Sh**ged Married Annoyed - New Bras, Wheelie Bins and Rosie Tries to Kill Comedy

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss new bras, Botox, smart phones and the joy of the first wheelie bins! *Trigger warning* this involved quite a gruesome story! The pair have Beefs over eating before dinner and the kids leftovers plus Chris tells a story about an unlikely pigeon sighting. All of this plus some strict parenting, QFTP's and of course some Sex Shop chat... If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Today, get Huel’s full Lite & Lean Starter Kit online with our code SMA30 for 30% off at https://huel.com/SMA30. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married Inouid, we talk school pick up. Kids and phones. Oh, she bangs on about that. Guys, prepare yourself. She bangs on about it. Actually, you know what? I'm going to have a trigger warning.

I talk about a weedy bit accident that really upset you. Horrible. Chris has got a new segment called Chris is Not News. It'll last all of a week. How long will it last? Definitely this week. Probably not next week. Let's say what happens.

As always, we've got beefs and questions from you, lovely lot. Enjoy. Hello, you are listening. watching hopefully shagged married annoyed with me rosy and christopher hello both surname ramsie both married both here for your um listening pleasure yeah and viewing pleasure thanks for coming back yes yes thank you yes how are you do you know what i feel great yeah i feel really good and genuinely right this might be utter bullshit bullshit bullshit i call them bullshit already don't even say it let's move on okay thank you no i'm telling you right and this might work for you and it's so i saw a while ago

on Instagram. I'm just obsessed. I saw that apparently women, if they drink their coffee, first thing, as soon as they get up, it spikes their cortisol horrendously. Yes. Oh, right, sorry, it's a thing.

No, no, no. Whoa, stop, stop right there. That wasn't exasperation at you. That was exasperation at. I saw a similar thing that says, don't have your coffee first thing, don't have your coffee, don't let me stomach, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just, I'm sick of,

them trying to take away things that I love, but carry on. No, well, all I've been doing is I just wait half an hour and I have a glass of water. Right. And have I been a bit nicer? Um, yeah. I think it's really helped. And I'm due on. Yes.

On Wednesday. Oh, you know, the days now. Oh, I've got the app. I've got the app. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fully blown and I actually keep up to date with it because because... What's the app called? Drip? Flo. Clot?

Flo. Flo? Flo. Flo. How's it spelled? FLO. Flo? Flop.

Flop. A drop. Drip and clot was really unnecessary. Do you know what? It's a bleeder. That's upsetting. That's upsetting. But no.

So the other day, I had a really bad day. Like, literally, I was just like, why am I so depressed? And then I check the app and I'm due on next week. Because if it comes like, I've said this before. Once a month. Once a month, but it fucking sneaks up on you. Yes. It sneaks up on you and you go, why do I not want?

to see anyone. Why do I not want to go anywhere? And then I check the app and I go, oh, I'm you on. Yeah, it's already come around. Yeah. So I know exactly what I mean. So, you know, Sean Walsh, who, a friend of ours who did the thing, he had every time I buy toilet roll, I think of one of his early routines. He had this routine earlier on where he said, when you buy the massive thing of toilet roll, you think, I will never have to buy toilet roll ever again. I do the same with Bradbrook-Tuff, yeah. And before you know what you've run out, yeah, I always think that and it's exactly the same, like all the time. Well, I'm now, I'm now, I'm now, the guy who books his hair cut on the way out.

Well done. Which I do now, because I heard, thank you. I heard you were in them, clap myself here. I heard you were in the hairdressers the idea Slaggers off saying is he booked in, I'll book them in and she was like, oh, he's a changed man. And again, it's just, because I would go, on my hair's cut now, that, that'll never grow again. Oh, mate.

Yeah. I do it every year. Last day in my period, I go, well, that's that done forever. Yeah. Sayanara, sucker. It's just, but I think that's how, as humans, we are tuned to live. That's why you have more than one kid. Yeah.

Because you forget about the trauma of it. You forget? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being pregnant. Denial's a big thing as well for us as well. Denial. Because they say, we live, like people say,

oh, you shouldn't be in denial about stuff, but we live, I read a thing once that says, we live in denial most of the time because if we just sat and thought about the fact that we're randomly here on a fucking rock or just hurting through fucking space and no one knows why

and anything could hit it at any point and we're all going to die and we don't know what, you would just fucking freak. So the same way as your eyes ignore your nose, you can always see your nose. I can always fucking see mine. Oh my God.

You can always see your nose but your eyes, your brain ignores it most of the time until you think about it and look at it. You can always see it but your brain just plays out. I love shit like that. I do miss... Are we going to have an interesting podcast today? Are we going to do interesting things?

I feel really intelligent actually and my tits are banging. Everyone quickly at YouTube now. I've got new bras. I finally bought new bras, new bras you know. Your bras are... Disgusting. They're disgusting. Vile.

I remember thinking I've, you know, on the very rare occasion that I hang the washing up, but I do the white washing, I hang the white washing up and I say one of your bras. I just think, no shade on dinner ladies here,

but I just think which dinner ladies have dropped off their bras to get washed. That's really disrespectful. That's a really awful thing to say. There could be dinner ladies out there with absolutely gorgeous underway. They probably are. And be fair, you know,

I again, when I say dinner ladies, I'm talking as a nine-year-old boy. Dinner ladies now, most of them are probably younger than me. Probably. So I don't know how I fucking day. Do you know, there's a thing, sorry, I wrote this down on my phone the day. Do you not think, I don't know if it's to do with the lockdown and everything when all that happened.

But do you not think we got like old overnight? It's like overnight. I'm now, I'm older than all of the UFC fighters that I watch. If any of them are 40, it's like a huge thing. It's like there's a fucking pensioner fighting. And I'm in pubs. I went away with the boys at the weekend with our children. And the guy making the cocktails behind the bar was literally a fucking pubescent teenager.

And I was like, time goes really quick. But that's the thing. I think time goes fast when you don't want it to do. Right. I really, like, I genuinely love my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't want it to, I don't know. So maybe you feel like it's going faster.

But we have aged. When I look at pictures, me and you definitely have aged. Don't, no, no, no, no. You showed me your photo. Oh, well, actually, yeah, no, you would look better. I look worse. I feel and look better than I ever did. You, you, like, you should be your photo.

No, you look fantastic. I've told you a million times, right? And guys, people out there, right? I wish you, I've said it before, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you because you're gorgeous, right? But what I'm trying to see is. I know what I live in a world where everyone I know

is just fucking injecting themselves up to the hilt. And I've said it, I'm going to keep saying it. It's all of my friends. All of my friends look fantastic. Because listen, it looks fucking amazing. That's what it's invented for. Botox. They look class. They all look mint.

But I don't want to get it for, I don't know. know whether it's something and is that I'm just like I don't know I just feel like we don't need it but but I am the minority and I know I am hold off until you definitely need it right but I just I don't know but then I look like I looked at the photo

of a wedding that were at a couple of year ago and I looked like a haggard piece of fucking shoe leather compared to everybody else who's just like and the old well actually I was older but they were all yeah but we had a friend who on our wedding day I got Botox, she couldn't fucking smile for her photos. We know people who've had like, you know, jobs

that they couldn't do. That same girl, if she's listening, girl, woman. She tells me all the time that I need to get Botox. Yeah, oh, well, yeah, Vicki, we'll talk about you, a friend of the podcast, a friend of us, regular podcast listener, Vickie, because I'm like, I don't think I need it, she's like, you do need it. Yeah, she's told me

a guy before, because I've got lines on my eyebrow, on my brow, I'm like, I need lines up, you're supposed to have fucking lines on your forehead. I know, but listen, I'm currently face, drenching. So that seems to be going quite well. Yeah, again, talking to you on a night. I can't, I can't bear it. My pillows are wet. I'm going to bed with a wet face.

It's insane. I've got a mate who details cars. But I think I look all right. Rosie, I've got a mate who professionally details cars and he puts less on like a fucking, on a like Porsche GT, fucking limited edition than you put on your face every night. Layers. No, hang on. How many do you?

At the minute, I think I'm on about seven layers. I have to kiss you on the top of the head because if I kiss you on the face I'll honestly, if I go trying to kiss you on the forehead or the cheek too fast I'll go to, I'll slide off, I'll smash into the wall, I'll buy a fan, I bought a fan

like just a fan fan it's gonna come soon to just dry in between because it takes us, takes a 20 minutes It's gonna come soon. Use a fucking book or a bit of paper. Oh my God, why I can't have a bit of luxury in my life? I want a little fan. No, but the I'm saving thousands of Botos

let us get a fan. No, it's just the way you said it like, oh it'll come soon. Until then, just do that a bit. Oh, I do my hands. Do your things, right? We'll quickly, if I haven't had a drink. I've started steaming my face again, that's something that you do. Well, if I haven't had a drink, you can put all the stuff on your face.

We're quitting it out. I'll cut you up on the block. Stick your head out of the window like a Labdolladol. Yeah, I'll dry it off. And by the way, this is no shade anybody who gets anything done. I really don't. And you all look great. And I think it's each of their own.

I just feel like if all of what didn't do it, nobody would have to do it. All right, okay. Everyone stopped cheating. I get you. Right. Oh, I don't know. Fuck it. Fuck it.

I know. Everyone's going to do what I want to do. Listen, all I was going to say is you showed me a photo with me the idea when Robin was about two. And I looked like a tired, fat, ill student. Well, that was before you found vegetables, though. Yeah. Yeah, there was that. Yeah.

Bit of broccoli now. Honestly, our metabolism's really helped us because we were on about four takeaways a week. We hardly get them now, but we weren't. If we ate the way that we did then. What the fuck? You roll me out of the door. But look, yeah. I mean, fucking hell, I'm always up for one.

just try not do. I know. Well, I'm really sad to say that I haven't drank. Are you still on one a month? Yeah. Yeah, one a month. About one a month, yeah. I've got to live.

Yeah, yeah. Fucking hell. Fair enough. And you haven't drank for a few days. I haven't drank for a little while. And honestly, my jeans are a little bit, like a... What? It's the wine.

Oh my God. See? They're taking away the things that we love. Listen, guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being part of it. Thank you for watching. Please subscribe and like and all of that stuff, especially if you on YouTube really does help.

really do appreciate it. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucid of sponsor. This week's a little sponsor is something that you've experienced recently and I've experienced a lot

and you've experienced it very recently and I said yesterday says you're going to love me sponsor because it's just happened to you. This week's sponsor is the relentless list of demands you are met with when picking your child up from school.

Oh God. What a fucking conversation have you been having with your shitty little mates all day to day? That means my entire night is going to be a fucking argument. What is it you want a day?

Oh, why are you the way? the only one without a phone. Why not having sleepovers? Oh, Dad, come go to fucking Spain on a school night. Yeah, man! Just get in the fucking car! Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Thank you. They're too comfortable. Yeah? We've made them too... Our kids are not scared of us at all. Not one little bit. They're too fucking comfortable.

Oh, yeah. It happened last night. Ruin me night. Relentlessly. He comes out with school and he looks at and he goes, Dad... Robin were talking about race no bother. Dad.

I go, what? What convoluted? fucking hairbrained scheme have you concocted with your fucking mates today that I'm going to have to bat away for the next six hours until you fucking go to sleep. Well I'm the strictest

mom apparently. I'm the strictest mom in the world. So that's great. Good. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad. My mom was crazy strict, you know. And genuinely I think I I respect them all for it. She was so strict.

I do remember I absolutely hate now there were times in my life. Like genuinely, she wouldn't let's get me ears pierced until I was 15 everybody else got them pierced and like,

I'm not being front of my best. I wanted my, one, a few me may sweat and got the left ear pierced because if you get the right one done you're gay they got the left one

yes! Don't get the right one done it means you get oh I got the right one done by accident. Well, you get here for life now no take you back sees. Absolutely.

And yeah, wouldn't let us do it. Yeah, but my man forgot though. I didn't do it. My best friend, Ozine, she got hers pierced at eight month old.

So fuck me. Riddle me this. I'm not sure she got them done young well she's from Iranian her dad's Iranian so it was you know like a cultural thing when the babies get them done.

But yeah and so obviously my mom was like you can't get them done at the 15 and I was like Oz you got to hers done before she was even one like what the fuck imagine get that fucking time machine out right now so my mom was like

let's get fucking come on bitch come back anyway I am strict. I'm really strict, but I don't care. Ah, fuck it. I don't care.

It's good for them. It's good for them. Well, I just, you know. But then he gets, he's got trigger words our Robin. Because obviously I keep telling him about dopamine. Yeah. And like,

and he's like, every time I say, you know, the dopamine, he's like, oh, God, you love dopamine. You love talking about dopamine. And I'm like, well, it's a real thing. But you told me that he got Star of the week at school. And then you told me you were like,

and the teacher says he's concentrating really well and it's because he's not on his iPad as much. Because we're like pretty much. And I was on tour when you said it. So then I came out and I was like, oh Robin, I, I, I phacimed him. And I said, oh, here you've got started the week. And he's like, yeah.

I was that's brilliant that. He went, don't. I went, don't what? He went, don't say it's because I'm on my iPad less because mom said it and it's not. It is. It is. Listen, here is right.

And I'm not, this is not a judgment because we have been, we have played victim to just wanting your kids to fuck off. and screens are amazing and get them on it. But actually, his behaviour has been so much better since he's not, we've got rid of YouTube for them, don't mean hits, even on the telly as well. And we've just massively cut down on screen time.

And he's just, he's just a better kid. So I know myself, again, I'm not an expert on parenting. I don't know anything. I would never give any advice on parenting, but all I know is that, when I sit on my phone and I'm just getting hit with, keep quick, quick, tiny little quick videos, quick video, Chris, look, golf video, jujitsu video, look at this,

someone falling over, bump. And I'm like, blah, blah, and you get this thing where you go, I'll just watch one more. Yeah. Oh, that one wasn't good enough. I'll watch a lot. That's a good one.

This is a good one. And you keep going as if the next one will be the fucking life-changing video, I'm going to see. And I'm 39? Yeah, exactly. Imagine being 10.

Imagine being 8. Imagine being 6. But I think, I think you have to, we're still living a world where technology is a massive part of their life and I don't want him to be behind and I don't want him to miss out on things

because that's where a lot of their friendships are and the chat online and all that kind of stuff. So that's fine. But I'm literally now, I'm like, you can have 45 minutes burst. That's it. And then you're off it. Well, there we go. So, but I think it's working currently.

But it makes, it makes parenting much harder. It's good. The FaceTime's little mates and that. That's good. The social aspect that's really good. But just sit and flicking video, video, video, video, it's bad, bad. So bad. I've had to start putting a timer on my phone.

When I'm sat on my phone, if I think I'm going to have a little bit of time, on Instagram. I put a 15 minute timer on just to be like get off. And in the name of irony our team who filmed this

clip this up for socials yeah? Yeah, yeah, get on there, get it. Put the beginning where we go a cliff hang

and then put it and then yeah. We had to fight about the jingle we couldn't set along a jingle jing go so this is the jingle jingle

Jinggo We hope you like the Jingo do do Jingo Jabba do babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Bhabo do bao Jingo Hello and welcome back

to this week's episode of Shagmaryanaoi Sorry that the intro was a little bit preachy A little bit long Yeah Do what you want to do We couldn't give a fuck

But we're just living our life We're just our opinion Yeah like I said That's why I said That joke at the end It would have cut it all Like we're not We're not telling you how to parent here

We're just telling you What we've done And what we've found I'm not saying do this I'm not seeing there's any right here. Robin gave me the finger the other day on my, my mom let him. So I'm not, I'm not. It was a drive-by.

It was a drive-by. Flip the bird. Yeah, he flipped the bird at your drive-by. They went off in my mom's car because I was going out and my mom was looking after them. And I did a little dance in the porch as if to say, thank God you's gone, blahdy-blah. And then my mom drove back and Robin out of the window went like that. And they were laughing their heads off and I was just like, who are you? So nowhere not in any place to tell you how to parent at all.

I can't bet on that. I can't top that at all. I mean it was hilarious. Can't top that at all. It was funny. Yeah, very, very good. I have just recovered from a terrible injury. Terrible injury.

I put the bins out the other day. Well done. And I had let Raph help. Rave will help with the bins. He was taking the empty wheelie bin back. And I have me flip flops on, also known as Sliders. I have my sliders on. Not the new ones I bought you, I hope.

What's new ones? Them ones I got you for your birthday. For holiday, you so on. Runely. Started wearing them? One, do not tell me when and went to wear my Birken socks.

Two, no, not the Birkenstocks, a different pair that I've had for ages. That actually hurt me feet and I've got to wear them with socks which makes us hate myself. But I didn't wear them with socks. I just went out and Rief was walking ahead of us and he stopped and I kept walking

and I kicked the underside of the bin and I split my big toenail in half on the next door. Oh yes, I remember. And it just stopped hurting. Right. That was a week and a bit ago, it just stopped hurting. I mean, you're very, yeah.

Big thing in my life. You need a little corner shame or something for that. I did. Anyone went near you and you're kicking off? Went in the hot tub and the kids As soon as, right, if I've got new shoes on or I've hurt me toe, those two fucking dickheads stand on my foot like there's a magnet in my foot

pulling them in the wards. Oh you got a hurt too, have you? Stamp, stamp, stamp, stamp. Oh, you got, clean shoes on and it's raining. Stamp, stamp, stop, snap. Fucking nightmare. Well, it's like when you've done your hair and you're putting their shoes on.

And they'll grab your hair. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. As a woman, well, you as well, actually, if you've done your hair and you're literally ready to go out to a christening or a party Do you mean christening?

I mean christening. No. Which we still haven't got rid of christened. I don't think he's ever going to get christened. The alarm got off. The alarm, I've stopped the alarm. Oh! I know.

The devil. I know. Yeah. I'm just hoping God'll let him in. But great. But listen. Or you can look after him in hell. Oh, wow.

Me and Robin will be in heaven. Listen, the reason I want to speak to you about this, right? Have I ever told you about the lad? I must have mentioned it on here the lad in my school who hurt himself when everyone got wheelie bins I told you about this

Did he jump in his wheelie bins? There's a lad in my class Do you remember how exciting it was when everyone got wheelie bins? Oh, everyone, we came up from school there was wheelie bins at the end of everyone's drive It was unbelievable I remember getting now as a bit later

and I don't know why and I can remember being fucking devastated Really? Yeah, because they did it in... The shame your family must have felt I know. Dragon, a dust bin Yeah.

They did it. in like Ingram, I'm sure they did it like staggered. It wasn't like one day everyone got their weaving. I have to speak to someone from South Timeside Council, but I'm 99% sure that people with back lanes got them first. So you saw a Moabree Road area all around there. So there you go. All in were back lanes, old school terraced houses,

they all got them first. And then other places like a state where I lived and stuff. Anyway, one, a lad, I'm sure, again, I think I might have told this, but I'm sorry about it. I think about it every single time I take the bins out. I thought you meant every day. I was like, that's a bit intense. Every minute.

Every day. I think about it. There's boys from school that I think about every single set. There is your slag. Caps up in the end, cigarettes on the mouth there. They have you. Disgusting. Listen, the Burghouse jackets, listen, the, um, they got the wheelie bins and the war, we

were all like buzzing. Everyone, basically like, everyone went home from school and then came back and everyone the next day had stories about how we had the wheelie, you know, last night. What did you do with your wheelie bins last night? Before they got rubbish in, a lot of people, I think we did. No, we literally filled it with water and got in it like a plunge pool. That's amazing. We didn't do that. I think it was the winter we got ours.

Anyway, it was dark nights. You know, everyone's, so everyone's evidently just getting in the wheelie bins and pushing people around with the wheelie bins. One lad in my class, his mate got in the wheelie bin, and he was pushing his mate in the wheelie bin. And he lent it back too far, and he fell, and his hands were like that. and the handle came down and took all his fingernails off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you on crack? Yeah.

What are you doing? Came in the next day with like, you had the day off and then the next day he came in and he had like oven gloves, like literally like oven gloves on, like full, everything wrapped up. It took fucking months for his fingernails to come back. You know I'm triggered by nail stories.

So I definitely haven't told it then. If you've, or you've blanked it out. But yeah, every single time I take it the bin. out every time I take the bins out I think of it and it's because when you hold your bin on the little handle thing there's like a there's like a gully underneath and that must be well stop just stop because I can't I've gone all funny yeah got all cold just just to scratch your back what does that do it's finger mails in it no it's fine what is that do you okay she's got all bad the next bit next bit

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hey, this week's sponsor is, fingernail gel. No. Your fingernail's been ripped off. Put this gel on. Babadu, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, bab. So this is something I've realised so many times,

and I think we may have touched on it recently, randomly and very lightly on here, and I've seen stuff online about it. Can we all try and work? I need to speak to a child psychologist, or someone, why does it take fucking hours of arguing

to get your children in the shower of the bath and then once they're in there, they have a fucking spa day and you literally can't get them out of it. I know everyone, people have taught about this, I've seen memes online about it.

Can someone, can someone tell us, email in if you're a child psychologist or a behavioral therapist? What the fuck, this morning? Robin, you need a shower. You'd have another shower for a couple.

but he's in a woman falls go ah ah god ah far I don't want one I'll have one at night I'll do this I'll do that

like no argue argue argue he eventually goes up in a tirade of fucking shouting 10 minutes later I walk past his room singing

la la la la la la la la la I'm like yeah they forget that they enjoy it it's insane it's fuck

it's it's killing us but it's like you know when they go to the park they know they like the park they know that or the arcades

they're like I enjoy the arcades they sit in the bath for 25 minutes it's clear cold but he's literally enjoying himself the difference if he said let's go to the arcades he'd say yes we'll go to the arcade well that's what I'm saying though let's go in the bath but he's like forgets that he actually

loves it I don't know he did it with the shower last night and Robin did up the shower we'd differ there because but okay there you go dopamine we used to when I was younger I loved a bath

I would be in the bath for ages I would pretend I was a presenter I've said this before I'd have my little flannel that was my fish thing and I'd be presenting a wildlife show or I'd make potions

but that was our level of dopamine they get dopamine so much faster so they automatically just we're fuck our kids we are genuinely and it's not I said this before I don't think it's our fault I don't think it's our fault

because I don't think we knew the dangers going into this whole tech world fully and I think it snuck upon us well I think rich people are just laughing their fucking heads off because they're like got all these kids addicted to all this stuff

get in but it's so damaging for them and I'm really I'm really fucked off about it there you go phones no no fucking way I don't trust my 10 year old

to get out of the car on the right side of the fucking road why would I give him a phone worth 300 quid and access to the internet whatever all of the porn on the planet fuck off absolutely not

no we've just got him a knockier he's virgin about it but I don't give a shit no he's not he was buzzing with it he loves it no he's not though because he's gone to school and I think all

he listed me all of the people in his class who got a phone yesterday. So, you know, great. But no, it's not happening. It's insane. It's fucking insane. Walking around with a little telly in their pocket. Yeah.

No. I'm not doing it. I'm not, I don't care. I am not falling. I'm not falling for it. They don't need it. Fair. Just try to be a bit light-haughting about baths and showers.

No, because it fucks us off. It really fucks us off because it's not fair. It's like, it's just, it's not fair. I just don't think there's been any I don't think there's been any help from like the government or anything Well like because in other countries They're banning them and stuff

ban on social media and things like that. It shouldn't have been available Shouldn't have been available to children To children's brains that aren't developed enough But the tech billionaires won't we're addicted to them though Of course they do None of their kids have them Yeah

And they've come out and said Like I absolutely would not let my child have this And it's like well then how fucking dare you Make money from our children it's disgusting. Children make them as well, which is even worse. Well, there you go.

Like, I don't know, like, but then I fall somewhere in between because obviously, you played on computer games when you were a kid. You've told me, I didn't play on computer games much, right? You've told me. And who's got more anxiety?

This guy. This guy. I was thinking about that the idea. I was thinking that, maybe Sonic the Hedgehog and maybe, you know, playing on games and trying to finish the levels and having some,

and having a rage quit and turn it off. You know, maybe. Maybe. I don't know that but it might have contributed to my levels of anxiety compared to yours. If you just look at just me

and you as a sample you know. Okay. It's a deep question. Yeah, yeah. We'll have to ask loads of people and, you know, I'm sure. But I think that we monitor it

and I don't want the kids to not be able to play on computer games because you've also said like hand-eye coordination and all that shit. It's really good. Yeah, yeah. And they do enjoy it.

So I'm not like, I'm not geek, never, nothing. But I just think we need to monitor it but I just think the phone thing. And also is somebody who's, really close with people with teachers who work in schools the cyberbullion and the and the fucking the WhatsApp messages of kids kids have no idea of the repercussions of what they say I've said

before if everything I ever said any of my friends when I was younger was written down and cataloged oh my god I'd be fucking modified the stuff I've said yeah exactly so I just think no yeah that's and I do feel really strongly on it so there you go that's that's me too well me too I've got another thing to tell you. What? If you manage to turn this, if you turn this back to phones, if you manage to pull this back

to how you don't want the kids to have a phone, I'm very fucking surprised. No, no, no. So I haven't told you this. I've been dying to tell you this. I was in a restaurant the other day, a very nice restaurant in London.

I took a call for some food. And I don't want to say where it was just in case anyone sees negatively on what this next. I personally thought this was amazing. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my life. But I wouldn't want anyone, you know, I wouldn't want the people at the restaurant or anything to think I was slagging the place off.

But basically, I don't know how it happened. We're sitting there. It's a lovely day in London. And this restaurant's got like, it's upstairs and it's got like window boxes outside with like flowers and stuff in. And like some of the windows open because it was lovely. And there, a fucking pigeon flew in, right? Love it, right? Awful.

Flew in. Got somehow like in and then whipped and try to turn around, right? And just fucking bump into the window. It smacked into the window. There was a bloke sitting, eating. It hit the window next to him, and it dropped, and it fucking flapped like that, right? And I just looked, I heard the bang,

and I, obviously, because I'm full of anxiety, and I'm riddled, I heard bang, and I was on it. I saw it, I saw it milliseconds after a day. And it fell onto the windowsill, and it was fine, but it was just flopping around. And this fucking waiter, right? He must have been, Rosie, he must have been four or five metres away from it

at the other end of the fucking place, right? I've never seen a man move so quickly in my life, just shoo, both hands on the pigeon out and the whole restaurant everyone to my left because it's happened to me right

everyone at my left looked over and I was like and Carl Hutchinson was trying to talk to us and my mouth was open and Carl was going what was that, what was that and I had my mouth open and everyone around was just going

what was that, what happened and I was like he caught that pigeon before 99% of the people in the restaurant so the man sitting there hadn't even worked at what it was

and it was so incredible I went over when the way I got back in I went over and I went Just so you know mate that's the fucking Coolest I've seen anyone do no Yeah I didn't think you would be Didn't it just yeah he was like I think he was like We're pathetic yeah he was like not just like Take a pigeon

No no it got like The guy was fucking flapping and the bird was flippling It was beautiful it was so fast It'll be on the menu They'll go to a table later on the goal We've got a really fresh pigeon It was astounding I don't think you want to eat

a London pigeon I think I said I went I went did you go up on a farm and he was like no and I was like but it was just it was amazing

that it was the fastest reactions of if I'm in any kind of disaster but yeah fight or flight maybe he's just got that in him like the fight or flight

if I'm in any disaster I want to be with him yeah on the cards on the table I fancied a bit it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen there's that really

the viral video where that lasts there's like um is it a squirrel I think there's something in our cupboard of a rat or something in a cupboard and instead of like everybody else

would just sort of like try and put a bag over it or whatever she just grabs it she's fucking grabbed it and then just ran to the front door like filming it with this thing in her hand didn't let go and it's just like

oh and then let go and I was getting no I don't have that I don't have that at all right but it's just to me like if it's something I shouldn't be there and it's flapping and they're erratic immediately makes it

oh my god do I tell you what happened to me the other day what? Oh oh oh la la la what um um I felt a tickle on my neck. Felt a tickle like on my neck

and I kind of went like that. Where were you? In the house? Right. Just crawling up my back. And I just had to like bat it off and then I see it on the floor and I was getting, oh God.

Oh. I know. Did you have to have a shower? No, I just was very aware that something had been crawling up me back and it was just like, I'm not bothered by spiders anymore. I see them around the house all the time.

I just leave them. I just think, oh, they can crap on. I do leave them. Yeah. I spoke to one the other day. What did I say again? You spoke to one. It was what?

What are I done? NC-Wincy spider. I can't remember. I think I only had the dorm for a little while. I said, I'd done something. And I looked down and I went, I went, oh, you got in, did you?

Nice one. And I just walked off. I think I must have seen it outside and then it somehow got in and I assumed it was the same spider. We'll be eating it later on. Yeah, it'll be on. Oh, fly season's coming.

Oh, God. Flies fucking each other season's back, and I don't like that at all. They keep landing on. me top they're on me car quite often I don't like you know the flies fucking each other yeah I've talked about before they're normally on the trampoline two flies and they're just fucking getting jicky so when they land on you I'm like come on guys don't so intrusive don't fuck honors yeah exactly exactly you've got the whole world here

there's plants there's leaves there's why you why you're having sex on me it's because you don't have done sex for a while babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo bab do it's not news Chris is not news do want some not news oh sorry I thought we're doing I'm just surprised it with the new segment. So I've given it a new segment. I'll have to write that down and remember it. Chris is not news. Obviously because my Instagram, again,

we've been over this loads of times. I don't watch the news or listen to the news at all. I'm doing Mott the week soon, so that'll be fun. I had to stop for a little while because you know how I was slagging you off and not watching the news? I really got into it. And then I just thought, oh God, I can't change any of this.

It's because it's bad news. You don't get good news. You get bad news. That's the thing. It's like, do you watch the news? No, I don't watch the bad news. Anyway, Chris is not news, which I've just made up, which I quite like.

My Instagram gives us just random, random shitty bits of news that aren't really news. That just makes us laugh. Okay, do you want some not news? Yes. Police hunt for a woman who pooped on a shelf in a shop and walked off. That's what my Instagram gives to me. It goes, hey, do you want a bit of this?

Nice. Have some of that. Nice. You're pooped on a shelf. Police in Banbury, England. Wow. I've launched an investigation after a bizarre incident inside a branch of, and we love the place, the range.

Oh, not the range. woman allegedly defecated on a shelf in broad daylight before calmly leaving the premises. I'm going to tell Robin. Yeah? I want to say you think I'm strict? I could be shitting on shelves. I mean, that's what? That's far, that's much further.

Do you want me to be strict or do you want me to shit on shelves? She's probably got kids. Is that his two options? So his two options are, do you want me to be strict or do you want me to shit on shelves in the range? What are you more embarrassed by? Let's, let's gauge it here. What's your level embarrassment with your friends? If you're going out to Banbury, he wouldn't be asked.

It's fucking miles away. His kids wouldn't even know. Your kids wouldn't even know. He's mates, sorry. You know what? Good for her. Well... The mood...

I'm in that mood to take. Really? You're in a mood of good for the woman who's shot on the shelf. She's just giving a finger to the masses. She's given a full log to the masses. I mean, I do really like the range, so she could have picked a better...

She could have done a better place. Like... My thing is, somewhere like... That's really like... Somewhere like the range that sells everything. That's like... That's especially unfair for the staff.

Why? Because like, oh, who's left the fake poo and Al 15, it belongs in our dog. Oh, my God! Oh, right, okay. Like, they could possibly sell fake poo. Yeah, you wouldn't find a shit in Dunelm. Well, yeah, no, not Dunelm or somewhere, you know, like, you know,

Marxist. You know, but the no. I get you. Oh. I know. I just think that's someone near for. Why do people like shit and what's that? What is that?

I think it's a perverted thing. Do you think it's like a, I think it's a fuck you. Uh-huh. And I think it's a pervert thing. Possibly, there's totally conjecture here, but like, looking around and how much? How much? fuck this place I'll show you what for crazy

she's seen some she's seen some shit I'll tell you right now my thing always always always always with anyone who shits anyway they never wipe their ass they just get up and leave no I blame a man though

it was a woman I know but I believe I think a man has caused her some upset I'm telling you right now I'm telling you right now a man has caused her some upset and she's going to defecate

I'm not having that like you could blame nah I'm not having that Now to tell you when I, because me estate that I grew up on was a building site for quite a while. Me to mine, we're playing out,

we're on the building site just climbing up and down like big piles of mud and that and he was just, he just whipped your pants down and had a shit and then pull his pants up and I remember going,

you're not going to wipe you? And he went, I'll do it. I'll do it. Oh, you know me? I've never shot outside. I've never shot outside of a building

that I've been paying to stay and or owned. When I had to have that shit on the train recently I was really upset about it. Oh, I did have to pee on the train once. Sure.

I did. I've talked about me. Yeah, I was really upset. No, I've never shot. I've never shit anywhere. I just don't know. I've pissed. I've pissed. Oh, poof. Find me somewhere in South Shields I haven't had a leak.

But I've never shit anywhere. No. Oh no, I had to shit myself with Nando's when I was pregnant. Oh, yes, yes. But that was in the toilets. That was in the toilets. You did. You did.

It's on me DVD. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo. It's time for what's your be. What's your beep? What's your beef? What is beef? Okay. ladies first what is your beef so okay this is a very tame one but I think you've been on

your best behavior I have because you've done me tits in recently because when you go back off tour you're vile vile wow vile with a capital V so I think you've realized and you've tamed yourself okay um I made the kids mac and cheese last night for the kids because we were having a dinner later did it in the I did it special, oven the lot, lovely. You obviously had a portion of it,

but then you like, you waited around rave like a dog, like an actual dog to see what he was going to finish. And your face was like this. Yeah. Because, right. I just don't think that's nice.

Right. So first of all, my beef was going to be something else and then I changed it and I'm going to change it back to what it was going to be because it falls straight in with this. Can I put my beef straight on this

and we'll just have a beef strogan off and we'll just we'll just beef it off. Right. So my beef with you is, um, even, you've done this the whole time we've been together, even though every single time, I assure you it's not going to happen to the point of where last night I

tried to do me catchphrase and you went, don't dare do your catchphrase. Oh, I hate that catchphrase. I can eat anything before a meal. So you bought, let me finish. So you had, you got me some lovely bread as a little treat.

You got some little farmhouse white bread as a treat yesterday. That's so okay. I know you say sometimes I can be a bit standoffish in that. But my way, I'm a, what's the word, gifter? Or act of service, that's my... So you got some lovely bread. I bought you some nice white bread. Because we're very rarely have tiger bread in the house.

So we've got some lovely wife on us bread. You got in from shopping, you were like, I'm going to do the tea. I was like, whatever. I had two slices of that, bang. You were like, you'll not eat your tea. I went, shut up, woman. Two slices of it. Yeah, we'll put her on, loads of butter.

I forgot to put salt on. Then... You would never say, shut up woman to me. That's just... No, I think it... Just so you know what, I'm always thinking it. Hey, just thought it there now. So then you did the mac and cheese, which was incredible, by the way,

and you put it in a little pot and you put the cheese on, and you put it in the oven and then I'm having a scrant of that, and you're like, you'll not eat your tea, and I stood up and I went to shake your hand, and you went, don't, because I shake your hand, and I say, Chris Ramsey, nice to meet. You can literally eat anything before. I could eat all day, every day and nonstop.

I just choose not to. I fight against it, right? I could be, I should be, you should be able to cut the side of the house off and I should be taking to the shop in a crane, right? like classic Jerry Springer in the 90s, right? I'm serious. But I just don't. I got a bit of willpower. But I hadn't eaten much all day and I know back to the point of rape.

He put so much mac and cheese on his plate. I knew he wasn't going to eat it. I knew he wasn't. And then he went, and I put some on mine. And then he went, I want some more. And I went, well, come on it. I'll put it back in the ball for you. No, but I said. Because he coughs all over it and he puts in his mouth. Yeah, but that was their tea.

It was too much. And he left loads and not in leave loads. Everyone listening. He left the best bit. He took the top. of it off with all the melted cheese on and he left it and it was on his plate half an hour later freezing cold and I thought I know he's coughed his fucking lungs up on top of that as well so I did need it and thrown it in the bin hurt us physically hurt us that was his tea not yours he put too much on his plate and I needed it and it wasn't fair and then I had to eat that

slop that you'd cook for me afterwards and potato wow gammon sweet potato wedges and asparagus yes it was bloody lovely once again every time I have asparagus forget I I've had it, go to the toilet, panic. Oh, I had asparagus. It's okay, I'm not dying. I'm not dying. I quite like the smell of asparagus piss. I don't know why.

It's nice. It's really odd. It's so quick. So, straight. Like, you're gonna have one mouthful of asparagus and go to the toilet 10 seconds later in it. I know. Great.

I've had beet root this morning. It just flies through your system. What does beetroot do? I've never ate beetroot. It goes, your wee goes a bit red. Really? Really?

No. It's one of them. I don't trust it. Oh, fuck off. No. I don't trust it. It's too coloured. It's too rich of a colour to be.

It looks like you're eating a bit of an ice pop or an ice lolly. It looks like you're outside of a Salero. It's so good for you. So good for you. It turns out way red. Can't be that good. Alright guys. Do you know, beetroot would be one of them things where it's like,

it's just like fucking corn on the cob all over again. Right. I hate or, ugh. I've never said I hate people. I've just said I've never ate it. Never ate it. There's some in the fridge. I'll pass.

Hard pass. Great. hard pass. Unless Rafe's haven't some in which case, I need it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo ba. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo bab. It's time for questions from the public. Tap-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tap-a.

Public. Right, that's honestly the fact that we can't use music on here anymore is an absolutely like me. I know it's so upsetting, but it's fine. Yes, and dorma! Stop it. As always. Guys, if you would like to get in touch with anything at all, the email address is shagged, Married,annoyed, at gmail.com. Send us whatever you like, anything we've taught about recently,

anything that's triggered a little memory for you, you know, questions, dilemmas, would you rather, stories, anything you want, send them in. And if you'd like to send anything like that via a voice note, it's 07-8774-406650 is the WhatsApp number. Looking forward to hearing from you. I have gone back. Take it back now, y'all.

through the emails because, right, there was a very large portion of time when our lives were extremely busy. Are you talking about me doing Taskmaster, me doing a tour, us doing a tour and doing a TV show and a book all at the same time just after a lockdown? And two children.

Yes. Yeah, I remember that. Well, I don't. I blanked it out. I think there's probably about 40,000 emails that I haven't fully read. Wow. We've had people help,

but I think they're just in there somewhere and I need to just rake through them all again. Now and then, just go back in the postal bag. It's really good. So this is here. I can't, I don't think we've done it. Right. I've got quite a good memory.

Although, let's see. I didn't remember it, but it made us laugh. Anyway, okay, all right. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Done it, we've done this one, heard it. I've been wanting to email this for a while, but my husband has persuaded me to send it as he thinks it's a great story.

Please keep me anonymous. Always. His best friend is an acquired taste. Oh, fuck. such a dig then what a loaded fucking stick that's beautiful imagine

that is oh I bet someone's called me in a quiet taste before I bet someone's called you an acquired taste I was just about to say I think I've called you an acquired taste

I think people are in a quiet taste yeah you are in a quiet taste I mask my acquired tasteness I tell everyone on stage when I do me too as second leg on sale now when I do me too

as I say look you're getting the best version of me so I'm standing here talking you all now you're getting like I'm attentive I'm here, I'm engaged with you, I'm in the zone. I'm telling you, you're getting the best version of me.

Like, outside of being on stage, it's just the same, but with loads of bad points piled on top. You're a nightmare. Yeah. We had our friends over. Oh, sorry, you had your friends over, and I was here, and Shannon was here, who's Jordan's partner, and who's my friend, and we're having a lovely time,

all just chatting, getting along, having a little drink. The kids had been playing outside. You just fucked off and went and tidy the garden. Yeah. but what I said to them was if he's weren't here he wouldn't be doing this yeah no I just find it's weird and I find stuff

you just fuck off you can't be asked there's something there's something there's something going on I find stuff to do when people are when people are there and then so then everyone goes oh let me mum you saw look your Chris does everything

I'm like not when nobody's here I'll just do it to get away from people when people are here when people in my house I'll go and find something to do that takes us away from them I don't know why yeah you're just in quiet

I'm definitely in quieted hey this best mate sounds like a good guy. My kind of guy. No, but you're lovely with it though. You're wrapped with, you've got other nice traits. Listen.

You couldn't even fucking vocalise a comment. I think it's because I married you that I have to, I have to like. Deny. Deny that you're talking. Just to live in denial.

Because I quite like you. Till death do us part. And we've had 250 million downloads on this podcast. That was ages ago. We're much of a fucking more than that now. We've knocked on half a billion now.

You must be our rate. Again, this is just the best version. You get the best version here. Everything else, this is the best bit and all the bad bit comes afterwards. Great. Listen, he's in a quiet taste. If you knew him, this story wouldn't seem

too far-fetched, but it's 100% true. Okay. He decided to spice his sex life up with his girlfriend. My man. And went to a sex shop to buy a selection of toys. One more time, can I just say, sorry. Obviously, just been on two, a second I've gone sale now.

Absolutely astounded that there is a sex shop on the A1. I'm still astounded. Northbound. I know fucking pubs, pubs, cafes, restaurants, fucking Woolwaths shut down. How is that sex shop on the A1 in the age of the internet? Just northbound. You can't get to it, southbound, tried. How is that still open? Old pervert. It's got to be. No, it'll have become, I'm telling you right now, right? Everybody, even Even perverts need a community. It'll be old per- It's not bound on the A-1.

It doesn't matter. It's accessible. I don't understand. Anyone, email in. If you've ever been to the... Drug front might be a thing. I don't understand. It's got to be... Human trafficking.

No. Okay, well, if it's really dark, I don't want to hear it. It has to be international truck drivers who don't have data Roman. It has to be. It has to be truck drivers buying old school porn bags. and having a one in their van.

You need to go in there. You need to go in because this is really upset. Every time we go past it, really upset. We'll go in. I'll come in with you. We'll go and have a look. Just for our own. We can't go in as a couple.

Yes, we can. We can it. Well, we're going to. So what you're going to do? I'll just go on my own and check it out first. And then I'll let you know. Oh, great. Ten years of reverse psychology and I've finally been given permission to go to the A1 section.

That's how it's done, guys. Play the long game, motherfuckers. That's how it's done. I'll see you all later, I'm off. But, self-bound, got it to turn out. Self-bound, get off, get off, I'm going to get off, get off of the, the sit road. What's the track as that, people have?

A-tag's. No, no, on the phones, what's it called? Find my iPhone. Something like that. It's literally called for my iPhone. All right, well, find my iPhone, and I'll be like, oh, no, he's just checking there for my search purposes. It's just, honestly, he's just doing it for jokes.

Couples who track each other as well, by the way, they can get in the football. All right, how are you finding it? Come on. I feel like, down, down, down, down off your high horse. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Down off your high horse. Don't trust us, then just don't be with us. And also, I don't want to know where you are.

Honestly. Honestly, Rosie, I'll be at the sex shop with you. Anytime you can't find me. Anytime now, if you literally, if you're in the house, Chris, and I don't answer, just assume I'm at the sex shop on the one. Okay, great. Never heard that Nelly song, You could find me in St. Louis.

Man, you could find me in the A1, sex shop. Great. I don't really want to hear the email anymore. I've got what I needed from all this. This whole podcast, this entire podcast, this entire career, this marriage has been a ruse for me to get permission

to go to the A1 sex shop. I have to head off soon because it will shut shortly. It never should. Nah, probably doesn't. Listen, he's bought the sex toys. He's bought sex toys to spice up his sex life with his girlfriend. He took them back to his house in brackets.

He still lived with his parents, then and she came round to visit and he thought it would be a great time to present her with her new toys she immediately decided they did they didn't need them and insisted he threw them away wow fair enough he knew he couldn't return them and living with his parents still meant he didn't want to put them in the bin yes do you know what i mean yes so he went down a muddy lane near the house and dumped them in a bush the bushes were actually hedges that went around the perimeter of a farmer's field oh for fuck A year or so later the girlfriend decided she wanted to try some sex toys

and so she's obviously come around to the idea and asked if he could get them some again go out and buy them some again because obviously he threw the other ones away don't you date and he went down the lane to try and find them if they're still there he remembered his last set and their hiding place

and went down the lane to his amazement they were still there no way a year later a dog hasn't found them and no Well, they might have. He took them home, washed them, and to this day she doesn't know she is using a dildo

that was previously covered in mud and cow manure and sat in a hedge for over a year. She's going to get infection. You fucking maniac. Just go and buy some more. I mean. I mean. Oh, that's so sad.

You made Robin a sandwich of your day, and you had a lovely... Sorry, there is a point on this. I'm just wondering what they started to do with this. In one of them Ziploc IKEA bags that we have for to put the sandwich bags and stuff in. There was a full bread bun and then there was a bottom of a bread bun,

white bread bun. It's like, see, we don't get white bread much in the house and when it's in, I thought, you know, I'm just hiding it, isn't it? And you made him a sandwich and I said, where's the bottom of that bun? And you said, it's in the bin. Because we weren't going to use it, it's in the bin.

And I went, right, it was very much, it was on the last legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you went, it's still in the bag. Just get it out of the bin. I went, absolutely not. and I wouldn't get that out of the bit and that's my bit.

I would have a difference. I shouldn't have thrown that away. Don't worry about it. Someone's email in you through half a breadbone away. No, but I knew. You all went to hell. What? You're going to hell.

I knew that that wouldn't get eaten and it was on its last day. Yeah, I was about it, but whatever. Sorry. Listen, we all know. Rosie, Rosie. You had your dinner half an hour later. We all know that you threw it away

so you wouldn't eat it. Maybe. There. So I wouldn't even get out of bin and this put a woman is like, literally. Yeah. This woman is literally having

fucking hedge-foraged sex toys hide up a badge. I know. She'll... Oh, that's so upsetting. Yeah. That's a fucking dog's could have chewed it. Fucking horse has got a pissed on it.

But I had cow pat on it. Oh, God. Right, listen. Hey, Rosie and Chris. Hope you're good. An OG listener who's never had anything to send in and now I have two. Oh, good.

Thank you. It's a bit of like a holiday ick. Excellent. Anyway, I'm sitting, having dinner and watching a grown man play football by himself in the mini soccer pitch. Scoring goals and celebrating as if he's Ronaldo while his girlfriend stands and watches. Awful. I then noticed there was actually a cue outside the pitch of children. Yes, children, waiting to get in to play and having to watch a grown man live out his football fantasy.

That is vile. I hate adults who don't let kids do stuff. That's why Disney upset us so much. Well, we were talking about this just the other day. Grownups who at American baseball games steal the balls away from the children. I've seen, I'm not kidding, in the last year, I've seen easily five or six videos of grown-ups.

And then they find out who it is. And the out of them, they go to fucking find them on LinkedIn and stuff and the fucking contact their, like, the internet's mental. The contact their fucking boss in that. Do you know that your employees are fucking filthy thief? And you're like, well, yeah, yeah, he stole it. The internet is wild. Do you know what's all coming?

out. You know, that couple who are called played, you know, they weren't having an affair. Right.

They genuinely had, um, they split up from their partners and they were together and the reason they hid was

because they, their exes, was at the game and I think they were just bit like, gig. Gig. Didn't want to rub it

in their faces. Apparently it's all come out that they weren't actually having an affair. Wow. So the whole internet hated them.

Yeah. Try to get them lose their jobs and everything and it wasn't actually true. Well, their pylons are just the most dangerous thing. I know, it's just sad.

It is so dangerous. Yeah. But yeah. There's another one here, though. Oh, come on then. Sorry, come and just say, can I, like that guy who we've just talked about,

the guy doing his football. So he's at, he's on a holiday in place like, yeah, you have to rent a slot on the court. Oh, so he's actually. So he's rented it. Let's be honest to you. He's probably rented that court

just to kick around on his own and he's last standing watching him and he's just showing how many kickups he can do and how many calls he can score, which again, absolutely pathetic. When you're in the beginning of a relationship. She's standing there going,

fucking couple of months in when my feet are under the table, I will never have to do this again. But as of now, as of now, you know, I still live in my parents, he's got his own flat, I'm looking forward to moving in,

I'm going to have to watch this fucking toss pot, do his kick-ups and, yeah. There's loads of stuff that we've done. Yeah. Yeah. I've done stuff. Also unrelated to being on holiday,

but seeing as I'm sending an ick about someone else's part and I may as well throw one in about my own. Oh, there is, why not? Last week, I heard him, shout from the front of the house and run out the front door calling for a four-year-old to join him. I could see him frantically waving his arms and assumed it was perhaps ice cream van coming. He returned without an ice cream, but a thrilled expression on his face.

It was, in fact, the Google Maps car. I'm on board of that. I'm 100% on board of that. I have to agree. I'm kind of... Oh, I love it. If you've seen it coming past, I'd want you to shout of all. All of work.

So we can all be like this? Yeah. Yeah. So it says, yeah, to my horror, my 40-year-old husband was delighted that he might feature on Google Maps outside our house waving. He is going to be checking that. He was a Google Maps waving kind of guys. He is going to be checking that every day until he comes on.

Have you seen it though where people's grandparents are on there? Why? Why? Why are you? I don't know. Why are you on a self-destructive, let's kill comedy fucking roller coaster this week? Tragedy equals plus times equals comedy. Look, everything you've turned it negative.

I'll finish your sentence for you. Pause, have a five minutes off. I'll do exactly what we're going to say. Yeah, it's dead funny that. Chris said he's done that. But have you seen it though when people go on Google Maps and there's old things? And that grander who died,

he's standing doing the garden on Google Maps. Oh, and then your kids can look at that. And that's why your kids shouldn't have phones. I've been Rosie Ramsey, you've been listening to Shagmide in old good night. Look me tits, by the way. and I'm nearly on me, period,

etc. Put that down, Chris, you're not at your tea. Put it down, you'll not eat your tea. And I threw away perfectly good half a bread bun.

Honestly. Cancel me! Why have you turned everything negative? We were having a good laugh. I'm sorry. Apologies, everyone. Oh, God,

whatever. As a person, I'm a bit bitter in life and I'm just getting on a bit negative. Honestly, if anyone from Apple's listening, take this podcast out with the comedy section and this week put it into fucking tech and fucking drama. Tech drama and parenting.

Honestly. Hey, I would happily, I would happily do a bit of a Nego podcast. You'd love a Nego, let's all cry podcast. I still want to do a podcast with just other women. Just slagging off men. Could be called slagging off. Get it.

Let's get it. Could be called slagging off. Double meaning there. Let's, uh, because we're slags. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they have to have a body count of over at 10.

Because if not, they haven't lived enough. That's an in resin research call. That's right. I'm sorry. Yes, Mary Berry. Rosie would love you on our podcast. She'd just like to know how many people you've slept. Hello?

Hello? She's hung up. Oh, you've been with your husband since you were 18. D. No. You're not getting on. Please tell us you've cheated on. No, loads of them.

Loads of them who've been with her husband since we're 18. They're all that's fall apart. Actually, get them on. That's where the... That's where the... That's where the... Or not. Or not.

That's where it's all dried up. That's where the sweet spot is right now. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Do do do do. Thank you for listening to this week's negative but positive episode of showing. Hey, look, it's all right. You've got a few things off your chest. And there it is.

It's all good. I've had a lovely time. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for watching. Thank you for being part of it. And we'll be back. in your ears next week. And your eyes and your filthy little eyes.

And on a Wednesday with we're extra friends. Yes, please keep me anonymous. Still happening every Wednesday. We've got some cracking guests coming up on that. Very excited. Bye! Bye.