Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 5. Widowed by a Seagull

Episode Date: March 15, 2019

In this week’s episode of Sh**ged Married Annoyed Chris has a near miss with a seagull and Rosie has some correspondence from The National Lottery. As well as all of this there’s questions about staying friends with exes, who apologises first and whether Chris could live with Rosie’s alter ego - Rosie Mamsey... he definitely couldn’t, she wouldn’t have him. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maradonoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and Sir R. Swipe III, also known as Chris Ramsey. Wow, to be fair, I'm absolutely buzzing about that knighthood I just got given on that insult. That's excellent stuff. You're welcome. This is Shag Marinoid, this is episode five, and before we start, obviously, a word from this week's sponsor. This week's sponsor is the internet. Yep, that's right. All of the internet is sponsoring this week's podcast.

Are you bored? The internet. Are you lost? The internet. Are you horny? The internet. Are you horny? The internet. Yeah. Well done.

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is very cheap if it is a real sponsor so I'm seeing note here's a jingle we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle jingle so this is the jingle We hope you like the jingle

Jingle Here we are, episode five, back again in your ear holes. Episode five, five alive. Going good still. Yeah, yeah happy days glad you're all enjoying it thank you for all the positive feedback thank you for all the questions as well we've got some cracking questions for you today we're going to be doing a bit of what's your beef what we've been up to celeb question and random questions from the public the pub okay and thank you very much everyone who emails in i don't have have time to reply to all of them and say thank you or, you know, answer questions back.

He does. This is bullshit. He does have time. He just can't be asked. Pass you on to someone who can help you with your problems that you've told us. So sorry about that. But yeah, keep them coming in. It's always good fun.

You make the podcast. You do. Thank you for listening. Thank you for subscribing and rating. Yes, it's all good. It's all going well. How are you, Rose? I'm good, actually. Yeah, I'm good.

I had a weird week this week. Yeah? I don't know if I've told you this. Okay. You might have noticed. I've lost half a stone. Right. Do you know how I've lost half a stone? How?

I've stopped drinking wine during the week. Wow. Mm-hmm. Wow, that just tells everyone how much wine you are drinking during the week. Well, it does, but I'm just really sad, if I'm honest. Why? Because, do you know what it is, right? There's not many things that I enjoy, get a lot of pleasure out of.

Do you know what I mean? Wine was one of them. But I thought, I want to lose a bit of weight, and I can't be bothered to exercise. So I thought, right, well, I'll not drink as much. I've missed it. But I've lost half a stone. So I'm happy, but at the same time, I'm sad.

Right. Because I miss wine. Yeah. So I don't know what, I'm gutted. I'm gutted. Do you know what I mean? What are you gutted that it worked? So in a perfect world, you would have got on the scales after a week and gone,

Oh, I put weight on. Yeah. Bring me the wine. Yes, I'll have a carass ASAP. No, I proved myself right that I was drinking too much wine. cut something else out why don't you cut like first of all um i think you're beautiful and and you know i'm not pressuring you at all to come and just let that come and just let that know that i'm not yes because it sounds like me on a podcast giving me wife tell him if you if someone hadn't heard the beginning and they're just tuning and i'm going listen right why don't you cut out chocolate you pig like look at yourself like

what i'm saying is why don't you try and mix it why don't you try and you know what do you mean i don't know maybe cut something else out and then maybe have a little glass of wine on a wednesday i don't know like what am i gonna call what else you want to take away from us? Do you know what I mean? Christ alive. I don't know. What else? Come on, tell us what else. To be fair, your diet's good. You don't, I mean, apart from like, I mean, the fridge has currently got like little jars of Roma Perrin

and things with eyes looking at us. But they don't seem fatty. Everything you eat's like sort of briny and vinegary and it's got tentacles. Well, exactly. So it was just the wine. Yeah. Half a stone, Chris.

Half a stone in a week. Wow. And I've not done out. Wow. was just the wine. Yeah. Half a stone, Chris. Half a stone in a week. Wow. And I've not done out. Wow. Except cut out wine. You walked to the shops yesterday for that wine. It's like... It's just like 100 yards away.

No, I didn't get any. Yeah, but we did go out the other night and I drank like seven glasses of wine to celebrate that I'd lost half a stone. Yeah, that was good. And given up wine. It's called the two steps forward one step back plan um i nearly died last week what thanks for asking how did you nearly no you did not no i did i nearly i well i don't know if i'd have died but i think it'd have been really badly

hurt so um i was in uh i was in one of our rooms upstairs i was was getting ready. And I heard some banging. And we'd obviously had some work done recently from the builders that had done a door in my window so part of our roof's flat. Yeah, I do know about this. And I heard some banging and I was like, right. My immediate thought, with no logic, was oh, the builders have just popped back

and just started fixing something I don't know. That was my immediate thought. And I went out and I could hear seagulls and I could hear banging and I was like, there's a bloody seagull on this roof, right? So I opened Robin's window.

I don't know why I did it. No one was in the house. I think I had to go and get, I was on my way to get in from nursery. I opened his window. I stood on the radiator then the inside

of the window sill. Then I stood on the outside of the window sill, held on to the window and I stood up and I looked onto the roof and I shit you not, I was about

three millimetres away from the seagull face to face with the seagull and it just went and I went and I nearly fell out of the window

and onto the drive and that would have been the shittest way to die in the history of the world do you know what I'd have lived a really bitter and twisted life

if that's the way that you'd have died can you imagine yeah yeah make it all about you go on no no but oh god i feel so sorry what happened oh he was looking out the window he fell out he was looking at a seagull and he got afraid imagine imagine what they'd call robin at school god i mean comedian rod hull he fell off his roof when it was wet but i think he was actually doing something when it was wet, but I think he was actually doing something. Yeah, he was actually like, but I think he was putting a satellite dish up or something.

I was looking at a seagull. Why? Imagine that. Oh, God, it was frigging big seagull-like. The seagulls around here, man, they're likely to be wild ass. Oh, the lethal mind. They're really bad, because where we live, it's like a seaside town, and people have been known to be eating a sausage roll on King Street, right,

at the High Street, and they'll swoop down and eat it out of your hands. It's been known to be eating a sausage roll on King Street, right? The high street. And they'll swoop down and eat it out of your hands. It's been known, honestly. And in the north there is no greater crime than sausage roll theft. Exactly. Unprofessional. I've got to text back my sausage rolls. So is that all that happened? You just nearly died? No.

What else happened this week? Oh, this week as well, I went to Fenix to enquire about getting one of the many many sofas that we own fixed a bit of background reading for you rosie has a sofa addiction love a sofa got one coming on thursday don't actually know where i'm gonna put it she buys sofas before she knows where they're gonna go we'll find somewhere for them so i honestly think that you know when you see like people you see them on like uh documentaries and stuff or you just drive past a house and it's just a sofa in the garden i don't think they're

scumbags i think they've just got a wife like you who just buys too many sofas and they're like oh god put this one in the front street man i really like sofas i don't know what it is well i went like sitting damn lazy just like lying down with wine um oh no no wine for me i went into phoenix right because one of the buttons has popped on one of the sofas it was such a weird interaction the lady was lovely if the lady's listening you are lovely and i know that she mentioned the podcast a couple of the ladies there will listen to the podcast and uh she said oh what they've got to do is they've got to go inside your sofa and they've got to pull the they've got to pull this button back through and i went okay cool yeah and she genuinely went i was she went um when they come around to do it don't watch them doing it and i went yeah

she went don't watch the guys do it fix the sofa and i went why like what do they not like what do they get nervous or something she went no no they've they've just got to like cut and rip out like the whole bottom of your sofa and some people get upset that would be me can you imagine i'll be holding your back is there a way she said it though like they're putting me dog down and i'm like no that's my third favorite sofa actually that'd be a hard day you know what my first one is yeah the elephant one first one's the other one the second one's the one in the back sitting room. Sorry, it's an elephant pattern, guys.

It's not a novel. Imagine it was the shape of an elephant. It's a big, long elephant's trunk. And it's actually got built-in blankets. There's elephant ears on the side. You just whop one over. Trademark, we're making that. Do not put this in the podcast.

Do not let the public hear this. We are going to be millionaires. Oh, gosh. Oh, you're going to have a little wooden tusk coming out and you're going to put a little table on it. A little drinking. Hey, I tell you what, speaking of millionaires, this just happened today and I haven't told you this.

You became a millionaire today and you've kept it quiet until now. No, no, no, no. God damn it. It's worse than that. I put this on my Insta story, right? I got an email this morning from the lottery. You know when you get them emails? Oh, God, no. God damn it. It's worse than that. I put this on my Insta story, right? I got an email this morning from the lottery. You know when you get them emails? Oh, God, yeah.

You have won your ticket, your winning ticket. Sign in, right? Yeah. I was buzzing. Yeah. Signed in. Yeah. Literally, I read this before I started driving.

I had to go to Tesco and I didn't get time to sign in, so I just, like, got in the car. Ten minutes later, whole I spent the money in my head speeding past me spitting out of my way peasants crashing into people

and leaving me with details don't worry I'm a millionaire I'm here you honestly I'd left you got my own money now

bitch I'd left you got my own money now bitch so anyway uh signed in when i got a tesco guess how much i've won how much a life-changing roll over yeah six pound oh man six pound oh I hate it so much when that happens yeah I swear to god

oh god six to be fair six pounds normally for me don't bullshit me no don't be giving it

the six pound six pound six I thought I was a trillion zillionaire six pound is not okay then so

Rosie yes it's that time. What's your beef? Well, my beef this week and just quickly before I do the beef, I thought I'd run out a lot quicker than I have. Honestly. You're the gift that keeps on

giving. I swear, I've got loads. I'll take that as a compliment. Got loads. So this week, my beef with you, right? Sorry, you've just said there, what you've said is you're the gift that keeps on giving. You've just said, you're so irritating, I've always got something

to whinge about. Thank you. Christopher, when you're in a relationship like ours, I need to look at the positives of the negatives. Do you know what I mean?

You've got to take a positive from the negative or I would have killed myself a long time ago. Great. Anyway, so my beef with you this week, right right which you actually only did about half an hour ago Wow and you like to look out of the window at our garden and ask me almost some sort of random storage shed or hut or table.

I knew you were writing that down as you were telling us. Chris, it's so often. It's nearly every day, I swear to God. What do you think? Should I get a little bike shed? Should I get a little hut over there? But you never do. You just keep asking us all the time

and you never buy it. And what have you got to put in it? You've got now to put in it. My stuff, right? My trinkets, my things, my hopes, my dreams, right? My gardening implements. You don't have any.

My wood. I've got wood. I've got my logs that I put in stuff. I've got seeds for the birds, right? We've got a shed. You're a shed. Oh, wow. You don't even...

I actually panic. No, you know what I want? I want one of them tall ones. Because we've got the shed at the front, but I want one at the back for when I'm doing my little barbecue and that. But they look disgusting. But I just want to keep stuff in it, though.

Yeah, I know. Well, you know what? We had a garage remember the garage that we had that we had to get changed into a room to put your pool table in excuse me your washing machine and dryer are in there too my international woman's day wow oh my washer and my dryer oh you knob and i do i want storage i want all kinds in a perfect world i mean i've genuinely looked into it i've looked into underground storage in the garden. Oh, Jesus.

So that I can open a trap door and just go under and there'll be a basement under the grass. No, you haven't. I've looked into it. I've looked into most things. I've looked into underground storage in my house. I've looked into putting a basement in the house. Are you joking?

I've looked into it. It's just not happening. Have you made an air raid shelter at the bottom of the garden for the lawnmower? at the bottom of the garden for the lawnmower. Is it the Blitz? Can I just say, we haven't got a lawnmower. I'll tell you why.

Can you remember that Christmas when my dad bought a lawnmower? Have you seen that? No. I've never seen it. He keeps it in his van. It's his frigging lawnmower. He bought himself a lawnmower and passed it off as a present for me, like a frigging tax expense.

I've never seen it yet. I've never, I don't even know what it looks like. Probably green. Yeah, probably a good guess. And orange. Howie, then, what's your beef with me? Okay, my beef with you, Rosie Ramsey. Yes.

Brackets, chocolate grilled chip pig. Great. My, close brackets, my beef with you is, you insist on asking me where something is before you've looked for it, before you've thought about looking for it, before you've moved, before you've opened your eyes. sometimes it's nothing to do with me. Sometimes it's a shared implement, like a car key or something. Other times it's just something random that I don't even know exists. This morning, you were standing in the kitchen and you turned to me and said,

where have my car keys gone? I looked up at you and I could see them. They were less than a foot away from you. But you just got, it's like a horse with blinkers on. You just go bolt upright, your neck and your back go straight, and you go, where's me keys?

And you don't turn your head, you don't leave the room. You just assume that they've just gone, and I've got to fight you. It's absolutely mind-boggling. Where's me slippers? If I get, what pair? You've got numerous pairs of slippers. All right. Mind-boggling. Where's my slippers? If I get... What pay?

You've got numerous pairs of slippers. All right. Okay. Well. Yeah. It's just something... Like, it doesn't take much to ask. Just words come out.

Yeah. And you... But, like, the car keys, right? Right. You saved me at least four seconds. Right. Because I would have went, oh, where are they?

Oh, there they are. There they are, right. But you told us. So... We'll see. But it's like... What do you wish? It's where you know where it is.

Halfway through this podcast, I'm sitting looking at you now, halfway through this podcast, I wouldn't be surprised if you asked where your microphone and headphones are. I think you're exaggerating. I think you need to start...

Just look first before you ask me. I'm busy. Got jobs now, you know. I've got like two jobs now. You've got a little office now, haven't you? me. I'm busy. Got jobs now, you know. I've got like two jobs now. You've got a little office now, haven't you? Yeah. I'm it. I'm a working woman.

So take your shit elsewhere. Did you just click a pen? I did. If you wonder what that noise was there, guys. Rosie said she was a working woman and then she held a ballpoint pen up to the microphone and clicked the top of it to prove she was a working woman. I'm a working woman.

I bought this pen with my first paycheck. Ready? All right, all right, all right. It is question time. That was awful. Never do that again. Right. Questions from the public.

If you want to ask us a question, feel free to DM us on either of our Instagrams. I'll reply. Chris won't because he's rude. I won't even read them on Instagram. So there. Exactly. Or you can email us.

Christopher, would you like to give them the email address because I don't know it? Shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com and I do read them and some of you need help.

I don't read them actually. What have you got first, Rose? Dear Rosie and Chris, do long distance relationships actually work? Oh. Thoughts? What do you reckon? No.

No? No, they don't. No? I don't think they do. We had almost a long-distance relationship when I went on tour. Yeah, but we were married and you came home every so often.

Yeah. And we didn't live in separate places. Yeah. We had a child. I don't know. Maybe if you're like a full-on together couple forever, but if it's a new thing and it's long distance, that's what I took from that.

I took from, oh, I'm from Bristol. You're from Glasgow. Yeah. Let's get together. Well, let's not bother. Not using the full world there. Just using the British Isles, are you? Just, I mean, Rosie.

All right, hang on a minute. You can get farther than that. Give us another one. Hang on, right. I'm from New Zealand. You're from Lapland. Let's get together. Lapland!

Lapland! You could have went South Pole and North Pole, but you've went the other... Well done. I always forget about South Pole and North Pole. I just think. Lapland! Lapland! You could have went South Pole and North Pole, but you've went the other... Well done. I always forget about South Pole and North Pole. I just think about Lapland. I mean, Greenland, I don't know where that is. Oh, I don't know.

Terrible geography. Anyway, really far apart, okay? It depends. Does it work? Well, we could do... How long is it going to be for? We could do it now. If I had to go away and work,

or you had to go away and work in another country for a a time it would be hard but we'll come and visit and stuff but yeah i think if you're meeting each if you're like on a i don't know it wouldn't be on tinder would it because if if your tinder matches you with someone half the world away right yeah let's give you a situation right come on scenario your brain can't work in real life so just say you've been on holiday yeah okay you're both in spain you meet in a bar all right holiday romance oh god one's from lapland one's from new zealand wow oh i love you so much it's only been two weeks it feels like forever blah blah let's keep this going how long would it last right like a month or something because nobody can afford that that

fly fare you know what i mean nobody gets that much time off work by the time you get there it's time to come home it's a climate change as well there isn't there you're gonna have to buy a load of gear massive would you get the time off from santa well actually it depends because well i don't know if he's not you know forget forget visiting in december we're snowed under. Literally and figuratively. Exactly. So busy. Kids everywhere. Horrible. So personally, I just don't think it works. I've been in one myself and it didn't really go very well.

Oh, where was that? It was only Leeds, wasn't it? Oh, of course, yeah. When my boyfriend was at uni in Leeds. That's now in a half a win. You couldn't even do that. Couldn't even hack that. Good heavens.

Hey, gosh, tradge. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's her. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday.

Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care.

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Dot, dot, dot. I reckon it's Chris. Dot, dot, dot. Rosie wears the trousers. Thanks for that that who's that from I'll tell you exactly who it is

it's someone who's dead to us that's what it is what's her name Keely Railton Keely you are bang on love Keely you're the worst

erm I just don't like arguing do I we said it in the trailer out of the podcast I'm bad I'm terrible at arguing yeah

pathetic almost well actually now we can't even argue anyway because Robin do her we said it in the trail out of the podcast i'm bad i'm terrible at arguing yeah pathetic almost well actually now we can't even argue anyway because robin robin chirps in mommy mommy stop shouting at daddy daddy daddy stop shouting at mommy and we're having that's not even proper shouting that's just arguing around robin which is really calm and tame like well i think that you should do this well you've got to keep it to a certain level, otherwise, A, before he even realises you're having a bit of a row, you'll just shout because he can't hear the telly. Yeah.

Little Lord Fauntleroy. Every morning, every morning, we've got a coffee grinder. I put the coffee grinder on every morning, and I know I'm just going to hear, Daddy! Stop that! I want to play some myself, sheens! So obnoxious. Honestly, like a little entitled jerk.

I am, yeah, I'm probably the first to apologise and give in just because Rosie's extremely stubborn and I don't like arguing. I take it really personally, don't I? I get really upset. But, well, you're usually the one in the wrong anyway, so. She's horrible she's horrible she's a monster send help

send help no don't Rosie and Chris what's the best and worst gig you've ever done both of us ooh

Rosie do you want to go first best gig I ever did was Manchester Pride yes I used to be in a girl band that was class that was like outside that was such a good atmosphere um the worst gig i've ever done was singing at a social club in middlesbrough to about seven people and they all had nine fingers each is that the one where as you were singing you could just see the woman at the back putting her hands over her ears and looking like she was going to be sick?

Yeah. I love her. I lip read her mouth and it was like, this is horrific. Honest to God. Oh, God. Best gig I've ever done, probably the last time I did the arena, to be fair.

Just happened to get out of the house to the arena where everyone chanted your name. They did. Actually, to be fair. Just happened to get out of the house to the arena where everyone chanted your name. They did. Actually, that's my favourite gig. That's your best gig as well. Easiest gig I've ever done. Didn't even have to leave my seat. You just stood up and jumped up and down

and waved at everyone, didn't you? Worst gig I've ever had. You'll get a clue by the name. It was a pub called The Wasp's Nest. Nice. In Dewsbury, near Leeds. We got there. There was no stage. There was no mic, there was no

lighting, there was no focal point of the room, no one in the pub knew that there was a comedy night on there was one A4 printed black and white poster for the comedy night, which I only saw when I went to the urinal and pissed on it as it was in the

trough, so that was fun weighing on my name, not even a photo, just my name. And we had to walk into, they managed to find a mic and we literally had to walk into the middle of a pub. Music stopped and we had to literally just get everyone's attention to go, right, everyone, stop, right, stop chatting, stop comedy night now, everyone listen to this. And I'm not kidding, right?

I heard another voice starting to shout at us halfway through my set. Some old woman in the corner had picked up another microphone, turned it on and was telling us to stop. No. Halfway through my set. It was like the shittest rap battle in the world.

It was me trying to do jokes and it was just this like grey haired old lady just going, hey, sit up, knock it off. No one wants to hear you. We're here for a night out and she had a mic and i had a mic god it was horrible how much did he get paid for it uh 20 quid wow 20 quid but someone else was driving so i didn't have to pay any money so that was a pure 20 quid 20 quid last yeah yeah yeah bless you horrible

okay another question ros Rosie and Chris. What are your thoughts on bats with children? Ah. Hmm. Who's children? Your own. Right, yeah, okay. Are you kidding me?

It's got a bit Michael Jackson for a second there. Wow. Yeah. Wow. So, it's, do you know what? I've seen seen we've seen people kicking off about this online haven't we it was a while ago yeah it's weird that people find it weird i think it was perez hilton i think was in a bath with his daughter oh son i can't remember and everyone was like oh my god that's so disgusting like what that's his child like i don't i don't find it weird at all not in this i find it

weird that people find weird it was the same with the kissing on the lips thing oh the piers morgan was against it and a few others going it was very recently it was like you shouldn't kiss children if you're sexualizing it that's your problem exactly the only problem i have i have a bath with our son all the time right i had a bath with him yesterday i've bathed him all the time he's three he's at the stage where you know he's asking what stuff is and things you know um you know my penis floats in the water he loves that um it's very embarrassing but he's a child he doesn't know what's going on i'll sit with my hands over it most of the time um the main thing i don't like and that i can't uh really recommend about having baths with children is I do accidentally get, when he's moving around,

the odd toe up the arse, and I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan at all. If you ever hear his yelp, he's went to stand up and his toes went, and I've went, the only problem, but he doesn't mean it and it's fine. Oh gosh, that's better than what I get.

Oh my god, I get boobies. Boobies. Mommy, mommy, show us your front bum. Front bum. And then he'll, like, hover his foot over and be like, spiky. Oh, my God. Oh, you're a little pervert. Honest to God.

Yeah, though, baths with your own kids. I think it's all right. It saves water water doesn't it Yeah We actually Only really started Having baths with Robin Because one

When you are away I used to just Sometimes get in the bath Because Just to have a minute Yeah If he was in the sitting room When he was at that age

Of where he could play And I could hear him Yeah I'd get in the bath And he'd just get in I was like Fair enough And then

It turned into Actually He hated baths for a while And yeah. I'd get in the bath and he'd just get in. I was like, oh, fair enough. And then it turned into, actually, he hated baths for a while and we had to get him in the bath. So we had to go in. Oh my God, we've had a bath, all three of us.

Yeah, all three of us have had a bath together, yeah. Yeah, it's not fun at all. Because he was like, why don't we all get in? Yeah, it's horrible. And we were like, is that going to get you in the bath?

All right then. Yeah, no matter how hot that water is it's just wet and most of you are out of the water it would make a good photo for a second from the side like a little family postcard or whatever and he doesn't like bubbles

because he likes to save all of his toys in the water lukewarm baths baths with your kids are fine unless they're like 14 in which case a bit weird Rosie and Chris do either of you speak a foreign language? If so, what?

And if not, which would you like to speak? Oh. No, we don't. No. I know about four French words. I know about six Spanish words. I know some German words. Can you remember when we went on our honeymoon

to Santorini? And we were obviously, we just got married, we were young, you know, no children, no sort of responsibilities of that kind. And we stayed in a beautiful place

and we said, we'll come back here for our 30th. We said, we'll come back here for our 30th and we decided we're gonna learn greek not only did we decide we're gonna learn greek we told the receptionists of the hotel as we were leaving hey we'll be back we'll be back for our 30th and we'll be fluent in greek mark our words and they went really and we went yes And that's why we'll never go back to that hotel. I can actually, I lived in Greece for a little while.

I can speak a little bit of Greek. A bit of it, yeah. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's nice. I like that. So no, we don't speak any other languages. But thank you for that email making me feel stupid. But what language would you like to speak if you could?

Any in the world. I'd like to be able to speak all of them so that no one can ever slag us off in a foreign country. Well, you can only pick one. Whatever country

I'm in, that one. Right, why are you changing the rules? You're in England and you've got the ability to speak one different language. I can't think of a better,

cooler, like James Bond power move ever than like sitting in a restaurant and hearing someone going like, and they're like slagging you off and just standing up and just answering one of their questions and then leaving

and just leaving them sitting there going, oh my God, he couldn't understand us the whole time. Why are we speaking English now? I don't know. Are you Russian? Where are you from? I don't know where I'm from,

but I'm very embarrassed you're French you make me look like a cracker poo poo I don't know do you know what I mean can you imagine how amazing

that would be yeah it would be pretty cool to just stand up and say something in their language after they've been slagging you off can you ask

answer my question listen to my angry voice which one language would you like to speak probably Spanish Can you answer my question? This is my angry voice. Which one language would you like to speak? Probably Spanish. Just because I think I like the sound. Crithwaddle. I like all that.

Okay. I think mine would be... Like... Deutsch? German. German? Started early early So what What language is it German

No not German Like Holland Hollandish Dutch Dutch Not Deutsch Deutsch is German Dutch is Holland

Is that a language I think so God damn it I need to google it Oh no See you don't know as well Holland Amsterdam, Holland, Netherlands.

Listen, scrap all that. I just want to speak French. Bonjour madame, bonjour monsieur, bonjour mademoiselle. Je me présente, je m'appelle Rosie Ramsey. Je suis Rosie Ramsey. Rosie, c'est mon prénom. Je suis Ramsey. God, stop, stop god stop stop

Jesus that's all I know um what about hello aus Berlin wie heißt du ah when I did

when I was at comprehensive school when I went to Harten I remember going in for a like a induction day

and went and did German I couldn't believe that I learned a different language it was crazy and uh we listened to this CD and it was just these people at a party and they were walking around introducing themselves and i'll still remember it was a hello wie heißt du ich heiße stefan guten tag stefan

ich heiße frankie then it was like and then they'd like point over and go and it was like the vastest or something it meant who is that and we're like and vastest that and then they'd run over and then we'd go

ha and then we're just walking around this party asking everyone's names sounds like the worst film I've ever heard in my life it was a CD

it was a banger mate terrible babadoo babadoo babadoo hi Chris and Rosie straight to the point here should you be best friends with your ex-boyfriend no no in a word no how although Hi, Chris and Rosie. Straight to the point here. Should you be best friends with your ex-boyfriend?

No. No. In a word, no. How? Although, if your ex-boyfriend then comes out as gay. Yeah. That happens. That does happen.

Then yes, probably. But, I don't know. That's really hard. I find it weird. I'm just going to go out there and say, I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but I find it weird when people are. Because it hasn't happened to us, doesn't mean that it can't know. That's really hard. I find it weird. I'm just going to go out there and say, I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but I find it weird when people are like... Well, just because it hasn't happened to us doesn't mean that it can't happen.

Yeah. But I don't know when people are like, I'm still friends with all my exes. Oh, congrats. Well done. Find something better to brag about. Just... Do you know what people who are still friends

with all their exes really tell you? They really rub it in your face. I'm still friends with all my exes. Well, good. Congratulations. Yeah. But I don't know. Maybe, I don don't know maybe there wasn't enough there in the first place or maybe there's still something there i just think if you're still gonna be best friends with an ex-boyfriend i think you're gonna have trouble finding a partner who's gonna be all right with that yeah in this world

yeah in this world in this day and age possibly but again, I suppose if someone's not all right with that and you're a really good friend with them, then, you know, sack off the new partner and keep the ex as a friend. It's a hard one, isn't it?

I really don't know. I don't know anyone who is actually still friends with their exes. Best friends as well. That's what I mean. Yeah, like, don't get me wrong,

I wouldn't shun mine in the street, you know, but I ain't going to be best old mates messaging each other and stuff. Well, exactly. Well, you're still going to be best friends. You're still going to do all the same things. You're going to go out drinking.

You're going to sit and watch Netflix. You're going to chill. You're just not going to have sex. Might as well just still be together. Get married. Yeah. Have a kid. Exactly the same.

Just have a kid exactly the same just have a kid and get married Christian do a podcast with your wife no ask me best mate celebrity question time that's we did not okay

that jingle. I can do it. I've literally memorised it already. Okay. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Celebrity question. No, you definitely bop it up. We should have dab it up there.

Shh, shh. Unbelievable. Hi, guys. This is Matthew Ashton from Channel 4's Lego Masters, and I have a slight obsession with Rosie Mamsey. So I have one question for you chris could you live with rosie mamsey for an entire week that's it okay chat soon bye thank you very much matthew that was he's done himself a disservice there because that is matthew ashton

one of the head designers at lego and blimmin i mean i'm assuming he didn't want to brag but he's also like exec producer of the Lego movies and stuff. Hashtag big deal. Big deal. And I fangirled like a morpho when I met Matthew because I'd already seen the Lego. Obviously, I'm a big Lego fan. I'd seen the Lego documentaries.

I knew exactly who he was. And I was so excited to meet him and talk about Lego. First thing he mentioned was you. Did he? I was livid. You know I'm not like that. You know I don't get jealous or anything like that

but I literally met like a Lego legend and he just was like oh hi Chris ah yeah and I was like I've got the Millennium Falcon and I've got

and he was like I love your wife. I was like right this is bullshit. I was like mate you want to hear what she says about Lego

you will not love her. I don't know. Just slags it right off. So would I be able to live in the presence of Rosie Mamsey for a week? So do you want to explain who Rosie Mamsey is? Rosie Mamsey is a vlogger. She is a stay-at-home mum. And she's a character that I do on my Instagram.

Yeah, so I just kind of made her up one day because I was going to start vlogging myself and I wanted to do a little bit of research online. I watched YouTube for about an hour, watched loads of different vlogs and I felt physically sick by the vloggers that I was watching. And I mean, I do want to tar them all with the same brush because some of them are great, but most of them are so far up their own arse that they can smell their breath. And it's minty fresh. Yeah, Rosie Malmsley's just this dick that I made up.

Yeah, no. Matthew, the answer is no. I could not spend any... I mean, just there while you were doing that I nearly went and jumped in the car. I just pissed off for a few hours. I couldn't keep it up. I couldn't keep it up for long enough

because she irritates the shit out of me. She's so good though. Yeah. I couldn't keep it up. I couldn't keep it up for long enough because she irritates the shit out of me. She's so good, though. Yeah, I couldn't live with her. She's not a real person. She's just that woman that you've all met who thinks she's better than everyone, puts people down without actually doing it. She doesn't know she's doing it,

but just cutting when they say things like, oh, so you don't eat together as a family every night right okay yeah no me Bobby and Robin we eat every night at the table six o'clock for dinner yeah

she's just she's a dick yeah but I can't help but think that if I did live with Rosie Mumsy there would be less piles of clothes left next to the bath when you've had a bath I think she'd probably know how to stack a dishwasher definitely

does she wear fake tan? no, she's really pale sign her up, I'm all over that get her out of here now she's like an English rose, she's got red hair I've told you that she's got red hair. She's really pale. She's got big red lips.

Really long, natural eyelashes. She's like size 8. She's lush, basically. She's a bellend. And I hate her. She's constantly just got an apron on. She's always just baked some cookies She's just baked some cookies But there's never nothing on her

You know She smells amazing Her hair's always curled Curls her hair every day Oh she sounds amazing Yeah I mean she's great but I've been short changed yeah What am I doing with you?

What the hell? Nobody is forcing you to stay here Rosie I don't think she'd like me she would never have married you in a million years oh god you're joking

you're vulgar you pick your nose in public damn I pick it when I'm driving exactly I forget I'm on the telly

I know people look and I'm like oh that's going to get tweeted with your personalised reg I'm like do youy. I know. People look and I'm like, oh, that's going to get tweeted. With your personalised reg, I'm like, do you know you are just hulking at your nose and everyone can see you? So in answer to that question, no.

Rosie Mumsey could not live here for a week. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. This is the end of another episode. Thank you very much for listening and make sure you subscribe and tell all your friends and don't come back here again

okay Rosie's confused they're learning their language with just putting on a silly voice that is the end of episode 5 thank you so much

for listening ladies and gentlemen please subscribe please rate turn on automatic downloads on your podcast as well because it's on online

and I can never find it in the listing but it just starts playing before it even appears in the listing like I've gone into the future like Marty McFly and

that. Thank you very much anyone wants to get in touch please email shagmardenoid at gmail.com DM Rosie don't DM me because I'll not read it.

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