Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 96. Christmas Bonus Special

Episode Date: December 25, 2020

It's Christmas day! And Rosie and Chris have got some not going out at Christmas advice, spoon based beef and a few festive questions from the public.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret.

It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The first omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Gets it gets now. You, you, you, you, you boy, you boy. Me, sir? What day is it today? Well, today's Christmas Day, sir.

Oh, the spirits did it all in one night. I can't believe it. Who? The spirits. What? They're fantastic. Now, listen here, boy. Look at me. Yes?

Look at me, boy. Now, here's a couple of shillings. Get yourself round to the poultry. Is that turkey still in the window? Well, sir, the poultry's are shut today and every other podcast's also shut today, but Shagman annoyed this soldier in answer and released an episode on Christmas Day. On Christmas Day? On Christmas Day.

God bless him. You're working on Christmas Day? Yes, sir. Well, we recorded it on Monday, but yeah. How long are we going to keep this going? Oh! Hello. I don't like doing voices on the podcast, let me be honest with you. I don't know how you do that shit every week.

You're listening to Shag Maranoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey, and we just want to start off by wishing you a very, very Merry Christmas. Yes, indeed. Very Merry Christmas. We're recording this on the Monday, the 21st. So fuck knows what you're allowed to do for Christmas because it changes every five seconds. But hey, I hope you're having a lovely, lovely day

wherever you are. I hope you're happy. Hope you're having a nice time. And I hope that, I mean, Oscar-worthy performance that we just gave there hasn't ruined your day too much. So there you go. I agree. Would you like the remix one more time

just to play we're into the jingle? The Christmas music remix that you did the other week? No, absolutely not. This week's lucrative sponsor... Oh, so you're doing a sponsor? On Christmas Day? Yeah, Wall Street doesn't take time off. Well, one second.

You think the FTSE and the Dow Jones and all them are having day after day? Who? Well, the stock stuff. I don't really know what I'm talking about. You know what I mean? Money doesn't sleep.

It really doesn't. It doesn't. No. Are you ready? I've got a sponsor. Well, I'll... What are you doing? No.

It's a Christmas sponsor. But some people are listening to this after Christmas so they don't give too much. No, they're not. Who listens to a Christmas special

after Christmas? I've done the Christmas special. This is the Christmas Day bonus episode. Well, who's listening to that after Christmas? Probably a lot of people who didn't listen on Christmas Day. How depressing. Don't tell people to turn it off. No.

Turn your fucking bells off. Turn your bells off. Not something I thought I'd have to say to you. Without going any further, guys, this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor is, and you might hear it over the holidays, is adults who refer to themselves as being poorly.

Grow the fuck up. Adults who say the sentence, I've got a bad tummy. Grow the fuck up. LucasAid isn't a medicine. Grow the fuck up. Where did that come from? Don't like people who say that.

I don't like adults who use the word poorly. Upsets us. But I've done that before. Upsets us when you do it. I'm poorly. Oh, are you. But I've done that before. Upsets us when you do it. So. I'm poorly. Oh, are you also four years old? Oh, no.

No. Oh, I can't do that today. I'm poorly. Oh, fuck. What? Oh, God. I disagree. I've said to you before, I feel a bit poorly today.

Nah, don't like poorly. Stupid. Weird word. Stop using it. So, where has that come from? Say what it is. Say what it is that's up with you. If it's your stomach, say stomach.

Stop saying tummy. You're an adult. Bad tummy. Stop it, right? Yeah, don't say tummy. Also, people who say I'm bad, that annoys us as well. That's so unspecific.

It's like your phone and you're sick at work. Oh, I can't today, I'm bad. You're bad. Can I just tell you though? What? You're choosing the wrong year for this because, well, this year, I haven't really been ill.

Good, well hopefully we can get rid of the word poorly altogether. Let's face it, if it's not COVID it's not nothing. You know why we haven't been ill? Yeah, because I haven't been near anyone. I haven't touched anybody for nearly a year. Christopher, it's not a good thing. Rosie, can you just back away from us? 22 metres while we're doing this please.

Stop saying poorly, it's upsetting your adults. Pack it in, stop saying it. Fair enough. Stop saying it. Lucozade's. Pack it in. Stop saying it. Fair enough. Stop saying it. Lucasade's not a medicine either. Stop thinking you need It's not a medicine, but it does do something.

It's bollocks. It's bollocks. Stop doing it. We used to get lilt, not Lucasade. Cheaper? Probably. You'd get it at the

fruit and veg shop. I bloody love your family. I bloody love your family so much. My mum used to bring her a can of lilt when we were off school poorly. Brilliant. When you're off school what?

Oh, poorly? Fuck this. Fuck this. I'm off. Merry Christmas, you dicks. Horrible. Oh, me tummy. Me tummy.

I've got a poorly tummy. Get in the fucking sea. All right, here's a jingle. You big fucking baby. Here's a jingle. Stop. It's a Christmas've got a pearly tummy. Get in the fucking sea. All right, here's a jingle. You big fucking baby. Here's a jingle. Stop. It's a Christmas bonus special. Pack it in.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Here's a jingle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle.

We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah, jingle. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to the Christmas bonus of Shagged, Married, Annoyed with Mae Rosie Ramsey and Christopher Ramsey. Yes, can we stop with the jingle? Can we call it a day now? Yes. We have had the money's worth of the free jingle that I got on YouTube. Right.

So hello everyone. As we said, we don't know where you are. We don't know what you're doing but we hope you're well. Merry Christmas. We're not going to mention the elephant in the room. There's a massive stinking huge elephant in the room but we're not going to mention it because it's very depressing and it's christmas day and we're all we're not all in the same boat but we kind of all are in

the same boat of a very very different christmas to usual um just hope you're all okay and we are going to hopefully bring a little smile to your face today christmas smile christmas smile like the grinch exactly the same as a normal smile um i've got. Christmas smile. Christmas smile. Like the Grinch. Exactly the same as a normal smile. I've got some positive news. Oh, okay. This is good. I say positive.

Coronavirus test? No. Oh, okay, cool. No, no, no, no. Just checking. I haven't had one of them yet. No? Yeah, I've had a few.

You've had a few. I'm all right for it. I'm going to have to have one when I go to hospital. Ooh, something to look forward to. See which one they get you. There's the one where they tickle your throat and there's the one where they fucking move in for a half an hour right well it's hospital so i think they'll jab it right down there yeah oh hey buy your dinner afterwards well i know but

i've had you know i get a smear test so just don't forget about your smear test there's a reminder and a half it's been a weird year but i got a letter about my smear test but i'm pregnant so i can't have one so I put an alarm on my phone and that's going to be one of the first things I do once I've had the bane well it's going to have something to look forward to in the new year isn't it Chris like honestly it's just somewhere to go I'll be like oh

is a smear test for the boys out there including myself who have got no idea what a smear test is is a smear test anything like a sweep right because you saw me get a sweep with Robin. I saw you get a sweep with Robin. It's not as aggressive. No way. If you haven't had...

It was... Oh, God. Good grief. I don't know if I've ever talked about this on it. Have I ever talked about it? I don't know. Do you want to? Basically.

So, gentlemen out there, I don't know if you've ever been in the room when your wife's been pregnant and been in the hospital and the doctor has had to do what's called a sweep. A vaginal sweep. Sounds... It needs to be renamed.

In my opinion, really needs to be renamed because a sweep just sounds, oh, excuse me. Oh, done. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like you're tickling the pubes. Chim, chiminy, chim, chiminy, chim, chim. Fuck me. It was like he left his watch inside your vagina and he wasn't just putting his hand in to grab the watch.

He was trying to put it on inside your vagina. That's the best way I can describe it. You looked like you were going to vomit. It was awful. I've seen people unblock toilets with less vigour. But funnily, when you're pregnant, you're not bothered. I couldn't work out what he was doing. Still don not bothered. I couldn't work out what he was doing. Still don't want to this day.

Well, what they do is they... No, no, no. They put their hand in and then they kind of sweep around the baby's head. Awful. I don't know why they do it. It's to help you move you along. Intense.

It's very intense. Anyway, a smear's nothing like that. A smear's just a quick in and out. What's the real name for a smear? Cervical smear. Cervical smear test, yeah. It's nowhere near that bad. It's actually genuinely not bad at all i've been having them for years they're really super duper duper important if you've had a letter go and get it sorted asap and they're doing them

even though covid's happening they're doing cervical smear test but yeah they just put a little clamp inside open you up sorry have a little sorry inside, open you up, and have a little tickle. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What? Already the difference between men and women is startling here. What do you mean? Rosie, is a smear as bad as a sweep? Oh, no, it's not bad at all. I'll just describe it.

The word clamp and the phrase open you up cropped up in the first fucking nine words. Yes, but it is a hole, Christopher. It's the same hole where a penis goes. Right. Or, you know, a sex toy or whatever. It's the hole. If you've just joined us, welcome to Biology Live with Rosie.

This is the Christmas... What the hell? This is awful. Families could be listening to this around the dinner table. If you're listening to this on Christmas Day, shame on you. Turn on the Queen's Speech and sort your fucking life out.

Sorry, everyone. I got carried away there. No, they just get a little dabber inside. It's fine. Basically, it's fine. But anyway, so I'm looking forward to me COVID test going into hospital in a couple of weeks. Me positive news, getting back to it. So Sandra,

me mam, you know when she usually gets her Christmas tree don't you yes every year yeah she waits till the 23rd of December yeah

she got it on Christmas Eve once she did there were I think if I remember rightly she went to somewhere where they were selling Christmas trees and they were literally about to throw them in the skip

and she got one for free yes on Christmas Eve yes she's a bit of a humbug is our Sandra hates it I don't know

like I don't know like I don't know why because I love Christmas but she just hates it anyway this year she got it on the 18th

wow that's early wow I know so she got but do you know how much she paid for it what is it a real one

it's a real one what are they like 20 quid yeah usually she got it from Wix okay so she got a discount yeah how much then £2. So she got a discount?

Yeah. How much then? £2.50. Oh, she's a disgrace. I'm sorry. I know that's like saving money and that's great and that, but shut up, man. £2.50.

Yeah, £2.50. God. It's lovely. She sent us a picture. Can I please have this for a price that reflects how much I hate the holiday season? You can.

£2.50? Yes, please. And can you spit on us? Thank you. Goodbye. It's really nice. Pleasure doing business with you. It's a little bit droopy and the needles are all over the floor.

But it's funny. It's really funny. And she's got a wreath on the door. A wreath on her front door. I might run past and nick that later on. Someone I know caught somebody on their security camera stealing the wreath off their door. That's grim, innit? That is low, innit?

That's 2020 for you. That's 2020, yeah. Fuck your wreath! Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! So, although we're not going to dwell on the current situation, I have come up with a little coping strategy. Right, okay. Which, genuinely, I haven't told you about this yet.

I was sitting down this morning, and it's making us feel a a lot better like obviously christmas so my the way my year normally pans out for the past few years is i'm basically down london doing telly or touring around the entire country and then i come home at christmas and i just that's when i see everyone and that's when i go to pubs and go out for restaurants and you know that's my time however right yeah what i did this morning was i remembered last new year's eve right can you remember i popped to the customs house i did a gig right yeah then me you and your auntie and uncle and your mom went and sat in three of the emptiest bars in south shields yeah

and it was utterly shit yeah it was no one in there really shit you remember i was sitting in there dead dead freezing cold don't even know what was on the telly there's christmas songs on something i don't know crap right drinks were minging yeah dead yeah went back to our house sat said happy new year and then just everyone left yeah remember how shit that was really shit just keep thinking of that right that's me that's me coping mechanism okay whenever i think oh it's a shame you can't go but i go remember that really shit it was really i'm just holding on to that really shit time like someone who's had a bad experience customer service once and will never use the certain company again do you know what

i mean i get it so that's me coping mechanism so that all i'm saying is i know it's rubbish and i know you can't go out and stuff, but in your head, just to make it better, just in the short term, remember the shittest fucking night you've ever had in your life. I know, but... No, no, no, no! No buts!

No buts, Rosie! I know, but I don't do that. Well, you couldn't start doing it now. Okay, oh. Remember, I was sat there. It was bloody... It was terrible. It was terrible, but Chris, I've had some great New Year's Eves.

No, you've never had a good New Year's Eve. You never have. You're lying. Honestly, I've had some great New Year's Eve. No, you've never had a good New Year's Eve. You never have. You're lying. Honestly, I've had some belters. You're ruining the coping mechanism. I'm sorry. That's all you've got to do is think of your shittest time you've ever had. That is quite good, actually.

Hold on to that for a bit. All right. Yeah, so there you go. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, think of the really, really terrible, terrible night out you've had. And then you'll be sat in the house again thinking, I'm glad I'm not out. Honestly, I'm glad this has happened. No, I won't go that far.

Good God, it's just to stop you wanting to get that bug of going out. Crispy said we weren't going to talk about it. We weren't. I'm just helping the world. Right. I don't think you are, but that's fine. Who's put that in the jukebox? There's a pube in this pint.

I keep thinking stuff like that. Right, okay, yeah thinking stuff like that right okay stuff like that lipstick on this glass can I get a new one they stink a bit at the bar a lot of piss

on the toilet floor yeah yeah oh shut the door someone open it while you're weeing or while you're napping

no not while you're weeing or while you're pooing no while you're sat in the pub and someone opens the door and it's flipping freezing oh right okay and you're like shut Oh, while you're pooing? No, while you're sat in the pub and someone opens the door and it's flipping freezing. Oh, right, okay. And you're like, shut the door.

Got you. Yeah, can't get a taxi, Chris. Yeah. Got to book your taxi ages in advance. But what if you want to go home early? Yeah. Or you want to go home later? Good point.

And then you've got to walk around for a taxi and then you've got to talk to everyone going, should we risk it? Should we walk? Should we stand in this queue? Oh, I hate this night. Same. Yeah, that helps, actually. I feel a bit better. Me and you. Me and you was standing in this queue. Oh, I hate this night. Same. Yeah, that helps, actually.

I feel a bit better. Me and you. Me and you. Put the fire on. Rosie, it's not working. I miss pubs. Rosie, I can't. No, don't, don't.

I can't stay in here any longer. It's time for What's Your Beef? Beef. Beef. Christmas beef. Now, these aren't really Christmas beefs. I've just got a beef. I'll go first. My beef with you this week. Something you've just started doing. Christmas beef. Now, these aren't really Christmas beef, so I've just got a beef. I'll go first.

My beef with you this week, something you've just started doing, really annoying. Watched you do it for a while the other day before I actually said what you're doing. It's not the chocolate mousses. Yeah, it is. Oh, no, I knew you'd say this.

So, Rosie eats chocolate yogurts, chocolate mousses, or yogats, as she calls them. Chocolate yogats. Yogat. The same chocolate yogurts that you were on, you were basically on five a night

when you were pregnant with Robin I've cut down you've cut down you're on about one a night I've cut down massively I only buy a pack a week right yeah

and there's four in a pack four in a pack so it's just four a week however it's Cadbury's pots of joy if anybody really wants to know and what I'm starting to see is this is starting to make sense

because you're obviously trying to savour them a bit more right so what Rosie does is she dips her spoon in she doesn't really use it as a spoon she just dips it in like it's a lolly going in a dip dab you just dip it in like a chip and curry sauce you pull it out it's not what you're doing it's the way you do it she kind of holds if you can put it in your mind's eye dear listener

she kind of holds the spoon so it's perfectly horizontal across her face, out, almost like a violinist. And she holds it right in front of her mouth and basically just flicks her tongue out and just and just licks off it like a cat but almost like rhythmically. Like, lick, lick, lick back of the mouth, lick

back of the mouth, lick back of the mouth. Horrendous. Like, you've seen them, you know them little statues, the little Chinese cat lick back in the mouth lick back in the mouth lick back in the mouth horrendous like you've seen them you know them little statues the little Chinese cat statues where they wave their hand

and their tongue pops out yes that and I went the other day I watched you do it for ages and then I had to go

what in the name of fuck are you doing well you don't get much in them right so I do think I am savouring it a little bit

rather than just putting it in in your mouth and eating it like that it'sful. Rather than just putting it in, in your mouth, and eating it like that. It's horrible. Can I not just do things in my own home? It's the shape and that you do it. You've got a frame.

The frame I used to have to learn on Strictly where I had to hold my elbow up and shoulders down, elbows up. It's almost like a Strictly ballroom dancing frame that you adopt while you're doing it. And I was taught at the time, so it was like eye contact over the spoon. And you were just... Fucking iguana

it was awful stop it I didn't like it at all Chris I've got three left and do you know what it is actually I haven't even spoken about it I don't know how I'd managed to not speak about this

it's in my notes and I spotted it today can you remember that random dessert that you just invented the other month that you were just eating what?

en masse so the other month it came and went you've stopped doing it, so I haven't mentioned it, but I thought I'd bring it up now. Right. Just for a while after your dinner, you would just fill a bowl with some Rice Krispies and then melt some dairy milk in.

And just eat melted chocolate in Rice Krispies. Yeah, Rice Krispie cake's just not hardened. Yeah. Is that bad? I mean, what kind of a fucking pig? Like, I fancy a rice crispy cake but fuck waiting for it to set even though it's four degrees outside

and I've got a fridge she would guys she would literally pour rice crispies into a bowl and melt some chocolate in and stir it up and eat it like

like cereal cereal yeah unbelievable don't like milk it's unbelievable but you know why that happened why

because for my birthday I got a massive big bar of dairy milk and was it my mum or dad I don't know which one my dad bought it was a box of dairy milk

and I was like I just don't want to eat them like normal so I wanted to spice it up a bit but I've run out of them now and I mean I was like

this is not healthy no it was bad it was really bad oh it didn't stop you getting a spoon Ramsey why yeah didn't stop you Getting a spoon Ramsey Why yeah Didn't stop you Getting a spoon

Doing you a favour And joining in Did it You were killing yourself You dirty little hack I swear Honestly you love a bit of that Didn't you

Slag me off There you were With your spoon Oh what have I got tonight Oh crispy And I had cornflakes A couple of times You pig

I wasn't there When you had cornflakes Yes you were Wasn't I didn't see the cornflakes Happen It might have been, yeah. My beef with you this week is,

since you are not on tour and not seeing your friends as much, and I've said this before, you keep bringing your friend, Banda, into our relationship and I don't like it. Right. Look, it needs to come out somewhere. You recently, every time i say something or i tell

you a fact or i tell you something that's going on you say it to me straight away without hesitation i told you that and you didn't tell me that oh and it really winds me up because the thing i'm telling you yeah no but the thing i'm telling you is serious and you go i told you that and i'm like no you didn't and I fall for it every time and I hate myself for falling for it but stop it

it's not funny do you know what's really weird I actually genuinely had to pop out of the shops today and I was on the way back and I phoned Carl Hutchinson and I was actually bragging to him about how much

you got wound up by that I was like oh me new one that I do to Rosie she tells us something and I just go I told you that and she just

every time I hate it you're not gonna i don't know when you're gonna catch on i fall for it because you do it very convincingly which is really sad and then because i repeat myself quite a lot and because we're being stuck with each other i'm like did he because you might know but you might not sorry i didn't realize it was like a form of gaslighting i'm really. You've been gaslighting me for years. I'm telling you this. Allegedly. Allegedly.

Jokingly gaslighting. That's what you do. Oh, I'm sorry. I do sometimes think, have you told me that? I do that all the time though. People tell me things and I'll tell them back

a year later. And they'll be like, I told you that. I'll be like, did you? Oh, right. I'm literally only doing it for a rise out of you

and because mine and Carl's thing is we just wind each other up constantly onto it and I've had a year off right. I'm literally only doing it for a rise out of you and because mine and Carl's thing is we just wind each other up constantly onto it and I've had a year off that. I know. So that you're getting the overflow, you're getting the overspill and I'm very sorry. Please, but stop. Right, I'll try.

Please, come on. It's Christmas. Okay, I'll try. Is it Christmas? Is it? Dunno. There's a tree. Did you put that tree up?

I'm just kidding. It just appeared. Babadoo, tree up? I don't know. It's just a piece. and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad times will start to happen. Evil things careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. It's time for questions from the public.

Questions from the public guys as always if you want to get in touch it's shagmaridanoid at gmail.com obviously please don't send any more christmas stuff in because this is the last episode we'll be talking about christmas stuff so just send your stories your dilemmas your office polls all that kind of stuff and thank you very much in advance. Let's dive straight in. Rosie, I've done quite a few of them this week. I'm very excited. I've got a few little ones for you. I'm going to dive straight in. Christmas Day. I think Christmas Day of all days,

most people in the country will have a cooked breakfast over, you know, I think Christmas Day you'll always have. On Christmas Day? Do you not think? We always used to have a bacon sarnie on a Christmas morning. But, but, but. Or egg sandwich or something. But it's but, no, but, no.

Why? Sorry, why? Because you eat a lot on Christmas Day. Why would you start your morning? Because it starts you mean to go on. No, I'm a croissant girl on Christmas Day. I have been with you. No, I'm a pan of chocolate.

I have been with you for seven years or something. Eight, nearly. Right. You've never had a croissant on Christmas Day. Yes, I bloody have. You fucking liar. Christopher, it's pot. Why are you pretending to these people who've heard you say all kinds of disgusting stuff?

Why are you randomly trying to make them think that on Christmas Day you go a bit French? What are you doing? Don't even. Don't start because pan au of chocolate is on my shop at christmas it's on the christmas shop and i have a croissant or a pan of chocolate on christmas morning and i can't believe that you've never noticed i haven't isn't that weird i i'm honestly i thought you're lying i i swear i don't we i don't have a bacon sarnia and i'll be like that i have a croissant it's my thing this is so weird because I was just starting

because this thing is about bacon sandwiches this email and I was like just as a flippant remark of you know everyone has a bacon sarnia on Christmas morning

I thought most people did well I don't but that's fine we've been living a lie see a bacon sandwich is different to a full fry up a full fry up on Christmas morning

I wouldn't have said a full fry up I would have said like a bacon sarnia egg sarnia you know something a bit a bit more sort of, you're going to start

drinking early, you want to start getting something on your stomach in my opinion. But then you get dinner. Some people have starters.

Again, my point is, starters you mean to go on. On the day. On Christmas day, yeah, get a load of bacon on you, get a bit,

you know, bacon, bit of bread. Well, I disagree, but that's fine. Get on your books, Fiz.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. No, I'm watching you this Christmas day I'm watching I haven't done any

I haven't done any food shopping this year because my mum's making the dinner I haven't done any food shopping I need to go to the shops and get me

my croissant in fucking me yearly croissant me one croissant afternoon Mrs Ramsey yeah you're after your annual croissant again

I am yes thank you Merry Christmas liar what is it what's French for Merry Christmas oh don't give a fuck

bonjour bonjour let's stop Merry Christmas yeah it's that just saying an accent right this email in

right now I this email's about baking sandwiches it's emailed in by a girl and I can't really work out what side of the argument she's falling on here okay in by a girl, and I can't really work out what side of the argument she's fallen on here.

Okay. She's having a dilemma. Right. I can't work out, by the way, she's written it, what side she is for and against. See if you can. Okay. Hi, Rosie and Chris.

I love your podcast, and I have a question for you. When you have a baking sandwich, do you A, use two soft, delicious, flavourful pieces of white bread with butter and the sauce of your choice or B. Destroy the sanctity of the bacon sandwich by fucking toasting the fucking bread so you cut the roof off your pissing mouth

and have no sauce on it like the goddamn animal of a boyfriend that I live with? Can't work out. She's torn there. She's torn. She really is torn. She's really torn. You know, if ever I've seen someone going right down the middle and being non-biased,

that was that. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, she is on the fence. Do you know what I mean? What a tough decision. I've got to agree with her. Got to be soft bread. Got to be soft.

Don't be toasting your bacon sandwiches. Do you toast a bacon sandwich? Do you know what? I don't, but I've had one before. Nah? And I enjoyed it. Nah. I'm not having it. I think it would make it really dry.

No. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. What did you do? What do you mean? What did you have? Somebody made it for us, but it was toast with butter

and bacon in it. And why did you not throw it back in their face? Because it was delicious. Awful. I love toast. What kind of bread was it? White. Right, that's... Okay. I love toast. What kind of bread was it? White.

Right, that's... Okay. Honestly, a bacon sandwich on brown bread is the saddest thing in the world. You really hate a bacon sandwich on brown bread, don't you? It's so upsetting. It's so fucking upsetting. Why? It's like... Because it's like...

It's not fulfilling what I wanted. Someone goes, do you want a bacon sandwich? Oh, yeah, I do want a bacon sandwich. Lovely, bloody treat. Salty, greasy, fatty, bread, starch. Come on, I want a treat. Do you know what I mean?

It's like going, oh, I've done you this cake, but instead of icing, it's a handful of spinach. Yeah, or no icing at all. Or no icing at all. Or fruitcake. Fuck that.

You tried some fruitcake the other day, didn't you? Didn't go down well. Horrible. And I went, and I went, oh, you know what? I decided I didn't like that when I was a kid and I'll try it again. Awful. You need to try mince pies. And Robin ate the icing off the top, so I had nothing. I had nothing.

You need to try mince pies again this year. Because I'd never liked mince pie. I didn't understand them. I was like, not mince pie, savoury mince pie. No, I'm saying pie did we talk about on last year's episode the Christmas episode the fact that

until very recently I thought it was like bolognese yeah oh yeah we talked about that last year ridiculous no idea

absolutely ridiculous but you were the one it's sweet mince and I was like what do you mean it's sweet mince it's like currants and stuff

yeah no I thought it was like beef but sweet beef do you know what a lot of people have been doing that I've seen on Instagram? Oh, God. They've been taking the top off a mince pie, putting a bit of cheese in, like stilton,

and then putting them in the oven so they melt. Right. And obviously, as a cheese hater, I think that's disgusting, but I think if you like cheese and you like mince pies, people are losing their mind over them. Right, well, I don't like either of them things, so... So, no, we'll not be doing that here. I'm going to file that, what you've just told us,

in my brain under forget if I want to. Great. And it's gone. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Got another one here. Now, people always ask to be kept anonymous and stuff, and it's not that bad. And it's from Australia as well.

Okay. But it's just strange the way they've said it. It doesn't like, please keep me anonymous as it's me friends and blah, blah, blah. It just't like, please keep me anonymous as it's me friends and blah, blah, blah. It just starts with, please keep names out of this. Like, fucking hell, all right. All right, but I'm listening now.

But it's not even that juicy. Oh, is it not? No, but it's interesting. Okay. Listening to the scooter disappear on the Christmas special reminded me of the consequences that befell our son. Okay. consequences that befell our son okay he didn't enjoy having a baby sister so he took the delight of annoying the crap out of her for the first 11 months of her life this did extend to stealing stuff from her just to make her cry so he takes off the baby when she was playing with it just

to make her cry okay ah no as a pretty new parent the best we could come up with was telling him that santa would only give him and i don't know if this is an Australian thing, but it's not coal, Santa would only give him a bag of spuds for Christmas as he kept being a little shit. That might be the Australian equivalent to a lump of coal. Yeah, a bag of potatoes apparently. Much more you could do with a bag of potatoes. He decided to run the gauntlet. Xmas morning, he wakes up, there is a big bag of spuds,

under the tree for him. they didn't. They fucking went through with it. They actually, Rosie went through with it. How old is this kid? I don't know, but he's got a little baby sister,

right? But, there was a big bag of spuds, under the tree for him. He handled it pretty well. Till we then realised, that the spuds that we gave him, were needed for Christmas lunch.

So he got to watch them, be skinned alive alive and burned through the oven door. He took it as fake-op and so we ended up giving him his presents on Boxing Day. That's... That's fucking bold, innit? Jeez, look, he must have been

rotten. For the full day. For the full of Christmas Day. But the little twat... What a little shit. It's just like... Yeah, whatever. Just no-sold it all of Christmas Day. I've twat what a little shit it's just like yeah whatever just no sold it all of Christmas Day I've thought about this though I've really thought about this because you know

what you do with Robin Santa's watching you yeah you better be good for Santa well didn't that lady from next door throw a thing over the door yeah

regular listeners will know that at Easter not this year going on the one before there was a bag of Easter eggs hanging over the fence for Robin from the ladies next door.

And me being me, I thought it was rubbish and I just pulled it off the fence and threw a full fucking bag of Easter eggs back over because they were in a carrier bag. To which next time the lady came with him and said, is he not allowed chocolate? And I said, why? And she said, because he threw this back over me garden.

I didn't know. But this year she hung a Christmas ornament over, didn't she? Yeah. Which was sweet. It's a Christmas ornament and, didn't she? Yeah. Which was sweet. It's a Christmas ornament, and it's Santa, and there's just a note inside, in red pen,

on a poster. In caps, in like, what's it called? Capital letters. Capital letters. Jesus. Saying,

be good, Santa is watching you. It's really sinister. And then, she's underlined the U. And we looked at that, didn't we? And we were like

can she hear Robin is she being able what's have we left the window open or am I being bollocked that's what I'm thinking is she literally

been sitting there going he sounds like a little I need to step in here they need some fucking backup Nanny McPhee I'm gonna help these out because I can hear

that little twat screaming through these walls and they need sorted out. Oh, he's not that bad. No, he's great. But what my thing is though, if your child,

because there's some right little twats. Yeah, yeah. There's some horrible kids out there. Yeah. Still get Christmas presents though, don't they? Yeah, always. And I don't think you could go through with it. This is the first instance I've ever

been aware of where someone's gone through. Yeah, me too. I've never known anyone. Anyone you could go through with it this is the first instance I've ever been aware of where someone's gone through yeah me too I've never known anyone anyone who's gone through with school and you're not getting Christmas presents

and then they wake up and there's none I mean my mum was ruled with an iron fist when we were growing up we still got presents she'd have never done that no

she'd probably wanted to but she never did yeah but yeah that's I find it really cruel bold man but I've said we said it last week one day

of just do what you want how can you be oh merry Christmas well I'm going to discipline my children today oh am I right no no well the month beforehand when the tree's up and you're telling them Santa's watching that's your free discipline

that's your free discipline you know there's a shit load of stuff coming at you's up and you're telling them Santa's watching, that's your free discipline. Yeah. That's your free discipline. You know there's a shitload of stuff coming in, but not if you're a dickhead. See, Santa doesn't work with us, though. Hmm? His teacher does. Yeah.

He's terrified of his teacher. I'm terrified of his teacher. She's lovely as well, but yeah. I think he really... Do you know what I think he does, Chris? Hmm? I think he respects her. I'd love to get some respect. I know.

I'd love to get respect from him one day. I really think he respects her. I don't think he's scared of her because she's absolutely lovely well the two of them the teacher and assistant as well he just really respects him and every time so we've got it to the point in the morning he was wanting to watch like blooming youtube and and all this shiting in the morning you just want to go no you're not watching it before school so we told him that his teacher said he can only watch cbbs and that's been going on for months yeah he fully believes it he does yeah great man i just feel at one point he's gonna be like you just get involved in quite a few aspects of me life here dad oh your

teacher says don't run around the swimming pool right she's micromanaging you to the nth degree. So Rosie, we spoke, got a letter a couple of weeks ago. A letter? A letter, Chris, eh? Email, I'm trying to say. It's Christmas, man, it's all letters. We got an email

from the person who had a cup of tea in the shower. Oh, yes. Which has enraged... A follow-up one. Well, no, no, this is from someone else,

but it has enraged and enlightened the whole... Everyone's talking about it. Everyone on Twitter is telling the stuff that they eat in baths and stuff like that. I got an email here from someone, right? Right. Hi, guys.

I was just listening to episode 94 about the girl who took a cup of tea into the shower and I had to share my story. I think I remember rightly the subject of this email was something like, Chris will be disgusted, so I clicked on it straight away. Oh.

And she's right. All right. Has it got anything to do with christmas nothing to do with christmas right well chris when i said to you can you get some questions from the public for the christmas bonus special uh one it said chris that's half a christmas right two it said i'd be disgusted so i had to read it right come on then so a bit of backstory about 11 years ago I had just split up from my husband and I felt free as anything so I thought I would enjoy

a lovely hot bath and maybe a little snack in there too so I just right so that's an intense marriage people celebrate different things

no but was she not allowed to have a bath from what I can tell yeah she was living like Cinderella I celebrated my divorce this man ruled and things. No, but was she not allowed to have a bath? From what I can tell you, yeah, she was living like Cinderella. I celebrated my divorce. This man ruled

with an iron fist. I'm having a bath, love. You'll have a shower. You see in the water, Bill? Oh, there is people like that. Well, good. Listen, good for her. Come on.

Well, you might not. Buzzing. Buzzing for her. I thought I'd enjoy a lovely hot bath and maybe a little snack in there too. Yeah.

So I decided, what did you take in the bath, Rosie? I'll give you three guesses. Okay. Is it a snack? She's written snack. What did you have? It's definitely a full meal, but she took it in the bath.

Okay. She's taught my language. Right, what did you took? Great. Three. What did you take? Oh, you want me to guess? You've got three guesses.

After your first guess, depending on how far you've gone with it, if you're close or if you're too far away, I'll add the next little bit of the sentence in. That'll help you. Right, okay. So she's saying it's a snack, but you're saying it's a full meal. She's gone in the bath with it.

Right. Is it a sandwich? No, but you're close. You are quite close. Go on, next one. It's not a sandwich, but you're close in the way the food is consumed. Oh, so it's picky food. Yes, like with your hands.

Right. A piece of cake? No. You've gone further away. It says here, I thought I'd enjoy a lovely hot bath and maybe a little snack in there too, so I decided to order myself...

A pizza. A kebab. Oh! Oh! Dirty, dirty sod. Oh, right. Dirty sod. Right, well, you know, she's just split up from her fella.

Yeah. She wants to have a nice bath. Fucking me, yeah. With her favourite food. And I tell you what, though. Wash your hands straight after. While.

During. During, yeah. During. Well. Oh, kebab, that is the least decadent thing. You ready? I put my food on the side

while I got myself settled in in the bath, grabbed my kebab and started chomping down on it. Suddenly, bits of salad and kebab fell in the bath with me. Nah, nah.

So obviously, I felt I had to get them out as I'm not a complete animal. Could have fooled us, love. This is the best bit, right? This for me is the best bit. I thought I was a bit of a scumbag. This is... It gets worse, right?

It gets worse? Before you ask, yes, i did finish my food wrapped in my towel sat on the bathroom floor what so she's all dropping in the bath that she couldn't handle it right she got out wrapped herself in a towel and sat on the bathroom floor finished that kebab this she didn't need she she did not need to involve the bath element to this meal. Could have just had a kebab. You could have just had a kebab on the sofa, watching the telly.

Yeah. Why? And before you ask, I would definitely do it again. Really? I just had to share, as I can imagine, the utter disgust from Chris, which is always fun to listen to. P.S. That's not why me and the ex split up. I never ate in the bath when he was around.

Thanks, Herm. Brackets, I'll share my name as I'm not even embarrassed about the ex split up. I never ate in the bath when he was around. Thanks, Herm. Brackets, I'll share my name as I'm not even embarrassed about it. Love it. Well, good for you. That's amazing. Well done, love. Well done. That's amazing.

Why? Have I ate in the bath before? Kabath. I had a crumpet in the bath once. You had a crumpet in the bath once. Actually, not that long ago. You brought me a crumpet. That was the other week, actually.

That might have been after that email, you know. I did bring you a crumpet when you were in the bath once. You had a crumpet in the bath once. Actually, not that long ago. You brought me a crumpet whilst I was in the bath. That might have been after that email, you know. I did bring you a crumpet when you were in the bath. It might have been after that one that sent that email,

yeah. But there's a kebab in the bath. Bit much, isn't it? I just, I just think baths are really sacred and really holy

and I just feel like sharing it with a crumpet. But like, the drip a lot, you're going to be getting like drips of like chilli and garlic sauce dripping into your bath and it's going to be sitting oily on a lot, you're going to be getting like drips of like chili and garlic sauce dripping into your bath.

It's going to be sitting oily on the top. You're going to fucking stink. You're essentially washing yourself with a kebab. It's just not... I just know. I kind of get on board with that. And where's she got the kebab from? It would be cold.

It got delivered. I don't know it got delivered, didn't it? How would you do your bath? It's like having a Chinese takeaway in the bath yeah it's just no I can't

look love thank you so much and I love you from the bottom of my heart because I'm a bath girl as well and I've had a kebab before

but together I can't agree with it no but I hope you're happy yeah now that you've left here you sound like a dick anyway you eat all the kebabs you want in the bath.

Merry Christmas. Hi, Chris and Rosie. An ex-boyfriend of mine were once spending time telling each other childhood stories and we got on the subject of Santa and how we both found out he wasn't real. I'm whispering that just in case you don't know why you've got children in the room if this is on.

I nearly thought about doing, like, we're going to talk about this. Yeah. But people shouldn't be listening to this with kids around, so. No, yeah, definitely not. It's your own fault. The way I found out was very standard

in that I was told by a school bully that he wasn't real. Well, that's not standard. That's awful, but fair enough. Yeah. But his is the best. He was around, Rosie, imagine this, imagine this right right he was around eight years old and was helping his grandma out with the church christmas fate and santa walked in the room i think it was just before the kids were queuing

up to meet him outside otherwise otherwise there would have been lots of kids dreams shattered that day so the kids are queuing outside and santa's come in to sort of set up. Okay. Put this lad's in. He's eight years old and he's with his grandma setting up the Christmas fete. Santa was in the room getting ready to meet the kids when he suddenly keeled over

and had a heart attack. Oh no. Oh no. An ambulance had to be called. It was all very dramatic. CPR was given to Santa and that was that. Christmas dreams were shattered.

Oh, poor Ben. This poor lad was, like, losing his shit, and then had to be told, by the way, Santa's not real. This is just a person pretending to be Santa. But that's just his helper. That's one of Santa's helpers. You don't meet the real Santa. Too busy to come down to earth.

In the moment. I mean, there must have come... It's not nice to see, is it? Fucking hell, imagine that, man. Here's something. Do you know my mum told my brother that Santa wasn't real? Eh? Yeah.

Why? Well, she didn't mean to, but he was questioning it. Right. And because I think they were talking about it at school. And I think he was about 10. Right. And obviously me and my sister knew by this point. And I think he was asking me,

but like, Santa's not real. Yeah. Is he, is he mom? Is he mom? And my mom was like, well,

Kevin, no, but you know, and he like broke down crying. Really? Absolutely. Broke his little heart. And my mom still talks about it now and how bad she feels.

Wow. Yeah. See, a similar thing almost happened. I can't believe, this just popped in my head and I know I've never told her this. And I can't believe I've never told her this. Okay. Oh, I love it when I find out something I've never been told. I think I said last year that I believed in Santa a little bit longer than everyone else because... You're a saddo.

than everyone else because you're a saddo I used to go to a sports shop in Metro Centre when my mum was buying my dad's stuff for like

Southfield's over 40s football team I used to go and look at the baseball gloves and I never asked for one but I always looked at the baseball gloves

I was obsessed with them because I'd seen them in films and cartoons and stuff and on Christmas I think I said last year on Christmas Eve I randomly said to my mum

do you think it's too late to ask for a baseball glove off Santa and she said oh it might be yeah and I wrote it down I wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it on the fireplace and lo and behold I had one on Christmas morning and I couldn't fucking believe it I was like oh my god he's real

he came down the chimney he has an imagined one and he gave us it and I was like over the moon with it so I believed like later a lot later than I should have right how old were you then about 16 17

17 18 no I must have been like yeah about 11 10 10 11 and I think 11 I kind of knew

but my mum and dad hadn't really said anything we mates at school were like you don't still believe in Santa Day and I was like nah

and then one like day in December and I was really quite proud of myself my mom was like now chris like you know what she didn't like sit us down it just came up what put the tree up or something and i mentioned santa and she went now you know you know now don't you you're old enough to know that santa's not real and i literally went what what like i? And she went, oh, no, no, no. And I went, ah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no. You little shit. But I immediately welled up my best acting. What, mom? I mean, I'm, ah, no, yeah, no, yeah. I'm fully aware, mother. Got you. Punk'd, if Robin ever asks, because he's quite a switched on kid.

I've got a funny feeling he will ask baby, like, well, what have you got us for Christmas, mom and dad? Santa got me all this. What have you got us for christmas mom and dad santa got me all this what have you got us i'm considering telling them that we pay santa is it okay for me to go to robin look yeah santa got you all that stuff but you know daddy i pay santa for it i pay he's a service he's like broadband see this is where it gets really difficult with santa and being a parent and the whole thing because do you know loads of people do different things right so I know some families who Santa brings

one present and all the rest are from the mum and dad right and then there's like like us everything Robin gets is from Santa

he doesn't get anything from us yeah but I've paid Santa no why are you telling them you've paid Santa I haven't told them yet but I'm saying that's the point

I go I have Santa yeah but Santa's working for dad why are you making it more complicated than it needs to be I'm not I'm just trying to get some fucking credit for all these presents that are going to be there and I'm saying that to be point. I go, I have Santa. Yeah, but Santa's working for Dad. Why are you making it more complicated than it needs to be? I'm not. I'm just trying to get some fucking credit for all these presents that are going to be there.

And I'm not going to get any credit for them. You don't need any credit for them. Have you met me? Oh, my word. I need credit for everything. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I just feel like it would be a good system. I feel like you would believe it.

And I'll go out like... And I can literally put a little gold envelope through the door. Oh, there's the Santa bill. Oh, hey, Robin. You want to thank your dad double. Because look at this bill that I'm paying. He doesn't understand money. You got a tenner off your auntie Linda

and you went to the shop and bought a dib dab. And we'll get the change. We'll be getting a pizza tonight. Thank you so much for coming back week in week out and listening and we hope you have

a very very happy Christmas Merry Christmas from myself and Merry Christmas from me and Merry Christmas from Merry Christmas

to all our podcasters love Robin love Robin oh that's lovely oh that was all our podcasters. Hello, Robin. Hello, Robin. Oh, that's lovely. Oh, that was great. It'll be 2.2.

All he wants is his two front teeth. Did he get them? Find out next week. Have a wonderful day. Take care of yourselves. Love yous. Watch what you're doing, everyone. Shagmire Lord is now part of the A-Cast.

Create a network, Rosie forgot to say it, but I'll do it to pay these bills Merry Christmas everyone Merry Christmas you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton

at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.