Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous With Al Murray

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week Chris and Rosie are joined by comedian, podcaster and WWII buff Al Murray! Al and Chris reminisce about touring together and discuss an eventful trip to Dubai. The trio also talk about Al's love of history, the splash zone on his new tour and the perils of meet and greets... All of this plus Al reads one of your brilliant emails! Find tickets to Al's tour here: thepublandlord.com Al's podcast We Have Ways of Making You Talk with James Holland can be found here: We Have Ways - Channel - Apple Podcasts Catch Al's voice (and writing) on the topical YouTube Series Spitting Image: The Rest is Bullshit Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous with me, Chris Ramsey. And we are joined by comedy legend and a very good friend of mine, the pub landlord, Mr. Al Murray. Al's on promoting his tour, which is starting in 2026, called All You Need is Gov and it's going to be amazing. All his tours are amazing. Bad news for anyone expecting to see his greatest support act ever. He doesn't have that support act anymore. Sadly, he went on to do other things. Practices me. You're talking about yourself. I'm talking about yourself. We do reminisce on that in this episode as well, which is lovely. Al's World War II podcast

We Have Ways of Making You Talk is available on all good podcast platforms And a lot of you might not know Al is also one of the lead writers And voices behind the new YouTube show Spitting Image, the rest is bullshit Which, and Rosie, you didn't know this, came under fire recently

You did tell me this? By the creators of Paddock and Bay Ooh! Yeah, there's absolute hell on with that So check that out on YouTube as well if you can. Enjoy! Enjoy! We couldn't settle on a jingle Jingle-Ding-Gong

So this is the jingle Jing-GINGO We hope you like the jingle J-GINGO Bab-Doo Bab-Bab-Doo Bhabo-Bab-Doo Bhabo Baf Bha-Doo Baf-A-B-Bat Jingle! Hello, you're listening to Shagmurid

Please keep me anonymous With me, Rosie Ramsey And my husband, Christopher Ramsey You are indeed And we are joined today By one of me, probably my oldest friends in the industry Man who gave us My Big Break in Comedy

it's the governor and self, it's the pub landlord, Mr Almarie! What a sweet welcome. Out of character, obviously, today. Yes, yeah, I'm not here to yell at you about the state of the world, don't worry. That's absolutely fine. I mean, unless we end up there, you know. We might. We could. We could. We'd like his opinion of current affairs, but we're not going to...

Maybe when we turn the mics and the cameras off, we'll go deep on that, maybe. So, thank you so much for coming to join us. That's a pleasure. It's lovely to see you. And you. And you. Yeah. I'm going to get into it straight away Right, okay So I know that Chris

Supported you on tour How long ago was it? That must be 15 years ago, something like that Easy, easy. Easy 50 years ago. Yeah, maybe it's, was it 2009? God, yeah. I think it was 2009.

So it's more than 15 years ago, 16 years ago. It was before he knew me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah. I need to tell you, Al, that I think Chris is a changed man since he's been married and met me. Well, I'm sure. There we are. For the better.

He's just told us a story. Yeah. About when he was on tour. Yes. Do you want to repeat that story? Right. So recently, recently I've, you know, I'm 39 now. I've got a family.

I'm a lot more mature than I was then. And recently I've been in the company of people who were my age when I supported you. Ah, here we go. Yeah. And I had a horrible dawn and realization. I was like, Al Murray is a saint because the fact that he didn't punch my fucking heading on that tour. Can you remember it might have been

Brighton, I'm not sure, somewhere down south, which is what all Northern comics say. Yeah, yeah. Your tour manager put a sign on your door saying don't knock Al's sleeping. And I just knocked anyway. And you went, what are you doing? And I went, I thought it was a joke. And that thought came back to me recently. Yeah, but

there's more, there's more, Chris. Right, this is what I want to know. You remember when we were in we were in Wimbled Minster. Yes. So what I used to do, Rosie, when I put a new show together, I'll do like a little,

there's a little room in a pub near where I live in West London. And then I go to like an actual theatre of the Prescenia March so I can try it in a proper theatre. And there's all Tivoli Theatre in Wimbourne Minster. Oh. Lovely little theatre.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's perfect for that, right? And so the first tour, first show of that tour, yeah. We were there, right? And Chris obviously thought

he needed to get his hair sorted because, and his nickname on that tour. It's when he had the big hair. That's right, and his nickname on that tour was product because of all the products he used to do his hair.

It wasn't just because of the product of the product. It was because of the product. I had a bin when we were flying to Dublin that they wouldn't allow us to do. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's product,

I'm looking forward to speaking. So I'm still working with the same tool manager, Adam Booker. Of course. And I will say to him, after this, I'll go, oh, I spoke to, I saw product today. You know, we'll go.

There's, That's fantastic. That's who you are, right? Yeah, product. And basically, you went to get your hair done. Yeah. Before the gig in Wimbledon, but you went to High Wickham. High Wickham.

How far is that? Three and a half hours. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. And he's sat in a barber's chair and they're going, oh, what are you up to? And he goes, oh, I've got a gig tonight in the Tivoli Theatre here tonight. And the guy said the theatre here is called the Swan. That was his first show with me.

He was like Jackpot. I like this kid. I must have been... It was a first show? That was the first show that run. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And meanwhile, I'm cutting my hair with clippers. In my dressing him.

Oh, he's fucking off, I'd like. He offered. He was like, I'll just shave it for you. I was like, absolutely not. You're very precious about your hair. Al, come on. I must have been irritating. No, not at all.

I mean, the thing is... No, no, not at all. And because I've always... Because the thing is, I've only ever worked with the support twice. Yeah. Like, more than 20 years ago with another guy and then with you. And the thing, my worry always is, right? What if they're any good, right?

I don't mind, I don't want a sport acts are a bit of shit, right? That's fine because then you can come on and go, dunah, here I am. You're getting to see me, didn't you? And let the good times roll, right? But basically what happens is you got better and better as the tour went. By the end, it's like I'm going to have to look. Get rid of them.

Get rid of them. Richard, sacking. Because basically, if he's taken too many laughs, if he's too good, then they're thinking, well, why have I paid money to see this other guy? Wow. I get it.

And he also, you took all of it in, because you were all touring, a pair of old farts, a pair of old road beasts, right? I loved them. I thought that were coolest. Yeah, but you took it, you took all the ribbing and the olive stuff,

because he'd never eat he'd never eat olives Oh yeah Yeah And make this taste olives And look to me face And pissing the selves Just as me

As me South Shield's palate Was going And the last show of the tour There was a jar of olives On the mic stand Left out for you Yeah We even played Newcastle City Hall

Do you remember that That was that weekend Where it snowed And we went to Aberdeen And then we came back And we just got to Newcastle Just in time for the show Yeah

And your family were there And it was always all my mates, I had about 20 mates there. Yeah, there's a proper solicitation. And he comes up to say, there's a jar of all these. Yeah. I didn't even notice them. Can you remember?

I was so excited. It was a straight mic, man with a circle, there was a jar of dollars. I took the mic and I picked up. I went, well, fuck are they? And I put them down and I did me whole set. I got off and him and Adam went, did you not even notice the olives?

And I went, was that what they were? I had completely ignored them. Yeah. Oh, but you always, but you speak really lovely about it. Oh, it was a brilliant. It was a brilliant time. Yeah, yeah. But you know, when I, like, I had a list in my head.

I had that tour when you started doing the proper rooms, your big rooms on that tour as you'd warmed it up. And I had that list of venues in my head. And I've spent my career ticking them off as I've played them on my own. Brilliant. Do you know that? Well, that's super cool. You gave us something to aim for. And I was always like, whenever I'll be like, this is one of the room, this is it.

This is one tick. This is one of the rooms are down on the aisle tour. And I tick them off and tick them off. And very, yeah. Well, you know, it was a, it was a, it, it, it, the thing is, the thing is, the thing is, the thing is because I don't, the reason I don't really normally have support is I like doing a long show because like, yeah, because doing a character, if you do, if you do two, because the last show I did was like an hour or 50 minutes and then another, another 50.

Yeah. Like by the end of that show, you can do things that you'd never be able to do. I understand. Yeah, yeah. You get, not go deeper, but you get like more, like, more dig into the thing. You've established it. You've been, exactly. Exactly.

And, and someone else means you never, if you've got another act on, another turn on it. much more difficult to end up there. But, but, you know, we had a laugh. That's the main thing. I'm so glad to. We went to Dubai, didn't we? We did go to Dubai. That was super weird.

Yeah, really weird. And have you been back since? I went back a couple of times, but it's very, very popular now and I've never been since. We were literally, it was, it was still half a building site when we were there. Yeah, we basically, some of the first comics in to do somewhat, like a big room there. So can you, this is one thing I haven't told you as well, I was you. I love a thing you've not told us. So I've seen...

I've seen... All we do is talk, so I know everything. Go on. I've seen many faces in my life of disappointed, furious men. But I've never seen a man... I don't know if you remember this, Al. I've never seen a man more furious

than the man who was the promoter who was looking after us and he took us to the Berjal Arab which is the one that looks like a sail and we went to the top to the bar. And he said, what do you just want to drink? I'm getting them all in. Can you remember what you and Adam were ordered?

Was it Hynicans? No. Oh, it was vodka martinis. Close. Vespers. Oh, yeah. You just watched Casino Royale. And he said, let's get Vespas.

That he drinks in Casino Royale. This fucking guy's face when he got the bill. I swear to God, I'm not kidding. There must have been, what, easily 80 quid hitched. I know. And when we asked her if we could go out there, because he was, oh, for Christ. You knew.

You fucking tourists. And we're like, yeah, that would be fun, wouldn't it, right? Yeah, that was a great night, that great long escalator. Yeah, yeah. He went like this. He literally was like this. He was like, I get all this, I get all this.

Yeah. And I remember being in the corridor, and Adam was going, look his face, look his face. He's looked at the bill. Look his fucking face. He was raging. Question, what in a Vespa? Oh, right, that's like,

it's basically, it's gin and vodka, sort of five measures, and you have it with an orange peel in it, and it's, and then a bitter, like a kinnolet or a little, something like that. I'm still trying to find a cocktail that I really like. It'll not be that one. It's like rocket fuel.

Is it? Okay. That sounds very strong. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I remember going drinking them with my manager at once, our manager. Yes. And we went to play the Ivy Club, which he likes going to.

And we had four of them and they threw us out. Right. I'm not, I'm not going to be serving you anymore, sir. You don't get thrown out of there, right? Wow. Yeah, it's quite an achievement now. Wow. The pub landlord being thrown out.

How ironic. I love it. It's happened a couple of times. Listen, speaking of pub, Landlaws, you go back on tour next year, 26. Yes. All you need is Gov. Love that, by the way.

Thank you, thank you very much. I absolutely love that. Where, where are you going? Everywhere, basically. Windbourne? We will be going to Wickham Spawn, but not Wimborn Minster. I'll be, yeah, no, I don't think we're going,

I don't know if we're going to Wimble. Anyway, yeah, so basically I went on, when the pandemic ended, it's a long time ago this now, but that autumn, when I first went back out, there was something about the vibe. And I also had got a show ready.

If you went and hit that audience and really gave it to them. They came back, right? So the last tour I did last year and then into this year, I could feel still the way from that. And I absolutely had such a ball last year. Absolutely loved it. Really, really, really like kind of, fell back in love with doing stand-up.

That's good. Yeah. Because when the pandemic happened, I basically, I had this thing where I said to myself, well, you know, I've had a good run. That's it. Wow. I don't need to do, I don't need to show off for living anymore. I can manage without this.

And I really like gave myself to it. Yeah. And then Math Brown, you know, Math? Yeah, yeah. He puts some gigs on in like pub gardens in South West London. He asked me down to one. I said, but Math, haven't got any staff. and I'm kind of resign of the fact I don't need to do this anymore.

And I went on stage. I basically like high as a kite for a week. Yeah. Off the, off the laughs, right? Like a, you know, like it was crack, you know. And not that I've ever done crack. So that's a poor comparison. No, no, no, we're going to cut that up.

That's the sound bike. That's the sound bag. You know what I mean. All you need is crack. All you is crack. And I was so back in it. So back into it. And I feel like that again now.

So we only finished in June, but we're going out in January again. And all right, show, not worried about that. And because it's just audiences and the crackle of it. And we've got this new thing as well called the Splash Zone at the front where people buy a, you know, it's a premium ticket if you want. But basically they buy a ticket at the front. They've got a poncho. And you just spill your drink on you? And I throw my beer on them.

It's brilliant. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. And last time in Manchester, I think 200. Splash home tickets to the front. That's amazing. And we're getting a super soccer for the... That's cool.

That's cool. I think you, obviously, being married to a comedian. Yeah. You don't really understand it until you live in. You need it. You're like fairies. You need the applause. Yeah.

And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Oh, no. And I get it. Like, because you're going back on tour this year. Yeah. And I was just doing new stuff at the weekend. I feel, I know exactly how you feel. Yeah.

You come off and you're like, I can still do it. I can still do it. It's still got it. If you don't think, if you haven't done a show. sure or you haven't done stand-up for like a little while, you just don't think you're funny anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's the... Even not do this. But when I was a club comic in the 90s, you know, when I was a club comic in the 90s, I wouldn't go on holiday because you'd think, if I go on holiday for a week. Yeah. No one's going to know who you are anymore. Well, no, I forget, I forget how to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got to be in the group. I mean, I don't feel like that anymore, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, I mean, we got a splash zone. We do, we start doing meet and greet as well, which is. It's been really, really interesting. You did one of them on the tour with me, I remember. Yeah, but we brought it back properly now. Right.

That's been really, really, really interesting, actually getting to talk to people who come to see you and find out who they are and you're like, oh, they're all right, in general. What, in general? You did a meeting greet for a while, but then on one of them, you got threadworms, so you haven't done one since. Yeah, I've got worms. I've got worms. I've got worms. What the kind of worms when you scratch your ass and then...

Yes. The kind of worms, and I'm sure I should not mind to say in this, the kind of worms that your wife has to shine at iPhone torch on your ass in the middle of night

and get one out with a bit of tissue. Okay. That didn't have that. It didn't have that. It didn't that? You 100% got it. It's what, Rosie.

Rosie, it's going on your gravestone. So did you catch worms off a punter then? I caught worms. You reckon you did. I think you slept with a really monkey prostitute who had worms. Oh, in that pile of soil that I go sniffing for prostitutes

saying you're lunatic I'm telling you right I'm telling you it was some way it's pre-covid it's pre-covid right not as much hand washing going on

I put it this way when I got home when I realised I had worms I was lying in bed in the middle of the night going what that fuck's going on I'm so itchy we had a child in nursery

we had a child in nursery and I had a wife and me all in the house and I was the only one who had worms I'm the only man in the history of the world who has a child in the house

with him in nursery That kid doesn't have worms, but I had worms. That doesn't happen. And I'm telling you, some dirty, and I'm saying it, dirty bastard, sat in my crowd. Yeah. And they sat, wah-ha-ha-ha, and they're scratching their ass. And they walked out of that auditorium into the foyer, and they saw the cue for the toilet, and they saw the cue for the meet-and-greet, and the thought, I'll just go straight at the meeting-crete.

Well, I'm our great show, Chris. Good to say you. Shake your hand, shake your hand. I've got worms. Okay. Well, I'll remind myself to wash my hands when I leave. Take a nail brush. Saturday. You need to take a nail brush and you need a nail brush.

Really wash, really well. Tour with a nail brush. You've got that big thing you use. You've got your big touring thing. You want a couple of nail brushes in there. You want some sanitising. I want all of that. Me greet your phone, though.

I think it's a nice. No, I like you. Never do them again as long as I live. No, I like it. And I get, people bring me books and things now. Because they've got this history side of stuff going on. Yes. People bring me books and they bring me stories of their family members and all that sort of stuff, which is pretty cool.

Cool. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body check-up that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer.

The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, bab. How are you enjoying the podcast world? I love it.

And the thing I really love about it is that you can do it at home in your pants without cameras on you, right? You used to be. You used to. This is the thing. I mean, it's funny, isn't it? Because when I started doing,

we started our podcast in 2019. It was me and James Holland. And basically the idea is, James is a, he's a historic. He writes history books about the Second World War But we're pals So every time he came to town And you are mad, for people who don't know

You are mad passionate about all of that I'm really interested in it I'm fascinated by it It's just so interesting and it's like I love war films Do you? Banging to me war films Did you watch Masters of the Air?

Did you watch that yet? The thing on Apple Oh, we started that So I'll tell you one thing about that Yeah, I love him though But I thought it was great But I thought Austin Butler That's his name

He was far too good looking for it There's a distraction, wasn't it? He was unbelievably distracted. Honestly, I swear God, I thought if I've finished this whole series, I'm going to be gay by the end of this. He's also the reason I managed to persuade my wife to watch a thing with Messerschmits and B-17s and, you know, pa-pah, pa-pah, pa-pah, blah, pa-pah. Yeah, there's Elvis doing it, it's fine.

It's unbelievable. No, we need, do you know what? Actually, sometimes, if it's the wrong time in our life, if we're too busy, something can pass by, so we will give it another try. I just recently, for the first time ever, and I don't know how it passes by, I just watched Haxor Ridge. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I really enjoyed it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to watch it. That's a good one. Yeah. but but but but but we so so so what would happen is james would say to me i'm in town today seeing the publisher do you want to go to the pub afterwards and talk about the war and you're like yeah so so so we did that several times it's like a child and right now completely like we'd sit in we'd sit in a pub in solo pints on and and we talk about d-day or whatever yeah like and and i

and the thing is is once you've found someone who's interested in the same thing as you I mean, this is probably what being a pervert's like. Once you found someone who's interested in the same thing as you, right? You stick to him like glue. Yeah. Right? You're really... And so when the... In 2019, the guy who sort of puts together, he's really into the history and went on Spotify or whatever.

And there wasn't a Second World War podcast. He thought, well, James Hollande, he's got three books in the bestseller. So I'll ask him. So he rang Jim and said, who do you want to do this with? And he said, he said me, said out. So we started doing it. But then it was, like everybody in podcasts, it was a pandemic. You know, they shut the theatres.

I got nothing else to do. Yeah. Literally nothing else to do. So we really got into it. And what I really love about it more than anything else is we can do whatever we like. And it reminds, when we started doing it, it reminded me of when I started out as a stand-up. Where the only, the only obstacles, the audience, right? Yeah.

Every now and again, a promoter go, well, I don't really like your sort of. thing or we prefer, but that doesn't matter. It's you in the audience. And if they, if they dig you, then you're in business. It's beautiful. We can do what we want. We've got a YouTube channel now and we've been, you know, going, we call walking the ground where we go to Bacquilts and we walk around and also get pissed in

the evening. So basically, I go on holiday with my best mate. I love that. We walk around all these historic sites, talk about the history and then the evening go on the lash. That's so, do you know what though? Do what you love? Yeah.

Do what? Why they hang up? Talk about staying in your lane. If your lane's that good, why leave your lane? Well, yeah, exactly. Yeah. But it's been really, really great to do. And the really fantastic thing has been one of the strands we started developing was this thing

where people just send in their family stories. I'm just saying, sorry, the podcast is called We Have Ways of Making You Talk, just because sometimes if I'm listening to people talk about podcast and I'm like, say the name of it. I'm searching for it. It's called VALVES of Making You Talk. That's right. It's VIII VIII of Making You Talk.

But basically, everyone, one way or another, their fans are. Because the thing about the war is it involved you whether you liked it or not. So everyone has got somewhere in their past. They've got a family story. And so we developed a thing where people send them in, right? And because my family, my mum's father was killed before she ever met him, fighting outside Dunkirk. So she grew up with the shadow over her family.

And then my dad's dad was like in black propaganda. So it was involved in sort of secret stuff, right? Right. Oh. Yeah. It's not quite as interesting as you might hope when you look into it. Right. Because there's a lot of paperwork by the sound of it.

Right. But basically, rather than wearing disguises and, you know, I'll agree. But the point is, so. A lot more admin than James Bond. A lot more admin than James Bond.

And meetings as well. I think he went to a lot of meetings. But basically, James Bond doesn't get in meetings, does he? No. He's not just sat around a table. They definitely cut them out of the movies. Doesn't make the edit.

But basically. But, you know, HR think you can't do this. But basically, sorry, 007. Have you slept with one of the contacts again? You're not allowed to do that. We've actually had a complaint from one of the contacts. You were very hansy, 007. You were very handsy indeed.

But basically, and we've had all these people sending in the stories, and it's been absolutely amazing. And there'll be things people have found in a strong box in their loft, or it's a thing their Nana always talked about. I love shit like that. And we've gathered it, and it's really accumulated. And the thing is, you know, a lot of the way history gets taught It's a long time ago.

It doesn't get personalized. It's not about the people. And especially miniatrously, it's like arrows on maps. They're here, they're there. But when you start colouring the people in, like a friend of mine, a friend of mine, she goes, I don't know if you're interested in this. I found my grandpa's logbook, right? And he was a pilot.

He was in the Royal Air Force. And he was a pilot. And she's got his logbook. So it's a record of every single time he flew an airplane. all the way through his training and then into the Air Force and then what happened to him. So in early 1944

he was out flying over the North Atlantic and he had engine failure and they went into the sea. He ditched in the sea and they're in a dinghy and they were picked up three days later, right? And the story, the drama of the story so his commanding officer writes his family going

I'm afraid Bob's gone down and chance his eye's probably not coming back right but we're still looking for him, don't worry, right? And then another letter from the same guy two days later ago We found him like that right And then the crew that spotted him They were then shot down three weeks later and lost And all it's got in his lob book was

Engine Failure Ditched Rescue three days later That's it Wow And you're like wow You got this under control Yeah yeah yeah And then in Burma the following year

Shot down in jungle Rescued four days later What happened in those four days? Well, that's it. That's the question, isn't it? Right? So interesting. And, you know, we're accumulating all this stuff.

It's amazing. And it's super cool. And it's because it's more than, do you like Spitfires? You know, it's more than that. There's much more to it than that. It's the people. You just remember, you text me recently asking if I wanted to fly in a Spitfire. Yeah.

Can you remember? You were mortified by my answer. Yeah, you said no, didn't you? I said, no, I don't really fancy it. That might have been me, you know. I'm too scared. Yeah. You were too scared?

You were too scared, wasn't you? I thought it was scared. Yeah, I wish I had me phone on us. But you know that you should be scared? You've jumped out of planes. I've jumped out of planes. I've done skydives. I've done all kinds.

And now I'm at the point where I've, you know, I think it's since I've done a will. And I've... Do you know what that mean? You've got life shoes, basically. Yeah, yeah. I don't want her to profit in any way from my death. Right?

I want her to go first so I get the money. No, it's... I remember, I was like, fuck, I was like, oh, ma, we just asked if I want to fly. a spitfire. I was like, sorry, do I want to hurt the through the air? An antique, do our fuck. And you were like, I felt

so bad because I was like, Rosie, you can talk them into it to do, I was like, Rosie, he's genuinely flabbergasted that I don't want to do this. I could believe it. I've got to say, I couldn't believe it. Yeah. And, yeah, it's basically this, so, these guys I know and they've got one and they wanted to draw some attention to you. Okay, that's what it was. It was the

way he said these guys, I know. It was like I was buying drugs of someone. Oh, he's a mate, he's all. all right, he's fine, he's going to come around in a red course I'll know he's waiting for you. It's all a bit weird. You'd have had a wonderful time, trust me. You know I would have.

If it's not for you, you know. I'm too scared now, honestly, I'll just say, we almost, sometimes we consider doing a U-2 and travelling on different trains and different planes. Really? We do, don't we? Because we don't want to both Peter Park other kids. Because we work together a lot, we travel a lot. Yeah.

I'm like, since we did the will, since we did the will. Yes, thank you. And they say, right, what if you're, what if you both die, what's happening with this? What if you are with one child and you die? It's like, oh, it makes you really think about death. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it does. Yeah. I mean, I did one not so recently. A will? Yeah. And it's made me think, I want to get in a spitfire and crash it. Everyone's better off if I die in accident.

Well, they do that one at the end, though. They do the will and they go, what if you die, blah, blah, blah, blah, all you're part. And then they go where, just there's just wondering, what if absolutely all of your die? Oh, that's the most amazing. You've got the most amazing, like, conversation, isn't it? Yeah.

What if everyone on this document is dead. Yeah. My mom just pops their head around the corner going, oh, that'll be amazing. Oh, that would be Sandra. We're in the money. That will be Sandra. You know what it is? I'm going to leave, just in case,

I'm going to always make sure there's a fucking gigantic tax bill looming just in case. Just always just going to deal with that. What I was going to say, when you're talking about war things and think, I'm really fascinated by the war. When I was young at primary school, I felt like the coolest kid for about a week we were learning about World War II. And my grander had his gas mask from the war.

Amazing. So I took that in and like I had to get up in assembly and everyone passed it round. And it was just really cool. It didn't send you from class to class. I had to go around and show everyone. Real gas when he, because he was 11, I think, during World War II.

Yeah, yeah. And yeah, and he kept his gas mask. So everyone at school was exposed to us. Asbestos in that. Basically, we all had it on. We literally all had it on. We were just like, what? This is really cool.

Nowadays they're like, whatever you do? No, I know. Really? Don't. It's got asbestos in them. In the filter. In the filter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So hold on. So there was worse in the filter than there was in the air. I mean, the, the asbestos would kill you eventually. If you'd been gassed, you know, you'd check out then and there. So, you know, that's what they made it out of. Pick your poison, literally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got out, walk around the house and everything?

Was it that bad? Hey, looks like that life insurance has come in my way. The one thing you aren't covered for. That's just a sister. But listen to this. Well, I'll not be covered for that. I'll get nothing. I know.

Right, what else who are going on? Pre-existent, pre-existent. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. You've written many books about the war. Well, I've written three now, or two and a half, because the last one was a collaboration with James. Right. So I've written, I've written, I've written, I've written, I've written,

three now. That one being in Victory 45, the end of the war in eight surrenders. Yeah. So well, so because it's 85, it is 80 years

since the end of the Second World War. And what we wanted to do is like Mark, because it's quite interesting. It doesn't just stop. And there's all these different, different moments where different surrenders get signed. So there's six, six in Europe and then there's,

and then there's two in Japan. And we wanted to use those as a peg to hang different stories on. So for instance, the one in Italy, which is the first one that, where the Germans give it up, there's two blokes in German guys, one called Anz-Kaltenbrunner and Karl Volf, who are two guys in the SS, right? And they're basically, they're as high as you can get below Himlu's

in charge of the SS, right? And they are, they're basically fighting like rats in a sack. They're going to see the Allies in secret in Switzerland and going, I can do you a deal. because they know that when the war ends they're going to the gallows, right? They know they're going to get killed, yeah. Yeah, they're going to end up

with some rough justice coming their way, right? And basically these two guys are vying with one another. One of them's got all the art from the Ephi-Gallery, all the Renaissance art, most important collection in Italy, basically hidden in a shed. And he's going to use that as his bargaining chip. Right, okay.

And the other one is running a massive forgery network and is producing millions of dollars and millions of pounds out of basically out of a, another shed, right? I don't know that. And they're vying, they're vying, like, to survive, right? And at the end of, after the war, one of them goes, one of them goes to the gallows. And the other one, the other one lives a long and happy life, right?

And so there's that stuff going on, as well as, you know, trying to get people to sign the surrender. There's that going on in the background. It's really interesting. So here's a, oh, you're going to ask the same one as me. Say the country after three. One, two. No, no, my country. Oh.

I thought you were going to ask the same thing. Oh, that could have been so nice. That could have been so nice. Do you think Hitler actually died? Oh yeah, you bet, yeah. Yeah, he blew his brains out. Okay. So I was going to say, is it true that loads of them fled to Argentina?

Yeah, loads plenty went to Argentina and Chile. And the thing is, the other thing is, you used to better look up in the phone book as a result. The wrecking that, there's literally villages in Argentina where everyone's like blonde-haired blue eyes. Well, I think, I don't know about that, but there certainly were. you know, a lot of people who went there.

And then in Chile, they would help. So the Pinnisset government had a load of basically, had a load of Nazis working with them, helping out when they were being really oppressive. So it's kind of like, you know, there's this lineage of stuff post-war. Because one of the points we tried to make in the book, it doesn't just end.

Yeah, it doesn't just stop. You know, you're like anyone who's watched the end of Band of Brothers. Yeah, exactly. Where they're going? Yeah. They've got to go to the Pacific. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right, okay, before we get under the, Please keep anonymous. What's your favourite war film or series or whatever? Oh, God, you've done this to me. I really, really love. And I ended up writing a book about the thing it's about.

So the book before Vichy 4055 I wrote is called Black Tuesday, which is about the Battle of Arnhem. I love the film Bridge Too Far, which is from the 1970s. Right. It's got Sean Conner in it. It's got Lawrence Olivierne. It's got Robert Redford. It's got Robert Redford.

It's got, yeah, there we are. It's got Dirk Bowie. God, it's got oh God, it's got back, it's like Anthony Hopkins, it's absolutely star-studded. God, God.

I've not seen that. And it's a long, it's a long, it's a long, it's a lot, and it, and all the kids are going to bed,

the kids are going to their own beds now. A bridge two-foil. The kids are going to their own beds, we've got time now for movies. Did you know a little factor?

You'll probably know this. You know a movie saving Private Ryan? Yes. Do you know that? They put all of the cast through vigorous military training

apart from Matt Damon so that they would all low-key hate Yeah. Because they had to go all the way across to rescue them, didn't it? So they had to have a built-in hatred for this little prick that they were rescuing who was getting away. You know what?

I love these stories, right? So I once worked with Ted Danson a really long time ago. Oh, wow. He came on my old talk show a long time ago. And he'd just been doing Kirby enthusiasm, right? And he said that what Larry David did when that was he told everyone to like, be, so he had a whole thing with all the crews going like, fuck, yeah, fuck, fucking Dead Dancad

again, what is his problem? I'm fucking sick of this guy. And he got the whole crew grumbling about Ted dancing, right? Right. Right. Because that's the vibe in the show. Yeah, yeah. You know, him again, right? And basically, Ted would come on set and Larry go, oh, nothing like that,

right? That's unreal. And Ted would be going, what's going on? What's going on? No, no, nothing. Don't worry about it. You know, we're just talking some technical stuff. And basically what it was is all the time when Ted was around he'd be slagging him off to someone because that was the vibe

that was what I'd be wanted on camera I love that though that makes it so much more real so he made the entire crew method we had the whole crew on it yeah everyone never

yeah yeah so someone brings him a coffee going what do you fuck I fucking ticked out of this guy what do you think oh yeah Larry I don't like him either like it really really I love that that's why it's so successful though

yeah and you can't see we've actually got loads of people working here behind the scenes of this We all did that about you before you. Yeah, fair. That's fair. Did you feel it? I completely fair.

They were all worked with me. Most of them worked with me before and they know exactly what they're in for. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu babadu babu bad. You get incredible stories from your listeners on your podcast about really genuinely moving and awesome moments from wartime. Ours are a bit different. Yeah, we don't get that. Yeah, I mean, we've had one or two sort of, um, uh, story.

along these lines, but nothing quite like this. So we've got no idea what these are. Yeah, yeah. A lot of these stories, a lot of the stories. We had an amazing story about a bloke. It's a guy who meets some old boy at a champagne tasting. And the old boy's not drinking champagne. He says, what's going on?

You know, we're tasting this champagne. And the guy goes, I don't know, I haven't drunk champagne since 1945. He says, why not? He says, well, he was in a guardsman or in a cavalry or something. And they were going through France. And they basically captured, five lorry loads of champagne and so they drank champagne

just for as water for the rest of the campaign he said he was cleaning he says and this old guy goes once you've cleaned your teeth with champagne oh boy you never want to drink it again so basically once it had run out

put himself off champagne seconded myself yeah sick and myself I mean you know that was something to aspire to isn't it to be sick of champagne right yeah you've made it when you brush your teeth of champagne

that is it living in Jesus time and they just drank wine. In Jesus times, which is it, it's an actual time. Jesus times, Jesus times, isn't it? I'm Catholic, you see. Ah, right, okay. Okay. Everything's around.

Jesus, before or after. Okay. She is about as Catholic as that fucking new condition. How do you like, you know, a new Pope out of ten, what we're talking? The American one? Yeah. I don't really, I've not really, I've never heard of speak yet. I'm going to have to preach.

You're Catholic one. I'm very selfish, Catholic. I only use it when I'm a bit depressed. Yeah, okay. It's only time I pray. And I just go to church if someone's died. Okay, so it's a three out of ten for the new Pope. Three stars, some funny bits.

Yeah, I guess I'd say, yeah. From Chicago, I think, is he? Is he from Chicago? Yeah, yeah. I didn't need more than me. I had no idea. Right, okay. Right, come on then.

Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. And I did glance at this earlier. There's no doubt that you need to be kept anonymous. Although there would be a way of finding you, I think. Last summer, I went interrailing with my boyfriend at the time. Oh, he's been dumped. Oh, yeah, at the time doesn't exist anymore. Current.

Yeah. Current boyfriend. Maybe we'll understand why. Or maybe she was dumped. One of the last places we visited was Nice. And we stayed in a lovely Airbnb, which was owned by a woman who didn't speak any English. She was very welcoming, but this made things a bit awkward. we stayed in the spare bedroom

sharing the bathroom and kitchen with her. Okay. Oh no. That's not an Airbnb. No, that's not an Airbnb. That's a sweet boath. That's exactly what it is. It's a slumber party.

Yeah. Vile. Okay, this next sentence is basically or hangs on this next sentence. Now, I think it is important to note that I have IBS. Oh, for God. Not me.

Hey, Strad. I'm reading this on the card, not me. Again. It is important to note. He's a crackhead and he's got IBS. It's important to note that I have IBS. To those that's irritable bowel syndrome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, listen to your show. You're totally familiar with. Oh, they'll know. Oh, they know. Every fart to gamble. Exactly. The day before we left, I had an extremely bad episode where I was constipated. Oh, constipated.

Okay. So it can go both. I think it can go both. The other end of the spectrum. I'd rather constipated than. Oh, yeah. 100%. Absolutely.

Yeah. 100%. Have you? I don't know. I won't. You can't. You can't. You can't. Well, no. You've had the... You're young people. You won't have had to go through the indignity of a bowel scan, will you?

I have another camera yet. Not yet. The thing they give you to make sure that the camera doesn't get anything on its lens, so to speak. Yeah. To clear you out, right, the night before, is one of the most intense experiences of your life. Right? The way you...

Sorry, the way you whipped the glasses off to deliver that line was... Seriously, like, it's like a sashay and you put it in a drink. I mean, it comes to different words. It's a sashy in a drink. And it says, drink this. Make sure you're near a toilet. I've had to do it twice. And the second time, I drank it on the toilet.

It's sad. There's absolutely no way I'm going to muff. Like getting either from my desk or from my bedroom or from the kitchen to the toilet. That powerful? It is absolutely amazing, right? Wow. And it's like, it's a torrent, right? And it goes on a bit as well.

Right. Until really there is absolutely. Nothing, empty. Nothing, right? And then I think you drink a second one for like a absolutely. To really do it. Oh, do they sell them over the counter? You know what?

You know what? You are ill. It's not unlike. When I went, you said you've been skydiving. When I first went skydiving, I've got to do that again because I haven't really got to my head around. how much I enjoyed that or what was relaxed because it's thrilling and in a weird way

Yeah, great. It's one of those experiences. So do they sell over the counter? It's an interesting question. Yeah, I would. I've got me here too. I'll probably get it. Dark web, mate.

This is one of the joys are turning 50. Yeah? Can't we. Can't wait. You get to take these kind of drugs. Anyway. When I do, when we do, I'll message you on Instagram to see

finally got to try that powder. Finally got to try it. By the way, I'll, that's Spitfire I still up on offer. You don't take it. The day you're getting in a stick. No, okay. Right.

So, the day before we left, I had an extremely bad episode where I was constipated. I've been on the toilet about 15 minutes. Oh, grief. Oh, you shouldn't do that. I'm into deep strain here. When, to my horror, the woman living there tried the door. Oh, of course she did. You can hear it now, can you?

Another 15 minutes passed. Nothing else passed, obviously. Another 15 minutes passed, and she came again, banging on the door. Oh, my God. By this time, things had loosened up. Good. And I was now having the opposite problem. It's like a...

Feast off famine. Well, it's that thing where you basically... You pop the cork, don't you pop the poo? Yeah, it's... Yeah, it's going to... Like them drain videos online. You've seen them? When they're sitting there...

Yeah, yeah. Gorgeous. I was now having the opposite problem and still unable to leave the bathroom. I shouted, I'm really sorry. I'll be as quick as I can. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. After about 45 minutes, I was done.

45 minutes. This is a full-time job, IBS, isn't it? This is unbelievable. They shouldn't have went in. Show her anyone who's got that. Good God. I was done. But as you can imagine, the toilet absolutely stunk and it was a bit of a mess. Oh, Jesus Christ. I spent some time cleaning up. Yeah. I ran out the bathroom into our room, and as I expected, she went straight into the bathroom after we. We didn't see her again before we left, which I was relieved about because I felt so uncomfortable. However, that was that was. not the end. I'm not sure if you're aware, but when you leave an Airbnb, you're asked to leave a review of your host. The host also leaves

a review of you as a guest. This is why I said if you might be able to find this person. I got a notification to say the woman had left her review. I opened it to see it was all written in French. I tried to decipher it. However, all that stuck out to me was one word she had used, caca.

It's such a childish word. It's sick. Caca! She's not talking about the footballer. No. No. We do have a translation so you can hear it in context now.

Let's venture a French accent. You are adorable. But you should know that it is not your place. If you are in the toilets, we do not stay an hour because there are people waiting for their turn. And we will have to clean the toilets behind you. We do not let our... caca.

Stick by everyone in the toilet, especially for a woman. It's embarrassing. Good luck. Good luck. What an absolute take down. Oh, that was beautiful. What an assassination that review is. Yeah.

But you know what? Fair enough. I mean, come on. Someone comes around to your house. Yeah. I'd be fuming. Even a paying customer. Yeah.

They spend 45 minutes shit. Do you know, here's a story, right? I've got two best friends. Two best friends, we've all got children the same age. Yeah. My best friend, Angela, right, her two kids. Yeah. Every time they come to my house, they have a shit.

Every time. In the same toilet. Every time they come around. To the point where Angela's mortified. You are kidding. I'm not joking. My friend's like, Angela's like, they're in the toilet, shit and again. I'm like, what is wrong with your kids?

Something about our house. We just come to our house for a shit. They're just shit in our house. It's funny. I mean, I don't mind. No, no, no, I would mind. No, I don't mind at all. Well, they're children.

They're just little. They're like four and six. The parent at fault here. That's not a children. Wow. I mean, because, you know, the golden rule when you're on tour is you don't shit in the tour bus. Yeah. You know, or you go, if you're in a...

I mean, doing a gig once where we all made the point of shitting in someone else's dressing room. Oh, God. Because in a band one. So we all went to the other bands dressing room, shat man. Oh, no. That's amazing. You'll do. Oh, he's horrible.

That's horrible. That's horrible. Very shit, heavy. Can you remember? Have you ever done Bath community? media. Long time ago, though. So there's a toilet in Bath,

comedian dressing room, which is you know, cubicles, you know, the doors where there's a gap on the bottom and a gap on the top. Imagine putting that cubicle there. Oh, man. Oh, no. I'm talking, it's, like, literally... I think you've shown me a picture of this.

It's the worst. And the unwritten rule was... But no one's going to... No one's going to shit there, because we're all sitting here. You know, we're getting your dinner from downstairs. Multiple times people have food in there. No wonder you've had. worms.

Right, so the worm conversation will now. Oh God. There it is. Is that dressing room in Chelten and Everman? There's a shower there. Yes. Yes. Like the other end of the room and you're like, what?

Yeah, it's madness. Strange. It's madness. Listen, this has been wonderful. It's been such a lovely chat. It's been great. It's been great.

Thank you so much. All you need is Gov, Almaru's tour. Twenty-26 tour is obviously starting January, 2026. Tickets on sale now. podcast, The Have These of Making Your Talk, is I'm assuming it's available in all good podcast shops.

It's wherever you get your podcast. Wherever you are, you say. Exactly. Thank you. Absolute pleasure. It's my pleasure. Lovely to see you. Thanks.