Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 36. Final Warning

Episode Date: October 18, 2019

This week Chris and Rosie have shared massage beef. They talk favourite fridge pickings, Chris comes up with a new invention and they receive possibly the best email yet... Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Hello. You're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris.

Can you believe he's standing strictly? I know neither can I, Ramsey. I had no idea where that was going. Well, I can't believe it either. Me neither. So there we go. Very good. Guys, thank you so much for listening.

This is episode... 36. Is it really? I've got no idea what episode it was. Well, I mean, I said that with a lot of conviction, but I don't know if I'm right. It might be episode 37, you know, I'm not sure. 37, I think that's my favourite number.

Okay, just throwing that out there randomly, eh? I don't... How could 37... In what world does 37 things appear to be your favourite number? I don't know, What do you mean? Well, someone's favourite number is normally somewhere between 1 and 10, not 37. Why not? It just seems like it wouldn't come up that much in life.

I really like it. Hey, each to their own. No, just when you said it then, I was like, I quite like 37. Right, well, let's hope for your sake that this is episode 37. But it might be 36, but I'm it then. I was like, I quite like 37. Right. Well, let's hope for your sake that this is episode 37. But it might be 36. But I'm not sure. And I don't care. Because I'll tell you what's more important than that.

What number it is? The message from this week's lucrative sponsor. Still. Still. Still. Still. Still. Still.

Still. Still. Still. Still. Still. Still. Still. This week's sponsor is Earwax.

Oh, come on. Earwax. Hey. Earwax. Hey. Those Apple headphones a bit too. Ear wax? Hey. Hey. Ear wax. Hey, those Apple headphones a bit too white for you? Ear wax. Yeah, it's not nice, is it? Yeah.

It gets scruffy. That white towel a bit too white for you? Give them a good dry with the old fingers through there? Ear wax. A towel? You get little bits of yellow on, don't you, if you dry your ears with your towel? Who dries their ears with a towel? I do, and I get earwax on the towels.

And I've just realised by your face that that's probably not a normal thing. I'm a little bit upset. You dry your ears with the towel? How? How big is your ear? So you can't get your finger in your ear with a towel wrapped around it? No. Not like all the way around, just a bit?

No. You have got really small ears. AirPods don't go in your ears properly The AirPods stick out horizontally You look like Shrek Is that why so many people ask us What AirPods I've got Do they not look like

Normal AirPods No they look Yours look like you've put Like a cotton bud in And snapped it off And it's just pointy I have got really little ears Tiny ears

Just like my vagina Hey Fair enough Hey Little secret special treat From Earwax Mae gen i ddwy o glwyddoau bach, fel fy nghyfyn. Hei. Gwych. Hei. Rheswm bach o gwmpas e-wax. Weithiau, mae'n clywed clic yn eich ear, ac mae ychydig o gwmpas e-wax wedi cael ei ddwylo ar eich ear. Mae'n eich eir i'ch cadw,

a'i ddynnu i ffwrdd. E-wax. Gwych. Mae'n ychydig. E-wax. Dyma ni. Ydy'n ychydig? Yn amlwg, nid dweud wrthym mai dydych chi ddim wedi cwmpas e-wax eich hun. Mae gen i'r slogen am e-wax there we go does it stink of course it's don't tell me you've never smelt your own earwax

I've got the I've got the slogan for earwax don't make a candle out of it there you go that's the slogan for earwax

because it'll stink yeah that's it is that it that's it great they're getting worse they're getting

it's not even it's not even like things that you could use anymore it's just stuff well it's taken on a life of its own, to be fair.

But don't slag off earwax because they are paying this month's rent. Wow. So there you go. Right. Here's the jingle. Just forget. What is wrong with you? We've got a jingle. A really good jingle that you made. You need to tell people about it. Now. I'm too busy thinking about 37.

Here's the jingle. Oh, God. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle.

We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Jingle. Jingle. Hello. Welcome back, come on in Shut the door behind you babe Get yourself a seat

I think that's a nice, I think this is my new way of starting the podcast now As if they're here It sounds like I'm at a hotel spa Do you like it? Have I got one of them good voices? It's the sort of The breathy whisper Which oil would you like? Would you like the lavender

or would you like or the sit more citrus we both went for citrus that's terrible come on in don't I don't know nah you've run out

I've run out that was terrible I don't even know how to start off is the pressure okay for you god yeah it's really irritating isn't it just quickly do you remember when we went for massages I don't even know how to start up. Is the pressure okay for you? God. Yeah.

It's really irritating, isn't it? Just quickly, do you remember when we went for massages and we were in different rooms and you got a massage and you didn't stop talking? I do remember that. And I was next door like, she has not stopped talking. She was so loud. She was talking so much to me, you could hear her in the next room. And I was like, I don't know how, I didn't know how to go.

Do you want to shut up? Taxi drivers and people giving you a massage, you can't tell them when to shut up. And it's really irritating. But you should be able to. I don't think you should be spoke to when you're having a massage. Unless you are really chatty. You say it really. What are you saying?

What? Say massage. Massage? No, you were saying massage. Massage? Is that not right? Massage. Massage. No, you were saying massage. Massage, is that not right? Massage. Massage. A massage. Massage.

You're putting a J in the end. Massage. It's got a J in? A J on the end. Massage. I'm saying massage. Are you? I don't know.

I don't know. Was I saying massage? I think you were saying massage. All right. Well, what? Anyway, the thing where they rub your back everybody knew what it was basically

so you just picked me up when I say weird things I know so I just thought I'd pick you up as well I don't think I was saying it bad that's what this is like massage

like tosh my hole Jesus no no don't use a longer word to remember the shorter word good god

yeah taxi drivers and people giving you a massage you should be able to literally hold, you should be able to flick a little switch that goes, don't speak. Yeah. Don't speak to us.

I agree. Do you know what? I don't enjoy getting a massage. There you go again. What'd I do? Massage. It's weird the way you go, massage. All right, sorry.

It's okay. It's not, Rosie, you know I had to pick it up or someone would have tweeted you or instead you're going, I don't know what you're saying. Look, it's always one of the ones that start with, I love all your stuff, but I don't like the way you say massage.

What about the one the other week on Twitter? Oh, shag married annoyed. I can't stand that Geordie accent. All right then, well, don't listen. Guess what, motherfucker? Turn it off. I know. Don't listen.

Don't download it. For free, you dick. Anyway, I don't like massages no not really i always think oh i'll go and it'll be so relaxing and i'll just switch off can it do you get a do you get a stiffy is it awkward always always get a stiffy no i just find that i start thinking more you do yeah you come. You come out, like, you come out wired. I've seen you. Yeah. When it's really quiet, I think more.

And then when you've got your head in that thing and you're looking down at the floor, I get a blocked nose. I do. I get a blocked nose. It does kind of push on your sinuses. And I don't enjoy it. And I'm just like, this is so uncomfortable.

And then I just always, like, and I'm not prude at all, and I don't mind being touched, but when they're going near me bum, I'm like, what happened? You know when everyone's different, you're like, are they going to, like, massage me bum? Are they going to touch me bum? I just don't know. Sometimes they've gone really close, and I'm like, ooh.

It's when they fold the towel down into your underpants and, like, expose the very top of your arse crack, and you're like, no way. I know. No way. I don't know what I signed up for here. But some of them don crack and you're like, no, hey. I know. No, hey, I don't know what I signed up for here. But some of them don't. Some of them do. Some of them don't.

I'm like, what's this? Is she tricky? I've never had one off a man before. No, I think they kind of try and just do, I think women can do men and women, but men can just do, I don't know. I don't know what the rules are. Neither do I. I don't know what the rules are.

But no, I don't enjoy it. Well, did I tell you about the first one that Strictly made us go for the first sports massage no did I tell you about this so they had I was really excited

I was like obviously I'm an athlete now I'm dancing so I did a couple of days of dancing I was like oh Chris do you need do you need physio

do you need a massage because you love one don't you yeah I was like do you know what I would I would love a massage yeah I mean

calves are a bit tight you know off these little heels and that and they were like alright great what they're called, your little shoes? My little ballroom, little Cuban heel things that I've got.

Cubies. It's class. Inch, inch. I've got an inch extra that you can save for miles. It's pretty fantastic. Honestly, I'm towering above her. I'm getting nosebleeds and everything. I love it.

Here you wear them for your next concert. Just clonking around the stage. Yeah, so they put us in it. They got us a good car and they were like, oh, and they sent us to like a good sports massage place and I was like,

oh, this is amazing. And I was like, oh, this would be a lovely little way to finish me day. A bit of music, a bit of candles. It's not like, you ever had a sports massage?

Never. You know a normal massage? Yeah. Imagine they're doing that, exactly the same, but they're doing it with a knife. Oh. It hurts.

Oh, really? It hurts so, like it hurts so much. Like, so much. Especially on your calves. She was only this little Australian lass. There was no note on her. She was quite athletic, but quite thin and little.

Petite. That's the word I was looking for. Well done. Honestly, I've never felt pain like that. I was just swaying my head off. Was there no candles or nothing? No candles, no music, nothing. Full bright lights. Like like i was stuck on the shelves at midnight and i was down night shift and it was just and i was i was just like ah and i was at one point i wanted to go i

never had one at one point i want to go are you doing this right because this is i would like this is horrendous like this is so fucking painful so did you know, did you use any oil or out? Yeah, but it was just like, you know, like moisturising stuff. Yeah, yeah. You know when Monica gives Chandler the massage and he's like gutted? Oh, yeah. It was basically that. I was just like, I was in just full on agony.

And I hate it when they touch my feet as well on normal massages. Sometimes I forget to tell them. Oh, I love it, me. Sometimes they go, are you okay to touch your feet? And I go, oh, I'm glad you said that because no, I'm not. And I always honestly someone touched my feet once i nearly knocked my teeth out oh no just it was like a buckaroo i love see i'll say right okay i might do this for the next massage i might be like just massage my feet my shoulders my neck and my head that's all i want yeah so really i just want a neck and head with a bit of feet with a bit of with a bit of could i ask for that i'm thinking Could ask for that. I'm thinking that's what I want.

Because I don't like it anywhere else. Yeah? I don't like it. You know when they do your hands and that, and I'm just like... It is weird when they do your hands. I don't like it. When they get clonked in the middle of your hand and then you pull your fingers. Yeah, and I've got really bad circulation, so I always get pins and needles.

And then I've got a blocked nose. I once had a cough when I went. That was horrible. I was like, this is not enjoyable. I had one once. I can't remember where it was. And the last was like putting our fingers either side of each little bit of my spine and like wiggling it it was honestly the one you can't describe imagine lining up M&M's on a table and just putting them all in a line with your fingers that's basically what it was so weird

was it nice or was it were you like you are making this up as you go along yeah I was like yeah you've yeah you're covering a shift here aren aren't you? Oh, totally. You normally work in the swimming pool. I've had a couple of them where I'm like, oh, she's either bored shitless or new. And then my brain, right, because I'm so weird, I lie there and I'm like, how do they know when to go on the next arm?

So I'm like, is it the music? Have they got a watch on? I agree. Oh. I agree. Because they do one side of Have they got a watch on? I agree. Oh. I agree. Because they do one side of your back, and then they do the other side, and I think,

if they don't do the same amount on each side, am I going to be walking in circles today? Well, this is what I mean. Am I going to be leaning on one edge? But then how do they know? Because then they do everything, then they just put your hand down, really. I like that.

I like how gentle they are with you. I like how they just move your legs and that, and they pick it up, and they just plonk it back down, and it's good. That's nice. I like that bit of the touch. They could just do that to me for an hour. Just pick my arm up and down. Just there you go, babe.

Just up, put it down. What? You were dogging a previous like paw. I don't know. Honestly, that's my favourite bit. Just picking us up and just putting us there. They could just move us around all afternoon. Do you like the bit where they put the towel back up your back

and they just press firmly yes I love that I'm like pressure just like a bit of pressure a little push on your back that's what I like

not the smoothing and that and the knuckles and the motion and the making it up and I just I end up being like right she's done ten strokes on there

how many till the next one then I end up counting the other one. And I'm like, I'm not enjoying this. Yeah, that's not for you. That's not for you. These bloody guys are the strictly thing, man. Honestly, at one point, he sort of had me back at one,

I don't know, it was like a really strange angle. And he went, am I breathing as far as you can? Now breathe out. And as I breathed out, he just put all of his weight really quickly on me back and it clicked. But my legs flicked up like a scorpion. He said I nearly kicked him in the face. Why is that?

Is that like a reflex? I don't know what they're doing. They could be witches. They could be wizards. I don't know what they're doing. Well, no, they're not. They're very highly trained. But they know what's going on.

They go, it's tight here. And I go, how do you know? And he's like, oh, he's like, I can feel whatever it is. Yeah. Crazy. We're talking about this for a long time but this is i remember like do you remember being younger and one of your friends or something giving you a massage you might not done this but just on your neck or like something like that and then i had this one friend i can't even

remember who it is but there was this girl i remember she was doing it was how i can't remember how old i am but anyway and i remember that she was like oh you've got knots oh you're not a little bit same age as me i honestly swear i think i was 16 or 17 yeah full of knots i would talk mom i am full of knots like what's the matter everyone was like shut up but i did in my head i was thinking i'm stressed a bit i'm nine years old i am absolutely i've had it up to here yeah i'm sick i've had it up to here you're not noticing when you go for a massage they go oh yeah it's definitely best if you come back for these once a month oh it's 70 quid is it so i'll come back once a month shall i get you every time shall i i know pull the other one then they write down all the oils that they've used and they're like, this is this.

You get them in the shop, I'm like, I will not be purchasing them. I hate that so much. This is the lavender extract I used on your back. Get that bit of paper in the bin right now, can't you? Nutter. I'll not be using it again,

but I will be keeping it on for the next 24 hours because I feel smooth as fuck. I haven't been in a department store for quite a while. Do they still do the thing with perfume, where they spray it on a little bit of card and give you the little bit of card? Yeah. Do they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've always found that weird. They always ask me. Do you want this aftershave? No. Do you want to know what it smells like on a bit of paper? Not really. Here it is.

You carry that round, awkwardly, until you find a bin. Well, do you know what I do? I put them in my handbag. Like little potpourri for your handbag? Like a little potpourri, or like them things that you put in your neckadrow. Rydyn ni'n cymryd hynny o gwmpas, yn anodd, hyd at y byddwch chi'n dod o hyd i'r bin. Wel, wyddoch chi beth bynnag? Rydw i'n eu rhoi mewn fagrwydd. Fel pwpuri? Fel pwpuri neu'r pethau rydych chi'n eu rhoi yn eich drôl. O, byddai'n dda yn y cas glas. Gwneud eich cas glas yn ymddygiad. Mae'n ystod y cyfnod iawn.

Ond yna, byddwn i ddim yn hoffi hynny oherwydd byddwn i'n rhoi fy nglasau arno a byddai'n iawn ar fy nôs. Iawn, iawn, yn ffynnach. Rydych chi'n gwybod fy mod yn hoffi y cwmniadau. Yn ystod y drôl, mae'n bwysig y cwmniad. Ie. A ydych chi'n cofio, a ydych chi oig o'ch droi'n ymlaen? Nid. Fel papur cwm, neu unrhyw beth? Nid. Nid? Nid oeddet ti'n gwneud hynny? Nid. Papur cwm? Oedd eich mam oedde? Nid. Beth ydych chi'n ei olygu? Efallai y gallech chi ddewis papur yn y llinell? Ydy hynny'n yr hyn oedd yn y droi pan fyddwn ni wedi symud i mewn i'r tŷ?

Ie. Oedd yna papur bwyd? Nid, nid. Mae'n fath o papur cwm. Nid oeddem ni'n cael papur cwm ond roedd fy mam amser, sy'n rhywbeth anodd iawn oherwydd roedden ni'n rhywbeth sgrwffi mewn ffordd eraill, ond roedd hi'n dod i ddewis y bach o'r bach smelly paper. We didn't have smelly paper but my mum sometimes which is really strange because we were a bit scruffy in other ways but she used to buy like the little packets of like lavender stuff

and put them in with knicker drawers but then you'd have it in for like three years and you'd be like this doesn't work anymore why is it still in? Surely that just makes

the knickers that are touching it smell like lavender in places and less than don't. Just the whole drawer would just smell nice so it was lovely. It was part of my childhood.

Another thing seeing as we're playing member member berries remember do you remember them little bath bombs that were like

little grapes them were nice no oh you've never lived gee what listen don't you talk to me

about never lived I once got Sonic the Hedgehog bubble bath for Christmas and it made the water blue and I had three baths that day and it was the best day ever

so shut up end of discussion the little bath you got these little bath bombs but they were like slippery okay and um you put them in the bath and yes they were like little marbles they're little soft marbles what did they do they just kind of melted right but they were just quite fun to have in the bath okay just only at christmas didn't happen very often only at christmas yeah i know do you know what? You're talking about that. You know that bubble bath that you bought?

I bought that the other day on just a normal shop. Hey, you're spoilt rotten. The matey. The ahoy matey stuff. That was a special occasion in my house growing up. He's so spoilt, isn't he? He doesn't even know. Honestly.

Oh, shit. Can you remember when novelty bubble bath was an amazing present? Yeah, but I get it now on the regs yeah so are you telling me they still do sonic not sonic

sonic bubble bath like Paw Patrol and that and Avengers yeah some of them do I know remember when Robin was addicted to bath bombs

recently about a year ago yeah but his skin went dry really dry I was like maybe we need to lay off the bath bombs it's getting too much we got him a rainbow one from somewhere recently. About a year ago. Yeah, but his skin went dry. Really dry. I was like, maybe we need to lay off the bath bombs. It's getting too much. There was a rainbow one from somewhere

and it just, it was rainbow for a second and the water was just a dark brown. Yeah, really, really bad. Well, I've got a friend, Jojo, who works at Lush. Yeah. And so she gives away all the broken ones and that, doesn't she? I forgot about that, yeah. We're like broken biscuits.

We get broken bath bombs. I'm like, woo! Like a broken biscuit so you can get a Beamish. We get the broken bath bomb. And in a hundred years there'll be a lush at Beamish and you too will get

broken bath bombs. Yeah, I love Beamish. Do you want to... Shall we talk about Strictly? Shall we talk about Strictly? Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-da! Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-da! That song,

that is the best song ever. Who wrote that? I don't know, but even when the band played it live in the show, Yn siwr, byddwn yn siarad am Strictly. Bap bada bap bap bada bap bada bada bada bada bada Mae'r cerdd yna'n un o'r cerdd gorau oedde. Pwy ysgrifennodd hynny? Dwi ddim yn gwybod, ond hyd yn oed pan fydd y band yn ei chwarae yn fyw, mae'n dda. Mae'n gwneud chi'n ddiddorol. Mae'n gwneud chi'n gwneud hynny ac yn gyffrous iawn. Felly sut ydych chi'n teimlo amdano, Chris? Sut mae'r holl beth yn mynd? Ydych chi'n mwynhau eich hun? Mae'n iawn. Mae'r bôlau o fy ffôd yn gweithio.

Rwy'n dal i fynd ar y bôlau o fy ffôd. Ond roeddwn i'n cael nos yn ddiddorol ystod y nos diwethaf, oeddwn i. Yn ddiddorol? Ydych chi'n trafod eich bregdawr? the balls of my feet are hurting, so I'm still up on the balls of my feet. But I had a weird night the other night, didn't I? I, Monday night... Are you discussing your breakdown? Your strictly breakdown? I'm going to discuss my strictly breakdown. Do you know why? Because it does strange things to your head. So what happened was,

me and Karen had to train on Monday night at four till nine o'clock, which is quite a late shift. And I came back, and essentially I didn't get a chance to... We'd just started learning new dances. Essentially, I didn't get a chance to decompress. So started learning new dances. Essentially I didn't get a chance to decompress. So I went to bed at about 10 and I lay there and it was just in my mind.

It was really strange. So the dancing and the steps and the ideas and the panic of, oh, we didn't have a full day of training. Will I get it? The Monday panic. Every Monday is horrible because you start again. Yeah. You do your dance on Saturday.

It's great. It's like, yeah, well done. Boom. Monday, start again. Forget last week. Point in fact. Yeah, sorry. Well, Dev and Diane. The genie, Aladdin, absolutely mauled it. Amazing. You would never imagine they would go. Next week, gone because it's a new week.

It's a different dance. Shooketh that they went. Couldn't believe it. I love Dev and Diane. They were my top three with you. I love Dev. I've known him for years and Diane's a lovely lass and I felt terrible it would be horrible not seeing them this weekend

but you know it's the way the show is it goes on well listen not gonna lie it was competition if you want to be real about it let's be real

I think let's be honest I think all of them are a lot better than me no but he was very good I thought Dev was yep we just need Kelvin to go

and Karim and Emma and the other Emma and Mike No, but he was very good. I thought Dev was... Yep. We just need Kelvin to go. And Karim. Karim. And Emma. And the other Emma. And Kath. And Mike. And Kath. And who else?

Dave James. And Michelle. And Michelle. So just need all them to go. And Alex. And you'll be great. Once all them are gone, it'll be a clean home run for the Ramsey.

Go. Where do you go? So I went to bed and I still had it in my head and it was just like running it through in my head as I was in bed and I just couldn't switch off and I got myself

more and more annoyed and nodded off for about five minutes a couple of times and then woke up like panicked, like ready for a fight. I went into the spare room. I went into the spare room.

I didn't tell you this. I went into the spare room. You didn't tell us that you'd woke up every five minutes wanting to fight. No, no, but like on edge as if something, you know what I mean? Like as if you'd, I'd have been ready. I went to the spare room you didn't tell us that you'd woke up every five minutes wanting a fight no no but like on edge as if something

you know what I mean as if you'd heard I'd have been ready I'd have been ready for you as if you'd heard like a broken window kind of thing like what was that

do you know what I mean that was the time I didn't tell you this I went to the spare room and I looked at my clock and it was half past three in the morning by this time

and I was like almost crying I hate them nights yeah and I nodded off and then I woke up quickly and looked at my clock. And it was, I'd only been asleep for 10 minutes. But in that dream, Anton Dubek was given as a standard ovation for getting to sleep.

In that dream, he was like, hey, Chris, he was like, you got to sleep, guy. You did it, lad. You did it. And he was like, and then I woke up. But you know, when you wake up and the dream's still kind of in your head. So as I'm looking at my phone, thinking what time it is, I'm like, oh i'm like oh and in my head i'm like oh cheers on what a bloke it is and i went to the toilet and i realized none of that had happened and i was still i was delirious with strictly it was so crazy it's like strictly crack or something i don't know it's just honestly

it it because it happens i can't train that late ever again because i've got too much of an active mind and i was panicking i was panicking so much about losing half of monday i nearly lost all of tuesday panicking like a mannequin yeah panicking like a mannequin and i turned up sorry i'm just sorry you're right that you have never ever danced i know i keep i feel like i keep having to say it because i feel like you're doing too well and i think people forget yeah and i think you're doing really well because you're working really hard but people i need to put a video out on Instagram or something of you

how terrible you were dancing but I haven't got any I haven't got any videos of you dancing because I've never got on the dance floor anyway ever I might as well tell them this

I went into half past eight on Tuesday morning I went into training into the gym the training room with Karen and the guys with the cameras

I'd had two hours sleep I got to sleep at half five, woke up at half seven, went in at half eight. Karen tried to teach me some steps for half an hour and then said, go home immediately. Sent us home, came home. You gave us a little cuddle. I went to sleep. You sat next to us. I went to sleep. You stroked me head to calm

us down. I had three hours sleep, three and a half hours, back up, tuna pasta, back to the training room at eight o'clock, smashed it. Sometimes it just won't go in and it's pointless. It's pointless trying to do it.

She sent me home like a teacher. It was literally go home and go to sleep, Chris. Crazy. Bless her. I think she needs a medal. Honestly,

she's going to need therapy after this. I think I'm going to break her. Ain't she nice? I think they all must. Like I've said before, they're the winners. Yeah, I couldn't imagine teaching someone who out aren't you nice I think they all must like I've said before they're the winners yeah I couldn't imagine

teaching someone who didn't know how to do something at all how to do it furious but anyway it's going well

it is I'm enjoying still watching it having a little paradise your parties are out of control mate but you know what I'm exhausted

like I'm just I'm partying too hard because a bit like you not being able to get to sleep. Yeah. I'm just, I'm like up a height. You're a little socialite, aren't you?

Well, no, it's like watching that and it's such a big thing. It's like I'm watching a football match when I'm like, come on, Chris. Come on. Come on. And then we're just all so buzzing. Yeah. So that we just stay up and drink a bit more and party, party, party.

It's carnage. And every time I come back, I think the house is going to be a mess and it's not a mess. It's great. It's perfect. I don't know who cleans it and that's not you.

Your mum must stay. Somebody, there's like aunties in that and nannies and they just fill the dishwasher and stuff and kind of clean as they go because I'm very much of the, you're using my house.

Yeah. I've paid for the food and the drink. Yeah. If you don't mind tidying before you go. The amount of leftover party food in this house is absolutely wonderful. I know yeah. I had a mini sausage roll for breakfast the other day. There's always stuff in the fridge.

That's great. Long may it continue. Keep voting guys. Thank you. Don't tell them the wrong number. It'll be on my Insta and that as the show ends on a Saturday get online you can get

three free votes for me and Carrie that's the right number 622-5203 I think I don't know just look it up it's time for

what's your beef there's a shit why do you not realise there's jingles on this podcast because I don't

I don't know I think I just turned up I'm in your dramas do you want to do it yourself today do you want realise there's jingles on this podcast? I don't. Because I don't. I don't know. I think I just turned up. I'm in your dramas. Do you want to do it yourself today? Do you want to do the beef jingle yourself? And we'll give the real jingler a week off. Should I? It's time for Watcha Beef.

Watcha Beef. Watcha Beef. Watcha Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef.

Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Oh, it does feel nice. Does that feel good? You're back in the room. I just think beef's a really good...

Beef. That is a good word, isn't it? Beef. Yeah. It's a good word to say. Slap at the table. Yes. So it was a gentleman first last week,

so let's go ladies first. Rosemary Ramsey, the first of your name, daughter of Sandra, what is your beef? Oh, have I not got a dad, have I not?

Eh? Yeah, you've got, sorry, daughter of Derek. I was trying to get into it because you're doing something weird with your hand. Oh,

I don't know why I'm doing this. You're doing the money sign. I was like, I've got to pay you. What are you doing? I don't know. So guys, so basically, to describe what she was doing, when Macaulay Culkin opens the door to Rob Schneider in Home Alone 2 and he's

standing there wanting a tip and he's flicking his fingers for money. Rosie was just doing that. It was for no reason at all. So I forgot you had a dad. That's all them lucrative sponsors that I'm thinking about my beef with you this week I don't know whether I've mentioned this but I don't think I have

but it's quite a big one it's been happening since the day we got together maybe like a month after we got together so you are very particular when it comes to meat you don't like gristle you don't like any fatty bits You are very particular when it comes to meat. You don't like gristle. No.

You don't like any fatty bits. No. You don't like anything like that. So when I cook most, I cook all of our meals. Yeah. Well, that's a lie because I had a McDonald's breakfast this morning that you didn't cook. So what are you talking about? Stupid.

So. Fair point. what are you talking about stupid so fair point whenever I cook something with meat in I hate watching you eat it because you pick at it and you look at it and I know that you're trying to keep it a secret from me

while you do it but I can tell and then if you if you get a little bit of something that you don't really like you leave it all and i say was that all right and you go i'm just not hungry and i know it's because you found the tiniest little bit of something yeah in that meat and that's it that's ridiculous yeah yeah that's uh absolutely bank right um if you mention this to me ma'am i'm sure you'll have a good 45 minutes slag and match about it because she's exactly the same with us i'm really to the point of way they do the catering it's strictly right the other

day there was kebabs with chicken kebab or vegan kebab i went can i have a vegan kebab and they went oh you're vegan i went no i just i don't eat meat that i haven't chopped up myself and they were like what do you mean? And I was like, people just take like a big wanky bit of chicken and it's got like white gristly bits and you know, fucking feathers still on it and that and they just chop it all up and hide it in the pan and I have to dissect the whole thing.

You have to dissect the whole thing? When was the last time you cut a chicken? You don't do the job, do you? When I cut chicken breast, more goes in the bin than goes in the bowl it's terrible innit why not just stop eating meat

I might as well you know it's very annoying yeah I love it all me if I'm gonna eat meat I will eat every single bit your favourite bit if you bite something

and your teeth bounce up off the gristle that's your favourite bit innit you'll love it I can have a sausage and I can still be eating it ten minutes later just the little bits how long is this sausage just lush You'll love it. I can have a sausage and I can still be eating it 10 minutes later.

Just the little bits. How long is this sausage? Just lush. I love them bits. I love the underneath of a chicken. You do love the underneath of a chicken. The minging bit. They love me.

Oh, I've been watching a lot of Grease 2. You've been watching a lot of Grease 2? How is it possible to watch a lot of Grease 2? Just watched. Actually, I haven't even watched it. I've been listening to it, sorry. You've been listening to Grease. Right, that makes more sense. I've been watching a lot of Grease 2? Just watched... Actually, I haven't even watched it. I've been listening to it, sorry. You've been listening to Grease 2. I've been listening to a lot of Grease 2. Right, that makes more sense, yeah.

I've been watching a lot of Grease 2. But that's where he sits. Did I ever tell you, sorry to interrupt, did I ever tell you about my mate's mate who you went to college with who every day watched a bit of Rocky? I've told you, haven't I? I didn't want to know, but I really want want to know every day he watched a bit of rocky

so he had a uh it was in the days of he had a video recorder in his room and whenever he was you know how if you'd be in your room you put like the radio on yeah you put the telly on he had no air on the telly and he just had a rocky video and every day he would just put press play and however in his room if he's getting in his room, if he's getting ready. No, no, so if he's getting ready or whatever. So Rocky would basically be playing on repeat whenever he was in his room. Right.

Yeah, so he goes up to get ready or whatever. He'll just press play, and it could be up to the final fight scene or whatever. And if he's halfway through getting ready, and it finishes, he just rewinds it. Wow. Puts it on again, and just watches Rocky from the beginning. I don't find that as strange as it is,

because that's kind of what we had to do when you didn't have all the channels. Yeah, but the same thing. And Rocky as well. How fucking pumped up must he have been constantly? Fucking sprinting for the bus. Come on. Come on, Dave.

Constantly buzzing. What a motivational tool. Have you never had a motivational song or anything or a little chorus or something? Mr. Blue Sky can pull us out of most bad moods. Most bad moods can be fixed by Mr. Blue Sky. I had a little verse of a song, which is so weird because it's from the first Grease.

How weird that I've just said Grease 2. Come full circle. Synchronicity. And I used to sing this little song to myself whenever I was like going to be in a bit of a tricky situation or when I was doing something that I was nervous about. Yeah. Go on about. Yeah. Go on then.

Oh. So it's the verse that was there. Sandy, you must start anew. Don't you know what you must do? Hold your head high. Take a deep breath and sigh. And goodbye. You're invited to an immersive listening party

led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret.

It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. I too, Sandra Dee. But you know what's worse? I used to sing it and let me breath. So I'd be like, Sandra, you must...

Hold on, you must have changed her name to Rosie. I didn't. No? I know. I mean, that must start anew. Hold on. You must have changed that name to Rosie. I didn't. No? I know. I mean, that's like crazy behavior. Imagine someone catching this. Rosie, you must start anew. Don't you know what you must do?

Oh, yeah, I did. I used to do that in little situations. That's very nice. Well done, you. Thank you. I wish I'd watched Rocky. It was so much better. Everything must have been amazing,

just running down, tea's ready, just legging it, just hoisting it in his face. Right, what's your beef? My beef with you this week, and I think you might know what it is,

because I think as you did it, I wrote it straight in my phone, you're a disgusting, disgusting person to live with, some of the stuff you do you just hit your elbow on the desk there it was my funny bone your funny bone um what you did the other day you were busy making soup uh and you opened up a vegetable stock pot and you poured the vegetable stock pot in the soup you then opened another vegetable stock pot. You put a spoon in it and you halved

the contents of that stock pot, flicking half of it into the pan. You proceeded to stand less than a metre away from me and eat the remaining half of the vegetable stock pot from the stock pot, sucking it out

using a little teaspoon like a fucking oyster. Like a really intensely vegetable a like a fucking oyster like a really intensely vegetably salty oyster and just little little bits at a time then you're letting it fall back in and i watched you for about five minutes and i went what are you doing and you went what what's wrong with this lovely this look you just ate a raw stock pot is that i really like them it was minging you need to explain what a stock pot is so if you don't know what a stock pot. Is that... I really like them. It was minging. You need to explain what a stock pot is.

So if you don't know what a stock pot is, guys, not a stock cube, a stock pot is essentially... It's like a giant... Have you seen them single-use contact lens cases? It's like a giant contact lens

blister pack. And it's basically jelly. It's like a jelly... It's just delicious. A raw jelly stock cube thing to flavour some vegetables

in the soup and you basically are they really bad for you I think they're very salty it's just the intense flavour of it it's like crazy

it's like eating a lemon like an apple like the amount of flavour you're feeling in your face I could eat an oxo stock cube easy

in fact when I use them I dip my finger I lick my finger, I lick my finger and I dip it in. I eat a bit of that. That's why your bolognese is never as nice as mine because you're eating half of the stock cube that should be going in.

You're disgusting. I just love like, I love like meat flavour stuff. Do you know what I mean? I just love anything like that. I love bovril. Meat flavour stuff. Like, yeah, yeah just just like intense

intense meat stuff well there's there's raw mop herons in the fridge i love them as well they're in there little dead fish floating around why do you honestly do you know what you're just jealous because you don't have little nice things that you like there you can't go into the fridge and just get a snack you can't you're not a snacky person there's a cheese string in there with my bethau rydych chi'n eu hoffi. Ni allwch chi fynd i'r ffrid ac edrych ar fwydr. Ni allwch chi. Ni allwch chi fod yn berson sy'n fwydr. Mae'r ffrindiau bwyd yn y fan yma gyda fy enw i. Maen nhw'r bennau. Er bod nhw'n dod yn ôl i fy fywyd, rwy'n hoffi. Iawn, wel, mae enw yn rhywbeth arall na ffrindiau bwyd.

Os ydych chi'n ysgrifennu, yn ystod 9 o'r golau, a'ch bod yn meddwl, Beth allwn i ei gael? Ni allwch chi roi'r ffenestr ar yr ofyn neu'r grill. Beth allwch chi ei gael? Ffrindiau bwyd. Ie, rhywbeth arall. Sleis o bwyd. Rywbeth sydd ddim yn bwyd. Bôl o sereol. cheese string right something else a slice of cheese something that's not cheese a bowl of cereal

right fair enough ask me what would you have I'd have some nuts I'd have a stock cube I'd have some pickled onions I'd have some crackers with pickle I'd have a tomato

I'd have some gherkins possibly some slices of ham. I love a slice of ham. I don't really like cheese. I might have a bit of bread. I'd have an apple. I wouldn't have a fucking apple. That's not that.

Yeah, I was... You got that quick because I was going to stab you all over that straight away. I was going to tell you there was no chance. Liar. Dirty liar. Mom, I'm hungry. Why don't you have

a bit of fruit? Bit of fruit? Said I'm hungry and I'm just stupid. I never told you what my mom used to say about us. I'm sure she invented them.

Do you think your mom and dad invented friends' kids who were perfect? I'm sure mine did. Oh, always. This is my mom's favorite one.

So whenever the ice cream man came, I've just remembered this. Whenever I could hear the ice cream man, this is my mom's favorite one so whenever the ice cream man came i've just remembered this whenever i could hear the ice cream i was i want to go there ice cream man say i'm gonna have some money for ice cream man she'll be like you know jeans kids you know jeans kids when the ice cream man comes all the other kids get ice cream and they come in and have a bit of fruit each jeans kids are cunts. Jean wants locked up. Oh, bless you. That's not true at all. Honestly, I remember thinking,

good for them. Can I have some money for the ice cream van? Well, we didn't have an ice cream van. No. You lived on a main road, didn't you? Lived on a main road. No ice cream van. You had to be quick if you wanted the ice cream van where you lived.

I know. Chased it down the street. Do you know what's really sad? My dad's friend was an ice cream man. And one day he came. To your house? Just on his way back home. And we were like, oh my God!

The ice cream man's outside like shitting with pants. It was class. It was a good day there. It might have been my birthday. Shitting my pants. It was class. It was a good day, that. It might have been my birthday. Shitting your pants figuratively or literally, because listeners to the podcast will know that you did, just used to shit your pants in the house.

Probably a bit of both, a bit of both. I'll have a whippy. Is that an order for you? It's time for questions from the public. Public. Public. P-p-p-p-p-public. That's you.

P squared. P squared. P, P, P, P squared. You always say P squared now. Do you know what P squared is? It's only like twice, isn't it? It's like P times P, isn't it? Yeah. So, P, P, P, P, P, P.

P cubed. It's more than that. What? You sound silly. Cool. Next week's beef. Chris, Chris keeps... You sound silly. Cool. Next week's beef. Chris keeps... You sound silly.

Chris keeps cubing things. It's really weird. Squaring. What's wrong with that? Not cubed. Oh, I don't know. Hello, Chris and Rosie. Hello.

I'm a Brazilian man living in the UK since 2013. Why does this sound like an email asking for my bank account? Why does this sound like I've won the Brazilian lottery? You have won 25 million Brazilian dollars. All I need is to use your bank account to put some money in and then I will be able to double your money within a month.

People fall for that, though. You're kind of laughing at it. People have been full on scammed. God. Sorry. It might have been the way you said it. And I need your help. Right, come on.

Sorry. I'm a Brazilian man living in the UK since 2013. And to this day, there's one piece of British culture that I can't get my head around. Why the fuck would you leave a plastic bowl in the kitchen sink which is already bowl in itself? Please defend yourselves. Wow.

Yeah. We've got one. I know. Why? That's a really good shot. Why have we done that? We've got a perfectly good sink which is actually bigger yeah he's got me he's got it bang on we're just we we live by what everybody else does yeah we're little

sheep so if you if you can picture in your mind's eye so it's it's it's the it's the big massive inner plastic thing that goes in your sink but you can buy them if it what was it like a washing what would you call it well we call it a washing up bowl the washing up bowl is that what you called it i don't know yeah so we've got a mass but however i have filled that before it fills really quick i know it's only you know along the circumference of the sink it's probably only a couple of inches in but it fills really quick have you ever took that out and tried to fill our sink it's like filling a bath it takes forever and it might be to protect the sink maybe but what's the point what's the point in having a sink if you just honestly he's absolutely had our lives there like

i'll send you my bank details don't you can have some money he doesn't want any he just wants to he didn't leave his name i'm sorry he's made a really really good point i know he's got one i'm speechless imagine though like you would be like why are you doing that i love how angry he is as well by the way defend yourselves why the fuck i've got my hands in the air mate brazilian man living here in england i've got my hands in the air and i give in you win it's not often I've got nothing to say but I've got nothing to say

congratulations in our defence we only do it because we're mums did it my mum doesn't even do it there's not one of my mums holy shit there's not one of my mums

yeah but can we just clarify yeah your mum never has any dishes in the house ever there's never any dishes in the sink

I've never well what my mum what my mum has is she has a, there's always an inch, an inch or an inch and a half of absolutely scalding hot water in her sink. Yeah. With a... Bleaching or something. With a cloth line in it.

Yeah. A dishcloth line in it. She's always cleaning the dishcloth in the hottest water in the world. She does. And it's like it's at a spa. It's just soaking. Well, I once watched your mum put the dishes away after a dinner. Uh-huh. She does. And it's like it's at a spa. It's just soaking. Well, I once watched your mum

put the dishes away after a dinner. Uh-huh. She rinsed them dishes. They were clean. Yeah. She rinsed them so much that I looked in the dishwasher and I was like,

that looks, they all look clean. I just put them away. Yeah. What was the point? They were clean. I've got to admit, I don't rinse before

I put them in the dishwasher. We should. That's probably why our dishwasher stinks. Well, no, because if I'm going to rinse it, I don't rinse before putting them in the dishwasher. We should. That's probably why our dishwasher stinks. Well, no, because if I'm going to rinse it, I just end up washing it as I'm there. If it's got a bit of grease on or whatever, it's fine. I'll just put it in a little bit. If it's got a full mass of curry on, I'll either use some kitchen roll, scrape it in the bin,

or if I'm in the sink rinsing it, I think, you know what, it's going to take one second to put a tiny bit of fairy on here and then just scrub it and it's done. I end up washing the dishes because when you're away yeah i hate emptying the dishwasher so it actually stays full of clean dishes for about three days and i just wash the dishes i've came away from a long stint of tour and emptied a dishwasher yeah that i'd put on before i left yeah and you've just used all the sink all the dishes in the sink yeah yeah should be ashamed of yourself get you annoyed does'll write that down for the beef next week. Get you turned on.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Dear Rosie and Chris, a few years ago, I started working as a nanny for a really wealthy family with five children, all under the age of 10. On my first day,

I was really nervous. My first job was to help the children get ready for school and I was tasked with making the packed lunches. I asked the four-year-old what he would like in his sandwiches. He replied, sausage, son. Saucisson. Saucisson? I don't know. It's spelt S-A-U-C-I-S-S-O-N.

What is that? Saucisson. Saucisson? I'm going to have a look. Oh, it's like a French sausage brilliant saucisson right okay so what so the really the the very posh this four-year-old knows what saucisson is um i immediately knew i was out of my depth as i had no idea what this was i took some sausagey looking meat out of the fridge to the island in the kitchen ready to make some, but could not find any bread. I looked round the kitchen and weirdly found one piece of bread laying on the side.

It was warm. At this point, it crossed my mind how posh this family were. They even make fresh bread every morning, I thought to myself. I butted the piece of bread, and as there was only one slice, I placed the saucisson inside and folded the bread over. Weirdly, it sprang open. I pushed the bread down harder, but it still popped open. The child was watching closely. It was at this point that the mother came over to me and asked me what on earth I was doing. Making a sandwich, I answered. She looked utterly disgusted as she looked at me,

then at the sandwich, and said, You've buttered a sponge. As I looked down at the sandwich, to my horror, I realised I was trying to make a sandwich with the watering up sponge. I was mortified. So it was one of... I can't believe it. It was one of them flat ones you know the really flat ones like

wow wow you've put that in a sponge she kept her job she was there for another two years that's from Lauren

thank you absolutely got it who is this lady who is this crazy lady in our house mummy oh my god oh that's amazing it's very good isn't it who is this lady? Who is this crazy lady in our house, mummy?

Oh, my God. Oh, that's amazing. It's very good, isn't it? Oh, God. I really enjoyed that. It wasn't really a question. It was just a good story. Guys, honestly, guys, if you ever want to get in touch,

shagmardinordy at gmail.com. Stories, opinions, it doesn't even have to be a question. Just get in touch, because that, you've butted a sponge. Well, Blair, she must have to be a question. Nah. Just get in touch, because that, you've butted a sponge. But, Blair, she must have been nervous. Absolutely wonderful.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Okay, I've got another one here. I want to share a story about a guy I met online. Ooh, the joys of online dating. Yes. Turned up for our first date and all was going well. He turned up. Hooray.

Great. turned up for our first date and all was going well he turned up hooray great look like his picture etc and conversation flowed until i asked him what he did for work he then told me that he was looking for another job as he was not happy where he was i started expressing some sympathy to this and asked a few more questions to find out what he didn't like. He then told me, rather proudly, that he was on a final warning for excessively loud and orderless, his words, flatulence. Final warning. Final warning. final warning excessively loud and orderless

he proudly told me final warning for excessively loud and orderless his words by this point loud and odourless. His words. By this point, he was smiling as if he'd achieved a gold medal or something.

I was stunned and edged my chair further away. He finished the story. What are you edging away for, my love? They're odourless. You can't smell them, love.

You want to be plugging your ears, not your nose? He finished the story saying he thought it was unfair and they just weren't his kind of people. All the colleagues had complained. Oh, fuck me.

Oh, can I explode? He's the best person I've ever heard. Final warning. How did the first two warnings go? final warning how did how did the first two warnings go oh Rob listen

we've heard that you like the toot final warning listen Rob look the first couple of times were a laugh mate but um people are furious

honestly morale's dropped out there you need to just stop it what's it listen Rob Moira was on the phone the other day and a client heard and it's just too much Morale's dropped out there. You need to just stop. Stop it. What's he doing? Listen, Rob, Moira was on the phone the other day and her client heard

and it's just too much. Where did he work? Where did the work? It doesn't say, but he genuinely thought it was really unfair and they just weren't his kind of people. She didn't see him for a second date. Not his kind of people.

I can see him. Like, I can actually see him just... Rob, what's the matter with you this man it's natural better out than in funny man smell the air

my buff is there when she told him she didn't want a second date he was really shocked and said apparently it always happens to him

I guess dude stop telling people you're on your final warning he's on a Instead, apparently it always happens to him. Because, dude, stop telling people you're on your final warning. He's on another job. Fucking hell, I would love to see the reference he gets from that job. What a div. So funny. What's in the reference? I see you are fired for your other job.

Well, you're not going to believe why, mate. Bloody bunch of boring sods. Prop allowed me for it. It's class, right? Don't smell, though. Don't worry. They didn't like it. No one laughed. Didn't get it.

Where's the worst place? Where's the worst place he could have worked? Oh. Think of it. Somewhere. Right. Building site. Right.

One of them little cabins. Do you reckon? Porta cabin. I've got the worst one right come on then I don't think there's anything worse you could have

right come on chief mourner marching along at the front of the fume do you know what though I like I do find pumps funny yeah but if it was all the time

someone you work with i'd be honestly i'd be furious yeah and i don't know why i've got an image of them in my head they're not odorless no they're not he thinks they are they stink everyone loves their own brand oh yeah he thinks they're odorless they they stink. He thinks they're odorless. Everyone loves their own brand. Oh, yeah. He thinks they're odorless. They're not. They're minging. They're absolutely not.

I bet the worst... Oh, God, I've got to clean. All of everyone in the office can't clean. I don't want it. I love that. He's looking for a new job. So instead of just not farting, he's actively looking for another job.

I know. In the interview, what's important to you in a job, sir? Well, I want to be able to fart with absolute impunity. I want to be able to let them loose whenever I can without being judged. Can you offer me that as an employer?

Imagine if he was a judge. He wouldn't need a hammer. It's time for this week's celebrity question. Celebrity question. Very exciting one this week. At Strictly last week, there was a special guest. Is it Celine Dion? No. Oh. It's not that exciting. T there was a special guest. Is it Celine Dion? No.

It's not that exciting. Tone it down a bit. Is it Jason Donovan? No, but he was at Strictly last week. But this is someone who was backstage. Is it Michelle Visage? No, but I've got one from Michelle at the Rock and Roll at some point.

Is it RuPaul? Is it the Queen? No. Is it one of our kids? Right, no. Grandkids? No. Their kids? No. Is it one of our kids? Right, no. Grandkids? No. Their kids?

No. I don't want anyone. Who is it? I feel like you've done it down a bit, but I was very excited to meet this particular animal, and it was nice to get the question off them, and here they are. I am Hacker the Dog from CBBC,

and I want to ask the question, what should happen to people who do not pick up dog muck when they're out on the street? Because it's dirty that, leaving it lying on the floor. Dirty! Is that a question or not? Chris? Chris Ramsey? Hack of the dog

from CBBC. What a guy. I love that. Is that the same dog that's on CBeebies? I don't know. I'm not sure. They the same dog that's on CBeebies? I don't know. I'm not sure. They look similar. He's got Twitter, him, the dog. Yeah, he's got Instagram as well.

That's what I meant, Instagram. Comment on my Instagram, yeah, yeah. Love that. Oh, no, I'm impressed with that. When, have you got children listening? Just cover the children's ears. There will be no children listening to this, I hope. Yeah, but sometimes people listen in the car

and I'm a little bit worried. Well, I hope not. When you're talking to... Alright, okay, I'll put this better. When you're talking... You have to read between the lines here, adults.

When you're talking to Hacker's owner and he's looking you in the eyes and he's talking using his voice, Hacker's mouth still moves. It's really weird.

What should happen to people who don't pick up dog poo? They should be locked up. They should be put in a cell and they should pick up that dog poo and they should rub it in the face. That's what they should do. And they should make them eat it. Because I hate people who don't pick up dog poo.

I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more. And do you know why? I hate it doubly because the dog gets blamed for it. And it's not the poor bloody dog it's not the dog's fault the poor dog's just having a cack

the poor dog's just having a bloody cack public cack you can't use the toilet can it poor dog's just and then the owner's

not picking up and then you're standing and you go oh dog poo dog poo and dog the word dog and you're angry at the dog and it's not the dog

it's not the dog it's the stupid owner it is the owner might as well have pooed there owner shit and I think owner shit

and I think what shit and I think what they should do is I think they should be like you know how we watched the boys on Amazon and it was like a special team set up

sort out superheroes I think there should be a special team set up right who like you should be reported to them for not picking up dog shit yeah

and they should follow you right and every day they should just let you not pick up the dog shit but they pick it up and they keep it and then they store it up and then they store it up and then they store it up and then one day of the year they just throw you in a massive bath of all of the dog shit that

they're collecting i'll put it in your bed oh yeah oh yeah you wake up one morning and it's it's all over you they've like buttered you with it or they fill a room in your house with it like when bam margera used to fill rooms in his house, parents' house with things to wind them up. With all the snakes and that. Yeah. Fill you up with it. I hate dog poo that much, right? I've stood in it so much

that I would genuinely pay a little bit extra taxes or council tax or whatever, like, I don't know, a couple of quid extra a month to do something about dog poo. To have somebody be, like a little dog poo warden on the streets being like, I don't know, a couple of quid extra a month to do something about dog poo. To have somebody be... Like a little dog poo warden on the streets being like... Or what? What, are they pointing it out to you?

They're not picking it up? They're just telling you where it is? No, they're just, like, watching people with dogs, keeping an eye on them. Oh, shouting at the people. And making them pick it up. Or, like, extra cameras or something. Honestly, I hate it.

I can't happily run through a pile of leaves anymore. When? Why i can't happily run through a pile of leaves anymore when why do you want to run through a pile of leaves well just it happened to my sister when we're kids yeah she was running through a pile of leaves and she stood in dog poo and i remember it so vividly that i've never been able to do it since how would you feel if um instead of so what so i work for the council here now right um uh rosie uh mrs ramsey we've took your thing here we don't have enough even if it would be crazy amounts of money to get a dog poo warden to come out and be pointing there and tell people not to people are going to let their dogs poo anyway but we're going to meet you halfway didn't need them traffic like to the

bottom of john reed road but they have still went there well we're going to meet you halfway here different department different department we're going to meet you halfway here um we are going to make little biodegradable uh yellow flags and we're gonna put a little yellow flag in every bit of dog poo before you sit and see it right how do you feel it's not a bad idea that's not a bad idea did i ever tell you about chris have you invented something do you reckon little? A little dog poo flag? That could... Do you reckon? I don't know.

Something in that. Or why don't they just get loads of them buckets like at the school? The fire bucket. The fire bucket. Just put the fire bucket over it. Just put them over them. Did I ever tell you about my mate?

So I had a mate called John when I was growing up and he was like obsessed with standing in dog poo. It was his massive, massive fear. Oh, right. I thought you meant he just loved standing in dog poo like it was he's like it was his massive massive fear all right i thought you meant he just loved standing in dog poo can i walk your dog yeah no no so um what he did was he was like it was constantly like if he saw dog poo on a pavement he would like walk on the road like it was crazy because someone told him

that um dog poop would make you blind if it gets in your eyes is that not true that is true yeah yeah it's if the dog's got worms so if the dog's got worms and the dog that goes in your eyes the worms can make you blind i think if i remember rightly i haven't googled it for some time because i don't like googling the words dog poo and worms but i'm sure i remember it being something like that i no pun intended i shit you not right we went on creedon hills it was a sunday went on Culloden Hills. It was a Sunday. Went on Culloden Hills. We're on our bikes. We're just having a full day playing out.

He stepped in dog poo. He went home. He got a different pair of trainers. He came out. He did it again. No. I'm telling you. He went back.

He came out. No. He did it again. No. At different points of the day. We're at Cleedon Rec we were on Cleedon Hills

we were in all the different places we played I'm not kidding by the end of Sunday he was playing out in his school shoes and while walking

to the shops and he was walking on the wall because he didn't want to stand in dog shit I'm telling you he stood in

five different sets of dog shit with five different shoes on the second last pair of shoes he came out in were football boots

and he stood in dog shit again and we were dying laughing and by the end of the night he was playing out in his school shoes because he stood in dog shit in every pair of shoes he owned what the hell where the hell were you playing it was the maddest day it was the it was one of the funniest things i've ever seen him walking on the wall at the front of my mom and dad's estate with his school shoes on so he didn't stand in dog shit. It was fantastic. Fantastic. I feel a bit sorry for him.

That's an awful day. Me and my mates were dying. Dying. I hate dog poo. It absolutely stinks. Literally, if you stood in dog poo and you were with him, you would cover his eyes and run in the other direction because he was terrified he was going to go blind.

Poor Ben. I just... Do you remember when you used to get on your bike as well? Flick up on your back. Oh, I remember my mum in the back garden, like, cursing with boiling water, like, washing tyres and that, just like, fucking stupid,

bastard, stupid dogs, it should be, honestly. See, dogs, the dogs get the blame, and it's not, it's the humans. If you're listening, pick your dog's poo up, it's not fair on the dog. You are embarrassing that dog. Yeah, you are.

You're embarrassing it. Do you know what I hate what when you're driving along the street and there's a dog having a poo the owner's waiting

for them to finish so they pick it up but all you can see is a bit of shit coming out of the dog I know exactly I know exactly

what you mean it's so like violent I always happen to drive past just as a dog's having a shit. And I always look. I do. And I almost want to wind the window down and go at the dog. Hey, sorry, mate.

I don't know. Honestly, I find it so horrible. And the owner's just stood there with the bag on the hand, good, but just waiting for them to finish a dump. Oh, I'm not. I don't think I could have a dog I just find it so rank

are you alright son but in the like I know we do that with Robin I'm like give us a shout when you're done but it's in the privacy of our own home

it's on the side of the street and I'm like you are just waiting for that animal do you not let him shit in the street well I used to before you made them little them little them little flags Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you not let him shit in the street? Well, I used to.

Before you made them little flags. Can't believe you get away with that these days. I'm screwed now. Well, just like that, we've come to the end of the massage. If you want to just turn over while I've got the towel up really awkwardly so I don't say anything, but I'll probably say something. And I'm just going to leave you now while I go and get a list of all the shit that you're not going to want to buy. You take your little

paper underpants on and put them in the bin over there. Don't take them home because we know sometimes people do and they've never been for a massage before to show they're not. Guys, thank you very much for listening. This was episode 36. Thank you so much for listening.

If you want to get in touch at shagmoundanoid at gmail.com. Please, please, please watch and vote for me and Karen on Strictly this week. Because, yeah, anyone can go now. And if you want to see me in still, please vote. It would be absolutely lovely to have you watching and have you voting. You're in it now. You might as well win. That's my thing. You've got past the first week like you might as well try and win

now okay please vote because there's a lot of pressure being piled on me from my wife and what why come there's no why you come fifth or something you might as well win that's shit right unless you unless you're out first for something or your top three there's no point you might as well not have done it okay well this is getting more and more awkward by the second. Is that just me? I don't know whether that's just my logic. Well, it's not how I think, but I am a little bit worried now. Nobody remembers who came fourth.

Right. That's all I'm going to say. Okay. Or seventh. Okay. Or ninth. Okay. You only remember who went out first or top three.

Okay. So, no pressure. Good luck. I love you. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're also on to air next year as well. I'm on to air next year. So, I'll take it for that. I love you. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're also on 2N next year as well. I'm on 2N next year.

I'm on 2N next year. I'm on sale now. London added. Dublin added. And a load of other places have been added. Oh, you're going to Dublin, are you? Oh, bye. Leprechaun. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together,

they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.