Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 44. Bad breath boyfriend

Episode Date: December 13, 2019

Things are getting festive in the Ramsey Household, including the beef! There's some questionable oral hygiene stories, a cat survival tale that will have you on the edge of your seat and some impressive rapping from Chris...and Rosie. As well as all of this, there's a celebrity question from comedy sister act Flo & Joan! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag, Married, Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, semi-finalist of the greatest TV show ever made. Alexa, please strictly come dancing. Oh, for God's sake. For the last time. Yeah.

Alexa, volume seven. Yeah. Do you want to do a dance? I can see you dancing I've had enough dancing Believe it or not Do you want to just One last time Pretend you're in the final

I'm just jiving about Nobody likes a sore loser I'm not sore loser at all I'm buzzing Come on Let's go You're weirdly up for it now You're up for it all now

That I'm out It's weird isn't it Alexa Alexa Stop that You're weirdly up for it now. You're up for it all now that I'm out. It's weird, isn't it? Alexa! Alexa! Stop that utter drivel, will you? Fucking sick! I never want to hear that song again for as long as I live.

Does it make your liver hurt when you hear it? Do you know, yes, it does. But hey, what a good run. What a heck of a run against all odds semi-finalist unbelievable how are you feeling about it all i'm all right i'm knackered now i'm knackered i'm on like but i'm so honestly i woke up on monday and i knew i didn't have to dance and i could have cried i was that happy well you said to me how am i going to pretend that i'm not really happy to not be dancing today yeah because you

aren't strictly coming like what was it it takes two yeah and you were like how can i pretend that i'm not really happy that i don't have to learn a new dance and i was like well just be honest yeah i did i just went with it i just told everyone because every single time we did it takes two the couple who are out always like like bless them bless everyone but like they'd be like oh just i don't know what i don't know what to do with myself now i'm like you're fucking joking tell you what you can stop i do we're not getting up at eight o'clock and going and dancing all day you head case listen it was mint and i loved it but god thank you everyone for not voting enough three three dancers in one week I know

on your bike on your bike mate over the moon with how well it went loved it loved every second of it genuinely it's one of them shows where from the person who lets it in the door

to the person who picks it up to all the way up to the top people the execs everyone was just a pleasure at work with it was bloody lovely well do you know what it is even though you're exhausted and it has been a hard slog, that is your

genuine happy face that people have been saying on there. Oh yeah. The dancing on a Saturday is so much fun. The show on a Saturday is so much fun. It's the nine, ten hours a day of training and travelling up and down the country that is an absolute slog. But hey, well worth it.

Well worth it. Listen, I'll give you a little clap, but then after this, we're not talking about it again. Okay, no worries, come on then. That is a little clap as well, you're not even moving your hands apart. Jesus, hang on, I'll roll my sleeves up. Guys, there we go, that's better. And that first little clap, your wrists didn't stop touching, it opened like a duck's mouth. It was a tiny little clap that. Yeah, you didn't, your hands kept touching.

I'm bitter, all right? Right, okay, you're jealous. I'm really bitter. You're jealous because I am now the best dancer in the house and that's just something you're going to have to live with now. I'm just the best dancer.

I know, you are. Possibly in the family. Possibly in South Shields. Definitely in South Shields. Possibly in the North East. Definitely the best. Okay, listen. Calm down.

Stop it now. You said you weren't going to talk about it anymore. It's done, right? We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap.

Jingle! Hello and welcome back. Come and join us for another week of raucous entertainment. Absolute driven, the IAD. We're going to tickle your ears with tales of shite, wars and relationships and everything in between. All kinds, all kinds coming your way. Thank you so much for your continued support and keep listening, guys. Thank you. If you want to like, rate and subscribe and all that crap

please do so have I lost the love I'm sure Mr and Mrs Podcast would love to hear you say and all that shite and all that crap is specifically what I said I was about to say

I thought you said shite you really do not listen to me no not absolutely not at all you looked away you looked away unbelievable

how have you been how's your week great yeah yeah I'm okay. Due on. Due on, always. So, just...

Catchphrase. I just feel miserable when I'm due on. Yeah. But honestly, as soon as I start bleeding, I'll be great. Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. I feel miserable when you're due on. I know. I can't help it, babe.

I catch it. It's really... It's sad, you know? Yeah. Have we ever talked about me being due on before on here? I don't know. I talk about it on my Instagram a lot. Yeah.

So, I have, like, a good week. So, this is every month. I have one good week. me being due on before on here uh i don't know i talk about it on my instagram a lot yeah so i have like a good week so this is every month i have one good week i have one miserable week then i bleed for a bit and then i'm just miserable again but then i'm happy is that four and you all wonder why i work away so much honestly it's really sad but that's the crack so at the minute i'm okay right now because i've kind of put me uh me good head on it's the tension in it it's the crack. So at the minute, I'm okay right now because I've kind of put my good head on. It's the tension, isn't it? It's the pressure cooker at the minute, isn't it? It's the tension all building up.

It's that point, isn't it? Yeah, when you're about to have it. Yeah. Goodness me. Honestly. Bloody witchcraft, isn't it? Bloody potions and witchcraft and bloody things bleeding forever and never dying. I don't know what's going on.

You are a horrible, horrible human being and should be ashamed of yourself. I'm disgusted to be married to you. Honest to God. Just as, I mean, a question I'm sure all men have always wanted to know. If you are on your period and you're currently doing some kind of

Weight Watchers thing or whatever, if you got on the scales and then if you popped your tampon out, would you be a bit lighter? That is the most horrific thing I've ever been asked in my whole entire life. Yes, I know. Depends. I don't know.

That's a horrible question. I know what you were going to say. I know what you were going to say. Right, then, well, there you go. There's your answer, if you know. Do I need to say it Fudd no no don't

come on everyone knows depends how sodden it is oh sodden's a terrible word that's a terrible word

sodden why do we hate talking about periods yet it's weird innit there'll be blokes listening to this now losing their minds

so I've seen it years and years so there's like so much latent sexism on the comedy circuit and you'll just see like blokes listen to this now losing their minds so I've seen it years and years so there's like so much latent sexism on the comedy circuit and you'll just see like blokes in audiences sometimes

if a female comedian is talking about well first of all the sort of the wrong stereotype is oh female comedians just talk about the periods all the time

that's what you know that's what blokes say anyway but the amount of times but it happens every month what else are you meant to talk about well it's like

alright man well male comedians you talk about your dick so you know what I mean say anyway but the amount of times it happens every month what else are you meant to talk about well it's like alright man well male comedians you talk about your dick so you know what I mean why not it only happens once a month but yeah it's a

I see yeah you see sort of blokes recoil when women are talked about do you know why it's because we don't understand it and you know why

it's because for years and years and years women have never talked about it well you know what I'm not that kind of woman and I will talk about it well there we go I look forward to getting all of this bit we've just said edited

out of the podcast at my request yeah daisy daisy's on my side he has a vagina that bleeds also so me and daisy's vagina will keep this in girl power love yous awful something exciting happened personally for me yeah just not not that i know i said we weren't going to talk about strictly again but because of your time in strictly yeah this is the first time in my life which i actually understand which order quarterfinal and semifinals come in yeah do you know what i think i'm I think I'm up there with you honestly yeah every time you know in a sports thing

or whatever they'd be like made the quarter finals my teammates and I'd go wow quarter finals no idea it's fucking brilliant

but it's true it's fucking brilliant but I've only ever I've only ever dipped in and out of Strictly and when you just kind of watch the dance

and you don't listen that much so I've never really known and then when you're in it now obviously because i've lived it and i'm in it and i know exactly what week it is whatever and you i now know the quarterfinals comes before semifinals and then it's a quarter final semifinal then the final brilliant i never knew that yeah no i think yeah i think i think you're right i don't think i ever did either. Yeah. People wouldn't be a football player

who won a quarter finals and I'd be like, yeah, I don't... Never knew. Is that the better one or is that the worst one? No idea. Well, good.

Knowledge is power. Here's another one. With Strictly, you can only call it the quarter final or the semi-final because there's not multiple ones. Whereas in football, quarter finals,

you'll have four matches. There's a few of them. Yeah. Right, okay. Well, there you go. That that's another thing isn't it and the semis too so really quarterfinals four matches in football the quarterfinal well probably i don't know how many but quarterfinal if it's four matches and the semifinal surely you could call it the half final you don't have to call it the semifinal you can call it the half final don't complicate things because i've just learned is it in my mind dude does semi sound better than half? I'm going to tell everyone

I made it to the half finals of Strictly. No. Well, yeah, possibly because like me, if you'd have said it to me before you'd done it, I'd have been like, is that good?

One before the final. Put it out. I'll say I got put it out just before the final. The second last show. Second last show. Although I'm in the last show as well. I've got to go and do a little group number.

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. Just when I thought I was out, show as well. I've got to go and do a little group number. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in. Got to go down and have a little group dance with everyone. That'll be fun. Looking forward to that. Party afterwards.

Piss off. It will be good. Good for you. I wonder who's going to win. Who do you think's going to win? Do you know what? They're all very worthy winners, in my opinion. Yeah.

I would like to see... Kelvin. Really? Yeah. winners in my opinion yeah i would like to see kelvin really yeah i think i think i i personally i i love absolutely all of them i think they're all brilliant i couldn't really pick a favorite but i do think he may win that's not me saying i want him to win more than the rest of them i'd love i'd love them all to win they're all my favorites same but uh yeah i've got a feeling Kelvin's going to win because he's just surprised everyone I think he's just he's so fucking musty

he looks like he can't he looks like he wouldn't be able to turn his head or scratch his back and then he gets moving and you go fucking fair play dude no he's doing well

and you know what he's like them all they're all amazing and they're all lovely to watch I mean Karim's fantastic he moves like a god yeah Emma's great as well she's such a good show

show lady but I just really i've enjoyed watching kelvin yeah if that makes sense it's because he's so quiet and reserved when he's not dancing it's like he does all his expression through his dancing as well which is really nice to see and oti i mean halau she's bloody gorgeous girl crushing oti have you well yes you know when i got through to the uh the one before the semi quarter final she well done

jumped and yeah she jumped up and hugged us in Claudia's area and she hit us so hard with this hug she hit us in the her shoulder hit us in the chin I thought she'd broke me jaw

oh my gosh no word of a lie she's just pure power she was like Ramsey kaboom and I was like uh uh

and like my left ear like went weird because me jaw had like pushed up in a way and I sat there and Claudia was about to interview and I was like I'm going to need a like, like me left ear like went weird because me jaw had like pushed up in a way and I sat there and Claudia was about to interview us

and I was like, I'm going to need a second here. I think she's broke me jaw. Wow. Really, it was hurting

for two days. You know, you remember, I went on about it non-stop. Oh, yes, I remember.

Massive things are happening in the Ramsey outhold. Guys, everyone, are you ready? The trees are up. The tree,

the trees are up. Trees are up. Finally, eh? Three and a half trees we've got. I know. Who do we think we are? Three and a half.

I think we've bloody been watching Downton Abbey getting above a station, haven't we? Do you know what? I do feel like we are getting a little... I do feel a little bit like, who the fuck do we think we are? But at the same time, I'm like, I don't care. I just love Christmas. I will not apologise for it.

I just love Christmas. Giannis, don't go on many holidays. Eh? No. Didn't go on many? I went on four-day holiday last year. But Christmas, I'll go on for it. If there's Christmas. Join us. Don't go on many holidays. Eh? No. Didn't go on many. I went on four day holiday last year. But Christmas, I'll go on for it. If there's a space, I'll put a tree there.

I'm not bothered. Do you know I had one in my room when I was a kid? Oh, did you? Yeah. Why? Because I wanted one. I got a little one. Just a little desk one.

I had it on my computer desk. I put tinsel on it and lights. And then I put, my mum let us put lights all around my bedroom window as well. Oh, that's cute. Love Christmas so much. I do love Christmas. Buzzing off it. Buzzing for the bane.

First year, he's actually going to know what's going on. Oh, God. I mean, he's asked every morning if it's Christmas, which is extremely irritating. So there's part of it that's buzzing that the trees are up, but at the same time, I'm like, oh, shit. I say there's a chance we shouldn't really big it up too much on Christmas Eve because I think he's going to wake up at about four in the morning.

I want to go with the don't tell him. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. But I bought a plate to put all the stuff on in that. I just think that. I don't know. I think he'll get up at two o'clock. He'll literally wake up at two o'clock

and he'll go, I want to go and see if Santa's been. And he'll be like, no. And he'll literally just lie there whinging all night until about six in the morning. What do you do? Just literally just lie there whinging all night until about six in the morning what do you do just literally don't tell him just go to bed

like a normal night go to bed like a normal night and go Robin do you know what it is today right well listen make a deal with me right now because you're the one who'll get all excited

let's make a deal you tell him you'll look at me with little puppy dog eyes and you'll go Rosie she'll tell him you're coming tomorrow

and I'll go no no don't and you'll go come on come on behind his you do it all go no no don't and you'll go come on come on behind his you do it all the time

behind his head and you'll be like come on come on yeah well if we do that then okay but you get up with him what on Christmas day

oh can you imagine that if you didn't get up with your Ben on Christmas day it'd be awful wouldn't it shake alright then

okay should we do this yes we'll lie to a four year old about whether it's Christmas Eve or not we'll just tell him and then when he wakes up in the yes we'll lie to a four year old about whether it's Christmas Eve or not we'll just tell him and then when he wakes up in the morning

we'll go do you know what Santa came last night it's Christmas today and just watch him just explode right great

because what is all Christmas Eve is oh but then again your family are coming round they're going to get buzzing no oh the bans

the me nephews will tell them oh man well let's bribe them bribe them to not tell them let's pay their moneyhews will tell them. Oh, man. Well, let's bribe them. Bribe them and not tell them. Let's pay their money not to tell them. The nine and ten, by the way. Yeah.

They'll take a bribe. That'll take a couple of quid. Won't even have to break out a five a note for them. Nah, they don't understand. Two pounds? Three. Yeah? Three fifty.

Two pound coin. One two pound coin each. Really shiny one. I'll polish it. Right. Good. Yeah, they'll be fine. Yeah.

Okay. Amazing. So, they'll be fine. Yeah. Okay. Amazing. So, liars and crooks. Bribing and lying to children. Can't wait. Coming for Christmas now. I'm very excited. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. It's time for What's Your Beef? Beef! What's your beef?

I forgot about it. Just shout it. That's going to be so loud With people listening to it I'm sorry I forgot I forgot about Barry Oh wait then Barry

What's your crack? Oh my god Someone's made a Barry Beef Twitter account Brilliant Not even joking No way I swear

Come on then What's your catchphrase This week Barry? Listen Christmas is coming up If you're going shopping You better keep your Wallets in your pockets

Or I'll be there. Got to pick a pocket or two, boys. Oh, Barry, beef will be around the corner. So what's your beef? Chris? Mm-hmm. I haven't got any. Shut up.

I promise you. No way. Is it a Christmas miracle? I don't think I've got a beef. What? Because, oh, here's a little beef. Oh, no, you don't know. I've got a beef. What? Because, oh, he has a little beef. Oh,

no, you don't know. I've just remembered something though. It's okay though, you don't have to scrape the barrel. No,

no, it's not scraping the barrel, it's just something that irritates me about you sometimes. Oh. When the bear's asleep, even though he's fast asleep,

you will whisper and I don't think you need to whisper. You're like, shh, he's asleep and you could have a conversation,

obviously not really loud and he doesn't hear you but you insist on whispering and it annoys us because I'm like, shh, he's asleep. And you could have a conversation, obviously not really loud, and he doesn't hear you, but you insist on whispering. And it annoys us because I'm like, why are you thinking that he's so special that you need to whisper? He's fast asleep. One, I don't want to wake him up.

Two, is this, are you referring to last night when I came in at about quarter past 11 from going down to do It Takes Two and then coming all the way back, bit knackered off the day, full day of travelling and being on a telly and that, coming home, to which at quarter way back, bit knackered off the day, full day of travelling and being on the telly and that, coming home, to which at quarter past eleven,

while he was asleep on the sofa, you decided it was time to have a full-on political debate in the kitchen. Who are you going to vote for? I just don't know, I think they're all bastards, what do we do?

Rosie's quarter past eleven, but what do we do? They're all just batting the lie and they're all lying, it was the same, they'll say it'll change it, but they won't. Rosie, it's quarter past 11.

Can we go to fucking bed, please? You nutter. You full-on lunatic. I hate them all. Woman who almost didn't want to speak to us during the day yesterday wanted to fucking

open the House of Commons and storm fucking Guy Fawkes. You turned into Guy Fawkes last night. God damn it. I'd watch something on the BBC. Right, yeah, yeah.

With them all on. There's your problem. There's them all on there's your problem there's your problem there's a problem just getting yourself riled up get yourself because do you know i thought we were going to go about into politics you shouldn't talk about politics with people who you love but um i just um i'm really struggling at the minute and i'll probably get a bit of stick of this from this on twitter but um i've been doing loads of research and i've come to the conclusion that i don't like or trust any of them. Wow.

My beef with you this week is you today. I don't even know how you've got one, bearing in mind that we've hardly seen each other at all. And the only time we saw each other, we put the Christmas trees up and it was lovely and we were playing Christmas songs. So I don't know how you've got a beef about us. Do you want, want okay I've just realised actually

after saying that I've actually got two are you taking them away I've got one that happened today and one that happened when we

put the trees up which one do you want oh both go on no condense them give us both

hit me hit me hit me with your beef and stick today you well maybe yesterday you did it you got a box of oven pride beef and steak today you well

or maybe yesterday you did it you got a box of oven pride oven cleaner and you put it in the oven to remind yourself

to remind myself yeah to remind yourself to not turn the oven on and clean it next time when you're going to turn it on then when you wanted to make lunch today

you turned the oven up to 200 and left it and then told me to put the the lunch today, you turned the oven up to 200 and left it. And then told me to put the southern fried chicken strips into the oven and I opened it and there was a scalding hot box of oven pride in there. I know. Which I had to take out and quickly run outside

and put outside because God knows what it was going to do. I'm quite glad that we've put this on the podcast because honestly going through my mind before was like, what if my mum comes and drops Robin off and we are dead and they're like how are they dead and there's just

some oven pride outside and they'll be like how are they dead did they drink no it's still there what the hell happened so now people know if we die

we ate those southern fried chicken strips that had been in the oven with the cleaning products so that's why we're dead we could be dying right now we could be this might be a dream this might not be happening might be a dream that had been in the oven with the cleaning products. So that's why we're dead. We could be dying right now. We could be.

This might not be happening. It might be a dream. But yeah, you did that and that was craziness. I know. I thought I was being really smart. And you turned the oven on. Yeah, no, you weren't being smart. You were putting it in the one place that you shouldn't have put it.

I mean, if you'd already used it, you could have put it in there because you'd been able to see through the fucking oven door and seen that they were there. But it's so dirty, we couldn't even see it. Burn. Oh, it. Burn. Oh wow. Great.

Thanks Chris. What's your other beef thing quickly? You kicked off that icon put lights on trees and then you put the lights on the front one and then I put the lights on the back one

and this back one looks better. There's one strip of lights and they're all bunched together and see you keep squinting at it. Oh I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. So I love, I turn around, guys, right?

And I squint at it because when you squint, here's a top tip for you light putter runners. Put the lights on, step back and just squint at it and you can see all the...

I catch you doing it all the time. I do. Because honestly, I've spiralled it round. It looks like a fucking candy cane. It's beautiful. It's perfect. I want to prick you up.

God, I'm brilliant at putting my fucking candy cane. It's beautiful, it's perfect. I want to prick you up. God, I'm brilliant at putting noise on trees. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public. Public. Public. As always, guys, if you want to get in touch,

it's shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Send us your hopes, your dreams, your Christmas wishes, your Christmas dilemmas, please. Should we next week? Should we do a Christmas one next week? Yeah, so we're going to do a Christmas special next week, I dreams, your Christmas wishes, your Christmas dilemmas. Please. Should we next week, should we do a Christmas one next week? So we're going to do a Christmas special next week, I think, guys. So if you can send us all Christmas-related things, any problems

you have at Christmas, any beefs you have over Christmas, any worries, any amazing Christmas stories, any sad Christmas stories, mainly funny Christmas stories. Have a Christmas poll. Who knows? I quite like a sad Christmas story. I think sometimes it's nice for a sad Christmas story

don't you think let's try and just let people get like full of happiness for Christmas maybe okay sorry yeah

go out like a bit of real chat Chris yeah you know what I mean a bit of real chat life isn't always okay then

okay sorry okay you can send a sad Christmas story but the only caveat is it has to be poo related if it's sad no

no yeah can I just tell you now, before we get started, I've got poo stories coming out of my pissing eyeballs. It's ridiculous. The country's fucked. You invented a bloody jingle for it, a segment. I know. Goodness me.

I've created a monster. I swear. I swear. And mind, I've got to tell you, Sandra last night, I mean, I thought Sandra loved a bit of a poo story, but she was like, well, I mean, you could do something else in the future. No, stop it. I was like, Sandra, you don't see the emails that I get.

It's what the people want. Stop listening, Sandra. Unbelievable. God. Here's a question for you. Yeah. I do have a poo on later Don't worry

But I'm saving it I don't want to delve Straight in with them Whoop whoop Good morning Chris and Rosie Morning But it's It's afternoon

But whenever you listen to this I am in a bit of a predicament And I would like some advice It's an advice one More than it Not a problem Reel it out We'll help

My partner has suddenly seemed To lack care For his oral hygiene, and I don't know where this has come from. He never seems to brush his teeth, and sometimes it smells like he hasn't for days. Oh, my goodness me. I am getting very annoyed by this,

but as we have only been together for four months, I feel rude mentioning it. Jesus. Ew. I've tried leaving his toothbrush on the side of the sink so it's easy to access, but he doesn't seem to care or notice.

I hate him. I thought an opportunity arose when he started complaining that his teeth were really hurting. Jesus Christ, what's he doing? I suggested brushing twice a day or going to the dentist, but he just scoffed.

And the scoff smelt like shit. Please help and please keep this anonymous, as I don't want to embarrass him. Love from the lady from the 1940s. My goodness. Bless her. Can I just say what a lovely lovely considerate person she sounds she's really nice she's much nicer than you'd be you well do you know what actually struck me about

this yeah and i don't know if he listens he probably i don't know do i am i bothered i don't know i was once kind of dating this guy and he was a friend of mine and um i saw him hadn't seen him for ages and his teeth were not good right and i told him and i because he was my friend as well and i think he was smoking a lot and i think he was like not he was living a bit like a student life and i think his teeth just went a bit shoddy and I was like your teeth aren't good at the minute next time next time I seen him he'd had all

of his teeth done right and I was like oh you've had your teeth done he was like oh well you've done

so much right I was like I didn't think you'd like get them all done sorry rewind here so you were

you was a friend and then you were going, he was a friend and then you were going out with him and then you weren't going out. Like on and off. Right. And so, yeah. And then you saw him again ages after this.

So you just weren't going out anymore. You just randomly bumped into each other and you just took it upon yourself to just randomly tell this bloke in a passing encounter that his teeth were minging. Who the fuck do you think you are? Honestly, I don't know.

Who do you think you are? But when he told us again, I was like, oh, I did say that and I felt a bit embarrassed. Yeah? But he got them done. So actually I thought,

well, I thought, you know what? How bad were they? What do you mean? They weren't great. What do you mean? They were just a bit stained

and like, I think you could have just had a polish. Yeah. But you got like, fully blown. You got fully blown veneers? I think so, stained. Yeah? And like, I think you could have just had a polish. Yeah. But you got like fully blown. You got fully blown veneers? I think so, yeah. Oh, fuck me.

I know. Oh, God. I know. I watched a 3D animation of how they do them on the internet. They put the stump, your teeth, they make your teeth into like stumps. I was nearly crying. Yeah, and then they attach the new ones to them. Mm-hmm.

Good heavens. I know. Good heavens. I feel a bit bad now. Yeah. Wow. It's a long time ago. Oh, yeah.

I mean, wow. I mean, what an arrogant bitch. Oh. Hi, I haven't seen you for a while. How's your mouth? Oh, look at your fucking bracket. Look at your teeth. Why?

You got teeth like bonk chips. Look at you. It's nice to see you as well, Rosie. Don't breathe on us. I didn't say it like that. There must have been pretty bad to say something yeah that's not me either

no I mean you are genuinely quite polite I know so the fact that you said something are you shocked at that I mean he must have been literally

for you to say it he must have been talking and he must have accidentally spat one of them at you it must have been that bad I think you might want to go to the dentist babes

I think he's mentioned them I think he's asked us right okay I can't okay this was a long time but you're backpedaling now saying that he said how do you like me i think he said what do you think of me teeth and i've gone well actually in what world i haven't seen you for ages and i used to go out in that um as as i haven't seen you for a while uh an impartial question I think maybe he's

asked to kiss us or something and I was like ah it gets better ah maybe he asked to kiss us and I said

actually no I remember he said can I use your toothbrush and I said you can but burn it afterwards because you've got a mouth like a fucking

dirty car tyre fuck me words because you've got a mouth like a fucking dirty car tire well listen hey what a what an arsehole you are no one knows not your mate anymore he's got lovely teeth now though oh i probably got a credit card to get them on i think he's got a girlfriend now as well so you are welcome hey guys haven't seen this girl for a while we used to go out with our friends

we sort of fell out and I'm seeing her which is randomly in town I'm seeing her and I hope it goes well yeah good best of luck mate best of luck

take a condom I will how did it go mate go to the dentist tomorrow crying his eyes out most expensive encounter I've ever had in my life and yeah i'm

sorry i'm listening he doesn't listen i don't think but if you are but sorry sorry back to the the lady in question oh yeah i think you are well within your right to tell him that his breath uh smells uh tell him he needs to floss maybe get him it's christmas is coming up maybe get one of them electric water flossers we've got one of them it's amazing well here's something in stockings well in Robin's stocking I always put toothpaste yeah

and a toothbrush and I put them in yours as well so seems to be your thing doesn't it what do you mean Merry Christmas son yeah

Merry Christmas son I'll tell you a little story towards the night before Christmas and Mammy's a cow and if I see you and your teeth are bad I'll tell you a little story. It was the night before Christmas and Mammy's a cow. And if I see you and your teeth are bad, I'll tell you I can't bite my tongue. Although I can bite my tongue because I've got lovely teeth.

But don't bite your tongue with them because you'll dirty your tongue. Because your teeth are minging. Fucking hell. So I'm looking forward to that, me stocking Christmas Day. Don't you know what I'm going to say? I'm going to say,

do you know who your Mammy is? The Tooth Fairy. Honestly. So I'm going to get, am I going to get toothpaste in my stocking? You normally do. You get shampoos, deodorant and the orange. Just put them straight in the bathroom cabinet. Put the orange back in the food bowl.

No, I'll be wrapping them up. They're extra presents. I'll be putting them in your stocking. You know that I do this. You know I do. Like that first Christmas when we got together, I got you a stocking. I got you loads of sweets. I got you loads of sweets.

I got you loads of lovely things after shaving everything. You bought me the flipping boardwalk empire box set and you didn't even wrap the fucker. That's true. Horrific. That is true. Why did I marry you? I should have married him with new teeth.

Oh, I definitely, he'd love that, wouldn't he? Every Christmas, every bit. I got you more toothpaste. Thanks, darling. Fucking like a cult. We brush our teeth 25 times a day. We've got no gums, but look at these bad lads. Listen, it's important, oral hygiene.

Yeah. She needs to sort her lad out. So good. They've only been together four months. So if anyone sees Rosie in boots or super drug in the lead up to Christmas, she'll not be filling the basket. She'll be filling two stockings for me and my lucky son who are going to get

dental floss and deodorant. To be fair, you did get as a tushy claw. And I did use that quite a lot on that too. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I, cause I didn't want to tell you,

but I had bags under your eyes. It looked like, Hey, you know what I love? I love bumping into Rosie Ramsey in public because she really takes your insecurities and shines a giant fucking spotlight on them. Oh, don't, man.

It was one time and I was young. And he looks much better for it now, so I actually should be thanking his. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday.

You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't.

The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th

when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have a story that I need to get off my chest. Okay.

When I was about four or five years old, my family had a pet cat called Katie. I adored this cat and would always play with her. As I was a young girl, I had baby dolls and baby dolls clothes, meaning that I would then force my cat to wear these outfits. One day when my mum was busy doing jobs around the house, I was dressing up my cat as usual. I had put one of the baby grows on the cat and pretended she was my baby and I could hear my mum coming down the stairs. Of course, I panicked. I started undoing the buttons of the baby grow and squeezing

the cat's poor little arms out of the tiny sleeves. However, I couldn't get off the cat before my mum reached the kitchen door. I had no choice but to hide the cat. I don't like where this is going. Of all the places I could have put her, I threw her in the washing machine. For

fuck's sake. Why the washing machine you might ask well i don't even know myself but the story doesn't stop there oh no no it doesn't oh god once my mom had checked on me she left me to play again but as i was only four or five i didn't know how to work the washing machine the cat was stuck basically with the door shut on her i started pressing lots of different buttons to try and open the door and I accidentally knocked the washing machine on. No! No! I sat there for about 20 seconds just staring at what I had done

till I finally shouted at my mum. She did manage to get the cat out, but I was then banned from playing with the cat on my own and I had all of my baby dolls and clothes took off me. Oh, my god! That is the tensest story. Because I was like, we're going to have to edit that. If this cat dies,

it's going to have to come off. The cat didn't die. Oh my god. But she's never been allowed to have a cat since. Quite right. I want her blacklisted. I just thought that was a bit of a light-hearted question. Story. Absolutely not! Are you fucking, are you a psychopath? There was nothing light-hearted question story absolutely not are you fucking are you a psychopath well the other ones are so disgusting really there was nothing i was honestly i was on the edge of my

seat that was hard i felt sick sorry put a cat in a washing machine light-hearted you're a you're a fucking maniac well there's a question i do have a question that is not really related at all. How do you wear washing machines? How do you get a baby grow off a cat in three seconds? I do have a question. Can I lend you a cat? What were the childhood things that you believed that now you think are stupid?

For example, that the moon followed you in the car, etc. I did. I remember wondering why we couldn't get to the other side of the moon i remember why i remember wondering why the moon didn't move the way a lamppost you drive past moved so much of my childhood was spent looking at the moon in a car i do love looking at the moon so much was spent like i feel like when i was a kid my mom and dad drove me around in the dark a lot more than I drive him around in the dark. Well, this is the thing. You're saying that. I personally only remember really seeing the moon from my bedroom window.

So what were you doing? I don't know. Your mum and dad had a really good social life. Mine did not. I went places with them. My mum and dad never went out. Yeah, but my mum and dad took me to pubs, and I just sat there with a Coke while they sat.

Do you know what I mean? It was well boring. I remember I used to go to the one at the seafront. It's called the Sand Dancer now in South Shields. But it used to be called... I can't remember what it used to be called. No, me neither. But I used to go there and they used to have a fish and chip shop on the other side of it.

Oh, yeah. And I used to go and sit with them. And it would be like, I'd sit and I'd have like a Coke. And I'd have another Coke. And I'd be allowed to go and get me fish and chips. And then I'd come back and then I'd sit and then we'd go. What night was this on? It's like Fridays and Saturdays. No way.

How old were you? I must have been about 10. See, like you think that that's awful. I'd have been buzzing. My mum and dad took us to a pub. I was bored out of my mind. You had siblings siblings i didn't so i'll just sit there because i think it was weird they went through some kind of like time

where they didn't have babysitters i didn't have childcare so instead of going out with their mates i just used to have to go to the pub with them and i'll never forget what on the coast road going down towards the new crown in south shields and it was when i first heard eminem on the radio it was a friday night on metro and uh hi my name is was a Friday night on Metro and Hi My Name Is was on. Oh, yeah. And it changed my life. I was like this. I remember the feeling.

I was like so excited, but there was no internet or anything. I just had to wait until it came on the radio again and then watch Top of the Pops. Then he came on Top of the Pops and then I found out who this guy was. That's exciting. Genuinely true.

You can do the rap, can't you? You're really, really strangely good at rapping. I remember the lyrics to anything. Like, I'm really ridiculously good at the lyrics. That's why you did well in Strictly. Just because I remember the lyrics to anything. Like, I'm really ridiculously good at lyrics. That's why you did well in Strictly. Just because I remember the dance moves. Can I tell you as well, because you haven't been here for a while, Robin is also very good at remembering lyrics.

Rosie, we sat down the other night. His memory's unbelievable. We sat down and watched The Snowman and the Snowdog the other night. And he was telling us what was happening before it happened. He watched it last year when he was three. Crazy. Just three as well. he was three. Mm-hmm. Crazy. Just three as well.

Just turned three. Oh, God. He's got a good memory like his dad. Another little Chris. Yay! Do us a rap. What do you mean,

do you a rap? Let's do a rap. What do you mean? Let's do a rap. Let's do, that's it, because I'm not very good at them. No, but you just, I don't like-

Can you still remember Hamilton? Yes. Come on then. I don't like doing them with you, though, because you just come in with the wrong words and then if you don't like doing them with you though because you just come in with the wrong words and then if you

don't know the word you make a sound that sounds like the word well I don't think that's true let's do it we did this

was it last year we went to see Hamilton the musical last year in the West End and we learnt the rap well you learnt

it I just learnt bits of it but let's see if you remember it we haven't done this for a year I know it I can do it now

right come on then arsehole ok how does a bastard orphan son of a whore and a You learned it. I just learned a bit of it. But let's see if we remember it. We haven't done this for a year. I know it. I could do it now. Right, come on then. Asshole. Okay. How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a shatman... Did you say? Shatman? Shatman? Say it straight away.

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a... Put the American accent on. Don't. Yeah, but what you do is... How does a bastard, orphan... But you get it wrong and it puts me off. No. Right.

Well, that's showbiz, kid. How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by Providence and you've gone, you've gone. End up to be a scholar. The ten dollar starting father without a father.

Starting father. The ten dollar founding father without a father got a lot harder by working a lot, harder by being a lot smarter by being a self-starter. By fourteen, they placed him in charge of a trading charter. And every day while slaves were being slaughtered and carted away across the waves, he struggled and kept his gutter. Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of. The brother was ready to beg, steal, borrow, or bother. The hurricane came and devastation rained on man.

So his future dripped, dripping down the drain. Put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain. And he wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain. Then the word got around. They said, this kid is insane, man. Put up a collection just to send him to the mainland. Keep going, whatever that is. Get your education, don't forget from whence you came.

And the world's going to know your name. What's your name, man? Alexander Hamilton. Yes! Oh, you are so crazy how do you remember that I don't know I don't know

that was fun any song off Eminem's first two albums as well I can just do straight off the top of my head so weird I enjoy rapping with you we rap quite well together

no we don't let's do a rap every week no I just literally let us know have to power through no if you want to give a rap

I have to power through while you're shouting the wrong words at us but look at no if you want to have a power through while you're shouting the wrong words at us but look at how much fun i'm driving test look at how much fun i'm having you were having fun you were waving your arms around in the air like you didn't care yeah that was quite nice well well let me hear you say well hey apologies if that gets left in apologies to everyone for having to listen to that because that must have been fucking horrendous well i'm sorry but i think the people will enjoy that. Okay. You're welcome.

Oh, is it poo time? Do you want to do the jingle or not? I think the people expect the jingle. Okay. Let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about poo and wee. Let's talk about all the good shit, all the bad shit that have been.

Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit. You are meant to do the... You are meant to do the bit in between. We are never going to be a good double act if you don't book your ideas up. I want to do the bit in between. Let's do it again.

Yeah. I'll just rewind it. Ready? Okay. Let's talk about all the good sh I'll just rewind it. Ready? Okay. Let's talk about all the good shits, all the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shit. With a little bit of shit. No, talk about shit.

Oh, fuck it. Right now. No. No. One more try. That was a good moment. All the good shits, all the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shits.

Let's talk about shits. With a little bit of shits. Let's talk about shits. That was so fun. Shag married and shit. I'm so sorry, everyone. That was so fun. All right, okay.

With a little bit of shit. Love that. It's nice, isn't it? Do you know who I channeled there? Another girly C, pretty fly for a white guy. That's who I channeled. I liked it. I like it.

Method, that darling, method. In the new year, we're going to have a new little feature. Cool. So look out for that, guys. Ooh, tease. Hashtag tease. Hashtag teasing, yeah. Tease me on.

Get in your time machine you can't fucking wait can you tickling your little tease mouse okay this poo story

this week is sent from a posh person so I thought I might do it in a posh accent how do you know

it's sent from a posh person you are going to know as soon as I say two words how it's sent from a posh person

okay then my dear Chris and Rosie I know as soon as I say two words how it's said from a posh person. Okay, then. My dear Chris and Rosie, I've acquired this story and you just need to hear it. Right. So, my friend went to Cambridge University. There we go. There we go. The clanger. Eh?

Boom. The posh clanger is dropped. Boom. One lunchtime, she really needed a poo. Fantastic. You know the kind that just suddenly happens and starts to poke out a little bit yes good odd yes been there um now lunchtime if you didn't know is rush hour in the main loos at cambridge oh thanks for that i'll know not to pop the cambridge from your shit at lunchtime half two two alright? I'll go to Hogwarts instead. Half two alright? Yeah.

So rush hour is at the main loos at Cambridge, but they were the only loos around. She ran in and sat down. Now, because it was so busy, she wanted to avoid the giveaway plop. So instead of doing what any normal human being would do, which is put Luro down the loo to cushion the plop. Oh, the old silencer.

Oh, yes, exactly. She decided it would be best to wrap her hand in Luro and catch the poo as she birthed it out. Oh, my God! Oh, that's fucking delightful. Birthed it out. Have you ever heard that? Beautiful.

Catch the poo. Who's doing this? People at Cambridge. Oh, my's fucking delightful. Birthed it out. Have you ever heard that? Beautiful. Catch the poo. Who's doing this? People at Cambridge. Oh, my God, man. So she wanted to catch the poo. Yeah. Which in itself would be weird enough. Yet in the process of then dropping the poo into the loo,

it somehow fell onto the floor and rolled out into the busy foyer that had a queue of girls waiting for the cubicles. Oh my God. Oh no. Safe to say she never lived a town and will never catch a poo coming out of her bum hole again. Oh, well, lesson learnt. I mean, the fact that she had to go through all that

to learn that catching your shite and dropping it into the toilet isn't a way. I mean, just drop the toilet paper in and poo on the toilet. I mean, oh. Guys, have you not learned anything from this podcast yet? God heavens. It gets even better. No.

There's more. Wow. There's more. This isn't poo related. Okay. P.S. Here's one more This isn't poo related. Okay. P.S. Here's one more story that I hope will tickle you. Every year, my comprehensive went to Bristol Zoo as a school trip in year nine.

When we got to year nine, it was finally time to go to the zoo. And we were, of course, incredibly excited as it meant a day off school. Hooray. We all had a wonderful time so all the classic zoo animals explored the gift shop and so on all the classic all the classic zoo monkeys like like a band like oh they did the reunion tour and all the main ones were there. Like all the front men were there. Like honestly, like all the classic zoo animals.

We then got on the bus to go bus. How do you say bus, Posh? Bus. Bus. No, you said bus. Bus. The thing is,

I don't think Posh people say bus. I don't think they need to say it because I don't think they ever get on it. The bus. I don't even, yeah, you're right. Coach't think they ever get on it. The birds. I don't even...

Yeah, you're right. Coach? Coach? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We then got on the coach to go home when suddenly the whole coach started to smell like fish. Wow. All of a sudden, there was a little peeping noise from one of the boys' bags.

They had stolen a penguin... Bollocks. ...from the enclosure. Bollocks. No fucking way. Bollllocks it remains a mystery as to how they managed to smuggle this poor pingu out of the zoo and get it basically back home as you can expect we all got in major trouble and the school was banned from the zoo forever this is still one of my favorite memories from school and I hope it made you smile too.

Oh my God. Kiss, kiss, kiss. If that is true, that is absolutely amazing. I mean, what leads you to that? Fair play. If that's true and there's someone out there who genuinely took a penguin and managed to get it all the way onto the fucking bus,

then that is unbelievable. I went to school with some strange kids and I can imagine that if we had gone to a zoo, definitely one of them would have stole a penguin. What is the fucking, the mindset? What's the thought of like, what is that? Whoa, not much in the gift shop. Should we go back there?

That penguin was cute, wasn't he? He was friendly, wasn't he? Did you get anything for your mum? Just a little penguin. I remember growing up though i knew a lot of people who ran just stole stuff always lads yeah i knew a guy who stole in one of their traffic lights you know the port like their little portable traffic lights yeah when he was pissed brilliant so in the morning he woke up and it was just like in his room fantastic red amber green so obviously took the battery now oh yeah yeah the whole thing i am the whole thing i had i stole a road sign once on the way home

for the night out little shit road sign the little men at work one i had in my room for a while i don't know why um i remember one of the things that sticks out for me at school um a load of my lads from my year went audition for billy elliott the movie did they when it was out yeah yeah yeah i think i was in i think for some reason if i remember rightly the history teacher sorted it out even not the drama because there wasn't any drama no but they just wanted it was like an open audition so loads of the lads went but then a few of them it was in some community center or whatever or some place and a few of them went behind the bar and started just pouring themselves pints of lager right and the actual lad who got the part grassed them up jamie what's his name jamie bell apparently

grassed them up and i remember one of the lads such a fucking wanker he's claimed to fame for ages was oh he grasses up for Nick and Pines at the thing I'm going to bring him when I see him I'm like he's Billy Elliot mate I don't think

I don't think he's bothered grassed up by Billy Elliot aye and aye I want it on me tombstone grassed up by Billy Elliot what were they doing anyway they must have only been

about 14 oh they thought they were class mate oh hey I'd have probably gone out with one of them yeah you probably would have you'd have bloody loved them you'd have bloody loved them until their class mate oh hey I'd have probably gone out with one of them yeah you probably would have you'd have bloody loved them

eh you'd have bloody loved them until their oral hygiene dipped and you'd have been away I was going to say until his teeth got shit I brought him right back

down to earth what's that of all them pints you've been stealing all them drip trays you've been drinking at the social club do you know

someone told me oh drip trays well Carl Hutchinson friend of the podcast. Oh, I was just wondering if it was going to be a podcast. Goes by where you don't fucking talk about Carl. Hey, hey. Honestly, I've got best friends as well, you know. Aye, yeah.

Never mentioned them, do you? Don't have to mention them. Never mentioned them, eh? Used to have best friends, eh? Until you started going, taking toothbrushes to people's houses. No one wants to speak to you anymore. You bitch. Carl told me that apparently apparently someone told him that apparently you can go to certain pubs in the northeast and ask for a pint of drip oh no and you can just get a pint of the drip trays no

nah won't believe it that's that's won't believe it apparently that's the crack who's drinking that just like full-on full-on they can't charge for that i think it's 20 pence from what i heard it's 20 pence for a pint of drip that's all you need to explain what the drip well i think it's a bit obvious yeah so the drip tray is the tray at the underneath the the beer pump so but you'll you'll have you know you'll have depending what you've had in it there could be loads of different ones but apparently all of the drip tree goes into like a bucket and then in these certain pubs. Yeah, no, that goes down the sink.

I used to... But in these certain pubs, all of the... This is the rumour. All of the drip tree goes into a bucket and then you can ask for a pint of drip and it's just a mixture

of all of the stuff and it's 20 pence. That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my whole life. Yeah. Apparently, it's bollocks, but some people think it's true.

Oh, my goodness. If anyone can confirm that either way, I'd love to hear it. It would be so flat. That's your problem with it. That's up there with, stick a couple of ice cubes in this, this bloody room temperature.

You're not keeping that bucket in the fridge, you dirty bastard. What kind of pub are you running here? It would be so flat. Johnny Benz. Well, it would. Yeah, but that's, obviously that's not,

no one's drinking it. Do you know what I mean? Can I pint a drip? Now, just look at the menu. Do you think your pint a drip would go with the steak or the fish? Listen,

I'm not being funny, right? Nobody's drinking it. Somebody's drinking it because, oh, I don't even want to tell you. What? No. Because you'll have me life what whatever come on well

it's a little bit like i sometimes used to i don't anymore since i married rich right i used to go to the supermarket and buy the cutoffs of meat and have a little meat, like a little bag of meat crisps. You can buy cut-offs of meat. Sorry. The end of all, you know when they cut all the meat in the supermarket? Right.

They have a little, like a little bowl full of all the bits on the end and that and all the fatty bits. No way. And you can buy that. Yeah, and I used to buy it. Bollocks.

And then I'd sit like on the bus, on the metro or whatever and I'd just be eating like out of the bag. That's horrendous. No. Meat crisps? buy it and then i'd sit like on the bus on the metro whatever and i'd just be eating like out the back that's horrendous no meat crisps meat crisps that's why i used to call them disgusting that's what it works you weren't even you were working oh no i was fully blown like 22 fuck me before what kind of meat well it's everything have you never seen it so it. So it would be like,

so you'd have, so you know in the supermarket where you can get like the turkey, the ham, corned beef. So we're talking about the specific delicatessen counter where they're cutting it all up.

Yeah, yeah. So they're running it through that zoom, zoom. And it's the bit at the end that's too big to cut. Yeah. So it's bigger than a slice, smaller than a chunk.

Oh, yeah. But then it's all just the fatty bits and that. Oh, you're a minger. Bloody lovely, but it was cheaper. So it was like the cheap off cut. than a chunk. Oh, yeah, but then it's all just the fatty bits and that. Oh, you're a minger. Bloody lovely, but it was cheaper. So it was like the cheap off-cut. Oh, good, yeah, that's good. That's a bit like having a pint of drip.

I mean, it is the food equivalent of a pint of drip. Yeah, it is the food equivalent of a pint of drip. I'll tell you what, though, delicious. You've just reminded us. Do you know what my dad used to do when he was younger? And he's told us about this, and I've always been jealous of it. Why? He used to go, he always used to say, he used to go to the swimming baths.

He'd go on the bus to the swimming baths um this is the same bus he used to get once i've ever told you about a time when my dad was a kid and he went to the um he went bowling i've told you about this no but i love i love stories i love poor stories of your dad he went oh they're amazing so he went he went bowling when he was a kid uh with all his friends and uh and then he came back uh on the bus and he looked down on the bus and he realized he still had the bowling shoes on and he's gonna go back but he realized they were actually better than the shoes he'd left in so he just boot polished them and wore them for school and this is isn't that your dad as well who when he used to have wellies for the winter

but then instead of getting new shoes they just cut the top of the welly off and you just wear them as trainers. Oh, God love him. Bless his heart. One of five, bless him. But yeah, so what he used to do is he used to go to the... I would still do this. It is a bit minging, but I would genuinely do this. He would go to the chip shop.

Well, first he would go to the bakery next door at the chip shop. Right. And he would get a full unsliced loaf of white bread he would rip the top like so we turn it on its side and rip rip the sort of so say the left edge yeah yeah um of the crust um and put his hand in and gouge out all of the white sort of soft innards okay eat that dry just the inside of the white loaf go next door to the chippy and get them to fill it

with chips oh no hey and eat it like a massive chip sandwich that listen I'd eat that I thought you would

that sounds bloody delightful unbelievable innit yeah that's tea sorted thanks Bill you ready yeah this is more of just

a story here but I think that you are going to really dislike these people right okay excellent I just I know what you like

yeah because right okay I'm going to go in with an open mind right okay have an open mind

I'm going to try to not dislike them straight away because I do that quite often, and I feel it's a bad trait. I didn't mean to do... I don't want to poison your mind. Okay. Have an open mind.

Okay. You ready? Yeah. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hi. Last night, I was travelling home from London on the train, and my husband picked me up from the station to drive me home. We were nearly there when we spotted a white ferret

randomly wandering around in the middle of the road. He assumed it must be someone's lost pet and decided that it was his mission to rescue it. He got out of the car, scooped up the stinky bundle and deposited it at my feet. Having been plucked from its night time adventure and unceremoniously shoved into a confined space, it proceeded to panic as you would it scrambled around in the passenger footwell for a bit and then shimmied up me like i was some sort of drain pipe whereupon it bit a bloody great chunk out of my neck fuck off once i had stopped calling it and my husband every rude word under the sun we googled animal bite wounds

and long story short i ended up in A&E in the early hours of the morning for painkillers, anti-inflammatories, a tetanus shot, and two different types of antibiotics. Needless to say, I was not pleased. So, my question is, have you, or do you know anyone who has gone to A&E for a reason that has made the nurses piss themselves laughing? And that's from Rachel. Do you hate them, or do you love them? He's a fucking idiot. I hate him. Yeah. Put it in the boot.

What the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah. I just knew that you would just think what's going on. What are you doing? I know. A ferret.

What are you scooping a ferret up in the middle of the night? One, how did you catch the ferret? How did you catch... Have you seen a ferret shift? Yeah. Two,

why are you putting it in the foot well? They're cat snakes. Have you seen them? How many people have ferrets as why are you putting in the footwell? They're cat snakes. Have you seen them? How many people have ferrets as pet? Well, it depends where you live, I suppose. They might live in a ferret-heavy area. Well, there was one who used to hang around me auntie's street where me and me cousin Nino were playing out.

And you know, now as an older person, I think he was weird. Used to come to Ottawa with his ferrets. Oh, right. Sorry, I thought you meant a ferret just hung around. No, the bloke had ferrets right okay and as a kid he would be like

oh look look at these but now as an adult I'm thinking it's the weirdest animal he was really strange with his ferrets it's the weirdest animal

yeah it's the weirdest animal why is he I mean fair enough that he's trying to save it well on you good on you mate but keep hold of it

try and calm it down don't just I mean he's poor wife just yeah love passenger footwell just hoys it in like it's a takeaway

just slings it in poor bloody ferret oh god morons tetanus and everything have we got any do we know anyone who's got any weird stuff

erm I don't think I do I don't think I do I had to go on A&E because I collapsed in Tammy Girl. Do you remember that? I remember Tammy Girl.

I don't remember me collapsing in it. I didn't frequent it. No, we didn't know each other properly then. Why did you collapse? I'd been really poorly over Christmas and then me and my nana

went shopping on Boxing Day the day after Boxing Day and I just fainted and smacked my head open. And then years later I got a job there

with Dorothy Perkins and the boss remembered us brilliant absolutely great I told her I was like I fainted in here years ago

and she was like that was you and she always wondered how I'd been you're part of the staff training now if anyone ever faints

in Tammy girl this is what you do. I know. I remember waking up saying me blood and it looked like jam. It looked like jam. Yeah, very strange.

Really? Good times I got to go in an ambulance and everything. It was very exciting. Good to put the sirens on for you. Yeah, no, I wasn't dying. No?

Yeah. And I got a McDonald's when me mum couldn't pick us up. Bloody hell. What a day. Fantastic day. What a day. Is that why

like when we go shopping now sometimes you just randomly dive onto the floor and smash your head off the floor just one of my troubles ring me mom it's time for this week's celebrity question celebrity question celebrity question and this week uh it is from the fantastically talented and genuinely lovely people flo Flo and Joan. Flo and Joan are a musical comedy duo. You'll have seen them before. They do the bank advert. I can't remember which one it was that they did, Rosie, that got them famous. One of them shakes a little egg. Yes. Shakes a little

rattly egg. They're absolutely lovely and they're really, really funny if you see them live. They're currently on the biggest UK tour and they've got a special on Amazon as well. Oh, and they're doing the Royal Variety performance this year. So there we go. And here is their question. Hi, Chris and Rosie.

It's Flo and Joan here. We work with each other a lot and we often tell each other quite a few white lies just to make the whole experience a bit easier. We therefore wanted to know out of the two of you, which one do you reckon

is the biggest liar? And question to the biggest liar, what is the stupidest lie that you've tried to get away with? My word. What do I say to you all the time? Yeah, you do. You constantly say I'm lying about everything.

Because you tell the strangest little white lies. Unnecessary. I don't. Like, you do. You actually do. You really do. You don't lie about anything serious. I know that you're not like you're not i know that

you're not some manipulating horrible guy well kind of trying to gaslight us every now and again but that's fine stop saying i'm trying to gaslight you good heavens previous podcast um but you do lie you lie you lie about no okay this is how ridiculous it gets give us 15 examples i can give you one right right bat, right? Five. I'll go to you. Have you turned the heating off? And you'll go, no, I haven't, no.

And then two seconds later, you'll be hovering around the fucking thermostat, turning it back on. So instead of going, oh yeah, I did, I'll go back on. No, I know exactly what you're talking about. I turned it down. You're talking about this the other day. You said, have you turned the heating off you said have you turned the heating off i hadn't turned the heating off i

turned the heating the thermostat down and the heating was already off right it was off so i hadn't turned it off it turned itself off because the timer wasn't on and i turned the thermostat down so why didn't you just say that's what happened i did i said it and then i said it like the thought about and i said again and then you're on your fucking high horse saying i'm trying to gaslight you and say i lie about everything sick it's the weird little things that you don't need to lie about some of the things i don't know some of them you just decide i'm lying about something and then there's nothing i can do i've got no comeback you're just like you're lying you're lying don't lie and i'm like i'm not lying you're like why are you shouting you're lying i'm like you know what rosie you're gaslighting me

maybe i am that's what this is I can't believe you finally clicked on. Shit head. It started with the teeth. Now it's moved on to lying. Honestly. I haven't said that to you yet. You constantly tell me my breath smells. Almost constantly.

You know I've got a really strong sense of smell. Yeah. You've got lovely teeth, though. I have got lovely teeth. Thank you. Yeah. You smelt like sprouts last night when you came in. Well, that's because I had a bowl of sprouts for my tea a great thing to me you said last night we're going to bed

together yeah i said can i have a cuddle you went yes but i'm windy because i had a this was exact words right this is i get home from a hard day's graft i get in she has a tries to have a political debate with us in the kitchen i'm going to bed i say give us a cuddle and she said i'm windy today because i had a curry last night and for me tea all I really had was a bowl of sprouts Merry Christmas well because they were going out of date fuck me who has a bowl of sprouts

for their tea they were lovely well in me in me wisdom because my sister has gone veggie yeah like fully blown

and she watched a couple of documentaries and you know it's all going that way and I want to try my best for the planet we are meat eaters but I want to try

and eat a bit less. And I was like, I'm going to have a veggie tea. So I chopped half an onion and I stir fried that with olive oil and butter. Just a little bit. I'm trying to be good. And sprouts, right? Salt and pepper. Bit of whole grain mustard, balsamic vinegar.

I put two bloody rashers of bacon in without even just... Just blanked out. Just blanked out. Just blacked out and put it in. just blanked out and put it in meat blackout put it in and then i was eating it going this isn't veggie at all so i didn't have a veggie tea at all i really wanted to so for your tea you had some onion some bacon and some sprouts and a bit of mustard yes it was actually really tasty honestly it's a lot like after this i want you to phone that lad whose teeth you slagged off and apologise because you are not one to talk honestly

I've got lovely teeth ah but you stink oh great aye I'll tell him that you know that already hello we just recorded something

where I said this is the outro and Chris is making me re-record it even though this is half my podcast and I'll say whatever the fuck I want so this is the outro thank you for listening because you literally said hello this is the outro podcast and I'll say whatever the fuck I want. So, this is the outro.

Thank you for listening. Because you literally said, hello, this is the outro and you've done it again there. You've just done it again. Why? Are you pressuring me? Hello, this is the outro.

This is the outro. Thank you for listening. Rate, subscribe, like, comment. Sorry, no. I'm not happy with hello, this is the outro. Why not? Well, because it's up there with goodbye, welcome to the show

that doesn't make any sense neither does what you fucking said well alright because I said hello this is the outlaw hello this is the outlaw well no

goodbye this is right that would have been better goodbye this is the outlaw thank you for listening please come back next week and if we're still together

after today's fucking session oh god guys like rate and subscribe please on all your little podcast shops if you want to get in touch and if we're still together after today's fucking session. Oh, God. Guys, like, rate, and subscribe, please, on all your little podcast shops. If you want to get in touch, it's shagbrowninoy.gmail.com.

We'll be doing a Christmas special, I think, next week, so please send us all your Christmas-related things. We'll try and make it lovely and festive for you. And my tour is on sale now, and you don't have to watch Strictly at the weekend because I'm not on it anymore. Thank fuck for that.

Feel free to watch it if you want because I will be there. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in

Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.