Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 41. Batman lives next door

Episode Date: November 22, 2019

On the podcast this week Rosie introduces a new feature as well as still delivering on the weekly beefs! There are some wonderful stories about going commando and getting caught out, sending risque pics and there's a follow up explanation of the word 'bucking'. All of this and a celeb question from Professional Dancer Neil Jones. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City

at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maradonoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband. I am absolutely livid that you are still in this dancing competition. It's beyond a joke now. I don't even want to talk about it because it annoys us. Christopher Ramsey. Wow.

You know the papers are going to clip that up and take that out of context. Let them. Rosie Ramsey, absolutely livid, doesn't even want to talk about Strictly that'll be the headline and then people click and it goes she joked on their podcast so annoying I can see it now I can see it now scribble scribble

extra extra read all about it on support of wife guys it's episode 41 well done 41 yeah it is I checked it before we started because I was sick of not knowing Guys, it's episode 41. Well done. 41. Yeah, it is. I checked it before we started because I was sick of not knowing. So professional. It is episode 41.

It is indeed. And before we start, a word from this week's lucrative sponsor. It's actually embarrassing now. This week's sponsor is mayonnaise. Hey, That sandwich dry Get some mayonnaise in it That potato dry Get some mayonnaise in it

Hey What are you having on that pasta? Tuna Get some mayonnaise in as well Oh Hey No fancy ketchup today? Get some mayonnaise on them chips

Hey How do you thought about this? It's egg butter. That's it. That's the slogan. Egg butter. There's no eggs in mayonnaise. Are you taking a piss? It's made from eggs. It's olive oil. It's eggs? Are you serious? There's egg on the front of the Hellmans. There's a picture of eggs. Mayonnaise is made of eggs. Oh, you're stupid.

But olive oil as well. of eggs. Mayonnaise is made of eggs. Oh, you're stupid. But olive oil as well. Alright, no. You thought mayonnaise was made from just olive oil. That would mean it was olive oil, not mayonnaise. What am I thinking of then? I don't know.

But it's mayonnaise. Here, I tell you what, sometimes for a clever person, sometimes When have I ever said that I'm clever? Never in my life have I ever said that I'm clever. So don't even... I mean, the fact that I'm coming across like that, it's doing us good. Have we stopped this now?

Mix it with ketchup. Burger sauce. Like burger sauce. Slash the stuff that they put prawn cocktail in. That's what I have on my chips. I've started doing that on the regs, me, now. Lovely bit of mayonnaise mixed with ketchup. A little tiny bit less ketchup than mayonnaise.

I do like mayonnaise. I wish we were actually being sponsored by mayonnaise because that would be lucrative. Do you know we got sent mayonnaise? What do you mean? Someone, a mayonnaise company, sent multiple bottles of mayonnaise to our management because I mentioned mayonnaise.

Because I mentioned on the podcast how much I like mayonnaise. They sent loads of mayonnaise. I never saw this mayonnaise. Well, I just told them to give it to people in the office or use it in the fridge. Are you taking the piss? It's just a couple of bottles of mayonnaise. We got sent free mayonnaise and you give it out to people in the office. You think I want to look the postman in the eye

as I've got a sign for a box of mayonnaise like a psychopath. Was it a box? Oh, hang on. You said a couple of bottles. Was it a box of mayonnaise? Enough bottles to fill a box. Are you shitting me? We're not getting paid for this shit and you're giving away mayonnaise. Hey, listen. I'm just Are you shitting me? We're not getting paid for this shit and you're giving away mayonnaise? Hey, listen. I'm just, you know,

I was just watching me figure. I'm raging. No, because you get that much mayonnaise, you've got to go out and buy just slightly less ketchup to mix it all with. I went to the shops the other day, like a mug, bought two things of mayonnaise,

a doubler. It's expensive, isn't it? It's... Aye! You're giving it away? I just didn't I didn't in all honesty

I couldn't have someone post us up a box of mayonnaise I felt stupid I felt stupid well I'm sorry but if our management will listen to this let

let do not let him deal with the correspondence of mayonnaise anymore because I would have had that mayonnaise Sandra would have had some mayonnaise

oh she would have as well you know Robin likes mayonnaise we've got loads of what was it the idea wine do you like wine we've got I told them I just have all that mayonnaise. Sandra would have had some mayonnaise. Oh, she would have as well, you know. Robin likes mayonnaise. We've got loads of, what was it the idea? Wine. Do you like wine? I told them I just have all that as well.

I didn't want it. I didn't think we'd do it. What? I'm joking. That was real anger. Are you joking? Yeah, I'm joking. We didn't get sent any wine.

I don't even believe you now. We've lost all the trust. I'm really sorry, guys. You haven't listened to this domestic because Chris is just giving away food to people. Food! Food! Food!

And London people who work in the office, they're doing alright. Hey, listen, they're not doing alright. They're living in London, the overheads are high. You know what?

Bit of mayonnaise. Do they need that mayonnaise? Might have made the kids' sandwiches a lot nicer that week. Fair enough. There you go. My God. Sharon's caring.

Aye. Eh? Might have went off anyway. It was loads. It was so much mayonnaise. What's happening? can we just crack on you've really upset us you didn't even tell us about that

this is meant to be a partnership was it through this podcast yes so that was half my mayonnaise look I will go and buy you some mayonnaise which you just handed out round the office

I'll go and buy you some mayonnaise tomorrow it'll not taste as nice well no because it's not free exactly I'll go and buy you some mayonnaise tomorrow. It'll not taste as nice. Well, no, because it's not free. Exactly. I'll go and steal some mayonnaise tomorrow. Okay. The jingle. Here's the jingle.

Fuck me. We need to stop doing that. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello and welcome back. Welcome back. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Gaston just came in the room then. When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs, slash two bottles of mayonnaise.

Listen. Hey. Shut up about that mayonnaise. Welcome back. Pull up a chair. Get yourself a hot cuppa. And then just enjoy listening. Just enjoy.

Hey, cheers. Wine cast. Plonk cast. Cheers. Plonk cast this week. Sorry, we'll have to have a sip now that we've done that. Sip. Lavelly. Yeah, boy. Lovely, lovely'll have to have a sip now that we've done that. Sip. Lavelly, chaboy.

Lovely, lovely, lovely. How are you? I'm all right. I'm knackered again. I'm knackered off me dancing. This is just the story of your life at the minute. Crazy, isn't it? I've never been this tired.

I can't, like, we'll just get out of the way now. We'll talk about it for a minute. Yeah. I cannot believe that you're still there. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, guys, oh, my God, what's happening? How are you still in the competition? No disrespect.

Thank you. It's an entertainment show, isn't it, at the end of the day? It's not a pure dancing competition, so it doesn't matter if you're not the absolute best dancer. If people like watching you, they'll keep you in. This isn't the most organised or kind of structured or slickest podcast out there

but people seem to like it I beg to bloody differ people seem to like it so you know it's one of them things if you listen to this now and you've been voting for me and Karen

once again thank you so much it's awesome I've honestly do you think you could win? I wouldn't go that far I don't know

I don't know anymore I don't know anymore. I think that's silliness. I don't know anymore. I don't know. We were genuinely worried that you wouldn't get past week one. After week one, I was embarrassed and I was like, well, I'm obviously out next week, so what's the point in any of this? It's crazy, man. Now it's just...

It's exciting. Blackpool. Did Blackpool. My crotch has got its own Twitter account now. I was just going to say that. Whoever you are who made that stop that

stop that now it's really weird but did you see the picture of your dingaling in the papers I think they photoshopped that I don't think Karen would let me get away with that

do you know the only person who will ever know who probably yeah me you and er

I don't know like so I'll tell you I'm not telling anyone you, so, I'll tell you. I'm not telling anyone. I'll tell you a little secret, right. They put them pink pants on me, and they were pushing from the front. There was no room at the front, so they were basically just pushing me fellas

all through me, like me dicking bollocks, through me legs and almost out the back. I said that in the wardrobe, because I'm a joy to work with, in the wardrobe room, I actually said the phrase, me bollocks are almost in me arsehole. That's nice. So what they did was they put like a...

Professional. I'm very professional. They put a diamond of like fabric in the crotch to give us more space. And I don't know whether that just, you know, folded out and created some kind of optical illusion. I don't know what it was. I think it might have been your penis.

Well, I wasn't. Were you a little bit excited? I enjoyed the dance, but not that much. Was it not the Blackpool egg? Not enough to be flopping around Blackpool with a semi on live telly. No, absolutely not. There's no way I enjoyed it that much.

I get so scared of the dancers, me dick normally shrivels inside me body like a little acorn. A dog's knob. Oh gosh, that's going to be in the papers now. Chris Ramsey has semi on round dance floor. The BBC can't believe it. One angry viewer wrote,

my TV license caught towards him getting a semi on the telly. I'll be cancelling it forthwith. I do not pay my TV license to see his half-masked cock on a bouncy dance floor in Blackpool. He says, Blackpool, not Benidorm. Hey, funny. And while we're at it, Uptown Funk sounded a lot like fuck,

and I'm angry. I read something interesting the other day online. This was on Twitter actually. I'm getting a bit more into Twitter recently but I still get very confused. We talk about this whole thing. This is different to this

but... The love I'm feeling on Twitter from this podcast and from Strictly has been unbelievable recently. Oh yeah. So cool. I think there's a lot more smiles on Twitter. There's a lot more smiles. Than there is Instagram.

Sometimes I think people just want to have a little comment or say something or send something to you rather than, you know, I mean, I use Instagram and I do enjoy Instagram but I don't take many photos.

It's not something I do. No. Everyone else stands down taking photos fucking non-stop. I've got nothing to put on. Do you know what I mean? Well, you need a picture though, don't you? To put on Instagram. Yeah, that mean well you need you need a picture though don't you

to put on Instagram yeah that's the point so it's more for people who can take more photos where sometimes if you just want to put a little comment on just stick it on Twitter

yeah well what I was going to say is I'm trying to learn a bit more about politics at the minute oh god no honestly I want to just know

we're 33 year olds you know what I mean we should know more about what's going on I really try. I watch stuff. I try to watch the news. I try to read.

I have no fucking idea what's going on in this country right now. I swear, I swear, I've really, really tried. And even from all angles. Yeah. And I can't work it out. I'm just completely lost. I find it boring and I find it sad. And when something big happens, this is no word

of a lie, I don't know if I've told you this, you know Matt Ford? Political comedian Matt Ford. Yeah, he's great. So when something big happens I just text him to find out what the crack is. Ed Gamble does the same. So we just text Fordy and Fordy will break it down for you and he'll go, cheers mate. That's a good idea. Honestly, he's pulled us out of some dark

places. That's a good idea. He's a great guy. And is he not biased to a side? He's a labourer and he loves tony blair but he he he likes politics like weirdly like a the way i watch ufc where i just i want the best fight that to win he's kind of like that right well that's good because i because i feel like you just get you just get people's opinions yeah and they're not exactly your opinion. It's just so confusing. Anyway, this was on Twitter the other day. What do you think of this? Mum went on a date and wasn't feeling it.

The guy fully text her back and asked her to send him £4.95 for her J&T. Can you believe that? So her mum has replied, I wish you lots of luck in finding your special person. Take care and it was nice meeting you. And this guy has replied, I wish you lots of luck in finding your special person. Take care and it was nice meeting you. And this guy has replied, Oh dear, it's expensive being a man, being rejected all the time. Please be kind enough to put £4.95 in my account to pay for your drink.

Account is NatWest, sort code, account code. Thanks. Wow. Wow. How many dates does he go on? So they had one drink. So that's a stinker of a date. Just had the one drink.

One drink. She's like, very nice thing to say that. You know, good looking and all that. He's clearly horrific. I'm sorry. Right. He's either horrific or he's just not her type. But he then takes being knocked back

really fucking badly yeah but you need to understand that that is the horrific person who would do that yes or he's very skint well then don't go on dates and don't offer to pay

if you're really skint don't go on a date if you're skint and don't offer to pay yeah or go for a walk or literally say at the beginning of the date

say look you know what do you want to drink by the way if this doesn't go well I will be wanting the money back yeah Or literally say at the beginning of the date, say, look, what do you want to drink? By the way, if this doesn't go well, I will be wanting the money back. It's a kind of offer that I'm running. I get that. If the date doesn't come to full sex, I want the money back for the drink.

But this drink that you're about to drink, this delicious gin and tea you're about to drink, if I can put my penis inside you later on this will be free. Like a prostitute? Free drink. No. So you're saying that she should have sex with him because he's bought her a drink?

I'm saying that's what he thinks is going to happen. Do you think? Yeah. So that's not even having a nice date that's just

I paid £4.95 for a drink for you. Or maybe what he was going to do is on the second date he was going to do the old oh my card's not

working in the machine and then like get her to buy him loads of things and then disappear into the night. That would be a good one.

I just found it so funny. Once he's 499 back. What did that have to do with politics? Absolutely nothing. I just seen it on Twitter.

And I just thought it was funny. I thought something like political was going to happen no oh god no no no no it just matched

with Twitter oh great just because sometimes Twitter throws up beautiful things like I love a gif and I love a meme yeah

but the politics side I don't like on Sunday night someone sent us after the results show the strictly results show someone sent me the Paul Rudd hey look at us look at us who'drictly results show, someone sent me the Paul Rudd,

hey, look at us, look at us. Who'd have thought it? Not me. Someone sent that to Claudia, Karen and Chris when they're in Claudia's area on the results show and he gets through. Hey, look at us. Who'd have thought it?

Not me. It's so true. I can't believe you're still there. But long may it continue. Oh, it's good fun. It's good fun. My liver is knackered

yeah knackered mate yeah do you know me uncle Kev because if you don't know this we've been having a party every week

the Strictly party they get a little bit out of hand me uncle Kevin is now on 0% beers because at the beginning of the night because it's just too much

amazing yeah because well because let's be honest Strictly finishes about quarter past eight twenty past eight you psychopaths are still out two o'clock in the night because it's just too much. Amazing. Well, because let's be honest, Strictly finishes about quarter past eight, 20 past eight. You psychopaths are still out at two o'clock in the morning when people leave here.

Yeah, I know. Your dad got turfed out of your Uncle Kevin's house at four in the morning the other week. Kevin was livid. Aye. Derek and John still sat there

at bloody four o'clock in the morning. Menaces. Well, your dad that time, when I had my second stag do at the bungalow, your dad stayed all night but what he does is he just picks a spot

to stand in he doesn't move I don't know if I mentioned this on the podcast before but he had big Asda George jeans on or Wrangler jeans dark blue

he had his arse on my white kitchen wall and there was a big blue arse print and I painted it at three in the morning and I got the emulsion out well you're mental

well I woke up in the morning and there was no blue arse print but nobody would do that nobody in the right mind would get the paint out at three I woke up in the morning and there was no blue horse printing. But nobody would do that. Nobody in the right mind would get the paint out at 3 o'clock in the morning and start painting the wall. You've got problems. We've discussed this before. If you tidy up everything while you're pissed,

you don't remember doing it, so you're not annoyed that you had to do the tidying because it's drunk you did it. You wake up in the morning, the place is tidying. We'll never agree on that. Plus, doing all the tidying while not drinking, if you drink loads of morning, the place is tidying your butt. We'll never agree on that. Plus, doing all the tidying while not drinking. If you drink loads of water and do all the tidying for an hour, it sobers you a bit before you go to bed. We're not going to

agree on this. Part of my pleasure being drunk is sitting on the sofa watching the telly, having a cry, eating ham. Eating ham. That's a good night. You do eat ham you eat a lot of ham from the packet

I love ham you know I do I really like processed ham cheaper the better you like the really cheap stuff don't you yeah oh yeah

is that the beer the Billy Bear stuff oh my oh yes it's expensive don't send any if you're listening send us it all

oh god the Paw Patrol one good heavens the beer one I'll have it all how god the Paw Patrol one good heavens the bear one I'll have it all how do they get the different colours what do you mean

how do they make the different patterns it's probably like a pig's bellend I don't know who knows child's foot skin

I don't know what to make Paw Patrol would do Marshall's Marshall's nose in the middle you have to tune a bit harder kids

because that's a pig's bellend. Enjoy your dinner. What's on your plate? What's on your plate? Pig's bellend. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef?

Hey, you, back again for more, are you? I forgot about it. I completely forgot about it. So that was improvised as shit. Sorry. He's back. The angry man who does the jingle for What's Your Beef is back. Back again for more.

Oh, God, I'm delirious with tiredness. Oh, gosh. Okay, my beef with you this week. I was running out. I was running low on beefs. And the other day we sat on the sofa and within the space of about 45 minutes, I had to open my phone three times and write three things in that you did

that were absolutely minging. Three things in a row. And I don't know which one to pick. I think I'm going to pick this one. Great. You turned to me the other day on the sofa and you, out of nowhere, you got us to pause down at Nabi and you said to me the other day on the sofa and you out of nowhere

you got us to pause down in Abbey and you said to me the words I've been meaning to tell you this but I think Robin would cope really well if we ever split up so that just came from nowhere that was lovely

lovely little you know as a man who works away quite a lot just a really lovely little lovely little stab out of no way. Can we clarify? Well, the reason why I think you would cope

very well is that you have been dancing intimately with another woman, very much not at home, spending all of your time with another woman. He's never, never raised any questions with Chris. He absolutely hasn't to be fair, has he? He's not even asked.

He's just like, oh, there's Daddy dancing. Well, no, he calls his Chris and Karen, which is weird. He's like, oh, Chris and Karen dancing today?

I'm like, yes or no? But he's never asked any more like, why? Why is Daddy just dancing with this woman and not with his family? So honestly,

if and when we do split up. When? He'll be fine. I'm not even worried about him. Oh, well, that's good. That was lovely to hear. It's like, no, but this is like the sounding board.

Do you know what I mean? Not a lot of people get this. I think everyone should kind of just maybe go on strictly or something just to see how the kids react. And if the kids are like, oh, why is daddy with that woman?

Then you'd be like, right, we can't split up yet because they'll not handle it. He'll, other side is like right robin doesn't really give a shit so listen we'll be fine if it happens wow do you mean that's the way i look at it gotta take these things with a pinch of salt i was thinking about this today this it's so like the honesty of of of kids of like a four-year-old is so amazing. I was thinking this, you know, when people come round,

if it's not someone he wants to come round, he just dropped to the floor and screamed no. Oh yeah. I love the honesty of that. Like me dad knocked on the door today and I thought, is he going to be like, because remember you came in the house once, me mum and dad were here

and he was expecting Lucy and Finn, his friends, were like, oh, they're coming later and he didn't understand later and he walked into the living room and my mum and dad were sitting on he was expecting Lucy and Finn his friends were like oh they're coming later and he didn't understand later and he walked into the living room and my mum and dad were sitting on the sofa and he went no

and just dropped to the floor not you not you I really admire that honesty I'd love to sometimes sometimes when my doorbell rings I open the door

and I think I'd love to scream not you in your face and shut the door get away with it not you I'm jealous of him I'd just love to go no and just slam the door. Get away with it. Not you. I'm jealous of him.

I'd just love to go, no! And just slam the door and just run off. It'd be amazing. What's your beef? My beef this week is a reoccurring beef from a while ago

that you still have not rectified even though we have talked about it as a beef. Okay, I'm intrigued. Continue. You don't seem to be able to do a job or an errand in the house without getting some sort of assistance from me Oh Rosie I'm gonna put the bins out I'm gonna do a couple of little jobs I'm gonna put

the bins out can you pass as the recycling bin can you pass as this I thought you are fucking doing a job. Not together. Not teamwork. Listen, when I did that... Why can't you do it by yourself? Because I had me big boots on and I didn't want to unlace them, right? And I had like wet leaves and stuff on and I didn't want to come in the house

and get the floor dirty because that would add to another job of wiping the floor that I'd need it to pass us something for. It's rubbish. It's like, because you're doing a job, you need me to know that you're doing that job. Yeah. Like you need to just get that you're doing that job. Yeah.

Like, you need to just get, like, clarification from me. We're a team. Chris, I do so many jobs that you don't even know about. Because you know what? I just do them. I don't tell you. Do you know what I mean? Well, I don't know about that.

Because you've never told us. Well, why would you? Just stuff happens. You need a little gold star at the end of every job. I need to tell you that. I've done the dishes, all that. I've done whatever. You do it all the time? Well, I need it. It keeps every job. I need to tell you that. I've done the dishes, all that. I've done whatever, and I need a little pat on the back. You do it all the time?

Oh, well, I need it. I need it. It keeps us going. I'm like Tinkerbell. I've run on little bits of applause. Oh, my Christ. But, yeah, I'm actually running out of beefs. Yeah?

I might have to, I don't know. I've got a couple. I've got a couple left. I've got a few. You keep doing the adult thing. It's because we're not seeing each other much at the moment. That's why, I think. I think we're getting on all right, because we're not seeing each other much at the moment. That's why, I think. I think we're getting on all right,

because we're not seeing each other much. It's quite good, yeah. We're not annoying each other. I know. Anyway, though, I've come up with a new feature for the show. Got a new feature. Amazing. Very exciting.

Yeah. So, do you know how we get questions from the public? Yeah. We'll do that in a minute. But this is just like an extra thing. Okay. Because, obviously, we get sent a lot of poo stories. Ofs.

But you know, not everyone wants to hear about poo all the time. Well, I think people do, but I just thought we could once a week talk about a poo story. Right. The best poo story. Okay. So I've come up with a jingle. Right.

Do you want to hear it? Yes. It's going to be live. Okay. Have you recorded it on your phone? Well, no, I'm going to harmonise with the recording on my phone. Good God. Let's talk about shit, baby.

Let's talk about poo and wee. Let's talk about all the good shits and the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit with a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit. Sh little bit of shit let's talk about shit shag married and shit oh you used your phone as your own back and singer the saddest thing i've ever heard there's one time at band camp I used my phone as my backup singer fucking loser

does it sound good though it sounded really good I'll be honest with you it sounded really good I'm very excited for this poo story let's go so here we've got

a little cheeky little cheeky little poo story hello Rosie and Chris this is from Anonymous they need to clarify that it's Anonymous have they kept Anonymous the whole way through

or are they going to fucking name themselves? That was funny. What a pillock. I know. No, it's anonymous. My husband's friend spent a romantic night in a fancy hotel with his new girlfriend.

They got down to business, moving all around the bed, doing lots of different positions and different acts of a very sexual nature. Good Lord. I know. Fun and games. When they had finished doing lots of different positions and different acts of a very sexual nature. Good Lord. I know, fun and games. When they had finished and she'd gone to the bathroom,

he noticed a massive skid mark on the pillow. Oh, Jesus. What? Again? I'm going to have me catchphrase. What is wrong with everyone? I'm sorry, you know if you've got a skiddy arse. Don't be shagging someone with a skitty arse.

Go and have a courtesy wipe. You filthy pigs. You filthy... Do you know what I mean? You can feel it. You know, you know. It's uncomfortable. You can feel if there's

a bit of skid down it. Yeah. So, owing to what they had just done, he knew it was his. Fuff. It gets better. I hate him.

Because it was a very new relationship and he was embarrassed, he quickly turned the pillow over and had an idea start to form in his head. Oh, God. When she came back in and they were settling down for the night, he removed the pillow from the bed and recoiled in disgust, announcing that there was something on the pillow. Jesus Christ. He marched

down to reception with the pillow. Shut up, he did. They both had a look and agreed it was a shit skit. A shit skit. He feigned anger, got dressed, picked up the pillow

and marched out into the hall with the pillow in hand to complain at reception he went in the lift to another floor left the pillow in the hall

and returned back to his room saying he had complained they had apologised and taken the skinny pillow away wow and she's put on the end this is all a true story what i got that's actually got so he didn't take it down he pretended to very good so i'm assuming some way in our 10 000 emails we're

gonna have another one of just a random person one day i was staying in a hotel and in the morning i walked past and someone left a skid marked pillow in the middle of the fucking hallway for no reason. It's the mystery pillow. We still talk about it to this day. I think the thing I love about these poo stories though is the sheer, like, you would be mortified. Mortified, yeah.

If that happened. God. Do you know what I mean? Oh, man. How are you getting? What kind of crazy sex are you having when you are basically at the other end of the bed, your arse is up near the pillow,

the business end of the bed, scraping your arse along like a dog pulling his arse along the carpet. Like a dog with worms. Well, no, he could have been sat down on the pillow. Right. With his arse, open arse. Why has he got his open,

why does he have his gaping arse crack on a pristine white fancy hotel pillow? This man does not deserve to be in hotels. He should be, he should be, his photo should be up in the reception of every hotel and he should walk in and he should go,

absolutely not, get out. Hide the pillows. It's skid mark steve hide the pillows animal can you remember when we went to that hotel in edinburgh remember yeah it was a turd in the toilet we're checking in to a hotel in edinburgh really nice hotel i don't even want to name them because i don't want to slag them off because they're lovely we checked in keep posh hotel went into the room unpacking everything you went to the toilet and you came out you're like you're seeing this and you just had a poo in the toilet and you didn't want to admit you had absolutely not i was gonna ask you the same thing wow no i remember we got a free bottle of wine out we did i went downstairs

but i was at reception and i was like i'll tell them and i stood there the lady was on the phone and there was no one at reception i thought right i'll tell her and i'm not joking and the minute she put the phone down i turned around there was about three people behind us in the queue and like okay good day i have just checked in and there was a chod in my toilet like so i had to i pulled up to one side i don't know what you thought i was gonna say but i was like there was a shit in the toilet and she was fuming like but we got a free bottle of wine out of it, which was good. We did. Hotel deterred. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the

visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? For tickets, visit they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth.

Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what?

Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now. It's time for Question from the Public. Question from the Public. Public. Public.

Public. Public. We should do a full song for that. We should do. We'll see. Yeah. I'll come up with something for next week.

I'm on it. Don't worry. What we got? Okay. First question. Hello Mr. and Mrs. R. Here's a question for you. I love asking this one. I think it's a question

they ask a lot of people Chris if you saw Rosie being arrested and put into the back of a police car and you didn't know why what would your first thought be

as the reason she had been arrested wow have we been asked this before no that's an amazing question sure we haven't been asked this I'm positive never know anyway I don't? No, that's an amazing question. Are you sure we haven't been asked this? I'm positive.

I never know. Anyway, I don't think we have. That's a brilliant question. Why? So I'm just walking down the street. Say you're walking back to our house. Yeah. The police are literally, and I'm like, Chris, it wasn't me.

And you're getting locked up. I didn't do it. Oh. Don't believe what they say. What do you think I'll have done? Wow. What would you have done? I can't imagine you doing anything that the police would want to get you for.

Wow. What would I think? I'm trying to put myself in the headspace now. Well, they've asked me in the same question to Rosie about Chris. Could it be anything? Right, you're on main silent. What do you think I've got in us? What could I do?

I don't know what you would have done, but I imagine it would have been while you were on your period. That's what I'm going to tell the judge. Yeah. Because let's be honest, you're a different kind of beast when you're on your period. I am vile. Yeah.

It's weird, isn't it? Because I'm like the worst person in the world. About a day leading up to it happens. I'm horrible. It's not a day. No, it's not a day. A week? It's not a day.

It's easier. Your entire life, you're either on or due on. Yeah. Yeah, it's either I'm due on. You're due on for two and a half weeks. You're on for a week and a half. And there's a four-day period where I'm not even here, where you're all right.

That's basically how I am. You've got to bang on. There's about a week. A week a month, I am lovely. Yeah. The rest of it, I'm not even here. Well, you're all right. That's basically how I live. You've got to bang on. There's about a week, a week a month I am lovely. Yeah. The rest of it, I'm horrible. So this crime will have definitely happened during then. Absolutely.

It's weird because I think in this scenario, I walk up the street and I see you getting put into the police van, right? And I'm like, oh my God. And you're like, I didn't do it. I'm innocent. I'm innocent. I didn't do it. And I'm like, whoa, what's going on?

Hey, everyone, what's going on? Hey, stop it. Get off her. Hey, get off her. And no one's listening to us. They're just completely ignoring us. And then I walk into the house and I see my own dead body and I'm a ghost and you murdered me.

What? You've got to make it all about you, haven't you? It had nothing to do with you. No, I think that's what... It was you looking at me in the police car and what have I done? Why are you dead? But I think you've murdered us.

That's your point. Well, I think of anyone that I might murder, it would probably be you. There we go then. Right. What would you think I would have done? Like being aggressive while driving. Do I do that?

Well, no, but I think you could be. It would be... you would be, you would have had an altercation with someone. Right. Over something stupid. Over something ridiculous. I reckon probably the neighbours will have caught me putting stuff in their bin

and claimed that I wasn't allowed to do it and I reckon it would have kicked off. Yeah. One too many times, somebody will have caught you on a bad day and like when you went to the fish and chip shop that time and somebody was going, eee, hello, and then the other person went, I don't know who he is

who are you? And they'll catch you on a bad moment and they'll go, oh, fuck off, I don't know who you are, which I wouldn't blame you and then you'll get arrested for, you know, swearing at an old woman. That is one of my pet peeves when people just, when people want a photo and stuff which is absolutely fine it's great like i never thought

i'd be like you know i don't famous as the word but i never thought people would want photos of me and want us to sign stuff and that and yeah it's lovely but i don't expect people to know who i am i don't expect anyone to know who i am ever but i do expect while someone is there knowing who i am i do expect another person to not just stand there screaming, I don't know who you are, into your face like a rude fucking prick. If you're one of the people who does that, stop it. It's really annoying.

I don't know where to put myself. When people are like, I don't know who you are. That's absolutely cool, man. You don't need it. Well, who are you? Well, I don't know who you fucking are either and I'm not screaming it in your fucking face and this daft cunt wants a photo with her

so I'm obviously fucking someone so shut your shit. Sick of it. Fuck me. So true. Your honour. Okay, a little question here. Yeah.

This isn't rude or anything. It's just a random question. I thought it was quite interesting. Hi, Rosie and Chris yesterday I listened to the episode where the word booking yes with the word booking

sponsored by the word booking I myself am Russian oh and I love learning funny English slang words wow I found booking so funny that when I came home from work

I used it a couple of times in a conversation with my partner who was born in Dorchester but lived half of his life in Scotland brilliant hoping he would laugh together with me surprisingly he did not know what this word meant and when I told him what it meant and where I got it from he said that this word could not be used with such meaning and even if it could it is not nasty or offensive right he did not believe me or you we had an argument and i even went on google

to prove him wrong but i couldn't find anything wow so could you please settle this debate between us and explain to him what this geordie word means and how it is spelled so that i can rub it in his face loving the podcast keep it up and that's from ekaterina from Antwerp in Belgium. Wow. Okay. But booking isn't in Google. Wow. Devastated. So booking, booking.

Kind of like rutting, but booking, innit? B-U-C-K-I-N-G. But there's different variations of it. What do you mean? So you could're having a war tonight might have a might you know might have a good book tonight meaning it's basically it's a it's a clean way of saying fucking yeah essentially yeah but the book kind of works because if you imagine like a donkey booking you off or a horse booking you off the back bookeroo bookeroo there we go so it's kind of that so that's what we use it as.

Booking, meaning fucking. A book, meaning a fuck. Like booking Ham Palace. Not like that at all. A good book. Fancy a book. Yeah. Being booked. I don't think anyone...

Yeah, I don't think anyone... Uncle booked. I don't think anyone in the world has actually said fancy a book and then ended up having sex after that sentence i beg to differ have you ever been to careful slagging places i'm not gonna say it but just all of you now say that place we're gonna say it together but we'll not say the place this is the place that you think near you they would say booking and then still book on the night so christopher how have you ever been to that place that place that you know what it is so uh comedians when i first started stand-up right yeah if you if you're on a bill and there was like a headliner who was a bit shit

but he was still headlining because maybe just been going for quite a while you would always hear them go to the promoter so um what's the local shithole around here then? And then we'd just slide it into their set. That's essentially what you've done there. That's what I did, but I didn't see it. Yeah, that's like going to, do you know what I mean? That's like doing a gig in, sorry to get too local, but that's like doing a gig in heaven

and then slagging off Jarrow, like the neighbour in town. But that's basically what you just did there. That's what the shit comedians would do. What's the local shithole? And then and then go on stage and they'd be like so i was in that south shields the other day and everyone go oh hey he's researched the local shitholes so what you're trying to say is that i'm a comedian now what i'm trying to say is you're a very very low level circuit comedian well i'll Very low level. With my own podcast. Dear Rosie and Chris, please don't mention my name.

No worries. I love the shit your listeners send in. It has me crapping, crapping? Does it? Has me cracking up on my train journey to work every Friday. We love it too. Please may I continue? Exactly.

I thought you might want to hear one of my stories about my other half. Yes. We've been together 30 years, but when we were younger, around 25-ish, he never used to wear underpants under his jeans. As he always said, they were uncomfortable.

Oh, God. Oh, yes, I don't understand that. Under jeans? I know. They've got like a sharp zip. They have. Oh. Have you got much sensation

in your penis area? I beg your pardon? Just, what is that? Can you hear that? There's a plane, a police cop. It's the police cop coming to arrest you for that vile question. No, but, so, if I don't wear any knickers, it's a bit sensitive down there.

Right. And, like, dischargey and that. Jesus Christ. So, what? That's just not a word I was expecting to hear in that sentence. True story. Right. You've got a vagina, you've got discharge.

Great. 50% of this audience will have discharge at some point. Probably more than 50%, to be fair. Exactly. I'm not sick of not talking about discharge. It's a thing that happens. Stop saying discharge. So, anyway.

Okay. That's why you've got to wear knickers and stuff. Right. But do yous get that? Is it really sensitive? Well, it's not really sensitive, but I couldn't imagine wearing jeans without underpants on. I'd need a soft layer to start.

I mean, what's he doing? What's he doing? Well, some people might like it. Awful. Do you want to hear the rest? I've never understood going commando, but carry on. Okay. I used to moan and tell him it was filthy, but it never made any difference.

Anyway, one Sunday, we'd been out with his parents for lunch and we'd had a few drinks with our dinner. After dinner, we all went back to our house to carry on our lovely afternoon. When we got to our house, I realised I didn't have any door keys on me and neither did he.

Useless. What's wrong with these people? Goodness. We hummed and hawed about what to do. It was getting colder arnaf, ac nid oedd hi hefyd. Nid oes. Beth sy'n anghywir â'r bobl hyn? Mae'n dda. Roedden ni'n ymdrin am beth i'w wneud. Roedd yn dod yn fwy coel ac roedd ei mam angen ymwneud â ni, felly penderfynodd ei fod wedi cymryd drwyddi drwyddi mewn ffenestr ymlaen sydd wedi'i agor. Dechreuodd ei gymryd i mewn a chael y rhan gyntaf ei bobl drwyddi. the top half of his body through. As he was getting his bum through, his jeans got caught on the window latch and he was stuck. So there he is,

hanging upside down, facing us, but inside the window whilst we're all standing in the front garden. So they're outside. Slowly. He's gone through the top of the window and he's, sorry,

just to get it in your mind's eye. So his face is now upside down, pressed through the top of the window. Sorry, just to get it in your mind's eye. So his face is now upside down, pressed against the window looking out. Yep. Fuck me. Suddenly, but very slowly, he started to slide out of his jeans as they were caught in the window and couldn't support his body weight. Before I knew it, his mum and dad watched in horror as his penis and balls started to

expose themselves to us all. Pressed up against the glass, steaming it up. Slowly revealing he's upside down, cotton bollocks to his mum and dad and she's desperate for a piss. Oh, fuck me. That's fantastic.

Here he is hanging upside down with everything hanging out of his jeans, screaming at me to release his leg. I had no fucking clue what he was on about, and besides, I couldn't breathe for laughing. Listen, you're going to love it. You ready? That's absolutely amazing. He stayed like that for nearly an hour.

Shut the fuck up! An hour? Much to the amusement of most my neighbours and the rest of the street who all came to see what was happening. How did he stay for an hour? I don't know if that's a little bit of an exaggeration. Can you imagine? He's just there with his cock and balls out like, all right, Moira, I'm stuck.

But that's the thing, though. I wouldn't get up and help him if his bollocks and cock were pressed up against the fucking window, and I was his dad. I wouldn't get up and help him. I would just be like, well, I'm going to have to stand back here and not look. You're going to have to get yourself out of that, son.

He's cocking bollocks. You wouldn't help at all? Or was it her dad? No, it's his dad. His mom and dad, I'm going to have to stand back here and not look. You're going to have to get yourself out of that, son. He's a cot and a bollock, so hang him upside down. It wouldn't help at all. Or was it her dad? No, it's his dad. His mum and dad, I think. I mean, you'd have to get up and help, but I mean, what a pathetic specimen. Hanging upside down like a fish.

Well, it's... Oh, God. It's Dick Lolloban. Oh, jeez. I can see it. Can you see it? I can see it. I can literally see it. His face is red. I hate it. Like, it's horrible. It's horrible. Oh, theez. I can see it. Can you see it? I can see it. I can literally see it.

His face is red. I hate it. It's horrible. It's horrible. Oh, the name. What's happening? No, he's just hanging upside down in the window like a fucking parakeet with his dick on it.

You know when they do that thing where they spin around the little perch? Oh, Christ, I'm out. He gradually and very slowly fell out of his jeans like a caterpillar Emerging from his chrysalis Although not as pretty That's wonderful Anyway he's now known by all the neighbours as Batman

Because he hangs upside down Oh I want to live there. That's the best street ever. Hey, well done them. What a... Yeah. What a nickname. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

All right, Steve. Oh, there was more. Do you not want to hear the rest? There's more, yeah, yeah, cool. There's just a tiny little bit left. He's worn pants ever since, and I've never told him this, but shortly after I found my keys in the bottom of my bag.

Oh, my God. So, that's hilarious, Walter. Oh, my God. That's amazing. I forgot that was even about underpants. So, if he had underpants on, he'd have been fine. He'd have just slid out, do a little roll. He'd have just, like, you know, wear underpants.

Wow. That's what the... Yeah, serves you right, you absolute animal. Serves you right. Plus, you can get your dick caught in your zipper, man. Don't be doing that. We've all seen something about Mary. You don't want to do that.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And your underpants are being the way. Yeah, that's a question. Do you ever get your willy stuck in your flies? I'm frightened to say I've never done it because I feel like it might happen. Okay.

But, you know, on Strictly recently, I've never done it because I feel like it might happen. Okay. But do you know, on Strictly recently, I've been stitched in, do you know they put underpants on the shirts? Do you know this? Have I told you this? What? So you know the shirts,

so you know like when I did the whole Fred Astaire number cheek to cheek, and whenever I do anything where I've got a tucked in shirt, any dancer you see with a tucked in shirt, there are underpants sewed to the bottom of that shirt. What? Yeah. No way. Yeah. So you know when they're doing all the moves lifting their arms in the end stuff so the shirt has underpants

on the bottom so the shirt buttons down all the way to the bottom but then the two bottoms that would normally open the two bottom corners of the shirt are attached to a pair of boxer shorts that's amazing great isn't it that's a lovely a lovely bit I love stuff like that I love stone I didn't know that so the first time I put them on I was like wow but going for a wee

is a nightmare well how do you do that I have to navigate so you know how some underpants have got like a Y front on the front like a willy maze

I call it in my stand up I call it a willy maze you've got to basically pull it open and snake your dick through it I have to do that twice at two different size different leveled pairs of underpants so you wear another pair of underpants with them as well or yeah because the shirt goes back into the the collection of shirts

so aliash might be wearing it one week for something and then i'm wearing one and then giovanni and they're all wearing these shirts kick around for ages your ass looks massive because that's what the bulge is i've got two pairs of fucking underpants on yeah so all wearing these shirts kick around for ages. Is this why your arse looks massive? Because that's what the bulge is. I've got two pairs of fucking underpants on. You've got two pairs of underpants on. Yeah, so I have to undo the flies on the pants I've got on. Sometimes the pants are,

sometimes the actual trousers I'm wearing are stitched to the jacket I'm wearing. So I've got to undo the fly, reach in, like I'm reaching into that fucking stone in Flash Gordon where they put their hand in and the little animal gets them.

Yeah. Reach in, go through the first set of Y-fronts. I didn't understand that analogy, sorry. Sorry. Go through the first set of Y-fronts and then through that hole of Y-fronts, pull me actual boxer shorts down and pull me dick through all three layers

and wee and then put it back in. That must be really hard with your micro penis. It's... Yeah. God damn you. I'm just trying to play your massive i'll have you know my bulge has its own twitter account rightly or wrongly hi rosie and chris i work in retail and as such work ridiculously long hours and often have to work eight to ten days in a row to get a weekend off this is how it was this week with a weekend off plan to spend time with my husband and two kids

and also more importantly a night out on Saturday doing the tune with no kids at home when we return wink wink because we can't weren't going to see each other due to my shift pattern I thought I would send my husband a cheeky pic to let him know what would be in store this weekend. Right. I get out some sexy underwear, took several pics until I thought I looked my best, sent him the picture on WhatsApp with the tag, can't wait for the weekend. Shit.

However, I sent this picture to a WhatsApp group that contained myself, my husband, my 15-year-old son, my 12-year-old daughter, and my mother-in-law. Oh my god! I quickly tried to delete this picture, but only apparently deleted

it for myself. I wasn't the admin for the group. That was, in fact, my daughter, who was at school. I immediately had a massive panic attack, sweating, shaking, crying, and becoming more hysterical. I wasn't bothered that they were going to see my tits. More the fact that I had implied them at my husband I was going to get my book on Saturday. So my question is, have you or Chris ever sent something

that was for your eyes only to someone that shouldn't see? Oh, wow. Oh, that's so embarrassing. I thought you were going to say friends. That's 15-year-old son, 12-year-old daughter. Imagine your mum sent you

a sexy picture of her boobs. Oh, God alive. Oh, no. It's not good, is it? I feel ill. I've gone all cold. Mm-hmm. Oh.

I know. I've never done that before. I've never sent a sexy picture. I haven't sent a sexy picture for years. It really freaks us out. I don't know why people are still doing it. Yeah. Like, this shit's online or in the universe forever.

Don't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't. WhatsApp or reading all your stuff. Snapchat view. Snapchat once tweeted out, you know we see all your snaps. Did they? That's what they wrote.

They just wrote, you know we see all your snaps, right? Yeah, that was his tweet that they sent out. Oh, see? Nah. Listen. Snapchat people are just sending videos of their knobs and that all the time.

It's safer to just wear a long coat with nothing underneath. Yeah. Go to your crush's house, just quickly knock on the door, when they answer, just go, woo! And then run off. Great, so Rosie's just telling you to go

flashing people. Only people who you like texting that. Oh, right, so they've got to be up for it, right. Well, not just someone you fancy. That's the element of surprise. No, you can't be telling people that they can go and flash at people and say, listen, this is the way to for it, right? Well, not... So not just someone you fancy. That ruins the element of surprise. No, you can't be telling people that. They can go and flash at people and say,

listen, this is the way to do it, nice and old-fashioned, right? Get yourself an easel out. Get yourself a big pad of paper. Charcoal, right? Get a friend to draw you naked, like one of the French girls. Yeah.

With a French stick and onions around your neck. All of that, yeah. Fold it up, right? Post it to a secure PO box that only the person you fancy has access to. Right, okay. Like that. I'm down for that.

Good. I can get the charcoal. Here's a little question. Yeah? Recently, and I don't know why, I've been watching a few programmes, real life programmes, where they've just randomly been in someone's house

I think it's like a lot of real housewives that I watch and all that kind of stuff they've always got a picture of them naked what? somewhere in the house really? yeah why?

is that really vain and rank? or is it like an okay thing to do? no no it's minging we've got friends who had they had a sexy some people, I know a few people actually who have done it,

they have their wedding photos and then they have a sexy photo shoot for the husband. And it's like, oh, that's the, yeah, we had wedding photos but then I also did

a sexy photo shoot for him and his photos. Ugh. Couldn't you be arsed? Can you be arsed? I couldn't be arsed no not now

alright mate I'm the photographer oh hello mate are you going to do our wedding photos are you also going to do the one of my wife getting a rat out for me

yeah am I oh good stuff I'll go and put the kettle on then fuck's sake is it me getting a rat out for me happy wedding day here's here's Is it me? Get the rat out of my face! Happy Wednesday.

Here's a 4K picture of me rat. Digitally enhanced. So alongside with book, welcome to now, if you didn't already know, you now live in a world where a disgusting Geordie phrase is get your rat out,

which means vagina. You are all welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the party, bitches. It's time for this week's celebrity question. Celebrity question. And this week's celebrity question is from one of the Strictly Professionals,

the fantastic, lovely, talented, and very nice guy, Neil Jones. Just as a side note, he didn't ask us to say this, but I'm going to say it. People of the North East, Neil is actually bringing his tour, Rosie will not believe what it's called. What's it called? Gingerland. Brilliant.

If you didn't know, you already know, it's the ginger one. It's just called Gingerland. He's going on tour all over the UK, but he's bringing it to the Customs House in South Shields and with us being local in South Shields, I'm definitely going to go and see it. Tickets he's bringing it to the Customs House in South Shields and with us being local in South Shields I'm definitely going to go and see it tickets are on sale now

on the Customs House website that's just he didn't even ask us to do that I gave him a little plug because you know he's still in the competition with Alex

I'm still in and he took the time to do this question for us and I'm thanking him for it because he's a nice lad well done good morning Chris and Rosie I have a question for you

I've watched a documentary on a certain channel, which I won't talk about because I don't want to advertise. And this whole program was promoting being vegan. they talked about if you were vegan, it could actually help your sex life. Myself and Chris, we've talked about this. So Chris, this question to you, would you turn vegan or plant-based in order to improve your sex life? Rosie, would you like Chris to turn vegan to improve his sex life? There we go. That's a very interesting question. Now, let us just give you some context here okay um it's i don't everyone's talking about it it's this this new documentary that's out about being a vegan i don't know what it's called okay um it's basically

what happened was he said to me he was watching it and he was paying absolutely no attention and thinking this is a load of bollocks i'm never gonna go vegan then they were interviewing two american footballers about it i think it was american footballers and they said in no uncertain terms since i've become vegan um my erection is a lot harder and it stays hard for longer really and then he was like okay okay, I might go vegan. And he's now trying to be vegan. For real? Has he actually gone vegan because of that?

He said it in Blackpool. He was telling us about it. And I was like, the cakes, Rosie, the catering was amazing in Blackpool. There was a massive table full of cakes. It was all these different cakes. And he had a fucking gluten-free vegan, whatever.

And I had just a normal cake. And he gave us this whole thing. And then literally as I was leaving the table, I was like, yeah, well done. I was like, well, enjoy fucking your gluten cake with your super hard dick. Well done. Well, the sex life-wise,

we never see each other anyway. I don't think we make much difference if we're vegan or not. The amount of time we've got to squeeze it in, I kind of keep it hard off for longer. Christ, we'll never get finished. Jesus. Not the time. We've got to squeeze it in. I kind of stay, kind of keep it hard off for longer. Christ, we'll never get finished. Mummy, Daddy,

go to school. Listen, son, dad's a vegan now. We have sex for hours. Like sting. What was that story? What story?

About sting. Oh, he has like tantric, he has like tantric sex, doesn't he? Where he can take Oh, he has like tantric, he has like tantric sex, doesn't he? Where he can take him, apparently he can take himself, it's like a meditation thing,

he can take himself to like, to like the sensation of a climax and keep it for like four hours. Oh my God. Be like coming for like four hours non-stop. Again, could you be arsed? Nah.

Could you be arsed? if so, I could love someone with all of my being yeah and whatever and if they said to me

oh by the way I take four hours to come I'd say I'm sorry I'm gonna have to call this off right here I've got to agree with you I've got to agree with you I love you so much

I'd hate it but I could not be having sex for four hours horrible dry absolutely horrible as a bone rosy honestly sometimes I'll be honest with you I go away a lot you know I have to use broadband and stuff in different hotels I can't not be having sex for four hours. Horrible. Dry. Absolutely horrible. As a bone. Rosie, honestly, sometimes, I'll be honest with you,

I go away a lot. I have to use broadband and stuff in different hotels. If I'm sitting on a certain tube-based website and I click on a video and it's like a 45-minute video, I think,

I'm fucking having a laugh on you. What are you saying? Got two minutes dropped. There better be a behind-the-scenes documentary at the end of this. Why is porn so long? I don't know. Who's masturbating for 45

minutes moving around and changing around all them times bloody i tell you who the dirty bastards who are putting skid marks on pillars that's who yeah true very true um but no i mean you can try and go on vegan if you want i don't think i don't think i could we're trying to eat a bit less meat yeah a bit less but i mean i don't eat ridiculous amounts of meat. And when I'm away, when I'm working, when it's like strictly and stuff like that, the catering, I always go for the vegetarian option. Just because I'm so pathetic with,

we've done it on the podcast, I'm pathetic with how I like meat cut. I like all the gristle and fat taken off it. And they don't give a shit. People with catering companies, the hollering fucking necks and beaks and fucking feet and everything in it. Yuck. So I have all the vegetarian stuff but yeah i wouldn't what rosie i honestly i'm at

the stage now where i'm thinking at what point am i gonna start in my life i'm looking forward to the age where i'm gonna wake up without an erection i'm sick of it what do you mean every morning every morning well christopher i'm sorry but I can't help that I'm so drop-dead gorgeous. The worst bit is, when Robin comes in in the morning... Stop looking at us. When Robin comes in our bed in the morning, he won't cuddle or whatever, that's fine.

If he's half asleep, if he's coming in earlier on and having a bit of a sleep, I'm telling you, he fucking directly kicks the end of it every time. Just directly kicks. Like he's stamping a tent pole into the floor. That's so rank. A tent peg just clonk right on the end. I's just directly like he's stamping a tent pole into the floor. That's so rank.

A tent peg just clonk right on the end. I don't know how he does it. Horrendous. You can't have a wee when you've got an erection. You've got to stand there for ages. I'm vegan and bloody stretching that out. Not a chance. Listen, maybe it's you and Sting need to get together. You're on Strictly now.

Only on the morning. Listen, Sting, if you're listening and you fancy it, come early on the morning because I can't... Honestly, I've got to have a piss. I've got to have a piss doing a handstand, man. He'd probably be good at that as well. You never know. Thank you so much once again for listening. Yet again, I have nothing to promote,

so I'm just going to hand you over to Chris now and he's going to bang on about everything he's got going on. Hi, promotional Chris here. Hope everyone's all right on this fine day. Hey, want to vote on over to Chris now, and he's going to bang on about everything he's got going on. Hi, promotional Chris here. Hope everyone's all right on this fine day. Hey, want to vote on Strictly for me and Karen? Not a problem. Get on it just as the show closes. You can vote three times free online,

and you can vote. I'm 03 is the end of my number, 15 pence from a mobile. It's genuinely lovely that you're all voting. Jokes aside, it's so, so nice that people are keeping us in there just because they enjoy what me and Karen are doing. Thank you very much. Please vote on Saturday

after the show. Me Too-er is on sale and literally almost sold out. So if you want to grab some extra tickets, please do. What else have I got? I don't think I have. If you want to get in touch it's shagmoudenoid at gmail.com Keep all of your stuff coming. You are

literally the highlight of this podcast you beautiful beautiful people thank you so so much thank you i love you i love you too i'll sell you my soul oh you're talking about you're talking you're talking yes okay bye Bye. Bye. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now

to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.