Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 9. Wine and a FAB time

Episode Date: April 12, 2019

This week Rosie and Chris recorded the podcast accompanied by some wine! They discuss airport etiquette, putting on dirty clothes after a shower, their worst argument and Rosie gives some advice involving Skittles and shares a hidden talent. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosemary Ramsey. That's my christened name. I'm known as Rosie. And Christopher Ramsey, he's not christened. That's just a dig at me for not being christened.

No, no, just you don't have like a, do you have a middle name? I don't have a middle name, no. Well, sorry about that. Well, before we dive into who's got a middle name and what, welcome to episode nine. And first, a word from our sponsor. I forgot about it. This week's sponsor is...

Children. Children. Children. Hey, do you like being tired? Have some children. Do you feel like you've got too much spare time? Children. Children.

Do you enjoy going to the worst pubs and restaurants imaginable just because the manky behaviour of the shithead that you created is covered up by everything else there? You need some children are you fed up of staying up late watching whatever you want on the telly and going to lovely restaurants and just genuinely having a really nice life children can ruin all that for you you said restaurants twice did i that's fine though this is a restaurant theme. Children and restaurants. Don't mix.

Anything else? Don't just have one. Have loads. Be gutted. They're free to make. They're free to make. Can't take them back. No refunds on children.

Still don't have a sponsor. Yes, we do. Children. Just said it. It's like you're not listening. Oh, here's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle.

Sorry, I'm going to just start, but me and Chris have nodded at each other about six times. That was crazy. You start, not you start. You always start, so I nodded. I just forget. I nodded at you to start, and then you nodded at me. That was madness. Sorry about that.

See, we need to start video podcasting, becauseded at me that was madness sorry that was see we need to start video podcasting because that is that was ridiculous pointless that was can you imagine if that was a live youtube feed that would have been awful good heavens it was like two it was like two old ladies sitting on two opposite bus stops just nodding at each other. Hugo. Hugo. Hello. Vera. Vera. Vera. Yeah. Anyway, hello. Hello. Welcome to Shag Married Annoyed. This is episode nine. Nine. Gosh, nine of them. Yeah. Mint. Thanks for listening so far. Had a flurry of listeners this week. We have. Because we won a very popular daytime television show. Good Morning Britain. Good Morning Britain. It was great. Good Morning Britain. Do you know what I especially loved about good morning britain what the woman who held the

door open the security lady when you walked in she said rosie can i tell them what you said right so what what rosie enjoyed so much right was as we got i'm not talking over you here rosie i'm just because i think i forgot about this because i've had quite a long day it was so as we're walking in the security lady at good morning britain held the door open and went good morning and rosie turned around to me and went britain and then every time someone said good morning you said britain it was so embarrassing it was ridiculous oh god staying on brand you know literally i got a text off someone today saying oh my god rosie's such a pro you think she'd been on telly for ages like because of your interview but they don't see you going britain every time someone's

good morning they didn't see you two days ago when i told her that gloria ester fan was probably going to be on as well and you started crying. Oh, I know. And then she wasn't even in the studio. It was a fucking recorded interview. That was so sad. Yeah, I did start crying when you told me that, didn't I? It was all a bit much. I literally saw the advert.

I went, look who's on Good Morning Britain. And you turned around from watching the telly and pointed at your cheeks and there was tears on them. And you never met her. Didn't mean it. Oh, gosh. But to be fair, we still had a good morning. Britain. So it's a bit of a different vibe tonight.

I mean, obviously, wherever you're listening, thank you for listening. But wherever you are listening, it may be Friday, it may be a few days afterwards. It may be in a few weeks when we've been on something else again. I'm not sure. But we are recording this at night.

I know, we've never done this. First one we've been on something else again i'm not sure but we are recording this at night i know we've never done this first one we've recorded we're also recording this with alcofrolic of the leverages okay um yeah we've got a little glass of wine each um so we did basically the way the way we did planned out we did we did good morning britain this morning and then rosie came home on the train and i had another meeting in london and then i've just came home now and banging straight into the podcast mate but you know what we've both had today

because we knew we had to do the podcast tonight tactical naps yes like old men well your nap was a bit more

scheduled than mine yeah you knew that you could go back to the hotel and stick a little nap in yeah I came home me mam popped round

she went Rosie you look dreadful it's always nice to hear great and she was like she actually ushered me up the stairs

she was like go and have a nap you've got to record the podcast I was like mum I'm fine she was like no those bags don't lie

yeah those bags don't lie your mum's really good with the like she's like a big big fan of the podcast I know she'll be listening now and she's just she's properly on it

she's like you guys don't forget you've got to do the podcast she's like my unofficial manager she just doesn't want it to be shit that's why yeah because she tells all her friends about it her and me both um she's good that she's good at cutting she's good at telling you when you look rough she's good at telling you look tired when you actually had a really good sleep she's good at um pointing out that you've got too much on your plate if you've made some food remember the time i was so my my little comfort meal in the house is four slices of white bread toasted, a tin of sausages and beans. Used to be Heinz, now it's Branston.

They're better. They're just better. Branston beans are just better. And a bit of cheese on top. And I remember the first time she saw it, she literally just... Because I do it... I have it on like a pizza plate. It's just like a plate that you'd normally have for like a 10-inch pizza run.

And I had it and I was walking through and she went oh god look at all that oh goodness me I was like oh well I don't feel like eating now I feel like I'm going to

throw it in the wheelie bin she's just jealous find her reading the comments later yeah licking me plate I'll take that for you I'm watching you Sandra

I'm watching you I'll tell you what the show could have been sponsored by actually a real one I'm doing a load I'm watching you I'll tell you what the show could have been sponsored by actually a real one I'm doing a load of work in progress

gigs oh right is this the point where you're going to plug all your gigs yes right just get on with it

not all of them instead of pretending stop segwaying and just tell everyone where the gigs are quickly so I've got to write a new show

a new stand up show it'll be brand new from last year and I've got to do a load of work in progress gigs so if you keep an eye on my website and join me mail a list on my website chrisnamdycomedy.com a new stand-up show. It'll be brand new from last year and I've got to do a load of work and progress gigs. So if you keep an eye on my website

and join me, mail a list on my website, chrisnamseycomedy.com. Thank you. You will see, soon, they'll get announced.

They're only little gigs in very small places, very intimate. You're running out of time. I'll be running for, I'll be working on notes. Yeah. Rosie won't be there

so stop asking. Sorry. Do you have the dates available or are you just going to, they're just going to go to the website? I just love the fact that I said to you, people are expecting you there, you have the dates available are you just gonna they're just gonna go to the website i just love the fact that i said to you people expect you there you should come to them and you were like i only do arenas now after they chanted my name at the arena sorry sorry guys can't afford it 100 seaters

you know good morning all right man i've gotta go i've got to go and test out my stuff. Yeah. So yeah, come say them if you fancy it. Nah. Just the love and support of a good wife. It's just great. You know what I mean? It just spills wine on her chin. Saw you. Yeah, wipe your face. Go on.

Right. What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? I should probably make that into a proper jingle rather than just doing it.

No time. No time. I haven't got time. Do you want to go first? Yes, I will go first. Okay, Christopher Ramsey, my beef this week with you. Beef bourguignon,

you might like to call it. Right? Yeah. Beef tartare. Yeah. All the beefs. Great. This is not a very relatable beef, okay?

Sorry, I had to take a breath there because when it's not relatable, it means it's going to be one of the really weird things I do. Well, I mean, it's not weird. It's weird to me, but there might be people out there that do this or they might know someone who does this, okay? Okay.

It's the whole situation with Robin's toys. You know what I'm going to say? I know exactly what you're going to say because I was just doing it before we started the podcast. I know. Hence why it jumped to the top of the list. Christopher, you know all of Robin's toys off by heart. Yeah.

You know how many Paw Patrols he's got. Yep. You know the little extra characters. You know how many cars he's got. You know how many super wing character things he's got, right? You cannot rest and go to bed until you know that all of those are safe. And I find it so fucking weird. And I had to swear there because it's the weirdest thing in the world.

I could not give a crap how many toys he's got. I pick them up at the end of the night and I throw them into a box I know do you know what I mean I know right you've just been down the back of the set

hey look and what was his name right I don't know the name of him I think he's called Doug or something yeah or

one of the planes I think he's called Doug because he digs he's one of the super wings planes that dig we've got him these little two inch

tall super wings characters that change from robots how many has he got? He has got 11, but Doug's missing, so there's only 10. Great. But he's also got 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

He's actually got 15, but that consists of two Donnies. So he's got Donnie in swap, he's got Jerome in swap, and he's got Jet in swap twice. So there's three Jets. Oh, he's cute but a psycho, a little bit psycho. Honestly. So I've got myself a reputation within our household as the dad who finds everything i literally rob knuckle wears that and i'll find it i'll be like who finds everything he'd be like daddy but yeah what i've done is

oh my god oh yeah i've heard you do that i do i go who finds everything he goes daddy i go that's right but i've set myself up for a fall here because if i'd so they say i've got the pressure of it right so if i don't know where them toys are, I'm freaking out. Rosie, I came in, I saw the super wings on the floor in the corner. The little ramps weren't on the base. I thought, right, this doesn't look good. Straight away, he's missing. One of them's missing.

And honestly, we started the podcast slightly late because I was looking for him. I know. I said I was going to the toilet. I was looking for him in the bathroom. You'll come to bed 10 minutes later. I will not sleep the night until I find that toy. he's not even joking this is no exaggeration no joke no word of a joke the man's a weirdo i won't it's rubbing off on robin though as well you know is it well yeah because he's like that he's like where's such and such i'm like why do you care because

it's his toy and he loves it oh whatever i never cared i never cared when i was a kid i just had stuff the thing is we need to stop getting them sets of things it cared when I was a kid. I just had stuff. The thing is, we need to stop getting them sets of things. It's when it's a set and I'm like, well, that's a set and there's going to be bits missing

and it's a bit missing, I'll freak out. Everything's a set. I know. I don't know. Remember the pizza? The little pizza you had with all the little toppings and that.

What do I like with that? Yeah. Well, it was basically, it was a wooden pizza box and a wooden pizza and it was velcroed together and you had a little cutter with it and everything., it was basically, it was a wooden pizza box and a wooden pizza and it was velcroed together and you had a little cutter with it and everything

and there was mushrooms, peppers and pepperoni and I would collect all them little, they were like little casino chips and I would collect them up and it made three little equal sized piles

in each little docket. If there was one missing, oh, that was hell on. I know. I know. I found one outside once. I nearly had a breakdown. It's like a horror film.

Yeah, I found one outside. I was like, I'll burn the house, I might as well burn. I nearly had a breakdown. It's like a horror film. Yeah, I found one outside. I was like, I might as well burn the house down and start again. Wow. I will find it after this and I'll tweet you when I find it. Good for you.

Me. Don't tag me. Okay, my beef with you is we are working together now, Rosie, which is lovely. I love working with you. I love the fact that we get to go on these little trips together and stuff, right?

Catching a train or a plane with you is one of the most stressful things in the world. Planes mainly. Why? Trains, I'll tell you two things, right? You would happily get to an airport six hours before the plane's going to leave. Just like to be there on time. Ridiculous. You would leave weeks beforehand it's craziness um trains not so bad because i like getting a

train and get a little single seat so i always have a little bit of a panic but we seem to be okay so far but you'll still get there really early and i'll just be sitting there freaking out airports i absolutely detest going to airports with you i love you to death but i detest it when we went to australia with your mom and robin it was one of the craziest experiences in my life because she's a worse version of you and she was like what time should we get there and it's like well two hours before well you know might be a bit traffic the flight's at eight that's two hours at six might be traffic all the way from the airport let's leave at midday let's leave at midday and you're like sandra i could walk there from

midday we listeners right i will never forget we were in the departure lounge once you got your seats on the plane we're in the departure lounge we're all sitting on a bench over to our right was the gate where people were starting to board the plane the queue from the gate came up from our right past us off into the distance and round the back of the room. We were sitting on a bench. Sandra and Rosie made us get up from the bench, walk all the way to the back of the queue with all of our shit, and stand and go back past the same fucking bench

where you'd been sitting on. Everybody does that. The people who sit down are weird. The people who sit down are weird. Someone's got to be last on the plane. It's not that you get on in the group, it's not like soggy biscuit. It's not like you get on last and there's a forfeit.

You're an absolute maniac. I don't want to be last. I like to be sat in my seat getting comfy. Well, I've got... 24-hour flight, Australia. You wanted to get on 20 minutes early, did you? Maniac. I've got two responses to this.

Okay. Okay, the first reason why I like to get there a little bit early, right? Okay, grown up, you had holidays every year abroad, okay? Little bit of a rich boy, right? I didn't have holidays every year. A summer holiday for us as a family of five was a little bit of a rare occasion. And you know what? Going to the airport was exciting.

Right. And I've kept a little bit of that in us, all right? I quite like the airport. I get a little bit excited. Do you know what I mean? I go, I sometimes get a Toblerone. I get that excited. I buy me little bits.

No one gets a Toblerone. That's bollocks. I'll get a Toblerone. It's selling in WH Smith. Genuinely have a couple of times. Get a little bit excited. I enjoy me little time um i can get that i can get that sorry thank you yeah second thing yeah i once nearly missed a flight okay honest to god well it was when i was going to work abroad and me and my three colleagues who i'd only just met actually were

going to work in roads we went to heathrow All of us just a little bit excited. Heathrow's massive. Spent ages. I was in Mango and they put a call out. I was shopping. Put a call out for our flight and we were like, no!

So we had to run to the plane. Did they call your name? No, it was just the flight. It was like last call for such and such to Rhodes and we were like, what? See, that's the thing though

If you wait long enough They'll just call your name You get a VIP service Sometimes they come On a little trolley They were raging When we got on the plane Everyone was like

It was a different time You bitch Remember when we were On our honeymoon This is one of the weirdest Things I've heard That was our best holiday Easily

So we were on our honeymoon In Greece And can you remember Santorini Santorini babe come on that was an expensive holiday I know

name drop it sorry okay Santorini good lord can you remember we were with this guy who worked for Google we met this guy

who worked for Google and he was really high up and he had this mad points card for British Airways or something or Virgin or whatever can you remember the levels

he told you about? No. So, right. So he told you about these different levels of getting all of these kind of points. And you get to this level where if you've got enough points and you're a frequent enough flyer, if you're going to be late, you can phone. And they'll hold the plane. And they'll hold the plane for you.

And that's the one above. So if you get sort of level three, like, you know, the captain will come and shake your hand. He'll come and meet you. if you get sort of level three like you know the captain will come and shake your hand he'll come and meet you and you get the next level there was something else like a queue jumper and the captain will shake your hand

and then level one the like platinum platinum level was all of the other things combined and you made the if you could make the plane late that's disgusting can you imagine how fuming you would be

oh my god if you sat there someone made the plane late oh sorry some rich twat who flies all the time he's late so he's made the plane late and then went, oh, sorry, some rich twat who flies all the time is late, so he's made the plane late. And then when he gets there,

the pilot comes out and goes, oh, cheers, mate. Rubbing salt in the wound, isn't it? Raging. That shouldn't be allowed. Surely that,

he might have been telling lies because that can't be a thing with the air traffic control. Apparently, money talks, doesn't it? One day, one day I'll be able to make everyone late for my golf

I would never let you, you know I wouldn't let you Imagine if you did it at Newcastle Airport, you'd get kicked the shit on the flight. Where have you been? Loads of lads on a stag do just booting you all over A Portugal hitting you with their nine irons Right, it's time for questions from the public

That's you, that's you, hey, hey you in the house now listening to this, that's you. That's you. Hey, hey you, in the house now listening to this. That's you, mate. That's you, thank you. That's you, thank you. Well done. If you want to, that little whisper

was really creepy. If you want to get in touch at shagmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Keep them flying in. I've had some brilliant ones. Write that down. People keep asking us

and I don't know where it is. You don't know the own email. Just think, just remember Gmail. That's all you need to remember. I can't keep up. Shag married annoyed. Just remember, you're writing down the name of the podcast. What's wrong with you? It's just at gmail.'s all you need to remember I can't keep up Shag married annoyed just remember

you're writing down the name of the podcast what's wrong with you it's just at gmail.com just remember all you have good lord all you have to do

is remember gmail then shag married annoyed at gmail.com right god why are you still writing because I've started so I have to stop

god damn it finished okay first question from believe it or not Elsa is her name let it go let it go i've never i've never met an elsa in real life is she seven or how long's the film i don't know well she's got

an email address and she's typed quite well so i don't know baby because you've been named after the film is she a fetus um hi rose and chris please can you clear up an issue that me and my husband have since before we were married of course basically it's eaten away at me I genuinely think

that my husband brackets Dave classic is a clean and normal member of society but this one thing he does makes me think he just might

play a very clean version to the outside world when he's actually filth dot dot dot just filth so brace yourself okay he has two showers a day

very conscientious of him. However, after he gets home from work, usually after an 11-hour shift, he will have his shower and then proceed to put back on his dirty, filthy work boxer shorts before climbing into bed. Oh. Isn't that rotten? That's horrible. Isn't that the worst?

Do you know what? It shouldn't be that bad, but that's just, why would you do that? Dave, if you're listening, mate, God, if you've just had a shower and you're all clean, get into bed naked, man. There's nothing better. Clean sheets and a little fresh bum. I don't know if you've got a little bum in it. What?

I don't like sleeping naked. You don't like sleeping naked? No. No? No, nothing to do with you. I just don't like it. Well, you looked at it and said it nothing to do with you I just don't like it when you looked at it it was horrible

no I just don't like it I get cold and mad but do you know on holiday when you're naked because it's so hot but you have to have a quilt on you

yes I do know that it's the worst isn't it even a sheet and it's just it's on like one part of your body one half of your body

so as you just picked up and hold it on your cheek like a little hanky just have to have a bit of something on it. May I suggest a net? That would be a good idea, actually.

A net would be a decent idea. Okay. Hey. Just a fishing net. Might just have bedded something. A little lobster in a lobster pot. Just can't do it. It's for the monsters.

You do have to, yeah, you have to have it on for the demons who are going to grab your leg. I still can't put my legs out the bed. Yeah. Honestly.

32-year-old woman, I can't do it. I can, but only out the side. I can't do my legs out of the bed. Yeah. Honestly. 32-year-old woman, I can't do it. I can, but only out the side. I can't do it out the bottom. I can only put my legs out of the side of the bed. That's really brave. Yeah? Well done.

Oh, thank you so much. Not even... Can I get a medal? Probably. Some way. On the internet. They'll do medals for that. I'll get myself a medal on eBay.

She goes on to say, I've talked to him about it to try to make him understand the error of his ways, but he's not having any of it. Please, can you have a word? I love the fact that she's had a word with him and he's having none of it. What are you doing, Dave?

Why are you married to these dirty boxers you've had on all... Have you worn them in? And he's having two showers a day. So he's obviously a clean person. Yeah. But do you know what? He probably thinks, oh, I stink. It's probably because you've got

monkey boxers on, Dave. You need to wash your clothes. I've developed a theory about Dave here. Come on then. Elsa, Dave, I've got a funny feeling because this is happening to me. I've got a funny feeling

you dry Dave's boxer shorts and or underpants. I don't know what he wears. I don't know what his brand is. Briefs, wide fronts, whatever. It's cool. I've got a feeling that you dry them in a dryer.

And I think that Dave puts them on in the morning and they might be a little tight around his little fellas. Right? And he's worn them in for the day. So they've stretched a bit. So everything's ready. Is that a thing? Yeah.

And then he's going to bed and he doesn't want to hide the crisp brand new dry ones on because he's going to have to do, what, 400 squats or something before he goes to bed. Okay. Okay well honestly I've never wore boxer shorts. Oh I have actually

when I had Robin. I had to wear your boxer shorts. Yeah that was a sexy time. Sometimes. But is that a thing? Do they get squished?

I think that's a thing. I think I'm telling you I don't think you'll ever admit it to her unless Dave if you listen to this now look her in the eye tell her I'm right because I think I'm right.

You've worn those boxers in for the day and they're comfortable. You've moulded them around your junk. Having your sunshine. Well, that makes perfect sense. Dave, I'm sorry. I take it all back. Maybe just Febreze them before you get to bed, Dave. Yeah.

Just turn them inside out. Oh. Done that before. Bollocks. No one's ever done that. Oh, you're actually taking the knickers out? You've turned knickers inside out

yeah what oh right okay sorry that's rotten it's not really why

how long have you had them on like no like from the day before just the next day but I wasn't really going anywhere I'd just been at my friend's house

is that bad right so you would have a full day and you'd stay at your friend's house and then I had? Right, so you would have a full day and you'd stay at your friend's house. And then I had a shower. Bit like Dave, but I didn't want to just put my manky knickers on. Right. So I turned them inside out, put them on and then I went home.

Aim all that filth at the outside world. Yeah, they just went in the inside of my jeans. That's, I think that's manky, personally. Sorry. I didn't know about that. If I'd known about this on the wedding day, I might have called it off. Would you really? Yeah, I'm not happy about this.

It's only happened a couple of times. It's more than once! Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway

and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret.

It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Email here from Chloe. She says, Hi, I need some help on how to get my boyfriend back. Get your boyfriend back.

Yeah, yeah. Your boyfriend back. Yeah. I left a pause there because when I read that, I thought that he'd left her and she was trying to get him back and I thought you were going to like gasp

and then I was going to go, oh, he's just playing pranks on her. But instead of feeling sad that she... I thought that you'd be sad that her boyfriend left. You just made up a fucking jingle for it. It's an actual song. Sorry, if there's an opportunity to sing a song, I will sing the song without any emotion.

Sorry, Chloe, but... What? No, he hasn't. He's come up with a game to entertain himself while we are shopping, which involves him saying very embarrassing and untrue things very loudly as we walk closely past innocent strangers.

Examples include, just give some examples. Oh, yes. How are those anal beads doing? Great. How did you get on with that dildo I bought you last night? Beautiful. And when are we picking up that bondage gear? Wonderful.

Please help me with some suggestions on what I can get him back with oh okay yeah for what i find what i find unbelievable like that is the second one if i was a passerby and they walked past me in the supermarket and he said to her how did you get on with that dildo i bought you last night if you got her it last night she hasn't ran upstairs and tried to straight away like a kid getting a computer game no she probably hasn't used it yet mate make it more believable. Exactly. Last week. Terrible, terrible one.

I've got a suggestion. Yeah? What's his name? Do we know or not? What is his name? No, just boyfriend of Chloe. So she's just got to say something while they're walking past.

Here's one for you, Chloe, while you're walking past someone. Did you manage to get them skittles out of your foreskin? Did you manage to get them skittles out of your foreskin? You could have put me in a room with Google for three years and I would never have guessed that's what you were going to say. Yeah. What is that?

Just. Did you manage to get them skittles out of your foreskin? Are you? What's wrong with you? Where's that from? I can't tell you. Yes, you can. Why can't you tell us?

You got one. No, I need to know where that came from. What's that from? I speak for everyone here listening in the world. What the hell is that from? Listen, if you're in the supermarket and you hear someone say did you manage to get them skittles out

your foreskin and you buy some skittles I want you to let skittles know and me and Rosie want some we want some money from that if sales of skittles go up in your area because you hear that and go I fancy

some skittles we are on that you never know you know we're getting quite a lot of listeners for this he's in the colour of his wee like a rainbow gives a new gives a new meaning of the phrase taste the rainbow get your mind out there get out i've got a question here yep christopher and rosie do you have any hidden talents oh um to answer first I

do you know this you do know this I think I once did you win the stuff in a foreskin with skittles championship 2001 that was me

got you that was me I thought I thought that trophy was yeah wow no I when I was younger I think I was about 19,

not actually, embarrassingly not that young, maybe even 20, 21, I taught myself to yodel. Wow. You knew that? Yeah, but I didn't know you taught yourself. Well, I bought a CD. A CD? Oh, fuck me. Fuck me

That's ridiculous Why? I'm saying a fucking self-help CD Teach yourself to yodel Yes Where was it? Where did you get that from? Online

Stop What's the matter? Where was it? Where did you get that from? Online. Stop. What's the matter? That's wonderful. It's just a lonely time. You just sit there in the house waiting for the postman, just devastated not being able to yodel, and he finally came. I can yodel today, ma'am.

The postman's here. Yodel-ay, yodel-ay, yodel-ay. I lived with my mom at the time, actually. That's amazing. So that's a sign of the times. You were going to YouTube now, but you had to actually order a CD. I had to order the CD. That was on your bank statement.

You know, someone at your bank went, what the hell is this person ordering? That's a person ordering porn online. Well, Rosie, I think I speak for every single listener we have at this second when I say, bloody yodel.

Take it away. Oh, gosh. Okay. Remember, Robin's in bed, so don at this second when I say, bloody yodel. Take it away. Oh, gosh. Okay. Remember, Robin's in bed, so don't go crazy. I know. Shut the door. Good Lord. I don't know if I can do it still.

I just want to say I haven't done this for a lot of years. I lost the CD. You lost it? I lost it. It's gone Are you ready? Mm-hmm So he taught me

The odel with He la de he de oh He la de he de oh He la de he de And he taught me The odel with He la de he de oh He la de he de

He la de he de He la de he de He la de he de He la de he de He la de he de He la de he de He la de he de Is it too late to change the jingle for this podcast? Okay, I've got a question here from Kirstie McWilliams. McWilliams, very good name. Sounds like you pretended to be Scottish in a comedy.

What's the first name? Kirstie McWilliams. Kirstie McWilliams. It's like you were called Kirstie Williams then you moved to Scotland for uni. You just struck a muck at the beginning. And you wear tartunting scarves. When you were a teenager, some friends would go away to uni and they'd come back and they'd have lost their Shields accent. She came back and she had a muck at the beginning of her name.

You've been in Edinburgh for one term, Kirsty. It's muck Kirsty muck Williams now. You English bastard, yeah. Someone I knew got a job on a cruise ship for four months and lost their accent. God, they're the worst, aren't they?

I was like, go back. Yeah, it's crazy people who do that. So, Kirsty McWilliams, she's actually sent it in. It's not a question, it's just a tune of her playing on the bagpipe I'm joking

a video of her playing the bagpipes it's a brawlic moonlic nick the nick apologies to any Scottish listeners

sorry guys Kirsten McWilliams has said look we haven't even we've just slagged our name off what is the weirdest thing I'm sorry but you

email come on you email in she said what is the weirdest thing? I'm sorry, but you emailed me. Come on. You email in. She said, what is the weirdest thing you are scared of? I have a phobia of feet and birds. And I have a friend who is scared of buttons without a purpose. Brackets. So fake buttons.

Buttons that have no use, etc. Close brackets. From Kirsty. Wow. That's mad I'm terrified of heights yeah really scared of heights

see the thing with heights is it's a rational fear you can fall from the height yeah yeah but you're not weirdly you're not when we go up into a plane

and we're flying 35,000 feet you're not scared of that that's fine but you're scared of the steps to get to the plane yeah terrified that middle bit I can't stand on it.

Because I don't know what, it's like, you know, like big hills. I'll have to come down on my bum. I think it's gravity. When was the last time this happened? Are you talking about sledging? Are you trying to describe what sledging is? No, I mean, normal people can probably just run down it or walk down it, but I'm like on my bum going and I have to like slide down

I don't know have I got vertical? Some theatres make me feel some theatres I'll go in the back and I think this is too big Have I told you about Steph?

My best friend Steph Right I'm aware of Steph Yeah I'm just telling everyone else she's my best friend called Steph She is terrified of birds

so much to the point that there's a certain cafe we can't go to because there's a pond in the middle and there's birds there cafe we can't go to because there's a pond in the middle and there's birds there and on our other best friend angela's wedding pictures we had to go down to like the river we had to go down the river and get some pictures don't know and there was seagulls overhead and we're all looking at the camera we're walking towards the camera the bridesmaid and Steph is like looking up at the sky

terrified just like praying that a bird doesn't come down on her and we've still got those pictures to date and they are hilarious frightened

but I mean I can under I mean as we all know listeners of the podcast I know I was nearly killed by a seagull so you know birds are

I mean big birds are scary. Little birds aren't too bad. But I'm fascinated by this fear of buttons. I've heard fear of buttons before. I have heard of fear of buttons. But specifically fear of buttons without a purpose. That's hilarious. It's weird that, isn't it?

That's hilarious. So that would be like, you've got a shirt on, and you go, are all them buttons, are all them buttons like doing something? Do they all fasten? Oh no, there's a zip underneath, they a zip underneath they're all fake yeah you're not even using there's two buttons in my car that stuff that that's come off just buttons that are just on the floor yeah i wonder if they're frightened of buttons although i don't do they mean buttons on clothes scared of buttons without a purpose brackets so fake buttons buttons that have no use do you remember when i made them button shoes oh jesus christ this is incredible when i had a

little bit of a breakdown i told anyone this have we right so this i may do stand up about this at some point but it just feels you have to be here it just feels really nasty but rosie um is an entrepreneur at heart she's a great businesswoman. She's had over the years some... I mean, I'm searching for a phrase that isn't hair-brained schemes, but there were hair-brained schemes. Rosie decided that she was going to sell T-shirts and plimsolls with buttons sewn on them. Bought about...

Went to Primark, bought about 60 pairs of plimsolls, bought about 4,000 buttons, put them in a box and did nothing with them. No, I made a couple of pairs of like the... Prototypes. Prototypes. Yeah, I remember the prototypes. I made a couple of prototypes.

Glue gun the buttons on. Can I talk people through the prototypes? Yeah, couple of prototypes glue gun the buttons can I talk people through the prototypes so what you did was you made a t-shirt the t-shirt was lovely it was a t-shirt with a little pocket and you stitched the buttons across the pocket you made two prototype plimsolls

you made one prototype which was you sewed all the buttons onto the plimsoll which took ages to sew 40 odd buttons on a plimsoll, which took, obviously, ages to sew 40-odd buttons on a plimsoll. Then you bought a glue gun for prototype number two. You glued them on. They looked great until you put them on and bent your foot and buttons flew off everywhere like a fucking Claymore landmine.

We went for a while. I was like, I'll test them out. Bing, boom, boom, bing, boom. Those old blokes who've been in the war Taking cover down behind the benches in the park They're firing They're shooting Oh, made you look

It's a little button from a plimsoll I forgot about that hair-breen scheme That was craziness Just a proper businesswoman I thought I just got terrible. Failed businesswoman. Failed. I'll come up with something, won't you? If you'd like some plimsolls with buttons on. No, don't.

That come off, then I'm your girl. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Now this one, we've been asked a few times and I've just kind of ignored it but I thought, meh. We're having a little bevsky. Doing the podcast at night why not open this can of worms

dear Rosie and Chris what has been your worst argument to date love Lucy that's a really so the one time we're recording the podcast

that night and drinking wine you want to talk about our biggest arguments yes okay this might be the end of the podcast guys just subscribe

and have a good run Okay this might be the end of the podcast guys Just subscribe And run Do you want to go first Worst argument Right okay Worst argument in my eyes Has been At Zita and Peter's wedding Zita and Peter

My friend Zita and Peter's wedding And we got really, really drunk. Really drunk. Robin was only little. It was one of the first times away from him, actually, overnight, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

We got shit-faced. I used to smoke years ago. Don't do it anymore. But sometimes when I'm really, really hammered and it's like a special occasion, I just want a cigarette. I don't know why. It's just inbuilt.

It's like ingrained in us. It's disgusting, but whatever. I'm a dangerous kid. Don't do it. Don't do it, but, you know, drunk, one. I wanted one and you were so hammered and you got on your high horse. Yeah.

And you were kicking off. I was fuming, wasn't I? Yeah. Yeah. Ridiculously and you were kicking off. I was fuming wasn't I? Yeah. Ridiculously so actually. Yeah. But I didn't tell you I just stormed away and you were like where are you? And I was like sitting in the car wanting to leave hammered like an idiot deciding I didn't drive don't worry I didn't drive and I don't

complain to driving at all it would have been a disaster but I was like I'm going to leave because you want to smoke and I don't like smoking and you got really angry and tell them what you did. I threw my shoe at you. But I missed you. No, no, no. It hit the side of my face.

Yeah, it hit the side of my face. Yeah, and then it bounced across the car. I was more annoyed about it hitting the car. In fact, when I sent that car back, I got a bill for a little rip in the leather. And I guarantee it was off your bloody shoe. Oh, don't really. It probably was now that I think of it, yeah. Yeah, I'm so sorry.

That's terrible, isn't it? I think we were just so, like, I think we were just so drunk at that point when, I think it was only about five or six months, we were so tired. Yeah. And just emotional. When people ask me for parenting advice, genuinely one of the biggest bits of advice I give, because, God, I don't know what I'm doing. No one knows what they're doing.

But the bit of advice I give is, guess what? When you have your first couple of nights out after having a kid, watch what you're doing. Because you will get pissed like that. You will get so drunk. It is amazing how drunk you will get so quickly. And you're so, I was still so full of hormones. And you were back on tour.

We were both absolutely shattered with a newborn baby and I think we just went a bit crazy I'm so sorry I threw my shirt at you it's fine love you

but honestly I'm so mad serious right the most think of the most drunk you've ever seen me it was just after it was wet in his head

in scare quotes when all me and all my mates went out that ridiculous tradition where all the blokes just go out and get hammered and leave the woman at home

with the new baby that's the most one of the drunk home with the new baby one of the drunkest i've ever been one of the drunkest i've ever been in my life and uh another time when he'd just been born i did exactly the same and it's because your your body's just going it's like i imagine it's like running a marathon and then necking five pints i can see where you're coming from yeah it's really hard for you I meant for both no I just meant that's the drunkest I meant for both

you just said no I meant for like humans in general I was just using my I was using my experience of just careful how was the labour for you

was it exhausting I'll be honest with you the labour was very loud you could have you could have held back a bit and the wifi in the hospital was shocking

I was bored bored senseless how is your pelvic floor now after the birth you alright I know how yours is

because we're banned from trampoline parks because you're pissing yourself right I've not done that for a while so shut up when was the last time you did it?

Last time I went to the trampoline park? Possibly. There we go. One of the biggest ones we had, one of the biggest arguments we had was when I was doing the arena, and I was asking you, you've got this thing,

it was going to be one of me beefs, but you've got this thing where if I ask you to do something too many times, you'll deliberately not do it. Yeah? I know what you're talking about. And I I ask you to do something too many times, you'll deliberately not do it. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. And I kept asking you to ask your sister if she could have Robin for the night. Cause we're doing,

I was doing the arena and I knew you were coming. I know your mom was coming. I know my mom and dad were coming. So what did you think that you'd have to stay at home and look after Robin? I thought I was going to cancel it. Oh yeah. Chris, sorry,

we haven't got a babysitter. You need to stay at home with Robin on the night of your biggest gig of your life. Moron. I kept saying, can you definitely have him? And you're like, yeah, I've asked her. And I was like, well, can you double check? And you were like, no. And I understand that I am annoying.

And we had a massive row about it. Now, while I'm shouting at each other, because you were wound up and I was wound up. And it's the first time I've ever stormed out of the house. I grabbed my car keys and I stormed out of the house right i slammed the door and i got in the car and i remember getting in the car and going okay what do blokes do what do blokes do in this situation i sat on the drive for a bit um uh like went and like tried to put some music on spotify uh i drove out into the street and i drove down our street and then i

stopped again and i was like where do blokes go when this happens i was like robin's in the house you're in the house all my stuff's in the house i'm not gonna go to a hotel because it's not that bad i can't go to a pub because i've got the car i'm not gonna be mams because she'll go why you're here i go i've argued and she'll worry i just went around the block and came back you know what you could do now listen to a little podcast you know what it is I could listen to a podcast now got a question here from Rachel

hi Chris and Rosie I was listening to the last episode of the podcast and laughing my head off at Rosie's story about the guy eating a Chinese in the cinema but I think I have a weirder one. Oh, right, okay. This is going to become a new bit of the podcast, isn't it? Just what rant people do in public.

Man eating the Chinese in the cinema may have had more traction than the foursome. I think possibly it did, yeah. It's up there. Yeah. It's up there. Come on then. Me and my boyfriend went to a preview showing of a film at 10.30am on a really cold February morning. A guy came in on his own and sat down a couple of seats away from us.

The film started and he started eating a fab, brackets, the 80s kids ice lolly. My favourite ice lolly, actually. Yeah? Yeah. Which I thought was a bit strange. Then as soon as he finished it, he pulled out another one. One by one,

he ate eight fabs in a row. At half ten in the morning? At half ten in the morning in February? He's my spirit animal.

Is it Robin? Oh, God. Brackets, yes, ate fabs during the course of the film. I don't remember much about the film because I was so busy commenting on each fab to my boyfriend as he ate them. And I was getting more commenting on each fab to my boyfriend as he ate them and I was getting more and more hysterical as it went on oh and part way through the film he shushed my boyfriend because his straw made a noise in his drink oh do you know what though

that poor bloke he's got the pictures have his little fab addiction and they're laughing at him hey I hope he had a cool bag or that last fab would have been like a slush on a stick I know I love fabs

they're actually my favourite fabs are the worst but that's eight fabs eight fabs in a row and they're gonna melt

so he'd be hoeing them in his face it's just beautiful I would love to have seen that eight fabs what a guy well done

yeah some would say absolutely wonderful fabulous face. It's just beautiful. I would love to have seen that. Half ten in the morning, eight fabs, what a guy. Well done. Yeah. Some would say... Absolutely wonderful. Fabulous. Great. Thank you. High five. Thank you. Celebrity question. This week's celebrity question is from the gorgeous Joe Lycett. Thank you, Joe.

In advance. Hello, Chris and Rosie. It's your old friend Joe here. And I've got a very important question for you. I wanted to know, what's your favourite ring on the hob and why? Mine, I think, is top left.

And that's because it's the only one that works currently because I'm having my kitchen done. Love you lads. Stay safe, stay hydrated. Goodbye. I love Joe Lycett so much. Oh, he's great, isn't he?

Good crap. Great question. It's a great question, actually. What's your favourite hob? My favourite ring on the hob. We're quite a bit posh, aren't we? Yeah, we've got a six-ring hob, guys. Haters gonna hate, potatoes potatoes gonna potato not even just a six ring hob

one of them is a doubler one of them's a doubler it's got the big one and it's got the little one in the middle none of our pans are big enough for it

it's like a wok hob yeah very annoying wok hobster ding ding ding wok hobster stop please don't mental note never do this with wine ever again you're pissed your face is red I can tell sorry Wok Hobster Wok Lobster Stop please Don't Mental note

Never do this with wine ever again No You're pissed Your face is red I can tell Sorry And I've just been singing Wok Hobster My favourite hob

Is My favourite hobbering Is The Why don't you just answer it Stop hobbering around the question Rosie And answer it Oh god

Little teaser This guy Who is this Who is this guy? I'd say mine is the medium-sized ring. Medium-sized ring? The middle two. We've got middle two. We've got two

the same middle-sized rings. Mine is, yeah, I'd say mine's the big one because it makes us feel powerful. You can do an egg in like a second. It just blitzed it. That's what it sounded like before it was an egg. It can do an egg in like a second. It goes... Just blitzed it. That's what it sounded like before it was an egg. You know,

it's like you've napalmed it. How dirty does the hob get so quickly? It's depressing, isn't it? It's depressing. Yeah, it's disgusting. Your mum comes and cleans that hob, bless her. And I can literally make a... Would you stop telling everyone

that my mum cleans for us? That is a secret little job that nobody knows about. Because I'm a stay-at-home mam. I pair in compliments. I clean. I do the cleaning. Shush.

Bollocks. Literally, that hob can be clean and I can make a bowl of cereal at the other end of the room and somehow the hob's dirty. I know, it's scruffy. It's infuriating. Should have got one of the electric ones where you just wipe it. Oh, they're even worse. They're depressing, aren't they?

I've had an electric one before. There's no middle ground with the electric ones where you just wipe it. Oh, they're even worse. They're depressing, aren't they? I've had an electric one before. There's no middle ground with the electric one. No. It's either not on or the pan is screaming for you to put it out of its misery. And you don't feel like a proper chef.

I feel chef-y with the fire. Do you know what I mean? Like flambe that shit. Flambe? Flambe. Flambe. Chef-y. Do you know what I mean?

Pancakes. I think I cook now. I'm feeling a bit chef-y. Feeling a bit chef-y. Do you know what I mean? Pancakes. I think I cook now, I'm feeling a bit chef-y. Feeling a bit chef-y cheers. I'm pissed. I might be slightly tipsy. Guys, thank you very much. Good night.

Good night! Good night! There you have it, another episode done and dusted episode 9 please join us next week for episode 10 good counting

I didn't think you'd make that number there that was a stretch wasn't it oh yeah okay so we may do this again slightly tipsy we may not

I hope you've enjoyed it if you want to get in touch shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com Rosie what is it shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com happy days she's is it? shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Happy to hear she's learned it.

Thanks very much, guys. Bye. Bye, guys. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing

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