Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 64. Bath Buddy

Episode Date: May 15, 2020

On the podcast this week Rosie's beef backfires and Chris gets annoyed at plants! They compare PE Classes and Rosie shares the details of her school trip to Holy Island.There are some great QFTP's - involving bathing, eating yogurt without a spoon and drunken nights in a playsuit. Enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag My Odinoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, I can't believe I haven't stabbed him in his sleep yet, Chris Ramsey.

Wow, that is a hell of a nickname. Do you like that? Yeah, great. Can't believe I haven't stabbed him in his sleep, Chris Ramsey. Get that on a t-shirt. Amazing. Welcome, guys. Welcome, as always. Thank you so much for listening. It is episode 64. Whoa.

64. Now, without further ado, a word from this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Now this week's sponsor, yeah, it's real. No, is it a do or a do? I don't care. Oh. You're wasting money here, time is money. I have teamed up, no, no, i have personally teamed up this week it's a

collaboration sponsor yeah those are always more exciting yeah much more exciting you know i've had to put more sort of stuff into it you know um because basically oh everyone now everyone's working out on instagram everyone's doing you know different things everyone's at home the the gyms the shops have sold out with dumbbells because the gyms are shut. You can't get them full of the money. Amazon, Argos, no weight equipment, nowhere. So nutrition is key. So this week, right? This week, I've teamed up with something, right? Someone.

I haven't thought of a company name. And my new nutritional guide is, we all know bread's bad. Everyone talks about bread. We're cutting out bread. It depends. Bread's bad. Moderation.

Bread. My new, we're cutting out bread it depends bread's bad moderation bread my new we're cutting out bread and we're replacing all bread in your diet with potato waffles right that's my waffle diet hey hey you're having a ham sandwich get rid of that bread two waffles some ham in between bitman is that's a heart attack wait hey listen it's all about mental health and being happier. It just makes everything better. Hey. Potato waffles. You having some soup?

Yeah. Dip your bloody waffle in it. Yeah. Who's doing that? Well, me and this lucrative sponsor that I'm working with. Can I just say, before we do carry on with the actual podcast, if I worked for potato waffles and you sent me that as an advert, I'd have a lot of notes.

It wasn't very good well the more realistic ones is like beans on toast beans on waffle you overthought it beans on waffle I do like I do love a waffle

I don't know what's up you are you are you are a hypocrite because yesterday I made you a waffle with an egg on and you loved it

I did waffles I wouldn't dip it in my soup though well that's because you're a hypocrite because yesterday I made you a waffle with an egg on and you loved it I did waffles I wouldn't dip it in my soup though well that's because you're a coward right

it goes in all the little holes it fills the little holes up you can push beans in every single hole and eat it like a big bean waffle

too much time on your hands yeah good job here's the jingle we had a fight about the jingle jingle we couldn't a fight about the jingle.

Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah.

Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's Shagmire Annoyed. Just after that lucrative sponsor of Chris's, after we finished recording it and started again, he asked me if it was alright. I told him yes, it wasn't. I'm sorry I had to listen to that. I think I'm losing my mind. But genuinely, waffles instead of toast on a morning. It's a good, I mean, don't butter them like a psycho, but it's a good thing. I'm enjoying it. It might be nice with a bit of butter on. Monkey. I'm doing waffle, then a slice of cheese, then a fried egg. Had it this morning. Had two yesterday, had one today, thing I'm enjoying it it might be nice with a bit of butter on it manky I'm doing waffle then a slice of cheese then a fried egg

had it this morning had two yesterday had one today because I'm worth it didn't you buy them for the bane though I did buy them for Robin and he has yet to have had one

and I've ate half the packet right father of the year award goes to our soul Ramsey oh hey look if he's not going to make his own waffles then

you know what are you going to do I'm going to eat them own waffles then you know what you can what you can do how are you i'm all right i think that was i think i'm all right that was the most unconvincing i'm all right i've ever heard like i'm looking at your eyes now you're like you're just dying inside i don't know what's going on man what's happening man, man. Neither do I. What's happening, man? Where can you go?

What can you do? Is it lifted? Is it not lifted? Go back to work. Don't go to work. Stay indoors. Don't stay indoors. Don't see anybody.

See everybody. Don't go to work on public transport. Go on your bicycle. How far away do you work? 40 miles. Get pedaling, dickhead. Oh, Christ alive, man. What the hell's going on?

It's going to be a lot of 4 a. 4am alarms going off around here fucking hell it's just i'd ask you just they just you have to ask more questions than are answered every time every time they're on the news like they they take off about four questions that have been answered and then about 40 more go on the pile it's madness the thing is it's all this going on but i've had to stop looking at twitter oh yeah i tell you what i had a couple of days off because i was avoiding the ufc results big love to the ufc for doing it i don't even care that they did a sports a live sporting event and i was i was so happy watching it oh you'll get trolled i was so what not right because i was going the safety of the fighters have you seen them get

knocked out it's pretty fucking dangerous like have you seen someone take a shin to the face it's horrible they know what they're doing but yeah I was watching that and I avoided Instagram and Twitter

because I was you know I was avoiding the results of who'd fought and I just even though I've watched the UFC

I'm just continuing that avoidance now to just stay off I don't blame you you know because honestly sometimes people on there you'd think they all worked for the the who what the band no what what does who stand for again what does who stand for again no come on world health organization that's what i meant

that's exactly you think everybody on twitter worked at who but they don't work there currently they worked there for 60 years and they've just retired and they know everything they invented who and i'm just i'm sick of looking at statistics they are doctor who they do they are doctor who on twitter so yeah i'm gonna do a bit of you and i'm just gonna do what i'm told until i'm telling not do whatever it's that thing of like you know like whenever a tabloid prints a big lie about someone and it's on the front page, whenever the printer attraction, it's on like page like 45 in like size one font. Do you know what I mean? And it's that kind of thing.

If you'll see one tweet going, ah, this is the thing, the new terrible thing. And you go, oh, I've seen that. And then like four or five comments down in the replies, there'll be a scientist or a doctor going, actually, that's wrong. But the damage is done by then. 400 million people have retweeted it, you know, and everyone's boarded their windows like the zombies who needs to just be quicker oh well i mean they're busy they are they are probably the busiest they've been let's

be honest can you imagine if you just were having a lovely old time in 2019 working for who just like oh this is nice oh that exciting. There will be a tweet somewhere of someone going, just got me dreamed of like last year, like November, going,

just got me dreamed of a job at the World Health Organisation. So excited for the year to come. Choke slam! Coronavirus! What are we going on now? Is it seven? Week seven of lockdown.

Just in case you're listening to this and it's November and everything's fine. Might be week nine. Possibly. What's the date? Week eight. We're in May.

We're in the first half of May at the minute. Yeah. Oh, just look at your podcast app and what day this came out. Jesus. We'll do everything for you. We do. Good God. I've got to say eight weeks in

listen love you I do love you but the novelty of you being home all the time has well and truly it's rubbed off Chris do you mean worn off

it's worn off is that just is it me is that one of me great things where I correct you on stuff that might be why that might be why

it's worn off quicker than what I thought it might have rubbed and worn rubbed I don't know get off your fucking hand man

sweaty your sweaty hoof it's rubbed off no I'm basically I'm sick of you it's horrible Rosie I'm sick of me too I'm sick of you. It's horrible. Rosie, I'm sick of me too. I'm sick of me.

I had a moment yesterday where I looked in the mirror and I looked at my reflection and I was like, who is that? Do you ever look at your reflection and go, and just look and have a good look at your face and go, I don't know, who is that bloke? No, I don't know. You must look in the mirror and say,

who is that bloke? I'm not going to make her answer, who is that bloke? Sometimes. I've actually, I don't know, you haven't said anything and it's not like you. I've got a little freckle at the bottom of my chin. There's a black hair coming out. Have you noticed it? Noticed it?

Noticed it? You're bloody handed us a ring and told us to take it to Mount Doom yesterday, Gandalf. Are you telling me because you haven't even said it? You did, you said. Are you taking them in? Because you haven't even... You did, you said. No. You haven't... Just get your big eagle to take us, man.

I'm not treading all the way through Middle Earth. Have you noticed it or not? No, not at all. All right, okay. Now I'm not going to take my eyes off it. Do you want to sing? I might move around the table now. Let's have a look.

No, there's nothing there. Oh, I got excited there. A couple of things to let you know at the minute. Something really annoyed us yesterday. Okay. Do you want to know what annoyed us? Was it me? Other than you.

Cool. Other things. Oh, yeah. I definitely want to hear this. I went out for a walk, socially distanced walk. I just keep myself to myself. You know what I mean? Walking down the street and there was a woman walking towards us.

Yeah. And she must have been, I don't want to guess people's ages, but I'd kind of guess people's ages from people who I know. And I think if they look like them or not. Okay. She must have been like late 70s. Okay. Okay.

She walked towards us and she like stuck her arm out. Right. Like that. But she didn't look in my face. She just was looking straight ahead, just stuck her arm out. And obviously it didn't hit me because I was like away from her. Right. And I walked past.

I thought she was hailing a bus, right? Right. But it turns out there was no bus there. She was doing that as in like keep your two meter distance. But how long was her fucking arm? Well, that's what i was thinking i was like one remember when bo selector did mick hooknell and he had like really long ridiculous arms for no reason was it like that no she had just an average size arm but i thought one you you your things flawed because your arms aren't long enough that's not two meters metres. And two, how bloody rude.

She didn't even say, sorry, stick me arm out for social distancing. She just walked past us and stuck her bloody arm out. Well, you see, this is the weird thing, right? I think it's absolutely,

of course, we've got a social distance and we've got to stay apart. But I think people are forgetting the old rules that were in place before that, which was, don't be a dickhead.

Well, they've gone out the window. They have well and truly left planet Earth. She didn't even look at us. And I was going to smile at her because I've been smiling at everyone on my socially distanced walks. Have you? Yeah. Hello, are you okay?

The world's gone to shit, but let's all be well-mannered to each other. Yeah, I've noticed a lot. Do you know what it is, right? That is a bad example that you've given there. That is a minority of people. I've noticed a lot more people smiling and saying hello and stuff um i find i'm allowed to smile at a dog more now i found it weird before but people like that sounds so strange don't when i'm out in public i always see a dog and i always just laugh

i'll see a dog and i'll smile and they're always doing something daft and i'll just smile and i'll laugh at the dog right but i felt like in the past i felt like people would be like laughing at my dog like take it personally but now do you mean laughing at the dog or laughing with the dog you know if you see you know if you see like a little dog carrying a big stick and you're like look at him man look at him having a time he's bloody life yeah i would normally just do it in my head but i'm kind of vocalizing it more now because people seem a lot more approachable but not not physically approachable because you're two meters away she didn't have a dog yesterday maybe she needs to get herself maybe she was putting her hand out maybe she has like a um like a peregrine falcon or eagle and she takes that eagle for a walk and

she's putting her hand did you look long enough did the eagle did the eagle come did the eagle come and land on her arm did you have one of them gloves on no right okay i did no but chris she was rude she was really rude and she hasn't got the arms long enough for that what she wants to do is she wants to get a couple of meter rulers yeah and stick them to her arm walk with them and then when someone comes back stick them out like that so then it would make more sense rather than just sticking her arm out like a fucking arse wipe did you see the the photo of that guy that went viral in america so basically he was he'd basically doing the same thing as this lady but he had a Like a fucking arsewipe. Did you see the photo of that guy that went viral in America?

So basically, he was basically doing the same thing as this lady, but he had a better idea. You know, they call them foam floats for pools. They call them pool noodles. Yeah, yeah. He had like a hat on, like a builder's helmet, and he had like four of them gaffer taped to the builder's helmet so they're pointed outwards.

Right. And no one was allowed to come past these pool noodles okay he looked like he looked like a lunatic it looked great you know like when you see them with foil hats on in case they get abducted by aliens yeah it was kind of like that but he just had them he looked like a man who'd been involved in a terrible balloon animal accident or he'd been attacked by like loads of clowns really good you need some of them i get yeah it would have made more sense You need to put a shower curtain around that for it to really work. Do you know what I mean?

He does. Because they're not going to do anything. Well, it's just to keep people... It's to get people to keep their distance, I think. But I don't know. Who's coming in past the pool noodle? I think everyone gets it. You don't need to put a shower curtain on the bad lad.

Well, tell that slag. You're really upset upset aren't you it was just i just i just think there's so much going on at the minute and it's really upsetting and you can't see people and and i just was gonna say hello to her and i thought oh hello and then she just stuck her arm out and didn't even look at us and i was like great is that is that what the world's gonna be now is it is it? Wonderful. Can it wait? It's like, you know, when you were doing PE as a kid and they were like, right, find a space

and you'd all stand with your arms out and spin around and make sure no one was standing next to you. Sorry. Did you never do that? No. How do you do that? So when you were about to do sport at school when you were younger, like say in like primary school, sorry,

and you'd go in the hall and they'd go, find a space and you'd put your arms out and you'd spin around in a circle and if you didn't touch anyone, then that was your space. What sport were you going to do that required just that space? No. Well, just, we used to do it all the time. Like everybody in the class would put their arms out and spin round and you'd be like, right, I haven't touched anyone. I think that was your PE. I think that was. Did you do anything after that or was that it?

Find your space. Keep finding your space, everyone. We did that. Just having a cigarette. All right, go on. Find some air. That's good. You haven't all done it yet.

With this fucking bell. We do that for 45 minutes. And showers. And showers. Oh, you went to like a dead sad school because we don't have the same memories of school and we only went to your school was oh my gosh probably about six minutes walk from my school okay and you didn't do that in five and a half if you span there with your arms out yeah they're super duper fast and there'd be no one

around you. Helicopter's your way there. Guarantee I'll get to it next week when we did that. Oh God, love that. Love it when people

come on and explain how weird I am for not knowing a thing. Everyone keep that up. Absolutely my favourite. Speaking of weird. Always. Robin's, I was going to chat about

how he's been asking us to film him while he's asleep that is strange yeah that is really weird where did that come from because i walked in on that conversation it came from me and robin were having a chat and i said to him right you need to brush your teeth before bed and he said why haven't why don't you brush your teeth, mummy? And I went, because I'm not going to bed yet. And he was like, why aren't you going to bed yet? And I was like, because I'm a grown-up and I stay up later. And I said, me and daddy, when you're in bed,

me and daddy go and brush our teeth and then we'll come and check on you and then we go to bed. And he was like, you come into my room when I'm asleep. And I was like, yeah. And he went, and you look i'm asleep and i was like yeah and he went and you look at me asleep and then you go brush your teeth i was like yeah he's like would you video us wow and so i said i will so we did a full video didn't work so we're like selfie mode like hiya son brushing my teeth and then i turned it around then we went to see him and i videoed him asleep and he watched it the next day fascinated he was i mean yeah as a kid i mean you must just think yeah because he just shuts his eyes and then it's the morning so yeah that's i've told you the one he does i put him to bed

on a night and he uh he'll go you're sitting out when i'm leaving the room he'll go you're sitting outside and i go yeah and he goes because sometimes daddy i don't get to sleep i like going to mommy and daddy's bed i don't get to sleep in my bed i can't get to sleep i'm not tired i go okay two minutes not no word of a lie i don't hear a peep from him he falls immediately he must wear himself out giving me 10 minutes of guilt trip about how he's not tired and he's just out out like a light i love it when kids say they're not tired and you're like oh you're not tired i'm not tired i'm not tired like falling asleep i'm not tired you used to not tired. Like falling asleep. I'm not tired. It's what.

Used to do it for naps. Do you remember naps? Oh, they were nice. Oh God. Used to love a nap. Robin used to nap for like two and a half hours. Do you remember? Oh God.

He was such a good napper and I'd just get loads of like housewives watching. Yeah, you wouldn't even nap as well, would you? No, did I? You would just like do stuff. I would if I ever had him.

If you were doing something on the rare occasion that I had him and he would nap, I was just like, oh my God. It's like free time. It was kind of almost like Bernard's Watch. You've stopped time for a couple of hours and you can do whatever you want.

It's amazing. The good old days. We've started watching Normal People. Yes. Which is on BBC Three currently. Very good. It's good so far. I like it.

Two episodes and you're not too sure well i mean i don't want to slag any tv show that you know people have made off at all it's not i just i don't think i'm the uh target audience i don't think you are that's all it is it's women it's kind of got us hooked although it's a little bit slow paced that is the only thing i will say but i think that's deliberate like that's you know i mean like's not, it's not like I'm watching a football match, go, come on lads. Like I think it's supposed to be,

you know, the way a teen romance plays out and all that. But they are, the only one thing I will say about it is, everyone is the same age. Right. Well, I've Googled.

Right. They're not. Well, the makeup people are using the same, I don't know, trowel for everyone. guess how old the main lass is? The main girl.

In real life. In real life, 22. 21. 21, okay. Just for anyone who's not from the UK, it's based in Ireland. It's a romantic sort of high school. She's a bit of the nerdy character.

He's the cool football jock. But he's also the nerdy guy as well. He's like the cool football jock but he's also but he's also like he is the nerdy guy as well he's pretending not to be isn't he yeah yeah it's good and uh can you guess his age in real life i believe he may be 18 in real life oh no in real life oh in the show they're like 80 in real life i is. If you've said, can you guess it? I reckon he must be high. Like older than he looks. So I'm going to ruin the whole game by saying 83.

Great. No, he's 24. 24, right. Yeah. Close. 24. Can you imagine looking like him when you're 24? He's hench-like.

Ah, he's ripped a bit. Oh, hey. If I looked like him at any point in my life, Rosie, it'd have fallen off by now. It'd have fell off through all my use. It'd have fell off. Just anyone. All of them. All of them.

Nice. I said I'm saying that to my wife on the podcast. Can I wait for your sex chat with Robin? That'd be fun, wouldn't it? I'll have to supervise that. Well, no, no. I'll just have a photo of that guy and I'll go, look, Robin, you don't look

like him. It's not going to happen, mate. It's not going to happen. So keep it in your pants and find someone nice. Go and settle. Go and find a middle of the road and settle. Do you feel like you've settled? That was the joke. I was trying to get you to bite on there, but you didn't bite at all. Oh, right. I didn't really get it.

You weren't listening. No, I wasn't listening. But the point is with this ordinary people or normal people or whatever it's called. Normal people. Normal people. Same thing it means.

The teachers look the same age and he goes and picks his mum up because his mum's a cleaner at that lass's house and his mum looks the same age and the teacher looks the same age and her brother and her mum

they all look the same age. Just get with it though. Just get with it. Forget what age is. Well, I know, but they couldn't have used a 17-year-old, couldn't they? Couldn't they use two 17-year-olds

to have them bucking on the telly every 20 minutes? They had to use older actors. There was a lot of shagging in there. There was a lot of shagging in there. I feel like they look older than me until they're either in a pub. There's a scene where they're in a pub and I'm like,

there's children in the pub. And then when they start on sex, I don't know where to look sex I don't know where to look I don't know where to look there was bits of it though where only I mean we're only two episodes in I think there's a lot more

shagging to come good god there can't be man no one has sex that much they did it twice in one bit well there was one bit when and I don't know whether

it's just me right when I was 17 if I was having sex or whatever I was really like self-conscious of me body and I'm not I wasn't I had a mint body when I was 17, if I was having sex or whatever, I was really like self-conscious of my body. And I'm not, I wasn't, I had a mint body when I was 17. Like I looked amazing. So it wasn't like a confidence thing or anything.

I think it was just a young thing, but then they had it. And then the finish, they were just lying there with no clothes on. I was like, I don't think I would have done that when I was 17. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean, yeah. My thing always goes to the actors. Obviously because I've done some acting. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean, yeah. My thing always goes to the actors. Obviously because I've done

some acting and I just think hats off to every single actor who can do the full-on mad sex scenes. Oh yeah, so weird. I just couldn't. I would laugh my head off

or I'd be so awkward. I'd be a nightmare on set. It would literally be they'd be like, look, we can't work with him because he's just a child. I would actually, I know that sounds really strange because I'm your wife

but I would love you to be in something with sex scenes I couldn't because I would just know how awkward it would be honestly I couldn't do it I'd probably fart

like I'd be the worst things that could happen would happen I'd like burp I'd have like anxious anxious wind I'd be like

oh I'm gassy what happens if they get like fully erect because that must happen or does it not happen because it's so awkward well you've got to remember there's like you know I'm gassy. What happens if they get like fully erect? Because that must happen. Or does it not happen because it's so awkward? Well, you've got to remember, there's probably 20 people in that room.

We just can't see them for the camera. Although there might not be. They might go clear the set. You know, the actors are getting naked, only a couple of people. I don't know. There's probably horror stories about it online. It cut well.

Do you know what? Search it in our emails. I bet there's some actors who've said, if you're an actor and you've got a random, email, shout out an order. Oh, I think that would be a good story. Because in Eyes Wide Shut, do you know what search it in our emails I bet there's some actors who've said if you're an actor and you've got a random stiffy email shall we order do you know I think that would be a good story

because in Eyes Wide Shut Nicole Kidman Tom Cruise the one married at the time they had real sex I think Jesus in that film

well that was the one married wasn't it Stanley Kubrick directed that I think and I'm sure why are you

trying to be showing all your university degree I was actually backing up what you said because he was like a full-on auteur and he was crazy about it, apparently. And I think, if I remember rightly,

he gave Tom Cruise a stomach ulcer during that filming because he made them redo some scene, like something mad, like 50 times that, to redo this thing or even more than that. Like through stress? Yeah, he gave him a stomach ulcer. Yeah, that's apparently a true story. And if it's not,

I don't care. If it's not, sorry. There's lockdown. We've got more things to worry about. If it's not, just take that. Tell someone else. Would you rather question here? Who's this from? Just in general. Would you rather eat a baby goat or a matta baby?

A matta baby baby what's a matter shit what what's the matter baby nothing baby what's the matter with you oh god i'm so angry guess where i got that from don't be suspicious don't be suspicious don't be suspicious tiktok oh fuck tiktok man this whole i'm telling you this whole lockdown was orchestrated by i firmly believe there probably isn't even a virus and it was all zoom the people who own zoom and the people who own tiktok got together and went she would just fucking make chris ramsey's life a misery and that's what this whole thing is i love it jesus i wish i hadn't sold all those shares i

had in zoom so many shares before this happened sold them the day before did you day before how much did you get for them 35 pence really is that all yeah and i had a million million shares right you don't know how shares work do you have you not now have you noticed um robin's new favorite number have you heard his new favorite 500 500 million million 500 million but doesn't he sometimes add a thousand on the end he said to me before mommy how many is that 500 million thousand i'm like that's yes he told me today he wanted to play on mario? 500 million thousand. I'm like, that's, yes. That's exactly how much it is. He told me today he wanted to play on Mario for 500 million hours. And I was like, dude.

Yes. Here we go. Set that clock. Oh my God, lockdown. It's time for Watch Your Beef. Hello, Chris. Oh, which one's this? It's Belinda.

Hello, sweetheart. You're giving narrows, Chris. I've been ringing in for weeks, pet. Right, okay. Yeah, hello. That's the vape, yeah. Obnoxiously long. Chris, I'm actually back on the real tabs.

You're back on the real tabs. I just thought, fuck it. Yeah. Fuck it. I mean, Corona's either going to get us or tabs. Right, okay.

And I prefer tabs. Right, okay. Oh, that's interesting. So anyway, I'm just quickly ringing in. I've had an email. Right. I've had an email

from one of your listeners. Why are you getting emails from the listeners? Do you know what, Chris? I might have put my email on one of your listeners. Why are you getting emails from the listeners? Do you know what, Chris? I might have put my email on one of your podcast stations because I've got a lot of time on my hands. I haven't seen my lads for weeks. Doesn't even make any sense.

So a lot of stuff, but I've got an email here for you. All right, come on then. I'm not sure where it's from, but it just says, so your most recent podcast, Chris, said he needs to know what he's having for tea at breakfast during lockdown. Whereas in episode two, approximately 12 minutes, 50 seconds, his beef with Rosie that week was that she asked him what he wanted for dinner whilst or just after he finished his breakfast.

So my questions to you both are, one, are the beefs indefinite and cannot be changed or are they inflexible? And two, would you let a fart out whilst exercising in public? That doesn't actually have anything to do with it. And I hadn't pre-read the full thing, so sorry about that. Right. Right. Yeah.

So who the fuck sent that? Do you know what, Chris? I don't want to get them in trouble because we've been conversing quite a lot. Lockdown's changed us, is your answer. Belinda? Belinda, you, honestly, you arrogant little twat that you are.

Can't even remember your ma's name. Your ma! Okay, yeah. Lockdown's changed me, I'll be honest with you. Mate. Love. Pet. Belinda will be fine, thank you.

Bee? Queen Bee. That's what I like. Lockdown has changed me yes it would have been it would have been it would have been when Rosie did it

when I was when I was a bit more a bit more free a bit more fancy free I could leave the house I could do different things I could live on a whim

can't now and the answer to the second question is I was on my bike the other day and I let out a little fart and I genuinely thought I'd shat myself oh right

wow great but then I realised I hadn't that's disgusting and then weirdly I came home and I found it difficult to go to the toilet Yn ystod y dydd, fe wnes i ddod i ffwrdd a meddwl fy mod i'n siarad fy hun. O, iawn, wych. Ond wedyn fe wnes i ddysgu nad oeddwn i. Mae hynny'n disgwyl. Ac wedyn, yn gyffredinol, fe wnes i ddod i'r tŷilet yn anodd. Yn yr un nos cyntaf. Felly, fe wnes i'r pwys i fynd yn ôl i mewn. Fe fyddwn i'n meddwl y byddai'n anghymeru i fynd yn ôl i fyny. Efallai y byddai'n ymlaen.

Efallai y byddai'n cael sgwrs bod chi'n gwneud rhywfaint o gweithgaredd. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. Efallai. tab telling me about exercise how dare you it's your teeth you've never seen me exactly i've

actually got dentures chris and now you're opening the disappearing at the blackness of your throat that's a horrible noise stop that any any road uh yeah i better be going so thanks for having us all right pet didn't didn't didn't have you i'll see you later all right bye lots of love to the family yes especially rosie we love honestly we love her miss her we'll see how and how this is out right okay all right bye pet bye bye bye you're good bye that email was annoying how dare people well 12 minutes in i'm not being funny you have gone back on one of your beefs I don't care

I'm not changed you used to hate it when I said yeah but now I need stuff to look forward to well see well actually yeah

you never live my life yeah that's what I was looking for is this what's it be a little boring stay at home little little thing mum

yes lazy my beef with you this week is the plant in the bathroom. Right. You keep watering it. But so do I keep watering it.

And there's too much water in that plant and I think we're going to kill it. What plant in the bathroom? The plant that you keep watering. I'm not watering the plant. So why is there so much water in the plant? Well, you're obviously putting too much water on the plant even though I had a fucking plant in the bathroom.

Why would I be watering plants? Well, that's what I thought. Right, fair enough. So your water, right, so your, right, oh, this is fucking great, it's Christmas Day. Your beef with me this week is you are over watering a plant and blaming it on me. So in some

fucked up world, you're walking up to this plant seeing too much water going, ah, the prick's done it again, and then putting more water on it. The in some fucked up world, you're walking up to this plant, seeing too much water, going, ah, the prick's done it again, and then putting more water on it. The hell's the matter with you? Okay. Right, okay.

That was my mistake. I thought that you were also watering that plant, and I thought, well, I'm giving it too much water, because there's always water on the bottom, but clearly, I'm just watering it too much. You're just over-watering it. Jesus.

Unbelievable. That was unbelievable i hate you okay sorry about that carry on good god good god just now that you know about don't water the plant i'll never i don't i never would water a plant i don't water plants. I don't like plants. Tarmac, a lot of it. Honestly, all them outside, tarmac them. You shut up. Rip them up. Tarmac. In fact, better than tarmac. I want them, you know,

them little tiny bits of wood that you have in playgrounds. Them. Bark. The bark on the fly. Get all that. Wood chippings. All the flower beds.

All them. Oh, Chris. Bloody, honestly, man. How dare you? Our garden's beautiful. My mum drops off a lasagna doesn't she

that she's been to the shop when she goes to a shop she'll drop her something off yeah social distancing and all that every single time eee she points at the plant

there's a plant at the front door apparently she goes eee that plant's lovely I'm like fuck god I don't give a shit she's going eee

it's lovely the idea how when did that come out that's lovely that When did that come out? It's lovely that. When did that come out? I don't know. I don't look at it. It's actually me and your mum bond over the garden to be honest. It's so boring. I never used to give

a shit about the garden. What's that one called? What's that one? Even that one. Even when they die you've got to take the head off that one. It's like having another kid man. I love gardening now. I didn't care about it five years ago. When we moved in this house, couldn't give a shit.

And your mum and my mum used to always be like, hey, Rosie, the soil, it's like a city. It's great. This is great soil. And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. But now I really do. That's actually me and your mum do bond over that. It's lovely.

That's nice. We walk around the garden. She tells us all the names of the plants over and over again. Jesus Christ. Every time she comes. Honestly, I've told you this before, haven't I? I've got a real issue with people

who buy your plants as presents. Real issue with that. Yeah, why is that? It's just like he has some responsibility. I find it upsetting. It's like giving someone a goldfish. Yeah. That's the thing. If you give someone a goldfish, people will go, why the fuck thing if you gave someone a goldfish people will go why the fuck you give us that that's really

weird but plants it seems to be okay oh happy birthday i just got you this uh this pot of dirt with a living thing in it there you go add that add that to the massive list of things you have to do every day all right cheers thank you who's gonna in reality who's gonna buy you a plant i've had a plant bought before. When? I did stand up about it. Our mates bought one, olive, little olive tree.

For the wedding? Died immediately. Well, I know, but I think it was more so for me. In my defence, that was before I liked gardening. Right. If that had been now,

that would have been lovely. Yeah. Thriving it would have been. Oh, God. Don't we like olives? Well, I don't think you could eat them. Great. Couldn't even eat them.

Pointless. Pointless present. Right. I don't think you could eat them great couldn't even eat them pointless pointless present my beef with you this week is you you've been doing this for a while now and I've realised I can't work out if it's on purpose I can't work out if you're just

fidgety and stupid I don't know what it is lovely when you fart in bed you immediately waft the covers and it's not even like, get that in your lads, lads, lads, lads.

You just immediately move and let it, when I pump in bed, I'll stay still. I don't move. I'll lock that shit in like a sandwich bag, right?

You, kick your legs, roll over, flop it round. Just getting it, like, smell the air my boff is in. So it's on purpose? I don't think it's on purpose,

but I'd rather it be out and about in the atmosphere than Dutch ovening in your quilt. Do you know what I mean? Let it escape, let it breathe. Do you feel like there's a fear that if you left it there, you'd get up in the morning and open the cover and it would still be there, like, fresh, and the first thing it would do you feel like there's a fear that if you left it there you'd get up in the morning and open the cover and it would still be there

like fresh and the first thing it would hit you with in the morning and be like green green air like in the cartoons I promise you

I don't do it deliberately even knowing you've got a point okay well we've been getting curries recently on a Saturday night during lockdown it's like retreat

of a Saturday we're getting a takeaway curry and yeah they have been pretty bad I wasn't going to say that I just want to I wasn't going to go that far you've really

there was a part of us that looked at you when I said the pump thing I was like oh she's going to say I veto this you can't say this we're going to have to record another one

but you went into more detail I know well it's only because usually this is a little bit boring apologies but when we get a takeaway, an Indian takeaway, I get quite boring stuff because we get them that bloody often

because you love them and I'm like, I'm going to be 10-ton Tessie if I eat all this. So whilst it's been lockdown, I don't really care and I've just been going mental, so I've been eating a lot more than I usually do, hence why the pumps are more powerful. The double P, powerful pumps. So that's how my lockdown the pumps, pumps are more powerful. The double P, powerful pumps.

So that's how my lockdown's going, if you're wondering. I love you. Bloody gaseous clay over here. Let's have sex. I'm all right, I'm busy. Got lots on. Got a load of plants,

I've got a water that I just got for my birthday. Plants have got to water. They just got off my bed. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director

Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad times will start to happen. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying.

Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first Omen. Only in theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30 p.m. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every post season game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com it's time for questions from the public. Pews from the queues. Pews from the queues. Oh, shit. You got that wrong.

Do it again. Public. I can't be arsed. Have you noticed even Boris Johnson is now on the questions from the public? I honestly feel like we should have trademarked that. Either that or do you think they're all listening? Almost certainly not. You never know.

Almost certainly not. You know almost certainly not you don't know boris johnson is squeezing in the covid 19 crisis having a new baby and our podcast i will be very surprised there's a 0.5 percent fair enough it's all insane 0.05 0.05 yeah got you okay i, I feel like we've been done. I feel like we should have trademarked it. I feel almost as good as Corona must be, the beer company. Oh, that's true, yeah.

If you want to get in touch, guys, it's shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Send us anything you want. Questions, would-you-rathers, stories. Again, specifically if you are an actor and you've ever had to do a sex scene, we really want to know about that stuff for next week.

Anything like that, that would be really cool. Did you get a stiffy? Did you not get a stiffy? Are you a porn actor? Who couldn't? You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like to know that as well. Yeah, not the porn one though, I was joking. Don't send me any porn stuff, we don't want that. I had a kiss, like I've had a kiss. You've had a kiss

acting-wise, haven't you? Yes. You had to kiss in heaven. You had to kiss Kimberly Nixon. Yeah, yeah. She played me wife in heaven. I also, weirdly, when I got the role in that, and then people came in to read for Kimberly's part,

and I had to do the scene where we're kissed with everyone who came in. What? It was really, really strange. Yeah. Sly. I just, like, was... And I'd never acted before,

and the girls were, like... And I was putting them all off because I wasn't like putting my arm around them or doing anything I was like just standing there they were like you know you can like

oh my god I was like but this is really it was really strange oh Chris who was it it was one of them I still know her she's a comic actress

and she was like you know you can like touch us and I was like it's just weird like I'm here all day and all the different ladies are coming in

I didn't know this yeah well I do the scene of every... It was so... So that was part of the thing, to see... Was it to see what your chemistry was like, I guess? I don't know. I mean, they should have picked the female first.

Like, pick a... You know what I mean? Pick... Why was I... Why were they going off my chemistry? I hadn't even done anything at the time. Well, they must have wanted you to do it. And then, you know... It was like, I don't know. I felt like I was being pimped out for the time. Well, they must have wanted you to do it. And then, you know.

It was like, I don't know. I felt like I was being pimped out for the day. It was very strange. Did you floss and mouthwash and that? No, I just made sure that I had a lovely big egg sandwich before everyone came in. Bit of tuna in between. Tuna and egg.

Yeah. And pickle. Wonderful. Yeah. Nice. And it was room temperature. did i ever tell you about when i did uh the you know i don't know if they still do it scott mills and uh chris stark used to do that innuendo bingo when the spat water on radio bbc really one where you put the water in

your mouth and then you spit it at each other so i've been on their show and done it a couple of times and uh i was doing it once with uh the other bbc she's another bbc radio one percent i saw jemma kearney yeah i was doing it with jemma who i've met her a few times and uh i was doing it once with uh the other bbc she's another bbc radio one percent i show jemma kearney yeah i was doing it with jemma who i've met her a few times and i i knew her at the time and we're doing it we're doing the innuendo bingo and i'd spat on her a few times and she'd spat on me while sort of halfway through the round of it right it's god it's like when you think it's like a covid 90 nightmare isn't it horrible put loads of water in your mouth and just huckle it over the person in front of you hey this was before coronavirus right um i remember sitting there and i don't know who said something but someone someone someone mentioned something or she

mentioned you hadn't had anything to eat or something like that and i went oh i've just had a fish finger wrap and i'd literally just blasted a load of water and honestly rosie i thought she was gonna be sick she was furious she was like what you've just oh my god no and then like every time i laughed and the water went off she was like oh god fish finger wrap it was so funny bless her i'm i honestly feel terrible to this day if what who goes and has a fish finger wrap minutes before the no they're gonna go and do it you were gonna do that as well because i went i went to top man and i bought a onesie to do it in right a full onesie i had loads of stuff in london all day and i went next door and got a fish finger

so you'd have been furious if someone else i would yeah that's up there with like having garlic bread before going to the dentist or something it's a real dickhead move and i'm ashamed that i did it ashamed Ashamed. Still did it. It was funny though. Dear Chris and Rosie, in brackets it said slag. Does it say slag? Fantastic. Thank you very much.

Slag. I'll take that. So one of many strange things I've discovered about my husband during the lockdown is he doesn't use a spoon to eat a yoghurt. Okay. What the F? What does he he use i'm horrified he tried to excuse it

by saying that when he's at work and buys one from the shop he has to drink it oh no so he might as well do it at home too he also said it saves on the washing up and she's put here like one spoon makes a difference to the amount of pots and pans we have. Wow. Hope you're both well. Loving the podcast. That's Maxine. I love it.

So her husband drinks yoghurt. So, right. Right. This isn't an innuendo, but he has to finish it off with his finger. He must finish it off with his finger. Unless he's got the suction of, like, a... You know, unless he's, like, squeezing squeezing it into his mouth like Popeye with spinach. Do you know what I mean?

Might not be a froube. Did I tell you at the time that my mum, sorry, Sandra, I'm going to totally out you here on the podcast. Here we go. Like, she's such a strange, like, she's not strange. She's absolutely amazing. But there's some things that she does and i'm like why did you do that so there was one time when she was walking back from the

supermarket and it was only a 15 minute walk right and she told me that you had two satsumas and two mint aero yogurts and i was like how did you how did you have the mint Aero yogurts? And she just used her finger. Walking home from the shop. Walking home from the shop. Sorry. I'm more upset that you had two satsumas as well as... Two satsumas. Who goes, do you know what I want? Are you on this 15-minute walk?

Do you know what I want? Two citrusy things and two minty things. Because fuck me taste buds. My thing was like, how hungry you got to be to eat yogurts with your fingers on the way home that takes 15 minutes?

And not just that, if you are hungry in the shop, buy a pack of crisps or something or a little sandwich. What? She's so strange and she's like the thinnest woman in the world.

It sounds like she's a really greedy person but she's not. She's just so strange. She wakes up at three o'clock in the morning to eat, you know. Yeah. Did you know this? She'll have a block of cheese. She'll be like, oh, I woke up last night dead early, had a block of cheese.

Or I woke up last night dead early, had some banana on toast, couldn't get back to sleep. What are you waking up at three o'clock in the morning to have food for? Who's having cheese? The number one thing you're not supposed to eat before you go to bed. You'll have bad dreams. She loves it. Goodness me. Have I ever drank a yogh yogurt is the thing i'm thinking to myself now do you know what i think i have but again it's been on the road i've done it on the road i think

i've drank it i think if i remember rightly i went to a service station i bought like a vanilla yogurt and i didn't have a oh god i do remember this because i remember thinking it'd be really hard to drink but because i'd had it in the van for so long, it kind of went room temperature-y a bit, and it might have been summer, so it went a bit runnier. It went down like thick milk. It was quite good. That's vile. I remember actually...

No, I did. So I hoided back, thinking it would be difficult to get it out, but it had already... So it actually, like, it was... I shocked myself. Horrible. I've ate a chocolate yoghurt with a pen. With an end of a pen before.

I do remember that. What exam was that in? It wasn't in an exam. It really was. It's my search food technology. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Thanks to lockdown, I finally have the time to tell you a story

About my ex-boyfriend Love slagging off an ex Please keep me anonymous Let's call him Max Great What a great name to pick Why not eh Max and I got together in second year of university

So I didn't meet any of his family until quite a while into the relationship I fell utterly in love with him And thought he was the one of university so I didn't meet any of his family until quite a while into the relationship. I fell utterly in love with him and thought he was the one. We had the exact same sense of humour and seemed to be on the same page about most things. About eight months into the relationship we got the train back to his hometown to meet his family. They were all lovely especially his mum who was hilarious, an amazing cook and just an all-round delight. I hope that's what Robin's other halves say about me. No. I think they will.

They'll be like, your mum is lovely. She's a good cook. She's hilarious. She's always got wine in. She's great. I'll be like, yeah, thank you. I'm going, your dad dad he's a miserable bastard yeah it is i sometimes do think what they're gonna think of us no that's what they'll say

we'll go robin your mom she's absolutely mince so funny always got the whining your dad he's just really miserable and then i'll i'll overhear them from the bottom of the stairs and I'll go, oh, listen. Susie, Susie. What it is is Chris, once upon a time, was actually really funny. Right. But he's lost that through just being miserable. But I stayed with him because... Money.

This is so hurtful I'm I'm being slagged off I'm not being funny anymore to someone who's fucking if he's going out at the robin's age

they're probably falling there's a kid somewhere he's gonna come home and be his partner and I'm already being slagged off to them and I'm hurting

can it work god yeah well look at their fucking they're gonna not know what's going on when they finish their dinner that you've made for them

and you hand them a fucking pen eat their dessert mess I'll be there I'll be like Well, look at the fucking, they're going to not know what's going on when they finish their dinner that you've made for them and you hand them a fucking pen to eat their dessert with. Mess. I'll be there. I'll be like, want to do a TikTok? Eh?

Dab, dab, dab. Want to do a TikTok? Oh, you'd be horrible. You'd be fucking irritating. When they're teenagers, the light makes. I'll give them the space. You'd be all out with them. Do you think?

Yeah, you're singing from the bottom of the garden, watering your plants outside. Come on round. Oh, Robin's in the shower. Yeah, I'll walk round and tell you what plants what. Look at that one. He's got two of the heads off. However, this is about his mum. Ah.

Okay. I started to find their relationship a bit strange. Oh, here we go. It's worth seeing at this point that Max was 22. Got you. Okay. When we first got there max kissed his mum on the lips amazing bit weird love it love that i kiss robin on the lips now

but he's four yeah he's four and often he actually turns me head around and kisses on the cheek which i find rude but obviously slam do you not see them before i like go towards him like night night and he turns me face to me cheek and kisses on the cheek fantastic honestly denied by my son mommy not watching news cheek yeah to be fair what did boris say mom huh what did dominic say no kissy kisses cheeks onlyies. Cheeks only. I thought this was a bit odd, but I know a lot of families like that, so didn't think anything more of it. It's weird when you get an adult.

It's really weird. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I don't... I've never done that. I've never kissed my dad on the lips above the age of, like... Never. I don't think I've ever kissed my dad on the lips

when I was a kid. Possibly did. I don't think I've ever kissed your dad on the lips when I was a kid. No. Possibly did. I don't think I've ever kissed your dad on the lips. No, really think back. There was me stag do. I think me and your dad did. Yeah. Yeah. Are you sure?

Yeah. I've never kissed your dad above the waist. Oh, this is horrible. You are awful. Oh, sorry. I couldn't. I remember when I was little, I remember I would kiss my mum on the lips when I was little. And then you get to a certain age and it's just weird.

Yeah. Yeah. I've kissed your dad above the lips and below. Above the lips? What, his fucking nose? What are you talking about? I probably have kissed his nose before. Why would you kiss my dad's nose?

That's weirder. Stop it. Okay, so she didn't think anything more of it. When she was cooking, he would often walk past and smack her on the arse. Sorry. Sorry. No. I can't let this continue.

Apparently so. His mom would be cooking. He'd walk past and slap his mom on the arse. Yeah, and she'd go, ooh. That, no, man. Apparently, and then she said again, a bit strange, but I let it slide. Can you ever imagine smacking your mom on the arse

and her going, ooh? No, I don't even want to think about it. That's horrible. No. See, but people have got different relationships with the parents. I'd slap my mom on the arse, but it. That's horrible. No. See, but people have got different relationships with their parents. I'd slap my mum on the arse, but it would be in a funny way. Yeah.

I don't know. Anyway, let's see what else happens in here. Oh, God, I don't know if I want to. It wasn't until the evening before we were due to leave that I got properly freaked out. Max's mum was in the bath, and Max popped in to brush his teeth before bed in the same bathroom. After he had done his teeth, he popped back into the bedroom I was sat in and said, I'm just going to hop in the bath with mum, I won't be long.

Shut the fuck up, there's no way, nah. He proceeded to go back to the bathroom and get in the bath with his mum. No way man! It wasn't a big house. I'm 22! get in the bath with his mum. No! Where, man? It wasn't a big house. I'm 22! It wasn't a big house so I could hear them talking to each other in the bath and laughing. It also wasn't a big bath.

Mother! I rang my mum and she agreed that it was very weird but I was stuck there until the next morning i rang my mum who was currently in the bath with my brother and he agreed it was normal i never asked him about it because i was too scared and we broke up shortly after shortly i'd loved i'd love clarification on how long that was i bet it was a while that is so strange i'm sorry you don't

bath with your mom at 22 do you that is honestly nah do you not remember when we were at center parks in the hot tub with your mom and dad and the jets went off and you got really freaked out because you were like we're just all in the bath together yeah yeah that's when the bubbles go off you are yeah you're in a bath with your costume on yeah did you ever have a bath with your mom up until when i believe when i was when i was obviously younger when i was a child when i was a toddler and stuff i think i can't remember my mom but i remember bathing with my dad and i distinctly remember i got to an age where my dad refused to get in the bath with us or get in the bath water because I left a load of floaters in the bath, apparently. Oh, where you were a pooer?

No, no, just like snots and spit and grem. And yeah, he was just like, I'm not doing that anymore. And that was the end of it. See, as a female, I don't know if it's a bit different. I went in the bath with my mum for years. Until? Until like 11, 12. Yeah, it's really weird.

Is it? Yeah, that's really weird. I can't believe you said that. Yeah. That's really weird. Is it? Yeah, that's really weird. I can't believe you said that. Yeah. That's really weird. Well, no, we're just that kind of family. I never went in with my dad that old. And then after that, it sort of phased out.

You were 12 years old and you went in the bath with your mom. I think so, yeah. Maybe 11. So you could legally watch Men in Black and you were in the bath with your mom. Yeah, but you're still a kid. You're thinking now where kids are just a bit older. That's still very young.

It is very young. It's strange, aren't like. We've got different lives, you see. I think 22-year-old man in the bath with his mum is messed up. But I think

possibly 12-year-old girl in the bath with her mum or 12-year-old boy in the bath with his mum not as weird. We'll see. I'll see how long Robin wants to go in the bath with her mom or 12 year old boy in the bath with his mom not as weird we'll see i'll see how long robin wants to go in the bath with us we'll come back to us on that in about 10 years and i'll let you know how we're all right then so what do we think their age is you know what it is i might do a poll on twitter oh do i want to go back on twitter i'll go on then i will i might do a poll on twitter when this comes out

right to see what age to see what age you think you should have a bath with until... I'm not trying to make it a socioeconomic thing either. Don't go on giving us loads of fucking messages about how you can't afford to fill the bath again. That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about when is it weird? At what age does it become really weird for your tot to accidentally slip up your mum's arsehole in the bath?

Oh, God. Oh, Chris. Here's something interesting which I hadn't thought of. Hi, Crozy. Crozy. Oh, we've done that. It says, hi, Rosie and Chris. I just read Crozy.

I read a tweet earlier that has quite frankly ruined my day and I know will ruin Chris's too. Oh, Jesus. Here you go. It was from a friend who had just realised she had left a banana in her desk drawer at work a few days before the lockdown. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. And as her offices had to shut, it's been there for over a month. It's over two months now. Oh, man man the replies were full of people relating the worst ones saying they had left old nearly empty containers of tuna pasta salad and egg mayo sandwich wrappers on their desk just imagine what were they eating

all them for were they about to do an audition they must have been getting ready for the role just imagine how much rotten food there is in offices around the UK at the moment. Right, I'm all sad. And because it's so warm, it'll be even more horrific. Right, I'm sad. I'm sad now. This is no word of a lie. Stop that.

No word of a lie. Last night in bed, you're going to hate me for this because you hate it when I have these thoughts. Oh, what? Last night in bed, I was thinking about just stuff to do in the garden and i know we've got um we've got rob and his little um a little golf set just before the lockdown happened he's got like a little wooden golf set that is used like for 30 seconds and i've got one of them little nets for my golf my actual adult golf set where you can chip golf balls into it and i thought about getting that out of the loft last night i was like i'll get that out and just do that in the garden for a bit of you know a bit

of hobby and i remembered that the net is in the bag with me golf shoes and the last time i put my golf shoes away i didn't clean all the mud off the bottom of them and i remembered that the golf shoes are now in the loft and there's mud on them and i feel scared to go up there i'm scared is that why you've been a bit off today no have you been thinking about that so one time uh when i was at school i tried out for the football team ah didn't get it obviously um and what i did was i remember i left me football boots in a carrier bag i left them over the weekend i had to get them back out on the monday for like rugby or something like that or whatever it was and there was a load of

it was wet and I put them in a carrier bag and there was loads of like mould on the bottom of them and I screamed it was like I'd never

I mean mum was like yes because he left them in a wet bag the moisture and I think honestly I think we're going to hear something in the loft

it's going to be like a gremlin it's going to give birth for me and that the idea of tuna mayonnaise in containers in office places around the country then end the lockdown now they'll kill we're

faster than that oh god be horrific can you imagine god i'm just glad i'm glad that the thing that didn't keep you awake was you worrying if you've got any underlying health conditions no that's fun that's your new your new little worry now hey look i don't know what my health conditions are but he doctors us shut, innit? That's all. But I'm not going. And you say you need healthy and exercise. What if I don't want to? What if I want to eat this full Swiss roll with my hand?

I'm going to. Here's something for you. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I hear you mention a lot about chris's anxiety during your podcasts and you also what said he'd watched breaking bad a fair few times i heard a quote not so long ago and it made me think of the reference you made it went something like people with anxiety will watch the same shows over and over again as it allows them to watch with no fear or anxiety of how the show will end purely because they already

know the outcome do you think this could be the same with christopher that's from jack that's a good question uh no um i only watch breaking bad over and over again because i i am i really like it uh i enjoy not knowing and there's some parts of watch we've been watching breaking bad as i say and there's some parts where i go i know this bit and i want to i want to get the next bit and i sometimes i've never suggested because it would be infuriating but i sometimes think should we skip this episode because i know it please don't do it in it yeah um however when watching boxing or ufc now especially i realize i can't relax i tense up when they're doing stuff ufc when it goes to the ground when they start

grappling and jiu jitsu on the ground I really tense up I gave myself a bad back the other night watching the UFC because I was tensed up that long watching it

it's weird isn't it so weird you are so weird I did get a lot you love it we did get I've had a lot of emails

from people saying thanks for you expressing about your anxiety cool so many honestly so many emails of people saying that they you expressing about your anxiety cool so many honestly so many emails of people saying that they

are the same yeah everyone's got it everyone's got you know a little for want of a better phrase

little gremlins in their personality and in their head that you've got to sort of push down I push them down to do this I push them down

to do stand up but I think in some ways they keep it sharp and in other ways they're just really fucking annoying to me and you what's my gremlins have i got any give me a second to think me period yeah your period is a gremlin oh god it's a fucking troll um it's an ogre a cloddy

troll oh don't go in the details man What is yours? I was thinking this year I was thinking Practically perfect Absolutely not Oh look he's having a good old thing about it Are we? I'm going to remember

later on during the day I'll probably be out with bike rags and I'm a bike guy now and I'll be like remembered, the thing I've got to have my life for. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bab. Hi Rosie and Chris. Listening to episode 58 and the part where you're on about ex-boyfriends slash girlfriends showing

up to stop the wedding. Well I've got a story for you. Oh my god, has someone seen it happen? Didn't I ask the public if anyone had seen that happen? I can't remember. Oh. I know, right, just listen. About 10 years ago, my friend David's ex-girlfriend was getting married.

Oh. On the morning of her wedding, seconds before she was about to put her wedding dress on, she rang David and said to him, I don't really love my husband to be. I only want you. Please have me back and I'll call the whole thing off. Let's call the whole thing off. That's pressure. That's intense, isn't it? Bit nasty.

He said no and told her to bog off. Enjoy the cake. Sling you. I'm sorry, like, what an absolute dickhead move that is. Not by him, by her. I know. I couldn't believe it. She went ahead and married her now husband.

He doesn't know about the phone call to David, all the porn films she also starred in, all the topless photos that were published in a magazine. So many secrets. Jesus Christ. I never really liked her, especially after the time David and I were out having a drink and a group of us went back to the house he shared with her. And she made me sit outside on the garden step with my cheesy chips in case I dropped any on her floor.

I'm sorry. Chris is sympathising with her now. Fully like i'm sympathizing with that cheesy chips in the garden you filthy pig carry on anyway fast forward 10 years and the ex's daughter is in the same class as mine at school piss the bed the ex knows i know about the phone call and the porn good lord i made a point of standing with her husband in the playground when we're waiting to drop off or pick up. What a cow.

What a cow. And I love to watch her face when I purposely sit next to them at any school place. You total dickhead, man. What are you doing? Stop you doing it certainly makes the school run a bit more fun to watch her being so uncomfortable am i an awful person yes yeah it was probably but i don't care the worst i mean it's entertaining yeah you're the worst so what's that look just for

research purposes what's our name so we can fully uh watch this porn thing purely for science just to know just want to see our face just know just just just so we hear a phone voice yeah face to the story hello i'm emailing in to ask if you guys have any weird family coincidences slash things that are not common to happen in families uh rosie bathed with her mom till she was 12 next you were gonna get a lot of stuff saying that other people have done that as well so it's too far do you know what uh how close i'm in your mom now though how close okay i'll answer your question with a question did you have pubes 12 i start get i started getting pubes at holy island Holy Island I'm getting confused

I'm Holy Island God So for anyone listening who doesn't know holy island is uh it's a kind of breathe holy island is a uh obviously an island uh in in the north north of england um that you can access at certain points of the day but then the tide uh cuts it off and schools do uh go and visit there especially uh religious schools like what rosie went to obviously rosie went there for some kind of pube finding excursion i got me pubes at holy island and i had to leave for being unholy the reason i remember it is because we i shared a room with my best

friends at the time. There was about six of us and we were all asking and talking and counting pubes. And I remember There's no phone reception on Holy Island so a common pastime is to count pubes. Teachers can't play this game

just the students to run by nuns so yeah I can't remember I think I was about 11 I think I was about 11 but I didn't have many though I actually

if I think if I honestly think back correctly I think I lied about how many pubes I had because I was a little did you round it up with any other stuff I was just like oh six that's something i haven't thought about for like years and years when do your pubes start

coming in how did they come in do they come in short and long i can't remember do you remember yeah well rosie's back ros, did you have a good time on Holy Island? Great time, man. It was amazing. Such an experience. Did you bring her anything back? Look at these! Run that bath.

Have a look at these, man! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Keith, get a look! Was that you playing them like a banjo? Great. Got me pubes at holy island i visited holy island and all i got was this lousy t-shirt brackets and some pubes arrow pointing downwards chris ramsey merch shag marinoid copyright 2020 oh hey you're just jealous jesus christ that's just one of the funniest things i heard me like i've got me Shagmari Noid copyright 2020. Oh, hey, you're just jealous. Jesus Christ.

Right, you ready? That's just one of the funniest things I've ever heard of you like. I've got my pubes at Holy Island. I can't cope. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay. You're thinking about my pubes at Holy Island.

I just, oh, it's just. Right. It's just the way you said it. Like, I've got my pubes at Holy Island. It was up there with like, I broke my leg in Spain. I don't remember medical history. I broke my leg in Spain. I split my head open in Portugal and I got my pubes at Holy Island.

That's me. Rosie's lonely planet. My grandma has four children and she had my auntie very young, in brackets, 17. She then had two other children, my dad included, then at 42 she remarried and had my uncle. Because of my uncle being born, this means that there is a 25 age gap between him and his sister. 25 years.

25 year age gap between him and his sister. 25 years. 25 year age gap. Yeah. Jeez. Which causes an unusual event to occur in my family. When she was 23, my auntie got married and had my cousin. Two years later, my grandma got pregnant with my uncle and had him. Which means that my cousin is older than her uncle by two years. I find this pretty uncommon and have never seen it happen before.

Yeah, not my mate. What? Doug and Chris. Chris is Doug's uncle and Chris is two or three years younger than Doug. Wow. Yeah. It's always strange.

I've known a couple of people where they've said that and I've sat there thinking, how is this work? Until I've read that there, I've never really been able to work that out. Yeah. I remember.

Because it's so complicated. I remember when Doug told us, when I used to go out, when we used to go out back in the day, Doug and Chris, they told us, and I was like, I had my mind blown by it.

It was amazing. And then it became my thing that I told people. Right. So being a pub and talking to people, I'd be like, yeah, yeah, I see him.

He's his uncle, but he's older than that. It's mental. I mean, it got really boring for everyone. It sounds tedious. But it was, I did steal it

as my own party piece. Nice. For a while, yeah. Good for you. And I used to go, even though, look, I see him. Even though he's two years

older than him. Right, yes. He got his pubes at Thurston and he got his at Holy Island six months apart do you want a shit story is it a shit story or a let's talk about shit story

it's a let's talk about shit story play the jingle let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about poo and wee. Let's talk about all the good shits, all the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit.

With a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit. Shag married and shit. Say what? Yes. Yes. I really enjoyed my little bit there. Well done. Okay. about shit Shag married and shit Say what? Yes! Yes! I really enjoyed my little bit there.

Well done. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. Hi Rosie and Chris. Going back a few years the recently single 21 year old me

found a super cute floral play suit in Primark which I got in the sale for the bargain price of three pound. Cool. Being the typical bargain loving Yorkving Yorkshire lass I am,

I was thrilled, and I decided to wear it on a night out. What a terrible, terrible idea that was. What's a play suit for the men listening? A play suit? Yeah. It can either be short, so it's short, and then they've got buttons all the way up. We talked about before, when you wear a play suit on a night out,

you've got to take the whole thing off, and you're sitting naked all the way up. We talked about before, when you wear a play suit on a night out, you've got to take the whole thing off and you're sitting naked on the loo. Can I just say, at the fear of generalising here and at the fear of sounding maybe, I'm not sexist because I know women don't dress for men, women dress for other women.

But as a man, can I just say, I think I speak for most men when I say, play suits were all right for them. Most men. Oh, really? Yeah, you look like giant babies. It's rubbish.

You look like giant babies. Rubbish. You look like giant babies. You go oh look what I've got here girls go on you look lovely now maybe put a belt and accessorise it like a giant baby. Shit. Blokes don't like them. I'm speaking for I'm telling you right now I'm speaking for most men here that don't like them. Honestly you might as well have that little square on the back of a onesie where you open the flap and shit through it like a troll honestly you literally look like a cabbage

patch kid stop wow right okay i mean no but again as i'm saying again i'm saying men women don't dress for men women dress for women women i when i get get ready, I don't think, oh, is Chris going to like this play suit? I think, do I look decent enough? Or, you know, will my friends like my outfit? Well, if it's ever a play suit, just know that the answer is no, Chris won't like it.

Goes on Amazon, buys 94 play suits. Go for it. Amazon? Why would I get a play suit off Amazon? Because they come with a free doll. Because they're babies. Right, okay. So, I don't know if you've been out in barnsley but a couple no sorry sorry to chime in there but uh no

categorically no in barnsley and big love for barnsley people sorry I gig a lot in Barnsley used to do Barnsley Civic quite a lot well you'll not be there anymore Chris someone last time I did Barnsley Civic anyone who was there will know

a guy came down onto the stage because it was one of them one of them fucked up shows where the stage is floor level but then the seats

are raked onto there so the seats come up from the stage guy came down and was like on the stage chatting he was mortal drunk they didn't kick him

out they kept him in and then he queued up for the signing and he was sick on people in the signing and then he left that was my little mate my little mate in Barnsley great well I don't know if you've been out in Barnsley no but a couple hundred a hundred quid goes a long long way jeez that hundred quid goes a long way anyway I know I had spent every last penny on booze so you can only imagine the state I had got myself into wow so she spent a hundred quid on booze

in Barnsley heavens so I'm thinking Barnsley's very similar to South Shields here yeah you know it's a sort of small town outside of a big city

Sheffield's your you know your Newcastle kind of thing wow a hundred pound a hundred million dollars a hundred million thousand pound. Oh God, I'm giddy.

After drinking my body weight and God knows what, I decided enough was enough and headed home, but obviously needed to stop off for food first. OBS. Like the true northerner that I am, I planned on ending the night in style with some chips and gravy from the late night chippy. Go on, lass.

Oh. Grace. That's lovely. Oh, my God, that is awful. Did not see that coming. No. She's been sick in someone's wheelchair. This isn't even the end of the story, so let's keep going.

Where was the person? I don't know. Why has she been sick in a wheelchair? Why are they standing up? Why was it abandoned? Where was that person? Is she going to explain it? No, that's it.

That's just it. I hate it when people just drop something. Abandoned wheelchair. I've never seen an abandoned wheelchair before. Well, where was the person, obviously? That's the... Jesus. This is like a government briefing. There's more questions by the end of it.

I managed to get a grip of myself and get a taxi home. I tucked myself up into bed with the play suit in situ. The bastards to get off... Oh, she left it on. She left it on. Sorry, I didn't know what that meant. Okay. Sorry.

Wow. Sorry, it's play suit chat. I'm not up on it. The bastards to get off at the best of times, never mind after a skinful. So I just left it on thinking, I'll be right. So she went to bed in her wansy. She went to bed in her wansy. In her wansy.

In her baby wansy. I vividly remember waking up in the middle of the night for the toilet, but unbeknownst to my drunken self, I still had said, play suit on. Are you kidding, man? I was rudely awoken on the toilet a few hours later by the

foul stench that was coming up from my crotch. Not only had I pissed in the play suit, I had shat myself in it too. Fantastic. Well done. On the Bristol stool chart, it was a strong type 6. Excuse me? I have no idea what that means.

On the Bristol stool chart. Oh my God, it's a thing. Oh my God. What is it? Let me see. shit literally the bristol stool chart oh i've seen this on a birthday card before sorry i have yeah so it actually tells you what the poos are there's a picture there yeah on the picture she said it was a six. This is terrible. This is terrible. Six. Right. Mushy consistency with ragged edges.

Mild diarrhea. Mild diarrhea. This is horrendous. How did I not know about this? Okay, guys, strap in. We're about to do the full stool chart. I hope you're not eating. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, no. We've got to come on. The people need to know. Type one. I'm having this in my internet history so these good people listening don't have to i don't want to know hard lines type one separate hard lumps severe constipation type two lumpy and sausage like mild constipation type three a sausage shape with cracks in the surface normal that's what's what mine's normally like. Normal. Great.

I'm a three. Type four, like a smooth, soft sausage or snake. That's Robin. This can't be. Who's written this? Normal. That's Robin. Type five, soft blots with clear cut edges.

Lacking fibre. Type six, we've done. Type seven, liquid consistency with no solid pieces. Severe diarrhoea. Yeah. Which one are you? Well, we've done type seven liquid consistency with no solid pieces severe diarrhea yeah which one are you well we've all listened we've all learned sorry today um which one am i i'm normally three or four yeah normally three or four yeah so there we go sitting on the loo and what do i see diarrhea diarrhea bristol stool chart that, I have learned something today. There you go. As if we had a section called Let's Talk About Shit

and we weren't aware of the Bristol stool chart. Still don't know why it's got Bristol in it. Somebody from Bristol made it up. It's got it from somewhere. Okay. So, on the Bristol stool chart, it was a strong type 6. So it was a, yeah. Mild diarrhoea. Yeah.

The warmth of the cow pat was rather comforting until the realisation had kicked in. I thought to myself, how the hell am I meant to tackle this? Still half-baked, I managed to shimmy it off in the shower and clean myself up, leaving the playsuit in the bath soaking.

Can I just say, this has been the worst advert for play suits but you know when uh kylie jenner tweeted is snapchat still a thing and took like a billion off their fucking share price i think we're gonna do i think this episode is gonna do that for play suits i had a go now this woman has just literally literally shat all over them. I'm going to burn all mine. Right. So she's left it to soak in the bath till the morning

and she's headed off back to bed. Some lucky fucker's going to come and say that. My poor mum walked the following morning and found the feces ridden garment floating

in the bathtub. Floating. That's not the worst part. Oh, mate. Oh. But all my mates knew about my drunken state that evening, so I didn't dare wear it again and told them that I threw it out. But I hadn't. I had sold said play suit on eBay. You animal!

For £30. £30? How much did you buy it for? Not only had I the pleasure of shitting in it, I made a huge profit on the chuffing thing too. She paid £3 for it. I can't believe this. She sold it for £30. I can't believe that.

She shat and weighed herself in that play suit, probably with bits of sick on as well, from the wheelchair. She sold it for £30 on eBay. Ten times what you paid for it. I mean... Oh, God. Is it? Can we?

You know what? You devious, dirty, dirty, dirty individual. Yeah. I have to respect that. That's Vicky from Barnsley. And there's me. I mean, I wouldn't anyway, but there's me never buying anything from eBay,

clothing-wise, ever. I know. You're just not doing very well for it. I do love eBay as well. So, not all of them are like that, I'm sure. Nah. I'm going to tar them all with that brush. Type 6 shitty brush.

Thank you so much for listening to this week's Shagamardenoid, which is now part of the Acast Creator Community. Network. Network. Oh, we are so professional. Shall I do that again? Shall we just leave it in?

I'll do it again. No, go on. Just say it again. We'll leave it in. It's quite nice. Thank you for listening to this week's Shagmarinoid, which is now part of the Acast Creator Network. You nearly forgot it again, didn't you?

Yeah. Absolutely fantastic. Guys, thank you so, didn't you? Yeah. Absolutely fantastic. Guys, thank you so, so, so much for listening. Please continue to like, rate and subscribe. We just hit 25 million downloads, by the way. Oh my God! Which is just insanely cool. Thank you all so much.

Thank you. We hope this is cheering you up during this weird time. We hope you're all staying safe. We hope you're all okay. It really cheers us up doing this. It really does. It really, really does. Annoyingly,

right at the end, we'll get really cheered up when we're finished. Thank you so much, guys. Bye. Love yous. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats

for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.