Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 58. Fondling by the reservoir

Episode Date: April 3, 2020

This week on the podcast the Ramsey's have felt the full effect of the clocks changing... as if things weren't weird enough! Rosie has hit rock bottom with some questionable parenting and Chris offers sympathy to the millionaires in their mansions during social distancing. There's some great Q's from the P's and the return of Becky Beef AND a celebrity question! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Shag Married Annoyed, the podcast, is now part of the Acast Creator Network.

Oh, no. What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean we're part of the Acast family now. We've got a sponsor. Listen, right, whatever's happening, right, whatever, we don't know because we don't hear the finished product until you guys hear it. Whatever stuff's coming on for Rosie's hooting up, sellout, sellout, whatever Rosie's done, right, that's nothing to do with it.

Listen, you have each week a real 100% lucrative sponsor from yours truly sorted out by, for you and me. We can't well guess that yours truly was you, Chris. Yeah, yeah, right. Well, that's unprofessional. I don't interrupt your sponsors. Do I? Whatever they happen to be.

Bloody Johnny Hollywood over there. Who's Johnny Hollywood? You, your bloody Filofax and your bloody all of that stuff. Don't you be slagging Filofaxes off. I haven't anymore, but I had aging filofaxes off I haven't anymore but I had a few filofaxes when I was younger you did enjoy a filofax

I used to get well I used to get you a diary each year as well I used to do the physical paper diary anyway listen it is episode 58 thank you for coming back

you absolute beauties we hope you're all hanging in there before we start a word from this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor so basically

the one that Chris is going to do now is the one that makes us no money. So enjoy this, because I'm not going to enjoy this. Excuse me. I can hear the pounds going down the drain while he's talking. Excuse me. Is there anything more rewarding and more valuable

than a child's laugh? Is that your sponsor? No. A child's laugh? No, that's what I'm getting from this. Child slash adults. Their laughs. There's no children listening.

What are you talking about? You're talking out your arse. There's no children listening to this. Do not. You've absolutely messed up there. Didn't you make a mistake? No, I didn't. You didn't need to say that.

It was a joke that you didn't get. Listen, don't you ever slag off our sponsors, the real sponsors that have been with us from day one. Hurry up. Hey, the one and longer podcast, man. They're on lockdown. They've got fucking now to do. Fair enough.

Take your time. This week's sponsor is popcorn. I do like popcorn. Hey, well, do you though? Do you? Hey, popcorn. Do you like it? Do you though?

I do. Do you like every bit? Or do you just like kind of one in 20 bits? Yeah. How's he throwing them in your mouth oh there's a good one a few more oh it's about one in 20 maybe one in 15 or actually good so hey hey some are too hard some are too soft some are little half ones some haven't even popped they're just gone yeah sometimes you get a little a little bit of sharp stuff in your teeth goes on the side

of your molar yeah molar like a like a like a stuff. In your teeth. And it goes on the side of you. Molar. Yeah. Molar. Like a contact lens for your tooth. Oh, yeah. And then it slips into your gum. Oh. Oh, you don't like that. And sometimes the sharp bits come out in your poo.

Popcorn. That's never happened. Popcorn. Buy it at the cinema. Get ripped off. Popcorn. It's never good at the cinema. It used to be years ago.

Do you remember? But I just think our children and our taste buds weren't as good now. I just honestly, I don't think I've ever liked it. I would never good at the cinema. It used to be years ago, do you remember? But I just think our children and our taste buds weren't as good now. I just honestly, I don't think I've ever liked it. I will never pick popcorn out of anything. I'll never pick it.

I'll never ever go, yes, I definitely want that. But if someone offers us some popcorn, I will have the popcorn and then I will want all of the popcorn. Yeah. It's like crack.

It's like film crack. I've never been offered crack. Well, neither have I, but I'm, you know, I'm told it's more-ish. So, why are you using it as an analogy? Don't know.

Are you done now? Yes, thank you to Popcorn and the relative companies. Thank you. Oh, here's the jingle. Oh, it's a long old three weeks. Guys. Might be more. Might be more. Let's wait and see.

We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Jingle! Hello and welcome back to the podcast that starts, but the man who's meant to start it doesn't press the button, doesn't press record.

So what Rosie was laughing at there was, I did one of those 5, 4, 3, 2, 1s with my hands, but then I was doing it with my right hand and then I couldn't press record with my left hand, so it was just a mess but what they do what you're actually meant to do and you should know this because you

worked on like TV sets they go five four and they just mouth the three two one so they say the

five and the four and then they go your whispering was really weird it was like that sex whispering that people do on the internet

stop it now what's it called that ENP or something it's three letters yeah and people do all the whispering and stuff people love it it gets millions of views

I've thought about doing it before we started this podcast I think you've got the kind of voice to do it do you think yeah but I don't want your voice which is half of this podcast being used for dirty muggy things

well I wouldn't say dirty I wouldn't say dirty things. Nah, you would. I would just be like... Yeah, well, you say dirty things on the air, man. I'd just go, bend over. Ugh! Tiny shoelace. That's all I would say.

Nah, nah, nah. Well, anyway, it's always an option. 100% all right for that. Listen, still the coronavirus. Locked up, won't let me out. Locked up. What's the, should we sing the song that we like about coronavirus? Right, so on Joe Rogan's Instagram, he put this rap song on,

on literally the first day that America got locked down. And I've honestly just been walking around the house singing it for two weeks now. I also think it's quite big on TikTok. Right, yeah. Yeah, so it's move, bitch. You got coronavirus. Oh a move bitch you got coronavirus oh shit you got coronavirus we infinity do shit with this coronavirus i'm finna take a trip with this coronavirus move bitch you got coronavirus oh shit you got coronavirus we infinity do shit

with this coronavirus i'm finna take a trip with this coronavirus it's uh educational it's catchy uh look it up it's uh it's it's been in my head if it's been in my head for two weeks since since it all kicked off non-stop yeah listen we'll talk about it for like five minutes um it's still utter shit yeah it's rubbish um at the time of coming out as well at the time this podcast coming out on friday if you listen to it on friday uh over halfway through the first three weeks of lockdown. Yeah, not too bad. So almost two weeks in.

We don't know whether Uncle Boris is going to keep us grounded or he's going to let us out or not. I don't know what to expect. Who knows? Who knows? But guys,

we're all in it together and we hope you're okay. Are you kind of now, I remember last week I was waking up and I didn't want to get up and I had little cries. I'm kind of like

getting up now and just a bit used to it is that like is that stockholm syndrome yes yes it could be a form of stockholm where it's just like this is your life now well it's when so you can either it was a bit more grim than that stop is that when they put people in and the stockholm syndrome is when people start start to see their if they're hostages and they start to see their captors as like friends as friends and stuff

yeah like they start to relate to them and feel sometimes falling sometimes actually falling in love well it is a little bit

like that because I can't ever say that I've really enjoyed watching anyone from the government talking on the telly right but now

I will tune in to hear what they've got to say. So it is a bit like Stockholm Syndrome. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, in a way, yeah, they are. I'm looking to them. They are kidnappers. They are.

And we're all hostage. And they come on telly at five o'clock every day. And I'm like, eee, look, he's talking. Fucking, they're dropping like flies. There was only one of them the day. They've not got it, man. They just want a bit of time off. They just want some time off.

I'm calling bullshit. No, don't believe it. Oh, you are getting used to it because you literally turned to me this morning and said the words, Chris, when this is all over, we should have a house party. I don't understand what was wrong with this.

I can't remember what I was holding. I think I was holding a plate of toast. I nearly threw it at you. Why? Because you want to... Because I want to leave. Yes, but do you know what? I just want to see people.

Yeah, but I don't want to bring potentially still germy people into my house that I've been in for fuck knows how long I'll have been in at the time. Oh, hey, lockdown's over. What do you all want to do? Oh, we want to stay here

and invite people in. Fuck that. God, no. I was going to be up for it. I was nearly sick when you said it. Oh, Jesus. So, yeah, I hope it's over soon. I hope you guys genuinely are okay and still managing all right.

Big shout out to people with kids. Oh, my God. Big shout out to people working from home with kids. Fucking hell, man. It's nigh on impossible. It is nigh on impossible. Yeah, it's ridiculous. How do you work when your child's around?

Well, we've got to have Robin all day every day, just the two of us, and then on a night after essentially what is a long day of work, we'll have to sit down and do actual work once he's gone to bed. Do you remember when you were on tour and Robin was younger? Yeah. Or whenever you were on tour. Yeah. And you always think that I've got the easier job.

Yeah. And the better end of the stick. How do you feel about that now? Now that you're at home. Yes. I've tasted my own medicine yeah and it is disgusting yeah um but i feel like it would be better if you weren't here i think i'd manage better if it was just me and him that's nice of you why do you feel like that i was just joking i just want to say you're not joking no that wasn't your joking face you said that rosie it's a podcast i don't need to do my joking face i'm looking at your face well don't wish i wasn't no as face. You said that. Rosie, it's a podcast. I don't need to do my joking face. I'm looking at your face. Well, don't. Wish I wasn't.

No. As you might be able to tell, listener, we hate each other right now. We really do. Sick of each other. Everyone's going through it and everyone's got the same stuff. I think the whole world's going to be fit as a fiddle

after all these workout videos that's been going on. Are you doing them, though? No, but I've never seen so many home workouts in me entire life. Honestly. I mean, put a rest day in. You've got to rest

them glutes. God damn it guys. Jesus. Do you not feel though everyone's just kind of gone, oh lockdown, let's exercise online. Yeah,

everyone's exercising online. I mean, doing videos of themselves exercising online. I can't really talk because I'm dancing loads but that's just for my own mental health

to be totally honest with you and I'm a massive show off yeah there is that there is that as well a bit of both it's always nice when I'm trying to

write our book and I can hear you and Robin in the other room dancing to Children of the Night that's always good that was my favourite one yeah keeps the

keeps the concentration up I'm really enjoying TikTok you are I love TikTok I don tiktok well i know because you're a granddad i didn't understand i still don't really understand it chris right but i just do them and then i put them out there i've got like how many how many followers have i got jesus hang on a minute oh just another thing for you to check in bed loud as as out. Oh, I should put a phone on. Hang on. I just want to see how many followers I've got.

Okay. I've got 65,000 followers. Heaven's above. One of our videos has got 1.4 million views. Wowzers. Can you believe that? See? I'm not being funny, but I'm popular on TikTok.

That's really good, yeah. TikTok. How much does it pay? Oh. Okay. Currently, we're in the zero region. Excellent. So another load of bollocks to take up your day. Fantastic.

Justin, yeah, you are right there. A bit like popcorn. Just sheer bollocks. Well, you know. Opinions. Yeah. Can we just take a moment as well? I am actually getting a little bit sick

of people slagging off celebrities and rich people on Instagram and Twitter for saying like, you know, the meme I see quite a lot of is, oh, must be horrible to lock down in your massive mansion and stuff, right? That's the meme I say a lot of and I think

look we're all in this together and it's like I mean I saw Backstreet Boys 1 that video they did which was amazing but you can see they've got pools and got loads of shit

and you think yeah okay but that's still their house it's not like they've been given it random that's still in their reality that's still their house do you know what I mean

well a lot of my pocket money that's where they live will have gone on Nick Carter's pool you should be able to go around and use that pool I'm not being funny I should

this is back in the day where you couldn't get free songs online yeah yeah I bought them tapes you at least own the net by the side of the pool

that he uses to take poo out of that's definitely yours yes that's definitely fucking yours I saw them in concert as well that ticket would have been about 20 quid. So you're not far off. Easily how much one of them things should be.

I owe like a bit of gravel in his yard. Sorry, go on. Because when it came out, everyone was like, people are getting stuck in and that. And remember the Sam Smith one that came out? And it was like, look, Sam Smith crying on his 12 million pound,

on the stairs of his 12 million pound mansion. Do you remember that? Yes, but you didn't get, what did you get annoyed about? What I got annoyed about, and I think we've all been, we've all just tiptoed over here.

It said, Sam Smith's crying on the steps of his 12 million pound mansion is what it said. And someone like Piers Morgan was having a go at him. And I read it, and it said,

oh yeah, and I was like, 12 million, fucking hell, 12 million pound mansion. Wow, that must be amazing. And it said oh yeah and I was like 12 million fucking hell 12 million pound mansion wow that must be amazing and it said underneath the five bedroom

five fucking bedroom five 12 million quid that's over two million pound a bedroom wow five bed

where's he live Trafalgar Square oh fuck me honestly zone one anyone that's like well yeah he lives in London

that's madness let's not talk about however rich he might be let's talk about how fucking well yeah he lives in London that's madness let's not talk about however rich he might be let's talk about how fucking ripped off he's been for that are you kidding me for £12 million

I'd want a hotel well I've told you this is why we live up north fuck me because I want to buy a castle £12 million five bed you know one of them

is just going to be a spare room with loads of shit in it and you now want them to be a studio fucking hell can you imagine moving into a £12 with loads of shit in it. And you now want them to be a studio. Fucking hell. Can you imagine moving into a £12 million mansion and being like, I need to rewire.

Exactly. You're what? I'd want gold plated. Shall we bollocks put an extension on? As is. £12 million fucking quid. You're kidding us. Jesus.

I'd want a skyscraper. I'd want a skyscraper for £12 want a skyscraper for 12 million quid. I'd want part of, you know, part of Yorkshire. Oh, any county. Northumberland. I'd want most of Northumberland. Yeah. Fuck me.

Well, buy Hexham. It's a different world. I'd buy all of Hexham. All of Hexham. Hardly any cases there. Ain't no one should go there. Voted the happiest place to live in the country last year it was. This year even.

Still dead happy. I think it's because they filmed Harry Potter just up the road why? is it up the road? it's not really up the no it's like ah well pointless

you live near there so that's embarrassing I've just hit a new low is that what you say when you reached a new low hit a new low

what's the phrase? I don't know I will accept I will accept hit a new low I you reach a new low? Hit a new low? Hit a new low. What's the phrase? I don't know. I will accept. Did you? I will accept hit a new low. I've hit a new low. Okay. As you know, I've just put Robin to bed.

Yeah. You usually put Robin to bed. I do when I'm home, yes. Yeah. And he cried for you. Not going to lie. Oh, that's... Don't smile.

Don't smile. So just for you listening, Chris has worked away a lot of Robin's life. So now he's home more often. He's putting Robin to bed and Robin's like buzzing off it. And at first I was like, this is amazing. I don't have to put him to bed. I don't have to lie in the dark with a child and, you know, read shitty books that I don't give a shit about.

I just thought it was great, right? And I used to sneak in an extra little like real housewives while you were putting me to bed but of late i've become a little bit jealous of the relationship that he's all getting he's all getting really close you know you like a lot of the same crap so it's he's a really bonding bonding over bits of plastic lego and shit right so I thought you know what no I'm gonna put him to bed tonight

yeah and he was alright with it at first got into his bed I read one page of the book and I he had a little meltdown right what to you

stop smiling while I'm telling you I'm just concerned seriously you are smiling at our child crying so anyway he was really quiet.

Could you not hear him? Yeah. Right, okay. Yeah, I was downstairs in the hall just loving it, dancing. Well, I wanted to just, because I could have got you, and I thought, no, you little shit. I'm your mother. I've put more work into you than that arsehole downstairs.

Eee, my goodness. I'm talking about you. Yeah, oh, well, never. Never in the world. So, this was the world. So, this was the low point. So, we'd read one page of the book and he was crying for you

and I was like, nah, I'm not having this. So then I pulled out the big guns. I went straight in with the big guns. What did you say? And I said, I said,

do you not love mammy? And want mammy to put you to bed? And he went, no, I just love daddy. I just want daddy to put me to bed. Shut the fuck up. True story.

Stop smiling. Stop smiling. Listen. You're grinning like a Cheshire cat. It took me a long time to become popular in my life. 33 years. And however many days it is till this day to be the most popular person in my friendship group. Social circle.

So to currently be. Do all your children count? Listen, to currently be the most popular person on lockdown in this house it's a big moment for me okay it's a really big moment well listen you're gonna love this then right so he said that obviously a part of my heart is broke yes i'm gonna lie it's gonna take a lot of fixing right um i thought right okay that didn't work i'll have to go a bit more intense here so I said Robin how would you feel if mummy didn't live here anymore

he said does daddy still live here and I said yes daddy still lives here and he went well that's okay. So at this point, you know, I am, I'm half a person. Sorry, just to interrupt you. We're recording this podcast just as Rosie Pumperbent.

I haven't told you this yet. She hasn't told me this. Just calm down. I'll be honest with you. You've been a bit weird with this for about half an hour and now i'm finding out why oh okay so well that happened obviously devastated i was holding he was crying i was holding back the tears right um and i thought okay right i'm gonna have to go and i'm i'm looking back i'm a little bit ashamed of myself but um i basically used our not yet conceived

unborn next child right as bait okay right so i said to robin all right well robin that's really sad and you're making mommy feel a bit sad because i love you and i did go back to that i did bring up the past a bit and i was like i used to put you to bed every single night when daddy wasn't here. You grew my tummy and all that. And he was just looking at us like a bit of shit. But anyway. So then. Bringing up the past.

Imagine he went, imagine he went, mom, stop bringing up the past. He probably would. So then, so then I said, right, okay, Robin, how would you feel if mommy had another baby? And mommy put another baby? And mommy put that baby to bed and didn't put you to bed anymore. And he caved. Oh. He caved right in. Oh, you won, did you?

Yeah, he caved in. You beat a four-year-old, did you? No, he went, no, mommy put me to bed before the baby. Oh, wow. And I said, okay. You are fucking scum. Do you know that? You are.

That is low. Chris. That is really low. Chris, before your old child, who I birthed and fed on my bosom for like a day because it didn't work. Yeah? He doesn't give a shit if I don't live here. He wants us to move out.

Essentially, he's like, he's divorcing us. Finally. Finally. You know how it feels. I'm good. When I do one of my stand-up gigs and my crowd, my fans, shout your fucking name, Rosie. It's not the same. It is exactly the same.

I birthed them into the comedy world. I let them suckle on my comedy teat for years, laughing at my jokes and my stories. And then suddenly I come on and I tell stories about you at Newcastle Arena and everyone cheers you fucking hit. It was disgusting. I'm glad. I'm glad. Oh, don't. It's not the same. I was devastated. I won a mover though.

Yeah. Oh yeah, you won a mover with bribery of an unborn child. Yeah, well, listen. Great. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive. It's not a song but I am a little bit ashamed of myself. Yes to you being a scumbag. Thank you. Plonkast. Plonk cast.

Plonk cast. The whole fucking, the entire lockdown has been a plonk cast. Oh, okay. Every day. Well, I'm just saying it. When you're on holiday for a fortnight, you have a drink every night, don't you? Or is that just us? That's probably just us.

I come back off holiday and need another holiday. No, most, surely most people when they go on holiday have a drink. But people who drink. People who drink. People who drink, yeah. People who don't drink holiday have a drink. People who drink. People who drink. People who don't drink probably don't. Yeah, probably not. I am currently drinking more than I drank in my two first lads holidays combined.

Faleraki and Magaluf. I'm currently drinking more than I drank. Are you really? Yes, by a mile. Well, this has never happened before though, has it? Have you ever been involved in a pandemic? Lockdown 2020, woo woo woo I wish the fucking I wish the printing shop

hadn't closed we could have got t-shirts made get some t-shirts woo pandemic bitches corona crew babadoo babadoo babadoo

it's time for watch your beef hello Chris oh hello hi Chris it's Becky this is just really quick alright oh is it

is that a promise no I just wanted to ring. I don't know if Rosie knows this, right, but where am I from again? Where am I from again? Where am I from again? I'm Scouse. I noticed that was going Scouse.

I don't know if Rosie knows this, but I just had a phone call from you all, Robin. A phone call from Robin? He just rang from his bedroom and he said, he didn't mean it he didn't mean that you're his favourite and that Rosie is

so could you just pass on that message right and he said sorry and that if anything ever happens he would want you to move out

me he rang me and told me that okay that's entirely plausible alright great stay home

will do lots of love bye chip butty chip butty bye great stay home will do lots of love bye chip pussy chip pussy bye is that true what she said

about the phone call what what who said what nothing no no messages sorry

so my beef with you this week oh it's getting worse isn't it fucking idiot the highlight for me there was, where am I from again? It's because I used to think about what I was going to say, and now I've just forgot.

We've been really busy. We're still writing my book, you know. We're still writing my book. And other stuff as well. I've got a couple of adverts going on. Can I just say, from the heart here, if anything has to suffer, I'm glad it's the beefs well listen

maybe we'll take a week off every now and then it's too much hassle oh god the beefs are kind of your version

of the sponsors I do my sponsors to annoy you and you do the beefs to annoy me that's kind of how this works yeah

well there you go you're welcome yeah exactly so do you want to go first Ah, well, there you go. You're welcome. Yeah, exactly. So, do you want to go first or should I go first? You go first. My beef with you this week is on Sunday morning,

you claim you didn't pre-plan this, but you fucking planned it. Sunday morning, I woke up. You both were woke up by our son. I was quite knackered and you were like, straight away,

I woke up and i was like oh god i feel a bit groggy and you turn around you went oh chris can you get up with him it's quarter to eight and now he'd been getting up at like half six for ages for this whole lockdown thing beginning with half six it's quarter i thought oh wow it's quarter oh wow i've had loads of sleep this is great i know where this is yeah yeah you know where it's going you knew where it was going when you did it i went oh i've had loads of sleep this is great and i got up and i came downstairs with him and i sat and i was watching the telly and i thought but why do i feel like dog shit and i made his porridge and i made his breakfast and stuff and i sat and i had a coffee

and i was like i feel like shit still i don't know if i've had how i've had loads of sleep i've had seven hours looked at the clock i thought aed at it again a little bit later, I thought, well it hasn't stopped, it's just an hour slow. Oh my God, the clocks went forward and she fucking knew it. No, right. You knew.

Listen to me, right now. You knew it was pre-planned. Do you, you know me. Am I the kind of person, Oh I know you, I know you alright.

Don't even, listen, am I the kind of person who would remember that the clocks went forward? Am I? Really? Hand on heart, do you think I am the kind of person who would remember that the clocks went forward? Am I? Really?

Hand on heart, do you think I am the kind of person who remembers shit like that? I think to get a lie in, you will stoop to all kinds of levels. We've just heard a story of how you bribed your son with an unborn, unconceived child. Don't you dare claim you're not capable of that. You know I want another baby. That is honestly... So it's partly true. Honestly, you did. And I sat there and I was like... I did not. I was. You know I want another baby. That is honestly. So it's partly true. Honestly, you did.

And I sat there and I was like, I did not. And I looked, I was like, the clock's wrong. I looked at the oven and I was like, that clock's wrong as well. Oh, and I was like, she's had my fucking life here.

Six hours, keep it hard. I was goosed. Goosed. Six hours? That's not bad. Well, I want to say it's the woman who stayed in and had a little cheeky nine. Yeah.

A little nine. Only because I woke up at half four in the morning worrying about the world going to shit. Yeah. Like I've done most mornings. There's a lot of that going on. I woke up,

did I tell you this? I woke up at half past four this morning. I had the same version of what you did. What's going on at half four? There's something happening. I don't know. Is somebody setting an alarm half four like three streets away?

Is that what it is? I don't know. Something happens. It might be the lights actually. I think the outside lights come on and I think it makes a clicking noise

anyway I am first world problems oh god the automated security lights outside in the compound

12 million pound compound god what could 12 million get you up here fuck a duck I'd buy the beach imagine I'd buy the beach. Imagine.

I'd buy the beach. I'd buy the... Where do you live, Rosie? The beach. Whereabouts or what street? No, just the beach. I'd buy the beach. What's your door number?

Full stretch. One, the beach. In between the lighthouses. Which ones? The two lighthouses at either fucking end. I've got a theme tune as well. What? At the beach. In between the lighthouses. Which ones? The two lighthouses at either fucking end. I've got a theme tune as well. What? At the beach.

At the beach. Do you remember the film The Beach? Yeah, but would it not be Take me to my beach What am I singing? Fuck knows what you're singing. You do this all the time. What song is that?

I'm singing the All Saints one. Oh yeah, that was the song I meant. I'm coming, I'm drowning, can you... What the fuck am I singing? I don't know what happened. God, do you know what happened? Jesus. What am I...

On the beach. Is that a song? I don't think so. Are you not singing? Next to me. Next to me. Is that what you've just done? Yes.

Why did you just change that? You can't do that. Chris, I don't know what's going on anymore. I think I'm having a breakdown. I swear to God. Why did I just sing next to me? I don't know.

You can't just put that in. I meant to sing the song that you... You know what? Hey, if I lived at the beach, you know what I'd be singing? A song with nothing to do with the beach with the lyrics at the beach in it. Fuck me. You know what I'd be singing?

I'd be singing Frank Sinatra. I did it. At the beach. Bullshitter. Fucking moron. Honestly, for a singer, you've got no lyrical knowledge of retention. It's ridiculous. Now go on. Now go on. Choke. Me and Robin will be left alone. You got coronavirus. Holy shit. Move, bitch. You got coronavirus. Oh, shit. You got coronavirus.

Oh, I've no idea why I did that. I'm sorry. I meant... I'm coming to come down and can you hear? Or I would say to anyone who I meet who are fancy a little bit, I'd say, do you want to come have sex on my beach? Come on, on the beach.

It's not as, sex on the beach is not as exciting in March in South Shields. Bit cold. What was I saying before talking about the beach?

I don't know. Oh, we were talking, you brought up Sam Smith's mansion again. I'm just obsessed with it. You were talking about your beef with me. Yeah. talking about your beef with me. Yeah.

What was your beef with me again? I can't remember. I genuinely can't remember. Some bullshit. Oh, it was about how I apparently forgot about the clocks going forward, which I did. Which I did. Which I did.

Yeah. Is it time for mine? That's it, sorry. I know what I was saying. I was saying that this morning I woke up half past four, and it was really strange I had a nightmare because obviously like everyone's a bit you know I think most people are a little bit more emotionally kind of fragile at the moment so I had a nightmare and I like rolled over woke up and it

took us a while to sort of snap out of the headspace of the nightmare so I had to walk around the house for a bit so I got up the nightmare had been that I was in a shopping center and I'd lost Robin and I was like screaming and shouting for him like looking for him and I couldn't find him anyway and I was like freaking out and I woke up and obviously he been that I was in a shopping centre and I'd lost Robin and I was like screaming and shouting for him like looking for him and I couldn't find him anyway and I was like freaking out and I woke up and obviously he came into our bed

in the middle of the night so I rolled over and gave him a little kiss just because I was like oh my god it's here kissed him he literally pushed us away his hand on my face

which was fun yeah because you're not the favourite in his actual what's it his long term memory right oh we're going long term short term

fuck me apparently I was right though long term memory is a long time or short term memory Actual, what's it, is long-term memory. Right. Oh, we're going long-term, short-term. Fuck me. Apparently I was right, though. Let's not visit this again. Long-term memory is a long time ago. Short-term memory is... One of your little vultures has messaged you, backing you up. That's funny. Twitter. Twitter friends.

So I woke up and I walked around the house. It was really strange. I walked around the house and I was like, oh, God, I'm losing my shopping centre. Oh, God, I'm losing my shopping centre. And then I quickly realised that we can't go to shopping centres currently and I was fine I went back to sleep

it was really weird I was like imagine losing my shopping centre oh we're on lockdown we'll kind of go with them straight to bed so he's safe for a few weeks

straight back to sleep but then after that you know you might come back wait what is what'll be what'll be will be

you're so weird what's your beef my beef with you this week is that you've decided to grow your stupid little beard. Right. And you've decided to order loads of shit off Amazon for your stupid little beard. And you've left said, what is it, the wax or something? It's beard oil. You've put it on the bookshelf in the hallway, which I've already stopped keys going on there.

Right. And sunglasses and stuff. Excuse me. So why do you think it's okay to put your little neck oil? It's not, neck oil is a beer, right, first of all. And it is not the beard oil that is on the shelf, the bookshelf. It is my beard brush. Is that what that is?

Yeah. Oh, Christ alive. Did you buy, is that what you were putting it on? A friend of mine gave me a beard brush when I said I was growing my beard before the lockdown happened. And I've just ordered some beard oil and it came the other day from Amazon

and I put it on the date and yes, the beard is looking fantastic. Thank you. But this is what I hate, right? I don't mind that you do that. See, I bought some makeup online last week because the shops are shut and I was running out. But you didn't see me coming next to you going look at this look at this

put me new foundation on did you know I just do it in me room on me own why have you got a flaunt you stupid little beard all over and your tools that go with it who you should why are you showing off in front of me because I can't see anyone else and I just sometimes like to buy accessories to do with what I'm

what I'm doing it's everything Chris it's all it's always you always love little gadgets and little accessories and you always feel the need

to show us I buy stuff quite often it's called conversation I don't show no it's called boring as fuck Chris I don't care

I don't care about your beard brush. Well, you should, because... I don't. Well, saying that, you've just lost beard brushing privileges. You thought you were going to have a little turn at brushing this bad boy? I absolutely do not want a turn. Think again. Don't want a turn.

Look how gutted you are. I am not gutted. I am not gutted. I will sleep better knowing that I don't have to have a turn, because that would have been your next thing. Do you want to have a turn? No. Why? I don't have to have a turn because that would have been your next thing do you want to have a turn no why don't you want

to have a turn do you want to shave my legs do you want to shave my legs yes actually I wouldn't mind a shot do you go up or down

shut your face I do you know I have got a problem with buying stuff I always need the full set of things so if someone buys Robin like one Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle I have got a problem with buying stuff I need I always need the full set of things so if someone buys Robin like one Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle

I have to immediately go and order all the rest of them in that set and then just disperse them out through both hence why he likes you more than me

it all makes sense no it's all become clear I think it's personality wow it's definitely not personality Chris well

ask him he hates us what have you done what have you done what have. Ask him. He hates us? What have you done? What have you done? What have you told him? What have I told Robin? What have you done? Is it like that thing where you've just kept showing him pictures and then nipping him? Showing him a picture of me and then nipping him? Oh, aversion therapy. Yeah. Yeah. No, not at all.

Um, Rosie, I've just been myself. I've just been myself. I've just been fun. Fun old Chris. You do, but the thing is, you do stuff with him yeah that because you love that stuff that he does

you like playing with cars and you like doing Lego whereas I have to do things like the washing and make the tea and things like that I also do the washing I sometimes make the tea

but not as much as you absolutely do not not as much as you stop lying on the podcast listen right I think it is just because I'm away. I've been away quite a lot and I'm currently home

and he can't believe his luck that I'm home. I think he just takes you for granted slightly. I think if something happened, if the house suddenly caught on fire and we're both standing there, I think he'd run to you instinctively. So don't worry about it. Should we try it out?

Just to see. I would like to know. I'm not setting the house on fire during a lockdown once the lockdown's finished possibly the garage we don't have a garage well it's a utility room

can we just set that on fire and just see who we'd run into Chris it would really help me no this is terrible it would help no should we pretend to drown

in the swimming pool no can't even go to the fucking swimming pool can't go to the swimming pool I'll never know I'll never know. I'll never know. Right. Say what I live with, guys.

Just say what I live with. It's weird, you know, because whenever I hear him go, no, daddy, I literally want to run in and shake him and go, you are literally causing a big shitstorm for me and you. Like, this isn't funny. Like, she's going to fucking take this out on me as well, Robin. Stop it. Let her read your story. Okay, for a while from now on, I'm just going to play it more cool. I'm take this out on me as well Robin stop it let her read your story

okay for a while from now on I'm just gonna play it more cool I'm just gonna be like alright see you later be a bastard to him that's how I do it

I am a bit of a bastard to him because he's four and he's annoying he's full on and I'll tell him like yesterday I said look

don't he was pressure washing the car with us and I went don't do that I'm gonna go inside I went don't do anything and I come out

I came out and he was pressure washing the fucking windows I went get off that you're not come out I came out and he's presser washing the fucking windows I went get off that you're not doing it I told him not to and he was like sometimes

you've got to tell him the crack you're cutting too much slack man you've got to tell him he's boss man he respects us leader of the pack wolf pack hooo

come on a trench money hooo hate you babadoo babadoo babadoo bah it's time for questions from the public pews from the pews

pews with the pews and you get pews in church great right you've done the questions this week Rosie I am fire them at us

I'm genuinely looking forward to this I've been really really looking forward to this they're lovely I've loved going through them they really cheer me up to be honest

and not that many people are mentioning the C word yeah no that's good we knew what you meant every week going through them they really cheer me up to be honest and not that many people are mentioning the C word yeah no that's good we knew what you meant every week if you want to get in touch

obviously guys as always it is shagmireinorda at gmail.com send us your thoughts your hopes your prayers your dreams

your questions your conundrums your dilemmas everything but mainly your discussing stories love dilemmas yes yes yes hi Rosie and Chris

hello thought I'd send in an email for your opinion to see if this is normal so my boyfriend and i are long distance he lives up north and i am from down south whenever i put an instagram post of myself on a selfie in brackets which is rare yeah he seems to get annoyed that it gets more likes than a photo of me and him on instagram he seems to claim more men like the photo of me never provocative by the way just me smiling in the mirror the selfie that's just putting on okay he claims that i should remove any boys that follow

me that i no longer really know anymore however this is cheeky little Charlie, Minx. However, he follows many topless lingerie models, which doesn't bother me. Oh. Seems one rule for one. Just want to know

what you guys would do in this situation. Thank you. That's, oh, I nearly said her name. Please keep me anonymous. Great. Sorry about that.

God damn it. So close. Oh, well, well, well, well, well, well, start at the beginning. keep me anonymous great sorry about that god damn it so close ooh well well well well well start at the beginning so every time she puts

a picture of her just a selfie likes through the roof yeah every time it's a picture of him and her

not so much the public don't like they don't like who's the ugly man next to you I yeah I don't like. They don't like. Who's the ugly man next to you? I, yeah. I don't know why he's so closely monitoring it.

That's my thought exactly. That's my thing. Why does he care? He's got like a fucking, like a pie chart or a graph. He's got a graph like the fucking coronavirus curve that they keep putting up on the news. Flatten the curve. Post them with me and you flatten the curve keep them likes at bay so yeah so he's um that's really strange that he's properly keeping like people do this this is the new you've got to realize this generation instagram and things like that that comes into

arguments in life yeah well i know that's not with everybody but i think that's the new generation dating world yeah that is part of their world hugely which rightly so you know it's a big part of our world but we met before all of that and i was his job we do it for work yeah but yeah i can understand i mean i just i don't know how he can be asked i don't know how god would you be able to get them things, them insights that you get that tell you how many men and how many fans and females you've got? I think that's just if you've got a business page.

Right, okay. Business. Whoa, that'll blow his fucking mind. Imagine he got a hold of that. Yeah. Sorry, bit of backstory if no one understands. You can go on Insights on your Instagram, you can see what portion of your followers are male and female

and where they're from and stuff. Whoa, imagine that. You'd be in the car once this lockdown's done. Well, if I'm being totally honest, and if she's listening, personally, I would run for the hills. Well, I just don't like that kind of crack. I don't like that sort of,

you shouldn't be friends with them boys anymore. Yeah, okay. Really? Or is that what you said as well? That he says that you shouldn't be friends with boys from the past Yeah. Okay. Really? Or is that what you said as well? That he says that you shouldn't be friends with boys from the past? Yeah, he said that you should delete all boys from the past. And he's keeping an eye on our likes. And then he's following Topless Dots.

Bloody Rudy Doody's. You know what I mean? Did you say Topless Dots? No, I just said Topless Dots. Do you remember Topless Dots? It's a blast from the past. Yeah. My friend had cable.

We used to put it on and be like, what the hell is this Topless Weather was the Topless Weather yeah Telly West no way on cable

yeah wow I just remember Topless Dart yeah can we just we need to clarify what Topless Dart is

it was on a cable channel that's the quickest thing quickly we'll clarify what Topless Dart is Dart's topless so this fella... That was it, yeah.

Anyway. So he follows loads of topless lingerie models, which doesn't bother her. But it would bother me because if he's going to go on about who I'm following... Well, it's an insecurity thing, isn't it? It's like if he follows these topless models who've got millions of followers,

there's realistically no real chance that he can hook up with any of them because he's just one of their drooling fucking fanboys but he he's insecure enough to think that these blokes like in a photo of a smile and our potential competition yeah where she's not going to mean that's the following a topless model now in this day and age and thinking that that might threaten your relationship it's up there with going well you're not watching kill bill because uma thurman's fit and you might fancy her but can we just clarify see is this just me i find that so strange i would hate it if you followed topless women we've got like pardon you do you would where's my phone just something

completely unrelated i just need to quickly go on Instagram for like 10 minutes right okay great of course I don't everyone built a see who I followed oh is that the only reason you don't yeah I've got another

account wow topless chris's bouncy boobs another account weekly updates of the bouncy's boobs on Instagram

subscribe now oh my god on this subject though there's men that I know who are in relationships okay that's fair enough right well i do know some men kick off what yeah believe it or not right my dad your dad yeah robin yeah me uncle um yeah there's men who we know and sometimes you know when you can see what people like and they're like married or in a relationship and they've liked stuff of kind of like laundry

models and that and i'm like that's so weird why are you liking it why is that i know why is that a thing yeah it is a bit strange it's kind of like um it's it's like openly it's like openly watching porn it's like i don't know but then telling people about do you know the bottom of most porn videos on porn websites there's a button uh email this video to a friend imagine that like oh yeah have you enjoyed it yeah like it's kind of similar in a way to that like oh i like i like that topless naked photo like i would never admit some so some of to that like oh i like i like that topless naked foot like i would never admit some so some of them pop up on mine because i follow when i first got instagram i follow like i just followed a load of brands i didn't really understand what it was so i followed

like loads of cars even though i'm not really that bothered about cars but i followed the cars i followed loads of fashion stuff i quite like watches so i followed like watch ones and now and then like lasses pop up in like the in that sort of tailored for you thing and I'm like oh god but they're literally clicking to go like Chris Ramsey likes this my nightmare is that I click on one and accidentally like it and it goes to the whole world he's looking at tits do you know what I mean like it tells everyone do you know do you know what I'm saying well we know now we all know what you want to do. Well, no, they come up within, sometimes it comes up within, like, mad cars and

watches and stuff. I know what you mean. Pack your bags, Ramsey. You know what I mean? But yeah, what I'm saying is, I don't know who these blokes are who actively follow them and actively like them. Him? This guy? Clearly. Okay. And I'm not saying it's a bad, it's weird, because I'm not saying it's about it's weird because

i'm not saying it's a bad thing if you know women can put whatever they want on there but i would just feel embarrassed as a bloke it would kind of be like sitting reading a porn mag on a bus or a train yes that's what it would feel like to me yes i agree hey whole world chris ramsey likes this lingerie photo like Like it without clicking it. So what do you think that she should do? Well, she says they're long distance. So I don't know how long they've been going. I don't know how serious they are.

But if they're long distance and they don't even see each other that much and he's still just bothering his ass to have a go at stuff like this, I don't want to be the cause of a breakup here, but I think I'd agree with you. Yeah. I think I'd agree with you.

Sack them off. What is the fucking point? If you're long distance and you're not with each other all the time and he's already whinging like that just move. podcast, and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director

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Hi, Chris and Rosie. I was faced with this would you rather question a few years ago. Oh, lookies. And to this day, I still think about it and change my mind about what my answer is. So she's flipping back and forth. Yeah. Would you rather have to have sex with a goat but no one knows about it or not have sex with a goat but no one knows about it or not have sex with the goat but everyone thinks that you have oh that's good that's good so one more time would you rather have to have

sex with a goat but no one knows about it but you have to have sex with it but no one will know right okay so secretly have sex with a goat you have to yeah you have no one will know fully go through with it yeah okay or not have sex with the goat but everyone thinks that you have had sex with the goat what would you rather i've got some questions okay so can we just put this up as you are doing this to me you're the rosiesey. You are the evil billionaire. How much? Oh, hold on. Is it not even for money?

No. Neither? It's just a word you... Well, you've got to do one of them. You've got to. Well, you're the evil person from Saw who's making us do this and the entire family get murdered. I've got...

I need some questions. So whatever you say now is gospel. Okay, come on. Should I put a voice on? No. The last thing we need is you... I'll put a little voice on. No, no, no.

It's absolutely fine. But I'm the wicked witch. Oh, God. I've the God sex. Now, where is that from, though? It's feeling a bit racist. Germany? She just shrugged when she said it.

That was a question. You asked us that. Just answer the questions normally. No fun. So, right. How long do I have to have sex with the goat for? Is it to completion? Yes.

Yes. The goat's completion or my completion? Your completion. Right, okay. Because I don't know if I would normally wear a goat. The goat will not fancy you. Listen to me, right? I am a catch.

What a... Is it clean, the goat? Has it been looked after? Is it clean? Literally just got it from the hills. So any... Any old goat just pot luck

yeah is it going to hurt the goat no no this is awful no no genuinely you would have is that the answer

that you're choosing I am thinking it might be easier to just have sex with a goat no Rosie honestly

you would be surprised if people think you've had sex with a goat. I might lose some sponsors. Your sponsors aren't real. Well, I might lose something. I can't be a stand-up comedian. It wouldn't be, who are you going to see?

Who are you going to see tonight at such and such theatre? Chris Ramsay? Who's he? Stand-up? What's he been at? Slept with you? Strictly? No, I i don't know he does a podcast with his wife i'm not sure is the guy who fucked the goat oh yeah

the fucking the goat fuck that's you'd never get away from that shit you'd never get away from it never so i'd have to fuck i would have to shag this goat yeah i'd have to shag

this goat and i'm just making sure everything's all right i'd have to shag it no i cannot be married to the man who chose the option of shagging the goat. But you'd rather be married to the man who everyone thinks has shagged a goat. Yes. Because you know the truth.

Yes. Great. And I'd be out there, I'd be getting slagged off for shagging a goat and you'd love that, wouldn't you? You'd love it. You would love me getting slagged off for shagging a goat. I wouldn't. I'd stick up for you. What would you say?

I'd say, listen. It was desperate times. It was a nice coat. And everybody, meet with son Billy. Woo! Have a shave, Billy, man. You bloody...

Don't want to go, do you? So hairy. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Both my brother and I listen to the podcast every week And have mutually agreed the following story needs to be shared with all the smars and dars Yep, let's go A few years ago our parents were on holiday in Thailand

They like to go away every January to celebrate their anniversary On this particular holiday they went on a boat trip A day lounging in the sunshine and not having a care in the world lovely at some point during the trip my dad went away to the loo at which point my mum settled herself down to sunbathe and do a bit of people watching she noticed a particular gentleman with a video camera kept staring in her direction and pointing his camera towards her becoming quite flustered as soon as my dad returned she told him and pointed the man out my dad took a few steps back to take in the scene in front of him and exclaimed Kim your fanny's

hanging out her swimsuit had obviously pulled to the side and there she was showing all her bits to the entire boat and on one gentleman's holiday video. Why is he filming it though? Well, he's zooming in and all sorts. Oh, the dirty body. Terrible, that, isn't it? Kim, your fanny's hanging out.

What a t-shirt that is that I'm going to sell. Kim, your fanny's hanging out. Oh, Jesus. I'm not being funny, but when you've been married for so long, I think you do lose all sort of like, you put yourself back. Yeah, you sweetheart.

You would do that to me. In 20 years' time, you would do that to me you if in 20 years time you would step back and go Rosie your fanny's hanging out yeah yeah definitely yeah definitely

definitely I'd run over that bloke and go yeah and he'd be like oh don't hurt is he gonna punch us and I'd be like no let's have a look

man it's funny he's out there look at that yack and I get a copy of that look at that send it to the family whatsapp group

look at that bloody ham sarny hanging out now I my immediate thought of stuff like this is when people have a bollock hanging out or something and they don't realise, how do they not know? I'm sorry, I don't have a vagina, but how do you not know when your vagina's hanging out?

Wait, do you remember when we were on holiday? A couple of holidays ago and there was man's ball was hanging out. Oh, was I with me, ma'am? Was I even with you? Rosie, there is no way on earth I would forget something like that. Me and me ma'am were away. ball was hanging out. Oh, was I with me mam? Was I even with you? Rosie, there is no way on earth I would forget something like that. Me and me mam were away. A ball hanging out.

Oh, a man's ball was hanging out? I see it in movies and I think, oh, it's obviously just bollocks. No. I didn't mean that. I see it in videos, yeah. I would know. I would know if my bollock was hanging out,

but I'm quite self-conscious and I check myself quite a lot and I'm really relaxed. I'm really relaxed enough to have a bollock hanging out. Maybe he was doing it for his own kicks. Maybe. Do you know what I mean? But in what world do you go, I'm a bit hot.

Must be me left bollock that's hot. And just drop that one out. I haven't got balls. I don't know how they work. I just, I'm sorry. How fucking dappled and worn and old and covered in dead skin does your vagina or bollock have to be to let the breeze hit it and you don't even realise?

Well, we're not older yet, though. Honestly, we might be 60-year-old one day and I might not be able to feel my vagina anymore. Oh, Rosie, when I'm 60, I'll not give a bollocks. I'll not give a shit. Well, this is the thing. I'm not bothered. I'm not bothered at all.

Me too. I'll have it all hanging out. Who cares? Do you think? We'll probably give a bollocks. I'll not give a shit. Well, this is the thing. I'm not bothered. I'm not bothered at all. Me too. I'll have it all hanging out. Who cares? Do you think? We'll probably still be fucking locked down. Oh, don't say that. Don't say that, honestly. My vagina will be skidding along the floor by the time we get out of this shit. Oh, hey. Now, hey.

Now, hey. My floor as well. A little snail trail. Oh, God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Got another quarantine break up here. No way. Yeah. Okay.

Hello, Rosie and Chris. Listening to last week's podcast, I felt so much comfort when you read a story out about another woman breaking up with her boyfriend and having to still live with him because of this shitty quarantine while I'm in the same fucking boat and what a shit show it is my husband and i have been together four years and married two we didn't hang about clearly yeah well a couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't happy anymore and wanted to separate i am gutted and now i have to live with him

yep we're three weeks on a week and a half in isolation and it's safe to live with him. Oh god! We're three weeks on. A week and a half in isolation and it's safe to say I'm ready to kill him. I've painted the bedroom, jet washed the front walkway and it's almost like all of a sudden he can't be arsed to do anything so I'm doing everything. To be honest, I'm fucking livid and just want these shitty months over and done

with. Thanks for making me feel like I wasn't alone and keeping me company whilst painting. Anonymous, lonely woman doing jobs she doesn't want to do, but doesn't want to look at his miserable face anymore. Oh, bless you. Oh, I'm so sorry. Hey, I don't know what to say.

I mean, there must be so many people in this situation. I think we touched on it last week. You imagine. That's it. I'm leaving you in the morning. Lockdown. Yeah. Oh, that's it. I'm leaving when I get morning. Lockdown. Yeah. Oh, that's it. I'm leaving when I get money to leave, when I can get a new flat. Lockdown. Lockdown.

Shit. We're sitting here whinging about being with a four-year-old who's a bit high maintenance, but we both love him dearly. And despite everything, we do love each other. Can you imagine what it must be like trapped in a house with someone who's just said, I don't love you anymore. That three-bed semi would become just like the smallest house in the world. Rosie, it could be a fucking studio apartment. be like trapped in a house with someone who's just said i don't love you anymore that three bed semi would become just like the smallest house in the world it could be a fucking studio apartment you

don't know my goodness it could be a six million pound studio apartment in london yeah with three rooms oh bless you hey cheers to you love you'll get through it here's a cheers to you we're thinking about you get through it i'm not cool if she did that room. She didn't say. Jet black. I'll paint the room black! Like your heart. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah!

Do you want something really disgusting or not? Always. No, but I'm the one who has to read them out. The people need it. The people need it, man. But it's horrible. I'm going to make a call. I want as many disgusting things as we can by the end of this episode. The people need it. No, I feel like... The people need it. Beat people need it, man. But it's horrible. I'm going to make a call. I want as many disgusting things as we can by the end of this episode.

The people need it. No, I feel like... The people need to be cheered up, man. But by disgusting stuff. Right? Yeah, definitely. You need to forget. You need to be disgusted by something other than the state of the world at the moment.

All right, I've got one here for you then. Yeah, I didn't take much, did I? Yeah, it's horrible. I'm the one who has to read it. It's horrible. Oh, come on, man. I read the blooming deposit I won the other week. You can shut up.

This isn't far off that. Shut up, really. Oh, I'm so excited. In my opinion. Hold on, is me glass full? Let's have a little drink before we start. My glass is full. Right, here we go.

Right, here we go. If you don't like disgusting stuff, then fast forward this, okay? If you don't like disgusting stuff, why are you here? We're not exclusively disgusting, let's be honest, but fucking hell, come on. It is pretty disgusting. Some of it is.

But you know what's funny, Chris? We're always in that top ten. So it just proves that the world is pretty disgusting. Damn right. Everyone wants a bit of filth, man. You can say you don't, but you fucking do. Dirty liar. Listen, look at me.

I know you. Out. Look at you. Look at you now, out walking your dog. Isolating, aren't you? Look at you, walking your dog. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Yeah, don't turn around. I'm talking to you. You. Fucking bilf bag, aren't you? Aye.

You love it. Stop doing that! It's fucking horrible. Right, you ready? Yeah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please, please, please, keep me anonymous, as I'm now married, and my husband listens and hates the whole I had an ex-boyfriend thing and we'll just end up

having a barney oh what so he what are these who are these fucking blokes who think they're all married a virgin why can't people talk

about their ex-boyfriends it's ridiculous do you know what I mean even though I'm still livid with all of mine we'll not go into that well we know why you're livid we've talked about it before

yeah so if you're new to the podcast and you don't why you're livid. We've talked about it before. Yeah. So if you're new to the podcast and you don't know, Rosie's livid with all of her ex-boyfriends. Every single one of her ex-boyfriends because none of them showed up on our wedding day to stop the wedding. Not one of them? Not one of them? I could name at least four. You're a maniac.

At least four of them that I thought, you know, that I thought cared about us. Possibly three. Do you think, like, if that's ever... I mean, it must, that I thought cared about us. Possibly three. Do you think, like, if that's ever, I mean, it must have obviously happened in the past. I know it's in films and books and stuff, but people must have showed up to weddings to stop the wedding. Like, does anyone here know of any reason

why they shouldn't get married? Door flies open. Because I'm still in love with her. There must be. Well, this is the thing. I didn't mean, I didn't mean on the day. You did. I meant more.

No, I meant like a text the day before. Hand on heart now. You look, you're smirking. You did. I meant more. No, I meant like a text the day before. Hand on heart now. You're smirking. You would absolutely have been fucking, you would have had the biggest head in the world if someone had stormed in and tried to stop our wedding. You'd have loved it. It depends which one of them.

A couple of them I might have laughed in their face. Wow. Wow. It depends which one of them. Fucking hell. Good God. Yet here I am with the man who I decided to marry. The man you settled for.

I'm joking. I know I'm joking. Oh, I was only joking because none of them text. But it is a joke. I'm genuinely joking. Please don't get in touch now. Or do, and it'll make us feel a bit better. I'm just joking.

Yeah, worth the get it. They'll get in touch during lockdown because they know there's nothing they have to do about it'll make us feel a bit better. I'm just joking. Yeah, worth to get it. They'll get in touch during lockdown because they know there's nothing they have to do about it. Oh, I love you so much. I want to see you. Oh, we're locked down. Alright, bye. Bye, yeah. Just listen, don't any of you read the book. Oh yeah, you will get dealt

with. That's all I'm going to say. Are you ready for this? Yes. I met this guy at work. Instantly, we had a connection. So we went out for a drink. Things progressed, and whilst at the time I didn't find it weird, we always met in an empty car park near a reservoir. Is a reservoir a drain, or is that a river?

Sorry, what? You're having one of? Sorry, what? You're having one of your lovely, what I like to call, Joey Essex moments. Let's just let this play out. What was your question? Has a reservoir got anything to do with the drainage system? Or is it part of a river?

Right. What do you think a reservoir is? I think it's like one of them big walls that has holes in that's a dam okay you're not like you're not stupid you're not a stupid person though but now and then something has just passed you by in life there's things like that i mean i just i do not i've heard of it like i've probably you've heard of reservoirs. Like, I've probably used reservoirs. Show off. Before. What is it? So, you are thinking...

So, I'm going to try and guess what you're thinking here because I know you so well. When you say, is it a drain? I don't know what that means. But when you say, is it part of a river? Are you getting reservoir mixed up with estuary? No.

No? What's an estuary? An estuary is like a kind of a bank of a river, if I remember rightly. A river bank. So, an estuary is like a kind of a bank of a river if i remember right river bank so an estuary is like the it's like the sounds like what women have what do you mean estrogen right no an estuary is like the tidal mouth of a river um it's where when i did that time crashes thing for channel four when estuary to pick mussels and it was like where the yes okay okay yeah yeah so you didn't think that.

And now you're asking if a reservoir is a drain. No, just part of a drain. Does water go through there that you use in the toilets? Like, is that... I don't know what a reservoir is. Is it dirty or is it clean? It's natural and about to be cleaned. So a reservoir is a body of water, natural water from streams and rivers and stuff.

That's about to go sometimes through a dam depending on the reservoir to be cleaned and then turned into domestic water. So it is used domestic water. But the sentence is it part of a drain? I would not accept. That's what I meant. So I'm

half right. Come on. I do know things. I like to know. Essentially she. Yeah, no, you're half right. I do know things. I knew that. No, I just, I like to know. Essentially, she went and met in an empty car park next to a massive fucking lake. Well, right. Well, why didn't she just write that?

Because it was a reservoir. Right, fair enough. Okay, anyway. I thought it was because the setting was pretty. Brackets, it was the summer. Jesus, she's stupid. Turns out he was cheating on his girlfriend. Oackets. It was the summer. Jesus. She's stupid. Turns out he was cheating on his girlfriend. Ovs.

Right. There you go. Brilliant. So whilst we met at this place a few times to talk, kiss and smoke ciggies. Lovely. Ciggies. Ciggies.

Ciggies. Ciggies. Ciggies. Ciggies. Ciggies. Ciggies. Ciggies. Ciggies.

Ciggies. Ciggies. Ciggies. On this occasion, things got a bit heated. Oh God. So they did. Oh Jesus. By the reservoir of love.

By the reservoir of love. Next to the dogs. Yeah. Great. Reservoir dog. Reservoir dog. So they did. Oh, Jesus. By the reservoir of love. By the reservoir of love. Next to the dogs. Yeah. Great. Reservoir dog. We started fondling. Sorry. Is she from the 1950s?

I don't know. I like it, though. Fondling. Fondling by the reservoir. The new jazz album. By a nun. Fondling by the reservoir. With all the domestic water.

Right, okay, the vault. This water tastes like someone was fondled near it. Can I carry on? Sorry, I'm just excited. I think I'm a bit pissed now. I ended up giving him a handjob by the reservoir. That's the grimmest thing I've ever heard. What do you mean? Well, I just picture them both sitting on the bonnet of the car A handjob? By the reservoir? That's the grimmest thing I've ever heard.

What do you mean? Well, I just picture them both sitting on the bonnet of the car looking at the reservoir, and she's got a ciggy in her left hand, and he's a knob in her right hand, and she's just tossing him off while he looks at the reservoir. Oh, hey. That's what I've pictured right there, and they're both just looking into the distance,

sitting on the bonnet of his fucking Ford Escort. At the reservoir. It's not romantic, is it? No, it's not. In the car park. No. How did she not know he was cheating? What fucking gall on this bloke?

Let's meet at the reservoir. Jesus. I'm just trying to think if I've ever met anyone at the reservoir. Well, you probably wouldn't have known because you wouldn't have known it was a reservoir. But like a stream or something? Did you meet anyone at a large body of water? Probably. Wasn't the sea.

You live there, remember? That's me beach. Life's a beach. Right. Anyway, so, right. Oh, gosh. Are you ready? Do you want to know this?

Oh, so it gets really bad. Yeah, of course. You said it's got to be bad. I think I'm drunk. Okay. Okay. Carry on. I ended up giving him a handjob.

Yeah. He lifted up his t-shirt Before he came Right Ejaculating On his stomach And then asked for a tissue Which I didn't have

So he proceeded to run his fingers Over the thick Glob-dwelled semen And lick it off. Sorry. Sorry. I don't want to say the word cum too much. She's wrote cum loads and I don't want to say it because it makes us feel a bit ill.

So he did it on his stomach. He's done it on his stomach. And you know what he'll have made in his belly button? What? A little reservoir. Ew. So he's scooped it off with his belly button? What? A little reservoir. Ew. So he's scooped it off with his hands and he's licked it himself. And he's licked it.

I was gobsmacked. Then he took my hand and licked his own, you know what, off my fingers like it was a tasty lollipop. That, sorry, that's the worst thing I've ever heard in my life he needs to be chucked into that reservoir that no i don't want him sullying our water oh imagine i was still not talking he said he did that because he didn't want to ruin his t-shirt as he was heading to the pub after and couldn't be asked to go home and change. Needless to say, I called it off after. I think he probably does this all the time, as he didn't seem to flinch. He didn't

even look around the car to use an old fag packet or something. Fag packet or something. This is one of the scummier encounters we've ever had to deal with on here. I think he thought it would turn me on. It was about 20 years ago before porn really came on the internet. Oh, so he was just doing this before watching it. He's what you call one of your grassroots perverts. He's original to the core.

He is. Wowee. Old fag packets? Jesus. I mean... Am I just being a prude and not adventurous or is this strange? No, no, no. Yes, he's probably in prison now for murdering

someone. I'm going to put it out there. She's put a very funny thing at the end. He seemed to proper enjoy it. I mean, I've tasted cum and it ain't that nice. I can just say, point of fairness here, had she tasted his cum,

no, then she doesn't know. Don't cast your opinion on a cum that you haven't tasted. Thank you very much. They're all the same. They're all disgusting. That's racist.

She's signed this off here. Take care and all the very best for you and your family. Thank you. Bit weird coming at the end of that story. Strange, isn't it?

Just that. And then, take care. All the best for the future. All the best, your Auntie Val. An old fag packet to wipe it up in is the thing that's sticking in my head now. Who wipes stuff up? He would literally...

How would it get... It wouldn't soak it up. Well, I mean, I imagine she means opening it and flicking it all in. Scooping. Oh, God. You know sometimes when you would de-ice your windscreen with a CD case?

I think she means like that kind of thing. Or like, you know, rubbing slime. Don't talk about me, God. You know sometimes when you would de-ice your windscreen with a CD case? I think she means like that kind of thing. Or like, you know, rubbing slime. Don't talk about me, child. Don't even say my child's name. You know sometimes when you just put it back into the jar and you'd have to just scoop it up. Oh, God. That is great.

See, I told you it was horrible. Nah, it's bad luck. Do you wish you hadn't heard it? No. Okay. I'm a better person for hearing this. Ooh. Well, I know what a reservoir is

Educational So Every day's a school day Who says homeschooling's difficult This one's interesting Okay God alive I love knocking wine glasses over

Fucking hell man Dear Chris and Rosie Okay So To cut a long story short Oh, God alive. You love knocking wine glasses over. Sacrilege. Fucking hell, man. Right. Dear Chris and Rosie, okay, so, to cut a long story short, I'm in a relationship of four years and recently my partner and I moved in together. That's exciting. Whilst packing up,

I have noticed a video cam DVD labelled me and X's name. Oh! Yeah. So, as to not be a complete psycho, I've not mentioned anything at the time of the move. Right. But whilst the move happened over several weeks ago,

the DVD has been moved to multiple locations. Oh, shit. Maybe to keep hidden from myself. Who knows? Or it's been watched and put back somewhere different. Really, do you think? Maybe. Anyway, since moving,

he has mentioned taking some boxes he doesn't need to his mother's as to not take up too much space. Am I wrong in thinking that it's exactly this and maybe more he's trying to keep hold of and hide from me? Part of me wants to address it because it's exactly this and maybe more he's trying to keep hold of and hide from me. Part of me wants to address it because it's clearly annoying me

otherwise I wouldn't be asking. What would you do in this situation? Oh, that's juicy. I would watch it. Yeah, I mean,

the fact that she hasn't watched it already has blown my mind. She's stronger than me. Yeah, fucking hell. I would watch it. Yeah, 100%. 100%. I would watch it yeah 100%

100% I would say something one of the two you'd have to say something yeah who are these people in these relationships who just don't say anything

yeah are we the strange ones for addressing stuff yeah but again I mean don't you know don't don't slag them all off

because you know they're creating a lot of our content yeah this is true keep asking us keep asking us guys I

would have watched it I would have definitely watched it and I would have said something I think I would have done both or I watched it and went in and frisbeed it out and went Carlys eh? Pervert good to you and your ex

wow he's playing fucking fast and loose that and went, Carlissa, pervert. Good to you and your ex. Wow. So that's just a little cheeky little one there. He's playing fucking fast and loose with this fella. I know. I mean, having it around the house

so that your current girlfriend can see it, the only worst place I would consider putting something like that that another person I wouldn't want to see it would be me mam.

Yeah, that would be awful. Oh, he has this porn video of this possible porn video of me. Do I want it around the house for my wife to see me, girlfriend to see it would be my mom yeah that would be awful he has this porn video of this possible porn video of me do i want it around the house for my wife to see me girlfriend to see possibly i'll go and leave it at my mom's house for her to fucking watch as well what if his mom's tied it up she goes oh him and i don't know him and sarah oh yeah like sarah oh i bet this is she had a lovely singing voice yeah oh yeah sarah i wonder if it's sarah singing yeah bet if it was on their own holiday maybe Yeah they might have

Got up on stage And they carry over Yeah Retiners Retiners Burned Babadoo babadoo babadoo Haven't had a little

Poo story for a while Oh Cheeky cheeky Cheeky little Charlie Little poo story I can't Do you want one No

Why Because you haven't Played the jingle Do you want the jingle Always want the jingle Okay well let me find it Hang on Do you know we've been Talking about shit Since. Okay, well, let me find it. Hang on.

Do you know we've been talking about shit since the 20th of November? Wow. Yeah? You ready? Yeah. Let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about poo and wee. Let's talk about all the good shits,

all the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shit. Ready? Let's talk about shit. With a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit. Ready? Let's talk about shit. With a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit. Shag married and shit. Wash your hands you dirty little bastards.

Boom. Here we go. Yes. Hi Chris and Rosie. Hello. Hope you are well and keeping safe. We are both of those things. Thank you for asking. In these dark times, I have a story which I think will fit into the Let's Talk About Shit segment and it's very topical as it's an extremely poor example

of personal hygiene. Oh God. My lovely boyfriend recently bought me tickets to see a West End musical for my birthday. He works in London and I work in our hometown

just outside of London. I got the train up to London and was a bit early to meet him so i decided to use my time wisely and clear out ready for the big meal we had planned to go to and get before the show sorry they're going for a big meal before the show so i ventured down to the men's loo in waterloo rosie i can assure you they are fucking dire i found one of the only cubicles that wasn't occupied missing a door or covered in shit and sat down to do my business so he's gone to the toilets yeah at waterloo station i'm guessing oh i am normally very good at checking for loo roll

when i go into a cubicle oh god and when I did on this occasion I saw two big rolls so I thought I was good to go. Not until I had finished my business did I notice that they were a really stupidly designed loo roll holder whereby instead of the loo roll coming out of the bottom, you dispense the paper from the middle of the holder like a

packet of wet wipes. Hate them. Do you know what I mean? Like pulling tinsel out of a dog's arse. Hate it. Oh Chris. Hate them. Do you know what I mean? Like pulling tinsel out of a dog's arse. Yeah. Hate it. Oh, Chris. Hate it. What I love about this is that he actually attached a picture of one of them in the email. Never in the world. Is it the one?

Smart one. Yeah, it's the ones where you pull them out one at a time out of the really small hole. Smart one. Horrible. I can actually get a full line of them out. Can you? Yeah. Over years and years of touring and going to petrol stations and stuff

when i was allowed to leave the house um what you've got to do is you've got to just basically it's hard to describe on the podcast but you've got to essentially put yeah finger over finger fingers over finger and thumb together use your finger and thumb and then use the other ones and go over over over over left right left right left right left right left right left right left right as you're pulling them out and you can get a full line. I can get a full line of about 20 out of one. See, I've been tricked by them many a time. Like this guy.

Don't just yank with one hand. No, no, no, you've got to... Okay. Do you know when you said then, when I was allowed to leave the house, honestly sound like you're being tagged? Well, that as well. Luckily, my tagging coincided perfectly with this, so no one knows. Do you know, here's a little thing.

Here's a little coronavirus gossip. Apparently a lot of people, although now they've banned elective surgery, a lot of people have been getting plastic surgery secretly while this is all going on. Really? Yeah, because they could get away with it. Like if nobody wants anyone to know,

they're just like, oh, you're looking good. Quarantined, babes. Yeah. Who would know staying in the house for three weeks made your tits two sizes bigger? Can you believe it? Just had loads of time, just been rubbing them loads

just every night before I go to bed. Just sit back and take a moment and just grow me tits. That was something that a girl I used to go to school with did who didn't have a very big chest. She heard that if you touched them all the time, they got bigger. So she used to lie on her night time, just rubbing her boobs.

Never worked. Oh, bless her. I know. Did you have fun though? Ah, maybe. Good. I was doing it the opposite way, so mine would go down.

One massive. Horrible. So anyway, yeah. Some stupid dickhead before me had decided to push the toilet roll back through the hole so the ends were sitting inside the holder. Unreachable and fucking useless.

So, I had an arse caked in shite. No toilet roll in the middle of London before a date night with my boyfriend. There was only one thing for it. I reached down, put my hand in my trouser pocket and pulled out my handkerchief. Oh, why have you got a handkerchief?

That's my main question. Why have you got one of them? Fucking, not the disposable ones, the full-on, like, you know, like a static caravan handkerchief. No, like a tissue handkerchief. He sounds quite posh to me. He didn't say tissue, Rosie.

He said handkerchief. So that's... That to me. He didn't say tissue, Rosie. He said handkerchief. That's the old man carries one round and blows his nose. That's what I meant. This man might be quite middle class. He sounds quite well to do. Rosie, he's about to prove the contrary. Read on. Have you noticed I haven't had it stuck there because this is really well written.

Yeah, good. Or is it wrote? I don't know which one it is. He'll tell you. Thankfully, my arse wasn't quite as caked as it felt like it was fantastic I think some hairs have just matted together

Jesus you think this guy's posh and he's writing this it's anonymous isn't it write what I want fuck a duck it's grandma's lovely so I wiped away

and thankfully it was quite a clean wipe but there were still several smears more 2d than 3d heavens above i looked around and of course there was no bin in the cubicle i obviously couldn't flush it and i couldn't bring myself to leave it for someone else to deal with fabric handkerchief what year is it what year is it i bet it's monogrammed as well but it's got his

initials on and a big fucking skid mark. Dirty sod. Dirty sod. So, what is this? Didn't want to leave it for anyone else. You know. Oh, that's nice of him. Thoughts on caring. Great. So I neatly folded it up

ensuring that no shit was on the outside of the hanky. Put it in my coat pocket as I left the cubicle and washed my hands. I hate everyone. Typically,

there was no bin in the toilets anyway so I had to face facts that I would have to try and find another bin in Waterloo Station to dispose of my shitty hanky and I had every intention to.

Oh no. But, my boyfriend phoned me once I got out of the concourse and I got distracted as I went to go and meet him and looking forward to our evening.

So he just got distracted. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh dude. I was so swept up in the excitement of going to see the show that i completely forgot that i had folded up a handkerchief containing my shit smears in my coat pocket no man we were halfway through the first act of the show and i felt a sneeze going on no fucking way no fucking way I quickly reached into my coat pocket under my seat sneezed into

my hanky and it all came flooding back to me as the smell of shit flooded my nostrils mortified his putt oh my god oh god and that's,

and he's put, please keep me anonymous. Thank you so much. I love that. Oh, that's just horrendous. Oh, very good.

Very, very good. I enjoyed that very much. Oh God. It's easily done. No, it's not. And I'll tell you why.

No, I'll tell you why it's not easy done because people shouldn't be carrying around fabric fucking hankies like it's 1920 fucking stop it I think he's got one of them really lovely big like a twizzly beard

and I think he wears like a three piece suit with tweed and I think he's got like a cane I think he's really posh right he's definitely posh yeah because posh people write things like caked and matted arse hairs. Posh, that's a phrase posh people use regularly. Fuck me.

I love that. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for this week's celebrity question. Celebrity question. We've got one. I would love to say, I would love to say that we pulled our fingers out and thought

loads of celebrities are at home now locked down possibly they want you know get their name out there and do a celebrity quest that's not the case at all

David big love to David Karen Karen's boyfriend who I did Strictly with who I danced with on Strictly

David Webb absolute legend is friends with Joe who plays Anna on Downton Abbey and he just randomly I asked him ages ago dance on the street david webb absolute legend uh is friends with uh joe who plays anna on downton abbey just randomly i asked him ages ago and he was like yeah i thought that out and i thought nothing of it you know he's busy and he's sorted it out and he just sent us the id he was like yeah you want a surprise and he sent us this and here here it is hi chris hi rosie it's joe Hi, Chris. Hi, Rosie. It's Jo Froggatt here. I have a question for you.

Which character in Downton Abbey do you think you're most like and why? Yeah. So Jo plays Anna in Downton Abbey, which is obviously we went through a phase of absolutely hammering Downton Abbey and watched the film and everything and we loved it.

While watching it, we discussed, Rosie, that I would clearly be upstairs and you would clearly be downstairs. Do you think? Yeah. I don't think you'd be upstairs, though. Yeah, I beg your pardon.

I don't think you'd be upstairs. I beg your pardon. I would definitely be upstairs. If you were upstairs, you would be what's-his-face who used to be the chauffeur. Go and fuck yourself. Don't you dare Well you think I'm married into that

Married into I was born upstairs I'd like to just tell you Chris Bring you back down to earth You are A northern Working class comedian Hey

You're scum On people's show mate Are you having a laugh? You're actually having a laugh? Wow You ever been on QI? Right You ever been on QI?

No Have you? Funny that isn't it right you'd be downstairs you you will be getting an email from jason manfred from john bishop um anyone else who i can care to tell or name drop they're posher than you now all of them now they are john especially maybe is it because just because they're older than you and they've seen Pasha? Oh, I think it's because John's got like You're a scumbag.

Don't pretend that you're not. I would love chickens. Yeah. Just quickly on the subject of Joe Froggatt. Yeah. Anna from Downton Abbey. Yeah, yeah.

Loved her when she was in Bad Girls actually. Yeah, she's a legend. She's a fantastic actress. Amazing. She's brilliant. Thank you for the question by the way.

Thank you. I think if I was a character in Downton Abbey, I would be... The cook. I'd be Mrs. Patmore. You'd be Mrs. Patmore, the cook. That's me. Love her.

I honestly think... If I want to be, I'd want to be Lord Grantham. You're not going to be Lord Grantham you're not gonna be lord grantham listen listen you're causing it best on a good day do you know what you've done you've done the whole time you know you've fucking held me back you have right if i want to be lord grantham i can be lord oh sorry where would you be if you didn't have me eh where would you be on the arm of megan markle don't fucking think so who do you think you are why I on her arm? Why is she not on my arm? Because you're his comeback.

I meant, I meant, I actually meant the other one. What I'm saying is, right, I would love to be Lord Grantham. I'd love to be the guy, the landowner,

the posh guy walking around with the dog. Mainly because of his dog, but I genuinely think, I was going to say, you just want his dog. Honestly, in all fairness, I genuinely think I'd be downstairs

and I genuinely think I'd be one of the new shitty butlers who fucks up and literally disappears within three episodes. Yes. To go work in the butchers again. Not even credited. That would be you. Yeah. And Mrs. Patmore.

I'm glad we cleared that up. Now get the fucking dinner on, Patmore. Thank you once again for listening. We absolutely love getting all your tweets and your Instagram messages and all your emails. We really just want to make you smile through this complete shit show.

We're all in it together and it's, you know, it's hard times. 100%. Couldn't have put it without myself. Thank you all so much. If you want to get in touch, it's shagmarriedanoid at gmail.com. Send us anything. Send us whatever the fuck you want

stories anything all of that weirdly we just got sent about 8 boxes of front page books

of the book front pages of the book that we are doing the shagmarriedanoid book we've got to we've got to sit and sign them one night haven't we

we really need to get on that so the signed copies of the book are going to be available shortly. There's a few left at Waterstones if you'd like one. Yeah, WH Smith as well as well. I'm not sure. No, WH Smith have sold out. I'm not up to date on the current stock.

I think. There we go. Oh, shit. Guys, just W fucking one of them. One of them. Who cares? Guys, we love you. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder,

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