Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 49. Brace yourself

Episode Date: January 31, 2020

Episode 49 and there's a new Beef family member in town! As well as bringing you some exciting news The Ramsey's get nostalgic about childhood illness envy, they reveal their worst 3 course meals, they share the next Chapter from Jesse AND there is a celebrity question. Brace yourself! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com Hello, you're listening at Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Debbie Downer. Sorry, sorry, I mean Chris Ramsey, and my husband, Debbie Downer. Sorry, sorry.

I mean, Chris Ramsey, also known as Debbie Downer. Also known as Debbie Downer. Also known as Mr. Arsehole, who just makes me feel bad. Do you want to explain why you're a little bit upset? Well, I just put a few, I put my favorite song on, Celine Dion, I'm Alive, just to get us pumping for the podcast, making a coffee at the coffee machine. Had a little dance, had a little sing. Did a little harmonizing.

Harmonizing isn't the word. Harmonising is the word. You came back to the laptop absolutely screaming at the top of your lungs. You sounded like Celine Dion being tortured. That's offensive.

Right, yeah. That's cruel. It was very, are you calling me? It was, and I'm like, right, I'm happy that you're in a good mood

but this has actually given me a bit of a headache and put me in a bad mood. So that's what happened. So you want me to suppress myself no just so that you suppress yourself

no the bit over there at the coffee machine where you were dancing and singing that was absolutely lovely and I was dead happy and I was watching and thinking

look how happy she is you brought it back to the podcast studio out of tune and too loud wasn't out of tune take that back take that back

take that back I haven't sang out of tune for a long time. Well, I don't know if it was out of tune or not, but it didn't sound good. Very well. Didn't sound good at all. Welcome to the show, guys. Welcome to the show. It is episode 49.

49, Rosie. 49. 49. 49. And without further ado, a word from this week's actual sponsor. It's a sponsor. It's not another thing. It's our thing.

You know what? We'll tell you one from the start. Play the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle

We hope you like the jingle, jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap Jingle! Hello, welcome back. Yes, as my lovely colleague slash husband said Said colleague first It's kind of how it's going recently. We do have a bit of a sponsor this week. It's not what you might think.

It's not an advert. It is an advert. What should we do? Should we say it together? I'm enjoying this. Should we do it after three? I'm enjoying this suspense. I'm enjoying the suspense for everyone.

Should we talk about something else for an hour? No, we need to tell them what we've been up to and what we're doing and what we are planning yes to release to release fluids everywhere lick them they're dripping lick them no do you want to say rosie i'll let you say it's a big moment for you what we're doing chris and i are currently writing a book. We're writing a book, guys. We're writing a book. Fantastic. Yes, we are writing a book.

Shagged, Married, Annoyed, the book is going to be out in September of this year. And that's why me and the chocolate quill at Chidpig have been in a little office together. Sharing an office for a while now. For a month sharing an office. Very excited. Very excited. Because haven't people been mad? Honestly, your followers are nuts. a while now for a few for a month a month yeah sharing office very excited very excited because haven't people been met you're honestly your followers are are nuts like when you're ill and you're not on instagram the like message you go like where are you what you're doing yeah didn't

someone go why you're in an office what is up what you're doing but we can tell you now we're writing a book you guys asked we have responded yes we're very excited to be doing it it's going to be we don't have the information in front of us because we are... We're book writers now. We're not like... Yeah, we're creators, guys. We don't advertise.

We don't know this stuff. But it's going to be available to pre-order today. It'll be now. Yeah, it'll be available now on Amazon. When you listen to this now. And all the other book places. And it's just an extension of the podcast. Yeah.

So it's different questions, different things we've been asked. We're going to a lot more depth on certain things. We'll kind of write bits each. an extension of the podcast. Yeah, so it's different questions, different things are being asked. We're going to a lot more depth on certain things. We'll kind of write bits each. So we actually, we've still managed to keep the kind of arguing with each other theme.

It's just on paper form. Rosie argues in one font, I argue in the other. It's lovely. We hope you like it. It's currently, it doesn't come naturally to me. It comes very naturally to you. It doesn't come as naturally to me. So I just hope hope you like it. It's currently, it doesn't come naturally to me. It comes very naturally to you.

It doesn't come as naturally to me. So I just hope you all enjoy it. I'm sure you will. My English teacher will literally be like, what? I'm sorry, Miss Jackson. This one's for you. Was she called Miss Jackson?

She was genuinely called Mrs. Jackson. Yeah, she was dedicated. I'm going to write a little, I'm going to dedicate it to Mrs. Jackson. Give her a blurb. I will. Give her a bloody blurb in the front. She'll shit her pants. Yeah?

Because I didn't do great at school. No? So, no. Well, you know, life's about improvement. You've improved on. Yeah. You're writing a book. Do you know what?

Do you know what's happened? Last year, you got a job, podcaster. This year, author. Hey. Oh, shit in the bed. Hey. I'm an author. Hey. I'm an author author you're just joining on the clap of yourself there yes but i can't quite i can't believe it myself so very excited hope you guys pre-order it hope you really enjoy it we're gonna we're pouring a lot into it no ghost writers inside i don't even know what a ghost writer is to be totally honest with you

my friend said that i've never seen it i've never seen a ghost writer i don't want to see one no honestly i'd be terrified i think they just wear white cloaks and read all day I've never seen one. My friend said that. I've never seen a ghostwriter. I don't want to see one. No. Honestly, I'd be terrified. I think they just wear white cloaks and read all day. My friend said that. I was like, oh, got a book deal. Yeah.

And they were like, wow, that's amazing. They're like, so what happens? Like, you got a ghostwriter? I was like, what the fuck? No. I'm literally putting... That is like... My own best friend. That's like,

you're coming to my house for Christmas dinner. Yeah, you're getting a chef. No, I'm not. No, I'm not coming. I'm not going to bother. Not going to bother. But yeah.

Not that I've ever got a chef for Christmas Day, but you know what I mean. Are you cooking? I'm not coming. I would love a chef for Christmas Day. I'd love a chef for Christmas Day. Do you remember that story

when you got told? As a chef? Which one? We'd love a chef for Christmas Day. Do you remember that story we got told? Christmas Day is a chef. Which one? We got told a story about a gentleman, a famous gentleman. I don't know whether I should say his name, but anyway. No, I'm not. No, no, well, tell the story first and then I'll let you know. Okay, so this gentleman used to get a catering company

to come and do his Christmas dinner. And then when they were all finished, the dishes, he would just leave outside his front door and someone would come and pick them up. That wasn't a story we heard. That was, was it? I think a taxi driver told me.

Oh yeah, no, it is. Yeah, sorry. Oh God, I was just putting them here and sharing them.

Yeah, there, yeah, they just, yeah, they just put all the dirty dishes outside and they go and pick them up. That's the dream,

isn't it? Can you imagine? Joy of Christmas, isn't it? The joy of money, Chris, that's what that is. Not Christmas, the joy of disposable income? It's the joy of Christmas, isn't it? The joy of money, Chris. That's what that is. Not Christmas.

The joy of disposable income. It's the joy of money and having a company near you that offers that service. I'm sure it's not massively expensive. I'm sure it's not like the cost of a car. I'm sure it's having a company within where you live that actually does that. Can you imagine setting that company up in South Shields? Just like, we'll come do your Christmas dinner, leave all the plates outside.

Do you know what? There'd be another company selling plates that they'd nicked from that company that had left them outside. Oh, absolutely, yeah. It would be disgraceful. Do you remember when we were, my brother, was it my mum's flat or my brother's flat?

I can't remember. It was getting done out and they left the radiators outside while they were painting. Brother's flat. Brother's flat. They were painting the walls and they left the radiators outside while they were painting the walls. They took the radiators off, they'd left them outside in the backyard, they got nicked within an hour. Scrap men jumped over

the wall, unlocked the gate, carried all the radiators out. Bloody hell. Knobs. Anyway, back to the book. I had someone on my show when I had the Comedy Central show and I don't want to name them but it was someone who was like a reality star and they came on, i had someone on the on my show when i had the comedy central show and i don't want to i don't want to name him but it was someone who was like a reality star and they

came on they're sitting on the sofa and we're talking to them and they said oh yeah i'm writing a book yeah i'm writing a book and i was like oh great what's what's the book what's the book about he's like oh it's all me this and my life and all that stuff i was like oh great how's it going he's like well i don't even know because i'm sort of doing it with a ghostwriter and i was like you know you're not supposed to say so what does a of doing it with a ghostwriter. And I was like, you know, you're not supposed to say it. So what does a ghostwriter do exactly? A ghostwriter, so you don't admit you work. The sentence, I'm working with a ghostwriter, has only been said once.

And I think it was on that episode of my show. I had to take it out. Amazing. A ghostwriter is when you go, I've written this, guys. But a ghostwriter has written it. But you don't mention the ghostwriter. So could we get somebody to write this for us? Yeah, but what would be the point in that?

Are you kidding us? I'm stressed a bit. I did not move your desk into my office for the good of me health. Right? I didn't buy you an extra little chair for our office. I didn't get rid of my sofa bed in my office for the good of me health. You love it. Rosie, I have took Lego from a shelf and given it to Robin so you could have a shelf

above your desk. Wow. And I haven't done it and I'll say it one more time for the good of my health. You definitely haven't done it for the good of your health. Listen,

Shag My Divorce will be the book after. That's a sequel. After this one. Yeah, that'll be good. Yeah, so guys,

we're going to be banging on about it quite a lot because we want it to be successful. Like, you want stuff to be banging on about it quite a lot because we want it to be successful like you want stuff to be successful so get ready for a lot of book chat

want to get that best sellers thing can I just say as well sharing an office I can fully talk about it now your office etiquette needs some work excuse me

yeah yeah needs some work the amount of food the amount of food that is consumed in that office oh we talked about this last week i'm excited to be at work eating dinner it's just do you know somebody messaged

and said they call it el desco el desco when i have the dinner at the desk oh instead of alfresco brilliant um el desco not alda it's a just wanted to clarify they've changed both bits of it they've changed both bits of it to El doesn't work as wordplay tell them they're stupid erm I

Nobs Nobs is my new word this week El stupid O actually El Nobo now you keep bringing food in

like microwaved like Weight Watchers meals and stuff that just stink you had an egg salad in there the other day that was horrible um also something i never um had to experience when the sofa was there and not your desk um no one ever turned around and said i'm doing an insta story can you get out and i've just gotta i got to stand up and leave my own office sometimes sometimes mid-sentence

I'm like tapping away and it's like oh Chris I'm doing an interstitial can you get out it's weird with you sitting in the background so I have to get out it's true

dick and then and then because we've had all of the stuff on the wall all of the book ideas I've had to like crop them out of videos it's bloody ridiculous I'm glad the secret's out now to book ideas, I've had to like crop them out of videos. It's bloody ridiculous.

I'm glad the secret's out now to be honest because I've been crippled with this book anxiety. I don't like having secrets. But we are enjoying doing it and some lovely stuff's coming up and while going through we're finding even more great questions for the podcast so listen, if you've got a specific

book question, because we haven't finished writing yet, if you've got a specific book question that could be haven't finished writing yet, if you've got a specific book question that could be based on the book that you think would be better for that, email shagbrownyandnaughty at gmail.com and just put book in the subject and we'll have a look for that. Last thing I'm going to say about the book. Oh God, will you shut up about the book? No.

Obviously, hope it goes really well. Hope a lot of people buy it. Do you think that we would ever be on Richard and Judy's, like, you know how Richard and Judy have a book club? Right. And I see it in WH Smith quite a lot. Do you think we'd ever be on Richard and Judy's, like, you know how Richard and Judy have a book club? Right. And I see it in WH Smith quite a lot. Do you think we'd ever be on there? Richard and Judy still have a book club.

Mm-hmm, they do. But they don't have a show. Yeah, but just them two, they, like, read loads of books and review, and they have this thing, specific thing, it's in WH Smith, where it's their book club, and they, like, put them, like, rank them one, two, three.

Do you think we would be in that? Really? Well, I mean, we might be. I doubt it. But I'm going to say right now, I'm throwing the gauntlet out here right now, if rank them one, two, three? Do you think we would be in that? Really? Well, I mean, we might be. I doubt it. But I'm going to say right now, I'm throwing the gauntlet out here right now. If we're not, eh? It's because they feel threatened.

I don't think it's... Oh! I don't think it would be because of that. Oh, Richard! Put a book down! Come and fire! There's no one there. There's nobody there.

I don't think they would enjoy the book. No? There's like a full chapter about come. I haven't think they would enjoy the book. No? There's a full chapter about cum. I haven't written this chapter. I may have written this chapter. You've written a chapter about cum? Possibly, yes. Oh, for God's sake.

Say goodbye to that Sunday Times bestseller sticker. Jesus. Can't wait. Can't wait, guys. Can't wait. Read a little bit of this book. Look for it in the highbrow fiction section. Yeah.

Sorry, Dad. So it's available for pre-order now. And weirdly, and this is irritating, but you don't pay. If you pre-order it now, you don't pay. You'll not pay until it's released. That's a good thing. Go crazy. Get drunk.

Pre-order 20 of them. Be great. Yeah. Can't wait. Right, shall we show up about it now? Yeah. Bye. Bye. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. What have you been up to then this week? pre-order 20 of them be great yeah can't wait right shall we shut up about it now yeah bye what have you been up to

then this week well something extremely exciting happened this week what Robin got his bag mixed up at nursery so twice it happened my mum did it

picked up the wrong bag because to him and a little boy called Joshua got the same bag at school nursery sorry and then your mum and dad did it again

so I had to write two notes I had to write I had to wash Joshua's clothes twice at school, nursery, sorry. And then your mum and dad did it again. Yep. So I had to write two notes. I had to write two, I had to wash Joshua's clothes twice. Yep. Put them back in the bag. And it just reminded us, I mean, obviously it was very irritating,

but what can you do? We've given him a different bag. It's just a grandparent's. It'll be fine. It's just stupid. It had his name on the front, literally had his name written on the front. Yeah.

Stupid. But so it just reminded us of something and I don't think I've spoke to you about this. When I used to work in schools in nurseries, right? And I'm not joking you. And I think a lot of like teachers or teaching assistants

or nursery nurses will agree with this. I ended up knowing the children in my class by smell. That's really creepy. It's weird, isn't it? But it's true. So if a child if they were found

like a cardigan or something I'd be like how pass it here and I'd sniff it and I'd be like Jesus Christ

George that's I just I guarantee you've just said you'd said ask other nursery teachers I guarantee

you're the only one that's ever done that I know I won't be did anyone okay did anyone else in the nursery have that ability yeah bollocks yeah i promise you sorry did any other

humans in the nursery have that ability i'm not talking about the class dog it was the rabbit yeah um no i swear swear truth wow hashtag truth wow so i would know all the kids by the smells and i'd be like yeah that's alicia Alicia. Wow. Mm-hmm. Wow. See, for me, it was just the grandparents just seemed to do things. Like, I don't know what they're busy doing. Like, I've said this about your mum for ages. My mum and dad do it as well. What are they busy doing at the time that makes them fuck up the thing that they're doing so much?

I don't know. Like, your mum does something like she's always on her way to doing something else. That's what I find, like. Well, Sandra walked Robin home from her house to our house and he had his boots on the wrong feet and he walked all the way home. He did. Timberlands as well.

Like, Velcro Timberland fucking boots. Not like flimsy trainers that you could manoeuvre around your feet. The wrong feet they were on. She would have had to struggle to get them on. But why he didn't know, I mean, well, he's ridiculous. Well, I mean, he said nothing.

That's absolutely... I'm really proud of him for not saying anything that wouldn't have been me as a kid that would have been me crying my eyes out I'm here feed did I ever tell you

about when I was on a promenade walking with me mum and dad when I was a kid what have I told you about this I might have done it in my stand up years ago

was it Barry Barry no no it wasn't that it was that was the same holiday so I had like little plimsoll things on. I mean,

my mum and dad would always make us walk. They'd always be like, go for a nice walk in like the blistering heat on holiday when I just wanted to play at the pool with the friends I'd made. So we'd always walk along the... I forgot,

I keep, what a lonely little child you were. I don't know, I didn't have any friends. Oh, babe, honestly. And we're walking along the promenade and I was like, my feet are hurting.

And they were like, no way, no, you keep walking, keep walking. I was like, no. And I was like screaming, crying, seeing my feet were hurting. And they were like, no way, no, you keep walking, keep walking. I was like, no, and I was like screaming, crying, saying my feet were hurting and they were like,

no, it's just a bit further and they made us walk the whole way, like it's a 20 minute walk and then I got away, got away it was and my mum was like,

right, take your shoe off, took my shoe off and actual blood poured out of my shoe. What, blister? No,

it was like a little, have you ever seen them on holiday? They're really small. You get them on trees over here I think but mainly I've seen them on holiday. They're like, it's almost like a little pyramid like a spike spike yeah yeah

but there's like it's like a three-way point well one two three four like a four-way point you're in a pyramid shape and uh yeah there was one like in my heel and it was blood actually actual blood poured and dropped from the shoe onto the floor and i was like, see, I told you. And I dined out on that shit for so long. Robin has a bit of that as well. Robin has a little scab on his knee and a tiny little scab on his hand and he had to have a bath the other night

with his leg and his arm out the bath. Almost, can I say, I was just going to throw him in the bath and say, your scab will be fine. You went to get a plastic bag to wrap around his hand. You panned out of it. No, but the thing is,

I can't be arsed with the hassle. I just push him in. I go, look, is it wet? Are you wet? Is it fine? It's fine. Why are you worried? But he's enjoying.

We've talked about this before. I kind of weirdly understand where he comes from because I always wanted something wrong with us when I was a kid. You did, didn't you? We were told about this.

We were told it's the idea. You were jealous of your sister. Tell them what you told me jealous of your sister this is you tell them what you told me the other day about what your sister had in her bedroom that she never wore but you wore all the time

guys brace yourself this is minging how old were you like 15 14 I thought you were younger that's amazing

go on then how old was I I can't remember no maybe she was 15 and there's like two year nine month between us. So I was like 13, 12, 13. So yeah, my sister had a brace

and she used to keep it at the side of her bed but she never wore it to the point where now she actually wants a fixed brace because it didn't correct her teeth when she was younger. And yeah, when she wasn't looking

I'd put it in and I'd keep it in for like, for hours. And it hurt, didn't't it it really hurt because it didn't fit and it wasn't set to my teeth but i used to just be like hi you know what you actually give yourself you actually give yourself an anti-brace like a reverse brace oh yeah it cut my mouth a few times but you were jealous you were jealous I was jealous of her brace. I was, honestly, as a kid, a stupid kid, I was, same as you, I was jealous of inhalers. Oh, my God.

Oh, I'd have loved an inhaler. Honestly. I would have loved an inhaler. And it's literally like the worst thing. It's like these people who have inhalers, they need it to help them breathe. Like if you've seen someone on an asthma attack, it's the most terrifying thing ever.

But I was like, oh oh I'd love one of them that little toy you carry around with you it's like for god's sake I used to do and have a few puffs with me friends or zines

I did dead cold have you ever done one no I've never done one oh I always used to be on hers I'd be like she'd do it

and I'd be like how are you and I'd be next level and it's really cold so you were a bit jealous of that right next level

and she had one of them corn things I was just about to say I was just about to say did you ever go to someone's house and see them use the big corn

oh yeah but you were gutted were you do you remember at school sometimes when people had to go a few kids had to go take tablets

or something they had to get taken out of the class and be like right come on gotta go to the nursery medication I'd be like

oh I'd die inside just going I want to go I want an eye oh I'd die inside just going I want to go I want an eye patch I want a broken cast bone whatever

do you know what I always wanted so jealous do you know what I always wanted what I always wanted a school time dentist appointment yeah

those were the dream we always my mum always took me after school we'd finish school and she'd go you're going to the dentist and I'd be like

well mum just book it for during the day I know everyone else goes I want to be picked up and loaded out of class like just going to the dentist I want to hand the teacher

a note I want to come in late and hand the teacher a note and walk to me desk just go and have the morning off bitches now it ever happened to me nothing ever

I was just this is a lady currently complaining about being too healthy oh it's ridiculous I mean it's awful and I would and I think weirdly

now that Robin since Robin lost his teeth as a mother I'm like oh my god I hope nothing else happens to him but I mean

I'd have been jealous of that a girl in my class I'd have been jealous of someone getting their teeth knocked out on a bike yeah

an old girl I went to school with when we were at school Claire Cowie, we were playing tag in the yard and a boy jumped on her back. She fell over and she knocked her teeth out. Honestly, there was blood everywhere. Had to go home.

She had loads of dentist appointments. I was livid. I was like, that could have been me. I was livid. No one ever jumps on my back. Here I am, bearing me back for everyone to see. Come on.

Showing them the goods take a chance good god now it happened I used to wear glasses there I always wanted glasses same so then

when I was for me it wasn't the sorry for me it wasn't the glasses it was and I just want to see if it was the same for you there

it wasn't the fact that they were wearing the glasses it was the fact that they had the little case and the bits to get out and the little yeah the little cloth to wipe them with and that and i was like for me to mine got contact lenses when contact lenses first came out i was in year eight sitting next to him year eight or year nine sitting next to him in mass and he got uh he got his contact lenses out and he had like the spray solution for them and all of this nice full like

medical kit like fucking breaking bad on his table i remember thinking oh yeah i know some kids get all the look but realistically he couldn't see without them and i'm like oh you've got toys to play with it's ridiculous well when i was 18 and i worked at ponton's made me friends here a badger and when we used to go out we bought a pair of glasses and we took the lenses out so they didn't have any lenses when we used to go out we bought a pair of glasses and we took the lenses out so they didn't have any lenses but we used to wear them like fashion wow

fashion things so you what was that when you were 18 so you you actually were the first ever hipsters a little it was at the time do you know the

do you know that band it was like all the things you said all the things you said ran up through my head ran up through my head no it was in our tutu or whatever

this is not enough the one you were singing was Evanescence you said running through my head running through my head no it's not to do or whatever this is not enough the one you were singing was Evanescence oh what am I thinking of I think the other

oh no the two girls no no you're right they were called sorry the one I'm thinking of is wake me up

wake me up I can't wake up can't wake up inside save me save me from this nothing I love them as well

sorry they were Evanescence leave my blood to rot I know what you're talking about you're talking about the two girls in the school

uniforms behind the chain link fence well that was a bit I had the tartan skirt the fake kind of glasses oh wonderful do you know what I'd

love to know I would actually love to know how many people just as listened to that there shouted nauseous right that's not Evanescence I wonder how many people were just and you know who you are if i'm talking to you i wonder how

many of you were just momentarily furious and then we fixed it yeah but we still don't know the name of that band i remember me to two to two oh i mean honestly i could i could i could don't care um a mate of mine uh when he first got a car, right, he had a... I've never seen it, and I've never seen one since. It was a Proton. What's that? I don't know.

That was the make, a Proton. Oh, the car? Yeah, yeah. I've never seen one before. It was this blue thing. It was minging. And he had, like, he got, like, a subwoofer in the back and stuff. Nice.

And he used to live on our estate, but then he moved away. And then he used to come back. When he got his car, he would drive back through from Ponteen into our estate. And a mate of mine had a free house. And every time for the whole week, every time he drove up, every single time he came in the cul-de-sac, he had all his windows down and he had, Wake me up, wake me up.

And he had that blaring every time. It was almost like he was a wrestler and it was his entrance music theme tune and i remember once and this is this has just come out as now it was one of the moments where i think back and i think that's when i realized i want to do comedy and like make people laugh what in um what in these in what in remit's house i had mtv2 on and he was there the lad and that song came on and i turned around i, you left your car on! And everyone was like... And it was one of the moments when I remember, and I was like, oh, yeah.

I like it a lot. I'm going to do this. Yeah. Well done. Just remember that from Norway. It's time for Watcha Beef. Hello, Chris. Ooh, who's this?

What's happening here? I know nothing about this. The name's Belinda. Barry's mother. Mother! I thought you were... You know what, Belinda? I thought you were his sister.

You look fantastic. Thank you very much. I just wanted to have a quick little word. Barry's not well. He said he couldn't come to the phone right now. Okay. He's actually really poorly. For anyone not knowing what's happening here,

Belinda's currently on what looks like a 60th cigarette of the day. 75th. Just wanted to say I'm loving the podcast. Really looking forward to the book. Oh, thanks, Belinda. Yeah, honestly, dead proud he is. Barry's not so supportive. No, thanks, beloved. Yeah, honestly, dead proud he is. Barry's not so supportive. No, it's not his thing, is it?

No, he's always been like that, Barry. He's always been like that. But I don't think he's got much longer. No? What? Honestly, oh, it's just near the end. Oh, you're joking. But he said, could Rosie come and visit him? No.

Just for one last night of passion. I said I'd ask anyway, alright? So let's get this straight now. Barry's not well, and he wants one last night of passion with my wife. Yeah. And he sent his mum to ask for that. Listen, you might not understand, but you know us beefs, we stick together. And I don't

mind sorting a little bit of hunky-punky out for me boy. Do you know what I mean? If you could just let her know and tell her to send us a letter. Tell her to come round and knock. All right, I will do that.

It's the 25th flat-up. She knows where it is. She's been a few times. She was here last... Oh, I mean... Nothing, Chris. Just tell her that. Is there a lift?

Because I don't think she'll be up there. There's no lift. Just steps. Just steps. 9,000 steps. And you smoke. I used to.

Haven't for a while. It's a vape. Oh, okay. Right, Chris. Alright. I'll see you later, It's a vape. Oh, okay. Right, Chris. I'll see you later, pet. Okay, bye. Alright, love you. Bye.

Why do you love us? Big fan. Oh, that was eye-opening, wasn't it? Who was that? Oh, I don't know. Who could that have been? I was just on the toilet. Oh, right,'t I didn't hear

it was a wrong number alright no worries what we doing now oh fuck me what is your beef you married an actress I married a comedian you married an actress

I feel like you were channelling a bit of you know in Back to the Future 2 Marty's old mam I love her you were channeling a bit of her there

yeah I got a bit of that yeah yeah my fly yeah it's really really good thank you okay beefs

beefs what's your beef do you know what Chris I've got a few really I have got a few so far bring it on

I'm not scared I'm not scared I'm not scared at all I honest to god hand on heart swear down on the bane, thought we'd have run out by now,

but our marriage is the gift that keeps on giving. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I've got a few. I'm going to do... Oh, shit, which one? It's always nice. It's always nice to see your wife flicking through the extensive beefs in her phone.

Could I do two? Or should I save? Just save one. Just keep them up. Come on, man. Right, okay. We've got to keep this shit going every week. Kidding, isn't it?

This week, because there's one that's amazing, i can't believe which one do you want right pick do you want the one that i can't believe i haven't mentioned this yet because i hate it that much yes or do you want the one that happened this week which was really hurtful oh first one hurtful i don't like hurtful i don't want the first one okay well i can't believe that i haven't said this but i absolutely detest the way that you put your pin code into the machine right where your card is right i hate it why because you cover up and you stand over it and you put your hand over it like there's 17 000 burglars standing beside you they'll always live your life like the 17 000 burglars standing beside you they'll always live your life like the 17 000 burglars standing beside you and you can't you can't go wrong it's really awkward to watch

yeah you like maneuver your body and i always feel sorry for the person on the counter oh yeah what when they're trying to cop a fucking look i feel sorry for them as well look i'll take it i'll take another stance you know i'm gonna start just for you just for you and you've brought this on yourself just for you when i'm with you've brought this on yourself just for you when I'm with you I'm going to start looking at them and go can you look away please I am

honestly I am I already want the world to swallow me up it's that it's that obvious you literally like

you manoeuvre your full body and you cover it with one hand over the top and put it in sometimes I use my wallet sometimes I cover my wallet yes

oh god you do. You cover it with your wallet where you are, Chris. Right. Seriously, mate. Listen to me right now. Listen to this, guys, right? News flash.

News flash for you. It's not the people standing around you, right? This is my tip, right, for avoiding fraud. It's not the people standing around you, right? It's not the people behind you.

It's not the person behind the counter. It's not the people in the cube behind you. It is the people you've got to look out for. It's the the people standing around you, right? It's not the people behind you. It's not the person behind the counter. It's not the people in the queue behind you. It is the people you've got to look out for. It's the people who have access to the security cameras, right? Who could just turn a little security camera and just have it looking at the PIN code on one of the machines.

They can't see. Well, then how would they get you? They've got to get your card. They could. Are you kidding us? I could walk outside. They could bump into us. Oh, sorry, mate.

Pickpocket it. Real hustle. They take it out. Or they go bump into us, ooh, sorry mate, pickpocketed, real hustle. They'd take it out. Or they'd go outside and go, what's the time mate? And I could look at me, watch,

and they could punch us in the nose and they could take my wallet. Or they'd go, I've got to shiv you. I'm Barry Beef, I'm going to Barry Beef you. They'd get me caught

and then that's that. So I'm sorry and all that. Can I just tell you that Barry isn't actually that aggressive, he's not physical. Okay, good, good. We'll make sure you say that, he's funeral because it sounds like he hasn't got that aggressive. He's not physical. Okay, good. Good.

Well, make sure you say that. He's funeral because it sounds like he hasn't got long left. Yeah, that's why. And I'm sorry it annoys you, but now what you've done is you've opened up the next can of, I'm literally going to say, can you turn away, please? In fact, I'm not even going to say you can turn away.

I'm going to make it even worse. I'm going to go, can you close your eyes? Oh, please. Chris, it's horrible to be around. You don't want to go to the shops this afternoon no I do not come on I'm rubbing my hands

do you know what's funny now anyone who's listening who might possibly work in a shop that we go in they're going to be like yeah he does do that yeah but also can I just say

people listening a lot of people will be going yeah I do that as well it's all me money like if I wouldn't if I wouldn't carry all of me put it this way

I wouldn't carry all me money around in a clear carrier bag holding it so everyone could see it. So I'm not going to risk anyone seeing me pin. I've got here,

do you think this would work? Right? Say that was happening to you and somebody from the camera has seen what number you were putting in because they were like, had the best eyesight

in the world. Seen it. That's how the cheat on Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, that's how he cheats. He looks on the little camera and he sees his card,

sees he's, they're playing poker, he's lifting the card up, he and he sees his card. He sees he's playing poker. He's lifting the card up. He thinks he's hiding it from himself. There's a camera behind looking under and they see it and Hatchet Harry

gets all the money. I don't know how poker works. He does all the betting. All in blind. That's all I know about poker. Do you think, I'm just thinking here, do you know if you were being robbed

and somebody was wanting to steal your card, could you, if you were brave enough, get your card out and just snap it in front of them be like there you go what are you gonna do well yeah i mean i think that's the quickest way to turn a a robbery into a murder do you think yeah okay i'll swallow it i've often thought that i that's really weird i think we have the same level of arseholery for certain situations i've often thought that if i was walked along so it's

if i'm walking along with car keys i I'm in the it happens when I'm in the train station car park if it's at night I think what if someone comes up and goes give us your car keys what if I just turned and threw them on the train tracks

and was like what are you going to do that's what I would do I feel like they would just kick me head in I've usually got my car keys I've got a key in between my fingers

like that though like a little Wolverine yeah it was me nana me nana I've just remembered something amazing me nana Bridget like a little Wolverine. It was me Nana. Me Nana. I just remembered something amazing. Me Nana Bridget,

when she's like 82 now, when she was a little bit younger, say about 10 years ago, she used to walk home or whatever, and it wouldn't be late, but it would be like six, seven o'clock. She used to have a little screwdriver in her bag, right? So she had it in her pocket. Fantastic.

Shields Nana for you. A little screwdriver. She had two purses. one of them was fake and she'd wrote a little note inside saying suckers fantastic and i've just remembered that is wonderful so she had a decoy purse she had a decoy purse with a note in saying suckers that was it so you should give them the purse oh no i'm just no lady they'd run away they'd read suckers they'd come back you should give them the purse oh no I'm just an old lady they'd run away they'd read suckers they'd come back they'd get a screwdriver

in their face yeah fucking British just in that order absolutely wonderful patter love that I totally forgot

that's a shields nana for you right there I carry me screwdriver hey look hey I'll fix your remote control or I'll stab you up your choice it's your choice

god lover this Friday you must be very careful Margaret It's your choice. God love her. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's the girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's her. You know, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. I know the story. What story? Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for

the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st,

people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. My beef with you this week is

you leave things, minging things, in the fridge to the point of where they're almost crawling out of the fridge to go to the bin. They go out of date. And that's fine.

People do that by accident all the time. You will open the fridge. You will look at a tupperware of a chicken carcass that we've almost picked bare. You'll go, oh, chicken's probably out of date now you'll then

close the fridge and leave it there it'll stay there so i'll i'll then go into the fridge and see the chicken and think on it and have to remember i'll say to you is that chicken you got an art out of date i think right okay then no let's finish you'll then go of course you can finish you'll then go right like a can finish you'll then go right like a normal human you'll go i better put that in a bit right i'll get all these out you did it yesterday you got the chicken you got some other nondescript took away of something you'd half finished casserole great you put them on the bench on top of the bin and that's the next port of call you complained about this before the next little holiday no no i not. Because what you do is you put them there, the cold stuff, you put it there,

just until it gets to room temperature so it starts to smell a bit, then you throw it in the bin. I've got a process. It's horrendous. It's like it takes you three steps. Well, I'm sorry, right? Why is it my responsibility to clear out the fridge? You ate that chicken as well.

It was your casserole and I hadn't touched that chicken. The last person who touched it, that's who deals with it. That's bullshit. I cooked it. You should chuck it away. So you cooked it. So it's your fault? No.

But we both ate that chicken. I ate the breast. And can I just tell you. You're the one who picks it up and gets the soggy bits off the bottom. They're the best bits. Can I just tell you as well. The fridge at the minute is like just a cold bin. What do you mean so i know that it needs to go in the bin but it's just keeping cold in there and i think right well

when do i need to empty the bin so sometimes the bin's not like it's not full at all so i think right when it gets a bit fuller then i'll do it and it's like a little process so actually would you get off my okay well well well's fine. Explain leaving them on the counter. I've got other stuff to do. Leave them in the fridge then. I'm not bothered about them being in the fridge. Clearly you are. It's the getting them out onto the counter.

It's like in the fridge, they're out of sight, out of mind. And you get them out and you put them on the counter and you go, there's that out of day chicken there, Chris. Just look at that while you're going about your day. Honest to God. You need to get a life. Yeah, tell you what. Hate you.

Oh. Can we just, just before we go you need to get a life. Yeah, tell you what. Hate you. Oh. Can we just, just before we go on to questions from the public, just wanted to let everyone know that I'm really, really trying, really hard not to swear as much anymore, because Sandra had a word with us. I know,

she did, didn't she? Sandra had a word, she was like, Rosie, the swearing makes us just go, and I get it, but like,

at the same time, I fucking love swearing Sandra it's called shagged married annoyed what were you expecting I think she was just expecting like

not not like swearing loads but anyway so I'm really trying I've done quite well I said flipping earlier on when there's three words

in the title of your podcast and one of them's a swear word is it a swear word shagged I feel a bit shagged today yeah I've just been shagged today. Yeah. I've just been shagged. I mean, one of them is definitely definitely,

and the other one's a bit, but the second one is I've just... Who's ever said the sentence, I've just been shagged? Mate, are you kidding me? Have you read the emails? Loads of people will have used the sentence, I've just been shagged.

I've just been shagged. I've just been shagged. Sorry about me hair, I've just been shagged. Oh, God. Ramsey, you're late. Sorry, sir, I've just been shagged. Good for you. It's time for questions from the public.

Questions from the public. Questions from the public. Where's the... Questions from the public. Some lovely questions. Always. As always, if you want to get in touch,

it is shaggedmarydenoid at gmail.com. Send us your thoughts, your hopes, your prayers, your dreams, your sexy stories, your scary stories,

your sickening stories. And also, if you have got any actual book input that you'd like, I'm not asking you to write a chapter. Ghostwriters, beware. I'm saying if you want to give something specifically for the book, if it's a longer question, if it's something, a massive topic you want me to discuss, let me know. Shagmoundinordy at gmail.com. Put book or podcast or whatever you want in the subject. We'll find it.

I'll be honest with you we'll just search for keywords yeah starting off with a really highbrow question here I'll believe it when I see it

but carry on so hello Rosie and Chris my question to you is based off of a bizarre thing my husband to be

stands by a few years ago we were out with a few of his friends they often talk about bizarre shit but this one has been a reoccurring conversation to be stands by. A few years ago, we were out with a few of his friends. They often talk about bizarre shit, but this one has been a reoccurring conversation between them. They, as a group,

or five or six, all agreed that they, and I quote, put their dicks to bed. Right. Oh my gosh, are you relating to this? No, I'm not. I'm trying in my head.

My brain's going crazy. I'm trying to think what they're talking about, but yeah, carry on. Right. I was gosh, are you relating to this or not? No, I'm not. I'm trying in my head. My brain's going crazy. I'm trying to think what they're talking about, but yeah, carry on. Right. I was obviously confused by this, so made the mistake of asking them to explain. They told me that this is when a boy pulls the stretchy skin off his ball sack

to cover the majority of his penis. That is ridiculous. Well, I'm going to keep going. No way. So since this conversation, my partner has asked several other men about this that is ridiculous well I'm gonna keep going no way so since this conversation my partner has asked several other men about this and all but one has agreed that they have done this with the one who hadn't seeming keen to try

that is bollocks there's no way my question to you Chris is do you ever put your dick to bed I'm really sorry dear listener I love you so much

but I'm going to have to get Rosie to explain that again the boy pulls the stretchy skin of his ball sack right to cover the majority

of his penis so it's like they are using the loose skin of his ball sack to cover the majority of his penis. So it's like they are using the loose skin of the ball to tuck their penis into bed. From the bottom up? I don't know. How low are these bloke's balls hanging? What's going on? Pretty low balls.

How much spare skin have you got? I don't know. Oh. So you've never done that? Do you know anyone who's done that? No, I've never done that. And if I'm honest with you, if I woke up in the morning

and my dick was somehow wrapped in my ball skin, I'd phone an ambulance. It'd be like, you know when, I don't know whether we're meant to say it, we should say this because he's already going to kill us when he's older,

but you know when Robin goes to the toilet and I've had to teach him to like untuck his willy because he'll just wee and it'll just like go on the front and I'm like, it just goes everywhere. It's like a sprinkler. It's stuck to your balls.

Yeah. So yeah, she just said, I told my partner I would write in and asked if he would prefer being kept anonymous, but he is so confident that he is in the majority that he would probably put his name to it. So that's from Francesca, who's the fiance, and Jack, the man who puts his dick to bed from South Wales

there's absolutely I refuse to believe this is a thing but I look forward to the emails and messages let's try it later on let us both of us well I'd like to watch this is horrible I'll sing a little lullaby

go to sleep little tiddler close your eye little tiddler just the one I don't think that is a possibility I don't think that's a thing and if anything it makes us feel

it gives us a slight panic attack the idea of being that restricted how much ball skin you've got if you're tucking your knob into your ball skin I think you need to go to't know at all how how much ball skin you got if you're talking you're not if you're tucking your knob into your ball skin i think you need to go to the doctors you've got too much ball skin what's going on get some ball skin removed i'm sorry i've said ball skin so many times can you what do you want for teeth now ball skin all right um uh can you remember your cousin which will one? We'll not name him.

Got like 25. We'll not name him. You know which cousin I mean. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's a young lad. Uh-huh. Chris just made a move, and I recognise that. I know who it is.

I did a visual impression of the cousin. Uh-huh. Can you remember when a guy he plays rugby with injured himself down there? Can you remember this story? Oh gosh, I don't know if I want to know. So this guy, he's apparently a big lad, he's playing rugby

and he got an injury in his scrotum and one of his, I think it filled with fluid or something and his whole kind of sack grew like twice the size it was like it was like massive or maybe three four times the size it was huge like a like a small melon right and i had to get it he had to get it drained but what it is now is there's now just like loads of saggy ball skin right and your cousin told me they call it the bat wing, right? I can't remember this.

And what they do is they do shots out of it. No, they don't. I swear to God. I swear to God, they do shots out of it. Out of his empty ball sack. Well, the key here to the story is he did it playing rugby. You know what rugby lads are like. They'll drink each other's wee

and everything. The craziness, right? So it's literally like, come on, the way it was described to me, it'd be like they'd be drinking in someone's house ready to go out.

Come on away, let's do bat wing shots. Get the bat wing out. So he rips his pants down, gets his excessive ball skin, puts, I imagine he uses his hand on maybe an egg cup

to cause like a, and then they put a shot into the satin and then someone else takes a shot out of his ballskin. What does that do? What do they do? Bend down and just be like there and he puts it into their mouth? Yeah, I imagine that's the least of their worries.

He either stands on a chair or they get down on all fours. Oh my word. They get down on their knees and do it. Why are yous all disgusting? Don't you dare lump me in with that. I am merely the messenger. I'm sorry, but all of yous are gross. You know I

would never be that. I'm not that guy because I'd be the one standing there going, Dave, can I quickly use this wipe on your sack before I do it, please? Can I detol your sack, Dave, before I have a shot out of it? True story. Hi, how are you?

I'm fine. How is this person? This is my question. Weird. If you had to cook the worst three-course meal for each other, what would you cook? And then it says at the end, thanks for your time. Oh, this is good.

Okay. I've wrote mine out because I, obviously I did this, so I've got you a little three-course dinner ready to go. Okay, then. You do that first, and while you're doing that, I'll be thinking of mine. Do you want yours? Yeah. obviously I did this so I've got I've got you a little three course dinner ready to go okay then you do you do that first and while you're doing that I'll be thinking of mine

do you want yours yeah okay well I'd have like pork scratchings just as kind of horrendous yeah I hate them

also they've got to be good they've got to be thank you they've got to be real meal it can't just be I'm giving you like ants then dog shit no it's just

I know exactly what food you hate so it's got to be real food so you'd have is it like a little aperitif or whatever they're called? You'd have some pork scratchings. An aperitif's a drink. Do you mean an appetizer?

Yes, that's the one that I mean. Author. Author. Author. There's an author. Guys, the book's going to be horrific. I'm sorry. Literally being paid by Penguin to write a book.

And she can't speak. Doesn't know our words. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I'm so sorry. For a starter, I would serve you a large bowl of warm sweet corn

with the juice. Oh, nah. Horrific. For main, it would be mussels in a North Sea water broth

with actual seaweed from the beach. No, no. And I'd have on the side roll mop herons with pickled gherkins and also some frozen fish fingers. Just for chewing. And then your dessert would be

a plain flan. That is the worst. And the worst bit is you would happily eat all of that. All of it. That's my, I'd enjoy that. Bon appétit. Right, okay then. Caliorix-y.

Okay then, right. Off the top of my head, for you, I would have. Starter. Well, no, for a starter. Yeah, Well, no, for a starter. Yeah, yeah. No, for a starter. I kind of think of a little side dish to have. For a starter, just a big ball of buffalo mozzarella.

Really big ball of really creamy. Not even, sorry, not even buffalo mozzarella. Burrata, the really creamy, creamy one. Big ball of buffalo mozzarella. Burrata, the really creamy, creamy one. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Big bowl of buffalo mozzarella. For your main course, I would have genuinely that carbonara that they made you on... The cheese wheel.

The cheese wheel carbonara on Saturday Kitchen that made you almost vomit live on BBC One. That was bad. I don't think they were expecting me to actually say that. I thought it was disgusting. Yeah, no, you did, yeah. That was bad. I don't think they were expecting me to actually say that. I thought it was disgusting. Yeah. No, you did, yeah.

It was great. And for dessert, I would have... I like everything. This is hard. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just a big bowl of custard. Oh, I hate custard.

There we go. All right, okay. Fair enough. Disgusting. I'm going to vomit. I want my money back. As a namoo's bouche, just a little aperitif sort of food thing in between

to cleanse the palate in between each course. You would be having a warm, very warm, watery cheese sauce. Like a shot of it, out of that guy's bat wing. Oh!

Why bat wing? Horrors are horrible. So, Jess has been back in touch Oh my goodness Friend of the show We need to get her something Something needs to happen Hey Jess

Free copy of Shag Married Annoyed signed Coming to you Coming your way Jess I'll get her a Jess And I'll send it to her Everyone who knows us, guess what you're getting for Christmas this year? Eh?

A signed copy of Shag, Married, Annoyed. Boom. Cheap Christmas. There we are. That'll be cheap Christmas. So excited. Jess says, hey, wonderful people. Hope you are well.

Thanks for having me back on. Here is a chapter for you if you want to have a look. I've had a look and it's definitely appropriate for the show. Fantastic. So strap yourselves in. Let's go for it. We get called to a patient having a seizure. A middle-aged guy in bed.

A standard run-of-the-mill job. Or so we thought. Oh, no. We sorted out the patient and stopped him fitting. And once this was done, we attempted to gain a bit of history. Always important to find out the full facts of what has happened you know she's paramedic um but this is where it all unraveled we asked what had occurred and we were met by all four family members with a wall of deathly silence i looked at each of them and after what it felt

like an eternity the wife of the patient ushered out the kids and explained the truth. That evening, she and her husband had decided to get a bit Friday night frisky in the bedroom. They had waited for the kids to go to bed and in a tame Fifty Shades style, he had handcuffed his wife to the bed and placed on some nipple clamps. Things had progressed for the pair. However, it was at the point of penetration that the guy had his seizure on top of his wife, who was unable to move or get him off. Oh my word! Obviously concerned and marginally frantic, the wife tried desperately to get him to roll off.

But as he was on top of her and she had no use of her shackled limbs, she couldn't manage it. Oh my word! So she was left with no choice. The only people who could help at this point were her two teenage

boys. Oh! Oh! Oh, Jess. Are you ready? Wow. After shouting for help, in walked two blary-eyed boys to find their parents in this mortifying yet vulnerable position.

Oh, my God. There's a bit which is coming up which I just can't. Oh man. All right. Apparently, the mum initially had asked them to uncuff her, but they were unable to as the key was on a chain that was dangling between the nipple clamps. the nipple clamps which was inaccessible

due to the dad on top of that so these poor teenagers had to move their dad who was very naked erect and still technically inside of their mum

oh my god those boys I know still technically inside of their mum. Oh, my God. Those boys. I know. Oh, lads. Oh, if you're out there listening, I'm so sorry. It's bad, isn't it? Oh, man. And then to top it off and scar them further,

they had to see their mother in her full nude starfish glory shackled to the bed and remove the nipple clamps of her boobs in order to uncuff her and call us. Oh my word. Can you imagine how scarring this would be? I guarantee you right now

both those lads have moved to New Zealand. Do you think? You'd have to. 100%. You'd have to. How could you not? Wow. This is damaging.

Wow. Honestly, I'm lost for words. I'm shocked. I don't know what. I don't know what I would do. I once think that I heard my mum and dad, right? Yeah. And I don't even know if I actually did.

That was pretty bad. Bad enough actually did. That was pretty bad. Bad enough, yeah. That was bad enough. Good Lord. This is like another level. Should I keep going? There's more? No, there's not much more.

It's just for anyone who's worried and anyone who will message in going, what happened to the dad? Why are you making light of this? I know. Well, luckily for the dad, he had no recollection of the event. Oh, he's all great, aye?

Oh, well done, mate, aye? Well done. Oh, hey, hey. Deleted. Excellent. Why is our Ben so upset? Why can't the boys look us in the eye, Marge? Why can't they look us in the eye?

Why is the Ben sick every time he looks at your chest, Marge? Who are bogus? Why when I was out with the banes in the car the other day and the battery went flat in the car and I had to put the jumper cables on, why did they both burst into tears and try and run into traffic? Right, where was I? Hang on.

Poor lad. Teenage boys as well. Oh my god. Literally, I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you right now i'm telling you right now i will put money on the fact that they would have probably rather he just died instead of having to say that mom like would have rather you'd have just left him yeah like she was i'm so no he's absolutely the guy's fine the guy is completely fine he's fully recovered. No memory of it.

The mam did ask Jess for advice of what she should say to the boys, and Jess said, she'll be honest, she had absolutely nothing. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. God, yeah. Just move away. Divorce your family. Oh, man. Become a nun.

Oh, the poor lads. I know. Honestly, I feel like we should start some kind of I feel like I wish I knew who they were I think I'd do a benefit gig for them

go to GoFundMe page I would do a gig I'd do a benefit gig and give them all the money thank you Jess thank you so much Jess you are Jess keep it coming

honestly we love it we love it Jess you're the gift that keeps on giving we absolutely love you thank you so much thank you it's time for this week's

Celebrity question Celebrity question Now the call was answered Last week on the podcast We claimed that we didn't know Any more celebrities And what This is genuinely

What we wanted to happen A celebrity got in touch Yes Not just a celebrity Not just any celebrity Rosie you're very excited Who is it Scott from Five

Scott from Five I know Fan of the podcast He's been for a while now Yeah Absolutely lovely Celebrity Rosie, you're very excited. Who is it? Scott from Five. Scott from Five. I know. Fan of the podcast. He's been for a while now. Absolutely lovely that he listens. He's always on Twitter, saying different things about the podcast.

So here he is. Hi, Rosie and Chris. It's Scott Robinson from Boy Band 5 here. I'm doing my celebrity question. Now, the way this come about was I kind of thought to myself listening to the last podcast that run out of celebrities. Can I call myself loosely a celebrity? Maybe. Go for it.

So message Rosie privately on Instagram and said, here I am. If you want me to ask you a question, she said, go on then. She would love it. So I thought, great. if you want me to ask you a question. And she said, go on then. She would love it. So I thought, great.

So my question is, if you could pick any other profession in the world that you was at the top of your game at, that's not your own, you can't pick your own profession, what would it be and why? And I've got another question. Now, the reason why I've got another question is because you've got no other celebrities to ask, so I might as well just got another question. Now, the reason why I've got another question is because you've got no other celebrities to ask,

so I might as well just do another one. And the other one is, Rosie, this is just for you. If you could be a member of the Spice Girls, would you take the opportunity to be a member of the Spice Girls, but it comes at a price? You've got to dump one of the other Spice Girls out of the band to fit you in. Which Spice Girl would that be or would you not take the job to keep the original lineup i know you like the spy

skills i know that'll be a difficult one for you i'm gonna go now just got one more thing to say why would you lick something that was dripping from your ceiling? Disgusting. Can't get over that. It's disgusting. The stories from the public are absolutely brilliant. Love it. Love the podcast.

Keep up the good work. And Chris, me and my wife, Kerry, are coming to see your show. Make sure you are funny. That's it. Cheers, guys. Bye. Thank you, Scott. Can I just say,

dude, you're definitely a celebrity. You're Scott from Five. You were in Five. You were in Five. You were in my favourite boy band and it's very weird. Can I just say now, if this was then

and, you know, Slam Dunk the Funk had just come out and we're somehow sitting doing a radio show or a podcast and I hear that bloody Scott from Five has slid into your DMs, and he's sending questions just for you. Are you kidding me?

What? I'd be knocking on his door. 12-year-old me is gushing right now. I mean, that's the worst. Gushing. Literally. That's the worst. Gushing.

Absolutely awful. Didn't you stalk him once? Listen. And he doesn't know this. Scott, listen to this. She told me this when he sent this. Oh, my God. Come on.

I know I don't. Yeah, come on. This is class. So they were up in the northeast. So Five, like, I don't even know if he knows this, but I was genuinely a massive, like, they were my favorite band. Out of all the bands, I didn't, like, take that much. I wasn't a boys' own girl.

I was a Five girl. Bit of rough. Bit of rough there. Loved Five, okay? The leather jackets just did something to it. I don't know what it was. Can you remember when the first formed and there was a documentary about them living

in the house? No, it was on... Weren't they like Neighbours from Hell or something? It was a video. No, they weren't like Neighbours from Hell or something where they were playing with Nerf guns and fighting in the house and shouting and screaming. They all lived in a house together. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't great. But they also... The Neighbours were raging. They had a video of like they did a little documentary we'll probably be on youtube yeah like now if they did it now be on

youtube but i bought that video or did i get for christmas i can't remember so yeah i've seen the video so they were performing on a tv program back in the day called mash that got filmed in newcastle so me and my friend and our mom went and stood outside and they didn't come outside and do pictures and we found out that they went to the airport. So we followed them to the airport and we didn't see them. You massive loser. And my vagina's just dried up. Oh my God.

With my embarrassment. So yeah, so Scott, thank you. Do you know, they were still in the building, by the way. You just went to the airport for no reason. They were still in the building. The person just said that to get rid of you. Oh. Yeah, they were 100% still in the building.

Yeah, because I was a little bit like, where are they going to go? Why are they going to the airport? You weren't flying to London back in the day then. Oh my God, I've been absolutely had. You've been absolutely had. And Scott, I'm ashamed of you. That's crippled me.

Right, okay, what was the question? First question was, if it could be the top, top, top of any profession other than yours, top, top, top, what would it be and why? Gymnast. Really? Popstar. I don't know, there's loads. I know which one that'd be. Chef. What would you be? Golfer.

Well, I'd leave you for a start. They do fuck all. So boring. They'll walk around, they'll swing, they'll look, they'll pick up some grass and see where the wind's going. Oh, golf. Click, bump. I'll have £100 million, please.

My ex used to play golf. He used to ask us to go with him. And I'd be like, no. Yeah, you used to go and sit at the driving range while your ex... Well, I sometimes quite enjoyed the driving range. That was fun. How in the name of God could you enjoy sitting watching someone swing a golf ball? No, I used to have a turn.

Oh, right, okay. But when he asked us to go around and just walk with him around golf, I was like, no. This has brought up some painful feelings. So you would go all the way to the driving range and have a turn of golf, which you hate, with your ex, but you won't walk into the other room in our house and play pool with me. Listen. with your ex but you won't walk into the other room in our house and play pool with me listen we weren't married it was early on in the relationship

this is unbelievable we were at the pleasing stage I got the pool table at the pleasing stage and you've never had a game with us I hate that pool table I don't talk about it

the other question the Spice Girl question very good question Scott thank you I oh god I would love to be in the Spice Girls in the Spice Girl question. Very good question, Scott. Thank you. I... Oh, God, I would love to be in the Skyskills? In the Spice Girls. But I don't think I could break up the band.

Well, I know what your answer would be, realistically. A gun to your head if you had to tell the truth. Get rid of all of them, I'll be your solo act. What do you mean? You'd call it Spice Girl. You'd get rid of every single one of them, you'd be your solo act. Yeah.

Yeah. Thought as much so he's got she is a spice girl fan which is a lot more arrogant than you think and finally i don't know why someone would lick it but i don't know i kind of do if he's talking about the last podcast there any i kind of i've i've licked stuff and thought why have i done that not when you don't know the neighbour upstairs. Not if it's coming from someone else's house. You wouldn't lick it.

I'm sorry. You would never lick it. You'd smell it. You would never lick it. Fair enough. Fair enough. And finally, yes, I will try. I'll try my best, mate.

I've started doing my warm-up gigs now for the next tour. I'm very excited. Tour's on sale now. chrisramseycomedy.com slash gigs. It's almost fully sold out. So we'll come to that. I hope it's funny i'm scared now scott from five's gonna be in the crowd no pressure i'm gonna throw me niggas at him no i may first god damn it once again thank you so so

much for listening uh we have a book coming out please pre-order the book we would absolutely now available as you listen it is available for pre-order the book we would absolutely love it as you listen it is available for pre-order now we're going to share it all on our Instagrams and our Twitters links will be all over

our Twitters and our Instagrams and stuff like that yeah I'll just look for it on Amazon or whatever I'll just use Google use your fingers and your brain

and find it that'll be out in September available for pre-order now and as I said my tour's on sale but it's nearly sold out so be quick you might have to sit

by yourself at some venue but you know in the end of it you can sit in your little book can't you yes if you buy it

after September so yeah thanks for listening bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway

the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City

at torontorock.com.