Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 7. Shredded Beef

Episode Date: March 29, 2019

Chris and Rosie bring you this episode of Sh**ged Married Annoyed from a studio in London. They chat about the stages of being away from your kids, the great crisp debate and family peeing (is this a thing?). They also answer your questions which this week cover sex injuries, praise for chores and celebrity crushes. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental

Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and this geezer, Chris Ramsey. We're recording this in London. Was that your London little geezer bit? Yes. Very good, I like that.

Yes, this is episode seven. And before we start, a quick word from this week's sponsor. This week's sponsor is Doors. Doors. Doors. They connect your rooms. That's theors. They connect your rooms. That's the slogan. We connect your rooms.

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Well, not everywhere. Don't go to Greg's for a door. In door shops. Is that... Are you done? That's it. They just keep getting worse. Better. She means better. It's the jingle. We had a fight about the

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Jingle. Episode 7, here we are. Thank you so much for listening so far. Yeah, nothing more than that really. It's doing really well still. We're still very shocked by this. Genuinely shocked, but it doesn't feel as shocking this time because we're in a proper studio at the moment, aren't we? Well, I'm a bit freaked out if I'm honest. Feels like a real job. We've had to travel here. I can't hear my fridge whirring. Actually, firstly, this is my real job so I'd prefer

if you didn't take the mick out of me my only job something just to tell you really quickly yes we are recording in London I brought my wrong

notepad I know that was hilarious so we were downstairs guys in a meeting room doing a bit of prep for the podcast and Rosie realised

she had the wrong notepad because she's got you've got a lovely little podcast notepad and it's got my photo on it's got robin's photo on it's got you on it's really nice my friend angela made it for us when i got my job very nice when you got your job your podcast job and you turned to me you went oh i've got the wrong notepad do you think this week's will be rubbish and i went well we're in a different place we're in a different studio using different mics we're both we've both got a cold you know we're recording on a Wednesday

not a Monday like so many things are different but because you've got a different bit of paper to write on you assumed it would all be wrong well do you know do you know what my thing is right so I've had that notepad since episode one right and i've wrote at the top of everything with on my notes episode one two three etc yeah episode seven's gonna be nowhere to be seen right i thought maybe in years to come if this is a roaring success i could sell that notepad make a few make a few squiddlies but no they're gonna be like where's episode seven for crying out loud first all, it's already a roaring success. You take that back.

Secondly, I honestly thought you were about to say in years, when they dig up me remains and they get me podcast book, they'll go hmm, people in the past didn't do episode seven of a podcast. Whatever that is. In me sarcophagus.

I want it buried with us. But what I'm going to do, actually, I've just thought there, I'm going to take the pages out of this and stick it into me podcast notebook. Well,

I'm glad you've got something to do for the rest of the week. We've talked about this notebook for so much longer than I thought we would. Let's go again. Oh, it's been nice

being on Greg James this week. That was lovely. Yeah, BBC Radio 1. BBC Radio 1 with the lovely Greg James. It was nice that I didn't just have to sit around the other bit of the glass and watch you on it. Little did they know the real comedy gold was out there all the time

sitting picking her nose in the little waiting room. God forbid. Genuinely, there was a bit of a thought that we were going to get there and they'd be like, Hi, Rosie, just take a seat through there. And I'd be like, Hi, Rosie, just take a seat through there. And I'd be like, hi. Sit in the empty live lounge, the most depressing room in the world. Yeah.

And then we went to Celebrity Juice last night, didn't we? I did an episode of Celebrity Juice. Oh, yeah, sorry. You made me drive an hour out of London to sit and watch you in the green room for three hours and then drive an hour back. Yep. That was fun. Just wanted the moral support, didn't I?

Yeah, you did. No, it was very, very good. It's a crazy show live, isn't it? It's like, it's still just as brilliant as mental. It's the most,

for me, it's the show that people always say, can he get his text to go and see it live? And it's the show that most mimics what a live audience are like.

Just a bunch of lunatics. Yeah. It's really, really good fun. It's very good. But yeah, all good as well just quickly

on the third day without Robin and I'm I'm flagging like yeah we'll be in London this is the third day in London and he's still up north

and he's I know do you know what it is Chris right two days first day genuinely didn't even think about him once it got to about 7 o'clock and I was like

oh shit I have a child it wasn't I was like oh my god and 7 o'clock and I was like, oh shit. I have a child. It wasn't. I was like, oh my God. And you rang your mum and he was absolutely fine. You did.

You said, shouldn't we ring someone? Find out if he's alright. We were really busy to be fair. And then the second day, I was fine and I did keep

into contact a lot more. He was absolutely fine. Third, day three, I take a tonne of bricks. In my head head I'm like Where's my child He's not

He hasn't asked for us But we're going back home this afternoon Yeah But didn't he want to go in our He asked your mum to go in our bed last night But didn't ask where we were Oh yeah So my mum's busy staying at ours

With Robin He woke up in the middle of the night Went Oh, yeah. So my mum's busy staying at ours with Robin. It's an absolute joke. He woke up in the middle of the night, went to the spare room where my mum was sleeping, and he started getting upset. My mum was like, are you all right? He was like, I don't want to sleep here. My mum was like, do you want to go back to your bed?

He was like, I want to go in my mum and dad's bed. And so I sent my mum. I was like, oh, mum, bless him. Did he want us? She was like, eh, no. He just wanted to sleep in was like eh no just wanted to sleep in your bed just wanted to

stretch out one of the temp our mattress on his little bug I love little brat tell you what right you know how you

love crisps we talked about crisps on Greg James wow segue hey you love crisps I spotted this this week

we were in the hey do you love crisps as much as I love crisps this isn't a sponsor by the way like a real sponsor this is just something I spotted do you know they had a full on crisp debate this week

everyone's been talking about it online I've seen it is this the pyramid thing the pyramid of crisps yeah it was all kinds of wrong utter bullshit I know

innit can I just say first of all as a country we couldn't decide fairly and evenly on a question that only had a yes or a no answer do we want to leave the european union so what 50 odd kinds of crisp not a chance squares something gonna squares also known as salt the vinegar squaw who's may i add

bottom of the pyramid the bottom i'm honestly with knickknacks i can't believe well knick-knacks? I can't believe... Well, knick-knacks is a chore. Oh, don't I love a knick-knack. No, I do. A nice and spicy knick-knack, fantastic, right? But you spend more time picking them out of your teeth than you do actually eating them. It's a chore. You've got to take a day off work for knick-knacks. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, God. But Squahoos, also known as Squahoos McDaniels, salt and vinegar Squahoos McDaniels, they are right do you know they're baked they're actually one of the most healthy crisps because they're baked

not fried they're really good and the taste honestly who made that pyramid I will fight them now I am I'm fighting

I'm clenching my fists no babes it's alright calm down it's not worth it calm down calm it's just fucking crisps

I did I clenched my fists there and I put both my fists in the air and I'll fight whoever made that pyramid because you're a goddamn filthy liar. My woke-ass salt and vinegar were up near the top, so I'm all right. Aye, aye, with ready salted Pringles? Who the hell made that? The man with no taste buds?

I know. For f... Do you know what? Pringles are a little weird little snack because I really don't like them but I can't stop eating them I would never buy them but if they're there I would eat them all in one go

they should have some kind of slogan that I make you know like once you pop you just can't stop nah I don't think I'll catch on ladies first my darling wife what's your beef

can I say as well before we start the beefs this is it's I'm nervous in the house now because the amount of times we'll i'll do something and you'll tut or you'll shake your head or you go chris man and i'll look at you and

you'll whip your phone out and start typing i know it's going to come back to bite us later on i know it is just make it so easy you shouldn't be such an irritating i was gonna say the c word but i'm'm not. Wow, on the podcast. I know. Unbelievable. I stopped myself. Come on then, Lily's first. What's up, beef? Right, so my beef this week is something that's been happening a lot more. You're not even going to...

This is so curveball. You're not even going to know this. But this has happened a few times, okay? Probably about five times. And I'm really upset about it, right? Right. Probably about five times. And I'm really upset about it, right?

Right. So, recently, I'll be stood with Robin in the toilet, in the bathroom, okay? He sometimes needs a hand getting his pants down. Right. And what's happened the last few times that I've been there, stood next to him whilst he's weeing in the toilet? You have come over out of nowhere and just started having a wee at the same time so i'm kind of stood at eye level because sometimes i'm like down and there's just two lots of piss coming past my eyes into the toilet

and I'm like, this is awful. You know what it is? It's just, I don't know, it's like family wee time. I just come in, I don't know why. I'm not having a, there's only three of us in this family.

You're weeing, man. You're telling me you're not weeing in the B day next to it. Liar. No. You know what, you're right, the other day you next to it. Liar. No. You know what? You're right. The other day you were like, why are you here?

And I was like, I think it happened. The first time I did it, I think it was before he goes, you know, sometimes before he goes to bed, he decides he doesn't want to wee and he shouts. And then we go, no, you want to, and he has a wee. And then a couple of times for me, he's been screaming, going, I don't want to wee. And then he started weaning. He's like, I did want to wee. I go, I know you did, you little jerk.

Yeah, yeah. But I think I and he's going, I did want a wee. I'm going, I know you did, you little jerk. Yeah, yeah. But I think I went over, the first time I did it, I think I went over and I went, come on, daddy, a wee, a new wee, to make him wee. And now I just think, oh, that's the crack. No, listen, it's fine. You're just going to have a wee at the same time. Just I don't, like, do it when I'm not there,

like at the level of the wee. I cannot pick and choose when I need a wee. No, you can, Chris. You're a grown man. I cannot pick and choose when I need a wee. No, you can, Chris. You're a grown man. You can pick and choose when you need a wee. Look, it's just family wee-ing time. There's nothing... You know, when I have to go...

If you are trying to stop me bonding with my child... Oh, get lost. ...during wee time, I tell you what, I'll see you in court. You're a horror. Just please, just be mindful and just keep family wee times for when I'm out of the room, all right?

But then if you're not there, it's not family wee time. Oh, get lost, Chris. I'm sick of watching the two men in my life pissing together. I'm just jealous, all right? Right.

My beef with you is, right, and this has been going on for years now, but you've finally wrote me into it and I'm absolutely furious, right? Right. My beef with you is, right, and this has been going on for years now, but you've finally wrote me into it and I'm absolutely furious, right? You have an uncanny ability, right, to purchase clothes

that can only be hand washed or dry cleaned. And I'm utterly sick of it. I'm utterly sick of it. It gets to the point now where I'm doing the washing, I'm getting all the washing out of the dirty basket, and every other thing has... You look at the label, you go, oh, is it 30 or 40? What should I do?

Want to do it on the right one? It's a little photo of a little hand, a little hand going into a giant cup of water, and you go, right, great. Or it just says dry, clean only. Or some of them, the mad ones you get from the Twilight Zone, say, like, sponge clean clean only damp sponge only like we don't live in the world like we live in the white thing and the matrix where there's just no

dirt and nothing and you did it to me recently we went shopping i've got to say thank you right because you you dressed me recently and any any man out there right who thinks it might be i don't know emasculating to get your wife to tell you what to wear. Rosie, you walked me around that shop and the stuff you picked, I would never have picked. I know. And I looked good in it and I've had compliments. I've had people say, hey, Chris, you look really smart. And I say all the time, Rosie's just got us dressing like an adult now.

Yeah. I no longer dress like a 14-year-old skateboarder. Yeah. Right? Thank God. And thank you. It was stuff I'd never pick. Rosie, I must have got

seven garments and I'm using the word garments because we're in London right I must have got seven different items I'm not joking five of them are hand wash only right well listen

what you doing it's like we're going back in time we're going to have to get the mangle out like washing it by hand and just like drying it dry it off

dry it off in the in the scullery. What year is it? Firstly, I'm not taking the blame for this because, right, what's happened is you've got quite a successful career now. Right. You know what I mean? We've got a bit more money than we used to have when we first got together.

Right. More expensive clothes. Right. You have to hand wash them because I don't think they actually do need to be hand washed, but if they get bobbly straight away, you can take them back and be like, that top was 40 quid, so shouldn't be bobbling.

That's why they tell you to hand wash them. They're just covering their own backs. But obviously, you're scared to put them in the washing machine, and I get that. Just second point here, I am ripping this beef to shreds. To shreds. Shredded beef. Great work. Listen, pat my back. I think we'll stop the podcast here, right, I am ripping this beef to shreds. To shreds. Shredded beef. Great work.

Listen, pat my back. I think we'll stop the podcast here because it's not going to get any better than that. We've peaked. Shredded beef. Look at how happy you are. This is better than a jacket. Listen, guys, again, I hate to do this and break the fourth wall here, but you can't see because we're recording it,

but she just sat for about five seconds and did that Ali G hand flick here, but you can't see because we're recording it, but she just sat for about five seconds and did that Ali G hand flick thing, but you can't actually do it. So it was... Listen, hang on. No. No, that's just a woman. That's just a woman trying to get a spider off her hand.

Oh, what was I saying? Oh, ripping it to bits, weren't you? Ripping it to bits. Look at that. You stopped ripping it to bits because you were so happy at the nickname you'd given to ripping it to bits. at that you stopped ripping it to bits because you were so happy at the nickname you'd given to

ripping it to bits that is goldfish memory oh no I remember secondly you haven't hand washed anything in your whole entire life

yeah no I haven't it's me who does it so what's your beef just because what's my beef I'll tell you what beef part two

right beef one section A subsection one you don't do it they're just in the sink and I go when are you going tosection one You don't do it They're just in the sink And I go, when are you going to hand wash that? I'll do it man

I'll do it man Stop it I'll write that down for next week Where's my pen? Good for you Question time Questions from the public My favourite bit

Once again, yeah. Thank you so much, you beautiful people, for sending in the questions. It's shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com if you want to get in touch. First question this week. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Me and the missus love listening to your podcast

and I was hoping you two could settle a silly disagreement between us. Now, before I read this out, Rosie, this is one of the weirdest things in this sort of scenario that I think I've heard i've never heard of any i've heard of this problem again and again and again but i've never heard of anyone having this solution and i'm quite impressed right okay we each have separate quilts on our bed after years of arguing the toss of who hogs it more we decided one each would be the easiest solution.

So my question is, does it bother either of you where the buttons or poppers are on the quilt when getting into bed? My wife insists that they must be at the bottom of the bed, whereas I couldn't give a toss where they go as it doesn't bother me. Now... Well, that's someone who doesn't make the bed, because if you make in your bed, you put them at the bottom. Yeah, you've got to put them at the bottom.

But can I just say as well though rosie you're saying that you would sleep you have slept numerous times on a mattress with no bottom sheet on and a quilt with no quilt cover you would sleep on a crack down sofa that's nice you would though wouldn't um no well it's weird i just like a bed to be made, like, neat. Yeah. But can we just clarify, right? You've taken this from my childhood. Right.

No, you've done it as an adult. Because my mum and sister, how was I drunk? Right, no, I think you've done it as an adult. Have I changed the bed and not put it on before going to sleep and I've been drunk? Because then I probably wouldn't care. Or have I been knackered? Maybe. Or sometimes during the night, if Robin's threw up in my bed, I've just took the sheets off and slept

on the thingy bed because it's our bed and I don't really care. Yeah. But in normal day life, Chris, can we just clarify? I would not do that. I would put a sheet on my bed. Got it. Not an animal. I used to be a slob when I was younger. I'm changed. Do you know what I mean? But what do you think about, do you not think that's genius? Two duvets. So I'm guessing they've got two single quilts on a double bed. Yeah. It is a good idea. Is it weird?

Well, no, it's just not the norm. Yeah. But... But their bed must look... So there's two flaps now that can open. So one of them, you sleep on one side. The other, one side of the bed can be perfectly made and the other side can not be.

It must look like an advent calendar with only two giant doors on it. Do you know what I mean? I know. One of the tinfoils is really messy and the other one's like really neat. What if like he's got like, I don't know, like I know he's a grown man,

but what if he's got like Fireman Sam or like a football, like a Newcastle quilt and she's just got like a floral quilt. Like what is it? Like I need to see a photo of this bed.castle quilt, and she's just got like a floral quilt. Like, what is it? Like, I need to see a photo of this bed. It would freak me out. Just to clarify, me and Chris never know what we're going to ask, what the questions are, because we like to keep it a bit fresh.

This was sent to me a couple of days ago. It's been online. There's a bloke called Steve O'Rourke. Yeah. Right. And this was on Twitter. This is what he put. We were just chatting in work,

and apparently it's weird that Amy and I don't sleep on the same side of bed every night. Some nights, I like to sleep by the window. Some nights, the door. It's not really that unusual, is it? There's more. Right, there's more. Okay?

Right. So, they just choose a night. Right, so, hang on. I feel like I need to point out the following. This was on his thread. One, first one in chooses which side of the bed, right? Two, we've never disagreed over it, right? Three, this is going to blow your mind.

We move pillows and books as we move. Oh, my God. Four, we don't change every single night. Why? Five, neither of us are aliens. Well, you are. Yeah, just something an alien would say, I'll be honest with you. Specifically what the alien...

That is craziness. Like little bed travellers. Do you know what it is, right? That's so weird. Life can be hard. Some things you've just got to make easy for yourself. Yeah. Having the same side of the bed every night

is just one of them things you go, you know what, this is the same. This never lets me down. It's a constant, isn't it? Constant. That is honestly... So who is that guy? That just went viral this week.

He's got a blue tick, actually. Right. On Twitter, but somebody just sent me a screenshot, so I haven't actually looked. Absolute this week he's got a blue tick actually on twitter but somebody just sent me a screenshot so I haven't actually looked but it's been all over

the news it's literally been in the papers him and his partner are animals right I'm going to weigh in on this right now

that is like unless you're going to bed absolutely blind drunk every night yeah right or you're in

some kind of unless it's like a stag do right like that is the weirdest thing. But changing the pillows and books and at no point what? Some nights I

like to sleep by the window. What you in a fucking tree house? Like what is it? Auburn? Is there a view? Some nights when it's not cloudy and I can see the moon so I like to sleep and look at it What the friggin? Some nights I like to sleep by the door okay then i'm sorry like i don't mean to be this must be this like a sort of bed nazi but that is that is just so weird just as my point of view right by the time we go to bed i'm i'm

usually just in a bad mood i'm just like get bed, right? By the time you've done everything downstairs, locked up, had to take me stupid makeup off, brush me teeth, whatever, right? I just want to get into bed. If I got in the bedroom, right, and you

had moved your pillows and that, and I had to move all me stuff from my side of the bed, I'd be livid. I'd be like, are you kidding me, Chris? Rosie, if you did that to me, I would honestly come in,

I'd turn the lights off, I'd go to the bottom of the bed, and I'd pull you out by kidding me Chris Rosie if you did that to me I would honestly come in I'd turn the lights off I'd go to the bottom of the bed and I'd pull you out by your leg like paranormal activity I'd whip you out of the bed and pull you across the floor or I'd flick the mattress and put you through the wall

that is just actually sorry madness do you know what it is think of the most laid back person you know

yeah then yeah right they've just met someone exactly like them. It's just completely laid back, isn't it? It is, isn't it? It's just not caring.

Oh, all right then. Yeah, well, you always are asleep near the door, don't I, in case murderers come in, that's the rule. Yeah. Yeah, not that I would do anything, right, I would just go, climb over as much as you. But even when you're not there, I still sleep further away from the door

because, I mean, those extra few inches. Yeah, that extra meter. Unmissable Evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's

sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all you know, don't. The first Omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Gits and Gits Now. But did I ever tell you, right, so when we were younger, and uh a few of the lads carl uttinson who supports us on tour we went to magaluf on holiday and we're all in a room and god like every night that this wasn't i was in a different room with normal humans and we all went

in on the first day and we all picked our beds and we kept our beds right right carl was in a room with his mates who are all animals right and every single night they were just sleeping on different beds depending how the fancied and who got in whenever right i don't know why i don't know why this is the kicker one day i was sitting in there in the room talking to them and i was like you know what happened the night before whatever and they were lying around carl hutchinson and i know you listen to this mate and you're an animal right he sat up as he was talking picked up the sheets that were on the bed covering him blew his nose into them right just blew his nose into them wiped his face put the sheet sort of down in his lap and continued the conversation and one of the lads went

mate we haven't picked beds yet we We're just sort of swapping. And Carl went, oh, well, these can be my sheets then. Pig. Utter pig. Oh, that's horrific, that like. That's awful. That's shocking. So, yeah, I mean, fair play to that guy.

You know, sleep wherever you want. But, yeah, don't be blowing your nose on the left side if you're going to then crawl back into it the night after because it'll be sharp. Oh, no. Dried and sharp. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Got one here from Chris.

Just wanted to get in touch with a quick question. First, here is the backstory to why I'm asking. Now, I normally wouldn't read a long, convoluted backstory, but this is bloody gorgeous. Okay. I met this girl. She was a sister of my housemate. I was a student living with three other lads, so I was living the dream when she started flirting at the pub.

We went back to ours and the drinks kept flowing. I bet they did, Chris. We had been chilling on the sofa when things got heated. She straddled me and things got interesting. After about ten minutes, I noticed we were slipping off the sofa, courtesy of her rather enthusiastic manoeuvres. Go on, Chris. Dot, dot, dot. I did the bum slide where you pull yourself back up the sofa courtesy of her rather enthusiastic maneuvers go on chris dot dot dot i did the bum

slide where you pull yourself back up the sofa by thrusting your ass backwards and your head upwards just as she leaned forward to kiss me suffice to say i headbutted her in the face breaking her nose and knocking out her front tooth to make matters worse she started howling and two of my housemates came to investigate to see his topless sister on the floor of the fourth housemate straddling me with blood gushing out of her face. Oh, my God. What's your weird sex injury? Oh, wow. I'll be honest with you, Chris, I kind of beat that, mate.

First night as well, and with her brother in the room. That's her, in the room? Yeah, in the building. Well, he was in the room by the end, but just First night as well. And with her brother in the room. That's her. In the room? Yeah, in the building. Well, he was in the room by the end, but just because she was screaming. Knocked her tooth out and broke her nose. That's something that I think, I'm quite shocked that hasn't happened to me,

if I'm honest. Yeah. Because I'm very unlucky like that. But, God love her. What's your weirdest sex injury? I don't know if I've had a sex injury, I'll be honest with you. I don't think I have.

I've heard of a lot of sex injuries. Have you? I'm trying to think. Does chlamydia count? Possibly. Who knows? Accidental chlamydia? I've got no idea.

I don't think I have. I once had been out clubbing, and I'd be, your eyes winding, thinking, don't say it. Whenever you start a story that I know I haven't heard, and it's been your eyes winding I'm worrying yeah whenever you come whenever you start a story that I know I haven't heard and it's of this nature I get sweaty palms

I get really frightened I once had been out clubbing and I'd been on one of them Buck and Bronco things right I'd really hurt my wrist right

and then I was with a boyfriend at the time and I went home after and we had settled in of course and my wrist really hurt so I couldn't really do much. I don't think that's... God alive.

That's not caused by sex. That was just like before sex. That was a pre-existing injury. Yeah. He can't take credit for that. Whoever he was. No. Let's be honest, it could have been anyone.

Wow. You just threw on a mule. Give him a guess who. Did he have a moustache? Flick, flick, flick, flick, flick. Did he have a pulse? Vernon Therese Baines. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, veins. Okay, I've got a question.

Before I ask us this question, we've been asked this so much and we've actually avoided it the whole time. We've been asked this since episode one, but we think, do you know what? The people are asking. The people want to know. So we're going to tell you lot.

Rosie and Chris, who are your celebrity crushes? People ask this so often, don't they? It's crazy. What was your reasoning for why we wouldn't say it? My reason for why I can't have a celebrity crush is what if I say someone who's my celebrity crush and then one day I'm doing a show with them and you're like,

Oi, keep your dick in your pants, mate. Or, which would actually happen, you would come with us and you would just tell them in front of us. And it would be horrible. Possibly, yeah. But let's... Well, mine are pretty unattainable, actually. Right.

So, you know... Well, don't say that. Aim higher. Come on, sky's the limit. Well... Unless they're fictional characters. Anything's possible. One's not far off, actually.

Okay. But anyway, do you want to go first or me? You go first because I don't think I've got any. Well... Unless they're fictional characters. Anything's possible. One's not far off, actually. OK. But anyway, do you want to go first or me? You go first, because I don't think I've got any. Well, my celebrity crushes, I've got two. Right. Leonardo DiCaprio. Well, standard. I know, it's so basic,

but I just think he's an amazing actor. Really underrated. I know he's not underrated because he's in everything, but he only got an Oscar not so long... It wasn't long ago. Have you ever seen him in What's Eating Gilbert Grape no

fan bloody tastic fan bloody tastic and he was only like 15 wow okay right okay so Leonardo DiCaprio my second celebrity crush is John Travolta

as Danny Zuko right okay so we need a time machine for this one yes but I swear oh my gosh.

Can I be John Devoy now? We look like a melt and wax work. Well, that's cruel. It's not very nice. But when I'm watching Grease, we watched it not long ago and I was just like, this is that lushness. He's gorgeous in that.

He is very, very good looking. And I think it's a character in that and I'm just like, oh yeah. And I think because I watched it when I was a kid and I just fancied him. Yeah. He's gorgeous in that. He is very, very good looking bloke. And I think it's a character in that, and I'm just like, oh, yeah. And I think, because I watched it when I was a kid, and I just fancied him. Yeah. So that's mine. And so obviously that's not going to happen. Yeah.

I just, I honestly don't think, one, I don't know, I find it a little bit sort of weird when blokes mention their celebrity crushes. I find it, oh, yeah, her, oh. I don't know. I don't really like doing that. So you're not going to do one?

I don't think I've got one like doing that but I don't think I've got one well I've been voted for celebrity mum of the year right so that makes me a celebrity

right so you could pick me that's pathetic no that's like wow that's like getting a valentine's day

card off your mum I'm not having that I'll pick anyone apart from that my celebrity crushes right they're probably blokes no you pick

pick a woman right are you a straight man I am but like as I see it I go like class him like

well done him fancy him a bit just pick a woman erm it's got to be a crush though isn't it it's got to be like I feel like I can't win yet

I feel like there's loads of men listening going don't do it Chris well can we just go high because you're going to get in trouble either way yeah but I don't spend every waking moment

thinking about Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Travolta I do Johnny Travolta Johnny Travolta Donnie Zuko right pick one

Johnny Trazuko pick someone erm who could it be? Scarlett Johansson in the... Right, nah.

Nah, not having this. Not having this. Nah, nah. She's storming out. That's it. Very good. Dibble. Probably Scarlett Johansson in Marvel,

just because I like the Marvel films. I absolutely have to agree with you. She's the only one without an actual power. Her power is just being hard as nails, which I think is the best power. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Right, okay, I've had this from a lady. Should I say her name? I don't know. Does she want you to say her name?

No, I mean, it's not embarrassing. This is from Beth. Okay. Hiya. Just wondering if you and Chris had any opinions on whether we should look to buy a house with our best mates. Okay. Right. So this is two couples, both male and female, like two heterosexual couples. Right. Okay.

Or planning on moving in together. Well, listen to this. The two lads worked together and put together a presentation for me and my best mate, showing how much money we would save and we could buy a much nicer house etc i should add we have a three-year-old girl and so do they we would basically be like a weirder version of the brady bunch so you can see the logistics what they're saying is should we buy a big house together or live together like the two couples with a kid each live together, what would happen? That is weird.

It is, isn't it? Yeah, that's weird. That's really strange. I mean, we've got friends who all live in the same block, which is cool. Yeah, so they can see each other and it's nice for parties and stuff. They can go to their separate dwellings at the end of the night. That's bizarre. Do you love, though, that the blokes have done a power presentation?

I love that the guys have done a PowerPoint, yeah. I love that. They just want to live together. I'm telling you right now, they need to cross-examine these blokes with an independent adjudicator there, because these blokes have got, there's an ulterior motive here, for the blokes to get together and present it, the stuff they're not mentioning.

Yeah, do you think? Is there a FIFA or Fortnite-based PlayStation agenda here? Because I feel like there might be. But that is... I mean, what? Is this just people who've just been getting Domino's deals and going, hey, we're hoeing a lot of this away at the end, you know? Two pizzas for cheaper than one pizza house.

We need three more mouths living in this house this is just ridiculous that's ridiculous and do you know you only get one recycle bin it's going to be carnage I'm in a struggle

you're going to have piles outside like a London street can we just right this opinion might be wrong this is

sorry yeah go on I'm flabbergasted I am flabbergasted and it's really it's really that I know but right do you know when you watch these programmes about Mormons and how they've got four wives, five wives,

and there's just loads of people living in a house together? Yeah. There's usually only one man, to be fair, but they're all living in a big colony type thing. Part of me thinks, oh, that would be meant. Really? Yeah, right? What, being the fourth wife no maybe it's

not the not the sharing a husband thing but you know if there was just like a village and you all just lived in the same house and you're all together a commune like a commune right honestly this part of me just thinks you know what there'd be loads of eyes for the bane yeah like you wouldn't be like where's where is he yeah and you know you wouldn't have to ring your mom to come around every time you know if you've got diarrhea you wouldn't have to ring your mum to come round every time, you know, if you've got diarrhoea or something. Jesus. You'd ring your mum to come round? What?

I faint on the toilet. Oh, right. Mum, diarrhoea again. Come round with the bucket. No, I just meant I get a bad stomach sometimes and I faint on the toilet if I've got a bad stomach. Anyway, so I just, sometimes I think that it wouldn't be that bad. Okay. But it would be if you were like, I am sick of living with you lot.

Yeah. I mean, I like my own company and my own space sometimes. Yeah, so do I. So this couple and another couple with a kid each are planning on moving into essentially what... I mean, it has to be a mansion. If it's not a mansion, knock it on the head together. How many bedrooms do you think it would have? Well, it's going to be a minimum of six bedrooms, this house.

It's going to have to be massive. Two en-suites. No, maybe they could get away with four bedrooms. They could. That would be horrible. One each for the couple and then one each for the kids. Right. Your snoring issue.

We've covered this. Tennis snoring. Your snoring issue is quadru this tennis snoring your snoring issue is quadrupled right your kids being ill people being it's going to be

one person gets a cold in that house there's half the blooming street dead right knocked out I'm telling I am so against this

right I can't actually I might actually go and visit them and tell them how stupid they are honestly he sends you that message he sends it I want a phone number

how would you have a fight you wouldn't build a row it would be the most passive aggressive yeah go and visit them and tell them how stupid they are honestly I want a phone number how would you have a fight you wouldn't build her out it would be the most passive aggressive yeah you'd greet your teeth so much you'd need a fucking

mouth guard don't you stop listening what if one of the bedrooms is slightly bigger what if one of the en-suites is better well this would be the fight

what if you block a toilet the queue for the bathroom where do the cars go? Who gets the garage? Who gets the drive? Who gets outside? This is madness. Yeah, don't do it.

I've got to put my foot down here, right? And I'll tell you how you're going to find out, right? Can I suggest, right, six months, centre parks, the lot of yous. See if you're still mates. Well, go share a cabin for six months. Go share a cabin for six months in centre parks, but you're not allowed to do any activities. You've just got to go to work and come back as if you're living in Centre Parcs.

Like nutters. They could rent. That's an option. No, Centre Parcs. I'm not a final offer. Okay, okay then. Expensive little six months you've got there, mate. Crikey moves.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. I've got a question here from Nathan. Now, I... Rosie, I'm almost not going to ask this question because I feel like this may be one of your beefs about me that you've got written down because i know i do this oh gosh right right okay uh me and my partner always end up rowing about the cleaning because apparently i always bang on that i i always bang on that i cleaned as if i have to get a reward

but she just does it there we go. So he cleans up and he does stuff and then he bangs on about all the stuff he's done as if he needs a reward. Ridiculous. I do exactly that, Nathan. Nathan, I'm bang on with you here, mate. It's pathetic. I do stuff.

So I'll empty the bin. I'll do the recycling. I'll hoover. I'll clean the thing, like the worktops. I'll, you know, we've got a coffee machine. I'll change the filter or something.

And then Rosie will come in from wherever she's been. And I go, hi, Ash. I go, what have you been up to? And I go, well, I took the bins out and I did the recycling. And it's like I won a gold star. It's just everyday stuff. And I can't stop myself doing it. Best one.

Best one you did last week. Yeah. Just before bed. Filled up my water bottle. Do you remember? Not my hot water this way I have like bottles at the side of the bed

with water right Chris Christopher filled up my bottle I walked in the room he put the bottle down on the side of the bed

on the bedside table looked at us pointed at the bottle and went eh Rosie I've called you from outside man

you're walking past the room I went Rosie I went Rosie you from outside man you were walking past the room I went Rosie I went Rosie and you popped your head in and I pointed at the bottles and I go oh no good boy you should

right honestly I must have raised that from my mind because that infuriated me so much I think I might be part Labrador you know yeah you shouted

I just want a little stroke once I've done something that's why it annoyed it so much I wrote that down you shouted at us. Rosie, come and look. That was the noise you made. Point at it.

With two hands, might I add. Not just one, two hands. Like, you know, when you frame something. Well, you know what? I regret it. I regret it. Because I regret it now when I hear it back. Because I should have went, ta-da!

Do you know what? I just don't get it. Like, I would just fill your water bottle up, put it on the side of your bed and not mention it again. I need recognition and compliments for every single thing I do. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Okay, it is time for this week's celebrity question. Celebrity question, question, question,

celebrities of the celebrity... Hello, Chris and Rosie. Ian Stirling here for a very important question for you guys uh causes much debate in our household it's toenails okay now my toenail management isn't great however when i cut my toenails i was always told to leave a little bit of white on the edge of the toenail because that's a hell of a thing to do my girlfriend thinks this is disgusting and always cuts the toenail to below the tip of the toe. Have you know what I mean? Right down to the nubs, which hurts my toe. How do you guys cut your toenails?

Similarly, where is an appropriate place to cut your toenails? Can you cut it onto the floor, pick up the pieces? I've got a friend that cuts it directly into the toilet, which is disgusting. Your foot shouldn't be near a toilet. I need these questions answered. Thank you. Wonderful question. Thank you so much, Ian. Ian Sterling, thank you so much.

The urgency on that. Good Lord. In my head, he asked that while standing in the bathroom with his toenail clippers in his hand. And he's like, I'm waiting. Quick. I love it. Okay, give the man what he needs.

Right. I agree with him. Leave a little bit of white on the end. Yes. Because otherwise, if you cut them too short, like he says, it hurts. You put your socks on and your shoes and you hurt. Well, you can get ingrown toenails if not right but i have just oh while listening to that i remembered the one of

the most disgusting things i've ever seen right so uh just off the topic of this of fingernails a kid at school used to bite his fingernails loads when i was in the juniors do you ever see them kids who like their fingernails were like so far back so far back so when literally if you look at the contour of the finger it went fingernail then the finger actual bit lumped up above that one kid i remember had such short fingernails he couldn't open the advent calendar when it was his turn in the infants right which was he couldn't open the door it was hilarious right he was gutted someone else had to open it for him and get him the check you know it's good you had to take all It was hilarious, right? He was gutted. Someone else had to open it for him and get him the chair.

You know how at school you had to take your old tug turns? What about where do you cut your toenails? I cut them in the back. You cut them anyway. Why am I asking you? I've seen you. Rank, you cut them in the bath. I've seen... No, you cut them anyway. Why am I asking you? I've seen you. You're rank. You cut them anyway.

Bear in mind that you're so well-groomed and you're, like, so weird about stuff being clean and tidy. You hide, like, stuff like that. You're manky. You pick your nose and you'll flick it out of the corner. Can I just say, all right, fingernails, I normally go outside to cut them because I can't be bothered to pick them up. That's bullshit. I do. I go outside. I I just say, all right, fingernails, I normally go outside to cut them because I can't be bothered to pick them up. That's bullshit.

I do, I go outside, I stand on the drive and cut my fingernails. I do, because I can't be bothered to pick them up. And in the summer, when it's nice, I'll bloody go and do my toenails outside. I'm not scared, right? I've seen you. Right, where have you seen us? In the sitting room.

Well, yeah, if it's raining. I've seen you with Robin's little baby clippers doing your talons. Yeah, that's sometimes when I've got a little cuticle problem or something, right? But I, my big toenails, like, on my big toes, are crazy thick.

They are. Like, it's madness. Yeah, it's like pork crackling. It's crazy, right? And sometimes I'll do them. I sit on the toilet and I do them. But the lid's down. I'm not on the toilet. And sometimes I'll clip them

and I hear it hit the tiled wall across the bathroom. Oh, yeah. What's life? And a few weeks ago, I remember when I said to you a few weeks ago, I went, Rosie, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry about the bathroom. And you went, what? And I went, well, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry about the bathroom. And you went, what?

And I went, well, I was going to hoover after doing my fingernails, but I forgot. So my toenails, sorry, but I forgot. And they're just all over the floor in the bathroom. And you were like, oh, I didn't even notice. Because sometimes I'll just stand and I'll just go to town, clipping them all, letting it fly everywhere. And we just got a cordless hoover. So I just run in with a cordless hoover and I just hoover them all up wherever they may be. I mean unless they've landed sort of on the

sink, in the sink or anywhere near the toothbrushes in which case I probably wouldn't have caught them. That's terrible. I like do mine and I kind of hold the nail at the same time so I can catch it and I put them in the bin. Right. Like a sane person. Yeah, like a sane person. I once knew a woman

who had really long toenails And I just Didn't get it And my first thing was like How do you fit them in shoes She always wore sandals Oh god Even in the winter

She'd always have her like Clompers out A fucking eagle Like literally like an eagle Honestly But she had really long fingernails as well And she used to do this a lot Oh no

Long toenails though Long toenails yeah Did you paint them as well? Yes I'm arid for that I painted like red I'm absolutely arid for that Like that horrible purple

Deep purple colour Oh no I'm so sorry No that's not good That's not good Not nice Yeah I love that Ian as well

In the beginning there Did you notice he was talking It was very formal He was like It's regarding toenails Look My toenail management Has never been great

Like He's covering his own back Directly said that You know in like a job interview Where they go What are your weaknesses I'll be honest with you guys My toenail management

Has never been that great You know what you can still be the voice of Love Island we're alright yes you're all accepted here and that's it

that's the end of another episode thank you so much for listening to us here at Shag Maridonoid come and join us next week for another instalment of Shag Maridonoid

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