Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 72. Guest in the nest

Episode Date: July 10, 2020

It's been quite the week for the Ramsey's. So much so there is double beef! Rosie explains some Real House Wives lingo and Chris reveals why he is not Bike Guy. There are some tales of childhood punishments and a strange choice of sleeping arrangements. Enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag My Dinoid

with me Rosie Ramsey and my Hughesbund Mr. Grace Ramsey Hughesbund I like Hughesbund very much

hi guys thank you very much for listening it is episode 72 it's not is it 72 as always thank you so much

for liking rating and subscribing and all of them things we hope you're all okay before we go any further it is time for this week's lucrative lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor in conjunction it's not what you it's not the cat thing no it's not the cat thing i might play the cat thing later on please don't this week's sponsor in conjunction with the new government guidelines and the easing of lockdown. This week's sponsor is Fuggy Cracks.

Hey, remember Fuggy Crack? No. Okay then. Half the country might not, so I might have to... What are you talking about? I might have to describe what it is. Hey, you can get your haircut again. Barbers are open.

Get your haircut. Hey, you got a friend with a lovely fresh new haircut. Run across the room or road or maybe only if they're in your household because you're probably not allowed to get too close

but you'll figure a way maybe use a stick boogie crack first slap on someone's haircut right okay we both know boogie cracks

as different things okay what do you know I thought a boogie crack was a little knuckle to the top of the head like a boogie crack no that's like no that's a noogie innit if you get someone in a headlock and you do the knuckles to the top of the head like a foggy crack no that's like no that's a

noogie in it if you'd get someone in a in a in a headlock and you do the knuckles on the top of the head that was noogie wasn't it no i thought it was a foggy crack no foggy crack it means i think foggy means first in sort of geordie slang first crack first slap across the new fresh haircut just want to apologize to anyone you know south of leeds because this must be really painful well 50% of people in this room don't know what the fuck it is anyway, but Fuggy Crack. Fuggy Crack a friend? Definitely just someone in your household who you're allowed to go

within one metre of now. Or maybe use a glove and a mask and get the Fuggy Cracks out. Have the haircut? Fuggy Crack. In conjunction with new haircuts and barbers being open. Use discount code NORETURNSIES so they can't Fuggy Cr crack you back. I don't support this sponsor.

Although you have had your hair cut before me, so I'll be giving you a fuggie crack. I'm absolutely buzzing with my hair cut. I'm so happy. Fuggie crack? Who made that up? Ah, just kidding. Shite, innit? Shite. But we still say it. Email him. What do you call it at school when your maid had... Ooh, did you

have christen the trainers as well? You know, if someone came in with brand new trainers and they were like, christen them school when your maid had... Oh, did you have christen the trainers as well? You know, if someone came in with brand new trainers and they were like, christen them. Just stamp on them. I hate that you say christen instead of christen. Christen. Chrisen. Chrisen. Oh, I hate that.

We've talked about that before. Oh, God. No, I didn't do christen the trainers, but we did do chinny blen. Chinny blen? Chinny blen on. Chinny blen on? Yeah, when someone... So if someone was gutted or someone did something wrong, you go, ah, chinny blen. Ah, chinny, chinny, chin. Or chinned on. Chinny blan on. Chinny blan on? Yeah, so if someone was gutted or someone did something wrong,

you go, ah, chinny blan. Ah, chinny, chinny, chin. Oh, chinned on. Chinnied. Right, this is horrible. Sorry, everyone. Let's crack on to the... Hey, enjoy your haircuts, guys. Oh, here's the jingle.

We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle, jingle, jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle Jingle, jingle, jingle So this is the jingle Jingle, jingle, jingle We hope you like the jingle

Jingle, jingle, jingle Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's Shagamare Denied. Lovely to have you back. Pull up a chair, get yourself a brew. Pull up a chair, don't know what you're doing. You might be walking the dog. A lot of people are walking dogs, do all that. Sit up a chair. Get yourself a brew. Pull up a chair. Don't know what you're doing. You might walk the dog.

A lot of people walk dogs. Do all that. Sit on a bench. Sit on a bench. Maybe. Yeah. Two metres away from. Oh, fuck.

I mean, be honest. If I never hear the term social distancing ever again, it'll be too soon. Same. Fucking sick. Let's not talk about that bullshit. Yes. I can't be bothered. It makes us feel depressed.

It does. Let's talk about lovely, exciting stuff. Lovely, exciting stuff. Oh, let's talk about the happiest thing ever. The fact that our tour got postponed. No, that's not. That's not a good stuff. Lovely, exciting stuff. Oh, let's talk about the happiest thing ever, the fact that our tour got postponed. No, that's not. That's not a good thing. That's really shit.

It's been a really horrible week. It's been an awful week, guys. If you're listening, if you had tickets to the Shark Mild and Oid podcast tour, we are so, so sorry it had to be postponed. It's just another reason 2020 can fuck off. Still don't know what's happening with my tour yet. Mine's October to December.

Definitely good that I called it the 2020 tour. Do you know? Oh my god! Oh my god! Yeah. Laugh it up. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh that much.

Oh well, I mean, you could have stifled that a bit. That was Nelson. All you were doing was not pointing at us. You could have just... Oh, now you're clapping. Fuck me. I totally forgot that you called your tour, which for the first time in your whole career...

Never done it. They all sold out. Yeah. You called it the 2020 tour. I have been touring, right, since 2011. I've been touring, right, since 2000, 2011. I've been touring, stop that.

I've been touring since 2011 or 2012, right? And yeah, no, 2011 was my first tour and I have never, ever named the tour

after the year. Never, ever in my life. I've almost done it a couple of times and I never have and the one year I called it the 2022,

it looks like the entire thing will happen in 2021. So what are you going to call it? Another ticket's already been printed. People have already got them. It'll still say 2022. It will. I mean, that's just rude how much she's laughing at this. This is terrible.

Can you not change it? Well, no, because all the print's gone out. All the adverts, there's flyers and posters in venues. People have got, there'll be people listening to this now who've got the ticket and it says Chris Ramsey, the 2020 to her.

I'm like, all right, cunt. I said it wasn't about cricket because it's 20 slash 20. So it's kind of 2020 like vision. So honestly, I might just make it about cricket. Oh my word.

Oh, sorry. I'm sorry, babe. But that's true. Yeah, the 15 minutes of laughing you just did didn't make it no it's cheered me up because it's just because you know what it is it's just another kick in the face isn't it just like oh yeah chris rosie there you can i've mentioned you for trying to be successful i mentioned this on the tour on the podcast like i didn't tour last year because i

wanted to have a bit time off which never happened because I ended up doing Strictly. I did Strictly. I did not enjoy the experience of dancing until right at the end. And then right at the end, as I started getting into it and enjoying it and actually getting half decent at it, I mean, not as good as everyone else on the show, obviously. Karim and everyone was like miles ahead of us. But actually, as I started enjoying it,

then I didn't go on the Strictly tour because I was writing me 2020 tour so they went on the strictly tour i had a fucking great time i could have been out dancing in arenas every night didn't do that to write my tour and now my whole tour has been fucking postponed not that they but again we don't know if the october and december dates have been postponed yet keep everything crossed i hope it goes forward but you don't know they're changing things all the time gyms are opening pubs are opening fuck knows I just don't know we're all living day to day the reason we did ours

was just because it's obviously it's September which will come quicker than you think and it's just better to know because a lot of people

your tour is a little bit more localised whereas ours was big towns and cities big cities bigger venues as well so we were like

just if people have you know booked accommodation and things so that they can get the money back and stuff like that. Anyway, it's shite,

gutted, but we do. Hopefully we'll see us all in 2021. Yeah, they've been, they're going, they've been postponed

next May and June. Yep. And we're just hoping and praying that everything's okay by then. And we didn't, well, I don't know about you,

I didn't fancy doing a gig where everyone's wearing a mask. Shitting their pants. I didn't fancy everyone shitting their pants And we didn't, well, I don't know about you, I didn't fancy doing a gig where everyone's wearing a mask. Shitting their pants. I didn't fancy everyone shitting their pants. Also, look, if your gig was supposed to be on a Saturday

and it's moved to another day of the week, we're really sorry, but literally every single person in the touring community has changed their dates to next year. So it was first come, first serve. Although, as we mentioned in the Instagram video,

we do now open at Wembley Arena, which is goddamn terrifying. Chris, I haven't been on stage performing for like the last time you were on stage performing was Ed Sheeran probably when you sung at the Customs House something like that when you sung at the charity gig

I did you stood up and sung a song for like 3 minutes so yeah on paper performed with Ed Sheeran then did Wembley that's an amazing career trajectory it's actually not bad well yeah but if you look between the lines it's little charity gig for 400 people wembley yeah madness and if you really really look behind the lines it's got all this from her husband so finally finally these coattails are heavy i know they're heavy they're falling off and you're going to diet if I'm going to keep hanging off your

coattails. I'm going to be absolutely knackered. I need to get them bloody re-hemmed. I'd like to say onto a lighter note, but this is something that's actually really upset us, but now we're coming to terms with it. Our little boy Robin, he's got glasses. He has got glasses, yeah. I don't know why I found it so sad.

Well, no offence to any glasses wearers because there will be people listening going well what's wrong with that well you know you don't want your child to need a visual an aid

to be able to see like you know although his glasses are lush and everyone's got them it's a massive part of people's lives your wish isn't I hope Miss Child's

got something wrong with their eyes but he looks amazing in them he's tucked them like a duck to water he really has he's got Batman ones

he carries the case around and shows everyone. Yeah. And you know what? He's watching the telly now and he's not going cross-eyed. For the whole of lockdown, he's been sitting watching the telly going cross-eyed and he's had to watch a lot of tellies. Frigging lockdown.

Yeah, exactly. It's the guilt I felt walking past him, just looking at him, one eye going to the shops, one coming back with a bloody change. Poor little bugger. One eye going to the shops and the other one coming back with a bloody change poor little bugger one eye going to the shops and the other one

coming back with the change have you never heard that phrase absolutely never really is that a thing with cross eyed yeah yeah yeah like I would never say it about anyone else

but because he's me son I can say it but it's a particularly horrible phrase that bit ah bloody ah you seen her man bloody

she's got one eye going to the shops the other coming back with a change have you never heard that it's a really harsh phrase. I was kind of half like, I was like, I was saying it like half. Oh, Chris, you know me.

The harsher the better. Yeah. That's very good. Yeah. I might tell Robin. Do not tell Robin that phrase. I'm not. Do you know what's been lovely though?

He's coming up with loads of scenarios because the optometrist, is that how you say it? I think so, yeah. I think so. They were like, right, okay, you need to wear your glasses all the time. The only times you take them off is for the bath and for bed. Yeah. But now he's come up with other times that he takes them off

because he's like, right, okay, well, I'll take them off, Mammy, for the bath, for bed, on the trampoline. Trampoline, because his little friend broke hers on our trampoline. And then yesterday, oh my word, the cutest thing ever. Yesterday, he was like, Mummy, when I jump on the cushions, I'm going to take them off there because you know what I'm like.

That's it, really. Four-year-old, I was there when he said it, because you know what I'm like. Me, Ben. He's like a little old man. Isn't he? I took him into school At the day in the nursery And his teacher said

Oh I've got the bubble machine I remember the bubble machine And he just turned around And he went It's a good job I've got me glasses Because the bubbles Won't go in me eyes now

I was like Go on son Bless him So he's doing really well With his glasses Thank you to everyone Because I put it on my Instagram And I got some lovely comments

Oh I read some of the comments Thank you guys It was very helpful I will say The best thing for me so far About him getting his glasses, obviously, hopefully it'll correct his vision, number one. Number two,

he now sits on the toilet for ages, because yesterday he sat on the toilet for about 15 minutes just cleaning his glasses while he was having a shite. So, I passed him in the little cloth in the case, and he had a lovely little time. You know he's going to have a moment of relapse of sort of memory, and he's going to wipe his arse with that cloth. Probably. Wouldn't put it past him. Clawth o'r cas. A chafodd hi amser ddiddorol. Rwy'n gwybod y bydd yn cael foment o fath o ddysgu ac y bydd yn gwneud i'w llwyr gyda'r clawth.

Efallai. Ni fyddai'n ei roi arno. Rosie. Ie? Cyfnod mawr y wythnos hon. Ie. Ydych chi'n hapus? Beth sy'n digwydd? Dydw i ddim yn gwybod os ydych chi wedi'i sylweddoli. Ystod.

Beth? Battle of the Boyne. Nid yw'n hynny, ydy'n hynny? Yn y Battle of the Boyne. Battle of the Boyne. Nid oedd gen i adolygiad i gyd i gyd, Chris. Yn y Battle of the Boyne yn y canel. O, gadew Boin bloody Battle of the Boin I hadn't had my reminder yet Chris it's Battle of the Boin in the calendar get in

unbelievable what we're doing for it battling in the garden just boining I don't know again I think what is Battle of the Boin

because are we just taking the piss out of something really nice yeah by the way we have got no idea what this is so if you're listening now saying that

what we're thinking here is offensive we've got no idea what Battle of the Boin is I haven't even googled it so I just know that it pops up in my So if you're listening now saying that what we're thinking here is offensive, we've got no idea what Battle of the Boyne is. I haven't even Googled it. So I just know that it pops up in my calendar. Should we? I'm not saying it's rubbish.

I'm just saying it's in my calendar and I don't know what it is. I think, again, I think it's just someone in America who makes Apple devices, has looked through some random calendar of stuff and gone Christmas, Battle of the Boyne, Troop in the Colour.

Oh, hey, Joseph, you know those British guys? Like, they love stuff like this. What day is this? Oh, Battle of the Boyne. Battle of the Boyne. They love it. They get all their beer kegs in and they have a cookout

for Battle of the Boyne. And bank holidays. Let's tell them about all the bank holidays. Let's tell them about the Scottish one. Let's hope it doesn't drizzle for Battle of the Boyne or it'll ruin Boyne Day for everyone. I hate myself. Mutual self-loathing.

Excellent. So we just Googled it because we thought we'll have to get rid of that whole section if it is actually something but it's where's it from it's from 1690 so

if you know I'm just off Wikipedia the Battle of the Boyne was a battle in 1690 between the forces of the deposed King James II of England

and Ireland and V11 7 of Scotland had to work that out there like Rocky versus those of King William III

and his wife Queen Mary II well I'm not being funny but I find that a little bit offensive beg your pardon well my great great great great

great great great granddaughter was pretty fine was pretty fine grandfather right might have been there right okay

yeah alright so keep his name out your mouth. Okay, well, checkbrowderloadergmail.com if you've got a problem with that. Nobody will check it.

But the subject is straight to junk. So, I've still been watching Real Housewives of Atlanta. Of course you have. So, just to go back on something that I said before. Right. So, the thing that they say

is it's not take, it's keep. Keep my name out your mouth. Oh, I do like that. It's nice, isn't it? It's fucking take, it's keep. Keep my name out your mouth. Oh, I do like that. It's nice, isn't it? It's fucking cool that, isn't it? Keep my name out your mouth. Yeah, don't.

Keep my name out your mouth, bitch. Do they say bitch? They say bitch all the time. Oh, well, your woman didn't say bitch. They say it in like a fun way, like, okay, bitch. And then sometimes they say it in a not fun way. And then they call each other out. They were like, you said bitch in not a good way. Oh, my God. I just said bitch. We called each other out. They were like, you said bitch in not a good way there.

Oh my God. I just said bitch. We called each other bitch. They were like, that wasn't a good way. And I'm like, here, take her name out your mouth,

bitch. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef,

beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Nothing?

No, because just a little bit like a good sitcom. Yeah. Can't be having it every week. Really? Well, you know. A little bit like a good sitcom, you can't be having it every week. Sitcoms being things that are literally on once a week.

As a rule. Well, all I'm saying is, I've been ill prepared. Better to wait until you're properly prepared than to try and knock one out like what you did last week. I know, exactly. Yes, there we go. Although PC Plot did get a lot of love

on Twitter. Yeah, PC Plot did get a lot of love apart from I did read in him the other day saying that he actually said now then, now then which isn't a policeman's catchphrase it is a catchphrase of a notable TV disgraced man. Who? Jimmy Savils. Jimmy Sav salvis your policeman said jimmy salvis yeah now then now then is is is yeah so well done for that

idiot i love that you didn't know it i read the email i was like she didn't know that someone's like you know what the policeman's catchphrase was I didn't know that oh how am I I'm so sorry reported that by accident I thought it was like no I don't want to say it well it was a what do we have here

all that I mean it might be and I'm not sure yeah like a PC plot kind of thing I don't know see you know when I was on

I made a bigger blunder than that on Celebrity Mastermind you know this what happened no so Celebrity Mastermind you do your specialist subject What happened? No. So Celebrity Mastermind, you do your specialist subject. Mine was the Sopranos when I did it.

And then they do the general knowledge. I'm doing a scarecrow to me fingers because it's not general. It's fucking unbelievable. And one of the questions was, and I just kept getting them wrong

and I'm sitting there just getting them wrong or past, getting them wrong, past. And one of the questions was who painted the such and such. It was like a really famous painting. you know you can tell i'm an idiot

because i didn't even remember the name of the painting yeah so in my head i quickly went right joke answer say a funny artist or someone silly who would never paint a really famous one first one that comes to your head go oh yeah yeah yeah on bb see you nearly did I remember coming off right I came off and I was like terrified about it

because I was like the BBC are going to think I did that on purpose and I didn't I was just you know it was that or Banksy and I was stupid and I went straight

to Wal-Mart and I came off and I just did what I did to you there I did it to Josh Widdicombe in the dressing room I went mate I'm worried

they're going to think I did this on purpose to be edgy but I didn't I went the question was this I went think of a painter now with joke painter he went you didn't say Rolf Harris I think I did this on purpose to be edgy but I didn't I went the question was this I went think of a painter now with Jorg

he went you didn't say Rolf Harvest I went I did he went oh Ramsey that was a really good Josh Whitacombe impression oh my Josh Whitacombe's not too bad that's really good do some more I think I can only do Josh that's really good. Do some more. I think I can only do Josh. That's really good.

Well done. I love an impression. I've never heard you do a Josh Winnicombe impression. Every comic can do a Josh. You're a man of many talents. What's your beef then? You say I've got talents, but what's your beef? Pass me phone.

Wow. It's on me phone. Talk about ill-prepared. I've got two. I don't know which one to do. Oh, pass me phone. Wow. It's on me phone. Wow, talk about ill-prepared. I've got two. I don't know which one to do. Oh, okay. So, I don't know which one to do because they're both irritated just as much as the other.

Wow, wow, wow. Can I do two? You want to do two beefs? You don't want to keep one for next week? Bitch, I've got about four lined up here. If you want to dance, let's dance. Let's do two. I've got two.

Two each? Yeah, they're not that bad. Got you. No, they're not bad. Let me just type another one in me little thing here no no you can't do four i'm only doing two i've only got one typed out so i've got me i've got me notes with all the beefs in and then i pull one into the main note section there's another one here let me think hold on it's just me making them up on the spot do you

know what it is right you do yours and then for how harsh yours are i'll decide which one i put in right well the first one is double beefs baby the first one is last week um i decided to be a good mom for once four years in the making uh robin me i'm gonna be a good mom me and robin were talking about planets and he was asking loads of questions and he thought space was a planet and i was like no it's not a planet it It's where the planets live. Right. You know what I mean? Space is where the planets live.

Well, it is, isn't it? I tell you what, podcasting's gain was GCSE physics teaching's loss, wasn't it? When you decided to do this rather than be a science teacher. Honestly. Space is where the planets live. It's where I should be now, to be honest. But I just thought i'm better here so so anyway i set up loads of stuff before i went to bed i was up till about half 10 set out loads of like paint and i printed loads of worksheets off and everything right i was

buzzing i seen i put the mirror ball on and that you're saying wow because i mean you did come in that night and i put it i put it all on Insta stories, but you didn't actually take the time to watch my Insta stories and you were like, oh, I just skipped past them. But then on that night when I said, did you see my Insta stories about the planets and Robin was buzzing, you were like, oh, I skipped past them. But that very same night, in the same breath, you then sat and explained to me, Googled,

showed me pictures of why Jack Nicholson apparently got banned from going sitting courtside at his favourite blooming basketball court for spilling chilli on the floor. You didn't watch your child learn about planets on my Insta stories, but you instead took the time to Google certain sites to find out why Jack Nicholson had spilled chilli on the floor and it actually turned out that it was all a hoax. Yeah, I'm very sorry to say it was an Onion article and he hadn't actually spilled any chilli on the floor court side.

It's actually a Photoshop photo. So Jack Nicholson did not spill chilli. But do you understand how that was a bit sad? That you didn't watch your child finding all of this stuff about the planet but you instead you bypassed them

and you sat and told me all about Jack Flippin Nicholson spilling chilli right somewhere

someone I don't really care about some way I don't care about I didn't want to watch them because I didn't want to hear the misinformation that you were giving our child about spaces

where the planets live and the earth's flat and all of whatever other garbage you told him it would have just wound us up and would have just got into an argument when i corrected all your wrong stuff so that's why i didn't that's i'm joking i was busy i was at a gig and i completely forgot and i'm sorry and i'm gonna go on your phone actually and watch them because i would love to watch them they've gone 24 hours no no no they'll be in your thing they stay and they'll be in your archive right why have you deleted videos of your child learn about why should you get to watch them. They've gone? 24 hours? No, they disappear. No, no, no, they'll be in your thing. They stay and they'll be in your archive. Why have you deleted videos of your channel and learned about space?

That's terrible. Why should you get to watch them when you don't want to watch them first? That's unbelievable. Why have you deleted them? You'll never get them again.

I was there. I experienced it. It's in my memory bank. I'm going to get my notes to get a really harsh one for you after that. Do you want the other one? Yeah, go on then.

So the other beef is, do you know them stupid logs that you got from that stupid log place where they came and they were

massive and they were all around the front door like where bloody live in Antarctica and it's

July yeah you brought them in the house didn't you brought them in the house

guess what what have we been inundated with in the house since you brought them in massive moths

massive fucking moths Massive moths. Massive fucking moths. The biggest moths you've ever seen. They're like sparrows. They are. Unbelievable. Shocking. I don't know how it happened.

Shocking. I had to take all the logs out yesterday and brush them. Me and the band brushed them with a brush. I hate moths. They were so big. It was so big, that moth. And then there was another one. It may have been the same moth. I don't know. But there were so many. It was so big, that moth. And then there was another one. It may have been the same moth. I don't know, but there were so many big moths.

So thank you for that. Yeah, you're welcome. Hey, you know what they say? Like a moth to the flame. It's true. The saying is true. That's why they live in logs. However, I'm ready for you

I'm excited okay so my beef with you my double beefs with you this week yeah right

yeah you have got a new catchphrase have I? yeah you've got a new catchphrase keep my name out your mouth it's

no no no it's not even as cool as that you've got a new catchphrase speaking of it being July your new catchphrase. Speaking of it being July, your new catchphrase is I can't get warm and I'm fucking sick of hearing it. You are currently sitting

with a blanket on you. Have you got your slippers on? No, I haven't. No, you haven't got your slippers on. You put the heating on the other day, which I thought was ridiculous because it's July and we've got loads of logs

that you're not even using. And one of those moths you're not using them. You should be getting the fire on killing them off your new phrase is i can't get warm i can't get warm at the minute absolutely it's up there with the bin stinks at one the other day you knocked out i can't get warm and that bin stings within about two minutes of each other all right okay well the bin does stink at the minute i don't know why yeah because it's freezing. So it's not like it's hot.

It's heating it up. I'm just getting annoyed because it's warmer outside than it is inside and I'm starting to think there's something wrong with the house. Right, yeah, yeah. Wait.

Why am I cold? Why am I not, why are you all warm and I'm freezing? I don't know what's wrong with you. It's really irritating. Have I got a life-threatening disease? I don't know what's wrong with you.

Fucking, God, it's annoying. Can I get warm? My second beef with you, you can't know what's wrong with you. It's fucking... God, it's annoying. Can I get warm? My second beef with you... You can't get warm. Stop saying it. My second beef with you... I'll literally throw you on the fire.

My second beef with you... Right, okay, hurry up. ...this week is... Mm-hmm. ...we are re-watching Marvel. Yes. We're just doing the main ones. We're just doing Avengers and Captain America Civil War

and the kind of, you know, the ones with multiple big actors in. Can I say what I wanted to say about Captain America Civil War and the kind of you know the ones with multiple big actors in Can I say what I wanted to say about Captain America? I love him Yes Second time round Rosie in the past

has dissed Captain America and a lot of listeners dear listener a lot of you lot have slagged off Captain America because I love Captain America and you say he's boring

he's rubbish Rosie explain how good he is Do you know what the second time round he's a lot less annoying and I actually really like him he's incredible

yeah I do like him he's one of my favourites he's the moral compass he's the protagonist his storyline's incredible he's the first Avenger he's got a nice arse he's got a fantastic

that's America's arse that is America's arse he's brilliant he's just he's perfect he's pure alright he doesn't need any gadgets

or any daft gizmos he's just got a fucking big lump of metal pure. All right. He doesn't need any gadgets or any daft gizmos. He's just got a fucking big lump of metal, a big bin lid. He just gans for it. Do you know what it is, right? If the Avengers are all different meals, right? Yeah, Iron Man's, yeah, you know,

like sushi or whatever, Spider-Man's, you know, like a lovely curry one night and someone else has a log fire pizza. Captain America. Sunday dinner. He's something like that yeah he's either a Sunday dinner or he's your meat and two veg

he's your stable he's bum he might even be bread and butter he might even be bread and butter he's better than bread and butter he is but he's there he's a constant

he's mint he's mint and dumplings I don't like mint and dumplings yes you do they're alright I wouldn't like them you're such you're such a liar about food.

My second beef. Don't like that. Have you ever tried it? No. What are you, three? Oh, yeah. How are you then? My second beef with you,

because we're watching these Marvel films. Yeah. You will literally pause the film as we're watching it if you can't remember what's about to happen to ask me what's about to happen and it is it's driving us mad i'm glad we've almost finished end game it's driving okay well do you know what drives me mad what you you loser you every time the baddies come on you're so buzzing that you know the full names that you'll pause it and tell us the full names for everybody

and i'm like i don't give a shit It brings nothing to my enjoyment of a film. Let's not move this on. No, I don't need to know the names. You can't have three beefs. I flipping can. Where's my third one? I don't need to know the names of all the baddies, but you seem to think that I'm bothered

and I want to know. I don't need to know. I could watch a film quite happily and never know what the main baddie's name is. It doesn't bother us. As a man who's just sitting opposite now a 33 year old woman

and has heard her use the word baddies five or six times you need to know their fucking names because you sound pathetic. Talk about sounding three. The one with the horns.

You sound three. The one with the Proxima Midnight. The one with the horrible face who's actually nails. Crovis Glaive. And then the other one with the massive sword

who's big. Who looks a bit like Hulk but ugly. Great. There you go. Black Dwarf. Great. There you go. All minions of Thanos. Children of Thanos, if you will. But you, right, you have got a gift here.

You've got a gift. I would give anything in the world if someone could invent a pill or something that you take and you just forget Breaking Bad and then you can watch it again and enjoy it or you just forget the Marvel films. You've literally forgot them. And you go, oh, what's happening? Chris, what's he going to do? Is he dead now?

So is that Thor dead? What happens to him? When does he come back into it? And I'm like, hmm. And I have to go, I can't remember. I've seen it like 20 times, but I have to say I can't remember. You've got a gift.

Don't waste it. Just like the know. It's ridiculous. Your mom's the same. Your mom, we'll go to your mom. You need to watch The Sinner or whatever. It's brilliant. Your mom will go, what happens? Well, I don't want to tell you. No, she's worse than me. No, like what? And your mam. You need to watch The Sinner or whatever. It's brilliant. Your mam will go, what happens?

Well, I don't want to tell you. No, she's worse than me. No, like what? And your mam wants to know, literally. The whole thing. Have you seen The Sixth Sense? No. Is it good?

Yeah, it's good. Tell us all about it. Bruce Willis is a ghost. Okay, I'll watch that. It sounds great. That's what your mam does. No, I think she does like it. I just don't think Sandra can deal with any more disappointment in her life.

So she just... A bit like me at the minute. No disappointment, no surprises. I just like you know what's gonna happen yeah don't want i don't want any surprises i just want to know and i'll feel better i get where she's coming from we're very similar like that actually mom i've got your back i love you sandra it's time for questions from the public question from the public. Public. Public. Ah, I beat him. Oh, really? Is that it?

Oh, great. As always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it is shaggedmouridenoid at gmail.com. Thank you all so much. There's so many brilliant emails in there. And some people, you know what? Some of you are just emailing nice things in. And now and then, as I'm going through them all,

it is nice to just hear a nice little thing. So thank you very much. shaggedmouridenoid at gmail.com. Send us anything you want within reason. Yes, please. Got a serious one here. Oh, okay. I read it and I thought

there's not much comedy value in this, but I thought I wanted to help. All right, okay. Well, we did start off as a bit of a helping kind of podcast. We're going to do it again now. Back to the old school. Right, okay.

Taking about the old school. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hope all is well in the Ramsey household. Could be better it's terrible apparently the bin stinks and it's freezing it is it's like we're in we're in space it's really cold my dilemma is this i'm a 25 year old lad and i have a great relationship with my mom he's wrote mom but i'm changing it it's just been us growing up as my father wasn't around so we are incredibly close. Unfortunately her dad brackets my granddad passed away so now I take over all of the DIY for her and help her insurance and repairs etc. Amazing. The issue is this.

I lived with my mother until five years ago when I moved out with my partner. But my mother is still living alone and isn't seeing anyone. But this is soon to change. Her friends are helping her set up a profile to meet people so she can find love again. Is there any advice you can give me on how to act towards this? I've never seen my mother

with anyone and it's only been us two. I don't want our relationship to change and I don't know how to act around a new fella if my mother finds one.

I obviously want her to be happy and not be lonely anymore but I worry about what the future holds. Oh, okay. I just thought we'd give him a hand. Generally, no piss taken here.

That's a valid worry. He said any advice would be great. I mean, I can only say from my experience from a broken home that the time does come when your parents do meet other people. And it is a bit weird at first, but then it actually becomes a little bit normal

as long as they're okay, you know? And I think you've just got to bear in mind that you want your mum to be happy. I would totally agree. And it's only going to be hypothetical for me because I obviously don't know this. Because I think my mum and dad just gave up on being happy and just settled.

Oh, don't. I'm joking. Your mum and dad have a lovely marriage, like something that I aspire to. I'm very lucky. I know I'm really, really lucky for my mum and dad to still be together, I know.'m very lucky I know I'm really really lucky for my mum and dad to still be together I know

and they like each other your mum still laughs at your dad's jokes you stopped laughing at mine ages ago you put a fake one on for this podcast the most you've ever

laughed actually the most you've ever laughed at me recently was at the beginning of this podcast when I told you I'd called me I told me to the

2020 tour and what I like about that is I'm laughing at you not with you full on Nelson from the Simpsons pointing ha ha

but much longer yeah dude you just want your mum to be happy obviously you want to be safe so you know what I would say is obviously

if your mum's never done online dating or anything like that don't go out on an evening for drinks maybe just start off going for coffees

with people because I think that's a bit safer nice little walk outside at the moment you know standard times yeah there we go lush oh that's help dude good luck right back to shit piss and finger stories let's go come on come on hi chris and rosie please keep me anonymous as i promised my parents i would never speak of this again oh what a beginning that is promise my parents parents what a beginning that

is right okay it all started when my dad was looking in the loft and found old tapes of us as children that he took on our holidays and at christmas etc using his camcorder as smartphones didn't exist then this was the only way that he could capture our childhood memories the only problem was our camcorder that he used was now broken so he had no way to view them. My mam happened to mention this to our elderly neighbour. As a bit of background, he lives alone and has no family in this country so we welcomed him in like a grandad, making sure he wasn't lonely and brought him birthday and Christmas presents and genuinely made him feel part of the family. Isn't that bloody lovely? So lovely. He's going to find something horrible on these tapes,

so I'm already gutted for him. He said that he had a camcorder that he hadn't used for years that we could try. Very kind of him. Oh, they're going to find something. Shut up. Oh, yeah. He gave the camcorder to my dad, who didn't get around to checking it for a week or so.

When he got around to it, my dad opened the slot to put a tape in, and he realised that there was already a tape in there. So out of curiosity, he played it. To his horror, a full-on homemade pornographic tape from about 25 years ago of the elderly neighbour started playing.

Not nice sex either, like disgusting, filthy sex. Oh no. That you don't think actually goes on my dad screamed and is traumatized that he has seen our next door neighbor's knob my question is what do we do with the tape my suggestion was given the whole thing back and say it didn't work but my dad thinks that we should tell him what do you think we should do do not you can't tell him you can't tell him or hang on hang on a minute i've watched enough minging programs yeah to see the bottom of this

is he just a down and out dirty perv and he's give them a thing and they're gonna watch that well do you know what i mean we can't look at him as the same free old man anymore as my man thinks that he maybe knew that they were there and wanted us to see i think so i think he did i think he's getting his last kicks in before he kicks the bucket himself goodness me dirty old perv once a perv always a perv yeah i suppose age doesn't stop you know like it's that thing of when when my nana oh i hate to bring my nana into this conversation because she's not a perv but she always says like I'm an 82 old woman but in here I'm 35

like do you know what I mean I'm a 35 year old stuck in this old woman's body she always says that and then it just makes me think that if you've been a perv when you're 35 you're still a perv when you're 85 oh absolutely aye you're just a much slower perv yeah not as quick to the draw.

Still a perv, though. Probably even worse. Do not send that tape to us, by the way. Don't you dare. I mean... No! Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! You're invited to an immersive listening party

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That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com okay so sometimes on twitter people say things on the internet and then send them to us because

they're like this belongs on the podcast and somebody sent me this and i screen grabbed it last week and i don't know if you've seen this so let's see what you think about this right um my boyfriend so this is a female who's 24 the boyfriend's 25 male sleeps in a nest of clothes and towels and refuses to buy a bed bed yeah shut up do you want to hear the back no way yes i do so imagine i didn't imagine i said no i know i think this must have been on reddit or some sort of relationship advice right okay so here we go i have been dating my boyfriend for three years and i only just finally visited his apartment this week which is a bit weird. Really strange. I was amazed to see in his bedroom there is no bed. Instead,

there is a huge pile of clothes and towels in the middle of the room. My boyfriend said it is his nest and he sleeps in it. I could not believe this. Do you know what? I totally believe that this is... I can believe this. Do you know what? I totally believe that this is,

I can imagine this. So, right, my first question, before you even go any further, is when he sleeps at hers, does she get onto this? If he's ever slept at hers, she's never been to hers, so I'm assuming he goes to hers,

unless they've never been to each other's house. I'm not sure. So when he sleeps over, or sleeps at someone else's house, is he comfortable in their bed? Or is it like when you watch films about someone who's been a soldier, like Rambo,

sleeps on the floor. And then they come home and sleep on the floor. Yeah, yeah. So is it like, you know when you take too much stuff and people go, bloody hell,

you're staying for a year. You've got a massive suitcase. Oh, it's me bed. You're only staying for one night. Oh no, it's me bed. Well, I can't remember because I read this last week. Right, okay. bed he showed me how he does it and he kind of curls up into a ball in the middle and pile some of the clothes and towels on top of him and that's how he sleeps he told me he had never had a guest in his nest before,

but I was welcome to try, or I could sleep on the sofa. So he's got a sofa. It turns out the reason he had not invited me to his apartment is because he was embarrassed about his nest, rightly so. Motherfucker, buy a bed, dude. I thought it was very odd to have a nest. Stop calling it a nest! But I tried to sleep in it with him.

I found it very uncomfortable and weird and I also noticed it smelled. Of course it fucking smelled! I went to sleep on the sofa. In the morning, my boyfriend confronted me and said, why do you hate my nest? This is amazing. I said, I thought it was weird, uncomfortable and smelly.

I asked, does he wash those clothes? He said he doesn't because he doesn't wear them. They are just nesting materials. Oh my God, he's a fucking hamster. I said he should still wash them. He said if we were going to take the next step and move in together, I would need to accept his nest. I said if we move in together, we're getting a bed.

He said he would rather never go to sleep if he couldn't use a nest. I said, fine, maybe we'll get a two-bedroom apartment. He took offence to this. I told him his nest was stupid as a mud crab, which I admit was childish. And that's the end of that. That is ridiculous. That's ridiculous. It's like a vampire. I believe that that is a true story. is ridiculous. That's ridiculous. It's like a vampire.

I believe that that is a true story. One million percent that's true. There's no way that's fake. If I was seeing somebody, even if I'd been seeing them for three years, right, and I found out that they slept

in a pile of clothes and towels on the floor, I would, right there and then, I would never see them ever again. I love that, yeah. Having a discussion about moving in. Just like, if we're moving together...

We're getting a bed. For fuck's sake, man. A nest. His posture, his back. He must be in pain all the time. Must be awful. Doesn't wash them. Now, I remember an ex-girlfriend of mine had a dog.

Did she have a nest? No, she had a dog. She reminds us that the dog was so clever, what the dog used to do. So whenever you go around, if it was winter and they'd done a wash and they'd done the wash and they'd washed the towels, the towels would be on the radiator.

And every now and then you'd hear the mam shouting at the dog because the dog would pull, if the towel was on the radiator, he'd wait until it was dry and warm and then pull the warm towel off the radiator and lie underneath it to keep him warm. Fucking genius. That's what this guy's doing, essentially.

Just with his own shit. Unbelievable. That's horrible, that, though. He just lies in it and just piles it on top of him like a fucking turtle in the sand. Yeah, but in my eyes, there'd have to be a lot of clothes and towels. Like, that's not...

So many. That's so many. To make it even half comfortable. Oh, it would stink. It would absolutely honk. How does he... I've got so many questions. I know. How does he do it?

What does he use? A blanket? Does he just put some of the clothes on top of him? That's what he said, yeah. She says there's no blanket. That's what she said. There's no blanket. He just pulls bits of them round him and on top of him? That's what he said, yeah. She says there's no blanket. That's what she said. There's no blanket. He just pulls bits of them round him and on top of him.

Wow. So sometimes in the night, he will roll and move and he'll have no clothes on him. So you know sometimes you wake up and the duvet's a bit down by your feet and you've got to pull it up. He's got to like, just fucking pull like socks and fucking towels.

What, what a minger. What a minger. He's the worst. Honestly, I'm baffled. I'm so happy that that story's coming to me live. Do you not feel like now we might be onto something as entrepreneurs and we could make a special bed called a nest? I mean, why has he not got a big dog bed?

Because it's got sides. He could have a big dog bed? Because it's got sides. He could have a big dog bed. If he likes it, he could have a paddling pool. Blow the paddling pool up and put them all inside so they don't go further out. Now you know he's going to... I can see him in my head walking past it and with his foot, scraping his foot across the ground

and sort of piling them all into the middle. What a murderer. What about buttons in that? Zips. They'd be so uncomfortable it's like having a crumb in your bed you'd have like a zip up your arse do you know what I mean?

oh god very enjoyable I'm glad you like that oh man thank you to whoever sent that to me wow wow carry on

done my bit for the day wow babadoo babadoo babadoo hi guys hope you're all well. I can't believe I haven't sent this in before, but I wanted to share this story with you to see if you think it's as weird as I do. My sister was living in London, living her best life on Tinder. She'd had a few dates with this guy, and he seemed nice and things were progressing.

She took him back to hers and they moved into the bedroom. After some kissing, etc, they were about to get down to it, when he stopped, got up, moved down to her feet and licked her entire body from foot to toe in one big line over the top of her clothes.

He licked her skinny jeans and up her top. She said it freaked her out, but she had sex with him anyway. No, she didn't. Yeah. Oh, no, she didn't. Yeah. Oh, no, she didn't. Oh, yeah.

I've had some desperate times in my past, but if someone's licking me clothes, I wouldn't be having sexual intercourse with them. And he stopped, and he stood up, and he's had a lay there, and he's literally went, and he started at foot, and in one long line,

he's gone all the way up. Like a big, long snail trail. All the way up to her face. That's like a robot has been programmed to learn sexual behaviors. And someone has installed the song, let me lick you up and down. Till you say stop. And it's took up and down till you say stop and it's took up and down

to just mean one fucking line how dry would you be by the hip it'd be so dry it probably it went two seconds

do you want any water right I want to put it again I've got another question about this yeah I've got another question why does a brother know this

I think it's I think she's her sister oh the sisters yeah okay Yeah. Got another question. Uh-huh. Why does her brother know this? I think she's her sister. Oh, the sisters? Yeah. Okay. I imagine it's her sister. I thought it was... All right, why did I think it was her brother? I don't know.

Because I was reading it, maybe. Maybe's. Yeah. Just it's not to me. I would tell my brother. But it's not something she's told her brother because this is her sister. Just letting you know.

Last night, met a guy off Tinder. I think it would be worded. Licked us all the way up my body with my clothes on. Can I just say it? I think it would be worded a lot differently if it was a brother

and it wouldn't be, I can't believe I haven't sent you this before, would have got this on the first episode. Yeah. Look at me, sister's a slag,

listen to this! It would have been the first episode. We'd have got this email before we started doing the podcast. Very true. Why lick your jeans as well? She said, didn't see him again. Is it just me or is this really weird?

I can't help but imagine how rough and dry his tongue must have been. Disgusting. Same. Jeans. Skinny, can you imagine licking a pair of jeans? Horrible. Good God. People wear jeans.

You don't wash your jeans often. Never. You wear them for a while, your jeans. I wear my jeans for weeks. They walk themselves to the washing machine. They really do. That's shocking. Especially after a night out as well.

Be lifting. Awful. Isn't that something? Do you still have sex with them? Well, it's the same as, you know, my boyfriend sleeps in a nest and we discuss maybe getting a two-bedroom house if we moved in together.

Hey, man who sleeps in a nest, do you want to move in? What would you rather, right? Me having who sleeps in a nest, do you want to move in? What would you rather, right? Me having to sleep in a nest every night. Right. Or every time we have sex, I lick you fully clothed from your bottom to your top.

What would you rather? Who does the washing in this scenario? What do you mean? Who does the washing? Who washes the clothes? The clothes. I don't get washed. The nest never gets washed.

No. And if you lick my clothes up and down, do you then wash my clothes for us or do I have to wash them? No, you just keep wearing them. Oh, they just go in the dirty washing as usual?

Second one. You've got to pick the licking. It's got to be the licking. I couldn't be having you living in a nest like that. I just needed to know. No way. Tempted.

No way. Tempted. Should we make one for a laugh and see if it's actually comfortable? I bet you it's not. It must be fucking awful. We could try it. He's going to have spinal problems.

He's going to have spinal problems. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Got an email here from a guy, and I think he might be the son of an evil genius. Okay. Right. My email is about the punishments that I had when I was younger. As I'm a dad now, I often think back to how I was punished and wonder how I will punish my son in the future.

I'm from a family of four boys, so my parents were quite creative when we were naughty. Here's a few. A smack. Simple. You could. Different times. When the slipper came out, off we would sprint our bedrooms.

We'd barricade the door with our beds so my dad couldn't get in. He would sit and wait sometimes, then give up. But as soon as we came out of our rooms, the slipper was waiting. Naughty. Two. Mowing the lawn. You'd have to mow the lawn. Okay. Simple.

Three, grounding. Simple. Four, no TV. Five, it never happened to me, but my brother bunked off school once and was caught because his friend wrote a note from my dad explaining that he was sick.

The school knew straight away because my dad couldn't write very well and my mum always wrote the letters. My dad's hands were for smacking only. So when my dad found out my brother was punished by being grounded and forced to paint the entire fence by hand with a small

brush. Wow. That's good. It took him weeks of pain but it taught me what did it teach him? To never bunk off school? Do you think? Don't know. Taught him to learn his mum's good. It took him weeks of pain, but it taught me... What did it teach him? To never bunk off school? Do you think? Don't know. Taught him to learn his mum's handwriting.

Brilliant. Great. Number six. My dad was a carpenter. Spent long days during the week at various building sites and jobs. The garage was full of tools, screws and nails. There were thousands of different shaped screws and nails. Unfortunately for us, my dad had mixed them up over the years.

So when we were naughty, he sat us down and gave us all a box and made us sort them into new boxes of different shapes and sizes and functions. Wanker. However, this wasn't the worst part. He would inspect the boxes thoroughly throughout the day and if he should find one screw in the wrong pile, he would tip them all back into the box and we would start again oh my word unreal punishment that's intense isn't it what kind of punishment did you get as kids is the question that's really intense that's

nothing that nothing that we would have to sit for hours and hours doing i guess i almost think he didn't need them screws i I bet he had work screws that he just used and he kept on site and I think they were just his punishment screws. I can't believe they stuck to it.

Yeah, I mean, I doubt I could get a kid I'd have ran away. I'd have ran away. Did you never run away? I threatened to run away once. I remember I packed my bag, I put a blanket

and a biscuit in it and I was like, right, I'm off. Oh, we ran away all the time. Really? Yeah, I remember a particular time, not when I ran away, oh we ran away all the time really yeah i remember a particular time not when i ran away my sister ran away and she honestly she packed her bag i was i was crying my eyes out

right because i was just like oh my gosh running away my mom's like well good how old was she she must have been about seven or eight i was crying yeah i think. I was crying, yeah. I think Kevin was crying. Like, we were all devastated. She packed her bag. She fully blown packed her bag. She was like, I'm going to Nana's. And me mum was like, well, good.

Maybe she'll not put up with your batting and all this kind of stuff, blah, blah, blah. And then I remember, I do really remember me dad was like, Sandra,

she's actually going to do it. And me mum was like, let her do it. And she got to the bottom of the street where there was like a junction. She got to the bottom of the street. And I remember my mom was kind of like stood outside of the house looking, but not really looking. And I was like, Kate, come back.

And I remember Kate stood at the bottom of the street at the junction, like looking over her shoulder like I'm going to Nana's but then but then my mum was like Kate and she came running

back but that's she got the furthest out of all of us from running away the bottom of the fucking street that was the furthest

that she got bear in mind you worked in roads so I mean you weren't there I was an adult then. I'm talking as kids. I was running away

all the time then. Wow. I'm running away. I hate it here. Yeah, twice. I think it was twice I did it. I went and sat on their wall at the front of the estate

where I lived in South Shields. But he says here in the email, grounding. Do you ever get grounded? Yeah. It didn't work. I don't know if I've talked

about this on the podcast, but you know, grounding didn't work with me because I was in the house so much my punishment was get out and don't come back in oh god i got opposite punishment oh because you you were just a computer nerd i just was always in the house yeah yeah so it was like right that's it you've been a little shit get out and get some fresh air no man, man, please. Get out there and play with your friends. Socialise. No.

Standing on the field with all the lads playing footy going, oh, here are you fucking gimps. No, really, was it? No, I didn't. I used to get grounded all the time. Like, all the time. Yeah, that was because I loved being out. So for me, it was like, you've got to stay in there and just be gutted.

Do you ever have that thing where it was like, right, you're grounded, and you were like, fine, and then they were like, with no telly, and you were like, no, I can't believe she thought of that. I thought I'd found the loophole. I'll stay in and watch the telly, oh no. Quick one here. Chris and Rosie,

would you rather have penises for hands or vaginas for feet? Ew. This is from Ferret Bath. Sorry, Ferret. Quick one here. Chris and Rosie, would you rather have penises for hands or vaginas for feet? Who? This is from Ferret Bath. Sorry, Ferret Bath. Ferret in Bath. In Bath. A ferret in a bath.

Great. Penises for hands or vaginas for feet? Vagina feet. Why? Don't know, flatter Which way is the vagina? So I'm guessing The slit and everything is on the sole of your feet

That's an awful word I've got a vagina, say what I want about it Still though, slit I meant, I didn't That is horrible But that is what it is no stop the lips on the bottom on the sole of the feet

yeah sensitive little walk you wouldn't have to turn that underfloor heating up very hot would you I'd be like I'm just going for a little run you're loving it, aren't you? Join the local running club. We've lost loads of weight.

Yeah, because you've got a clit on your... You're very musical, Rosie. You're always tapping your feet. Shut up. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have a beef with my boyfriend. Not you guys. Lol.

Thanks for that. It's kind of trivial. I've read this email. I don't think it is trivial. But here we go. It's kind of trivial, but it gets on my nerves. We have been together for nine months and live together. Wow, that's early.

Go hard or go home. However. We did that. Anyway. Yeah, but I don't know. Wow. Do as I say, not as I do. Quick to forget. Christopher Ramsey.

It's just a massive mistake I made. However, he has never taken or posted a photo of us once. Even on my birthday and New Year. Silly, I know, she says, but he still has photos of his ex on his social media am i overreacting what would you guys do please keep me anonymous oh oh oh oh

i knew this would get you excited right so guys our vagina feet are quivering here let's just have a little rub on the floor. Right, what I need to know, which you will not find out annoyingly, but does he still post things? Is he still active on his social media? Because if he is, then that's shocking. He thinks you're a muntret

and he doesn't really want to be with you. Wow. So we'll finish him. Wow. Wow. Wow. Well, that's the crack, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, i would totally agree i find like bless us just saying that there's not a problem here and it's a bit silly i don't think it's silly

i think he's made you think it's trivial mate um but i don't think it is delete the pictures of your ex i think some men and women do that to weirdly keep their new people on their toes or something like I think it's a really manipulative thing to do I think it's like well I've still got pictures of me everyone knows if they've got pictures still of their ex on social media like you delete them you D tag yourself from the whatever like you just do if you're in a new relationship that's it that's a thing courtesy yeah but em she says I'm trying to think, no, I haven't. I don't know.

You didn't change your voicemail to Rosie Ramsey from Rosie Winter for about six months after we were married. I remember I had to have a fucking intervention with you. Oh, you went well hard on this. It was months. I know, but I didn't... It was months.

I didn't do my passport or anything for ages. Hi, this is Rosie Winter. Leave a message. Who? Who? Who? Have I phoned the past? That bitch doesn't exist anymore. She's Rosie Ramsey now because he put a ring on it.

Right? Did it upset you that much? I was fuming. Every time I rang you, I was like. Do you know what it was? What? Sheer laziness. Yeah, we'll get on that.

Sheer couldn't be arsedness. I believe that because I know what you're like. Rosie, I've had an email here and I'm shocked to. She couldn't be arse-ness. I believe that because I know what you're like. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bab. Rosie, I've had an email here and I'm shocked to me very core and it's slanderous and I'm upset. Right.

Someone is claiming that I'm not officially bike guy. Oh. Someone is claiming I'm not a real bike guy and I don't love me bike. Why?

Because they've sent someone in who does more. Oh. It's linked to an article. Man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation and i take that that's fine so this was a while ago this was like 2007 where was he having sex well uh his name which i'm not going to say admitted no admitted a sexually

aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex. He was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at a hostel. The prosecutor told the sheriff they knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door

then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth to simulate sex both cleaners who were extremely shocked told the hostel manager who called the police the sheriff said in almost four decades in the law i thought i had come across every perversion known to mankind but this is a new one to me. I have never heard of a cycle sexualist. Oh, Chris.

The bike booker. The bike booker. Ring, ring, ring, ring. The guy has denied the offence. He denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after you'd had too much to drink. Misunderstanding. I thought it was my wife.

I thought that bike was well up for it. Where was he putting his penis? I don't know. In the bike? I don't know. But, you know, I am no longer bike guy. He's bike guy. He is bike guy.

And there's nothing I can do. I mean, there's something I can do to take the crown, but I'm not prepared to do it. Please don't. Because you've got two of them, and I don the crown, but I'm not prepared to do it. Please don't. Because you've got two of them, and I don't want your first threesome experience to be with a couple of bikes. Hi, Rosie and Bike Wanker. Thank you.

Bike Booker. Please keep me anonymous, as this is a very specific story and I know the friends involved listen to the podcast I think by the end of the story you'll agree that they have suffered enough I'm interested

my friend and his girlfriend were spicing things up in the bedroom by going through all the classic kinks on the menu for the night in question pun absolutely intended was food play you may be thinking this would take

the form of a bit of chocolate off the nipples or squirty cream off the bell end that's not what i was thinking anyway but no our hapless couple had purchased a bag of jelly beans my friend's girlfriend went about inserting a handful of the beans into her lady parts and he went to work hunting them out with his tongue oh gosh following the post jelly bean sex that ensued they decided it would be wise to debrief so to make sure that my friend had gotten all the beans out and that they weren't going to have to be hunting for any pesky hideaways so my friend happily said it was girlfriend that he had found all six jelly beans that she had popped up herself and he had hoped that she'd enjoyed the experience as much as he had enjoyed himself imagine the confusion when she states that she did not put

six jelly beans in there but it actually only inserted five what what was the other thing what the pair went back and forth for a, my friend certain that he had swallowed six jelly beans, while his girlfriend rightfully so, pointing out that she would remember the number of gelatin-based snacks that she had pushed up into her vagina. Very nice. After a few days, they were still not able to agree,

and my friend had started to exhibit some worrying symptoms. So they decided to be on the safe side, they would pay a visit to the local sexual health clinic. They recounted the story in full at the clinic and a few tests were done. Several more days passed and they finally received clarification that they were waiting for. The clinic advised, based on the test results,

that my friend had indeed swallowed five jelly beans from his girlfriend's vagina. And it turns out that the mysterious sixth jelly bean was not a jelly bean at all. What my friend had so happily gobbled down was in fact a herpes cluster. That noise you've just made is the same noise I made when I read this email. Outside I went... So, okay.

Now listen, I actually want to take a minute here because i don't like slagging off herpes because right herpes is a thing that you can get like when you're younger and you it never goes it can flare up and i think that's shit because i will i i would say now i've had chlamydia before and it was horrific i rang my mom was devastated. She was probably really ashamed of us, but I had no one else to tell. Same, same. You've had it before, but it goes.

You take the medicine, it goes. Herpes is something that flares up all the time. But a cluster of herpes. So what is that? His girlfriend was unaware until then that she was carrying herpes, let alone that she had a small cluster forming

just inside her vagina. And he had managed to dislodge it with some particularly enthusiastic tongue action. The good news is that the couple are still together and are very happy. The bad news is that they now both carry herpes for which there's no known cure. Oh, so he's got it as well? Yeah. The worst news is that my friend felt the need to share this story with me and I will never look at jelly beans the same way again.

Thanks again for the podcast. P.S. Google image search herpes cluster, I dare you. I did and I never will again. I don't... Oh, no. Awful. Oh. This is what happens when you stick stuff in you. When are people going to learn?

That cluster, that could have stayed there quite happily, undisturbed for a long time. It's the worst. But no, he's now got herpes. Yeah. And she's got herpes. And he's eating herpes. And in the plenty, they go to the gym, you know what they do?

Burpees. Burpees. I hate, do you know what? I hate burpees more than I hate herpes. I'll tell you that now. Both burn. Both burn. Both burn. Like a motherfucker.

Thank you once again for listening to this week's Shagmarinoid, which is now part of the Acast Creator Network. Guys, thank you very much. We've laughed, we've cried, we've been disgusted, we've been amused, and we're going to do it all again next week of Shagmarianoid at gmail.com if you want to get in touch. We'll bloody love you for keep coming back. Thank you.

We've got a spare half an hour now before Robin comes back from nursery. Just wondering if you fancy sticking them jelly beans somewhere where the sun don't shine. I'm going to go out with my bike. Oh, is that what you're doing, is it? I'm not taking my phone. Is that what you're up to? Don't call. Wow. Don't call. Great. Do we have any condoms i bought these in specially i bought some bike lube today that's wd40 it's not lubricant it's a degreaser very common

very very common mistake people made do not put wd40 on your bike chain and then just go for a ride WD-40 on your bike chain and then just go for a ride. It decreases the chain. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

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