Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 6. Let’s see shall we

Episode Date: March 22, 2019

In this week’s episode of Sh**ged Married Annoyed Chris and Rosie discuss friends with benefits, romance at work, who’s the best in a crisis and which out of the two of them would Vicky Pattison liked to take out on the lash. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Chocolate Quilted Shitpig and him, Lord Ballbag needs to floss more regularly

That was so personal and not nice at all Unbelievable Hi guys, this is episode 6 Thank you for listening and before we get started obviously a word from our sponsor.

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Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle.

Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Jingle. Hello. You're listening to episode six. Thank you so much for listening. Jingle! Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab! Jingle! Hello! You're listening to episode six. Thank you so much for listening and if you've listened to all of the ones so far, we are very, very, very grateful

for your listening ears. Very, very, very. Three, three verys. Very, very, very. And yeah, it's still going well, isn't it? It's all a bit... Just hearing really nice stuff, which is just lovely.

Can I say as well, thank you for everyone who gets in touch, shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Some of them aren't even questions, isn't it it's all a bit just hearing really nice stuff which is just lovely can i say as well thank you for everyone who gets in touch shag married annoyed at gmail.com some of them aren't even questions it's just people saying nice stuff oh is it i went through the emails today i'm not joking one of them just said just wanted to say hey that was it it was them words that like handful of words and that was it i went cool i didn't reply but yeah see people can be nice people can be very i mean people can be dicks oh yes people can be nice people can be nice and let's focus on that rather than focusing on the dicks yes high five high five on that i kind of reach for the mic

pulled a muscle in my back oh that is the kind of injuries i get in it i know like i hurt myself yawning and stuff i know do you Do you remember when you had your... Do I remember? Yeah, I do remember. I shouldn't even bring it up. Okay. Well, what Rosemary was just about to say was

I was once, ladies and gentlemen, playing on my PlayStation VR like a big boy. Sad. And Rosie gave me a fright and I nipped a nerve in my neck and had to go to physio

for a month. And it still hurts now. You still mention it don't you you haven't been back on the vr you're scared i'll do it again rosie i'm terrified of vr why because i can't do it you know sometimes i go like you know when you go out and like i'll put robin to bed or whatever and i i can't go on vr because i feel like as soon as i've put the headset on and then the earplugs in i feel like loads of people have just ran into the house and they're ready to give us a fright.

It's intense, mind. It's really intense. I remember I had a shot and I was scared a little bit. And it was the advert, remember? It was only the advert bit. I hadn't even started the game. It was the logo and you were like, it's coming at us. I was like, that's the logo for the game.

Oh, class. But can you remember back in the day, your mum and dad would be like, don't sit too close to the screen. and you were like it's coming at us i was like that's the logo for the game oh class like but can you remember back in the day your mom and dad would be like don't sit too close to the screen now it's strap the screen to your face to your eyeballs it is it's because all of your senses go and like i don't like horror tv shows or films we've turned stuff off because it's scary yeah we were frightened of stranger things for god's sake i know we're the people who watch it then creep around the house don't we well i had to stop watching luther when you went and working away didn't you yeah yeah but that's not ghosts and monsters that's nutters around the corner that's what i'm more scared of yeah i'm scared of rapists

and murderers not like ghosts and that yeah but the people play horror games on the vr what the what's wrong with your life that you've got to do that to yourself? So intense. Well, it's like people who go to them zombie things where people run after them as zombies like that. Oh, nah. Nah. Forget it.

I went to that Blackpool one. It's years ago. I used to hear about that at school. Yeah, when you walk around. Horrible. Oh, nah. Horrible. Nah.

I couldn't have that. Just not nice at all. I mean, I don't like the one she'll say. They're not meant to touch you. They do touch you. That's libelous. If you're listening and you're not claiming

you've touched Rosie specifically. I am. Honestly. I got touched. Not like in a rude way. Just in a... I'm a zombie. I like your jumper.

Horrible. How old were you when you went to that? I was about 19, I think. Maybe a bit older. God knows. All the years just mushing to one. All my mates at school used to talk about it.

Someone went and they all talked about it. They're like, oh, the guy runs after you with a chainsaw. And then apparently at the end, you run... Is this true? You run out of the last door and you're just in a bar. In a bar, yeah. And everyone's like, losers. That's good.

It's really good. That's very good. You come out the lift. And I think you can buy that on a video. See, I would just go to the bar and sit watching people. That would good. It's really good. That's very good. You come out the lift and I think you can buy that on like a video. See, I would just go to the bar and sit watching people. That would be my thing. And I'd still get a fright every time people ran through the door. There's a little deal for me, you and Robin, eh?

Oh God, Robin. Do you know what? He wouldn't be bothered. I know! Am I right? Am I right? He's the guy, he's the kid that'd be like a clown and he'd run at it and slap it. And we'd be like cowering. He wouldn't be bothered at all. Not phased.

He's hard as nails, isn't he? What have you been up to then? How's your week been? It's been canny. Got a new sofa. Never in the world. Shock. Doesn't sound like you.

Well, I kind of forgot about it because it takes so bloody long to come. It's been, what, ten weeks? Everything. Can we just say everything takes ages for a house. I don't know who's sorting this out. I don't know if it's one company making all of the shit. Everything. Can we just say everything takes ages for a house. I don't know who's sorting this out. I don't know if it's

one company making all of the shit. Yeah it's ridiculous. Can I get some blinds? 8 weeks. 8 weeks! I've got to sleep with the sun on me face.

I know. I know. But it's like that thing of your bar so we bought that sofa and I haven't been able to do the room because I've been

waiting for that sofa so it's just been a bare room until I got the sofa. I've been waiting for that sofa. So it's just been a bare room until I got the sofa. I said sofa a lot. Sorry. Sponsored by the word sofa. I love a sofa.

So that was my week. How about you? The most exciting thing in my week. Yeah. Comes to something when that's the most exciting bit in the week. You went out on Saturday night, didn't you? I did. I had a lovely time.

You had a lovely little time with your mum. Sandra's birthday. Yeah. I went for a suit fitting on Sunday. That turned into a day out sorry the suit fitting that finished with you pissing in the drain outside

and banging your head off the guttering and then asking me actually whilst doing it saying I was hoping you wouldn't catch us that's what you said is it because the security light came on and I heard you hit your head off the gutter and... I picked the worst place

to wait. Why did I wait under the security light? Like the Billie Jean video. Why did you wait? We've got two toilets. Why are we outside anyway? Right, first of all, Rosie, stop showing off to the general public about how many toilets we've got. It's really gaudy and you're better than that. Two!

Listen, guys, if you've got one toilet we're not judging you right we're just doing really well we've got two toilets we oughta we've got a third on the way but it takes eight weeks we only grew up with one toilet

it was hell can I just say I am okay with weeing in your own garden I think it's fine well it's fine. Well, it is fine.

Like, I don't mind. I'm not mad. But we've got a toilet. Yeah. It's not the 1900s. I know, but I didn't know how fast you were going to answer the door. I didn't know if the front door had the lock on or the chain. I might have weighed my pants. So you were a drunken mess on Sunday.

Yes. Which is great. I was. Very irritating. I know. Extremely needy. I'm a needy drunk, what can I say? I get soppy. I like cuddles and stuff.

Oh God. This should be a video podcast because the disdain in your face there, I'm not kidding it hurt, it cut deep. Because you stink. You smell like outside and beer and it's just awful and it clings to you. Can you remember when you were younger

and your mum and dad would come in from a night out and they were just stinking? Lifting. Yeah. And it's just awful and it clings to you. Can you remember when you were younger and your mum and dad would come in from a night out and they were just stinking? Lifting. Yeah, I do. That was the time of smoking in pubs as well, wasn't it?

Yeah. My dad had a leather jacket and it used to hang in the hallway and the whole hallway would stink. And that was before Febreze. Can you remember smoking in pubs? Wasn't it horrific?

As an ex-smoker, personally, it was amazing. But now as a non-smoker yeah personally it was amazing but now as a non-smoker not great honestly you would just come in just stinking i know like so bad and i had long hair at the time i had long emo hair oh when i used to go out you did i god honestly it was like my hair was like a stinking mop that i'd been used to cleaning ashtray. It was very smelly. But the only thing is, right, when people used to smoke in bars and stuff, it covered the smell of farts and feet and bow. Right, yeah, there is that.

But I don't know, I would rather just move away from someone's flatulent area and or body odour than stand in a full place stinking of smoke. Yes, I agree. But now, oh, of smoke yes i agree but now oh i'm sorry though but now everyone with the vapes yeah you're just walking around in chew it land yeah it's disgusting yeah well i always think i think oh god someone someone's baking some cinnamon croissant oh no it's just some arsehole doing his dragon impression in the corner with his beard and his frigging beanie.

God, I went to the vape shop with Jason Cook, a mate of ours. It was pathetic. It was pathetic. He went in and there's just all this stuff on the wall. And Jason's like, oh, can I have a large bottle of philosopher's vomit?

Is that what it's called? Just all these stupid names. It wasn't philosopher's vomit, but it it's called just all these stupid names it wasn't philosophers vomit but it was like they're all like really stupid like I'm sure one of them was called

Heisenberg because it was blue and it's all these nerdy things Berry Blast yeah Berry Blast oh it's all them things yeah

and then uh and then he and then the guy when I thought it was really really like already weird Jason was paying and the guy was like

have you got your membership card and Jason went yeah and it was on his keys it was just a you got your membership card and Jason went yeah and it was on his keys it was just the membership card on his keys and he got like

his little discount get a stamp 10 vapes get you 11 free it was pathetic it was pathetic well at least he's not smoking

yeah so you know I mean in 10 years we'll probably find out yeah we'll find out they'll they're slowly killing everyone so that's great.

Remember that full generation who died of vaping? What were we thinking? I actually seen a 15-year-old about vaping in a school uniform. I mean, what are you doing? Just gone straight to vaping. No cigarettes. Straight to the vape. I'd have been vaping.

I'd have been vaping me tits off in the back lane it smells amazing it does it's like walking through someone's yeah like Chew-Its or Chewing Gum the flavours you can get

heaven's above yeah fair play to you my beef is something that's been doing me head in about you for a long long time

you normally wake our child up it's the reason I have to go and wake check on our child before I go to bed. And you can't. You are a lovely little person, right? I can lift you up.

You're a little thing, right? You're my lovely little wife, right? Five foot one. Yeah, five foot one. A little cuddly little chocolate quilted shit pig, right? Lush, right? Miniature chocolate quilted. Not the big ones, the little ones, right?

Right. You clomp around this house like you are a... You know the mountain from Game of Thrones? I imagine he disperses his weight quieter when he is walking around his house than you. It is unbelievable it's like there's a rugby team coming down the corridor and this happened the other week and you know what i'm gonna say i was in the back yeah i was in the bathroom the other day with robin and he was in the bath and i went oh i haven't got the towel and your mom lovely

sandra dead canny she went i'll go get the towel chris your ma'am, lovely Sandra, dead canny, she went, I'll go and get the towel, Chris. And she disappeared up the corridor and I think the water was running. I turned the tap off. When she came back, I thought we were being invaded. I thought there was a tank coming down the corridor. And I said, that's where she gets it from. The pair of you. See, I just don't understand for such a little person

how you can make so much noise. Walk on your tiptoes. Just think. Just think. Usually, right, i know what i know what it is right i've usually got a pair of slippers on and we keep slippers on you have to like crunch your toes up at the front right and so i think this makes me walk a little more no i'm just i'm really heavy your mom does it as well it's crazy i don't know if kate does it your sister

but your mom did it the other day she's little as well no but she does yoga and that she's like she's not kate floats in like morticia adams yeah i know she's the sister you you hate but you you love her if that makes sense right what's your beef with me okay well it was going to be that you're a drunken mess, but we've already discussed that. So, my beef with you this week is, right, our marriage is not going to last. Wow. If. Right. It's an if, okay. Thank God for that.

Imagine you just put your headphones, that was it. Divorced on the podcast. This week's podcast was only 20 minutes. What the hell happened? Oh, God. Oh, you snorted. Okay, so our marriage is not going to last if you keep asking me to smell your armpits.

Rosie, see this top that I've worn three consecutive days for an hour each time does it still smell? I don't want to know put it in the wash Rosie, do these slippers smell? should I chuck them away? have you got a nose?

you know what I'm like I don't want to smell different parts of your body to see if you're acceptable to the outside world thank you very much go and ask your mum you listen to me right now

right you we've discussed this before you've got a superpower your nose is incredibly sensitive

if you're not willing to use your superpower to help this family right in times of need then I don't know

why we're even doing this disable us man right but sometimes I wear a t-shirt. I don't, what are the rules? What, like, because sometimes you wear something, you know, maybe I'm popping out a drop,

robbing off at nursery, I'll pick them up or something, and I'll put a t-shirt on, and then I think, oh, no, actually, I want to put a different t-shirt on for the day. That doesn't go with me pants. You know, I've got a weird colour thing. And I'll swap it,

and then maybe I wear it, and so I think, look, I've only wore this for, like, an hour. I can't put it in the wash. You know, we've got an environment to look after and i'll sniff it i'll go that might be okay but sometimes you can't smell your own brand you might not be real because there's some people rosie there's some people out there who are absolutely lifting i know and they either can't smell themselves you know or they don't care some of them i think maybe they just can't smell

themselves so i've got this weird thing of i don't know maybe sometimes you can't smell themselves. So I've got this weird thing of, I don't know, maybe sometimes you can't smell your own B.O. and it scares us. It frightens us to my very core. I would tell you if I thought you stunk. I think I've told you before. But I don't want to put my nose in your armpit and smell. See, the problem is you would tell us, yeah? But it would be just as we've walked into Ikea

and there's nothing I can do about it. I would rather do it in the house. Do you know what I mean? Because it would be me walking out and you go, is that you? Oh God, right. Come on, let's go for four hours. And I'm walking around like the old Impulse Spice advert to keep my armpits down. I just don't want to do it anymore. It wasn't in the vows.

You know what I mean? Having to hold to sniff your pits forever. Just don't want to do it anymore. Having to hold to sniff and to hope. Please, just don't ask us because it's frank makes us feel sad okay deal don't ask us can i have some kind of um like card and stamp system where i can ask you like maybe 10 times a year and every time i ask you i get a little but that's going to involve everything that's pits breath a breath oh That's going to involve everything.

That's pits. Breath. A breath. Oh! Just my breath smell. Hair. Oh, I don't want to know! I don't want to smell your breath!

Right, right. Okay then, right. If that's the case, every time we leave a restaurant, I don't have to check your teeth anymore for little bits of green stuff. Like a chimp. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sit back down. That's you? You asked me? Oh, no! Another thing. Another thing. Another thing. How's me nose? Is me nose clear? that's you you asked me oh no another thing another thing another thing how's me nose is me nose clear

is me nose clear is me nose clear oh get a mirror you know what it is the last thing you want to do is go and be talking to someone and that's what you Rosie

you looking forward to that you looking forward to someone going oh that Rosie Ramsey's husband you see he had full on he had bloody tableware hanging from his nostrils when I was talking to him how's she married to that?

did you sniff him? oh I sniffed him alright gosh she doesn't even look after him listen songs are not saying about me I don't care right question

is that the thing for questions from the week? question how do you think you feel about me? about my own feelings and about my own race Bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, bab-a-doo, bah. Question. Is that the thing for questions from the week? Question. How do you think you feel about me? About my own feelings and about my own race. Only when you're sinning and you're feeling lonely. When it's all over, please get up and leave. Question.

Yeah, question. Did you know any of the words in that, or was that just noises? Just noises. Just noises, yeah, cool. Right, I've got a question out in the email from Katie. Chris and Rosie, hope you're both well. Love on the podcast. Keep up the good out in the email from Katie. Chris and Rosie, hope you're both well. Love on the podcast.

Keep up the good work. Thank you, Katie. On the subject of work, very nice segue, Katie. Not done. What are your thoughts on relationships in the workplace? Should we mix business with pleasure? Oh, okay. Okay.

Interesting. I think a lot of people meet at work, which is okay, you know, which is good. I don't think it's, oh gosh, I don't know. Well, I'll be honest with you, I'm married to someone I work with

and it's a nightmare, if I'm honest with you. It's literally the shortest job in the world. We sit here for a morning, that's it. Yeah, have you, back in the day,

have you had workplace romance as well? No, I don't think I have. But this is the thing. I'm going to probably touch a couple of nerves here. Right. But have you ever worked with a couple? Okay. And it's a bit...

Yeah. So they're what? They're a bit soppy? I don't know. Like even in the same building, like, oh, Janice is married to Clark and it counts. And it's like, oh, great. God.

So you can't say anything about Janice. You can't say, yeah. And when Janice is around, you can't go, bloody pay slip was wrong again. Oh, it probably wasn't Clark though. Did you ever at school, were two teachers ever married?

How exciting was it? Well, it was when you found out but then it lasted, it only lasted a few hours. I remember I was in Curry's once with my mum and dad. I think we were getting a telly or a microwave. It was definitely square. And I saw my DT teacher

and my English teacher out together and I didn't know because they had different surnames and they were married. They were probably having an affair. And the teacher gave us a full on look as if to go, even as a kid I remember thinking, he is silently saying

keep your mouth shut Ramsey. Really? Yeah. And I did. There was a married teacher at mine, Mr and Mrs Stoker and they had a son. Two children who were in the school. Oh, right, well. And guess what? You got made head boy.

Nepotism. Shock. Disgusting. Fix. Fix, that's it. Let's be honest, who the hell wanted to be head boy? What? I wanted to be head girl, are you kidding me? Pathetic. Great.

I put myself up for it. It's got you written all over it, that, hasn't it? I'll apply for class president. You make me sick. Oh, you're joking. I was buzzing. And as well, this date, right? I've been the only prefect in my whole family.

Honestly, there's 24 cousins. I'm the only prefect. Is that what that blue plaque is On your mum's house No What Blue plaque outside You still live here Rosie Winter

Was a prefect You still live here The only prefect In my whole family The only prefect So you never had A workplace romance Rose No

Apart from now No No Not that I can remember Well like I mean A few places like, I mean, a few places are. Well, I mean,

the Stadium of Light. I remember some people at the Stadium of Light actually had sex in the linen cupboard. I remember hearing about that. I thought you were going to say the pitch.

I was going to be really impressed. On the pitch. In the linen cupboard. That's crap. In the linen cupboard. Oh God, what do you expect? Centre circle.

I don't know, I could have at least gone to a box or something. Do you know what I mean? No, the linen cupboard. I don't know what it is. I think it might have been where the dirty linen went something. Do you know what I mean? The linen cupboard. I don't know what it is. I think it might have been where the dirty linen went as well, which is even worse.

Was it you? No, it definitely wasn't me. I'm not that guy. No, it wasn't me. I'm boring, aren't I? Yeah. No. That weed outside hit me head on the gutter.

I was about it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday.

Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats

for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com i've got a question dear rosie and chris doesn't say dear just wanted to make it sound a bit more official that's nice who is the best in a crisis rosie or chris of me and you do you want to answer this me shall I answer it yes you yeah in a crisis

a flap yeah a flap I make things bad do you remember when Robin's teeth came out knocked his teeth out yeah

good lord do you want to tell the story I don't you were just terrible terrible like you were crying more than Robin

yeah you nearly crashed the car yep did you have a panic attack I didn't have a panic attack possibly I was very very upset yeah

so he fell off his little balance bike he slipped on the floor on some tiled outdoor floor which is basically sand made it slippy

the bike disappeared from under him he hit his head it was when he looked up and his little teeth were smashed and there was blood all over his face

just thinking about it now makes us literally want to be sick everywhere but it was the way that you kind of looked at him looked at me genuinely put your hand

to your head like you know the people in the olden days did before they fainted and you looked away going ahhh I did

I did and I was like what's happening what are you doing I was like I broke his teeth oh god and you were like I did and I was like what's happening what are you doing I was like he broke his teeth oh god and you were like

I know and you were absolutely incredible to be fair but can I just say I don't think you would have been as incredible

if I hadn't been so terrible so you're welcome that's that's a lie you are welcome for me

making you a better person and that's what I'm here for, you know? Thanks. It's wonderful. Hi, Rosie and Chris. What's the most embarrassing thing you have done in front of your neighbours? I once walked into the wrong flat and didn't realise until greeted by some very confused neighbours. Then the weekend we moved, my husband had to be scraped off our driveway by our new neighbours

after falling out of the car, flat on his face and passing out. Oh my word. Love the podcast, Leanne. Brilliant. Wow, that's colourful. Wow. We get a lot of these. We get a lot of what's the most embarrassing thing you've done. But that's specific. That's in front of your neighbours. In front of our neighbours. Well, I...

Oh, tell the story about the carrier bag is that what you're going to do that's exactly what I was going to tell yeah okay go on

we live next door to a it's sort of a kind of I don't know what it is it's like it's flats

for over 50s yeah apartments for older just over 50s 60s yeah and they're

absolutely lovely and they're like when Robin's playing outside you see them all open the windows because all the old ladies like listen a child play it and they love him not recently actually since he started just tying really loud yeah but um once because i'm a nightmare

i tidy things up all the time and once i came out and i walked about driving there was just like a carrier bag like hanging on the fence and i was like without even it was rosie it was a see-through carrier bag as well but i was like who's it was a rosie it was a see-through carrier bag as well but i was like who's just hiding a lot of crap over here what's this oh bloody hell people are a disgrace and i grabbed the carrier bag and i just slung it back over the fence right and then about about a week later this lovely lady was talking to us through the fence as i was walking past she was like hi are you okay and i was like oh hello how are you and she went is is the is the little

is the little boy not allowed uh chocolate is he not i went uh no yeah he's allowed chocolate why she went oh well i left him an easter egg on the carrier bag but you threw it by all easter egg you know and i just look like with proper veracity i just launched off the I think it hit a window I was like littering in my garden how dare you it was a present for Rob I was mortified

she gave it back she did she still had it bless her I was mortified I said look I thought it was rubbish I'm really

sorry she laughed but I was mortified in your defence I saw it as well I mean I just walked through it past it

it looked like when people put dog poo on pictures that's what it looked well. I mean, I just walked straight past it. It looked like when people put dog poo on pictures. That's what it looked like. So I can see where you're coming from. I just slung it back. I hope she didn't hear us. I'm sure I swore. I'm sure I was like,

ah, bloody pigs, animals. Oh, class. Question here from Chris. Hi, Chris and Rosieie i have a question for you based around social media what are your thoughts on those people that put cryptic posts on facebook oh like feeling really down yeah well he's put some examples and i love them and i especially love the last one so he's put example, I'm ready to kick off. So if someone just puts us their status, I'm ready to kick off. He's called Deborah.

Another one, another example, can't believe this would happen. Right? Amazing. And he's wrote here, oh, my personal favourite, and I've got to say, Chris, this is my favourite, and I've never seen it, but I wish I had. So someone's status, just saying, got to say, Chris, this is my favourite, and I've never seen it, but I wish I had. Someone's saying this, just saying, let's see, shall we?

Beautiful. Beautiful. Isn't that blinding? It's your auntie Joan. It's your auntie Joan, but she's not related. She lives at the bottom of Yenana Street. Your mum's friend, auntie. Mum's friend, Joan.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I, I, I'm not on, I don't go on Facebook anymore just because I just can't be bothered with it.

It is for that kind of stuff. It's the people from school writing things like that. And you go, and then it's the ones that go, Oh, what's the matter? Love. What's the matter?

Sweetheart. Anything wrong? And then the comment or anything, I'll DM your babes. And you go, well, fuck, take it off your status then. What are doing ring up oh god yeah chris we hate it as well mate fair play and

very good point and i'm telling you what look out next week because at one point next week my on my twitter it's just gonna say let's see shall we and let's see what people say loving it all right rosie we've got an anonymous question here what's your views Let's see, shall we? And let's see what people say. Loving it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. All right, Rosie, we've got an anonymous question here. Okie doke. What's your views on friends with benefits? Oh. I have a friend who wants just that.

And to be honest, I can't help think I'm too old for that. And for one night stands, I'm 28. Would it make it awkward? He says it won't be awkward awkward but I'm not so sure right right I'll answer this right I'll literally answer this for you now

men can have friends with benefits women cannot have friends with benefits when women have an orgasm we give off this emotion right yeah this is genuine facts right now yeah

okay we give off this hormone which makes us actually really love that person that we're having sex with men they don't have that right they just ejaculate can get on with the day right okay we're giving off all this stuff is this true is this science genuine science right wow so i don't think that women can have friends with, this is my personal opinion as well, I don't think women can have friends with benefits

because we get a bit clingier. And we don't mean to. I think in our mind we go, oh, no, I'm not bothered. But for women, sex is more of a... Emotional thing. Emotional thing. Whereas for men, you don't actually have that hormone, apparently, that you give off.

Wow. Thank you. I will accept my Nobel Prize next Saturday. Nobel, but okay. Okay. What is it, Nobel? Nobel Prize. That's just winning some money at the amusement.

God, it's embarrassing. I don't really get the Friends of Benedict thing. I've never got it. I've never got it. I've never understood it. Even as a man, I'm sorry, but men get you get attached i think on stuff like i think you can do no don't please don't get don't get me wrong i think men i'm not calling all men horrific here but i think it's genuinely in in in built in a man that they can kind of go around that's you know yous have the seeds yeah

type thing and women I don't know maybe maybe it's just me I just get a bit too attached do you think a man can like fucking chug

think a man think a man can come and run wow think a man can jizz and whiz yeah think a man anymore come on

come on yep think a man can blast then leave it in the past ejac and evac can i just say right someone right this totally off topic here someone one of the questions was what do you love about each other what's the things you love most about each other that you would always and you know what i've got to say here right sometimes i will start something like that that is bullshit and stupid and annoying and really childish and if i do it enough i know that you will get involved and be

fully on board with it and it's one of the things i love most about you and i just wanted another high five thank you thanks babe love you well done get in I had the best one as well you jacking me back you jacking me back absolutely fantastic I might put that as my new Instagram handle don't just to summarise that question

you can do what you want you can have friends with benefits if you like but personally just start seeing each other yeah it's going to be complicated mate it's always going to be complicated

babe's you're 28 come on you ain't got time for this shit Yeah, it's going to be complicated, mate. It's always going to be complicated. Babe's your 28. Come on. You ain't got time for this shit. This question here, Rosie, see what you make of it. I didn't quite know what to think. Hi, you both have big personalities and like to tell stories. When you're invited to barbecues as a couple, do you think people think, hey, yes, it's Chris and Rosie.

This will be a laugh or, dear God, those mouthy shits are coming love the podcast, please keep making them do you though? do you? do you know we haven't been invited to a barbecue

for a long time I think the last one was this guy's I think that's actually your opinion so um well no we are quite big characters but weirdly we're not that big characters amongst people we know are we are we probably can i just say danny who sent this oh danny i didn't not your ex danny but yeah can i just say danny who this, we didn't consider the second one until I just said it there. So thanks for that.

It's a bit sad, isn't it? I really got it. I mean, I didn't think the first one either. I didn't think that people are going to be like, oh, buzzing them to a here. I just think, you know, it's a barbecue and I'm going to go and I'm going to eat as much stuff as I can.

I feel like I'm going to have a complex now. Yeah. If we ever get invited to a barbecue. Exactly. Cheers, dickhead. You're not coming at ours. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity,

set, set, set, set, set, set, set, set, set, set, set, set, celebrity question. Did you record scratch your own? Yes. That was horrific. Never do that again. Hi, Rosie. Hi, Chris.

Vicky Patterson here. Big fan of the podcast. Just wanted to know, which of the two of you is the biggest lightweight and can I take the best drink I wrote on the lash? Let us know. That is a very good question, Vicky. Thank you so much. That is. I think from the beginning of the podcast,

we can all agree that actually you are the biggest lightweight. No, I'm'm gonna contest that do you know what why i'm gonna say right now there's no answer to that question because weirdly we are always getting affected by alcohol in different ways sometimes you're hammered and i'm like how are you hammered like we went out the other week for a meal and we had some wine and you were steaming and i was like, I'm absolutely fine. How has this happened? And then other times I'm affected.

It's like flipping a coin. We are, we, can you ever remember a time when we've been on the same level of drunk? It's never happened. I don't, I mean, we went to that wedding last year where we were both very drunk. Right. Do you remember?

We had a bit of an argument because you wouldn't dance. Okay. Because I was, because were both very drunk. Right. Do you remember? We had a bit of an argument because you wouldn't dance. Okay. Because I was so drunk. I was like, you never want to dance with me. I'm dancing on me. What wedding was that? It was Nat and Louise's wedding.

Oh, great, great. But I was really drunk. The music was a bit chavvy as well at the beginning yeah I was really drunk as well actually yeah I don't know

when we've been really drunk together you're probably right actually one of us is just always more drunk than the other but do you not think

as well since we've had Robin one of us always needs to be a little bit more sober than the other on duty for the next day and I think as well

subconsciously we've never actually said it but i think subconsciously we actually take turns does that make sense because if we're out with my friends it's like right rosie these are your mates you can get lashed you know you have a drink but not lashed but out with your mates and that it's like right chris they're your mates you can get lashed it's like an unwritten rule my family party I'm sloshed your family party

you're sloshed I think that's what happens well we went out the other week together after I had a gig we ended up out and Quimba I left

for that very reason I was like I'll go and have an early night you enjoy your night darling and I got home and I got out of the taxi and I walked to the front door and I realised you said you had the keys Rosie got home and I got out of the taxi and I walked to the front door and I realised you said

you had the keys oh yeah Rosie I was devastated I sat on the step I sat on the step I didn't know what to do I checked all the doors hey fair play

our house bloody impenetrable I know where all the doors and windows are I couldn't get in and I had to walk to the pub on my own and sit like a little loser

it was just as the taxi pulled away it was just I just saw him pulling away and I went oh shite it's the worst thing in the world being away it was just i just saw him pulling away and i went oh shite it's the worst thing in the world being locked out isn't it just without when no one's in the house because you stand there going well what what's the protocol what do i do and you honestly i'm waiting for my head i was going how much are windows like that is such it i think that's

probably one up there with one of the most terrifying things in the world, being locked out of your own house. Because you're just looking at your house going, I just want to be inside. You can see your stuff through the window. That's my telly. My bed's there. Tell me if you live in a flat,

I'm touching my bed. Shouting of Alexa through the window. Alexa, do something there's another thing right you know how we like to go off on a tangent i need to start learning mobile numbers i don't know yours no i don't know yours isn't that really bad well can i just tell you as well the only phone number i had memorized was my me Nana Bridget's. She's just got rid of the frigger. Really? She's got rid of it.

So I've got no landline to call. Like, there's nobody got a landline. Because I thought, right, well, if anything ever happens to me, me Nana, she'll ring everyone else. Oh, bless her. Do you know what I mean? No, she doesn't sleep very well. She'd be up if it was late. She'd ring me mum.

She'd ring whoever, me dad, whatever. I'd be fine. it was late. She'd ring me mum. She'd ring whoever, me dad, whatever. I'd be fine. Now, I'm screwed. I don't know anyone's number. I think about this a lot. I don't know yours. I try and remember yours,

but I always forget it. That's always a terrifying thing as well when you've got a child. And my biggest fear is like, what if you're outside and the wind slams the door and it somehow locks and you're just outside watching your kid inside thinking what am i gonna do yeah but with our

kid there'd be no danger it wouldn't be like he's like jumping in the bath with a toaster turning the hob on or getting the knives he would just be on a chair eating chocolate or probably eating sugar from the bag just waving at you no and Robin, he'd literally get his bum on the window and just be like... He'd put on something on Netflix that was banned and he would just get a bucket of biscuits and just eat himself to death. He would.

Cannot be trusted, that kid. He'd love that as well, wouldn't he? Would have to phone my mum and dad. He'd be like, Mum, Dad, come down as quick as you can. Bring the spare keys and a bag of salad. He's on a bender. He's on a biscuit bender.

Bring some vitamins. It's getting harder to end the podcast every week because I'm running out of ways to say thank you for listening so thank you for listening i thought you're gonna try a different way but you just went just went nice okay just really just ran out of ways can i correct that just ran out of ways and we're back to thank you for listening thank you very much for listening if you want to get in touch at shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com and we will go now grateful for your listening we are much much gratitude

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