Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous - Best Of Part Four

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

This week's Please Keep Me Anonymous Best Ofs, features chats and stories with Matt Edmondson and Mollie King, Emma Doran, Joanna Page and Seann Walsh (or is it Shaun Wallace?!) Matt and Mollie chat sensory deprivation tanks, Emma asks Chris and Rosie how they'd feel about being a dominatrix, Seann talks about the shock of seeing Matt Hancock when he entered the Jungle and Joanna's had her tubes tied! All this plus our guests read out some hilarious PKMAs sent in by you! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch!  📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. Legendary has arrived in Alberta with BetMGM Casino. Sign up to unlock access to over 4,000 casino games,

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And every time you play, you can enjoy instant deposit options and fast withdrawals. BetMGM Casino and its legendary library of games are available. Download the BetMGM app. See BetMGM.com for terms. 18 plus Alberta only. Please play responsibly. Subject to eligibility requirements.

If gambling is affecting your mental health or well-being, 21-1 Alberta is here to help. Call or text 211 or visit ab.211.ca. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with the Alberta iGaming Corporation. Standard message and data rates may apply. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jing go. So this is the jingo, jingo, we hope you like the jingo, jingo.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, ba. Jingle! I've had it with, you know, I've had it with Sean Locke, someone with a work of progress. Right. Many, many, many, many, many moons ago. Yeah. And it was going well, I thought. But there was someone that, you know, when someone's face just stands out,

they're not enjoying it. Sorry, mate, is there something wrong? I thought it was Sean Locke. Which was obviously hilarious. Same name, so I suppose. Yeah. But I knew one of Sean's routines off by heart, so I did it for him. And he bloody loved it.

Wow. Wow. Got an encore, but as someone else. That's amazing. So we're talking about you. Sorry. There's two people, you're on tour at the minute. There's two people who've come to your gigs this week

who thought you were someone else. Has that we said two people. This has happened twice in the past week. So basically, I'll tell you this way around. I did a photo. I was in Leeds doing city varieties and I did a photo of someone that was telling me this woman had travelled from Middlesbrough.

Oh yeah, that's near us. Right, right. Yeah. To get a selfie. Yeah. with me and she could she couldn't come to the show because the show was sold out. I don't feel a bit guilty. I'm sorry I would have sorted a ticket if I could somehow know.

Anyway, so I do this selfie with this lovely lady and she tells me that she loves my podcast with Pete Wicks. Go on, fuck off. I know exactly who you mean. Yeah, and I go, right. And she's going, yeah, I really love it. She says that we're like the new Morkman Wise. And she said, I love the episode with you when you're,

in your pyjamas. And I went, right, yeah. And yeah, it clicked. She thinks I'm Sam Thompson. And I felt so... She had travelled from Middlesbrough. Not a far at Leeds. Yeah, I don't feel bad.

Hour on 10. Okay, all right. That doesn't sound like a long amount of time until you take into consideration that it's to meet someone that is the wrong person. And then that's a long amount of time. And so I went along with it.

Well, yeah, because she sounds stupid. You went along with it. Just went along with it. love with it, just pretended I was sad. I'm glad you loved the pod. We've got some great episodes coming up that I think you're really going to enjoy. So she didn't, even when she met you in the flesh, didn't realize it wasn't you? Not at all.

Like, not at all. In her defense, it is an audio medium. Yes, yeah, yeah, there is that. But I've had it before. You look a little bit. You look a little bit similar. San Tompson from Team You, I think is. Did she have glasses on?

She did, no, listen, this is a just, this is a regular. And if Sam Thompson's this thing, she loves you. I mean, she really loves you. Listen, Sean, there's worse people to be. Yes, that's true. Absolutely. So the other one. Okay, all right, not Sam Thompson, this one.

So this is a different one. This is a different one. This person actually managed to make it to the show in Birmingham. And after the show, I said, I really enjoyed that. But I thought I'd come to watch Sean Wallace. Now, right, unsure? I'm sure Sean Wallace.

I was unsure Sean Wallace. I might recognise his face. Yeah, from the chase. Oh. The Dark Destroyer from the Cheers. The black guy. And I thought, maybe it's the glasses. At what point did they realise?

That's 20 minutes in. Hang on a second. That's not just really bright. Lighting. Show the camera. Look at that. Fucking amazing. Maybe it's the glasses.

Who knows? Can you see? Oh, no. Well, again, though, same name. She's not looked at the pictures. No. No. No, no, no, no.

Sean Wallace. We have to. I'm not having it. I'm not having it. I'm not having it. You're a fucking moron. I'm not having it. This has happened to me once.

Black bald man. This has happened to me once. I was in the Edinburgh Fringe. I don't know if you... By the way, she enjoyed the show. But she said she was hoping it would be a little bit more intellectual. Well, that's a... That is such a burn.

Is John Morris on tour? Everyone's on... Yeah, yeah, that's true. Everyone is in sort. Everyone's on tour and some shit. Everyone's fucking taught in something. Oh, that's hilarious. Fantastic. You'll remember the year in Edinburgh.

When I see who it is, you remember the year that he was there. I walked out on stage and someone in my crowd to be fair to her I walked out and I said hello and she fucking shot up like someone had just like electrocuted her just bolt upright

and she got a ticket and she looked at the ticket and she just went straight for the door and I went oh my God I'm sorry what's wrong and she went I'm not meant to see you and she did recognise straight away because I am not and looked nothing like

Hannibal Burress who was also black with glasses with glasses So it was the year Hannibal did Edinburgh Okay, yes And yeah And I saw him afterwards

And I went dude I went Did you have a late come at a night And he went yeah And I went she bolted out of my fucking show So quick mate Like so quick I would have to stay And I would tell no one

Yeah Well no in her defence Hannibal was sold out the entire run It was very rare that he was in He's American And it was very rare that he was in Edinburgh And she took that She took a bull by the horns

And she went and I was fine I hope this is all right for me to say I think it is but I once I was in America and in terms of like, you know, walking out of something. Yeah. My iPhone had broke. Right. So I took it to the Apple store to get it fixed.

It was going to take a couple of hours. They gave me a specific time for me to go and collect it. Yeah. Right. A couple of hours. There was nothing to do. So I thought, and I sometimes used to do this when I was younger on the road, you know, you're traveling all around the country.

I'll just go to the cinema. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And I'll just leave when I'm, you know, when I have to. do. Right. And I went and I went to see the Black Panther when it first came out. Yeah. And the cinema was sold out. Yeah. That's...

Exactly. It sold out and I was the I'm not kidding, only white man in the screen. Nice. Right? Nice. I'm enjoying the film. I don't see you walk down. Great film. Oh you had to go off the floor. Get some certain time. Stop. Halfway through Black Panther. The only white man in the screen. gets up and walks out

I'd have a shout at a way I've got an appointment this is fucking awesome this is amazing and I've got an appointment I know but I'm really my guy I was like this is

my worst moment of my life and the cinema was packed which you don't normally get in the in the UK like it was sold it was in one big film yeah so that yeah so I should

you're right I should have said I look I'm really Sorry, I have to collect my iPhone. Great film. Great number of us. I do believe the whitest thing to see it would be. I'm sorry, I've got an appointment at the genius bar. I'm so sorry, guys.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Do you wear makeup for telly? Well, I'm not wearing any now, but if I were on telly, then yes. Yeah. But not a lot, really. They have to drag Chris to the makeup chair. Like, literally. If I've got like a little red mark or something, I'll just have them do that.

and they like putting powder on so you don't shine. But otherwise no. I mean, my first ever job was on kids' TV and there was a woman and she'd done this some course where they, you ever have it where they've got like an airbrush, literally like a spray. They used to do that, didn't they? And she was banging to trying it out,

but she didn't know what she was doing. And honestly, it was like an inch thick of foundation every day. Oh, was she trying to tell you something? I never understood. She's a creosort an offence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was horrendous. Oh, my God.

And you get to the end of it, they give you a wipe, and you sort of try and wipe it off. And it would be like, you'd create a chasm in it. It's like, full Mrs. Doubtfire. The first tell you I ever did was some TV show on Channel 5, a little chat show on Channel 5, a little chat show on Channel 5. Ian Wright hosted it, and they did that to me then.

And they put the spree on it. I remember watching it back. It was the first thing ever, I watched it back at home. And at one point, I touched me face, and it looked like a ghost was touching. me face. It looked like a ghost's hand from under the table

to touch my face. It was unbelievable. I should turn your hands on her? I saw Claire who does how I wouldn't let her put too much on my face because then she has to tell me hands and I don't like it on my hands

because it smells like biscuits and I don't want to. The hands are always the giveaway, when you hold them up it's like, oh, there's the real me. Yeah, the Donald Trump of the fed, yeah. The real me.

I've seen I've seen Makeup Artis Supply foundation to your legs. Yeah. You're the only person I've ever met that I've seen has makeup artist on the legs. Well, yeah, because if they're out

and I haven't been bothered to fake tan, I think, do you know what, these are a bit ghostly, which they often are, never sunbathing anymore, then we might put a bit of foundation down there. Oh, yeah, we don't see the sun anymore. Oh, hiding from it. To the point where our friends are having a baby, right, and we're going to a wedding.

And the baby, they're like humming and harming about whether to come, aren't they? Yeah. And the baby's going to only be six weeks. And I said to my friend, Shannon, I don't sit in the sun. I will sit in the shade with that baby. You can go back to bed. Like I don't do the sun anymore at all. Me neither.

I want to see it but from probably inside. Yeah, I want to feel it for just secondary. Totally. Totally. Totally. But it means that I'm going to know. I'm going to be ghostly. Yeah.

I used to say about... But then she's always sat next to me so it's fine. So then I suddenly get really sun-piced. I used to say about makeup when when I first started doing telling stuff on the put makeup on you, like you catch yourself on the camera and you go, oh God, I look, I look young. I look vibrant. This is amazing. And then going in the dressing room afterwards. wiping it off, it's like getting really ill, really quick.

Yeah. It's like you apply a hangover to your skin. Do you what I mean? You're just like blotchy and that again and you're like, oh my God, I'm back to reality. And people see you in public and go, oh, God, oh. I fully think men should embrace makeup more though. I really do.

I really, really do. Like, his age well, don't get me wrong. I think men, like, for some reason in this world look better than women aging. But you could do with a bit of makeup. You definitely look better with makeup on. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

I live in South Shields, Rosie. I can't keep putting Magerbond in real life. Do you want? I get kicked a shit in Sainsbury's. Someone will jump on us, man. What would you have him do? Just a bit of concealer. Just a bit of like under-eye. Your skin's so good, Christ.

You've got Magerbond now, man. Oh, right, okay. That's why. That's going to say. He's only good. Sorry, I'll take it all back. He's only just started the last, how long, three years? You've only started using, like, cream, like, moisturiser.

Well, I washed me, I washed my face in the hotel last night before bed and put my moisturiser on and then came through and wanted to pat on the back off rosy. I was like, I've washed my face, I've put my eyes on. Yeah. You should do, you did. Never, ever, ever. Really?

No. You haven't aged since the day I met you. You know that, don't you? Well, thank you very much. Yeah. It's because I also never go in the sunshine. Right. I don't drink.

Yeah. And I sleep. Are you what you trying to see alcohol causes aging? Can I do? I think it does. I won't believe a bad, I wouldn't have a bad word saying against something. It's a conspiracy. You all don't want me to have a good time.

I feel fine after two bottles of wine, actually. My day is not ruined at all. I can get through my Saturday with them kids. It's extremely healthy to piss the bed. It's so healthy. What's your problem? Do you know what? Do you know the damage that it does to your knees?

Getting up to go to the toilet the other night. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. When do you start stand up? When do you start coming? At 29. Right. Yeah. So she was like, say, 10.

And then I was, I had just had another baby. So in the 10 years, like I'd met someone. We were, like, having a great time or whatever. and I was like it was kind of a wake of call because I'd done like little bits of you know bits of perform

but I'd be like God Scarlet like you know I want to perform like you know what I mean because it's in you was it in you

for I kind of wanted it but I was embarrassed that you know I was like oh God looking for the attention and all but I think when I was 29 and I was having my son I was like

do you know what that 10 years went so fast I'm 29 now and I've only really done like little bits and bar I was like, I don't know if you had this realisation, but I was like, oh, I'm going to have to put myself out there. Because I kept reading all these magazine articles about all these stars.

Like, it all just happened. And, you know, so I was discovered and somebody said, you want to do this? And I was like, yeah. And I was like, that's grand. I'll send out those vibes with my eyes. And that will happen. And then I was like, I'm not good looking enough.

I have to be a comedian. So I did. I didn't mean. I was saying, yeah. You don't know what I say. Offense taken. Carry on. When I went and did the first one and I fell in love with it,

I didn't know that would happen. Nice. I didn't know anything about stand-up. Takes you in it, though. Only from TV. I thought it would be like eight mile. You know, like Eminem. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And people are mostly nice at gigs. Yeah, well, I, so I used to do, did you start doing like gong shows and stuff where they're gonging off stage if they don't like you? No, we didn't have a gong show in Dublin, but it would just be like, open might do this, you know, 15 people on in the night kind of thing. So I would do gong shows when I first started.

Yeah. And they would play the eight-mile soundtrack before you went on. Oh, no way. So, yeah, very sort of adversarial, gladatorial style back in the day. Like, you're very much. And then when you get to a gig that was quite nice and quiet and reserved and you're fucking shouting your material at them because you feel like the clock's ticking, they would always get a little bit.

So then you'd have to get, that's when you got good at, like, reading an audience. Oh, yeah. But yeah. Did it just get you straight away? Because it got me straight. After my first gig, I was telling people, oh, I'm a comedian now. It got me straight away. I'd say it took me a while to put it on the old Facebook bio, you know, comedian. Yeah.

Oh, I made my, I made my MySpace comedy page the day after my first gig. I'm not even surprised. It's great, though. It's so, it's so exhilarate. Like, I was really, I got chatting to comedians after the gig, and they were telling me where else to go. So, you know, it was really like that thing, because it was one of these nights where you all do however many minutes and then the audience vote. Who was the best? And I won.

So I went home to himself and I was like, I won. And he was like, fuck off. But then I started getting obviously really into it. And then a couple of months in, he had to take me to one side. And he was like, sorry, what the fuck's going on? Like, I just had a baby. I was in a pub three, four nights a week. Yeah.

I'm not getting paid for any of these gigs. He's like, what is happening? He thought I was having a breakdown. And I had to explain to him. It's starting to stand up is a bit of a breakdown. Yeah. You know, so I had to say to him, no, look, if you get on well in this place

they'll get you in that place and I explained the whole system to him and he was like okay but it's still

kind of watching me like what but it's weird it is weird you're going off you're like it was amazing night there was 18 people

and Jesus I had them and you're like did you get paid no and I paid to get myself there and back home

but Jesus Christ I'm on to something here like it's it's a bad little word I don't think it hasn't changed much either. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. I feel, because we've got a 10-year-old and a 5-year-old, we're still in our house, there's still kids' stuff,

there's still toys everywhere. I'm like, when is this going to end? Yeah, never. It's been 10 years of just kids shit in my house. But, like, loads of my friends who've had two kids quite close together, their kids are older now and they're like playing in their rooms and they don't have toys everywhere. And I'm like, I'm still there.

All of my mum friends from the first. round, which was like she's now 13, right? Yeah. All of those mums, they've now got like their houses back and everything is tidy. You've got a kitchen. That is just a kitchen. You haven't got like just a load of trucks and everything everywhere. But because Bona, and then the two boys, they've gone a bit more. No one's just like really into football and Kit just wants to do science. So they don't really want a load of toys or anything. But Bonault has just taken over the entire floor in the kitchen. And it's been going on for 13 years. And I'm now thinking she's only four, so four, five, six, seven,

About another three years solid of it before I suppose we can start getting a few things upstairs in the bedroom. Then you have another one? I can't. I have my tubes tied off to phone. Did you for real? Did you?

Yes. You're not so proud. It's like you'd won a fucking award. My husband felt like he had won an award when that was finally done. Because after the third one, because I had to have lots of emergency one. My first was an emergency cesarian.

Second one, like nothing was going on. And so that ended up being a cesarian. So with my third one, I didn't have any choice. It was like you have to have a cesarian. And when I was having it, they said, look, are you thinking about having any more children? If not, we could do your tubes now and stuff.

It's a big decision to make in that moment, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm quite impulsive. So I wasn't kind of freaked out to anything. I just kind of went, no, even though my husband was like, after three, that is it. I kind of went, oh, no, no, definitely not. Because in my head, I've not really thought that this is going to be it. So no, no, I'm not going to do anything.

So it was quite cool about it. And then we said, you know, well, he was adamant. There's not going to be anymore. And I thought, okay, I'm just going to have a dog because I can see that he's not, you know, he's not going to be pushed. And then five years later, he was pushed. Yeah.

And so it was like a complete accident when I was 44. Oh my God, right, you can tell that I'm so exhausted, right, from having all the four kids, right, and we're in the holidays, this is counselling and I'm full on venting because I've literally just met the pre-year. It's absolutely fine. We love it. What was it?

You're the same as us. You're an oversherer. I'm such an overshare. Because we had the three and my husband is one of four. So he was always like, you're going to have four kids. And I'm an only child. So I thought, well, whatever you get, you're lucky with, you know. Yeah.

I don't know how many are you going to have. And so we had the three and he said, right, that is it. And then five years went by and I was 44, clearly ovulating. And I think my body must have been going, oh my God, this is like a last chance. The last hormones. Yeah, because I came home from the school run. Yeah. the garden, gardening, and he was just in a bare-chested, per of low-slend, and tracts

and bottoms. And I said, quick, get upstairs, we're going to have sex. And he was like, oh my God, this is like insane, you know, we've got three kids, we barely ever do it, because we're so exhausted, shot straight upstairs. As he's going upstairs, he went, you're ovulating, aren't you? And I went, I don't know, I genuinely, I genuinely, I genuinely don't know. Well, yeah, because it's your body telling you. Well, yes, and I was 404. Yeah, but make a baby because, yeah, that month, you know you can only get pregnant for about like three days or whatever. That month, we were so exhausted having three kids and everything and with whole life and everything.

We did it once that month. Yeah, and that was it and I got pregnant. 44, we'd only done it once that month and I got pregnant. Slammed on. Yes. So after the fourth, I then said, yeah, okay, like just on a whim, I went, yeah, okay, I will get my tubes tied. I do not, I would love to have another one,

but I don't think I could go through another pregnancy. I will get my tubes tied because spring's coming up, If he puts them garden shorts on again. He starts gardening. That will be it. We are staffed. Yeah. But that Alan Titchmarsh vibes.

Come on. Babadu, babadu, babadu, babadu, ba. This episode is sponsored by TV licensing. TV license covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.cocococ. One of my favourite programmes ever is back for a 16th series. it's a real tear jerker

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I don't know how like a little cozy little zoo it's like the day-to-day running of the place. Yeah. It's just a really a good show for all the family on eye play out and watch whenever. And you're just sticking on when the kids are in and it's just a nice... Is it a bit of nostalgia as well for you?

Oh, it's a huge nostalgia for me. I love it. I mean, it's been running for 25 years. It's a heck of a show. And longly to find it. Bad place. Brilliant. Kids love anything like that with animals and stuff.

So do I. A TV license covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.com.ukuker forward slash pod. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, joined thousands in Toronto for the Princess. Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. Legendary has arrived in Alberta with BetMGM Casino. Sign up to unlock access to over 4,000 casino games, including exclusive slots you can't spin anywhere else. Ready, the iconic TV show is now an online casino game, where you can tap into Island Fun. BetMGM has also brought the prices right, Game of Thrones, Family Feud, MGM millions, and so many more exclusive casino games to Alberta.

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You've got lovely new trainers on. I've got new trainers. Straight, box fresh. Yeah, thank you. I don't know what brand. I do know what brand that has to pronounce it. Can you say it? Vesia.

Who knows? So basically, I'm a celebrity. Yes. And the reason I'm where, this is quite the, what do you call it? Reach around. But basically, it was. the I'm a Celebrab South Africa launch yesterday. Yeah.

And Gemma Collins is in it. And she, I spoke to her before the launch and she insisted that I got new trainers. Because she does not approve of man just turning up like he was popping to the shop. Because my general dress sense, basically, if you had to name it, it would be man that has had to put on clothes to get something out of the car. That's how I dress, basically. Like one sketcher, one of my daughter's slippers. You know, the joggers with the one string through the hole, the other string dangling down below the knee.

So, yeah, so these are because I'm wearing these because of Gemma Collins. That's such a weird, like a name drop, but it's not strange life. Oh, those are nice trainers. Yeah, Gemma Collins told me to get them. She told me I look like shit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's got a name drop, but it's like, yeah, it's your distance.

Yeah. Before we started recording, I said, lovely trainers, he just laughed out loud. I know, yeah. I'm sorry, yes, because I, yeah, it's courtesy of college. So, yeah, jungle, jungle again. Did she last longer than a day? Well, I can't tell you.

I can't tell you that. And this is going to be on in April time, yeah? This is going to be on in April time. I'm a silly, yeah, it's Gemma Collins, Harry's back, Harry Rednapp's back. Right. David Hay and Moffat, Scarlet Moffat, you know, there's so many names. So it's a best of, basically. Like people who've done it.

Maybe they thought I was Sam Thompson. I don't know what I'm doing that. That's it. He came second, didn't he? He won. Oh my God. Sean, you've been wrong. I know, it's brilliant.

Brilliant. Not good for you. Yeah, no, it's a good. Because I laughed just the first time, right. You must have enjoyed it the first time around. I loved it. I loved it. I know, I know, I know, I know, but I, you know what, I didn't do any of the trials, really.

Right. To be honest with you. And so I just got to hang around with amazing people. I don't, I never like fully, fully watch the full thing because it's just with kids. It's every night. It's like love. I let everyone's like, love her and I'm like, well, every night of the week.

I'm sorry, sorry, no, I can't keep up, I can't, anyway. But Silever's great, the jungle's great. I just remember your first scene though when you walked in. And, oh God, what is it? Matt Hancock. Matt Hancock was there. And you were just like, hello.

Well, I think you just, you went, you know what I mean? Well, I could have put this in the edit because of time. I laughed straight for 40 minutes. I couldn't. It was like a nervous, laughed at reaction. Because you not believe he was there. What are you doing here?

Didn't you... Were you responsible for the handling of the pandemic? What are you? I just, yeah. And then within 10 minutes of him being in the show, he sang Ed Sheeran to me. And I'm like, is this really happening? So you know when they go South Africa, it's bigger, it's badder,

you know, it's larger, it's going to be tougher. I had Matt Hancock sing. Ed Shearing to me. It's not going to be that much tougher. How do you react to that? I think you were the best person though to actually be the first. They've thought about that.

I think they were like, they were clever about that. It was absolutely surreal. I mean, like, you know, I'm only messy what I said in the tall show years ago when I, so I came out of that and went on tour. But I said like,

I walk into the jungle. I'm a latecomer. I get, they kind of walk me in, they push me and you're there in the gear. I look around. No one's there. I'm expecting. To see like the 12 cameras.

No one's there. I'm in the jungle. I've been isolated for 10 days. Been in a house. Because it was the first one after COVID. So I've been locked on my own for 10 days. And then released into the jungle. No one's there.

I'm not supposed to anyone in 10 days. Then the man, the former health secretary that dealt with COVID, which is out of the bushes. The reason I being locked in a house for 10 days. And I thought, fuck me. Everyone's dead. This is it. It's the end of the world.

It's just me and that left in the jungle. What the fuck? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bao. Have you ever done an isolation tank? No, gosh. I don't believe I could be with my own thoughts. Yeah, it's like a coffin full of water. And it's the temperature of your body,

and it's got salt in it, so you float. So the idea is that you can't, it deprives you of all of your sort of sensory input. So it just feels like you're floating there, and they close it. And there's just sort of faint light on the ceiling, which is about here. I've seen them before. And you're meant to be in there for an hour.

And a friend of mine, this is before I knew I had ADHD, a friend of mine said, I wish you go and do one. And I went in and I was there for about 45 seconds. I thought, what am I going to do for an hour? But to be left alone in a coffin with my own thoughts for an hour, horrendous. That's torture. I'm literally, I'll be lying there. You know, Godzilla, Eminem and Eminem.

Fill them with the venom and aluminum. Fill them with the venom and aluminum. the other ones a minute, minute. Yeah, I don't like silence. I can't deal with... Do you like silence? I hate it.

I hate it. Even when I treat myself to a massage, you know how they've got the, like, the lovely spa music? I don't want it. I want like an episode of friends or an episode of a podcast running, so I don't have to think about my own thoughts. Otherwise, I'm just lying there thinking, got to do that, got to do that.

Oh, did that go okay? Oh, I shouldn't have done that. I'm the same. I just want to hear nonsense. I start counting their strokes. And I'm like, I am insane. We've never got out with double digits though. I was going to say, what's your pee?

We've never got out with single figures. Come on, let's get that's 12. Come on. Come on. Come on. We've never got out of single figures. Yeah, we'll never got up with double digits. One day. Yeah. No, I'm the same.

I think about everything else. I can't switch off. I can't switch. It's just such a terrible word to use. You know, that was an open goal. You know, and the stroke, yeah, I'm like, one. So I get, I get obsessed.

I don't know if I've told you this. I get obsessed with the cemetery of it. Oh, yeah. They haven't done long enough enough. Yeah. Yeah. they didn't do the same on that. It's never as long, is it?

I'm going to be walking around in circles the same. They've brogous. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. My sister's got two boys. She went, you know what, rosie, one night? They'll just not come in your room ever again. And that's it. And I was like, that's the saddest thing I remember that.

It's like that thing when people say, one day you'll put your child down and you'll never pick them up again. And you'll not know. Somebody did that to me when I went out for the first time after having Kit, who was my second one. And we went out

and we were sitting outside like this cafe and Eva must have been about two and a half and she was like running around and I was there and Kit was just like a couple of days old and these women came up to me and they were like oh my gosh she's so adorable and this woman said you need to look at this poem called The Last Time or something

and read it so I was like oh right okay so I was really hormonal anyway and I searched it and it is one day it will be the last time that you ever brush their hair one day you will pick them up and carry them and then you'll put them back down and it will be the last time that you have ever picked

them up and I just sat there crying and was like, what sort of sadist does that to a new mother? That's so odd on you. That's awful. That's like a drive-by. Yeah. She just walked past, gave you the worst poem in the world and then kept going. But you did that to me the other day as well. What have I done? So, oh my God, your post

about the table. Oh, the table. And then it made me laugh afterwards that you then put another thing on saying, I'd just like to say that I was really premenstrual and it's just a table. But by that point I was crying going, it's not just a table though, it's not just a table. That's not just a table. All of the times that I was watching

and watching them when they're sitting and I started crying. That table, seen some. Yeah. And they've been through it. And it got to the end and I was openly saying but no, it's not just a table though. It's not.

Do you know what my husband wanted to do? Because I was like, oh my God, I can't believe that this is along the same lines. Yeah. He wanted to burn the cot. What sort of man or human being does that? Because right, we moved out to Loxfordshire.

He does not want any more kids. by the way. You cannot give that this man he's giving you all of do not have any more children. All the silence. Honest to God. You're going to see you've got a log burner or something aren't you? No, we live out in the countryside right. So he had a bonfire going in the garden.

And he said, we don't need, there's loads of stuff that we don't need now. Yeah. And we don't need the cot. So I'm going to burn it. I was like, are you serious? Can you not like? He was like, well, we don't need it.

So we may as well, put it all. for what, I was like, but emotionally and like, what it means to us and every single one of our children has been in it. Oh, no, it's the same cot that you had for all the children. No, you can't it. I've been in the cot and I said, and aside from that what that means to me, don't you think that that's like a really

like a bad luck thing as well? How could you do that on our family? Because men don't, because... Because... Because... No, he's burning it. Men don't give a shit. No. They do not give a shit. You would, literally, Chris would throw photos away. Is that kind of fucking devil?

I swear to God. I had to tell her that that table was still in the garage. It's not. Is it gone? Has it gone? No, it better not be. I've got to go to IKEA. I've had to go to IKEA buy another one and I've looked at them photos

and I'm having to dirty it up the same as the one that we had. Oh my God. I'm joking. I'm joking. I've got it. It's in the garage. It's a bloody good job like. I got that text him. You heart sank.

I text him when it? Because loads of people commented on the video. And they were like, you can't get rid of it. and I was like, I can't get rid of it. So no, we're going to keep it. Because lots of people said, what about when you're like a Nana and a grandma and stuff? And I was like, then the table comes out.

Oh, fuck me. We're keeping it that long. No, but you know what I've already decided? I said to James the other day, when I die, I want you to put me in the coffin and all of their artwork. I'm going to sit the cot. In the car. Put us in the cot.

Put us on the bonfire. Try and make the cot, right. Just extend the cough, right, and bury me and that. But all of their artwork, right, that's on the fridge and on the walls and that I've kept, I said, I want to lie in the car. the coffin and then put all of that on top of me and then I had to extend that then to the dog's ashes who's already you know she no she's no the thing it no the two spaniards ashes when they die they've not gone yet but when they die they'll come in with me right and then our other dog daisy or jack russell because I wouldn't cremate her so oh my god this is all getting like where's where she I've already you can't dig her up no you fucking haven't sorry no she was my first ever dog that I had as an adult when I was 21. Right.

And I was in London and I got Daisy, my little Jack Russell, and so my God, from the age of 21, she lived until she was 16. So we've been through like everything together. And then when she died of old age,

I said I can't cremate her. I just can't. I just can't imagine doing that. I just want, I just want to keep her, I'm just going to bury her. So that is what we did. And then we all buried her

and the kids were there and then we put her in her basket and put like loads of flowers around her and put a little blanket in. Oh my God. was heartbreaking. So he put her in, I was just devastated. Yeah.

And then now, you know, years and years have gone by. And we've moved from the house where we buried her. Day before we moved, I said to change, well, you've got to dig her up. You have to dig her up. Because she's my first child. She's my first born. You have to dig her up. And he didn't even say anything because he was like, obviously he had to because she was coming with us.

There was no way in hell. She was going to be left there. I'm sorry. I'm laughing. I'm sorry I'm laughing. I'm glad. Before we went, right, he had, you know, a head torch on and everything, and he's there digging her out.

Right at night. He got all, I think he was trying. Because the motherfucker name has to see. I think he was putting it off and then it got to a point when he was like, right, you're going to do it now. Yeah. So he had to dig and he said he dug all the way down, massively all the way around, got like literally the whole thing out because we buried her in her basket with all the stuff and everything.

Right. And then we had to put her in like this big, you know, like see-through box thing that you put clothes in and shove them up in the attic. So we put her in there and she's come with us. And because I don't think we'll stay in the house that we are in, she's still in the garage now in the box. So, and I will never cremate her. So until we actually move somewhere where I'm like,

okay, this is us retired and we're going to be here forever, we will bury her here. We'll either do that or, oh my God, this sounds awful. But if I die before then, basically that whole box is just coming in with me. Pour all of that on me as well, put the lid down, then you can bury me. Wow. And this does make me actually want to tell you that, oh my God, this is generally like a therapy session. I bought somebody else's dead dog the other day.

I was... You bought someone else's dead dog? Yes, and I didn't know it was somebody else's dead dog at the time because I was in Wales and I was in a charity shop. And I love buying all sorts of like mad or... sweet, cute little, you know, ornaments. I'd already bought this big, fat, blue tit because it had loads of symbolism of breastfeeding

and all sorts of things like that, right? And so I bought that, brought it home. It was about three quid and James was like, it's disgusting, honestly. Sorry, a blue tip, not the bird. Or a bird, right. He was like, oh my God, it's just not very nice. I was like, it's symbolic. It means something.

So this little ornament and it's like this plastic, see-through plastic, and it's about that size and about that wide, and it's a cute little dog. with a collar and you can see through the plastic and it's got sand inside it so I was like oh my god it's like a paperweight you'll turn it over there's a little stopper in it right and so I bought it and brought it home showed it to all of my friends and they were like it is it's a dog's ashes I was like it's a paperweight look you know it's got sand

they said that's not sand those are a dog's ashes and they said can you see those big solid bits which are on the top those are bone which haven't you know gone to ash and so I went and I went and googled it and everything and I actually found the exact replica of it. It's a plastic, little dog ashes, boon thing. And whether you put your dog's ashes in. So I brought someone else's dog's ashes from Wales all the way back home to Oxfordshire.

And we've now got them in the house. And James says to me every day, can we get rid of this now? And I'm like, no, you can't. No, I said, what I'm going to do is I'm going to go on a dog, walk with our dogs, and then I'm going to find a nice tree. And I'm going to scatter the ashes. Say like a little prayer and say goodbye. And then I will have felt that.

That's respectful. Are they not coming in the coffin with you? Surely there's room in the coffin. I know. I will not extend the invitation to somebody else's dog, but I will make sure that it's been scattered in a nice way. But that dog could have killed a kid. It could have, man.

I mean, it could have. We don't know why it died. We don't know if it died of old age. We don't know if it was a traumatic death and we don't know if it had to be put down. You don't know. This is what I think about old men. You know, old men sometimes.

I hate men, all right. Well, everyone goes, oh, he comes in here every day, he's such a nice guy, he goes, I don't think he is. Yeah. I think his whole family have cut him off because I think he's a dickhead. And I think you think he's this lovely old man and oh, we're buying his dinner, he's not real man.

No, I think he's a fucking, yeah, I think he's a wronging, actually. So that dog. So Rosie has told me, somebody has given them ashes to the charity shop. He was a bad dog. But they always say. Rosie's told me that theory many a time.

I can't believe she's finally. hearing it on the podcast, but there it is. The old man theory. That's... That's one. But you'll be a pervert. You don't know. Well, exactly. I just don't think. You do in the same room together as D'Anger. I don't, I'm not enjoying this at all. I'm very worried. You don't see many women. You don't see many women

knocking about on their own, do you? True. You don't, you don't see many women. They've always got a friend. Or a family member. There is an old woman who used to walk up and down our street, who stopped and spoke to me once and said that her whole family, children and husband and everyone else had died and she was the last one

left. Oh, died. I was going to see her. They've fallen out with her and she's probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, they'd all died. Really? Really? And I felt the same as you, Rosie. I didn't trust her.

How do you know she wasn't lying? Yeah, that's why. I backed the colvra. She's a bitch. She's a bitch. I do. They're getting buried with me. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Chris's got great,

Sean stories, you know, show them all stories. Oh, God. Really good ones. I'd hate those stories. You couldn't believe. We once went to a country house with our mutual friend Jimmy McGee

A wonderful brilliant comedian and friend And we wrote Did we actually write a script? We wrote a pilot script We wrote a pilot script Yeah we wrote a pilot script Right, I thought we just wrote a treatment We wrote a script

Where me, Chris and Jimmy McGee wrote a band Yes Oh, I've never known what it's been about Is that what it was about? I think I'd been embarrassed about it No no no no No, no No, no

You weren't a band Yeah, it's been a band What was it for? For Channel 4. Okay. We've got commissioned. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

You'll remember more than me. But one of the reasons, I'm sure there are many reasons that it didn't go to TV. But one of the reasons was there was another, there was like a comedy group that were a band. And they had a sitcom. They had a sitcom. What were called? There was an actual comedy band. Yeah.

If young are, it's younger than us, better look than all three were, apart from Jimmy. That's a show. Yes, that's true. I look with me and you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. I like it. He's a drama.

And they had, I can't remember their name, but they had a, they were a comedy band and they had a script in committee, and they went with them and said, yeah, yeah.

I once, here's like a commissioning nightmare story that I still think about to this day. Love these. You probably won't remember this. Me, Chris and Jimmy, yeah. We got, we just,

Chris's agent, like just got us into the back of this, like instantly, right, love the idea. We all, all had several ideas to pitch a sitcoms, right, come with me. And we just walk straight into a black car and we drive straight to Channel 4. Right. Amazing. What a frill. Like this guy could just drive us straight into Channel 4. We go in, I think we pitched the band sitcom.

I think there's another sitcom. And then I have a kind of left field idea. You won't remember this. This is ringing a bell. Do you know, do you know, do you, come on. Have you, have you have any memory of it? Did you see it in the meeting? Yeah. It was fucking, it. It was sci-fi or something weird, won't it. It wasn't sci-fi, but it was fantasy. Right, come on. It's slightly different. My idea was that...

I'm getting a flashback of, like, looking at the form. Because, you know, I'm going to love it, you know. So, the idea was, me, Chris and Jimmy... Yeah. Played animals. Do you remember this? Right, okay. We played animals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like... animals, do you remember animals of farthing wood? I loved it, yes. I loved it. Amazing. Me and Chris and Jimmy played like foxes and badges or whatever a rabbit and we're trying to get back and if

if ever it's like if ever there's like a wide shot as in you know you can see everything the camera's far back then you'll see like we'll be I remember I specifically pitched a scene where we were in a service station and I said but you know

when the camera's back you see there's like a bad and a fox and a rabbit walking around the service station. But then when it cuts in, it's just us. Just us, it's just us as ourselves. But Chris is a badger and I'm a fox. And the woman at Channel 4

broke into hysterics and not the hysterics you want, just started laughing at me. I just went like this. I never figured it should do it. Sorry, are you serious? And I asked it just sheepish. The best bit about this was,

no, no, no, no, no, the best bit about this was there was a discussion in the car on the way there where we said, don't fucking say the animal one. And he fucking said it. There was a moment of dead space. And this is what I meant about Sean's story. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo.

Well, I find comedians we're terrible if we audition. See, like, actual actors are auditioning all the time. Yeah. And then comedians might do an audition like, you know, once a month or something. And they'll tell you about my audition for that. But an actor would. But the actor, they've just like, I just start audition all the time.

Like, whatever. That's the thing about it, it's throwing off shit some sticks. Like, you hear, like, so many massive actors get turned down for rows. And you go, like, but it's the thing in an actor is like, you audition, audition, you do 20 auditions, you might get one of them. Or you do 50 auditions, you might get one of them. Yes. But comedians are so fucking precious.

Yeah. You get one audition month. You don't get, never doing it again. And a month later, you'll get another audition. I've done like three auditions in my entire life. Got one of them. Didn't get the other two. I'm quitting.

I'm not. Yeah, I know. I couldn't have you. can't take no. No, no. I don't think so. I sometimes think comedians make some of the best actors though because I think you are so aware of like you surround well

and well actually no. What happened there was Rosie started saying something that didn't apply to me personally and then changed it. I saw there was a little knockout of the corner of a riot because I'm not aware of me surroundings sometimes I can't read a room. No but actually you are like now that I've met other comedians especially male comedians. Yeah.

You're all very similar. Yeah. You are all very, very similar. Very similar people. Not extrovert, like very much introverts, which I find surprising. Yeah. But female comedians, I don't think I like that. They are, I think they are different.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, how would I compare a female comedian? It's tough. You see, because I suppose for a female comedian, you never have the thing, oh, of after a gig, men sliding into your. DMs?

No. No, they wouldn't. You're too confident. You're too, the odd one, but they'd be like, can I send you money for nothing or like feedpicks? You know what I mean? It would never be. Sorry.

Would you like to go on a date or something? Have you been offered money for nothing? Yeah. Right, Rosie, stop it. This is like when you heard about pediums. This is like, this is. Pidium. This is like, I would, do you know when you'd hear about like sugar daddies?

Yes. I would love. sugar daddy. You would be tempted though because he is saying like nothing. Yeah, nothing. They just like to buy your stuff. You don't have to do anything.

Yeah. You don't have to do anything at all. You just get... And some of them like, I think, I think, I've heard, the nastier you are to them. So it's not even like that you have to respond. I say thanks on with us. Oh my God.

I take all that nastiness for free. You just let them send you money and you just say, fuck off. Fuck off. Yeah. What, it came. Is that all? came, that bag that you both came three days late, dickhead.

And I've already spilled coffee on it, so fuck you. That would give me so much pleasure. Wouldn't it be great? I would love to, now older down the line, I think like a dominatrix would be so much fun. Yes. Witness. Yeah.

But then, I don't know. No, but one that did nothing, it was just kind of like there with a whip cut. That would be, yeah, that would be nice. She would be a little fox. Stadiot. Stania. What's your thing?

Stania is the best. Look at the stadium. I'm not too to anything. I'm not putting anything in clamps or nothing. I'm just going to. No, I don't want to touch them. No, it's gross. It makes us feel ill actually.

But yeah. It's kind of hard when you have to have the card machine. And you have to go, okay. At the end. No, just tap it. Yeah, lovely. Thanks. Well, then, all right, here's a question, right?

I don't know if I want to ask. If you are Dominerics and you're like fucking stadium. and you're having a right go at them and you're slapping them and you're spitting on them and that. At the end, when they're paying the car machine, are you then giving good customer service? I thank you so much.

Thank you. There's your receipt. Yeah, and then we book me in again. Booking in again. So is it not, you know, like hanging their cord up and all that when they come in, is it all lovely? I think so.

Or do they come in? And you go, you fucking lay, you twat. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how it works. I think you give them a coffee when they come into the waiting area and then when they come into the room, like, you stink a coffee, sale coffee.

Disgusting. Yeah. Would you like a banana? You've got banana breath, you're fucking pig. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why that would... I'd be up for this. No, you would...

Not having a done to us, I'd be up for being nasty or someone. You could not have a dominatrix do stuff to you. I couldn't be one either. Yeah, it would break us out. Yeah, I would cry my eyes out. It would really... You would, if anything... You would strip us back than nothing.

No, you would need like the... Like, like to motherage. You would need the other end of the thing. Oh, he'd be the baby one. I'd prefer, like, I don't want it. I can't believe I'm saying this. I don't believe I'm saying this. I don't want either of them

No, it's your 40th this year. This is why I said it. This is my... So we're planning me 40th, right? And the choices are, right, right, right. Go to me head, baby, someone just cuddle us and give us some milk and let us have a nap. Or Dominatorics,

nap and baby every single time. However, got I have a normal life or live that? I'll have normal, please. Right, okay. The only reason I've said... The only reason I've said this was, I was like, if I say this day,

they'll have to say something back. Let's see what they say. Or we'll run with anything. This is a trip. Totally normal. And you're talking about being swaddled. Oh, no, I'm not. No, SWAT.

You didn't mention swaddling. I get claustrophobic. I'm not being swaddled. I get too hot. I kind of bit, you know, I thought I'd enjoy the weighted blanket but I haven't put me feet out of the bottom. I'm not getting swaddled.

We'll get you. We'll let you peek a little couple of toes. Weirdly, this is amty in the biz. Someone listening out there. this is their fantasy. There was a man listening to this now who has just got himself an unsolicited erection

and shame on you, sir. I don't have a fantasy and I find that really sad. Silence. Don't find silence. Do you think, like silence? Oh yeah. No, I mean like sexual

like a fantasy sexual. I don't really have any. I don't know. Okay, let's stop talking about. Emma, let's see how good media training is. If we just talk about sexual fantasies for long enough

and just say if you just blurt yours out and then we'll tell you we can't leave it. I know, I was kind of like, I say, I'm sorry. Right. How long you've been a comedian for, am I? I have been.

How long you mean a pervert, am I? Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21, kilometers in support of life-saving research.

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Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what-if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. Back. Dear Chris and Rosie, a while back, I was running late to meet some friends for a drink,

and I remembered I needed to get some cash out. As I was heading to the cash machine, I noticed a quite handsome guy heading towards it too. So I picked up the pace and ran past him to jump in front. Oh? I put my card into the machine and typed in my pin number. Suddenly, the screen went blank, just a white screen. I panicked, as you would, as I thought, of course, the machine had eaten my card. It then displayed, please wait on the screen for about 20 seconds. I turned to him and showed him that there was an issue. Suddenly, I heard a faint phone ringing sound coming from the machine.

I obviously thought, this was strange. So I was staring at the machine, bewildered. And then the ringing stopped, and I heard, Sarah? I was like, I don't know this was the thing, but the machine must have somehow picked up who I was. And the customer service team were trying to assist me, Molly. I lent forward to the machine, and I said, hello? It responded.

Sarah, hello? I replied, hello? Yes, I can hear you. The machine isn't working. I don't know what to do, followed by ramblings of what the issue was and the fact that I didn't think I'd lost my card, etc. I kept talking, getting my face closer and closer to the screen

so they could hear me, then silence. Here we go, guys. Wait for this. Oh, God. The handsome man behind me then tapped me on the shoulder and said, I think that voice is coming through. you. I think it's coming from your pocket. Oh no. See? No. I'll just talk about. Hold on. Hold on. I took my phone out of my pocket and yes,

I had somehow pocket face-timed my dad. Oh no. Oh no. And he was the one shouting my name. Oh my gosh. While I had my head fully planted into the cash machine shouting out like an absolute moron. I hadn't noticed that the screen had gone back to it to normal in this. time and eventually managed to obtain my funds. The man stifled his laughter like an absolute gent. What a gent. Oh nice. But I don't think he'll forget the

girl that screamed into a cash machine for no reason. It's always... Way to make a first impression. I'm still single isn't it? I'm still single and still cringe when getting the cash out. Oh bless us. Easily done. Easily done. That is so good.

I don't know how are people still pocket dialed? I get pocket dialed quite. a lot. Do you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I always pocket dial people. Really? Because I use Siri quite a lot. Yeah. And sometimes it just decides. Yeah. You'll say like, oh, can you play this song? It's like calling Gary Bishop. Yeah, I don't suppose of Gary for 15 years. Mine is the same. Mine sometimes tries to phone. I ask for songs in the car with the kids. And it'll try to phone someone like someone who I know who's famous, but I'm not on phone call in terms with. So if they saw a miscall for me, people want to have freestyles. Yeah, like, it's not a Jimmy car before

And I'm like, I know him, but we're not on, I'm not going to give him a ring on a Tuesday after news Jimmy, just in the car with the kids, got any jokes? Yeah, like. Sing us a song. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. Yes.

After hearing the stories about weird spreadsheets people keep, I wanted to share my story with you. Not a spreadsheet, but something just as harrowing. Oh. This story will age me slightly. When I was about 14, the local shops were full of magazines like Just 17, Cosmopolitan, Sugar and Mary Claire. Yes.

There was a magazine called Moore, which was definitely the more risque magazine. Yeah, I remember that. I had that on subscription, lived up, and Just 17 as well. Well, can I just say that was a part of the magazines that all sounded like sex words. More, now, heat. Yes. Miss, I remember Ms, that's not really. Oh my God, I loved Miss.

Miss. Miss was cute, wasn't it? Yeah, that was really good. Yeah. My mate was Miss Miss. magazine top television toady 2001. Oh my God, who was he? Neil Granger.

Neil Granger. Yeah, yeah. Ms. Magazine, Top Television, Totty, 2001. What was he in at the time? Was it Crossroads? Crossroads, I think he was in. Yeah, yeah. He then played, we were in.

So you know Chris Gernan? Yes. So Chris Gernan directed the first series of Heaven the sitcom I was in, which was Baby Car was well. And it was just after, she gave me the full Gavin and Sissy Pock set, because I hadn't seen it all at the time. And she literally brought it and gave us it, and I binged it while I was on Heaven. Oh my God.

That's amazing. Amazing. I love Chris. She's just amazing and she. Brilliant. Fantastic. Anyway, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah.

I would buy Jess 17, but secretly read my older sister's copy of more from cover to cover. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. It included loads of gossipy stories, fashion tips, but best of all, sex advice. I remember this? A position of the week.

Position of the week? Do you remember position of the week? Yes. Oh my God. It's all coming back. I thought it was just boys magazines that had this most of stuff in. No, there was sexy bits in this. Yeah.

Position of the week. Position of the week. How long has that feature run? It was every week. It was, yeah. Yeah. We're using them. Yeah.

Missionary again. Like, what's going on? Missionary. I remember looking at all of them, yeah, and not doing any of them. I didn't even kiss anyone until I was 17. But I was just like, oh my God, my God, oh my God, my God. Position of the way.

I'm sorry, after a month, I've ran out. Can you imagine coming up with all that? On the other side. On your left side. Yeah. one arm behind your back. Yeah. They lifted this time but pointed feet.

Yeah. Fingers crossed. But it was always different and there was a full explanation. But like you say, I was so young and I was literally like, I'm absolutely not doing. I was like, oh my God, nobody would even kiss me yet. I'm never going to get to do anything like that. Real life, Julia, Julia.

The magazine got shared around friends at school, siblings at home and then ended up in the bin. Or so I thought. Oh God. Years later, when we were moving house, I was helping my mum pack her bedroom up. I went under the bed

and found a lovely Liberty-esque gift box. I opened it, thinking it would be full of mementos from our childhood, first teeth, baby wristbands, etc. But no. The box was full off. Stop.

You've got to guess what this is now. Is it... I always tell Chris off because he gathers it right every single time. But I feel like... I'm going to go full in with... outs of every position of the week. It might be that.

A calendar of position of the week. It's not under our mum's bed. What the hell? Do you want me to read it? Yeah, go on. My mum had collected our discarded copies of more magazines, cut out the position of the week

and kept them in a beautiful box under her bed. I was absolutely mortified and stuffed the box back under the bed. Not only was my mum still having sex but she had a catalogue of very various positions that she must have been using for reference. I was horrified. I am now older than my mum was all those years ago

and find it hilarious at how absolutely appalled I was. That's fantastic. It's really kind of liberating. It's quite cool and sweet, but at the same time. I love the idea that the mum and the hood, she should get them out, right? She'd shuffle them and brought like a deck of cards and she'd fan them out and she'd go, go on, Terry, pick one this week.

See which one we're doing this week, like that and he just poxed. I can remember that, was it like stick figures? Yes. That they used to, it was like there'd be a picture of it. Yeah. And then a full explanation.

But why keep it in such like a beautiful, but I know that I wouldn't be asked to keep it in like a beautiful box. I just sort of, I'd probably have it in a car, carry a bag or like something like, oh, you know, or like just in my head going,

oh, what wouldn't you fancy now? You would remember, wouldn't you? Surely. Yeah. But I mean, but it's kind of romantic because these days you just kind of go, oh God, if we need some inspiration, what's on, let's have a luck on,

here and so I mean that's quite sweet. I love that. I love it. I wouldn't know if I want to pick them up and like hold them because I'd be a bit like oh. I'm all right for positions though like loads of different. I don't get that. Well I think that I get to a certain age now that I'm kind of like there's only so many and there's only so many. I'm tired. I know. I know. I'm tired. I know. I'm literally. Well sometimes I could really grab it but sometimes I'm like can I just be the one lying down. Yes. and not do anything. Can I just lie here?

About like trying to conceive like towards like probably about our third one I sometimes would just be like right come on just get on with it get yourself going right and just shove it in for the last bit because I just can't be arson

but I sometimes work because I'd be a bit like Shove it in for the last bit I'll just I'll pause the telly right go on right okay we're done yeah yeah it's great

for the last bit it's so true it's so true Babadoo, babado, babadoo, babadoo, bao. Dear Rosie and Chris, please keep me anonymous. I've been with my partner for quite a while. I would love to tell you a romantic story about how we got together, but it was basically a one-night stand that somehow lasted 11 years.

That's us. Lovely. Wow. 11 years ago. 11 years as well. I had a one-night stand. Was it good? Yeah.

Yeah, it was all right. It was decent. So this is where I should probably stop asking you about that now. And what did you do? I'm literally having my sexual encounters reviewed. in front of us by me wife. We did everything? Did everything?

Everything? Yeah. The people in the next room just fucking lost their minds because they know how uncomfortable I am now. Did everything. Well, like not everything.

Like, just full. So funny, because we love talking about other people's sex and I don't know, but we very rarely talk about our own. Exact same. But yeah, no, we did everything. We did the full sex. Everything?

I do believe it was full sex. It was full sex. Lovely. Congrats. I remember I went home. I remember I froze because I went home afterwards and I got me chart out and I did take the full sex box on me. Oh good. Yeah, I'm glad.

Isn't it great though when you first meet the person you're with? And you're just riding to meet the band. You're just in bits. Your legs are in bits. You're just like at a UTI every other week. But you're happy. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think that's the best dots. Best dots.

Oh, good God. Okay, sorry. So this couple had the same. Okay, yeah. Like a lot of couples, we enjoy a cuddle in bed before you fall asleep. Although after 10 minutes, we both are too warm and roll around and face the opposite direction to fall asleep. Yeah. After a while I've been together, one night I felt an arm come around me during the night whilst he was asleep.

Cute, I thought. Even in his sleep, he wants a cuddle. This occurred a few times and I quite liked it. However, one night, a few seconds after the mid-sleep cuddle commenced, I had the most bizarre experience of my life. Whilst his hand was on my stomach, he began fingering my belly button. Yeah.

Right. It lasted a few seconds and then apparently satisfied. He rolled away and continued snoring. When I mentioned it the next day, he couldn't, he wouldn't believe me. Oh, Jesus. I have a ninnie. Why is that so funny in your accent?

I have a nitty. I have an inny. It's just the way it's such a statement. Look, right? I have an inny, okay? So it's more disgusting. Cards on the table. Yeah, yeah.

So it's a hole, basically. Let's stop beating around the bush out. I have an inny. Which is better than an analogy anyway. But anyway. I have an inny. I wouldn't say it's weirdly deep, but apparently deep enough to satisfy his nighttime urge. Oh, God.

Well. I hate him. Jesus Christ. Well, a few nights later, I felt those wandering fingers approaching my belly button once again. This has become a frequent occurrence over many years. Yes, my poor belly button

it's violated with unsolicited fingering on a regular basis. To make matters worse, not only have I developed a very niche ick, but the sensation also makes me need a way. Fucking horrible. This is torture?

This is actual torture? So not only do I get awoken by the least sexy fingering ever, I have to lay my warm, comfy bed to go for a pain. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm not all right with that. Oh, it's awful. That's awful. Get this man tied down in the middle of the night.

This is horrible. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like anyone. No. I don't like being touched when I'm asleep. I'm just like, get off. Well, it's not consensual. It's not.

That's why. It's why. Being walking up. Walk up by someone prodding your belly button while they're asleep. need in a piss pot, that's... It's obviously a button being pressed there. Well, it is it for, being bladder-fooked? Well, me...

Literally. Wow. Me and Carl Hutchinson, who's a friend of the podcast, who you know who supports us on tour, when we're on tour, if, like, we sit side by side in, like, a van thing, and if the tour manager says, oh, you know, there's a services coming up

and saying, only their toilet, if one of a let slip and goes, actually, yeah, I'm desperate, the other one just leans across and just pushes the stomach, make as hard as you can try and make the other one piss themselves. That's basically what he's doing

with this poor woman every night. I didn't know that that happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, oh, do you? Oh, you're desperate. Just push each other's stomach in, yeah. You see, and female comedians wouldn't do that to each other because we would piss ourselves.

Well, exactly. Oh my God, I sneezed on the train yesterday had a little way. I've just remembered it. You're going to have to start out that back. I know. The pelvic floor is in base. It's everything.

Just remember that. She's got a trampoline that. How ridiculous. She's only been on once. She's only able to trampoline once because she jumps too high. Well, no, but you know what you have to do if your kids have a trampoline

and they want you to get on. It's another button. You've got to wear a tampon. Yeah. Full dry, are your tampon in? You can give it a spit and put it in, but you have to. That's the trick for the Mazz.

If your kid has the birthday and you want to get on the trampoline with them. You don't have your period, but you've got a... You've got a... Yeah, yeah. Could maybe do that, but I will try that. Try it, honestly.

But putting a dry tampon in, honest to God. I don't know if anything... Nobody's putting a dry tampon on it. Everyone's going to lick. I have sometimes when it's like towards the end. I'm sorry, it's just out of the pack. You're just upsetting us more.

I'm not going to do with dry tampon. It's nothing to do with the vagina here. It's the fact that you're licking, like, it's like quite a colony. It's just cotton wool. I'm not licking cotton wool. It's the man just want to die. It's like getting hair in your mouth. But I get the one with the applicator.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'll try it. The fact that some men find like sanitary products disgusting is just. No, no. Not being used. Licking and a dry one is up. A little dry one is upset and is, I don't know.

Do what you've got to do. Look, there's, you know, I've got to that. You piss all over me trampoline. It's my trampoline. I could drive your house by just coming in the door and just a little dry tampon. And you're like, yeah.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Greetings from the US. Oh, hello. Yeah, right. Please keep me anonymous. I work at a retreat center that turns into an overnight camp each summer.

Ooh. As a counsellor, I live in a cabin with eight to ten boys each week. Awful. Making sure they get to where they need to go and looking after them throughout the day. Okay. Now, I typically work with our youngest campers

who are all eight years old and so, as you might guess, a lot of crazy shenanigans go down, and I love it. For a bit of context, each night the boys must carry their toiletries and pajamas down a small hill to the bathhouse to get a shower

and brush their teeth. While they do that, I typically sit outside the cabin and wait for them to return. One night, I'm sitting there when one of my little campers runs up at the hill from the bathhouse, backpack of toiletries

thumping against his back, fully in tears. Now this camper is one of the too cool for school boys of the week. So the fact that he was crying immediately made me think something awful had happened. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer.

That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. No. What's wrong? I asked. Did something happen in the bathhouse?

He pulled me over to the side And between sobs told me I pooped in the shower Trying to hold back my laughter I responded All right buddy That's okay Which shower store was it

We could get it cleaned And nobody even has to know it was you But he shook his head It isn't in the shower anymore What do you mean it's not in the shower anymore I assumed he had stomped it down the drain but I never would have guessed what he said next. It's...

Or do you want to guess? I know where it is. I always get these right. See, I know exactly where it is. It's in his backpack. It's in his backpack. The little boy had taken his toiletries out of the plastic, put his poo in the bag,

and put the bag in the very backpack that was resting against his back at the very moment. Oh, poor. There you go. Oh, bless him. Yeah. As a mother of sons That breaks my heart

Yeah Pay bags are normally for dogs Yeah I've got a real Oh sorry I just I always worry We've got sons I always want to be like

Like I don't want to tell them to freak them out But I want to say Sometimes I want to go If you shit yourself at school People will remember when you're 40 Don't fucking do it Don't do it So many things I want to go

Look with the benefit of hindsight I'm telling you now I spot people And I still remember that they shat themselves at school Yeah. Maybe that's because I'm petty. But, you know... Just whisper that into his ear every night.

Don't shit yourself at school. Night. You had to fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle-Doo. So this is the Jingle. Jing-go. We hope you like the Jing-Doo.

Jing-Doo. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babo-doo-ba-do. Jingle!