Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous With Bridget Christie

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

On this week's Please Keep Me Anonymous, Chris and Rosie are joined by the brilliantly funny comedian, actor and writer Bridget Christie. This episode goes in all kinds of surprising directions including Bridget's job on a farm, bad auditions, Chris' issue with beans on pizza AND Bridget discusses an unusual WhatsApp group. All of this plus a story from one of you lovely listeners and some chat about Bridget's new Tour 'Jacket Potato Pizza' (which is a story in itself!) For tickets to Bridget's tour go to bridgetchristie.co.uk Today, get Huel’s full Lite & Lean Starter Kit online with our code SMA30 for 30% off at https://huel.com/SMA30. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, you are listening to this week's episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous. Yes, hello. And this week, we have got the fantastic comedian, Bridget Christie. Now, anyone who doesn't know, Bridget, Bridget was on my series of Taskmaster. She's a fantastic successful comedy award winning. You know, you can remember that Edinburgh Award that I got nominated for, but I didn't win. Yes. She probably won it.

She probably won it. She probably won it. Not my year, just a different year. She's a really calm and influence. And so funny, a telling story. She's so funny. You're really going to enjoy this. Bridget is going on tour.

Her tour is called Jack Potato Pizza, which we do dive into. I'm still fascinated by that. I'm still fascinated by it. It's starting in January, 2026. You can get tickets from bridgetchristy.com. Dotkorg. Dot court.uk.

I'm so sorry. This is Bridgett's 14th live show. Yeah. I mean, she's a proper seasoned stand-up. really, really fantastic performer. Like I say, I won the Edinburgh Comedy Award. She's brilliant. And you'll see throughout the chat, it's just hilarious.

She had me in bits. Yeah, and please, if you're watching this, consider liking and subscribe. Oh, yeah, that would really like that. Just before you go to bridgetchristy.com, at UK and get them tickets, like and subscribe. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the Jingle. Jingo We hope you like the jingo Jingo Babadoo babadu babadu babadu babadu ba Bha Jingo

Oh my god That's so delicious I don't like loads of milk So a quartado is did eat Like that Yeah I did for a bit I got a quartardle

Yeah Yeah Have you gone back to a flat white Bit strong for me The quartadle I felt it in the teeth It's very little milk So it's the same amount of coffee

But half a cup like about that much milk. It should be like that. Sometimes they give you a flat water. It's a one-to-one ratio, in it? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

I drink black coffee. I drink black coffee too. Do you? Yeah. What did you send me this morning? So I do believe I'm being sort of gaslit by me Instagram algorithm because every other day I get sent something. There's something pops up that says a new study has found. And I think it knows that I like these things.

And I think most of them are bullshit. But it's set day. I'll do. New study has found that people who drink black coffee have much higher psychopathic traits. What? Yeah. That is rubbish. Isn't it absolute?

That's exactly what a psychopath who drinks black coffee would say. Well, my psychopaths is I don't like milk. I would say that if you loved milk, you're more likely to be a psychopath. Thank you. Because we're not meant to be drinking the milk of a... An animal? Of a... Yeah, you're totally right.

Of a young other animal. Yeah, that's been like squirted out of some of a teat. The only species who A drinks milk out of infancy and from another species, it's insane. It would be more sane for women to sell their breast milk to other families. You're totally right. No, but that sounds crazy, but that makes more sense to me than drinking like a dog's milk. Because to me it's the same as cow's milk. No, you know what I mean?

So are you oat milk then, I'm guessing you're oat milk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus. Anyway, it bottoms up. No, do you know I've got some kennels? Are you promoting your dog milk? Are you promoting your new brand of dog milk? God, you've changed.

You know all about this stuff, don't you? Do you got some relation to a farm? Rosie, no. I worked on a farm for two days. And it was the hardest, worst, two days of my most stressful, more stressful than giving birth getting married getting divorced

like the if you if okay do you want me to tell you what I want to know all about these horrible two days I left school very young 15 and I got a job in an office and I was just like

oh there's got to be more to life than this and you know going into an office and I thought what I'll do is I work on a farm can be out in the because I love the country So you played a game of opposites there is what you did. You went indoor, electric, outdoor, nor electric, go. Yeah.

Yeah. And I... Were you from the country? Where you from? Well, no, I'm from Gloucester. Is that not the countryside? It's surrounded by the countryside, but it's a town. It's a lovely town.

I've just always loved nature and things like this, not thinking that... I mean, I don't know what I thought I would be doing, sat on a, you know, bay hail reading a book or something. But it was not that. So I saw this advert in the Gloucester Citizen Of a like a farmhand And I was like, it's going to be just amazing I'm going to be out

First thing was get there at six o'clock To milk the cows How old were you? 15, 16. Oh no, no, no. On my motorbike, I had an RS 2.50 So actually I must have been 16, I think. Got my overalls, my penknife, like a few little tools.

Yeah, yeah. like dress up like playing dress up to the farm oh my god got there the farmer and his wife every single job was the most stressful

I would rather die dressed as an aunt in front of 5,000 people which I did do and that is not stressful for me stage stage die stage die

she's not in a second life and she was an insect Just not that much. They'll never do any... Right, so I got there. Oh, can you milk the cows? Yeah. Well, then I was walked into this huge like, hangar type building.

You know, like a huge barn. It's called a bomb. Yeah, but like a very big one. No, but when you say barn, you know, you think of like a wooden structure. You've really like, what's the word, luxuriate at this in your mind. Yeah, you've romanticised it. Yeah, you know, babe, the film. Yeah.

Come pig This pig doesn't talk This isn't a real thought Why are these spiders so like facie So And there's these cows in there And I'm like oh my god So

And all these machines I'm quite scared by machinery anyway I mean farming Don't laugh It's really funny Because you rode there on a motorbike But you're scared of machinery Yeah, but riding a bike isn't the same as the big old machine.

I know what you mean. This is the 1980s. You weren't even born, I don't expect. And, you know, you're in, so it's like a swimming pool that has no water in it. You stand in that bit. The cows' feet are at your eye level. Oh, God. And then you have to get these big, long, like something out of bloody 1984.

Oh, and put them on the teeth. Put them on the teats. Right, I've romanticised it. I thought I would be like a young Swiss girl doing that. Yeah, with the metal sort of. You did have to get their muck off their teats with your hand first. And I'm squeamish as well. Like I don't like giving blood or their genitals or anything like that.

So I've had to get like capo of the others. What did they smell? The smell was the last thing on my mind. You know, I'm doing this, like, you know. And then I'm having to get these huge suckers that are on pipes, like something out of a horror film onto them. Modern deer farming, isn't it? Without really being given any, like, training.

Oh my God. Because I think they thought that the best way to train people is to throw them in literally at the deep end, you know, that's what I was in. And then, well, then what happened? because the cows knew that I was new by my touch, well, they would just wee and poo on me. And I... No, I'm sorry, I haven't told you the worst bit yet.

I'm just not the idea that the cows are like, oh, Derek, did you shit on the new girl? I'll shah, I pessed on the new girl. But they did, that's what they did. No, that's not, I think they knew you were new, so they were like, screw you. We must have a bit of a... And because you're down concentrating,

you don't see the tail go up or anything like that. Oh, no. But this will make you laugh even more. So I was in my brand-new overalls. Yeah. You know, playing at being a farmhand. Might have put like plats in or something as well. And then he said, oh, his name was Richard, the farmer.

Don't worry, I'll hose you down. I was like, hose me down. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I needed to be hosed down. So went into the courtyard of the farm and he got this hose and then was literally hosing me down with cold water and it was in the winter. And I was like stizzler.

And I was really small and weak anyway when I was that. And then I just looked up, like traumatised and I just saw his wife literally dying of laughter in the kitchen looking at it. I mean it's probably quite funny to see the new person. Everything I did was either wrong or terrifying. I'm scared of heights

and I had to climb up this ladder to throw the bales of hay down onto like a truck or something. So I was going up the ladder like this, oh God, and then climb to this huge and do you know how heavy like a bale of hay? Yes.

I can't even imagine. Are we talking the square ones? I mean, there's nothing in here big enough. But they're not the round ones, but the square ones. That people sit on a wednesday. A block of hay. I fed the cow's gravel instead of their feed

I didn't wonder they were pissing on you Well that was after Gravel Well it looked similar Everything was in these massive sacks I don't bloody know What made you So what did you

You went to bed that night And did you think Because you two days I haven't told you the worst Oh my God What's worse than getting haws down There's two more things. Right.

The one thing was bringing the cows in. Oh my God. It is, I would actually rather be kidnapped. And held at gunpoint. And that is not an invitation for anyone who might be listening, by the way. I would be, because I'd be able to get my head around that. Right. Picture the scene.

Have you met a cow? I'm terrified of cows. No, Chris, do you know how big they are? They're massive. Because of their personality. You never asked me if I've met a cow. They are enormous. I'm terrified of them.

Enormous. Yeah, they're huge. Huge. Yeah. And even though they're not naturally aggressive animals. They can be, though. Yes. If a cow ran at me, I'd shit my pants.

Yeah. Well, let me ask you something, seeing as this is such fun. You're 15. You've been told to bring. the cows in. What does that mean? I don't know if you gave me a tiny stick or something. Shows you where they are in a field,

which is a long way away. It's not like next to the farmhouse. So you go out and it might be a frosty morning. I think it was the winter that I, anyway, so you go out, there's nobody else around. You have to get 20 cows to follow you. So I'm going, A, they're huge. B, I'm like going, please come.

Please follow me Like prodding them a bit Oh my God Like I haven't got a dog Like I mean what would I do with a dog You know Because dogs get sheep anyway Yeah

I don't know what you mean Yeah Yeah So you're trying to You know You open the gate And actually fair play God bless them

Did they go After a while They did sort of You know I'd be going Come on please Yeah I think I cried

The whole two days Because I was like crying going up the ladder, crying, oh my, I've just remembered something. So the two things. The one is, he said, have you driven a tractor before? I was like, no. And he was like, okay. So we jumped on a tractor and he was like, this is how you change gear, blah, blah, blah. Went across two fields.

And then he said, we'll just go through some fields and then we'll drive back to the barn. On our way back, I was talking to him, they're really noisy as well. And I was like, oh, he's not really answering. He had jumped off and I hadn't realised. And I was talking to him, oh, how do you stop it? And he's not on the tractor. He's like a field back, like waving at me. So I just, I didn't know how to stop it.

So I sort of drove around for a bit and then sort of drove into like the side of a, like an outbuilding. This is wild. It's not the worst thing. What do you mean? Oh my God, this, what is this worst thing? The worst thing that. made me cry the most and took the longest. And the only thing I can relate it to is, well, I had to get a newborn calf,

which was covered in all like the yellow stuff. Yeah. From a pen into a cage on the back of the tractor. Oh my God. And this is just in two days. Oh my God. Like, this is crazy. How did you do that?

Well, I obviously didn't. It must have been like trying to pick up something that's been. But it's not like a puppy size. No, they're massive. Oh God, they're huge. A calf is big, upset because it's like going to be taken away from its mum. I was upset about that. It's not, can't really stand properly so its legs are like falling out from underneath it.

In the end, I just stood there crying. Yeah. I'm sorry. No, I would do the same. I think you've got to be hard to work on a farm, don't you? You've got to be tough. Like tough. Like tough.

No, you've got to be born into it. Yeah. Or a psychopath. You're really tickled as I just, just crying. Like, I'm so sorry. I know you only think it's so fucking funny. No, everything about it was unbelievably. If things like that come natural to you, that's fine.

Yeah. You know. But I would have much rather work in a secured place where there's criminals, you know. murderers and stuff Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Let's try and like What's been your favourite job ever

That's the worst job ever What's been your favourite job? What's your favourite non-comedy job? Non-comedy job Yeah Oh my God Because I've done so many Yeah

I think we do You know I have jobs from 15 to 39 So I think we do I think people who end up finding comedy I do you I think you try so many Because there's something in you that goes, this isn't it.

You'll try every job and there's something about your head going, even how much you enjoy this job, this isn't the one, until you find, not saying it's a calling or anything, but you know what I mean? I did have it. I wanted to do this since I was four. Oh, wow. Well, not stand up, but I didn't get any,

I went to drama school. Did you? Yeah, but I didn't get any work. And I still haven't from an audition. Wow. Really? I'm genuine, I'm, not from a single lot you've never got an audition. This is the funniest thing they've ever heard.

No job. still. The only things that you've ever seen me in has been my friends casting me or me casting myself in my own thing. Wow. Yeah. Wow. And I've, I've talked so much about this, about how some auditions I've done and I have been dog shit. Like I've gone, good luck with the show because I won't, you won't be seeing me again. And I know that because I feel bad about myself. But other ones I've gone, that was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I might get that and I never do. Yeah.

Yeah. No, when I was 18, I audition for loads of stuff. Did you? And never got anything. I'm just not good in auditions, I don't think. I'm really not in that environment. Some people are great, but then they get the job in the shit. Yeah.

Yeah. I think, well, you've got to remember huge top flight actors sending tapes and go for auditions and they get, you know, you read loads of times about how loads of actors have missed out on like Marvel castings and stuff and now the big actors. I had one. I've talked about it when me stand up before, but I had one. I had an audition for War Horse. And I knew nothing about it.

What? Did you? I went down somewhere posh of London. There was a film, wasn't it? The War Horse movie, the film. And the line was actually like, I'm just from South Shields. That's where I'm from. Actually, you would have been great.

I know that little bit. What I did in the audition, it was one of the, it was a, apologies to anyone who's heard this to me stand up, but it was a big clash of culture. You know this, but you've probably forgot it because we've talked so much. It was a big culture clash between me and the casting director who was just a lovely, very professional, very, dare I say, quite a posh of.

Lady and she was like we're talking about it and I hadn't read the script that was a problem I couldn't really act that was another problem but the main problem was the fact that she said we've just secured a big director and I said who's the director she said you're one of the first people I'm telling this to it's Stephen Spielberg and I went

fuck off what's wrong with that I don't think she was from world where people say fuck off like everyone says fuck off yes but her face told me that no one had really said fuck off to her face before and she got her right fright.

And I had that way, I walked out the room and I was like, yeah, I'll never be in this. This will never happen. And it should have been a slam dunk. That is a shame. It should have been a slam dunk. I'd like to think that wasn't the reason. I think it's because he didn't do very well in the audition. Probably that.

And I think he's skirting around the fact that he told it a fuck off. Maybe I told out of fuck off just to really seal the deal so it couldn't be the fact that that was I mean, you didn't say fuck off as you left as well. I think it was just after I kicked that table over. God I said for them. Who did it in the end? I can't remember. No, I can't remember either.

It's a lovely little lane. Yeah, because he's from South Shields, isn't he? Yeah, and he says I'm from South Shields, yeah. I would love to actually see, I know we probably weren't meant to talk about it. I would love to see more comics acting in things because I do think comics are really good actor. Yeah. And they bring something, I'm not, you know, I'm talking about in general the circuit. Yeah.

And I think that they bring a real individuality and like a different end. energy and I think they should be cast a lot more. I agree. As comics, I think, especially when I'm telling stories, I'm acting out all the parts. I'm on stage and I'm acting out all the parts. So you can do it. But I mean, not, God, I'm not saying I'm good, but you can't do it. I think that what we might tend to do is, and I've done this all the time, is overthink or say,

I don't think this character would say that because we're used to saying our own material and stuff. And seeing, it's actually not our job to comment on the scripts at all. Our job, when we go in for those things, is to actually just say the, words to the best of our ability. Yeah, yeah. But I don't think a lot of us, because we're used to having so much control. That's true. You know?

So I did a sitcom called Hebbin. And my problem was I'm used to turning up, doing my bit and leaving. So when someone told me, when the producer told me that, my first scene was seven o'clock the morning and then I had to hang around for six hours and do a scene after that. I couldn't get my head around it. I know. I was like, well, just do both mine now and I'll go.

He was like, what the fuck is wrong with it? And then when they change all the cameras around, you got, you didn't enjoy having to stay there for other people's stuff. Oh, I hated it. You wanted to put the camera behind your head so you've got on it when you're someone's eye line. I was like, fuck this. No, I'm not even on the camera.

Why am I here? Oh, I heard somebody, Diane Keaton who's just... Yes, she would... She would stay. Yeah, that's lovely, isn't it? You know, because sometimes people often leave and they get a standing to give you your eye line.

Yeah. You're one of those, aren't you? You're one of those. That's me. I didn't even... So I did, who do you think you are? Yeah. And the finger pointing at all of the documents on the close-ups of the documents, that's not my finger, that's a producer's finger.

Is it? So I had a corporate, I had a corporate gig on one of the first days. And I left for the corporate and told me the producer. He went, oh, well, I'll just do my finger, it'll be mine. And I went, we're doing it at the end of the day, every day. He went, yeah, yeah. I went, how long do the take all the finger pointing things? He went about an hour or half.

I went, you're my finger for this whole thing. We need it continuity. I can't have a different finger. I don't even, I'm going to protect you here a little bit. It's not even a diva thing. Chris's attention span is so short. To the point, you know, obviously we're worked together. We're in meetings, right?

Big, important meetings. And a lot of the time, I'm mortified, actually. We've talked about this, I think. Yeah. Where they will say, right, we need to hurry up, we're going to lose Chris. And I'm sat there going, he's nearly 40-year-old. Like, this is my business partner. And people are actually saying, right, we're better hurry up, we're going to lose Chris.

And I'm going, what the fuck, Chris? Sorry. I can only apologise. It's bad. It's not got a very long attention span. That's just no ADHD thing. I believe. He has no diagnosis.

No diagnosis. There's something there. Well, everyone's talking about it at the moment. I know. But I mean, you have to get an official diagnosis. But I think most of us... To do this job, I think. But reading a book, it has to...

For me, it has to be absolutely... I can't... And I can't retain the information either. I've read the same paragraph. chapter. Yeah, me too. I was thinking about something. I was reading that, but I was thinking about something else. Me too. Yeah. Audio books, I'm bad. Even an audio book, when it's reading it, I'll just drift off and I go,

what the fuck are they talking about? And I've got to use, you know, the little 10 second button to skip back. Yeah. Unless it's something you're super, super. Hyper-focused on, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hyper-focused. And then there isn't a single detail that I won't know. Yes. But that doesn't happen too often about things. Definitely.

Speaking of details, I want to know. You are on to talk about your new tour. You've got a tour. Oh, yes. I love the title. Jack a potato pizza. I just thought I'd call it that. Well, this is a story that I'm really enjoying doing the show because it's about lots of different things, you know.

Well, I want to get on to the list of things. Well, Jacket Potato Pizza is something is a meal that a date made me. Well, yes. A jacket potato pizza. A dry pizza base. No. Tomato sauce, nothing. Right.

Jacket potato in the middle. No, also nothing on it. Gone, no. The jack potato. I'm glad you've done that because often when I tell this story on stage, people look like, what's wrong with you? What's wrong? Speaking of psychopaths, that's insanity.

I need a water. I need a water just talking about this. Because you've given yourself a dry mouth with the shock. That's it. You see, that's another thing. Bubbling under the surface. You need a diagnosis. He's kind of got a dry mouth, just talking about dry pizza.

Just talking about that, I gave me a dry mouth. Wow. If I talk about dry things, you'll become dry. Hey, hey, hey, get your head out of the gutter. No, mentioning that, you said. I don't even know what you mean by that. You said dry pizza base and jack potato. Now, we've had a long-standing thing on our podcast is that Rosie loves jack-potteros.

I love a jack-potator. My favorite food, Bridger. Oh, my God. Okay, what do you have on your jatatatat? I would have beans and cheese. Nice, good choice. So for me, the beans are the problem here. Because they make it all wet?

No, because the bean, a bean in itself, the bean is exactly the same consistency as a potato. It's essentially a mini potato on loads of mini potatoes on a potato. I kind of get that. I can't do the texture of that. And I find it, it looks, jar potato, roasted or whatever they do with it, open, load of beans, loads of cheese melted on top,

looks amazing. The sauce, I take a mouth full, I want it to be over. It's awful. And you haven't got a diagnosis. No, I know what you mean. It's about texture and, but a bean is

hot, a bean is, it can be sort of, sort of powdery and hard. Whereas a potato is, depending on how you cook it, should be fluffy, soft.

Yeah, I don't know. You've started, I've started making a, jacked potatoes in the oven. Like that's very comforting. I was amazing. And I have to scoop his out with, and I mix butter in with cheese and mayonnaise and I put it back in. And you enjoy that?

It just has to be, it has been fucking lubricated for us to swallow it. Lubricate. I've got a thing where I choke easily if food is too dry. I remember, you've talked about this on Taskmaster. I remember this. Yeah. It's got a name. So how did you possibly matter?

So I'm sorry to go back to this. Oh, yeah. Dry pizza base with a dry jotted potato on top. Oh yeah. And that was the meal. Yeah. No.

It was. And I went, oh. Because I was really young and I was nice then. I had estrogen back then. We put up with so much more, didn't we? Don't we put up with so much. Oh my gosh.

I was so tolerant of some people. Now I'm like, I've got no time. I would have laughed in his face. I would have left. And I said, what the fuck is this? Well, now. Yeah. But not with estrogen.

Yeah. with estrogen. I don't know. This is so sweet. You've made a meal for us. Oh, wow. What's that? Thank you.

And I am assuming this is the night that you found out you had the gagging with dry food thing because that's the driest thing in the world. It's not as well to eat in the sand. The dry throat thing has only happened in like the last 10 years. So I did eat the dry jack of potato. That isn't the weirdest thing that happened that night.

Oh my gosh. Don't worry. I'm not like an act who talks about rude things. No worries. But he was doing this funny dance like then later. Right. You know, like a joke strip tease. Was he not just trying to get a digestive system moving because of all of the...

You're trying to get the potato. Potato and breadies. Just get it moving. Rocking back and forward. Squats. Oh, God. Oh, my God. And he undid, like, just a button and a bit of his zip on his trousers.

And he had another pair of trousers on underneath. Stop! Two pairs of trousers. What? What? What? What? What's he wearing?

I can't remember what track. Did he have jeans or what? I think it was trousers. And I went, oh. We had, we had, we, that's a sensory thing, though. Yeah, someone mess had it. No, because of the cold. Oh, right.

No, it's like, well, can't you just layer, like, wear thermals? And he went, why would I spend money on an extra item of clothing when I can just wear two pairs of trousers? Did he not look like, henshed? Because he had it was his legs not like bulked. Did he not look like tight but thick? I hadn't looked at his leg like you don't like look at, you don't tend to go.

I think he's got too bad. See that's the thing. I would have noticed that straight away. Because it would have seen and I'd have gone, why's like his middle like thick? And bunched up. And bunched together. Like where's his skin?

Yeah, I would have spotted that, I think. Well, you say that. But then I did. I did this bit I did this on stage but what I did was I bought two pairs of jeans that were the same but one was

a size bigger and I did my gig and then when it came to that bit I did that bit and then towards the end of the set I took one pair of jeet and I had another pair on but they hadn't remembered the routine and I was like

this is a callback I'm not a psycho who's just a just who's just worn two pairs of jeans don't you think sometimes with the audience is like you have to Yeah sometimes you've got spoon feed them Like this is a callback

That is a great call on the same show That was the same show You mentioned that at the beginning Did the routine Go and shut up and they didn't get it That's madness It didn't really get much of a You know response

See because my like So my thing there would have been Had you done the first bit Because I was watching my mate once In Edinburgh And he was his last show And at the end he did a big thing Where he was like

Remember that bit I said at the beginning and the whole final bit was based on it. And he'd forgot to do the setup. And apparently, so I'll tell lie. Actually, I wasn't there. He told us the story that many time that I feel like I was there. It was at the stand. Yeah.

It was Jason Cook. And he was, he was ready to do the last bid. And he said he didn't know why all of the staff had come in to watch. So all of the staff had come in. And the word had went around among the staff going, he hasn't done the set up. He hasn't done the set of his thing. And he literally apparently stood on the stage and he went,

so remember the thing I said at the start well and he got ready to put like the PowerPoint on and then he realised and apparently the staff just lost their shit and he had to tell them it again and then do the bit disaster babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babo it's funny what goes through your head

because that's happened to all of us at some point and then you go because you do the show in an order and you get to the bit and you think I'm going to have to crowbar the setup in now again yeah And then the like the payoff isn't going to work, so I've put them together. Yeah.

And so it's like, I've never ever thought about that, you know? I've never thought about you. Like the structure of the show, if you miss that out. Oh, gosh, that's so interesting. Especially if you're full, like if you've got a costume change based on the first bit and you forget that first bit. It's not even that, though. It's, I think this is why I think Stand up, was talking to someone about this the other day,

is completely addictive because you want to. never, the variables of what can happen in terms of timing, something happening in the room, getting something slightly wrong, saying something in another way, removing words, everything makes a difference to how something goes down or doesn't go down well. And the audience don't know, and sometimes we don't know, but something's slightly off. And that can start from the moment you walk out there. Oh, really. It is like alchemy, really.

It's like a vibe, a slightly wrong vibe. It can be like one person in the room. It can be the mic not being on. It can be your walk on music being really quiet. Yeah. It can be literally anything. And so that's why we keep doing it, I think. Why?

Because you're never getting to... You're trying to catch lightning in a bottle. Yeah. You never get to a point where you think, I'm the best I could possibly be. That's so interesting. That gig never comes. Nah.

It never comes. If you ever think you're that, the next one's a dog show. Oh, the stand-up goblin. Yeah, yeah. Oh, think you good, do you? Well, I'll give, I'll give you a heckler in your next gig and you're in a bad mood. Not even that.

Quiet crowd's worse than a heckler. Right. A quiet. And this is one for me. Why are sometimes an entire crowd en masse just quiet? Why? On mass. Why?

On mass. I had that years ago on tour. It was somewhere like talkie or somewhere like that. It was as if they had all agreed before the show. Yeah. To psych. me to get into my head because it is, I remember this. This was 10 years ago and I've never forgotten it. I did not. Now this wasn't a mixed bill. This was my tour show. So they appeared

to come and see me. I did not get a round of applause when I introduced myself on to the stage. And I went out and I said, oh, well, that's never happened before. What's going on, guys? That didn't get anything and I was like, I tell you what, we've got two hours tonight. That's, this has never happened. I said, you know, I did all this stuff, you know, I've walked off to silence, never very rarely walked on to silence. Arms crossed, staring. I was like, let's start again.

Same again. Nothing again. Fuck off. Went down amongst them trying to be like, I was like, I can't do material in this environment. I've got to do something different because this room is in set. There's a horrible atmosphere Which was there before I had even come out

So I've got a theory Go on I wonder whether You know you talk about how many people are in the world And what's the possibilities And like what's the chance of that I wonder whether on those nights Whether you just get a crowd

Of exactly the same personality And it's just a complete fluke That you have managed to They just the people who bought your tickets just managed to be all very similar on that one evening. Does that make sense? But 500 people not clapping. No, but what I mean is...

I'm thinking it might be small in the mid-kick. I've never seen... That's mad. In 25 years, somebody walking on to nothing. To nothing. That's odd. Especially they're paid to come and see you. They know what they're getting.

That's so weird. I don't know. Maybe they've just planned it before. I don't know how long. I hate it. Also, you know what the Americans do when they don't introduce themselves and they coolly walk out and everyone goes crazy?

We don't do that here. We introduce ourselves because we don't have those whooping audiences like we have to work and I'm glad. I don't want to have whoops for saying that I'm from Gloucester or that I'm 54. Like I don't want a whoop for no reason. I don't think I ever want a whoop. Don't you lie, you would have killed for a whoop that night in Torky?

you would have killed for a whoop. For one woo. Anything. It would have been very extreme. I've got a bit of an ickabout comedy, you know. What? You've got... I'm just going to say it to you guys.

Go on. And it's not your guys' fault. This is, it's all of comedy. Yeah. I hate it when you introduce yourselves on the stage. And I'm so sorry to say that. I don't like it. But if I don't do it, I...

Right. I'm going to tell you now... Can I do a voiceover for you? And will you play it? I'll do it for... I'll record it home. But how is some different from me? Right, I put it to the test

because I had seen Dave Chappelle at Lester Square Theatre and I was doing my show the next night Now he just sauntered out And the audience went mad The next night I said, you know I always feel a bit weird and cringe Going please welcome to the stage But if somebody else was doing it

It wouldn't be as weird and cringe If you had a voice Do you not think? You all do it for yourselves And we know that it's used doing it I do it for me and I do it for my support You used to do it for yourself Well a couple of times

It's just an observation. Go on, Noel. Did you walk out yourself? So what happened? I walked out. They literally couldn't give a shit. Oh no. Still on their phones.

It was as if they didn't know what Bridget Christie looked like. And so. And so. You all went, fucking hell. Dave Chappelle looks different in real life. So didn't know, just assumed it was someone testing the microphone. Right. I mean, that's, I mean, that's the.

only thing I could think of. So then I had to say, sorry, you know it's me, right? You know it's, you know, I'm Bridget Christie. And then they were like, like, reluctantly putting their phones away. I wonder if it's just, no, I do. I think we're British. I think we need an introduction. We're going to wrap up quickly, but I've got to. Wrap out. Oh my God. Wait a second. I want to know one thing before we go on any further. What did you have that written at the bottom of the north? Oh, so, just really quickly. And I'm sure it was you. And I'm, you know, when you say it out loud, and now I'm like, I'm so sorry if I'm going mad and it wasn't you. I saw a video recently that came up on Instagram

and I think you were doing an interview with Kerry Godley. Godly Monday. Yes. On a podcast that she does. Memory Lane podcast. Yes. And you are talking about the fart WhatsApp group. We've just started it up again. So we've all been farting this week.

This is fantastic. I was in the text chain when Rosie sent this to me and the producer and said, can you remind me tomorrow of Bridget Christie fart WhatsApp group? And I looked at me forward and I thought, I'm obviously dreaming. This is obviously in some kind of... It wasn't meant to be a fart WhatsApp group. It was the walking group.

We were going to go on a walk to Snowden or something. Right. Because we were all on tour. We haven't managed to do one yet. So we just started recording just like just sending farts to each other. And then we haven't for ages. And then I mentioned it on the podcast. And we've started it up again.

I sent one from a bus stop the other day. And interestingly... Interestingly, because we haven't... done it for so long, I've realised that I've got to the point in my life where I'm happy to do that at a bus stop and not care when the other people look and see, what, what she, that is the most, that is the most, genuinely, without a shadow of doubt, that might be the most pure statement of freedom that I've ever heard in my entire life. It's incredibly liberating. I recorded a fart at a bus stop and send it on a WhatsApp. And didn't care that other people like.

Bridget, you are living your life. I felt so liberated. That is so nice. More than And more than I think maybe anything else I've done in... Oh, my. I don't know if that's estrogen or age or... Who knows. Just freedom. You're called Bridget. It's what my Nana's called Bridget.

Does she want to join? She would love the park group. If we ever had a little girl, she was going to be called Bridget. Yeah. I know, but we have not had a little girl and I'm not having any more kids, so I'm done. Little Bridge, little bridge. Okay, we're going to do your police keep me anonymous if that's all right. If you don't mind reading it for us.

Taking your... Readers from your lovely Love the holder I'm obsessed by this Glass is necklace It's got a little pair of glasses in case I forget what it's for And they are the same shape as these

Fantastic Dear Chris and Rosie Please keep me in honour I am mum to five kids Well done And to clarify yes it's chaos My husband and I had our 10 year anniversary this year

My mum flew over from the UK To look after the kids So we could go on a special Kid Free holiday to the Maldives. Oh, nice. With no one to ruin my clothes, I decided I'd start my holiday in style

with a classy yet relaxed white linen co-award. Nice. I felt like a different woman. Now, before boarding, we had a few beers, as you do, a meal, and enjoyed the relaxing experience of kid-free travel until we get to the flight. I'm upset. I'm already upset.

As soon as you said white, long bells run. This is... As we all sat with the seatbelt, by the way, if there's any casting directors watching, please. As we're all sat with the seatbelt light on, my stomach was churning. Oh, Jesus. The night finally turned off.

I ran down the aisle, literally pushed past the other passengers waiting for the toilet, and ran in, sorry, the second someone came out. It was too late. My beautiful new white linen pants were ruined. Oh no. No. I sat on the toilet crying. Well, I know what that's like. So much crying on this podcast.

With the start of food poisoning. I was in there so long, the air hostess knocked on the door to check on me. I was so scared to open the door and face a plane full of passengers, of strangers. My husband slept the whole time and didn't know what had happened. Luckily, and out of habit, I had a change of clothes in my carry-on. But I couldn't relax a second of the 16 hours of travel. I felt so ill and was constantly heading back to the toilet's, avoiding all eye contact. Oh no.

Looking forward to travelling with the kids again next time as being covered in kids' mess is much less embarrassing than my own. Oh, don't wear white on a flight. This is the thing. Don't wear white. Don't wear white on a flight. Yeah, white pants is bald. Why don't wear white pants? I haven't got any white pants.

I haven't got any white pants. I think I've got one pair of white jeans and I don't wear them. No. Because I think Because that's the thing you think I've never in my life Shatmy Pants as an adult But I will do it if I wear them kind of thing

Well one week of the month I can't wear them anyway That's dangerous It must be Yeah I That's She should

Yes I think you have to be Confident when things like that happen though Own it Own it Waddle down that aisle You know We are

What are we We're just bits of meat That make noises And smells I'm so true And if I It is It is.

What a beautiful sentiment to end on. I'm not going to do online dating, but if I did, that would be my... Your bio. I'm just a piece of meat that makes noises and smells. Yeah. Come and get me. I'm ready. Oh, Bridget, thank you so much.

Oh, my God, thank you so much. What a wondrous chat. That flu. We covered so many topics. Thank you so much. Well, I would have, yes, done it. Do you not think the best chats are just the ones that just fly like that? I love that.

That went so fast. And by the way, loved you on Chris's season of Taskmaster. That was, it was so good. I was so glad to meet you properly on that. Yeah,

it was lovely. Because we'd not really done loads of gigs together. Well, I told you the year you got nominated, the year you won the Perrier, we were on a table next to you in the Hotel Devon in Edinburgh and I wanted to say,

congrats, but we'd never met. But I was like, oh my gosh, she just won the Perrier. I wanted to say, and I never did. And you told us off, he said you should have. Oh, what God of God of,

I would have loved you. I was terrified. I walked past you twice. to go to the toilet. I was like, shall I just stop and say, well done? It's a cool thing to do. I was like, no, I'm too scared. I don't know. You'd won an award. I was intimidated. I'm scared of most women anyway.

I mean, that's good. Yeah, but it is rather my favour. Thank you so much. And best look with the tour. Thank you. Thank you. It's going to be great. Yeah, can't wait. Thank you. See you. See you. See you.