Sh**ged Married Annoyed - It's lamp season, Chris is a hypocrite, and can we take a minute for Lake Garda?!

Episode Date: October 2, 2026

The days are getting shorter which means it is officially Lamp Season! This week on the podcast Chris and Rosie report back from their holiday in Lake Garda (not Como) which includes a 'in a villa' update and some questions about a man in a safari suit... Rosie disarms the Chinese take-away alarm, Chris is a victim of karma and their is a Taskmaster themed contribution to the new feature. All of this plus voice notes, beefs and some fabulous QFTP'S! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch!  📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Marianoid, we are very smug and sensible, aren't we? Oh, well done, us. The dark mornings are in. But it's not that bad. Not yet. We've been to a wedding in Italy and you'll hear all about that. Bonjourno. Chau. Grazie. Et cetera. We have got beefs and lovely questions from you gorgeous lot. Enjoy!

Hello, you are listening to and possibly watching Shag Marineroyd with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, hello, hope you're all. Hope you're having a lovely little time. I am. This is, we've just started to record this podcast and we're now on the records. We name them for the date

that they're going to come up. Yeah. This is second of October. I think it's the perfect time to tell you. I had my first this morning getting up and turning on all of the lamps that I'd turned off when I went to bed.

Oh no. No. Honestly, it was actually all right. It was actually. No, no. It always, it always is. For the first month you go, cozy.

Cozy. Oh, lovely. Mid November? Sick as fun. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, Rave got up astonishingly early this morning. I don't know why.

But yeah, it was... Yeah. I don't know why I did that. I just, like, logged it. I was like, this is the first... And it's still September, but as we record this, but I was like, this is my first one. This is my first...

Oh, Groundhog Day. I've just fucking turned these off. Bang, bang, bang. Um, yeah. Listen, I'll not have a bad word against lamps, though. I do love lamp season. Yeah, we know. I do love lamp season.

Lamp season. It fully is lamp season, isn't it? Lamp season. I do, I love it. We have not been into that garage. Oh God, I know I'm sorry. I don't want to trigger you. I'm dreading it, you know.

I'm dreading it. Like, I'm just, I'm dreading like, every time I turn a light on, I'm like, is this going to trip the, what do you call it, the fuse box? And I'm going to have to climb over. I know. Fucking 14 gigantic fucking boxes.

I just, Chris, I genuinely haven't got time to sort it out. It's unbelievable. There's no time. You're on tour. I'm starting this filming today. I'm literally leaving at three o'clock. Yeah. There's no time.

The kids, we have to do stuff with the kids on the weekend, obviously. Of course. You can't, yeah. I was sat yesterday at the Marine Park. No, sorry, I was at the skatey park with my friends. We're chatting and the kids were there and I was just in head going, I've got so much to do. Yeah.

You know, in the back of your mind when you're like, I should be, I should be empty in that garage. I've got, I'm just, there's no time. I know exactly. I mean, sometimes I'll sit in the kids, like, recently, Rob was playing on it. I took on the scooter park with his mate. And I'm literally going through lists on your phones.

And I'm like, there are so many things I could be doing, but I've got to be sitting here. But it is. It's just being, it's being a parent of young children. Everyone, like, so many people out there who listen are in the same situation as us. Oh my good parents. Yes, but it's busy doing nothing.

It's almost the same as like when you, like, again, I talk about when I filmed heaven, when you film a sitcom, there's so much downtime where you've got to be there, but you have fuck all to do. and you're like, there's loads of things that I have to be, but I have to be, it's basically the same.

It's basically the same thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Hurry up and wait there. It actually is. But then everyone keeps saying, you'll miss it and we will.

We will. You sent us another thing yesterday. I know, I'm sorry. I've got a cry and a thing of, sorry. When we're 80, we'll drive past the house that would they grew up in

and we'll look at the house and it'll do. We will? We'll look at it. It was like, we'll look in the back seat of the car and realize there isn't any kids' seats and mess there.

And I was like, God fucking damn it Like Yeah Started crying immediately And I know we will And then I was like Put my phone down

And I was like right And then you know I was shouting at them 10 minutes Yeah But for that 10 minutes I was a great dad That was the best Guys if you're if you're listening

Thank you If you're watching Thank you very much It's always a pleasure to have you here I really do appreciate And without further ado It's time for this week's Lucrative Lucrative Sponsor

This week's sponsor This week's The Feeling of smugness and I'm putting it in this voice this is like the mox and spencer's have their advice this feeling of smugness you get when you are travelling back from a trip with friends

and you are the airport and you are fresh refreshed and slept well slept and everyone else is hanging out of their fucking ass congratulations well done us congratulations

well done us I mean we were the oldest of the not by that much but I'm like five years yeah but No, longer than that, about seven. I feel like we have learned. We've done that. We've done that. I've been at the airport hanging.

It's the worst. It's not enjoyable. Even on stag do's now, which as we all know, I hate, and I'm sick of and I'm not going on anymore unless it's golf, coming back, like lying on the floor in the airport, like everyone just gutted, like, you know, looking like, you're looking like you've been delayed for three days when you actually have only been there half an hour,

but you are lying on the floor because you're a fucking state. Home alone, trying to get. at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't do that anymore. I can't. No. It's not what, I don't care. There is no night out on the final night of a holiday that can be good enough

to make me want to feel like that in an airport the next day. I totally agree. Airport are a hangover. Just being in an airport travelling feels like you're hung over anyway. So with a hangover as well, sadly doesn't cancel it out. It just makes it worse. No. Makes it worse. Anyway, we're at wedding in Italy, more about that.

Ooh. after the jingle. Oh, la'allé. We had a fight about the jingle. Jing-go. We couldn't settle on a Jing-go, Jing-go. So this is the Jing-do, Jing-go. We hope you like the Jing-do-Di-Di-Gong.

Bab-do-Bab-do-Bab-do-Bah. Jingo! Bonjour no. Welcome back to the speech at the tone of Shagpardinoid. Chris and I went to the wedding in Italy, and genuinely it was one of the best. days of my life. It was astonishing.

Best wedding I've ever been to. Sorry. Beautiful. Everybody who's wedding I've been to. Tell you what, I've heard a lot of people about bang on about Lake Garda, a lot of hype.

Lived up to the hype. Oh, do you know what's irritating? Just going to put this out there. This is just me getting irritated by social media again. You know, because I put out on socials that I went to Lake Garda. Oh yeah, yeah.

Right? Why does everyone do this? Lake Comel's better. Okay. Well, I've just discovered Lake Ormondia. So let me just, let's have a minute for Lake Garda. Why do people do that though? Yeah.

Like, oh, I went to, uh, Crete much better. I'll just, I'll just jump in my time machine and ungo to that place, shall I? Why do people do that, though? Oh, I can't bear it. Love, loved Lake Garda. It was absolutely sensitive. Lake Combe was better. Brilliant.

Fuck me. All right. Is that in Italy as well? It's the other lake. There's two. There's two lakes. Good grief. And a sea.

Apparently, maybe more. Yeah, no, apparently Lake Coma's much better than Lake Gardner. Honest to God, come with you, well, you brought up for the bricks on, guys. Can they all be nice? Can they all be nice? Is it all right? They are all nice, but like, it's just, I don't know why people have to say that. I know what you mean, yeah. Why does your brain go to that? Yeah.

Straight away. I've been to both, and this one's better. Right, okay, well, I haven't had the chance to do that yet. Where you been? Lake Arnda. Fuck Lake Garda and fuck anyone who likes it. Where the Lake Como gang. Yeah, it's like, it just blows my mind. And it wasn't just one or two. No.

Really? Oh, so many, like so many. I'll be honest with you. I'm starting to believe it might be better. Start to feel jipped, actually. Sorry, I'm just quickly, just quickly bring me me here. Hi, mate, you're right. Why did you get mode at the shit, Lake?

Why am I here? Why am I here on Instagram? Tell everyone I went to wedding here, got her, and everyone say there's a better one, but you've got moot at the shit one. Is your fucking problem, eh? Do you even know Chris at all? Hey?

He has to go at the best bit. Do you not have to be the best at everything I do. Fuck's wrong with you? Why? Why are you putting us through this? Well, if,

I'm sorry, like, imagine I'm saying in that voice. Imagine, wow, I'm still here actually. Um,

if, I mean, if Lecommo is, Lecommo must be on crack. I mean, yeah. In a really, in a mint way.

Because crack is good in it. Partly is great. Um, that's, that's the main problem with it, apparently. It's too good. It's too good.

Too good. It's too good. Um, Um, well, yeah. Well, okay. Well, all right. It was, Chris, it was absolutely lush. Everything about it was stunning.

Oh, yeah, I went to Verona in the summer, didn't I, with Kate and me, ma'am. And this was like a little mini, Verona. It was just stunning. Rome's better. Oh, well, so I've heard. Sorry, I've never been to either. It was just, honestly, I've never been an Italy guy. It's just something I've never done.

I've only been twice, and this was one of the times. As a fan of pizza. I'm really surprised at them. Pizza were every five yards. Yeah. I've never seen. You can remember, we walk around. Guys, every restaurant was a peteria.

I could have wept. A pita what? Did I say it wrong? You said peteria. Pateria? Pateria. Pateria. Oh, fuck.

Oh, God. Little coma won't let me in. Can't even say pizzeria. Is it a pizzeria? I've been seen pizzeria. No, you haven't. I think I have you now. You do not say peteria.

I think it's 50-50. Depend on which one I fancy. It's peteria. Oh, God. That's embarrassing. Oh, fucking hell, hell, man. Wow. Right.

Got to make some calls afterwards. Yeah, I was, I was severely hung over and wanted to just stay at the hotel for dinner. And you made us, you made us go out,

made me get ready and go out. Yes. To go to Peteria. Peterias, yeah. Everything about it, though, like we were walking down the street and none walked the wards were. We were on a little walk,

and none walked towards with. Guys, just a little lady, a nun, immaculately dressed, just walked along. She looked out with a massive smile and went, bonjourno. God. I started crying.

Yeah. And you're not even really. religious guy. I was just like, that's one of the most incredible things. About 100 yards down the road, walk past a workman, whistling.

Just like a workman. Best whistler I've ever heard of me life. It was like something out of a Disney, an Italian Disney. Yeah. It was fucking amazing. I turned, you know,

I was like, even the whistling of a random workman over here is operatic. I know. Architecture. I was gorgeous. Yeah. Everything was lovely.

So yeah, we had a lovely time. Not mad. But we went as well. I was telling me auntie cathis. Not mad expensive either. Yeah. that pasta I got

that fruity not fruity de me I'm just going to say stuff wrong this entire guys apologies we're going to say we're going to north east fuck up a load of beautiful Italian words in this episode

get on board with it that seafood pasta I got yeah it was about 11 euro I think that's not doing that 12 euro yeah and I was like this is actually not crazy but we were in the like the north east

next to sallow salo the garden garden riviera and yeah it was decent you know when you're like this isn't mad expensive like what it is when you go to the verona's a bloody cold more's a bloody pretty penny yeah but uh yeah so we the final night we didn't drink at all but the other two nights we did we did we finally we kind of did well we definitely sank a bottle of wine during the day we drank we drank we drank a lot we did day drinking and we went back to the

room early and two nights on the belt everyone two nights on the belt we watched the same 11 minutes of slow horses, of the New Yorkersold of slow horses, and then we came back and had to watch it again when we got home because I was like, I don't know what the fuck happened. I had no idea. I was like, my mate, Lenny Rush. I was like, Lenny's in. I was like, I saw him. He's in the episode, Rosie. I can't remember where he is, but he's briefly in the first episode. And I know I'd seen him. And every time watch, I went, honestly. That hasn't happened for a long time. That was what it's like to be a goldfish. Just similar, watching the same 11 minutes going, fucking great this. What a show.

That was tragic. I mean, we're in bed for like quarter to ten. Well, can you remember the morning of the wedding? We woke up and we were both gutted because it looked so cloudy and dark and we lay in bed going, oh, bless them. Guys, bless them, it's so cloudy.

And we looked on the app and we're like, it's clouds, it says it's clouds today. That's the problem. There's an exact quote from me. That's the problem. You put all your eggs in one basket when you go on holiday and if the weather's not nice, it ruins it. Because it was dark, wasn't it?

It was dark. Tell everyone what was wrong. The shutters. We had the shuttlers. We had the shuttass. We had the shuttass on the park. We forgot. Play some fucking sunshine.

Oh my God. Like open the shelves. I went, ah! It was so bright. I hated it with him. I hated with that. That was really bad.

Just a couple of morons. Couple of morons. But no, it was absolutely stunning. Thank you so much Richard and Alex. And it was really, a really special day. Chelsea of Innevilla fame. Oh, I've got an Inevala update.

All right. Okay. Because we went with Chelsea. I've got something to tell you as well. Poor Chelsea. I found out something. But you tell me yours first. No, no, come on.

You tell you and I'll give her the update. So, well, first I'll tell everyone. It was when Rosie went on a, on a hendoo. And Chelsea was walking through, wasn't it? Just for anyone who doesn't know. Oh, yeah. She was going through passport control. Yep.

And the guy was like, hello, my darling. Where are you staying? And she went, put a head under the, under the bit of glass and went, in a villa! And he immediately, I think his dick went back in his body, didn't it? if I remember rightly. I think you remembered, oh, I don't like these English girls.

And this is why. He wasn't French. He was actually Portuguese. Great. Obrugara. Okay, so, an update, which I found out, and I did say,

please can I write this down for the podcast? Right. On her wedding, you didn't go to their wedding. No, I was working. You were working, but it was a gorgeous wedding. I didn't realize that the master of ceremonies who worked at the venue throughout the day

must have recognised that Chelsea enjoys a drink as we all do you know we all enjoy a drink and actually as a person yourself who got far too drunk at his own wedding this should have happened to you so the master of ceremonies

forced Chelsea to have a glass of water every hour and he made the bar staff watcher down this glass of water that's I didn't know this Yeah, I didn't know that. She said, she was like, oh yeah, and then the bar staff had to watch while I down the glass of water.

That's, like, reverse peer pressure. Or is it like, it's the best peer pressure ever? I mean, do you know what, though? Hydrate. She was great. Fantastic. And she said she was like the next day, didn't even have that much of a hangover. He knew who he was dealing with.

That's amazing. But how did he know? I feel like Matty might. I think, I think our husband was, yeah, I think I was all down to Mattie. Do you think? Me, yes, for any quid. Make sure this fucking nutter. has a drink of water every hour on the hour.

Bits of bread on that, like a duck. But it was just the bar staff having to watch her down it. It'd be like, right, okay, come on. Now we'll serve you another drink once you've down your water. Congratulations. Put the glass over your head upside down. Is it empty? It's empty. You're right, go on, you can have a wine.

It's brilliant. So update on in a villa. She came out with another absolute corker. Now, bless her, again, sorry because I know when we did in a villa, she said she got loads of text messages off people seeing, is this you? So we were with, There was a like that Calani ghost hunter

if anyone knows who that guy is. He's big online. He's on TikTok and Instagram and he, him and he's partner, I do videos where they go around the world. He's a food blogger,

basically. Lovely couple. Yeah, and he's, they're from Nashville, Tennessee. He famously Carl Hutchinson watched him and his dad eating a sausage of bean melt,

I think, outside of Greg's and they're like, oh my God. Anyway, so I'll have to write this down. We will sit next to them at the wedding. And, like, when Chelsea were talking to them and we all just said different things. And this, we, Chelsea went, right, we're like specifically, I was from in America. And they said, they said, we're from Nashville, Tennessee. And Chelsea went, oh, oh, Nashville, Tennessee.

Right, right. Can I ask you something. And they went, yeah, she went, is it, is it mint? It just looked so fucking confusing. Mint? Look like, is it? Oh my God, is it mint? Because it sounds amazing, Nashville, Tennessee.

It's a very, they're very famous two words. If you know, you say that, everyone knows exactly where it is and you know exactly, you know, cowboy, I'd have to know what to expect. But, oh, they were so confused. Is it mint? I think they just changed the subject. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. Now, one thing that has been haunting me since we got back from the,

wedding in Italy. And I it was something I saw in the airport and on the plane it was a man that I saw

no offense if you know this man or this or you are this man So the Freddie Cougar man No no So that was on the day of the wedding

Someone was dressed like Freddie Kruger Like seriously like we went to a bar beforehand everyone and this guy was sitting down

brown trousers red and brown striped like the diamond like He has it like Take your time I'm on you like a jumper in it the red and burgundy look like

the burgundy and the brown yeah yeah but it's like hooped in it it was hooped striped but like Dennis the menace's top yes sorry yeah yeah striped yeah striped yeah that's what I meant yeah hoop striped yeah red and brown and the freddy crook a hat and he was just sitting there with people who were dressed normal

I don't think it was like a Halloween costume no it wasn't but I went everyone I went it's Freddy Krueger coming the wedding quietly I wasn't being an asshole but it's Freddy Krueger coming and no one everyone was like no salad and I'm like fuck this fucking

guys in exactly... Yeah. I got it. That would be... I mean, it was one step shy of me going to a restaurant with a gas mask on my head and a full yellow zip-up thing with a hood on it. And then people going,

oh, I'm breaking about me going, what? Yeah. Brick him what? What are you talking about? So, I'm fucking out. Anyway, obviously, I didn't say anything. I'm not a dick. And I also didn't say anything to this guy

who I'm talking about, who was on our plane, who was in the airport. Again, no offence to remember if you are this guy. But this man was in full safari gear. Yeah. Full safari gear. Right. Boots.

Cocky shorts. Safari shirt. Like a fucking one of them, like a hat, like a safari hat. Everything, safari. And he had a bandage on his hand. And I remember thinking,

is it rude if I go, if you, did you get a tag? Oh, you think you got attacked by? You said full fucking safari gear with a bandage. Why? This is really upset you.

You kept mentioning. I was like, I need to ask. I need, like, no disrespect, nothing horrible. here. I just wanted to know, look, have you been on some kind of safari and is that where you got injured and can you tell me what happened? No, I hate

to tell you, I think he's following a certain fashion that you know, it's come about in the boomer era. My dad dresses a bit like that. Right. But this was full off. I mean, this was a bit more intense. But yeah, I don't, I don't... Where's a safari next to Lake Garda?

Don't tell me it's in Lake Como. I bet you're fucking it. I went Lake Garda. hasn't even got a safari. How many giraffes are in Lake Garda? Fucking dog shit. No, I think he was just dressing like that.

Fair enough. That was he's just, he's crack. Fair enough. Like an old bounty hunter. Thought he looked great. Thought he looked great. But it was very Steve Irwin and I was just,

just wish I'd said something. But I didn't, I couldn't find the right moment. Well, I'm going to help you. I'm going to tell you. The bandage is a burn. He's burnt himself. He was making his morning cup of tea in his room. How was he done that?

What was he making of? With a kettle? he's just spilled them he's just spilled water on him I'll pretend that I'm okay with that yeah fine yeah should have asked him

you can't live like this I'm gonna develop a Twitch Oh you could have just said You don't your arm mate Might Mite Mabado do babadoo babadoo babadoo babadu babadu

Bha It's time for What's your beef What's your beef What's your beef? Beef beef beef beef Beef beef Beef

Now listen we had some lovely days In Italy Without the children they had a lovely time. So again, I hate to overag the pun and repeat myself for you and sound like a broken record, but I can't imagine you have any issue with me whatsoever

because I am a delight. This isn't an Italy-based beef. You are great. Honestly, you know, and like, I know we say this quite a lot, and I know it's like a proper privilege position because obviously, you know, it was an expense to go to the wedding in Italy,

but I genuinely think, even if you're not in that situation in life, just hiring like going to a B&B or like a travel lodge or just something just a night away without your children to remind yourself like why you's got married in the first place take yourself out of the home situation environment it's so healthy we i think we genuinely needed that yeah it was you remember we're just walking around and we we sat for a coffee and didn't speak and I didn't have to play double with anyone and I didn't have to like

wipe faces, didn't have to like make sure that people were going to the toilet and it just like and make sure no one better an eyelid that I was sitting there with food all over my face pain double on my own no one kid and I'm not oh God I feel

I feel so bad because obviously those are the things that I cherish doing with the kids but you know sometimes you forget who you are like genuinely you forget who you are and you forget that way actually a married couple who fell in love before kids

and used to do all of these things. Don't tell them. No, I know, but it was honestly, I mean, one bit of advice for like, if somebody says, I don't know, how you got, because sometimes we spend time together without the kids and it's really, really fucking healthy.

Anyway. But that's not to say that we don't love our time with our children. I was so excited to come back and I've been, you know, I've been with them nonstop since we got back. It's, you know.

Obviously. It's all about balance, I think. It is. Just a little one now and then, like you say, to remember who you were. Absolutely. Now, why do you hear? is in this moment. Now what if I don't to fuck you off?

This isn't to do with Italy because we had a lovely time and, you know, it was all great. My beef with you is you're on tour currently which is great. Yes. But it's hard work

and it's tiring. Yes. And you keep playing golf during the day. You keep playing golf for hours walking miles with your stupid bag on your back because you're trying to burn calories

which is, you know, very commendable but also you're fucking shattered and you need to stop. And you need to like recoup and just breathe Because you're playing too much golf Because you're a very obsessive piss But it's not good for your health The tone of that was

I don't know if everyone's I told me this quiz Well you're a very obsessive piss And currently You're obsessed with golf Which is really great But actually when you're on tour You need to just tell the fuck out

Because you came home from tour And you were like I'm fucking exhausted And I was like How about your rest? Before me gig in Derby I played golf during the day in the dog I fully passed out in the dressing room.

I lay down on the sofa and fully just gone. 20 minutes. Just, g-were-wept myself up snoring. Yeah, snored myself awake. You're not. Don't you, don't. Don't you,

daire. You're 40. I am 40. You're 40. Like, I am. We're middle-aged. God, if we're lucky.

If we're lucky, we are middle-aged. You need to chill the fuck out. Yeah. I'm not saying don't play golf. But don't play it every fucking day. When the weather's nice, you've got a GLEF, man. Oh my God. Do you not, I've not told me that Gleff is Leff?

Who's Gleff? Gleff is left. Who's Gleff? Gleff? Golf. Is left? Is left? Gleff?

Yeah, I call it Gleff. Gleff is left? Gleff is left? Who's made this up you? I made me. The reason it's so stupid and backward and it doesn't work anyways because golf in life don't work. So, Rhymen. them doesn't make any sense at all.

But I'm a victim here because Glef is left. Jesus Christ. I didn't know this. I'll be honest with you. I think someone mistyped it in a text like once, maybe last year.

And since then, it's just being Gleff. Oh, hey, I tell you what. Just got to do what we're going to do. I enjoy Bricel though, don't her? Gleff is left. Yeah, at this point, like I say, the tour is basically a golf trip with a few shows on a night.

That's basically what it is. just until the weather goes shit and then I'll roll straight back in a jitu and I'll be tired about that during the day you literally rolling straight into their fucking yawn, aren't you? Right, so okay, I take your points, thank you

and I'm going to ignore them but thanks for... What did I do in Italy that pisses off? You did nothing in Italy that pisses off. You were dreaming Italy and you looked gorgeous and I was lucky to have you have by my side in such a beautiful place. Oh God! Oh! get...

I just, I just wish it being late coma because it sounds old fella. Check your privilege. Lake Como. You, you've done this for years. When I'm, when we both going to bed and the dishwasher I need to empty and refilled, and there's like dishes all over the bench and stuff, I say, I'm just going to quit you do these. And you go, no, don't, don't, just go to bed for God's sake.

And I go, no, I need you do these. Because otherwise, my exact words of the other day were, I'll come down and there'll be dishes everywhere on and I'll do breakfast for the kids because there'll be dishes and it'll do me head in. You said, I'll get up and do them. And I went, okay. And as we both walk upstairs, I just, I know, I think,

she's never gonna. When was this? Just the other day. But I'm like, she's never going to. So I got up in the morning, and obviously I would never be like, cheating you up, going, get up and do them dishes.

So I just do them myself. Do you know what I'm going to be honest with you? You're just wait until they get on the public platform. I think the beef is with myself. I should not believe. and I should just do them dishes on the night. I think the beef is with myself for being a fool, a goddamn fool,

and letting you fool me. Firm me once, shame on you. Fore me twice, shame on me. But there's always, this happens all the time because you do use a lot of dishes. Wow. You do. You do.

We had this argument the other day when me Judas' mother had your back, but you'd use loads of dishes. Because when I'm here on my own with the kid, there's knee dishes. Yeah. I do like eating out of the tub away

Yes You eat out of top away Your mom eats with just little plastic spoons and things That dishwasher doesn't know what's going on Doesn't know what's going on We're running low on top over the day We need to do a big Chinese order as soon

So we refill the tub away Well we didn't get one the other day No we didn't Because I got the guilt Yeah Got the goddamn That was fun Actually no that

Yeah That should have been my beef actually We're getting a curry night Yeah we'll get a current night Or a Chinese here or a Chinese I got in you went I've roasted a chicken We're having chicken and veg

I went okay I know I'm full filming this week but it was unreal and your whole min mac and cheese mate where's that been all my fucking life i know why you just started doing that now sorry oh thank you i appreciate that um yeah we are due with chinese i haven't had one for months yep well if you haven't done one for months you'd be due multiple i quit no i've quit me alarm well do you know what it is chris because i chose this life chose this life of being recorded you know my stupid stupid fucking me wanted a bit

on the goddamn telly and now I'm on the goddamn telly I can't get Chinese every week because then I say me treble chin and I go oh god But as well though You don't want your phone telling you

That takes all the fun out of a Chinese You've got to have your Chinese I don't want it anymore Because you tell us what to do Maybe put it in for every day and you'll never want one I mean I would I would

Babado babado babado babado babado It's time for questions from the public Questions from public Public. As always, if you want to get touch to Shagmary Naut at gmail.com for the email and the numbers on the thing. I'm not fucking reading it out. Oh my God, lazy. This is a voice note that Daisy has sent us and it's called Chris is a hypocrite.

I agree. I already agree. I'm a massive hypocrite. I just don't know what it's about. So let's... Digging me out here. Come on then, I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's start it again because obviously I'm shit with technology. Can I just try and guess maybe? I've slagged something off and now I'm well on board with it. see massive water containers, cold plungers. Yeah, come on then.

Possibly. We'll see. Okay. Ready? Hi guys. I'd just like to quickly address the fact that Chris is a colossal hypocrite about being farted on in the face. Years ago, when you were on holiday, Chris attempted to fart on your son's face whilst going up a set of steps, only to find that when he turned around, it was a child that he had never met before. I remember that! You are a victim of karma, but goes around comes around. Have a nice day.

Yes. Yes? I'd completely forgot about that. Yeah, you're a fucking biggest partner. Bang to write. That guy has, do you know what? He's dealt me a good man there. Do you know, guys, he's no too much.

How do you mention that on the podcast? Obviously. I thought it was his kid. I was like, oh my God, it's the kid. And my child had an eye infection. Why, Chris was going up those days. Beost, I will never know. He is now, but, ah!

Fuck me. Right, yeah, no, bang the right. I fully, I fully apologize. Amazing. I got, mate, I need you in me, I need you in me everyday life just to put his back at me lane. At least a kid was like up the stairs as well. He was eye level.

Like, you know. At all you level. It's at all level. Hard going. Anyway, right, here's some other stuff. Here we go. Hi, Rosie and Chris. My name's Claire, and I'm listening to your podcast just now about the

things people say that you still say or the ages ago, someone says, whichever we're calling it. Anyway, we have one which is a Chris Ramsey saying. So, my son and I say this quite a lot when we are surprised and it comes from when Chris was on Taskmaster and

he was doing something where he had to find pairs of shoes, I think it was. Anyway, Chris had to say an apologies for the Georgie accent No way! And so now when my son and I are surprised by anything we turn to one another and we say No way! Thought you'd like that one. Love the podcast, bye. Oh, thank you. That's hilarious. So many people.

No, no way! So many people hit us with no way. I can't remember that task. Were you actually meant to say no way every time you found something? Every time he answered, I had to say it. I didn't say it on my own. Every time. So it was a big, like this little, well, a wooden church, probably a bit bigger than this room we're in now.

And there was shoes everywhere. And it was like Alex's shoes are in here somewhere, find Alex's shoes. And you can ask him yes on all questions. And whenever he answers, after every question, whatever his answer is, I had to say no way. So everyone had to see a different thing or do a different thing. And mine was the fucking Goddors, because again, I think I've mentioned this before,

I obviously did it a few times. in the thought, he fucking says no way, like a child. Like, let's make them say it every time. You do actually. It's not, so now when I say it, I can tell people who've seen Tasmosa, because I sometimes, I do still say it's actually, yeah. And people go, and I go, oh, fuck. Yeah. I think I say it quite a lot as well, like, no way. No way. Yeah, I get it a lot. I get it a lot. So I'm glad that's part of your life. And the joke, the accent was actually fantastic. So well done. Well done. Thank you. Every time

I hear the Scottish accent, it just reminds us a rate of lemon. Yeah. Very ever so slightly. Our friend who's very, Very, very slightly Scottish. Yeah. Sorry, a bit of Eustace and imagine. And very slightly Scottish, sounds weird. She's got a slight accent, should I see. She's not slightly Scottish.

We've done a DNA. Yeah, it turns out you're slightly Scottish. Highly Scottish. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Myself and my husband are huge fans of the podcast, and I thought I'd share a lovely memory with yous from when I first met my husband, Brett.

Brett. Hey, Brett. Nice one, Brett. Hi, man. How's it going? There's a guy in Brett. You know what I'm nice? There is a few brettes from,

there's a few millennial brets. Yeah. I remember a couple of Brett from school. Oh, there's a few brettes in my school that I always thought it was a very cool name. Yeah. Very cool. I bet I bet you wish you were a Brett.

Oh, if I was going to change it, it would have been Brett like. Yeah. I'm sure I've said before I wanted to change my name to Axel. Oh. Okay. So the main character. from Streets of Rage

and me and character from Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah, Axel. I mean there'll be Axel's listening. Will there?

Yeah. Axel. Do you think many people actually got Axel? I think so. Yeah. For sure. And you know what?

Axel. Love yours. Yeah. It's a gorgeous name. And Brett. Chris wanted it. I did. Imagine Axel and Brett

go out on the pole together. Wow. Wow. Oh, you're well in with them 40-year-old. Lock up your fucking aunties. Axel Ramsey. That's pretty cool.

actually. Axel Rams. Yeah. Axel Rose, he was the... Yeah, that's another one as well. Good. Ready?

When my husband and I first met, we'd only been going out for a few weeks when we went shopping at the Metro Centre. We were in Primark, happily browsing when I noticed my new boyfriend kept doing this really irritating thing.

He was constantly sniffing his snot back up his nose. Right. Yeah. Okay. I'm guilty of that. I'm guilty of that on this podcast, actually, when I start talking too much

I have to lean away from the mic. Oh, yeah. room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, because we'd only been together a few weeks, right, I thought, right, don't say anything. You don't want to scare the poor bloke off just yet. So just leave, you know, I love the idea. Keep it in. Log that for maybe the six-month period. Absolutely. I don't say anything. But eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. And one day in Primark. Yeah, he must have been doing it loads. So while we were on the escalator, I handed him a tissue and politely told him to blow his nose. His response, oh, sorry, I can do this.

Now, I genuinely thought he meant he could blow his nose without the tissue. What I wasn't prepared for was what happened next. Don't. Are you going to say he, no? He put one finger over his nostril. Took a massive breath and blew as hard as he possibly could. The snot came flying out of his nose and landed directly on my leg. Shuttle. Not even. When I first read this, when I first read it, I thought, right, okay,

absolutely gross. You're not a footballer on the pitch. Minging. I thought he'd at least have done it like over the escalator. Yeah, I thought like he's going to do it on the floor, but then I'm thinking on the escalator. Like, I mean, there's no good,

you're in a shopping centre, unless you're in a fucking field or out on a run, like you say, playing football. Yeah. No place for that, like. I was absolutely gobsmacked. On our leg. Shock. On our leg?

I didn't know whether laugh or cry, run away or pretend I'd never met him. And somehow, despite witnessing that within the first few weeks of a relationship I thought yep this is the man for me fast forward to now and I've actually married the man who snotted on her at the metro centre so sad

to this day I still don't understand how I went from please blow your nose to I'll spend the rest of my life with you apparently true love really does mean accepting someone's bodily fluids flying at you on a prime arc escalator it was in primor it was in the prime off it was not even on the metral centre

oh Jesus Christ it was indoors twice Yeah, it's even worse. It's actually worse that he's done it inside the shop. Yeah, yeah. It's indoors, indoors. Yeah, yeah. So that's even worse.

I need more, again, I need more information. Like, but what I love so, it's like a sitcom. Oh, it's all right, I can do this. On your leg. That's made my fucking day that, like, that has made my day. It's so good. You, pig. Genuinely, I wonder if he was, like, nervous.

Possibly, but. I wonder if he's nervous. It's nothing. I wouldn't have he thought I'd do this outside. I'll just do it yet. Even better. I'll try this on for size. What?

He thought it would impress her. That's all right. Look, I can do this. I'm a proper man. I'll do this off. I'll do this if I was saying on Saturday morning. Nah, gross. I'm absolutely.

Inside on the first day. I'm trying to think if you ever did anything really gross that I was like, absolutely not. I remember the first time, not gross. It's actually a very clean thing, but it was all we've talked about before. Right.

Do you remember the first time I witnessed do you do when you're like shower routine what do you mean you shower routine you're gonna have to remind us when you you like squat down wash your ass oh clean me ass yeah yeah like the thing yeah yeah that was the first time i saw that that was really horrible you know i remember chris how we can't remember oh come on where were we the bungalow one story glory yeah yeah and you came we might have even had shower sex it might have been after shower sex we still when we used to show us, I think we were like,

and you were like, I'm just gonna get, well, you're just literally, sorry, everyone listened. Squat and spray. Squat and spree.

Still do it. I know you do. I'm used to it now. When I'm in a hotel and they've got that stupid thing where you can't get, one, if they haven't got a shower head, I'm well upset.

And if they've got it with it, it's in the loop and you can't get it off the thing. Why'd you have to do that? Just, bhajard doing a good job. Fuck me. They all done a carriage.

The old under carriage blast. It's got to be done that. It's been really straight. I just don't know why you can't wash your ass standing up. Well. Like, it's a slit. It opens. No, but it opens. Yeah, but I'd just like to do a good job.

It's horrible. Honestly, the first time I saw that, I was like, am I? Am I? Am I too far in here? Nah, she was jealous. She looked at us, right? I saw her look at her eyes going, my bum will never be as clean as his. I'm going to have to just, you had to reside yourself to the fact that you're in this relationship,

you're the bum. I've got to turn it off. What? Wow. Here it is. Here we go. Hi guys. I'm absolutely loving the things we repeat that others have said segment.

So I have one for you. Yeah. I've noticed that in pretty much every conversation I have with my friend, he somehow manages to work the phrase, I've got three kids. Into the conversation. Yeah, no, okay. So this person doesn't have kids and he just keeps going up, right, okay.

And I mean every conversation, right? It doesn't matter what we're talking about. Somehow, somewhere. there's a perfectly appropriate moment to remind us all that he's got three kids it's become such a running joke in our house that we say it to everything um can't make a cup of tea we've got three kids can't empty the dishwasher i've got three kids can't brush my teeth i've got three kids and i completely appreciate that having three children comes with its own challenges god i've got a three year old boy so i know how hard it is but honestly we get it you've got three kids please keep me anonymous because i don't want him to know it's me although he probably won't have time to listen this because he's got three kids only one thing for it you have to have four kids that you have to

look this is a long game this is a long game and this is a lot to put on the line and it's a lot to pay a big price to pay to win this argument but you need to have you've got your three year old

you quickly have three more kids and then anything you got I got four kids mate yeah I've got four kids mate you course you can I've got four kids and I did it oh you'd be gutted

I know I mean that would be me that would be me I've got three kids. Oh. I don't know how anyone does anything with three kids. We've got two kids and I barely managed to do anything. I barely got time to squat down on the shower and clean my horse. I know.

It's just insane, isn't it? Like the admin, but yeah, I've got three kids. That is funny though. I've got three kids. Brilliant. God, don't we all just hate each other? Yeah. It's quite good.

What I love is, like, people come on here anonymously with letters and emails and slag off their mates anonymously. And it's like they've got it out with their system. You know, the thing where they say, write something down, write a text as if you're going to send it and then delete it and it feels like, well these people are actually getting to do it but they're not seeing it then, they're seeing it to us and then we're judging them and it's like, look, I'm glad it's a service work can provide.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Another one of the stuff that people say that bloody, blah, blah. Yeah. My dad. I'm not going to fully give up on that, but yeah, come on. I know. Fuck it. My dad has always had hearing problems, but he's one of those irritating people who will complain that

everyone around him is speaking too quietly rather than admitting that he might need a hearing Classic. Honest of God. Like, classic. It's just that generation. No, no, I love it. No, no.

I'm sorry. That's going to be me. I'm telling you that's going to be me. I'm already like, I'm already, you know, going and playing, like, belligerently playing 18 holes of golf

and then wondering why I'm tired on the afternoon. You know, I had a horrible moment the other day. I think I was lying in bed my leg was hurting or something. And I should remember thinking, from now until the day I die, my body is just going

go downhill. Everything's going to get harder and more difficult. I'm going to be more tired and everything's going to hurt more and it's just going to go down, down, down, down, down till the day I die. So I would be, now you're all fucking, nah, I don't need me. I don't need hearing aids.

You're all just talking too quietly. What? Hey, why are they always mumbling in films these days? That's me. Get me right on that fucking train. Honestly, arrogant, Oh, please don't take me down with you.

Please don't take me with you. Okay, so as a result, my family has accumulated a collection of iconic phrases He has accidentally invented by mishearing people But my personal favourite happened last year My dad's first grandchild and my first new nephew was born, was due to be born, sorry, And we were talking about all the things we were excited to do with him As a lifelong Tottenham Hotspur supporter,

Tottenham Hotspur supporter, My dad said he was particularly looking forward to taking his grandson to a spurs game when he was older. I said, yes, you should buy him a tiny spurs shirt. My dad looked at me completely perplexed, like I was the stupid one, and said, a Taiwanese bird shirt. That's so specific!

So ridiculous. He's still got shirt! He's still got shirt! Taiwanese bird shirt has thus become one of those phrases that has taken on a life of its own. My best friend and I now regularly, referred to Tottenham Hotspur simply as Taiwanese birds. Another, I don't like football, I would classify myself as a proud Taiwanese bird support if anyone asked.

Oh hang on, P.S. My dad is going for open heart surgery soon. Please send good thoughts and healing vibes. Fucking hell. Yeah. Hope you all right, mate. While they're there, get your ears. Sorted. While you're out. Oh no, honestly, genuinely. Best of what we're at. Oh, God, yeah. I hope so, yeah. And maybe, maybe. for a little gift when he's better, Google specific indigenous Taiwanese birds,

get them printed on a shirt, get him a Taiwanese bird, get him an actual bird. Get him a Taiwanese bird. Listen, just because... Might be import issues there, but yeah. Shush. You're ready? They look for Taiwanese birds.

Why I? There we go. Oh, 700 species. Fuck me. Oh, you can cover a few shirts with them. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Blue Magpie, Mikado pheasant, Swin'aws, Fescent,

Taiwan, Yuhina They're all very beautiful Why is there 700 Taiwanese birds? Yeah. Hey, if you're watching, right? Stop being greedy with your Taiwanese birds.

Share them out, right? That's crazy talk. That's absolutely. In the 19 days I saw a hood, 150 of the 570 species of birds recorded 570, sorry, not 700. God, Google, get better.

That's wild. That's, what, how? There's so many. It'll blow your mind how many species there are of things. Like, it will blow your mind. They still discover new fucking wops and that. Like, there's so many, any animal you can think of,

there is an absolutely eye-watering amount of species of that animal. I hate upset you. Do you know bees are now on the, like, extinction list. Oh, fuck so. Yeah, we're fucked. We're absolutely fucked. What are we doing, that? We need bees.

Yeah, we need bees. Big type. Just be alive. Yeah, we need bees. Someone I know has bought a generator. What? Someone I know has bought a generator. Why?

because we're fucked. Right. That's a good thing to end on. So just, you know, like, what, like sort of 50 minutes of comedy and then quick little dash of... I will kill comedy. Quick little dash of open heart surgery

and then a lovely smothering of where fucked me friends bought a generate and let's all live in underground. Thank you so much for listening. Oh, we're done? Should I not do one more? Do you want to do one more? I'll finish on one more because that was really depressing. Okay, okay.

Hi, Rosie and Chris. Me and my husband, husband, me and my husband have listened to the podcast from the beginning I'm from Hartley Pool, Big Up the North East Anyway, love the new segment Got us thinking about phrases we say We were out in about one day

When a couple walked past us And we heard the guy say to the woman Let's get you home and out of those pants When are people going to learn To not say shit like that Loud enough for fucking strange as to hear it? So now if we're out and want to go home We say let's get you home and out of those pants

I wonder if anyone has heard us say it and the cycle has continued. Maybe, maybe the person, maybe he wasn't saying that to her. Maybe he heard someone else say that to her. Possibly. Here's a question. Was it sexy time?

I had to shout to self. Who knows? Or were they too tight? We should have really bloated day? Yeah. Let's get you home and out of them pants. Or had they just realised that those pants were fetching quite a pretty penny on Vinted.

So let's get you home and out of them before you ruin them. We're going to sell them going holiday. Yeah. There might be in special, you know, special pants. It says here, they say, we also say decent breasts a lot. Decent breasts. From an early episode of the podcast.

Remember decent breasts? I do remember decent breasts. I'm sure. We actually named the podcast episode decent breasts. Very lovely pair of decent breasts. Just, no, no ways our grace. It's just a bloody decent breast. Hey, listen, there's not wrong with a decent pair of breasts.

Nothing wrong at all. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. Thank you so much for. for listening at this week's episode of Shag Maridenoid. I hope I haven't upset you with the January 11th. Well, I was going to say, yeah, I hope that for this episode, and as we always do, we've just took your mind off everything awful that's going on. But Rosie always liked to just, just jab you back in there at the end, a little slap back down.

If you want your mind taking off the horrible things in the world any further, Chris Ramseycombe.com for tickets for my tour. That goes on until beginning of December. And if not, we'll be back in New Year's next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye, love you, bye. Bye, bye. and I live in the most beautiful place on earth. Seven months ago, I blew up my life, and a lot has shifted since then. Everyone is moving forward. I'm still working on that. And that's me.

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