Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 45. Sweaty Veg: Christmas Special

Episode Date: December 20, 2019

It's the Christmas Special! And Rosie has Lapland beef and some topless memories. There's also some festive (sort of) questions from the public. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marinoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, dot ca I think I've heard them. Just hear those sleigh bells ringing and ding, ding, ding-a-ling-do. Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding. Well done. Did you hear me there? Yeah, that was really good.

Yeah. I'm going to have to stop this in a minute, but this is the Christmas special. It's the Christmas special. Hey, Merry Christmas to all. Merry flippin' Christmas, guys. God bless us, everyone. God bless us, everyone. Plonkast, cheers.

Plonkast, plonkast. Move over them sleigh bells for wine glasses. I hear those wine glasses clink-a-ling, tink-tink-tink-a-ling-to. Tink-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-clong. I think I speak for everyone I say get those bells off right now. Oh, can I not keep them all the way through? Do you want to keep them on for this bit?

I hope you can hear them. I can hear them on my headphones. There we go. Oh, well, good. Well, that was Christmas. Hey, I hope you all enjoyed that. That's all you're getting for Christmas. It's done now.

Finished for another year. Thank you for listening. It's episode 45. It is a wine cast. We are having a little wine. We've had a lovely little day today. Before we continue, we've been doing some really long intros, right?

So I think we should crack straight in with the lucrative sponsor and then get the jingle out of the way and then go in for the good stuff. The Christmas good stuff yeah like we're not messing about here

this is Christmas dinner massive big turkey we're going to get this intro out of the way smash it out and then just dive into the turkey rip the skin off

right okay but I've got a real sponsor again this week no this week's sponsor is Chris Christmas hey

I like Christmas hey is it cold outside baby yes don't worry because Christmas got. Hey, is it cold outside? Maybe it is. Don't worry, because Christmas. It's got nothing to do with being cold outside. No, it has, unless you live in Australia. Hey, hey, do you want a new toy and or electronic device? Don't worry, Christmas.

Hey, you got a chimney? No? Hard lines. He's not coming. Not coming for you. No. Get a chimney? No? Hard lines He's not coming Not coming for you No Get a chimney He might magic himself

Through the keyhole Like my mum used to say Yeah Think you were funny Getting that central heating Installed Get rid of that chimney Eh?

Who's laughing now? Idiot Gas fires Eh? Pointless There you go Are you done? No

Yeah I'm done Okay Hey Here's the jingle Please There you go. Are you done? No. Yeah, I'm done. Okay. Hey. Here's the jingle. Please. Schmies. We had a fight about the jingle.

Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle Jingle Jingle Ho ho ho Merry Christmas

Welcome back to the Christmas special Of Shag Married Annoyed Ho ho ho What did you get for Christmas young man If you're wondering people listening why the sleigh bells got slightly louder there, it's not

because we've put them in afterwards with the edit it's that Rosie's got a laptop on her shoulder like a fucking violin. You're ruining the dream you're ruining the dream of Christmas. When you heard it get louder she literally picked it up. I don't know why you do it, but you're ruining Christmas for everybody. She's recording it now.

I'm live Instagramming for Christmas. Insta-storying it so you can see this when the podcast comes out on Friday. Yes. Merry Christmas, everyone. Bye. Yeah. Bye, Santa. This is episode 45, and this is the final Shag Married Annoyed

ever of the year oh you see that yeah little tiddle has nearly fell off didn't it shit your pants

all he is yeah that's what I do that's what I do the call is the tension master the don't the don't

the call them the attention master thank you genuinely that was really quick. Thank you so much. That's going to be one of the moments where people go, and the script of that.

The script of this. I wish this was scripted. Oh, God, I don't. I hate scripts. So, yeah. Go ahead, bro. Yeah, I just hate scripts. I just did.

I just, oh, God. I don't like learning stuff. I don't like watching stuff back. I know. I don't like any of that. You don't. But Merry Christmas, everyone. All I was going to say was, we're back in January,

but this is the final one we've been going for we've been going for the full year and we just want to say before we start the podcast thank you so much for all of your love all of your support

for listening and for just being bloody lovely Smars and Daz Smars thank you so much cheers Smars cheers Smars

but we're going to have a couple of weeks off we are two weeks off over Christmas yeah because it's been a very, very intense year. But we will be back in the new year. Yes. All guns blazing.

Yes, indeed. Still extremely professional, but just loving life. Yeah, I'll be wearing all my free bathing costumes that I got from Fig Leaves. I'll have all them on. That'll be good. That'll be nice to see. I'll be wearing all them, yeah.

Bals everywhere. Gathering it all in. So, yeah. So'll be good. That'll be nice to see. Probably wearing all them, yeah. Bals everywhere. Gathering it all in. So yeah. So Merry Christmas. We're going to have some Christmas stories this episode and different things. But first of all, Rosemary, what have you been up to this week? Oh God, what have I been up to? Genuinely.

Why do you ask me that and I'm just like, what have I been up to? I mean, I can tell you, you've been with me. Oh yeah, we went to Lapland in the UK. Lapland UK. Bloody fantastic. Oh my God, it was so good. I know, I can tell you, you've been with me. Oh, yeah, we went to Lapland in the UK. We did go to Lapland. Lapland, UK. Bloody fantastic. Oh, my God, it was so good. I know, it was very, very good.

I mean, it was almost a nightmare because Robin, well, what happens is they send you this letter, don't they? They send a letter to the children, and you've got to give it to them, and it's from Santa. See, Father Christmas, sorry. We were the only ones calling him Santa. It's very posh. It's in Ascotcot it is quite posh

it's lovely lovely people go there lovely genuinely so friggin well behaved kid that I nearly had a panic attack thinking Robin was going to have a meltdown

but he was really good but they do they send you like a little full invitation it's got a little wax seal on it with FC for Father Christmas and I got it didn't I Rosie

and we stayed in a lovely posh hotel that our management got us for two nights, which was lovely. Thank you, guys. I know you listen as well. Thank you for that. Thank you.

And I said, Robin, what's that? I heard a noise outside the door looking out the little door of the little chalet thing we had and the little letter was on the doorstep and the mat. And I read it out, Rosie,

and I said, I said, Robin, you're going to go to Lapland. You're going to see Santa. You're going to build toys. You're going to make gingerbread men. And what did Robin say, Rosie? He said, I don't want to go. He said, he doesn't want going to go to Lapland, you're going to see Santa, you're going to build toys, you're going to make gingerbread men. And what did Robin say, Rosie? He said, I don't want to go.

He said he didn't want to go. He said no. Absolute tosser. I think I do genuinely remember him saying, why does he want me to build toys? Yeah, he goes to the far end of a fart. Kids are crazy. He was just like, I don't know how to build toys.

I don't want to build toys. I don't want to. I don't know whether he has seen something somewhere and he thought he had to build like six million toys I think he just took it very literally

and what you've got to remember is he's only just four and I think meeting Santa as a kid must just be terrifying yeah and I think there's more

opportunities to see him now I only like him to see him a couple of times yeah you can't just make Santa just readily available you can't just see him all the time.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. But we ended up going and we had a fab time. Yeah. And we thoroughly enjoyed it. Dragged him there, kicking and screaming

and he absolutely loved it. It was amazing. This isn't an advert for anything but they've got like fake snow everywhere. You walk through the forest and everything and it was just...

If I'd have gone there as a kid I would have lost my shit. Yeah. So good. Genuinely. The elves don't... I just want anyone with kids... I mean, I don't know why

I've got kids listening to this, but just anyone listening to kids, I'm going to go behind the scenes of Santa and elves. Do you want me to put the music on again? No. Oh. Just if you're talking about elves.

No. No. No, it's good production value. No, it's not. I used to work in radio, babes. Yeah, you used to live if you fucking put your laptop on your shoulder, like some kind of fucking. No, it's not. I used to work in radio, babes. Yeah, you used to live if you fucking put your laptop on your shoulder

like some kind of fucking internet busker. Stop it. Yeah, so basically, if you've got kids, listen, I've just said fuck so you're an idiot. Yeah.

The elves never broke character, which I've been going on about all week and I just found it amazing. I don't think anyone else finds it as amazing as I did. Right, you keep banging on about this but you seem to forget

that you're sat next to a woman who worked at Pontons for over a year and I was every character imaginable and I never broke character. Right, okay, so you were every character imaginable and you never broke character.

No, of course I didn't. So you were always all of the characters. What are you talking about? What the hell's wrong with you? No. Fucking identity. But you're going on like, oh, they never broke character.

James McAvoy. They were acting. They were acting. Of course they didn't break character. Even when Robin was looking away and the lasses were like talking, it was the last elves, the lelves, when they were talking to us.

They're not called elves. No, but they were just like, oh, yeah, well, I've had too much gingerbread and oh, Santa this and Santa that. And I'm like... Yeah, but what do you think they're going to be doing? Do you think they're going to be like, oh, I love John Strictly Chris

do you know what it would have been nice eh it would have been little did I know I was going to a bloody somewhere where I'd get no attention whatsoever

get over yourself would you bloody wanting the elves to recognise you you're pathetic they've got tellies I saw their tellies

they've got tellies it was amazing anyway it was very good something hilarious happened. I feel like we need to tell the listeners about what Robin said and why he's just turned into this little Mr. Sass. Yeah.

But you can't help but laugh at him. You're on telly. Is this in the plane? Yeah, in the queue. So we're standing in the tunnel that he threw to go onto the plane, just like that ridiculous air tunnel thing that you stand on. We're standing in there and he was a bit restless onto the plane, just like that ridiculous air tunnel thing that you stand on.

We're standing in there. And he was a bit restless. He was moving around. He sort of sat on the ground. And I didn't actually say anything to him. I didn't chastise him or tell him off. I was just sort of looking at him. And he looked up at you, and then he looked at me,

and he looked at you again. And he went, Mammy. And he pointed at me, and he went, look at the state of him. And this woman in front just burst out laughing like she was beside herself and I was like

you little turd to this day I do not know where that's come from I've got no I never say that I would never say

something so negative and horrible in front of him so I can only imagine it's like I would never go look at the stay to him or look at the stay to them no

I imagine it's if he's got like mess all over him if he's got chocolate or something I'll go look at the stay to them no I imagine it's if he's got like mess all over him if he's got chocolate or something I'll go eee look at the stay to you

yeah like but for him to fucking weaponise it just out of nowhere out of nowhere it was a really early flight as well

it was about 8 in the morning we'd been up since about 5 I was gutted he probably cut deep well no stay to him

I was just glad he didn't point at the man behind you he pointed at you do you know what I mean yeah he kept it in the family yeah he kept it in the family.

Yeah, he kept it in the family, yeah. Yeah. It's one of them things that you just have to laugh at them. You're like, for fuck's sake. While we were at Lapland, it was pretty cool. Holly Willoughby was there at the same time, wasn't she? She was. She was there with her kids.

I was on the ice skating thing and you were like, oh, Holly's here. And I saw a skit. She was on the ice skating thing and I'm like holding Robin up and it was so weird. I skated past her. I went, hiya, mate.

You all right? She went, oh, hello. And I was like like this is the worst place to stop and say hello to an acquaintance but then we went outside to the little bit where there was like a cafe and things and i trepped myself to a little beer because they did like craft beers because you were a scumbag because i'm a scumbag and it was midday and i wanted a beer because i was on my holidays um and rosie had a coffee and rob Robin had a juice or whatever and I just stood there with a beer and I didn't realise that the moment I stood there during the day in what's essentially a children's

a children's children's, listen right listen, I wrote a letter to Santa and my letter to Santa said I want a drink during the day on my holidays right and I'm just, I'm taking it, he seemed like a nice bloke. I'm taking it as a given that he wanted us to do that.

So I had me beer. Fucking everyone came up to talk to her as soon as I had me beer. Yeah, it was horrific. Holly came up. Our kids, the Duchess of Wessex

or the Viscountess of Wessex or something. She came up with her kids. Yeah, yeah. Literally royalty. Like, oh my God. It was, honestly, they were looking at me beer.

I know they were. I had to take it off you. Yeah. It was horrific. Studding Lapl God. It was, honestly, they were looking at me beer. I know they were. I had to take it off you. Yeah. It was horrific. Stood in Lapland. Chris is the only one with a beer. And we were the only ones with an accent north of bloody Manchester. It was shocking.

Dragged me right down, you did. I was ashamed. Ashamed. Poor Robin with no teeth. They just thought it was bloody flipping the what they're called? Clampets? Threw the clampets in the lap land? Can we talk about as well for a reason

for a moment that the other day you got contacted by a toothpaste company to do an advert with you and Robin and you contacted them and said you do know he hasn't got two front teeth, don't you? I haven't heard back from them. You haven't heard back from them yet. So...

So fucking amazing. So guys, sorry if I glossed over that. A toothpaste company got in touch and said they wanted to do an advert. A toothpaste company that we currently use because he has got other teeth. He's got a full mouth of teeth apart from two. Just the front teeth.

Got in touch and said, we want Rosie and Robert to do this advert. So Rosie was like enquiring about it and because Rosie's so thoughtful she said can we just remind them

that he hasn't got two front teeth and we're fucking they've gone radio silent just a bullet there put a bit modelling careers over before it even began

do you know what I mean that's just it still happened though we don't know it's Christmas that just sums us up do you know that that just that's just it might still happen though we don't know it's Christmas that just sums us up do you know that that just sums us up

even in these situations we're just absolute scumbags I know even getting off at adverts oh no your teeth your son's got two front teeth he looks like a boxer

get rid of him or you're in Lapland or there's some or you're rubbing shoulders with royalty in Holly Willoughby or he's drinking during the day he's a fucking problem drinker honestly you're the only one drinking and I've realised why they sell alcohol with royalty and Holly Willoughby always drinking during the day as a fucking problem drinker.

Honestly, you're the only one drinking. And I've realised why they sell alcohol. It's because it's open on a night time as well. But this was half one in the afternoon. Listen, if they're selling it, right? What do you want to do, Rosie? Put it in a brown paper bag like it's prohibition, eh? Like it's a criminal offence.

They're selling it. It could have put it in a mug or something. No, but that's worse. At least I'm standing there with my beer. At least I'm not there with a coffee and someone goes, oh, is that a nice coffee? I go, well, it's beer,

but I put it in a coffee cup so no one knows I'm drinking beer. Just while we're on the subject of, we talk about Lapland a lot, but while we're still at Lapland, do you want to tell them all about the worst pick and mix ever in the history of the world that you picked?

Right, listen, that is a matter of opinion. Well, I'm sorry, but I can imagine that everybody is going to have the same opinion as me. Right. Okay, we got Robin to pick and mix, and I said, oh, get us a pick and mix too. But it was in the big tub things. You had to buy a tub and fill the tub.

It didn't matter. It didn't get weird. You just had to buy the tub and fill it. And if you didn't fill it, I didn't fill Robbins obviously because I don't want him to have that many sweets. Yeah, I'd rather pay the full amount and fill it just a little bit anyway.

I deliberately got us a separate one because he's a bit of an arsehole and we're at Lapland and we're having a nice time. If we'd have got one to share, it'd have kicked off and I just couldn't be arsed, right? So a proper man field, I just got one each anyway.

And I said, I'll do Robbins, you do ours. Ours, we were sharing it. There was a selection of at least 14 different types of sweets. Right, okay. You managed to fill this tub up with four different kinds of sweets. And that is all. You got about 20 of four different sweets yeah and i swear to god it's the worst pick a mix stand by it listen ever seen in my life i got

the greatest hits right i got fizzy cola bottles boom i got rings jelly rings boom i got gummy bears boom and i was only gonna get them three but then you like pointed at the midget gems or something you point out you went get them as well so i hide a couple get them three but then you were like pointed at the what were the midget gems or something you pointed at you went get them as well so I hide a couple of them and it shut you up and then I put the lid on

right you missed out bonbons minging you missed out the hearts the jelly hearts I did miss out them that was a failure you missed out laces

you missed out loads of stuff yeah so now we've just got a pick and mix tub we've still got it full of just fucking

I'm annoyed about about i can't even speak about it it was so upsetting listen right if you wanted a full different kind of thing you should have said chris get some of everything you didn't just just you're such a stupid moron why do you have to be told i just why why do do i expect too much you know don't because you know how we take our take well I'm also take the make out of people who are just stupid who just people like the woman on the plane the stupid woman on the plane would been delayed for 40 minutes right we stood in a queue for at least 10 minutes to get on the plane I was sat in my seat with Robin you got the toilet

the woman came and she looked at me she went oh I think was sat in my seat with robin you got the toilet the woman came and she looked at me she went oh she went i think you sat in my seat and i went are you row 26 she went oh no i'm 24 why didn't she look at our tickets before then why hadn't she looked at what row she was on before then you are one of them no you're one of them you just said to me you just said why didn't you tell us to get loads of different sweets? Because they're there! And I thought, pick and mix. You just pick loads of different sweets, not four sweets and just get shitloads of them.

I'm sweating. I'm sweating. I don't pick and mix, right? You gave me the cup. You said fill ours up, right? All I heard in my head was, Chris, get your favourite sweets. So I got me favourite sweets.

Guess what? I'm not a fan of the rest of them, so I got just me favourite. If you wanted a mixture of all the ones that just you like, then you're just as selfish as me, mate. No, I liked all of them. You could have put everything in there. I'd have eaten everything. Of course you'd like all of them. A pick and mix, what you do with a pick and mix is you pick about three

of each thing. That's what you do. Madness. Madness. That's craziness. That's, no. You might as well have just gone and bought a bag of Flippin' Harry Ball. Well, I wish I had. It would have been cheaper and I wouldn't be having this fucking argument. Great. As if that woman... Well, that woman is...

Oh, I'm not, no. So she highlights every idiot in the world who speaks before the Czech things. So I was just on Twitter before and I saw James Gunn, who uh directed the guardians of galaxy films and has directed the new suicide squad yeah so he did the he did my awesome mix you know my album i love the awesome mix that chris pratt's character has that's oh yeah yeah so he put out a thing today saying oh here's my awesome mix 2019 like my favorite songs of 2019 here's my spotify link to listen to all them and someone like replied going yeah but when are you going to announce the cast list for suicide squad eh and he replied he was like it's me pinned tweet in my profile i announced it in like june and that's just like like it's that it's the well i'm gonna write this to you but i'm not looking at your profile and i'm not gonna

google anything because you haven't knocked on my door, James Gunn, and told me the list, I'm going to assume it's not fucking out there. It's the same. I had another one earlier on. No Bournemouth dates on your tour, I see. Literally, Bournemouth, first night of the second leg of my tour.

Bang. Right there. I hate them. They just don't check. They don't check. I just don't know how people get through life. You hate Bourne Idol people, don't you? I cannot stand bone idleness. I just...

Do you know, I think it's just more of like, I might not be the most switched on person in the world. Do you know what I mean? But I've got common sense. I know I've got common sense. And I check things. And, oh, God. When people drive... There we go. You know exactly what I'm got common sense. Yeah. And I check things. And, oh, God. Your main thing.

When people drive. There we go. Oh, you know, is that what I'm going to say? Yeah. You do it. Steph does it. Angela does it. Me flipping mom does it.

Everybody does it. Everybody, right? Bar me, clearly. Yeah. Everybody gets into a car and just starts driving and goes, oh, I'll just guess where I'm going while I'm going. Instead of getting in the car, before you pull out of your driveway

or away from your street or whatever, you go, where am I going? Right, I'll go that route. I'll go up there and I'll go there. You just flip and just drive and then go, which way am I going? Honestly, I could... I'm guilty of it.

I will just start the car and I'll just pull out and I'll turn either left or right down the street and I'll just think... So many times I'll left or right down the street and I'll just think so many times I'll go well I shouldn't have went that way I should have gone a different way I know you do and I'll just find my way

as I'm going oh but yeah really all it would take is probably about three seconds three seconds just to go

you want to plan out like a sat-nav but it's just it's just common sense yeah but listen right what if

one day I go one way and I shouldn't have gone that way, right? And then I stop and then there's, oh, there's a bag in the road. Oh, I've gone the wrong way, but oh, there's a bag. I'll have to get out, check the bag.

Oh, a million pound in there. What if I hadn't gone that way? Right, well, what if you don't, what if you, here's another scenario, but by the way, that would never happen. Right, well, okay. And you'd probably get caught by the police because what's a million pound doing in South Shields

on the road, right, drug money, drug money you've got drug money on your hands do you really want drug money on your hands oh Chris Ramsey, drug deal, your career's over what are you going to do about it, I'm alright I wasn't in the fucking car you're laundering the money, take it back to your house you're guilty, guilty as sin

charged, boom boom, thrown at you mate see you later, enjoy having You're laundering the money. Take it back to your house. You're guilty. Guilty as sin. Charged. Boom. Boop. Thrown at you, mate. See you later. Enjoy having no money. At least I get a nice story out of it. I go, I found a million pounds.

Oh, great. Enjoy that in prison. I'm sure I want to tell them a couple of times. They'll be sick of it. I go to the police station. I hand the money in. I go, there's a million pounds. And they go, all right, okay.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Ramsey. He has a little card, a special little card, like it cost a coffee or one of them. And every time you get stopped for speeding, we'll He has a little card, a special little card, like a Costa Coffee or one of them. And every time you get stopped for speeding, we'll give you a little stamp and you get away with it. And then you get a little stamp next time. And then when the card's full, you get done. It's not a thing that happens.

If that was a thing that happened, then the world would be a horrible place. Did I tell you I got a letter off the police? Why? I got a letter off the head, a card off the head of Northumbria Police saying I represented the North East really well and strictly. You didn't tell me this. Yeah, it was really nice.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was awesome actually. For real, off the police? Off the actual police? The head of the police, yeah. It was amazing. Yeah, the chief of police for Northumbria, yeah. It was awesome.

Really, really cool. You are genuinely, why can't I say this? Why, right, you tell me so much shit every day. Do not bring up... Don't bring up the mayonnaise again. Do not bring up the free mayonnaise again.

Is that what you're going to bring up? No, not the free mayonnaise. But you tell me shitty stories about Carl Hutchinson or Jason Cooke every day after listening to these stupid stories. You get a letter from the Northumbria police. You haven't showed us it. Seriously? I think I left it at the gym as well, I'll be honest with you.

Oh, for God's sake. Lock them up. Before we continue, Rosie's blooming on here, flogging thongs and blooming dildos and all that stuff that you did earlier on. Absolutely, they do not sell dildos. Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough. I just wanted to quickly mention my 2020 tour. So obviously it's selling really well.

The first leg's almost completely sold out, but I've added some extra dates. So Manchester, Glasgow, Halifax, Nottingham and Edinburgh. I've added extra shows in those places, in those venues. They're all on my website now, chrisfamsycomedy.com. I've also added a new date at Oxford New Theatre, which was announced last week and is already half gone. So please get on board, get involved with that.

Now, it is Friday when this podcast comes out, so I can officially announce that. Rosie, drumroll, please. Oh. On the 10th of December, 2020, I am doing my first... On the 10th of December, 2020. am doing my first december 2020 i am doing my first ever gig at the hammersmith apollo yes london i will be playing the hammersmith Eventime Apollo. I am so bloody excited. It is a bucket list moment.

It is a dream come true. So that will be hopefully on sale as you are listening to this. But it might not be yet because the people who do my website are, and I hope they're listening, fucking stupid. Fucking stupid. Literally, the text is the date it will go. We'll put the Hammersmith date on your website. And it said December 20th. And I thought, I'm sure it's not December 20th. And then I checked and then they said, we'll put the Hammersmith date on your website and it said December 20th and I thought I'm sure it's not December 20th

and then I checked and then they said we've fixed it and then I checked again and it was gone so I can't really. So what is it December the 10th? I'm joking the website people are great it's December 10th Hammersmith Apollo and it's on sale now hopefully.

Buy tickets please. I thought that was implied oh right yeah I don't want them to just come and stand outside and go

oh he's in there to an empty gig well I want them to come to the gig hard times chrisemptycomedy.com slash gigs

or just on the website then just click on gigs yeah babadoo babadoo babadoo bab it's time for watch your beef

merry fucking Christmas Chris Hello Barry Alright Alright mate I hate this time of year Me like Do you?

Oh yeah Hate it Why? Cause it's just full of People enjoying themselves Having a good time Disgusting So you don't like your Barry

do you not like no I don't like Christmas there's loads of people in your local pub and you're angry it's busy it's busy as fuck can I get the bar

for me pint of drip I've got to go see you I might not see you later I do got to go see you I might not see you later I do want to see you later I can't fucking stand your face I can see

an X rated not like X rated just for the language not a sexy one I can see an After Hours remake of A Christmas Carol

starring Barry Beef how good would that be that would be I would go and see that I would definitely go and see that. Well, you can't go and see it because you'll be in it. It'll be a one man slash one woman play. It'll just be you doing it.

Okay. I'm up for that. Let's do it. Okay. What's your beef? I'm going to leave it because the pick and mix, I think, might be in me beef. I just want to quickly add though, it's not really beef, but do you remember yesterday you asked me to scratch your back with a fork that was today was that no it was yesterday it was in the restaurant

today was that today yeah it was in the fish restaurant today why it was in a rest it was in the restaurant what's the matter with you it was no i didn't say it was in the fish restaurant today and i said to you i said rosie would you mind if i scratched me back with this fork and you were furious you're horrible it's a very posh fish restaurant downstairs in phoenix food hall in newcastle saltwater fish saltwater fish company and uh yeah she wouldn't let us in oh you're just holding that wine glass there because you want to just like a top up please unbelievable unbelievable um i'll tell you why right um it's because i fell over yesterday i had a fall didn't i i had a little fall i did have a fall i've joined the um the hall of fame

of people who have fallen over on our driveway sadly there was no footage i was in the blind spot of the camera and there is footage but you can't really see it you can see it but it's not as it's not as visible as the others and I don't feel like it would do... Do you know what it is? If that makes sense. That's my beef with you actually this week. What is my... I've just decided that that's my beef with you.

My beef with you this week is yesterday when I had a fall outside on our rock solid gravel resin driveway that was frosted because I was running to the post box that you told me to check, right? I that's fine hurt myself i came back in my arm was bleeding my back was bleeding i'd had a i'd had a right tumble yeah right uh i came in and said rosie i've just fallen down outside you stood up and shouted is it on the camera and ran past us to check the security

cameras yeah no sympathy whatsoever i mean i don't want to bring this up every week, but every month, I, for about four or five days, bleed excessively from my vagina. Have you? Really? Does that happen? I just don't understand how that just gets passed. That just gets bypassed.

But you fall over, have a little skid in the front garden, and I have to what because that's been happening to you once a month for since you are 16 or whatever doesn't make it

any better well you should be fucking used to it by now oh mate oh god yeah that's my beef with you

you literally just started laughing and cheering and ran straight past us and I was I was winded and I was upset if they ever get

near us don get near us, don't be near us, just cheer us. Was that men in black? Yes. Great. Yeah, and I really hurt myself.

I'm sorry. I hope you're okay. Yeah, I am okay. I put Savlon on it. You did put Savlon on it, on me back and me arm. And I did scratch your back

at the restaurant today, not with the fork, but just with me hand. I feel the fork would have been better. I feel the fork would have been better. Can you imagine? It's a really posh restaurant as well. What people would have said. Yeah. He scratches his back with a fork.

Uh-huh. Chris Ramsey's wife scratches his back with a fork in a public restaurant. Honestly. Yeah, we're just real, man. We're real. Prince Eric has his back scratched. What? Do you not get it?

What's that? Do you not get it? No, what's that? Oh, it's not good. I've got to explain it. What's Prince Eric? On the Little Mermaid, she brushes her hair with a fork. Oh, Jesus, that was tenuous.

Have you seen The Little Mermaid? Oh, let's not get into this. Shut the front door. Have you seen The Little Mermaid? No, I haven't seen The Little Mermaid. Just when you think that you might be settling into your marriage, something like this comes along. Hitting the base. Sits you in the face.

Selling it. Selling it, E-A-M-A-R. Fuck you. That's so upsetting. Oh, God. Babadoo, babadoo, babado be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil.

It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for Questions from the Public. Questions from the Public. Public. Public. Public. And this time, it's Christmas related.

Oh, my. Christmas questions from the public. Public. Public. Just hear those sleigh bells ringing. Ting, ting, tingling. Ting oh we've got a uh let's talk about shit schitt's miss are they in a little in a bit not just yet okay um did you like how i just called it schitt's miss schitt's miss i like that well done done what i was gonna say is um some of these are christmas related

unfortunately some of them aren't just because i went on the search engine on the emails and to make it better i just typed in christmas yeah but a lot of them just said merry christmas at the end so they came up but i i just couldn't ignore them really and i know it's okay i know it's okay saying save them for another day but it's like like when you've read them, they're just hilarious right there. And then I want to just tell you straight away because I'd end up telling you not on the podcast. And it would be like, well, we've just wasted a question. That's absolutely fine. I understand. So got some good ones. Yeah.

Okay, let's dive right in. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have wanted to send this email in for a while now. And after hearing you were doing Christmas questions from the public, I thought it was the right time to send this email in for a while now and after hearing you were doing Christmas questions from the public I thought it was the right time to send this in please keep me anonymous though suspicious

I've been with my partner for almost 9 years now but 3 years into our relationship I was invited to the in-laws for a Sunday roast let's say they are a bit grim anyway they are a bit grim apparently but. What? They are a bit grim, apparently. Oh, man.

But I went with it to be polite. Whilst I was there, my father-in-law was preparing the veg. Whilst doing so, I was watching the sweat dripping down his forehead and into the water where the vegetables were. Oh, God.

Oh, God. This already made me feel sick. Then to add to that, he then started to wipe his brow with a tea towel that was then used again to dry the mugs my mother-in-law had just washed. Motherfucker. The twits. Disgusting.

Who is this pig of a man? Jesus. Oh, yeah. Jeff, have you got the tea towel? The tea towel? Quit. Disgusting. Who is this pig of a man? Jesus. Geoff, have you got the tea towel? The tea towel? That's me bollock rag. Fucking filth bag. I'm not even that arsed about the sweat dropping in the water because of the water, because of the veg. If they're going to get boiled, it'll kill the germs.

Boil it off, yeah. It'll be a bit more salty, but that'll be fine. But they're drying their mugs. Oh, God alive. that'll be fine. But they're dry in their mugs. Oh, God alive. So he wiped his sweat off and then they dried the mugs. I mean, how the mugs dried, they must have been saturated. What, as well? What the hell's the matter with this man?

Why is he sweating so much? Some people do. What's he cutting them with, a fucking saw? Well, I'm guessing he's probably not the fittest person. Right. Sorry, if you sweatest person right sorry if you sweat while cutting veg

if you are out of breath and sweat I'm not the fittest guy in the world but if you're out of breath and sweating while cutting veg something needs to be done but maybe

maybe the room's hot maybe it's like you know the kitchen gets hot open a window open a window change your t-shirt do not pick up the communal kitchen

fucking tea towel and give your cellar once over with it you hack hack you ready though yes my problem doesn't end there though this year for the first time since we've been together i have been invited there for our christmas dinner our children obviously want to go as they adore their grandparents but i have no idea what i'm going to do with myself firstly i don't want my children eating sweaty mash or carrots and to be honest neither do i how the

hell do i get out of this i suggested wow she's really wanting to get out of this i suggested going out for dinner but everywhere around us is now booked up help she really doesn't want to go for that sweaty Christmas dinner. Again, some people who email in are so lovely and kind and considerate. I know. She's obviously not one to upset her husband there. If that was us, Rosie,

you would have literally walked back in the room and went, seeing your dad, manky bastard, right beneath Bluvia. We're never going there again. Oh, yeah. You'd be like your mum and dad if I invited you for a dinner.

I'd say, well, I'm not flipping gone to Sweater all my christmas sweat dinner no thank you no do you mean absolutely vile oh my god what should you do well it's right okay i'm gonna this is hard right because part of us is like oh that's horrible and i think it's worse because it's not her dad. Yeah. But I grew up in a house, a lovely house, so loving, so lush. But I'm sure I remember, maybe it's not the tea towel, but I think I remember seeing my dad dab his pits with like a kitchen roll or something. And I think I'm just like, maybe I'm a bit numb to it.

Because to me, yes, it's bad. It's not that bad. What did he do with the kitchen roll after he dabbed his pants? Like, he put it in the bin. Right. Then did he wash his hands? Fucking hell. What's going on?

Me dad, like... Men, aren't men fucking minging? Does me dad listen to this podcast? Probably not. Bless me dad. I love my dad a bit, by the way. But my dad was one of them dads where he never had... He's not, like, got a great physique.

Right. He didn't have the best physique growing up. Like, not horrific, but, dad was one of them dads where he never had, he's not like, got a great physique. Right. He didn't have the best physique growing up. Like, not horrific, but you know, like, not,

he didn't, wasn't a good six pack dad. Right. Like lush dad, right? Like me, you mean? Yeah,

well, yeah. He just would constantly not have a top on to the point where when my mates were coming around, I'd be like, God,

put a top on! And then he'd be like, oh, for God's sake, me mum would be like, Derek, put a top on our friends are the best part for me there is izzy's reaction is israel dad the simplest of requests dad put a top

on oh for god's sake hey the bloody trauma i am chastised in this house, for God's sake. I've been at work all day. I just want to sit on the sofa with my top off. Can I not sit of an evening with my top off with a bit of kitchen rule in each pit and enjoy myself. Enjoy the house I mortgaged up the

eyeballs for, for God's sake. What's he want to leave his top off for, we young girls? Come on round the window. He just hated having a top on. Honestly, it wasn't Eyeballs for, for God's sake. What's he want to leave his top off for? We're young girls coming round the... I know, I know. He just hated having a top on. But honestly, it wasn't just when people come round, just every night. Like a toddler. Every night, sat with his top off.

Like a toddler not wanting clothes on. No, they're too tight, I don't like them. I've seen me dad's nipples more than I've seen me own. dad's nipples more than I've seen me own. Honestly, I must ask him why he just used to sit with his top off all the time. Oh, make sure I'm not there when you do. He must have just been hot all the time.

Fuck me. So, yeah, anyway, I don't know. I'm not that bothered by that can you take your pack lunch to a Christmas dinner can you take pack lunch why aye it's the things you don't know though

if you've seen him wipe a kitchen towel on his armpits or his sweaty head yeah that's pretty bad isn't it and then you've seen a cup the stuff you haven't seen is worse yeah like he probably he probably walks into the utility room and like rearranges these bollocks and scratches his arse ring and then comes in and fucking oh see you know comes in and bloody i don't know squeezes a lemon over your food i don't know that's not good is it

oh that's not good is it um why don't you lady who sent this in why don't you offer to make it why don't you say yeah we'll have it at yours but we're gonna I'm gonna make it and you can make it that's the only way I can see to get out of it

yeah that's sorry that's not me going fucking make it yourself then you ungrateful cow I wasn't saying that I'm saying that might be

your only way out of it here or buy him like a for Christmas get him like get him like a Roger Federer head sweatband that's a good idea just get him like a, for Christmas, get him like a Roger Federer head sweatband.

That's a good idea. Just get him like a Rafa Nadal tennis white big sweatband. Thought you'd suit this. And the ones for the wrists as well. Stop it from all orifices. Why doesn't you just buy them some tea towels? Because he'll just wipe his balls on them all like he's

what's he doing I realise every time I've said this it's got worse like literally he's going for a shit wiping his ass then coming back

I heard I heard he's shitting onto the floor and then collecting it up in a tea towel and then just putting it outside stop listen

suck it up literally yeah go for dinner have a salty cup of coffee and get on with it. Hi, Rosie and Chris. A few years back, a friend of mine, let's call him George. Great.

Right? Was getting the table set for Christmas dinner when he got the Christmas horn and felt the urge to sort himself out in the bathroom. Sorry, stop right there. The Christmas horn. Christmas horn, apparently something. I don't know. What's the Christmas horn. The Christmas horn, apparently something. I don't know.

Something that someone has made up. Sorry, you can't just put Christmas before something and make it festive, especially not horn. You can't just, oh, I've got the Christmas horn.

What is that? Jingle bell end? You can't do that. Can you imagine that? Like, just any time you felt horny, you're like, oh, just had a baby horn.

Oh, God, yeah. I've got the pancake day horn. Fucking Christmas horn. Anyway, what did this animal do? He's got the Christmas horn. On Christmas Day. Can I just say, baby Jesus' birthday, he's just going up to pleasure himself.

Horrible. Locked up. Some of them are horrible. Locked up. I'm dist are horrible. Locked up. I'm distraught by these. He got the Christmas horn and felt the urge to sort himself out

in the bathroom. His wife got suspicious and went to see what he was up to. So he stopped laying the dinner table, got the Christmas horn

and went upstairs to the bathroom for a wank on Christmas Day. Left the Christmas table and went for a the bathroom for a wank on Christmas Day. Left the Christmas table and went for a wank. What? He's a fucking animal.

This man is a pervert. He's disgusting. What are you fucking turned on by? What are you turned on by? Yule logs? Holly wreaths? Put the crackers out

and think, oh, I'm going to put my own cracker in the toilet. Oh, I think I will. Chestnuts roast on an open fire. Don't say white chestnuts.

Baby, it's cold outside outside It's warm in here Yeah honestly God alive What's he doing Jingle bells Jingle me Jingle me bells What

Are you pissed I'm a little bit pissed Right I'm pissed I'm a little bit pissed yeah yeah yeah right Merry Christmas so so she waited for him to finish

and she says to him oh that's lovely that isn't it Joe says what are you on about she says that's a lovely present

you've given the toilet on Christmas morning isn't it that toilet that toilet that toilet and apparently he was mortified so

and that's the end of the story love the show we we we need to change it from questions for the public

because I don't think we've been asked a question for... No, it's just lovely. It's just stories. It's just amazing input. I just love it. That's incredible. The Christmas horn.

Have you had the Christmas horn? Email shagmarionoid at gmail.com. Would you like another wank one? Story or... Story? Just a dead quick story? Yeah, go on then. Okay.

Hi, Chris and Rosie. I used to work with a guy who was a bit of a player. One day he shared this story that I have never forgotten. Sorry, just the way you're thinking that up, it's like a player is just someone who wanks loads. No, no, no. Got loads of action, me. I'm on four a day.

No, I mean he's like... He wanks loads. Plays with himself. But basically. Okay. This guy, he'd gone to his folks' house for the weekend.

On the Saturday night, he went out with his mates and came home late to a dark house. It was back in the day when Channel 4 used to have porn movies on late on a Saturday night.

Brilliant. I actually think it was Channel 5, wasn't it? I think it was Channel 5, yeah, but fair enough. Channel, anyway. I mean, I'll be honest with you, I stopped taking any of this seriously

when the word folks was used for parents. Fair enough. I'm taking the whole this seriously when the word forks was used for parents. Fair enough. I'm taking the whole thing with a pinch of salt now. Well, don't ruin the story before it's even been said. Don't say forks. All right, forks. That's all, forks.

That's fine, but we'll go to your forks house, as in parents. You don't know where they're from. Oh, sorry, regional arsehole. God, get yourself out of the North East for a minute. We've got people, we've got listeners all over the globe. Do you know what I mean?

If you're in America, that's fair enough. They may well be. They've said player and folks. Okay. So they probably are. Fair enough.

Apologies to all our American listeners for my stupid husband. Brilliant. I couldn't think of a word. Good. Okay, ready? I'm quite likely there

to be fair. Oh no, the British because it's Channel 4. Ah, so they weren't going think of it. I couldn't think of it. Weird. Good. Okay, ready? I got quite likely there, to be fair. Oh, no, the British, because it's Channel 4. Ah, so they weren't going to say it. Anyway, yeah, just what you say, folks. So, he settled down in the darkness in the sitting room to watch that night's offering. Needless to say, he really enjoyed himself. At the end of the film, he was just reaching for the tissues

when he saw movement in the corner of his eye. It was his mother shut up no she sat up had a stretch and said oh well it's time for bed To this day, he doesn't know if she was awake for the whole thing and is too embarrassed to ask. I think she was. I think she knows. I apologise for the whole folks thing. That is absolutely sterling work.

Oh, my God. I think she's heard him have absolutely sterling work. Oh, my God. I think she's heard him have a wanker. Oh, my God. And just thought, oh, I'm going to have to pretend to be asleep. Yeah. Because how would you interrupt halfway through? Yeah. I mean, I don't know how you would do that.

You couldn't. Turn that down. I'm trying to get a kip. Because what if she was a bit asleep, right? And he's come in and it's started and then she's woke up while he's hot and you just go, oh shit. I mean, that poor woman.

Imagine she woke up. Imagine you woke up in a dark room to your son, pissed, watching a porn film. Masturbating. Cracking himself off. Oh my gosh. Just having to lie there with your eyes closed. Oh no.

Oh my God. But you can't put your hands over your ears or anything so you can't hear it because you just can't move no oh god so you've literally just finished ready to get the tissues

and she's like well time for bed time to get the old dusty trail oh god that's fucking brilliant that's one of

that is listen beautiful hey she needs an Oscar that's up there with some of the greatest ones That's fucking brilliant. That is beautiful. Hey. She needs an Oscar. That's up there with some of the greatest ones we've ever been sent. That has blown my little mind.

You're welcome. Oh, God. That takes danger wanking to another level. Oh, if your ma's in the corner of the room. Wank in a room while your ma's asleep. Beautiful. Danger wank, level 20. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Okay, so we're coming up with a new Christmas version room while your mom's asleep. Danger wank level 20.

Okay, so we're coming up with a new Christmas version of the Let's Talk About Shit jingle. Here we go. Let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about who and who. Let's talk about all the good shit, all the bad shit that has been. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit with a little bit good shit. Christmas. All the bad shit. Christmas. That has been. Let's talk about shit.

Let's talk about shit. Christmas. With a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit. Christmas. Have a Christmas shit. I think that went really well. Why do people listen to this?

I don't know. It's horrific. no it's horrific all right um i've had some wonderful poo stories but like i said i only do one a week because it's just okay i mean to be fair the people seem to love them i get messages all the time i get twitters and what they're called tweets i get tweets of people saying... Twitters. Hello, 85-year-old woman who I do a podcast with. Twitters.

I get Twitters. I get tweets. I get Twitters off all of the little birdies out there. Spoke to one man, he was just an egg. He's photo, he was an egg.

Oh, God. Jesus. No, I get tweets of people saying, can you just do an episode of all the poo stories? And we could. Let's release a book. Should we?

A Shad, Married and Shit book, and it's just all of the poo stories collated. Let's do it. You're going to love this one. Okay. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Every week after listening to the Talk About Shit segment on your podcast,

I have intended to email. Please keep this story anonymous as it is work related. Amazing. This happened to me about a decade ago. I'm laughing because I only read this about 20 minutes ago. It's still really fresh and it's beautiful. This happened to me about a decade

ago now. So I doubt the patient in question remembers me or this consultation. Wow. So this is a doctor. Holy fuck. This is good. This is already good. But I still tell this story as it ranks as one of the best patient experiences

I've ever had. Wow. One day, I had a fella come to see me about a problem he was having with his legs. I asked all the questions I needed to and then we got down to the actual task of having with his legs i asked all the questions i needed to and then we got down to the actual task of looking at his legs just sorry the way that's been said it's like just like deliberately avoided not even looking anyway so it's like can you stand behind this bench please

so i can't see your legs and answer all these questions right come out and show me your legs um i asked as i always did if he had underwear on beneath his trousers. You'd be surprised how many don't. God, God. And he confidently said yes and just dropped his trousers where he stood before I could ask him to move to the examining couch. As he dropped them, a mass of shit fell out of the trousers and landed with an actual thud

on the thankfully tiled floor between us. It was huge and rock solid. We silently both looked between each other and the shit for what felt like ages before he said, I wondered where that had went. Oh, oh, there it is. I wondered.

I wondered. Like he just gave up looking after two seconds. He then proceeded to talk on about the rash on his legs and ignoring the massive poo sat on the floor between us. I very quickly told him he needed to get his shit off my floor. He was surprisingly horrified that I was asking him to move it and said I was his doctor and I should be clearing it up. I obviously told him no chance. I pointed to the rubber gloves and the hand towels beside the sink

and told him to get on with it. Underwear that way. I love the fact that just clunk, shit hits the floor. Oh, wonder where that went. Sore me leg. What it is, is it's like a burning, you know, I've been putting cream on it. Sorry, can you pick your massive fucking turd up off me for you, animal? He was gagging as he lifted the shit he had created and forgotten about

and was being very critical of me not helping and the state of the NHS and my lack of help somehow reflected. I don't bloody pay taxes for you to watch me pick this shite up. Unsurprisingly, I didn't feel bad about this. He then

walked over to the waste paper bin beneath my desk and tried to throw it in there. Sorry. He tried to put it in that bin. Don't put your toe inside and put it in the bin, you fucking dirty bastard. At this point, I started to lose my cool a little bit and told him there was no way he was leaving his shit in there for me to have to look at it and smell it all day.

It didn't even have a lid. The bin didn't even have a lid. It was an open bin. It was an open bin that he wanted to put his rock hard lump of shit in that he'd forgotten was in his pants. was in his pants. And I told him that the right place to put it was the toilet. He moaned at how the toilet was all the way through the waiting room and he didn't want anyone to see him bringing it there.

Put it back in your pants then, you dirty fucker. I told him as politely as I could that this wasn't my problem. So he put an extra bit of paper around it and put it in his pocket to do it later. Fuck off, man. That's weird.

Put it in his pocket to do it later. To put it, to get rid of it later. Oh my God. To this day, I have no idea if he ever went and put it straight in the loo and he never came to see me again.

I would not be surprised if he'd forgotten about it again and some poor unsuspecting cashier got handed a boot instead of a fiver in his shop somewhere. Oh God. I think we've found

I think we've found I think we've found the most gross man in Britain I think we've found the most disgusting individual do you know I watched Embarrassing Bodies once right

and this there was a man on there there was a man that went on embarrassing bodies and he was like I just constantly have skid marks

in my pants and I've just always got poo on the inside of my underwear I don't know what's going on and the man was like

alright let's have a look they had a look and he was like there's nothing wrong with you you just need to wipe your arse probably

fucking hell had a look, they'd be like, there's nothing wrong with you, you just need to wipe your arse properly. Fucking hell. And there's just people out there who are... Can we just... Right, I have got so many questions. How did it end up in his pants?

So he had underpants on, but then trousers. Yeah, I think so. And then the shit just ended up in just a nonchalant fashion of, oh,

I wonder where that went. So somehow, he had a shit and just ended up, and just in a nonchalant fashion of, oh, I wonder where that went. So somehow he had a shit, and it ended up in between his underpants and his pants, to the point of where he pulled his pants. He didn't know where it would go. Like, how much of a filthy, dirty, horrible sod do you have to be to misplace a turd in your own pants? How busy are you?

How busy are you? How busy are you? I don't think he's busy. Honestly, I don't think he's busy at all. I think he's just disgusting. God. Do you know what he said though?

What? I heard that. He actually left his trousers. He left his trousers at the doctor's and he said, keep them actually because it gets boiling

in the kitchen. I've got to go and back and make Christmas dinner for the in-laws. It's the same man. Poor family. That poor doctor. He, my God, just done the fact that he was kicking off

a whole stay at the NHS. I know, yeah. Won't pick up me shit. Bloody broken Britain, this. Picking up me own shit. Honestly, eh? Bring bloody Labour back in. Call yourself a doctor.

Pretty Corbyn would come in and pick this shite up for us personally. I know he would. For the many, not the few. Breck shit. Oh, God. Lovely. Well done. Thank you so much. Christmas shits. Breck shit Oh god Lovely Well done Thank you so much Christmas shits

Had nothing to do With Christmas actually All that happened there Was she had wrote Merry Christmas On the end of that story I'm glad she did So

I'm glad she did Buzzing Good golly Miss Molly Babadoo babadoo babadoo It's time for this week's Celebrity question Celebrity question And this week it is from the very funny and very lovely jenny eclair uh jenny is a stand-up comedian and writer and

jenny's fifth novel inheritance is available now to buy and you can also catch her podcast older and wider um it's great oh get in that's an amazing name I supported Jenny years ago because she was on our management and I picked her up I was when I lived

in Manchester at the time and I picked her up from the hotel to take her to Oldham Coliseum to do the gig and the first words

Jenny Eclair ever said it was when I was I had my long hair my little emo stage when I first started stand up the first word she ever said was she got in my car,

she looked at me and she went, oh, you look just like my daughter. That was the first thing she ever said. Nice. Love her. Love her even more. Here's a question. Hello, this is Jenny Eclair.

Hello, Chris and Rosie. I've got a question for you. Do you think it's really demanding to expect your partner to do something really extravagant for your upcoming big birthday? Say, like, take you to Japan for your 60th birthday in March. Do you think that's really demanding? Could you answer that question, please? I'd really like to know.

I think less of a question. I think that was more of her asking i heard asking for something well can i say that almost sounded like it almost sounded like she was recording that into her phone while he was in the room didn't it yeah it's like very passive aggressive yeah she's absolutely i think she wants to go to Japan for her 60th. You might listen. I think that is so... It's a very weighted question, Jenny.

Thank you very much. I think 100%. I think big things now and then. I mean, she doesn't want it as a surprise. I think for her 60th, I think go for it. Oh, yeah. I think you've got to celebrate your big milestones in life what would you say

are the big milestones which birthdays because some people get a bit ridiculous with them don't they okay which birthdays are the big milestones what from going

from one up so you've got 18 I'd say 18 was the first one 18 21 is that 16 in America I think they do sweet 16 oh yeah they do

21 isn't one in my opinion I don't know what they do. Sweet 16. Oh, yeah, they do. 21 isn't one, in my opinion. I don't even think 20's one. 30. Yeah. 18, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. Dead. Dead. That's it.

I wouldn't even bother. 70. 60th and then that's it. 10. Isn't 10 a big one when you're a baby? Double figures. 13. 13 is that one?

Teenager? Probably. It was more 12 for me, because I was like, I can go see 12 films now. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, you're buzzing.

Yeah, probably. Yeah. 16, I was like, oh, I can have a shag now. Cue a boy's waiting. Cue a boy's waiting outside. Your dad's standing there like a doorman with his top off.

Yeah, I hope I mean I hope for his sake he takes her because we're going to have a very upset Jenny Aclay

if she doesn't get to go to Japan I'd love to go I would love to go to Japan would you not right now because we've got Robin but

when he's older and not with him but let's just when he's older we not with him but let's just when he's older we'll leave him at home good right ok

merry Christmas everyone from myself Rosie Ramsey and my husband Chris Ramsey thank you for listening we hope you have a wonderful Christmas try not to get sweat in the veg

just enjoy yourselves. Wise words. Wise words to live by. I'm assuming we can get them on Christmas cards as soon as possible. Merry Christmas to every single smar out there. Smar. Thank you so much for listening this year. What a wonderful year we've had.

We hope you have too. We've absolutely loved talking to you and entertaining you. And we've loved getting messages off you in emails. If you want to get in touch. And we look forward to doing it all again for another year and years and years to come. Thank you so, so much. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. See you next year, bitches. Don't forget me 2022, I've added new dates. Bye. Bye. Bye. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and