Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 47. Express yourself

Episode Date: January 17, 2020

This week Rosie and Chris give an update on the breastfeeding groom, tackle some important shopping trolley etiquette, discuss parent porn stars and they hear back from Friend of the show - Jess the paramedic. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband

Christopher Ramsey aka Gym Guy Gym Guy I'm Gym Guy now people he started going to the gym calls himself Gym Guy it's disgusting

welcome to Shagmire Denied where we'll mainly be discussing reps cardio best way to stretch afterwards best place to get your protein powders and that

please don't you've changed you have changed how many listeners do you think we just lost hopefully all of them Rosie I'm in agony I'm going to be honest with you

I know you are I went to the gym last Tuesday the day of recording the podcast and I did mention I was a gym guy did we mention it last week

not really no but I couldn't walk for, I mean, until Friday, I couldn't really feel my legs or walk. And then I went yesterday, Tuesday, at time of recording. Just Tuesdays you go? Well, just Tuesdays, yeah. Bit of a shit gym guy. It's when the fittest old blokes are in and I can watch them.

Oh, good. And then I went a day thinking I was great, two days in a row. And honestly, the best way I can describe how I look is everyone's like, oh, get the endorphins. Just go to the gym and get the endorphins. Don't you feel amazing? No. I know.

No, I feel gutted. I'm all right when I'm sitting down, but I stand up and it hurts. I just ran to answer the door there for a delivery and then he fell over because my legs are jelly. The thing is, I used to be a gym girl, right? So, well, not gym girl, just like boot camp and all that shit. Got you.

You've got to work through the pain. Yeah. Honestly, you should probably go for a walk. Do you know the way I feel at the minute? I feel like I know I've been and it's hurting and I'm sad. Inside, I've got the feeling of like I've just been given some really bad news, but I don't know what it is. That's how I feel.

It's not fun. What? I think I'm doing the gym wrong think i absolutely think you're doing the gym wrong why do you why do you feel like you're being given bad news because your body aches a bit i can't explain it like my legs are hurting but inside i've got this really horrible sinking feeling like like like i'm waiting for some endorphins to kick in but i've just got sadness i've just got stop going to the gym. Honestly, I've worked myself into sadness. Okay, well, let's not talk about it anymore. Let's crack on.

I didn't think you'd talk about it that much. Hey, man, I'm allowed. I'm allowed to. I'm gym guy now. It's all I talk about. Oh, stop calling yourself gym guy. Hashtag gym guy. Vile.

Now, guys, thank you so much for listening. This is episode 47. And before we start, a word from this week's lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is getting a song stuck in your head. Oh. Hey, hey, do you like that song? Do you want to fucking hate it in half a day?

Get that bad lad stuck in your head. I know which song you're talking about. Get it stuck in. Brought to you this week in partnership with... Toss a coin to your witcher. Oh, valley of plenty. Oh, valley of plenty. Oh, valley of plenty. Toss a coin to your witcher.

Oh, valley of plenty. I cannot sing with you. What? We can do a podcast together, but I cannot sing with you. That was horrific. Oh, so we're going to have to cancel that band we started. What are you talking about? That was awful.

We might have to do that again. No, we're not doing it again. Should we just get the right starting note? I don't know what the note is. Toss. Toss. Toss. Toss.

Toss. Just leave it. Hey, listen, right? It's not about perfection. It's Shag, Married and Ored, right? It's not bloody... I know that. It's not bloody something, a choir podcast.

Welcome to the choir. it's bloody shag married annoyed right listen if welcome to the choir are looking for new members oh that'd be the worst podcast in the world when you listen to musicals i love a musical i love going to see a musical i think they're amazing live the songs listening to listen to the song of a musical without the music actually happen is fucking torture why it's just like like the way like the voice it's like not proper singing it's like this minging sort of nasally scream do you not just love that it'll skip from a lovely song and then it'll be like do you hear the people not at all it's like a concept album without the storyline it's minging okay well listen let's crack on right what time what is it now uh i think it's jingle time jingle Not at all. It's like a concept album without the storyline. It's minging. Okay, well, listen.

Let's crack on. Right. What time? What is it now? I think it's jingle time. Jingle time. Are you done with your sponsor? Yes.

Still not getting paid for this, guys. Still. No money apart from fig leaves has crossed the old threshold. It's... Doing it for the love oh gosh here's the jingle toss a coin to your here's the new jingle

toss a coin to your witch no toss a coin toss a coin to us toss a coin to your podcast host oh valley of

what you're working please oh I still think about when that guy sent us a tenner and I still feel sad bless his heart whoever you are I bloody love you.

Me too. Here's a jingle. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle. Hello and welcome back to the podcast with the longest intros of any podcast.

Of any, in the whole world. Perfect harmony. Yeah, they are. Apologies about that. They get longer. They get longer. We're just so excited to start. I think it's them two weeks off.

Do you think? Yeah, yeah. Just a bit out of sync and we don't know what we're doing. Just buzzing. Just like so excited to just talk and that. I'm happy to be doing this today actually. Yeah. I think it's them two weeks off. Do you think? Yeah, yeah. Just a bit out of sync and we don't know what we're doing. Just buzzing. Just like so excited. Just talking that. I'm happy to be doing this today, actually. Yeah?

I'm excited. I'm a bit annoyed because I'm thirsty, but I've got a jumpsuit on. And I don't want to drink too much because going to the toilet with a jumpsuit on in the house, it's just really strange. I didn't know what you meant at first there. Well, it's just got loads of buttons. I'm thirsty, but I've got a jumpsuit on and I don't like to drink while wearing a jumpsuit. I like to just jump.

Yeah, just jumping around. No, it's just got loads of buttons. I've got a jumpsuit on and I don't like to drink while wearing a jumpsuit. I like to just jump. Yeah, just jumping around. No, it's just complicated. I keep hearing ladies calling them jumpsuits. They're onesies. Let's be perfectly honest here. You're wearing onesies. Posh onesies. All of us are wearing onesies.

So how would, for the male listeners and for me, how would a lady urinate while wearing a jumpsuit? Well, say you are on a night out and you've got a jumpsuit on yeah with like a strapless bra or no bra if you're lucky enough to be blessed with perky breasts right no bra when you go to the toilet on a night out you're sitting on the toilet naked right it's very it's it's a surreal moment you have to take it fully off fully off like a swimming costume yeah take it fully off. Fully off. Like a swimming costume. Yeah. Take it fully off. Fully, fully blown off. Right.

Because they usually button up the front. Got you. So you've got to undo the buttons, take it off like a jacket, and then hold it so it doesn't go in the toilet, and then just sit in a bar naked. Sit on a nightclub toilet, naked, holding your clothes. Your clothes. Wow.

It's always fun when there's like your friend in there as well and you're like hello can we not just pull to the side well no if it's shorts

probably but it would be a bit messy right I was thinking of the shorts ones you see okay well I'm talking about the long pants

ones long trouser ones sorry if the buttons go down the front how far do they go down do they go past belly button

yeah like to your crotch so you can so you can take it down because... Could you possibly button it down and then take one leg out? What? Like, button it down, stretch it down, undo one leg, bring like one leg up to your chest, one knee up to your chest, take it out, step out of it with one leg.

The now leg that's flappy, that's got nothing in, pull that round, maybe up your back, maybe pull it over your opposite shoulder to keep it up and then sit down and wait. I know, but how big's your vagina? Like that, do you know what I mean? Your vagina isn't stretchy. Right.

So it's got to just, no, that wouldn't work. No. You're still in the danger zone of getting urine on your clothes. It's okay when you're at the swimming pool because that doesn't matter. What, you're just waiting in the pool? I just pull mine to the side. In the pool. In your costume.

In the pool. Not in the pool. I mean at the toilet, but that doesn't matter as much. Right, okay. Oh, hey, why? Because droplets don't matter in the water. I get you. I get you.

Pretty much, yeah. I feel it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I feel it. Yeah, so sorry about that. Are there any jumpsuits on the market that have a zip crotch no but there should be button crotch i feel like copyright chris ramsey shag mountain oid rosie ramsey 2020 we could make them i wonder they know there probably is there probably is like a baby girl

yeah on an adult jumpsuit yeah like that i like that little just the thing you know the little sometimes the buttons go up the inside of the thigh of a little baby girl. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That would be much easier. They do that on Spanx.

Spanx? Yeah, I've got a pair of Spanx with like press tuds across the vagine. Across the vagine? Yeah. Do press tuds across the vagine,

is that not uncomfortable? It's a bit, if you've had a few wines, doing them back up is a bit, I've had stuff caught. Oh, God. you know what I mean like oh that was a lip do you know what I mean very nice can we just talk before we carry on can we talk about how much last week's um spit story upset everyone I know I wasn't prepared for that I wasn't prepared

for that either but it affected me yeah I. So I should have known, really. See, yeah, I mean, sorry to people, like, we've talked about some disgusting stuff on this podcast, but I have had almost a week of solid, like,

the vomiting face on Twitter to the point of where I'm like, I really have to address this. It was a trick, and that might be it. It might be that it's from me, so they know 100%

it's a true story and they know I've heard it. But not just that. I've told you spit's disgusting. It doesn't bother me. Oh, yeah. It doesn't bother me. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Really? Well, apologies everyone. We'll try and stay away from the old spit-related stuff in the future. I feel like I've already said spit. Well, you've mentioned it again

so you've already brought it up so you're spoiling everyone's day already. While we're talking about previous podcasts we've got some fantastic news for everyone I mean I don't know if you'll be happy or sad

Rosie do you want to tell them so if you remember breastfeeding groom yeah I like to call him BFJ big friendly giant breastfeeding groom yeah

him and his lovely sorry if you're not familiar with the story, the guy, I mean, you must be if you listen to the podcast. If you haven't heard it, go back. The lady who went into her honeymoon suite on the morning of her wedding and found her husband to be in his suit,

which is the worst bit, weirdly, breastfeeding from his mother. Them. Carry on. They're back together. They're back together. Plenty more fish in the sea, or not. She's obviously so past it and thought, you know what?

Let's do this. Wedding's back on. His mum's not invited. I wonder if she started breastfeeding him now instead. That mum has got to be dried up soon. I'm telling you. No, but come on. It's horrible.

You can't be breastfeeding for that long. You lose... Oh, sorry. Children... Children... Sorry about that. I'm just whacking the mic. They lose the ability to suck after so long.

Yeah, like after about six or seven years old, they lose the ability to suck. So, I don't know. What haystay, Ian? What do you mean, lose the ability to suck? Like the tongue doesn't go in the same position. Oh, right. Okay. I watched a documentary a few years ago about children who were still breastfeeding and the little girl was about seven and she was gutted because she couldn't do it anymore oh why is it that i'm so happy that she's gutted she was like it won't work and her mom was like oh i'm sorry oh jesus christ yeah no see i have

just mentally in my head stuck a big fat two fingers up with that kid right in her face right in her seven-year-old face can't breast can't breastfeed anymore can you seven years old life's shit mate get on with it so funny but yeah apparently so that i'm still in the world of is it true who know it seems to be true because people really seem that story did the rounds it did the rounds a lot massively it's been on other podcasts and everything yeah yeah um but yeah we um but every time we speak to someone about it and it's been people in london it's not up here they're like you can't sorry you can't just decide that only people in london are breastfeeding i'm not i'm just saying you know

what they don't do it in the north you know honestly you get you get inside that m25 and everyone's just sucking their mom's tits it's disgusting i'm sticking up for a little she didn't mean it i didn't mean it like that i meant it anyone we ever talked to in london so london in work in like offices they always know somebody who knows them and they say it so with such what's the word like um yeah such conviction such conviction so convinced so i'm like this is true yeah oh god or it might be a london-based urban myth but either way i'm glad we brought a london-based urban myth yeah i like way, I'm glad we brought it to the masses. That's pretty exciting, though, a London-based urban myth. Yeah. I like that.

Well, anyway, they're back together, so that's, you know, that's happily ever after. Do you know what? May they live happily ever after. Yeah. And his mum could always express. Express yourself. Do-do-do-do-do.

Oh, you've got to do now. Express yourself. Oh, you've got to do now. Express yourself. Oh, gosh. I mean, just happen to grow the fuck up. I still take issue with him. Oh, he does it when he's nervous.

Fuck, he's a grown man. You suck his thumb. Bet he wishes he could suck something else. What? And I found him bent double back spasming with his own knob in his mouth and we'll wield him down the aisle

like a closed clam oh great can I just ask you're a boy okay you've had a penis your whole life I'm a real boy. Have you ever tried to put it in your mouth? Yes!

100%. Yous are all disgusting. 100 million percent. Yous all want locked up. Oh, Rosie, come on, man. You're talking teenage boy here, man. Have you really? Teenage boy.

Rosie, I've got a really, really, really horrible thing to tell you. I've got a horrible thing to tell you. I don't think I want to know. We've got a four-year-old. He's going to be a teenage boy one day. I'm telling you. He's going to be doing all kinds. He's going to be jizzing in socks.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I don't want to know. He's going to be fucking the gap in the couch. No, he will not. Honestly, he will. You bet. What am I so afraid? I will chop it off.

I will chop it off. Absolutely not. I have never even said this out loud ever um i remember when i was younger i tried it tried to suck me on dick as a kid um and then i had a dream once that i could do it and i woke up buzzing because i was like oh i think thinking the dream was real and i was like oh no i can't do it and I woke up buzzing because I was like, oh, I was thinking the dream was real and I was like, oh no, I can't do it. Honestly. Every single teenage boy tries it. It's just, like the most exotic thing I did

as a teenage girl was have a look at me bits so I knew where a tampon went. Exotic? Like, I, that's literally... Drinking a can of lilt while you did it. What do you mean exotic?

A teenage boy trying to suck his own knob in a bathroom is exotic. I've been wasting money on holidays for you. Fucking hell, what do you want, a caravan? Exotic. Exotic was maybe the wrong word. Honestly, I've met this new lad. You want to see him?

He's sucked his own dick. He's so exotic. Do you mean erotic? No, exotic. It's exotic. Do I mean erotic? No, exotic. It's exotic. Do I mean erotic? I don't know. Oh, gosh.

Don't I'm literally crying. Just been a whole day. It was dead exotic. Where'd you go? Skegness. It's not exotic. I was sucking my own dick while I was there.

That is exotic as fuck, mate. I'm making you laugh today. I'm happy i love making you laugh why now all i can see is you 14 trying to suck your own dick with a kid Hawaiian shirt on. Oh, my God. With 10cc on in the background. I don't like cricket. Oh, no. I love it. In other news,

Rudy Doody has taken taken to a whole new level For new listeners Rudy Doody is our son's favourite game I mean I'm literally sitting here recording the podcast in our kitchen

slash living area and I'm looking over and I mean he's got all of the super wings there's a Batman tower there there's a Ninjago

Lego on the table it's an absolute mess but his favourite game is Rudy Doody Rudy Doody. Rudy Doody, which involves him in a room with you. He says,

I'm going out. Don't follow us. I'm going away. Don't come with us. He runs off. He comes back in naked and he runs around shouting Rudy Doody.

Although... Yeah, what I'm loving at the minute is he's calling himself King Rudy Doody. I didn't know that until this second. King Rudy Doody. He's King Rudy Doody. Fantastic. And he's got he's calling himself king rudy doody i didn't know that until this second king rudy doody he's king rudy doody fantastic um and he's got he's got his own

theme tune yeah do you want me to sing it well don't sing it yet so the the theme so the theme tune lyrics are uh rudy doody's in the night rudy doody's fight right that's the that that is it right there's more yeah and then rudy doodyhuh. Right? So he's made that up himself, which is quite good, quite clever. He was singing it, and we were going, what is that tune? Is that PJ Masks? Is it from Paw Patrol? What is it? Rosie, sing it.

It took a while to work it out, but Rosie, sing it. So it goes. Rudy Doody's in the night. Rudy Doody's fight. Rudy Doody's never bite night Rudy Doody's fight Rudy Doody's never bite Rudy Doody's fight It's the fucking Strictly It's the Strictly themed tune

We stood going What is that tune It's bloody Strictly He's took the Strictly themed tune And turned it into a game about him A four year old running round Which is absolutely not what the BBC want, I'll be honest with you. I don't know, I don't think that's... It's the opposite of

what you want from your family-friendly theme tune of one of your bigger shows that you've got. God in heaven. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. One more thing before we carry on. I was just going to mention quickly, I found out something this week that I don't know if you know this, right? Do you know the

shopping centre? Do you know the um during your shopping center do you know the toys that kids go on you it's like a pound for one ride yeah yeah i've got no idea what they're called but the little yeah the little crappy rides yeah there's like a tank engine and all that kind of stuff yeah um so robin constantly wants to go on them and i'm i play the mommy's got no money card, right? Don't know how long that'll last. No. I said this on my Instagram. I got loads of messages.

They now take contactless card. Fantastic. It's not. That's horrific. I respect that. You're joking. Yeah, but it's like every time we go to the supermarket

or every time we go somewhere, I even went to a card shop the other day with him and literally he was standing with us. You know, he's like what he's upped my waist at the counter

I'm busy paying for this card eye level of him is a little plastic poo thing with loads of gunge inside eye level and he went dad

I want that and I thought of course you do it's eye level like it's genius you bought that as well didn't you yeah I bought it

so it's over the window sill you sack of shit yeah yeah you useless bastard I know it was that or a bought it so it's over the window still you sack of shit yeah yeah you useless bastard I know it was that or a lolly so I got him that instead

because you know less sugar yeah less sugar I suppose I weirdly respect it I weirdly do I don't I think no because

now you can't say it because kids are savvy now Robin will say what about your card ma'am I mean if you're saying that if you don't want him to go on it you don't want him to go on it, you don't want him to go on it. Don't opt out and say you've got money. Go, no, I'm done. Just go to him, look

at him and go, I'm not waiting here while you sit on that, while it rocks up and down and I'm standing gutted. He gets bored half way through and gets off. I'd never put him on there. I mean, it's just nice that he's got no money. No? Why are you in the shops then? Well, that's why he's going to sit... Oh, yeah, man. Yeah? He's got no money.

Why is the heating on when we get in? Eh? Eh? Why is Mummy buying... Don't talk to me about the heating on. The heating's never on, actually. It's a Christopher Ramsey. Quite right, quite right.

It's not on. Freezing. Three jumpers. Yeah. Not just that. I've got myself... I've got my little electric heater. I didn't have it for the office

because you wanted the heating on even though we just sit in the office. You want the whole bloody house lit up like a bloody Christmas tree. Do you know what it is, honestly? Huh? Get over yourself. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap.

It's time for What's Your Beef? Ach! Fucking Jesus Christ. Oh my God. I forgot. I forgot. Shall we do it again? I totally forgot about Barry

we're not doing that again that's staying in that is actually a bit that is I am so sorry to everyone listening that must have hurt your ears so much

that that was one of the funniest things you're like a dog I know it was like someone had stood on your tail I forgot

you forgot about Barry Beef so you just screamed I did it was just a reaction I'm sorry forgot. You forgot about Barry Beef, so you just screamed. I did. It was just a reaction. I'm sorry, everyone. That's better than Barry Beef. I'm taking that. So Barry's not well.

Barry's having a week off. Barry's got the flu. Yeah, I'm so sorry. That was a knee-jerk reaction. This needs to be a video podcast. We need to do some kind of video of this because earlier on I was sticking my fingers up at the imaginary nine-year-old and you've literally like you know what you did with your face and body there was hilarious that needs to be slowed down and why don't we do a video do

you know why we don't do a video podcast because we're lazy yeah because we're lazy we can't be asked basically yes you never know you never know one day guys one day what's your beef my beef my do you want me to go first i might as well yeah how have we not run out of these yet oh mate i have got i'm looking at my laptop now i've got one i've got five to choose from really five why should we still be married uh yeah i saw a thing uh lad bible posted it the other day uh regularly roasting each other in a relationship is really good for your relationship. But we already knew that because we've been saying this for ages

with What's Your Beef? It makes your, you know, communication take the piss out of each other. So the little things don't get bigger and you don't end up getting really upset. Yeah, 100%. Okay, let me have a little look. Hit me.

Hit me with your beefing stick. Some of these are topical. They are quite topical. We've got them in categories now, have you? No, they're all just quite topical. I'm going to go with the most recent one, the most upsetting one. Yesterday, we share an office now.

Yesterday, you took your lunch into the office to eat, even though we've got a kitchen that you could have ate in and multiple other rooms. You took your lunch in the office and your lunch was a chicken salad, which is fine, with all of the vinegar

in the world on, which is quite potent and stings the nostrils. I like vinegar. And a hard-boiled egg. It's not good off a set, I kept Rosie. You can't,

but you're like that person who heats up last night's curry in the office microwave. I always quite like that smell. Explains a lot. Hard, but, and you know what it is? You took it in at the office, right? And I walked in with you and you were eating it and I was working.

And then I walked out of the office to go to the toilet and make a cup of tea. I came back in, that smell hit me like a ton of bricks. Well, listen, okay, right? Listen, I will take it into consideration. Yeah. But I just want to tell you that I just I really wanted to have my lunch at my desk right

so just to make us feel like I'm a bit important right and just I'm so busy having lunch at my desk really is that what it really great

that's what it was is that right I'm a bit upset that is that so you can tell people I've bloody been I've rushed out I've had a lunch at my desk I put on Instagram

really I said lunch at my desk brilliant desk lunch at the detriment at Brilliant. Desk lunch. At the detriment of my nostrils. Rosie, a hard-boiled egg. It wasn't, like, mashed up or anything. It was a hard-boiled egg.

You might as well have brought a little piece of poo in on your plate. Oh, really? Disgusting. Really? Disgusting. I actually got a lot of stick for that because I had a chicken salad with a hard-boiled egg and people were like, chicken, eating chicken with eggs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, oh, right, okay. Well, that's having the birth and ward next to the morgue, isn't it? Yeah. Should I not have done that? I have chicken club sandwich and it's got, Rosie, mayonnaise. It's got eggs. It's made from eggs the main ingredient in mayonnaise is eggs and you have chicken and you have chicken mayonnaise so why did people

i got loads of horrible messages i've got to say why do people on the internet constantly just want to hoi their opinion in i know unbelievable well as well because they've had green beans on i got a message off some woman going oh i hate green beans good it's not fucking you rosie the other day i was going to say this, but I'm going to say it now. I put a photo of a pizza oven on the other day because I was making pizza. You know how pizza oven goes?

Yeah, yeah. I've recently said on the podcast, I've regularly said, sorry, that the pizza oven is the best present you ever got me. It's amazing. It's awesome. I got it at Christmas. Christmas one year,

it was my main present off you. I'll be honest with you, I didn't get much else. I was a bit annoyed. I just got that. Well, because it was a big present. It's expensive. It's 500 quid.

I put it on you got it from where did you get it from Harrods or something I can't remember I'm sure you told us you got it from Harrods I got it online

you've changed basically it goes on top of the hob it's amazing it's a really really amazing bit of kit and I put it on and I put in the name of it

and people were commenting underneath going 500 quid fuck dude I wasn't I didn't hashtag add it I was just showing you me thing I know I was just showing you me pizza oven like 500 quid! Fuck. Dude, I wasn't... I didn't hashtag add it. I was just showing you my thing.

I know. I was just showing you my pizza oven. Like... Chris, people are dicks. If you think it's expensive, it's cool, man. I know it is expensive. I didn't go, this is amazing.

This is only... I live on the planet fucking Earth. I know that 500 quid's a lot, but I got it for Christmas. And if that's how you feel, don't follow fucking Floyd Mayweather or any boxer or any UFC fighter or a footballer

because you're going to get well upset when you see how much their shit costs. I think the internet's just gone a bit mad and I think people just think that they can just say whatever they want to anybody. Well, you know what it is about food? It happens quite a lot with food. So I remember putting a...

Whenever I put a photo with full English on... Do it. Put a photo with your version of a full English on, watch what happens. Every comment, ugh, the beans are touching the egg,

ugh, needs mushroom, ugh, needs more sausages, ugh, I've not got any toast, where's your ketchup, where's your brown sauce,

everyone like has a fucking chip in. I once put a photo of bacon that I was doing, I was grilling some bacon, I put it on, I got a text off me mate going, I don't like bacon done in the grill. I text back going,

it's a good job I haven't fucking invited you for some then. And he texts back, ha ha ha. Sometimes people just want to put their, they just want to put their oar in. 10 penneth. 10 penneth.

That's what it's called. It's gone up now with inflation. People don't put their 10 pence in anymore. They put fucking 40 quid in. Ridiculous. Unbelievable. What's your beef with me? So my beef with you this week is,

I know what you said. Is that I go to the gym too much? Absolutely not. You don't go enough actually. Too shredded. Probably because I'm too shredded. Is it that I don't look like the man you married because I'm massive now?

Is that what it is? Well, you're massive. You put on a lot of weight since you got married actually. So you're not massive like ripped. I lost it all at Strictly and yes, I did put most of it back on at Christmas but I did lose it all at Strictly.

Yeah, you did, to be fair. No, my beef with you this week is, and I'm so sorry everyone to mention spit again, but it's not like Grammy spit. Oh God. So Chris has started recently. Yeah, this was coming. It's been a couple of months

and I've just mentioned it a few times yet he's still doing it. Chris will get a little bit of spit in his mouth and he'll... So he'll mix it around his mouth while he's just sat watching the telly. A bit like... So this is it.

I'm sorry that is disgusting but I have to listen to that and i'm not joking it's like my granddad has gone back from the grave and he's sitting next to us because he used to do that hey let's hear you marry your granddad well i clearly have because he used to do that and then but you as well as that if that's not bad enough right you do that and then you've started as well like sucking like, sucking bits of stuff out your teeth. And Chris, it's really not becoming,

you're 33. Do you know what I mean? I can't wait. I've got dentures and I can do it. That's when you do it. Not now. Please stop. Cause it's awful.

And you know how recently, sometimes you tell me off cause I'm a bit like, have you flossed today? Have you brushed your teeth? Cause I've got a really, really strong sense of smell. The reason your breath's been a bit iffy recently is because you're mixing your spit around your mouth. And you shouldn't be.

So I need to learn that spit is not mouthwash. Spit is not mouthwash. Spit is not water. Spit is just there to help you talk, I think. Don't mix it around your mouth for comfort and pleasure because it's disgusting okay so you're gonna google what spit is there for but fair enough possibly but just i know it's not there to yeah comfort you while you're watching the telly and for something to do okay so stop it's disgusting in my defense i'm only using the the the pushing

of it the swilling of it round to get bits of stuff out of my teeth. But yeah. Oh, is that why you're doing it? Yeah. Get a toothpick. Floss your teeth. Oh, just sit like a fudge, shall I? Just sit watching the telly with a toothpick, shall I?

Like it's fucking cowboy times. Shall I have a bit of corn out my mouth, shall I? I'd actually prefer that. A fucking spit bucket. I'd prefer that. All right, I'll get all that. I would massively prefer that. Please.

Thank you. All right, God. It's horrible. I'd prefer that I would massively prefer that please thank you alright god it's horrible now and then now and then a beef comes along that is almost a big argument

and this is one of them because you've been doing it for ages and you're still you said three weeks I said months three months fair enough

I didn't say a number I said months plural plural stop it it's gross okay can we genuinely get a spit bucket though what a spit bucket how much spit you got yeah how much you want like how much you want also why why did you get everyone spit like do you know what i mean

why have you got excess spit if anything people don't like it no but i'm not being funny i'm quite dry i've got quite a dry mouth. That was hard to do that, the example. That was hard because I don't have much spit, saliva, sorry everyone, in my mouth. So I don't know where you're getting all this spit from. Maybe you want to go to the doctor's, to be honest. I was blessed with active saliva glands.

It's not a blessing. Some girls got it. Wow. It's not a blessing. Do you know it. Wow. Not a blessing. It's off all that dick sucking. Attempt at dick sucking. Of his own. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on

sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care.

From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret.

It's a girl. Witness the birth. My attempts will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen I believe

the girl is to be the mother mother of what is the most terrifying 666 it's the mark of the devil movie of the year the first omen

in theaters Friday gets it gets now just you know guys in between little shall we call them chapters of the podcast in between little bits I'm having a drink of water

and it's in a protein shaker it's just water but it's in a protein shaker because because you're in GIMP that's what you really need to say It's time for questions from the public

from the public public public public public public public public thankfully you remembered what to do then I did

didn't just scream it at the microphone like an absolute banshee as always guys if you want to get in touch it is shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com send us your thoughts

your hopes your dreams your spit stories no don't we're not doing any more because that really did upset a lot of people yeah okay

no more spit stories but send stuff. Yes. Dear Rosie and Chris. Hello. Please keep this anonymous for obvious reasons. How much are you going to pay us? No, listen, you'll get people not messaging in.

No, we always do. We do keep them anonymous. So don't worry. We always do. I mean, me personally, I always know who you are. And I judge you massively when I'm looking at that little picture. I get your email address and I FaceTime you. Yeah, we've your email address and i'll facetime you yeah we've never done that we've never done that we've never done um okay so here we go i'm from a big family and after spending christmas with all of

all of my siblings aged between 18 ish to 40 ish i learned some disturbing information fantastic one of my sisters has been going through what can only be described as a midlife crisis recently she has been spending a lot of time going out with her husband nothing wrong with that cool great that they're rediscovering their youth and spending more time as a couple however it soon became clear that their life was a little more wild than the average midlife crisis experience from a combination of things she was telling us and photos that started appearing on social media. These photos, mostly professional, got more and more risky to the point where it was suggested she created a separate page for these particular shots

to save her children's embarrassment. Turns out she did just that but these photos were only the tip of the iceberg another of my sister stumbled across this synodium profile pseudonym pseudonym we we stopped the podcast for me to read that word tell you what it was i told you how to pronounce it you said is it synodium i said no it's pse word tell you what it was i told you how to pronounce it you said is it synodium i said no it's pseudonym you read it again and said synodium i actually was just trying really hard not to say pseudocram hey pseudocram if you want to sponsor we'll get in touch oh right okay let's do that again but then you put the word in right another. Another of my sisters stumbled across this...

Pseudonym. ...profile with said photos as a suggested follow and was horrified to see a certain paid-for adult fan website link in the bio. No! Yeah. No! Now, this is the point where any normal human would run and bury their head in the sand, as I did.

However, my family is not normal. Due to the... No one's ears, can I just say, but carry on. True. I'm so excited. on the site. I'm so excited. Safe to say there was nothing soft about the many, many,

many images and videos they found. No way, man. With kids. She had kids. She's got kids and she's decided to do them kind of videos

and photos. Yeah. Because they said a different thing to spare her kids. You're not one of the kids' friends at school who's going to find

your mum on a porn site. You're not. It's going to happen school is gonna find yeah i found your ma on a porn site you're not it's gonna happen well i know but you know like people's mom and dads do porn there's nothing wrong with that but it's just because she's basically saying it's her sister like do do yeah do they tell them that they know yeah how much they know oh does she tell the parents oh i don't know i don't know i think just because i've got a sister and if i saw that i i would straight away be like kate yeah what are you a porn star now like you know people can do what they want but i've got so many questions though are they just photos are the videos is the do they do the sex on the camera well i'm I'm guessing. I don't know. Goodness me. But it's...

See, this is... It's them paid for ones, you know, when people pay for it. Yeah, yeah. But I don't understand, right? You know, these fan-only pages and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. You can get porn for free, can't you? So why do people pay?

I've never understood that either. However, them kind of fan-only ones, it's like... Do they say their name when they're doing stuff maybe right okay maybe it's the like oh derek's texting he wants don't please don't use my dad's name pick a different name sorry kevin's texting don't use my brother's name are you taking the page sorry he's just totally sorry use a name i don't texting sorry Bridget's texting right that's me nana pack it in

why be an ageist why can't your nana why can't your nana text him she totally can she can do whatever she wants but let's just let's pretend that she doesn't yeah

so like you know oh yeah oh who's watching like them live webcam things say Simon right Simon so Simon's texting in Simon's texting in

on behalf of Derek and they're both in the house watching right Simon so Simon's texting in Simon's texting in on behalf of Derek and they're both in the house watching yeah maybe it's that maybe it's the like well I mean I think I've talked

about this before you know it used to be the Amazon wish list used to be a thing remember that oh yes no it still is

it's still a thing so like you know good looking lasses on Instagram and on stuff like that would be like here's my Amazon wish list

and like blokes would send them fucking like that would be like, here's my Amazon wishlist. And, like, blokes would send them fucking, like, I'm talking, like, Chanel handbags. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they would just do a photo. They'd pay for the plastic surgery and everything. Yeah, be like, thank you such and such for the Chanel handbag. And the guy, the buzz, the chuff that he gets out of it is that it's his fault.

I mean, different strokes for different folks. There's different things out there for everyone. But I don't know why someone would pay for it maybe for the to feel part of it maybe like to be i'm one of her fans kind of thing yeah maybe they really like maybe they just think she's really amazing and fit and you kind of get her videos on any of the free stuff but my main thing is and i'm sorry what if if she's already got a family and she's already got kids she's then started to do porn now but she's already got kids and her husband knows about i'm sorry and all that like her husband knows about it he's like part of it well he's a fucking

cameraman by the sounds of things right yeah um oh he might have one of the ones where he straps on his head anyway um what's that it's like a first person view thing you know they put it on the head and he'll be doing all the stuff he'll be doing the sex with her, but he'll also be the cameraman because it'll be on his head like a fucking, like a, like a, like a goggle vision.

Oh yeah, that's always weird. Yeah. Not nice. I mean, I don't know. I just, I'd like to know how,

I'd like to know how old our kids are. Why are you so obsessed with the children? Because it's my ma! Turned around, randomly started doing, one, I wouldn't want my mates going when I'm in school, you know, I'm just, so I get a phone doing porn, one, I wouldn't want my mates going when I'm in school.

You know, I'm just, so I get a phone call, you know, Chris, such and such is on the phone for you. You know, I want my dicks in my mouth. I've got to stand back up, do a bit of stretching. I've got to go down and get the hand. I've got to go and get the phone. Hiya, you all right, mate? All right, I've just seen your mom on a porn site.

Genuinely, I don't know. I think when people, I'm not saying, I don't know. It's that thing, if you cannot slag anyone off anymore. I'm not slagging off porn stars at all i'm not doing it all i'm saying is if i had kids i wouldn't go and do it some things on this i'm literally as i'm doing all these jokes about being 14 and have me dick in my mouth i'm thinking i've got a son and one day he might hear this well we talk about that a lot don't we yeah it's always talk about that and i just think we need to bring up robin And if we have any more children,

we need to make sure that they have a really good sense of humour. Oh God, yeah. So that when they're older, if they ever do listen to this, hopefully it's dead and buried by then. Yeah. But if they ever do listen to it, hopefully we can go, Oi, mum and dad were just joking.

Just having a laugh. You know when you'd go around your nanas or whatever and she'd get like a photo album out. You imagine we've got grandkids. We'd just get a flash drive out and go this is my podcast you want to listen and i'm 40 and i'm so gonna nana turn it off turn it off please god please god no that is how i worry but what can you do but i don't think i i don't know if she should tell i think she should just wait until someone else finds out. I think it's sister's code. I think they should just keep it a secret. What?

Yeah, I think they should wait. Don't tell the mum. Don't tell her kids. Oh, no, I wouldn't tell me mum. Well, no, I wouldn't tell my mum. Don't tell any of the rest of the family. Just keep it quiet. Laugh amongst yourselves with it.

See if they trip themselves up. See if she tells you one day. Or see if someone else in the family accidentally finds her on a porn site, which will be hilarious. Oh, see, we're from different families. Right, what families right what would you haven't got any siblings okay i would probably have a look at a picture that she's in yeah i'd buy the same underwear i'd take a picture of myself and i'd go look familiar i'd send it to her that's what i would do with my sister and she'd probably go oh if I was her I'd put that photo on my website oh right so that's a stupid idea right fair enough

who knows we'll see I mean in the rest of sort of midlife Christ management maybe just buy a sports car

maybe buy a sports car maybe what instead of doing porn instead of doing porn maybe not as much money in it but you know you might get there

I've never see I know we're still talking about porn, but I've never, I couldn't think of anything worse than being a porn star. Like, sex is lovely, don't get me wrong, but having to do it like 15 times a day, oh, nah. Oh, yeah.

Honestly. There's a comedian, a comedian called Carl Donnelly. He's really funny, he's a mate of mine. And I can't remember word for word what the routine was, but had a i don't know if i don't know if it became one part of his act or if it was just a new material night or maybe i even saw him doing it when he was comparing it was off the cuff but i remember him saying and i'll never forget it and i do live by this a bit actually he said when i'm watching porn i like it to be high production value and i like to know everyone's being paid well yeah i totally fucking agree i totally agree there's

lots of morals involved they're just like but then again then again on the flip side here if that lady and her husband have set up this website for for them and they're recording it and they're taking the photos and they're putting it online that's no no porn company is taking the lion's share of the money there they're getting all of that money so they've cut out the porn industry middleman you know what i'm proud of them yeah i'm proud of your sister well well done i'll tell you what i bet you she might be making a fortune she probably will for research purposes i'm gonna have to subscribe so there's another great can't wait can't wait to see them bank statements hey chris and rosie hello every time i go food shopping with my girlfriend and i'm pushing the

trolley she feels the need to hold on to the front corner of the trolley helping me to push it and direct it it is the most infuriating thing ever i'm a grown man and have more than enough strength and sense of direction to control a shopping trolley without her bloody hand guiding me do you guys have this same problem at all much love hassan he's so angry i know oh god dude i love you that's one of the That's the best. He's so angry. I know. Oh, God, dude, I love you.

That's one of the best. Tickled you there, doesn't it? It's really because he's felt the need to email it. He's raging. He's absolutely raging. He's obviously told I'm not to, but he keeps doing it. And he's like,

I'm doing it myself. Get off. But I do that. You do it, yeah. I I mean it doesn't bother us but it's gunning now so thanks for that Hassan but that is fucking funny yeah

I think we I think I don't know I'd definitely do it if you're pushing the trolley I'm on the front guiding it like what a way to feel

emasculated it's so good it's so good normally it's like just telling us how to drive or you know so it's so good it's so good like normally it's like just telling us how to drive or you know so it's something like that oh god oh mate what was the question specifically what does he want no he just he just ranted about it great um and then he just said do you guys have this same problem right yeah yeah i have now thinking on you do do that yeah yeah but it's

never bothered you no it doesn't really bother us. Do you know why? Because you're whipped, motherfucker. Well, the blokes walk past and go, look at that poor soul. Look at him. Oh, look at his, oh, his beanie, his neck has chopped off.

Look, yeah, don't put you on the lead. They're in a handbag. I mean, when we're in the supermarket, we've normally got Robin and I've normally got Robin in the little seat, in the trolley. mean I when we're in the supermarket we've normally got Robin and I've normally got Robin in the little seat

in the trolley and I like just whizzing him round I spin the trolley round quite a lot I used to do a thing dads this is really good fun

sit the kid in the chair looking at you and push the trolley like miles away from you up the aisle and then run and jump as if you're like

jumping to grab on we're like grabbing onto a cliff in a movie kids lose their minds it's awesome you enjoyed that jumping to grab onto a cliff in a movie. Kids lose their minds. It's awesome. You enjoyed that. You did enjoy that. Not too much.

It's a bit difficult when your wife's holding onto it. Was it clicking your heels? No, because what used to happen, and not so much now, but when he was little and used to do daft stuff like that, I would end up walking around the supermarket and you'd just fuck off and I'd be left with loads of stuff in my arms. Like, where's my trolley? That's why people hold on to the front. Is that why?

I guarantee that's why. Because you just crack on and go other places. And it's like, you know. That's to be fair, but Hasan, a man in a supermarket pushing trolley is a glorified trailer. You're a trailer for her. You're just a trailer, dude. Just, you know, get your phone out.

Lean on, lean down on the trolley do just you know get your phone out lean on lean down on the trolley with your elbows get your phone out just you know enjoy yourself look up at the it depends though

that's just our relationship so we can relate but there might be a lot of women who are the trolley pushers yeah do you know what I mean

Hassan if you want to get her back mate why don't you climb into the chair and make her push you I would love that I love that he said climb and you think I'm a baby do you don't you climb into the chair and make her push you I would love that I love that he said climb

and you think I'm a baby do you don't you think I'm right well you can treat I'll treat us like a baby fireman

have to cut him out well it'd be better if she just you know like Robin now sometimes if I've got his nephew Abel

yeah in his push chair he'll like hold on cousin oh my nephew sorry not his nephew my nephew so his push chair you like hold on to my nephew sorry not his nephew my nephew so his cousin yeah Robin will hold on to the side of the pram we used to do with my kids why doesn't he get her to do that instead hold on to the side hold on to the side hi Rosie and Chris to set the scene I worked in an office

of five one woman and four men during our Christmas night out one of the guys I work with casually mentioned to the group that he doesn't mind going into his parents bedroom and borrowing one of his mother's vibrators. So... eh? What? If he's got lucky that night. Yeah. Oh Jesus! Yep.

Oh! Oh God! Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Oh. Oh, God. I was confused and thought I'd misheard him at first. But no, he proudly declared that he's got away with it on more than one occasion and with more than one sexual partner. This has opened up a ton of questions for me. So let's just chat quickly about the fact that he is borrowing his mother's vibrator i don't think she knows let's start at the beginning here why do you know about your mom's vibrator absolutely why do you know where

it is absolutely why do you have access to your mom's vibrator why are you touching your mom's vibrator well as a mom myself yeah you shouldn't really have to worry about where that is yeah because why would they ever use it or have to know does that make sense i mean yeah i mean if this story was me toddler ran out of the room with a vibrator yeah yeah this is clearly an adult this is a man out on the pole going home so he knows where the vibrator is he has access to it he is going into the drawer or whatever it be held and he is getting his mother's vibrator he is in the mood about it but but he's then at no point like what if the girl goes

where's this from oh it's just me ma's well here are the questions right the first question this lady has sent is who uses a vibrator on a first shag

very very good point great point why would you great point why would that come into play where do you go from there I blame porn I blame porn as well

I blame porn for that I blame that woman of before. Yeah, me too. Just her. How does he know his mother has a vibrator? Yeah. Absolutely.

Where does that nightshag think he goes when he's sneaking into his parents' bedroom? Yeah. Can you imagine? You'd be like, where have you been to get that vibrator? Yeah. Having a vibrator,

it's very much more of a relationship thing I think I'd go to the thing of was that your ex girlfriend? yeah, no worse, it's me ma's oh quick, this will be nice, it's still warm like oh no Christopher

what? what? horrendous and the last one she said is does he wash it before he puts it back Oh no Christopher What what Horrible Horrendous And the last one she said is Does he wash it before he puts it back Oh fuck This is just disgusting Grim isn't it

This is disgusting Yeah I've got to read them So he is pleasuring strangers With the same implement that his mum uses to pleasure herself with Yeah And he's fine with that And he told people that. It's a Netflix documentary in the making.

Yeah. I think. Yeah. He's a serial killer. He's going to be a serial killer. Yeah. Vibrating a murderer. What?

Oh, me. He can be called Buzz. I love it oh god yeah bad crack stop using your mum's vibrator does he get it

and what I mean if I even laid eyes on what I imagined was my mother's vibrator I'd be sick everywhere what do you think

it would look like massive I don't know I don't know. I don't know. Had to say it. You can't, look, sometimes you've got to really make yourself feel uncomfortable for a good joke. I know. But your mum's tiny, so it wouldn't be

Stop it, I was joking. I don't want to go into the mechanics of it. See, I can't even talk. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Jess has been back in touch. Jess? Remember Jess? No. The par jess remember jess no the paramedic oh glow stick paramedic glow stick paramedic come on so um hi jess hey glad you enjoyed chapter chapter one glow stick christmas yeah as requested here is chapter two woman in freezer great already it's not as gross as chapter one i promise don't hear it i know i was a bit upset by that but we'll see how it is here we go yeah very late one friday we get called to a very

well-known supermarket which one do you think it is tell us the story and i'll tell you okay on arrival a member of staff met us and mid mid-laugh, apologised for calling us, but claimed they didn't know what else to do. He called us straight over to CCTV so we could see what had happened and it was an absolute treat to witness. Not for her, to be fair. Great. I'll set the scene.

A short and curvy lady had been going about her shopping, collecting her things, when she had come to the freezer aisle. She had obviously prepped for a chicken dish in her week and spotted the last lonely bag of chicken breasts right in the corner of one of the waist height open topped chest freezers so it's right in the back corner got you being rather small she reached in and couldn't quite grab it she tried a second time same problem she glances up and down the aisle sadly nobody is close enough to help her so she thinks third time lucky so with a little jump

she rests her stomach on the edge and feet just off the floor and reaches for the packet it was at this point disaster struck her top half outweighed her bottom half and like a seesaw she falls head first into the freezer there was then 30 seconds of frantic leg wiggling trying to get out unfortunately still nobody saw or came by uh to be fair the ccdv showed one bloke at the top of the aisle who saw and did fuck all about it great that's yeah nice one nice one mate so she makes the decision to bring her legs into the freezer with the plan of standing up and climbing out however as she brought her legs in she got herself well and truly wedged in what i can only describe as a downward fetal position she looked like an oversized turkey stuck with her head

pressed against the base of the freezer oh my god and like a builder's bum apparently and feet were pressed up with the at the glass facing us so she's in like wedged right in there wow right so it's got a lid i'm well i'm guessing the lids come down i don't know i don't think she's in like wedged right in there wow right so it's got a lid i'm well i'm guessing the lids come down i don't know i don't think is it got a lid or is it because if it's got a lid i'm telling you right now it's farm foods well i'm thinking she's climbed in i think she's climbed in right um so it this is this is the bit that really shocked me right and i think you'll find out why can i just say it's either a lid or she's wedged. Like, you've been wedged. I think she's wedged. Yeah, yeah. So if she's trapped in and it's waist-high freezer and it's not a lid, it's Iceland.

Right, okay. Or possibly Asda. You're just trying to guess the shops. Yeah. It had taken a while for us to get there, what with it being Friday night and all, and the poor lass had been wedged in for over an hour. Go and fuck off.

Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. I spoke to the staff and asked if they had tried to free her, to which he responded, we aren't trained in this. Shut the fuck up. Terrible. I know.

That is terrible. Funnily enough, my training didn't cover pulling fully grown adults out of freezers either, but here we were. They didn't even manage to turn the fucking thing off oh my god freezer was still on the left are in the freezer for an hour how could you do that we're not trained do you know what that is i'll tell you right now what that is that is um uh claims culture that is that is yeah what's it called uh compensation culture which surely she's in a better position to click oh because she fell in no when your staff pulled me out this happened i want money falling in the fucking freezer on your own you're an idiot there's nothing you can

really do about that i fell in a freezer i was climbing in it sorry if you're listening the woman who fell in the freezer but you're an idiot um she probably isn't bloody your drums are probably frozen an An hour. The staff not pulling out, that's what, in my opinion, that's what that is. That's claims.

Well, here we go. Okay, I'll let you know the rest. So then came our rescue attempt. I'm only five foot myself, so when leaning in, I was concerned I would end up as her turkey twin next to her. She was still there.

An hour. An hour later. I asked if I could... Sorry, watch the CCTV first. Before the... While she was in the... Come here, there's a freezing bitch down there. But watch this, you've got any popcorn here?

It's fucking hilarious, watch this. Still in there. Wow. Still in there. Wedged right in there. Wow. Froze. Froze to death.

Wow. I asked if I could stand in the freezer next to her to assist and the member of staff genuinely said sorry we aren't allowed

to let people in the freezers it's against health and safety fuck me this is madness this is utter madness and you know what I believe it

I believe it all because a staff member who isn't trained in something A doesn't give a fuck and quite right

because they're on whatever wage. They're not getting paid enough to get people out of freezers and get sued for fucking breaking someone's back. But they're bosses and stuff. And they're like, don't do this. I'm not trained. It's so ridiculous. Use your common sense.

They will have had a conversation like, should we help her out? We should help her out. No, no, no, no. Don't help her out. Don't help her out. God alive. To be fair, she must have been proper wedged. Would you have helped her out no no no no don't help her out don't help her out god alive to be fair

she must have been proper wedged would you have helped her out after a few selfies yeah 100% I'd have helped her out yeah of course I'd have helped her out

yeah crazy anyway so against health and safety here's something just dead quickly right here's a little story for you about you know how

what did you say culture claims culture claims culture um a friend of mine who was first day trained yeah um when i used to work abroad there was a man in the audience had like a heart a mini heart attack yeah and my friend give him cpr saved his life yeah on the way to the hospital like before the ambulance came he broke one of his ribs and the guy sued him there we go

tried to sue him there you go there you go saved his life yeah there you go try to sue him for breaking one of his ribs on his holidays yeah yeah there we go told you ridiculous it's just absolutely insane so i don't i don't i don't blame the staff i blame their bosses i don't blame the staff i blame the bosses and i also blame the people well yeah don't blame the staff. I blame the bosses. And I also blame the people. Well, yeah. No, I blame the people who are claiming and trying to, you know, get compensation

of every fucking thing in the world. Can we just clarify all of the supermarkets you mentioned, it's none of them. The supermarket that it is is not mentioned at all.

All right. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, okay. And I've just thought as well. Because they'll probably sue us for putting them in this conversation. Great.

I've looked forward to that. I've just thought as well. So she is head down, curled under herself, knees basically at her face, fetal position wedged in this conversation. Great. I've looked forward to that. I've just thought as well. So she is head down, curled under herself, knees basically at her face, fetal position wedged in the freezer. She's a giant prawn. She's a little giant prawn. Little giant?

Well, you know, because she's just little. So what happened? I'm five foot. So I moved the chicken thighs, climbed in. Oh, fuck me! I moved the chicken thighs, climbed in. Oh, fuck me. I moved the chicken thighs. Oh, God. Climbed in and after a lot of tugging

and leaving a chunk of her hair frozen to the bottom. Oh, fuck. Yeah. We managed to free her and assisted her into the dried goods section to warm up so she got out you put her in a big bowl of rice get all the moisture out of her

you don't do it too early but after a while we went and took her to the rotisserie section and she just lay on the glass and she was stood up right again in no time oh god lover fuck me we took her to the tried cut section

it says it says here just as well just at the end sorry we never told the lady this, but two freezers down was a full freezer of chicken breast, which could have avoided the whole thing. And Jess has put at the end, I will happily send you chapter three in a few days.

However, I'm not sure if it's too far for even the smile listeners. No, I will be the judge of that, Jess. Send it. But it's just named, so it's just saying, I will leave it at you guys to decide so I'll read it in chapter three

what did I lick absolutely so that's next send that now thank you Jess bit and audio waste of our time with that freeze I won now

I'm joking what did I lick Jess can I say Jess is now officially our first friend of the show friend of the show happy to have you Jess

happy to have you and all the paramedics out there disclaimer well all the paramedics out there well all the paramedics out there you will know that that is that is a true story

because I've got friends who are paramedics and I've heard question from the paramedics medics medics

paramedics we should have a section of question from the paramedics oh we could do question from the medical professionals medical professionals yeah I've got friends who are paramedics.

I know people who are paramedics and the stories are just phenomenal. It's why there's TV shows about it. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? And I don't think they delve deep enough to be totally honest with you. I mean, that poor lady.

They wouldn't have filmed that. In the freezer. And just like that, we've come to the end of another episode. Thank you for listening. Apologies that we are disgusting. We're of another episode thank you for listening apologies that we are disgusting we're getting worse

honestly we're getting worse what can I help myself I can't honestly it's I don't know I just get I love stories

that make us laugh but also make us disgusted same I love it I don't know what it is if you still like it it's not wall to wall like that with the podcast

we had the bit at the beginning where we didn't talk about bodily fluids so that was good that one little section if anything it like it it's not wall to wall like that with the podcast we had the bit at the beginning where we didn't talk about bodily fluids so that was good that one little section if anything it's when the public get involved can I just say

I agree so you've only got yourselves to blame you are disgusting but we do love you and thank you and if you want to get in touch to send her anything

please shagmarionoid at gmail.com my tour my 2020 tour is still on sale it's Rosie it's nearly sold out like

it is very nearly sold out. It's close to being 100% sold out, which has never happened in my entire career. I'm so excited and happy. And the podcast helped a lot. So thank you so much to me for doing a podcast. And you guys for listening. Right, us.

And you're hosting the one show tonight. Oh yeah, if you listen to this on Friday, I'm guest host on the one show tonight. Oh yeah. If you listen to this on Friday, I'm guest hosting the one show. Alex Jones is back. I think she's just had a baby. So she's coming back and I'm hosting it with her Friday night. So tune in and watch that.

That'll be good. There will be no talk of urine or sick or any of that. What? It'll be clean Chris. Clean Chris. Fingers crossed. You'll not bloody recognise him.

You'll not. But the two are on sale chrisramseycomedy.com slash gigs it's almost sold out which is amazing thank you so much London Hammersmith

Apollo is on sale now there's quite a few seats left for that it's about half sold because we did two Hackney Empires and I'm doing

the Apollo dream come true you're going to come was he ah see oh brilliant love yous Bye

Woody doodies in the night Woody doodies fight Woody doodies in the night Woody doodies never bite And who are you Mr Pooh I thought you were King Rudy Doody And who are you? Mr. Pooh! I thought you were King Rudy Doody.

No, we call him Mr. Pooh. Oh, great, Mr. Pooh now. My neighbor. I like that better, I think. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game.

And you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.