Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 75. A breath of fresh air

Episode Date: July 31, 2020

This week on the podcast Chris and Rosie discuss hot baths, zoom dates, Guinea Pigs and revenge. It's also the week that sees the debut of Rosie's new feature... enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mountain Oid with me, Rosie Ramsey. And just to set the scene, my husband, Chris Ramsey, who's wearing a lovely mint T-shirt, mint green T-shirt.

Mint as in you're talking about the colour you're not talking about. You think it's mint. No, that's Georgie. Is this mint green or is it more of a limey? You didn't have to comment on it, to be honest. We could have just cracked on. I was just trying to give you a compliment. It's just a weird thing to say. Considering as well two seconds ago

I said are you ready to start recording and you said how does it start again? Well, we've been recording the audiobook this week. So I wanted to describe things more for our listeners. Because now I know how to do it. Okay. Actually. So you learnt it from doing the audiobook, not from the writing process, just from reading it down. No. God no.

I learnt nothing from that writing process well good didn't even learn how to spell because someone just corrected it for us

yeah so well that happened yeah or the computer corrects them but sometimes the computer goes

I don't even know what that is yeah sometimes they are so far away from the actual word that the computer goes no

no idea so guys it is episode 75. It's not, is it? It is 75. Thank you all so much for listening, liking, rating, subscribing and all that stuff. We really do appreciate it.

Thank you for coming back. But before we start, before we go any further, obviously, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. I just want, just quickly, didn't review. Your lucrative... No, I'm not. Oh, my God, I compliment you, for God's sake, would you let us speak?

Forgive me, forgive me, Mrs. Ramsey, for having me guard up when you go to comment on me sponsors, because for 74 episodes, you've slagged them off, and now you're apparently, allegedly, you're about to say something nice, and I just try to cover me own back here, and I got me

head bitten off. Well listen, it's not from me. People on Twitter have been saying nice things about your local sponsors. Right. There's only been a couple but they are there.

So carry on. That was a half compliment if I've ever... Well I was going to say something nice. What were you going to say? Come on, say it. I was going to say that

but nicer but then you've ruined it and you know I'm hormonal at the minute because the baby's growing inside of us making us all these sort of hormones. Honestly.

One big woken hormone, that's all I am. Is that why babies, do you think babies, when they're going to be born, they're going to be born like utter angry, horrible fucking arseholes, but they actually get all of that out by pumping it into the mother and the mother lets all that anger out

during the pregnancy and then the baby comes out just lovely. Well, yeah, the baby comes out just lovely. Well, yeah, the baby comes out lovely because the baby is currently taking up all of my lovely energy. So I'm giving all of my lovely energy. I bloody have. I'm a fucking breath of fresh air, mate.

Wow. Never has that been said. Contradictory in tone. I'm a fucking breath of fresh air, me. Through gritted teeth. That couldn't have been less convincing if you were holding us at gunpoint. Listen, I'm a really pleasant,

bloody person to be around. I'm a joy to be with. I'm a brilliant mother. Listen, you're cutting into sponsor time. This week's look at the sponsor is... Tea Towels. I love a tea towel. Listen, you're cutting into sponsor time. This week's look at the sponsor is tea towels. I love a tea towel. Oh, looking at his notes.

That's who he is. I get sent the script from the sponsor. I know. Want to dry your hands? Tea towel. Want to dry some fruit or veg? Tea towel. Want to dry a little spillage on the bench? Tea towel.

What's that stain on the tea towel is it there is it new or is it off the wash did it not come out who knows tea towel use it once be suspicious of it

forever yeah tea towels we've got a curry one we have got a curry one put it out on the bench get a little curry sauce on it don't worry about it

it's the curry one hey get something out of the oven fold it tea towels fold bench. Get a little curry sauce on it. Don't worry about it. It's the curry one. Hey, get something out of the oven. Fold it. Tea towels. Fold it. I love a tea towel, so I'll accept that one this week. That's a good sponsor. Well, well, I don't quite know what to say.

It is. The agency from tea towels are going to be over the moon with that. Great. It's great, that. That might actually get a couple of extra tea towels. I always like tea towels. Hey, this over the moon with that great it's great that that might actually get a couple extra tea towels I always like tea towels hey this is a long intro yeah

hey listen here's the jingle that's my cue to go for a walk Jesus

I was going to say a frig but I changed my mind oh but you said it anyway you said it anyway though got it in the end good hi mum we had a fight about the jingle change your mind. Oh, but you said it anyway though. Got it in the end. Good. Hi, Mum.

We had a fight about the jingle jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle jingle So this is the jingle jingle We hope you like the jingle jingle Jingle.

Hello and welcome back to this week's Shag Married Annoyed. Pull up a chair, Patsy Pitch. Patsy Pooch. Beauty and the Beast. Beauty and the Beast, fantastic, yeah. You felt the baby move last night. Are you talking about that? That's new news. That's the biggest news.

That's just what I... Because I feel like I don't want to slag you off for being hormonal and and moody and like honestly uh uh you know an awful awful presence to be around um and hard work and a nightmare and unfun and um just sad but you can feel you try being pregnant during a global pandemic you uh were the same when you were having Robin without a pandemic, so shut your fucking mouth. Now, I just want to, obviously, it's easy to take the piss out and whinge about the bad parts, but we were watching telly last night

and you felt little movies, didn't you? I did, and do you know what? I had to Google it because I'm 16 weeks currently and I think with your first baby, you don't really know what a baby moving feels like. Right. So I felt Robin move at about 22 weeks, I think, and it was a definite sort of, that's a funny feeling.

Just for all the men out there, what do you mean you don't, so something happens inside, like a moving, and you don't know what you are, you just ignore it. Well, no, it's just, it's really hard to describe because sometimes when your stomach gurgles or whatever, that's things. Dear listener, Rosie's gurgles a lot, carry on.

It does. But you know, they're just stuff that happens in your stomach. But when you're pregnant and you feel your baby move, it's like a definite movement, but it's not with, now that I've felt it with Robin, when it happened last last night it was so tiny teeny teeny tiny but I knew I was like that's the baby move and that's not just me stomach that's the baby moving and it was absolutely low so we're not at the point where you can sort of see an elbow moving across no film of this inside of the stomach like

on the internet and but i just it was weird because you were like i just felt a move chris and i was like oh my god and i was i was dead excited and i uh i came across the living room and you were like it's just there and you got me handed you were like press right in and felt like fuck i'm not fucking pressing right in it was like you were like trying to get us to properly put my hand in your insides i was like fuck that i know but you were always so terrified of anything like that with robin i don't like it no the cushion man look at i've got like loads of fat around my stomach that the baby's cushioned by and then the cushion feels like a trap this just feels like i've not got loads of chris haven't i haven't i yeah you

have right that's it you calling me that so so yeah the baby moved and apparently with the second baby you can feel them moving from like 13 weeks onwards because you can't it's just like a little flutter you're like oh this again no it was it's just so lovely because it just never seems it never seems that real because obviously i'm really hormonal i haven't had any sickness touch wood i'm just shattered but you don't you know other than like i've got a little bit of a bump there's nothing much else going on so until you start feeling the baby like oh yeah there is a baby in there because you can't go and get a scan every day to just check do you know what i mean so yeah i would um you know how pathetic i am i'd have bought a scanning machine by now i'll be on

every morning scales scanning machine brush me teeth well you can get like a heartbeat machine but i never did that because i just think you would become a bit obsessive checking 100 yeah but like this with a thermometer in the minute yeah constantly checking that that fucking thermometer that infrared thermometer that infrared thermometer uh honestly i must have had it i must have had about six goals of it yesterday like robin can like run around he goes outside and he'll run around in the garden for like 20 minutes yesterday he was like sweating and he came in and for some reason i just go i completely forget that he's been running around i'm like he's sweating he's warm oh he's got it covered get thermometer all is and it's so weird because he can be literally dripping a sweat and it's sweating he's warm oh he's got it covid get thermometer all this and it's so weird because you can be

literally dripping a sweat and it's like 35 degrees and I'm like how so is it like your inside it's like your internal

your body temperature do you know when I go and do the one show to get into BBC you've got to get your temperature taken but you just stand in front of what's basically

like this iPad on a screen and it does it does your whole it just scans your entire body in one go and does your whole temperature it's fucking amazing it's amazing and every time I go eee in the blog And it does, it does your whole, it just scans your entire body in one go and does your whole temperature. It's fucking amazing.

It's amazing. Yeah. And every time I go, eee, in the blokes, I was just so fucking sick of people like me going, eee, look at that. Honestly, like security guards, whenever I go TV and stuff, places like that, security guards have got zero time for me. Like zero. I'm just like so excited and just buzzing to be there. Well, we get excited when there's a bloody revolving door. To be fair. Do you know what I mean?

We're like, hey, look at this. I told you about the time I was going into the Google offices and I stood outside at the revolving door for about five minutes because I was too scared to go through. Why? Are they going really fast? Fucking unbelievable. So it's in central London somewhere. And I was going in for interviews

or something some kind of press thing and it was rush hour everyone was going in so there was a coffee place across and everyone was going in these doors

and like no word of a lie like a fucking fan like a fan like so fast like in a film where they go you know where

Bruce Willis puts his fucking gun in the way to stop the fan going around so he can climb through and they were so fucking angry because me and Lottie was the girl who did me pay off where Bruce Willis puts his fucking gun in the way to stop the fan going around so he can climb through. And they were so fucking angry because me and Lottie was the girl

who did me PR at that time and was standing just going like, you know when you see them when they're doing jump rope in movies and they're ready to jump in and they're like, and they're timing it. We were standing like that and so many fucking people who obviously do them doors every day

and don't give a shit were behind, were just absolutely raging we were both laughing our heads off like fright anyone who's listening who lives in London

who's seen this before unbelievably fast the doors were spinning could have lost an arm I ended up going through the fire exit I couldn't do it I got the security guy

to open the fire door I couldn't fucking do it that's hilarious it was terrifying you were too scared to go through I couldn't go through I was like no

I've seen it on a different building in London. And it is terrifying. It is terrifying. Flying around. Honestly. Spot the northerners. That's the thing, isn't it?

Spot the out-of-towners. Yeah, it's absolutely spot the northerners. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. What have you been up to anyway? Not, oh, yes. We recorded the audio book last week. We did record the audio book, yes. So that's been done.

Done. Dusted. High five. Dusted, high five. In the bag. Oh, can't reach it. That's not, that's not what we want. the audio book, yes. So that's been done. Done. Dusted. High five. Dusted. High five. In the bag. Oh, can't reach it. That's not...

There we go. That's a bit better. Yeah. When can he? Hit me back a bit there. Yeah. It was good. Good fun.

Good to get out of the house. Nice to read it. Nice to read it all. For the first time ever. There's a specific section at the back of the book. Rude section. And we had to re-record it because we felt silly, didn't we? rude section and we um we had to re-record it because we felt silly didn't we well yeah because the audiobook is chris and i reading the book aloud hopefully with a lot of expression and

all that kind of stuff and then the last section we will not tell it we'll leave it a surprise i think we can tease okay tease right how would you want to tease it well i think when we say that the last section is a section that a lot of people asked for but we argued about putting it in or not I didn't want it in I'm childish and disgusting so I was like let's put that specific section in give you a clue it's got it's own jingle on the podcast reading those

kind of emails just flat like an audio book with other people listening was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever had to do in my entire life yeah and it's all guys you listening it's all of you you should be ashamed the stuff i had to read and there's someone down the line in london and there was a guy in the other room doing all the audio and i was embarrassed i was really embarrassed that they were listening to me read your your stories out filth and so we had to redo it didn't we we did an extra day yeah but luckily

for you you never heard them before. Yeah, no. So we did it in a kind of podcast form where we just read them aloud. And I'd actually forgotten a lot of it. So it was really good fun. Oh, my God. Yeah. So the last section of the audiobook is very much like a podcast episode,

which I think is quite fun. It was good fun to do. Yeah, it was good fun. I hope people enjoy it. And it's available for pre-order now from audible uk something something something yeah and through amazon as well yeah yeah so many september it's out big news for me i went swimming this week you did what just stuff's coming back to normal it's nice isn't it rosie if they lock us down again i'm going to explode i'm going to i don't know what i'm going to do stuff starting to come back to normal i went to a cafe this morning yeah it was bloody lovely yeah every

five minutes on twitter they're like second spike it's coming like fucking the twitter version of you know the blokes who stand in the street with a big sign saying, the end is nigh, judgment day is on its way. It was so fucking nice to go to the swimming bath. I know. And I stormed around the house all morning, didn't I? Mm-hmm. So I got it in my head.

So what I like to do is I like to have arguments in my head that haven't happened yet. You like to catastrophize every single thing in your life. Yeah. Which is exhausting, but I just let you crack on because i think well you're gonna do it anyway so you might as well just do it and i'm just gonna ignore you i walked around the house and i was like i'm gonna get there and half the pool's gonna be shut and they're gonna be like the slides aren't on and and you can only get you can only put one leg in the water you can't fully get in the water because

of covid and i just had all these fucking arguments. You've got to shower in this, sanitize it. Yeah. Rosie, we both know, and everyone listening know, I would love that. Hand sanitizer, shower. You're fucking joking, aren't you? I'd move in.

True, true. I'd gargle with it. Now, I was so scared. And I got there, and I was like, is the pool, is it okay? He went, yeah. I was like, slides open? They went, yeah.

I went, everything open and that? He went, yeah. And I took Robin into the dressing room, and he was like the pool is it okay yeah i was like slides open yeah i went everything open and that he went yeah and i took robin into the dressing room and he was like family dressing room there and i went in and robin was like daddy i'm so excited and i went me too so i started crying no you didn't i fucking cried in the dressing room no word of a lie i cried so strange okay he was honestly he was embarrassed. He gave us a look as if to go, all right, man, it's only swimming. Dad, wow. We've got a bath at home, Dad.

It's honestly... The meaning of it. I was emotional. Well, I'm so glad. And then we were standing ready to go in and I was like dancing. And I was like, are you excited? And he went, yeah.

And we started a little dance and then I joined in the dance and then he stopped the dance and I kept the dance going for an embarrassing amount of time. Can't wait to be an embarrassing dad. I think you already are. Yeah, but he's not at the age

of getting embarrassed properly yet. No, he loves it. And he's a bit older. I'm going to fucking... Speaking of dadding, actually, Chris, got a little bit of an early beef with you. Shit the bed. Well, speaking of shitting the bed

and all that kind of stuff... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't be telling people I poo with the bed. I haven't pooed with the bed. No, no. Robin at the minute, our little boy, he's nearly five. He's five in October, so he's four at the minute. He's practically five.

I appreciate it when I do that, but he's practically five. I hate that. No, I'm not talking about that. No, no, let's bring it up. Just for people who don't know, I don't know if you've mentioned this, but the day after her birthday, Rosie's claiming that you're nearly the age of your next birthday

fucking infuriating God I hate it honestly well you know we're nearly 34 Rosie it's the day after your 33rd birthday

well we're cracking on it's true it is true anyway so Robin's nearly 5 talks about poo and wee all the time loves it

it's just his crack it's his go to thing just constantly like poo anyway overheard you two chatting yesterday right

because I'm trying not to encourage the poo and wee talk so when he does it I go Robin please don't it's a bit silly you're going to school

in September bloody blah I'm just going to double check I'm going to bring up the phone the problem is with the poo and wee chat if he catches me in the right mood I am fully on that to school in September, blah, blah, blah. I'm just going to double check what I'm going to bring up on my phone. The problem is with the poo and weed chat.

If he catches me in the right mood, I am fully on that wavelength. Yeah, so I heard you yesterday telling Robin that he smells like a bucket of weed. I did.

I told him he smells like a bucket of weed. He laughed his head off. And I don't appreciate that. I'm a very funny man. Yeah, but he's going to go to school in September and he's going to say to all his friends, you smell like a bucket of weed.

Rosie, by September, he'll have much better ones than a bucket of weed. Don't you worry. There'll be so many. I'll have an even better one by then. Please don't. It's not fun, man, for God's sake. Little boys talk about poo and weed, man.

It's what the crap is. He's an only child, though, so it's not like Little boys talk about poo and wee, man. It's what the crud is. He's an only child, though, so it's not like he's even got any... You're bantering with him like a bloody... Like a sibling. And you're his dad. You're meant to say no. Listen... Not to say you smell like a bucket of wee.

Are you just upset because you smell like a bucket of wee? No. A little bit. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So, we did go to a cafe this week, and as more lockdown restrictions and stuff are being lifted and we're being able to go back to restaurants

and things like that we heard last week by the guy doing our audiobook the sound technician he told us of a McDonald's thing that we'd never heard of Oh yeah, what was it again? So this blew my mind

I don't know how many people listening have heard of this It's called a McChicken gangbang so apparently what you do is i've never heard of it and the shortest photos of it and it looks revolting and it sounds like the worst but i've been assured that it's quite nice you get a you buy a mcchicken sandwich and you buy a double cheeseburger and you open the double cheeseburger at the burgers so that on one side you've got bun and burger and on the other side you've got bun and burger. And in between those two burgers, you put the full McChicken sandwich.

Yeah, I'd eat that. So it goes bun, burger. I don't know where the cheese goes at this point. I don't know if it goes above. Just take the cheese as red. So it goes bun, burger, bun, McChicken fillet, bun, burger, bun. And the cheese is in there somewhere as well. bun McChicken fillet bun burger bun and the cheese is in there

somewhere as well. I think I'd eat that. That looks lovely. I'm just looking at a picture on Google Images. Give us a look at that picture. Yeah. Oh sorry.

Oh she's just headbutted the mic there. There you are. That looks probably I mean Jesus Christ. You would have to dislocate your jaw like a snake

eating a fucking egg. I'd probably use a knife and fork Chris. You'd use a knife and fork. Or cut it in half, maybe. You got slagged off for putting your McDonald's on a plate. If these listeners catch you... I know.

Knife and fork. I'm sorry. I can't. I can't. I don't think I can get on board with that. Well. McChicken gangbang. More for the rest of us, Chris.

That's all I'm going to say. It's time for a new feature. A new feature? What? Rosie's got a new feature. Come on, then. So I teased this last week. I mean, it just came about last week.

Teased slash accidentally invented. Yeah. I'm dreading this. Can I just say I'm dreading it? Okay. So I've done a jingle. Of course you have. I'll just play it now. Hang on. Yeah. I'm dreading this. Can I just say I'm dreading it? Okay. So I've done a jingle. Of course you have. I'll just play it now.

Hang on. Okay. This is Rosie's Mysteries. Mysteries, Mysteries, Mysteries, Mysteries. E. Well, I never knew that You're kidding No way

Wow It's not finished Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries Informative mysteries Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries Rosie's Mysteries. That's the worst. That's the worst jingle. It's just you going, eh?

What? Hey. Took me a long time to do that. So, this week's Rosie's Mysteries. Okay, so obviously we came up with the name before I'd actually come up with the concept of what it is. A lot of very, very good segments and things are invented. Don't you worry about it.

Okay, well, I thought about doing unsolved mysteries and stuff, but that would take too much time. And then unsolved, and you never know what's happened. Well, there's a thing on Netflix now called Unsolved Mysteries and people are like, if you watch that, do they solve them?

No, not watching them. Worst things in the world. Waste of time. So this is basically true or false. Right. So, a bit mysterious, you've got to work it out

but there is an answer. Well, I suppose anything is a mystery if you don't know the answer. Exactly. Thank you, Chris. What's in that drawer over there?

Don't know. Mystery. Rosie's mystery. We share that drawer. We both paid for that drawer. there? Don't know. Mystery. Rosie's mysteries. We share that drawer. We both paid for that drawer. So your first mystery today. Go off piece. This is a very important segment.

I'll try not to derail your segment unless it derails itself by being shite. Okay. I've got two here just in case the first one's shit. Already brilliant. Like a real professional host. So here we go. Christopher, here is your first mystery.

Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. This is painful. It's already painful. Okay. Prince Harry is taller than Prince William. True or false? This isn't a mystery. This is ridiculous.

It is a mystery. If you switch off right now, you'll never know. So it would be a mystery. Don't give them the idea. Izzy. This isn't a mystery, but... True or false? True. Prince Harry is taller than Prince William.

Izzy? When was the last time they saw them stand next to each other on the telly? I think we've all seen them sitting. It's been a while because they're not speaking in parallel. Isn't William taller? Well, I think William's taller. False. You're right. You're right.

Correct. It's not a mystery. Nothing about this is a mystery. Prince William is 1.91 metres and Prince Harry is 1.86 metres. Got you. Okay, I thought so. And that is this week's...

Shut up, that's it. What? It's not a long feature. I suppose I've got to be thankful. It's just the one mystery. It wasn't a mystery. Join us next week for... No, God, no. Rosie's Mysteries.

Rosie's Mysteries. Mysteries. Mysteries. Oh, God. Oh, God. Thanks for joining. Rosie's Mysteries Rosie's Mysteries Mysteries Mysteries oh god oh god thanks for trying that's just none of that was a just a true or false question

about Prince Harry and Prince William do you know do you remember when you said can you leave us for five minutes and eat a sort of Rose's Mysteries

and then you came back in two and a half minutes. Maybe next week use your whole five. Can't help it if I'm a creative genius and that just came straight away.

Actually, Chris. Never thought I'd say this, but I miss the beefs. Well. Miss them.s well miss them believe you miss them babadoo babadoo babadoo

it's time for what's your beef what's your beef beef beef beef beef beef beef no beefs this week ox or cube

I'm holding no there is no beefs I feel like I've I've used a lot of creativity this week that two and a half minutes finding that

really I had to get the true or falses and stuff like that, so don't. True or falses? This, this? True or falses? True or falses? No, the beefs are going to be back next week. Okay, fantastic.

Yeah. Don't lock yourself in. There may have been a death. There may have been something bad happened. There may have been something good happened. Who knows with the beefs? God, you're just bloody Coronation Street, aren't you? Well, a little bit yeah

moist enders are there moist enders or like like a grove or Hollyoaks Hollyoaks later one of the late night ones

Hollyoaks later where there's loads of terrible goans on and that yeah remember that I do right what's your beef so my beef

with you this week is we recorded the audio book last week and it wasn't until we read it aloud that i realized i was really lovely towards you i wrote really lovely stuff you know went back in my relationship and wrote really heartfelt nice things and all you did was absolutely... Def-defecate? No.

What's the word? Wow. You were horrible to me. You were horrible. Defecate. Sarcastic. What's the word? You were horrible. Sarcastic, nasty, nothing nice to say.

Listen. Is that you? Excuse me. That was just little burp? That was just a burp. Straight onto the... Just the baby saying hello to all the lovely listeners. Stop blaming everything. Honestly, my beef this week was nearly you blaming everything on the baby.

Fucking infuriating. Guys, that's the first baby burp that we've heard yet. Oh, God. And you were here for it? Good God. My word. I was... Look, it's a comedy book.

I wasn't going to slav roll over you if anything you embarrassed yourself by being really nice to us in that book well i wish i want to go back and rewrite it too late it's already at the printers you made a right scene you embarrassed yourself yeah i'm joking it was just i did you know what it is i did feel a bit i did on the bits what you were like saying really lovely things i was like this is really really lovely what you said and then i obviously i'd forgotten what I'd wrote anyway so I came in next reading my bit

thinking I hope I said something nice and it was just awful nothing absolutely nothing I'm really sorry I'm really sorry and I have to take that

on the chin and I apologise thank you I know I was very very nasty in the book yep you were yeah cruel

for that I'll give you a week off the beefs oh really no no my beef with you this week oh what a wonger back

mention the audiobook again we're not we're not trying to flog a dead horse here dear listener it's just what we did well yeah buy it

but it is what we did last week we did the audiobook we sat there in that studio one day you sat there and you said to me you read your bits you were reading

and reading and reading all your bits and i was chiming in now and then you sat there and you went bloody hell chris i've wrote most of this you haven't even bothered your did you even bother your arse to write anything it's all me this i'm just reading all my stuff bloody half-orthad my arse the very next day i sat and read a long paragraph a long chapter written just by me and you with no sense of irony are piss taken sat there went well i'll just bloody sit here then shall i because you bloody written all this haven't even given me a chance to chime in. Bloody just go write in a book your bloody self, have you? You fucking psychopath. I didn't know what was going on.

I think it's the way they put the chapters. They didn't eat them out properly. Honestly, unbelievable. Well, you know. Unbelievable. Yeah, I'm not being funny, right? Why can't we just be happy and we're successors? Wrote a book together. Na book together and all we're doing

is bitching each other yeah but it's funny innit do you know what I mean I suppose in the city I go well well done you well well done you well well done you

well well done you and bleh it would be a nicer world wouldn't it yeah but no one would be listening true very true to be fair

I'd save time setting up these mics I wouldn't have to do it no fuck I wouldn't listen just sit and do it on my own holding hands staring into each other's eyes I'm so proud of you I'm proud of you too I'm more proud of you To be fair, I'd save time setting up these mics. I wouldn't have to do it. No, fuck it, I'd listen. Just sit and do it on my own. Holding hands, staying in each other's eyes. I'm so proud of you.

I'm proud of you too. I'm more proud of you. Yeah, I know you are. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May

27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com it's time for questions from the public what you're doing what you're just right so dear listener if you need to see what you just did there she essentially i thought she was picking something up off the floor she leant all the way down to her left and moved her head out the way, then started saying questions for the public while flicking her head

up and then leaning all the way down to the right, like going past the mic like a fucking metronome. Well, I just want, you know, we've got a good podcast, right? It's, you know, much to our surprise, it's top of the charts and it's doing great and we're, you know, we're dead, we of the charts and it's doing great

and we're, you know, we're dead, we love doing it and it's a lot more successful than we ever thought it would be. 100%. I once watched a documentary

on the Archers, right? The Archers is, I think it's, Radio 4. Radio 4. It's a sitcom, yeah. It's been going for years

but it's all just, yeah, like, audio, yeah. Audio, sorry. I was going to say vocal. Anyway. Same, but yeah. yeah so they have to do

loads of things to make it just sound a bit more interesting like sound effects and stuff like that and i just i wanted to just try something different right well it was i mean i get it so you're going you're basically going for yes yeah that's what you're going for and it probably doesn't sound no i didn't know because you can sound nothing and then you just came up and just shouted one of the words and then just disappeared. The table made a lot of noise while you were doing it as well. Right, well, listen.

I was freaked out. This is how you learn. I thought you were ill. I thought something bad was happening. This is how you learn, isn't it? Yeah, I suppose. So let's get these questions from the public. Going.

You've done them this week. I have indeed. Very exciting for me. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it is shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com please send us your questions your your dilemmas your problems yeah your funny stories your scary stories your disgusting stories whatever you want listen if you've sent one in the past i think i've said this before if you've sent one in the past and you think bloody hell i love that that's amazing why haven't they done that just literally

go on and reply to it again send it again to her and hopefully it'll jump to the top of the box and we might see it again you never know rosie i know you're pulling the face but i'm just trying to mix this up i'm pulling the face because there's bloody 20 000 emails in there and you're telling people who think they're fucking hilarious to go and reply to it and then one and i'll read the no but i'll read the question it'll go uh one time my dad said oh your feet stink and And I went, eh, he doesn't. Oh, we laughed for days. So no, sorry, no. First of all, I really object to you using my greatest anecdote in that little bit there.

That's my feet stink thing. That's one of me classics. And secondly, listen, I'm just trying to mix it up a bit. There's loads of messages. The meaning of life could be hidden in there. The greatest question or story ever written couldlaen yn y 20,000. Iawn, ond beth dwi'n ei ddweud i chi? Mae gennym gwestiynau yn dod allan gyda chyfnodau. Gallwn ni fynd am flynyddoedd gyda'r sgwrs hwn. Iawn, na fyddwch yn ffurfio'n ymwneud â'r hyn a ddweudwn i.

Gwnaethom y ffurfio'r e-bail. Iawn, na fyddwch yn gwneud hynny. Byddwn yn mynd ato. Byddwn yn mynd ato. Byddwn yn mynd ato. Byddwn yma. Byddwn yn mynd ato. Byddwn yn mynd ato. Byddwn yn mynd ato. Byddwn yn mynd ato. Iawn? Jesus. Ydw i'n gwybod pan fyddwn i'n meddwl i fynd i edrych drwy'r cwestiynau? Pan?

Ymlaen yn y bore d at four o'clock in the morning when I'm feeding the new baby lies you'll have housewives on next oh yeah next bit of shit you're going to say

okay yeah take that back take it back sorry honestly right no I'm going to do

I'm going to learn a new language while I'm feeding that baby fucking liar a lot of people listen to this when they're feeding the baby so if you are listening to this right now and you're feeding the baby so if you are listening to this right now and you're feeding the baby then a hunger game sign to you that is the one you're doing now is the star trek

she said hunger game sign and just did the star trek sign right in my face you could have just not done it. It's a podcast. Better the off-chairs do that. Fucking hell. I can't sign the U. What's wrong with you, man? I don't know.

You're an absolute lunatic. I honestly didn't think baby brain was a thing until we've been doing this podcast while you're pregnant. It is. Fucking hell. I can't speak. You're a looper. It's crazy.

It's really bad. It is really bad. I can't talk properly at the minute. Anyway, okay. So it bodes well for the audiobook. that's all I'm going to say. Oh, aye. Because that was painful. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have a story that I find so strange and after sharing it with family and friends, I can confirm it is in fact bizarre.

Wow, okay. It's not rude. This isn't rude. I have got some filth. Okay. Right, but this isn't. So I start off. So this right but this isn't i thought i'd start off so this is this is weird and bizarre just a bit bizarre would you possibly class it as a mystery no don't get the foot no don't can't speak until i've done it oh god in the questions from the public might as well get the most out of that X-Files tune that you've nicked. I don't want to play it too much because it's coming back.

Too late! Anyway, I have been with my boyfriend for four years. Okay. He comes from a fairly wealthy family and it's safe to say that I don't. Okay. So he is Colin Firth and she is me. That lass. You. No. She's Mr. Darcy. she is me. That lass. You.

No. Was it? She's Mr. Darcy. He's Mr. Darcy. She's, what was her name? Bridget Jones. No, in fucking Pride and Prejudice, man. Oh, right.

Christ alive. The one that probably would have been better to quote from. I don't know. Anyway. Emma? No, that's a different one. That's a different Jane Austen novel, isn't it? Anyway.

There was a lot of uproar about Bridget Jones a couple of weeks ago. Why? Well, because it was true, actually, because you don't realise when I watched it when I was a kid, and you know how she's like whinging about her weight and all this, and she's writing in her little book about how many cigarettes she smoked and how much she drank. I believe it's called a diary.

In her diary. A little book? You ever seen that film, Bridget Jones In a diary. A little book. You ever seen that film, Bridget Jones's Little Book? A little book. I didn't know the title. This is too easy. Honestly, I feel sorry for you.

She's writing, Bridget Jones writing in a little book. Bridget Jones's Little Book. Bridget Jones's Little Book 2. What's Bridget Jones's little book. Bridget Jones' little book two. What's Bridget Jones' little book three called? Bridget Jones takes a little book on holiday three. Anyway, she's writing in her diary about how many tubs she smokes

and what she drinks and that. And she writes her weight. You know how the kind of cluster is, like being quite big? Yeah, yeah. Like, she's not, she's actually not big. And she was nine and a half stone. Shut up, man. And I think she writes nine and a half stone, like in her diary.

God. And like, I weigh more than that. Jesus. Robin nearly weighs that. I know. So I think there was a bit of a, there was a bit of hoo-ha. That's quite right. You've got to be careful about things like that. It's about inches as well, guys. a bit of hoo-ha. That's quite right. You've got to be careful

about things like that. It's about inches as well, guys. It's not about your weight. It's about inches. Yeah. And it's about how happy you feel and how healthy you are. Exactly.

But mainly, I'm heavy. I'm a heavy person. Me too. I don't know if I've ever talked about my illustrious boxing career on the podcast.

Oh, no. Please don't. When I was a top flight amateur boxer. You had two games. You lost both of them. Two games. Yeah, I had two games

and I lost both my games two matches what do you say fights fights fucking hell Christ alive I was fighting giants

every time I was weighed up against someone giants because I was really heavy because you were heavy I'm the same weight now as I was when I was 70 when I boxed

but I was 75 kilos which is just like 12 and a bit stone the minute I stopped going on the scales was the best moment of my life because it's just

it's about yeah it's about it's about how you feel how your clothes fit and if you can run up the stairs without getting out of breath I only use the scales

to see if Robin's still light enough to go on the seat on the back of my bike yeah you do and I'm telling you right now not long left

he's not got long left he's not long he's got not long left he is heavy yeah he's the same I'm saying he, you do. And I'm telling you right now, not long left. He's not got long left. He's not long, he's got not long left. He is heavy. Yeah, I'm saying he's the same as me. I'm like dense. I don't know what it is. I'm like dense,

just a heavy person. Weird. Went in a bloody loft before. I thought I was going to come through this ceiling. Please don't. So, she's not well off. His family aren't.

Yeah. His family are so lovely and I love spending time with them but there's one thing that makes me doubt everything I've ever known. Wow, okay. She bigs this up a lot.

Really? Doubt everything I've ever known? Yeah. Are they lovely? Are the family lovely? Because she's, you know, evidently got it out. No, she says they're lovely.

Well, I'm just saying. But they've got, so listen to what you think of this, okay? I'm saying she's a gold digger but she ain't messing with the bro, bro, but she a mess of a dope, dope. We're only allowed snacks on the weekend. Sorry? So she must stay there.

Right. On the weekend. And she's put, we're only allowed snacks on the weekend. Okay. I understand that this is a great way for food control and to help keep yourself from eating everything. However, my boyfriend is almost 21 and his siblings are 15, 24 and 26. This rule applies to all of them. So, we're allowed ice cream for pudding Friday to Sunday and crisps after 6pm

what the fuck yeah that's implemented in the house yeah it's the rules you're only allowed to have snacks on a weekend

and these are grown ups but what what what happened she's put I found myself sneaking bars of Cadbury's and packets of sweets

into my overnight bag and eating them discreetly when his parents have gone to bed. That's ridiculous. After discovering these rules, I decided to delve into his childhood and ask what it was like. They could only watch documentaries on weekdays and on the weekends, they're asked to turn the TV on and put in brackets, fair enough. They also were only allowed chocolate on the weekend. This to me seems absolutely absurd.

Maybe my parents were far too lenient. I didn't have access to sweets and chocolate all day every day, but I was allowed a penguin bar here and there. And she's put, I almost forgot. We're both 20, so we've been drinking responsibly since the age of 18 and a little bit irresponsibly before then. Yeah. But we're still only allowed to drink from Thursday to Sunday. Wow.

So there's some strict rules going on there. I want to know how this is implemented. I want to know. Well the parents must just go no. No snacks allowed. And I can imagine if they've got them in their hands they'll go no. And they'll whack them on the hands. Rolled a paper across the nose.

No. You will not eat those crisps. Crazy. Ten to six. That is so weird. I know. Like, I've got so many questions. I want to go around.

I want to go and sit. I want to sit just outside the house eating snacks on a Wednesday afternoon and be like, can't touch this. It's tough though because my mom was strict right she was when it came to snacks and stuff like that and i don't like i've said before i don't know whether it's because she didn't want having snacks all the time or because they didn't have enough money to buy snacks all the time so because now when she's got grandkids she's giving them snacks constantly so i don't know whether it was a money thing or like not having too much

she's just said these guys are well off though yeah these are well off so I don't know what that's all about maybe they're not maybe they're just saving all the money

on snacks well some rich people you know have big houses and fancy cars but actually don't really have any money in the bank

they're living it all on the never never yeah you never know you know what I mean but yeah it's a bit strange when you get like

in your 20s in that I just I can't imagine someone telling 20 year old me that i can't have i can't imagine turning up at a girlfriend's house say and they're being all um yeah we don't you know take the pat of crisps in and i'm going yeah no you can't eat them it's not six o'clock fuck off well imagine being hung over so if you're a student right and you're hung over on a Tuesday lunchtime, and you just want a family size of minstrels and a big pack of kettle chips,

and the mum and dad would be like, you can't have them in this house. And they're only allowed ice cream. They're allowed ice cream as a dessert Thursday to Friday to Sunday. So you're not allowed ice cream. So Monday, having an ice cream is a nightmare. I hate them.

I hate them. I hate them. Is this a cry for help? Is she asking for help here? I don't know. Are you okay? Is the recording this email? I don't like this at all. I don't like this at all.

Well, what can I say? Just thought it was interesting. Anyway, I've got more. This made us really sad. Sorry. Do you want a bag of crisps to celebrate? Because there are no rules in here, bitch! I don't know.

I feel bad. I'll wait until six. Babadoo, babadoo share this ridiculous story with you okay i've been chatting to this guy since about april we had a few zoom dates oh fuck that i'm already gutted for you that's terrible bless you no Bless your heart. Well, they're a thing. Fucking sick of Zoom. I'm so sick of Zoom. Me too.

I will... I used to kick off about going to London for meetings. I will go... Honestly, I will go to London now so someone can ask us the fucking time. Well, do you not remember at the beginning of lockdown when we were doing Zoom meetings instead of having to get the train to London,

we were like, hey, everything can be done remotely. Get me to London right now. This is great. Now I'm like, nah, don't ever let me sit on that computer and have to stare at me ugly bracket ever again. Well, me and my mates were having Zoom nights out

and now you can actually go to the pub and some of them are still like, should we have a Zoom? I'm like, fuck no, we're not having a Zoom. Why would I have a Zoom? No. That's very true. Just fucking ring you on the landline. MSN Messenger? No. We're no look the pub meeting in person christ alive so they've had a few zoom dates and a social distancing date

cool they've had one of them as well and then in june we met up properly slags he came over one day and brought a curry round in a tubpperware box It was lovely, she's put Fast forward a few weeks and it all went sour When he ignored me for a few days So I decided to end it with him as I don't like game playing Oh, ghosting, getting ghosted were you? He turned out to be quite manipulative It's never good

Anyway, a week or so after I ended it he texts me I quote hey B do you have me purple tuck away box please can I get it is this me genuine fave

fucking hell fucking hell dude so she put she's put could not stop laughing that he so desperately

wanted the tuck away box back when he wanted to collect it I said I might be out so I left it on the doorstep for him. And that's the saddest love story I've ever heard. That is a tragedy. I know. Oh, my God.

Come back, Faye's little purple Tupperware box. Why would you do that? No, no. You wouldn't do that. Yeah. Would you? No way. That's ridiculous.

Maybe she just really cares about the environment. Yeah, but she's going to use it. She's not going to throw it away. She's going to use the Tupperware box, if it's as nice as he claims it is. I've stole loads of Tupperware, mate. You've stole Tupperware? Well, no, not from the shop or anything.

Just if my Nana makes us a dinner, she'll give us it in a Tupperware. Right. I don't always return it. Oh, you're fucking so dangerous. So most of them Tupperwares in there, those are Bridget's. The ones that don't have matching lids. Oh, yeah, great. She doesn't always put it. Oh, you're fucking so dangerous. So most of them drop a ways in there. Those are Bridget's. The ones that don't have matching lids.

Oh, yeah, great. Oh, she doesn't always put a lid on. She'll just cover it with tinfoil. Brilliant. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Dear Chris and Rosie, my wife has no concept of temperature at all. Wow.

It's mental. Okay. When she has a bath, she uses pretty much 100% only the hot tap, and it's absolutely scalding yeah she happily bathes for hours until when she gets out she has to lie down straight away you literally have to get out of her way within seconds or she says she will pass out because the bath was just too hot and she lies there looking like she has just come back from the sun i hate her what do you expect

and it's bloody boiling water, pretty much. Anyway, as I'm sure like other men, I don't always get the pleasure of a new bath, so sometimes I'm off at it afterwards. I deliberately leave it for as long as I can, sometimes up to an hour, and I still can't even get my foot in the lava. Wow.

Is this normal? I love my wife, but sometimes I fear that she has scales instead of skin. When we were at her parents not long ago, and even her mum flippantly asked her, do you still have those pass-out baths? Pass-out baths. As if this is a normal thing.

And he said that he's a little bit behind his wife, but don't mention her. She's an amazing person and I love her dearly, but would like to remain anonymous as she hates being the centre of attention. He's actually just, he's bigged up his wife more in that short email than I did in the whole book about you. It absolutely has. It's all it would have took.

Suck up, pathetic. All it would have took. Yeah, lech. I've been known after a hot bath to lie on the tile floor. I've done that before. Yeah, I love a hot bath to lie on the tile floor. I've done that before. Yeah, I love a hot bath. Yeah, it's horrible. It's killing us at the minute with the baby

not having, like, me usual scalding hot baths. Sometimes Robin comes to get in your bath and he just can't because it's like, you have to put the cold water tap on for, like, 20 minutes. But he is pretty hard, to be fair. He can get in quite a hot bath. Yeah, he can. Like, he loves it.

When I put the hot tap on sometimes and he's in there he's like this isn't it and I'm like yeah and he gets out and he's like bright red and I'm like that's something to get in the show after

and you've still got it on boiling and I don't think I'm going to have to turn it down actually that's a beef but I'll save that for another day oh okay then good I'll let that look forward to it excellent

babadoo babadoo babadoo hello Chris and Rosie hello hope you both are well and safe yeah yeah both of those things tick tick I have a wonder for you Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Hello Chris and Rosie Hello Hope you both are well and safe Yeah, yeah Yeah Both of those things, tick tick I have a wonder for you

How far would you go in getting your own back on someone? Some years ago, I struck out on my own and moved from Portsmouth to Stamford, Rutland Sounds nice I've got no idea where it is No idea where it is I know where Portsmouth is but I don't know where Stamford is No, it sounds lovely though I moved into a

house share with four others with only one bathroom. All of these people had a mix of problems. I swear I was the only normal person who lived there. Don't we all think that about ourselves? Don't we all think we're normal and everyone's weird? Interesting that the word normal. Carry on.

One day I was sat in the kitchen chatting with one of the slightly other normal persons that lived here. Christ. When we heard a squelch, bang and a clatter. Squelch, bang and a clatter? Yeah. Is this an alternative to Night Before Christmas?

What's this? Up by the window. A squelch, bang and clatter. We went to investigate and found that some of the ceiling had fallen through. If it wasn't bad enough to have the ceiling falling down, the reason as to why will infuriate you as much as it did me. As I said, we lived in Stanford,

which is the largest surviving Georgian town left in England. Think chocolate box tin. It sounds lovely. It does sound lovely. Quite happily lived there. Many listed buildings, etc. Think chocolate box tin. It sounds lovely. It does sound lovely. Quite happily live there. Many listed buildings, etc. Sounds like a nightmare. This means...

Sounds like a nightmare to an extension. Look, carry on. This means, as you know, to fix anything in this house was a nightmare. There we go. We found out that the 36-year-old man, who was also living there, was urinating into a glass

and throwing it out of the window along with his faggons, thus rotting the roof, causing the ceiling to fall down. Oh, you filthy pig. Can you believe that? In a glass and throwing it out the window? Just threw it out in the window.

Onto a flat roof, I'm assuming. So much so that it rotted the ceiling that he was just higheing his piss on. That is mad. Hoeing his piss on, she says. Like, why would you do that? That's horrendous. He showed no remorse for this.

Do you know what? You know you've shown no remorse for throwing your piss and faggots on that ceiling. Absolutely none. Can you imagine someone doing that and they're not showing any remorse? I don't understand how it's done that. Surely the rain must wash it. It's his thought that the rain must wash it off, but somehow it's collecting somewhere.

Like, what is the setup? Where's he throwing it onto? Don't know. Oh, my God. It might just be really dehydrated. It might be really concentrated wee. Like alien blood in Alien

just burns through the floors. One of many other things to piss me off, my food was always being taken along with many of my stuff. Many of my stuff. Many of my stuff. Don't think she was at university.

I know it was him as he was absent-minded and selfish. When I left to move back to Portsmouth, I hid his shoes. Fucking hell. He owned two pairs of shoes.

One set of shoes I hid in a cupboard where no one would find them as it was a room nobody used and out of sight. The second pair of shoes, I took one of them and put it inside the mouldy, foul-smelling, stagnant water of the dead fish tank. I quickly left the house, jumped in my car and drove back to Portsmouth without looking back with a big smile on my face. This is... Sorry, but shoes aside,

why is there a fish tank with mouldy, stagnant water just in your house? This sounds like a fucking nightmare. Sounds like the worst house in the world, doesn't it? There's a roof that just collects piss. There's a man who just throws his piss in his fag ends. There's some kind of hole in a roof where it just comes through the ceiling and squelch, plop, bang and fucking wallop

or whatever they said. And then there's just, it's human, just dead fish floating in a tank of stagnant water and this fucking bloke only owns two pairs of shoes, yet he's got a spare glass that he pisses in. And he's renting in Stamford Christ on a

eee my word this is hot the fucking sounds like the young ones yeah it does oh that was horrible yeah

so there you go apparently when she left she later found out that he went on a rampage looking for his shoes around the house oh good on her

it always brings a little smile to her face fucking hell what a horror that sounds like my worst nightmare living there I don't think I'd get on his shoes around the house. Oh, good on you. It always brings a little smile to my face. Fucking hell. What a horrible... That sounds like my worst nightmare living there. I don't think I'd get on with anyone, including the person who just sent the email. Aw. No, no, I didn't be hiding someone's shoes.

Come on, don't be a coward. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Hello, Rosie and Chris. Hello. Love the podcast and thought it's about time I told you the story about how my mam got her very strange nickname. Okay.

So I wasn't out this night, but my mam was out on the drink in a local bar. I got woke up with her constantly ringing me, and as I answered, she was panicked, shouting, Ashley, I'm in hospital, I might have to have an operation. Jesus. Just like that. So me panicking was like, calm down, what's happened? What have you done? Are you okay?

She began to explain. So she was dancing on the table in the bar, absolutely mortal, and fell off the table. Got it. Underneath the table was an overturned chair, which she fell on and let out a massive scream. No. After everyone laughing and helping her up, she carried on her night dancing and sat on her friend's knee, who happened to be wearing white jeans. No. After everyone laughing and helping her up, she carried on her night dancing and sat on her friend's knee, who happened to be wearing white jeans. No.

She stood up and to her friend's horror, there was blood on her jeans. Oh, my God. Oh, Jane, you've come through on me jeans. Oh. My mum was like, I'm so sorry, and went to the toilet where this blood just wouldn't stop. She realised the blood wasn't actually coming from normal

period hole and that's what I've heard it's called in the doctor's place. Period hole. But felt like her bum. So they called an ambulance. When they got the hospital, they checked her out and realised the chair leg had

pierced a new hole right next to her bum hole and that no no i'm not having it that's horrible and that is how my mom got her nickname bowling ball because she now has three holes. That's a great nickname. That is a great nickname. Can I just say, can I just say, controversially here, I don't want to,

well, you know, at the risk of sounding like an old boring man. Okay. Fucking serves you right for dancing on tables. Stop dancing on tables. No one's impressed. No one's, you're not getting enough attention dancing over there on the floor.

You're not all standing on the table so everyone can see you fuck you you deserve another bum hole right well listen I'm going to stick up for dancing on the table because I've been known to do it myself

a few times nah what where's me drill I'm going to get you another bum hole why not dance on the table I just find it to be really obnoxious

really oh oh are we having a good night Rosie oh watched Coyote Ugly the other week, That's what started it all off. Get yourself on it.

Fucking pathetic. That's what started it all. I hate people who dance on tables. Hate it. Well, I used to do it. That table's got to be wiped. That table's got to be wiped or replaced.

And you fall over. Oh, and then you straight away, you're complaining to the manager. Oh, I've got another bum hole. Look at what's happened. Why are we dancing on the table then?

Yeah. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. Not our fault. Get down. We're not insured. Well, I used to do it and my mates used to do it, but I what's happened. Why are we dancing on the table then? Yeah. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. Not our fault. Get down. We're not insured. Well, I used to do it and my mates used to do it, but I was really scared of heights

so I would never enjoy it, to be honest. A table? Mm-hmm. Like three foot off the ground, not even that. You know how bad my fear of heights is. Yeah, but you pick and choose

your fear of heights. It's really strange. What do you mean? Well, like you can stay on the 12th floor of a hotel, but you can't walk on the fucking, the steps that get you into a plane. Yeah. it's really strange what do you mean well like you can stay on the 12th floor of a hotel but you can't walk on the the fucking the the steps that get you into a plane yeah it's really strange i didn't pick it chris i just i feel yeah pick me no i feel like you pick and choose it i feel like you fancy i feel like you've got nothing else going on you're like

what can i do i'll think about my fear oh wow yeah okay that's how it works yeah's how it works. Yeah. Isn't it? I think, yeah. Oh, well, I think you just pick and choose your anxiety. I think you just think, you know what? Maybe I haven't been anxious enough today. Maybe I'll just think of something to be dead anxious about and have a whinge about. Is that what you think I do for attention? Is that what that is?

Well, that's what you're saying that I do with my fear of heights. Well, I might do my anxiety for attention, right? But I don't ever go and stand and do my anxiety on a table, do I? For a bit more fucking attention. I do it on the floor well what do you call your flipping career

eh anxiety on stage Mr Anxiety Anxiety Live you're making money from yours shocking peddling out

your mental illness for cash cash cash money I do it's served me very very well but yeah stop dancing on tables it's not cool it's impressive

people will fancy you more they won't fancy you more they'll think look at that hussy look at that hussy and or arsehole and an extra arsehole in three seconds when they fall off dear chris and rosie please keep me anonymous as my sister does not know this to this day and so will be absolutely crushed oh this is already the juic So, we had a really hairy guinea pig growing up called Nibbles. I would never have guessed that the next words were guinea pig.

Please keep me anonymous. Oh, what is it? We had a really hairy situation, encounterounter. You know. Knob. Fanny. Guinea pig. Wow. Nibbles had to get haircuts regularly.

And as you can imagine, after we were done, there would be thick piles of dark hair lying on the ground, which needed swept up. Right. A few days after the last haircut, haircut nibbles passed away in her sleep which left my sister and i very upset right you don't know where this is going i've got no idea and i'm also thinking are some guinea pigs not just supposed to be like long hair do the hair does the hair keep i've never heard of anyone well no i've never heard of anyone having to cut like a

rabbit or a hamster or a guinea pig's hair. Me neither. I think they just had one of them really long-haired guinea pigs, but the fucking lunatics just kept cutting... Who knows? She's in a better place now. Probably died from stress, coming to regrow its fucking hair all the time.

Possibly. Jesus. I was about 16 at the time, and so a few days later decided to trim and shave my pubes as i was going swimming with friends the next day i did this in the communal bathroom when everyone else was asleep it was pretty late and so when i finished i swept up the remnants and went to bed the next morning my sister who was seven came into my bedroom with a locket around her neck. I asked her what was inside, expecting a picture, but what she revealed was horrific.

Shut the fuck up. It was stuffed full of my pubes. Fuck off! Oh, that's fantastic! Oh my God! Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, my God. Oh, God. So we had the mix-up occurred.

That is incredible. You ready? I tried to hide my horror and asked what this was. replied that she found a pile of nibbles fur after the last haircut and stored it in her necklace to keep a bit of our beloved pet with her i must have forgotten about a tiny pile in the corner of the bathroom and now my sister had my pubes close to her heart worse than this she showed these to all our family members who stroked my pubes to make her happy thankfully no one found out they were in actual fact stroking my pubic hairs

Hope you are well Anonymous I can't I can't believe that Does it deserve a little round of applause Do you know what Absolutely Outstanding

Email Outstanding email Oh my god Oh wow outstanding email. I know, I know. Outstanding email. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, wow. I've got a headache. As always, thank you so, so much for listening to this week's Shag Marginoid,

which is now part of the ACAST Creator Network. Thank you, as always, guys. Whether you've got one hole, two holes, or three holes, thank you all so much for listening we love you to bits please continue to like rate

and subscribe and any questions to shagmarionoid at gmail.com nearly forgot the address there and it books out the 3rd of September

love you see you next week bye bye rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to

guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.