Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous - Best Of Part Three

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

On this week's Please Keep Me Anonymous Best Ofs, we're revisiting Chris and Rosie's chats with Joel Dommett, Tom Davis, Stevie Martin and Maisie Adam! With stories about how Tom got his Nando's Black Card, Joel's dealings with Paul McKenna, Stevie's queer icon status and Maisie's crush on Zayn Malik, plus hilarious stories sent in by you! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch!  📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We had a fight about the jingle Jingle, Jingle, we couldn't set along a jingle, Jingle So this is the Jingle, Jingle, we hope you like the Jingle, Jingle, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, ba. Jingle! So we first met me and you. Yeah, I've known you for a long time. I've known you as long as pretty much of being doing stuff. Do you know what a mad thing about you?

one of my first ever dates with my wife was going to watch you do stand up. Stop it. I text you, and she was a really big fan of Chris Ramsey. And I text you and you gave me two tickets. I took her to watch you come. Oh my God. Yeah, it's a mad thing.

When was that? 13 or 14 years ago in London. Wow. So we went, yeah. Oh, that's lush. So you, I texted you to Chris, can you sort me out? I need a good. My missus is a big Chris Ramsey fan.

And I sorted your tour manager out tickets for us for our podcast tour as well. A lot of taken in this relationship. As soon as I'm in the gig, it's yours, Chris. I asked you for anything, you're fucking stupid. And also, the only thing I've always felt immense guilt for. The Nando's flat card. Yes.

I basically got your Nando's flat card. Yes. So there was a gig for Nando's. That's the first time we'd properly gig together, so I was going to get it. Yeah. And somehow I got it. I don't know how. Were you at that gig? Yeah. The lady gave me it at that gig.

I thought you pulled out of the gig. Oh, you were there? Because I ended up going out. afterwards cut with Carl Hutchinson. Yeah. And having a big night. Oh no, that was the gig after.

Yeah. So that was in the Nando's. Yeah. You were men to do it with us. Yes. And then I ended up getting bumped up to a headliner that night. And then from there I got the black card. Oh,

get it. Oh, how long did you? I'm sure you were, like 25 minutes. I'm sure you were in a headline. And then you got something else happened or you couldn't do it. So I've always felt immense guilt.

But then it did feed me for. Yeah. No, you got one. Did you have one? So you were there the night I got mine. Yeah. I remember.

The lady given is it. Such a lovely lady. I don't want to name her in case she doesn't want me name, but she gave him so cool. She got down on her knee and presented it like she was knighting us. There was always this weird joke about it for a long time because you were meant to do that gig and then I'd stepped in.

And then you got it. I had it for like, and I remember we were drunk one night in Edinburgh and we were joking about it. And you were literally, he was like, he was crushed. Honestly, Rosie. He was absolutely crushed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine. I remember just sitting at a table with his stuff. head in his hands. The fuck up. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, bah. Yeah, I've done my hair. I've gone brunette.

What did you go brunette? Have you ever been born for ages? And I've just like, and I've all, this is my natural, that's not, but this is sort of my natural colour. Yes. So I was like, I'll get more serious parts now. You look, any parts.

You look really in anything. Thank you. I think immediately, it is bad, but you just, it looked like a, like a library, like I could be a librarian, or I could tell you about a book. I really like, you look really smart, really sophisticated.

I'm sophisticated, dare I say, grown up, it's aged it in a really positive way. Apart from when you do that. It's aged me in a really positive way. In a really positive way. Wow. Okay, great. In a really good way. If it was a bob, it would be too much.

Too much. Don't bob it just yet. The long gives me at least a few years off. Can we again take a moment to just contemplate how different that would have went if I said that to you? I would have stood up and punched you. Yeah, she would have punched as you. would have punched us.

Yeah. I don't push myself. Someone would have punched us through the screen. Yeah. You can't. We've talked about this before. You're not allowed a comment on people's. I'm not allowed to comment at all.

At all. On women. Even in my compliment and she goes, a bit weird that. I wouldn't mind that. Last night I was doing a gig with Pierre Novelli and I liked his shacket. And I said, I like your shacket and he said, great. And then I said, great.

And then I did something and then some gig stuff, comedy. And then he came back and he was like, I think this is a compliment that he gave me, which now I feel embarrassed saying. because I'm saying a compliment, but he gave me a compliment about how I was dressed. And he was like,

you do tend to look really nice. Your clothes look really good. And I was like, great, you just take that. It's not creepy. No. Chris could say that. Well,

yeah, no, he probably could. But you say it in a creepy way. Okay, so I do it in this voice. Yes, there we go.

Okay. You've got to the bottom of it and you've got your sick out. And you start banking. Yeah. And then I add something on the end about the clothes would look better on the floor, which I've stopped doing.

That's great. I do imply it with my eyes. No You totally can You can compliment But I don't think you're that Oh no I don't want to offend you Oh come on

You're gonna say I don't give off any sexual vibes at all So no one thinks I'm ever trying to hit on them ever I just said stuff like that before She says no ever I've heard it all before Well it is I mean I know that you're married I don't know when people are flirting So that upsets her as well I don't know I don't either

I've got in some situations Have you? Yeah, I mean, not really. I mean, just that sounds really intense. I've just been on dates and I've been like, oh, that was a date. I thought we were like, we'd made friends at the Edinburgh fringe and we were going to be friends. Oh, no. And I've said it at the date, it's great to get to make fringe friends.

Anyway, I'm seeing this guy and they've been like, I thought this was a date. I was like, haven't twice. Shut the foot. Really twice. And I was like 30. I don't even like, I don't know anything. Like, no, I'm really bad at it. You should have not.

Nobody's floated with me for years. Again, it's very clear that you're married. You know, your brand is you are married. I know. But still, it would be nice. It would be nice. Offload me a bit. Yes, please.

I'm straight, but I could not be because I'm wearing boots. That is what. Did they not give you a gay card with your boots? Yeah. Did they not get it? Did they not hand it over with you? Because they're supposed to hand the gay card over with the boots. So many people have said that, though.

And there was like, I'm not very Ophay with sort of being talked about online. Oh, Stevie Doerner. look. Well, oh no, it was quite good stuff. Someone sent it to me and it's quite funny. The good stuff turns to bad very quick. I don't search. I will never look. I will never Google myself. I have done it once. Maybe twice. But it was quite bad. But on TikTok there was all of these people saying basically presuming I'm gay. Okay. And they're like, she's married to a man. And then people are being like, it's the Doc Martins. And it was like, I'm wearing trousers on television. That's what's happened. So it's wild.

We've got rid of the 1950s skirt and then they all think everyone's gay. Gosh, no. She didn't breastfeed a child once on telly. She must be gay. She's a queer icon. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, bah. What have you done to your leg?

You limped in here. Right, your legs, fuck. He's popped two out of his orphans. Yeah. I, uh, last week I had my varicus veins done. You got a varicous veins? I had varicous veins. Oh, but I had the V-VUrose.

I had the VVs. The double V's, not the double vays. I got the double Vs, man. I got the double Vs. And I got it done. Lovely people got it done. Wonderful. But please don't doubt me it was hashtag gifted. Well, look, this is the problem. Oh, no. It was asked that gifted. He got variegism. It wasn't. Yes. You have changed so much. I haven't. You can afford to get your varicist veins removed. Yeah, but I didn't look. This is the problem with it. I didn't. really know it was hashtag gifted.

Right. Until they asked me to hashtag, until they asked me to not pay for it. Right. Okay. Okay. Yeah, okay. And so I didn't.

Right. And, um, look, it, well, it was great. I got it done. The operation was amazing. I think I underestimated how much of a little bitch I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am an absolute little bitch. I've done that to myself many a time.

I think I yeah I and also my wife is like six months pregnant so I'm getting no sympathy from her oh no course you're running or out this is the problem I'm at why did he get them done now because I just I just because they they they asked right well so how did they look see you on the tell you and think is vans I was on I was on this I was hosting this morning and I thought oh I'll ask the doc no you know usually people have a problem yeah they ask they go to the hospital Unless you're no a GP. Unless, if you're a host of this morning, you ask the doctor on this morning.

I would 100% do that. Oh my God, I would have a idea. You would come back from the... If I was off not, you would come back from the ads and I'd be going... So we're next day. I'd literally, I'd be cocked out.

Like, it would be ridiculous. Come back from the break, doing that fly. Sorry, hi, welcome back. Sorry, that wasn't me too. I was just getting them all looked at. Jesus. And I asked Dr. Zoe

and I said, do you know if Iarca's Phaed's place? Varacuspanes and then it just barreled out of control and I went to a place, had a consultation there was so nice and then they were like, come back and January would get it done and I was like, yeah, amazing. And because I just assumed that it was going to

hurt less. Then it does. That it does because I thought like, you know what? It's 2026. Yeah. They'll just zap them out. Leas of them. We can make AI people or something.

Yeah. Like Faris space is going to hurt. And so I got it done. Operation doesn't hurt at all. All week I've been an awful husband. Awful husband. Just for a week after 11 years. Rosie, I've done 11 years.

He's a little bitch all the time. Just constant. I love that I pick Little Bitch. Little bitch is great. I don't think I've ever used the phrase Little Bitch and I looked to you in the eyes when I said it. It was quite nice. Rosie may have sent that to you telepathically. She may have.

been in her head going, you're fucking little bitch. If I look to Chris, I would have said cunt. Yeah, you little bitch. You little bitch. And so basically I have to,

at the moment, I'll tell you where I'm at currently. I need to either be lying down or moving. Right, okay, all or nothing. So there's no in between. So how are you feeling now? So right, if I stand up

then it's bad news. Right, okay. So I'm either walking, fine. So I know I'm doing a lot of walking around the house. Yeah. And then I'll lie down. It's not conducive to parenting. Okay.

No, not at all. Not a two-year-old. Not all. But how do you turn down free Vargas vein surgery? This is the problem. I can remember. There's a problem when someone offers to be something free or work in general, I say, yes. This is like a storyline from fucking Frasier.

He would get Varagus veins and he wouldn't be able to do his radio short. That's literally, this is a story. Freedia storyline. It's absolutely preposterous. It's preposterous that you got free. Margaret's video. You've not seen the video as Instagram man. It's so funny. It's him videoed himself and just as he starts videoed himself completely unplanned, the woman goes, you've got

really musly legs and he goes, I'm glad I got that on film. I think I've become a really bad person. This ties in perfectly to it. And on the same day as me getting my VVs done. VVs. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Work for. I got, I got, I used to bite my fingers, my fingers. This is a minute. We both do this. We've talked about this. I pick mine shockingly. When I get anxiety, I back my things and I get nervous and I did this, right?

Rosie, yeah, yeah, he was trying to sort this out from. Right? And I thought, I've got to get it solved. I think I've become unrelatable. Yeah. Right. Because the way I got it solved is I called Paul McKenna. The magician?

He's. It was from Hypnicanus He's not a magician He did it He did not exist But he did make my bad fingers disappear He did

He went he went Look he went The thumb's gone The thumb's gone Stop it You've done May He's being hypnotised

By Paul McKenna I am telling you I have not bitten my fingers Since I left This hotel rum So you're like It's hot

Palmikana Do I'm visiting my tellerous. You're famous, but your 90s famous? What the hell? Did you mean him on this morning? No, I interviewed him on a radio two show. Okay, so through work. Different work.

Holy shit, though. And I was like, I have to solve this. So, right, I bite the inside of my mouth. And I read somewhere recently that it can cause cancer. Yeah, everything can cause cancer. Yeah, it does. And I need to stop doing it. Like, my dentist is literally like the inside of your mouth.

Do you want to say it? Which bit? Yeah, can I see you? inside of your mouth. Oh, interesting. It's gross. Like there, like there. Inside, everywhere.

It's horrible. It upsets us. Yeah. So weird, by the way. I mean, I want to say your veins later. Well, or lack of. And I, right, I might not have to go to Paul McKen. Is there other hypnotistic? Do you want to see a picture of my veins that I took out?

Yes. But first of all, can we just log? Can we just log that the fact in the future, if we do break up, it might have been because Joel Domit, pimped you out to Paul McKenna's hotel room one day where did the downfall start

she spent so much time in Paul McKenna's hotel room it was unbelievable you know in life when celebrities and you think you get them all mixed up right so you said Paul McKenna in my brain I went Paul McKenna Paul Daniels Euregala

I saw all three of them and that's why I said magician so I saw all three and I went I know which one you mean Paul McKenna hypnotic I get anxiety and I bend spoons.

You're again. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, ba. Do you talk about exes in front of each other? Yeah, like, if it's relevant, I don't think I'm just like, start to bring it up. Tell you who I'm miss. Yeah, it's just something that always comes up in our life because we know people who would never, ever talk about exes.

Yeah. I think that's odd. It's a bit of a red flag. And we sometimes do because it's like that. It was just part of my life. It's part of your story. But then there is people who we know, like friends of ours, who I have no idea.

Like, all I know is them with their husband. And I'm like, who else? Or if, like, somebody brings up their acting, you can see the partner get visibly uncomfortable. And it's like, that's funny. They're not here now. Yeah, I know. I know.

They don't, yeah. Although where we live. They weren't born and then handed to you. Yeah. They had a life before you. Yeah. And they'll have a life after. Yeah.

They're probably at the school drop off where we live. It's such a small place. Very incestuous. When I met him, he worked in a cocktail bar. That's how we met. He was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar? He was. He was working as a waiter.

And you were going to see him. And we, oh, it's a running joke. I think he started his groom speech with that. But it's like working in hospitality, a bit like the comedy industry. There's a lot of internal dating and stuff. And there was a good while when, we first started dating, like if we went to a bar,

I could just tell by the way a waiter or a person behind the bar would be, just like with Mike and I would go, you've slept with her, haven't you? Yeah, and he'd be like, yeah. Wow. You can just tell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. It's like, give him his pikes. Yeah. And because they all like, but also there's, but this is, But it's just some few weird signs. But like, because they're all moving amongst the different restaurants and bars as well. Like there was a restaurant that opened and we were so excited to go. And we'd got this table and then the woman came over to take our order.

And she was like, oh, hey you. And he was like, oh, hello, are you okay? And I was like, yeah. And I was just watching it happen. And then I was like, oh, God. No one. And he's just like, yeah, just what do you want for his starter? That's never happened to us.

Has it? No. Do you get like, do you get nervous if you have to bring them up? No, we just, we wind each other up about it. Yeah. And like whenever I mention it, I always say a God I miss them. Like, I always, I always prefix it with God I miss them. And it's always, it's fine.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. None of mine were that bad. They were all quite cunning. Yeah. Yeah. So Rosie had a massive, you won't know this, but Rosie had a massive kickoff that. Not a massive kickoff. That when we got engaged or when we got married, none of them,

she wanted them to turn. up and beg it and not do it. Big ghetto blast her over their shoulder. Not a DM or nothing. Not even like a... You want to be the one that got away to at least somebody. Always. At least one place.

Turns out she was the one that wouldn't fuck off. They were all looking at your wedding photos, go, finally. I actually think there's probably a lot of men in South Shields who go, like now that we do what we do, and they'll go, she was a fucking nutter. about me. I do, genuinely do. Like, oh my God. Right, I grew up watching Corrie all the time. And I think that sort of gave a weird, like,

it misrepresented how common it was to have somebody crash your wedding and declare their undone. This is what I mean. This is what I mean. That really made me think, oh, this happens all the time. This is the thing. There's even a bit when I was saying my vowels, I thought, any minute now.

Yeah, someone's going to say it. That blow from year 10 is going to storm through going, wait! Stop me. So I always I always very loudly clear me throat At the, does anyone have any reason why the share? I just always...

It never gets more than now, does it? Just let them know I'm always on. I know I'm normally there sat next day. Just let them know I'm there and it's what I do. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Here's something about like old comedy days. Is it really nice seeing how well everyone's doing? Yeah.

I think your generation of the comedy when he's, on the circuit. I think every, well, the vast majority are doing really well. I think as well, it was an interesting time, interesting generation because I think we all came in after like the,

I suppose, the big, the big names bishop and Mickey and Kevin. You guys were the ones. We were the generation just after them. But actually, it was sort of easier but harder, I suppose in the same time.

But there was a, you know, me and you did panel shows together. There was a lot there for us to get, but also you sort of knew the people that you could like Chris and like Catherine Ryan always think of Romesh Beckett

you could look at the people Pascoe and go oh they're gonna fly they're gonna you know but I never do you know it never felt like certainly for my I never felt like an aggressive

competition or the weird one was Greg Davies I remember doing a kid a kid with Greg and he was one of my favourite people and I was a big Greg fan and I was doing like an open spot and turned up

and I think it was something called Fat Tuesdays Tiena Dube used to run it in Islington. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Greg was headlining. Sounds wonderful. I turned up and Greg was there and he just did this whole bit about,

oh my God, two tall comedians on the same night. And he was being really serious. I thought being serious and I was going because I was such a big Craig. I was going, no, no, no. No, no. I don't think we did the same material. I know. And then he gave me, sort of put his arm on me.

He was, I'm joking. I'm wondering. Do you know, just where I've never said, I played Greg's shoulder in something. What? One of my first acting roles was like, he used to do a show called Cuckoo. And he was doing a show called Cuckoo. And he was doing a show called,

what's the one he used to do with Rachine and Mike Wozniak? The brilliant show. It was amazing? Oh, man. Was it Man down? Man down. So I think he was doing those at the same time.

And basically they're like, so they sort of shot him out of what I think of won. And I get his call. It's like, we've got a, there's a role for you in this BBC, I swear, a BBC three sitcom. And I'm like, wow. like massive.

Like shaking with like nerves. Can you come down and I turn up and the guy's like, so basically like Greg, you're the only person. Greg mentioned you but obviously the director knew who you were. So you're the only person who's the same height exactly as Greg, Simmer Build. So we can basically use your back of you to shoot out Greg through people. No way. So I was like, oh cool. Yeah, that's so fun.

But also you also then have to learn all his lines because you can't hold a script and you're doing Greg. Oh, my. So people were doing their lines to you from the obviously camera and the... For people who are dirty shot, Greg? Yeah, yeah, that was dirty shot. So when it's... Dirty shot. I wish I'd call my tour that.

Oh, my God. So what is it, Greg Davy's dirty shot? Anyone listening or watching who doesn't know what dirty shot means? It's when you see a movie and the shot is the conversation from behind the pit and dirty means a bit of them is in the shot. The person who's not in focus, a bit of them is in the shot. So I'll be wearing Greg's costume. That's hilarious.

But during this, murder and successful, we got a pilot of murder and successful. And I was quite happy. So we were filming this scene and the news had come through and I was like, and it was like Helen Blacksendale,

Esther Smith, who's brilliant and a friend and that Taylor Lawner. Oh yeah. So, and I was like... Of them, Twilight. Yes. Yeah. He was in it.

And I turned around and was like, oh man, like I've got this pilot for this show that I'm developing. And he was like, what? What do you do proper acting? And I was like, yeah, no. comedian actor and he went, oh right, I thought you were just like your shoulder guy. And I was like, what?

He was like, I just thought you were a shoulder guy. You're Greg's shoulder guy, no. And I'm like, no, no, I'm a comedian as well. I hope that delivering these lines in the way I have that this would be a... Yeah, and then literally heard him walk around to people going, hey, you heard about Greg's shoulder guy? Thinks he's an actor. Thinks he's a somebody.

He's a bit above his fucking station. Somebody fucking remind us. He's talking about a pilot. God, I don't know if he's right. Does someone check to him with him? Can we get them to stop talking? We are so lucky to work in this industry and it's so fun and it's great.

But there is, and I don't want to sound like weird here or like too privileged or whatever, but I don't know many of that industry. That is such a fucking offensive thing to be booked for. They get you down for the day. They get your costume. No, no, no. It was like a week.

Well, you're fucking hell. It wasn't a day. But didn't that sound like me knock? Yeah, a job's a job. But I can't understand any. Am I being a naivier? But it's such a fuck you. You know what it is?

It's a weird thing of like when I look at like, and I've done subsequently done other jobs now and people are standing to whatever. And actually like, you've ever asked Greg? No. I was hoping Greg. That's the level.

So that's the aim. That's, you know, people have a mood board and the stuff and they go, I've visualised it and I've put out the universe. What's it? I've manifested. You need a manifest a career where you are so fucking huge that you

can get Greg in the situation. But the difference is, but you're in the room. You're in the room. Do you know the difference is Greg is so, and I adore it. He's amazing. But he's also so, yeah. But he's so high status in his way.

Low but high. Yeah. It kind of suited me. But also it's like one of those weird things that even when it was happening and like you have this. It's like, yeah, and you're very good at like,

you know, being self-derogatory. I think it's like, something's happening and you're like, yeah, this is kind of indignify. But also, I, I'd never really been on a set before. And you're watching stuff. And so you're getting an idea of, and it sort of later as it sort of continues your guy,

actually, that's how lucky you were. And it was one of those things as well that you couldn't really get out of once it sort of developed into what it was. You couldn't then just go, actually, fuck this. Because you're always in the back of your head thinking, you know, if I'm nice, I get on with people. Do you know what it is?

Or sometimes that it's jobs that you might have met somebody on that job. Yeah. That could have got you something. It's like, that's how it works. Well, I was hoping to become, say, Launner's challenge. old ago. I can stooped Taylor.

I can stoop, I can squat. I mean, I'm really, I don't think he's work since. But who's laver now, eh? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Would you do it? Traders?

I think so, yeah. What would you want to be? I think, I know everyone says they want to be traitor, but I couldn't. You couldn't be a traitor. I couldn't be a traitor. I couldn't.

Yes, you fucking could. I couldn't. Yes, you could. The stress of it, I couldn't. And I would be so like, it would be, I would give it away immediately. I'd get picked to be a trader and I would go so the other way. Maybe.

Like a puppy. He's seen Trainspotting. Yeah. He throws that panclos over the thing and over the top. And he goes down and goes, no one leaves here until we find out what can't dead it. And it was him. That would be me.

I'd be like, one of you is a fucking scumb. And they'd be like, it's him. He's giving away so much. We know it's him. Or I would hide it and I would hide it well. But then within four days, it would be like, oh, why does Chris look like he's going cold turkey from crack? He's sweating.

he's aging, he's going great within four days. The stress would get to us. I'd share too much. Yeah, I would ruin it. I feel the same. I feel like I can't. This smile just doesn't hide. But that's why Alan was so good on it though

because he was a trio but he hated being a trio. Like you could actually see it was, it was pain together. You guys should go on it together. That would be good, wouldn't it? That would be so good. You together going on because in the new series they're putting lots of people where you know now. You've seen 47 episodes of it.

You guys would be fantastic together. And the best bit, they'll go, oh my God, we know that you guys are married. So that's not the twist, but then we'll reveal that we're actually brother and sister. No. Finally, that'll be when we're revealing. That's when we can come out.

That'll be when we're revealing. Put this, Daisy. We can't have it on this. We're going to do it at prime time BBC 1. The big secret is that Rose is actually having an affair with Greg Davis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It turns out. That's it. Imagine she would never be able to reach him.

Yeah. It's all the same when you're lying down. Actually. Don't paint the picture. What you mean? That's the to see me in you, Chris. You're picturing you're lying down, obviously, because you're the husband. I was imagining her literally climbing it.

Clim it up and like, she can't do a fucking polo. She's got no chance. She's got absolutely no chance. Listen, I'm trying. I'm trying. Babadu Baa. And it admired how much when you're a kid, how much you're fancy boys.

I think it's because you don't really know what it is that's happening. Like the chemistry. You're just like, oh, I really, really like that person. I'm just going to invent a life with them. And it's definitely, like, just, I was so convinced at age eight that I would end up marrying Zach from Saved by the Bell.

It's tragic, isn't it? Yeah. Although there is some people go, like, crazy. Crazy, crazy. I was never that bad. No. I was never that bad. I had to do a hotline man when take that split.

What was a boy's own? When one of the bands split up, they had to actually make a hotline up but that teenage girls could ring because they were so upset about it. Yeah. Wow. I felt a little bit like that when Zane Malik left one direction.

Oh, did? Were you a one day fan? I was a big one day fan. Oh, really? Massive one day. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I feel like you would have been a bit too old. Were you not a bit too old for that? Did I go and see them live for my 21st birthday present? Yes, I do. Okay. Okay. No, I like it.

It's not weird because they're the same age. Okay. This time, it's a genuine pursuit. There's a chance. Yeah. There's a chance. Zach Morris lived in a different country

and crucially, wasn't real. Yeah. There's in the character. Yeah. Whereas. More attainable? Yeah.

Who was your favourite, Zane? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. You've made any of them? Yorkshire. Yeah.

Dunssocorade with Liam and Louis. Oh my God. I think I played it cool. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Nice, lads. It seemed nice. Yeah. Were they nice? Yeah, lovely. Oh, good. That's good. Yeah.

You don't really remember. I'm mentally sort of fizzing with, um, oh God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I've sung all your songs at your concerts. But here I am going, do you split your time in? Yeah. Where'd they, are you on the wing?

Lovely. Yeah. Like, it's only been new. I know. And also like if you ever told 21-year-old music when she was at a One Direction concert, like, oh, you'll one day technically working with them, what will that conversation look like? It'll be me going, do you think you'll play centreback or on the wing? This is wild. This is similar. This sounds similar to when me and my friend Kelly met Stephen Tompkinson. What? Literally. How did that come about?

do a charity a charity thing in the north-east called Sunday Vasami and he's been doing it obviously for a long,

long time and he's been doing it one of the founding sort of people and I grew up Washington seemed like loved him forever

and we met and he was there we went for drinks after because we were doing back and singing in this thing and it was 4 o'clock

in the morning and obviously loads of people had left and we were the only one's there so we had a really big chat with her and I remember

the taxi hall we were just like dying it out it's so weird isn't it I was like, mad it was. But also, like, how, how, how, I was just like,

I can't, the 4 o'clock at the morning and I can't believe we've just had. It's bonkers, isn't it? Because you can't marry up the person that they were to you, the person that they are now. It's wild. I've got a friend who, like, she's in musical theatre. She's in some really good productions. And she was in one with Richard Fleischman, the actor.

Oh, yeah. It used to be Craig the Goth in Corrie. Right. And the whole Craig the Goth had on me. like when he when he moved to Berlin and Rosie Webster didn't go with him I was like I'd have got on the train

with you Craig the Gough and then like my friends just like oh yeah you know we're in this production together and internally I was like can you ask him this can you ask him now absolutely

it does yeah I had like a poster of him on my wall which is weird because it's not like he wasn't like one direction he was Craig the Goss but it's weird to have Craig the Goss

on your wall where did they sell the poster What a niche poster. Did you make this poster? I might have made it. I'm just going to draw Craig the Gough and put it on my wall. I imagine you got a TV magazine with a very small picture of him and went into some kind of printing place.

Can you make that to your one? Can you blow this up to life size? Back in the day, no, like soap stars were pretty big. Oh my gosh. Jamie for me, Stenders. Yes. What was the one before? Adam Rickett?

Yeah. Breathe again. Oh, I loved that. I was solidly in all that shit. That was well my bad. When I did it, there was this panel show that they did on Channel 5 for a bit. I can't remember what it was called. Was it called it's not me?

It's you. Eamon Holmes hosted it. And Vicki Patterson was a team captain and Kelly Brut was a team captain. And I was on. I ended up doing like five episodes of it. And they got Jet the Gladiator on as a surprise for me because it was like asking about stuff. About all the crushes. I had an arm wrestler.

No. It was like, oh, Chris was obsessed with you. Chris absolutely loved you. And she had to come on the phone because she was a gladiator. I had an arm wrestler in the middle of the thing. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Did you tell your friend, do you, you had the deal with him.

I phoned him from the dressing room and I got out to speak to him on the phone and he lost it. Oh, God. Yeah. It is weird, isn't it? Yeah. It is weird. And I beat her in the arm wrestle and I said, it's your fault.

Did you be there? Well, yeah, she was dead, can he? But I said, it's your fault. This arm's so strong. Oh, God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. I do love clothes, but I did enjoy wearing a uniform for school. Just sort of like not having a thing.

Did you? Yeah, I did. Even though. I never wanted to. Roll the skirts up. Do they really, like, small, thick tie? What was that? That was just our generation.

I know. The bit, the knot had to be sort of, it's like a chode tie. Uh-huh. Like, it had to be wider than it was. Oh, that's so good. Yeah. So true.

I mean, like, this looks cool. You're like, it's not mad. Were you allowed to wear trousers or did you have to wear a skirt? You could wear trousers, but no one did. Because if you did, you were like a lesbian or whatever. Oh my God. mean about it. We had meetings to try and wear trousers.

That's great. Yeah, but it never happened. Was your school, your respective schools, part of the gigantic controversy that was the trousers with the skirt attached? Oh yes, we did. We didn't. Absolute fucking hell on in my school.

What's going on? Hell on in my school. I mean, I used to wear them. What were they called? Trots. I do believe they were called abominations. No, it had to put my name, didn't it? common what I called, but it was literally, yeah. Yeah. I don't want to sound like I'm sort of a lady in a man's body

pretended to not be, but I think they were from Tammy. Oh my God, Tammy, yeah. I think you got on from Tammy girl. And it was Blackshowsers with the thing with the top. And I remember the headmaster in assembly going like, yeah, and their band, you aren't allowed to wear them. I remember thinking, well, you can pick a skirt or you pick try, why not wear both? I don't understand why not?

Yeah, I got really upset about a lot of things, didn't it? Do you know what I feel in Tammy girl? Right. Did you? Why? Why? It's too much choice. She's too excited. Just like, oh my God. Too many great deals.

How many bangles? I actually had a really bad virus. Right. I think, I know when you go, I was a mental kid. Because I think I told me friends I had men in China. I thought everyone had swine flu at uni and I didn't. I got Tammy flu delivered by someone under the door. She's had a cold.

I don't know why I did it. And the memory of it, I was like, that can't. I can't take that back. I can't take that back. What do you do just stay in your room and oinked? Yeah, genuinely. Everyone's like, I was like, why did I say? I just said it once. Like, I think I've got swine flu.

I was like, well, I've said it now, so I'll roll with it. Thank you for that. I'll be back. I'll be better in a few days. You can't laugh about swine flu a lot of people actually do. Really bad. But I just had a cold. Oh, yeah. So you told.

I had a really bad cold. I was like, I nearly died. I was like, I nearly died. Cause all. Me Nana took us to the seal to Tammy girl. and it was like the day after I'm barking in me. It's just so

chasmuch. And I collapsed. And I split my head open. I'd go to hospital. And then, and then it turned into a Dorothy Perkins and I got a job. It's so much going on.

And it had the same manageress. And I was like, I faint year when I was a kid. She was like, was that you? She was like, at Christmas I went, that was me. I had managed.

I mean, I had a virus. Also, I like that you You thought that fainting and cracking head open to you so we have to go to hospital was not enough drama I know, no I know I also have men in charge

Yeah, that's what it was There was that thing that everyone would put glasses on them all the time Yeah, just to check what it was Yeah And they'd always disappear And I'd be a bit disappointed Heat rash, just a heat rash

Just a heat rash Or just a spot Or just your skin You know Yeah, I don't think We don't think we don't think I don't think I've ever done The men and jails

glass roll Interesting Yeah, I know. And they've had a rash. They've had loads of rashes. But like 1-1-1, you know, really good. When you've got little kids, really good. Just to speak to someone and they're like,

what's it look like? What happens when you press it and all this kind of stuff? It's really very good service, 11-1. Well, where was it that time when you had a really bad throat? And she told you to eat crisps. Who told you to eat crisps? Someone told you to eat crisps? Remember?

You went to a walking centre. You went to a walking centre, or you went to a walking centre, Just make that up. I'm going to get a shot. And the said, you know I remember, the said, I think it was Gary Liddaker. It was Gary Liddicka. It's only, no, I'm joking.

The said, eat crisps and swallow it, so it scratches as you throw it on the way down and gets rid of it all. Remember, someone said that to you once. Seen all my memory, probably. Yeah, and I remember thinking, get a second opinion, because that sounds like absolute fucking tomfoolery.

Yeah, and if you're going to do that, you use like a sourdough crust. Yeah, this is before sourdough. This was before your sourdough wasn't a pretty pint. Was that dough? Piping them, yeah, this was, yeah, knick-knacks and Doritos is. Are you not talking about when I ate them the fish with the little bones and you're meant to eat, like, no, no, no, no.

What's going on? There's a fish that I love with little bones, but then I read on, when I ate it, I read online, you meant I have loads of bread with it. I just sit there. They wish me set that up, right? There's a fish that I love with little bones And the way she said it It sounded like the next sentence

Was it going to be We're raising money so we can have an operation It's a fish I love very much Close me eyes, got little bones And we're raising money We're trying to raise 250,000 pounds We're just sending him to America For a bigger, a bigger bone operation

Stretch him out We said it's a fish I love And you're not meant to eat the bones No, so you can You can fully eat the fish Okay It's a really known one It's like, it's not like white bait, it's like white bait or something, you know.

No, it's not even that. It's like you're really well-known fish. Oh my God. I got it from Marxies in a packet, in a vacuum-packed packet with a bit, star bit of butter, and then you put it in the microwave or you boil it and then you eat it. But anyway, yeah, you can eat the bones, but you're meant to eat it with, like, bread so that the bones don't, like, stab you. So they're kind of go into the bread and digest in your stomach with the bread.

I know. But I didn't know this. Street fish eating. And I had fucking raw dog the full thing. And then I was getting, oh, I feel a bit funny. A bit bony. Bone-like. And it was my mom who was like, do you not have any bread?

I was like, no. Asophagus was like a gamer cup lunk. Oh my God. Babadu, babadu, babadu, babadu. Listen, mass singer. Yes. What I want to know is, is there, first of all, do you know who they are?

No, he doesn't. When do you find out who they are? So, um, I, don't know who they are at all. They don't tell me at all. And that makes it more fun. It's actually just really enjoyable just to play the game along with everyone else. And then sometimes they've revealed them. Oh, and so we actually have a stop of the record. So they go, take it off, take it off. And then we stop the record just before the bat's to take it off. And then they get their makeup done and things like that. Mad. And then we go back and then we go, take it off, take it off.

And they're like, oh my God, it's this. So you find out then. It's great. The voice is so annoying. My son has become obsessed with Mars Singer. Has he? And it's really cool. So he's two, almost two and a half. So I've sort of been waiting for this moment.

Oh, I love that. Such a good short for kids, though, isn't it? It's so fun. And now he wakes up and goes like, Ma Singer, Mar Singer downstairs now, TV, Maher. No way. And I was like, this is the best. thing ever yesterday, we were in a shopping centre and we're walking along and suddenly I feel like

it's backfired because now where we were walking along quite, it was quite busy, holding his hand and he started just shouting, take it off, take it off, take it off, take it off. And I'm like, shut up, you're embarrassing. That's amazing. So there's two things in that. There's one that he's shout and take it off, which is horrendous. Then the other thing is, oh, he presents that show. Yeah. And he makes his kid watching it.

And now he's obsessed with it. He's got his kid running some kind of PR. Yeah. And kind of gonzo out there, PR, like a flash mob. Like flash mob shit. The middle of Westfield. Sell his shows that he's on.

This is awful. It's cute though. It's nice. It is. What I want to know is, no, I want to know this. Is there ever a moment where they take it off and you don't know who the fuck that celebrity is? One. a honey percent

100% little bitch is this stress you're we we we so I've told this story

before but I first series was this guy who was a politician and everyone was like take it off take it off

take it off take it off and producer says my host Alan Johnson and I go oh my God

it's Alan Johnson and it's like in my head I'm like who fuck is this guy who's this guy he looked like a friend of my dad

so I was like can't be nice John. And this series was the Christmas show was really fun because it was the first time in seven series where I sort of I've been really good at keeping the secrets and even if you do know who it is you might go like oh who is this oh you know to keep all the illusion and all that stuff. And did you see it? You said who it was before you took the head off

because you knew you recognised the voice. I don't know what happened on that day. It was just like, they were kissing someone and someone guessed, someone guessed who they thought it was. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. That's an interesting thing. And I think I said, oh, that's interesting. And then I heard the person laugh inside the costume.

And I went, oh my God, it is Dermot, Larry. What? I've never seen this. They must have left it in though. Did they leave it in? I think they did leave it in, yeah. Because it went right, like the clip. It was everywhere.

I saw it online. It's like, I've never seen like a presenter ruin a format. Yeah. Their own format so quickly. Do you know what I mean? It was like, I've just completely, completely ruined it. It'd be like Bradley Walsh giving out all the answers on the chase. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hi. Please keep me anonymous. Okay. Me and my partner, I was going to just come up with a name that's a first name and a last name then, but I'm not going to do that. Me and my partner had found out I was pregnant and was so excited to tell our friends and family. We invited his mum and dad over to tell them the good news. They were sitting side by side on our sofa and I handed my father-in-law a gift bag with a baby grow inside.

So his mouth fell wide open when he opened it and my mother-in-law burst into happy tears. However, what happened next was not how I had pictured this magical moment in my mind. My father-in-law was in a state of shock. Very excited, of course, but clearly quite overwhelmed. So overwhelmed, in fact, that as I bent over to give my mother-in-law a big hug, she was still sitting on the sofa, my father-in-law, who clearly didn't know what to do with himself, proceeded to guess.

As in you guess, he didn't guess. I know what he's done. What's he done? He punched. He slapped her on the other. ass. He's so excited he slapped her on the ass.

He slapped his daughter-in-law on the ass. He's got on love. He slapped her on the ass. Am I right? Yeah. Why did you guess him? Have you not?

That's concerning. Oh my God. No, but that means that you would... Why did you go there? Because in my head, I quickly put myself in his shoes and I quickly thought, as we were talking about earlier,

being mortified about something you've done and thinking about it later on, I quickly put myself in my shoes and thought what would be the most mortifying thing I went to the most mortifying But I thought No no I thought the most

mortifying was as she bent over I went whey But that That one went That was a tits But then I thought no He's going to slap her on the ass And that's like

Yeah That is mortifying That is absolutely Notifying My father-in-law Who clearly didn't know What to do with himself proceeded to land

A great big slap of his hand Across my ass While exclaiming Jesus Christ That's for the Ben It's really good she got spanked. I got spanked by my father-in-law.

I was so surprised that I couldn't even react, so chose not to acknowledge it. Oh my God. Ignore it. It's even worse. Until later when they had left, and I told my partner, we found it hilarious

and put it down to a state of overwhelm. I've never brought it up with him since. That's great. For context, I must say this, my in-laws are wonderful, and I bloody love them. Oh, well, there you go. That's nice.

She should wait until he tells her anything, and then slap him on the ass. Or cup his balls. Oh my God, yes. Yes. Good Lord. Promotion at work. Way!

Get him. Amazing. Amazing. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. This is the thing, whenever we see each other, Chris, or speak or text, we don't see each other enough. And I just want to say, I love you. I love you too, man. Oh, I love that.

That's nice, though. I've got two sons, and I think men should tell each other that they love each other. George is one of me good ones. Jules one of me good ones. I've got a handful. I don't have many comedy friends. Joel's one of me good ones. I'll take that.

I'll take that. I'll take that. I wouldn't have said that if I wasn't completely off my tits. I have got no excuse. I just love Joel. I am six in your offend D because I'm fucking,

I'm all right. She'll get my gin and tonic. This is unbelievable. I'm going to do a ram raid after this. This is a fucking go. It's such a 90s reference. Do you remember ram rays? They don't happen anymore.

What's a ram raids? A ram raids. They literally get in a car and then they drive into a newsagetons and steal... I think that's a terrorist attack. Yeah. No, it's a ram raid.

You drive it in. It's an interesting story. The Barba outlet is in the town where we're from. Barbar is from South Shields. Can you remember when everyone had the quilted jackets? Yeah. Everyone had the barbler jackets. Wax quilted?

Not wax, just the quilted ones. Everyone had them in South Shields. Everyone knew someone who could get one because they were all back of lawyer jobs because they used ram raid the barba factory all the time. What happened was someone who works there got the forklift truck

parked it next to where they were ram raeering and put the forklift blades car height it got ramrated someone nearly got a head taken off it never got ram ridded again wow that's that story yeah

part the for the forklift right here go on drive in dickhead go on that's great but you know it's hilarious if someone had died they'd have got done for murder yeah yeah yeah so I won't win I like to bring stories down Yeah, thanks.

No, I just don't, you know, shit all over at time. Wait, go, go. And you wonder why I want to roll around with sweaty men for pleasure, because I live with this. Okay, here again. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me an anonymous. Oh, God, it's fun.

He's absolutely. You do all due all-dor-cue. You should be good at this. All he can hear on his head is, T-T-T-T, T. Please keep me anonymous. Last summer we moved into our new house. Very kindly, the previous owners had left us all white goods,

including a lush American-style fridge freezer. Winner! Nice. Oh, nice. Okay. On moving day, we realised there are a few bits left in the freezer. So he thought, oh well, they've left in a hurry and threw it all in a kitchen bin. Fast forward two days, and the kitchen bin was full.

My husband picked up the bin bag. And what appeared to be bloody meat juices was dripping onto the kitchen floor. We hurriedly put it in the wheelie bin and came back to disinfect the floor and bin, assuming whatever the previous owners had left in the freezer was a joint of meat. Oh, God. It's not the wizard. It's not a sour podcast. It's not a joint meat.

It's a rabbit's head off of something horrible. Go on. We went out that day and were surprised to receive a message back from the previous owners to ask if we have possibly come across their forgotten item in the freezer. Oh, they want it back? It's a fucking pet. It's a dead pet, Rosie, come on. It's a dead dog or something.

This is awful. It's a big American freezer. On reading this message, my husband and I simply could not believe what the contents of the freezer had been. It was the placenta. Nah. No. No.

For when they had their daughter, it was now six years old. Shut the fuck. Oh, there's no goodness left. in that. That's gone. No, all of the, I don't know if it's true or not. You're kind of, you kind of age it.

It's surely there's like a six months. How do you, there's more to come. Oh, Jesus. Let's read to the end. Let's read here. All right. That's right. A six-year-old placenta that they just left behind.

But wait, when we were informed the previous owner that sadly the placenta had been thrown away, they asked if it's only in the dustbin, maybe you could pass it to the neighbour. we are still friends with. Go and shut the... No. No. And they could keep it for us. We kindly informed them that the bin had been emptied

and the placenta was no longer in our possession. What the actual hellie it had been defrosting for three days. Oh, right. Right. Some people, some people are so unhinged. I don't know what. Entitled isn't the word, but it almost kind of is. Like, you through our placenta.

away. My name is my name. No one north of York is fucking cracking on like this, right? That is so... Well, can you just get out of the bed

and give it to a neighbour who we're still in touch with and they're okay with weird fucked up shit like this by the way. You fucking hippies. I was never in a... If somebody had done stuff

with my placenta and said, have this, I would have done it. I think... What we're talking? Curry, stir fry? No, like tablets. Pasta.

Oh, tablets. We did the tablet thing. Did you do the tablet thing? We did the tablet thing. We did the tablet thing. It was frustrated because it's actually quite a lot of admin. Well, that's what I'm seeing. I'm not doing my own placenta.

He comes out. A bit of liver. And then you're like, oh my God, we've got a baby. Baby, oh, what? What do you do? Then you've got to fill out a form. The first thing you do, you're like, okay, I've got to send off the form.

There's too much admin. And then you put it in a freezer and a man on a motorbike picks it up. And that guy's Paul McKenna. What do you mean you did the tablets? What do you do the drugs? You dry it and then like, like, ground it. They like professionally, they get all the bacteria out of it. And apparently the placenta has really loads of goodness in it.

Oh, yeah, it's really good. And it's like, because as a woman, you kind of birth it out. But actually, that's where all of your good stuff kind of so you can put it back in. But six years later. The problem is, is that they made it into gummies, right? Placenta gummies. I know I fucking love a gummy. Don't tell me you had a placenta gummy.

Right. They were on the table for Hannah to just like pop out. right? So they're for the mother. Yes, of course, I'm for the mother. Why do you, what you haven't burst out

in a placidate? You've lost any iron. What you take? Well, just have a fucking pint of Guinness and shut up your fucking filthy hippie. What's going on? He's taking Anna's placent.

Right, so you're not able, right? He loves a supplement this. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Hannah's got more iron than me. I'm not having this. I haven't been to the gym for a couple of days. Get some more iron in these masses.

Right, okay. Sorry. so I might have sweepingly called everyone who is a placenta a hippie there. So it's for the mother who is breastfeeding and who is completely depleted from this incredible ordeal she's been through to get some of the goodness back in her. I wholeheartedly apologise.

No, you're fine. I watched the programme once where somebody kept it in their house and they put like lavender and rosemary on it. Watch the same one. I remember being this level of angry ones, saw that. Yeah, yeah. But there's stuff you can do now. Do people like treat you like a roast?

Yes. That's exactly what they're. They did. They kept this presenter in like a tree and they just put like dry petals. Remember we watched it together. Yeah, yeah. And like lavender and just like like herbs. And but it went like all like out of day and horrible.

They had it as an ornament. They just had it as an ornament. It was a room orderiser. It was disgusting. But. You don't have people like hang those dream catchers from a window. Yeah, yeah. It feels like that sort of vibe.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was horrible. That was awful. So at some point, I assume they've sort of come back with a placenta and a bag.

And that, to me, that image feels wrong. Because it does feel like sort of you've decapitated someone. Yeah. Yeah. And you've brought it back and you put it in the freezer. But why would, after six years? After six is what they've been doing. Unless they've been like chipping a little bits off and having a little bit now and then.

That's cannibalism in my. Why is it still there? I mean, I've got stuff in the freezer. That shouldn't be there. That's it. To me, right? Freezer space, sacred as fuck. Like, if there was a placenta

taking up room in our freezer, I'd be raging. Yeah. Yeah, that is so true. I'd take my athletes ice pack thing out because she was kicking off. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, got to take it out. You're like, Chris, we've got to take the placenta out. It's got to go. It's got to go. It's got to go. It's a freezer space. It's, um, That bin must have fucking reeked.

It's like the only way I can... I think of placenta looks like a really big bit of liver. You know, liver? Yeah. I love liver. I did all the stuff and prepared for the birth and like tried to read all the books and tried to do all the stuff of...

We listen to like YouTube tutorials about taking you through each step of all the birth and stuff. And I just think I forgot that... Because you're all in the madness of the birth and it's all crazy and you pick your birth plan on the birth. plan, I said that I was going to, I was going to, I was going to, I was going to, I was going to, I was going to, I was going to deliver the baby and give it to, I, because I picked that because I thought that would be a funny challenge. You want to be a business end? What the, I went, of course I had business end. What the fuck? I may, I might as well have been in a different room. I was not business. I wasn't in it, I'd be seeing that. I didn't want to see you. Well, I wanted you to take photos and you wouldn't.

No fucking chance. I want to get a video. Absolutely no chance. This is going to make you all like that. But we, Hannah was like, no, I don't want videos. I don't want to do any of that stuff. It was fine.

Totally get that. But when it was happening, I knew it was going to happen. So I just put the video on my phone and I just set it up. So making sure non-business end, you know, I know my angles are working totally. The moment. And it's, I'm.

Honestly, one of the most special things I have. I know. It's mental. Yeah, I can imagine. It's like, honestly. I thought you were about to slag it off. Oh, it's unbelievable. I would play it for you, but it's like the noise of it because it's so funny.

And we try and watch it. This is the mad thing. Whenever you've had like a hard day or a day where you're just like, oh, fuck a thing. If you sit down and watch that video, it sort of takes you back to like the majesty of it all. It's so ridiculous because it is fucking. insane. But like the whole thing, so Hannah's giving birth

and she's doing it so well. She's amazing. She's going to be there for 36 hours or something insane. And then I try and catch it so that the midwife goes, take your baby, take your baby. I shouldn't have picked it on the form

because I was never good at catch it in school. Did you drop it? I didn't drop it, but I was very, they're slyty things, man. There's all that white stuff on. Yeah.

Try to catch a rugby ball when it's a rainy day. Yeah, yeah. And then you sort of take it and then gave it to Hannah. And you get show it up by the midwife. I don't like that. Yeah, it's a lot going on. You should know. And on the video, the thing that I really,

it's obviously an amazing moment. And Hannah's like, oh, my God, oh my God. I'm like, oh, wow, oh my God. And you hear this cry from the baby. And there's just like this silence. And I just go, oh, God. I feel like that, oh, God. It's like the start of the rest of my life.

Brilliant. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, baadoo, bah. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. I'm in a relatively new relationship with a guy who, for once, is absolutely great. Oh, nice. That's good. That's a nice surprise. Yeah, it's good, even though we don't know the person.

Oh, yeah. It's just nice to get us someone's out of a nice time. Yeah. Yeah. He's sweet, caring, funny, and all in all, and all in all round, a great boyfriend. I think she, that's her, not me. Nice guy. I feel a magnificent butt coming here, but okay.

And also so far, that's also like, my heart actually goes out to this person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so she's firing. Yeah, I get you, okay. When we start seeing each other, I found out that he owned a dog with his ex.

And when the dog died, it sent him into a very dark patch. Oh, all very sad. God. Jesus. Losing pets is awful. I've never touched. We haven't had a dog, so I've never had a lose dog. It's on the horizon, like,

I can tell me my algorithm is shown as a lot of dogs. Really? A lot of dogs. We're talking about it. We're being asked by the kids. A lot of dogs going on. Look at many of the other than. I haven't got it in me.

I've got the weather old to talk about it right now. Oh, bless you. She just shreds. Oh, I know. Oh, God. On one side of the bed, the side I sleep on, he keeps a collection of the dogs' things. Oh, fucking hell.

I knew it. I knew it. Yeah. We're talking a collar. Anchorchief. Anchorchief. Anchor chief. How posh was this dog.

Blue his fucking nose. I wiped his ass. I'm guessing it was around I'm guessing it was around the neck like a fucking train robber Yeah but then why would he have a collar and a handkerchief around his neck? He's accessorising this one

He's accessible as well Maybe the handkerchief is to cover the collar So it's like I'm not just a dog I'm a fashionista Or a lady An envelope with a dog's name on it I don't know what's in there Sorry what?

Jeez An envelope with a dog's name on it I don't know what's in there. That's like a letter maybe to the dog. Just never opened it? Yeah. I would not be, I'm so bad.

How would you sleep next to somebody who's got a dog's collar? Because it's on her side of the bed. Come on her side of the bed. If it was just a dog's collar, you could just think he was a bit freaking. Well, fair enough. Then the handkerchief, you're like,

okay. Yeah. Tidy. Yeah. White went off the belly. Sorry. I was just about a going there, that was.

An envelope of the dog's name. Yeah. And a mold of the dog's poor print. Oh, no. What the fuck. She sleeps next to, I'm sorry. She sleeps next to a shrine to the dead dog.

No, I'm not okay with this. Can I say a mold of the dog's paw print, you go, look, let's just call this guy Jack. Jack. I know why Jack. Jack. I know what Jack. Yeah. Russell.

Easy. We know some good Russell. We know some bad Russell. The Russell barometer in comedy is. Yeah, there's a big Russell barometer. Yeah. Really good Russell? Yeah.

Really bad Russell. Very much like Star Wars and Russell's enjoying. No comment. They're all working for the Jedi's at one point, but they're the dogs. Surely meant the fucking dog, Jack Russell. Surely meant Jack Russell. He was sort of you're going to talk about Russell. You missed the fucking joke.

A great joke, by the way. Thank you. A bit weird to that. But it's a closed box, so I can live with it. It's everything in the closed box. So it's a closed box by the bed. Oh, okay. I thought I was just like out on the...

Side side table. Right, okay, the inner box. Still weird. In the bedroom is a green jar. I never question what was in the jar because part of me didn't want to know. But I don't think I could have been prepared for how I found out. Some people just breeze through life, don't they? Never asking any fucking questions. I'd be like, what's in this jar? Probably the second time I went and go, what's this in this jar? I'd have opened the jar the first time I went there. You would have. I'd immediately open the job. Green jar is such a... Green jar. Is it painted?

What, a painted jar? Is it a painted jar? Or is it like a glass, like a beer bottle green? We might not. No, Heineken. We all of them, the three of us turning up going, hello, no, we did manage a trek you down even though this was anonymous. We just need to look at this jar. These, my issue, and all the listeners know this,

my issue is these emails always just leave us with more questions than the answer. But I just always say so specific, a green jar. Yeah. The green jar. I think Hynecken colour. Remember Hynegan? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What sort of jar? It would be like a, yeah. He doesn't drink anymore. Oh, right. I thought Hynican. Also, by the way, I was never a Hineken guy. I'm sorry.

What did you used to drink just really quickly? Pironi, Stella. Nice. There he is. Classicist. Nice. Fucking big to me. Big bloke.

Big and big, fucking cock. Got it, point of Saturday. Take a guy. Wait, Jami's fucking shoulder boy. I was actually brought my best worker that time. That was my chaucer. For us, we were to a couple of weeks ago and we're out for drinks. channel of our messy breakups.

I was laughing about a situation, a mate of mine had had had when he broke up with his ex and she prepared a spreadsheet which set out each item they owned together and a percentage by which he had appreciated the value of the item. Oh, wow. That's a whole other email in itself. That's a real email.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weird, right. So what's that like a sofa you've sat on and farted on? Oh, my God, yeah. You've actually, like, you've took it down by 30%. Yeah. And like nice and forks. nail brush more than me.

Yeah. Wow. That razor that you shaved your ass with. Keep that. That's yours. That's actually weirdly worth quite a lot now. My new boyfriend proceeded to tell me that he had a similar situation with his ex.

They had broken up shortly after their dog died and had quite a few rows deciding how to split the items relating to the dog. Oh my God. So she's in a place where she's got... How many? more than he's just a dog have the whole thing The bowl, I guess, that was a big one.

He's got the he's got the collar and achieving that. She's got the top hat, the shoes, the waistcoat. The Christmas outfit. The front legs, the front legs, time of it. The box is a kind of box. I've never celebrated Christmas again.

Oh my God. She's got the dog's pipe, smoking jacket. Fucking else. His books. DVD collection Molly and me who are so ironic The worst argument

was the decision I ever what to do with the dog's ashes as they could not decide on who should take them they measured them

out and kept half feet so yes I'm sleeping in a bedroom that is a shrine to a dog ashes include

almost half is in the green jar yes but also they measured them out like unscats

tails. I'm getting two green jars. Like, the green jar goes in the scales and it's... By the way, have you ever baked? How annoying it is just to get it in a... You've got a spoon. By the way, that spoon's not worth four quid now. That's got their dog's ashes.

How much do you fucking inhale flour when you're baking? They've inhaled some of that dog's ashes just accidentally. I thought you and then spread them. It all comes back up. Why not spread them together? What I don't. Do you know how much... Have you ever carried a person?

person's dead ashes. Like, have you, the weight? We should ask every, every guest this. The weird of it. That's one thing I'm like, I'm genuinely worried about. I think quite a lot about my poor bearers. That's one of the reasons I've lost a lot of timber. Stop, but you think if you're going to die, who's going to carry you?

I have too many times where I think about dying. And I think like who's getting for that. Do you think specifically about your poor bearers and how they're not going to lift you? No, I'm thinking it's a 10 minutes. It's like, they'll be rolling subs. I can't wait down the art and time and go, Okay, then if you want. You're gassing Lee.

Pull Lee out and get Dino. Dino, come on. Go send him back. You're going to come in with wheels. Yours is going to have wheels. You know when Ed Sheeran's doing a gig in the middle and they take him in a flight case and no one knows he's in it?

That's going to be yours. There's fucking no way there left to you. We actually cremated him first because we just couldn't fucking get him in. It's a massive green jar. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. You recently discussed a listener who got in touch

about finding a very detailed spreadsheet on her boyfriend's laptop chronicling every porn video he had watched. Yes, the IMDB of porn. Yes. However, I know someone who found much worse in similar circumstances. My friend borrowed her husband's laptop to do some work and found a suspicious looking file. On further investigation, she discovered that her husband had,

Any guesses? I've got two possible guesses, but you can go first. No, I don't have, I'm left. Right. So he's either. Nana porn. No. Jesus Christ. I actually actually had it called granny porn.

That's the go to. That's what I thought is granny porn. Nana porn makes it feel like it's just going to be nice and comforting. Yeah. She's holding the cat. Yeah. Yeah. She's a fire's on. Yeah, no, that's horrible. So I think he's either.

It's X, X's. Weirdly, what we've been talking about, X is rated or,

and this is my actual guess, times that they've had sex together rated. Have I got it? No. Right.

I would die. Imagine. It's actually quite a different thing. Totally unrelated. Don't have a look on my laptop. It's a small file.

I mean, it would be in the last year it would be very small. You don't be worried about story. I'll not be after an external hard drive any time soon. It's not even on the cloud.

But we still love each other. On further investigation, she discovered that her husband had listed every single light and lamp in the house. The room each was in. What type of bulb it required? How many of that type of bulb they had in stock in the house? When the bulb was last changed and the estimated date when it would need changing again? She was so horrified by this discovery, porn would have been less disturbing.

That's awful? That is... Controversial opinion. I think that's the hottest thing I've ever. I do. I do. I'm sorry. There's a one for everyone.

I love a spread shame. I am hugely impressed by that. I knew you would be. No. That would... That's an organised king right now. I'd leave. No.

No. No. No. No. That's like, he's going to kill you. No, because then when a light goes out, you're not having to get, oh, gone, we'll have to go to B&Q or we'll have to get one on Amazon.

He's just there going, don't worry, darling. No, what on left raw. Missy's just such a hypocrite because we didn't have a bulb to go in one of the lights the idea, and you were kicking off that we didn't have one. That guy. Yeah, but you know what I would find sexier? That to me is just absolutely not, right?

But I would find it sexier if, like, say it was you, okay? If I knew you had that, ick, vile but if a light went out and you got your coat on you're like I'm gonna go to BMQ now and get that I'd go that's my hero but the fact that he's got a spread cheating no no no no no sorry sorry sorry no

honestly are you saying that as soon as the light goes out and I'll hide me court and you would let me go straight at Bean Q to get a light bulb you would let me leave the house no no no other kids are there it is no other kids are in bed you would let me

tea time so it's tea time the kids are eating you would let me quickly you're full because honestly, I'd be smashing light balls with Hamas if I can get out of that house. You can't leave the house. They'll go. Can't leave the house. Okay. Okay. No, I just think... Right, okay. Maybe that's that... Every single light and lamb. I'm living in the past.

That's nerdy as fuck. I don't find that sexy. I'm thinking of the columns, the room. Would Zach from Save by the Bell do that? No, but that's the lazy of yesteryear wishing for a... You've got to kiss a few frogs before you get your organised prints. I don't want Zach Morris and his lack of... of bulb spreadsheets.

Okay, fair enough. No, I'll get, okay. Oh my God. This is green flags all the way. Yeah, yeah, no, it is. It's very sweet. But just, do you think he's going to know where you clip is?

He'll have a spreadsheet telling him where it is. Sorry. He'll have a spreadsheet saying, keep going for five minutes. He's so busy. Then move to the left. Can it, nah.

No, I hear them. He'll have time codes. He'll have time codes of when to move onto each area. He's no. He's written the manual. Fair enough. I'll tell you. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.