Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 94. Gorgey Hun

Episode Date: December 11, 2020

On the podcast this week the Ramsey's discuss thrupples, nostalgic trips to the football, beverages in the shower and a frisky farmer. All of this plus Rosie's Mysteries, weekly beefs and the return of Belinda! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shagmiredenoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris Ramsey. Or is it Chris Ramsey? He looks very different because he needs a shave. Oh, do you know what it is?

Because I've kind of finished for the year. You've given up. This is so strange because I looked in the mirror this morning and I was like, I bet she has a go at me shortly. Do you know what's worse than the beard on my face? I've got neck beard on the back of my head. I thought you were going to say something else then. Yeah, I don't like that either. I wasn't going to say, this is a bloody highbrow podcast.

I wasn't going to talk about my pubis on this. Absolutely is not highbrow. You're getting it down your neck as well, which I don't like. Yeah, it's coming down the back of the neck. It's bad, isn't it? It's not nice. Honestly, I had my last, I had like a corporate gig the other week that we were talking about, and I just don't,

when I know I've got no telly, no live shows and nowhere to be, I drop our son off on a morning at that school, and I'm ashamed't, when I know I've got no telly, no live shows and nowhere to be, I drop our son off on a morning at that school and I'm ashamed of how I look. Me too. I look disgusting. Like, I get it,

I get it, but if people saw you today compared to when you were in that tux on Little Mix of Search, honestly, it's a different life. Not just that,

the beard is cultivating but it goes weird because the bottom just grows if you're a beard snob out there the bottom just grows and then what I do is when I'm like watching the telly or chilling out

I pick bits of my beard so you've got a bald patch I've got a perfectly circular bald patch right in the middle of my fucking chin it's upsetting us if I'm honest can we try and just keep a little bit Rosie

I've got to go to the dentist on Friday I'm dreading it I'm dreading him saying I fucking haven't been brushing my teeth like I've got nowhere go to the dentist on Friday I'm dreading it I'm dreading him saying I fucking haven't been brushing my teeth like I've got nowhere to fucking go why

oh hey I'm popping into the front room I better give my teeth a quick brush like fucking oh postman's coming quick floss like I've got no

I've got no reason to do anything it's ridiculous I've got nowhere to go honestly 2020 it's got a lot to answer for it's got to be teeth dropping for there's gonna be teeth dropping out left right and center you're right this is so bad i popped the shop i'll be like i'm going out

to the shop i should probably put me i should probably brush my teeth i'll hold on and be wearing a mask and so will everyone else doesn't matter you could literally smell like fucking fresh shit and no one would know because everyone's got a mask on and you've got a mask on there you go so there we go it's like we're living in Tudor times. Isn't it? It's just all gone completely backwards. Well, and because we've been pissing in a bucket and haven't had a bath downstairs constantly because the bathroom hasn't been done.

Oh, yeah. So we have literally been having Victorian washers and pissing in the buckets. We are Victorians. This is ridiculous the way we're living. Wow. Yeah. I think I'm getting rickets.

Oh, yeah. Or something else. I thought they were a raggot. Pullio! I don't know. I'm going to start chuck. Oh, yeah. Or something else. I don't know. I'm going to start chucking the bucket out on the front street just to really get

into the character. If they used to do that. Hey, guys, thank you so much for watching. It is episode 94. Watching. Hello, Nana.

Hi. Do you know what it is, right? What's the matter with you? One of my sponsors. You're a muggle? One of my sponsors the other week was going to be people saying they watched the podcast.

Yeah. Fucking freaks me out. Winds me up. Hey, I watched your podcast. What? What did you watch? And then they'll normally go, oh, the one with, and they'll say something I can't remember. And I'm like, have they been watching an interview?

Like, what do they think this is? Well, what I get more is people who don't know what a podcast is, but their other halves listen to the podcast and they go, oh, it's usually a bloke, not going to lie. Oh, the missus has been watching your podcast before bed. I'm like, has she? Or has she been listening to it? Because it's not watchable.

I am 85 years old, but hey, I'll get the vaccine quicker. Thanks for watching. Thank you for listening. It's episode 94 94 you beauties please continue to like rate and subscribe go on and give it a little

give it a little starsies on the little app there we're on 31,000 I'm just trying to get that up are we on 31,000? 31,000 five star reviews no way

yeah bloody lovely you're all awesome thank you oh that's oh I see right okay it's nice

but there's still a lot of you that haven't fucking gone on and clicked that so click that bad boy right now how dare you no but that's a lot I look at other a lot of you that haven't fucking gone on a click. That's a click, a bad boy right now. How dare you? No, but that's a lot. I look at other podcasts and likes and I'm happy with that. It's pretty cool.

It's pretty cool. Before we go any further, obviously this week's lucrative sponsor is... Thought you were going to get away with it, didn't you? Always forget. This week's lucrative sponsor is... Standing on the pavement next to the zebra crossing, having a conversation, but not actually using the fucking zebra crossing assholes pack it it sick of it pack it in stop the honestly this week four times i've stopped and some twats someone was standing on their phone at basically

i don't know what to call it the entrance to the zebra crossing just standing there on the phone i was like mate and i like looked at him he looked at me like I was a tosser. Like, why have you stopped? Fucking some girl yesterday, you were in the car with us having a conversation with someone. Sauntered across that motherfucker. Sauntered across it.

No hand up to say thank you. No thank you, nothing. Hey, hey, hey, look, I know it's a zebra crossing. I know we're supposed to stop in cars, but a little nod, please. Oh, absolutely. Robin's five and he knows

to mouth thank you to drivers and run across the zebra crossing you don't walk across the zebra crossing you walk either briskly or you run I'm sorry

put a bit of effort in good god come on common courtesy do you know what I tell you about when I was little and my mum someone let us across the road

someone in a car let me and my mum across the road and walked across and my mum like put her hand up to say thanks and I just thought

she knew her so I was just, like, waving. I was like, hiya! Oh, bless you. No, but I just think it's... I kind of understand people who don't have... That's basic manners. That is basic, like, level one manners.

I think that's what 2020's done to us, though. Because we both hit the roof for that young lass yesterday when we were in the car. She was still having a conversation. We sat at the zebra crossing, and then she sauntered across, and she didn't even think. She just kind of glared at us, and she kept walking, and we were both like,

Yes, on a little rat! Well... We were both just starting. See? Rosie choked to death. She was so angry. Honestly, if she'd have got us on an even worse day, I'd have revved.

I'd have revved. Thankfully, we were in my electric car, and we couldn't rev. So there you go. She's lucky she's got a she had a lucky escape that day so she did. I lost a percent. Oh here's the jingle. Good God. And if you're listening, run across the

zebra crossing and say thank you. Just brisk. Just a oh thank you. Do you know what it is? Oh, what is it? No, because to me, right, every time someone doesn't do that, you know what all I think is?

You don't drive. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, this should be a jingle, but fucking, did I ever tell you about my friends, when I was at college, my mate had a girlfriend and she used to just walk out

in the road in front of cars. She wouldn't stop. She wouldn't wait and stop. She used to walk out and cause her to slam the brakes on her exact words were they've got brakes twat i remember yeah i remember once i went why does she do that it's craziness he went oh she says yeah they've got brakes that can stop great and the wonder why the nhs is overrun yeah i mean it might not be just that no it is that i mean it's definitely not just that i'm fuming the day honestly it's gonna be an angry one now you can play the. No, it is that. I'm just definitely not just that. I'm fuming the day. Honestly.

It's going to be an angry one. Now you can play the fucking jingle. Here's the jingle. There it is. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo bap. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle day. I'm having a... Listen, I don't care. I'm fucking miserable. I'm miserable as sin. It's nearly Christmas. We can't go anywhere. We can't see anyone. And it's been months and I'm sick. Anyway. And do you know what? I'm not as bad. You might hear, dear listener, that I'm quite chipper today. I did a bit of DIY,

which made me very happy. I put a spotlight in that I didn't think I'd be able to do I thought I was going to let myself I didn't I was very happy look hey but who's happier in this moment

me or you so I've won so there you go fair enough I've got to let you in on a secret guys the problem is with Rosie here

I have been I haven't been on social media as much through all this thing because I just can't be arsed with people's fucking bullshit and their opinions

and arguing and stuff however Rosie's been on and Rosie is deathly jealous of people freezing their tits off in beer gardens in tier two areas. Yeah. Even people that lately have fucking got like 20 layers on sitting in a beer garden.

You're fucking raging, aren't you? And you can't drink. Right. I know. I just want to stand there. Do you know what it is, right? This is what's got us. Because I got lockdown and there Do you know what it is right This is what's got us Because I got lockdown And everybody you know This whole year has very much been right Come on we're all in this together

Come on everybody let's just get through it And it's like right okay And then all of a sudden it's like not you No you can't go anywhere We're all in this together but you specifically Your pub's shut Everything is shut. You can't see anyone.

And we live in the north, so it's bastard freezing. So, honestly, the other day, bearing in mind that I'm about to drop a baby in a month, me friends, I haven't seen me friends at all because of the teacher, so they've got to be really careful. And they were like, should we go for a walk? It started pissing down our rain. It was five degrees,

and I was like, nah. Nah for a walk? It started pissing down with rain. It was five degrees and I was like, no. No, I don't want to. Because what we're going to do, I don't want to have to go for a walk in the pissing down rain just to see you. So if you live in the North East and you happen to see an extremely angry, heavily pregnant little lady walking along the street,

holding an umbrella and dragging a patio heater on wheels that's Rosie. That's me. Just be nice and keep your distance because she'll go fucking mental. But some days I'm great. Some days I'm really positive because I really make myself and I'm like come on let's be positive. Then other days, today I'm just

like is this the real life or is this just fucking gash and that's all i can i mean i know you're not very good with lyrics but i definitely don't think that was i don't think that's right but i'm just um anyway but i don't think they'd have been as big a band if the lyrics had been is this real life is this just fucking gash you never know i don't think honestly i don't think we'll be talking about them now. Who was it? Queen? Yeah.

Just fans calling on landslide news. Yeah, you don't need to do it all. Escape from reality. Yeah, you don't need to do it all. Singing makes us happy. Why are you trying to pull us back down? Oh, right, okay,

but I've had complaints about your singing. I know. I don't care. Whatever. Just top it on. Top it, look, smear it on us,

how are we? Tell you what, let's get a babadooba in here, right, and see if you feel better. Okay, I'm going to come back better. I'm going to come at you in the next section with something that I know really made you cheerful.

Yeah, we're good. Right, okay. Babadooba, babadooba, babadooba. So, yesterday, to cheer you up in one go, we went for a little McDonald's drive-thru, didn't we? We did, yeah. McDonald's, honestly, golden arches of heaven. I've always loved a McDonald's and I always will.

Especially at Christmas. Especially at Christmas. It was always a treat when I was growing up. We didn't just get McDonald's willy-nilly. Birthday's Christmas Eve, that's when we got McDonald's. And I still like to keep that little fire inside. I get very excited about a McDonald's. Well, it is a fire inside because you're getting quite bad heartburn at the minute as well.

Oh, ridiculous. I mean, I was dicing. It was a dicey decision. I thought I can eat this and be really crippled with acid reflux. But I wasn't. But anyway, ridiculous. I mean, I was dicing. It was a dicey decision. I thought I can eat this and be really crippled with acid reflux, but I wasn't. But anyway, fine. However, something happened at the McDonald's drive-thru

that has never happened to me before. I was handed my McDonald's by the man. Oh, yes. Yes. Okay, I forgot about this. Once you work out what I was going to say, I knew you should be very excited. I was handed my McDonald's by the gentleman

who might have been a bit younger than me. I bet he was a lot younger than you. I think he my McDonald's by the gentleman who might have been a bit younger than me. I bet he was a lot younger than you. I think he was quite younger than me. He may have been 20, sort of early to mid-20s. He handed us the drinks. He said, there's your drinks there, so I took them in. There's your fruit juice for Robin.

And then he handed us the bag with our meals in, and he went, there you go, big man. And it was just really fucking weird. I don't know why. Mate, anything like that. Mate, I can tell you. But it was just the way.

There you go, big man. It was just really. It felt like, the way I described it to you, Rosie. It felt like he was my new stepdad. Like, it felt like I turned up at my mom's house to meet her new boyfriend, and he was considerably younger. And I was like, what's going on?

And he was like, hey, so how are you coming with the break up, big man? And I'm like, what? It was very, very strange. Because I was still waiting for Robin's happy meal and I just had my head turned to the left towards you because I couldn't make eye contact with him. Because I feel like he may have been a bit embarrassed that he said big man.

Do you think it just came out? Yeah. Well, it doesn't help that also Robin's theme tune is big man with a belly and a tiddler. I mean, don't get us wrong. I'd have found it a lot more, a lot less uncomfortable if he'd handed us their meals and went, here you go, big man with a belly and a tiddler. At least I'd't get us wrong. I'd have found it a lot more, a lot less uncomfortable if he'd handed us their meals and went,

here you go, big man with a belly in a tiddler. At least I'd have enjoyed that. Yeah, true. It's a compliment, you know. Do you know, and I don't know whether you had this when you were younger, obviously from being up north,

we see mate quite a lot. And it's actually, it's kind of trickled through the whole country. Yeah. I've been known, mate is a thing now. It's like, all right, mate,

how are you doing, mate? And all that. No, I think Cockney's into that sort. thing now it's like all right mate how are you doing mate and all that no i think cockney's and that sort i think it's a very working class thing yeah well i just remember being young and we used to get on the bus or something like that and my dad would say to the bus driver oh cheers mate and i genuinely remember me and my sister used to go dad stop calling people mate really yeah a couple ofholes? Oh, you're a proper little dicks. And we're like, Dad. Why?

We used to find it really embarrassing. Dad, stop calling people, he's not your mate, you don't know him. Well, the thing that my, that's,

I can relate to this, but my dad was even worse. So my dad used to just call people Jackie. Oh, how, I, that's very, very naughty.

So that's a very naughty, oh, Jackie. Oh, Jackie. Jackie. But my point is is why was everyone turning around

when the name wasn't Jackie no idea I remember experiencing that with my dad as well Jackie oh Jackie

but it would be to men yeah Jackie to men yeah yeah Jackie so strange Jackie I know really strange

but see yeah there's a lot of strange things that parents did Robin will do it to us robin will do it to us our kids will do it to us and we'll be like are you kidding us this is how that how i talk i remember telling my dad off when he used to take with the football matches oh my word

do you know what he used to do which to this day i have no idea why and not many other people did it and i just i used to think what who are you why are you doing this but then it makes a lot of sense of the kind of person I am today. So I'm going to come away from the mic. So you literally used to just, out of nowhere, you'd be sat there, right? And I'd have just finished my bovril or whatever. Out of nowhere.

Sorry. Sorry, is this a scene from Purely Belter? It sounds like it. When he tells the kid about his dad taking him a cup of tea, dead milky like. I love bovril. So out of nowhere, I used. Cup of tea, dead milky like. Go on then. Oh, no, I love Bovron. So out in Norway, I used to shit my pants, right? This is what he'd do.

Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, how we but just how we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are for ages sounds like a fucking mating call of a horrible and I just remember me me brother we just be sat there but nobody nobody flinched like it was just oh yeah if there's any way where you can scream anything you want instead of football match like I get it I totally get it like might be like therapy you know people might just come out feeling much better win-l lose or draw. Just, do you know what? I went there, I had a bloody good shout. I got my fresh air and I had a bloody good shout. I think there was a couple of times I really got into it. Once I'd got over the fact that my dad's the hooligan.

My dad starts off all the chants. I guarantee he wasn't a hooligan. I guarantee he was the one where Peter went, fuck, it's that bloke who can't say Howe without saying it 400 times. Look it, it's fucking broken record Mr. Howe. Here he goes. Watch him. Watch him. Look at these kids, man. Look how mortified they are. Look at them.

If that happened now, someone would start a GoFundMe for you and your brother. My dad was so desperate. So the whole thing, I mean mean if anyone who doesn't know like i'm i'm not i'm every single person who i speak to every man who i speak to anywhere in the country be it a taxi driver be it anyone always asks who i support and i'm just not into football at all it's it's and it's i blame my dad right i'd fucking love to be in the football how ostracized i've sort of felt growing up slightly when all my mates were like wanting to watch the football and go to the

football and all and i'm like and play football and i'm like okay and it was my dad's fault he pushed he tried to push us too much into it but he did it the wrong way i've talked about me stand up in the past he didn't go or i mean obviously we didn't have any money you like we weren't like rich enough to get like season tickets and stuff we didn't have that like now and then i remember when i was a bit older now and then newcastle would be in like no you know when the sort of the get the the champions not the champions league the shit i won there was the uefa cup was the other one i think so it'll be like a tuesday and i did it would be like a tuesday night so if you would go and watch them play some random fucking spurious

european team and you'd get you'd get tickets for really cheap. So we'd go to one of them. But that was when I was older. But when I was younger to try and get us into football, he used to take us to go and watch South Shields over 40s. Basically, he would be like, come on. And I'd be like the only kid there. And I'd like first he would he would like take us into the changing room. So we'd go and see all his mates.

And also he. So they knew the people he either managed South Shields over 40s or it was something to do with him or he knew them that sounds like

the grimmest football team South Shields over 40s Rosie it was on a Sunday so they were all just hung over as fuck what was the age limit to so any age

so could literally be I imagine over 40 was the only rule yes but so 85 year old there was no fucking Rog

yeah but there was no like really old people there right but there was no like really old people there right but it was over 40 i remember one time they had a younger lad playing for them and they were trying to claim he was over 40 and he clearly wasn't um but he was really good apparently um but yeah i would go into the dressing room and like it was all just these naked blokes just like naked asses it stunk like deep heat like it was horrible i'll never forget this is so weird this just sticks in my head there was one guy had like quite a big mole at the top of his ass crack and i was fixated on it like and it's like oh why don't you like football because people's got their ass moles in my face

i like smell deep heat and everyone's swearing this is horrible it was so bad but it was like this is how you do not get your kid into football it was like we're not watching premier league we didn't have sky sports we're there, come and watch me and me mates fucking sway. I used to have to hold the magic sponge, freezing cold. I had the bucket.

My dad was, he was a linesman for them. What's a magic sponge? Oh, it was a bucket of cold water with a sponge in it so that if they got hurt, you would just go and put the sponge on their leg.

Oh my word. It was fucking freezing. My hands were numb. I hated it. Magic sponge. Okay. I would rather have my dad shouting

howie, howie, howie, howie than that. Well, he was there actually on a Sunday. It was so embarrassing. My dad was there. He might have been. You never know.

Reverberating around the dressing room. My dad did play football. So you never know. Has he got a ball at the top of his arm? Actually, no, I don't.

Just want to put at the end of there because we'll get some sort no, I don't. Just want to put it at the end of there because we'll get some sort of shit. South Shield actually genuinely has a really good football team right now. Oh, if I was going to

support anyone, it would be Shields. If I was going to support anyone, it would be South Shields. So big up South Shields FC. Yeah, well done. I'm not going to come and watch, but well done.

Something's been happening recently, which I don't know whether people might relate to, but Robin is at the age now where he likes to dress himself, which is great. Yeah.

Love it. But his dress sense is absolutely shite. I mean, that's harsh. No, Chris, it is. Come on, man. No, do you know what it is? What do you mean? Right, okay.

I feel like I have dressed Robin nicely his whole little life. Right. Quite plain, quite, you know, a bit beige, actually. Like, colourful, but, you know, just dinosaurs and all that kind of stuff. The older he's getting, he loves Sonic, loves Mario.

No, wrong with that. Loves Avengers. No, wrong with that. But he loves all the shit. He loves wearing all of the shit. He's got a full outfit with bright blue leggings with Mario on, a Mario t-shirt, and then a Mario jumper with every character on. And then he used to wear that stupid cap

that we lost thank God and then and I'm just I forgot about the cap the cap the Mario cap wouldn't take it off

would he that was annoying he looks like something out of 1994 he looks like me when I look at old pictures of when I was a kid and

I'm just I don't know what to do do you know what he looks like do you know what he looks a bit like when he's got all these different things with logos and that have you ever seen like a MotoGP rider

where they've got all the sponsors? That's what he looks like? That's what it looks like? Rosie, he's up for lucrative sponsors. What's wrong with you? Let's get him loads of patches for his lucrative sponsors.

But I'm like, do you want to wear this lovely checked shirt today? And he's like, no, I want to wear me minion top with the sequins that I can put up and down and show everyone

when they change their face. And I'm like, oh man, he's, well, that's the thing, isn't it? You would think, oh, he's an extrovert, but he's not even like... You know when people put it online and they're like, I let my son dress himself today

and the kid just puts a tutu and wellies and a helmet on and you go, oh, he's just expressed himself once away. That's amazing. Robin's like, corporate? He's like Logos and Brands' father. Yeah. he just loves character shit

and stupidly I've bought him stuff because at first I was like oh that's really sweet he really he likes wearing these and now

I can't even look at him I'm like oh you just looks like something off Back to the Future like a lunchbox just too it's too much

but anyway God love him he's happy just got my pikachu pokemon christmas that's what that's why i've decided to talk about this because i went online he's got his christmas um party coming up and all of his christmas jumpers from last year like literally nowhere near him he's had a massive growth spurt so i was like oh should we get you a christmas jumper for um your christmas your school christmas like, yeah. Went online, he was like, I want a Mario one. I was like, well, let's have a look

what they've got. Horrific, right? And so I went on to Next and I was like, look, this is lovely. Oh, look, there's a dinosaur with tinsel on this one. That's nice. Well, that's pretty fucking tacky,

to be fair. What's a dinosaur doing? Dinosaurs didn't celebrate Christmas. It had like a snowman with sunglasses on, like just cool, but you know. Why has a snowman got sunglasses on? His eyes are made of coal. For the evening sun in the winter.

Right. Anyway. Low sun. Yeah. But then, stupidly, I went onto a website that wasn't safe, you know, and he's seen a Pikachu Christmas drummer

and it's ugly. It's horrible. Makes sense. I feel like it's more factually accurate for Pikachu to be celebrating Christmas than a snowman. Really? Yeah, a snowman or a dinosaur. Dinosaurs didn't celebrate Christmas, and snowmen, I mean, it's just water, isn't it? Yeah. I feel like it's factually accurate. I think it's fine.

Okay, fair enough. Well, it's just... I might try and get my cap to match. Don't. Please don't. No. Because he won't wear anything else. It was really irritating. He won't wear anything. He gets obsessed with these things.

And I'm just washing the same clothes over and over again. And I don't mean to sound really... What's the word? Snobby? No, it's not even snobby. I don't think it's a snobby thing. I just... It's got to the point where it's not even snobby. I don't think it's a snobby thing. I just... It's got to the point where it's taken away from you

what you can put your child in. Right, yeah. And I've lost the ability to be able to go, oh, wear this lovely, like, white... white crisps, white T-shirt with these nice jeans. Stop, you're right there. Why would you put our child in a crisp white T-shirt? Sometimes I have.

Geldy's hair and he looks lovely and smart and he's got his nice boots on now. He just looks like a bag of shite. Wow. Does your child look like a bag of shite? Email, show me an order. I think people will relate to this. Well, we'll see.

I do, I think they will. But anyway, we're having another baby, so I'll just dress them and Robin can crack on. It's time for this week's Rosie's Mysteries. I think they will. But anyway, we're having another baby, so I'll just dress them. And Robin can crack on. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for this week's Rosie's Mysteries. Eee. Well, I never knew that. The shortened version.

Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hi. I'm about to embark on a story about my best friend. Eee. It was around the year 2015, and my best friend who... Sorry. What? This is so... Right, at first, when you said I'm about to embark on a story,

I was going to jump in, and I thought, I'm not going to jump in. I always interrupt and say little daft things. But imagine I gather round children, and I'm about to embark on a story. And I thought, I'll leave that. I'll leave that. But it was around the year. So I'm thinking, when is this going to be? Like, you know, fucking the 1800. But it was around the year. So I'm thinking, when is this going to be? Like, you know, fucking the 1800s.

It was around the year 2050. So five years ago. Fuck me. Jesus. You're trying to get your word count up. Christ on a bike. Chris, some of these stories, honestly, some of these stories I want to reply and go,

get back to your assignment. This does not count towards your final grade there's a dissertation sitting going begging while you funny on with it great great okay okay so my best friend who unfortunately shares the same first name as me uh she was not as slack okay it's gone it's gone highbrow to lowbrow pretty quickly absolutely absolutely okay these were her wild days sowing her wild oats before finally finding someone who wasn't a humongous bellend okay cool but sowing wild oats isn't that the male term for is should it not be collecting wild gathering the oats is that not is that i mean it sounds awful i've never thought of this but when they say a bloke goes out sowing your wild oats is that not like spreading

your seed everywhere is that the idea of the joke I think so we've got the eggs so she's collecting oats like a big bowl of porridge like that overnight oats

one night stands overnight oats ew so the story starts as most romantic 2010 stories do tinder great tinder

tinder tinder tinder honestly she was swiping right like there was no tomorrow oh you swipe right right

so you swipe right as a right okay and had quite a few matches she is a gorgy hun. A gorgy hun. This is written by three different people. This is madness.

I know. I know. It's good grammar as well, actually. The grammar's good. Apart from gorgy hun, which is... Well, obviously, but, you know. Anyhow, this particular match was with a boy called Glenn. He was an absolute sort,

so I do not care much for blocking his name out or giving him a snoody... I can never say this word. Pseudonym. Pseudonym. Good God. He can't expect this story to not be told. Oh.

What? It's only first names, we should be alright. I don't want to get in touch, I'll get upset. Alright, okay. There's nothing to give it away. Okay then. Don't worry. Right.

All the glens out there, hold on to your nuts. They met up in a bar for some drinks for the date. Nice and somewhat normal. When they both decided, as it was a weekday, and they both had work the following day

to leave the bar. But Glen invited my BFF back to his place. Ooh, she thought. He is a gorgy hun too. So we could be gorgy huns together. Good God. This is disgusting.

A short time had passed in the taxi ride to his place. He shared his house with a friend who had not had an important role in the story and so his name was forgotten many years ago. He's only five years old. It's like Lord of the Rings, but written by someone who works for Now magazine.

I love it. I love it. He was not as much of a gorgy hun as the other guy, so his name was... Thus forgotten from the tale. His name was lost in the sands of time many moons ago. It's ridiculous. It goes from like it's written on a scroll

to like it's written on a toilet door. It jumps between the two. Do you know what though? That's quite, that's a talent. It's kind of like when they redid Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah. That's what it is.

What do you mean? What's that mix in it of like... Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they're all talking like but they're in a car park with guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what this email is.

I did love that film terrible film carry on shut up rubbish they have another drink at his when they decide

they want to get naked but that she's not made it sound like is it summer is it winter yeah she's not made it sound like sex

she's just made it like are you warm I imagine she means have you got one of these yeah let's have a look have you got one of these? Yeah. Let's have a look. Have you got a mole at the top of your arse crack?

It's you. By the way, can I just interject, guys? I forgot to actually say... I used the wrong word, mole. It wasn't actually a mole at the top of this man's arse crack in the changing room when I was a child. It was more like a wart. I remember thinking, I bet your stuff gets caught on that.

It's so weird. I don thinking, I bet your stuff gets caught on that. Oh. It's so weird. I don't want to hear about it anymore. But I just want to know what it felt like. Can we go back to this? Okay. They are kissing and canoodling for a short while when he excuses himself. He puts on his dressing gown and leaves the room.

Okay. Only a few minutes pass when he comes back in the... Is it weird that if I'd had a one-night stand with someone, they put a dressing gown on, I went right off them? When I was younger. Yeah, one-night stand. Dressing gown attire, it's not one-night stand. No, only now do I kind of not mind if you wear a dressing gown.

But when I was younger, if a lad I'd been with on a one-night stand or whatever, put a dressing gown on, I'd be like, oh, God, I love you. Gives off a bit of a sports direct Hugh Hefner vibe, doesn't it? It's just a bit mangy, to be honest. I don't know why. I don't know why. It's silly, isn't it?

Robin wears dressing gowns. It's just weird on a one night stand. Halfway through a one night stand, a stand up and whop a dressing gown on. I mean, talk about killing the mood. I know. I think that's what it is. So anyway, he's put on his dressing gown and he's leaving the room. Why?

Well, you're going to find out, aren't you? Bloody, do you know this segment at all? I know, but I feel like I'm going to have to guess what he's coming back. I'm out. Check your batteries. Only a few minutes pass when he comes back in the room and asks my bezza to help him move his desk. Move his desk?

Okay, she thought. This is a weird way to get your kicks, but sure, I'll move your desk with you. The pair of them get an end of the desk each, while he instructs my gal on where to go and where to put it. She talks about her best friend like it's a life partner. Yeah, it's weird.

And it's a bit strange. But anyway. He wants it opposite his set of drawers, which are the same height as his desk sorry i can't get my head around this so they're canoodling as she put it they're necking on they're naked yeah they're in the throes of passion yeah and he stops he's put his dress on and asks how to fucking move some furniture yeah yeah yeah so what the hell's going on well christopher come on quick are you Well, Christopher... Come on, quick! You're the one who keeps talking! I know, but I just want to... Right, so...

My bestie is more than confused at this point and as he leaves the room for a second time, she just sits back down on his bed and hopes that he will stop the feng shui... LAUGHTER ..and eventually just get on with it. Good Lord. He returns almost immediately, but he is not alone.

He is carrying... This is where you guess. I know what he's carrying. Oh, well, do I? My first guess is camera to put it on the desk for the angle, because he's a pervert but it could be something really like it might be something slightly more innocent like some candles or something but this is shag my odinoids i imagine it's a camera or a telly come on i'm gonna have

to press you for an answer here It's a mirror That's my guess I've changed my mind, it's gone mirror So you're going to say mirror He's got it, bought the table and he's put the mirror on so we can see what's going on Christopher, you're normally really good at these But this week you absolutely Have not got it Really

Dehumidifier Dehumidifier? Yeah, but it's going to get humid in there, isn't it? Imagine that. Scottish, I've just got a damp problem, so before we get sweaty, I am just going to have to hoist this dehumidifier on. Can you help us move this desk, please?

Because the flex isn't long enough. I'm such a slag. My only one-night stands are just causing an immense amount of damp. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. No, okay.

He's not alone. He is carrying... Fish tank. No, you can't get to him. A door. Sorry? Not his bedroom door that is still on the hinges.

This is another door. A spare door, so it seems. However, Christopher, there is something different about this door. There is a hole. I knew it! I knew you were going to say a hole. I nearly jumped in, but you told us to stop jumping in.

There is a hole that is large enough to fit a football through. Just a little more than halfway down. He proceeds to lay the door on top of the drawers and desks that were rearranged earlier. Utter bewilderment on my friend's face at this point and not a word was said by either of them. He goes to his bedroom door, the one still on the hinges, and closes it. goes to his bedroom door,

the one still on the hinges, and closes it. Then, he gets on top of the door with the hole and lets his flaccid penis and balls dangle through. Milk me, he demands. No fucking way, man. I was just about to say flaccid

but I forgot he's left the room twice and shifted some furniture and carried a fucking door in oh my god oh my goodness me what's wrong with everyone milk me my friend was not up for this at all the human cow, no thank you

wow so he's laying frontwards. He's lying on his tummy. Or has he sat down? I thought he was squatted. But he would have to be laid down on the door. Has he laid down forwards on the door? Yeah. So it's like a massage table.

Yeah. But instead of a hole for his face, he's dangled his bits through. That's disgusting. Horrible, isn't it? Who's he's it's not all these bits through that's disgusting horrible isn't it who's done that though who said oh wow this is inventive again it's that thing if people just try and mad shit immediately and imagining most people will just go through it out of embarrassment go through with that sheer embarrassment i imagine yeah she didn't a friend friend didn't, by the way. She just left. But it's the getting them to shift it with you. I mean, ask.

Or have it set up already. I'm not being front. What's that, by the way? I just tinned a couple of inches off that door. It's not closing properly. What's it called when you do the sides?

Planing it. Planing it. Just plating it for a few inches and it's not shutting properly. Right. Oh, do you know how I said I was doing a bit DIY with that door? Actually, I wasn't.

Can I let me junk dangle through it and will you no good right sorry i'm just gonna leave it there because it is a pain in the ass to move and it does kill the mood a bit never happened never happened god man there's some horrible people out there what room in that apartment doesn't have a door on now because he's took it off and chopped a hole in it well people shitting with an open door open thing now probably can you when you cook does the entire flat smell now because that dirty cunts took the kitchen door do you know what gets me as well though this sounds like a young lad yeah i always imagine and maybe this is my innocent little mind here i always imagine an older bloke doing something like that just who who ran out of board now.

Let's try this. But he's young. It's like, you don't need to dangle your bits through a door to be sexually, you know, aroused and have fun. I don't get it. You know, I'm surprised that hasn't happened to me, to be honest, because it sounds... No.

Just weird, just weird stuff. It's got to be one of your criteria now in it if you ever go on a date again are you into woodwork i am taxi will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever join the sunrise challenge to raise funds for cam age the center for addiction and mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca That's SunriseChallenge.ca

This Friday You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth Bad things will start out. Evil things. of evil. It's You know, don't The first omen I believe the girl is to be the mother

Mother of what? is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.

Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason

game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for What's Your Beef? Hello, Chris. Oh, who's this? Hello, you're right. It's Belinda.

Hiya, Belinda. Hang on a minute. I mean, that's just awful. I mean, in the times we're living in as well. Hello, you're right. You're right. How are you doing? I'm okay. Have you heard about the vaccine? I've heard as well. Hello, you all right? I'm all right. How are you doing? I'm okay.

Have you heard about the vaccine? I've heard, yeah. It's exciting, isn't it? Good news, isn't it? Yes, great. Well, it would be good news, Christopher, if I hadn't just tried a phone call from my local hospital. Right.

You'll never fucking guess what. What? Apparently, Christopher, I just had a phone call from a little, jumped up little, shitty little shit bag. And apparently I'm not eligible for the vaccine. Right. Why? They've said it would be a waste.

A waste? They said it would be a waste of one. Right. Because apparently I'm not worth fucking saving. Right. So they know you then. And that's what she said. She actually said that.

So she's met you. She knows you. She's aware of your work. I know her very well. Right. I do know her very well. She actually said that. So she's met you, she knows you, she's aware of your work. I know her very well. Right. I do know her very well. She used to look after Barry when he was a kid. Right, okay.

Yeah. Her. Okay. We don't speak very much anymore. She was quite surprised that I was actually still alive. But apparently there's a list. There's a list of people who can get it and there's a list of people who can't. And I didn't make the cut. Really? So I don't know what i'm gonna do wow but there's actually there's a woman

who lives on the estate and she's selling them right she's selling them for 50 quid a go right so i'm gonna just give one of them a go right okay well i get me tabs look i don't know right good that brings us on to my next subject i don't want like to throw advice out willy-nilly here but um a couple of things one don't get one of them two maybe stop smoking chris i've really cut down you're smoking as we're speaking i'm on 300 a day i was on 400 so i mean that. So. I mean, that's. That's continuous. That's ridiculous.

I don't think anyone's ever smoked that much. That's ridiculous. 300. Chain. I'm a chain smoker. I mean, that's two at a time. At least. I've done five at a time.

Got a very large mouth. And I've still got use of both me hands. The arthritis hasn't got as in me fingers just yet, the cheeky little arsehole that it is. So I just wanted to say, you might not see me. Do you promise that? Can't, no. Don't put that.

All right, if you do speak to Boris, I know that you are in cahoots with people. Just tell him I'm worthy. Tell him you're worthy. I'm only 164. Gordon's getting a bit ridiculous, isn't he? He's making this shit up. How old's Barry then?

Oh, he's 27. Oh, they fucking let us freeze my eggs, didn't they? The little cheeky little twats. Right, okay. Won't give us the vaccine, but I'll freeze all my eggs because they know that I'm smart. Right. Because they know that I make clever burns, that's why.

Oh, so, right, I'll see you later. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Nothing said in this interview is of any sort of truth. What a shame. I knew they'd do that.

I knew they'd do... All right, shut up, man. Right, what's your beef? Oh, which one do I want? Oh, I'll go with this one. Okay, so recently, you... Well, it started because we had an argument the other day. And your argument was, your side of the argument was,

you were upset because you don't have any relaxing hobbies. I don't. I've got nothing. You've got nothing to do. So when Robin's playing or if Robin has set a task or if he's doing something, I enjoy a magazine. You enjoy a magazine or you normally fuck off to a different room and watch Shadow.

Right, okay. Or you stick it on in the room we're in. Right. Yeah. you enjoy magazine or you normally fuck off to a different room and watch shadow right okay or you stick it on in the room we're in right yeah I've got a lot of like you programs that I enjoy

that don't have any swear in them you mean in the yeah yeah yeah like they're fine yeah yeah yeah you don't have that and can I just clarify

you know when you say fuck off to another room yeah I take the iPad or listen to a podcast but I'm always doing something Christopher I'm not just sat in another room i'm putting washing away or i'm tidying up or i'm just pottering about cleaning you seem to think that i'm just sitting in another room on my

ass when i'm not okay so i'd like to just clarify that noted you need to find yourself a hobby i do i need to find something bikes bike guy gone out the window because bikes it's freezing cold I don't like going on my bike you need to find a book or something or why don't you bake or cook ridiculous

right well I can't help you what the hell is what year is it what is all this is ridiculous how dare you I'm offended

I started playing on the PS5 I started just wandering in the room and just turning that on for a bit that's quite nice that's helping us good

yeah I just feel I watch UFC or I watch like Always Sunny in Philadelphia or everything I watch just wandering in the other room and just turning that on for a bit. Good. That's quite nice. That's helping us. Good. Yeah, I just feel like I watch UFC or I watch like Always Sunny in Philadelphia or everything I watch has got swearing in. Yeah.

Or violence. Yeah. There's nothing I can watch in front of Robin. So I've got to run in the other room and play on the computer for a bit. So I started doing that. Very good.

But don't you dare. Don't you dare. It's noted that you've said right good. Do not let your beef in a few weeks be you always piss off into the

playstation well it is a bit ridiculous that your new hobby no it is a bit ridiculous that your new hobby is something that

takes you off away from your family well I'm pottering around while I'm on it I'm doing stuff I'm washing away how do you know

right okay well I'll tell you what can you play on the PS5 while you're ironing no right then well you can't do it because I am genuinely always doing something no no no no How do you know? Right, okay. Well, I'll tell you what. Can you play on the PS5 while you're ironing? No. Right then. Well, you can't do it.

Because I am genuinely always doing something. No, no, no, no, no. You're in the bath half the time. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm soaking constant fucking manatee through there. Oh, jeez. Right, what's your beef? My beef with you this week.

At the risk of being hugely insensitive. Right. And offending a lot of people. Oh, right. Okay, here we go. And really putting myself in the doghouse. Cancel them! Get them cancelled.

You have taken your huffing and puffing around the house to new levels. I know you're pregnant. I don't want to upset anyone here. I know everything's a struggle. Getting up out of a chair and everything's a struggle. You've always huffed and puffed in the past. It's like living with a half-deflated airbed.

I can't put my socks on. It's like someone's wrestling in another room. Are you taking the mic? No, that's so unfair. I can't help it. It just comes out. But do you know what it is, right? And it's not because I'm a heartless person. It's because I care too much. You know me. I hear a noise and I'm like,, right? And it's not because I'm a heartless person. It's because I care too much. You know me.

I hear a noise and I'm like, what's wrong? Are you okay? I'm on it. I'm on fucking egg shards. I don't know what to do. I'm on tenterhooks here. I know. I've got a beach ball.

I'll tell you what. Let's sell a tape, a beach ball to you, right? And see how well you can take your kegs off. It just comes out. I can't help it. Honestly, getting undressed, I think it's air that's in there and I'm bending over and it's just like,

it's really hard. It's like labour. I always used to watch programmes when women were in labour and I'm like, why do they make them noises? Yeah, but that's pain though, isn't it? Well, it's part and parcel of it. We've got four weeks left.

It's just a huff and a puffarsel o'r cwmni. Mae 4 wythnos arall, mae'n rhywbeth o'r cwmni sy'n dod â'r cwmni. Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni. Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni!

Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni!

Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! Dwi'n mynd i gael y cwmni! and bagpipes or something. It's just... I can't even... Oh, don't. I'll cry. Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry. Do you know how hard it is to get off this over

or to get out of bed? You had to push me out of bed the other day. Look, not the first time. Anytime you want to be pushed out of bed, I'm happy to oblige. Oh, don't. I'll cry.

I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll take that one back. It's time for Questions from the Public. Questions'll take that one back. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, back. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public. That's a nice long one, that. Nice long one.

Even with all your huffing and puffing, you squeezed that in. Well done. Guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it's shaggedmaridanoid at gmail.com. Please continue to send the stuff. We absolutely love it. Let's dive right in.

Let's go. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hope you're both well and are having a good Christmas season. Br i live in coventry which is in tier three too so if it's anything like ours probably not yeah good thanks yeah my boyfriend this can i just before this right this blew my mind and i think it's gonna blow yours as well okay and we've never it's not rude it's not anything like that it's just one of those things where you go really okay we'll do this? Okay.

My boyfriend and I were hoping if you could settle a debate between us. Love it. He thinks I'm strange for bringing my cup of tea into the shower with me.

Right. Right. I've got many opinions on tea. I've got many opinions on how you wash yourself. Okay. This is my fucking wheelhouse here. I put it on the side of the bath and take the occasional sip.

And this, to me and my family, is totally normal. Nah. For clarity, I don't drink it under the water. I poke my head out. Fucking ridiculous. The first time he witnessed me walk towards the bathroom with the shower on and tea in hand, he was absolutely horrified. Quite right.

So our question to you is, is this weird or do you take hot drinks into the shower? And that's from Abby and Elliot. Why in the name of God would anyone take a hot drink into the shower? What's wrong with you? No. I'm fully on your boyfriend's side here. Me too. This is, I'm angry.

This has angered me. It hasn't angered us because a little bit of us is like, oh, it's actually sounds quite nice. How much are you interrupting your shower to poke your head out to grab a cup of tea? It's good that it could get knocked over.

Right? You've always got water running. Do you have to dry your face if you've got water running down your face? How much do you want that tea? Like, have it after. How busy are you?

That's what I want to know. I mean, you're just making your shower longer. You're wasting water. What company is she CEO of? That's what i can imagine a really busy person to have to do didn't we talk ages ago you kicked off because i started taking cups of tea for a poo that's that's rank well i'm sitting down chilling out i've got water all over us but there's something disgusting about emptying

your body of a thing and just filling it up with the thing that you're emptying. Really? Do you not find that a bit strange? I've said this before, that sometimes if I'm thirsty and I need a wee at the same time, I get very angry with my body. I'm like, communicate, guys. You know, I went for a wee, I'd be desperate for a wee and thought, I'm really thirsty at the same time and thought, how are you, man? No.

Something in here, you could have clawed a bit back there. This is daft. All right. Do you know what I mean? I don't know, I don't think so. I feel like it's a bad bad a design flaw in the body that you will need a wee but you will be thirsty at the same time so do you think your body should keep hold of that i feel like just pull a bit back come on there must be a you know there must be a return valve a little return

valve that you can sort out i kind of get where you come i mean i'm not a scientist or a doctor i don't email in but hot drinks in the shower well Robin's currently got a book one of the large family books where it's all the elephants he loves them and on one of them five minutes piece it's called

Mrs Large the female elephant goes upstairs and she takes a cup of tea in the bath and it says she has a sip of her tea in the bath and it's

no I find that weird as well why I feel like she's already hot in the bath I feel like she should have a cold drink in the bath okay right

I've never had a hot drink in the bath I feel like it'd be really strange but I've had I's already hot in the bath. I feel like she should have a cold drink in the bath. Okay, right. I've never had a hot drink in the bath. I feel like it'd be really strange. But I've had wine in the bath and a glass of juice. Well, I've had red wine, I've had white wine, and I've had beer in the bath, right? Red wine, obviously room temperature. White and beer. Chilled.

I think that's lovely. But don't they say it, because obviously from my years working in Rhodes, doesn't a hot drink in the sun cool you down? Why are you trying, yeah, but what, so what, so you try to cool yourself down in your hot bath?

Is that what that's for? I could, I just, I can understand having a cup of tea in the bath. She's a busy man. She's got four elephants. Oh, we're talking about the book still.

So I can understand Mrs. Lodge. She wants five minutes peace. I just find it weird being surrounded by and being submerged in hot water and then pouring some hot water in. How hot do you want to be? It's going to heat you up a lot. My baths especially. I think

I'd scald from the inside out. So I'm against that anyway is what I'm saying. But here's a question for you. I don't think I've ever done anything other than just get washed in the shower. I mean, let's not talk about before we had Robin.

We used to get a bit frisky. Jesus. Is anything sacred anymore? Nothing sacred anymore, Chris. Do you know why I don't have a secretary in the shower anymore? Because he keeps knocking

my cup of tea over. Raging. Is that why you're taking it in? That's right. No, genuinely. Sex repellent. Look, that was a joke. I'm fully against cups of tea in the shower,

and I'm actually fuming that this person takes a cup of tea in the shower and thinks it's normal. Well, what I'm saying is I haven't had anything to eat or drink in the shower before. I mean, I've had nothing to eat in the shower. No, why would you? Would I like a beer in the shower? A beer in the shower might be all right. Why, though?

How long's your shower? How long's her shower? Yeah, good point. Do you know what I what i mean yeah she's dragging it out i'll tell you what it'll be short if she didn't have to pop her head out and have a cup of tea every five minutes yeah do you know what i do this is this is true story i go downstairs make a coffee yeah put it in my dressing room have a quick shower and then i go then i go and drink my coffee while i'm getting ready while it cools down while it cools down because i have you know my shower's like a minute and a half long. Okay, right.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, because the drill sergeant will be in kicking off like you haven't. Like we're in the fucking army. Why is it a minute and a half long? Just because I'm five foot one. There's not much to wash. Do you know what I mean, though? Yeah, fair enough.

Long showers. Get over yourself. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Would you like a story about a threesome or a thruple? A thruple? What's a thruple? Well, hello Chris and Rosie. Hello. A quick story for you that I hope you'll enjoy.

I'm in my late 20s, as is most of my friend group. I travel for a living, so must do most of my catch-up using social media, Instagram, Facebook, etc, etc. I've noticed more and more of a strange phenomenon, and I have to share it with you. So, I have two good friends who I have known for at least 10 years. One is an ex from college. They both have been in committed relationships for at least four of those ten years with their respective partners. Right. Two couples, four guys.

Right. So there's two couples. Right. And it's four guys. Right. Over the past two years or so, I have noticed these couples have been posting a lot of photos with a new third guy, whom I also knew from college, and assumed they were good friends. Now six people all together. Right. So there's the two couples and they've each got like a third person.

Right. Right. And within the last year, they are now posting photos with the hashtag, hashtag thruple. Yes, thruple. Right. This has escalated to the point where the trios have now moved in together. One grouping in a one-bedroom NYC apartment. Now, while I'm envious

of the three-income-one-apartment situation, especially with apartment prices being extortionately high in Manhattan, this is a guy, he's from New York, this guy. I can't see it. It's like an email from Sex and the City. I love it.

I'm so excited. I can't help but notice there must be a ton of admin in the bedroom department, let alone the living situation. And he's put here, I can imagine Chris has a lot of questions, so I'll break down what I know. Right, right. Right.

So, there's two, there's... No, no. You get it. Do you know why I'm so excited? I fucking suggested this ages ago. My theory. Oh, yeah. This is my theory coming to life that it

takes three people to run a house not two yeah you did yeah to run a house and have a kid if they adopt a kid as well three is the perfect number i've said this for years this is amazing chris there's no this is like this is exactly the same as a college when i invented mixers and and drinks and cans anyone listening i don't mention this mentioned this before, I get very upset about it. He really does. When I was in business studies, I said to my business studies teacher, they said,

you've got to do a thing, you know, like a presentation about something that you've invented or whatever, and loads of people made up stuff. And I said, like Jack Daniels and vodka, like in Coke with the can,

mixers already done in the cans, and he laughed us out of the fucking classroom, and five, ten fucking years later, they're on the shelves, I could be a multi-millionaire by now. Don't even get me started.

I'm raging. Chris, when I was at college, I came up with this vaccine for this thing called... Stop talking. And now it's all over the news. One, stop talking. And two, don't belittle my...

I was so proud of that invention. Let's not take away our throuples I fucking invented throuples okay I didn't come up with a name the name's very good

it's got a hashtag very well done but I invented this ages ago I do not want to be in a throuple ever listen wait till you've seen

the candidates wait until we've got two kids I suppose yeah maybe we might have to get four people in then let's not right okay

so you want to know it's going to yeah yeah yeah so no they don't think it's strange good no they don't

have a favourite you would have a favourite you totally have a favourite you know what I mean yes they sleep in the same bed

king size all three of them three grown men who's in the middle that's not cool horrible that in the middle would be awful i know i'm boiling either boiling hot or freezing cold because if both people on the outside both turn themselves if one turns clockwise and one turns anti-clockwise basically they both

turn themselves towards the edge of the bed while pulling the blanket yeah you've got a bridge over the top of you he's gonna have an out in the middle yeah you've just you're lying under a tent and grown men yeah i mean that's i'm not trying to be sex middle. Yeah, you're lying under a tent. And grown men. I'm not trying to be sexist here, but men are usually a lot larger than women. Right. Take up a lot more room in the bed. For a moment, I thought you were going to talk about breaking wind, and I was going to say, don't you dare.

Oh, God, can you imagine the farts? Oh, if they've all been out for it. Oh, God. Morning after a curry. All three lads just lying there lashing them out. Heavens above. Yes, they all have sex together. All the lads just lying there lashing them out. Heavens above. Yes, they all have sex together. All the time.

Apparently it's great. I have doubts. So he says... So he means all the time. Oh, so two of you can't have a frisk without the other one. You've got to wait for all three. Is that what he means? By all the time?

Oh, must be. That's interesting. Yeah. Because it's hard enough to book in sex with just two years. Yeah. Imagine a third one. Third one. We're both alright. I've got a headache. Alright, Barry. Barry Biffin.

He'd love a throuple, Barry. Next week. Yes, they all share one small NYC bathroom. They say their only regret is not having a three-person tub for romantic bath time. Wow.

Best world problems, guys. Fucking hell. I know. Do you know what, guys? I love being in this throuple, but I just wish we'd got a bigger bath. You know? Honestly.

It's my only regret, Gary. If we could just turn back time and get that bigger bath. So Gary and Barry, do they all rhyme? Gary, Barry, if we could just turn back time and get that bigger bear. So Gary and Barry, do they all rhyme? Gary, Barry, and Larry. Fucking hell. GLB.

That's how they sign the Christmas cards. GLB. Love Gary, Larry, and Barry. And one big three-yard jumper. A big three-yard Christmas jumper. Yes, that's how I say it. So with the bathroom, bigger bathroom, they say they managed to deal with the size by removing the bathroom door so there is more space.

So yeah, they watch each other have a shit as well. Oh, holy heavens. They might not be next to the door when it happens. I think he's, you know, he sounds a bit bitter about this whole situation because he's made it sound like they're having a mint time. Gary, Larry and Barry are living it up. Yeah.

You know, and I think he's a bit jealous. I think he might be. And he's just assuming that they watch each other's shit, where I don't think they do. They might not watch each other's shit. Gary, Larry and Barry, they're not them kind of guys.

Then again, if there's no door on the toilet, you've got no choice but to watch each other's shit. What they should do, they should take that door off the toilet. And it's an apartment. Cut a hole in it.

Oh, yeah. Put it between the jester drawers and the desk. And then, everyone's having a great time. They book romantic dinners for three. They go Dutch all the time. So they share.

So that's quite good. Wow. I'm starting to think this isn't about people wanting to have more than one sexual partner or being in a relationship. I'm thinking this is all a money-saving thing. It's a bit. It's like, I can imagine them being-

Rent and money have been mentioned quite a lot here. You'll love this next one i was just going to say that i can imagine imagine gary larry and barry being on that coupon program in america where they save the coupons and they've got a stockpile yeah yeah yeah they love flying economy because they can all sit together in one room this is ridiculous right okay they all think they have found their soulmate and are completely polyfidelitios what's that mean? we're going to have to google this

because here on Shag Married and Ode we like to stay up to date with all of the what does it mean? polyfidelity is a form of non-monogamy an intimate relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict

sexual activity to only other members of the group. So it's monogamy, but for three people. Within each other. That's good. That's nice. I kind of assumed that already with Gary, Larry and Barry though. They don't stray. It's a thropple. It's exactly what a thropple means. Yeah. Okay, so it's like a monogamous

relationship, but with three. Okay, we it's like a monogamous relationship, but with three. Okay, we've got another one here. This one's quite funny. Yes, they now have a joint bank account. Holy fuck. And he's put absolute madness. Yes, they started as a regular threesome group in college

and they just stuck. And yes, one of these three-way couples claims they are engaged. I don't think that's legal here. I was too embarrassed to ask wow after these couples came out as throuples at least six of my other friends who were in relationships are also now in throuples all together 18 people and it's all men i can't understand it i like chris am too worked up about the admin required to keep that running smoothly

perhaps i'm not as open minded or still just looking for a decent boyfriend. Not a whole boy band group. Boy band. But that's from New York City and he does not agree with it. What do we think? I agree with it. You agree with it? I think it works. I do not agree

with it at all. I think that will work. No. Nah. It's hard enough. Banging. It's hard enough having a relationship with one other person trying to get, you know, another person. Do you remember

when you said with your brothers and sisters sometimes you and Kevin would gang up against Kate and sometimes you and Kate would gang up against Kevin. Yeah, but then there's going to be the time

where you're the one ganged up on. You know, you've got to take the rough with the smooth. Oh, I'm not. No, no. I couldn't be. It's the bed sharing. I'd be. I wouldn't be in the rough with the smooth. I'm not... No. No. I couldn't be...

It's the bed sharing. I'd be... I wouldn't be in the middle. Fuck that. Why not three single beds? I would do that. I'd say, look, you could have the sex bed and then your normal bed. This is a New York apartment.

How much room do you think these guys have got? Listen, you just have to move out of Manhattan. If you want to be in this throuple, we're going to move out of here we're gonna have to get a three-bedroomed house right four bedrooms sex bedroom the sex room and then and then a bedroom each i'd be happy with that okay yeah so they go 18 of them though 18 of these mates you'd be good you heard it here first i never knew what a throuple was until now and And now I know. Well, I've watched a lot of Netflix documentaries. Unlike thruples and poly... You still can't say it.

Watched a lot of them, still can't say it. Where a man has like six wives. Wives never get loads of husbands. Never the other way around, is it? Do they not? No. Are you sure? Not that I know of.

Why am I getting shit for this? I've only got one wife. Why are you having a go at me? I've never watched a documentary yet where a wife has six husbands who look after all the kids and do everything. Right. Funny that.

Okay. Never seen one yet where the wife gets to pick different nights with all of the different blokes. Right. Just putting that out there. I mean, that I would do. There you go, listener.

Do something about that. Fucking hell. Babadoo, babado do. There you go, listener. Do something about that. Fucking hell. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have a short but ridiculously weird story to share with you. No need to keep me anonymous, but even if you did, my mum, who also listens every week, will know exactly who sent it in, as I reckon it's quite unique.

Happy days. To set the scene, I live in a rural part of the Scottish Highlands, so trackers on the road is a very common thing, unig. Hwyl iawn. I ddod yn y sên, rwyf yn byw yn rhan arfordir y Cymru, felly tractoriaid ar y rôl yw beth cyffredinol iawn ac ni fyddwch yn amlwg yn mynd i'r ail glas ar ôl un. Mae'n dda. Yn ystod y pryd, mi a fy mab yn ein traws cyffredinol yn y car ar y cyfnod oedden ni'n mynd i fy nhann, yn canu ein haws i ffwrdd ac fe wnaethon ni ddod o amgylch cyfnod o tua tri neu phwy tractoriaid yn ein cyrraedd ar y rôl. Nid yw'r tractoriaid hyn yn un mawr, of about three or four tractors passing us on the road. These tractors are not massive ones with trailers on the back and windows at the top where the driver sits.

They were more like large quad bikes, just to give you an idea. Okay. So absolutely no privacy on the said tractor. For some reason, I took a closer look at the man on the front tractor and noticed that he was sitting rather strange and his hand was in a really weird position. Oh, God. From what I could see, the man's hand was in a strange place,

not where I would assume any of the controls for the vehicle would be. Oh, man. It was down his pants. Okay. I was shocked as it looked to me that his hand was moving back and forth while the other hand is controlling the wheel. Me and my mum both turned to each other at the exact same time and gasped with surprise when I realised

she had also just witnessed the exact same thing as I did. The tractor wanker. I mean, that's... I mean, the tractor wanker. I mean, that's... I mean, that's the tractor wanker. That's very good. I mean, I'm sorry. How busy are you? How busy is your day?

I mean, we've gone from people having cups of tea in the shower to people having a wank while they're on a tractor. While they're on the tractor. That's ridiculous. How much do you love tractors? I'm thinking it's the vibration of the tractor. Right, okay. The tractor wanker. I mean, go and do it in a field, not on a road. love tractors i'm thinking it's the vibration right of the tractor right okay the tractor wanker i mean go and do it in a field not on a road i don't know how busy it might not be the

same vibration it might be too bumpy and maybe he just thinks i'm gonna fit this in here while i can no but he's scottish first of all so i don't know why he's selling oh shit i um i'll do it with his hands that's where my brain always goes What do you mean? He's been doing farm stuff But have you got to have a clean wank? Do your hands have to be clean to fiddle with yourself? Well no but you know

It's not like a lady You don't put it in sides anyway It's very much just touching skin Yeah but still I don't know He might have horse poo in that on his hands Well maybe that's what he's fetishist i mean that's stop that's horrible sharp it's a hand that's cool

once again thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of shagmard annoyed which is now part of the acas creator network yes indeed thanks guys as always if you want to get in touch it's shagmard annoyed at g.com. Please keep sending your dilemmas and your stories and all of that stuff. New merch is on the website now and the book is out and it's nearly Christmas. Yay! Bye. Bye. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway,

the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock

hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.