Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Father's Day, Party Bags and Chris has a Full Medical

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed Chris and Rosie Ramsey provide an alternative to party bags, could a bucket full of pound coins be the way forward? Chris has some Father's day beef and he reveals the results of his latest medical. Rosie shares fears that she had at the kids sports day and explains why Chris can't ever get his ear's pierced. As well as this there's BBQ chat, new Pj's and a potential 20 minute set about tin foil! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married Anoyed. We have come up with the perfect party bag alternative. It's not perfect, but it's a top with it. It needs a bit more work. I have a medical, full medical. Sexy. Sports Day was almost a murder podcast. Very tense, very tense.

We've got beefs and we've got questions and voice notes from you, lovely lot. Enjoy. Visit BetMDMDM casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and Game Sense remind you to play. responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

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and natural wood details to ground you This is Volvo's Scandinavian sanctuary For Every Journey Learn more at volvocars.cares.cai Optional features mentioned Hello, you are listening to Shagmardinoid and you might be watching as well So hello if you are

It is sunny Everybody's happy Hello The world is good. Well, that's a drastic overstatement, but yes. Now, no, the world is not good. Despite a million and one things, the world is great. What we're saying is the fact that we've just been outside the garden

and then came in and record this, that bit of the world's good. No, just the fact, okay, a lot of people listen to this who aren't from the north of England, okay? When it's hot, when you stand in the sun during the day in the north of England and it's hot, you know it's hot, like there's no better feeling. Like we don't, we've been to London during the summer. You guys, it's hot, right?

Yeah. It's not hot where we live. Yeah. We live on the coast. It's usually about 10 degrees cooler. And we will pay for this day of heat that we get now with some torrential fucking rain and really horrible wind within about a week.

But as of now, we're enjoying it. And I think what I was trying to say before is, if your little slice of the world is good, then good stuff. I hope you have the, there we go. I hope your little slice of the world is good. cheered up because this morning I thought I was dying. This was tragic by the way.

I know. So this morning I genuinely I was like, what's wrong with me? I was like, I just can't shake. I can't shake this feeling. Am I coming down with something? Yeah, I thought I was ill, blah-di-blah. You did a couple of piddley little singing gigs at the weekend that really shouldn't have took much out of you.

But the days, it looked like it was killing you. But what had happened? I'd forgot to have me coffee. You'd forgot to have you. Like a smackhead, itching and twitching. I'll get a headache if I haven't had. me coffee. Tragic.

I mean, it is a drug. It is literally a drug. But I've been waiting a little bit longer to have it, and it genuinely has changed my life. And today you bloody waited too long, didn't? You waited too long. Nearly didn't bloody have it. Bloody have it. Unbelievable.

How are you? I'm very good. I love it when it's sunny. I love it when you're happy. I love it when you're not due on. I love it when you're just not a general pain in the ar. So this is great. Guys, everyone, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for watching and listening. We're really, really constressing off how much we appreciate it after all this time. Hope you still enjoying it because we bloody are. And without further ado, it was time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is, I might have done it before, but I don't care. I've got a new take on it. This week sponsor is party bags. Oh.

Hey, is your kid had a good time at the party? Well, make sure they don't go home without a little handbag of single-use plastics, sugary toys, and a cake that's been inexplicably wrapped in a napkin, so all the icings come off anyway. And guess what? The little twats want to eat that in the back of your car, don't they? Oh, ha. Of course they do. Hey, the fun doesn't stop when they leave the party.

Get yourself, so we'll play with these toys that'll break in a couple of seconds. Little bits of shitty plastic everywhere. Get them in the garden with that tiny, tiny, tiny little tub of bubbles that they'll spill immediately. Party bags. Fucking stop it. We've all done it. We've all done it.

We've all done it. Actually, no, you've never arranged a party bag. You're parent in years. You've never organised a party. Nah, stupid. Don't think people should be together. I'm joking. The party bags are getting a little bit out of control

But now we're at the point where we pick Robin up from a party And we're with Rave And the people of the party feel bad And they give Rief one as well So he gets in the car I got a party! I'm like class, two lots of shit In the back of the car

It is shit It is shit Absolute Just fucking cack I'm not doing it anymore He's a bag of cack Honestly Honestly

Give them a fiver Give them a fiver Do you know what? Or a quid There's a quid On your way out On your way out Big big tub of quids

It's a well what You know wipe them No, I'm telling you right now, the actual contents of the party bag, if you do, if you, you're talking at least three quid. Yeah. Well, all right, all right. Save yourself two quid. Give them a quid.

Give them 50 pence each. On the way out. There's 50 pens. Get some sweets on the way home. There's 50 pens. Chris. Chris. Hmm?

You can't, no. You can't. Have you? Do you know I bought a pack of polos you the day? Do you know how much that packet, that tub of fucking polos was from the garage? How much? Guess. You're going to, you're going to die.

All right. I'm going to do that thing where I have. high bullet so that the price isn't how much anymore. Ask us again. How much? 74 pound. Now, one pound 10. Bargain I thought was 74 pound. I've just saved 73 or two something. Stop it. Oh, he's in a fucking even a horrible mood within. I can't be ours.

One pound 20. That's wild. It's because you don't I don't always realise because you know when you're buying a few things. Oh. Like if I go for milk. Out of touch, are you? No. How much is a pint of milk? Prime Minister. How much is a pint of milk? I couldn't tell you. I don't think many people.

could because this is why I realised because normally when you go in the shop you're getting eggs you're getting milk you're getting bread you're getting you know we've got our little rotation of stuff that we buy cheese for the kids so when it's in a shop I don't notice but I went to the garage and I was picking up a parcel and I just went in and bought some polos and they were £1.20 and I thought are you having a laugh?

I mean you're talking garage prices there garages or garage is more or they add an extra fuck you on a top and I imagine there be people listening now going Get yourself to home bargains, you can get a pack of four polos for a quid, which you probably can. Yeah. So all I'm saying, no, I'm saying.

I'm saying, give them kids 50 pens each on the way out. Send them to home bargains in their payers and then buy a four pack of polos. They'll not get anything for 50 pens. Send them out together. Five at each. I think you should, I will laugh my head off if the next party you just hand out a five at each kid. That would be brilliant. Like when they open the briefcase and dumb and dumb and they find all the money

and they're on the way in the whole challenge. Like, there you go. There you go. There you go. Did you say Chris and Rosie Ramsey paid children at the end for coming to their kids' birthday party? But you know what it is though?

They're weird. No, I think it's better. Because by the time you're paid... Not five. I overbolled it with a fibre. No, you're not. You're not. Class are coming.

30-od fucking five. Chris, right, this is coming from the man who's never organised the party. If you actually break it down, you have to buy the actual party bags, right? The cake. Yeah. He's probably still going to want a cake.

Still going to have a cake, any. All the little bits of shit that are inside, the sweets, everything. I'm telling you, you're talking three, three to five pound each party bag. Give them a five, they'll be fucking buzzing. Oh, you can't get them on my man. Give them a quid. I'm not, no, palting the stock, they're not going to,

they're going to throw a battery and go, I couldn't even get a tube of fucking polos for that. Okay, good, well that's how we'll weed out the good friends from the bad friends. This is what we do. This is it. Right, okay, give them two quid each. Just have load the two pound coins and say, we're not doing party bags, they're two pounds. I think they'd be buzzing. I'd be buzzing as a kid.

Are you joking? This reminds me of years and years. and years ago I listened to the Rit Javier's podcast and he's got loads of, I don't know if it was true or not, but he had a story where he's got loads of nieces and nephews and he's going round to the house, he's going around to the house, his brother's or his sister's house for Christmas north and he's nephews there and he forgot about, this is fucking genius. He'd forgot to buy them to buy them Christmas presents. Right. He bought a footload of scratch cards on the way and gave all the children scratch cards and all the kids. Amazing. Too young but fine. He's like, some of them

want to tell us, some of them were nothing. That's life. I was like, I can't, don't know if it's a talking up but okay then we'll just give them all a scratch cards there it is scratch cards pack a town land mountain bottleer

perfect perfect so it's 11 we had to fight about the jingle we couldn't set along a jingle jing go

so this is the jingle we hope you like the jingo jing go Do babado do babado da-ba-do-ba-du-ba-du-ba-du-ba-d-d-chingo. Jingo! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode

of Shagged, Married, annoyed. Hello. Lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, I'll have you back. You've got a wound on your shoulder. It's really upsetting you, this isn't it? Yeah, it's really horrible. Do you know? It looks a bit like ringworm.

You know ringworm that I always get? It's not ringworm. Okay. So, I burnt myself with my curling wand at the weekend. And do you know what's mad? What? Didn't hurt, right? It's stung at the time.

And then it's not hurt at all. And I think my pain threshold is crazy. Right, okay. Just hasn't. It should hurt, shouldn't they? It looks awful. It's genuinely, like, it's a proper full-on burn. This should hurt. Yeah. Can't feel a thing. Hard as nails. Am I, am I dead? You might be dead. Probably dead. Yeah, probably. But I don't know why it's upsetting you so much. Is it upsetting you there? It's just, yeah, it looks a bit like ringworm. It's not ringworm. I promise it's absolutely a burn. You've been going to jit-to-you-you-be. No, but I've got my arms out today. That's what would hurt as the most. What? If you went to jihitsu without a

and enjoy jihih Tzu but kept it was a secret from me and went without us and didn't go with us and we could do it as a couple. There was not one part of jihitsu that I would enjoy. The way,

met a man crawling on us. Why are you telling everyone my sex moves? No, thank you. It's disgusting. I've seen it. It's awful. It's vile.

A man crawling on us. I don't, no, thank you. Like, fair enough with the women, but then I don't like, do you know when someone hugs you and they've got no, and they've got their armpits out and they touch your shirt.

You know in the summer? Someone hugs you with their armpits out and the touch. your shoulder and the sweat of their armpit goes on your shoulder. That's my day fucking ruined. I've been known to go to public toilets and wash my shoulder because... I've been known. She's in again.

The shoulder washer. It's so upset. And like, don't get me wrong, people sweating. And, you know, not many people I know smell, but it happened once where someone, I didn't know they weren't a friend, someone hugged us with a bare armpit out on my shoulder and it fucking stunk. And I had to go and wash it. me shoulder. Two things you just remind me this of.

One, I don't know if I've talked about either of these before, but I am, have I expressed how upset I get when someone is on a plane on the way to or from holiday and they've got a vest on. You really don't like that, Dean. A man in a vest on the way to or from holiday shouldn't be allowed on a plane. Shouldn't be allowed on a plane.

But then what about women? Yeah, it doesn't bother us as much weirdly, but just when it's some bloke. And he's like, yeah. And he's like sitting there. If he's sitting in his chain, he's like scratching his head out, he's reaching up to do the fan and his armpits, basically in the fucking ear of the person next room or he's getting stuff out the overhead.

It's like, oh, being on me holidays, so it's warm, so I've got my armpits out. You should be left in whatever country. You should be stranded. You had passport taken off of you. You live here now, by the way. Well, what did I say to you last night? I had a bath, and I got my clean jarmies on.

And I came down and I said, I love nothing more than being clean. And I don't understand people who are happy to just stink. Yeah. Happy to reek every day. Don't get it. I think some people don't realize. How do you not realize?

I don't know. Again, I've said it before. I don't mean it sound horrible, but I think you should be allowed to go to someone, by the way, you stink. And it should be fine. It should be like telling someone, you know, they're about across a road

and get hit by a car. It should be seen as a public service. You should go, oh my God, I love him. He told us a stank, and I did stink and I sort of it. I mean, I don't know. Anyway.

Anyway, other one. Yes. I did tell you, I went golfing once and I had a long sleeve top with us and I got there and it was boiling hot. And I was like, oh, shit. And I was like, oh, shit. I, like, panic bought a golfing t-shirt in the golf shop.

And I think I've told you, I got about four holes around, and I went, this isn't my smell. Someone had tried it on. Had tried it on and put it back. And I got halfway around the course, and the sweat was coming out of my top. I was devastated. And I'd like to blame that on why I was shit, but I'm always shit.

So upsetting. Yeah. I mean, you can kind of forgive if it's hot days and, you know, I didn't smell like rosary. No, because fresh wet doesn't sweat. smell. Well, that's a thing, isn't it? Yeah.

It's usually good. This is a conversation, not for now. I know sometimes our awfulness of private life seeps into the podcast and we sound awful. But I think, I look at a lot of people messaging about people stinking and stuff. I think it's, you know, I think we literally called a fucking episode of this podcast, halitosis taxi once. I've just got a really strong sense of smell. That's a problem.

Some people. You came in the other night and the first thing you said to me was the bin stink. You're at the front door. You're at the front door. It was through the front. That's how bad it was. Wasn't. There's nothing wrong with that bins.

Fucking bins. And we've got two bins. I think we need to just... I think we need... Because we've got two bins at either side of the kitchen. I don't know. Why did we do that?

It's helpful. It's really helpful. Rather than having one big bin because one big bin will smell even more. Yes, I know. But I feel like in one of the bins come and put like... Like the scraps

and the other are just like wrappers. So first of all, if you're listening, I don't think... Our recycling doesn't do food. Our council doesn't do food waste. So don't be sitting there kicking off that we're not recycling. recycling food waste, ours doesn't do it.

No. As ours doesn't do plastic bags. I don't know why. No. I don't think... Sometimes you think we're organized enough to do shit like this and we're not. We could not have one bin for one and one bin for the other.

I would to try. The second you put the wrong thing in the wrong one, which would be immediately, the whole thing would go away. You know, the other day, your mam accidentally put all the recycling into the grey bin and then had to move them all out and then came into me kicking off

that I hadn't had the wheelie bins cleaned. She was like, you need to get your wheelie bins cleaned regularly. I was like, I don't have to go fucking rooting through them because I put the shit in the right bin. I didn't know this story, so she had to go rooting around. So she puts all the recycling into the grapane by accident, which is for just the normal refuse. And then she comes in, she was like, yeah, I've just done that.

I've had to swap over. Bins are disgusting, by the way. You need to get them cleaned everywhere. I was like, no, no, no, no. I'm not the one fucking climbing through them. She loves it. Honestly. Do you know when you're looking after the kids, Sandra,

no one's asking you to do the fucking recycling. She just takes upon herself and then winches about it. She does everything. She's amazing. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, ba. Staples Preferred Business Membership, built for busy business owners, because you've got bigger things to think about. With Staples Preferred, get free delivery.

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Big news. Have you had your vasectomy? No, close. When are you going to get... Right, okay, so I... I keep interrupting you. I'm really sorry. It's absolutely fine.

I'm used to it. You do it in everyday life. You need to get... This is reminding me. You need to get your vasectomy. Do you know what I need to get? And I've got a week this week. This week is a perfect week.

I need to get me ES-p-st. Get me ES-PSed. Yeah. I'll do that for you. Shut up. I need to go and get me ES-p-pressed. Right. Why can't I do it?

Hot needle. Push it right through. how much to let me do it? No. I'll buy one of the little... I'll buy the wee gun. No. The wee gun?

No, no, thank you. No? I do need to get them done. I had them done when I was 15 and then I closed them up because I'm useless but I need to get them to be done. Anyway, should I get mine?

Should I get my? Yes, PSS as well? No, please God, no. Come on. I couldn't be married someone with it, yes, PSPS, no. Both or just the left. No, no.

Can't get just the right, because it turns again. You get the right, you get the right, I'll have to leave. Please don't. Don't ever. Don't. I couldn't.

I couldn't. No, I'm sorry. And that's absolutely no disrespect that any man who's got the ESPN. Apart from disrespect

to every single man who's got the ERPS. Oh, no, I'm allowed to have, I'm allowed to have things that I like and things that I don't like.

Right? So no, no, if you got ESPS, I would leave you. Okay. Like, no, don't.

So if I want Ridi, all I've got to do is going to do is going at me ESPSed. Honestly, yeah. I'd call you a bluff. I think you'd stay.

I fucking would not. What would you have a hoop or a stood? Sleeper hoop, got to be a big sleeper hoop, big gold sleeper hoop. I just, no, thank you. I remember in my school, loads of lads got their ESPS, obviously left one. And then randomly some of them started getting the top bit done. And then a couple of lads got their eyebrows done. But there weren't like rockers or goths or whatever you want to call.

It was the 90s, it was popular, but not now. Yeah, 17 vibes. Don't ever please. No, God, no. Listen, I'm going to make a little roulette wheel One bit says eyebrow One bit says top of ear One bit says right ear

One bit says left ear We'll spin the thing I'd rather you got your knob pierced Oh no I'm not getting However I'm putting the vasectady off you think I'm getting the knob pierced Talking on you Listen Speaking of medical procedures

I went for full medical last night Oh you haven't told us about this No I haven't told you So I went a couple of things So I went for a full medical last night Full medical I came in You're not like to say why

I said I'm not like to say why It's for a TV thing I can tell you at some point soon. I came in, I said, by the way, I'm dying. You went, oh, good. And then you kept talking about whatever you were talking about. So I actually could have been dying. If you had got any sort of bad news

at that medical, you would have cried when you came in. There was no, you would. Right, okay, I'm just telling you all now, right? What if I was being stoic? No, you are not stoic. It doesn't exist in your world. What if I was brave? Being brave in front of the kids? Do you know, there's some people in this life, right? Who, like, you know, when you hear of people in the light,

and he didn't tell anyone that they had cancer. Like, that is not you or I. you or I will be on here going guys it's not how we live I said it when people say like hey or she's been so positive they said they had four years to live

and they live for 20 years because they were so positive I'll be like they tell me I had four years to live and he'd be told me he had four years to live but he dropped down in three days how did he do that oh he worried and worried himself cried and shot himself and vomited for three days until he basically just turned himself inside out

and died because he's fucking so true so no so when you joked and said I'm dying by the the way at well of course you not because you would have told us okay right so what happened went up a little place in Gosforth that the TV company

had booked for a very exciting TV thing I'm doing but I can't tell you what it is sorry to be that guy um went up to do it full medical um no bum no bum this time full medical but no bum what do you mean they didn't check me he didn't do the bum did they do that yeah when you get crack around 40 yeah but you wouldn't do it I asked him begged him some money yeah yeah probably got a chart kept dropping dropping things, kept dropping stuff

and, oops, nothing. Told me I had nice eyes. Nothing. Wasn't taking the bait. No, for a professional comedian who's trying to sell a tour, that was grim. Twoers nearly gone, but yeah, listen, so I had the full thing, left it a bit later, left it a bit later to put the actual date on, didn't

now, listen. So, full medical, bizarre, some stuff, checked everything like eyes, nose, throat, ears, chest, listen to me bowel. I've never had that done before. Oh. He goes, I'll just have a listen. And he went, yeah, it's fine. And I went, sorry, I went,

what to do? Yeah, he went, and it just always makes noise. He went, as long as it's just always making noise, you're all right. What about when it doesn't make nice? Well, either went, well, hey, what's going on here? Loads of different stuff, like balance tests, all these different things. ECG? Yeah, what is that again? Stickers all over you.

Lying the bed, top off, stickers all over you, legs, arms, all of your torso, fucking pulled out, look, he's going to jump start a car. fucking 40 odd wires plug them all at the things and I lay there and I went sorry me out is this going to hurt and he went oh no no it doesn't hurt at all

because I've had a nerve conduction test on my hands before and that's like it's like a phone vibrating down your hands What happened to that by the way? It's cute I'm just living with it

because I'm just hard as out so then yeah he did it took ages to set up he just does it looks at the computer I went yeah it's fine can't believe it's took

as this long to tell you rest and heart rate 58 exact words of the doctor a normal healthy person mid 60 to 100 under 60 is what would normally expect from someone who is this is his words

under 60 from someone who is extremely fit wow oh hey thank you oh well done thank you well done I'm really happy with that offered him the bum again after he said that thought he was coming still no takers that's amazing yeah

I'm happy with that. Really happy. Hey, do you know what it is though? That's what we wanted in it. Not the non-fort. You wanted to be fit there. I couldn't believe it.

I was like, oh, that's amazing. I went, can you write that down on the form? He went, no, I've just got to write it's okay. Oh, well done. Like, really, he was like,

just got to be. That's well done. Proud of you for that. Thank you. I feel like if I went, he'd go, how many Toffee Crisps have you ate in the last week? Well, in all honesty.

Few people bought us, after listening to the podcast, my mate's boat as to have a coffee crisp which is so kind but I've ate four yesterday I'm fucking well in all honesty

I was supposed to go to Jitsu yesterday but I think I kicked you out because I got halfway there and I realised I still had really really long nails that I forgot to do you came back

you came charging through the door going my nails are too long yeah because it's getting embarrassing there's not no one ever says anything but there's nothing sometimes I'm doing it I'm sitting and I look at someone's

on the mat and I go fuck me you've got like Freddie Kruger toe nails like what the hell so I'm like no chance so I came back but then there was part of us where I was like I can rush now and it can be 25 minutes late

but I bet you this'll be the one way I hurt myself and I don't pass the medical and also I was good at the ask us to do the medical next week but I'm going on a stag do at the weekend and I was like if I go after a stag do I'll probably fail it as well I'll be a mess yeah yeah you're resting hot you're resting hot you're resting hot it's 110 and uh I'm glad that you're okay thank you I feel like we'll talk about your medical for enough so oh wow imagine that guys babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Bastards. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

It was the kids' sports day the other day. Yes. Which was lovely. It was always a nice day. The sun was shining. It was great. It was on, they did it in like the sports field,

which is near, the sports field is near kind of like a public bit, like with loads of hills and stuff. And I don't know if you noticed this, okay? I know exactly what you're going to say. I need to stop listening to podcasts. I need to stop watching documentaries

because I'm going mad and I don't think anybody else gives a shit. There was a young lad on a scrambling bike with a stupid mask on, it was a scrambler, I think. Yeah, like a dirt road, a dirt track motorway. They might not call it, I'm just saying, because I don't have to call it scramblers

all over the country. I think that's just what we call them. Oh, right, okay. He's going to scrambler. He's got a scrambler. He had a horrible, like, Halloween mask on. Really, really freaky, really, like. You thought he was going to come down and murder everyone.

I thought he was going to start. I thought there was going to be a shooting, right? I also thought he was going to come down a murder. So I kept an eye on him. I did not stop looking at him. Congratulations. We were at separate ends. So you were watching,

and I was watching Robin. We've never spoke well of this. So we were at separate ends of the thing. And I watched him, and I watched more, and he stopped on the hill at the other side, and he just stood and he kept watching. And I was like, he's going to come in here

and start garnered people. I thought he was going to shoot. Anyway, I literally was like, right, I'll get Robin. I was like, he's near rave. He'll get rave. Yeah. All the other parents didn't bat an eyelid. Yeah.

No one bat. What's wrong with us? Nobody, I was like, why, I was like, why is nobody watching this, nutter. Two, why aren't you all... Sorry, who turned out not to be a nutter, can we just say? Absolutely not.

Yeah, but he got his phone out for a bit and I was like, who's he bringing? Right. He's other nutter I mate. They're surrounding him with you. Anyway, nobody was watching. Nobody seemed to be making any sort of plan to get their children. Whereas I was very much ready to run.

Yeah. For, and even in my head... Away from a man on a motorbike with a potential gun, well, wouldn't have had much chance, I'll be honest with you. No, absolutely not, but I thought, well, at least I'll try. And even in my head, I went, well, and if I can save some of their kids in the time as well, what's wrong?

I'm so glad that you noticed because I thought I was going mad. I knew exactly. I knew you were going to say that straight away. But nobody did anything. Nobody was bothered. No one seemed to be cared. That's just the crap of me.

I wish I lived that life. But that's the thing as well though. That's why they say listening to loads of murder podcast and watching a load of murder documentary is a red flag. Because yes, it makes you vigilant in some cases but it also makes you a fucking lunatic.

No, it also ruins your life a bit. Yeah, yeah. But I can imagine some people take it even further than that. Literally like, you know, they'll phone their partner and they don't answer once on the phone the police and they're like, I think he's been murdered and you're like, sorry, he was just having a shit, he hasn't phoned

your back, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not that bad, but I mean, I think you've got to, you've got to be on alert if there's like, with the daft, stupid mask, at a kid's sports day. Hmm. But it was... Not on my watch. It was in an area where that happens a lot. There's a lot of scrambler bike, mayhem goes on around there. And then the police

were flying around for ages after that. Did you see that? I didn't. Oh, so there you go. He must have killed her at the other sports day on the other side of the hill. Thank God! Bhabado do babado do bab do ba. It's time for what's your be? What is your beef, beef, beef, beavity-beef, beef, beef. Right, I'm going to go first, because your beef cannot be anywhere near as big as my beef.

Okay? What have I done? I'll tell you right now. Wake up, probably half seven. Was it half seven? No. Was it half eight? No.

Was it half nine? No. Was it half ten? No. Was it half eleven? No. Was it midday? It was midday.

It was midday on Sunday before you, all those two little shits that we live with told me happy Father's Day. Well, listen. I was texting my mates. I was texting my mates saying, as anyone else been completely ignored yet? And the lads were like, what? And I was like, no one, I was like, there's no card. There's no, there's no presence. No one's even glam.

It flashed as a nice, and I was sitting at one point, I was sitting with his text with me, it's going, no one's fucking said anything. Like, no one said anything. To the point of where I was like, is there a massive surprise coming? Is a fucking new car going to pull up on the drive? Is a helicopter going to land and drop us something?

Robin and Rief just wanted their breakfast. Then I took Robin to his scooting lesson, and they came back and they just fucking demanded stuff all day and Tretters like shit as usual. You were hung over. I was hung over. Sorry, okay, okay. It was to the point where I thought,

if it gets past midday, is it like April Fool, where it's just like, oh, we don't do it anymore. I can I for a minute just I don't want to throw them under the bus but you're about to blame what I'm about well I'm sorry right I got in

I was I had the J&S show which went very well by the way thank you very much thank everyone who came and then we always go out on the drink after and I got in at 3 o'clock in the morning brilliant I had a lovely time no actually might not be in that late actually I think it was about half one it wasn't crazy

anyway I went into my on suite bathroom in me dressing room because I'm a spoiled brat and there was this is the wildlife that we live

Robin had chose that room to wrap the presents yeah don't know why because he knows I won't go in there because it's a pig's die great so anyway I got in there

he hadn't wrapped one of your presents so at drunk I wrapped the last present with parcel tape we didn't have any cellar tape so it's brown parcel tape but I thought naively I thought right

he's 10 now he loves stuff he loves like birthdays and all that he is a lot he loves giving people stuff he loves giving people gifts so i thought right well he will come and get these in the morning and give them to you so in my defense i thought right this is the first year where i don't really have to do it and i thought that would have all happened and then i had me coffee and everything and then i went in the bathroom and i was like oh these have not been given out so then i got the kids i rallied the kids rife got his card that he'd made you from school out of his bag which was lovely And you cried at the presents.

I didn't just cry. I was nearly hysterical. It was that much of a nice present. You sobbed at the presents. It's a little key ring and it says dad on it and you open it up. It's like a little letter pouch and you open it up and then it's like multiple photos of the kids

and it was just so sweet and so lovely and it was worth the almost midday. Sorry, well, I'm sorry. Morning of, morning of why do I fucking bother round here? But in my defence, you're not my dad. So I think there has to be some responsibility. As far as we know. Sorry about that.

Genuinely, sorry. Like, I thought when I'd seen them on the floor, I thought, well, Robbins. Got to the point where I was just like, this is really funny. I was like, how long could it go? Cards on the table. I was quite disappointed when I saw them coming up

with the presents because I was like, oh, you wanted it the full team. Like, imagine it was bedtime. Like, could you fucking imagine how class that were me? It was like, no, no. Oh, wait! Well, wait, I think it's. well we don't make a big thing of these things like...

I genuinely wasn't asked. It was just a funny. It was just funny. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It's all. It's all.

Thank you for the wonderful presents. Well, I've bought them all and I thought Robin wrapped them so I thought he'll remember in the morning but clearly you just... Come just go over what I got. So I got me a little thing. Yeah. I got a just for men comb. Yes.

For combing the little grey bits out my beard. Oh, did you say Joel Jammett's video recently? No, no. I seen him. He did a video of getting ready to go to ask. Ask it. Ask it. He dies his.

be it. Should maybe text him? We, how we? What? We've already, we've already, me and Joel have already

had this discussion. Great, okay then, there you go. I've got, I know exactly what I get, I know exactly what I get, but he orders it from America and I don't like order stuff

from America as it makes us worried. He orders he's died from America. Yeah, it's from America. And I don't know, I don't know what color I'd be or anything. I don't know. In a perfect world, I want to just go,

he has a one that's half finished. Do you want to try that one? And I'd go, yeah, definitely. But he hasn't yet. Has not. I was selfish Joel. Do you think he's the nice guy, a telly.

Fucking joking on you. No, so yeah. And I saw Ben Chepard the other day and I told her, I said, I said, just both need to do a beard thing because Joel's well into all that because they're doing their skin thing.

Anyway, and I got... Why don't you do something? What the fuck? I'm not doing anything. The lack of entrepreneurial brain in your head really upsets me. You could start a bloody die for beheads? Oh, all right.

You've got a following. You're over the fucking hill here? No, I'm married. I can't be by that. I'm busy, man. I'm busy. So, what else did I get? Oh, I got a lovely pair of pyjamas

that you immediately said, don't ever wear them out of the house. They fully give us the ick, but I'm really happy that you like them. I really like them. I really like them. I went and got a shower. I talked about getting clean.

I went and got a shower specifically. I didn't really need one, but I was like, I put my new jarmas on. So I got a shower. I put them on. They came in a plastic packet. So no one of tried them on in the shop. Yeah, yeah, I got them online.

So nice. So, So for everyone, listen, they're Chelsea P.S. Chelsea P.S is really well-known brand. They're like the best Jarmies in the land. They're so low soft. I know. But they're like the fashion at the front.

But they're navy blue shorts. Navy blue shorts and then a short-sleeved navy blue with white trim, like a bowling shirt. You look like Santa in the winter? No. But they're fine for the house. Don't wear them out of the house because they're very icky. They are proper icky.

Like you look like a little boy. But it's fine. But I've got the long leg one. We're matching. But I don't have the short. shorts I've got the legs Can you imagine a world where someone gives you a present?

There's your present. Don't wait in front of us. It's disgusting. No, you're waiting for it. I don't mind, but not anyone else. I'd be embarrassed. If my mom's round, don't put up on my booby trapped present. No, I'd, do you know what it's sweet? I thought I knew you would love them. Anyway, I've got a beef with you. Go on then.

You love their pajamas. So, you get the minute. And I don't know, it's just really upsetting. You just keep disappearing and going and chipping your golf ball in the garden, but you do it. Like, we're having a conversation and you just leave and I'm like, and I'll go, the kids, I go, where's dad? Like, where's he gone? And I just say you in the garden, just chipping this golf ball around, but you just, you just keep disappearing. It's like,

when the golf ball calls, the golf ball calls, I just need to leave. I shouldn't leave and have just been chipped at mid-caught. You did it mid-conciliation. in the day we're still having a conversation. I'm building up. I'm building up to being able to chip it over the house. I'm going to go front garden to back garden. Like that blow? Like Bryson DeShambor?

Yeah. Please do that. What about the windows? Well, I was water in the plants the other day last night and you were rob my both doing it and I was like, can you's not? You're going to kill us? Hey, hey, hey, I can control it.

He can't, he tops it and sculls it right across the lawn. He braided the idea. I thought he put a hole in it. Can you? Oh, so sorry. Oh, sorry for him, right? Because I shout down the idea for this and you told me off. It's all for him to pick up gravel and fucking smash it with a tennis racket, God knows where.

But I can't practice me short-range chipping, me around the green short game in my very own garden. You can. It's just when you just disappear and do it, though. Maybe you're going on a bit. Have you ever thought of that? Maybe you're just bagging on a bit and I'm done. Maybe I'm finished with a conversation. Oh, he's going to regret that.

He said it so confidently, but he's going to, you're going to literally regret that. I'm not going to put my short jaw, my son. Why? Is this top? It's too small for me. Tets. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, ba. This episode is brought to you by L'Oreal Group. Beauty is a powerful force that moves us. That's why L'Oreal Group has built a business that is inclusive at its heart

with 100% of its brands, championing diversity. With 25,000 professional opportunities for people under 30 worldwide, and 54% of leading positions held by women, Diversity is a strength that helps L'Oreal Group create the best beauty products for all people. Visit Loreal.com to learn more. Risa's knows a thing or two about great combinations. Chocolate and peanut butter, obviously,

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Questions from the public in the sunshine. Questions from the public in the sunshine. Sunshine, get me back in the sunshine. She's very excited because it's sunny outside. As always, if you like to get in touch, it is shagged, married, annoyed at gmail.com. If you would like to send a long form written correspondence. But if you would like to send a cheeky little voice note, it is 0780. 74, 406650. That is 07874, 406650. Thank you and good night.

Before we continue, I've got a very important question. Would you like to share a bottle of Pinot Grisio with me tonight? Yes. Yeah! Is that it? Yeah. Could have asked that off the pod, but happy days. No, listen. There it is. Everything that happens.

Fantastic. And I'm playing golf tomorrow. What a great 12 hours I've got ahead of me. And I'm sleeping. I'm having some sleep as well. Sleep's good. Come on. Sometimes you've just got a... What would you like? Pizza.

Oh, in the sun? Yeah. Do you have a barbecue? No. Pain in the ass. Awful. Barbecues are the worst. I hate barbecues.

Don't get us started. I'm sure there'd be my sponsor on here before. Fucking waste of time. Our kids won't you anything off them. No. Raph has a fucking bun. Awful. Absolutely awful.

Robin likes a barbecue. Do you want to stand outside cooking and stink of smoke and be greasy as fuck? And then eat this and be maybe ill? Yeah, let's do it, right. God. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Sorry, can I just say, I'm very aware that I'm in the minority with barbecue. Everyone loves a barbecue. I love a barbecue. I'm all right.

Genuinely, right? And this is, this, I'm going to really upset a lot of people here. Honestly, I'd rather have a sandwich. I'd rather sit and have a sandwich in a beer or a pizza in a beer. Don't bother with a barbecue. It doesn't, don't do it. It does nothing for us. This is utter bullshit.

Doesn't do anything for us. Absolute bullshit. Whenever I've done the barbecue and you've ate, you've gone, that was absolutely going. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, but then when you're looking at it as a whole... Nobody's asking you to do it. Okay, I know I've got to get it out of the shed.

No, I've got to get a spot. I'll buy a little portable one because you're that shit that we don't even use with barbecue. No, yeah, that's fine. That's exactly the outcome I was after. But you would eat it if I just did it the night. I've got pizza. Put pizza in the oven.

Oh, that pizza oven that I never use. Do that. You're a fucking bread. I love sandwiches though, so... Anyway, um... Prefer a flan. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I was joking by the way.

Just a nice little anecdote. Yes. Got to you today. This morning I was having my breakfast sat on the sofa when my partner walked in holding the box of tinfoil and said, Isn't it amazing? We've had the same tinfoil the whole time we've lived here. And in bracket says, we have lived here for four years, by the way. I then had to explain to him that I've been buying.

Rolls and just putting it in the same box. What a chair. Oh, I love them. That's fantastic. Dude, man. Don't give them an open goal like that, dude. You can't. Because that is a little, it's an entry level,

it's an entry level drug to, yeah, no, didn't even notice I did that. You don't notice anything I do around here, right? I'm going to stop doing this. I'm going to stop doing that. Mate, you, come on. That's funny. Kind of wish I'd went along with it now

and let him think it was everlasting. Oh, then ever rang in tinfoil. Do you know what? Tin file, right? Tin foil cling film and bacon, what's it called paper, the bacon sheet paper, grease poop paper. You don't realize how important it is until it runs out. Don't you not?

You don't, though. The other day, I was dead. It was tin foil. Everything on a roll in the kitchen is invaluable. I'm telling you right now. I swear to God, honestly, like, I don't, I just think we'd take it for granted. Because if you run out of certain things,

Like if you run out of shower jelly You go, oh, I've got a rogue bar of soap somewhere Or I'll wash me pits with their shampoo Or hand water. There's loads of other alternatives, right? Yeah. If you run out of cling film, what are using?

Do you run out of tin file? So cling film, well, we've also got them little bags that would reuse. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough, fair enough. All right, okay. Put the bagels in the same one forever. Do you know what it was?

It was greased proof paper the other day. I needed it for something. And I'd run out of it and I didn't have tinfoily then. I went well. I'm saying stuff on a roll. You're right though. Stuff on a roll. Invalible if you need it.

You try doing a chicken where I'll put that tinfoil over the top. It was chicken. Yeah, yeah. Dry stick. Do you remember? Yeah, it was horrible. Kitchen roll as well? You ever tried doing a full English without some kitchen roll?

No, you're meant over kitchen roll though. I used to be. I'm a lot better now. Yeah, well. I'm a lot better now. I'm sure I've slag you off the other week for a little week for a little mouth on that teatowl. Yeah, because then I'm going to make food in this, this, this toothpaste on the teatowel. What's going on?

on I'm making food with that. The toothpaste comes miles after that. I can't have that. I can't have toothpaste. Well, I'll let him every day, so whatever. I don't let him. Hold on. What was I going to say?

It's going to say something. I was going to say something. I was going to say something meant about tinfoil. I forgot. Oh, that 20 minutes you've got from that Edinburgh show you did about tinfoil. I could do it full. I could do it 20 minutes about tinfoil. Don't eat this.

Oh. Yeah. I still can't use cling film. I still can't do it. Ah, your shit. Oh, that's what I was going to say. Me Nana. Yeah.

Like, my nana's the other day, she's got this thing on our wall, and it's, like, got the tin file in it. Yeah. So she made some banana bread, and she was like, do you want some? And she was like, you want some? And she, like, pulled the tin file. It's on our wall. She pulled it, thinking it across.

And I was like, this is amazing. I wouldn't put it on my wall. One, we don't live that life. Two, you'd say, I don't want that on my wall. Three, would come in one day. You'd come in, you'd open the front door, and there'd be some tin file on the floor in front of you. and that line of tinfoil would lead from your feet at the front door

all the way down the corridor into the kitchen and Raph would have pulled all of the fucking tinfoil off it's not something we can do forget it right now do you know what they keep doing and I know I do I'm trying to be really aware and not embarrass them and not and think oh I don't want them to listen to this

in years to come they're probably never listen don't have a listen to keep just leaving random pissers and toilets and not flushing the chain and then you walk in a room and you're like why is it smell like fish. Well, they've taught them that. And it's a little boy piss. They've taught them that. Who's taught them? The school's taught them that. Why? And I'm sure I told Yorkie and York Kev said it was off

Meet the Fuckers or something. If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. It's to save water. So my house just has to smell like piss? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. I saw, Rayf was, so, if you're not seeing the way, so they don't understand. it is like women don't understand how difficult it is sometimes to keep

the piss into the toilet when it's spraying all over the place it's the starting and the finishing once you've got the stream listen up everyone but thank you for coming me TED Talk once you've got the stream of the piss going straight it's easy to keep it where it is but when it starts it can be rogue and when it finishes it can be a bit rogue right

rife I saw him today standing having a piss right and at the same time he was like scratching his stomach like that so it was just fucking getting it was going and I went you know you can't do that. It was going everywhere. You can't do that when you've got to stay still when it's happening. And then the tiles underneath start smelling the piss.

It's when it's when, because we've got them floating toilets. Not floating. They're attached to the wall. You know what I mean? It's when it goes down the bottom and underneath. And sometimes, sorry everyone, but sometimes I'll get the paper, the toilet paper, I'll wipe it underneath and it's like orange on the bottom. It's like fucking stalactite.

I know it is because it stinks. I've got to flash it all the time. Halfway through the last anecdote that you were saying about running out of shower gel. I don't know if you're away. I think Carl Hutchinson, he's done it on his Instagram. He mentioned it on his Instagram, and I think he's mentioned it on his podcast, but you won't be aware of this.

He told me he was backstage at a gig, and there was a shower there, and he went to go and he used the shower, and he opened the shower curtain, and in the shower was a bottle of fairy liquid. Someone on the road on that tour had had a shower at this venue, and washed their body with fairy liquid.

That's sad times, isn't it? That's so, that would have took, so, it's so greasy. It's so, like, like, it's thick in it? Yeah. It's claggy. That's, like, thick sun cream, in it? Yeah, not a fan of that. Not a fan of that.

Just really quickly, somebody messaged in. I'm not going to read the full thing, but it's, Hi, Chris and Rosie, your discussion about a white party on holiday sparked a memory. About seven years ago, I was invited to a white party, for a charity event. Started early afternoon on a Sunday and as a result the venue put food on.

Right. What food do you think would be the safest to eat at a white party? If it wasn't spaghetti bonnay or something was it? Pizza. It's a carvary. A carvary!

Full carvery at the white party. She said it was just an absolute disgrace. She tipped gravy all down the front of her white dress. I literally, Rosie, I wouldn't let you eat. would enjoy it. I would let you eat. I'd be like you can't? You can't? Oh, that's brilliant. Oh. And so, that's, that's, that's where. You got your red cabbage. That's when England really lets itself down, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. Like, surely could that venue not have been like, it's a white party,

everyone's going to be white, it's summery. Oh, and could the chef not have been like, well, maybe, maybe not the carvery that day. Yeah, maybe not the carvery that day, maybe something. Maybe let's do, do, do a beige, do a beige buffet. Biffie, finger food. Little sandwiches. No, we'll have a full carbary, beef grainy. If it was all white stuff, it would be like, I remember years and years ago, I got my teeth whitened. Like, just with the cream stuff you put on and they put the UV light on.

He's got to eat marshmallows. You're just going to eat, what was it? You only could eat white stuff for, like, the full day. So it was like white rice, white pitter bread. It's ridiculous. Like, I think I had rice crispsies. I remember waking up in the middle of this. No, no word of lie.

Was this when you were really constipated? Yeah. So I woke up, no, I woke up in the middle of the night and I could feel. just like a mass of stuff and I had a neckloads of water, and I physically felt it move. And I was like, oh, I'm okay now. And it went down.

Oh, it was madness. Madness. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, bab. Hi, this is Gemma. I'm just sent to the voice note because I am re-listening to the podcast for probably the 50th time. Love you. I know Chris probably thinks I'm mad, but... No, I love you.

I really enjoy. It's like... when I'm doing housework and stuff just having you guys on in the background. I love that. I came across the old episode fish guy when you lived in your old house with your fish tank and I'm just wondering

did the fish tank migrate to the new house with thee or is bubbles the fighting fish somebody else's problem. I don't listen to these people I don't want to get in trouble. Look the fish tank didn't come with with

no. I'll be honest with you. The fish tank didn't come with. We left it there. We left it there. Thank you for taking it on. I took them to a farm. A lovely big reservoir. And I put them in there with all the other fish.

Loads of fish friends. Okay, good. Not bubbles that can only be on their own. Was it called bubbles? I can't even remember. I think so hard. The fighting fish. Why was you a fighting fish?

Japanese fighting fish. That's what they're called. Dickheads can't be with another one. The bait a fish or whatever. They can't be with another one because the fight, the dicks. I went to weirdly I went to pet at home the day

and me and Rayford just just killing a bit of time just I was walking past it with Rayford me and we had done out to get them cups that you hated thank you again

and I'll just walk in and we'll look at the fish tank and all the Japanese fighting fish they're all in separate little compartments of the tank because they're just

dicks and they'll just kill each other well but yeah no no comment about what I did with the fish what I got to do with you why you all up my business why you listen to the podcast so much

what you're obsessed with this you're listening You literally said you loved that. Yeah, tear that out. Take that out. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hi, please keep me anonymous. I've had this story for years,

but when I heard Chris mention having to put the toilet paper out in the bins in Greece, it reminded me to send this in. Ooh. For context... Sorry, can I just say, isn't that weird? Because that was just a tiny little offhand comment. I didn't talk loads about that.

I just said, sometimes you got to, it was a momentary little quip. And it's amazing that. it can just unlock something in someone's brain. God, I love this. Fantastic. For context, we were living in southern France working for an Irish aviation company.

Okay, right now, or ailingus. Cool. In the South of France? Well, I don't know what they're in the South of France, but they're the only two Irish aviation companies that can think of. Okay. Oh, God.

What? I thought it was like air conditioning or something. Is that flying? Oh, God. Why do you do this? I don't know. I genuinely, I was like an Irish air conditioner. conditioning company.

Aviation. In South of France. Flying. All right. Now I get it. Aviators. Oh, you're thinking of that film

with Leonardo DiCaprio where he was an air-conditioning salesman. I've never seen it. It's a good. He was a pilot. Yeah. Is it good though?

I do love New York. It's all right. One of the guys we were with was originally from Scotland and a few of his mates had come over for a visit. We were having some drinks and chatting about holidays

and how we were just back from Crete 2019 where a bingeed your podcast backlog and have been listening ever since. Oh, lovely. He mentioned he had been to Greece but wasn't a fan of the weird toilet situation. Oh, God, what's he done?

We sort of passed over it, but then my husband came back to him and said, sure, the toilets aren't that weird. You only have to put toilet paper in the bin. This is where the lad's face dropped, and he said, what do you mean, the toilet paper? Oh, God.

You put everything in the bin. Oh, God. We laughed and said again, no, just the paper. What were you doing? doing? It turns out he was putting his entire shit into the bin.

But he was doing it in the toilet first, then getting it out and putting it in the bin. So, well, I'll explain. At this stage, you can imagine we could hardly breathe for laughing, and him trying to explain himself in his Irish accent just kept making it even fun yet. It says Q's rosy Scottish accent, but I can't do

four sentences. Oh, wait then, hang on. Yeah. It's a baronic, moon, like, Nick. I was just wrapping my hand with toilet roll and doing my joby on it, covering it and throwing it into the bin. So he was mummifying his hand with toilet roll. Shitting in his hand. What did he think the toilet was there for?

A piss? Probably just were you? He probably just thought it was for number ones and then you had to do your two. In the hand. In other hot bin by the way. Oh, it's always hot. It's always hot. so yeah

we explained he was definitely wrong and if that was the case he could have just shit directly into the bin Can you imagine this man's being going to Greece for a fortnight every year of his life Can you imagine You have a shit every day really, don't you? 14 a year

14 a year or 15 years We were howling at this He'd even told all his friends and family not to go to Greece because you can't even shit in the toilets Oh no you don't want to be going to Greece I love the idea that there's a small, very, very small percentage of people in Scotland who all fully believe, who he spoke to, that all fully believed that in case you've got a shit in your hand and throw it in the toilet.

You know that saying I'd rather shit in my hand and clap. The fucking halfway, there they are. That was really good. I'm all right, you know. I'm all right. Oh, no, I need to practice mine. It was really good. Was it?

Oh, yes. Yeah, well done. I can't handle a comment. But can you say everyone, if you saw a hood, I can't handle a compliment on the podcast. I go all weird. Only said you had a good Scottish accent. More than you normally say.

And I said you were very fit. God, I'm really nice to you so don't even date. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you did not say I was very fit. You got your medical? Yeah, I told you that science said I was very fit, and you said, well done. I congratulate you on your fitness. Yeah, but that's not the same thing as you saying I'm very fit. Sassanak!

I'm going to start watching Outlander again, you know. Oh, God. Oh, gee. The Smelly Fanny Express. No, thank you. cheesy dick all aboard fucking cheesy bell end

midnight trail no thank you no thank you it's fucking disgusting no one shagged that much in them days I won't have it I won't have it

I think they did they didn't have any distractions there's no telly no nothing shagging was was the crack stinking As always, thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagged Married Noid. Thank you so much, guys. We really, really do appreciate it. If you watch it on YouTube, please consider subscribing that'll be lovely. And if you haven't subscribed on your podcast shop,

please subscribe on your podcast shop. And why are here at it, Chris Ramseycom.com. The tour is on sale. September, October, November, December. Just get away from the family. It's going to be lovely. A bit of need time. Join us. Why not? Thanks. Bye. Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different,

locked in, loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it, like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you? Are you ready to talk to fans?

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