells like piss and he just closed the ring box and stood up and just walked away i love that story so true though isn't it yeah it's amazing i would i would hate to know that i was being proposed to yeah you full on caught me off guard like I had

no idea proper lo-fi man wasn't it lo-fi no but it was well one it was after six months so I was a bit

shocked go hard or go home well yeah but I had no idea I was in my jammies in the house yeah it was very sweet

I'd just woke up from a nap when I proposed I got back from Canada hadn't I I was jet lagged and i was just waiting for the i was waiting for it to be dark enough to set up set a load of candles up for the candles to actually light up oh that was really sweet i'm just thinking about it now but can you remember though can you remember what you exactly said right so you went through to me as a cup of tea from the kitchen and i said don't come through yet i've got a surprise and i lit all these candles and i put a song on and i had like a box like the i left the fuck i left the ring in the box in the

bag didn't i weird i should have just had it in the little box but i left it in like a bag like a jewelry bag and everything like an idiot i wasn't thinking straight but um remember we're proposing you were like crying and you said yes and then you were like when i was making a cup of tea remember you when i was making a cup of tea and you'd said you had a surprise i thought you were just going to be wearing a mankini or something i was like that's i did that's the level you think i'm at i know i thought professional comedian just gets back from montreal just for laughs comedy festival and proposed to his girlfriend but no you think i've just got from back from one of the biggest most prestigious comedy festivals in the world with a fucking man keen no i should have took the ring

back off you when you said that in my defense we've been going out for six months yeah and you were like it was about half nine at night you just woke up from a nap because yeah we're jet lagged we're both in pajamas and you were like go get a cup of tea don't come in i was like oh he's dressing up what's he bought do you know what i mean like what's he got fancy dress but no you were proposed i was like bloody hell oh it was lovely it was very nice very sweet but i would hate to know i'd hate that i hate these girls who i knew someone for it well i knew somebody who um the guy got her a ring and he it was like I'm sure it was a bit of the moon. It was something ridiculous. A bit of the moon?

No, but... Is that a thing? Hi, can I have an engagement ring, please? Yes, sir. Would you like a new range? New range here. We've got bits of the moon. How many bits of the moon?

Well, you can have one bit of the moon if you want for £3,000. Or you can have two bits of the moon for £6,000. You can have three bits of the moon how many bits of the moon well you can have one bit of the moon if you want for three thousand pound or you can have two bits of the moon for six thousand pounds you can have three bits of the moon listen it did nine thousand i think it had a bit of the moon in it right of the moon and you know i'm not disputing the fact that it had a bit of the moon in it but the way you said it like the moon is a fucking cake spit that's got a slice of moon in this it just it had a bit of the moon in it say that there speck of moon dust there it is it's got a bit of the moon anyway so it had a bit of moon in it was really expensive anyway not a moon rock not a bit of the moon phenomenal this ring had been to the moon okay right yeah the first moon trip cool with neil buchanan it had been there my lad he'd love that neil armstrong neil buchanan would love that. He would just do a drawing,

he'd do a big heart attack. Massive heart attack he could do on the moon, couldn't he? Wow. He probably has now. He could draw your name in sand. He probably has. If we go on the moon again,

we should send Neil Buchanan to do a big heart attack. I agree. I'd be well behind that. Do you think anyone would see it? I'm going to start a change.org petition. Kickstarter. I'm going to Kickstarter

to send Neil Buchanan to the moon and send send me a Buchanan to the moon and do a big art attack moon art attack this is one small art attack for man

one giant art attack for mankind oh god love him so this ring with a bit of moon in yeah yeah cost a lot of money and so when he proposed earth money or moon a bit of moon in it Yeah, yeah Cost a lot of money

And so when he proposed Earth money or moon money? Bit of both Shut up Sorry He proposed Yeah And she didn't like the ring

Brilliant So she got him to change it You know when you're like Oh, that's really I know a few people have done that actually That's gonna ruin That's gotta ruin it a bit, hasn't it? Yeah.

I hate it when people go, I've been badgering him to propose, but he hasn't proposed yet. Oh, yeah. All good marriages stop like that. I wonder why. I wonder why, love. Yeah, it won't put a ring on it.

Well, you know. God. Dear Rosie and Chris, just want to say I absolutely love the podcast Thank you very much So much in fact I listened to it Whilst I had surgery

What? Sticking with the theme Of the podcast On my toes What? Okay I had an overly curved toenail On both big toes

So I had nail surgery Google at your own risk Oh God Is that just because He hasn't cut his toenails? I'm going to Google it while I'm sitting here. It's called overly curved toenail. Overly curved nails. Here we are.

Are they just long or is that actually something? No, it's curved the other way from left to right. Not from back to front, from left to right. Just today, my friends asked me if I get undressed in the shower or before I get in. Sorry? As you can imagine, I was very confused and asked her what she meant,

and it turns out she gets undressed in the shower. People are incredible. I just love it. So she gets undressed in the shower, as in under people are incredible i just love it so she gets undressed in the shower as in under the running water no way all my friends were absolutely in shock she claims she does it to check the temperature which i believe to mean she got in in her in her underwear but no she gets in the shower and under the water in her full clothes that she'd been wearing all day, including jeans. No fucking way, man. Just curious if this is as mental to you as it is to me. Yes, that's very strange behaviour.

Wow. But do you know what's weird? I'm not going to go, that doesn't happen, because it probably does. Yeah, I'm not surprised anymore. No, I'm not surprised anymore. So she gets in. At first I thought you meant like

into the cubicle or whatever and then take your clothes off and hide them over the top of the cubicle but she gets in. Why would you do that anyway? I don't know.

Why would you get in fully clothed? She gets in fully clothed. She's probably one of these people who really hates being cold. Oh. So to check the temperature of the shower

so she like gets in in her clothes so she's not cold and then gets like the shower on her shower so she gets in, in her clothes, so she's not cold, and then gets the shower on her. That is the... What does she do with the soaking wet clothes then? I don't know. Maybe she washes them while she's in there.

I've done that before. Have you? Yeah. What have you done? I've washed my clothes while I've had them on. Really? When I used to work at Pond's. You got into the shower fully clothed

and washed the clothes as if it was a shower. As if it was a washing. Why did you do this? Because I didn't have any wash tokens for the washing machine. You didn't have any tokens for the washing machine. What did you wash your clothes with in the shower? Soap. Soap.

I rescued you from a life of squalor so you got into the shower so hold on right so you got into the shower with a bar of soap was it a bar of soap no it gets worse

was it a bar of soap yes and you washed as if you were washing your skin but you were washing your clothes but I had my uniform on and you were washing them with soap it gets worse how can it get worse because it wasn't a proper shower but you were washing your clothes. But I had my uniform on. And you were washing them with soap.

It gets worse. How can it get worse? Because it wasn't a proper shower. It was one of them things that you put on the plug. So you hold it. A shath. Is that what they call it? No, that's what I call them, a shath.

So it was a bath with no shower, but a tube. So I was sat down. So you were sat down, fully clothed, holding a shower head, washing yourself, washing your clothes that are on you with some soap. God damn it.

That. Was it your Pontons? Please tell us it wasn't your actual Pontons uniform and it was one of the animal costumes. No, we used to wear

tracksuits during the day. So it was that. Tracksuit. Fucking tracksuit. In day so it was that is there anything scummier in this world than someone sat in a bath holding a shower head soaking in their clothes washing their tracksuit pants with that they're wearing with a bar of soap all you need is a cigarette in your mouth and that is the scummiest thing that's ever happened in the world i'd only turned 18 in my defense like i didn't do it all the time wow i know happy 18th i didn't have any money i was so skinned

I was so skinned. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I wanted to write in and tell you about my fiancé's disgusting toilet habit. Brackets, as I know you love poo chat so much. Well, we do. Do you know what? We don't get any complaints, though. Nobody messages going, you're talking about shit all the time.

So, if you don't like it, don't listen. We're not forcing you to listen. If you don't like hearing about poo, then this is not the podcast for you. And it it's free i don't understand people who whinge about stuff that's free it's free neither do i doing i know not that anyone's whinge but it's just i see on other podcasts and you see things are people going and you don't listen to it then delete it from your phone imagine going around costco where they give out free bits of cake and that and going this is disgusting all right then fuck off put it back don't buy it exactly okay whenever he poos he leaves massive skid marks all down the toilet bowl all down the toilet bowl not under the water line but down the side we're talking basically half a turd stuck to the side of the bowl

stuck to the side of the bowl. It's so grim. He doesn't clean them off either and whenever I pull him up on it, he says, wait for it. He'll wee them off throughout the day. Yep. He uses these little, sticky sticky turdy limpets like fucking target practice it makes me want to puke

so he doesn't clean the toilet he just throughout the day weighs them off and that's her fiancee it's the way he said it it's the way i'll do it during the day like like i've look i've got my day sorted right i've got um you know i've got one of them big gallon things of water i'm staying hydrated and i'll pop up every time and i'll just do a bit literally yeah i'll do a bit of pressure washing don't worry about that love don't you put yourself out like his own little culture like his own little culture that's amazing that's don't you put yourself out like his own little I'll sort this out like his own little car chair it's hilarious that's amazing

that's amazing I've got to say like fellas listening I've got to say I always do feel a little bit of satisfaction but also a little bit minging

when I have to do that to someone else's in a public toilet oh when someone has left on and I think well I'm only having a week right I'll clean this off

yeah just give it a once over that's horrible the amount I think I've I don't know if I've said it in my standard but I think, well, I'm only having a wee. Right, I'll clean this off. Yeah. Just give it a once over. That's horrible. I don't know if I've said it in my standard. I might have even said it on the podcast. But the amount of time I spend, especially on the train toilet,

wiping other men's wee off the toilet seat. Yeah, yeah. So that the next person in doesn't think I've wee'd all over the toilet seat. I know. It's a bloody nightmare. Have I told you this story before? When I was younger, I used to go out with a guy

Who went to Leeds Uni Yeah And one night We were in a club And there was a massive queue For the women's toilets Right There was none for the men's right

So I went in there with him Yeah I sat on the toilet I swear to God It was wet Yeah Soaking wet Of course it was

I got a rash Did you? I swear to God I got a rash All down the back of my thighs a wee rash off just

other men's rank of piss I've probably got some sort of internal STD that I just don't know about

STW STW? it's a thing Rosie oh how did Rosie die? she had STW you are just scum you are proper scum I You are proper scum.

I was really a bit drunk and I didn't think about putting like toilet roll down. I've got to be fair. It gets worse. It was one of them. It didn't really have a seat so it was just like a metal and no more. Oh goodness. Nightclub toilets are honestly hell on earth. They're disgusting.

They are hell on earth. Have you ever fell asleep in a toilet? No. Oh. What do you mean? You've never fell asleep in a club toilet? No. Have you?

Yes. When? When I was younger. I used to do it all the time. In which clubs? All the time. Just loads of them. I used to go out and do it all the time In which clubs? All the time Just loads of them I used to live in

I used to go out and fall around All the time So you used to just go to the toilet Sit on the toilet and fall asleep? I didn't No I wasn't normally sitting on the toilet It was just like on the floor Against the door

Wow I genuinely used to have a little kip Wow And I remember Waking up and feeling a bit better Good lord And then going back out Disco naps in the toilet

Cheeky little disco naps. Is the floor not covered in wee? Probably. God. Chris. No I'm not. I was young. Honestly, I rescued you from a life of squalor. When I proposed to you that day no wonder you thought I was going to have a mankini

what you're fucking used to. Probably thought I was going to cover myself in my own shit and set myself on fire. That's probably what your other fellas did. Christ alive. Oh, God. Honestly, I dragged you out of the gutter. I'd have literally, I'd have just been living in hostels,

wouldn't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have been, right? Do you know what it is, though? You wouldn't even be staying in the hostel, right? Someone else would be staying there and in the night they'd hear rustling and they'd turn the light on

and you'd be on the floor with the rats eating all this shit. It's time for this week's Celebrity Question. Celebrity Question. And it's from an absolute legend. I'm a big, big fan

of this lady. Not only is she extremely talented and an incredible actress she's very, very funny and really lovely when I met her in person that time.

Dead canny. It is Sian Gibson. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Love you. It's Sian Gibson here. I've got a question for you. Being a ginger, I just want to ask you, how would you feel about your son bringing home a ginger? now i do i deliberately didn't let you hear that question so that's the first time rosie's heard that well i personally like to call it strawberry blonde whisper and peach um i wouldn't i know some lush gingers. Oh, I wouldn't care at all, but what an amazing question. It's brilliant. It's not as much of the thing now, is it?

When we were... Ed Sheeran's fixed it. Ed Sheeran and Prince Harry have fixed it for everyone. And Ron Weasley. Yeah. Move that grin. Sorry, you can't call him Ron Weasley. Listen, call him by his real name.

Ron Weasley. Yeah, sorry. Little Ron. He'll always be 11. Yeah, sorry. Little Ron. He'll always be 11. Yeah. As if when you were a kid, you used to just hammer ginger people and rip the piss out of them.

But it's really harsh. I'm so glad it's finished. I can't say I ever did it to people's faces. I don't think that was a thing. I personally wasn't. You just did it behind their back. Oh, that's nice. No, but I wasn't personally involved

in attacking any ginger people. I didn't attack them, but yeah. Well, there was a girl who lived up my street that we used to call Ginger Ninja. Right. Well, that's harsh. I don't think I ever said it to her face. That's harsh. It's true.

It's mad, isn't it, how it was a thing? It's a beautiful colour of hair. And loads of good looking. Yeah, I agree. Greg Rutherford. Another ginger legend. Yeah. Keith Lemon.

Ginger legend. Yeah. It's really cool now, though. Yeah. It's like quirky. yeah I agree Greg Rutherford another ginger legend yeah Keith Lemon ginger legend yeah it's really cool now though yeah it's like it's like quirky it's gone the other way hasn't it yeah

my best friend's test little girl Nancy's little ginger ninja yeah which is lush yeah you know it's always

been quite red hair in America has always been quite a sort of sexy thing has it yeah yeah it was only about hair where it's a bit

like isn't it going to end soon? How? Where did I read this? I read some way. Here we go guys, what we're about to get is we're about to get half half of half

of whatever Rosie read. So she's read it, she's only took half of it when she's read it and then what we're about to get is we're about to get the half that she understood slash remembered rosie what did you read so i read a little while ago that ginger people are gonna like fade out soon because they're not they're not having sex with enough ginger people or that's fucking bullshit ginger chromosomes I don't know

something like I've read it I've read it I keep seeing you read it yeah yeah say it say absolute bollocks and then just say

I've read it and that'll back up your bollocks well I might have read it or I might have seen a tweet about it or a buzzfeed article

I've just got no idea what you're talking about oh man this is where this is where I falter in life falter is that the is where I falter in life. Falter? Is that the word?

I think so. Fail in life. Sometimes you say words and I don't know what's happening. Well, no, because I sometimes read something and I think that's really interesting. I could impress my friends with that. But when it comes to actually telling the story, I can't remember the full facts.

Great. And then I just say, ginger, people are going to die out. Right, that's absolutely not a thing. She's talking shit. Don't email in. Don't get upset. I bet I'm not, you know.

I have read it somewhere. Stop digging the hole. Stop it. There was a picture of a ginger person on it. Right. I don't know. That's no proof. That backs nothing up.

Well, you know what's embarrassing? I probably told a few people that. Oh, fucking hell. Right, about to go and make some phone calls. Try and remember who you think. We'll ring them now and tell them it was bollocks. Sorry, Ed. That's it.

End of the podcast. Put your chair back. Thank you so much for listening. We've loved having you. Is that the chair that they pulled up at the beginning? That's the chair they pulled up at the beginning. You knew I was going somewhere with that. Excellent.

Listen, plug your tour. Shirt your shirt. Oh, yeah. Tour's been extended all the way through 2020. Please vote this weekend on Strictly for Me. And, Karen, that would be lovely to stay in and get another week of absolute hammering from the judges. Look forward to that.

This has been episode 35. Thank you so much for listening. As always, shagbarinoid at gmail.com if you want to get in touch with stories, with questions, with whatever you want. It's goodbye from me. It's goodbye from the chocolate chip pig. Nice one.

And this episode... Augustus! Get off the chocolate chocolate chip pig. Nice one. And goodbye. Augustus! Get off the chocolate! This episode is dedicated to every teacher that ever told us to stop talking. Yeah. In your face, bitches. Screw you, Mr. Smith-Wood.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece symphony exploder april 5th at roy thompson hall for tickets visit tso.ca rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first

ontario center in hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game. And you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.