Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 63. The Twits

Episode Date: May 8, 2020

On the podcast this week we find out who made an unlikely appearance in The Ramsey's wedding photos and why Chris is staying relatively calm during a pandemic. There's a drink based beef and an announcement from Barry. Some great QFTP's and the first ever Shagged Married Annoyed guests! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and

Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag, My Redenoed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my lover.

He's still my lover, Chris Ramsey. I hope people have heard the old episodes. Otherwise, that's just creepy and weird. What? You are my lover. Stop saying it. My lover from another mother. That's horrible. Does that work?

Lover from another? Yeah, that kind of does. Well, it was brother from another mother. So you are my lover from another mother. but that implies that your normal lovers should be from the same mother that implies that your your basic setting is your default setting is incest but you've went the other way that's what that implies this is the intro and you're talking about incest well why we are never getting any more awards for this podcast. You technically talked about incest first. That wasn't me.

You did it. You implied with that little saying that you cobbled together there, just because it rhymed. There we go. That's what you did. Can we please carry on? Yes, we can.

It is episode 63. Thank you all so much for listening, as always. You absolute beauts. And it is time, without further ado, for this week's lucrative, lucrative, lucrative lockdown sponsor. Are these ever going to end? Do you want money to end?

Do you not like lucrativity? I don't know. Do you not like lucrative stuff? I love lucrative. Are you kidding me? Love lucrative. This makes nada. Shut up. Nothing. Stop it. Great.

Lies. Just crack on. Just the quick I'd get over it. This week's lucrative, lucrative lockdown sponsor is jeans. Yeah. Hey, remember jeans? No. Remember putting them on? Eh?

Oh, hey. Oh, look at them. Oh, haven't got them out of the cupboard for a while. Oh, nice pair of jeans. Even though it's lockdown, pull a little pair of jeans on. Oh, I don't like the feel of them. Oh, they're restrictive. Oh, why am got them out of the cupboard for a while. Oh, nice pair of jeans. Even though it's lockdown, pull a little pair of jeans on. Oh, I don't like the feel of them. Oh, they're restrictive. Oh, why am I wearing them?

Did I wear these all the time? Oh, joggers back on. I don't miss jeans. Well, hey, very cleverly. You've done the slogan there. Hey, jeans. I don't miss them. I bet there's a lot less thrush going on.

Is that a thing? Do you get thrush off jeans? Well, it just depends. If it's a lot less thrush going on. Is that a thing? Do you get thrush off jeans? Well, it just depends if it's a bit hot and sweaty. I used to get thrush quite... Okay. I think you've just got a dirty fanny. Play the jingle. It's got nothing to do with dirt. We'll talk about this after.

Okay. Next we sponsor a dirty fanny. Next week's answer. So in the intro we have hit incest and dirty fannies welcome to shag mario denoite here's the jingle we had a fight about the jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle so this is the jingle, jingle, we hope you like the jingle, jingle, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah, jingle! And welcome back to our podcast, which gives me nightly anxiety, thinking about all of the weeks where I've talked about fannies, especially my own. Great. Do you not do, you don't do that, you say,

I lie a week. I don't normally talk about my fanny, no. I keep it to meself. No, I lie, now that we are on a lot of million of downloads, millions of downloads, wrote a book, et cetera, et cetera. A lot of million. No, I just, sometimes I think, oh, remember when I said that on the podcast

that I didn't think would do very well. Rosie, I get sent tweets and stuff of things I've said and people reference stuff and I just think, I can't remember saying that. Half the stuff, because I don't listen. So to let you behind the curtain, dear listener, we do quite a lot. We record a little bit more than what you hear.

Not loads, but a little bit more. And some stuff gets left out and some stuff gets left in. I don't listen to it back because I'm an arsehole. I don't listen to it back. I never watch me stand up. I don't proofread anything I've done. Rosie listens to it back

and I don't know what's gone out each week. I have no idea what's gone out. Again, I've told you this before, Rosie. You are so professional. My main thing for this is to make you laugh. If I've made you laugh, I go, well, that was good, and then I'll move on with my life.

Do you know what I mean? I'm very busy. I've got a beard to cultivate. I've got a bike to ride. You've got rid of the beard. What's happened? What happened? Who said something?

No one said it. Oh, Jason Manford. What did he say? Jason Manford. I'm calling you out, Jason. I don't know if you're listening now. I was going to say no one said anything, but he did. He basically did that thing that

comedians can do which is he picked out the insecurity that i was already worried about okay and he shone a spotlight on it right so jason asked what to do a video for a friend of his a birthday message thing so i just did one i just whatsapped him it um and then he sent fucking prick he sent back a photo of uh harry from har Harry and the Hendersons and he went me and our lass love the fact that your beard's grown just downwards like Harry and the Hendersons and I did find that it was I just thought the beard was really thick

under my chin and I saw the picture and I was like bastard so I shaved it off yeah but I liked your beard and I have to have sex with you not Jason Manford not as far as I know anyway well I'm still trying he hasn't you know he hasn't he hasn't took the bait yet look I'm still trying he hasn't you know he hasn't he hasn't took the bait yet look I'm just trying

look he just he sent the photo he said he didn't like the beard so I've fixed it I'll send him another video hopefully you know but would you grow it back for me because I did genuinely

really like it I will there was just you know I pick it you know I pick I pick beard hairs it's like my thing oh it's very horrible

yeah it was getting silly now I am so I was sitting watching the telly that night and I was pulling them out and I was just sort of dropping them on the floor and at one point i looked over yeah sorry and i looked over and on the floor i could actually see them on there was like a little clump of them i was like this needs to stop so right so it just looks like there's loads of little ginger pubes everywhere uh one it wasn't ginger nothing against ginger

people but it's just factually inaccurate your beard does come in with a little strawberry blonde tinge a little tiny tinge it does well i hoover them up anyway is your problem but i'll tell you the time that um i uh did a gig where was it i think it was in barking i remember gigs um there was all these people in the crowd watching uh closer than two meters i was raging even though it was five years ago and uh there was a light behind me head i didn't realize it and i got loads of tweets afterwards saying i didn't realize you were so ginger in real life you don't look ginger on telly and i was like what the fuck and someone sent us a photo and there was a light an orange backlight on the stage behind me head and it was hitting me here

and i swear to god i looked like it was ed sheeran color it was so red and i was like oh the whole room it was like an optical illusion the whole room were like oh yeah yeah didn't know you were ginger in real life full life ginger

yes I think some guy tweeted saying have you not died had you not died your hair this week or something and I was like

oh and it looked it was ridiculous honestly cool story bro oh god holy shit we've just started and you're telling

the shit oh sorry should we talk about your smelly fanny again go on then take it away more interesting than that story

not gonna lie sorry not smelly dirty dirty both we haven't talked about lockdown yet we haven't

are you getting used to being imprisoned in the house yeah weirdly well we've had to move to a set we're in a different

room today if the podcast sounds to the sound engineers out there if it sounds slightly different um we're in a different room yeah now why is that do you want to tell the world why we've had to move rooms why i can't physically stand in our sitting room for longer than 10 minutes you tell them come on there is more lego currently on the floor than I've ever seen anywhere in my life. It's madness. It's like a Lego workshop in there.

It's not an easy toy to tidy away at the end of the day, Chris. No, yeah, it's not. Lots of bits. I love... Well, it's kind of its selling point. You done that Lego yet? I came out in one bit. Piece of of piss stop taking the mic or i'll call it legos again oh god don't all right um yeah so we've got them out for robin and he just he just

keeps getting them out um and taking bits apart and it's just the whole floor is covered and i love lego but i get a bit of anxiety and every now and then he goes danny can you build it and he picks something off ages ago that he wants us to build. And the bits are all used on different things. I was running around like a blue-ass fly this morning. An hour it took us to do five pages of one booklet. Honestly, don't care. A lot of people keep sending us pictures of apparently you can get this tent-looking thing that you lay out on the floor.

And at the end of the day, you just kind of, you have a, what's it called, man? Like a pulley on a jump, what they call it? A toggle. Like a drawstring. Yeah. And you pull it and it all just goes into this bag together. But that would be a great idea. Right.

If you didn't colour code all the flipping bits and put them in them boxes all together. Well, you know what I mean? Colour coding systems actually fell apart at the moment. Has it? Yeah, I need to go. Are you alright? No, no. Do you want a cuddle?

It's not good. There's more white pieces outside of the white piece box than there is inside the white piece box at the moment. He's loving the police Lego at the minute. And that's predominantly white and blue. And blue, white and blue. See, you know. Look at you. Oh, I know. I see it every bastard day.

I'm sick of looking at it. And I've stood on it, I don't even know how many times. It doesn't hurt as much as I remember. Can I just say that it I don't even know how many times it doesn't hurt as much as I remember can I just say that it doesn't does it do you know what's worse standing on a plug

well that's the worst thing in the world isn't it much much much worse standing on a Lego is fine I could walk you know when people

walk with their hot coals I could do it with a Lego no problem at all I could run do you think it's because we've got harder skin on the bottom of our feet

than when you were a kid I think I've evolved it yeah I think something in my body knew that there's gonna be lego all over for me entire life and i've just evolved like really hard like plates on the bottom of my feet like a fucking armadillo's back oh yeah oh chris silence that unprofessional i tell you what how long have you been doing this 63 weeks 63 weeks how are we still together how are we still got stuff to talk about? I say we've still got stuff to talk about. Two things I said today.

You said cool story, bro, and don't care. So that was nice. I've got stuff to talk about. Okay, then. I've got a couple. I write things in my notes, you know, of stuff that we don't talk about. Okay, I'll save you. I'll save you.

Don't care. Put your phone down. Don't care. Well, I've got a couple of things to talk about. Ooh, fire away. Just, we have started watching breaking bad again yes very good don't tell us what happens it's the third time you're watching it which i find i find that i don't respect you as much as a person because

you can watch something three times i've seen the soprano six that's shocking yeah that's bad right well that's why I aced me round on Celebrity Mastermind of Sopranos. Yeah, you did actually. Yeah, I did ace it massively. The only one I got wrong was the one that the bloody... I got two wrong. They said, what's the code for...

What are they called? Boxes of Ziti is what they called the money that they had laundering. They were saying how many boxes of Ziti you got. I forgot that, which is fair enough. And then they actually got a thing wrong. And I'll take this up with the BBC. I'm never paying my license fee again because of this i'm lying i have since they uh they said um

what was tony soprano's job when he was in like spoiler alert when he was in a coma and i said he was a salesperson and they said oh no he was a rep i was like same thing very annoying that is a bit annoying actually i remember when you did that we weren't married we didn't have robin and i remember being dead impressed but i think if you did it now I'd be like oh I married a loser can you not remember you were sitting next to

my manager who was also a massive Sopranos fan and on that one I can't remember I might have worded it differently there but on the one

the rep the coma question didn't my manager stand up and like run going to find someone because he was like that's inaccurate because he's like

a massive Sopranos fan. Losers! You did come last? I came third. Out of how many? Four. Yeah, great. So there we go.

Have you been asked since to do it again? No. And annoyingly, Jason Cooke won when he went on. That was irritating. What did he? Yeah, he won. What was his specialist subject? Jason Cooke. No, I on that was irritating what did he yeah he won what was his specialist subject Jason Cooke

no I'm joking it was Billy Connolly wow you know what my specialist do you know what my specialist subject should have been sorry to interrupt there do you know what my specialist subject

should have been I think we can all agree all podcast listeners my specialist subject on Celebrity Monster Man should have been The Life and Times of Carl Hutchinson and Jason Cooke

all in one because we've been I've only got two friends we've been doing this for ten minutes and you've already mentioned one of them so now you've mentioned the other.

Hey. Oh my word. Yes. Why don't you just leave me and marry them? Oh I should do you know because when I finish

a story with them they don't say cool story bro because they're not dicks. Great. So back to the fact that we're watching Breaking Bad

and it reminded me of something because obviously this is called Shagmarinoid we are a married couple, people, you know blahdy blah together, I thought someone might resonate with this. Have you ever thought about writing a new blurb for the podcast?

It's called Shagmarinoid, we are a married couple, blahdy blah blah, fuck yourselves You really didn't put the effort into that Hey, am I pissed I don't know again probably

on our wedding pictures oh god right why didn't I pick I've changed a lot you know you know how you say you think when you

how old were we when we got married 12 no how old were we ever got married for god's sake i don't know like 25 or 27 or 26 or something how long ago was it i think we were 20 i can't even be asked to pause this and work it out i don't care i think we were 27 26 or 27 okay i think we were 27 26 because we're both we got married on the 25th of July, and then our birthdays are in August, so we were 26.

26, right? We were 26. Or 27. Would you shut up? Anyway, it was a while ago, and on our wedding pictures, in that bungalow that we used to live in, the one, what did you call it uh the one

story glory glory um you had pictures from breaking bad of jesse and walter white yeah in the living room yeah it was a bit of a bachelor pad i didn't have much say in it because it we i hadn't really got me fingers into it yet and all that right i think you know fingers i think you're really looking for his claws i hadn't got me close fully into it yet and all that, right? I think you're really looking for his claws. I hadn't got my claws fully into it. It was very manly. I hated it. Anyway, on a lot of my wedding pictures...

Sorry, did you just say it was very manly? Thank you so much. Like, not in a good way, just in a rank way. Yeah. In my pictures, Jesse Pinkman is in my getting ready pictures. Oh, the ones in the house where you're getting ready yeah

Jesse's in there Jesse is fully blown I am there in my lovely wedding dress my friends are like zhuzhing the back and I'm looking over my shoulder all sexy in that

alright and Jesse Pinkman's stupid meth face is in the back of me wedding pictures meth face I think you'll find by that point in the series he was no longer getting high in his own supply Of me wedding pictures. Meth face! I think you'll find by that point in the series

he was no longer getting high in his own supply. Right, great. Well, ex-meth face. Well, if anything, that just makes the picture sexier for me. No, it's horrible.

Why didn't we take the pictures off the wall? Because they're amazing pictures. For a wedding day. Because it's one of the best TV shows ever made. I know, and I agree. You've been immortalised.

You should be proud time stamps it as well you go oh mammy daddy that was one of the best TV shows ever made that was on at the time that's some original artwork that your daddy got done it's not cool and I'm more annoyed at myself for not moving it

to be honest so anyway I should have been a beef but it's a very backdated but it's a very lot it's a very backdated beef very specific backdated beef it just made me it just reminded of this now that we're watching breaking bad i was like oh yeah remember when he was in our wedding oh bloody wish you could have brought some of these bloody dos hombres fucking tequila or whatever the hell they've just made well i can't remember we're only on episode 24 no man in real life

Brian Cranston and Aaron Paul have made like it's either I don't know what it is have they oh everyone's doing it now the Rock's got a tequila oh so the Rock's got a tequila

bloody Ryan Reynolds has got a gin and they've got something I don't know what it is it's called Dos Hombres it's a fuck that's the dream

that like I imagine I'd love to make a wine oh god oh what would I call it oh Rosie's Rosé I don't really like Rosé

I like I only like Rosé on a really hot day tell you right now I'm out oh no what I do is the same as my stand up shows

I think of the title and I work back what about Pissy Pino Pissy Pino can't think of anything Ooh Ramsey Red Ramsey Red

Yeah that would be good Sounds like a Just make it French Ramsey Red Ramsey Rouge Rouge Ramsey Rouge de Ramsey

That's not even a I don't know God good lord Babadoo babadoo babadoo Speaking of wine Speaking of wine Something I was thinking about yesterday, last night,

whilst having a glass of wine. Yeah. Do you remember, as a kid, when you first started drinking, I don't know if you did this, but this might be a female thing, not to be sexist, you know, men drink wine,

I'm not trying to be that, but the usual entry drink is more so for women. Of entry, right, entry level. Yeah. Really? A woman's entry? Really? wine. Right, entry level. Really? A woman's... Really?

Your first... Your entry level... So it wasn't Alcopops, it was wine? No, no, sorry, it was Alcopops, but all I'm saying is when I got to about 16, 17,

I was hanging around with older people. Right. And that... I don't mean that in a cool way. I used to be part of an amateur dramatics group. That's better.

That is better than the one i just made up in my head what do you mean so in my head i was just about to go to a tirade about how you your your underage drinking was sitting at your nana's house having a wine with a coffee evening girls it's actually even sadder than that it was all the old ladies at amdram no there weren't no it was south shield gilbert and and Sullivan, but they were all a lot older than me. Yeah. And we used to go

to the pub after rehearsals and stuff. Okay. So me and Lauren, my friend, and Angela and Steph as well, we met Angela and Steph.

Great. We would go and like have a wine, but I really didn't like it at first. Right. And I had to force myself to like wine.

Yeah. Because I thought, and I didn't want to rock up with like a Reef or a WKD or whatever. Ah, because you didn't like it at first. Right. And I had to force myself to like wine. Yeah. Because I thought, and I didn't want to rock up with like a Reef or a WKD or whatever. No, because you didn't want to look uncool in front of the

amateur dramatics ladies. Imagine that. God forbid. But getting back to my point. Not only did she forget a line, she's drinking a Blue Wicked. No, they were all quite well to do

really well yeah South Shields Amateur Dramatics Club were well to do yeah they were I find that very hard to believe

they were they still are I know a lot of them still now I've met them and I'm gonna say no well right okay well 16, 17 year old me

thought they were posh as out right okay they all drove nice cars they all had good jobs right so to me they were posh as out right okay they all drove nice cars they all had good jobs right so to me they were posh as out right anyway back to me point whilst i was downing a bottle of wine

last night i thought to myself e do you remember when i had to force myself to like this and now i love it i feel the same about beer sometimes i'll drink a certain beer and i go nah i'm just i'm just drinking this for the feeling i get from it but then last night i was drink a certain beer and i go nah i'm just i'm just drinking this for the feeling i get from it but then last night i was drinking a certain beer and i was like this every mouthful i wanted to sing i wanted to scream from the rooftops it was oh yeah you you did chris every mouthful it was um infuriating i am hard work to live with you're horrible i'm glad that you recognize it oh no i'm so glad that you recognize it. Oh, no, I am. I'm so glad that you recognise it. I know we're not on the beef section, and this might get taken out.

This beef section is coming closer and closer to the beginning. Every week now. I think that's what lockdown's doing. Because we're stuck together. You did a section of beefs before the beefs last week. I nearly mentioned something there, but I'll keep an eye out for next week. Just to back reference on a beef that I did a long time ago, actually. We were probably talking last year.

Wow. Remember when I said that you love to micromanage when I'm telling Robin off? Yeah. You're doing it now, and you're doing it worse than you used to do. Okay. So pack that shit in,

or you can move out. I'm going to tell you right now, he listens to me more at the minute. He does. Well, no. He does. Well, do you know what then? You tell him off.

Why? Well, I do. I try and step in and tell him off because you just, I'm honestly, I'm the favourite. I'm currently the favourite, right? Let's be honest here.

I'm currently the favourite. Big style. And he will, when you're all going like, go and brush your teeth. I go, go and brush your teeth for your mum. And he runs through. No, Chris, take this back.

We are going to fall out. He salutes as well. He stands straight and he puts his little hand on it. Pack it in. Pack it in. It's awful. It's horrific.

Right, okay. So Robin will go, can I have an ice cream? And I'll go, you're not having an ice cream yet. You can have one after your tea. Can I have an ice cream? You come over from my shoulder going, you're not having an ice cream. And I'm like, do you want to tell him off or should I tell him off? I told you, man.

He doesn't need two people to tell. I'm getting irate, Chris. We've done this. I've told you this. I'm like, do you want to tell him off or should I tell him off? I told you, man. He doesn't need two people to tell. I'm getting irate, Chris. We've done this. I've told you this. I'm not your little rap and hype man. I just echo the last few words of your sentence. But don't. Either you do it or I do it.

We both don't need to do it. You're on stage. You go, what's up, New York City? And I'm going, New York City. And I do the last few lines. Ice cream after dinner. You'll have your ice cream after dinner. Oh, yeah.

Can I get it? When I say after, you say dinner. After. Dinner. Nah, you didn't though. I hit myself. So found out something interesting this week, which I told you about.

Yes. I was listening to the Louis Theroux podcast. He's just done a new podcast. Stop advertising people's podcasts. Oh, mate, it's top of the charts. No, it's gone now. It's been deleted. You can't hear it anymore. Just listen to old ones of this.

Listen, it's Louis, man. I'll save you. Shh, no, it's not on anymore. I love Louis. No, he's average. Average podcaster. Wow. Average.

What? I love him. Anyway. Come on, man. On his first one that he's done, he's interviewing John Ronson. Yeah. Who wrote The Psychopath Test,

who is a... What? How did he just... Journalist, isn't he? He's like a Gonzo journalist. Is he a journalist? Yeah, but he's one of them journalists, like a Louis Theroux journalist,

who like gets stuck in. Yeah. Yeah. Like goes and lives with them and that. Yeah. Yeah. Balls of steel. Balls of steel.

Firstly, absolutely fantastic episode. Listen to it if you get a chance. Not available anymore. Again, just listen to the old Shagmode and Oiz ones. Secondly. Tell a friend. Tell an enemy. Can I speak?

I'm giddy today. I know you are. Would you reel it in and calm down? Sorry. Okay. I think it's because we're in a new room. Should we start again? No.

So they were talking about the current situation of lockdown, etc. You... What? I'm quiet now. What do you want? You've gone from one extreme to the other. You can still speak. Okay. Jesus. Hey, tell you what.

Fucking hell. Fucking Goldilocks are here. Listen. So, they were talking about the current situation of lockdown. Yeah. And they were saying that apparently people who suffer from anxiety are coping with this a lot better than people who don't. Yeah.

And that has actually been really apparent in our household. Yeah. Because you are a bit of an anxious beaver. Well, I sort of spoke to people about this and I've had like, you know, like therapy and stuff. And I do this thing called catastrophizing. Yeah. Now, I don't know if anyone listening has the same kind of thing.

I will assume the worst in any situation ever. So if our son walks out into the garden with an ice lolly in his mouth, in my head, he's gone face first onto the floor and that ice lolly in his mouth in my head he's gone face first onto the floor and that ice lolly has gone through the back of his head like something of final destination that is basically that it kind of that way of thinking is awful in real life and it's exhausting in my head it's an exhausting thing to have but it kind of weirdly has prepared us for this situation because in my head i've been prepared for a massive pandemic and a lockdown since i was about 15 because like genuinely every

time my phone rings i expect it to be something bad every time i was telling this the other day me and you had an argument rosie the other day because you never in the world you shouted my name from somewhere in the house and you shout you go chris and i'm like what what and you're like what you're shouting i have for and in my head every time you shout it's something or that's like someone breaking in or there's like loads of bees on you like i don't know why there'd be two things but it's it's really every time your phone rings everything like every time someone shouts it's something terrible that's the difference with us, though, because you can shout at me, no lie.

I've ignored you before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you will, yeah. It's ridiculous. At the moment, you've got, again, I don't want to bring the beef section forward, but at the moment, every single week and second of the day, you've got your iPad on, you've got your little AirPod things in,

and you're watching some Housewives of whatever the fuck. No matter what you're doing, and me and Robin are just cracking on, and you're just in another little world listening, can't even have a conversation with you i can't even shout to show you what i've built on me lego maybe you've got your headphones in take it as a hint to leave me the hell alone but honestly every phone call that i get um i just assume the worst thing's gonna happen it's kind of like the have you ever phoned an older relative my my sub-undie mom does it's not as bad anymore because the phone tells her who

she's gonna ring but when i used to phone my mom and dad's house before she had call her id on her phone she'd pick the phone up and every answer was like hello like it was a murderer phoning with a ransom do you know what i mean yeah that That's every time I say anyone's name on my phone, I'm like, what bad news am I going to get here? It's a man with a... So you feel... Because you're coping with this whole situation so much better than I am.

Yeah. And I am so laid back that I'm often horizontal. Yeah. It's just so strange. I thought that you would be up a height, really not handling it well. And we're like the opposite. Do you think it's because you've been preparing for it?

Well, it's because I'm always worried about something terrible happening and now the terrible thing's happening. So I'm like, okay. So all I've got to do is, it's kind of streamlined me entire life. I haven't got a shitload of things going on. I've got Robin.

We've got this once a week we've just finished the book hallelujah yes available on Amazon available on Amazon and Waterstones and W. Smith's

and all that stuff yeah it's kind of just I know I've got to get up I need to know it's weird I need to know what I'm having for me

tea each night so I've got something to look forward to spaghetti bolognese tonight with garlic bread got to pop out and get that shortly can't wait and yeah it's just kind of give us less thing it's took a lot of things off my plate now there's just one big massive terrifying thing on my plate other

than you know 10 000 potential terrifying things so it's really weirdly streamlined my life well maybe it's because i quite like having things to worry about. And I thrive on the whole, see, you hate it, but I quite like it. I like being busy. I like being like, ooh, where am I going? What am I doing? Blah, blah, blah.

And now that there's just nothing, I am... Yeah, you're not enjoying it at all. I'm not enjoying it at all. And I am such a touchy-feely person that the whole, you're not. You're loving, you're absolutely loving, and you're a lovely guy

but you are not a huggy touchy i am i will when people are leaving our house if people are standing up and saying all the goodbyes to leave our house i will sometimes remove myself from the situation because i can't be about to shake everyone's hands and hug everyone yeah this is really awkward yeah i just go bye guys i'm sorry i need to go to the toilet and i'll just go and sit in the toilet and i'll not be doing anything i'll just be sitting there waiting till they've gone oh well that's i'm glad they all know that now. It's great for me. Yeah, if you ever come to my house, go fuck yourself.

Stay away. This will probably stay in place for a long time. Well, I've often said shaking hands is mad. When strangers go and they stick their hand out, I go, where's that been? I've said hello to you. Up their arse, probably. I've said hello...

Judging by some of the emails we get, probably definitely exclusively up their arse. I know. Yeah. I'm also... A weird thing for me, I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast before, if I get, I did a routine about it before, if I get a missed call from a withheld number

and I can't ring them back, me entire day is ruined. Me entire day is ruined until they call back. And if they haven't left a message, I can't, I have to answer it. It's just not a way to live, Chris. It's mad, isn't it? And I've also,

have I talked about this as well? Where if someone says... Oh, come on, let's get them anxieties out. Come on, lay them on the table. It's if someone says... See what I'm living with, guys. I'm sure I've said it before. It's if someone says to me,

at work or something, or you've done it before, if they go, we have to have a chat later on. I'm like, well, we're having the chat now or I'm going to scream until you tell us what it is. Oh, I hate it when you do that.

I hate it when you do that. And it's where someone will say something as well and you'll go, what? Doesn't matter. No, it matters. I need to know exactly what it was that you said. See, I could live quite happily the rest of my life. Never finding out.

Ah, nah, nah. I'm just really good in that situation I used to do as a kid when me brother or sister would go well you're never getting this and I'd go well alright I'd be desperate I'd be desperate to know but I'm good at doing that

I'm like right okay great don't need to know where's you when I was a kid the kids would go I'm not your friend anymore. Yeah. You know, and if Robin ever says it, I mean, I've heard some kids have said it. Your nephews have said it a couple of times when they're younger.

They go, I'm not your friend. And obviously as an adult, they go, well, I'm not your friend. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. As a kid, when a child would go to me, I'm not your friend. I'd be like, please. He said he's not my friend. And they'd be sitting there going, that is the exact reaction I wanted. Oh, it was so easy to wind up as a kid i i would have

had your life oh kids at school did when i got a new pencil case or stationary oh the whole class was in uproar they were buzzing because all i had to do was take it off and pretend to draw on it and i'm screaming so you were bullied at school no me, well they were my mates, you know, I used to lend them dinner money and that, you know, every day. Oh don't be! No, they were good though, they were lads, you know, like, you know, they used to rip me underpants for us every day and stuff. Oh yeah, that friendly gesture that kids do. Yeah, you know, whenever I got new shoes, you know, I'd spit on them and stab them and stuff. Oh great, aye, great.

I'd help them out, you know, like they'd practice their boxing on us and stuff. Oh nice, nice, that's kind. Yeah, good lads,ads good good bunch of lads still see them now no no most of them in prison oh yeah good lads

oh good lads I'll be here babadoo babadoo babadoo back it's time for what's your beef hello Chris oh for fuck's sake

Chris it's Barry listen I haven't got long I need to speak to Rosie right now sorry mate can you get her on the line mate I'm not being funny I need to speak to her now now sorry mate can you get her on the line mate I'm not being funny I need to speak to her now

I don't understand here I've got a cough hang on oh god I need to speak to her now Chris serious right

seriously right can you go get her please mate I don't understand what I'm supposed to do well listen

I need you to pass on a message and she needs to bring us back ASAP. Good. Right. Tell her I've had the baby. She's here. And she looks exactly like her.

She's hers. She's hers. I've done the DNA test. But you're Barry. You're a man. The baby. The baby is here. Rosie needs to come pick her up.

So how is that possible? What? I've had the baby. That doesn't make any sense. Chris, we're living in a pandemic, mate. It's a lot going on. I've had the baby. Can you tell her?

Yeah, yeah, I'll pass it on. All right. Yeah, I'll pass it on just to make this end. Tell her I love her a lot. All right. The baby's beautiful. Yeah, good. Okay, if anything happens to me, would you look after that baby? Tell our lover a lot The band's beautiful Right Yeah good

Okay if anything happens to me Would you look after that baby Would you promise to care Nurture Pay for everything No Chris Are you gonna do this to me right now

Yeah Honestly if that baby was real I'd throw it in a river I'm getting off this call I'm ringing the police Okay go on then Don't might be round your house later mate thought we were mates I thought we were friends

I thought we were buddies if anything you're just an annoyance that keeps popping up on my podcast yeah go fuck yourself will do you jumped up little prick you don't deserve her you don't deserve her see you later.

Oh, is that the line ending? Well, I have to be honest, I'm glad you just did that noise yourself and didn't get it up on your laptop. I love that you've invented a character who's in love with you, who keeps telling us I don't deserve you. That's very narcissistic.

Honestly, no idea what you're talking about. But he hid that pregnancy well. The whole thing doesn't make sense, and it's going to give us a nosebleed if I try and think about it too much. I think it's best if we all just move on. Yes. I think he's lost his mind. Okay.

Poo-ah, poo-ah, poo-ah. Fucking hell. At the minute as well, you know what I mean? Last thing you need. Jesus. What's wrong with you? What is wrong with you? Trying to get a job on Corrie.

I'm hoping one of the execs listens. Right. What's your beef? My beef with you this week. It's weird because we're spending so much time together now. The kind of, I don't know, the beefs are almost like sort of sometimes parallel in each other and then sort of bouncing paralleling each other and then sort of bouncing back off each other and almost parodying each other, if you will. Because I did

have a beef a few weeks ago that you just can't make a cup of tea and you just haven't even bothered your ass to learn how I want a cup of tea. Your new thing is, this is just driving us mad at the minute, your new thing is offering me a cup of coffee or tea going christian a cup of tea or a cup of coffee i go yeah go on i'll have a cup of coffee you go i know bother and then you just don't do it right is it on purpose i'm busy you fucking don't offer us one then and i forget it's madness you literally offer us one and then i go yeah yeah great and then like half an hour later i'll go ros, Rosie, what happened to that? And you go, oh, right, I'll make it.

As if I've just randomly asked for one. Right. Do you realise that I've got stuff to do at the minute? Right. And I'll go in and I'll make you a cup of tea. I'll put the tea bag in. I'll put the water in. And then you told me to leave that tea bag to steep for ages.

I forget that it's steeping. Right. Okay okay you've covered one of the things there sorry yeah but that's only in the cups sometimes you just don't do it the coffee you just don't do it can i hand on heart tell you it's not deliberate i just sometimes as long as it's not delivered no no i go into the kitchen and i end up doing something else do you know the other day you were like christy want a cup of coffee and i went yeah please and you went all right And I saw you wander off in the other direction and I literally stood up, made me one coffee, sat down and drank it

and you didn't mention it again. And I'm telling you, you looked at us at one point and I thought, look at her, thinking I'm drinking the coffee she made us. Honestly, I expected it to go, is the coffee all right? Yeah, it's fine.

Is it not nice that I'm asking though? No. Do you not think? It's fucking torture. It's the least helpful thing. All you're doing is reminding us that I want one and then not giving us it. I've got a mini beef.

Come on, then. Right now. At the minute, I feel like I own a cafe that I don't get paid for. Right. Because I am making three square meals a day for you greedy little gannets right yes and i'm sick all i'm doing is washing pots and pans right three times a day yeah we this has made me realize that we as a family used to eat out a lot before this

because i swear to god i am emptying and filling that dishwasher you said last night that the dishwasher was filled really good you know why know why? Because I've mastered that. I have to say, I have to say, bringing up an old beef, that dishwasher, I opened that dishwasher last night

and I looked at it and I went, when the fuck did I stack this? And I went, have you, it was perfect. Thank you.

Hey, high five. Thank you. I'm going to do a little bow. Yeah. Absolutely unnecessary. Dead, just dead air. Just dead air. Pointless.

But she stood up and did it. Likeless. Butcher stood up and did it. Like, anyone listening, just stood up and did it. They'll have a visual. They've got a visual. They might know what I look like. You never know. Yeah, no, I'm asking.

Stop it. That's all I can do right now. It's horrible. Stop doing it. All right then, I won't. I won't. I would honestly rather you just did, yeah. Great.

You might as well, you know what you might as well do? Instead of going, Chris, do you want a cup of tea? And they're not meeting it. You might as well go, Chris, you want a cup of tea and they're not meeting it you might as well go chris make yourself a cup of tea all right love will do that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard oh and what's your beef my beef is that um you don't like mint sauce every time i put mint sauce on a meal, you either huff and puff like, I hate the smell of this, or you move and eat your dinner somewhere else.

Yeah, I have to physically move. Like I've got leprosy. It's the worst. I love, if I had to choose between you or mint sauce. Well, this isn't nice. I would choose mint sauce. Well, that's awful. I've been known to eat mint sauce with a spoon.

Fuck, no way I could do it now that's minging right so you know just so you all know exactly what we're talking about we're talking about

that stuff you put on lamb it's like a watery not just on lamb well no evidently not you'd put it on fucking cereal if you could

it's like the mint jelly is it I do prefer mint jelly but sometimes god we've only got mint sauce at the minute nah I used to

when I worked at the stadium of light my worst fucking thing was having to take all them I took the horse jelly but sometimes god we've only got mint sauce at the minute nah i used to when i worked at the stadium of light my worst fucking thing was having to take all them i took the horseradish the mint sauce there was another one apple sauce maybe i had to take them all out on a little platter oh jesus and once i don't know how i did it it was one of the worst days of my life i had what was that did i have a chip or a bit there was a bit of potato left over or whatever and I assumed it was mayonnaise and it was horseradish and I nearly vomited everywhere. Horrendous.

The smell of mint sauce. I'd go and sit at the other side of the kitchen when you're eating it. So you ate a full block of horseradish that you thought was a chip? I dipped. No, no. No, no, no.

It was a potato. It was a roast potato, I think. And I dipped it in what I thought was mayonnaise and it was horseradish. I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever had. That's spicy. It was the worst thing. See, mint sauce would have been nice.

No, it's not. It's disgusting. It's like someone is stealing taste from your mouth. What's that thing you smell? Like smelling sods where you smell it and it takes your breath away. Mint sauce is a taste version of that. Take my breath away.

That's what I sing when I eat it. It's horrendous. It's honestly, it's like mixing the best way i describe what mint sauce tastes like it's like mixing grass and a bit of soil with some toothpaste it tastes no i'm sorry that would taste disgusting this is beautiful well listen i like i said i don't want to have to say it again but i will choose mint sauce over you any day of the week all right welcome to the rosie and mint sauce podcast what do you think mint sauce over you any day of the week. All right. Welcome to the Rosie and Mint Sauce podcast. What do you think, Mint Sauce?

Cool. Good point. You crack me up, Mint Sauce. Moron. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday... You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. ...witness the birth... Bad things will start to happen.

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In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It is now time to introduce the guest speaker for today, Matt Hancock. Starting with questions from members of the public. Public!

Public! Public! Every time they do that now, I cannot not see it. Honestly. I want one of the questions from the public from our podcast to somehow make it into... I mean, it would never happen,

but can you imagine it was a live feed and it slipped in and someone was just like, right, would you rather... Just to anybody not from the United Kingdom listening, that questions from the public is in our daily briefing during the COVID-19. And it's Matt Hancock, who's the health secretary. He says, now it's time for our questions from the public.

And every time I listen, I want to go public, public, public. Public. As always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmarriedinaudio.gmail.com. Please just send us anything you want. It's lovely to hear from you. We just love that you get in touch so much. Thank you.

Okay, really quickly here. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I was listening to the episode where Rosie asked if men still dry their arse with a hair dryer. Great. Sounds like a good episode, that. Can't remember saying it, but carry on. Great. What content?

What good content what is our life i honestly don't know i love it oh yeah i wouldn't change it for the world my ex-husband used to dry his whole body with a hair dryer and then complained he had really dry skin he was that stupid he didn't realize it would be because of the hairdryer. The smell of burning skin was horrendous. Jesus, how hot did he have it on? I don't know. That was what I was thinking, because there's been a couple of times,

in the winter usually, when I've been getting ready, if I'm going out on a night time, and I've got out of the shower, I'll give myself a little dryer with a hairdryer. Just shoulders and that. All right, yeah. Warm myself up.

To warm myself up more than anything. Yeah. But I've never never burnt I mean yeah he's that's what's he doing don't know

that's madness he's got it on a high setting oh goodness maybe his hair dryer's broke maybe who knows yeah did I ever tell you

I had a friend who used to dry naturally sorry what a friend who insisted on drying naturally so didn't use a towel he had a towel

but he would just lie on the towel and dry naturally right if you are in a hurry to go somewhere it took forever you've never told me this i am ridiculously intrigued you need to tell me who do i know this person uh no i used to look around when i was younger but all the rest of them used to take the pit so if we're going to like the shops i remember shops if we're going like the metro center on newcastle or something like that or younger, if it was like, all right, hold on lads, sorry I'm running late, I just need to get a shower,

you fuck, we would all go in his bedroom, we'd all put the PlayStation on and we'd sit there for ages because you knew. And what would he be doing? Lying on the towel, drying?

So he had two bedrooms. So he had the bedroom that he slept in and then a bedroom that was like, he's like chill out room. They had a massive house. Right.

And he would dry naturally. He wouldn't, he didn't like dry himself with a towel, he would just sit and dry naturally would he sit down why do I see him lying on the floor and his towel just drying

he'd put the towel on the bed and just lie on the towel and just dry naturally I hadn't noticed that it was a thing until one of the lads was roasting him one time and I'd take the piss out of him and he's like and you're fucking lying there for four minutes because you don't want to dry naturally you weirdo

and I was like oh my god he does Chris how have you never told me that yeah maniac absolute maniac yeah

he had I mean he had a really I'm surprised he hasn't emailed the podcast lovely lad you know loved him knocked around with him

for a lot of my life he had a really horrible way of I don't know what it was but he would go for a poo and then he would come out and he would just dry naturally no i squat over the toilet and dry naturally uh he would give you the ins and outs he would

like you would always sit down and go yeah i've just had a shit right and it was like like soft and i'd be like why is this happening and he would just talk you through then I tell you he was also the lad who he used to cut his pizza with scissors what yeah

some people do do that some people do the first time I saw him I couldn't believe it so it was like the kind of scissors you would cut the fat off bacon with

and it was a thin and crispy like Iceland pizza or whatever and he took it out and I just watched him cut it with scissors and he was like talking away and I was going

oh yeah the other day right and I was at college and i just was like staring i was like what you doing it's much easier it is quite it does make it a bit easier still very weird sean be doing it with cells do you know carl lutchinson's dad uses three towels my word carl's dad uses three towels after the shower how does he use three towels my brother used to use three towels yeah yeah see if it's the same way yeah so carl's dad uh one towels after the shower How does he use three towels? My brother used to use three towels Yeah, yeah See if it's the same way, go on Yeah, so Carl's dad

One on the bed Alright To lie on One round his waist One round his neck Okay Yeah My brother

Which used to drive me mum insane When we were younger One round his waist One, little one over his shoulders And one on his head Madness Like, who are you? Like Eddie Murphy At the beginning of fucking

Coming to America. Yeah, honestly. Honestly. And then probably what he used to do is put on yesterday's clothes. Have his little, have his royal wash and then put on yesterday's gear.

Three towels. So funny. Should have seen how much toilet roll he used to use. Yeah, I used to be the same. Yeah, me mum. I used to blow the toilet all the time. I bet you used to like wrap it around your hands loads and have a little wipe and there was no there.

Well, if it was just on the roll holder thing, I would just give it a big... Honestly, so many of them. I used to get bollocked all the time. Yeah, Robin's like that. He's like that at the minute. He wants to wipe his own bum. And it's just...

I'm letting him, obviously. It's like a disaster, isn't it? But it's up his back and I'm's like that at the minute. He wants to wipe his own bum. And it's just... I'm letting him, obviously. It's like a disaster. But it's like, oh, he's barking. I'm just like, oh my God. Crazy, yeah. He's got to learn it before when he goes to school. I'm really worried about that. You're going to have to take the reins on that.

Because my answer would be climbing the shower. That's the easiest way to do it. Well, he can't do that at school, can he? Yeah, of course not. She would just tell him to dip his bum in the water tray. That's the worst. What, like, squeeze the right tit? Lift the lid up, the seat protector,

and squat yourself right down like you're a contortionist. Yeah. And just, no. No, not of the toilet. I mean of the nursery. There's a water tray. Well, they play with water, don't they? Oh, God.

Is that what you meant? Yes. Oh, God. Miss, the hose is blocked. Oh. I won't be telling them to do that. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Rosie and Chris.

I'm not capable of doing an office poll right now because, you know, lockdown and all that shite. But I have conducted a poll I think you guys might like. Okay. The other night after a barbecue in our own garden, just me and my husband. Don't worry, love. Jesus, all right, garden, just me and my husband, don't worry, no one is shopping here.

We're not grassing you up, fucking hell. Everyone's terrified. I know. Safe space, safe space. Obviously, if you're having a gathering,

you know, I wouldn't shop you, but I'd possibly be disappointed in you. Yeah. If you're next to me having a barbecue, I'll not be grassing you up

because I'm not that guy, but I will will be you'll hear a lot of tutting coming over the fence from me right yeah right here we go um after the barbecue he had his first bath in five years what i'm guessing he had other forms of washing just out of bath and I was horrified when I saw him stand up and ruin all the bubbles to wash himself this is it this is going to make you think keep listening

I messaged a few of my mates only for them all to say they stand up in the bath so they can get their bits I simply tilt my hips and therefore keep the pretty bubble arrangement. I'd like to know, do you both stand in the bath also? Please tell me I'm not alone. And that's from Sam.

Right. Right. Right. So she says that she stays under the water and has the bubbles on top and doesn't get up because she thinks she'll spoil the bubble arrangement. I think so. So she just tilts her hips, and I'm guessing she kind of just lifts her bum out of the water

to give it a quick little zhuzh, zhuzh, zhuzh. Or lifts it within the water and gives it a zhuzh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I stand up. Do you know what? I don't know whether to say this. Right. I don't really wash myself in the bath.

Great. Absolutely great. Just fester. Just let it... Rosie, you're not having a bath. You're having a steep. No, right, because I have a shower every morning. We've discussed this.

I had a bath last night. I'm not going to have a wash today. I'm not that kind of person. So my bath is just more for relaxation than actual hygienic reasons. Yeah, but I mean, while you're there. Well, I do a little bit. I do my armpits, but I don't really do down below

because I'm in the water, which has got loads of like, I put bath lotion in, so I don't... Jesus Christ. Is this going to come and bite me? Is this going to come back to bite us? I think it already has. You mentioned right at the beginning that you get thrush every five minutes. This is probably why.

It's got nothing to do with that. Tell them all now that I don't have a smelly fairy. Tell everyone now. Yeah, okay. Say it, please. Say it. Yeah, you don't, you don't, you don't. Jesus Christ.

It's not like I was forced into that. No, but I... Put the gun away. Put the gun away. But it's not like I was forced into that no I'm but I put the gun away put the gun away but it's like your feet in the shower do you wash your feet in the shower every day

I know what you mean I do but I know what you mean oh but you're so oh yeah guys if you ever watch Chris in the shower

you'd want to vomit on him let me just tell you through let me just walk through Chris's routine in the shower alright but well first of all he has about a 20 minute poo before his shower gotta be done great Let me just tell you through, let me just walk through Chris's routine in the shower. All right.

Well, first of all, he has about a 20-minute poo before he showers. Got to be done. Great. And then he gets in the shower. Yeah. He gets himself all wet. Yeah. Then he turns the shower off.

Yeah. Lavas up a little scrubber. Yeah. Gets himself all over. Head to toe. Scrubbity scrub scrub. Head to toe. Head to toe, like he's about to go into surgery.

Right? Everywhere. Not an inch missed. Okay. Then he'll turn the shower back on, rinse it all off. Then he'll turn the shower back off. He'll do his hair. Then he'll turn the shower back on, rinse that off, turn it off again.

Stick a bit of conditioner on there, turn it on again. And then what he'll do do if you really look, you might catch this, you'll squat and you'll stick the shower head up his back, not up his backside. You've got to get that undercarriage. You've got to get that undercarriage. You're horrible at watching the shower.

You know what's amazing, Rosie? What you've just described there is washing oneself like it was some kind of alien fucking autopsy or ritual from the past it you're crazy and i'll tell you one thing you missed out this is me genius right i wash my hair i don't turn the shower off and i wash my hair i'll just lean back and let the shower sort of still hit us i wash my hair then i put the conditioner on put the conditioner on then i do the shower gel with the conditioner in so I leave it in for a couple minutes while I'm doing

the face washing sorry I didn't know the order I didn't know the order apologies well now you do great yeah

squeaky so fresh and so clean I just I miss loads of bits I should probably put like margarine on us

yeah and see if it comes off see which bits I'm missing oh god can't remember the last time you washed me back. I didn't. I can wash me back. I can get every inch of me back. I've got really short arms. Yeah, you do. You've got a massive back.

Why is that offensive? That's weird, isn't it? Back's massive, mate. Sure not. Leave me back alone leave me back hi chris and rosie love the podcast and listen from the start oh wow love that this is not a shit story read into that as you may cool during this time of covid19 lockdown my partner and i have had to rearrange things we had booked one of these was a date night which involved a still life drawing class what are we so are we boring no i think it's the opposite i'm sorry i really hate to tie them with the same brush but if you've got to go and do your still life boring

classes and that you can't just sit and have a conversation or get pissed together, fucking hell, what's the point? Well, we'll keep going. Still life drawing class. So to reenact this, we decided to take advantage of Pornhub's premium content being freely available. We got our paper and pencils out and found some graphic thumbnails to sketch. What?

In order to decide whose was the best finished product, we decided to send pictures into a couple of friends' WhatsApp groups to have a poll. Jesus. I actually quite love it.

Yeah, but sorry, can I just, what did they think the still life drawing? Did they think it was going to be two people fucking each other? What do you mean?

It was just someone standing with a knob out. It's not like, what they're doing on Pornhub premium content? Just the thumbnails. I'm not sure. They could have just googled naked model or page three or men's health.

The guy standing with these abs. They didn't need cotton bollocks and penetration. It might not be a man. This is from a lesbian couple. Yeah. So they might have... Yeah, but what I'm saying is... It might be a massive vagina.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is, It might be a massive vagina. Yeah, but what I'm saying is, when they eventually go to the life drawing class, it's going to be a bit fucking vanilla, considering they've been practising on Pornhub's premium content. Christ on a bike. Do you know what I'm saying? They're going to be gutted. How am I, love? Fucking spread them.

Get out. Get out. Hang on. There's more. There's more. So they've sent it to their friend's WhatsApp to get to see what they think. I hope they didn't warn them. I hope it just came in. Can you imagine? However, due to our haste, I accidentally sent it into a work group.

Fantastic. A company we both work for. Brilliant. It is needless to say, they now think this is a genuine hobby. We are not looking forward to heading back to the office to explain ourselves. Anyway, we still haven't found out the winner, so I've attached the final products for your judgment. Oh, yes.

Oh, no. I didn't see them. You didn't see them. Hang on. I'm going to... Right. Right. I found't see them. You didn't see them. Hang on. I'm going to... Right. Right. I found them here.

Great. Look. So, they have chose a thumbnail of a lady with a... That's massive. In her hand. It's not hers. Right. They drew them.

Right. They've got it on their telly. That's the worst bit for me here. So, guys... It's massive. What they've done it on their telly that's the worst bit for me here so guys what they've done is right they've they've got the the the they've somehow linked their computer to their tv so the picture we're looking at now is off someone's phone the two a4 drones are on the bottom uh one on the left a lot better than one on the right and on the telly is porn hub so they've got that is the grimmest thing I've ever seen.

Someone linking Pornhub to their main fucking telly on their wall. Can we just go back to what you said, though? They are going to be gutted when that class starts again. Because it's going to be nowhere near that. It'll probably be an eight-year-old woman stood with her nightly off. Yeah, sorry. So the picture is, without getting too graphic here, the picture is some lass w getting too um uh graphic here um the picture is uh some

lass wanking off a massive erect cock yeah i think i did that quite well that was good that was nice pg uh see sandra i'll be happy that's how i do it on the one show um um yeah so it that's what the picture is yeah they're going to be good it's just going to be someone you're right it's going to be someone taking a nightie off and maybe leaning on like a step ladder and they're going to be like oh come on

but I'm really good at drawing erect knobs I'm really good at doing the knuckle around the knob oh Chris listen lasses I'm just glad

that you're finding ways to entertain yourselves during lockdown I really really hope that they sent that picture in with the must-have. They didn't just send... So that photo they've sent to us, that's what they sent to the WhatsApp group. So it's got the actual Pornhub picture in as well.

Yeah. Fucking hell. Go, girls. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Whilst being stuck in lockdown and going a little bit stir-crazy, I was reminded of a story my boyfriend told me that happened on one of his lads' holidays. It's a long one, but it's the most bizarre story you'll hear today. Okay, test, here we go.

They were all in Budapest and on a night out. One of the boys, who was a bit of a liability, had had way too much to drink. Brackets will call him Joe. I hope his name's Joe. That's not... Sorry, Dave. It's not a massively thought of

place to go for a lads holiday. Budapest. Is it? Is it not one of them places where everyone goes, 12 pence a pint? Possibly. Am I being an idiot here? I've just never thought of it as no, I've never thought of it as a lads holiday destination. Well, it was that thing, wasn't it, where kind of

fashionably, the sort of going to the pool, kind of going to the beach holiday, kind of died out and became a bit uncool and everyone went to Prague and places like that and just ran around and got hammered in cities. Yeah. My worst nightmare. It's my worst nightmare.

Anyway, Joe had too much to drink, liability, we all know the lad, fell over and badly hurt himself. He was unable to move, let alone get up off the floor. He was in a lot of pain. The boys sensibly covered him with some coats. That's not a holiday if you've all got coats. Why have you all got coats?

That's not a holiday. Yeah, so it's not hot. Bollocks. They covered him with coats and they called an ambulance. Joe was making a lot of fuss and he was convinced that he was paralysed. That sounds like a nightmare. Oh, no. The paramedics wouldn't let the boys in the ambulance with joe they had to follow behind in a taxi once the boys got to the hospital

they were all told that they couldn't come in as they were too drunk and they were sent back to the apartment with no information the next day when returning to the hospital to find joe nobody in the hospital knew who they were talking about they had had no english boy come in and they had no idea what was going on. Brackets there was limited English as well to add to the confusion of the issue. The boys started to panic and decided to show Joe's picture to the staff instead. One nurse recognised him but told the boys that he was not English he was French and that he had been transferred to a different hospital. What? The boys got back in the taxi and went to this next hospital,

which was a psychiatric hospital. They tried the same tactic here and eventually someone was able to locate Joe, who appeared wearing clogs, suit trousers and a t-shirt and was walking oddly but otherwise relatively unharmed. I'm so confused by this story. It turns out that in Joe's drunken state, he had decided that upon arrival at the hospital,

he should pretend to be French, and give himself the name Jean-Claude, so as not to get in trouble with the police. Three question marks, which I agree with. He had then proceeded to babble in French. Joe does not speak French. and then he wet himself during his mri brackets he actually fractured his lumbar spine like the bottom of your back this had led to the hospital staff to believe that he was mentally unstable and he'd been

transferred to the psychiatric hospital where he had spent the night he had spent the night restrained to a bed in a room with three others one of whom screamed non-stop for the entire night and the other who continuously played ping pong with his mouth all night oh no that with your tongue um he had sobered up very quickly and did not sleep all night there is no satisfying end to the story only that he didn't die and he spied spine healed fine how did all that happen in like isn't that amazing so he got to the hospital pretended he was but he was hammered and obviously i mean he's obviously a prick uh but decided to pretend he was french babbled in french and the transfer didn't work so i mean it sounds like something i might do

serves him right possibly I mean you'd shit yourself can you imagine if you just put on an act and then all of a sudden they're like right

wheel him off god exactly oh and the question is what age is too old to be going on lads holidays

ooh thanks please keep me anonymous sorry this is really good age ranges 22 to 24 and we've been together her and her boyfriend 13 months because i know you like some context context oh that is i like that actually so what age is too old for lads holiday see right i think there's brackets here yeah i think there's young yeah when you're like 18 to 30, let's say.

And then I think there's a little gap. And then I think you can go again when you're a bit older. Because usually the 30, it's like kids, marriage, blah, blah, blah. Like this is just, you know. This is your idea. My idea of what it is. And then once you have the kids. But then again, stag do's are mental now

because like you and your mates now are older and you have kids and stuff and you go a bit crazy on stag do's. But then I think there is a bit when you get older, like I plan. Yeah. One thing, I'm really looking forward to being like 50.

What the fuck is wrong with you who says that no really looking forward to being 50 51 I'll be devastated well let's see hang on how old's Robin okay no 50 I'll be 50 when he's like

oh here we go I don't know anyway I'm looking forward to going on girls holidays when my children are grown up and i can just get shit faced not have to worry about bringing anyone to check on anyone or anything like that i'm gonna go mental so that's what i'm looking for that is the maddest weirdest thing that is one you can't call it girls holiday when you're 50 i won't allow that oh i will and you know what I'll be like? I'll be like, Chris, come drop off on my girls' holiday and we'll be in the little minibus singing songs

and you'll be there and I'll be like, get the drinks, journey juice, journey juice. Why am I driving a minibus in this song? You're driving, we're in the minibus to the airport. Why am I suddenly, I'm 50 and I've got a fucking minibus. What's happened? You're giving out the cock rings. Cock ring.

Cock straws. Oh, brilliant. At the door. We're all very excited. We've all had our tans done. Awful. It's going to be mental. I don't think,

I think you can go on a lad's holiday or a girl's holiday indeed. Anytime. I think you never do. I love a stag do of mixed holiday, of mixed ages and a hen do as well of mixed ages. I think you're never too... I love a stag do of mixed holiday, of mixed ages and a hen do as well

of mixed ages. I think everyone brings something to the table. I think you can go at any age at all. Your dad still has not stopped talking about my stag do.

Oh my, I know. How much he loved it. Oh, I know. Here's a little one. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I seem to have had many tragic encounters with the opposite sex,

but according to my friends, this is one of their favourites. I was on my way home from a night out and decided to message the boy I had been speaking to and to see if he was still up and if I could stay at his. For future context, this all happened at around 3am. Oh, the old drunken booty call on the way home. Oh, booty call.

I didn't pull tonight, so you have won the consolation prize. Awake your family up. He said it was fine, so I hopped in a cab and went to his. However, as I was quite drunk and it was dark, I couldn't remember which house was his. Great. I stood in his road and told him to come outside and when I saw him I began to walk towards the house.

As I got to his front drive, a car stopped next to me and the window rolled down. A woman was driving and asked me if I was okay. I was a bit confused so I was like, yeah, you? She replied, yes, I'm fine. Can I get onto my drive please in this moment I felt like sprinting in the opposite direction but it was too late I

had to style it out me and this boy's mum proceeded to walk down his front drive together to greet him while he was standing there looking like he was about to throw up. I then had to stand on his doorstep and have an in-depth conversation with this woman about how I knew her son, brackets, not very well might I add. She seemed satisfied with the utter bullshit that I left my mouth, shook my hand and invited me in. At three in the morning.

Yeah. That's good. Really lovely to meet you. Glad we had this chat. Now do you want to come in and fuck me son? Good. Oh, Chris.

Ew. I think that's hilarious. I love that you let her in though. That's nice. Oh, we've got all this to come. I know, but to come I know but she couldn't have sent her home do you know what I mean I wouldn't

where'd the man been she must have been out on the piss as well she was driving she might have been coming home from night shift or something what's your thoughts bearing in mind that we have a child which one day will be older

yeah what are you going to do when he's got a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever and they come and stay over are you going to be strict with separate rooms

or are you going to let them in the same room I'm just going to go don't let us fucking hear you I'm going to have I've already thought about this I'm going to have a conversation

with him when he's a bit older you know when I think he might be sort of at the age of exploring stuff and watching a bit of porn I'm just going to go don't've already thought about this, I'm going to have a conversation with him when he's a bit older. You know, when I think he might be sort of at the age of exploring stuff and watching it upon that. I'm just going to go, don't let me or your mum catch you. Yeah, we could put a lock on his door, I wouldn't mind that. Yeah, I'm just going to go, don't let us catch you, Wank. Please, I don't want that in me life.

No. Don't ever let us catch you. Don't let your mum catch you. Oh, God, no. And when people come round, just be quiet. Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? Yeah. See, I think if you are really strict as a parent

and you go, not under my roof, in separate bedrooms, in spare room and all that shit, I think that your child will go out and be worse. Yeah, you send them the other way. Yeah. Someone will end up bloody drawing them on Pornhub while they've got a massive knob in their hand. Well, exactly.

Growing up, my mum and dad were always quite lax. I think my mum was very much of the, I would rather you were just in my house so I knew where you were and what was going on type thing. So I think I would be like that.

Yeah. I mean, I'd have still probably sent that lass home if she was like, yeah, you all right? Yeah, you? I'd be like, well, you're not fucking coming in. Ring your taxi, you cheeky bitch. Drop me off.

You've got three minutes, guys. Drop me off in a field. Oh, no, you wouldn't. Eh, bless her. Ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo, ba. Options for the next question. Wonderful. Sex, crisps or nails?

Nails. Okay. Just because we've got previous. Right. Dear Rosie and Chris, like so many of your followers, I've been meaning to write in for a while, but now that we're living in a dick storm

with only toilet paper and Tiger Kings for comfort, I felt it was time to write in for a while but now that we're living in a dick storm with only toilet paper and tiger kings for comfort i felt it was time to email in dick storms great i do like a dick storm sounds like a weatherman it sounds like a porn name you'd give a weatherman coming from the west we have the dick storm dick storm of the century hi i'm dick storm or like a porn name yeah that's what i mean yeah that's good yeah what like your porn name? Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh, Dick, that's good. What would be your porn name? Oh, I don't know. You've got to do that stupid thing where you've got to pick your first pet's name.

But my first pet was a hamster called Henrietta. So I always sound weird. That would be a bit sad. I think it's the name of the first place you lived and your pet's first name. So mine would be Henrietta Mitchell. Well, that's not true. I would have that.

Yeah? I have listened to your podcast since the beginning and as weird and creepy as it sounds, you and Chris often remind me of me and my husband. Bollocks. We are original. You're full of it. Don't be nasty.

Now, I have so many things I could tell you about. The time I met my mother-in-law and she asked me whether I, quote, practice anal sex don't you dare tell me she's just written that as a little thing yeah no no I'm setting the tone for this email this email is grim as shit

so she's not going into detail about that thing no no she's just said the time my husband woke me up in the night to come and see the unusual log shape of his midnight poo yes he poos in the night to come and see the unusual log shape of his midnight poo. Yes, he poos in the night. He woke up! Oh, that's ridiculous.

How he used to hide pepperoni under my pillow when we first started dating so he could snack in the night whilst I was sleeping. All the time I was so annoyed at him during an argument and he was being such a see you next Tuesdayuesday oh god this is grim right that i pulled out my pubes tampon that had been in for at least five hours and threw it

at him no way there is no way that's not chris this isn't even who was this person we need to report this person you know what's awful i wasn't going to read that out but i forgot to delete it so she so so we are gonna we are getting a story that is none of these things that she's just glossed over yeah yeah yeah are you ready no i'm not ready i need to discuss the last bit so i once had an argument and she was so angry at him she pulled out a tampon and threw at him that's the worst thing I have ever heard

that is chemical warfare yeah Chris it depends what you say is worse but the big bulk if you'd let me carry on I will get to the the big bulk

of the story I'm sorry I couldn't have the listeners thinking oh he just he just accepted that well he got his revenge

now I know by this point Chris is probably saying we deserve to be in prison and we're minging talk the words right out of my mouth we are and many of our friends

often quote that we are so perfect for each other because we are equally disgusting however I think he is worse than me and here is why

bear in mind this is the woman who threw a tambourine at us. This is going to have to be good. I am honestly picking your cells for you right now in prison. Time to bring back Nail Stories to the podcast.

Guess who's back? Back again. Nailie's back. Tell a friend. She just wrote this. Still here. Are you ready? No. My husband used to play semi-professional rugby when he was younger. As a result, his feet are a disaster. And can I just say as a caveat, rugby players are disgusting.

They drink each other's piss and all that. They love a bit of that. They're not bothered about bodily functions. That's not all rugby players, by the way. Now it is. You're minging. Oh, yeah. His toes have been broken so many times that his nails actually grow sideways and are so thick that nail clippers just bounce off oh over the years he decided the only way around this is to cut his

toenails with a kitchen knife not on your life, mate. The first time I saw him do it, I lost my shit. Can I just say, it's like he lives in opposite land from my mate who cuts a pizza with scissors. Bless him. Okay. First time I saw him do it, I lost my

shit. But there is more more i soon discovered that he liked to keep his toenails in a small collection in his drawer as he sometimes would like to pull them out and use them to scratch his teeth but that's what the toenail murderer used to do chris you can't remember the toenail murderer can you yeah yeah the guy on the tube yeah yeah you used to use it as a flossing device yeah but why she said scratch his teeth how can you scratch your teeth well i'm guessing by the sounds of them picking his plaque off his teeth oh my god so he scrapes them against his teeth this is if you're cutting your toenails with a kitchen knife you're not brushing your teeth actually i don't know if you hear it slightly on the podcast but i'm like I'm like vigorously moving my arms

like a little bird trying to flap to try and, but can we just take a second to visually, how the fuck do you cut your toenails with a kitchen knife? How is that possible? Oh, it's,

I don't know, but there must be that bad that he's having to saw through them. Oh, God. Are you ready? No. I told him,

quite rightly, that this was feral and he should throw them away. But he genuinely got annoyed at me and so, in the spirit of compromise, I let it go. I was playing the long game. Some people just... Fast forward in our relationship, we're engaged. relationship we're engaged uh i propose by the way she proposed oh god love have some self-respect i'm sure there's a lot of men out there who would love you to throw your used hammer at them honestly I mean we've talked about this before the people who just stay with people through thick and thin

but there's a level so I proposed just after he'd cut his nails I thought oh that is a man that I want to be with for the rest of my life okay we're lying in bed one night

I'm drifting off and I feel a scratch on my cheek No I swat it away Not really thinking about it As I'm cosy and drifting off But it comes back Eventually I roll over And find my fiancé pissing his pants laughing

Having pulled out the biggest brownest old toenail And was scratching my face with it. That is unacceptable. I don't need to tell you my reaction. Yeah. She was raging, I'm guessing. Unfortunately, this soon became a regular game of Nelly. Nelly?

Which was very much a one-player game that he reveled playing and I hated. However much we beefed about it, the nail would always reappear at some point during a night time and wake me up with scratching. No way, man. Fast forward to our wedding. I'm giving a speech because F the patriarchy.

Good for you. Yes. The time is ripe for revenge. I proceed to tell over 100 of our closest friends and family about the game of Nelly and how it has haunted me

during our relationship. Needless to say, despite them all knowing many gross stories from him over the years, and there is a lot of them, no one could quite believe that he would do this.

All those times I had been scratched by a monstrosity of a nail became worth it when i saw his mum give him the stay of disappointment that only mums can do and he had to hang his head in shame in front of everybody oh we've been married almost two years now and thankfully all nails now go in the bin i gave him a set of super industrial nail clippers. Brilliant. However, I immortalised nearly for him. Now, you can't see this, listener, but she has sent a picture.

Oh, for f... No, I can't. In their house, there is a photo frame. I can't look. I don't even want to turn my head. The nail is framed, and it says underneath, nearly. I haven't turned my head yet.

Have a look. I'm still looking at you in the eyes. Look at that big nail in the photo frame. Oh, my God. In their house. Oh, my God. That is massive. That is madness.

That's disgusting. That's in their house. You're going to have to put that on Insta now. Oh, it's in their bedroom. Shut up. This now hangs up in our bedroom we have had an email here from the twits these people are the twits these are the grossest people where's the email address i'm gonna i'm reporting that someone oh gosh horrendous yeah and can i just say he should

have stood up and said yeah well she wants to a tampon as i would have done that in the in the wedding i'd have said she wants to pull out like a hand grenade what do you think's worse the tampon thing by a mile I do as well but that's the both disgusting

the both utterly where did that tampon land where did it land I don't know did it hit him did it go on the floor who cleaned it up hope it hit the wall

splat everywhere the both you deserve each other but you both deserve to live in the sea yeah animals hey they're well matched yeah and the sea you both deserve to live in the sea. Yeah. Animals.

Hey, they're well matched. Yeah, and the sea would actually, if they lived in the sea, it would soften these toenails right up. They'd come straight off, probably with a butter knife. Hey, well, there you go. I would suggest for that,

maybe he's just having a really hot bath before you. I always cut my nails after a bath. I doubt these bathe. Yeah, I doubt they've got a bath. It's probably, to be fair, it's probably filled with used tampons like that woman off the week before. Whenever she's going to throw one, I just stand in front of the bath

and it lands in there. Horrors. It's time for this week's celebrity question. Celebrity question. Yes, a special one this week. We are joined by the stars of Apple TV Plus' Trying, Reeve Spall and Esther Smith. Hello.

Hello. Hello there. How are you? Hi. Thank you so much for joining us on this week's Shag My Monoid. We are delighted to have you guys chatting with us. Yeah, you're lucky. We had so much on.

Yeah, exactly. We've got so much on at the moment. Sorry to interrupt your hectic schedule do you guys have a question for us our joint question is how did you know you were ready to have kids oh that's a good that is a good one that's a good question we were ready to have kids personally i knew because uh you told us i was ready yeah you told us it was time yeah i was informed we got married and then i read somewhere that the next step was to have children so i thought why not did you ever feel ready though did you you wanted kids from from the get-go i've always wanted kids but you kind of i mean i don't want to say conned from

you but you did genuinely con me into it i'm gonna say conned youned. You conned me into it. Conned you into having a child. That's nice. I was very, very persuaded. I'm all right now. I'm on board. He's all right. How long after getting married did you have children? Oh, mate.

We were really fast. We were six months. We were married for six months, and then I got pregnant. It was a bit accidental, to be honest. Well, we were together for six months. I proposed after six months. We got married a year after that.

And then yeah, pregnant six months after that. Go hard or go home. Are either of you guys married? I'm not, I'm not married. No. I am married and I have three children.

Three children. What ages? I don't, I don't ask. I'm not that involved really. I let them get on with it. They get, they get. They get sort of... I have an audience with them every evening for half hour.

I'll be honest with you, right? I'm going to break the fourth wall here. We're going to do this on some kind of internet audio, but we're doing it on a Zoom so we can see, Ray Finesta. You're glowing, love. You're glowing. I didn't want to say it at the beginning because it sounded creepy, but I swear to God, it's like a L'Oreal advert or something going on. You look amazing.

You look like Mother Nature. I know, I feel that's summer baths, summer luxuriating. You're not married. You're living without kids during lockdown. Yes, well, yes. Now let's talk to a man. I know.

Who's got three kids. I know. Well, actually, in terms of my lockdown, I'm actually doing this live from a Wetherspoons, which is still open. I'm having a... Where is this? It is absolutely down.

There will be a riot. There'll be a riot. It's full on, isn't it? You know what it's like. I mean, it's... So your kid's what? Six, five? He's four.

Four. That's a cute age. I've got one of those as well. They're nice. Because they're sort of humans now aren't they we're going towards something um resembling a human they yeah you can understand a bit of reason whereas for a long time they have they're full of will with no reason right exactly so it's nice when you can get to the cornstone of parenting which is bribery which is if you, if you just don't do that,

you'll get a biscuit. This sounds so stupid to me though. That's how I was with you when we filmed the show, wasn't it? Yeah. If you don't do that, you'll get a biscuit.

Good as gold. Good as gold. Did you, did you enjoy filming the show together? Loved it. Yeah. Yeah, it was our best time ever,

wasn't it? Really loved it, yeah. It was, yeah, such a joy to be doing it. Does it feel like, because that was literally this time last year, a joy to be doing it um does it feel like because that was literally this time last year really we were doing that but it feels like a lifetime ago

now um well what's really strange um and i've never thought i'll never get a chance to do this but um i auditioned for rave's part for the part of that ages ago ages and honestly right i i went i did the audition and i remember thinking i said to the guy the writer was um he'd started stand-up in manchester years ago and i remember i read for the part i read the different scenes and i i knew i knew i hadn't got it but i left and i thought i really can't wait to watch that and then when we got told we were going to be doing this i was so excited so i can't wait to see it so it looks amazing and it would have been a travesty if i'd got it instead of you dude it would have been an absolute travesty yeah i'd have given up i just think that as a clear i just think that as a clear sign that i needed to pursue another career podcast just quickly um so trying is all about you

guys as a couple trying to get pregnant together. I love the bit, Esther, when you throw the guy's phone in the lake. I think the reason I liked it the most, I have got a friend, a couple, who tried, like you guys are in the show, for a baby for so long, then they ended up having an IVF. And the story she's told me, that situation is not far off how she handled the situation as well so I was wondering do you guys know anyone who struggled to conceive and did you kind of take that into the acting process of the show yeah it's funny isn't it

because I feel like it's something not not really spoken about people don't tend to but when you do start talking about it then you do actually realize the amount of people that have actually gone through those struggles yeah who are trying or have had miscarriages or you know all of those kind of things and um I don't know whether I use those experiences to do this I think that you know because it's very this is a very specific story very specific character I think every story every person's story is different and also the script was so brilliantly written it kind of had everything there um just kind of followed that rule book really I definitely knew people who struggle to conceive and you and you do bear it in mind when you're going to doing something but I think even though this is a show which is about a couple trying to conceive,

I think even if you're watching this and you don't know what that's like, I think we all get to a point in our early 30s when we feel like something's missing. Now, that might be a kid. It might be a career, job, following your dreams, whatever it is. I think that's identifiable to everyone, really. So even though adoption is potentially quite esoteric, job following your dreams whatever it is i think that's identifiable to everyone really so even though adoption is it is potentially quite esoteric i think we all know what it's like to feel like something's missing and to feel like we're trying as it were to get better trying to

improve trying to push things forward and i think that's really identifiable and it hits you all of a sudden doesn't it after 30 it's like! There's even times when I look at our son and I'm like, oh, I'm really massively responsible for you day to day. Yeah, but you know what, though? So for the last four years, you just kept him alive, yeah?

Like, basically, you keep him alive, yeah? You stop him from dying, right? But now, which is even more terrifying, you've got a responsibility to turn out a good person. Yeah, yeah.

I had a bit in one of my old stand-up shows and it was, don't create a dickhead. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's the aim of the game. Don't create a dickhead, yeah. There's too many of them in the world already. So much pressure.

Do you reckon like, if you were a dickhead, how many times would you go, shit, am I a dickhead? I don't think dickheads know. I don't think they know. I don't think full-time dickheads know. That's scary though, because then if none of us think we're dickheads, does that mean we're dickheads?

I think the fact that you've asked that means you're not a dickhead. Yeah. It's like Lord of the Rings. You're the one who doesn't want it, so you are the one that's worthy. I'll take that. I'll take that.

Yes. Thank you so much thank you such a pleasure thanks for having us lovely to meet you both and take care lovely chatting here bye

absolute pleasure talking to those guys thank you so much you can watch Trying Now on Apple TV Plus once again thank you so much

for listening to this week's Shag Maridinoi which is part of the Acast Creator Network we hope you're safe we hope you're well and we're just sending you lots of virtual love yes indeed stay safe and all of that stuff thank you so much for listening it's shagmaridonoy.gmail.com if you want to get in touch please like please rate subscribe all of that stuff leave a lovely little review on your little podcast app for us that would be fantastic and we'll we won't see you next week, but you know,

you know. They might not. No, we will. Well, no, they might not come back. We'll be in your ears next week.

Maybe though. Bye. Be on your cheeks like a little brown toile. Stretch, stretch, stretch. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party

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