Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ikea Role Play , Mouth Breathers and Chris Gets Owned by a Bouncy Castle

Episode Date: May 22, 2026

On this week Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss flat pack furniture (which involves some customer service roleplay), a difficult time with a bouncy castle , what hay fever has turned Chris in to. and Rosie is caught eating an unusual snack! There's some advice to be given that involves supermarket points and an ex boyfriend, plus some real life experience from a one time Findomme! All of this plus QFTP's involving dry humping, cuckolding and loads more! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmaryd annoyed. Bit of IKEA role play. Not like that. You loved it. It's not like that, though. Yeah. It's not like that. I genuinely believe I've given myself here for Eva.

We'll see what happens. Oh, them sheets that are coming out. Jew's out. Jew's out. Beefs as usual. And some awesome voice notes and questions. Yes. Enjoy.

Hello, you are listening and watching Shagmound Anoyd with me, Rosie Vamsey, and my husband, Christopher. Hello, hello. Hope you're all well. Enjoying the Hailstones. We got every fucking season in. one day or the other day. I know, but hang on, we might be a bit out of sync

because we are on holidays, so these are sort of like backlogged a little bit. This has been recorded a couple of weeks ago. I've got a feeling there's going to be a heat wave, so I think there might have been a bit of heat.

There's always a heat wave when we go on holiday. Every single time. Do you want a heat wave? England, do you want a heat wave? Just book your time off at home, your staycation for when we leave the country. Why is that? And we don't even go on holiday that much.

Yeah, I've noticed that. It is fucking irritating. I know. Anyway, I'm going to start the podcast. I've got an apology to make. Yes. Okay.

And I accept. Not to you. Is it just for your general behaviour and just the way you act around the house and stuff? Never. I will never apologise for that. Okay, great. No.

So a couple of weeks ago, I don't even know why we talked about homeschooling. And I was a little bit aggressive in what I said. And I think I've upset a few people who are homeschooling. And genuinely, hand on heart, I never want to upset anyone. Yeah, I'm the same. It's not how, it's not my vibe.

Like, I think sometimes, we forget we sit here as a couple. Yeah, just talking. And we're just talking. There's nobody else here. And I think, I genuinely, okay, let's just say it, I don't want to upset people. Yeah. My opinion is my opinion. I went a bit too harsh. If I was doing it again, somebody said I would not go as harsh. And also, what you do with your child is totally up to you. And the other day, this is a comedy podcast. And sometimes you can get irate for comedy purposes.

And you do, like, if you're homeschooling and it's, great and it's working for you, then that's absolutely fine. Don't fucking listen to us, but you have to understand that. Our opinions come through the filter of... Our children. Cards on the table. I do not want my fucking children in the house all day.

Yes, when they leave. Okay, listen, and then this is totally different to what I said, but we're really lucky because we don't have to. But I'm saying this from a point of view, and I did say that the other week. I know that some children really struggle at school because I've worked in schools. And I also have friends with children who have S-E-N.

Like I'm not trying, please, please, please. And I beg it, I'm not saying it like that. I wasn't trying to be a bitch. I'm not trying to be judgmental. It was just, it's a comedy podcast. It was just something that was said. And I hope you can all accept me apology. Because if watching Real Housewives has taught me anything,

conflict and resolution. There it is. And so I hope you can all take my apology. and I hope that it's working for you and that I hope that it's going well. Yeah, that's the thing, because you've got to understand when our children leave in the morning

to go to school, I feel like I've had a fight. Our children enjoy school, so we're really lucky at school, we're looking at school's working for them. So yeah, I suppose, yeah. And, oh no, no, come on. I'm just going to keep going.

No, I've just, all of my best friends are teachers. Yeah, and I see how hard they work. And I think that's why I came so, you know, from that point of view. because I see how hard they work and I see genuinely how much of the try

to give to all of the kids but that might not be everyone's experience well everyone's experiences are different it's all relevant and like I say everything you know everything comes from our point of view and our opinion

but our opinions are often shit well I said we're not Fribert when we had the fuck I hate mentioning but what I said to you sorry I was just on the tip of my tongue

I could possibly have a conversation with someone who homeschools for 20 minutes and I would pull my kids out of school that's how much you don't need to take my opinion seriously because I am very maliable. This is why we don't do any kind of political shows or anything. No, I don't talk about politics.

I remember I've spoken about it. I don't want to say his name but I was speaking to a very famous comedian once about this and he was like that's the reason I don't go on question time or anything because one person would say something I can't do his accent or you'd immediately guess who it was he goes one person would say something and I go

he's absolutely right then the other person would do their argument I go Christ no he's right like ah! I know, I'm exactly the same. So there you go. There you go. Let's carry on. Well done. You know what?

You know what? In fact, no, I wasn't offended for us, so I can't. Oh, God, it's the window cleaner behind you. I freak the fuck out there. Oh, shit. I'm not going to congratulate you for an apology because it wasn't to me. But, you know, one day, hopefully you can be a big enough person to maybe apologize to me for something.

You would just, you would love apologies. I know. I don't feel like I've got anything to apologize for. You've got fucking loads to apologize for me. Virgo, we very rarely apologize. Apologize for that bullshit, first off. Right, guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you so much for being part of this silly, messy little world that is Shagmary Noid. Without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor, it is. Yeah, this week's sponsor is, don't cut this box with a knife, even though the only fucking way you can get into it is with a knife. What have you cut? What have you broke? What's happening?

I was making wardrobes recently. Right. I'm making IKEA wardrobes. Big sign on the front. Come out lovely, by the way. Thank you. Big sign that took ages. Big sign on the front.

Don't cut this box with a knife. Fucking, fully impossible to get into it without a knife. I'm sick of it. Do you think that's to cover them so you don't chop your hand off? Or is the thing underneath? Yeah, so you don't put a big slice of it through.

So you used to just have it on the, you know, the mirror doors. They used to just have it on the mirror doors. It was like, don't fucking do this because you're going to put a big slice down the mirror. Every bit of the box. Don't cut this with the knife. Okay.

Give me a call. I'm IKEA customer services. Hello. Hello there. How can I help you? Sorry, sorry. I don't like your accent. Can I speak to a southern person please?

Of course you can. All right, Gavinor, this is IKEA customer services. Much better. How can I help? Are you southern or Australian? I, listen, I live all over the place. Oh, okay. What are you done?

You've been cutting your fucking wardrobe with fucking knives with fucking knives. You can't. What the fuck? Says on the box, do not use a knife to cut the fucking water. Yes, yes, sorry. Use a pair of scissors like everyone else.

First of all, first of all, I can use my keys. What's wrong with the fucking key? Not got a fucking keys. I've got a house, dick, head. Excuse me, can I go back onto the northern person, please? Can I speak to the northern person again? All right, fuck's sake.

Hello, how are you? Sorry about my colleague there. Yeah, what's wrong with your colleague? Oh, honestly, all she does is upset people. She's had to do a five minute apology at the beginning of a comedy podcast. She is just awful. How does she still work here?

I don't honestly, don't know. But we have to represent the, whole of the United Kingdom. So you're currently speaking to me. I am from the northeast of England. We are actually known as a very jolly place. Yeah. And what, what's happened to? A bit of a grubby accent, but I'll just carry on. Look, I'll just power through it. That's very classic. Listen, um, regionalist, I think you'll find. Listen, that's what I meant. Yeah, see, you would have known that if you're southern. Listen, um, I have tried to open me IKEA wardrobes. Yes. Um, I've got two boxes here. One of them I opened with a knife.

Yes. Because the other one wouldn't open. Slice the whole part of the front of it. cut it. The other one wouldn't open without a knife and I've hurt my fingers opening it. It explicitly says on the front of the box, so please do not use knives to open the box. Okay, it's cancel that one. Then the other one, I've hurt my fingers opening it without a knife. Right, okay. What did you use to open it?

My fingers and my teeth and I've one of my toothed come out. Unfortunately, we can't actually do anything about that. How am I supposed to open it? How am I supposed to open it without a knife? Have you got a house? Yeah. You got any keys? Keys. Always open boxes with keys. Doesn't explicitly say that? just a blunt knife.

I'm just telling you. Key is not strong enough to get through the cardboard. It will get through the cellar tape, sir. It wasn't the cellar tape. They're not cellar tape. Do you actually work for IKEA because you would know

that they're just glued these boxes? There's no cellar tape on ITA boxes. Sorry, but it's actually lunchtime. My meatballs are ready, so I'm going to have to go. I don't like being last in the queue. Because they're sometimes run out of gravy. All right, thank you so much there.

I'm really sorry about that. I'm so, I hope you're going to throw out. You fucking can. Oh, anyway. I love that the IKEA staff are eating IKEA meatballs on their break. God, why wouldn't you? Yeah, you wouldn't you?

They're not. Haven't been for a while, you know, I haven't I like you had meatballs for a while? Well, are you taking the piss? You used to slag them off. Oh, yeah, I don't like them. But you like them. I'm saying you like them. I'm saying, well, haven't you haven't, you haven't been for a while.

I don't like them, but you like them. Oh, this is what he does, you know. This is what he does. You're a gas lighter because you will go and you'll gobble up 10 meatballs and you'll go. You've got nothing. There's nothing else on. Not really my cup of tea. Yes.

What? Well, I'll eat them if they're there. I'll eat them if they're there. Shut up, I'm glad you hurt your hand. I did, I hurt me hand and I took my finger doing it and I took a little bit off one of my teeth and I need IKEA to pay for some hand surgery and a trip to turkey to get my teeth fixed. You're not going to.

And I'm going to take me golf clubs as well. And this shirt that I'm wearing that you've been slagging off all day. Oh, I hate that shirt. It's bad. So I was wearing the shirt. If you're watching YouTube, if you're watching YouTube, I'm really gutted about this top. I'm really gutted about it.

I put it on. Golf. You need to wear it for golf? Yeah. Or something really summary or like a fancy dress boy. Wow. You look like a clown. It's awful.

It's horrible. Wow. And did I pick it? No. No. Why trust the process? You know what the worst bit is? I've got it in another colour as well.

Oh God, what colour! Like the reverse of what it is now, not the reverse of what it is now. So it's like, it's this, where's my finger going? It's this dark colour there and then that one there and then the white there. I just don't know what it is. It's horrible. Is it Marxies? It is Marxies.

It is. It is. It's not. It's a buzzer. You've hit a doozy. I just came down. Dozy means. is a good thing. Do you mean a duff?

Yeah. Yeah. I was making coffee and you came downstairs and you went, don't like that shirt. Awful. You went awful. Ick. Don't like it. And then you went, oh no, it's all right. Oh, it's grown on. Oh, it's fine. You can wear it because you couldn't be asked to go and get changed. And then I came in here and I've turned the cameras on. I've just looked myself on the screen and I look like I'm fucking, I don't know what I look like. What I said to you was that it doesn't match your personality. It looks like someone would wear that who's really jolly, really sprightly.

Not even that. It just looks quite corporate. Like it looks like, imagine I'm honest, a golf day sponsored by the insurance company that I work for. That's what it looks like. This is going to be hard to people who are just listening. So let's carry on. All you ought to do, quickly go on Instagram. There'll be a clip of me wearing this horrible fucking shirt with triangles on. I apologise.

I hate myself. I hope you hate it as well. Let's fucking crack wrong with this. We're not getting changed because we're currently burning through clothes for this podcast. So my top doesn't even fit. Like my boobs are coming out of it. Of course they are. And by the way, just really upsetting.

But a dress from Zara, right? Size large, which is usually a 14 to 16. Never heard anyone say size. large. They do small, medium large. Like extra small, small, medium large. All you want to say was large. Size large. was a really weird way of saying it. Okay, well I bought a dress large. Size large.

Size large. Fuck it. And it was too tight. And I'm a 14 to 16. And I was like, okay, fair enough. Bought an extra large. It's great. But I'm just like, what is, it's just insane. It doesn't make sense. I don't think 14 to 16 should be extra large. I don't know. I don't really understand. No, I know. girl sizes and I don't really think I can comment on it. Don't worry about. Listen, we're going to have to do another apology next week.

If you start commenting on women's size. No, but can I just say I don't think that's maybe, Timmy. So are you away that NASA had some kind of like, it was like a thing for bloke's pissing. It was like a thing for astronauts to piss in that they would put on like literally fit onto the dick, right? so they had small, medium and large

and everyone, all of the astronauts just picked the large even if they weren't, so they changed them to large, extra large, extra large, and they're still the same size. Do you know this? This is 100% group. Well, I'm sorry. Yeah, so they should do the same with this. So they should do the same with this.

So your size fucking zeros and all that to make everyone feel better should be extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra small. You my God, I'm an extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra small and Zara, you were a fucking 10. Like, and it should go that way so that no one has to pick up a fucking top that says extra, extra, extra large

and it's only a 16. Do you understand what I'm saying here? Yeah, yeah, I do. It's that mentality. I do. I know what you mean. God, why would... What, what dick size would you pick up? I don't think they'd have one.

A nano. Nano, micro, any? Did I have any? But surely, having a medium dick isn't bad. Um, I don't know. But like that's so apparently it was... It was this is... Look it up.

This is true. Large would be like, well, like, like porn store. Yeah, but now... You wouldn't put up the lodge. So they're still the same size. So say it was like four inches, six inches, eight inches. They're still four, six and eight. But instead of being called small, me, my lodge,

they're called large, extra large and extra extra large. This is 100% true. Well, I'm sorry. It's great, isn't it? But that's awful. Even fucking astronauts, even the cleverest fucking people in our society who are literally going into space where a handful of people have gone are still like,

well, I don't have a little tidal of what you do. Don't like sizing. Fair of it. Anyway, I've kept the dress. it's lovely and it's extra large so there you go well you own it well done it's gorgeous so I'm fine

don't know it's just to retain I know what you mean that's what I was trying to be do you understand I was on your side there I'm actually I'm like 12 I'm like a 12 to 14 I'm not even 14 to 16 I'm like 12

I could leave the room couldn't I anyway yeah it's just it's just whatever yeah it's crack on it we had to fight about the jingle we could

Set along a jingle jingo So this is the jingo We hope you like the jingo Jingo Babadu babadu babadu babadu babadu Bha-do bach Jingo

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married and Oids Hello, still here, still I'm not going to look at the camera much this episode because I don't like my T-shirt but there we are Listen, how's it going? Really good

I'm just waiting for my period to come Brilliant I'm going to go. I'm going to go period and it goes on Aren't we all? Honestly, a little bit late. The old doomsday clock. A little bit late.

There's always that little panic. No, we did dirty things, but it was only a couple of days ago. That can't be happening. Well, the last time, though. Oh, that was years ago. Oh, my. Listen, so. It's a lot easier to track.

Let's put that way. But it's definitely doing. It's a lot easier to track. Dare we say it? You have your monthly Chinese more than we have. Been busy week. Listen, right. Funnily enough, right, let me add an epiphany this morning.

Okay. So totally unrelated to what we've just talked about. I want to make that clear. Our children both slept in this morning. We had to wake both of them up. Because sometimes on a morning, especially when we're doing the podcast, when we're both there in a morning, I don't know if other people have this.

When you're both there, both parents getting kids ready on a morning, the fucking can be a pair of knobs. Like, I don't know why. Worse when there's two. When it's only one, it's less. So I'll let you stay in bed this morning. morning I sort and everything out.

They both this morning claimed they weren't very well. I know what was that all about? I'll tell you exactly what was about. I stood thinking about it while they were fucking eating their breakfast going, they both had to be woken up by us.

And Rob was like, I'm not well, I feel bad. And Rave was like, I feel bad. I was like, no, this is called being walking up. Like, this is how we felt. Yeah, fucking welcome in the future, bitch. Like, this is being dragged out

of bed and it's shit. I wake up, I'm dragging out of bed by the pair of you dickheads and I feel like I want to die for a couple hours. That's why I have to drink coffee every morning. This is, you're just being, like, for the first time ever in your fucking lives, you're not waking up naturally and you can't handle it. We experienced for the first time ever that shift between, like, kids waking you up and then, like, teenagers.

And that's going to irritate with even more when we have to wake them up. Because, like, having to get them to do stuff winds me. the fuck up. Yeah. So having to get them out of bed, first thing in the morning, I'm just going to be like, oh my God,

get out of bed. When they've got no way to go, I'm going to leave them in bed. But literally, when you've got to get them up to get them up for school. Robin, it was like, wait,

a teenager this morning. I know. He's going to be a pure teenager. Oh, such a teenager. Pure teenager. But yeah, that's it. They are literally,

for the first time ever experiencing what it's like to not wake up naturally of your own accord and they fucking think it's so jarring for them, they think they're, ill.

Dickheads! I know Robin came up. He came up because you were a lovely lovely lion, thank you very much. He came up and he was like he said, I'm not well. I was like, since when? Like, no symptoms.

Zero, nothing. Absolutely no. You're fine. Yeah, he's full of shit. He did the temperature. He had Calpull. Did it himself like a little smack head with the syringe and that.

That was fun to watch. What was he symptom? Six plus? Oh, his main symptom was. Can't be honest. Oh my God, he's heard. He's heard about the homeschool. He's probably not.

That's what I'm saying. Stop saying it in front of him. He did the temperature thing on his head as well. Did it? 36.5. I want you fine. Did it again, did it again. I'm not kidding.

He took his temperature about six times. I was like, mate, like, what are you doing? I know, bless them. I used to try it all the time. Yeah, same. But my mom was a nurse. She was like. I remember being walking up on a morning.

The night, we had to write this thing at school called a life in the day of. Did you ever do that? Oh, yeah. Where it was like a day. but it was like it was your standard day that you had to write I started it

my first word and it was like a queer and it was the noise of my bedroom door handle like it was like it was the and I remember it woke up every fucking day

and I was raging when I woke up like and I was like you gotta get up but it was like this oh god anxiety

yeah it's probably why I am the way I am maybe it is I blame that door handle I blame that door handle Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Imagine if today was the day your idea changed someone's life.

Imagine if you could help someone pay for college. Help your community build a new playground, or help a child make it to that dream competition. With GoFundMe, it's all possible. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform trusted by over 190 million people. Every week, ordinary people meet their goals and do extraordinary things. Your ideas matter.

GoFundMe isn't just for emergencies. want to raise money for your kids' soccer team or raise funds for a small business, a creative project or event? GoFundMe helps you turn ideas into reality. And help adds up. Fundraisers you start for someone else, raise up to five times more. So think right now. Who could use your help? Change rarely comes from waiting. It comes from someone deciding, today I'll start. Don't wait for someone else to bring change. Today, start your fundraiser in just minutes at gofundme.com. That's gofundme.com to start your fundraiser. Gofundme.com. This is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe.

Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, ba. So big news in my life. Okay. Sorry, I don't know why I'm laughing, but like, it was so weird the way you said it. Big news. Big news in my life. What's my podcast is here as well? What's happened to you?

I touch what I hope I'm wrong. I really, really hope I'm wrong. but I do believe I've given myself hay fever. Oh, okay. So was the anti-histomines at your boat? Did the work? How has it gone? So, lot going on with this experiment at the minute, right?

Oh, an experiment? Yeah, basically, really, really stuffy nose, really horrible stuffy nose. I'm having to sleep with my mouth open. You always do. I don't know why you feel like this is a new thing. You sleep with your mouth. It's worse. I'm away of it now. You watch so, you don't know this.

I think it's been a beef. But there's times we are watching telly where I have to. lean over and close Chris's mouth because it's just the grossest thing. Literally watch and tell you like, and I can smell, not that you've got bad breath, but I can just smell your breath

and I'm like, this is, I'm not enjoying myself. So, so, so, again. So you're a mouth breather. I'm telling you. I'm an observer. You are. In the cruelest twist of irony ever,

I might be a troglodyte. I might be. It's not heavy. I might be your knuckle dragon mouth breathing drolladitis. I've become what I hate. Listen, listen, right? Oh, don't my makeup looks nice.

Oh, sorry, don't laugh because my makeup looks nice. Oh, honestly. So I am, I've been waking up with incredibly, like, I'm talking middle of the night, noses like so stuffy and stuff to start. It's hurting. It's hurting. It's hurting.

I'm a brave boy, but it's hurting. So listen, it's running now. So it's basically when I was playing golf the day. And me know. was like, just halfway around the golf course, I just felt like shit at my nose and my head was like banging. I was like, what the fuck? You got a secret coke habit? Oh, oh, oh. You want to admit him now. It'll just be that. It'll just be that. Oh, it does my mystery solved. It's me, it's my golf cocaine that I have. Every time you get a boogie, you got to push up them bogies.

No, I am, so, first of all, I was on the one show the other week and Roman Kemp was talking about how, we're talking about the Chelsea Flower Show and he's like, well, I can never go because I've got he fever. And I said to him, I went, mate, just. know my support I call got hay fever and I know people who've got it and it's what it's I've got a lot of sympathy for it well it's one of the one things I never take the piss out of and rummy camp was like why and I was like because I know you can randomly get it oh yeah like the strain of pollen can change each year and bang you can just get it one year and I don't know if I've like willed it on myself but nothing I think I have so listen

first of all I woke up there morning I was blowing me nose did I tell you this I was so I'd to save toilet roll I don't blow me nose I just lean in the sink and I just like blast each nostril out like a footballer, like a 90s premiership footballer. And Robin, I didn't realize. Robin was in the bathroom as well. And I turned around when he was staring at it. And he went, don't ever do that again. Well, he's seeing the full troglodyte.

Yeah, yeah. So it's like sheets of fucking really like, imagine blowing a bubble with bubble gum. It's like sheets of like thin, like snot come out and they're fucking huge. It's really odd. Yeah, it's like someone's been wallpaper in the inside of me nose. All right. Okay. I didn't realize there was loads of stuff coming out.

Horrible, yeah, but it's green, it's not supposed to be. With hay fever, apparently, sorry, everyone, thank you. It's apparently clear with hay fever. Anyway, I got a thing. So what is it? I don't know, so I got a nasal spray thing. I haven't got me bothered. Listen to his man, listen, I got a nasal spray

and it happened to alleviate it. Yeah, a hay fever nasal spray. Yes, but it was at the same time that we had a footload of rain, and the rain gets rid of it, and it's almost like rinses the air. You're never going to know. I don't know, I'm busy, the jury's out.

Right. I hate experiments like that, you know And you're like Sometimes you don't know what it is I feel loads better And I'm like Oh it's because of this And I'm like but it could be

Yeah yeah yeah I hate that So sometimes like a doctor Or someone if you ask Again fucking hell No offence of doctors or anything In the past I've had like You know for instance

Oh this is hurting You know Oh right have you had enough water Yeah I've loads of water Oh you probably had too much water Sorry that's not an answer Like you can't go either way I feel like that's what I'm doing

Well, I've been trying to do, I mentioned it, I think last week, I've been trying to drink coffee later. Yeah. And have some water before I have me coffee. Genuinely feel loads better. I'm not as, oh God, it matches your Stanley. Oh, I've just picked up me Stanley cup and me, me top matches me Stanley. Oh, I like the top again now.

I like the top again now. Carry on. The file that you just stole that with me. It's so awful. This is my Stanley. Great. But also, so I'm doing that and I'm like, oh my God, my depression's gone. But also, it's spring.

And the trees are nice and flowers are out and the sun sometimes comes out. So I'm like, is it the coffee late or is it? Need depression. Every year, winter comes and you want to move house. Every year winter comes and it's dark. And you go, sun comes out, fucking flowers come out.

You go, I love this house. I'm staying here forever. Honestly, as some of the anxiety, really hard to live with. Really, you've got us on the edge. I'm on the edge. I'm glory. Sorry.

I've actually got a little bit of a sore voice today because we were rehearsing last night for the show. Bandcamp. Broadway, baby. Rehearsing band camp last night, yeah? Are you good? Nope. Great.

Not bank camp. Do you remember that film? I haven't seen that for donkeys. American Pie? Merrim Pie. So I saw a thing recently that said a lot of Gen Z as an experiment watched it and found it incredibly troublesome and offensive. And you know what?

Got to agree. stuff we were a fucking nuts generation we were alive little to be honest with you I think we were an experiment I think our generation was just an experiment oh my god Robin called me a boomer the other day I was fucking raging it's while watching that thing with that guy

we're watching that thing on YouTube where that guy was showing around that ridiculous house in Colorado and we winged about the electric blinds and he went oh it's called technology boomer I was like yeah I will fucking oh yeah it said we've got like three Vellix windows in our house so that are just permanently shut because they're fucking

I hate it I hate it technology I rather have a long pole take me back take my back Lord ironically most astronauts of NASA

would also rather have a long pole Oh well clearly There it is Whom Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadu babadu Babadu ba It's time for what's your beef With me

What's your beef with me I'll knock your teeth out Before I tell you I'll beef your teeth out Ladies first Go on then you have let the new Bounty Castle become part of your personality

and it's extremely upset in the witness Right Right I had I don't use this word I don't use this word lightly I had an ordeal yesterday Yeah

Well it's been a week It's been a week It's been a week long ordeal Yeah And I've had enough So we um discovered those bounty castles

that have the pump. Yeah. And it's like, it's not just, you know, unbelievable. They're incredible. They're absolutely incredible. You can get them in all shapes and sizes.

I know Carl Hutchinson's got one. He put a video of himself. They're a couple hundred quid. We've had ours for about four, five years now. Five years. Yeah. One of them covered in mould and ripped,

had to throw it away. Other one's still going strong. But every summer it comes out. Yeah. Absolutely unbelievable. And I thought, you know what? The kids play on it so much and they're getting bigger.

I'll get a new one. That's got it's a bit more rigid. It's a bit bigger. My mate described it as Takeshi's Castle which I was very excited about. We have a lot of children around our house. Yeah. Of a weekend.

It's great. Yeah. We go to the, it's lovely, but we go to the soft play and my kids, my mates' children come up and go, can we go to your house now?

And I'm like, you're in a fucking soft play. I know, but when it's nice weather, I love that, though, you know what is. Love having them out. I love having them out.

So, I got the big lad. I got the Takeshi's castle. Yeah. It's fucking amazing. The kids love it. But we got it out and the grass was,

wet when I put it out. It's a nice day that the grass was wet and I thought, right, I can't put this away. I can't put this away because the bottom's going to be wet and it's going to be mouldy if you put it away. So I left it out. It fucked it down with hailstone and snow and rain and all kinds for three days. And I spent all day yesterday looking at the weather and going outside and trying to find out when it was going to be a break in the rain for me to inflate them and dry them off and I found the break in the rain and it took me two and a half hours. Yep. And honestly, it aged as about 15 years.

I know. It was sad. It was sad to watch. It was horrible. I kept checking on you and I thought, it's not. It was horrible. I was just waiting for the sun to come out for you. So I blew them both, I inflated them both, but I did them over the trampoline so they could get some air under the bottom of them, right? Which was quite clever, yes.

And then I waited until the dried and then I turned them over, which was a fucking nightmare, by the way. Literally while they were inflated, I just lifted them and flipped them. over like the Hulk and then let the bottom of them dry and then I found out once I let them deflate and push them all down there was water inside them oh god you're joking and I couldn't get it out you're joking it was horrible so I had to fold the whole thing up with the pipe things facing the bottom and then I had to fold it in half and I had to hold it like a bear hug and just jump up and down I should have jumped them down on

the trampoline I've just realized I should have jumped up down on the trampoline and I just had to jump up down on the pat you and let all the water out and then I didn't see that bit then God so I was just holding it and just jump up So the thing is, when are you going to get them out again? Never. Right, well, we didn't have this problem with the littleer ones. They're never coming out again. They are never coming out again.

I'm telling you right now, it needs to be bone-dry floor and no rain. Well, then what was the point? What the point is? I made it error. Again, another thing. We should move. Like, I love the... No, I love the northeast, right? Yeah.

But it's just... It's just never that hot. No, it's exhausting. It's horrible. It's cold, man. the people but the weather's so shit. But honestly, you know what it is right? No, I'm going to go the other way.

I will get them things out again, the bouncy castles out again, but I'm not going to worry about them getting mouldy again. I'm just going to fucking put them away and I'm finished. I'm not going to let them owners. You know what, I'm going to go on record now. The fucking mould from the last of us could happen on them bouncy castles and I don't care. Okay.

Don't let it own us because I had a terrible day yesterday. Because this is... I had a shower, I had a shower, an actual shower. The upsetting thing is that sometimes in the summer we'll have a drink and stuff. And I know in the back of your head you're just thinking about them bouncy castles. I know I've got to put them out.

And I get bitten when I'm doing it. Oh God. Some of it bites us. Something in the grass or something. Okay. But I mean, the kids do love it. They do love it. I do love it.

Like, I said you once when I was watching them, I think it was last year, I was like, this is core memories. It is cool memories. It's lovely. Core. Yes. And I'm a dad.

I've just got taken on the chin and just put the fucking bouncy castle away. That's what I've got to do. You'll not fair. I won't be doing it. I don't blame you. Yeah.

I'll take that on the chin. Thank you. I'll add it to the list of stuff I do around here. You can. I wish I'm busy compiling. Good. Because you've mastered on here the other day and I didn't have anything. But it's coming.

Okay. Oh, it's... Oh, is that why you let me have a lion this morning? See, this is, you fucker. You fucker. You little fucker. It's called currency. Oh.

I took it like a chub. Right, what's your beef with me? My beef with you. But I've been delightful, so don't even know how you dare. I've genuine. I think my whole personality's changed with this coffee thing. You're already a coffee

15 minutes later on a one. Half an hour. Half an hour. Oh, sorry, half an hour. And a glass of water. You are, yeah, you are a lot better as a person. Listen, you were, I walked in the front room the other night and you were extremely cagey and defensive

so you know you were in the wrong. You were eating breadsticks dipped in a little, God knows how old pot of McDonald's sweet curry sauce. And I said, are you dipping breadsticks in McDonald's sweet curry sauce? And you were like, yeah, I'm one of it!

And I was like, oh... The pig noise was unnecessary. Everybody heard that. That was... That's a hate crime. The pig... Pig noise! Are you actually joking?

in me. Sorry. I thought it was for the big knife. I thought what I got away with that. Oh, you were like, and then

it was bread sticks dipped in sweet curry sauce. It's just the way you did it. You had the breadsticks and you were just holding your little thing and you all just did it.

It was just upsetting and you got so immediately defensive. I was like, she knows that this is rotten behavior. It was not. Rotten? Yeah, it was rotten. What's wrong with breadsticks?

No. You just don't enjoy your snack. You have not got the imagination and make yourself a snack. That's why you get so jealous of me, because I can go in them cupboards right. I cannot have been to the shops for three days, four days. You are mixing your words up. You're mixing your words up here.

That is not imagination. That is desperation. A breadstick dipped in a sachet of McDonald's sweet curry sauce. I honestly loved it. Sweet curry isn't actually my favourite. Sweet and sour is my favourite. I have to strongly disagree. Would you have them dipped in the sweet sour?

Yeah. Would you dip them in ketchup? No. Would you dip them in barbecue? Yeah. Would you dip them in garlic? Yes. I dip it.

My favourite is mint sauce, actually. You're such a fucking condiment slag. I love condiments. Did you see last night I had my tea without anything? God, it was so depressing. It was awful. Horrible. I'm so sad.

because I've decided that wine and condiments are why I can't lose weight. Right. So that I'm trying to cut out the condiments. I will never give a wine. But last night, so I made salmon, salmon with boiled potatoes and like veg, which I genuinely, like, that's not a sad, that's a lovely dinner for me. Like, I really, not for you. Did you have the pizza later on? I got a cheese toasting up now later and I was like, fuck this.

No, that's a, but I didn't have any mayonnaise. I didn't have any, do you know that bloody dill, the dill and mustard sauce that I get? Fulfat, like, filth. I think it's fentamins or something. Anyway, I didn't have any of that. And it was horrible. Had a horrible time. Well done.

Very well done. Proud of you. Do you want to retract the pig noise that you did earlier on because that was really upset? No, I'd like to double down on the pig noise. Great. Good for you. In fact, no, I'm going to redo the scene and I'm going to add some more noises in. Rosie, is that what you eat?

Poh! farted as well and then you and then you burped and then you shit yourself and then you were sick all over your tits babadoo babadoo babadoo babadu babadu ba

reaas knows a thing or two about great combinations chocolate and peanut butter obviously but there's more than one way to Reese's from indulgent Reese's big cups with caramel to crunchy Reese's pieces and Reese's miniatures

there's a delicious Rees for every mood It's the same combo you love, just with more ways to enjoy it. So, whether you're snacking, sharing, or just treating yourself, nothing else is Reese's. It's time for questions from the public. From the public. As always, if you like to get in touch via email for a story or anything like that, something written. A long form written correspondence. It's Shagmiredanoid at gmail.com.

Yes, please. You would like to get in touch via the WhatsApp. message system to send a voice note, that number is 07874-40-6650. That's 0-7874-40-66-50. Bloody love you're getting in touch. Whatever it is, however it is that you do it. Thank you. Yes. Our Daisy has sent some... Wonderful. Voice notes through. So here we go. I've not heard these. Hello, Rosie and Chris. I have a question for the public and it is actually... a question. So my absolute dickhead X, who was really horrible, really nasty and quite not very nice,

so we broke up last July and I've discovered that he's been using my Tesco Club card QR code the entire time to get money off. Now, the question I have is, should I change the QR code? just so that I have the knowledge that at some point he's going to go in and try and use it and the smug horrible look will be wiped off his face because he won't get his discount of his bottle of rum. Or should I just carry on letting him get me points? Oh, that is a, no, that is a fucking dilemma. Get the points. Yes, but he's getting money off.

Yeah, but get the points. What if he... Can he spend the points? Could he claim the points? No, I don't know. Ooh. And she knows it to rum as well because she can check

what's been purchased. All right, okay. But then you want a clean break, don't you? You do, but so if she... You know when people got dogs together, I'm like... This is even more important in my opinion. So if there is a way

that he can never spend those points at all, and she would be in full control of them and he can't access the account or spend them points or use them points for anything. If he can just keep getting his discount and you're accumulating her the points, I say keep letting it. Absolutely.

I agree. I agree. But then also, every time she sees something pop up in our emails or something, she'll think of him and then you don't want that. Maybe. Okay, then maybe it's not worth it. Maybe get your clean break for your mental health

and you get to know that he now has to pay a full whack for whatever it is he's buying. Yeah. Love a point incentive. Yeah. Of Supermore. Thank you, Supermarkets, because honestly, it's nice to get a little bit back, isn't it? Yeah, and this isn't an ad.

This is not an ad. There we go. Yeah, Tesco, what you've got there, that's a fucking great advert. Stick that on the telly. Oh my God, like your ex is using your... Your ex is still using it, but I still get the points and he gets the money off. Oh, well, their bygones, we are. That's a hell of an advert.

That's how you advertise. Maybes that could come up with a system where you could just have all of your exes. On your club card. On your club card. Right. Ex club card. Snop. Snop club card. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, ba.

I've heard stuff on the podcast about, like, dominatrixes and people who do like financial dominatrix. And I think the general feeling is like, it's like money for old rule, but I got the opportunity to do it, and I always thought it was the best job possible, but I was on a dating app, and there was this guy, and he said it was that he wanted to invest

in financial domination, so he would be the submissive, and then I would be the one, financially dominating. I would never have to meet him. I certainly wouldn't have to do any sexual favours. I would just need to basically treat him like shit. I'd get all of his passwords and his logins and I could like transfer money whenever I wanted and I sort of had to control every aspect of his life and I wasn't sure like if I could do it because it's not really my style. But I thought, well, you know, it's money. I was talking about trying to make sure if it was like real and that.

And he says, oh, he says, I don't really have much in the way of family and friends because my mom's just died and she's left her house to us. But I'm going to sell the house to fund this, this fetish that I'm wanting to look into. And I was just like, oh, God love him. I don't know if I can be nasty to him. So I was like, all right, well, we'll try it for a bit. I says, don't get me in my car swel or anything. We'll try. And I'll just try to be like nasty with you.

So I tried a couple of times Like send them a few messages and that And you're a dick out of all that stuff And one of the aspects of it that he wanted us to do Was tell him what to do And control his everyday life I remember when I realised I couldn't do it After this story that he told us about

Having no friends and family And he was selling his mom's house And oh God I felt so sorry for him He messages and says Oh um Would it be okay if I get a chippy dinner on my way home tonight and I just said

I go on pet you deserve it I just it's not in me style and I don't know if it's maybe like I would say it's a northeastern thing but I think I know people who could be fucking horrible to him but I was just like I cause you, and I was chippy

like cool lad it's not so what I'm saying basically is the domination thing the dominatrix thing is not for everyone it might seem dead easy and occasionally there will be things that are easy, but it wasn't for me.

I learned a lesson that day, week. That's fucking amazing. That's so interesting. Imagine me message back going, oh, for fuck sake, you meant to tell us no. Oh, for God sake. Yeah, send him my way.

I say, again, he just needs to get married if he needs all this. Oh, God, but why does he want, he's clearly, going through him enough? Why is he wanting to be shit on again? He's got, obviously, bless him, he's got something up with him. But that is, I love, I just love the idea that she's accidentally, like the first time she was like, e God love him.

I love the idea. I just taught him, he, God love you. I mean, you fucking whank at you. Oh, bless her. Can I get a chippy tea? No, you fucking can't go home. Is that what he wanted? So he wanted, like, no, go to the fucking supermarket now, buy some cat food, go home, open it with a fucking screwdriver and a hammer,

I could do this. Not a can opener and eat it with the lid. Like fold the lid in half. Oh God. Get on the phone. Yeah, no, I was going to say. You could do it. Easy.

Eat it, open it with a screwdriver and a hammer, which is if anyone's done it is the, can remember when we lived in the bungalow, the one story glory? Yeah. And I was trying to open some bad times. Beans, sausage and beans with a hammer and a screwdriver. Yeah.

It's the worst thing ever. It was terrible. I thought you were going to take your face off. I thought I was going to take your fingers off. Yeah. So I wouldn't do well with that because I'd message back saying why are you asking me? Oh well there you go maybe that's what I'd say why the fuck you're asking me

if you're hungry go and get some chips I don't care I'm busy here's one then so he wants you and you were like can I go get a chippy tea I'd be like I don't give a shit. Do hate me asking anything. I just hate anyone asking questions I'm like. Well yeah well there so here's my point. Well what did I say to you I say if I was dead what would you do and I know that's really awful thing to say but I would probably serve food at the party.

Oh that I hate that. to talk about memes but I can't think stop thinking about that video that I said I've sent you didn't that? Which one? It was like a green screen of like just loads of buffet food and some bloke eating a sandwich and being like British people 45 minutes after their family members

Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah just scralling Just at a buffet why do we do that? It is mad that we do that It's rank everybody come here and I don't know it's not just British people they do you know all of Europe Yeah yeah yeah Minging Wow And how

How about you have a party with everyone at the worst day of your entire life? I'm married for a week, me, like. I think it does cheer everyone up. Does it? I've been a funeral recently where I think, you know, the people who are cheered up for us to see everyone and you see everyone comes and talks about how the, you know, he, look at the, it's always great turnout in it. Fair enough.

You've done it again, you've turned comedy into sadness. He has me point with this Dominator's fella. It's as if I'm just a person with an opinion. You shouldn't be. Great. He has me. Yes. Back to Dom next round.

Would he love it? like so you you're a next level of fuck off like he wants someone to control his life and be a twat to him but you'd be like stop fucking asking us do whatever you want stop asking us you're doing me titan would he like that even more or is that not what he specifically wants well who knows but he's picked that he's obviously you need to get better because she's like the nicest woman ever

she's like he no you've had a really bad day have a chippy go on go on hey get yourself a stottie as well use your mom's house money because that's what you would have you to have oh my god I haven't had a chip butty for years Chip butty with gravy and loads of vinegar Nah Chip butty, me mate used to get chip butties with garlic sauce

Oh, from Gills Chip butties of garlic sauce from gills Oh God I could die Fulf Absolve Absolve Absolute filth I'm talking about so much garlic sauce

That you wake up at three in the morning And have to put your head under the fucking tap Oh God I'm starving That was me sorry That was me motorboating me Garlic sauce Babadoo babadoo babadoo babo Bye

Hi Rosie and Chris Hope you and the boys are both well Hello, we are, thank you. For a long time, I didn't think I had a good enough story for the podcast. Despite sitting on the story of my uni housemate who took a shit on a random person's doorstep, or the events that resulted in me jumping out of a moving taxi pretending I was James Bond. Nice. Until a recent girls weekend away provided me with a perfect, smart, worthy tale.

Here we go. My friends and I were sat around the kitchen table discussing all sorts, in brackets, It's girls weekends away now also include five to 18 month old babies, so wine is drunk considerably quicker so we can all have an early night. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

I went away with the girls a couple of years ago and we were in, on the first night, we were in bed by 10 o'clock. Yeah. Because we drank on the way there, and it was just like... Rosie, I'm... Please can we go to bed. I'm going on a golf trip in a couple of weeks time with my mates, and we tea off every day in Spain at 10 o'clock in the morning.

and I was talking me mate the other day and I was literally like mate I'm gonna have to have a nap in the afternoon I was like I'm not playing golf they're like oh yeah we'll go straight around the pool afterwards for beers I was like you'll get me around the pool for half an hour I'll have a beer and then I'll be going for a sleep

it's different in the sun you might see how you feel you'd be surprised okay well good for you one of my friends let's call her Sophia suddenly told her she had a story about another friend leaning closer

we listened in she proceeded to tell us that her friend went on a night out with Sophia and some of their girls, but didn't wear her wedding ring. Oh shit. Instant alarm bells ringing, but, you know, each to their own, whatever. Sophia said it was so she could flirt with other men and have drinks bought for her.

As their night continued, Sophia and her friends got drunker and drunker until said friend disclosed that she always took back a random guy back to the house to have sex with. What? We were shocked. shook all right

I always thought I was quite liberal but perhaps not this woman had two young children and a husband what the fuck the friend then continued to say

that when she got home her husband liked to watch them engage in sexual acts when they were in the bedroom this happened every time she went out my questions for you both is

and this is still an answer from Sophia where did the husband stand or did he sit like some creepy serial killer It's called cooking, isn't it? Cooking. Cook hold, I think they're a cook hold if you just watch.

Yeah. Did he hide in the wardrobe? Did he join in? When did she tell the guy she was bringing home that she was married with children? Do their mind of the children watch? Not the children. Oh my God. Jesus Christ.

If the husband watches. I'm so sorry. Should he do that? No, it's just a slip. It's fine, but you didn't mean that. Because it says, yeah, where were the children? But I'm imagining I don't think they're going to be in. I'm hoping they're out, sleeping out.

Let's hope, okay. How many times was the change in the sheet each week? Please help. So, my first, can I just tell you my first thing on this, right? What, and this is kind of a bit further down, what if she went out and didn't pull, would he be like? Fuming. Annoyed.

Probably. Oh, fucking, I've got a shag, you have her? You're joking, aren't you? I've got work in the morning. Cry you. You, literally shagging, you lazy. Yeah. Good for nothing, bitch.

one job. You're telling me I've got to shag you and not one bloke on that night I want to do and I've got to settle for you, maybe. Yes, you're ring back.

That is mad in it. So awful. Right, so first of all, at what point in the proceedings does she tell the person she's pulled that, you know,

is he just hiding in the room somewhere and we talked about this, we talked about, I have talked about it on here the guy who used to, I have, I'm going to say it again in case anyone's forgot it, you've definitely forgot it, the guy who, someone told me about a guy who used to do this,

he used to like to watch his wife of having sex with other men, and he used to watch in the wardrobe. Oh yeah. In the wardrobe, there was a stool, and he stood on the stool, and he put his head through a hole in the top of the wardrobe, but on top of the wardrobe on the hole was a racing helmet, like a motorbike helmet,

and he used to call him the steak. Awful. And so you would watch, so do you actually know someone who does this? I know someone who knows the guy. I wonder if it's this person. Don't know. Oh,

there's millions of them. They're all over. Okay, fair enough. It's not one guy. There's millions of the fuck is. So he, I can't, so. So his wife would be having sex with someone. Yeah, but he put the hole in the wardrobe to watch through the helmet.

Normal wardrobe, there's a hole in the top of the wardrobe to put his head through. But it's not, he's not just poking his head out of the top of the wardrobe because that would be mental. Yeah. There's a motorbike helmet there. So he's got, so it just looks to all intents to purpose. If you didn't know who's there, it would just look like a motorbike company. I'm going to say something crazy here. Yeah?

And I don't often stick up for men. Right. Because it's usually tidlers and we know this, right? Right. But I feel really sorry for the bloke in that situation. Which bloke? The bloke who's gone home with the woman? Yeah. And then not knowing that some of their bloke's watching through a helmet.

Like, you are a man who used to have one night stands. How would you feel? Awful. Would you like, would you mind? Would you carry on or would you stop? Genuinely? I don't think I'd be able to do it. I do not think I'd be able to do that.

No, I genuinely don't. I genuinely don't. Oh, wait, man, I can't piss when someone's standing behind it. I know, yeah. I'd, I'd, no. Again. I'd be fuming if some lass was just there. Just like, who are you? Yeah. At what point does the woman tell? Because she's not when our wedding ring.

So at what point, or is that just for the initial bit? And is it like, oh, when you come back by the way my husband likes to watch? All right, I'm up for that. Or, oh, no, sorry, I thought we had a connection. You're married. I'm devastated. Well, I guess, I don't know. We'll never know that. It's fucked up, man.

Isn't it mad, isn't it? I find it weird. People who would like to just watch that. I couldn't think of anything worse. How far? We've been married now, nearly 11. Is it 12 years this year? Who gives a shit?

No, but like, when does it happen? Are we going to get to this? No. I'm not cutting... I've just put the Mikea wardrobe so, but I'm not cutting a hole in them on top of them. You've got a fucking no chance. No chance.

You would... You would not enjoy watching me have sex with someone. I would not enjoy watching you have sex with someone. I would be fuming and I'm not even that much of a jealous person but I'd be raging I can't imagine it being nice Yeah it's fun

Well listen Are we Are we insecure? Are we insecure? Maybe Are you like the ultimate secure with yourself person If you can do that?

Maybe, maybe it's us Yeah I remember I watched a documentary about porn stars years ago You know in the documentaries Channel 5 would have random Documentary about porn stars on stuff And I remember

Like I remember there was a female there was a female porn star I just remember the guy's name I can't remember I still remember there's a female porn star and she was literally like getting interviewed

and they were on set it might have even been a Louis through you know and she's obviously incredibly fit like in a kind of bobby doll kind of way and she's having sex with this porn star guy who's just like looks like an action man mussely and fucking massive and that

and she was like oh yeah and this is my boyfriend and our boyfriend came to all of them right and he had like a tank top on the cap and glasses and I remember his name his name was Skeeter okay it's my boyfriend Skeeter skater was like oh I just come and watch I remember thinking oh like like so she's having sex with these like really incredibly masculine like Paul Star guys and then she's just got this like really fucking strange bloke with her called Skeeter that's their job though

isn't it they very much see it as a job I imagine they don't see it as sex that's I imagine Skeeter's not I imagine Skeeter's not sniffing around for sex when she gets home is the point that I'm trying to make here so she's gone with someone completely so I don't know maybe Skeeter in this story Sophia's Skeeter. It looks can be deceiving, you don't know. Maybe. Anyway, each of their own. It's interesting to talk about

though, isn't it? For us boring bastards. And Skeeter's a great. It brings a bit of imagination. What's it called? I don't know. Adventure? That's what I meant. Yeah. Well, I'm all right for it. Just so you know I'm alright for it. Oh, I'm fat. If you fucking touch them wardrobes, I'm telling you, I'm telling you I'll kill you.

Babadoo bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous. Always. I wanted to share a story about a Tinder date I've been on recently. Get in, Tinder dates.

Yeah. It's been a while. I met up with a guy for a drink and we got along pretty well. So we ended up having dinner too. Oh, that's good. That's good the way you wanted to go. Oh, that's quite nice.

So, oh, just for a drink. Actually, I'm hungry. Do you want to get some food? Yeah. Nice. Nice. Progression. Yeah.

Oh, actually, I'm, do want to come back? My husband's in the wardrobe. Oh, too far. Okay, maybe not. Bye. not for you I didn't really think I could see it going anyway

but I thought he was pretty attractive and maybe we could just have a bit of fun so we got all excited then but also we're not going to the wedding so a few days later I had him over to my apartment at about 8 slash 9 for a drink

before we had even kissed he had invited himself to stay over thought was a bit strange but I took it as a sign that he was keen to have sex so I went with it Because obviously she's a consenting adult. And did he already have the condom on?

Did he put him before he left as you should? Or was he going to go rogue and put it on at the house? Gross. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing and moving into my bedroom. Heavens. I excused myself to use the bathroom. And when I came out, he was in his undies getting into bed like he was going to sleep. I made a few jokes about me being an Airbnb and got into bed with him.

When I got in bed with him, he told me that he didn't want to have sex. I was really confused by this point and wondering why he'd stayed over. Right. Just after having that conversation he starts to get things going with me. I had no idea what was happening but thought maybe he changed his mind.

Right. Things were going well and we were both really worked up. When the time came for him to actually go inside me, to my surprise he didn't take his underpants off. He proceeded to dry fuck me with his underpants on.

I would describe it like dry humping but instead of some rubbing action, he was actually banging his pelvis against mine like he was having sex with me. He even changed positions like you usually would. For anyone looking on, it looked like full-blown sex, minus the fact that his dick was still very much

inside of his underwear. Sorry, for those of you listening, my jaw is wide open. Very rarely, I'm a speechless. Carry on. I think try Humping when you're young, actually are read. It's quite like,

it has its time, don't you think? But like not, if people start moving around in positions, I'd be like, what's going on? So, yeah, what's he doing?

Film? Was he, what's he think he's filming a fucking Hollywood movie? Like, what the beginning bit? Yeah, well, just how they don't have sex,

do they? They're just protect, even in the most ridiculously filthy ones, they've got a flesh guard thing on and they're just slapping against each other's bits. Like, you said,

like Dryhumpman has a place. It's when you're, It's when you're a teenager. It's when sex isn't an option. It's like, you know, either you're not ready or either, you know, parents are downstairs or whatever when you're younger. I think it's got a place in life.

But when sex is fully on the cards... Yeah. It's a bit confusing. Once I realised that for him, this was the main event and he wasn't taking his pants off, I called it off. By this point, I was extremely confused, sexually frustrated and so... Oh, bless you!

The whole situation was just so strange. We fell asleep. You let him fucking stay. How do you fall asleep next to someone who's just fucking... But he doesn't sleep on the bed though. He's not sleeping on the bed. No, no, no, he stands at the corner and leans against the wall. Yeah, yeah.

He's not getting on the bed. You can't get on the bed to sleep. What you do that? No, that's too much. No, no, no, no. Pajamas in a packet, he just holds them. He just leans against the wall. Fucking cycle.

Why are these people letting the... Sleeping is really... really in the mid thing. He got in the car, he put the key in, he turned the car engine on just to take the handbrake off, open the door,

pushed his car home. There's gonna be loads of these, by the way. Pushed his car home. You know when he brushed his teeth? Stop! Stop! His mind.

I still don't know why he didn't want to have sex properly. Maybe he had an SDI. Maybe he just enjoys drive fucking. I will never know. I would love to know your thoughts about the whole situation because it still confuses me.

Some ex-taxious. Extra details for context, I'm 30 and he was 34. Neither of us orgasmed, how could you? And I never spoke to him again. You let him sleep. You slept next to this person. You would say, oh, yeah, leave. Please, please leave.

And even, correct me if I'm wrong, I'm out of practice of STIs. I don't think you can't think you can't you? Unless it's like, warts or something. But then you go, well, look, I'm not, I'm not fucking staying over. I'm not... You wouldn't...

I think... Correct me if I'm wrong. Have you got an SDI? Let's not go on the pole. Yeah. Let's wait until... Let's not go to someone's house. Let's wait until...

Let's just say we'll have some dinner and a bit of kiss and then I'll see you later. Is it that thing of like... Is he playing a game where it's like... Oh, so just don't make sure you hold it back that time and then they're like gagging for it the next time. But it's like, come on, dude. Awful.

Come on. When you're in your 30s, you know if you want to have sex on. Yeah, to be okay. Fair enough if he was a student or whatever. Yeah. No. Yeah, you should be fully informed. That's so weird.

Like, when I was talking about dry home and I was talking, you know. Parents are downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck me. That's, it's so odd. It's so odd. She should have known though, because you know when they were having the dinner.

Mm-hmm. He was just opening his mouth and just throwing the food over his shoulder. Stop. Stop. Stop. What? A wall. A wall was covered in Bolognese. Still let him sleep.

Still let him sleep. Still let him sleep. Mad. Mad. Do we shit's in the bin next to the toilet? Stop. Stop. Babadu babadu babadu. Do do do do do do do do. Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagmary. We'll be back next Friday.

We will indeed. Thank you so, so much for listening and being part of this waky wakie do, our little world. As always, everyone again, touch at Shagmoudinotidnaudu.com for long. Form written correspondence and 07874-406650 for your awesome voice notes. Please keep me coming. What absolutely love it. Love hearing from you.

Thank you so, so much. Back in your business next week. Bye. Bye. Bye.