Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Je Suis Belligerent

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

We’re in the final week of the summer holidays - and the Ramseys have been to Disneyland! Listen to find out if it is really the happiest place on earth… Meanwhile - Chris has taken a wasp hostage in his dressing room, we’re beefing about mullets, and in QFTPs we’ve discovered a brand new take on a children’s classic.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagged Married a noise. I've got a brand new book out, but not really. It's actually just a well-constructed dig at you. It's just you being horrible, but putting it into a funny way. It's very well done. Don't marry a comedian. Coming right up with that. We've been to Disney and we're going to tell you all about it.

The good, the bad and the irritating Peter with Disney has on. You know what the French call Les encompeton. There it is. We've got beef, as usual. We've got questions from the public and a brand new take on a children's classic Winnie the Pooh. Oh, oh, it's a good one. All that coming up. Enjoy. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health.

From the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Hello, you're listening to Shagmurbanonoid with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi, darling. How are you? I'm really good. This is a good week. This is my good week. Yeah. Yeah. So. Feel top of the world? I do. Top of the pops. Yep. Looking forward to being depressed next week. Yes. We'll live in the moment right now and I feel really good. brand new listener. This is the

monthly cycle of Rosie's period and Rosie's moods. This is what happens. It's just the thing. I've got to live with it. So so of fucking you. I'm sorry. Sorry that it's not happening in you at all. Perimenopause soon as well so that's... Oh what's that? I forgot that. Look forward. What's that? I'll send you some videos.

Yeah. Great. Great. I'll send you some videos. Do you think other people send each other couples send each other as much shit as we do on Instagram? I don't know. I mean, we mainly send funny stuff to each other, but now and then you do send us some kind of period-based one that explains why you're being a dick.

You've been sending me some really serious kid stuff recently. Just about Roblox and stuff, like Qatar's banned Roblox and loads of different stuff on Roblox, just that kind of stuff because our kid does play on it and you've got to be careful. But yeah, now and then, we normally send each other funny stuff, but now and then you're like, by the way, this is why I'm a total dickhead four days a month.

No, but also I send you stuff, That's like, you know, mothers are they very much the sort of like nurturing, loving parent and dads are the play. Explain them why I'm outside putting up bouncy castles and fucking about while you're inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're the nurturing. I wonder what happens in same-sex couples? I imagine, I mean, I don't know what I'm guessing that someone would just take each role. I'm not sure.

Well, I would think so because I know a lot of same-sex couples and their sort of, like, their personalities are different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I can imagine, yeah, they haven't got, I don't know any same-sex couples with children. Currently, the position is open. Well, emailing and let me know. Yeah, I would be very intrigued, actually.

And who does all the sort of, you know, they might just swap it. It depends. Yeah. Again, imagine having two moms. Be fucking. Unbelievable. Just be like, just, yeah.

Would it be or do you thought I didn't, nah? No. Not, la. Love dad. Sorry, dad. Sorry to you but two moms would just be the dream personally That's absolutely fine

I take it on the chin Look, it's just what I do They're trying to, have you seen all this stuff At the minute though They're trying to not let gay Same sex couples adopt Like what the actual fuck? Where they're doing that?

It's got in America I think it's America It's just... Not here. Surely it's not here. No, I don't think it's here But as a person who used to work in child care

Young child care I don't know how to word this properly just some parents are not fit to be parents regardless of gender or sexuality and if there was a couple of the same sex who are just genuine and lovely people they'll be the better I'm sure children I'm trying to say sorry

children who have been taken into care because their parents are shit I'm sure they would not give up the opportunity to have a same sex couple family who love and adore them but anyone adopt them because the checks don't have to do like fucking loads of checks

and loads of things like you don't have to do that as just have a kid yeah but obviously there's stories coming out at the minute which are like shock factor of you know

things that have slipped through the net I've seen a couple of things of people who've slipped through in the net of same sex couples but that also happens in heterosexual

couples who adopt like it's you can't just be like right this one gay couple that he was whatever we've got very deep we'll always get deep really deep really quick

this is the intro yeah but this is how me and you actually talk Yeah, but also what you've just said there, whenever someone's trying to pedal, whatever story they're trying to pedal, you just get shown whatever the story is.

It's carnage now. I know it is. You can't believe anything you see. Did you see Will Smith apparently put, just to totally change the subject and jump straight off this really, really, great, everything you said, agree with what you say about comedy podcast.

Do you say apparently Will Smith put, this is alleged, I've got to say allegedly, right, or you'll come and give us a slap, while you fucking try, I'll unbothered, Duff con. I'd have he'd remember, well, no way. I doubt you'd remember. I don't remember.

You remember us if I took him down in America on them and we try to slap us. Now listen, all I'm saying is, apparently he did a video. He's done a video of his crowds saying, Army Two has going great and all this. Apparently, it's AI. Allegedly, it's AI in the crowd. Like, the camera goes across the crowd and it's like, they're all fucked up and that and they're all like holding mad signs saying,

like, your music helped me get over fucking dying and cancer and all this mad stuff. It's crazy. I just think this industry sends some people. lupy. Wacky, what you do, do, darn. I suppose. That's a copyright that's a copyright, a shagmired anoid phrase. But it does, I think, this industry, I think, to have that much, if you're that kind

of person who will take that hype and take it and run with it, it's going to do damage to you. They're just, a lot of them are complete narcissists. Yeah, I don't want to give anything away, but I do talk on my next tour in depth about when we were on

Graham Norton with Will Smith. Tickets's on sale now. It's like 90% sold out now. that you are so be quick. London, there's a few things left in the back. Is this all just a plug for your podcast? This whole thing is a plug for my podcast. Oh my God,

not your podcast. You are. Your own, don't you date? This whole thing. I set up that fake news thing about the adoption. That was all, this is all just a leapfrog to this. By the way,

how I'm meant to feel about you doing Carl Hutchinson's podcast, just all the time? Twice now. Twice now. Twice now. I don't have any side hustle podcasts. Right. What the fuck's going on?

You can barely do this one. I know. To be fair I know This is this and this is the longest In- Whoever and thinking I've already flogged Tickets for me to tour

Right I'm gonna do a bit more flogger now Couple of things to flog Listen to this Beautiful beautiful people who are listening You can also watch this on YouTube Yeah People are watching it on YouTube

Thank you so much Now listen what I want More than anything I want that 100,000 subscriber plaque On YouTube that you get We're on about We've got quite a few

subscribers on YouTube but if you're listening to this. We're no way near 100,000. I think we've got 34,000. If you're listening to this jump on YouTube, subscribe. I don't want it for me. You've sold your soul. I don't want it for. I don't want it for. Bye, Chris's soul. No. What? I want it for Robin. Our son. Can't believe

we've got YouTube channel. And literally that YouTube plaque, he would be so impressed. It would be the coolest thing what you do is, I can't lie anymore. I want it to hold it over him as punishment. I want it. And I want it, I want to get it, and I want to put it in a glass case next to a hammer.

And I want to go, son, think about how you're speaking to your dad, or the hammer comes out and I smash that YouTube thing in front of you. Don't. There it is. I couldn't lie anymore. I couldn't live in a world of lies. I know we're still on the intro. But it's how we can do what we want. Why do you always say that?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Listen. She doesn't care. This is the first summer holiday that I've actually enjoyed my children's company for a long period of time. Said it.

This has been great. It's actually been lush, Chris. We've been lush, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got one week left. I've genuinely, I've, hand on heart, I've really enjoyed it. Yeah. It's been, it's exhausting, but I've thoroughly enjoyed it.

And I just, if you're in the trenches now, we say this all the time. If you're in the trenches, if your children are young, it's fucking exhausting. It's harrowing. It gets so much better, doesn't it though? It gets so, it's horrible. Do you remember getting up in the night and that?

Just like, God, yeah. Got changing nabies in the middle, and the fucking half asleep, changing a shitting nappy, getting pissed on. Or the midnight one of changing a nap. happy and they have a shit while you're changing the naping. Oh God. Heroin.

Yeah. And it's just better. Race four. Robin's nine, nearly 10. It's just being lovely. It's been gorgeous. It really has. Yeah.

Rosie, Robin came golfing with me two days in a row. I know. Actual golfing. I'm not the fucking, not the driving range. Not mini golf, not pitching put. Not a par three. Actual par five, par four, par three fucking golf. Two days in a row.

Went the first day, got away with it. I thought, wow, we really like that. second day, dad, come and go there again. Fucking rights wouldn't go there again. And his attention span is dog shit. Yeah, yeah. These teachers listen to this. They know.

Tell you what. So he enjoyed, maybe golf at the curriculum, I don't know. Yeah. So listen, beautiful people, what I'm trying to say is subscribe to the YouTube channel if you can. Subscribe to this, if you listen to this and you're not a subscriber, thank you so much. And just thank you for coming here and listening and watching and being part of it. We really do appreciate it. It literally is just me and you.

We are still, it blows my mind that we are still at the top of them comedy podcast charts and actual podcast charts every single week. It's just me and you talking. It's just me and you. Yeah. We're not judging anyone. Is this a moment? I'm, I've, I don't have it while I'm over this. No, I'm joking.

It's lush. Well done. Proud of you. Proud of you. And well done everyone for putting up with it. No. I'm really, I love it at the minute because we're not doing loads of other stuff. And don't get me wrong.

Love the tour. Love the TV show. But it's a bit intense, on it. Yeah. Bit intense on the old marriage. I mean, we can sugarcoat it all we want and be like Instagram fake and bullshit, but that's not how we live our life. it was really, really intense.

And now that we're not doing all that, honestly, we got the love back. We got the love back. Oh my God, you love me. Now listen, it is time without further ado for this week's lucrative, lucidus sponsor. Do you love me? I've just literally just said that I do.

Hold on to that because you might not have to this sponsor, but look, it's not from me, it's from the publisher. Okay. These words are not mine. These are from the publisher. I've got the script, I've got to read it out. Okay. This week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor

is my new book. Chris Ramsey presents the perfect omelet. Oh my fucking. I know. This is. Actually, this is really upsetting for everyone listening. Listen, listen. This is a script. This is a script. There's a script from the publisher, Rosie.

I've got to read the script from the publisher. Hey, hey, are your kids repulsed by the omelets you make? Does your child literally refuse to eat it? Sound familiar? Hi. I'm Chris Ramsey, author of The Perfect Omelet. And this happens in my house all the time. When my wife makes what she calls an omelet,

my children are not happy at all. There's tears, there's shouting, the ones called social services. Quite right, you should see these fucking things. She needs to read The Perfect Omelet by me, Chris Ramsey, multiple Sunday times bestselling author. From heating the pan to cracking the eggs to presentation, The perfect omelet has you covered.

Studies have shown that 98% of children who are forced to eat substandard omelets turn to a life of crime and drugs. Is that right? God. The other 2% and this is real, it's written here,

the other 2% and I didn't know this until I read this, the other 2% literally dig giant holes and live underground for the rest of their lives. Bunkers? Yeah, they just live underground. Yeah, underground rat people.

Because of... A rat people. Because the mams are shit and making on them. Get the sandlot kids. So, do the right thing. Get your copy today because your family deserves more. Don't just take my word for it. Here's an audio testimony from my son, Rave,

saying how much... I'm joking to do. I'm joking. Look at your face. Oh, I couldn't. I couldn't do it here. I nearly got it for doing. I was like, I can't. He should have. It would be hilarious.

Long story short, everyone, if you haven't cracked on by now. Rosie made Rhea for an omelet the other day, and he literally wouldn't touch it. And I had to go and make him an omelet. and I did my omelet and he fucking destroyed it and I had to throw yours again. It's the bakeoff all over again. It's literally the bakeoff all over again.

So long story short, you make yours like, do you know when you watch those videos and I think it's Japan, you know, and the perfect, they're like, they're just great at making like the cooking eggs, right? What Japanese are amazing of cooking eggs?

Like you watch it and there's like a little like a little sheet thing like a pan and it's just perfect. Yeah, yeah. It's like the perfect sort of, you know, omelet. Yeah, yeah. That's what yours look like, right? Yours, the gorgeous colour.

Yeah, mine are country chic. Yeah. Mine are rustic. Yeah. Very much. Slab dash, I do believe. You get mine in the Cotswold. Mine would come on you,

it would come on you, the chives on you go, that is, that's beautiful. Yours look like, back old episodes of Top Gear, yours looked like they would say that a truck had such bad suspension that you could make an omelet in the back without stirring it

and you'd make an omelet on the back this truck and there would be video in it and at the end they would eat it. Yours look like they'd be made in it. Oh my God, is mine the Egg Challenge on, what program was it? What program is that? Saturday Kitchen. Is that a Saturday kitchen? Yeah, yours is the fastest fuck omelet egg challenge on Saturday kitchen where they literally just ragged about. Oh yeah. So, Ray refused to eat the omelet that I made, even though it was just the same

ingredients. It's on the presentation. It's all the presentation. Again, I spoke about before and omelets are a really weird thing. One egg, perfect, two. It's like eating a mattress. You just need one egg, don't know. I said it. I said it the idea. with scrambled eggs, three scrambled eggs disappears. Three fucking eggs in an omelette, it's like trying to eat a temper of fucking mattress. Do you know that's, oh my God, that's like potatoes and chips. Right. Right?

Three potatoes made into chips. Not that many chips. Three potatoes is potatoes. Yeah. Eat them raw like apples. Can't do it. God, it's not wild. I made four jack of potatoes the other day in the oven, right? At the same time as cooking a roast chicken. We made stuff came over.

We just ate four jacked potatoes with chicken. It's like the best day ever. It's just, um, Jack potatoes done in the oven. Victorian times. Oh my, I'm sorry. Spatchcocked chicken and potatoes.

It was just, it was great. Did you, when you went to the toilet, did you throw a box of shit out of the window as well into the street? I should have. Or did you just flush? No, I should have. It was, Jacketotas done the oven.

Dare I say? Fucking beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful. It's upsetting when these vans, you know, these vans do all the spuds and that. I love a jack potato. They're not,

they're not as good as not. They don't feel oveny. This was like olive oil, salt and. Oh, okay. Anyway. I can talk about jack potatoes all day I know you could yeah yeah

yeah should write your book just butter and salt with chicken and mayonnaise and it was just like just divine just a lovely butter salt chicken mayonnaise potato yeah okay yeah

honestly well done you I'm starving fucking hell right we'll crack on here we had a fight about the jingle we couldn't set along a jingle so this is the jingo

jingo We hope you like the Jingdo Jingo Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadu babadu bagu bagu bag bagu bag

Jingo! Hello and welcome back to this week Schnepper Snodd of Shagmarydenoid Hello Hello What have we got to say for yourself Well first of all We were supposed to start recording a lot earlier than this

Why were you late? Oh I've just been finding on Right Why? Why I was late coming over here to this office Have you got a quiz? Have you got something exciting? No nothing at all

I was late because I was in my dressing room Yes Which is basically a large It can't call that a dresser It's just a big other the normal cupboard. It's a cupboard. It's a cupboard with cupboards in.

Yeah. It's a cupboard. It's a walking cupboard with cupboards in. Yeah. It's quite small. It's quite dark. It's quite dusty. It's quite messy.

There was was a wasp in it. Oh, God. It's still in there. Oh. It's still in there. You're not scared of wasps, I just don't like the fact that it's in there. And it could be in a sleeve up a cuff of a sleeve. Oh, shit.

Right. Okay. Up some trousers. Oh. So basically, I saw it. I heard it and it was buzzing around. So I went downstairs and I got me, I've got one of them salt shooting pump action shotguns shotguns that you can buy to get...

Yeah, I've left it cocked, by the way. Yeah, I know you left it cock. Very dangerous. Don't leave a loaded weapon in our house anymore, thank you. It's fucking insult. Hey, you saw my leg when I got shot on my leg with it. It hurts like, fuck. I'm desperate to try it. I'm going, so I went in, right? I used to fly it's me. Fuck wasps, right? Anyone listening going, you shouldn't kill the wasps? Literally, if you like wasps, you're ill, right? Wospes are the words. I don't, mate. I'm not scared of them. I will not kill a bee. I will not kill a bee.

No, because we do shit. Yeah. Wasps pointless, right? I think the do, do, we've talked about this before. fuck, assholes. Now listen, all right, I won't, I will not have

any pro-wasp chat from this anti-Wosp podcast, right? Imagine I get, imagine this is what I get cancelled for. Imagine. Not like in wasps? No,

do you know how they go back? They'll go back. You said so much worse. No, but, no, but do you know how like they'll go back to like, they'll go back the 90s or something

and they'll pick something out and I'll pick something out. No, go on. I didn't mean en enrived. I, I wake up in cold sweats worrying about what, what they're going to bring up

that we've said on here. all the time. I have to honestly, I kind of counsel myself and go, well, you know, if they did, you'd be okay, because, you know, we've done all right

and we'd just, I don't know, would sell off some assets or whatever and, you know, my mom and die will always love us and I think my friends would, they know what I'm like and I'm a good person.

Speaking of assets, speaking of assets, we might have to burn the house down because it's in there still and I don't know where it is. Well, what you're going to have to do is you're going to have to live out of the dirty washing pile

for a couple of days and just let it. So this is what happened, right? So it was up, It was on the light, right? And I went in with me salt shotgun. Yeah. I caught it, right?

And I held it up without thinking and I shot, right? And I salted the ceiling. It came back down. The salt went in my eyes. I had to run back out of the dressing room, right, and go wash my face. And then I'd go back in. And then it was on top of the wardrobe, right? So I shot it again on top of the wardrobe.

But there was loads of dust there. So all the dust came back. Right. Dust went at my eyes. Had it go and wash my face, come back in. And I was at the point where I was trying to look on the top of the highest wardrobe. And I went downstairs and I got Raph's little IKEA table that he eats his dinner off.

but Rob and you stick these dinner off. How'd your compas on it? No, no. I stood both the chairs on top of it, the kid's chairs, because we haven't got any ladders. So it was table, then both chairs. I was standing on the chairs.

Do you know, it's wild? What? I bought a pair of step ladders yesterday. Where are there? I don't, I'm in the utility room. I didn't tell you. I went to Wicks yesterday morning. Right.

I bought a pair of step ladders. Well, it was just at the point where I was on, I was on a table with two chairs precariously on it, standing on it, and I went to move and then I realized what I was, I realized I wasn't on like a platform. I went to walk as if I was on a wall.

And I was like, I was like, this is how I'll go. This is how I'll go. Please don't. It'll be doing something really fucking stupid like trying to shoot a wasp with the plastic salt go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, it went on top of the wardrobe and then I moved a suitcase and it went down the back of the wardrobe. So it's in there still. Great. So long story short, I'm either burning it down or moving.

Well, we sleep in that room, so... Well, I kept the door shut. So I put a chair in front of the door. Then that's not... That's not because I think. think the wasp can open the door. That's to remind us when I go in. So we,

we went to Disney. Oh yes, we're back from the happiest place on Earth. We had a lovely little time. We did. We had a gorgeous old... Kids had an amazing time. I don't like busy stuff. No.

The kids loved it. As obviously kids love Disneyland. You did not really enjoy it too much. It's amazing. It's incredible. I genuinely believe if you can, everyone should probably go once. I genuinely believe

normal-minded parents go there with the kids and I'm like, I like bluey. Yeah. Bluey's amazing. Yeah. But I wouldn't watch it

if Rayf wasn't in the room. I wouldn't just get in and go, oh, Rosie's away with the kids. I tell what, I can't fuck a beer opening and sit a couple episodes of blueie on? I'm not going to do it. I know it's for the kids,

but I still enjoy it. But there's a lot of things that are for the kids that I don't enjoy but I'll do because of the kids. Yeah. Disney falls in between that. It was great,

so the rides were fucking awesome. You're, you are trying to say that you can understand Disney adults. There's adults there on their own. There's adults there. There's adults there who are very outwardly pissed off that your kids are there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're there. Being kids and trying to get, like, adults are really pissed off with kids being there. It's mental. It's yeah, it's very, it's interesting.

They're grownups, they're there in big groups of grownups, like a family holiday, you'd think, go fucking, like what are you doing? Yeah. They're there. They're in all their Disney clothing, matching, but it's not,

what I found was it's not even clothing from this Disney season. It's like a fucking 996 Aladdin jumper. And I'm like, how have you all got that still? Fayed it to fuck. And they're just walking around. And they're annoyed that there's kids in the queue and I'm like,

is this not for kids? I'd say so, the argument of this, right, is, it's each of their own, and it? Everybody likes different. things, all right, we can't. You love, you like UFC

where people just beat each other up. Somebody, a Disney Avil could say to you, that's something wild. That is a sweeping generalisation and that's really upset. I tell you right now. Disney, right, was our generation. Right. I think more than it is now. Right. Yeah. People like children have got, it's all we had. So people

are kind of living on that nostalgia and all that kind of stuff, which I get. We live in their childhood. Well, yeah, and you know what it is, each of their own. But also. They should have their own weekend. It should be this is adult weekend. Kids can't come and vice versa. Like in Butland's weekend. You should be allowed to go,

ah, day, I've been a bit of it. But honestly, honestly. Do you know what it is as well? We went in the peak of summer. It was very much the summer holidays. But at the end of the day, the kids fucking loved it. And you had the best time.

And listen, we actually had some really lovely family moments as well. We did. We did. So just remember that. I didn't enjoy being told by a little girl that I wasn't allowed to eat. And then 10 minutes later, she proceeded to start eating in the little theatre.

You went to see a Mickey Mouse show in the theatre. and a French kid turned around. You're eating popcorn and the French kid turned around and absolutely tore your ass out for them. Yeah, for eating. Full on, tallers off. And then her father joined in and told us off as well.

So she turned around and she said in French you're not allowed to eat in here and you went, what you're saying? And her dad turned around and instead of apologising, and her dad said, she's saying you're not allowed to eat in here. Yeah.

Whereas, I mean, dude, check your fucking self. Check your kid. I know. I know. Oh, sorry, sorry. She was just saying, hello, nudger in French.

Don't say that to people are too rude. Oh, no, yeah. And then two men say, She started to grab them. Then she started eating. And I wanted to rag I hear off her. 10.

11. Big shout out to everyone who just records things, by the way. Go fuck yourselves. What? So that, right. That's, I saw it more there than I've seen it anywhere else. I've never seen anything like it.

So we sat. The firework display above the castle, it's fucking busy. There was easily 25,000 people sitting watching. Doesn't start 20 to 11. But I tell you what. There was drones. I've never seen a live drone show.

It was brilliant. It was drones in the air that made like the little aliens from toy store. It was unreal. Projections on the castle. I'm very happy that we've seen it. Yeah.

Don't you say it again. Never again. But I'm happy I've seen it. A woman in front of us. Yeah. Walk in front of us. Yeah. Two minutes before it started.

BTAW. Two minutes before it started. She just ran into space in front of her. Wipped her phone out. Filmed and I know exactly how long it was because I was looking at a camera. 28. minutes and 40 seconds.

Wild. She filmed the entire thing. She's literally standing like out with a phone in the air and she's like swapping hands and shaking her. She's got a lactic acid build up. And then I'm looking thinking, you're not going to fucking watch that. Twenty fucking seven minutes. I look, while it was all happening, I had Rave

because obviously he lost complete fucking use of his legs the whole trip. Jesus Christ. Christ. He's on my shoulder does a lot like that kid. Oh, well it's just a lot of walk. We should have took a buggy. But anyway, I was looking around and everyone, literally just everybody. Like for the whole

thing. Crazy. And I was like, just film a little section. Put it on your Instagram. How many followers have you got? Yeah. Why is everyone doing it? But she, the woman who stood in front of us and filmed the entire thing,

27 minutes and 40 seconds or whatever it was, it was literally knocked around 28 minutes, right? She filmed the entire thing. Like, she's not going to watch that back. What she's going to go and why? Can you imagine going to her house and going, how was Disney? Oh, it was great.

Yeah. Watch this, the fireworks thing. Sorry, that, you want me to watch this 27 minutes video? She'll put there. But do you think she will watch the full thing again? No. But my point is, she didn't look away from that phone the entire time. Yeah.

So she didn't need to be there. Oh my God, just remembered something. No, she could have just went on YouTube and typed in Disney, Paris, Firework Display, and she could just watched it on YouTube and the couple of their own house. Because she just fucking watched it on a screen. I know. I hate it. I've got something else to tell you, which I forgot to tell you.

Right. So our kids enjoyed Mickey Mouse. Rave loves Mickey Mouse and all that kind of stuff. He met them all and it was mint. He met them and it was lush. But Robin's... Sorry, we had to wait to meet them there because there was a team. table of six adults who monopolised their time for about 45 minutes first.

That was fun. We met them after that after Rayf said multiple times, Daddy, why aren't the coming over here? I says, oh, because those adults wearing a 1996 Aladdin jumpers. There's six of them. Yeah, yeah, ageing from about 70 to 40 odd. They're seeing the characters. They're seeing the people in the costumes.

Rave, they're getting the photos with them. You wait their son. Try not to cry. Yeah, I know they're for kids, but no, it's all right. Them fucking six dickheads are getting it done. Ray, well, you're going to love this. so we didn't do any of the cues to meet the characters or get pictures with them

because I don't know but our kids were just quite happy to say them but you know they were just like oh there they are anyway I was stood the kids got them corn dogs which were lush by the way and we just stood next to it and Jesse the cowgirl from Toy Story all right yeah yeah yeah the person dressed up as Jesse the cowgirl everyone listening knows what you mean

we know the actual character well yeah well well does everyone know because I witnessed a woman and our child getting a picture together with Jesse coming out from getting the picture together looking back at the picture zooming in and saying, isn't she beautiful? What?

Jesse? Isn't she beautiful? The fucking fiberglass mask? Literally. E, go, e. Isn't she beautiful? She's so beautiful up close. She's not a person.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow, that's great. I know. That's great. Whatever, floaty boat in it. Yeah. Like, I love Real Housewives, and they're just a bunch of twatch out on each of there. If Real Housewives had a Disneyland, you would go to that, wouldn't you?

Oh, they do, and I'm desperate to go. They've got a Disneyland? They have an event. Every October and November and Las Vegas. Sorry, yeah, but they don't have a permanent place with, like, Real Housewives land where you can go and hockey with people. No, I mean, I would go. Of course you would. I would.

So, I suppose, how dare I would. I go and see the UFC, so, you know. but, you know, I wouldn't be upset if someone took the piss out with that. But yeah, just cute. Just, just, just, Q in the T4s. We're doing it now. Don't, but just Tate 4. The table next with them, them, them six, you know, them six adults.

You know, they're six grown-ups. I've got the first table with all the people. Can you remember? Is that the same table, that all the, all you can eat buffet got, like, about eight lobster. Yeah, he was on eight lobsters. For me. One of the characters came over to say hello, and they literally said to the character,

no not now some of our family are at the buffet can you come back later and the character just had to turn around and walk off so it's like well we're all here I didn't know the good sweet duck when we're all here we'll play along we get photos taken but when we're not all here can you fuck off please? Yeah I know that really

stole the magic from me I just didn't like the fact that they were being aggressive to Daisy Duck because she didn't do anything wrong Daisy Duck is is a hard of goal she was the best one she was the best one and sass that she could put into that performance yeah oh my gosh

God, we need to talk about... Wasn't you a beautiful? Wasn't it just beautiful, Daisy, though? Zooming in, he's just floating. Just flawless. A little bit annoyed, though, because I took a full loaf of bread for Donald and Daisy

and they didn't touch any of it. No. He pays now. It was amazing. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. I witnessed the most incredibly mind-blown order in McDonald's in Disney that I've ever witnessed a mind to my entire life.

Oh, yeah. The Disney McDonald's was heaving. As you can understand, it's Disney, it's McDonald's. Kids say it, you know, boom. It was easily eight deep at the counter. And then at the things, you order, you go in and, you know, because it's quicker than going and sitting down and eating somewhere. So we order our stuff.

And you are appealing to us, you like a big Mac with no cheese. Robin wanted no pickles. So you get your actual order, then you get another receipt that says, go to this other counter for your specialised orders in five minutes. It was fun because I'd finished all my chips by then Yeah, yeah.

So I'd finish my burger. So I went back down for them, right? And there was a family standing there and they were fuming at how long they'd been waiting for the order. They were like, well, being waiting ages, everything's getting cold, being waiting ages. And this guy, this young lad,

he just couldn't get his head around what it was. And they had ordered, and they were waiting for a plain cheeseburger, no meat. Dear listener, as I've just said that, it's took you, tell the truth, It took you a couple of seconds to work out what I mean

because in your head you go playing cheese burger, okay, so burger, cheese. Well, they were waiting for a cheese sandwich. No meat. They were waiting for two bits of bread with a bit of cheese in the middle. Yeah. Which, as you said afterwards, Rave would actually probably destroy.

Rave hates meat. Yeah, Rave would destroy that. Yeah. But they started, there was quite a lot of commotion behind the counter and then loads more staff got involved and they're looking at the receipt. Now, what a lot of people do who stay in the hotels is they go to the McDonald's,

they get the order, then they just take it back to the hotel. It's a bit of a hike. and I could just tell I can't speak French but I could just tell by the panic on their eyes and by how long it took them to make another one that some poor fuck guy

has done a full day in Disney and they have gone up to their hotel and they have opened up a cheese sandwich a hot cheese sandwich a hot cheese sandwich we're laughing but I will get there for a real next time ago

I'd be gutted I'd be got it I'd be got it Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo baboo ba it's time for what's your bees Beef, what's a beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. What's beef? What's your beef?

What's your beef? Because you said you didn't have one with me and you've just got to troll now and find one. Listen, I've got notes. I've got a backlog of beef. Historical beef. Well, it's not that historical. It's just life in it.

Roman beef. I'd have to say, me beef with you, oh, this actually really does wind me up. I may have had it before, but you don't learn. You don't learn from this podcast. It's almost like I don't listen. And let us know if I have had it before, right? Okay.

Had it before. Sorry. You? Yeah. just refuse to keep an eye on dates in the fridge and freeze things at appropriate times. Right. Yes.

Do you understand what I'm saying? Yes. Because I fully believe that it just goes in the freeze that never comes back out. No, that's not true. That's not true. pizzas, chicken nuggets, like chips, stuff like that.

Frozen pizzas don't cook as well as fresh pizzas. Don't give a shit. Don't waste them. Okay. When they're near the sell-by date and the reason I'm not doing this, everyone, is because I don't like pizzas. Right.

I'm just pizza can fucking get in the bin. All right. I'll get me sell a pizza this afternoon. You sit next to his own. See how many slices you take? You shit-talking, hypocritical son of a bitch. All right? Listen, what I want to know

is all my local Chinese back off the holidays because this fucking being a joke this. I don't. First of September, you're allowed yours. I mean, off for about three weeks. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I haven't had one, man. Right, yeah, well, don't be trying to get one before the first September.

Everyone knows what date you got your next one. I'll put it in my diary. Oh no, I did get one a while ago, but it was from somewhere else. of October, first of August, that one, well. Right, now listen, my beef with you. Come on, be nice. Now, this was, no, I can't. I can't be nice, because this was, you know,

this was really, really, really upsetting for me. So, we've got a gardener, lovely man, does that way garden. Yeah, just got married. Congratulations, Simon. And he's got a lad who works with him called Will. Yes. Will, it's quite a lad, a lovely lad. Will's currently grown a mullet, right?

No, no, no, no, you can check yourself here, right? Because this was, this was upsetting and offensive, right? This was upsetting and offence. No, carry on. Carry on. I used to have tipped hair and shaved head David Beckham style

modern mullet back in the day, right? Will's grown a proper, and I've got a couple of my mates, a couple of lads of jihitsu we've got mullets. They're coming back in for the younger generation.

Wills is genuinely majestic. Looks like point break. Right? He looks like, um, he just, speak of Disney. It looks like a Disney character

like with their big hair. I know what I mean, yeah. But he's got this mullet and it looks great. Right? And I said to him, I was like, fucking that, mate.

I was like, your hair's amazing. I was like, it's majestic. And you were walking out of the house. And I went, Rosie, I went, see that? I was like, Mullet her back in.

I was like, you see what he's here. It's fucking great. And then you chewed my ass out later on. By the way, don't comment on people's hair.

Don't take the piss out of people's hair. I said, Rosie, I wasn't taking the piss out of his hair. I used to have a mullet back in the day. He's a young lad, oh, sorry, I'm born you?

Am I keeping you up? Am I keeping you up, my feeling you're tired, Rosemary? Oh, you're just exhausting. Thank you. You are exhausting. And you said, I would take the piss out of it.

And you don't know this. All right. So I text the gardener. Oh, for fucky. I text him and I said, sorry, mate, are you with Will? And he said yes. And I said, can you please assure him

that I was not taking the piss out of his hair? I genuinely think it looks fantastic because Rosie has turned around and said that I was taking the piss out of his hair. And he texted back. He said, we're both in the van. We're laughing my head off. We didn't think that you're taking the piss out of the hair at all.

Don't worry. I said, thank you very much. Because I'm new rotting. might be. Why are you got to take things? Because I'm neurotic. Do you know the certain things in life? I literally don't tell you because I can't trust you. Yeah. And this being one of them. But I'll tell you this right now. Do you know what I came back from it? And I've never heard this quote before.

And I thought it was incredible. And I got this from a gardener. So I, you know, anyone out there has got wisdom. Right. He said, which is take the piss. And I apologize for that. He said, even if you were, don't worry about it. And I've never heard this quote before. So apologies if this is a famous quote. He said, a wise man once said to me, men take the piss out of each other. and don't mean it, the same way women compliment each other and don't mean it. Is that okay?

All right. I think that. I don't compliment someone unless I mean it, but that's just me. I think that. I hate empty compliments. Bullshit. I think that's a class thing, by the way. I think that's it.

I think that's it out loud. I think it might be a bit of a sexist quote. But I think it's good. No, no, no. I think it's a class divide. Right. Because I've just started watching Real Housewives of London. Oh, brilliant.

They made you and great. Yeah. it's really good so far okay is it or is it too close to home so it yeah it's no because actually it's not close to home at all because we they're very up at middle of a class so it's not it's not really but every time one of the work walks in my room they're like oh my god you look stunning and it's just the fagest yeah the fakesest thing I've ever heard in my life whereas actually you know me and my friends walk in a room they go oh I really like that top and it's very it's genuine yeah because there's times when I've walked in a room and none of my friends

said anything. Yeah. Sometimes they spit on you and that and, you know, sometimes they said, blow their nose on your dress. What are those shoes? What are you doing? So, you know, actually, it's always genuine. No, but going back to the Will thing with the hair,

I just, I heard you say it and it just sounded like you were taking the piss. And a lot of people might not know this because we didn't do the podcast when we first met. You were an asshole. Yeah. You were a bit of an asshole. And I feel like I've had to tell you a lot of times when we've left places, I've had to say Christopher, don't say things like that

because that's not what, that's not very nice. Okay, well, you also do yourself sometimes because lest you forget, recently, we walked into a house party full of people and you walked in and claimed to all the girls, oh my God, I'm so over-dressed. Why am I so over-dressed? Brackets, oh my God, you all look like shit.

Okay. And I look, and I'll look, and I later, though. Listen, can I just say, it's because we went somewhere and it was a dress that I bought for like a really, you know, high end occasion. I was like, and I had a moment before I left and I thought, don't let your clothes own you, wear this dress.

And then I arrived to pre-drinks and not everyone else that was on the same wavelength and I felt stupid. But, by the way, 10 minutes after I arrived, I actually said, I'm really sorry if I said that because that was a really dick move to say. Yeah. So we all. We all.

All right. Fair enough. We all do us. But I can, okay. I like this. I like this. Right. I like to say.

Maybe I was just in the bad mood. No. And you? Never. No. Nah. Nah. Doesn't happen. Nah. It's time for questions from the public. This is from the public. As always, we're fucking wearing a nightly.

As always, if you like and touch, it's shagged Marriedannoyed at gmail.com. Hi, Rosie and Chris, I emailed a long time ago and very proudly got an episode named after my story. Episode 219,19, Nicecoat Lee. Do you remember Nice Court Lee? Yes, yes, yes. they had names for all the people and all the boyfriends. Yes. And one of them was nice. And all the one night stands and stuff like that.

This girl group had made names for them all. And one of them was nice courtly. Girl group of friends, not a band. Sorry, yeah. Because he was late and he had a nice code. It's as simple as that. It is. But it's good to explain it.

It's the world of life. During which, I mentioned about our nicknames for the guys we had been booking and the types of men we like. To recap. Oh, sorry, there is a recap here. Oh, come on then. That'll do. To recap. To avoid hooking up with the same. same men, us three friends, each pick two things that we claimed as our own. I don't remember this bit.

Military men and rugby players, surfers and musicians, tradesmen and cowboys. They are no real cowboys in the southwest but a girl can dream. So did each of them have a specific type and they couldn't differ from it? That's odd in it. So like if they're on a night out and you met like a lad who you absolutely loved or it turned out he was an electrician and your mate had bagsy tradesmen and you couldn't have one. What would your two categories be? for women,

if you weren't obviously with the best-looking lasting shield. Could have went for the UK. Could have went for the world, but you went for shields. And not even shields. Keep me real.

Keep me real and that's why I love you. Some really nice. Some really nice people. Aim low and you might win. Um, uh, I don't know. I don't think,

well, I know, I mean, because... Could be like fitness. Could be like beauty. Could be, like,

uh, like clever, like lawyers and politicians and stuff. single man listening. Do you feel like this is a trap? Because I feel like this is a trap. I'm not, I'm a sweating. Is it hot in here? I know. Well, what would mine be? What would yours be? So, these must be at uni. So we're talking uni-

I'm going to say Olympics. Olympic athletes. Yep. I'm going to say athletes. Oh, no. I don't actually like, you don't like, no. You don't like that. I know because I told you the day that I remembered about a relationship once when I went out with a guy who was like fit. Yeah. Good, good, attractive, but super fit. And you totally give us the egg. Because I was just like,

you are too. healthy for me. Like, just like, like, like, I used to put mayonnaise on stuff and he'd be like, really? Look at it.

Doing the eyes wide open, sort of like, oh my God. I think so they had, what were they, so their categories were like rugby players. So, hang on,

sorry. They did their categories again. Military men, rugby players, surfers and musicians. Right. I wouldn't do musicians. They're all fucking mental. Yeah, no, I think,

and I've thought about this a lot, I think I would pick slags right good can i tell you about what i said about musicians by the way i just i once dated a a singer-songwriter and honestly the drama just so again just want a drama to write songs and i was like this let me off this train yeah i get it so you do you base your knowledge on things on your own personal experiences so yes you did just say no musicians not at all i'm just going to but that's from a personal point of view okay so you do you know what it is not no one just you Yeah, but you are picking a thing for you.

No, but you're picking a thing for you. See, we get worried about this because someone's getting in, I have a physician, how dare you? No, you were just specifically saying that you don't want to go out with musicians. Even though you sing. That's just my opinion! Even though you sing. Oh, yeah, I'm a total hypocrite because I am probably in the musician category.

But no, just from a... Oh, listen. Read the fucking email. I just want you. Thank you. I just want slags. I said it. Dead easy.

gone before I wake up. Happy days. I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking. Okay, right, listen. I've got one. Listen, go on. Hey. You got your very own slag right.

Yeah, but you're not gone before week up, you hang around like a bad smell. You'd have to make me a cup of coffee every day. Right, listen. I omitted to mention our favourite nickname of all, so thought I'd send this in with the story of how Winnie the Pooh was crowned. Great, a guy called Winnie the Pooh.

This is Winnie the Pooh. Okay, this is Winnie the Pooh's origin story. Okay. No. No. No. It's not that, is it? Oh, come on.

This really, it's funny because I was going through the emails and I was like, I want a story. I want like a really, like, a really good story. And then that, and then I came on this and I was like, get in. Right, okay. One day, one of the girls very proudly announced how she had been talking to a rugby playing sailor. What are the chances? Well, well, well. Well, well.

Tick. Tick. Okay. That's two fancy dresses. What are you going to go else? He seemed perfect. Right. Right.

He was into musical theatre and could proudly recite the entire songbook of Lameez. Holy shit. Is this my dream, man? I don't think he's into girls, but continue. Oh, no, I think he is. Listen, oh God, he was trained as a firefighter. Oh, my God. This is ridiculous.

This is made up. Is this from Bridget Jones's diary? No. She invented him. Maybe. He was gorgeous. Never seen that, by the way. You've never seen Bridget Jones' diary?

Not a single one of them. No. I know there's something about she wears a big nappy or something. Well, we're going away from my birthday at the weekend. Right. How about? Does she wear a nappy?

Or is it just a big pear kegs? Oh, she wears a pair of spanks. It's a very upsetting film for me. Right. Because she, at the beginning, she bangs on about how she's overweight, she can't get a man. She's just half a stone lighter than I am currently.

Lighter? Yes. Right. at the point when she's overweight and can't get a man. So they'll go back and cancel her for that. That'll be fun. Yeah. It's all, I mean, it gets brought up quite often. Does it really?

People say I look like her. Everyone's like, when people, I've had celebrity, no one, people go celebrity look like the likes. All the time, they like René Zellbaga. And then they always had in Bridget Jones at time. I'm like, okay, thank you. That actress, in that thing where she was supposed to be a minga. In that thing where she was literally a minga.

That's you. Yeah. In that thing where, like. She hates her life and can't get a man. That's you. Honestly, I can see it. I do look like her. And I think she looks mint.

When she wears that outfit? When she wears the bunny outfit? She looks fucking glass. Yeah. I think it was a different world right. I don't want it as skinny as fuck. So listen, he's gorgeous, right? Yeah.

And he fell into all of our categories one way or another. She had hit the damn jackpot. Wow. Top trumped everyone. Exactly. They arranged to go on a date and she updated us throughout the evening of how well it was going. They were having a great time drinking, laughing and generally, generally, sorry, getting on

really well. So it's going on. The night row in and he invited her back to his house to open a bottle of wine. Okay. Just to open it. You come on my mind and open a bottle of wine. Right, I'll get your taxi. So I'm not going to drink that. I said just open it. Is this, is this what your two has going to be like? This is it. This is it? This is it. Tickets on sale now. It's nice. So I got an email this morning and saying it's very nearly sold out. Is it? Very excited, yeah. Again.

Don't you date. Don't you be... Oh, no. No, calling it. I'm calling it. You're going to get me drunk this weekend and you're going to say, oh, I've had an email about extending the tour.

No, no, that's not happening. All I'm saying is, I just want to say thank you to everyone who's bolted it so far because it means I don't have to go on all the TV shows and flog me ways. It's just going to be people who know us and get us and it's going to be fun. That's good.

That's good. That's good for you. Right. Extra dates getting announced. Sorry, oh. Have you actually? No. Don't.

I'm already a bit panicked about it. I'm really looking forward to it, but the school runs, I'm going to do my head in, but anyway. Right, listen. Initially, she politely declined as to not look like a slag. There it is.

You know, but after some gentle persuasion and a promise that he didn't intend on getting her into bed, she agreed. They arrived back at his, and as promised, he cracked open a bottle of wine,

but he seemed to be enjoying it a little bit too much and very quickly ended up quite drunk and suggesting she'd come upstairs with him. Oh, God. Up he went, and after her around, And 30 minutes of sitting alone on the sofa waiting for him to return,

she thought she had better see what was going on. And let him know that she was leaving. Right. Because she didn't want any hanky-panker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been up there for half an hour. Fucking hell. Yeah.

Stand-off? She went up... I'm hiding seek. I know. He's like, I'm not giving in. Wow. She went upstairs and found a wide open bathroom door, with him sat on the toilet, seemingly going for a very long poo.

Oh, my God. Oh, God. Same. When she said she was leaving. leaving, he got quite angry, left his porcelain thrown and marched down the stairs after her, practically shoving her out the door, in brackets, what an asshole. It is worth knowing that while finding him going for his concerningly long shit, she discovered that he had removed his entire bottom half of clothing, leaving himself in just a t-shirt, his full torch hanging out from underneath for the world to see.

Yes, just like Winnie the Pooh. This is nothing in it. That's really good. Not to do with the fact that he's having a poo. No, not just a t-shirt on. Oh, God, that's great. He kicked her out of his house whilst his willie was fully out. Brilliant.

However, this is gross, right? The following morning, she was extremely surprised to receive a phone call from him. Oh my God, what the hell happened last night? He said. Wow. Well, we had a lovely date until we got back to your house. You left us on me own for half an hour and then got aggressive when I said I wanted to leave and you kicked us out. She replied angrily.

Oh, fuck. Well, and this is what he said. said to her right on the phone people have vile oh fuck well the jokes i'm made really because i've woken up in bed this morning and i'm absolutely covered in shit yes after kicking her out he had entirely forgot that he was mid dump and just went and took himself into bed where his shitty asses to be smeared everywhere covering himself and all his bed and while he slept why would you tell someone that then it just says winnie the poo poo poo by him poo by nature exactly there you That's, like, what happened last night?

Oh, you were completely belligerent, you are drunk, you're an absolute nightmare, you kick this out aggressively, it was terrible, what you got to say for yourself? Oh, I shot the bed as well. Like, I'm sorry, honestly. Oh, God. See you later. Sianara.

Oh, God. Just unlocked a memory. You've seen belligerent there. God. I thought this would be your beef. That should have been me beef. I thought this would be your beef. I didn't write it down.

Right. So, it's another Disney story. I'm sorry, it's all we've done, right? We don't do much! We haven't done anything. Me and Chris seem to be the only people actually drinking alcohol at Disneyland, okay? And on that final day, I was the only one out of me

and you drinking and I had like three pints on me own. Yeah, Chris was walking around with cans. And when I said to him, no, no, no, right, okay, so you said, if I don't drink, I'm going to get sweet. No, no, I said, I'm going to be here, I'm going to do my day drink. It was dead nice and hot. It was lovely. It was lovely.

I was knackered. Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to, I said, my plan for Disney today is to drink these drinks. And so I, and then what's going to happen is, if I say I will be, I'm doing that twice there. But I was saying, because jeet as I have, but je sui as I am. So I say, I'm going to keep drinking these until je sui belligerent. The first time you say you said, je suis belligerent. I was saying it's just me.

And then we did it on Google Transit. You weren't that far off. That's why I love the French language. It's not that far off I was. So I says, I'm going to keep drinking. And I'm just going to keep drinking. And you did. That was the happiest you were.

Yeah, but then if I kept going, I would have got belligerent, but I stopped. Yeah. But yeah. Very well done. That should have been me. Juste belligeron. Thank you to those girls for sending all those things.

Fantastic. I really enjoyed that. Winnie the Pooh. There's a lot of, there's, I've watched videos with some blokes. You know how you're sleeping all different. sort of we is. Well, sorry, we've had the email years ago.

Is that what it was? We had the email years ago, someone saying that their partner sleeps in just a T-shirt and nothing else. Like Winnie the Pooh, yeah, yeah. But they didn't say Winnie the Pooh at the time. That's the first time I've made that connection in my head. That is weird though, isn't it?

But I'm well happy with that. Winnie the Pooh. Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadu Babadu Babah Babu Babu-Bah! Speaking of you lot of men and how much that would hate you. My boyfriend, this isn't, this isn't me. This is the person who's sent this in. My boyfriend just feels.

My boyfriend just feels. just FaceTimed his friend to do rock paper scissors to decide who goes first on FIFA and it says SOS. Wow so they're playing online they've FaceTimed each other to do rock paper scissors Yeah

Did he ever grow up? No No we don't we don't That's the thing we don't We really don't But I never got into online FIFA Everyone's too good Is it?

Oh God yeah Oh God That's the one that I can remember from being like a teenager in a boy's bedroom saying on like FIFA manager and all that shit and I was just like I don't get it I do not get it watching stats and

Oh so that's different That's football manager FIFA's the You actually play it looks like a football game It looks like a football game Yeah Football might I've never understood it But I think you've got to be well

Well into football I can play a football You can play FIFA sorry if you're not that into football Have I ever told you about the time That I was Gaslit by friends of mine Man boy boy, not boy, but friend lads who I used to hang around with.

Right, come on. I was once in a boy's bedroom, innocently, and they were like, do you one turn on FIFA? And I was like, yeah, go on then. I've never played on it. I'm pretty good on Road Rush and, you know, bloody Sonic and that. So I'll have a go.

I'll have a go. Playing my brothers, Nintendo. Nice. They had put me on computer mode. Should I have the way? I was doing me anyway. It was the computer. It was the computer.

It wasn't me. Oh. I know. Oh. I know. See, I don't like this. It was very funny. I get, no, but I get very upset when you tell me stories of people being nasty

you're picking on you, back in the day. I get, I like, want to jump in my time machine and going to fuck people up. I promise you now, I was not upset. I'm very much found the funny side of it because I couldn't give a shit if I was good at it or not. But do you think you were brilliant? Oh my God, I was like, eh, I was getting scored notes of goals. I was like, I am just like pressing the buttons. I'm fucking, I'm mint at this.

I'm a prodig? I am a prodig? I'm a prodig? And they all were like, what? That's upset. That's upset. You're also going to get them for you?

Should I get them? I'll get them. No. It's fine. I got over it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hey guys, myself and my husband are long-time listeners.

We love you guys. Hobbes has a crush on Rosie, which I'm totally on board about. I get it. Hobbs is upsetting. Okay. Oh, sorry, my slagging your lad off.

Sort of. He's one of me fans. So, and he's got a crush on this. Nice for whoever split up, and I think, well, somebody out there. He's literally married.

how long four them are apparently only like women are really good on people I get it I'm listening to episode 3333 and you're talking about Victorian wash

and someone said that the whole what the whore wash meant remember pit slits tits tits and slits yeah this sparked a memory

we were doing infertility treatment about 17 years ago and I in brackets female went through a barrage of invasive tests, two ovarian surgeries, took all sorts of meds and daily injections.

My husband had to, wang in a cup, standard. Sorry, everyone. Yes, yes. In fertility treatment, it's real, it's real life. It's very boring. Men are very aware that we do most of the time get the easy ride. Yeah, well, I think it's because you can't handle

the pressure. That'll be it. I'm just going to leave that. Okay, I did watch a video. My algorithm is wild, because I actually, there was a video came up, of a young lad and he was on this podcast

with like quite a man who was just barrage and like Barrage, what's it called? Asking him all this stuff and he had loads of facts. Bombarding. Bombarding. Had loads of facts and stats at why women are actually better at handling things.

We've got totally different sort of like chemicals to be and he was doing stats about like suicide and all this kind of stuff and actually the reason why we get periods and the reason why we have the children is because we are made to do it.

Right. To cope with it. So, here go. I went to his wanking appointment and... Sorry. There is a specific appointment, I think, when you're doing treatment.

How do I book one of these? I went to his wanking appointment and sat in the waiting room while he went through this hardship. The only joy I got out of this was watching my painfully shy husband have to hand over his sample to the stunningly gorgeous administrator. We fancy.

he's everyone this guy. Oh my God. Do you think he was in there thinking about you? Do you think he was thinking about you? Do you think he was thinking about you when he was there? You might be reading you now. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Right, listen.

Afterwards, I quizzed him about what materials were in the room to help him out. Magazines, etc. Oh, this poor guy. I couldn't have this like. The name of one of the magazines I have never been able to erase from my brain. Magazines. So this is. in the room of a private hospital, right?

Pouche, with very professional and clever people working there who assist in human reproduction was a magazine called Tits, clits and slits. Why have they got tits, clits and slits? Why, who's still making magazines? But why have they got that called that?

Surely not. Terrible. Surely, though, the go... You got a smartphone? That's the Wi-Fi. Yeah. What is going on? Bring your headphones type thing. What is going on?

It says, yeah, I think whatever hormones I had left and died that very second. Are they laminated? Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't know. Well, he has a magazine that thousands of strangers have wanked over, by the way. Sorry if the pages are stuck together. What's going on? I know.

And the locked we're down for COVID. There was a be disgusting. we never did have kids but we also love minding our guard children and then coming home to a quiet tidy house and do whatever the fuck we like so bright side fucking enjoy it that's lovely I know

oh I can't wait to say you Chris on tour in Dublin next year yeah hope Rosie comes to I can't promise that well I did ask you to come and you said you didn't want it you actually pretended you had a phone call and I said I had a night off the next night

and you said you might come hang on yep oh yeah I'll have three them. Right, no, charge Chris. All right then, bye. Still don't take stuff. God. Not many, no.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu. Hello, Rosie and Chris. I've just been listening episode 331 about the fake media landing and you're both discussing constant memories of the world being predicted to end. Do you remember? It unlocked a memory for me. When I was in year five in 2009,

I remember the world was going to end. It's always going to end, isn't it? The date of the year was in the newspapers and on the news. Was it? Oh, they loved a bit of that, man. they've done. They don't do it anymore, I don't think, do they? It's just online now, isn't it? Like, but they used to do it all the time. Do you remember the death clock? You check what day you were going to die?

Do you not remember that? Online, it was a website. You put your date of the birth and it would be like, you will die on this day! Wow. I forgot what day mine was. Right, okay. Probably tomorrow. Right. Who knows? You might have already passed it. I hope so. I'd be living on borrowed time. Yeah. I just remembered, I don't know where this came from. Sorry, just, I remember a web,

website we used to go on in college well a lad next to me used to go on it I didn't go that much it's called rape my poo.com I remember that people just upborder photos of their poo I remember that fucking disgusting yeah yeah yeah yeah I might have mentioned that on here before I don't know if you have but he used to sit there and he used to click through and he used to give them all five yeah that's good poo that's good poo five that's good poo five I remember another guy sitting next one you're fucking sick he's going to you're sick what's wrong with you yeah there was a one there's a website called chalk and cheese or something which was really bad that was like gross right

I can't remember exactly what was on it. I don't think it was porn? I don't it? It seems medieval that now, didn't it? I know it was just like a disgusting. It was just like, probably like the TikTok of that age was just daft videos and that on it.

And I remember being really like, really naughty. E-bombs world and all that stuff. I don't know what that is. Just mad videos. Okay. Blast from the past. How, Ethan. Listen, the world's going to end.

2009. She's in year five. We made it. The day of the end came and I specifically remember but a few of us sat in a circle discussing the time we were all going to die. I recall it was around 2pm.

We were obviously all worried, but I don't recall us being terrified, apart from my best friend. She was distraught, and she was so upset that she was never going to see her family again. She cried so much that the school rang her mom

to come and collect her so she could die at home with her family. Can you please come and come and? and get her so she can die at home because she's just ruining everyone's day. This is grim, though. The rest of us accepted our fate, and we were happy to die together in school. Wow. Wow.

I bet I tell you what, I bet you that night they had the best night they've ever heard when it didn't happen. Do you think? Yeah, yeah. I bet they had the best night ever. We're still here. Yeah. When's the next one? Oh, it's next year. Oh, I'm worried about that now.

I specifically remember being in music at Heart and Comprehensive was being in the music class and it was like someone said oh yeah like if you're not seeing like yeah the world's like gonna end like this Thursday or whatever and it was like what

and it was like oh yeah like Nostradamus said it and everyone was like oh God Thursday I've got stuff to do I know oh similar times similar times

yeah babado babado bab do babado thank you so much for listening this week's episode of Shagged Married Nooy thank you very much indeed as always if you like getting touch

at Shagmaridnaud at gmail.com It's Chris Ramseycom for the last few tickets for me to her. And my book, The Perfect Omelet, was bullshit and won't actually be out. Imagine that. There will be a book out there just about omelets. There will be. There will be millions of them.

I feel I've got a book just about Toasties. Wow. Nice. Oh, so that's my book. Well, well, well. That's my book, you bastard. I remember James Martin. Oh, sorry.

Do we not share books now? No, that's the one thing. In the pre-in-up, that was the one thing that had said. It just said we don't share books. That's all it was. It was written on a napkin. James Martin bought a book out once just called butter. I remember.

Oh. Yeah, yeah. That's it. I've said it before. I'll say it again. I'll say this we make the idea. If you're in a restaurant and something tastes a lot better than the whole, butter. Butters always the answer.

Yeah. It's always butter. Butter are like chicken fat. It's always something fatning. Yeah. It's always bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you don't eat in restaurants every day.

Cream? I watch recipes on Instagram and I'm like, oh my God, I can make this. And then add half a liter of cream and I'm like, well, no. I can't now. gives it that glossiness Yeah, it makes it absolutely lush But you know, I also Look, this is a separate podcast

Just say bye Bye Bye