Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 90. Bed Kegs

Episode Date: November 13, 2020

Tensions are running high in the Ramsey household this week, so much so, there is some organic early beefs! Rosie and Chris discuss Outlander, sharing dreams and Nana Bridget. There's a Rosie's Mystery plus some brilliant QFTP.... communal underwear anyone? Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag My D with me rosie ramsey and my husband chris ramsey who has just taken about 30 seconds to explain to me the difference between scratching the front of your ball sack and the back of your ball sack quite right quite right there's a difference apparently let it never be said let it never be said that we don't educate on this podcast so sometimes what you gotta do fellas you all you know about it, sometimes ball sack's a bit flabby. It's a bit flabby, you know, it's a bit saggy. So you can't really get a good purchase to scratch.

Sometimes you need to scratch the back of the ball sack. Good morning, everyone, by the way. Hope you're enjoying the breakfast. Sometimes you've got to pull it up there and give the back of it a good... Really? Get it nice and taut and give the back of it a good... Right, because it's the skin that's itchy. Give the back of it a good... Really? Get it nice and taut and give the back of it a good... Right. Because it's the skin that's itchy. Give the back of it a good raking.

There's no need. No need to tell me the difference between that. What else would be itchy? What do you mean it's the skin that's itchy? The testes. The testes inside of the sack. The testes inside of the sack would be itchy. Is that what you think? I don't know. How do you not...

That's like saying my brain's itchy I've had an itchy brain before yeah it explains a lot hey guys thank you so much for listening we love you so much thank you for keep coming back

it's episode 90 I know 90 Craig Craig I tell you what you know what like in the UFC tell us where

in the UFC I always find it really weird when I watch it the cage fight like the fighters they'll start and it'll be like this guy's a new kid

you know he's brand new he's got he's a whole career ahead of him and then literally within six months they're like this guy's a veteran

and it's like the window is so short and I feel like we're now podcast veterans old no I feel like 90 episodes makes you a podcast veteran. Explain what you mean by veteran.

Veteran of the game. Like, you know, just like an old hand at it. Wouldn't use the word skilled. Still really don't know what we're doing. Still, I never know what to do in this bit. Still. You can tell. No clue.

You can tell. I mean, should we record this bit again? No, I feel like I peaked too. You can't get rid of that sack scratching bit because that was banging that right okay then the people are going to be

are you doing a don't miss out on that absolutely there's a lucrative sponsor there's a lucrative sponsor I'm just saying we're bloody do you want to crack on then

we're bloody veterans listen don't you don't you usher in it's not all about the money that we get from these sponsors I've got to be in the mood I've got to be ready to

smash it out of there don't get any money this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor is telling people about your dreams oh oh did you oh do you have a dream did you oh oh was that there was oh nice one was out there oh and we were somewhere and then it quickly turned another location did it and it didn't make sense great brilliant telling people about your dreams no one gives a fuck. Do you know what I always think when someone tells me

about their dream? And what's happened recently since we started doing this podcast is people tell us about their dreams that we were in. And I read it and I go, didn't happen.

That didn't happen. What do you mean you didn't have the dream? That dream didn't happen, I don't think. You made that dream up. You made that dream up. You made it up for a bit of content.

I reckon so because I don't remember any of my dreams. Some people can remember their dreams and they call it lucid dreaming and they don't think. You've made that dream up. You've made that dream up. You've made it up for a bit of content. I reckon so, because I don't remember any of my dreams. Some people can remember their dreams. Isn't it called lucid dreaming? They can remember their dreams. Well, my Kate does, doesn't she? Oh, fucking hell. I've had to hear another one of your sister's fucking dreams. I know, but... Oh, lock the shed. Kate's had a dream. Oh,

check the gutters. Kate's had a dream. Oh, is the hob working? Kate's had a dream about gas. Motherfucker. Oh, get to the doctor. Kate's had a dream about gas, motherfucker. Oh, get to the doctor. Kate's had a dream about your mole. That's a real one. She's not even making that up.

That's a real one. Jesus. They don't always end well. So annoyingly, she's had a couple that have been right. So now you've got to listen to her. I still stand by the one about the shed. Are you talking about the one about the shed? You can't be claiming the shed one. Well, in the summer, in the summer,'t are you talking about the one about the shed you can't be claiming the shared one what in the summer in the summer she started telling people

to put locks on the sheds when everyone's out on bikes and in the summer on the late nights where people nick fucking stuff out of sheds but then our shed got broken because it was the summer because the kids drew it's not she knew i sometimes i reckon it was probably her she's probably when she phoned you to tell you about her dream about something break the shed she was probably in fucking b&q buying tell you about her dream about something she was probably in fucking B&Q buying some ball cutters do you think she does it deliberately

yes the big ball cutters please I had a dream clink and just sits by her phone the next day eee never someone broke any of her shit I can't believe

eee do do do do do do dreams can come true look at Kate she's bang on most of the time stop it stop telling people

about your dreams it's boring as fuck when someone goes to me hey hey I had a dream out the other night honestly I just want to run in the other direction

I want to run away so fast it's the worst crack it's the most boring thing in the world it was like me and you right and we were like

in our house but it wasn't my house and then it was me school and then you said this and then you asked her to do that and it was so funny

was it really oh jesus had to be there hey but listen we might be down on that but we're up on life we're happy let's crack on here's a jingle yeah we had a fight about the jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. We're very happy to have you here.

We are. Just a little pointer at the beginning of this episode. If you hear any drilling or any loud noises or anything like that, we're still getting the bathroom done. The professional thing would have been to tell them to maybe stop for a few hours, but we want it done. We want it finished. It's got to be done.

So unfortunately, they're just cracking on. And I mean, I guarantee you, he came down a couple of minutes ago to use the toilet. That's right next to this room. He was in that toilet quite a while. I'm 99% sure he had a shit in my toilet. Oh, the window was open. I've just been in. I'm 99% sure he had a shit in my toilet. Oh, the window was open. I've just been in. The window was open.

He had a shit in the toilet. That's great. Thanks, mate. It's a skip, I would say. Not use the skip. Jesus. Oh, there's something that we've never spoke about before. It must be really hard to be a work person,

like a labourer or a plumber or whatever, and if you need the toilet in other people's houses bless them it's not that mustn't be nice some of them never ever ever use the toilet it's so strange some of them just don't do it when we had the bungalow hashtag one story glory and we got the extension on the back they never used i think they were peeing in in the van i mean that van imagine i mean did they but that's the point is I never saw them empty a bucket of

wee out the back of the van so that tells me that they got in the van and very steadily like they bought eggs. Whoa whoa Gary whoa to the corner

oh I've got all of our collective piss on my pants. They put cling film on the top after a job. Oh no.

I don't know how it works let me know I'll ask my brother he's a plasterer he'll know so Rosie is very excited she's just had

a bloody love letter of a fancy bit haven't you she wishes don't say it like that no I got a signed book this morning

through the post from Sam Heughan Jamie Fraser Jamie Fraser. Jamie Fraser from Outland. And Graeme McTavish. What's Graeme's character called again? I don't know.

It's his uncle. He's mint. He looks like, he's like the sort of skinhead one. He's a lord, isn't he? He's a what? A lord?

He's a what? I don't know. A laird. A laird. Bloody lord. We assassinate language coming over here. Look at how terrible we are.

I can't remember. But I think he plays his uncle. He looks, he's a mint character. He looks hard as out. I think he is actually hard as fuck, isn't he? But yeah, they've sent you that. And it's, I mean, it's just a shame we can't tell my mum yet because she will be so excited.

Yeah, well, I'm going to wrap it up for her for Christmas. But he did write me a handwritten note with my name on the front. Yeah. So I'm keeping that envelope because he now knows what my name is. So that's quite cool. Have you considered that he hasn't written that?

Have you considered that someone at the publisher just wrote that? No. Do you think? Oh, don't. It could just be some intern wrote that.

Oh, shut up. Some, yeah. Do you honestly don't think that he's even wrote that? Don't think so. Oh, Chris, why would you do that? That hadn't even crossed my mind. Welcome to the real world.

2020, bitch. Welcome to the real world. We signed all our books personally. Yeah, he signed it personally on the inside. But you don't think he's wrote that card? That handwritten note? Probably not. Probably not.

He hasn't, has he? I don't think so. Let's have a look. Tell you what, let's have a look at this. Check the handwriting. Check the handwriting. Let's have a look. Okay, hold on.

Oh, by the way, it's called oh by the way it's called clan lands and um yeah uh really lovely of him to do that so sam check the handwriting oh shit it's the same yeah that's him right up yours it's the same it's fully the same get in best wishes from scotland we should put that on ours i never think of doing that. Best wishes from the North East. Yeah, it's not as important as Scotland. I tell you what, I don't know what kind of fucking time he's got in his hands, but we signed 12,000 books and there's no fucking way I would have given even one

single person on this planet a handwritten card as well, so he's a nicer man than me. Well, I tell you what, that's made us even wider. Oh, wider! I wanted to shock you there, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I did just want to shock you there i'm sorry i'm sorry i did just want to shock you but um that's lovely thank you so much speaking of wider so my mom absolutely loved those uh those those books like so much yeah yeah she's gonna she's gonna lose her mind when i give her this well i mean it's like she used to tell me about it to an un like a really weird level she'll be like i just

love them and he's just this guy called jamie and he's like she goes through tell me about it to an un like a really weird level she'd be like i just love them and he's just this guy called jamie and he's like she goes through these stones and she's going on about it and then when they made the tv show she was losing her shit about it i remember she was like chrissy's exactly like i imagined and in the books like they've cast him perfectly he's exactly how i pictured him i'm like fucking i mean my man jesus christ he wants to leave you alone with this fucking with this for a bit like i was downloading it's like i was downloading them for her because they were on stars at one point before on amazon prime so i was just downloading them and putting them on a little usb stick for her it was one step shy of giving me mom porn yeah oh yeah yeah yeah that was your

mom's porn for a while ridiculous she loved it she talked about it every time we seen it unbelievable and then and then do you remember how many times she told me that Holly Willoughby likes him as well? Holly Willoughby watches it. I was like, I don't know why you heard that. No, because he went on this morning. Oh, he was on this morning. And Holly Willoughby was a little bit how I am right now

about it all. I was going to say, we should probably, to be fair, if we don't know if it is the handwriting or not, we should probably show it to your mum. She's probably got a few fucking bills and letters out of his bins. She'll know. She'll know she'll know very cool though i just signed that i find that really cool i'm keeping that forever you know it's so lovely that you're in this world and you sign books and people like you know messages from you and

signatures but you're still like massively fangirling over and the fact that he sent you out of nowhere so someone's obviously no out of nowhere someone's obviously told him that you know that we watch the show and that you and weirdly he knows about my mum loving him as well so big shout out

to them that book is called Clanlands it's by Sam Hewan Sam Hewan and Jamie

Graham McTavish Graham McTavish and I think it's out now so there you go that is the that is the kind of plug you get when you do something

nice like that for me wife and me mum good on you Sam thank you so much and Sam if you ever fancy a little night away just let me know let me mum know as well

because you know don't leave her hanging outside your house all night if you're going to be awake she's not coming as well no I'm saying if he's going to go out with you let me mum know

he'll not be in his own house so she can at least have a night off from hanging outside we can just do different nights as long as I go first and that tree that she lives in in his garden. What's happening? You'll not listen to this.

Oh, God, no. Almost absolutely not. No, good. So, Mr. Weekend. Hello. Mr. Saturday Night. You're home. That's me.

From your little jaunt on TV yes as we're recording this actually it's a Wednesday but it's going to be Friday when this comes out you're blooming doing Children in Need

Children in Need unless you've died obviously unless I've well I nearly died today jumpstarting your car but we'll get on to that later on no we said we weren't going to talk about that

because that's like telling someone about your dream that is boring as shit. Right, okay. You took the car to the garage. You failed to start it. You took your bike

in the back. When you got to the pedestrian tunnel it was shut so you had to get your dad to pick you up. Rosie, it was the morning from hell.

It was the morning from hell. Nobody cares. Do you know I even considered getting the ferry? That's how low it was. That's how sad I was. Oh, a ferry's lovely. I had one layer on.

I had a bloody froze on the roof of that ferry. Ridiculous. Ish. Something which is quite interesting, which I've taken and wrote down from what you told me at the weekend. I found it very funny.

So Chris obviously hosted Little Mix The Search and it was great. Well done. Thank you. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Well done to all the back. The bands were amazing. Fantastic, yeah.

Big shout out to Sin September who won, but also Why Change Melodies and Nostalgia are all going to do great things. Fantastic, yeah. Big shout out to Sin September who won, but also Y-Chain's Melodies and Nostalgia are all going to do great things. Stupidly talented. And really nice people. I know it sounds like bollocks, but they were all just lush. Like, I can't even get into,

sort of, I don't want to give away things that happened behind the scenes, but they were all just so lovely and courteous and nice to each other. And there was no rivalry. They were class. That's good. Could you name them all?

The bands? Could you name them all? The bands? Could you name every single member of every single band? Oh, God, no. Right. Because... God, no. Rosie, sometimes I would walk on

and I'd have to give a cheer for the band and I'd have to quickly look at the name behind them on the board because I'd be like, who the fuck's this? Because I was busy thinking of me jokes and my next links. What made me laugh

was you told me about a member. I can't remember. I don't know which one she was in. And you said that you struggled so much to remember her name that you came up with a rhyme. I had to. Right.

So I specifically, it was for some of the jokes and the links that I did. I had to know some of the... So since September, it's Harry, Patrick, Jacob and Matthew. Matthew. Matthew.

Sounds like the Bible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the four since September boys., Patrick, Jacob and Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. Sounds like the Bible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the four since September boys. And then Y change is Eden. I love that name. Yeah, she's awesome. Eden, Ashley Tragic, Versailles. Yeah.

Right. But then Romina. Yes. I kept forgetting Romina's name and I kept forgetting how to say it because when it's written down, it looks like Romania. And I said it wrong the first time I read it and I thought I can't do that again that's terrible if I say a name trying to tell everyone the rhyme that you came up with the rhyme I came up with before I say her name and she's lovely I've supported her on Instagram since then I hope she hears this the rhyme that I came up with remember her name was

Romina Romina have you seen? That was how I remembered her name. Honestly, the professionalism that oozes out of you and the baby say is unbelievable. We were sitting. Romina, Romina, have you seen her? Romina, Romina, have you seen her? I mean, I said it in my head. I had to say it in my head before I said it. So glad you said it in your head.

The thing was because she was rapping and playing the piano at the same time. She's outrageously talented. I love them all yeah but why change were my favorite well i got a message off one of them saying i think we're your wife's favorite i was like yeah i was like i have to be very impartial but my wife um she didn't take that on board no no sorry i did did tweet my love for why change but they were all fantastic it was a really good show to watch because because they were all really good and

it's nice to watch talented people. But then again, I always kind of loved The Underdog in other talent shows, but it was great. It was great, and hopefully there'll be a second series. You never know. You never know. I'm looking forward to seeing all of those guys live. Mm-hmm.

Remina, Remina. Have you seen her? Yeah, you've seen her on stage, smashing it. Damn right. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Something lovely with an ounce of tragedy happened this week. It's been happening a lot recently.

Beautiful. So I've told you about my Nana Bridget before. She spoke on the podcast. Yes. How old did she say she was? 82 or 83? Why can't I remember?

When you get to that age, a year doesn't matter. She always says to me, I'm a 35-year-old woman trapped in this old woman's body. So that's what she is. She called me the other night when you were on the search. I think she might have had a couple of wines, not going to lie.

Okay. She called us and she was giving it the old, Rosie, you never sing anymore. Why don't you do any singing? And she went somewhere that she actually goes a lot recently. Right. She played the death card. She keeps playing the death card. Now we know how it fucking feels.

What do you mean? Don't do that to me all the time. If I die, find love again, someone that likes the Banes. No, this is a different kind of death card. Nana Bridget is a lot closer to death than what I am. Right. She plays the death card. She wriggles it over your face and so what she basically said was rosie she wants us to record her like a sick because she's got my dvds of when i used to sing and cds and she's like i've worn them dry right to the bone so she watched the search watch people

sing and then decided she wanted to say that she wanted me to sing for her. So I need to record something for her. But I just find it hilarious how when you get to a certain age, you can go, I'm not going to be here forever, you know. Yeah. And this is what she says, she goes, I need to hear it before I die. Jesus.

No pressure. Honestly, I'm like, I've got a free day on Thursday. I'll do it then. Please don't go anywhere hilarious i just find that i just can't i can't wait to get to to like that age and just dangle that death card all the time wait to get to that age and dangle the death card i can wait i can wait i'm in no hurry for that i'm looking forward to other things along the way obviously what you mean is that'll be a fun thing to do

when you're that age yes right yeah it will be it'll be like oh god me I'm like gonna not answer my phone on that now

and then just to keep them on their toes oh right okay yeah that happens that's a true thing yeah there's been times

when me nana hasn't answered her phone and there'll be a full like I'll get a phone call from three different members of the family and it'll be on the thing going has anyone heard from Nana?

She's just, you know, she's just cracking on. She's kind of bloody, yeah, she's got Rosie's DVDs on full blast. Fucking head's banging. So Nana, if you're listening, well, I know that you're listening. So I will promise you, I'll get that. I'll get something recorded. She's requested a song. Yeah, good.

If she's still alive by Friday when this goes out. This is what I said to her I went Nana you keep saying you've got to do this before I die she'll be here for another 25 years she will

honestly she'll get the letter from the Queen she's not going anywhere so Nana I'll get it done I promise big up Nana Bridge

while you've been away recently me and Robin have been having a lot of chats. Right. And he keeps asking us, I don't know if he's asked you this, but he keeps saying, Mummy, what do you want to be when you're older? Right. And I'm like, well, I am

what I want to be when I'm old. I want to be 85 dangling a card over my family. That's what I want to be. Robin, I can't wait. That's the dream. Yeah be. Robin, I cannot wait. That's the dream. Yeah. So I asked him what he thinks that you and I do,

and I recorded it. Do you want to hear? Oh, God, here we go. What do you think Daddy does for a job? Works with you. Works with me, yeah. Doing what, though? Seeing all the stupid things in you. Seeing all the stupid things and you. Saying all the stupid things.

Yeah. Well, one, I don't like the word stupid. Stop saying that. But two, yes, you're kind of right. We just talk about stuff, don't we? Just talk about stupid things. I said stop saying stupid. I said stop saying stupid. I said stop saying stupid.

No, now you're just playing copycats. No, now you're just playing copycats. All right, then. Mummy's my favourite. All right, then. Mummy's my favourite. There you are. You heard it at the end.

Oh, that is cheap. What a cheap trick. I can't believe you fell for that. What an idiot. This is how it started with the, what do you want to be? Okay. What do you want to be right now? So, well i've got a job what do you not know what mommy's job is so um mommy does the podcast with daddy and mommy wrote half a book this year and mommy gets paid to do things on instagram

you look shocked. What do you want to be? What do I want to be? I'm kind of, I am what I kind of wanted to be, but I guess, do I want to be something else? You know what I really want to be? I want to be a pop star. Thank you. Do you know what I mean? I want to, like, sing on stage. See? See?

I want to be a builder. I want... Well, I mean... Okay, I'll be a builder. Right. Thank you. Put that pencil behind me here. Now I'm a builder. Is that what he did?

What do you want to be when you're older? A builder. You want to be a builder? Yeah, he had a pencil. He that what he did? What do you want to be when you're older? A builder. You want to be a builder? Yeah, he had a pencil. He kept putting it behind me, saying, you want to be a builder? I was like, I am. I'm doing other stuff.

Imagine that's all it took. Just stick a pencil behind. I'll just knock that extension up now. I've dropped my pencil. I've lost all my power. Got to say, though, that's quite a good dressing up tool for a five-year-old i mean it's very perceptive putting a pencil behind you as a builder i don't know how he

would even know that i don't know proud of him that's good isn't it yeah yeah so so my son just thinks we say stupid things uh he's right yeah nailed it i've never heard a better review of what i do in my life i'm rosie i'm embarrassed when I tell people I'm tired, man. What do you mean? If I'm like, oh, I'm not going to be working loads, I'm embarrassed to tell people because they're like... Why?

Because they say, what have you been doing? Fucking standing in front of a camera for Little Mix or just, you know, sitting in your kitchen recording a podcast with your wife. Yeah, but it's...

It's embarrassing. It's exhausting having to be on and be smiley and cheery. People don't understand, so I just never sit... Like, I'm never... Them guys doing our bathroom now. I'm never going to go up to them and go,

oh, I've got to go to London again in the morning for children. Oh, I'm bloody knackered. He'd spit in my face. Why? During COVID times. It's just a weird thing. You can't really be knackered in this job

because people are just... People with like, you know, quote unquote real jobs are just like, fuck yourself. Yeah, well, yeah. True, true, true. But I am really tired. No, I'm tired.

No, I'm tired. I'm tired. You wouldn't even make me some crumpets this morning. Because I'm too tired. I was in the bath. All I wanted was to eat two crumpets in the bath like an emperor and you wouldn't even do me crumpets

while I was in the bath. Oh, no, fuck off. That is the most. Why do I have to make all of your food? I'm not going here again. I just wanted a crock. You're getting us on a bad day. I'm not your personal living chef.

You make enough money. You hire a chef, but don't have them anywhere near my kitchen. Great. Because I'm not having a stranger in the house. I'll tell you when you have to make me food. I'll tell you when you have to make my food. I don't have to make your food at all. I'll tell you when.

When you've just offered to make me food. And then I go, so are you still making that? And you food at all. I'll tell you when. When you've just offered to make me food and then I go, so are you still making that? And you go, no. No, right. That's the only time I expected to make you food. No, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen.

Pipe down, right? You, oh, yeah. I'm not even, this is going to, this is going to be. Where's I'm crumpets, Rosie? Oh, do I have to? No, no. You said it.

I say it to you, do you want a couple of crumpets? And you go, oh, right, hang on, well, I'm just doing this. And I'm like, that was the offer then. The offer isn't after I've sat down and started doing something else. Okay, okay, okay. Do you know what else is infuriating what you do?

What? You will ring me from somewhere and ask us to fill your fucking bath, right? Yeah. And then I just think, by the time you get in, why don't you just do it when you get in? I hate that. I hate that you do that. It's like, that's's that's like that's gaslighting it is no it is it actually is it's like it's like you're just always going oh yeah yeah yeah i'm there take the control thing and i

do it muggins you do i'll beg your pardon i beg your pardon you didn't do it you filled the fuck out with just hot if i had jumped in it my skin would have come off. So your heart filled the bath. Chris, I filled that 20 minutes before you got in. For God's sake. No, it was boiling. It was boiling. Just do it when you get in. We've got a really quick bath system.

I will next time. No, but the water comes out really quick. It's not like a really slow bath where you go, oh, start that bath because I know it's going to take 15 minutes. I'd never ring you asking you to put me a bath on. Do you know why? Because like a normal person I'll go, oh I'll get in and I'll just put the bath on and it'll take 5 minutes and then I'll climb in. Instead of making

me pregnant wife have to get up and bloody fill us a bath and do all of this stuff. Rosie, you can't not let you have to go to the fucking well at the bottom of the garden. Shut up man, it's a tap. Nah, I hate it. I hate it when you ask me to do all this shit. This isn't even the piece yet. Sorry, excuse me. I hate it I hate it when you ask this isn't even the piece this isn't even the piece sorry

Jesus Christ you've caught us on a really bad on a bad day we're having a bad day I'm really tired Chris reckons he's really tired babadoo babadoo babadoo

bap eeeee there we go well I never knew that I still didn't you're kidding no he signed it himself

no way it smells like him oh mysteries mysteries mysteries mysteries informative

mysteries mysteries mysteries from the highlands mysteries mysteries mysteries do you know what's really, really tragic? What? We are literally, I'm not bragging here,

we are literally one of the biggest podcasts in the country. Yeah. And you still play your theme tunes by holding your phone up to the microphone. Yeah. It's tragic, isn't it? I often think, should I do that properly and send it to Daisy, our editor?

Yeah. Weirdly, no, because then you can't do your little bits in between. Chris, I can't be arsed. I think people, weirdly, I think people find the low production Editor. Yeah. Weirdly, no, because then you can't do your little bits in between. Chris, I can't be arsed. I think people, weirdly, I think people find the low production value is quite charming. Do you think?

Oh, yeah. Does it add a bit of, it adds a bit of, I was going to say Alakazam, but that's the complete wrong word. The opposite. It adds a bit of, the opposite of that.

It drags it down. It drags it down. If it is, if it could get any lower, but it does. But just before we do Rose Mysteries, I'm just going to,

Oh, what's that you've got there? I'm just going to have a lovely nice drink of water out of my shag moudinoid water bottle Oh it is very nice Dishwasher safe as well apparently

Is it? Although I'll not be dishwashing it because you know I don't want the paint or anything to come off No nice to keep them nice Can I have a little taste?

Does it taste different? It doesn't taste It tastes funny Have you got COVID or? Well we sleep together so yeah When was the last time we slept together?

We're lying next to each other Yeah alright okay I was going to say yeah that's a lie hang on what does that taste like it tastes like it's just come from the mountains

yeah from the Sassenach Sassenach yeah touched by a layer of yeah it's a good looking

lovely bottle well I had a normal black bottle like this I'll just listen it reminds you of a milk churn. I love it. Merch is on the website, by the way,

if you didn't subtly get what I was getting at. Shagmaradanoid.com. It's all there. I do love that bottle. I had a similar bottle for my bike and then I've got this one now

but I don't want to put this on my bike because my bike thing scratched it. I've seen that. I've bored myself. I've bored myself. We've got a Rosie's Mystery here.

Come on. This was sent in from Daisy our editor what yeah Daisy Daisy getting in on the Rosie's mysteries

she's sent a mystery big up and it's 100% true oh my goodness so here we go a friend of my parents went to a local shop

and bought some non-brand slightly dodgy looking nugget or nougat, as you say. Oh, all right. Okay, the chocolatey stuff. Nougat.

Can you buy nougat on its own? Yeah. They bought some off-brand nougat. Might have been like a tourist shop or something. Right, okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how you can get...

Fudge and that. Kendall Mint. That's nice, that stuff, isn't it? Is it mint cake or something Kendall mint cake not a fan oh what not a fan

they always whenever I do Kendall they always have some in the dressing room whenever I do Chorley they've always got Chorley cakes in the dressing room

as well never had one of them don't even know what one is anyway so nice like kind of mince pie kind of

things nice oh right okay I would like that he's bought some non-brands slightly

okay he was chewing away when he bit on something hard Oh god He removed it from his mouth And realised part of his tooth had come out Oh Oh that happened to me at school

With an iron brew bar Oh Oh Oh Mr Perfect Teeth Right okay Baby tooth Baby tooth Right okay

Oh yeah so that What happened there is Okay then Okay then What happened there is My mum's at the dentist currently getting her teeth repaired and I said,

oh, you know, my mum always looks after her teeth but, you know, they're just sort of cracking and crumbling away at the moment. It's just something that's happening. And Rosie says, well, yeah, yeah,

well, you haven't got very good teeth either, have you, Chris? Rosie, how many films you got? I've got two. How many have I got? Don't know. None. Never had a thing done.

Next. Staying easy, though. They're porous. They're porous. They do stay in for tea and stuff, but, yeah. Oh. got two how many have i got don't know none never had a thing done next staying easy though they're porous they're porous they do stay in for tea and stuff but yeah honestly i did feel quite bad came from nowhere i was sitting with breakfast and she just out of nowhere went yeah well you know how you've got bad teeth as well i was like one i get a lot of compliments from my teeth when i'm on telly and stuff and two i've never had a thing done. They just scrape the plaque every time. That's all they do. Never had a drill, none of that. Touch wood.

All right. I'm so annoyed. Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'll be really petulant this episode. Oh, yeah, massively. Is it time? You know I love you. It's all right.

We're still friends. Yeah? Yeah. Is it time what? Is it time to eject some positivity where I say I love you and we're still friends? That's what that was, but I just jumped ahead. I know I love you too. I'm just really tired. Okay that was, but I just jumped ahead. Oh, no, I love you too.

I'm just really tired. Okay. But that's fine. Okay. We're a married couple. We can't be sweetness and light all the time. We get on each other's tits. Yeah, but you would think we're kind of like,

I don't know, put a bit of a show on for my podcast, but we don't even do that. No. No, sorry, no. You don't... Once a week, it's a lot. Once a week's a lot, yeah. No, you would think we could spare three hours once a week to be positive. I don't think a week it's a lot once a week's a lot you would think

we could spare three hours once a week to be positive I don't think anyone would enjoy it do you not think talking about how much

we loved each other and being really soppy no I think everyone would be like why is this a thing yeah I'd hate that it's good to be able to sag each other off

and then still be in love and be friends we'll see okay so bit of his tooth coming yeah okay okay oh god he managed to get I fucking hate it when you do that sorry Okay so Bit of his tooth coming out Okay okay Oh god He managed to get a

I fucking hate it when you do that Sorry You do not need to be taking drinks When I'm talking Sorry Are you going to do this on Children of Need are you? Eh? Oh here's the total

Oh where's Chris? Oh he's just having a quick drink of water Couldn't you wait until there was a video on Chris? No No I can't Can't possibly wait until there was a video on, Chris? No. No, I can't. Can't possibly wait until there's a pause to take a drink. Honestly, what a bellend you are. Oh, God.

Stop drinking water while I'm talking on the podcast. It's just such a good water bottle. We have breaks. Stop it. I just had to do it. Stop it. He managed to get a dentist appointment the next day and put in here pre-COVID times.

Remember them days? Oh, dentist appointment the next day and put in here pre-covid times remember them days you're bloody joking aren't you goodness bet he just walked in i know yeah my tooth oh yes get you straight away what's a face mask never seen one he explained to the dentist what had happened and handed over the piece of tooth after the dentist had a good look around, he said... No way. I've nailed it. I've nailed it straight away. That's disgusting though. I can't believe it.

It wasn't his tooth. It was someone else's tooth. Is that what you're going with? Yeah. Okay. It was just in the nougat. The dentist said, Well, the good news is this isn't a piece of your tooth.

But the bad news is it's a piece of somebody else's tooth. Oh, I knew it. I knew it. Oh, my God. Safe to say the guy never ate nugget again. Oh, Nuga. Oh. Nuga.

That's disgusting. Yeah, eating somebody else's tooth. Oh. Tooth. Like they say in Wales. Oh, my God. I remember when I tooth, like they say in Wales. Oh my God. I remember when I was, it always sticks in my head,

when I was in infant school, a lad, an Irish lad, whose dad was in the army and he was only in our school for a couple of years. He was called Billy, a friend of mine, lovely lad. He bit his roll, as he called it. His roll was his sandwich.

He bit it and he quickly got a fright and he put it back in a bag and tied the bag up and put it in the thing, put it back in his lunchbox. And I went, what was wrong? And he was like, there was something hard in it. And then he opened his mouth and his mouth was bleeding and I was like, I think it's your tooth. I was like, I think your tooth's came out.

So his tooth came out while he was eating his sandwich and he bit it and he got a fright and just put it back in the bag and he was like, there's something hard in it. I was like, I think it was your old tooth made. Oh, do you remember the trauma of being young and your teeth falling out? It's not crazy, isn't it, to be fair?

Like, I think we brushed over that pretty well. I think, yes. So where was I recently? Oh, I socially distanced, had a meet up with my friend, Michael, and his daughter had a tooth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was Michael, and his daughter had a tooth. Yeah, yeah. A pull. Yeah, he was like,

look, look at her tooth. Her tooth's sort of slack and she pushed it forward with her tongue. And I'm like, and you do that thing with kids where you go, oh yeah,

but you remember what it felt like when your tooth was just like on a fucking hinge in your mouth. And you're right, they just take it in their stride. They're not bothered.

I know. But it is, it's horrible. It's a horrible thing you'd sharpen that and then like the bit where it's coming off it's getting tender

did your mum my mum used to give us like she'd be like have this crust of the bread and we used to give her apples and everything

really and also me and my brother and sister did the door trick did you ever do that I never did the door trick my dad used to pull mine out like if they were really

like hanging and it was hurting when I was eating and stuff and he would like put but he the way he did them was a twist right so he literally put his hand in my mouth and just like just twisted out and it'll be gone and i'll be obviously i was pathetic so i'll be screaming yeah yeah i don't think i'll be when robin's teeth start falling out like that yeah i don't think i'll be able to watch him it's when they go when they go look and're like, go, and it wiggles in and out and you're like,

oh God. It's like a barn doe in the wind. Oh, I can't even, honestly, I'm not squeamish about many things,

but teeth and bones, like, that's what gets us. Yeah. I'll not be able to, yeah, you're absolutely, you've nailed it.

It's a trauma and you're just scared over it. It's like, oh, oh, you've been kissing the girls? Not part of your face has fallen out. Good God. Dreading Robin's front teeth coming in. Yeah, I'm not going to notice them.

I know, we're not going to notice them. That's a bit harsh. Recognize was the word I meant. Like an invisibility cloak. The sofa's uncomfortable. Chris Chris you're sitting on Robin I meant recognise that's what I meant that's a terrible thing to say

oh shit she's not going to let us forget this in a hurry I meant recognise I know oh hey get in I hope you do that on Children in Need get a word wrong massively balls it up

well that's not a nice thing to say you hope I balls up Children in Need hey I'm sure I'll have a very very lucky and fortunate time presenting Children in Need live on BBC One

no I think you'll do really well because it's only on Friday the bastard 13th I know I know no you'll do really well and obviously you know

I hope you do really well and then they'll realise that they should have got a woman to do it and the year after I'll do it I'm with Alex Scott she's a woman

I'm doing it with Alex Scott I have two women and Mel three women you just want it to be all women yeah Stephen Mangan you want to get rid of him

no why not who can we get in who's available by the way if you do watch if it's Friday morning as you listen to this and if you do watch

Children of the Night it would be lovely if you did text in and give a cheeky little donation but only if you can only if you can because guess who's got the job of doing the totalizer

halfway through the night this fella oh have you so excited don't mess it up I'm not gonna man do you need to learn what the difference is

between thousands and millions because I've already thought about that this is I'm being genuinely serious I thought about this I know but I thought about this the other day

and I was like if I was doing that I'd be like and the total is three three thousand you're not going to write any words for us?

Oh, thank God. Right, okay. I know my limits. Straight away, I was like, can you write it in words? Can you have it on the autocue? Can you say it in media? Can you have someone holding it on a card? Yeah.

Can someone text us it? I'm so glad. Because that would have been, imagine your. Well, you know, for Little Mix of Search, my massive fear, because it was live Saturday night, all I thought about, I woke up at two o'clock in the morning for Little Mix of Search. My massive fear, because it was live Saturday night, you know, all I thought about, I woke up at two o'clock in the morning the night before

and I was lying just in the hotel and I couldn't get back to sleep because I was, have you seen that clip of, is it America's Next Top Model? Where she gets the wrong, she says the wrong winner? Oh my gosh, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was rattling on my head and I would see the woman's face. It's the woman's face and she's like, and the winner is, and they start celebrating and you see, and she goes like, and the winner is, and they start celebrating and you see,

and she goes, oh my God, oh, I'm sorry. That's not the winner. This person's the winner and the person who thinks they won just have to go, okay then,

well, congrats. It was rattling on my head. Didn't that happen on the X Factor as well? I think, I remember, I think it was Olly Murs and terrifying.

Yeah, so learn, make sure you know what you're going to see and what the numbers are because that would be embarrassing. Imagine if it was something really Murs and terrifying. Yeah, so learn, make sure you know what you're going to see and what the numbers are, because that would be embarrassing. Imagine if it was something really light. And the total is £125. And I'm just standing there. 70 pence.

That's £125,000, Chris. It's, oh, shit, shit. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe-Hirwe, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

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it would be time for what's your beef but we've already had such a massive go at each other this week we're gonna say there's no what's your beef no what's your beefs beefs beefs although rosie did uh leave her car parked in the middle of the drive the other day even though um she knew it was having trouble starting and it was blocking the whole drive and I had to get my mate

to come round and jump start it that was watch your beef no beef you've just done a beef babadoo babadoo babadoo back

alright then well my beef with you this week is we're currently getting the bathroom done and we're pissing in a pot at the top of the stairs because the other toilet

is at the bottom of the stairs all week Chris was like you two to me and Robin you're disgusting for weaning that pot yous are absolutely week Chris was like you too to me and Robin you're disgusting for weaning that pot. Yous are absolutely

disgusting. I was like Chris I'm pregnant I'm having a wee three times a night I'm not going downstairs setting the alarm off bloody blah.

Chris was going downstairs setting the alarm off. What did you do last night Chris? Tell everyone what you did last night. I got down on

my knees in that hallway and I pissed in that sweet sweet pot. You traitor. You hypocrite. Hypocritical traitor. I also brought it

downstairs and emptied it as well. Thank you. Twice last night. Do you know what's worse? You emptied it during the night? I emptied it as well thank you twice last night do you know what's worse you emptied it during the night I emptied it when I got in when I got in from the train

from London oh yeah because actually here's something I went to bed early last night I went to bed at half nine you could have come down I could have come down but I just had to

weigh up there the worst bit is I don't mind I don't mind emptying mine and Robin's way out of it but you've always got a bit of toilet because you always got a bit of toilet

because you've got a bit of toilet roll in there and it makes it worse I hate it I hate it so much manky like literally

I was brought downstairs this morning I was just retching how do you start your day Chris with a coffee with a cup of tea oh no

I bring a bucket of me family's piss downstairs with bits of toilet roll floating in and I pour it into the downstairs toilet while fucking heaving. That's how I start my day.

Do you know... How do you like your eggs in the morning? I like mine with some piss. Do you know... Do you know that Robin really likes winging it? Really likes winging the bucket. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised at all.

In the morning... I don't do it in the morning. In the morning, I'm like, I'm up, I'll take it down empty and I'll wing in the toilet downstairs.'m not surprised. I'm not surprised at all. In the morning, I don't do it in the morning. In the morning, I'm like, I'm up, I'll take it down, and I'll wee in the toilet downstairs. But Robin's like, up there,

and do you know, he sits on it. Oh no! It's going to tip over. Like me? Because I sit on it. Don't let him sit, it's going to tip over.

I got down on my knees to wee in it last night. Why? Honestly. It's like fucking, you know, Michael Jackson, Earth song,

where he gets down, he's like, ah, ah! I was like, I just down on on my knees and dick hanging over the bucket what have we done to the upstairs bathroom look what we've done the horrible thing is this literally a toilet downstairs. It's the most laziest thing. What about all the piss created by your wife and son? There is people who have toilets downstairs.

Not upstairs. Yeah, we're just lazy bastards. The worst time ever to get the bathroom done. When I'm not pregnant, I don't wee during the night. I go all night. Are you pregnant? Yes. Jesus, get that quiet. during the night. I go all night. Are you pregnant? Yes. Jesus, you're getting that quiet. 31 weeks. I usually go all night without a wee,

but now I'm like three times a night, easy. Strange thing to brag about. What? Listen, right, I go all night without a wee. No, I'm not being funny, you'll never see me getting up, having a wee. It sounds like the same way someone would go, I'm the last one on the'll never see me getting up, having a wee. It sounded like the same as someone would go,

I'm the last one on the dance floor. Honestly, go out with me. And I go all night without a wee. I never leave that dance floor. Have we ever spoke about that?

What? I'm mint on a night out. People who say they're amazing on a night out. People who say they're mint on a night out. And you go, oh, you're not the way you...

You need to come out with me. I am amazing on a night out. 10 o'clock in a taxi being sick. Bye. Crying. Fuck me. Funny. So that was the beef section that didn't happen.

Yeah, okay. Couldn't help ourselves. It's time for questions from the public. What's the public? Public. Babadoo babadoo babadoo It's time for Questions from the public What's the public? Public Purple rain Purple rain I ran out

Yeah If you want to get in touch It's shagmardenoid At gmail.com I couldn't say it there Because I was running out of breath Of all the puh puh puhs Shagmardenoid

At gmail.com If you want to get in touch Please continue to send Your dilemmas your questions your funny stories your Rosie's mysteries well let's not get carried away

it's only a minor part of the podcast and yeah all of that stuff thank you your beauties I've got one here okay

this isn't a question really but it's a funny story and it made me laugh yeah questions from the public section doesn't need to be questions from the public we just kept it as that because that's what we're called

and we are lazy and as you've noticed from this podcast we doesn't need to be questions from the public. We just kept it as that because that's what we're called. And we are lazy. And as you've noticed from this podcast, we can't be asked to change anything. Because if it's not broke, don't fix it. Although it technically is broke because it doesn't really... Yeah, well, fair enough. It's fine. You know, bodge job. Yeah.

Dear Rosie and Chris, This story wasn't the wife and I's most proudest moment we have ever had, but thought it would be a good story for your show. Happy days. It all started when my wife wanted our pet Westie to have a litter of puppies. Oh, God. The first issue was finding a dog for her to mate with. One day, she came home from work to tell me she had found the ideal dog.

Wow. Her colleagues at work, Mark and barry had a westy called bernie who had done it before in their words he was an expert and would sort our lucy right out i don't know whether he's changed names here or whether they're all the same right so weird but yeah why is it just like i always just find it weird like just you know like pimping like pimping your dog out. It's just weird. We're not in the dog world.

This is probably very normal. It's probably normal, isn't it? But it just feels weird that she would be like, yeah, I've got like a lady dog who like wants to get booked. Has anyone got a bloke dog who's still got his knackers? Or he's still got his knackers. Oh, and by the way,

a bit of extraneous information here, he's good at it, and he'll prop us all your dog. Mate, he's done it before. Even if he's bragging about how good a shag at their dog is just seems like

a very strange thing but I'm not in that world you're not it's probably very normal lingo for them it probably is so arrangements were made

and it was agreed that Bertie would come and stay with us for a week so the deed could be done a week aye Jesus Christ

gotta make sure that it properly happens don't you yeah wow they dropped Bertie off and he walked in the house now I've always been told Weak? Aye. Jesus Christ. You've got to make sure that it properly happens, don't you? Wow. They dropped Bertie off and he walked in the house. Now, I've always been told never to judge on first impressions,

but let's just say Bertie looked a little past his prime. Hugh Hefner of Westies. One of them little red quilt jackets on. Just shuffling in. Oh, bless him. Do you know what I mean? Yes, he's dressing up. Exactly like Hugh Hefner. He struggled to climb up the doorstep

and was out of breath walking from one side of the room to another. We had to give him a Viagra. But I thought to myself, maybe he comes alight and is the true pro we've been led to believe he is when the time is right. Do you know what I mean? Grower, not a shower. All of that.

Well, when that time came, part of my thoughts were true. He did come alive and showed a lot of interest in our Lucy. There was just one issue. He couldn't get it up. No matter how hard he tried, his old little legs would just not hold him long enough to do the deed. Oh.

This led to some heated words between myself and the wife, as she suggested I would have to either hold him or guide his todger in myself. You are joking me. Can't get some puppies from somewhere else, you sick pervert. What are you doing? I bet you're filming it as well, are you? As you can imagine, I wasn't having any of this, and I told her this was her idea,

and I was not touching a dog's dick. I left and went to work. Which I think is a fair sentence. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's a fair sentence. One I hope I never have to say in my entire life. I am not. Oh, I mean, the wife has fallen out.

Why? I refuse to touch a my entire life. I am not. Why? Oh, I mean, the wife has fallen out. Why? I refuse to touch a dog's dick. Okay. I left and went to work. Wow. Later in the day... Oh, there's more. Mate, there's loads more.

Okay. We haven't even scrapped the surface. Later in the day, my wife rang to tell me she had been on some forums for dog breeding and had been given a contact who could help. Oh, you're like a fucking dog pimp. Like a dog sex therapist.

Dog fluffer. Oh, Jesus. Like Gillian Anderson from Sex Education. A dog Gillian Anderson is going to come out and tell them how to have sex. Who knows? I was busy at work dealing with an incident, so didn't pay much attention to what she was telling me My shift ended and I arrived back home

where there was a van parked in my space A van? With a mattress in the back With two dogs on the mattress Stop it A bit strange I thought but thought nothing more I then walked into the lounge

and was shocked to see a strange man with Bertie laying in his lap, sat in my chair. And the man was tugging on Bertie's love length, muttering the words, all right, son, you just got to get them going. You just got to get them going. Oh my God. I slowly backed up and walked out of the room calling for my wife asking, why is there a man wanking Bertie off in the lounge? Oh my God!

Oh Jesus! After ten minutes of this man using his Beth Messer methods Ten minutes! in brackets, he apparently specialised in pigs. Great. You've guessed it. Bertie the Wonder Dog could still not get it up.

Wow. Bertie spent a good 10 minutes walking around the room, thrusting his hips like he'd won the prize bone. As the man was leaving, my wife said, You owe him 80 pound. 80 fucking pound I said right now okay

I just got to I just I would really like to know what he thinks is a reasonable price for someone wanting a dog off for 10 minutes I think that's cheap

I think that's really cheap I think that's really really cheap I'm not joking to get me to want a, right, for 10 minutes, you're going to at least have to put a zero on the end of that. We need to get Wattie's face back on the phone for that. Who?

Personally. What's the Amazon man? Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos. Yeah. He needs to be on the phone for me to ever wank off a dog. I'm sorry. That's horrific.

He does it on the regs. It's his job. That's his job. I think we've got a bad job. Worried about telling our son, one day, what did you do? It was your job.

Or we did a bit of a dirty podcast. Imagine telling your kids, well, what do your mum and dad do? Your dad wanks the dogs up. I've just worked it out with my calculator there. You know what?

10 minutes, 80 quid for 10 minutes of wanking the dog up. That's 480 quid an hour. Wow. All right, okay. If you can get the work in. I mean, that makes it sound a lot better. If you can get the work in. you know 10 minutes 80 quid for 10 minutes of wanking dog that's 480 quid an hour wow alright okay if you can get the work in I mean that makes it sound a lot better

95 what's that 95 what's that 8 hours that's times 8 that's 3,800 pound a day that's times 5

that's 19 grand a week I mean this is I mean you'll have you'll have carpal tunnel how many dogs how many dogs this is assuming there is a non How many dogs? How many dogs are you saying? This is assuming there is a non-stop conveyor belt of dogs

and you are wanking from nine in the morning when you log on, you're wanking dogs off, until five o'clock Monday to Friday, right? So that's per week, right? Now we're going to times up by four for the month. That's £76,000 a month. Okay, now we're talking. That's £76,000 a month.

That's a bit different, isn't it? Okay, let's times that by 12. Right. Right. That's nearly a million pound a year for full tax. Right.

Now, we'll just divide that by 100 what times it by 60 for the corporation tax and the VAT. That's 550,000 pound a year for writing dogs off.

But that is nine to five more than a night. Every day. I haven't put bank holidays and stuff in there but I'm assuming

whoever's employed four weeks a year well whoever's employed you to wank dogs off they probably pay you Christmas tea and stuff you could sit at home eating your Christmas dinner

with your bandaged up right hand in ice and sit there thinking you know what I'm eating this pig in blanket don't really want it because it ruins the work

oh the wife's putting her lipstick on again. I've got one for you here. Dear Chris and Rosie, please settle this debate. Is it okay for guys to share the same underwear with other male members of their family? As my ex-boyfriend, his brother and their dad all passed around their undergarments.

Not okay. Communal underwear draw yay or nay. Not okay. Not okay. Why would you do that? It's really fucking weird

that like, that's really weird. I find that really, really strange. Although, oh man. Nah. No, because growing up I used to wear my sister's knickers. Did you? Aye, all the time. Although, oh, man. Nah. No, because growing up, I used to wear my sisters' knickers.

Did you? Aye, all the time. Oh, okay. I doubt she ever wore mine. I didn't wear my mum's. See, that says more about you. But I just feel like, I know you can wash them, but I just feel like, I don't know,

there's like residue of the soul is in there, like your underpants. You've been wearing your underpants. You know. This is the thing. I think as kids, you would. Like I did wear, I wore my sister's. But, you know, I used to try my sister's brace on.

Like there's a difference. But when you're a grown adult, I'm arid for wearing. Yeah. Like they're clearly grown adults. I mean, we've had to go to people for having communal towels. This is, you know, this is another level. If you're wearing the same size boxer shorts as your dad, you're all adults.

Yeah, that's what I mean, yeah. So there's a sub-question here. Rosie, what would you do if Chris shaved his underwear with his dad? I'd vomit. Well, I've got an underwear problem at the minute, haven't I? I need some new underwear. Your underwear, it stinks.

It's just... It's just too old. I've just... Honestly, I've done a whole routine about them. Once I find some nice underwear that I want, I just want to keep it. I i know but it's really embarrassing considering you know you're doing quite well in your career at the minute just i know but i was looking at you on the search and you look really handsome i was a bit annoyed actually you look really bloody

look better than my wedding day yeah honestly you did you i was like he is yes i did get an angry text he's come on a lot leaps and bounds since the day I met you, which I'm a bit annoyed about. But anyway, that's a different thing. So you had that beautiful, expensive suit on. You've got a stylist, Ray's getting all your clothes. It's absolutely lovely. Big shout out, Ray.

Hi, Ray. I know underneath that suit you'll have had the shittest kegs ever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've been wearing them for the exercise bike, so they're just not cleaning. They're not cleaning. I don't know if I need to put them on a hot wash, but then they'll straight. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ever. And I've been wearing them for the exercise bike so they're just not cleaning. They're not cleaning. I don't know if I need to put them on a hot wash

but then they'll shrink. Oh, I'm just having a nightmare. I think you just need to get some new ones. I think you need to, sometimes you have to just get new things. I'll give my dad a ring

and see if he's got some space. Please don't. No, I'll go on. Well, that's what else I was going to say. Yeah. You've started wearing, you know your bed kegs?

Everybody's talking about my bed kegs. I've got my bed kegs. Yeah. We need to finish the song. I've got my bed kegs on. Your bed kegs are the same as my dad's bed kegs. I've got my bed kegs. Yeah? We need to finish the song. I've got my bed kegs on. Your bed kegs are the same as my dad's bed kegs. What?

So, what I've told you, when I was growing up, my dad's bed kegs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You started wearing them and I was washing them and I was thinking, is my dad secretly living here? Because they're the same and I don't like folding them up because it just reminds me of my dad's bed kegs. Well, stop folding them up.

You're creasing them. If anyone's not aware of what the bed kegs are, they're just... So I'll go and buy normal underpants, right? Me sort of boxer briefs. And then I buy large, bigger ones. Like tartan ones. Yeah, that I would never wear under jeans

because they'd ride up, but I wear them to sleep. They're not cotton. They're like... Yeah, they're weird. I don't like them either. They're linen-y. I need to get some new ones in.

Is there a good website to get underpants from? Is it weird ordering your underpants online? Mate, there's no shops open at the minute and we've managed not to talk about it. I normally get them in supermarkets. Yeah, you do. I'm not one of these Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, Polo underpants guys.

I'm Tesco. What about some Kelvin Clunes? Kelvin Clunes. I've spent some of them. You're not seeing them? No. Kelvin Clunes? No.

Take the knock off Calvin Clines. Okay, so someone's emailed in here. You're not seeing them? No. Calvin Clunes? No. Take the knock off Calvin Clunes. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Okay, so someone's emailed in here. I know you guys are always interested to hear where people listen to your podcast. I'm from Edinburgh, but I'm currently in Australia doing my farm work. Brackets, you need to do 88 days on a farm to achieve your second year visa. Wow. I mean, that's nuts.

I didn't know that. To be a farmer? No, to live in Australia. If you're not noticed, everyone who goes over there to do visas always ends up working in a mine or a farm. Yeah, yeah, I knew that actually. You must have to do manual farm or mine work. Cool. Crazy.

I've stayed at many nice hostels in my time doubt it but in this working hostel it is as grim as you would think. Oh is this a hostel still? So right he's basically emailed in

trying to tell where he is while he's listening because he knows we get excited about people all around the world. Now I thought hostels were bad

right. This is a working hostel for people who just exclusively work on a farm. Farm in Australia. So they work on a farm farm in australia so they work in a farm on a farm in australia sweating their bait off in the mud and then they go back this is the worst hostel i've ever heard of in my life listen to this next sentence right i don't the hostel

used to be a jail so the rooms are old cells no that's horrible so no windows at all and you can imagine the size of them no windows yeah the hostel is grim i'm talking sick being left in the sink for four days none of the locks on the doors work so some of the doors are missing the bottom part on them so if you're doing a wee people can see up your knees and the worst of all someone keeps leaving faggans in the shower and not one, but two whole poos in the shower. They're brushed over the sick bit. Why is the sick being left for four days? Because someone's sick in the sink and then no one wants to put their hand in to move the chunks

to let it go down. I'm very familiar with this. Why are people being sick? Because it's a hostel and they're there on gap years working on farms, getting steaming and just being absolute animals and living in an old jail. This is hell. If I die and go to hell,

I'll be here with these people. Okay. Like, oh my God. My question is, how long do you think either of you could last at a working hostel? That place. How long do you think, Rosie,

you could live in that place that he's just said? Oh, now that I've lived a little bit of luxury, because we, you know, we've done all right. We've got a nice house and whatever. Piss it.

I mean, as you're saying this, we literally piss in a bucket at the moment, but okay. Yeah, okay. That brings it down a lot, actually. Back in the day, I probably could have done it. Nah. Chris, I lived a pundit. Do you know I used to wake up and there'd be slug trails

over the city that I used to sit on? What, off you? No, off slugs. Ew. So I've kind of, I've dossed a bit, but yeah, I don't know

if I could be doing that. The old jail thing sounds awful. Oh God. Makes you think the walking dead, you know, when they live in the prison.

Yes. That series. Yes. See, have I told you this? Have I mentioned this on the podcast that in the back of my Renault Clio when I used to be at uni and college,

in the back of my Renault Clio I had two clean sleeping bags and two yoga mats for when I stayed at anyone's house. No, you have never, ever told us this. I've never told you this. What? So I would have.

What is wrong with you? So I would have, yeah. I'd have like, there was this like flowery one, like flowery one that opened all the way that I would use as like me mattress on top of the two yoga mats and then i had like a sort of one that was like sort of a more of a shiny material with like a hood and a tug tug string thing and i would literally make me own and a pillow was in there as well and i would

literally make me own personal bed at anyone's house that i crashed for real yeah i was yeah i've always been really weird oh my my, oh, do you know what? But it was like the student thing, all me mates would all go to gigs, we went and saw like baby shambles, we saw the cribs, like we saw all these arty monkeys when they first started out

and we were like too quick to get in, getting like hammered and everything. All leather jackets and them like skinny jeans and them fucking six pound plimpsons used to get from the army surplus store. Yeah, yeah. Everyone would like roll into like a house, some student house or drink and like, you know, like a full on, like a Libertines video. Please don't tell us you'd go and take a seat back at the car. store everyone would like roll in a house some student house or

drinking like you know like a full-on like a video and i would go to the car and i'd get me two yoga mats in my sleeping bag and i'd make myself a little bed and all the girls would disappear yeah everyone was like lying on sofas and everyone's just passing out on floors and in hallways and i was like wrapped up me brush my teeth in that climbing over people and i'd have been a little sleeping bag in the corner you are so strange this cements a lot of stuff though yeah why would you chris yeah you've never lived me mates like mick dawson there's two lads called mick a lad called gino um and they were always just saying you got you got your sleeping bags have you and i was like yeah yeah oh no oh no i used to rip the piss out it was quite rightly but you know i had i always

had a decent night's sleep i always had stuff to do the next day it was the most annoying bit i remember once right i wouldn't i wouldn't have went out with you then i wouldn't have you know no no you'd be like do you want to go on a date i'd be like oh what the lad who brings his sleeping bags to the to the random sleepovers that we never know are going to be planned nor married honestly no i remember once it was a street in sunland and terraced houses and it was the it was this house where mick mick and gina and chris was the other lad who all lived there or for them and uh i was last back i don't know what i've been doing but it was like literally starting to get light outside and i was back to

this house we used to always just go back to this house and i was brewing on the door for ages and i couldn't get them to open the door and i'm quite like i'm quite courteous in a way if i won't just stand there brewing the door to the point where the neighbors would wake up i braided for a bit and i was like this can't happen i climbed up the drain pipe on the front street literally on the yeah on the front street i climbed up the drain because i could see mick's window was open even though i was shouting his name and he wouldn't wake up because he was palatic drunk. And I opened his window. It was one of them windows

where it was quite high. So it must have been about a metre and a half tall, about a metre wide. But the top section opened like a cat flap. Yeah. So I started climbing through the window and as I stood onto his windowsill, I knocked a load of CDs and stuff off his windowsill

and he rolled over in his bed. His bed was just facing the window, a single bed. And he rolled over and he looked at us and I looked at him and he literally went, all right, mate. And he rolled off in his bed. His bed was just facing the window, a single bed. And he rolled over and he looked at us and I looked at him and he literally went, all right, mate. And he rolled off back to sleep. I was climbing through his fucking window

and he just went, all right, mate. And then rolled back off. I went, you all right? And you know what? My sleeping bag was on his floor. I climbed straight into it. So what would happen? Would you take them with you beforehand?

So we would start drinking at the flat and I would have, my car would be outside. So I would drive there, my car would be outside and then would go out for the full night, go to a gig or whatever, then go out on Sunday

and then go back and then my car would be there in the morning for us. So sad. Honestly. Planning ahead is what it is. Jealous. You're jealous. I'm not jealous

because I feel like I've I've lived it a bit Better than you Unprepared Nah There's something It's like a rite of passage Going home

In last night's clothes Oh I had a change of clothes Not washing I had stuff to sleep in as well No you didn't I had a change of clothes I had stuff to sleep in Oh

Fully prepared Sometimes I even took stuff for breakfast Honestly Oh you are the saddest I was five star living Before I had the money To five star live fully prepared. Sometimes I even took stuff for breakfast. Honestly. Oh, you are the saddest little sad man. I was five star living before I had the money to five star live. Mate, you had a car. How old were you when you had your car? 17, I got me Renault.

Renault Clio. Damn right. What are we going to do when Robin wants a car? Just, I don't know. Buy his own. I'm not buying him a car. No? No, nah. Okay. I hate people who get cars bought for them. buy his own I'm not buying him a car no no nah

okay I hate people who get cars bought for them you hate people who get cars bought for them yeah unbelievable I remember

right this is a true story my cousin Millie absolutely love her she's gorgeous she got a laptop right when she was 12 do you know when I got

my first laptop when when I was 23 had to buy it myself when she was 12. Do you know when I got my first laptop? When? When I was 23. Had to buy it myself. Rage on, right? I remember. So jealous.

It was the same year that I bought my first laptop. I was 23 and she got one for Christmas. I was like, you. Honestly. That's great. Which, don't get me wrong though, because now that I have a child, when he's older,

I'll probably want to buy him a car. But right now... You absolutely will. No, I'm not. Say, I've said it now, I'm not buying him a car. Well, I'm buying him one. I'm buying him one. Do you know how much I'll put towards it? How much?

400 quid. That's fucking ridiculous. In what? In... So he's five now. In 12 years, you think... In 12 years, 400 quid won't buy a fucking tyre for a car. Well, tough lines.

Hey, Robin, not that unicycle that your mum's bought you. 400 quid unicycle, that's a trick one. 400 quid. My first car was £1,000. Yeah. Yeah. My first car was £4,000. Fucking hell.

Wow. And that was... So, hang on. You got yours at 17. I got my first car at like like, I think I was 26. You know what I paid for my first car? It was my savings. It was my money.

How did you save four grand? My mum and dad have been saving up for it since I was a kid. It was my own money put aside by them. No, so it's not your money. Planning ahead. It wasn't your money then. It was your mum and dad saving for you. Yeah, but you can't...

They couldn't have dipped into that. That would have been a shitty trick. Oh, who saves for their kids? Nah. You heard for the kids now you heard yourself who plans for the future what's that sleeping bag in your boot nerd what's that what's that a pension nerd i don't see i don't believe in all of that i don't believe in all of that i think you need to be able to pay for things yourself yeah i mean there's a level though but yeah there is a level yeah don't get me wrong i've had help from my parents but it hasn't been much you've got i think you've got to pay for things yourself. Yeah, I mean, there's a level though, but yeah. There is a level, yeah. Don't get me wrong. I've had help from my parents, but it hasn't been much.

I think you've got to pay for things yourself. All right, well, we'll get my car and pay the insurance. No, I'm not buying him a car. You can get a job. I've already got one.

You have not. You can get a job. Honestly. You have to have a job. Yeah, but these people, then you get kids in the going, well, I've got my mum and I've got savings

off my mum and dad. No, you have not. Get off your arse. Get a job. I'm not giving you naff all. It's like people who don't pay board. Yeah. But you didn't, did you?

No, I didn't pay board. You didn't pay board. Of course you didn't. Nah, nah. However, I emptied the dishwasher every morning and I hung out the washing. Oh, well done. So there you go.

That's not too bad, actually. That's good, yeah. No, I think children and young adults should, a bit of real life, you've got to's not too bad, actually. That's good, yeah. No, I think children and young adults should, a bit of real life, you've got to pay for it yourself. Okay. If you want it, you've got to earn it. Okay.

I will bet my current car that you buy our son a car. You fucking bullshitter. Let's shake hands. I'm not buying him a car. I bet you do. I'm not. This is going to be a long time coming. If this podcast is still going in 12 years, right, I bet you. I'm not buying him going to be a long time coming if this podcast is still going in 12 years right

I bet you I'm not buying my car I bet you're buying my car no because you'll not appreciate it as much you know what I'm going to do what

I'm going to put a hoodie on and a mask I'm going to follow with a bus stop and I'm going to kick the fuck out of them and you're going to have to get my car

that's the worst thing I've ever heard that's how far I'll go to win this that's horrific I'm going to happy slap my own kid I'm just going to happy slap my own kid. I'm just going to emotionally scar my own child

so that you'll buy him a car. I'll still not buy him a car. Do you want to buy him an A-horn? Say son, if you ever think you're going to get attacked again, you use that A-horn on your dad. Excuse me mate, you've got the time. Jesus Christ! I was've got the time. Jesus Christ!

I was only asking the time. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I thought I'd share a funny story about my friend. A few years back, she met a bloke on a night out and one thing led to another and she ended up back at his. She stayed the night but woke up in the middle of the night desperate for a poo. Oh God.

Too embarrassed to go in his house, she decided to walk home back to hers in the middle of the night. She walked as quickly as she could back to her house but her poo couldn't wait. She had to go. Gee whiz, man.

She looked around. The only place she could find that was semi-private was a bus shelter. Oh no way. She squatted down to do her business and instantly felt better. Did she? In a bush shelter? I'm so happy for her. Animal. She went home to bed but woke up early feeling terribly guilty about the poo in the bus stop.

So she got a large bucket of water and a scrubbing brush and went back to the scene of the crime and cleaned away her poo. That's amazing. A passerby came along to which she said, I'm just cleaning up my dog's poo. The woman gave her a funny look as she didn't even have a dog. Oh, no, I respect that.

I've got all the respect in the world for that. That is BFIA level 10. Well the world for that bfea level 10 that is bfea level 10 that yeah going back and because i honestly in her head you know how far she went in her head she'll have done that thing where she'll lay there going that's fine and just leave it no but then the police will get it and they'll dna test it and they'll know it's me and then they'll say i ate this and then they'll go through my bins and they'll say you're a rapper and i'll be in a courtroom and they'll be like talking and they'll be holding up a big bag of me shit in front of us

and flapping it around. I get it. I've had that BF here. Absolutely great. I don't know how these people have never lived in a world, well she obviously has, but did you never think

when you were younger that there was cameras watching you all the time? Yeah. Yeah. I mean even more now. That's a rite of passage, isn't it?

Have I never told you when I used to go to the toilet in my mum and dad's house if I was going for a poo I would take the mirror off the wall and put it on the floor. You fuck off, do you? Have I never told you when I used to go to the toilet in my mum and dad's house if I was going for a poo I would take the mirror off the wall and put it on the floor you fuck off

do you have I never told you that have I never told you that no you still how are we still learning things about each other

you took the mirror off the wall I used to take the mirror off the wall and put it face down on the carpet floor. My mum had carpet in the bathroom because her hands are nice.

Yes, I used to take... So I'd watched True Lies with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's loads of interrogation happens with the one-way mirror thing, the two-way glass thing. I don't know what it's called.

It's either called a one-way glass or two-way glass. What the fuck it's called? Yes, I know what you mean. And it's where they do the... Yeah, interrogation rooms where it's a mirror to the criminal but the police are

in watching and I thought, oh yeah, I mean it was a wall behind the mirror but then I convinced myself that the little metal hook was like the connector and there was a camera inside but if the little metal hook was off then you couldn't see the camera inside. So every time you took it off. Every single time I had a poo I used to take the mirror off the wall and put it on the floor. Every single time.

It's mad that, isn't it? That's ridiculous. I've just remembered that. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I went that far. I just remember going through a little phase of thinking that when I was in the bath, someone was watching us. But I was really weird as a kid, as you can imagine. What did you do?

Start presenting? Yes. Yeah. Start singing to them. No, I used to pretend, this is a true story, when I was probably about 11 or 12, I used to have a is a true story when I was probably about 11 or 12 I used to have a flannel and I used to pretend flannels are the worst

I used to pretend that I was hosting an animal show but I was in the water and the flannel was like a fish I'm not even joking I thought you were going to say you rolled the flannel but it was your microphone. No, no, no. I was just presenting.

I didn't need the microphone. Okay. And I was in the bath and it was like me animal and it would be all around the bath and I'd be going, hello, welcome to... Yeah, all the time. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Welcome to Rosie's Animal Show. Yeah. I'm in the tank with this fish again. Wow. I did it. That's how I remember it so vividly because I used to do it a lot.

I spent a lot of time in the bath as a kid. I used to do it a lot. I spent a lot of time in the bath as a kid. That's weirder than mine. I spent a lot of time in the bath as a kid. Did you not take really long baths? Yeah.

Yeah, quite a bit. I did. Robin does. I love it. I suppose, yeah. Yeah, it's meant being in the bath. Filling up the empty

bubble bath bottles. Making portions. Yeah, making portions and that. Fair enough, yeah. Are we ever going to think yours is weirder than mine? It is a bit. Presenting your own show with the fish flannels

is weirder than taking the mirror off the wall, I think. Hey, go on me Twitter. Let's do another poll. Rosie got absolutely annihilated last week. Jack of potatoes and cheese toasties. I'm not going to explain the full thing. I'm just going to write on the Twitter poll. If you know, you know, this week's podcast,

what's weirder, mirror, flannel fish. That's what it's going to say. Okay, so there we go. Just in my defense quickly about last week's poll. Yeah. Where you got annihilated. I did get annihilated. People prefer cheese toasties.

But a lot of people were still very much loving jack potato, but a cheese toastie. Not enough to win the poll. Not enough, no. There we go. Annihilated. As always, thank you so, so much for listening to our little podcast,

Shag My Rinoid, which is part of the ACAS Creator Network. It is indeed. Thank you so, so, so much. Please continue to like, rate and subscribe and anything you want to ask we or tell we, shagmyrinoid at gmail.com

and the merch is on sale now. Yeah, it is yes indeed and the book and the book's still there taking over listen so there you go

why not thank you very much guys bye bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed

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