Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 89. Where you bin my love?

Episode Date: November 6, 2020

It's a busy week for the sma's and da's - Rosie has a new song to share and Chris (with some help from the PM) has a lockdown quiz for all to play along. The couple discuss Jacket potatoes v's Toasties, how to beat an egg and male personal hygiene. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and

Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maradonoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my...

And Chris, and Chris Ramsey. And my Chris. And my Chris. My Chris. My Chris. You sound like me brother. That's what I say about me brother. You feel like your brother sometimes.

Now, thank you. Nice. Hello and welcome to the intro of the show. It's episode 89. Rosie, you all good? Finished? You want to slag us off anymore? No.

No? No more. All good. Can we just flag up that just before we started, you literally had to sit and go want to slag us off anymore? No. No? No more. You're good. Can we just flag up that just before we started you literally had to sit and go, right, what do we do and run it through your head?

Every week. There's a part of me as well that I don't know, I don't really know how we started every single time. It's been a busy week. But listen,

it's been a busy week. We've got a crack on. We've got a lucrative sponsor as always, you know. Money doesn't sleep, Rosie. Money doesn't sleep. Apparently it grows on trees as well. Does it? I think. Is that the crack?. Apparently it grows on trees as well. Does it?

You would think. Is that the crack? People think it does. Really? Yeah. Which people? I'm not going to name them on the podcast because I think they'd be a bit embarrassed.

Right. But a lot of people, whilst this has all been going on, have said, can the government not just make more money? And I've said, no, they can't. Didn't someone's... Who's relative was it? Was it one of mine or one of yours? Didn't they say, can they not just print some more? Yes it was it one of mine or one of yours didn't they say

can they not just print some more yes it was one of my relatives you know what the more I think about it the more I feel like it makes sense

I feel like just going to the computer where all the money is stick a couple of zeros on very nice money money money you know what I mean they never do that

in films anymore do you remember all of our childhood films there used to be a scene of just printing money do you remember it would be on the machines there used to be a scene of just printing money. It would be on the machines. They never do that anymore. They'd print the money, then the money would go into a briefcase. The briefcase would be handcuffed to a man in a suit

and he would be walking quite, yeah, and he would be walking with the thing. On to an 80s plane. Wow, never happens anymore. And some of us would always go, do you want to check that baggage in the hold, sir? And he'd go, oh no. This stays with me. He's got the printed money and all the diamonds, sir? And you go, oh no. Oh no. This stays with me. And you're like, that's because it's got the printed money

and all the diamonds. It's got $1,000 inside. Inflation's changed. Yeah, some of their movies now are like, it's got $100,000 handcuffed to his wrist. You're like, really?

To his wrist? Is his arm chopped off for that? Inflation, man. Just quickly, because we've never spoke about this before and I know it's the intro,

but I always say to you, whenever we watch films, right? Yeah. And the people who protect certain people are just always ready to die. Oh, the henchmen.

And I never understand why. And we've never spoken about this, but this is such a huge issue in my life. Whenever I watch it, I'm like, why are you dying

for that person? Yeah. They're just like, come on, fight to the death. Right, okay, so let's let people in now because you've jumped ahead

and you haven't really explained what you're angry about. Oh right, I'm sorry. Basically, if me and Rosie are watching a movie and say someone, say there's like the chief baddie is against the chief goodie

and then the baddie will sometimes like die or like the baddie will be over and then all of their henchmen just like, they won't stop, they're watching all their mates die and they're like no and they're like going for it and you're right it's like fucking hell their their health plan and pension from this employer must be off the charts i just always think just don't do it you've got you might have a wife and family at home turn around go home did you ever see it when austin

powers one did that henchman thing that was so Austin Powers 1 did a thing like that amazing where they kind of like it was like no one thinks about the henchman and it went back and just did like

it interviewed like the guy's family and everything it was fucking brilliant Austin Powers absolute game changer but no but what you're saying

is totally right they keep fighting for it it's like they must be on like what like performance based like you know if you like sell more you get more money

how many goodies did you knock out? This is ridiculous. Anyway. Now, without further ado, listen, you think I forgot the sponsor? I haven't got the sponsor. Oh, gosh. This week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor is... Yes.

Topical as well, is... Graphs on the News. Hey, think you're understanding anything that's going on? Wait for it. Here's a fucking graph to prove you wrong. Graphs. Maps by color chart. There you go.

Graphs on the news. Please, please, can we just have a pie chart? Next slide. Next slide, please. Next slide, please. Next slide. It's when the goal, as you can see, you go, no, no, no, no, no. Don't start that sentence with as you can see, because no one knows what the actual fuck

you're doing. I've got a theory that they come on and hammer us with graphs so much, right? So that then when Boris finally tells us that we can't see, we're mates or whatever, we don't even care. We're like, just tell what we can't do, we don't care, as long as the graphs have stopped. Stop the fucking graphs.

Oh my God. Graphs on the news. Thought the news was boring? Think again. Just got worse. People saying it as well don't help, do they? Graphs on the news. It's what? Pie chart percentages.

I understand them. It's the number of graphs. It's the colours. Oh, graphs on the news. Is that it? Nature's sadness. Right, here's the jingle. Here's the jingle!

We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle! Babadoo babadoo babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed.

We're so happy to have you back. We are indeed. Should we start with a song? I would always say no, but I'm... Because you're a miserable bastard. We've talked about this before, it's not how I get in the mood for stuff. I like to be quite silent and get my head in the game and you like to, you know, put on the fucking Hamilton soundtrack

and scream as loud as you can in the kitchen. Well, I've wrote a song. Oh, you've wrote a song? Well... Well, hey, look, I'm always up for someone writing their own song. Okay. So, basically, we had a meeting about the merch yesterday. Yeah.

And the merch people were like, have you mentioned it on the podcast? And I went, oh, yeah, we did mention it on the podcast right at the end when people possibly turn it off. Yeah. How dare you? I think they listen to every single bit. I think they even listen to the bit where it goes quiet and the jingle sort of fades out.

Oh, definitely wouldn't. I think they sit waiting. No, anyway, so I thought, let's do it at the beginning. And to engage, right? Yeah. I've done a song about the merch. So this is like the merch ad. And I've done a song about the merch. So this is like the merch ad. You've written a jingle for the merch?

I don't. You're making it sound more exciting than it is. No, no. Rosie, you know, 2020. Anything's exciting now. Okay, well, are you ready? Yeah. I hope you like it.

Okay. Okay, here we go. Can I introduce you like you're on Little Mix The Search? Yes, have a practice. Like you're going to be on Little Mix. So you're going to now go out and do this in front of the... Are you're on Little Mix The Search? Yes, have a practice. Like you're going to be on Little Mix, so you're going to now go out and do this in front of... Are you going to sing it as well? You're holding your laptop up like a fucking violin again.

Yeah, no, I'm going to sing it. Okay, okay. Please welcome to the stage on Little Mix The Search, performing for Little Mix to go on tour with Little Mix. Shit. It's Rosie Ramsey with her Sma merch jingle. Take it away, Rosie. Okay, thank you, Chris.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, here's one you all can sing with us. Sma merch jingle. Take it away, Rosie. Okay, thank you, Chris. Now, ladies and gentlemen, here's one you all can sing with us. Sma's Merching In. Let the Sma's go merging in. Oh, when the Sma's go merging in. Oh, when the Sma's go merging in Oh, when the smiles go merging in I want to grab A wine glass, key ring and a cup and saucer

Oh, when the smiles go merging in One more time, here we go. Really? One more time. Oh, when the smiles go merging in. Oh, when the smiles go merging in. Don't forget about the daz. Get me a tea towel, a phone case, and an apron for the splashes.

When the smiles go merging in oh Luizia oh oh not the saints the smiles come on the impersonation

oh come on dude there we go did you not get that well well well Rosie thank you

very well done Shag Married Annoyed merch is currently available at shagmarriedannoyed.com. Something. Website. Google it. Sorry, just as you performed there,

just in front of Little Mix, we just need to go to, we need to get the scores from Little Mix. Okay, go to Jade first. Go to Jade first. Jade's currently being sick. She's being sick on the floor. She has that offended.

Perry left. Okay. Leanne left. Jessie's on the phone. Sorry, it's zeros across the board you're not supporting them

on tour with that song I'm so sorry right okay how about I support the act that wins

on their next tour that's a whole new show we'll have to speak to the BBC alright thank you just glad to be a part of it when the smiles

go marching in you know what I'll give you that thank you very well done so what's been going on When the smiles go merging in. You know what? I'll give you that. Thank you. Very well done. So, what's been going on? Well, I mean, do you want to know?

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you. There's someone in this room now, Rosie, as we record this, who feels absolutely foolish for calling themselves Mr. Saturday Night last week. Oh, yeah. there was that. Beyond foolish. Thank you to everyone who got in touch telling us literally a second national lockdown

is getting announced, which is just a huge thing for everyone. The repercussions are massive. And all I got on Twitter was people just going, Boris has been listening, heard you calling yourself Mr. Saturday Night, so he's fucked you over. That's like... Oh, bless you. Fair play to everyone. But as I said, you calling yourself Mr. Saturday Night, so he's fucked you over. That's like...

Oh, bless you. Fair play to everyone. But as I said, I'm now Mr. Next Week, Mr. Friday and Saturday Night. Mr. Weekend. Mr. Weekend. Yeah, Little Mix's search got axed last week in favour of... Pulled from the schedule.

It didn't get axed. Oh, no, sorry. Pulled from... I don't know the lingo. The TV lingo. I'm very sorry. It got pulled from the scheduling and Boris was on instead, two hours late.

Waffling on. So we are the Britain, what do we call ourselves? Wow. No, because I put on Instagram, United Kingdom, and somebody was like, it's not all of you. Oh, someone was like, yeah, Wales is already in a lockdown or whatever. Yeah, so, England? I'm just going to say England. England, we are

on a lockdown again. Second lockdown. Yeah, oh, that's shit. Lockdown 2, the sequel. Not worth buying. Wouldn't recommend it to a friend. Not as good as the first? I don't know. Not as looked forward to.

Good, yeah. The not anticipated, the in no way anticipated or asked for sequel. Goodness me. But yeah, Rosie, I've got a little surprise for you, actually. Okay. Because I had,

obviously because I'm Mr. Saturday Night, Boris rang us straight after the thing and said, look, Chris, I'm so sorry, I knew you were Mr. Saturday Night. I'm so sorry to bump you from the schedule. We'll put you on on Friday. So that's on actually on Friday night, the semi-final of Little Mixer Search on Friday night

and the finals on Saturday night this week. As you listen to the podcast, the date comes out. But anyway, he apologised as he did, you know, we're chatting about the rugby and that. Then he said to me, do I want to give this country an opportunity to get out of the lockdown? Right.

I obviously, I attacked that with both hands. I says, yes, I do. So what he did was he sent me a quiz, right? Right. Lockdown, the sequel, quiz. Right. The rules that he's, honestly, the rules he's set out, 2020 doesn't surprise me anymore. The rules that Boris and them other fellas, you know, there is two velociraptors.

Pinky and the Brain. You know, in Jurassic Park Velociraptors. Pinky and the Brain. You know in Jurassic Park, the one raptor comes from the front and the other two raptors at the side, you didn't even know they were there. That's them two. So him and his little Velociraptors, they have given me

a 10 question quiz for you. For me? Specifically for you called Lockdown the Sequel. They're listening now. Rosie, they're in the other room.

They're listening now. Better not be. We're locked down. There shouldn't be any yet.'s get out it's work i can't do this from hypocrites it's work same as the guys currently doing my bathroom by the way guys if you hear any noise there's people doing my bathroom just wish my mom and dad were bathroom for us so i could see them yeah anyway they've given me a quiz this is from the government okay 10 questions basically the way the quiz works is uh lockdown 2 is the name of the movie, right? And then the tagline of the movie, right?

Yeah. Is basically, you've got to guess. I'll say the movie name. This is fucking so convoluted. What I'm doing is I'm trying to think of an example that I haven't written down here, which is really annoying. Okay, so say Jurassic Park, The Lost World.

Yes. So it's Jurassic Park 2, The Lost World. So if I said to you, Lockdown 2, The Lost Lockdown, you would go, oh, I think that's Jurassic Park 2, The Lost World. Right. So you've got 10 of them. You've got 10 movie names that have been changed into lockdown words, lockdown phrases.

You've got to get all 10 right, okay? And the country is out of lockdown. And Christmas is safe. But more importantly, Bonfire Night is safe. Right. phrases you've got to get all 10 right okay and the country is out of lockdown and christmas is saved but more importantly bonfire night is saved right this is a lot of pressure to be putting on listen i you know in times of struggle and hardship you know your normal person has to step up you know mrs tuesday morning you have to yeah you have to step i'm here tuesday morning is a very important day of some people's week okay let's let's see how you do. This sounds hard. It is, you have to get 100%, right?

But if you do get one or two wrong, I'm going to be honest with you right now, there is an 11th bonus question that could turn the whole thing around. Right. Why not just ask that one straight away? Because it's not good content. Right, obviously.

It's haphazard. It's just being rushed together. The lads rushed it through. Boris delivered it himself, which I thought was great. That's nice of him. Here we go. Question one. Okay.

What movie is this? What movie sequel is this? Right, okay. They're all sequels. Yes. Right. Because the lockdown is a sequel. Oh, right, okay.

They're not all twos, though. They're not all the second sequel. Some of them are the third. Carry on. Okay. Question one. Play along, listener. Play along.

Lockdown two. Lockdown with a Vengeance. Oh. Oh. I can't give you clues. Right, come on then. Is it, oh, is it, what's his face? Bruce Willis.

Right, yeah, yeah. Avenger. No. Die Hard. Die Hard. Die Hard. Die Hard with a Vengeance. Get in. Excellent.

First one down. Come on. Guys, this is going to be. Ho, ho, Guys, this is going to be a good bonfire night. Rolling me shoulder to shoulder. Come on. Lockdown. Next question. Yes.

Lockdown 2. The lockdown strikes back. The Empire strikes back. Boom. Star Wars. Fantastic. Motherfucking hell. Come on.

Question 3. Yes. Lockdown 2. Yeah. Lockdown 2. Yeah. Lockdown and lockdown's bogus journey. Oh. Oh, Bill and Ted. Yay!

Bill and Ted Adventures. So good. Bill and Ted's bogus journey. That's it. Number three. Okay. Okay. Am I getting these all right?

This is three right. You're doing very, very well. Thank you. Okay, number four. Yeah. Lockdown 2 returned to lockdown. Is it returned to Oz? Whoa!

Wizard of Oz returned to Oz? You are doing a lot better than I thought you would. Yes, thank you. This is amazing. Chris, I really like films. Wow, okay. Come on. Okay.

Question five. Yes. Lockdown 2 locked down family values. Parent Trap? No. No, I wanted to go again. What? What? What? yes lockdown 2 lockdown family values parent trap no no I wanted to go again what what what is it

lockdown 2 the lockdowns family values the Adams the Adams family values yes is it right can I have that

that is correct you can have that I will accept thank you I will accept that I will accept that okay question number 6 I'm enjoying this Chris question number 6 lockdown 2 I hope you're enjoying playing away at home You can have that. I will accept that. I will accept that. Okay. Question number six.

I'm enjoying this, Chris. Question number six. Lockdown 2. I hope you're enjoying playing away at home wherever you are as well. Question number six. Lockdown 2. The Lockdown Ultimatum.

Oh. This sounds spurious. There's people screaming. The Lockdown Ultimatum. Ultimatum. Is it a marvelr lockdown. Ultimatwm. Yn ymarferol? Nid, rydyn ni wedi gweld nhw yn ddiweddar. Dwi ddim yn meddwl bod ni wedi gweld nhw i gyd.

Rwy'n meddwl bod yn ychwanegu'n rhyfeddol ar y llwyth o ddwy neu llwyth. O, na. Ffilmiau? Ylw'r ultimatwm. O, Chris. Byddaf yn rhoi'ch gwybod. Y bobl bach yn eich mewn, yn fuan, bydd yn mynd i fod... Yma? Bone? that little baby inside your stomach, soon it's going to be... Here? Born?

Born identity? Matthew Born? Matthew Born! What's his name? The Born? Or what's it called? What Matt Damon does normally is just so everyone knows that he's in the movie,

he insists he always keeps his first name. Hey Matt, thanks for coming to script reading. We're so glad to have you on board. So your character's Jason the movie. He insists he always keeps his first name. Hey Matt, thanks for coming to script reading. So we're so glad to have you on board. So your character's Jason Bourne.

Sorry. Sorry, sorry, my character's what? Your character's Jason Bourne. Did you not read my contract? All of my,

all of my characters are called Matthew. Jason Bourne. What's it called born all the made him right okay i'll give you that good films then i'll give you that okay thank you okay

number seven question number seven oh right okay oh nearly there question number seven lockdown two the lockdown has down under oh the down under the Lockdown 2, The Lockdowners Down Under. Oh, the... Down Under.

The... What's it called? Lockdown 2, The Lockdowners Down Under. R-E-S-C-U-E, Rescue Aid Society. Yes. The Rescuers Down Under. The Rescuers Down Under. Better than the first one.

Smashing it. Absolutely smashing it. Come on. I can smell the Catherine wheels from here smell the Catherine wheels think of them sparklers think of everyone

writing their name in sparklers come on we got this we got this okay question number eight yeah I hope you're enjoying playing along at all they're probably not

but that's fine they're probably turned off they'll probably skip this lockdown two yeah the winter lockdown winter's tale no the winter lockdown winter's tale um no the winter it's people screaming it's a marvel it's all oh um captain america yes captain america winter is that winter still book the winter soldier

not the winter's tale jesus winter's Winter's Tale. Captain America 2, a Winter's Tale. It was only a winter's tale. Captain America fucking putting his tree up in there. I would watch that. I'd probably watch it. If he had his arse out. I was going to say, when he stretches up to put the star on, you'll really see that bum like.

Right. Okay. Yes. Is this the last one? No, this is question nine and then number ten. Right. The clues stop now. Right. Okay. The clues stop now.

Right. The clues stop now. It's written here. And it sort of borrows halfway through. You know how he likes to sort of say, oh, you know, we'll stick to the regional system. We'll not lock down. I've changed my mind. He changes his mind.

So he's changed his mind here. So the clues stop now. Okay. Okay. Question nine. Yeah. Lockdown two. Lockdowns.

Lockdowns. Lockdowns. I mean, saying it again doesn't help. Lockdowns. Lockdowns. Lockdown 2. Lockdowns. If the first film was called Lockdown, the second one isn't called Lockdown 2,

it's just called Lockdowns. So Lockdown and Lockdowns. Jaws? I don't know.? I don't know. I really don't know. It was aliens. The sequel to Alien. Oh, okay.

The sequel to Alien is aliens. So you've got so far... Is it? Yes. That is shite. Very clever I think to find. How dare you. Alien aliens.

I'll walk down the street now to Harton House Road to Ridley Scott's Ma's house and I'll tell her. I'll tell her you're slagging him off. Please don't. Because he's from here. He is school me dad literally lived down the road um never mentions it thanks Ridley um yeah he doesn't live down the road anymore I think his parents yeah I think his parents I mean they might not live here anymore well I think he's really he's a lot older anyway look it doesn't matter right Ridley Scott aside you've got eight out of nine right this next question you can get it right or not you still have

to go into the bonus round to try and save lockdown okay save save christmas and more importantly bonfire i would really chris honestly the way that this year has gone i would really like to save bonfire night wow wow honestly guys do you see what 2020 is doing to rosie ramsey i put a pumpkin outside this house this year and i don put a pumpkin outside this house. And I don't like Halloween at all. I turn off the lights at Halloween. I put a pumpkin outside this year. And you shift that pumpkin, actually. The squirrel's been having a go at it.

It's getting minging. Okay. Question number 10. Yeah. Lockdown. Oh, which is where Boris lives. Yes. Lockdown.

Does he sleep there? Anyway. Lockdown 2, Infinity Lockdown. Avengers, Infinity War Congratulations That's 9 out of 10 Yeah Okay

That's very very good Right Okay Time for the super bonus Get 100% and lockdown To save Christmas But more importantly Bonfire night

Yeah Question So if I get this right I've won everything If you get this right You've won everything Okay It's possibly the hardest question

On any quiz ever Would I get an MBE Knighthood Oh my? Knighthood. Oh my God. Knighthood. They're going to change it so that women can get knighthood just for this. Can women not get knighthood? I don't think so.

I think they get a thing that's similar. But for this, they're going to change it. Typical, isn't it? They're going to change it. Right? So they should. They should have changed it before now. They're going to put it on your left shoulder, your right shoulder.

They're going to put that sword all over you. Yeah. Like a lip balm. Like they're sanitising you with a sword. Like Zorro question 11 yeah super bonus

name the film oh shit I forgot how to do anything okay lockdown 2 yeah that's it are you joking

it's just that it's the hardest question in the history of quizzes lockdown 2 I think I know what it is come on then oh but I probably don't okay if you

get it this will be literally ridiculous right okay okay is it home alone too it's not oh shit the bed guys guys emails to shag my naughty gmail.com hate mail for rosie she could have saved lockdown she didn't save lockdown shocking Shocking. Sorry. Shocking. It was Problem Child 2. Oh, how weird. No. I love that film. Should have got it. Can't believe you didn't get that.

Oh, don't. That's really hard. Can't believe you didn't get that. Chris. You've seen that. You could have changed that. Nobody would have known. Honestly.

You prick. Sorry, everyone. Nice try, everyone. Get back in your house. Get back in the house. As Rosie's brother said yesterday when he came to

pick up an oven enjoy your lockdown see you in a month he really did babadoo babadoo babadoo it's time for what's your beef

what's your beef beef beef what is your what's your beef no uh spurious characters turning up this week

no no can't be arsed can't be arsed asking arguing you took too long with that game anyway er I think you're fine characters turning up this week? No, they're all good. No. Can't be arsed. Can't be arsed asking, arguing with them about freebies. You took too long with that game anyway. I think you'll find you took too long failing to save the country.

So yeah, well done. What's your beef? Oh, my beef with you this week is at the minute, obviously we're both working from home. Robin is at school. You've been getting up with Robin, which is lovely. Thank you very much. Really appreciate it. You at school uh you've been getting up with robin which is lovely thank you very much really appreciate it i've been going upstairs getting ready we're very lucky

that we're not in we don't have the family setup of having to both rush and get ready for work like i remember my mom and dad did and blah blah um could you if you are not taking robin to school and i'm taking robin to school could you just have him ready? Could you have him ready? And I don't mean he's got his clothes on. I mean, could you have him with his clothes on, with his shoes on, with his glasses on, with his hair done, with his bottle filled of water, with his bag packed, possibly his coat on,

just so I can go, here we go. Because when you take Robin to school, what is he? What is he? At Hapar State. Right. He's stood at the door ready, Chris. Okay. Fully ready. Not every time, Mia. school, what is he? What is he? At Hapar State. Right. He's stood at the door ready, Chris. Okay. Fully ready. Not every time

may I add. No, he is. Sometimes I leave you in bed and I do it all myself. But, oh, God, once or twice. Seriously. Oh, yeah. Right. Just have him ready. Sometimes he's just awkward on a morning, like he doesn't want his hair brushed, doesn't want his teeth brushed, moves around all and just squirms about.

No, Yesterday morning yesterday morning he wasn't ready. You were stood there nowhere to go absolutely nowhere to go stood there with a towel around you

looking in the mirror brushing your teeth doing your hair like flipping what's he called Kevin McAllister on Home Alone and Robin was just

not ready at all and I was like we're going to be late. It did sting when I put the aftershave on I did scream. Just have him ready please for the love of God.

I'm sorry. Goodness me. Okay. Be ready tomorrow. Like fully ready. Like hair done teeth brushed actually at the door

ready to go. Just realised I'm not here I'm doing a little mix. Sorry. So you'll have to do all that yourself. Right fine. And it'll be ready

and I'll be ready and it'll be fine. So it's better when you do it all yourself? No. What you're saying is it's better when you do it all yourself? Oh, yeah. Shut up.

Got you. Right, what's your beef? Got you. My beef with you this week is, so this is a kind of follow-on from, I think I've talked in the past about how you're a nightmare, train stations and airports, if you feel like you're going to be late for something.

Don't like being late. Hell on earth. Absolute hell on earth. I like it. So that's one of your little anxiety things and you've got another one of them that i didn't realize that you had right and so we went away at the weekend we were we were in london when i did the little mix thing and then i came and saw you and ron had a lovely little weekend saturday and sunday in london we went out for a walk uh on saturday down the river and then we're

walking back to the hotel um You, about 15 times, kept shouting at me to get my phone out and get on Google Maps and see how to get back to our hotel. Will you tell everyone what hotel we were at that we could literally fucking see from every single angle that we were at in London as it's the tallest building in England?

Right, okay, yes. We stayed at the Shard and it was lovely. We trekked ourselves. We did, but I could see it. I could literally see it. Just because you can... Get your maps out. I'm going, it's fucking there.

Have you ever watched Bear Grylls the Island? No. Right, well, watch it because there's a lot of times that they can see where they need to be, but you can't just get there, Chris, because the paths and the roads might be blocked. And I'm not being funny. This is ridiculous.

Just because you can see where you need to be doesn't mean there's not just a magical straight little path. You're not in the flipping wizard of Oz. There's not a yellow brick road taking you to the hotel. But my point is, it was massive, and I could see it, and if I'd walked past it, I'd realise because it would move. Right.

It's like the fucking moon. Yes. You've just got to walk towards it. But we have a five-year-old, right? Uh-huh. In the history of the world, five-year-olds, they don't walk very far. Right. And you don't like picking them up because you don't like getting mud on your jacket.

That's another flipping thing you've got to beef with. So you don't like picking them up if he's tired, right? And I can't pick him up at the minute because I'm seven months pregnant. Thank you very much. So I just thought, you know what?

It's a 20 minute walk. Let's do it in 20 minutes rather than, you know, and it was pissing down with rain. Are you having a laugh? Rosie, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm going to back down on this.

No, Nat, you're wrong. You're wrong. I can see it. At one point, you literally went, get out, and I'm looking up, I'm going, I think it's that way, Rosie, because there's the fucking looming, Nat, you're wrong. I can see it. At one point, you literally went, get out. And I'm looking up, I'm going, I think it's that way, Rosie,

because there's the fucking looming, massive, big, like skyline occupying structure of the hotel. Oh, yeah, but you know what's going to be in the way? About 19 Pret-a-Mangers that you're going to have to blow and bypass. I don't know. What world are you living in where you can just look at me and go go that moment I just think

I just think I could I just think it was yeah I just yeah you are ridiculous I think because you went

you went and looked at your map out didn't you yeah I did yeah because I don't want to take a wrong way and then have Robin

going mommy I'm tired my feet are hurting and then you going well I'm not picking you up because you've got mud on your shoes

but the thing is the moment I turned down any kind of street that pointed me in the direction where I wasn't walking towards that massive building I probably wouldn't have walked in that direction oh we're not going to agree on this but this is coming from the same man who gets in the car and every oh no

Christopher Ramsey can I pause you for one second to let everyone know that before this you said i don't know if we should do the beefs this week i'm starting to agree it's getting a bit heated well you get in the car right and we have to pull out of the driveway and you can go two ways out of our driveway so that our street there's like the top entrance and the bottom entrance take your different directions okay christopher will just go either direction and then go oh i didn't need i shouldn't come this way rather than sitting at the end of the drive and going okay let me plan my route let me think right which way do i need to be that'll be quicker left today because i'm going there and that's up that way rather than which way

do we go today? And then being 20 minutes in the wrong direction. Rosie. Infuriating. Rosie. Life's not about the destination. It's about the journey. Oh yeah. It was about the journey before we had a

child. Now everything is you know strict child. Fair enough. Now everything is, you know, strict time. Fair enough. While we're on the beefs as well, I've got a second beef with you this week. No, you have not. I have. I arrived at the hotel late.

You text me the room number. I got to the reception. It was the wrong room number. So I turned up, face mask on, cap on, bag on. I'm not going to lie, i had a couple of beers after the show um i literally told the lady the wrong room number for the name and she uh full-on interrogated us to the point of where she actually phoned the room and said there's a man here he says he's your husband is that true and you want to let us up well take it as a hint. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah!

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we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com it's time for questions from the public as always guys if you want to get in touch it's shagmarinoid at gmail.com Cues from the bees. I was expecting a little cuse from the bees. Cues from the bees. As always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmarinoid at gmail.com. Send us your funny stories and all of that jazz. And please continue to like, rate and subscribe because I love it.

We've got the 30,000. 30,000 rates now on the Apple. That's good. Thank you so much. Thank you. Got the most on there by a mile. By a country mile. Yeah.

So thank you all very, very much. We really, really do appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Now, So thank you all very, very much. We really, really do appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Now, onto your filth and other silliness. Kiki! Dear Rosie and Chris,

tonight, me and my husband of two and a half years, whom I've been with for 11 years, decided we were going to have katsu chicken curry for dinner. Wow. Nice. That's quite,

that's an inventive dinner. I mean, I just don't even ever think I've been given a sentence before with so much information in it. There's a lot of information. And I'm starting to think that the time limits,

it feels like the day they met, they decided, shall we have katsu chicken curry? And it's took 11 years to come to this decision. Yeah, why? Why have she told me they've been married for two and a half

but they've been together for 11 and then they decide who knows anyway I do love that when it takes someone absolutely ages

to get married like they were just waiting around I think we've mentioned that before yeah it's just like oh you've been married

how long have you been together 10 years okay so buzzing to be married finally finally if he dies I'll get some of the money.

Right. So they're having chicken katukuri. Fantastic. Good choice. I got the breadcrumbs ready and asked said husband to crack an egg into a bowl and beat it for me. I heard him crack the egg but could not hear the fork hitting the ball. I turned to my left, and to my horror, he had his fingers in the ball, moving them rapidly around the egg.

When I asked what he was doing, he could not say any problem with this. My question for you both is, how do you beat your eggs should i ever let him near me again he's just doing it with his fingers well i imagine more of like a cupping motion so i imagine he was scooping more than like like tapping i imagine like you know like in a cartoon when someone's playing the piano if like daffy duck or someone or donald are playing the piano and the fingers are going absolutely crazy.

Is that how you see it? See, I don't see it like that. That's how I see him flicking his fingers around. No, I see him kind of like scooping like that. What a nutter. What's he doing that for? Who knows? Never ever let him make it.

There's a pandemic. This is why there's a pandemic. And he's fingering your eggs. Absolutely disgusting. Yeah, don't let him make... No, no, don't let him make that again. there's a pandemic and he's fingering your eggs absolutely disgusting yeah don't god yeah don't let him make no

no don't let him make that again but that's after 11 years of being with someone they mustn't eat many eggs

yeah how should you only just realise I don't know so beat he must think beating an egg that's got something to do with like

well you beat stuff up with your hands don't you possibly this always worries me though why don't people get taught basic skills like that like that Rosie because hands, don't you? Possibly. This always worries me, though. Why don't people get taught basic skills? Like that?

Like that. Rosie, because most people don't give a fuck. I know. But you know what? You're saying that. You didn't know how to make a jack of potatoes. Because I don't like jack of potatoes. But still.

I delete it from my head every time he tells me to do it. I don't really like cheese toasties, but I know how to make them. That's different, though. Rosie, a cheese toasty trumps a fucking jack of potato every day. Are you having a laugh? Are you taking the piss out of me? Are you taking the piss out of me?

Is this happening? Back to the beefs. Are you kidding me? Sorry. You think a jack of potato is more of like a classic, absolute staple, legendary snack than a cheese toasty? Abso-flippin'-lutely. Nah. I'm not being funny. Has there been any restaurants just called cheese toasties because there's definitely been a

restaurant chain called spud you like that just because someone dedicated that no i've got a book in the other room of all of the best cheese toasties to make and there is there's food vans that do just grilled cheeses in America. Is there? Yeah. Fair enough. It's a massive thing. No, I definitely think jack potatoes are more popular than cheese toasties.

I love it, honestly. I'm absolutely raging. I love a jack of potatoes. Friday, when this goes out, guys, if you're listening to this now, Twitter, I'll put a Twitter poll out on Friday. Right. I can't have this.

Well, not plain jack of potatoes, though. You have to choose a filling. Right, well, you can't do that then. You can't say this thing, whatever you want in it, is a classic because that's ridiculous.

Do you know what I mean? That's like saying sandwiches are best. I'm saying cheese and two bits of toast. Bumf, melted cheese inside. Cheese toasty. Right, well I'm saying

a jacket potato with tuna, sweet corn, mayonnaise and balsamic vinegar and a blob of butter and a bit of salt. You've just ruined it. Possibly pepper. No people out there are going to

this is Shagmire, they don't know, but these people don't know what balsamic vinegar is. Honestly, they're all, they're ringing Boris now to tell them you're a witch. I'm sure you do guys,

I'm joking. But I'm raging about this by the way, cheese toasties forever. Got a romantic one here. I'll be the judge of that. Well, no, no, it is. It's like, where is this man?

Oh, okay. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I work night shift as an online shopper. What the fuck's an online shopper? What do you mean? I work night shift as an online shopper. What is that? Probably packing, like the packers.

Oh, so for an online shopping place. I'm guessing so. Jesus Christ, I'm freaking out. Why do you think somebody employs someone just to do an online shop

for them? But only at night. Do you know what I mean? Like, will you be my PA? Absolutely. What's my duties? Online shop for us. Okay, great.

I'll start now. No, you will not. You'll start when I go to bed. You'll start at midnight. And in the morning I'll wake up and I'll check my basket on Amazon

and I'll tell you if I'm happy or not what the fuck is that nights is an online shop because you didn't say i pack stuff for online i work nights as an online shopper but that's probably the lingo they use but my point is it's not like i go to 24 hour asda at night when it's quiet it's not like I go to 24-hour Asda at night when it's quiet. It's not like the internet's quieter and less busy during the night. It's not like you're queuing on the fucking John Lewis website. I don't know what she does, all right? I hate her.

Why do people keep doing this? Why do they put such a thing that just freaks... Remember a while ago, that person emailed and they gave so much detail because they knew it would get us upset. Everyone needs to do that because now I've got no remember a while ago that person emailed and they gave so much detail because they knew it gets us upset. Like, everyone needs to do that because now I've got no idea what the hell that means. She doesn't mention it again

if that happens. I hate her so much! No, she does not mention her job Right, well, if she's looking for a man I love, I hope she doesn't find it for that. You horrible, nasty piece of work. Okay, sorry, sorry.

I'm just, sorry. She's put, anyway, so, the story. Right. At the beginning of the year, I got glandular fever. Got you. It was horrendous. Oh, man.

I was bed bound for a good month and I'm still suffering with it today. Oh, no. It could have been COVID. Who knows? Who knows? I was at home 24-7 and then lockdown came into place, so I never really felt the effect of it. Anyways, every Wednesdaynesday our bin men

come and collect our bins or bin ladies sorry bin people bin humans bin humans my nephew absolutely loves the lorry so he stands on the window seal to watch them window seal yeah window sill she's put see oh she. Window seal? She's put seal. Oh, she has actually. Bless her. She's put. So he stands on my window seal. And then she's putting brags.

Sorry, I can't spell. Because it's seal, isn't it? Not seal. I think so. Yeah. Sorry. Window seal. Oh, she's from Wales.

I've put it on my window seal. What is that noise? It's the window seal Get rid of it No It came with the house So he stands on the window seal Yeah

Unfair RSPCA will be all over you for this Slippy as well Dangerous Right One week This absolute sort Came and took our bins.

But I didn't really think of anything at the time. I think much of it at the time. Yeah, okay. He saw my nephew and waved. He then carried on with his job and started doing press-ups with the bins down my road. I was like, was that for me? Press-ups? This is the bit where I was like right

okay so an attractive man's coming he's doing your bins which is nice have a little look lovely he starts doing

press ups on the bins further down the road you're still looking is he doing press ups does she mean press ups

does she mean he's picking the bins up and he's like pressing them as in he's lifting them over his head

so let's have a read again so started doing press-ups with the bins. So push-ups or press-ups? Press-ups is when you're on the floor. Press-ups is when you're on the floor pushing yourself up. So I imagine he's kind of either lifting them in the air.

Anyway, he's shown how physically strong he is with bins. Yes, and she's saying was that for me? She's absolutely dripping. Oh, I've made a wet floor sign over by this yeah she's loving it i mean it would have made me feel physically sick but everybody's got a different level of what they find attractive well yeah she's been locked in since january she doesn't know what's ups down downs absolutely the seals on her window it's just freaking yeah i don't blame

her yeah yeah she's pulsating at this point. She's loving it. Anyway, so he came back the next day and waved again to my nephew. And I found myself becoming very fond of him. Sorry, they get their bins collected on a daily basis. No, then I think she means the next week. Oh, it actually says next week. That's my fault. I'm sorry. Goodness me.

Were you getting jealous? Oh, yeah, I was fucking raging. Imagine getting your bin collected every day. Oh, I'd love that. Where do you live? A bloody Wardorf Astoria? Eh? A bloody Ivy?

Eh? I would love that. A shard? Unfortunately, my nephew then couldn't come to our house because of lockdown. Yeah. But every Wednesday at 9.30, I would stand at my window

and wait for the bin guy to come. Chris. I was literally falling in love with him. Don't get us wrong, it's lovely. It's a modern day love story. It's lovely. It is actually lovely. Yeah, I really do love it.

I find it funny how tragic it is at the same time. It's a modern day love story. It's lovely. It is actually lovely. Yeah, I really do love it. I find it funny how tragic it is at the same time. Desperate times. I'm literally expecting the next thing to be, so I made a model of my nephew out of a balloon and an old jumper and I stood with the hand moving and waved and he waved at my nephew. I would wave at him every week and it would be the highlight of my day.

Oh, mate. I would even play little tricks on him. I'd usually be upstairs in my room, but a couple of times I'd be in the kitchen and he... You're going to say that! I'd move windows like the haunted painting at the beginning of The Witches.

That's it. And he would run down the road, look up to my window and be like, where is she? And then he'd be confused and look through to the kitchen and I'd be stood there wetting myself. We'd have a little, how are

you, convo through the window and that would be about it. Wow. This is beautiful. In around July, he didn't come for three weeks. Whoa. I was gutted. Genuinely, so my heart sank there.

So I thought, right, I need to give him my number. When I next see him, I will give it to him. I didn't write the note straight away and he kept coming and I kept getting the urge to give it to him. It's literally such a sad little story. I would stop a workout because I knew he was coming. Absolutely ridiculous.

She's obviously very fit. Got you, yeah. Anyway, I finally wrote the note and I was adamant I would give it to him. But then... Chris, you're not going to believe me. What? Our bin day changed to a Tuesday.

No way. No way. He came for the first week and then he didn't come again. Jesus Christ. So, just to recap here. He didn't come again because he changed. There was three weeks when it wasn't him,

it was someone else. Yeah. Right, so he must have been on holiday or something it wasn't him, it was someone else. Yeah. Right? So he must have been on holiday or something. That was when, it was on the Wednesday. And that was when she realised,

I need to do something. Yeah, yeah. He came back, she lulled herself into a false sense of security, she didn't give him the note. No. Now the bend is changing,

he's gone. He's gone. Jesus Christ. He's gone. It says, I had plucked up the courage to give him the little note I'd written,

but I haven't seen him since August. Right, right. I know how to sort this. Yeah. Do you have in your area dear person who's written in It's from Surrey. Surrey. Do you have in your area, your local area

friends and family who live in little different postcodes in the local area to you? If that's a yes, check what their bin day deliveries are and say to them, keep a lookout for this bin guy, by the way.

Right? Yeah. I mean, the first thing I would go to is someone that's got a Wednesday. I'm fucking getting into this. First thing I would go to is someone that's got a Wednesday. You can just go on the government website.

Beg your pardon? The gov.co.uk. Put in your postcode. Gov.co.uk slash in your put in your gov.co.uk slash find my fit bin man yes I mean because I've rang up

I've rang up the council a couple of times because the paper caddy is gone and the green bin went missing the other week I've never rang up and went

hello I'd quite like to fuck one of the bin men but he's changed his rotor I don't know how that would go down with a civil servant

on the other end of the phone you never know. You've got to try these things. Hey, write the letter to your MP. So, yeah, she hasn't seen him since August. But she said here, she signed it off with, I still stand at my window and hope to God I see him again.

Fucking hell, this is tragic. Right. That's it. Well, I would start with that. I would start with find out friends and family in the area say look do you have a bin man who looks like this get them to take get them to take photos of their bin men

and see what happens there and if they do have them send a letter but the letter will be really hard because you'll have to literally go this is random but I'm that woman who used to wave at you don't know if you noticed but I used to move windows now and then.

I thought it was hilarious. I imagine you laughed as well. Get in touch. Do you want to get married? Do you want to get married? But I thought we could use this platform to possibly find him. Well, I didn't even think of that. I mean.

I genuinely really didn't even think of that. You might listen. If you're listening, if you're the bin man if you again press ups on the bins I don't know what you were doing you were doing some kind of

showing off your muscles with the bins hey don't blame me mate why not if you are that man get in touch yeah get in touch

shagmyrannoyed at gmail.com yeah don't fucking email if you're not him thinking you're funny because I can't be bothered you don't have to read them

anyway until she emails in again explaining what an online shopper, nocturnal online shopper is, she can get fucked. I'm not even going to help her. Thank you. I might not even put this out.

Great. I'm joking. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Dear Rosie and Chris, my story is this. At university, I had a group of friends consisting of some lads.

Lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads. One evening, my friend, let's call him Colin. Okay. Because why not? Asked the group, has anyone ever made their own wanking device? Sorry? Yeah, just out of nowhere, has anyone ever made their own wanking device? Okay.

The rest of us all looked at him with bemusement. Loving the word device. He said he's thought about making one for a while, but hadn't followed through with the idea because he couldn't think of how to mimic the feeling of a vagina. Someone suggested ham. Yes, ham. Oh, my God. Yes, ham.

Oh my God. Oh my God. So, like some sort of weird episode of Blue Peter, an empty toilet roll was lined with some smart price ham. You are joking. Whilst three of the lads started jiggling their crotches to try and get a semi to try out the device. Oh, my God! I hate lads.

Sometimes I really hate lads. You know who you are. Vile, innit? Oh, this is terrible. The worst thing is, I think this is actually sent in from a lady. So this is a girl, haven't they seen all of this? It's like a deli counter flashlight.

Yeah, basically. Two of them ended up chickening out. Never. But Colin took up the challenge. Go for it Colin. He did.

You know what it is? After everything I just said there I kind of respect him a little bit. What? He's managed. He's followed through. He's a man of his word. He's done it.

He's like Clearly likes ham. Clearly loves all kind of sandwich meat. Get him going. Get him rock hard. Should see him with a bit of pastrami. My thing is, was the toilet roll holder,

the toilet roll, the sort of cardboard toilet roll tube, was that already accessible? Or did they A, have to go and get it from the recycle bin? Or B, did they have to go and be like, all right,

I'll just pull all this toilet roll off and leave it there so you've got this? Chris, that's something we'll never know. I've got so many questions. We'll never know that, but that's weird that that's where your brain's gone to. Was it like fatty ham or was it like wafer?

Smart price ham. Smarter price ham, so it was like, okay, so quite plain. It was probably not even honey roast. Oh, by the way, I'm not crumbs and getting down the end. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, the orange stuff. That's the posh stuff. That's from the deli.

Yeah, you're not wasting deli on this, are you? I mean, I love Smart Price Ham. This is what's it called? Billy Bear. This is Billy Bear Ham at best. That's pricey. Billy Bear Ham? The ham that's a different colour?

Is it called Billy Bear? The Teddy Bear Ham. The Teddy Bear Ham, yeah. That's quite pricey. You only get about six slices as well. They've done well with the Smart Price Ham. Brilliant. So anyway, Colin took up the challenge.

Okay. But the thing about ham from the fridge is that it's quite cold. I was going to say, you're going to have to warm that up. Yeah.

Not the cosy vaginal feeling that you'd want. Great. Obviously. So he thought to warm it up, he'd pop the contraption in the microwave for a minute.

I hate him. Needless to say, he ended up scalding his penis. He put it in. Bing! That'll be done. Just dick straight in. Didn't touch it.

Didn't sniff it. Didn't have a little feel. That'll be done. Whack! Just hide his penis straight in there. Did I ever tell you about when Carl put a sausage roll? I'm scared. No, no.

Carl once came to my flat in Manchester and he bought a sausage roll from Greg's and he's got this ridiculous thing about how everything has to be piping hot. Like really hot food, yeah. He hide a sausage roll, a Greg sausage roll, into me microwave that he'd never used before. He knew nothing about it.

He threw it in on a bit of kitchen roll and put it on for five minutes. Five minutes. On full heat. It was on fire when it came out. I threw it out the window. Five minutes. Maniac.

Oh my word. Because Carl Hutchinson, everything has to be piping hot. So here, five minutes he put an already lukewarm sausage roll and a bit of kitchen roll in the microwave. Disgraceful.

Set on fire, the man's an idiot. It needs like 40 seconds at best. If that. Wow. See, there you go. Another basic just skill that he doesn't know.

Yeah. Like not just him, just people don't know. How do you not know the timings for stuff in the microwave? That's all I thought about when this guy

just put it in bing that's ready knob straight in no checking he's probably put it didn't say here but he might have had to

go to hospital for this scalded his penis what a fool yeah there you go do not put your penis into a ham vagina

is it as if I have to say this. Can we get that on a poster, please? I want, next to your sort of hands-free space in every public area, next to all your coronavirus posters, your COVID-19 posters at the minute,

I do want a giant poster that says do not put your penis in a ham vagina. Rosie Ramsey. That's just out the microwave. Yeah, cold ones, fine. Yeah. Hot ham vagina.

Yeah. Hot ham vagina. Room temperature. There we go. Hi, Ramsey's. Hot hand vagina. Hot hand vagina. Room temperature. Hi Ramsey's beefs and listeners. Nice. This story is about my housemate who doesn't listen, so don't bother keeping me anonymous.

It's her fault because I've recommended you flat out as well, that's what she said. Some people just, they'll never learn. They'll never take heed. I've been recommending podcasts to my best mates for flipping months and still never listened. Nothing worse than recommending something to someone for ages and ages and ages, then forgetting that you've done it,

then they get on board with it later and tell you how good the thing is. Oh yeah, and you're like, are you absolutely kidding me? I fucking hate that so much. Yeah. My housemate and her friend were at a leaving party for a boy she was seeing casually

who was leaving for Australia. Right. Imagine he's still there now, the lucky bastard. I know. Oh, God. The two girls were steaming drunk and managed to find themselves in the fella who was leaving's room with his ready-packed suitcase. They thought it would be funny to see if one of them could fit in the suitcase. Hilarious.

So my housemate took all the man's clothes out to put her mate inside. Oh my God. They finally get the friend in, and so my housemate is laughing her head off when the boy who is leaving, and she's riding, so sorry, she's shagging. Yeah, the boy's just shagging. Comes in to find what he thought was her alone with his clothes on the floor and what he assumed

was hysterically crying. That's amazing! So the mate's in the case, she looks like she's just threw all of his clothes out because the mate's in the case but he doesn't know and she's laughing her head off because the mate's in the case but she looks like she's going don't leave

although mad about the clothes he starts to comfort her and one thing leads to another and they start bitting that's fucking great as it will be the last time they will be doing it for a while my housemate continues and does not inform him about her friend

still zipped up in the suitcase it was getting continuing cramped and uncomfortable with the situation fantastic this is ridiculous it's like a film it's ridiculous isn't it one thing my housemate failed to mention about this man that upon coming to climax he would scream god bless america no fuck off no way even though this fella was 100 irish with no connection to america at all i'm not having it i'm not having it hold on i'm gonna have to google this this is bollocks it says and once he arrived and exclaimed his special phrase laughter erupted from the suitcase so she's trapped in a suitcase yeah to start having sex yeah he shouts god bless America, as he comes

for some kind of weird, ridiculous laugh. She starts laughing. And a laughter comes from the suitcase. Ridiculous. My first thing that my brain goes to, I'm sorry, I love my friends, but do not leave me trapped in a suitcase whilst you get your rocks off.

Like, I'm sorry, get me out this suitcase, you dirty pair of filthy monkey beggars. Hi Chris and Rosie. This is a little bit more for you actually to answer. For me? What's about a todger? It's about a todger. You're quite todger heavy this week.

A todger? Just a random todger or my todger? No, about todgers in general. Todgers in general. Okay. Or tiddlers, like I like to call them in this house. Tiddlers, todgers. Willies.

Chookies. I don't know that one. Why? It upsets me, that chookies. I don't know how one. I know that one. Why? It upsets me, that. Chookies. I don't know how it sounds. Just your chookie. No, I don't like chookies.

That's what my little brother used to call it when he was little. Weird. I don't like it. Horrible word. Sounds cheesy. Chookie. It sounds like gooey. Like sloppy.

Like poorly. I don't want, yeah. Like chucking up, like being sick. Oh, see, no, I just, I was just thinking when I was little and being like, Mom, Kevin's got his chucky on me bed again. That was about it. Can we talk about the other day when Robin was walking around with his top off and no pants on, shouting, singing, for no reason, chanting,

Big man with a belly and a tiddler. Big man with a belly and a tiddler. Big man with a belly and a tiddler. No idea where that came from. But with an accent as well. We had like American. Big man with a belly and a tiddler. Big man with a belly and a tiddler. No idea where that came from. But with an accent as well. We had like American... Big man with a belly and a tiddler. Big man with a belly and a tiddler.

Slapping his belly and shaking his tiddler about. His talent... Honestly, there's a talent there. I think there is. That's the makings of something. We'll have to cultivate this. But he had his tiddler

like above his little... Horrible. Boxers. Awful, but it was quite good. He's at that five-year-old boy stage of just like i will get me clothes off for no reason i love it i was naked he loves it yeah it's disgusting big man with a belly and a tittle i'm a big man with a belly and a tittle i need to get him a thing in that right hi chris and rosie Whenever I go to the toilet, no matter where it is,

my own, a friend's, public, etc., if there is no one in sight, I will proceed to wash my penis in the sink. At friends' houses? Yep. Pubs? Yep. Restaurants? Yep.

No wonder there's a pandemic. It's my new catchphrase. But do you not think... People are washing their knobs in public sinks. But it must be clean. What must be? His knob. To the detriment of all the fucking sinks he's washing it in.

Fair enough. Veruca bath thing at the swimming pool, just dipping in and out of there. To dry it off, I will then use a bit of toilet tissue, most times. The main reason I do this is that sometimes guys get a little bit of what I can only describe as cock drivel.

That is true. I've seen it. I've seen it on your underpants. Great. I've seen it on your grey boxers. Thanks for that. Just use some toilet... Have your wee, Mr. Pervert, who's written in here.

Mr. Bloody Serial Cock Washer. I'll get a pint glass by the side of your bed, by the way, and a flannel. Previous listeners will understand that one yeah what's he doing washing all the ham off his dick I don't understand why this is happening

just when you finish having a urination just dab the end with some toilet roll and move on what the hell's the matter with you apparently

I have told my friends this and some of them have tried to make a joke out of it but I can't see why it is a bad thing. You're joking. Personal hygiene and all that.

No, don't wash your fucking, don't wash your dick in people's sinks. Okay, well, there you go. Because you just said, do you think this is a weird thing to do? Ah, yes! It's massively, I'm raging. Can you imagine?

Can you imagine? Right, okay, I'll tell you what then, pervert who's emailed that in, do us a favour. If you don't think it's weird, right, ask a friend. Next time you're at your friend's house. That's what he's done. No, but ask, yeah, but literally go,

I'm just popping, wash me dick in your sink. Is that all right? I guarantee you they'll say no. Next time you're in a restaurant, just say, is it okay if I pop into the toilet and wash me dick in the sink? Guarantee they'll say no. It's not all right. It's weird.

Stop doing it. Yeah, I agree. Mr. Pervert. The struggle in our house, because our downstairs loo, Wash me dick in the sink. Guarantee they say no. It's not all right. It's weird. Stop doing it. Yeah, I agree. Mr. Pervit. The struggle in our house, because our downstairs loo, the sink is like one of them bowls. And I don't think anyone's tall enough to get anything in there.

I think you'd have to literally come out and go, have you got a little stool? Because I'm about to wash my dick in your sink. Yeah, the crockette from the kitchen. Can I wash it? Have you got that pile of Shagmari Noi books that you did in that advert? Just going to wash my dick.

Horrendous. It's a bit strange, isn't it? I hate them. Save it for the bath at the end of the night. But just how clean do you want your dick to be? Just wash your hands. So I've got a question about dicks. Great.

Is it a little bit like a vagina? Because you're not meant to use soap on a vagina. No, I ain't going to use soap on you. So it's not going to cause any on a vagina. No, I ain't going to use soap on you. So it's not going to cause any sort of irritation or anything like that. It's not like they're not self-cleaning or anything. If that makes sense.

No. Not that I know what I mean. Again, I'm circumcised so I don't know. I know, you don't have a... Nip and clean, man. Dry cured, air dried, nip and clean. Yours is lovely and clean. It cured, air dried, nip and clean. Yeah, yours is lovely and clean. It is.

It really is. Oh, God. We've got a kid who might listen to this one day. Nah, who cares, man? Robin, listen. Turn this off. Turn this off. Put them condoms back and put that razor back.

I use that to shave your mouth. Do not use that on your face. Don't, because I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety, worrying about the stuff that we've said on here. Nah, it's bad. No, he's going to be too old. It's just jokes, though. It's just jokes.

We're just joking. It's fine. And then I always kind of, I use other people, like other celebrities who've said stuff in the past and their kids are all right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. David Hasselhoff.ff, they had a video of him. Do you remember when he was really drunk?

There was a video of him eating the hamburger. His kids are all right. Okay. We'll go then. We're fine. We'll use that model to base our life on. David Hasselhoff was drunk eating a burger, so we're okay. Our backs are well and truly covered.

People have had sex tapes and stuff. Yeah. We're alright. Yeah, okay. We don't need to release our sex tapes for another good 20 years when everything's dried up.

Keep that on ice. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! You've had your fill now on your bike. What she means is thank you so much.

You know what? I'm going to do it this week. I'm going to do it. What? Thank you so much for listening, guys. This is Shagmar Unoid which is now part of

the Acast Creator Network wow what are you stealing me lines for come on because you know what you left it there right

and it's 2020 you've got to take what you can get it's ruthless right I Donald Trumped you eh I bastarded you

and I want everyone to respect this for being a bastard and bastarding you they will I'm pointing at her quite vigorously I'm going to stop.

Sorry about that. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Thank you for listening. If you want to get in touch, it's shagrunnit.gmail.com. The merch is live on the website now. There's new stuff getting added all the time. The book is out for a little Christmas present

and all of that stuff. Please be well, and we will be back in your ears next week. See yous later. Take care. Big love. Bye. Aye. Listened past the jingle, didn't you? Because I mentioned it. You nosy little bastards. What are you still

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