Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 82. Minty Fresh

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

On the podcast this week Chris surprises Rosie with a new feature! The pair discuss who gets what in a break up, baby showers v's wetting the babies head, some ear lobe sucking and a minty fresh experience that went wrong. Enjoy! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mardenoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my seventh husband. He just doesn't know it, Chris Ramsey.

Well, he does now. Holy shit. I've had six of the badgers. 82 episodes in and he finds out. Can you imagine if that was true? And then the rest of this podcast was just you listening, like fucking Henry VIII, just listening all over you. I've got a rhyme to remember them by.

Kill them all. Kill them all. It would make a lot of sense why i like true crime stuff so much yeah the true crime thing's getting silly now it is getting silly every time i walk if you for new listeners if you don't know rosie just listens to true crime just well you've got a thing haven't you where you can't you can't have silence you just need to listen to something i've told you it's I Googled this years ago. It's a sign of slight depression. I can't have silence.

Oh, that makes sense for the current climate. That makes perfect sense. Why do you think I'm binging podcasts left, right and centre? Well, the other day you were listening to a true crime podcast and then it finished. And it immediately finished. I was outside Iron Man in the hallway and it immediately finished.

And then you put Surviv survivor by destiny's child on yeah and i didn't know if it was the end of the podcast do i mean if it was like and he didn't catch her and she survived hit it guys i was like it's that and then it played for the whole song and i was like no they haven't they don't play the whole song at the end no i've had to make a spotify playlist of of inspirational songs to me that cheer us up. After you've listened to a true crime thing. Just in general, Chris.

Just every day I need a little... We'll get into this more. I don't blame you. In a minute. But it's just I walk into your... I walk into your... To bring some clean washing or something up to your dressing room.

And literally as I walk in, there's just a bloke going, and the body was mutilated. And I'm like, fucking hell, it's nine in the morning. What the hell's going on? Listen to One at Half Six before, Chris. Jesus! Wait till this baby's here. I'm going to be

solving crimes. Headphones, headphones. Are that baby going to hear some shit? Yeah, I'm going to have to, yeah. Do you know what, though? I'm thinking when the baby's here, if it's a bit quiet, I'm going to get on some forums and start solving crimes with all the other true crime plebs. Like Don't Fuck With Cats. Yes! Yeah, yeah. Should be on there, giving it a large. That's going to get on some forums and start solving crimes with all the other true crime plebs. Like Don't Fuck With Cats.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. She'll be on there giving it a large. That's going to be me. God. I think I'd be good at it. I'd be a good detective, I think. It's you.

No, I've changed my mind. No, it's you. No, hang on. No, you look as funny as you. For everyone here, for everyone listening, can I just say that I think if Rosie's Mysteries has proved anything, it's that you'd be a fucking terrible investigator considering you get most of them wrong and oh

I mean no listen today's is today's is shite but that's fine that's by the by come on let's crack on

guys it is episode 82 as always thank you so much for liking and rating and subscribing and please continue to and thank you for coming back and keep continuing to email us and we love you so much

and you've genuinely we get emails saying that we've helped people and tweets and that saying that we've helped people through lockdown you've you guys have helped us through this yeah yeah yeah um thank you so much and please continue to keep doing that uh and without further you know what else has helped with rosie lucrative sponsors hasn't actually no listen because i've had i've had two has cancelled left right and center uh lucrative sponsors have helped immensely the real sponsors have

the real sponsors have really come through actually what you immensely. The real sponsors have. This week's sponsor. The real sponsors have really come through, actually. What you could say the real sponsors have done is pay our mortgage. This right now, this what happens now, this does nothing. This is just earache to me. Well, listen. But that's fine.

Carry on. It's absolutely no secret. I'm not afraid to tell anyone that any other year this had happened and all me two has had gone and I didn't have a book or the podcast, I'd be, you know, I'd have had to probably sell cars

and I'd be destroyed. But the lucrative sponsors have really kept us going and really come through for it. So this week's sponsor is garlic sauce. Oh, hey. Oh, you had a couple of beers, have you? You had a little pizza, some chips or something, eh? Should you get some garlic?

Or should you not? Or should I? Or should I not? Get some garlic sauce on there. Get it on. Get your pizza dipping Get the garlic sauce. Oh, get it on. Get your pizza dipping in the garlic sauce. Oh, yeah. Hey, fast forward two hours later.

Uh-huh. Wish you hadn't had that garlic sauce. Mm. Waking up in the middle of the night, sand in your mouth. Yeah. Eh? Mouth like a desert. Eh?

Yeah. No saliva. Just garlic. Just salt and garlic. Ooh. Garlic. You're having that little dream, are you? Were you having a drink?

Sometimes. You've got so much garlic sauce, you have a dream that you're having a drink, don't you? Yeah. I once had a dream that a fireman was hosing us down. Not in a sexual way. Genuinely, just with a hose. Just with a hose.

Garlic sauce. Yeah. Little pots of regret. It's always funny sometimes if the next day is a bit hot. Comes through your pores. Yes. You just smell like garlic sauce. Yes, it does.

But not real garlic. No I don't know what they do. Not fresh garlic. It's like garlic yoghurt isn't it? I don't know what they do. What's in it?

Don't know. Is there any garlic in it? Don't think so. Don't think so. It's white. It looks like Tippex but it tastes like heaven.

Remember Tippex. I think Tippex is illegal now. No it's not. I'm sure you can't get Tippex anymore. I remember the bandit in our school and you had to get

the Tippex mice. They were good mind. Well me dad got a Tippex mouse from an office where he was working. He was like there's a Tippex anymore. I remember the bandit in our school and you had to get the Tippex mice. They were good, mind. Well, me dad got a Tippex mouse from an office where he was working. He was like, there's a Tippex mouse for you. There's no left in it. They did go very quickly. Someone borrowed it.

Gone. One word, gone. Right. Unbelievable. I mean, Tippex was lovely, but at the same time... Tippex was lovely. No, it was.

It was a good invention. But sometimes I remember being very impatient and it would be very gloopy and you'd try to write over it and you'd make an absolute mess. I mean, I don't know who the fuck we thought we were writing, you know,

oh, write about your trip to Pensha Monument in your jotter or eat some Tippex. Oh, I've made a mistake, miss. Have you though? Not really, just wanted to use the Tippex.

Why don't you just put a line through it? No, when they put this in museums about me trip to Pensha Monument in Sunderland, they're going to need to know this. I want Tippex to full pencil case. Wow. Oh, when they put this in museums about me trip to Pensha Monument in Sunderland, they're going to need to know this. I once tip-exed a full pencil case. Wow. Oh, yeah, yeah. I hate it. It's when I had a part-time job.

I hate it. Tip-exed the full tin. I hated that person. Oh, well, good. I hated people who drew on me pencil case. People used to steer me pencil case and draw on it. Did you not have any graffiti on your pencil case? Not one stitch. Oh, why am I not surprised? Nothing. I had a gull pencil case. You know, the gull ones that were made out of swimsuit material. Not one little bit of graffiti on it.

Not even a bit of, like, margarine on it. Well, people used to steal it and write on it. Of course they did. They probably wrote, you're a gimp, Ramsey. Were you in my school? You feel like I was. Anyway, we might be breaking our record for the longest dinner ever. Possibly, but who cares?

Garlic sauce. Little pots of regret. Mmm. Heaven. There we go. Heaven on a tip. Garlic sauce. Flavour tip X.

Right. Here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle.

So this is the jingle. Jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle, so this is the jingle, jingle, we hope you like the jingle, jingle, babadoo babadoo babadoo bab, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmaranoyed, let's get it out of the way now, he's just reminded us before we started, come on. yeah me too 2020 has done their job 2020 has stuck its final horrible knobbly long-nailed dirty vile bits of sharp bits sticking out finger yeah right up inside me anus yeah and had a little rummage around and it's finally pulled the last bit of hope for me to us out of me arse and flicked rolled up the ball and flicked i don't know where this analogy is going, listen me last tour dates have been

shifted, the spring ones went first and then the Shagmire the Noise ones went now the autumn ones have gone so the entire tour, anyone listening who's got tickets for my stand up tour, the autumn ones shout out to the people still tweeting us, asking if they're going

ahead by the way, fucking beautiful little optimists, bless you that's that's class awful i need a bit of that right now i need a bit of that in my life bless you so much um the whole autumn leg of me 2022 uh has been moved i mean the thing is you can understand where they're coming from because all the pubs are open yeah all the restaurants are open life for a lot of people life has gone back to normal but you know i mean theaters that that's where COVID wants to stay. That's where, you know, COVID thinks, oh, I fancy seeing a show tonight. It's quite a cultured virus, to be honest.

Apparently, in the interval, it goes mental. Yeah, just, you know, everybody. But it loves the pubs. Loves the pubs. But in a lovely way, though. Can't get it, you can't get it after seven o'clock in the pub. It's just time off in a pub. It's just time off in a pub.

So that's how it works. Annoyingly, touring seems to be the last fucking thing that's ever going to come back. Fuck knows when. But 2021, they are scheduled for. Let's keep everything crossed. There have also been a shitload of new dates added. Has there?

Hey, I've had a year off. Get me the fuck out of this house! So there's been some new dates added. So go and have a look on my website anyone who's got tickets for the 2020 dates they will be valid for the next ones

and the ticket agents will get in touch with you do you remember in January when we calculated the year with the tours and everything

we're like listen do you want to move house yeah do you want to hey listen let's celebrate

so that's not happening so yeah i'm glad you put some extra dates in because that would be nice next year or the year after we'll see we'll see see how see what rona's got up at steve uh on that note robin's back at school today he is back at school yes the lord was how long for but yes just want to take this moment I haven't told you about this but I just want to take this moment just to say genuinely

we started doing this at the beginning of lockdown we just want to check on you all that you're all okay because at the minute it's it's really

utterly shit and it felt like it was getting a bit normal but then it's gone back to just a bit shit and just to let you know that

we are struggling as well. Yeah. And you're not alone in struggling. It's been really hard with kids. Lockdown's been really hard. Shielding's been hard. This past six months have been extremely difficult. And then the government will turn around and go,

now you can only have six people in and whatever, only spurious fucking rules. Unless you're out hunting fucking foxes or grouse uh in which but let's not even get onto that yeah we just want to say to you guys we have i mean we had just we had discussions this morning rosie not obviously if you listen to this on friday but the day we recorded it we have discussions of when should we do it are we in the mood we could do it tonight we'll put it off it's really hard to get in the zone um and and we yeah we just want you all to know that even if we're coming on here and we're having a laugh we're only having a laugh because we're

just thinking about you guys and reading the stories and taking the piss the rest of the time we're just fucking gutted constantly there's local lockdowns looming the news and the media are just big piles of shit it's just constant fucking negativity we don't even watch it anymore we'll get locked down yeah I don't even know. The police will stop us, they'll be like, do you want a photo? They'll be like,

no, get in your house, you cunt. You told us not to tell you. We're actually locked down. No, I know, I know. We're on the watch list. Yeah, kids are getting, yeah, kids are getting, you know,

positive tests of COVID at school and whole fucking year groups are shutting down. What the fuck? So look, we're all in it together. We all think it's absolutely shite, but Robin's back at school.

Please, everyone, keep everything crossed that he stays there as long as possible, just for him, just for his mental health, just for all of our kids' mental health. They need it. Let's try and get back on the positivity train and let's have a little laugh for the next hour, eh? Let's do it.

Let's do it. Might not be an hour. No, well, it might not be an hour with all that bloody chat that we just did about Tippex and garlic sauce. Well, we're peaked too early is the problem. I know, every time. Just as well,

just a little warning to your listeners. Sandra's currently staying with us because she's getting a wall knocked through in her flat. Yeah. So she's going to... That's not a euphemism. What? Like, I don't know.

It's like, you know, she's got a wall knocked through in her flat. That's my mother you're talking about, so that's vile well it's my mother-in-law so that's yeah not your mum though do you want me to start

talking about euphemisms with your mum and dad can you say euphemism alright did I who knows you nearly didn't say it

struggled to actually know what it meant at first sorry about being dirty thank you I apologise anyway yeah she is a dirty slag

but she's she's not having her wall knocked through sexually today. Not today. She's getting her real wall knocked through. And she's gone shopping for us. So she'll be back in a bit. So she might interrupt. We've got an IKEA delivery coming.

Yeah. And I've got something else coming. I forgot why it's coming. Anyway, so if the phone rings, guys, we're sorry. Big shout out to IKEA for finally having fucking wardrobes in. Christ on a bike. It's been a long time coming. It's ridiculous, man. It's had you more stressed than this virus. Oh, I tell you what. What happened, man?

What's everyone been doing? Lockdown happened and people stayed at home. Soap fucking sold out. Flour sold out. Wardrobes. Dogs and bikes. What's everyone doing? That's what, mate. Sitting in a wardrobe making bread. With a dog. With a bike. Washing your hands after. I'm fucking sick.

Stop fucking buying, everyone. Stop buying all the shit I need. Pack it in. Have I told my thing on here? Have I told my thing on here? Well, I've been talking about this for a while and somebody mentioned it on social media and I was like, I've been saying that for months

but I haven't said it publicly. And I thought, well, we've got a podcast, so I'm going to say it just because this is what I think should happen, right? Sanitizing stuff is amazing. Totally agree with it. Let's keep sanitizer on trolleys and when you go to shops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unreal, right?

Yeah. Why can't the government make little water fountains, right? And we'll all get sent a bar of soap of the government, okay? You could, like, ten pence bar of soap doesn't have to be nice. Everybody, put your bar of soap in a little freezer bag, right? Carry it in your bag

and actually wash your hands instead of just sanitising because I like washing my hands. Okay, where are the water fountains in this utopia? All over. In this utopia that you've just fucking built. Water fountains are all over.

Yeah. I've seen sanitising stations have been fully blown built. There's one at the nuke where there's like six sanitizer state like on a rotation build a little water fountain uh doesn't have to be drinkable what if you forget your soap why why why are they sending it so they're building water fountain but they're not providing the soap they're sending everyone soap and you've got it in this world that you've created and you've got to carry it around in a fucking bag like a nutter

I just thought a bar of soap would be cheaper for the government to do it en masse I'm trying to look after the economy and save the government a bit of money

you're trying to look after the economy in your world in your little world you've just sent everyone a free bar of soap in the country but that's cheaper

than buying hand sanitiser and it's better for the environment but put it at the fucking station that you've just made. You don't want to be using the same soap as everybody else. Put liquid soap there. But liquid soap's quite expensive, isn't it?

Right. I just thought about, why are you ruining me breakthrough idea? Because it's mental. It's a mental idea. And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you the reason now why there is not water fountains everywhere for people to wash their hands with. Because people would piss in them. Oh, come on. Really? people to wash hands with. Because people would piss in them.

Oh, come on. I'm telling you right now, people would piss in them. That would be it. I hate everyone. People would piss in them. Then people would say in massive fucking signs above

not drinking water and some cunt would go and fill a fucking water bottle and drink out of it and then go to the council and go, I got ill drinking the water. Oh, was it above the sign

that said not drinking water? Well, I didn't say that. I didn't have me glasses. I forgot. Me bar of soap was in me glasses case, not me glasses. Okay, right. You've made us realise how utterly ridiculous people are. You've got to operate at the lowest... It's a flawed idea. That's the sad thing about this whole thing. We've got to operate

at the level of the person who will piss in the fountain and who will drink the water that says not drinking water. That's why this whole thing's come about, because we have to operate at that level. Fair enough, but anyway, if it goes ahead, I just want to say that says not drinking water. That's why this whole thing has come about because we have to operate at that level. Fair enough. But anyway, if it goes ahead, I just want to say that it was my idea.

Great. So I'll take credit for it. Do you know what's really annoying? Do you know what's really annoying? I've got a really horrible feeling that it might and we'll start getting tweets and emails.

Can't wait. Can you remember when? Honestly, vote for me. For me. I'll be there. Just here. Not Prime Minister. I don't want to i don't want

to be prime minister do you honestly want to be prime minister who goes for a job in the government seriously what's wrong with you can you imagine spending every day just arguing with people in that room oh no non-stop what's your beef section oh just it would just drive me i'd be in a mental institute by the end of the year. No way, honestly, I'd come up with all these lovely ideas and then I'd just be like, Nat, get me out of here. No way. No thank you.

No thank you, politics. Your bar of soap to every single house in Britain would last three seconds in the House of Commons. They'd all do their thing where they'd go, Mr Speaker, who is this fucking idiot? Get her out of here. A bar of soap for'm the right animal lady. Oh, yeah, I'm Fox's, that's good.

Uh, twat. Anyway, now that we've offended everybody in politics, let's crack on. I was going to say, though, can you not ruin the daily briefings when they started saying, now four questions from the public and everyone was like

tweeting us going they've nicked your idea and I was like what happened but I'm telling you the soap thing's going to happen and we're going to

get tweets saying look they're sending soap to everyone bet it happens they should though they should have sent soap to everyone because it's a basic

I still can't get my head around the fact that it just it just sold out they went it came on the news wash your hands and everyone went, okay then.

And then everyone was very aware that no one had really bought soap for years. But bars of soap didn't sell out. Oh no, just liquid. Only liquid. Only liquid soaps sold out. Not bars of soap. Bars of soap work the same. I love a bar of soap.

Well, we've got a bar of soap upstairs. That is not a bar. That's a fucking breeze bar. It is massive. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a bar of soap upstairs, haven't we? That is not a bar. That's a fucking breeze bar. It is massive. The one we've got upstairs. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a Christmas present you hadn't opened, but it was posh paper.

It's the biggest bar of soap I've ever seen. It's lovely. I smell it, though. I bloody love it. Yeah. Love it, yeah. Gets right in your arse crack. It's lovely shape.

You do not. It's for your hands. See, I tell you what, there's another flaw in my idea. Everyone will be sticking it up their arse. Rosie, if you put fountains on street corners, people will be washing their dicks in them. You know that guy who washed his dick in a puddle that we're talking about in the podcast?

And he'd be buzzing. He'd be buzzing now. We'd be like, well, they all laughed at us now. Oh, I can't believe they've read me emails that I've sent to the council and they've put dick washing stations. If they could see me now now that little gang of mine so happy to put dicks do you know it's a hand wash it's not man they've been reading me it's a dick washing station why are you washing your hands in it you're perfect

now uh rosie this week um i've got a little surprise for you because i know um every five minutes you uh think of a new feature for yourself. Right. And you make up a theme tune and stuff like that. Very shoddy. What's the theme tune? Sound theme tune. Yeah, yeah, all that stuff. Yeah, very, very shoddy.

Very rushed together. This week, I was on the social media today, and a few individuals were trending. Have you ever heard heard a bloke called wayne lineker does he own lineker's bar i think he did own lineker's bar i'm not 100% sure he's gary lineker's brother he's basically uh all the geordie short guys norman stuff because he's a big party guy he's got like clubs in ibiza yeah he's got clubs i think he's got place in dubai sort of almost along your dan Balzerian kind of lines,

like a big Instagram guy. Older bloke, really rich, famous for being rich and famous. Right. Entrepreneur. Bet their parents are buzzing. Oh, imagine that. I know. Gary Lineker and Wayne Lineker.

Both of them, wow. Unbelievable. All right, so. So he was trending today and I wanted to know why. Basically, he's 58, but he's written on his Instagram today. So my family have decided, Rosie, I'll just turn the laptop around and just show you a photo of him. Tell you what, if I look like this when I'm 58,

I'll be over the fucking moon. Right, let's have a look. And you can't even see his torso. Right, nice, yep, good. He's in good nick. Solid silver hair there. Absolutely. Very nice, good tan.

Yeah, of course. But he smells nice. Ibiza and Dubai, he looks like he smells fantastic. He good, Nick. Solid silver hair there. Absolutely. Very nice. Good tan. Yeah, of course. But he smells nice. Ibiza and Dubai. He looks like he smells fantastic. He does, yeah. So, my family have decided I need a girlfriend for my own sanity and health. Right. So, here's my criteria.

And he's put a list of his criteria. Okay. So, let's play Is Rosie Eligible for Wayne Lineker? Is Rosie eligible for Wayne Lineker? Is Rosie eligible for Wayne Lineker? Are you singing? Is Rosie, is Rosie eligible for Wayne Lineker? Or is she too old and too etc? Old?

Well, you never know. We'll see. I don't know. All the other things, but I don't want to give too much away. Big finish. Or will he tell her to fuck off? Hey! Hey!

That was nice. There we go. That was nice. There we go. I'm excited. This is so fun. Well done. Okay.

So I've got his, I mean, it was trending today because it's, I mean, it's Lunacy, the list. It's fantastic. Oh, great.

And I've also, on the other page here, I've got, the only thing I forgot to do was count them up, but I've got a checklist of his criteria here. So you'll get a point for each one. You'll get a point together to see. If I'm eligible or not. To see if you're eligible for Wayne Lineker. Great.

And also, there might be a little surprise at the end for if you're done terribly to possibly win yourself and bag that man anyway, despite it. Right? Might be a little surprise at the end for if you're done terribly to possibly win yourself and bag that man anyway despite it right might be a little mystery at the end are you selling

what if I don't want to do I have any choice did you see the photo have you heard what he owns right okay what do you mean you don't want to what the fuck do you think this is of course you'd want to

right he's 58 excuse me he's an eligible bloody bachelor alright well the grass cracked on him he's way in fucking Leningrad how dare you? Didn't really know who he was.

The option... Ten minutes ago. Whoa! The option isn't if you will or not. It's if he will or not. Right, okay. Right? Can't wait.

This is the bachelor. I'd rather go out with his brother. Stop. I imagine he hates... I imagine he hates... I don't know the guy, but I imagine he hates hearing that, and that's not funny.

If you're listening, Wayne, she's joking. I really like crisps. Anyway... She's kind of got your bank and that's not funny. If you're listening, Wayne's just joking. I really like crisps. Anyway. She's kind of got you back to rights there, Wayne, if you're listening. Let's carry on. But I mean, he's rich. He could buy you some crisps.

Now listen, the duty is better when they're free. Okay, so his criteria is strong, nice, loving personality. Okay. Bang. Yeah. Absolute bang. I've got them. Then he's wrote, now to more important things.

You must like older men, but only me. You have to be a worldie and above 30, brackets, okay, 29 or 28 could work, but not my age

as that would just look weird. You must like to travel and fly business class and stay in incredible hotels. Be prepared to give up your career or job or at least be able to work from a laptop on a tropical beach

somewhere. You will need to spend the summer in Ibiza and the winter in Dubai, with two weeks in the UK for Christmas and New Year with family holidays in the Maldives. No baggage, as mine are all grown up. A dog's acceptable, but it will need a passport. You must be able to cook,

as I love cooking, especially Waitrose ready meals. It's not cooking. You also don't need to be verified. I can sort that out for you. What's verified? Oh, the blue tick! It's on his criteria! Wait, we'll go through it at the end, right?

We'll go through it at the end. This is ridiculous. House music and R&B lovers only. No heavy rock or pop music. You must like Netflix, especially Money Heist, and also Real Crime. Well, hello. Save it till the end. No chick flicks. Watch them with your mates.

You need to be confident enough to be able to go to the front of the queue in nightclubs and accept a table and free drinks from the owners. You will need a driving licence to share Bentley and a Lamborghini Jeep. Brackets pending. You must never have shared a teeth whitening post.

What? I'm not on any dating sites. You shouldn't be too. I'm not on OnlyFans. You shouldn't be too. You must love the gym and healthy food and have body definition, as I will have soon. I love soon. Love that.

Accept and love my children and grandchildren and realize no more kids for me brackets never say never though you must be able to let my pa book all of your flights and purchase items online for you you just need to send him a link you must be able to accept my friends and i will accept yours and you have to accept that i will d i will reply to girls dms not just guys one last thing your geography needs to be on point as girls who think lincoln is in wales is not good be intelligent but not boring outgoing suits and a heart i mean hashtag wifey where you at hashtag banter hashtag real hashtag go get in the bin wayne because that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life.

Is it ridiculous, though? Because it's time to play, is Rosie eligible for Wayne Lineker? Great. Okay, so strong, nice personality. Yes. Check. You're doing, Rosie, you're doing really well so far. Thank you.

Really well. Thank you. Like older men, but only me. No. You don't like older men? It depends, not 58. You saw the photo, though, you like him. No, not that, I don me. No. You don't like older men? It depends. Not 58. You saw the photo, though. You like him.

No, not that. It looks good. No, not that. It looks good in the photo. It looks all right for 58. I don't want to be with a 58-year-old man. Thank you. My dad's only 62.

Ageist. Right, I've got you across for that. It's a choice I've made in life. You're not doing great so far. Okay. Okay. You must be a worldie. No, sorry.

Big nips and thick hips, Wayne. Not worldie anymore. Look, Wayne, to me she's a worldie, but I don't know if she'd be a worldy to you, Wayne. That's all I'm saying, right? I'm somebody's worldy, though, so there you go. Above 30? Yes.

You are above 30. I am? Check. You're doing well. Thank you. You're doing well. I'm not. Okay, but not 58. Are you 58?

No, not today. Great. Excellent. Good stuff. Like the travel business class and stay in, and I quote, incredible hotels. Great, excellent, good stuff. Like the travel business class and stay in, and I quote, incredible hotels. Yes, please. Who in the world is going to say no to that?

No, no, I like standard. Listen, Wayne, if you want me, right, worldy class and all, you have to, I come with a travel lodge. I come with a B&B, right, in Scarborough, and that's that. Don't you dare book me in anything above two stars, Wayne. Give up your career or job and work on a laptop on a tropical beach somewhere.

Well, okay. Oh, there's Sandra. Sandra's coming in. Well, go through the back. She's coming around the back. Tell her we should go and open the front door. Maniac. Stupid.

So, hang on. You're quitting your job. You've got to give up your career or job Or Or Be prepared to work From a laptop On a tropical beach somewhere

I could do that Well you've worked from home So you can do that I could absolutely do that It's going to be absolutely raging When I turn up once a week On that beach And we do the podcast

You won't mind I've gathered from this That it's quite easy going Okay So you can do that Okay Are you prepared to spend I've heard from this that he's quite easy going. Okay, so you can do that. Okay. Are you prepared to spend the summer

in Ibiza, the winter in Dubai, two weeks in the UK for Christmas, plus holidays to the Maldives? I don't know where he's putting them in. He must have a time.

Wow, I mean, there's a lot going on there. Can we go anywhere else? Or is it just those three? I'm not, I don't want to be fussy. Wayne is very specific that it's only those places.

I don't want to be fussy. Wayne is very specific that it's only those places. So we can't go anywhere else can't squeeze in little greek island absolutely or i really fancy going to sardinia absolutely not right okay well and and on wayne's behalf may i say howdy listen no i'm fine with that actually i can do that yeah okay good yeah i'm a bit sick of england right you must have no kids well i've got what obviously one and then one on the way, but you're here.

Oh, I've got to be honest with you. Okay. I'm going to have to mark you down for that. Right. Take off a point. You really let yourself down there. Take off two points because there's going to be two. It will, yeah.

Yeah, that's a shame. Do you have a dog? No, I don't. You don't have a dog? Yeah. I must say if you get a dog, it does need a passport. That's fine. Okay. Because you're going to be travelling. We don't live far don't have a dog? Yeah. I must say, if you get a dog, it does need a passport. That's fine. Okay.

Because you're going to be travelling. We don't live far from Durham. Right, yeah. There's a passport office there. Do the do-dogs. You get it in the same day. Do the do-dogs. I think so, yeah.

Okay, happy days. That's fantastic. Must be able to cook, especially Waitrose ready meals. I'm a good cook. Can you do Waitrose ready meals? I mean, you are. I've done the lasagna before, but that's about it. Hi, Sandra.

Hi, Sandra's just come in with a shopping. Say hello. Yes. Just say hello. Say hello. Yes. Just say hello. Say hello. Just shout hello. Hello. Is it live? Is it live? Yeah, mum, they're all on the other end of this microphone. All of them there.

We're doing it now. It's alright, man. Not like fucking Charlie Chaplin Well she sent me Oh actually my mum Hasn't got a chance In hell with him No not at all

How are you then Crackman No Sandra Oh hey nah He's not going to be up for that What else we got When was the last time You cooked a Waitrose ready meal

Not long ago actually We did the lasagna Right okay I'm going to Put a point there But I'm going to put in brackets Wayne do you like lasagna I'm going to make sure

I don't want to be Questioning him much But I'm not being funny Can you get, but I'm going to put it in brackets. Wayne, do you like lasagna? I'm going to make sure. I don't want to be questioning him much, but I'm not being funny. Can you get a white rose meal in Ibiza to buy? I imagine someone sends them over for him. Right, fair enough. Or he might take them with him. He might have one of them big freezer bags.

I mean, it would be a pretty big cool bag, but that's fine. Okay, cool. I imagine any bag he holds is a cool bag. Right. Just saying that. Why are you, honestly, hard for a green again?

You don't need to be verified on Insta, but he can sort that out. I am. Verified already? Yeah, not on Twitter though, unfortunately. Okay, I don't know if this was on Insta, so I don't know. But you are saving him a job here.

Do you know what I mean? I'm hot shit on Insta, Chris. You're hot shit on Insta. You're saving him a phone call at least here. House music and R&B lover? I here right house music and R&B lover I can leave house music R&B I do

do enjoy but house music I'm afraid I'm afraid but I could always wear earplugs I could no Chris

no I could be in the club I'm invested now no I I love R&B though let me like you that's not R&B what's an R&B though. Let me like you. That's not R&B. What's an R&B song?

I can't even think. Peaches and Cream. Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do know that Wayne is a fan of that song, so that's good, but you're still only getting half a point.

Netflix, Money Heist, Real Crime. Fan? Yes. Yeah? Yeah. Definitely. I mean, that's a point. Definitely.

Good. There's a point. Definitely. Good. There's a point for that. Okay. ChickFlix, what's wrong with your mates? Well, I'll have no mates over there.

Perfect. Just watch them on my own. Not a big fan anyway. Great. Confident. Are you confident enough to go to the front of a nightclub queue,

get a table from the owner and accept free drinks from the owner? Let's do a little role play. Yeah. Is that you pushing past? Uh, is it a queue? Excuse me!

Excuse me! Do you know who I am? I'm Wayne Lineker's missus. Right, okay. And I'd like a table and I'd like three bottles of Grey Goose. I'd like seven cans of Red Bull. And I'd like to have them sparklers and I'd like three ladies in really little bikinis to come and bring them over to me table, please. Now! Now! Hey. dwi'n hoffi cael yna'r sparklers a dwi'n hoffi cael tri dynion mewn bichinis i ddod a'u cyflwyno i fyny i fyny i'r tafel, os gwelwch chi. Nawr! Nawr!

Diolch. Diolch yn fawr. Dwi'n mynd i gael pwynt arall am hynny. Diolch yn fawr. Diolch yn fawr. Yr hyn sy'n wych. Ydych chi'n cael llisens dyrfa? Ie. Gwych.

Mae gennych llisens dyrfa. Gwyn. Iawn. Byddwch yn rhannu Lamborghini a Bentley. Rwy'n mynd i fod yn rhaid i mi ddod o hyd i'r llwythoedd yma ar fy car yn ddiwed that you did curb the alloys on my car recently when you drove my car. I am going to have to let Wayne know about that. Have you ever done a teeth whitening post? No, haven't. I mean, I've done loads

of other shit, but I haven't done the teeth whitening post. Okay, okay. Are you on any dating sites? No. Great. Do you have an OnlyFans page? Not currently. I won't for Wayne. Great, okay. Not for your husband, but you won't for Wayne. That's fantastic. Do you love the gym and health food? And will you have a defined body like he soon will?

Absolutely not. Okay. No. No. Sorry. Never going to happen. I mean, you know, I don't want to get in trouble. More cushion for the pushing, Wayne.

I don't want to get in trouble with HR, but I am sitting opposite you, and I can confirm that that is a no. This is the worst thing ever. How long is this? Ten minutes worth of shit. Do you love his kids and grandkids? Never met them. And do you know what?

Probably not. No. Hey, that's not fair. Sorry. Sorry. Honestly, that's really going to hurt them. That's not cool, right? Do I have to love his kids? Hang on. No, I have That's not cool, right? Do I have to love his kid?

You've got to accept... Hang on. No, I have to get rid of me own, but I have to love his. Yes. I mean, it sounds... Yeah, logical. Okay.

Fantastic. Let's go with it. Okay. Got a lot of love to give. Do you want more kids? No, I'm quite happy with the one... Can't help but notice you're actually pregnant, so that's a lie.

Yeah, okay. But I'm actually obnoxiously clicking's a lie. Yeah, okay. But I'm actually obnoxiously clicking my pen while I'm... Okay, listen, let's leave that one blank for now. Honestly, you're doing so well in the middle there and this is a real problem here.

Are you prepared to let his PA book and buy all of your stuff? Gladly. You've just got to send him a link. Gladly? Are you kidding me? I mean, I'll share his PA. I'd love a PA. Yeah, no, it's got to be his. It can't be him. It's got to be him a link. Gladly. Are you kidding me? I mean, I'll share his PA. I'd love a PA. Yeah. No,

it's got to be his. It can't be mine. It's got to be his. Accept his mates. Are you going to accept his mates? He's going to accept yours. He's going to accept your mates. Are you going to accept his mates?

I don't think my mates would accept him. But listen, yeah, I will accept his mates. Okay. I've got a really good poker face. Listen,

it's the least you can do. Isn't it just? For all this stuff, it's the least you can do. He will be replying to girls' DMs. Is that a problem? Oh, I mean, why? Why would it it be i'd love to be cheated on yeah no it's my favorite thing absolutely love that love whenever in a relationship that my partner speak no other women so i'm fine with that

yeah good yeah good good good yeah that's fine so you know what that is actually that puts a tick in the confidence column. Oh, great. My confidence. Geography. You've got to be shit out of geography. Yep. Are you actually shit out of geography? No, I'm not.

I'm really not. But, I mean, we're only going to three places. What are you expecting? I'm sorry. I don't need to know anywhere else. He's a lie. He's a hypocrite.

I'm looking at the points here. I will learn where Dubai, Ibiza, and the Maldives are on the map. I know where England is already. I'll be fine. I'll survive. Okay. Out of 28,

you've scored an incredible 21. Wow. Okay. That's good. I thought I'd have done a lot worse. However, he's not putting his business man. He's Wayne Linacre,

for God's sake. Anything less than 100% is not going to work for him. Right. So I'm not... It's a no for now. However, it's time to enter the all or nothing bonus round. Oh my... There's more? As you know, the geography has to be shit hot.

Right. If you get this geography question right, you can marry Wayne Lineker. Right. And you can live happily ever after. Can I... Today? Rosie's in the next room. Can you not hear the R&B pumping through?

Just thought it was Sandra having a party. Right. Okay. This is exciting. I hope you guys are all excited as I am. Okay. Here we go. Possibly the last episode of the podcast

because Rosie may now go and live in Ibiza and Dubai and the UK for two weeks and the Maldives. God knows when. I'll do one with him. I'll do one with him. Yeah, I'd look forward to that.

Your geography bonus question is all or nothing. Yeah. The country of Hungary is landlocked in Europe and borders how many countries? Is it? I like an countries? Is it...

I like an option. Is it one? Is it five? Or is it seven? The country of Hungary is landlocked in Europe and borders how many countries? Is it one, is it five, or is it seven? I'm going to go with seven.

You're going to go with seven? I'm going to go with seven. Rosie? Yeah? If you'd said seven. Rosie. Yeah? If you'd said one or five, you'd still be living in this shit hole. You're going to Ibiza. You're going to Ibiza with Waylander.

Congratulations. Oh, you're going to Ibiza. And the Maldives and Dubai. Yes, oh. Yes, yes, back to Ibiza. And the Maldives and Dubai. Yes, oh. Yes, yes, back to the island. Congratulations. Honestly, genuinely, really, really congratulations. I wish us all the happiness in the world.

Here we go with the freestyle. Singing freestyle, is it? Anyone listening who would like to be my new co-host on this podcast, please get in touch as Rosie will be busy from now on Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo

Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction

that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday... You must be very careful, Margaret. It's the girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

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Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee

the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at TorontoRock.com Babadoo babadoo babadoo baa It's time for What's your beef? What's your beef?

Beef Beef Beef Beef Beef Beef You may also notice there's no Rosie's Mysteries

this week because Chris's new segment took up too much of the show so I've sacrificed it for this week but it'll be back next week What?

You're going to phone it in from Lady Ibiza are you? Hold on what month is it? You're going to phone it in from Dubai are you? Oh no I'll be going to the leaving parties in Ibiza The closing parties I Hold on, what month is it? You're going to phone in from Dubai, are you? Oh no, I'll be going to the leaving parties in Ibiza.

Oh, the closing parties. Closing parties. I mean, there'll be none at the minute. He's picked a terrible year. I'm telling you right now, if you are in your new circle of friends

and you say leaving parties instead of closing parties, there's going to be egg on your face. Oh, you're joking. Is that... If you use the wrong terminology, if you say,

oh, I'm going to the DC 10 leaving party, you'll get wedgied. Okay. You'll get wedgied at the pool. Oh, damn it. Honestly. Damn it.

Sort it out. Don't need any of me fat arse out there. Right. What is your beef? My beef with you this week. Now, we've talked in the past about how, I'm going to have to put this pen down. I really enjoyed clicking that pen while I was quizzing you.

We've talked in the past about how you were a terrible, terrible passenger, horrific passenger. Yesterday, you took it to another level you mean in a car yeah in a car yeah yesterday and when i'm driving specifically yesterday we're driving back from uh ikea driving home you're sitting on your phone as you do when i'm in the car won't speak to us um we're driving it's admin time brilliant you looked up from your phone as we were coming off the motorway on a slip road right you looked up randomly and saw a random slip road trees and stuff and angrily went what are you going this way for and i looked at you and went what what do you mean this is the right way and he went oh yeah so it is you basically looked up didn't recognize the slip road in a in a split second and just had a go

at us that i was going the wrong way and i wasn't going the wrong way. You have on many occasions took us 45 minutes out of our way by taking the wrong turn. Name one of those occasions right now. Well I don't know exactly where we were in the country but you've done it so many times. You're a terrible driver. I'm not a terrible driver. You are. You are.

Honestly. Do you know what makes someone a terrible driver Rosie? Someone sitting next to them, constantly saying that they're a terrible driver and criticising the driver. It puts you on edge a little bit. It makes you make mistakes. Not if you were a good driver, I wouldn't. Well, why don't we try?

Why don't you try not doing it? I have tried. It's impossible. I really do try. You know I've held it back. I do hold it back. You hold it back, but then you sit and look at your phone

and it bubbles up and you just fucking pop up like you're popping out of a dream and going, why are you going this way? I did and it bubbles up and you just fucking pop up like you're popping out of a dream and going, why are you going this way? I did apologise for that though yesterday. I did say sorry. I thought it was a different slip road.

Would you like to apologise again officially on the podcast? Just said it there. What kind of reference? No, but I said it though, didn't I? Fair enough. I'm not getting two apologies.

Awful. My beef with you this week, Christopher Ramsey. Yes. At the minute, well actually this has been happening in our whole relationship. It's to do with cars. Okay. Okay. For some reason, when we. At the minute, well, actually, this has been happening in our whole relationship. It's to do with cars.

Okay. Okay. For some reason, when we're in the car, right, if your friends ring, namely Jason Cooke or Carl Hutchinson, or actually your mum

or your dad, if anybody rings, you always make it really aware that I'm in the car with you. Yeah. Like, you go out of your way to go,

Rosie's here as well. And I'm just wondering how much do you slag me on that's really good um i don't every single time because i could be you could have a really quick conversation with your mom or whoever right your manager or whatever you could have a really quick conversation they don't even know that i'm there because it's not about anything in in particular or whatever or if it's about work or if it's about something else right i'd i like to just be a bit anonymous if i'm honest and be like you carry on your conversation i'm just here you make me part of that conversation

and i don't want to be and also it's just got me it's just got the little clogs thing turning what's it that you want me to explain i don't know anyway phrase for thinking yes yeah so it's just got me thinking how much do you slag me off well so you have to specifically say that i'm there so that they don't just go what a bitch well yeah well my mom and jason and carl and anyone else and my manager and anyone who rings us i'll say hello they say hello and the first thing they normally say is is that slag you're married with you right that's like a catchphrase is that why you have to get in there first sometimes i personally right i hate it when i phone someone and they're talking away it was and then in the conversation someone like their wife or their kid or someone will come up and

they go oh yeah she's here. You've been on speakerphone the whole time. And I haven't been slagging them off, but I feel fucking cheated. I'm like, why didn't you make me away? I want to know who's listening. So I just give them the courtesy of going, oh, hiya. Oh, we're in the car. Rosie's here as well.

OK, OK, I get that. Fair enough. Fair enough. That's all it is. Well, let's just go on forward. Yeah. If it's just a really short conversation. I don't know if it's going to be a short conversation.

So what you want me to go, hiya, Carl, you all right, mate? Is this going to be a short conversation or a long conversation? Or quite long? I wanted to, all right, well, Rosie's here. If it was short, she wasn't. Or if you're just wondering

what time you're coming round or do you want to pick the beers up? I don't need to be involved. I don't need to be introduced to that conversation. I don't know what they're going to say. So you want me to know. So you, in a perfect world, you want them to do a pre-text or email or even a pre-call.

Yeah, this will solve it. Don't answer the phone. Let's not answer the phone. No, not while I'm there. Because I just find it weird. Don't like it. I do it on my phone. I don't tell anyone that you're there. Because I just don't stay on the phone for ages I don't gossip and natter

like you and your mates alright that's me beef you're welcome well it's very selfish and silly and stupid and I don't accept it

great babadoo babadoo babadoo it's time for questions from the public from the public public public public

public public public public public public public public

public public public public public public public public

public public public public public public public public

public public public public public public public guys as always thank you so much for getting in touch at shagmarriedanoid at gmail.com

if you want to send us anything, dilemmas arguments you have and stories whatever you want, please send it in we absolutely love that you're still sending stuff in, thank you. I'm going to kick off today just a really short one in reference to last week's podcast, so if you haven't heard go back and listen to that. Someone's just wrote Hi Chris and Rosie in reference to last week's podcast. So if you haven't heard, go back and listen to that.

Someone's just wrote, Hi Chris and Rosie, thanks to last week's podcast, this week's update on my baby has been ruined. And she sent a screen grab of our app. Right? And it just says, 33 weeks pregnant, your baby is a butternut squash. A butternut squash.

In a similar place to where it would have been if it had been shoved up your rectum that's all it says that's literally all she said oh hope rosie's pregnancy's going well emma that's all it says mine mine this week is the size of a large popcorn a large i find that really unspecific popcorn letcorn? That's wrong. Let's just have a look. Yeah, so I'm 23 weeks. Why is that wrong? A piece of popcorn? No, it says the size. It's the size.

Oh, hang on. No, that was last week. Large bucket of popcorn. Not a bit of popcorn. I was going to say. Like 23 weeks. This week, I'm the size of a fruit pie. Stupid.

It's ridiculous. It doesn't make any sense at all. How long is a piece of string? How big is the tree that you've done the pie in? Where are you getting it from How thick's the pie I know What fruit

Costco Stupid Or Morrison's Stupid But I'm a Maltese puppy Well the baby's a Maltese puppy The baby's a Maltese puppy Cool

And fruit Oh I'm an aubergine Well that's more specific That's fine Yeah aubergine this week So that's good Fucking hell Little baby aubergine

I'm struggling with names actually So that's quite good Baby aubergine Yeah Wow Babadoo babadoo babadoo Bah Hi Chris and Rosie Little baby aubergine. I'm struggling with names, actually, so that's quite good. Baby aubergine. Yeah. Wow. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie.

I have a dog who I shared with my ex-partner. Oh. I know. He was my 21st birthday present, and he's the best dog ever. When I split up with my partner, I let him keep the dog as I didn't want my ex to be alone. Wow. That's far too nice, isn't want my ex to be alone. Wow. That's far too nice, isn't it? Yeah.

That's really nice. Especially if he's the best dog ever. I know. At first, he let me see the dog every so often, but gradually the visits decreased. Oh, God. Coincidentally, at the same time as I started dating someone new. Got you.

Funny that. Got you. And now my ex doesn't let me see the pooch at all. Oh. Really sad. Obviously, this is heartbreaking for me as my dog was my bestie. But I don't regret my decision

as I think the dog helped him get through the breakup. This person is far too nice. She also values herself in a relationship quite highly. Okay, I didn't think of it that way. I'm so awesome, you're going to need a companion to get yourself through this, champ. Do you know what?

You keep the dog, sweetheart. You're going to need it. Because I will be bucking before you. Unless you buck the dog, which I don't recommend. My question to you both is, what's the worst thing you've ever let an ex-partner keep and would you ask for it back uh follow-up question what would you want to keep if you split up with each other now other than robin and uh baby rona uh podcast rights next question

it has to be something you both like podcast ownership next question is that what you'd want probably there's already been contracts being laid out for that so is there there probably has been has there actually i don't know i reckon our management have probably discussed what happens if we get divorced there'll be the meeting do you think yeah 100 yeah they'll be like yeah this is all good and they're doing well what happens if they all go tits up like what do we do who keeps who what happens do we get rid of them both they'll get rid of one of them oh my gosh be really really awkward oh that'll be interesting but let's not do that let's talk about other things you said that'll be interesting as if let's do that one day oh no just if it happens it'll be interesting to see sad but interesting it'll be awful what would you like to

keep oh what would i like to keep first of all have you got any exes things that have kept anything no i don't think so now i once went to pick a girl up on a date who i'd been going out with what had me going out very long um and i pulled up in my car my little reno cleo at the time uh to pick her up and uh she got in the car i knew nothing about what was happening right i was just like you know pulled up text i was like i'm outside and i think we're going out for the day somewhere and she got into the car with all of the stuff i'd lent her like like all just piled on her fucking knee it's like um dvds about four i did film studies so i was always lending four or five dvds uh like a hoodie like something else i don't like t-shirt and all just on a knee and just literally sat in the car when then it was like come on just go and

park somewhere and talk and i was like oh no and then she split up with you? Yeah. Oh Chris. And I just went round the block and dropped her back off. Oh Chris. Yeah, it was rough. Oh, that is, oh don't, I'm laughing because obviously

it's funny, but it is very sad. It was just weird as she got in. I was like, I remember made a joke. I was just like, you've watched all them already, have you?

Did you not have any idea? Nah, not until she said, let's go and talk. You are, you are just oblivious to this world, aren't you? Did you not have any idea? Nah not until she said let's go and talk to her I was like You are just oblivious to this world aren't you? I swear to God

When we first thought was oh she must have washed that hoodie that's nice of her oh she must have finished watching all of those DVDs that I only gave her

a couple of days ago Wow That's strange If we ever split up I'm really going to have to lay it on thick with you aren't I? Like months in advance

I'm going to have to drop some big, big warnings. Yeah. Well, I mean, I imagine when I'll be kicking about the house. You'll be moved in by then. What would I want to take? Hmm. Sofas. Yeah.

Not going to lie. I'll have the sofas. I'll probably all of the furniture. All of the furnishings because I've chose all of that. Yeah. And that's probably about it. Half the house. Oh I don't like

this is a bit sad isn't it? So you settled on all them. That's all the stuff you're taking. Yeah. Good. What do you want? More to home. Got you.

Bang. Bye. Oh no. Beep beep. On the road again. Didn't claim it. You know you can live in there. Didn't claim it. Yeah you can live in can live in there. Didn't claim it.

Yeah, you can live in there. I live in the house. Oh, shit. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Got another one here, Rosie. Okey-doke. Dear the Ramsey. Mm-hmm.

Ramsey? No S, yeah. Oh, just the one. I've just realised that now, yeah. Dear the Ramsey. Nice. So, do you want to, can it be to you? Do you want to claim this one?

Whatever, yeah. No, you can have it. Well, no, you're the real Ramsey. To be fair, yeah. I'm a winter at heart, actually. You are. You're a turncoat, aren't you? What's that mean? No, yeah. Well, no, you're the real Ramsey. To be fair, I am. I'm a winter at heart, actually. You are. You're a turncoat, aren't you? What's that mean?

You just drop your name. You're like, all your way through your life, winter. And you're like, oh, we get married. Ah, fuck my name. I love that name. Disgraceful, isn't it?

Just because it was alliteration, wasn't it? We know that. No, it's being a woman as well, Chris. It's the women who have to drop the name. Didn't have to, did you? You could have kept it. I mean, I could have, but I couldn't be arsed. It's a lot more admin to keep your name. Didn't have to, did you? You could have kept it. I mean, I could have, but I couldn't be arsed.

It's a lot more admin to keep your name than it is to... I like feminism, but you know what? I can't be arsed. You should be ashamed of yourself. Rosie Winter, though, she was a bit of a dick. To start again, Rosie Ramsey, she's much nicer. Not as much of a slag, actually. Wow, wow, wow.

I beg to differ. I hope you are well. keep me anonymous as some details of this may give away who it is about okay what do we know these people i don't know it's weird when people say that right okay i've just been re-listening to now can i just say what bless you all out there a lot of emails started like this that i've read this week i've been re-listening to some of the old episodes because i've because they've caught up that's what loads of people do right so they've gone back to catch up and then they start listening again which again i did that the podcast back in the day the fact that people are doing that to ours it always just makes it makes us very happy so thank you very

much guys and be really some episodes of the podcast and one episode sparked a memory that i think had been suppressed by my teenage self right Right. Namely, the episode of the groom breastfeeding from his mum on the day of the wedding. Right, yeah. Remember this? Yep, yep, yep. Back in the day. That's blatantly true, you know.

Yeah. I think that is true because everybody knows about that and it's like, I don't know. Rosie, some of the level of stuff we get, I've told you. My barometer for what I think is BS now has changed massively because I'm like, look, I've heard multiple different people say similar things yeah yeah anyway listen to this okay when i was 18 i had a boyfriend who had a very complicated family now i know you'll ask for details so i shall try and explain before i read this can i just say i'm not judging this family setup things happen at

different times we're not saying this is weird or strange but listen to this all right well i mean i'll be the judge well your immediate thing is not saying this as weird or strange, but listen to this. All right. Well, I mean, I'll be the judge. Well, your immediate thing is to think it's weird or strange, but yeah. His brother was his dad. Keep listening. Okay. His brother was his dad.

Yeah, and he'd had him at a young age, so his grandparents adopted the boyfriend at the time, and the father and son were brought up as brothers. Yep. I'm just listening to another podcast at the moment where similar situation. Yeah. Yeah, The Night Driver. Bracket with, is it a true crime podcast? Yes, it is. Great, so that ends nicely. brothers yep i'm just listening another podcast at the moment where similar situation yeah yeah

the night driver bracket with is it a true crime podcast yes it is great so that ends nicely with a very large age gap yeah okay and the grandparents were referred to as mom and dad yeah that happens a lot not she said here which i think's fair not weird just complicated i'd agree with that just a bit complicated not weird you know everything happens whatever my boyfriend was very close to his parents, brackets grandparents, and he could always confide in them. They were supportive and all very close.

When I used to go around to see him, we'd watch the TV whilst sat on the sofa, and his mum, in scare quotes, would often sit with us. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. After a few times of this happening, my 18-year-old boyfriend would often give his mum a cuddle,

which to my naive self seemed affectionate, until one day I got off the sofa to go for a wee, and when I walked back in, there was my boyfriend cuddling up to his mum, sucking on her earlobe. What? It's weirder, isn't it? No, it's not.

I mean, it is, but it's not as gross as sucking on a boob. He's sucking on that yellow. So he's cutting and he's got his head around the neck and he's just sucking that yellow in his mouth. That's horrible. Okay, why is he doing this? How old is he, 18? Yeah, he's 18.

So she's, what the actual fuck? After witnessing this, they both looked at me like nothing was going on. They proceeded to carry on watching Sharp together. Incredible show, by the way. What is that? You've never seen Sharp? No.

Sean Bean's finest outing. I've never seen it. Sharpie. No. My God, so Sean Bean played Sharp. I love Sean Bean. Pete Possilthwaite. Well, he played like the bad guy

and it was like Sharpie and he was always like after him. I've never seen it. Mate, it's like a... Is it ES sucking material or is it a bit tense? When watching it, I have never felt the need to suck a relative's ear. I'll be honest with you.

And I was young when I watched it at the time. Fucking amazing. I think it's on BBC. It's an amazing series. Well, there we go, writing on the list. Yeah, it's off years ago. It's like 90s. Spoiler alert, Sean Bean doesn't die either.

He doesn't die after the first series? In the whole series he's the main protagonist rides off into the motherfucking sunset at the end get in Sean Bean

Sharpie love him they start watching Sharp together and I was prompted to sit back down and not to worry as he always does this

great needs to say I broke up with him and his family after that broke up with his family as well apparently I think you'd have to.

My question to you is, which is worse? The groom caught sucking the breasts on the wedding day or my boyfriend sucking his grandmother slash mother's earlobe? Love the podcast. Bye. The groom. Forever the groom. Do you think? For always. Forever the groom. But this isn't

far after. Well, I'm splitting. I'm splitting two ways. What? Well, it was his wedding day. He was very nervous. Oh my God.

Thirsty. He was so dehydrated. He'd been on the piss the night before. I'm hungry. Hey, might be a hangover cure. You never know.

No, no, don't. Genuinely, can you imagine if, because we don't know. We don't know if babies, babies are never hungover, right? Right, okay. But don't drink. No, don't. Genuinely, can you imagine if... Because we don't know. We don't know if babies... Babies are never hungover, right?

Right, okay. But don't drink. Okay, so here's a scenario for you. Here's a scenario for you. What if they found out, science, right? What if they found out that the only way to surefire a 100% cure, a hangover, no matter how bad it was, was to drink from your mum's breast?

Would you do it? Well, could it not be mine? Because I am a mam. Nah, gotta be your mam's. Gotta be my mam's. Yeah, it's the way it works. Could she express? Nah, gotta be lips on lips. My mam's got cracking boobs to be fair. Oh god! So, no, I don't, I mean, it depends how bad your hangover is.

That's, I don't know. This is awful. Two things I want to pick out there. One, would you rate your mom? Like, someone would say, they go, oh, no, I'm just going to ride this hangover out because my mom's got monkey chebs. And depends how bad the hangover was.

I can safely say I'd rather have a day in bed hoeing up than there's no chance I would be up there. Well, why don't we test it out? Why don't we? Obviously, I'm due the baby in January. Right.

I can't guarantee, I didn't breastfeed Robin, but I did express for a couple of weeks. Right. So why, when you go out and wet the baby's head like men do,

morons, why don't you, that's the most ridiculous thing in the world. Right. I'm going to wet the baby's head. How about you just be responsible and come home and do the night feed?

Bad luck if not. Arseholes. Bad luck if not. Go on, get hammered. Pathetic. We've never talked about wetting the baby's head. What a ridiculous, stupid thing to do. Oh, well, I will counteract that with baby showers.

Have I had a baby shower? No, I have not. They're utter bullshit. Baby showers is another one. I hate baby showers. Do you know what you hate? You hate occasions, don't you? You hate birthdays.

You hate Halloween. You hate bonfire night. You hate wet baby sets. No, I don't. No, because I love parties. I don't. I like occasions. I think baby showers are a waste of time.

Oh, yeah, everybody, hey, let's have a party while I'm up the duff. Eight months about to drop in the size of a wheel and I can't have a drink. No. That's why I never had one. I'm not be having one this time. No? Am I not? No.

No way am I having a baby shower. I go to baby showers because I can have a drink. And I think, well, it's lovely because I can catch up with all my friends. You know, one of them's always pregnant, which is a bit of a letdown, but that's fine. I have a go. I have a nice time. friends. You know, one of them's always pregnant, which is a bit of a letdown, but that's fine. I have a go. I have a nice time. Blah-de-blah. I have to smell the stupid nappies

and do the daft, stupid games like we're bloody sick. Sorry? Which is pathetic. What? Oh, they do games where just stupid, grown adults doing ridiculous games. You've caught us in a bad mood. I have, yeah, yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. What? Why are you in a bad mood? You're chatting off to a beater after this. What? Why are you in a bad mood? You're jetting off to Ibiza after this. How could you possibly be in a bad mood? You've got the world at your feet. Actually, imagine my baby shower if Wayne did it.

Hey. Oh, I tell you what. There'd be bloody Jäger bombs all over the place, wouldn't there? I know. Be the... Pete Tong. Be on the decks. Oh, God.

Is he still a good one to see I don't know look no offence to Pete Tong I don't know if he's current anymore listen if you're going to be in Ibiza knocking around

with all these partiers you can't be you've got to know your DJ references right okay well the only one I know

is died well what about Skrillex I don't know maybe he's a bit heavy what about that one who hoist cake at everyone

who I don't know there's a DJ who hoist cake at people I can't remember his name oh hey sounds right about

we'll not let you we'll not let you I can't have cake around me listen listen DJ cake guy

when you when you my lass make sure she's got her fucking mouth shut because we're going to the gym

tomorrow no carbs before marbs you she's going to have a defined body shut your mouth

with that cake anyway baby showers total uterbolics shan't be having one I will be wetting the baby's head no because do you remember when you wet Robin's head

yeah and you came in vomiting at the side of the bed when I had a newborn baby not happening Ramsey no I know

it's not happening do you know why it used to be a thing back in the day why see this is where this is what annoys us because we don't seem to move with the times because back in the day when a lady had a baby in hospital they would have to stay in hospital for like a week two weeks sometimes it was just the norm for them to stay in hospital with the baby okay but now you can go home the next day and go home a couple of days after if there's nothing going on you know so what would happen in those in those that week or whatever the husbands the blokes would go out and wet the baby's head because the the the wife or girlfriend whatever was in hospital with the baby just go out with a mate because yeah because

yeah and they weren't allowed in the hot they weren't allowed in the hospitals no they weren't allowed to be there at the birth. But that's all changed now. Yet still, this thing of wetting the baby's head is still a thing. Right. Well, that makes sense. So, are you up for staying for a week in the hospital then? Team player?

And then go out with the lads? Well, now that this is my second child, I'll stay in there for a month, if I'm honest. Oh, shit. No, I'll just have Robin on my own. It's not going to work. Can Robin come to the hospital? Look, it's probably good to bond with the baby if Robin

can come to the hospital with you. Just drop him off he'll sleep at the bottom of the bed. Two weeks. I reckon two weeks will do it.

Spot on. I reckon two weeks will do it. Spot on. What in the hospital? Yeah. Yeah.

What and Robin's got to be there as well? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just. Can't guarantee a private room.

I'm not bothered by that. I'm fine. I'll just pop in during the day. The nurses will love it. I'll pop in during

the day. Bit of breast milk, sort me hangover, straight back out. Got one here. Dear Chris and Rosie, I've been meaning to send you this story for some time and finally find myself with a spare five minutes.

Are you ready? Yeah. I'm a doctor in a sexual health clinic. So I have lots of rank stories get in please keep me anonymous for the sake of my job yes

the story I want to share involves a chap who came to the clinic some years ago his triage sheet said skin problem on penis fairly normal stuff for us so I didn't think

it was going to be exciting imagine that what a sentence that is just how to start your day skin problem on penis that's just standard skin problem on penis really put the popcorn away guys a slightly odd chap comes into the room looking rather uncomfortable first things first i ask what's he here for he tells me he's

had skin peeling off his penis for the last two days and it's very painful sorry to all the gentlemen listening that you had to hear that sorry i didn't put a trigger warning trigger warning your dick's peeling hasn't had sex for several years so unlikely to be related to that okay i start my next line of questioning around skin problems any eczema no any new personal hygiene problems at this point he begins to look sheepish what's he being sticking stick and he's digging? Oh my God. Oh, yeah. He eventually managed to tell me that he had purchased some, and they've put the product name here,

but I'm not saying what the product is. I'll just say what kind of product it is. I don't want to get in any lawsuits. He eventually managed to tell me that he had purchased some mouthwash. However, when he used the mouthwash as intended it burnt the inside of his mouth that stuff is vicious so he stopped using it for his dental hygiene but being environmentally and money-minded he didn't want to waste it please please for the love of God donwash? He decided to use it to wash his penis

Wow, oh my On more than one occasion Oh my word His poor penis was ruined The mouthwash had pulled off the top two layers of skin And the entire thing was red and ulcerated Ulcerated Ulcerated

I'm not often surprised or disgusted due to looking at genitals all day But it looked horrific. It took two weeks and a lot of treatment to get the poor chap vaguely comfortable and on the way back to penile health. Wow. Silver lining. Yeah. Would have tasted like a dream.

That's what you want. Honestly. You wouldn't really do out with it though, would you? What do you mean? Smells amazing, tastes amazing, but don't touch it, I it i'll cry oh yeah it might be a bit sore i just so i've just realized i didn't say the the product name there as if they're going to get in touch and go uh you said on your podcast that our product isn't suitable for washing dicks and i think you're fine i think you're fine that uh it is no i just why would you wash that with it?

Why would you put something in your mouth and go, that hurts a bit, I'll just rub it all over my knob? Like, wash your hair with it or something. Wash your hair with Listerine. Sorry. Oh! He said it. He half said it.

He half said it He half said it And you know what It's my favourite Can't believe that Bloody love it It was my favourite one I don't know what colour it was Was it the purple one

I know exactly which one it was Was it the purple Yeah Brilliant one That's the nicest one Yeah Ooh yeah I'd have had a chomp on that

No that's horrible Babadoo babadoo babadoo Rosie Yeah Guess what What We have amassed Yet another celebrity

friend. Tell you what. Because it's time for this week's celebrity question. Celebrity question. It is an exciting one this week as well

because it kind of involves us also. Wow. Brilliant. So a bit of a competition that we are involved with at the moment

and it's for some wonderful, wonderful charities. It's called Be My Guest and it's been organised by Emma Willis

and Giovanna Fletcher. Got you. You can win, if you donate £5, virginmoneygiving.com forward slash giving, forward slash Be My Guest, you can donate £5

to these fantastic charities. You've got Mind, Trussell Trust, Refuge and NHS charities as well. So what it is, donate £5 and you can win a Zoom chat with some of your favourite celebrities.

And some of them who are involved is, well, me and you are involved. What? You can win a Zoom chat with us. Win a Zoom chat with us. Yeah, and all we'll do is slag off Zoom. So that'll be fun. Fucking great. Oh, wow.

They've also got Fern Cotton. Amazing. Russell Brand. Wow. And McFly are there as well. Get in. Yeah, so donate £5 and you could be in with a chance. What's that website again, Rosie?

It's virginmoneygiving.com. It's forward slash giving, forward slash be my guest. There we go. And if that is hard to find, it'll be on Giovanna's Insta and socials. I'm going to share it as well. Rosie's going to share it and it'll be on Emma Willis' stuff as well. So here's Emma Willis' question. Amazing. Hey, Chris and Rosie, it's Emma. I'm going to share it as well. Rosie's going to share it and it'll be on Emma Willis' stuff as well. So here's Emma Willis' question. Amazing.

Hey, Chris and Rosie, it's Emma. I have a question for you. If you could win a video call with anybody that ever lived or indeed a fictional character from a book, TV show or movie, who would it be and why? Bye.

Oh, see what she did there? Yeah. Isn't she clever? Tied it all in there nicely well she's asked actually what is a very very good question but it's also on brand yeah I love it

it's almost like she's been a top flight TV presenter for years you'd think wouldn't you honestly it's almost like she's done this shit before she's great

she's one of the best ones she's awesome yeah awesome okay so who would you I think I immediately know mine okay

it's a bit weird but i think you'll be jealous of it right so i'm gonna go for fictional character all right from tv show yeah i would love a zoom chat with dwight from the u.s office right okay nice i would yeah that would be interesting what about michael scott though i don't know i know i just think not both no i think maybe Dwight and Michael Scott yeah but yeah

yeah so basically yeah them two in character as them characters but maybe just Dwight maybe to just throw if you've never seen the American Office guys

if you like the English one oh my god it takes it to the next level but I just think it would just be amazing you know he's just stupid little opinions on stuff where he's like

I don't know I don't know how to vocalise it without going really really fangirly about it, but I think I'd have Dwight from The Office. Nice one, nice one. Absolutely.

Okay, I think mine would be... Or Billy Connolly, sorry. You can't, no. To pick a real person, Billy Connolly. All right, okay. Well, mine would be Julie Wallace. Amazing, amazing.

And I've said this, I'm sure I've said this before as well, Victoria Wood, but she's not here anymore, unfortunately. Yeah, but fictional, possibly... Thor. Oh, that was so embarrassing.

You almost drooled when you said that. Yeah. That was Thor. Thor. Just, would Chris Hemsworth, would you like one with just Chris Hemsworth

or would he have to be Thor? Would he have to be talking about like Asgard and all the battles he's won and that? Yes. Okay, and he'd have to have the hammer there.

He'd have to have the full get up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Telling you how brave he is and stuff. The long hair. Oh, long hair, not the short hair. Oh, hang on. No, I'm trying to think. Three choices.

Long hair, Thor 1 and Thor 2. Thor Ragnarok and Endgame. Short hair with the bits going on the side. Not when he piles the weight on. Yeah, fat though. No, I'm alright for that. Very materialistic. You're very shallow. No, he lost his way. Very shallow.

No, he very, very much lost his way. You're very, very shallow. You still look good. Materialistic wasn't the word I was looking for. It was shallow and you're just not a nice person. No, it was really sad watching Thor. I did not enjoy that part of the film. Do you not think that fat though would like a video call with someone like you to maybe make himself feel better, to maybe help him with his, you know,

maybe help him in his... Chris, I'm not being funny. Even with... I still would have. Like, totally still would have. As your husband, that is depressing. Yeah. Thank you once again for listening to this week's Shag Marginoid, which is now part of the

acast creator network excellent excellent thank you so much guys we absolutely love you please continue to like rate and subscribe if you want to get in touch at shagmarinoid at gmail.com rosie get your bags packed will you bye rosie everyone say bye. Bye, everyone. Bye. See you later, haters. Get me that VIP. Where's me table, bitch? Get your dog a passport.

Don't worry. Forget that. Thanks very much, guys. chrisramseycomedy.com slash gigs. All me rescheduled dates are on there for 2021. Fuck COVID. We'll see you next week. Fuck you, COVID. Bye.

Bye. Eeyore. Eeyore. Eeyore. Away. Away. Dubai. Dubai. Mobile.

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Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile. I'm far away from this big town. And the rain is really very nice to be home again. Fly away on Benga Airways. Fly me high, Ibiza sky. We're going to Ibiza sky We're going to Ibiza Back to the island You're invited to an immersive listening party

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