Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Heated Rivalry, a Balloon Fetish and a Self Inflicted Injury

Episode Date: March 20, 2026

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss light mornings, delivery etiquette, sugar daddies and a self inflicted injury! Chris is still on tour, Rosie has been getting in to Heated Rivalry and the pair recount a recent trip to Dishoom (which led to a difficult train journey). All of this plus a beef from Chris, a reverse ick, balloon fetishes and the wildest Easter story ever. Enjoy! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmary Denoid. We discuss hand washing etiquette. Chris has injured himself in the shower. Big injury. And it's horrific. I'm ashamed of myself. I get Rosie to pick a pointless superpower. Reverse X.

And we have got, honestly, one of the worst emails we've ever had. I'd thoroughly enjoyed it. Genuinely, I could have been sick. I could have been sick. I'm forward to that. What? Enjoy.

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power move Hello you all listening and watching Shaq Marranoid. Nice to have you back. Oh with me, Rosie and him Chris. Oh yes yes we are yeah oh god oh you're all over the place My head's in the bin. In the bin. Hello everyone Hello you, how are you? I'm all right how are you? I'm good. It's light mornings I hate being that guy

We've got real light mornings now I woke up there half six I woke up this morning. Blitty light outside I'm so happy. Oh it's lush. I'm so happy. It's not so good that Raph wakes up at half past five and sees a crack of light coming through his curtains and he's like, but it's morning! And I'm like, oh God. But you know what it is?

I actually, I don't mind. I'm kind of stuck in the whole, you know when you get older and you're like, I'll get up and I'll start my day. It gets me thinking that maybe, we didn't do this with ours, but maybe them, I mean, there's still time with Rief, you know, them lights that do the sunlight

and they come up like the sun. Do you know what I mean? Them lights that you put in the, your clock, sorry, the clock. Oh, like you can't get up until that. That never worked with it. Robin. It never worked with anyone. So I know someone. It does with some kids. Some kids

will just sit in their room and wait until the light comes on, yeah. But someone told me, I can't know who it was. She said that their kid would come through and be like, Mommy, the light's broke again. It's like, no, it's just four o'clock, you dick. The confidence, the confidence

to go, yeah, this is broken again. Like, it's clearly time to get up because I'm awake, so let's get that sort of. Rafe also does not understand the concept of five minutes. No, he doesn't. His five minutes or five seconds. Well, I've started seeing, I was doing something yesterday and he was trying to get me

attention and I was like, I'll be one second and he goes, okay, right, are you ready? And I'm like, oh, yeah, in his defense, I am saying one second. I am saying one second. He just doesn't wait. But anyway, listen. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being part of Shagmary, Danoi. Please continue like, rate and subscribe.

If you're watching it on YouTube, be lovely if you're subscribed. But without further ado, it was time for this week's lucrative. Look at a sponsor. This week's sponsor is hand sanitizer in the soap dispensers. Oh my God. Fucking pack it in. So funny that you brought this up because I've got... It's always funny what I bring up, but continue.

Brilliant. I got so annoyed last week when I was in a public toilet. Wow. And I actually quite, when I'm out and about, I like to wash me hands. Like, I like to have a... I'll use sanitizer on the goal, but if I get a chance to use handwash, especially if I'm going to eat... I want to... I want it properly, just obviously because as well,

Like, you know, if you're eating something, and you end up licking your finger, I don't want a lot of sanitiser in my fucking mouth. True. And I feel like soap probably does a bit of a bit of a job. You want a bit of froth, man. A bit of froth. Bit of a lot of that.

When you press it and it just pisses out, I'm like, Well, I was in, it's happened multiple times over the last few weeks. And you go to the toilet in the bar or the restaurant or the hotel or wherever I am and I turn the sink on and I wet my hands and I go, right, get some soap and I go,

and I go, okay, oh, it's clear soap. And I go into the water and I rub it together and it's fucking sanitizer where the, Look, I'm not, nothing against sanitizer, but put that somewhere else. All that's happening is, I'm walking in there with dirty hands, right? And then I'm wetting my hands, putting a load of sanitiser on my hands, and then I'm rinsing the sanitizer off in the sink. Does it do anything?

Does it do anything? And we just don't know? So a friend of ours works at the hospital, and she has asked us, and I'm going to do it, which has asked us a couple of times to go, there's a machine where you put your hands under and it gives you like a score of how clean your hands are. And I saw the idea, and I was like, when I'm off to it, I'm going to come and do that and I was like I'm I'm going for the fucking high score I'm going to honestly I want a fucking certificate but you can't be ready you're like don't wash your hands before I'm

kidding is I'll have bleach for a week but that'll just I'm going to fill marigolds up with bleach and I'm going to put them on I'm going to put elastic bands around it I'm going to have big inflated marigold bleach hands uh you know will I be a scar for life possibly but will I win I will win the cleanest hands yeah and that's all you care about but no so my point is I don't know but I think I think it's reverse hand washing I think literally water sanitiser rinse off. And while we're on, we've got a sub-sponsor while we're on the topic of this. Stop. Stop. Stop. Any way that thinks it's a bit posh. I'm talking about a hotel or a restaurant at a bar. Stop putting a fucking moisturiser next to the soap. No one wants it. No one uses it. Get it out

me fucking face. Have a look next time you're in, right? The soap is always completely fucking empty and there was a tiny bit of moisturiser gone. The only reason there's a tiny bit of moisturiser gone, it's because people have went pump pump oh hold on, that's not moisturiser, rinse that off, use the soap. Get it out my face. Yeah. Case closed. Yeah. Why did they do that? It's, I think it's like, oh, you wash

and now you're moisturiser. Who's doing that? No one. The toilet door is going to be like a fucking handle, it's going to be like a fucking frying pan. I think it's a very old fashioned thing. I think back in the day they might of. But I don't. Do you know when I'm an ice-wife thing? I don't know. When? Before I go to bed. Right, okay. That's when I do mine.

Good. Every night before I go to bed. I cannot find. a reasonable, suitable time to moisturise my hands ever, so I never do it. You can't go about your day, can you? I can't. And I can't go to bed with it because I touch my face, and I'm like, oh, I've touched my face and I probably have a spot there in the morning because I'm spot prone.

Honestly. Honestly. Listen, sinks in restaurants and bars and places consider yourself fucking dealt with. There you go. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jingle. So this is the Jingle, Jingle, we hope you like the jingle, Jinggo, Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bao, bao do bagadoo, bao. Jingo! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Mariton. Lovely to have you all back as always. Watching and listening, thank you very much. Now listen, I'm obviously on tour currently.

Still. Yeah, one more shout out, by the way, for me shows that I'm filming in Waltham Store, Soho Theatre. The early show is very nearly sold out, and then we've got the late show as well. Are you too? You got to do two records in case you fluff it. Although, you know what it is? I'm quite confident in the fact that I do my pickups on the fly. So when I fuck something up, I walk back to wherever I was

and I'll just quickly do it again. And the crowd quite enjoy it because I literally just go like, I'll just reverse myself. It's interesting watching a recording, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So, yes, we're doing it early in the late just in case there's like a major fuck up. But yeah, later, there's still some tickets left.

Be lovely to see people late. If you didn't manage to get tickets for the Hammersmith, Apollo, you know, come down to that. That would be great. and be, you'd probably be, we'll do a sweep across the crowd, you'll probably be on the special. Oh my God.

So do pick all your shit out your teeth and don't go with you. Where's this special going? Don't go with your gumma. Watching the surprise ones again, yeah. Don't go with your gumma or your side chick. Gossip? Yeah.

Do you know that whole call play thing? No. Yes, the kiss and cam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were both, apparently they've been on Oprah. The wife, the woman, sorry, was interviewed by Oprah. They were both separated from the partners.

So the internet went, wild. That doesn't sound like the internet. With the complete wrong information. They were both separated from the partners. Right, okay. And her husband knew that she was sort of saying. The guy.

Wow. I think it was more the reaction. Well, yeah, but that might have been like a... Because what this lady's come out and said is that our daughter and our ex-husband, who she was separated from, you know, a partner or whatever. Yeah. They were at that game. So I think she was like, oh, I don't really...

at the gig sorry right was in the stadium I think she was like I don't really want to see I'd rather not see them oh my god so it wasn't that they didn't want to see it because they were there fuck oh but this is why I'm deliberately didn't mention it on here well we didn't mention it because I just thought you know what it is it's people's lives like yeah you don't know all the information we don't ever know all the information we got asked to parody it somewhere as well and we said no yeah because I just sometimes I've jumped on the bandwagon of stuff in the past and I've regret it hugely.

Yeah, like you don't know all the facts. Yeah. That's so interesting. When did you hear that? I seen it on Instagram yesterday. Wow. Oprah's interview with them.

Oprah fucking loves getting in and stirring it, doesn't she? Absolutely loves it. What's that? Prince Harry Megan, come on in here. Fucking old school gossip.

Which it is, I think Oprah is. That's what I used to do. In Oprah's bathroom, there is a liquid soap and there's a moisture as an extra. Oh my God, yes. I think we've hit the level.

It's that level. But Oprah is of a certain generation and a certain class, I would like to think, that she may actually moisturise her hands after she's washed them. Maybe. Do you know what I mean? Because she's like that 90s. Yeah.

Nighties, posh, 90s lady. Kuella Deville class. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She might actually genuinely use it. Yeah, maybe. So listen, yes, so there's ticks for that. Anyway, listen, obviously I'm on tour.

I've got a new taxi driver, Heckel. Ooh, love it. Best one I've had yet. Come on then. Really, really good. It was from a moving taxi. Right. I was in Dublin.

I did the gig the night before. then I was walking down the street the next day Carl Hutchinson, Hippercrit of the Year who slags off people for using umbrellas and then we're both rented one from the hotel because he's a fucking hypocrite. You rented it? You can rent umbrellas from hotel.

No, because then people will lose them. So you had to pay? Yes, so there's a machine at the front of loads of hotels there's a machine. Right. And the umbrella handles got like a slot in it and it like goes on the machine and clicks.

It's like a vending machine for umbrellas. Like a bike. Yeah, like a bike lock thing, yeah. So it goes on like a Boris bike or whatever, the Santander ones in London. So you just put you, it's two pound for 48 hours for the umbrella. But the best bit was, I'm digressing here, but the best bit was, Carl got his.

And then he went, do you want one as well? I went, yeah, yeah. And he went, all right, I'll get you this. So he put his card on. So I had the umbrella. And I went, so what happens if I lose this? And he went, oh, I'll probably just get charged. I went, just go straight to your car.

Do you know, yeah? I went, what happens if it like gets damaged? He went, well, I'll get charged. Every five minutes, I was pretending to smash it. It was a fucking great day out. Just agree. Every time you know it is, I was putting up the corner of the wall and pretending to stamp on it. Just, you've got to make your own entertainment when you've been knocked around together for nearly 20 years.

I know, but can we all just actually tell everyone, like, I genuinely think you are having such a nice time on tour. I am having a lovely time. You play it down for me. I do. You do. Well, I'm loving the gigs. Hmm? I'm loving the gigs.

I'm loving the crowds. I'm loving some of the people afterwards. No, you are loving, just being away from home and being away from responsibilities. Yes. I am. There I said it. I am. It's great.

Yeah. It's great being able to sit and do nothing on a day of time, just do nout. Yeah, it's really nice. Anyway, listen. The coffee's not very good, though. No, no coffee is good. Awful. However, so, I'm walking along the street, me and Carl in Dublin, both got an umbrella.

And this taxi pulls up. And I just hear, like, just indiscriminate Irish accent shouting, like Dublin shouting. And I, like, sort of turned. And it was a taxi driver. And he was, like, hanging across his passengers. He was in a big sort of van. He was hanging across. his passenger seat and his window was open.

And I turned and I went, what? And he went, so the wife's let you out on your own, has she? I said, knew who you were? And I went, ah, Shahaz, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was just like a drive-by heckle. But I'm in the street with an umbrella. Like, it's, you know, it's rain and I didn't expect anyone at orders. Especially not, there's that thing with Dublin as well.

Like, it is, it is a different country that use euros. And I'm like, and he's like hanging out. He's like, your wife's let you out on your own. And I was like, yeah, Shahaz. It was just a nice little, just a little drive-by-hackle. From the, from the, he's in on the band. Yeah, he's in on the bat. I love that.

Yeah, he's in the gang. It was really good. Well done him. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, bah. I've got some winjun to do. Oh, no. That can you sound like you? Oh, here it is.

I'm struggling. I'm struggling at the smile. But I'm actually not that bad at all. It's fine. Please thank you guys. Please thank you. Please thank you. No, I'm not that bad.

But we're having one of them weeks. Guys, you've got to just go with the sum up, some down and it's fine. Order some tiles. Right. for a bathroom. Right. And do you know that stuff now that you just order,

just comes on pallets? Yeah. Just a pallet. Just, you know. It's very annoying. What happened? The world has progressed so much in so many ways.

You know, you can go everywhere. You can do everything. You can, you know, there's people... Groceries delivered. Yeah, like there's fucking robots and shit. Yet, you order some tiles and they come on. a pallet and they won't put them in your house.

You've got to do and do everything and you've got to carry them in yourself. Like, what if I was a 90 year old woman getting me bathroom done? Yeah. And something turns up on a pallet. I just think it's vile. I agree. And may I call your attention to when I ordered a shed and they delivered it to

outside of the house in the street and just put the shed on the floor, unmade, just bits of shed. And I went, well, what? what's the crack, you know, oh, we're not allowed to bring it in. When you're not allowed to bring it in, so I literally had to pick it up, bit by bit, walk, I'm not kidding, four steps through the gate and then put it on the other bit.

But they'll charge of 60 quid for that delivery. Oh, yeah, we're not allowed. This is the absolute insanity. But is it not, they, so they're obviously, they're the victim of some kind of bullshit red tape from their employer. Possibly, yeah. Yeah. Oh, if you go into his garden and you twist your ankle doing that shed,

it's not our jurisdiction, but if you twist your ankle in the street, And it'll always come. This is why it's the same thing as why you pay so much like insurance because back in the day people just took the piss. So probably back in the day people took the piss when people got stuff delivered and they've gone,

oh, say they broke your door. Or when whiplash became a thing, the whiplash. The reason I'm fucking insurance for cars is so high is because in the 90s again, everyone, late 80s or 90s, and I went, what? Someone bangs at the back and just say,

I've hurt me neck and I'll get $1,500. I'll get $1,500. I'll get, hey, yeah. People walking around in neck Naces Nets braces in nightclubs I don't know anyone who's had whiplash recently

You're so right Nobody claims Everyone's like I'll just be crippled I'd think it's more difficult To get a whiplash claim I don't think you can do it anymore But whiplash

It used to be the thing I know I know It's bad Hey we're kind of Better done for a fortnight All right Oh you've already been on

You've got a whip lash claim didn't I Duh da da Dda I'm glad you enjoy yourself You bunch of fucking pricks so true but yeah pallet deliveries and they didn't take the palette with them oh no i've got loads of palettes so you just got oh i've got loads of pallets in the garage yeah yeah loads of fucking i just it just absolutely blew me mind like i was like in what day and age i were like some places do when

when they do you know what is when someone delivers something when they deliver it when they unpack it and when they take the cardboard with them i get i get so emotional i could kiss them yeah it's like if you're delivering some of my house and you're taking the call board with it when you're done cards on the table i fancy a bit I know what I do. Do you know when I get clothes delivered? Because obviously we have to wear something different for the podcast every flipping week which is driving is insane. We should have went with a uniform.

We should have just got a merch t-shirt, Chagmared Noi T-shirt. We should have put them both on. We still could. There'll be an algorithm thing. There's an algorithm thing where the AI will look at the thing and go, that's just the same clip and it'll fucking shit all over them. So there you go. Anyway, when I'm sending stuff back, I put all the packaging back in and I'm like

you can put it. Oh really? Just loads of plastic bags in that? Yeah. I had to steal the hangars. Wow. And you had to go with me for towels last week and you're stealing hangars from places. You're ordering stuff,

keeping the hangars and sending the stuff back. That's worse than what I do. No, it's not. That's worse than the towels. My towels are still going back to the same umbrella corporation. You're stealing them. No, I'm not.

What? Hangers? Do you remember back in the day they would ask you if you wanted your hangar? I'll miss them days. Really? Do you not miss nice times? So how would you feel if

you've got a load of free hangars delivered to your house as a gift but they came on a pallet I'd be fucking It's just it just really pissed us off because I was just like

I just thought what's like What? Yeah Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba I've got a quick ick Oh I've got a quick ick early on in the show Just wanted to get this out there

All right We went I don't if anyone else feels the same about this So we were in Dishum the other day In London and I didn't realize how much this would upset me in real life because I never used to build a watch you know that man versus food where that guy used to eat loads of like

you know he'd go for like the ridiculous the food challenges and that can you remember he was called Adam something and he would eat the stuff yes loved it I loved watching that well I did and I didn't because if he was ever eating something with his hands with a burger and stuff he didn't take his leather jacket off and he didn't roll the sleeves up and it really upset us and I don't know exactly what you're going to say we were in to assume the idea Yeah, on the table behind you

Eating a, guys, eating a full curry Was a young lady In a fucking massive puffer jacket Zipped all the way up That was upset She looked like she was going skiing I couldn't eat my eyes off her To the point of way she did take it off

But if she hadn't I might have had to swap seats with you Because I couldn't look at her And it was short So every time she moved her arms it would have went up Like guys full puffer jacket Like Michelin Man fucking massive puffer jacket Well have you not Right okay I think

thought you would have been more annoyed with what was happening behind because you kept mentioning it and you were very upset about it. What was that? That in the alleyway people were just dancing. Oh the dance outside. Yeah, that's really weird. Yeah, the one in London is just like the outside the windows. It's like it at Colesrop Yard. Yeah, there's like a, it's like an underpass, but it's like an overpass kind of thing. And obviously there's glass there. So all of these dancers just go and use it as like a fucking impromptu dance studio. So it's just like these people dancing, doing like street dance and stuff. And you're saying, you're sitting your cut. You're getting your And then, but then there's their commuters walking past with stuff just going, what the fuck's going on here?

I mean, that's the, that's why London is London, isn't it? It's a musical, isn't it? Like, it's just a musical. I love, I personally thought it was men, but you were just sitting in your curry like, why can I just see someone's fucking legs dancing around? I nearly, honestly, if I could eat that curry blindfolded I would have. She, she had a full fucking jacket on eating a curry. She was upset.

There's no end. And them outside. Do you what upset me? Hey, listen, I was upset as well. It wasn't just you. Right. There was the last opposite way on one of their massive tables and should, obviously ordered everyone's food

and they didn't arrive for like 30 minutes and I just thought it's clay cold it is fucking clay cold yeah well they're outside finishing their dance well that must have been by the way I can't get on board with spicy food

you don't like it do you I've tried I've tried to get you on board with it and you're not off that are you just want to hear a really sad story come on then I had my first train poo no it's nothing to be clapped about I've only had one in my life

I mentioned on this podcast as well I've only had one in my life. I was ill. And then it stinks. Stings on the way out, didn't it? What's the fun, man? That's the fun. Is it?

It's a memory of last night. It's, remember me. Oh, God, I thought it was horrible. I was literally like, I've never had. Well, I had that first time that we went. We've got the chemo power, which is a bit, but then we've got another few spicy stuff. And I was, I was like, is that what they call ring sting?

That is what the call ring sting. Yes. God, I didn't enjoy it at all. It wasn't, it wasn't, and yeah, I had to have a poo on the train. You build up with toughness over time. I don't even feel ever. I've never ever. I've never, ever had to have a poo on the train.

Ever. And I've been on the train. Loads. Yeah, it's bad times. Pooing on the train's bad. It was, like, right, I would die if someone went in after us. So I literally sat, I did it. I did it.

I flushed it before I even wiped. Dropping, drop and flush, yeah. Just got rid of it straight away. Yeah. And then I wiped, and then I washed my hands three times. So I thought the soap and the air, I took fucking air. and then thank God nobody went in after us

yeah it's bad the public toilets are bad train toilet's the worst it is it's horrible but never again babadoo babadoo babadoo babadu babadu ba'abadu ba

just really quickly as we were talking about DeSum we'll Google DeSum to see what it is an Indian restaurant but one of the first things on Google which I always find these are insane people also ask why is DeSum so popular like because it's

because obviously because it's nice like what? Why is it so popular? Topless waitresses like what the fuck do the people think it's going to say? Yeah. I just find the internet insane.

Why is DeSume so popular though? Why? Yeah. Do the fucking maths. It's obviously nice. It's obviously nice and people keep going back because they're good at what they do.

Yeah. It's funny though because you sometimes have to queue outside DeSum and when people are walking past and they don't know what it is and they say your cue, they're so pissed off. It is mad.

They just look the glare. you're like, look you, cueing for whatever the fuck that is. Psychos walking around Disney. Well, yeah, but not even just Disney. It's the same face. But then again, we are fucking hypocrites, though, because we did it. We were walking around Soho,

and every five minutes in Soho in London, there's a pop-up for something, and fucking people get in their stuff and stand outside taking photos with it, and we were like, hey, God, look at them. Yeah, mine, though, they're not daff because I went round, you know, one had me little day in London without you,

and there was no cues, and I genuinely was like, should I go and say what the fuss is about? about, but I didn't. They know what they're doing. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. So listen, brand new one for me the other day.

Yeah. So I've often thought, so you know when you're eating and you bite the inside your mouth. Oh. I find it to be like such a like basic root one pathetic way to hurt yourself.

I just find it to be so like, well, careful when you're eating because you might eat a bit of you. Like, I just find it like so fucking. Like, one, you're such... Can drive a car, but you can't chew. You're such a greedy fucking prick that you've, like, you've just...

You're viciously and erratically eaten whatever this is so much that you've literally bit a bit off a bit of yourself. I do it quite often. Yeah, I do as well. No judgment. I do it all the time. Well, yes, judgment. And I judge myself.

I'm like, you fucking loser. Like, you're literally eating yourself because you're so uncontrollably hungry had eaten this thing. I did a worse one the other day. Oh, God, what? I was in the shower in a hotel in in in the hotel in Dublin right I washed my face so vigorously

the little finger on my right hand went so far up my nose the fucking blood that came out Rosie it was literally I was going washing my face right like if a dog could wash its face this is what I was doing I was like like that like so frantic i don't know just frantic just frantic just trying to do it right and the it it went up it went so far i had soap all over my eyes and i went ah and i had to put my hand down

i leant forward and i put my hand on the wall of the shower still my eyes closed and i stood there going just reeling from the pain just reeling and i was like what i was going down my face and i was just like oh god so then i quickly washed the soap on my eyes and i looked down and the entire floor of the shower was red with blood. It was pissing of blood. This is not relatable at all, you know. No, it's not. I'm saying I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, nobody else does that. Really, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to fashion. This is a bit of observational comedy. You know what you, you frantically wash your face so hard that you literally almost put your finger through your fucking brain. Like, I'm very aware, I'm possibly the only person on

on the planet who has ever done this and I'm mortified and ashamed. You need, you need your diagnosis because, right, Okay, you wash your face, the frantic, the better, right? Ridiculous. Watching your brush your teeth is horrible. You can't wait for the full two minutes to save your life. Can't.

With an electric toothbrush, you're not really meant to like, you just fully still brush your teeth. Yeah, I know, I know. Right? Your gums. You're meant to let it just touch it. You just meant to let it go around

on its own to do it, and you never do it for the full two minutes, which I find you did that. You can't, you can't wear a certain pair of boots because it takes longer than 30 seconds to do the lasers. I wore them for a flight. I wore them for the flight of Dublin. I had to take them off.

Oh God. I said, why have I done this? But you know what it is? We're not that dissimilar because what did I say to you? I sometimes really struggle to cut up an apple. You can't cut up an apple because it takes too long. Sometimes, and you know the grapes for the kids?

I've actually bought one of them cutters off Amazon and I let Rief do it himself because it was just driving us insane. Isn't like? Is that what that is? I got that out at the dishwasher the idea. I could not work out for the life of just what that was. And then you close it. Oh my man ruined it though.

Right. Because Rave was sat on the island doing it. And my man was next to him and I was like, oh God, his fingers. And I was like, oh, why are you fucking, this is to create the job from me. Why are you going to ruin stuff? There's a quarter of the grapes. It quarters them. Fucking hell.

Yeah, it's from Amazon. I didn't realize grapes or so. You got it, honestly, you cut them in half's not enough. Quarter is probably not enough. Is it not worth just giving them some wine? Do you know, Robin? Do you know sometimes? Completely just completely ignored that. Well, because it wasn't that funny.

Robin, sometimes to wind me up, will take grapes out of the fridge and run around eating them whole. Did you know this? So I'm running after him going, please don't have to put him in it in a deal. That's Robin. Robin is the kid who will seriously injure himself while pretending to do something that will seriously injure himself. Because I said, you're not, you're not the child to do this, you're not funny. You will literally choke to death from a joke. because you think that you wind us up.

Yeah. It's very much, you know, hovering his finger over the self-destruck button, don't we? I'm not going to press it. Trip, self-destruck button, yeah. One more of a evasion from our eldest child. When the alarm goes, I set an alarm every day, we're usually up,

and I'm like, right, everybody up is a joke. I've started, you can put a little note next to your alarms to say what they are. And my one in the morning says, morning gorge with two kisses, right? For myself. I'm saying, just... It's nice to be nice to yourself, right?

So it says, morning, Gorge to me to myself. And I'm like, oh, morning, thank you. Mine says, uh, mine says, get up your fucking failure. Well, there you go. Whatever, whatever motivates you. I'm like, yo, I'll prove you wrong. Yeah, genuinely, Robin is like, who's George? I was like, it says, gorge.

He's like, who's Joe? Morning George. What are you talking about? Fantastic. So if he thinks that I'm having an affair with someone called George, then you know, or is this just how you're clearing it up? Is this you all covering your back here? I don't think anyone

how a age is called George anymore, is there? So it's a, so it's a chugger daddy. Oh. Oh. If I was in a different position in life, I would absolutely let pervy old men pay for everything. And that's just something I wanted to say publicly. If you're listening, if you're a pervy old man,

you want to pay for everything, shout my nod to juba.com. I will also accept your pay. Why wouldn't you? How pervy are you? Honestly. Yeah. you don't have to meet them you don't have to ever do anything

which is like sending women things it's insane I can't understand just millionaires and billionaires with too much money who want to like I don't think they're millionaires and billionaires oh yeah usually they are surely yeah yeah they'll just have an allowance of what they spend are mares all over the world

sexy mares sexy mares I don't even think they have to see your face some of them will just send it you don't have to do anything I can't I just I've watched documentaries about it oh for fuck sake all right Babadoo, babado, babadoo, babadoo, ba. So, Rosie, we are big fans of, like, Marvel and stuff like that. I found a thing on Instagram yesterday, just a random thing that got shown to us. I don't know what I've been liking.

And it's a, it's choose a useless superpower. Oh. And it gives you a choice between a few, at first, the seem great, but then you think, actually, no, that would be a really fucking pointless power. Right. In reality. Okay. So you've got to choose one, okay?

Yeah. So I've got them all coming to you now. You ready? First choice. Endless stamina. You never get tired from physical activity. Oh. Oh.

Oh, that would be nice. Yeah. So what you've just done, that noise is the perfect example of the roller coaster that you go on. When you hear this and you go, that'll be me as,

then you go, hold on, I'm not, I like being tired sometimes. So it's like to put them into a real life. Obviously, if you're a fucking, if you're James Bond, this will be brilliant,

but you're not, you're you. Yeah. So endless stamina is the first one. How do you know? I'm not James Bond. Anyway. Fair point. Perfect lie detection. You instantly know whenever someone lies to you.

No. Wouldn't like that? No. I don't like, I, I, I, what's the word? Um, Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes. Don't get me wrong. I don't like liars at all, but I don't want to know every time someone lies to us. Right. To just know what means it. Even a little white lies. I don't want to know people's thoughts or anything. That would be horrible. No, no, it's not thoughts. It's just if someone says to you, oh, I can't, I can't come to that thing. I can't get child care. You know they're full of shit.

They can't get childcare. They just don't want to come with. I know, but then, oh, I love that. I love that gig. I hate that. I know, I don't want to know. Okay, fair, fair, fair. Absolute balance.

You can stand, walk or move on any surface without ever losing balance. Right, that I would love. Right. That I would love. We've got a winner. That would be good. Because you are a clumsy fuck guy.

Raif needs this as well. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to break my face of Pilates. Do you know that? I'm genuinely going to break my face. You're going to, yeah.

You had a PT before years ago and you broke your ankle in. Yeah, yeah. Temperature immunity, this is the one you need. Temperature immunity, you are completely unaffected by heat or cold. Oh. You are the perfect temperature you want to be all the time. You're never too cold, you're never too hot. I know, but then how would you get cozy?

You wouldn't enjoy your bath? No, because you'd be immune to heat. You just wouldn't enjoy anything. I like the difference in temperature. So you could put 20 fucking duvets on you and you don't get any hot. I'm just happy. No, I like to walk into a room and go, oh, it's warm in here. Right, okay.

Or walk in the air conditioning when it's hot and go, oh, it's cool. I thought that would have been a fucking slamming. No, balance all day long. Okay. Total darkness vision. You can see perfectly even in complete darkness. That would be nice. Nice but pointless.

Yeah. When do you even need that? To turn the fucking light on. Yeah, no. That's what torches on phones are for. Right. Uh. Perfect, this is the one I would pick.

Right. Perfect aim. Anything you throw will always land exactly where you intend to. That would be lush. That's what I would do. Oh, imagine. Yeah, that would be nice. No, I'm still going balanced, but that would be also be nice.

But also like, you could be fucking lethal. Like, do I mean? Someone, you know, them, you know, them, Scroats in London who steal mobile phones and that? Steam mobile phone and their head off on a bike. You literally just go, all right, just pick up anything. Hide at them. Hit them straight on the back of the head, knock them off their bike.

Immediately. Yeah. but they are all really pointless. But the amount of people are getting their phones, Nick. Like, I know so many people. It's absolutely ridiculous. And I'll solve it when I've got me perfect name. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

It's time for what's your beef. What's your beef? Now, you don't have a beef this week. I don't, you know. Because I haven't been here. You haven't been here. I might have one back dated, but it wouldn't be authentic. Right, okay.

So genuinely, I think we just need to be around each other. dare I say it, happy I'm married when you're not here. What? When I'm not here, you're happy I'm married. Like I've said before, I think modern day marriage is a crock of shit. Yeah, we know, we know.

It is? And I think, and I hope that when, I hope people are brave enough that as we progress in life, that people can actually be like, you know what, though? I think we might need a bit of time apart. And like, you snow every single night

and I never get any sleep. And I hate you. How about, you know, if you've had a drink when you snow, that's usually when you snow. How about we just have separate beds? Right. Yeah. Like, I just don't understand how.

I just think we need the modernised marriage. Okay. And you think the twin beds is the answer to that. Separate rooms. Separate rooms. Okay. If possible. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. Good. I do have a beef. Great. But I love you so much. And I think, you know, I'm away doing the tour and you're amazing. You're very brave. But I am a brave little boy.

But you, I've started to notice this more and more. You get excited to have like a little glass of wine or something or a couple of drinks or whatever. And immediately the next morning, like straight away, you shit, well, have a mint night and you shit all over it. You're like, oh, I wish I hadn't done that. Oh, God. And you're not even ill.

You're not hanging. You're just like, oh, I wish I hadn't done that. And we had a great time. But no. Last night you took it to another level. you had two tiny glasses of wine when we were sitting watching the telly last night and after the second one you went

oh God I shouldn't have had there either quit drinking or man the fuck up I will never quit drinking well man the fuck up stop having a couple of drinks and then shitting all over it after this

putting your little Google search bar right or ask Siri perimenopause and alcohol consumption you went there yeah it really affects you so much more The older that you get, alcohol consumption. Okay.

Swivel on that. Are you going to quit drinking? No. Oh, so the only option left is man up. Man up. Wow. Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, babadu, bah. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health,

from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today. and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started.

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Business. When Westchap first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to Westjetting since 96. Travel back in time with us

and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public, public. As always, if you'd like getting touched, married, annoyed at gmail.com and if you'd like to send a voice note

to the WhatsApp, it is 0787440-6650. We'll start off with the voice note here. Yeah. Right, here we go. Hi, Chris. Hi, Rosie. This is a reverse ick from France. And my reverse ick is when my husband works out with our son as a free weight.

By that, I mean, last night my husband was, couldn't go to the gym. He's been going to the gym to get fit. And he couldn't go to the gym. So he started doing a bit of exercises at home whilst I was looking after our son. He was crawling around. And then he ended up just picking up our son using him as a free weight, doing his crunches and his. squats and his kind of abs exercises with our 10 kilogram baby wiggling around and laughing to the heavens. It was great.

I found it really adorable and he got lucky later that night. We are so easily pleased. This is what men don't understand. Genuinely, we don't need a lot. Play with the kids and you get sex. Yeah. Like... I played tag with Rhea in our house for 20 minutes last night and I didn't get so much of a sniff.

And you'd have two wines. I'm two one. All right, fair enough. I like that. I knew straight away. So I do that sometimes with faith. I've done that now and then. I've used them as like a little weight thing.

I mean, he's more than 10 kilos, but you know, obviously I'm an athlete. Um, yeah. The gays of being getting in on the reverse X. Right, okay. Hi, Rosie and Chris, just watching the latest episode where he talked about strange turn-ons rather than X.

I am a man, albeit a gay one, so might not count when Chris was saying all men will have shit turn-ons. All right, okay. But a couple of my, many, we had turn-ons, are seeing a man reading a book and also nice hands. Right, seeing a man reading a book.

Mm-hmm. So it does it for him. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And nice hands. Nice hands.

I can go on by nice hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But depends what you want to, isn't it? Because maybe you would want, like, a callous, like, rough hands and... Again, I don't want to speak for all men here. Mm-hmm.

But I don't think seeing a woman reading a book would be a major turn on for men, but I believe it would be one for, it could be one for women. So I get what he's coming from here, because he's attracted to men. By the way, am I a gay man? Because I've started watching heated rivalry,

and my vagina was pulsing during one of the sexes. Fucking hell, that was... So now I think I'm a gay man. Right. I just want to... I want to highlight one. part of that statement that proves that you're probably not a gay man.

It was the part where your vagina was pulsing. Yeah, okay. Well, there's a lot, like nowadays, you can be anything you want. Yeah. There's a lot of things. Yeah, yeah. Anyone can be anything. So maybe... But all I'm saying is... I am a gamer.

I'm joking. Take you back to the previous statement. You have no idea. They are... What is he in rivalry? What is this? So it's about two ice hockey players and they're on rival teams. And they're like having... How is it heated when they're on ice?

Well, I'm only on like the second episode. Why is it called heated if they're on rival teams, but it's ice hockey, sure it's ice hockey. Because in the bedroom, the rompy-pumpy, they're shagging each other. They're shagging each other, but nobody knows. Okay. What level is this?

Are we talking like Sunday League or are they like big? Are they on telly in that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Olympics. Oh, right, okay, fuck now. So it's pretty intense. Right. But they're like having...

But they're not having an affair because I haven't thought of mighty ducks Is this not mighty ducks? It is... Because I haven't seen mighty ducks but it sounds very similar than Mighty Ducks. It is a PG-13.

Mighty Fox. It's Mighty Fox. No, but it's like the sex scenes are really intense. But yeah. All right. Heat your rivalry. Now,

both with to be known as Mighty Fox. I've never watched gay man porn. Yeah? But honestly... I've never seen gay man porn. I don't think I would enjoy it. It's good for them. It was hot.

I think it's great. Like genuinely, I think if, you know, because I've got a lot of gay friends and when they were grown up, there was nothing on telly. I remember,

absolutely nothing on telly. Yeah, but it actually, queer as folk was like, what the hell? Queer as thought was great, but it was a bit seedy. Was it?

Yeah, it was a, I mean, it was great. I loved it, but it was a bit seedy. It was like underworld, like gay. Do you know what I mean? This is like passionate and romantic

and like, nice. And it's like a relationship. And I just think, like, finally, and why can't they have hot sex scenes? There's hot sex scenes and everything else of stray people. Yeah. You know, and the thing is, if you don't like that kind of thing

or you're offended by it, don't fucking watch it. Yeah. There's a very big world out there. You can watch whatever you want. But I just personally think it's like class. So if you're a staunch homophobe, but you really like ice hockey, you've got a difficult decision to make.

It's going to be a tough. I mean, the ice hockey is also, they're also very good at it. Oh, okay. And there's quite a lot of it. All they are better at the, the shaggin or the ice hockey. The shagging. Right, okay. To the point where I'm like, oh, they're actually having sex. Go pro at that. Go pro at the shaggin. Leave the ice hockey

behind. Go pro at the shaggin, lad. Go on. Yeah. My mate's so obsessed with it. He started reading the books. Oh, this books as well. Like, enjoyed it so much, he's like, yeah, it's from the books. He's like, I've been doing the opposite. He's just gone, gone, gone, kind of. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah, do. Hi, guys. I haven't heard you talk about this topic on the show before. Oh. My partner and I get turned on. when the other plays with or sits on balloons. We have a lunar fetish.

Discuss as you will. Oh, we will. So, balloon fetish. It's called a lunar fetish. It's called lunar. But lunar means moon. How, how? This is L-O-O-N-A----------------.

You're talking L-U-N-A. Yeah, yeah. Which I actually knew, isn't that amazing? What did you say, L-U-N-A? Yeah, look, uh, yeah. Oh my God. Oh, I don't even want to say it because some of the teachers listen and I'll have to be more than.

I was joking. I was a joke. I was a joke. I can spell and big letters. Well. I'm not going to just because I don't want to show off. We went in a rave school the other day. And they did like a little activity in the hall and the parents were there.

It was really sweet. And they'd wrote loads of like things on the wall like all of the like ungh. Like the ing and the ch and all that. Ing. Well, they did one of them. and I was to send Rief off somewhere else and it was the wrong answer and I was like

oh, phonics is not my strong mom said, mom said everyone else is over there but mom said don't listen to your mom I was very chuffed though guess what he'd asked him him and another girl

and his class wrote them all out and I was like oh that's good back to the balloon fetish sorry very very nice but I need to hear about balloon fetch I know someone who's terrified of balloons yes

terrified I would not want what the what I'm sure he won't mind to saying it but Jason Cook is a fucking pet refined of balloons and true story I when I was younger and we were doing series two of Hebbin

was it was series one of the sitcom Hebbin I thought he was joking I was like he's full of shit he's not scared of balloons he's full of shit and we had some balloons and I popped one in his face and he chased us and threw us through a door really badly

really unprofessional he was fucking fuming and I thought he was joking until I realised he didn't stop chasing us and he like pure push just through a door fan of balloons. Having them at a a kid's party and they just start banging every five minutes. He says it's the

it's the going to pop. That's the thing. They're going to pop. And yeah, I was, yeah, I still feel a bit of this day. Why are you going to involve everything in sex? What happened to just sex? We say this all the time, don't we? Like, I'm just what's wrong with like just

touching, feeling, licking, sucking, doing all that and then sex? Oh God, why must do not clip these things up, by the way. Got to put a beat behind the... Do not Clip these up for social media. What was it touching feeling looking sucking sex? It's sex.

It's touching feeling fucking sucking. What was that song? Licketoo the little bit tube. So come on. Balloon fetish. Balloon fetish. Also known as globophilia. I mean, it's already got three names.

I don't know what's going on here. So Luna fetish, globophilia, balloon fetish, right? Refers to sexual interest in balloons. People with the balloon fetish are called lunas. This fetish should not be confused with similar interests, such as body and inflation, the imagine inflation of body parts. Oh, yeah, there's people who do that.

Not remember, man. There's been documents about the man where they inject loads of stuff in it, the bollocks and that, and the bollocks is like a fucking spareshopper. There's been loads of stuff like that. So this is just balloons. So if they're playing with a balloon or sitting on a, they must fucking love condoms. Does condoms count?

Oh, my God. I bet they love condoms. I bet they do. That's just, but they found it. Do you know what, though? They found each other. Yeah, it was at the balloon shop. They both got kicked out.

Both in the car park. It's like bloody fascist, fascist regime in here. You've been kicked out for Wankan as well. I have been kicked off of a wagon. Hey, you want to come to my house. I've got loads of balloons in the house. But there's somebody for everyone, isn't there? That's what I always take away from that.

Just be careful because you can choke while blown up a balloon. Be very, very careful. Oh my God, yeah? Yeah, be very, very careful. And water balloons, don't use them. Oh, don't use water bombs. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Dear Chris and Rosie, I hope you both well.

With Easter eggs appearing in the shops, I realised Easter's around the corner and felt it's time to share my Easter story with you. Fair warning, it's rank and makes my stomach go to this day. Chris, I think you will be particularly upset. Oh, well, I mean, I'm always, always, like, what's the word? Curious to hear how upset I will be when someone says they think I'll be upset. It's nice when people think they know the level and I appreciate it. I think you're going to be upset.

I went to a CV-school for secondary school. Church of England. Yeah, so did I. Oh no, did it? I went to Catholic school. He went to Catholic school. R.C. I went to R.C. Roman Catholic. Great.

It didn't really impact the general running of the school day to day, apart from we had chaplains in the school who were generally around, popping in and out of form room, supporting teaching in the odd lesson, etc. There's one head chaplain overseeing these, so there's five chaplains in total. Jesus.

As Easter approached, it came time for the annual Easter Assembly. This expected, being a say of a school, we would have had special. special assemblies for Easter and Christmas, etc. My school was a fair size about 2,000 kids, wow. So they decided to split us up and give the assembly to each house one at a time. When we entered the school hall there was nothing unusual to suggest anything was afoot. All five chaplains were at the front of the hall ready to deliver their special assembly.

The four junior chaplains were in a line to the left with the head chaplains standing forward ready to present. This is great. We need to definitely Chaplains assemble! I mean, I can see them in my mind. Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. So in my mind, you're not able to see it. You'll have to watch this on YouTube. But in my mind, they're all standing like that.

Like street fighter characters, like, you know, when you're going to select a character to street fight and are standing in a stand and they're of a certain age. Oh, well, no, in nine, there's four at the back, one at the front and they're all standing like ready to fight. Good for him. Like that side story. Once we were all settled, he started introducing why we were here

because it was Easter time and it was time to remind ourselves about the story of Easter. As he was saying his introduction, he walked down the line of chaplains, giving them each a toothbrush. He gave the first in line a tube of toothpaste in a cup, all the while talking away and not addressing the stage activity going on on stage.

Each chaplain squeezed the toothpaste on their tube, before long I was looking at the line of chaplains brushing their teeth. The head chaplain finally asks us if we've noticed the teeth brushing, to which he receives mumble of agreement. and like, we'll see. We're all confused but curious to see where this goes.

He reminds us of Easter, Jesus' death, and the sacrifice he made for humanity. The four chaplains continue to brush their teeth. When the first spits out the toothpaste into his cup, he passes it down the line. Oh, God! He passes it down with the line for the second to spit into, and so forth until the fourth chaplain is holding a cup

with four people's toothpaste in it. Oh, that's making us, that's getting me that. Apologies to anyone listening. getting me. All the while, the head chaplain is continuing to talk about Jesus

and his sacrifices. If he fucking drinks that, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. He points at the cup of spit and says these represent the sins of humanity. By this point,

my 13-year-old brain is begging to clock onto what's happening here. To my horror. No, no, no, no, no. He takes the cup from the final chaplain. No fucking way.

Says this represents the sacrifice of Jesus and drinks the cup. Go and shut up! No. The fallout was instant. I could be sick. The fallout was instant.

500 children and their teachers are gagging left and right. Sorry, they split the school up in a different houses. This fuckers did this gig. They did this gig four or five times if they've done the same assembly every time. Listen, people were shouting, oh, that's disgusting. What the fuck? It was like that scene from Stand By Me where Lordas eats all the pies to make the audience sick. My stomach flipped.

Sick from the sight and sounds going on around me. It was everything, it took everything not to vomit, bloody blah. The chaplain laughed lightly, told everyone to settle down, then went right back to his miracle of Easter, like nothing had happened. The teachers tried their best to get us back in line, but obviously, even they were horrified. I feel terrible. Completely traumatised.

What really gets me is that they ran this assembly four times in one day. There's a fucking two matinees and two late shows. One for each of the houses. By all accounts, By all accounts, he drank the toothpaste bid every time. Why has he done that? You could have done so many different things. Why the brush?

It's like fucking squid game. What the hell? And I'm not being funny. Thank you for the... Brilliant. That is one of the worst things I'm standing. But fucking... He's chatting away.

And they're all just brushing the teeth about one of us. One of us. Blah. And he's fucking chining it. And he's chining for them. I genuinely. Honestly, if I know Jesus at all and I feel like I do,

he will be looking down saying, what are you doing? Like, he drank wine? He made the fishes. Feeding of the 5,000. No, but he wasn't drink. I don't think Jesus ever drank people's excrement.

It's an incredible leap of an analogy. It makes almost no fucking sense at all. He could have done it with anything. No, that is just because that is not sacrifice. that's disgusting. Sacrifice would be taking on someone's shift. You know what I mean?

Covering them so they can have a day's holiday. Or like, you know, if it's raining outside, going to their car and getting their umbrella. That's not sacrifice. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that room when he told them all that that was the plan. So what we're going to do is you're all going to brush teeth and you're going to spit in the cup

and then I'm going to drink the cup and say that's the sacrifice because I'm taking everyone's sins. Well, they're not, but they're fine with it because it's just they spit there. I wouldn't fine with that. I'd have went to the priest that I said he's drinking now I spit in front of everyone

Well apparently it is as well at the end We never had another Wacky assembly after that I think the head caught wind of it And tore them back in it Yeah Yeah I'm sorry could you stop with this fucking

Yeah this cult stuff that you're doing you And drinking each other's fucking toothpaste player Like oh god Like honestly The thing we did years ago About the person spitting in the fish ball And the day I know that was one of the worst things

I can only apologize because I've got a fee, I could with a tiny bit of effort, I could go and be sick now. Shut up. That is really, it's cause it. Does it not make it less disgust in that's toothpaste? No, because it's, no, it makes it worse. If it was just spit, then it's just spit.

Oh, no. They're scraping all of the shit off their teeth and it's going in there. I don't swallow, if I had, if I had, I accidentally swallowed a bit of mouthwasher a day and I was devastated. It ruined me day. And I've sometimes accidentally. You meant to dip your dick in it anyway. Exactly, of course.

So, yeah. it was after I did my dick in it. That's why I was upset. Mouthful of pubs and everything. Now, it was, I am horrified by that. And that's going to be one of the things that I'm going to bump into people. They're going to bring that up and I'm going to go, I actually deleted that from your brain.

I can't remember that. Well, happy Easter. Happy Easter. And if you get an after-rate Easter egg, think of that. Babadoo, babadoo, babo, babo-do-da-do-ba. Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagmarnon-Oid. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm just doing finger guns to the cameras there.

If you want to get in touch, it is shagged. Marriedenoyed at gmail.com. And if you want to send in a voice note, please, please do. The number is 07874-40-40-60. Will I remember that? No, I'm always going to read it off my phone. I don't even know my wife's phone number. We're back in your ears next week.

Bye! I'm not even bothered. I don't know your phone number. That's very, not funny. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember, 988, Canada's suicide crisis helpline.

It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada.