Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous with Charlie Baker

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie are joined by comedian Charlie Baker! Charlie and Rosie bond over their love of Musical Theatre and share what it’s like being the singer in the family! The trio discuss bad Edinburgh shows, the time that Charlie got forked off stage and why he thinks everyone should do stand up once in their life! Charlie also parts some marriage advice and reveals that he’s a tap dancer as well as a singer and a comedian (a triple threat!) . All this plus a brilliant story from one of you lot! To book tickets to Charlie's 'Go Get it' tour visit linktr.ee/charliebakercomedian If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, you are listening and watching, Chang Mildo. Please keep me anonymous. Yes, and our fantastic guest this week, I haven't seen him for years. He's such a lovely bloat. I had such a good chat. So funny. It is Charlie Baker.

Now, Charlie has got a Virgin radio show game on on Saturdays, 2.6pm. And he also goes on tour, starts September 2026. Go Get It is his tour. And he is a very talented man. So talented. A lot of musical theatre chat in this, guys. Oh, Rosie couldn't believe.

She can't believe her. look when she sees how much he's in the musical theatre. I might a comment on a bit. He's a phenomenal singer. He's a phenomenal dancer. He's a brilliant comedian. He's a lovely bloke. And it was just so nice. Honestly, I don't think I've seen him for about easily over 10 years.

I'm serious. And it was so nice to see him. If you're watching on YouTube, please subscribe. Otherwise, you know, or if you're in a podcast shop and you haven't subscribed or liked and all that and rated, do that as well, please. But otherwise, just sit back in racks. Enjoy. Yeah, exactly. We couldn't settle on a jingle

So this is the jingle We hope you like the jingle Bhabo do babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingo I've just had a message through my Instagram Of the local farm shop in Northumberland Where we used to live Yeah they want us to open

The scarecrow competition They do it's celebrity What? They do, the people make Celebrity Scarecrow and they've asked if we could open

their competition Things are looking up. I've, I can't believe that you're here Charlie for the moment wherever he does I've made it.

This is it. Do you know what? You were in the room. It couldn't happen to a nicer person. You were in the room when he knew he was big time. A lot of people

will be releasing statements saying that they didn't get the celebrity scarecrow competition. I know what I mean? Saying that they were up for it And they're happy to say they are disappointed But good luck to whoever's got it Yeah

We'll name them though It's Brockbushes You love Brockbushes So the Brock bushes of Northern Ireland Have messaged us and asked us To Auburn Not judge, Auburn We're not we judge it

The Celebrity Scarecourt competition I would like to judge it What if there isn't one of us though There has to be a one of me and you If we open it There isn't one of me and you Imagine Now celebrity scarecroco

I'm rural right I've grown up in the countryside my whole life. So you get this kind of show. Celebrity Scarecrow Competition. Are the Scarecrow's celebrities? Or are you the celebrity judges? No, the Scarecrow are celebrities.

Really? Yes. There was an example that you put in. I can't remember. Rosie, I thought he was going to say, are the Scarecrow celebrities or are they scarecores to scare away celebrities? That's a nice idea. Especially in the 80s.

It could be done with a few of them. Yes. Radio 1. Scar crows outside Radio 1 in the TV. The ages, get rid of all the wrongings. Hey, not there already. What sort of scareco? Who would you think you could make as a scarecrow?

What would be easy? Oh, gosh. Okay, that's a good question. It would have to be somebody like iconic that you could recognise straight away. Madonna, pointy boobs, go out of throat. Like, you know what I mean? Easy.

Done. It's in the guy, Guy Fawkes envelope, isn't it? When people make, do guys at Guy Fawkes? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's in that. Penny for the guy. Does that still happen?

Penny. why would you want a penny? Do you not remember? One P. It's so fucking weird. Like, what even was that? That one died out quite quick, didn't it? Not on people's door asking Penny for the guy.

I asked you know Penny for the guy. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Well, people near us would just dress up and like, sit like that. In Newton Abbott Town Centre. They put their mate in like a track suit and they sit still like that. Penny for the guy. Oh, it's good. It's very good.

Well done. Yeah, we've worked really hard. It's straw coming out. They want an answer, so I'm going to have to get back with them after it. Right, okay. What do you give the answer is? What the hell are we talking about before you did that? The answer is, what's your fee?

Yeah, that's true. They've just done a renovation. I don't think they're going to have much money left. It's just been done out. It's brand spanking new. It's awesome. It's a great thing. We love Brock Bush.

Yeah, yeah, I tell you what right now. They're not going to have any money left. I'll tell you what I'll do it for, right? I'll do it for within the Brockbush's farm shop. Oh, it's a farm shop, right? Yeah, it's nice. Big farm shop. Big soft play in it.

Really good. There is a machine that does milk shakes. Okay. More like flavoured milk. So you can either get it in a cup or you can get it a big glass bottle. I'll do it for an unlimited card for that machine. Unlimited feels a lot.

She can turn up. Five, six times. Oh my God, we go through so much milk. We go through so much milk. Did you know about the farm shop? It's gone bankrupt. Chris Ramsey. Chris Ramsey.

It's gone Ramsey. And now Chris Ramsey Inexplicably has a dairy intolerance That he's brought upon himself A hamper What about a nice hamper? Hamper would be nice Do it for a nice hamper, couldn't you?

Do you know what? They do a lovely selection of like meats and that I'll just have that. There we are. They're meatballs that they do. Oh my God, they're so good. Rosie Ramsey, she works for a selection of meats. Yeah, that's it.

Does a meat tree? She's known for it in the business. Advertisers who advertise on our podcast, please ignore everything she's seeing. No, I love it. She won't. work for a tree of meat balls. I would. A tree of meat. Like a lady in the trump.

Not a monthly subscription of a tray of meat. What a lovely idea. Ever been involved in a meat raffle? I feel like I'm getting meat raffle vibes. Yes. I've been involved in a meat raffle, you know. I read this in your notes. Well, so I sort of my early days of performing was singing around all the social

clubs. And so meat raffles, yeah. What was your opener? Oh, so I was in. One night only. One night only. It was in. was in there.

Yeah, yeah. So I was in cabaret bands. So I was in a Lady Gaga tribute. Perfect. And we did a bit of Katie Perry in there as well. Aba tribute I used to do. High school musical for the kids. Really?

Yeah. And then the cabaret band itself was just all of, we used to open with like Queen and stuff. Singing and dancing. I wore a thong. They're playing our thong. A thong for Europe. We could have been called.

If you'd go on in for Eurovision song contest. Rosie Ramsey, a thongue. for your song and the meat raffle What I didn't never really Were you in a good Were you I'm I'm

I'm I'm this is my Chosen Specialised subject Yeah This sort of How were you How were you What was your structure in your set

What of Was there a sad one in there Was a ballad in there Yeah there's a few ballets I never did black velvet I never did black velvet I never did black velvet I think my ear

I think my ear is a bit 10 years previous to yours I think you're black velvet I think Journey. Like, do you know when it made it its comeback?

Yeah. Just a small town girl. That was in there, obviously. Do you sing Chris? No. Not even on your own? And honestly, not even on your own.

It doesn't come out of your mouth. Yeah, it does. It does come out of my mouth, terribly. Yeah. And then fuck face here, sitting next to us. Wow.

And belts, whatever I was singing out, pitch perfectly. And every time it hurts. It hurts every single time. Yeah. You've got to let him sing, really? I wish he was better. I wish I had married someone who could sing. I said it yesterday. In the kitchen yesterday and I said, God, I wish I would sing.

I don't think you do wish he was better, right? Why? Because if he could, he'd be like, that's quite good. Do you think? But I would love to sing together. So if you're the singer in the family, then it's like, brilliant. My two kids are good singers as well. Oh, that's good.

Get them singing together. Oh, my God, that would be like heaven, wouldn't it? Yeah, that's beautiful. Oh, God. Do you know, so my sister is a really good singer, right? But she never ever sang ever. She got terrified. She had terrible stage fright, but she's always loved singing.

I'm part of an amateur dramatic society. Are you? I've been part of it since I was like 15 on and off. And so all made me friends rejoined. And my sister joined this year. And it's our first show. Yeah. And she's so good.

So it's just like low, it's a concert. So there's loads of different musical songs. Because a lot of Amdrams, she'll have to be there another 20 years to get anywhere near the lead. Do you know what? You have to be there. You have to be there forever.

It's very much loyalty points. You know, that's why, like, I'll talk about this in my tour show. This is why you get a 65-year-old Danny Zucco. Yeah. You know. Yeah, it's true true. He's desperate to play it.

I played the maid before I got any sort of. Long, long, long time. And then I got NYC, NYC just got here this morning. I mean, if you want to do a musical theatre podcast, I don't give a shit, let's do it. Sutton Foster, Google her saying that. Yes, I've seen it.

That is the best performance of that song. I play 30 modern Millie. Oh, I'd like to have seen this. Give me that thing called life. I do think Amazon Dramatics is like watching people play Sunday League football. Yeah. Yeah. Not be rude about it.

No, it's fantastic. But a lot of people go, it's almost professional. And you go, it's not. It's not. Believe me, it's not. But then everybody goes, ours is. And you go, yours isn't. It's like going to a Sunday League football team going well.

We've got kits. We've got a ref and we've got a ball. Yeah. There's a bottle with a sponge in it. And look, we're all playing football. Yeah. But, you know. Yeah, I know what you mean.

But I like it. No, it's very good. Good luck to people. My sister Kate, it's our first show. guess what she's got all the way through? Which never happens on your first show. I said to what I went... She's your sister, so...

Nepotism. Yeah. Well, no, I don't think it is. Nepot. Because I did say beforehand, I said, don't, you know, treat that the same. What she's got all the way through? No. She's got a mic.

All the way from... A head mic? Uh-huh. No, this is big. That is big. What the fuck? Because how many mics have they got? I think there's about 11 or 12.

She's good. And the society is 50 strong nearly. She's always. also got ginger vitus. Do you know this? I'm talking. She's a talent. I said to what,

I said you do not get a mic all. I mean, I've got a mic all the way through. Bring her own mic. I've got me in ears and all that. But I said to her, I was like, you've done a really good job and you've impressed everybody because you've got a mic all the way through.

What are you singing in the concert? I'm singing. I'm singing a song from a new world. Do you know that? It's a new musical. A new world cross across the ocean. Quite a lot of those new musicals go like, there was a cupboard and a hanger and my feelings were hung upon it

It's a bit like that They're all a bit like that And I saw my mother and my brother And I said, you're a cheap little shit Johnny, what are you doing up there? I was seven years old They're all a bit like that Yeah it is

But I mean A bit earnest for me Yeah I like... I like that. What's your favourite musical? Guys and dolls. Right, okay.

Yeah. So, yeah. You're not enjoying it. I'm ready all times to play Nathan Detroit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At all times. Never been asked to do it.

But one day, yeah. You would be so good at that. That's luck be your lady tonight. Luck be a lady tonight. I've got a bit in my new show. Not to plug my new show twice in the first 10 minutes. That's why you're about something else.

I haven't to fork for 20 minutes. You'll be quiet on here. Which is, I've got to do very niche impressions. Okay. And this is a very niche impression I do, which is Jean Valjean from Lémy. No, Prisoner 246. And 24601. 24601.

There is 2601. I nearly got it right. 246. Very good, though. And his smoke alarm battery is going. So, yeah, I would love to hear it. God on how. Here my prayers.

It's quite good, isn't it? Love that. Not only was the singing amism, the smog alarm noise was bang on. In many ways, that's the best bit of the impression. You could do it with anything as well. You could get anything at all. You could add it in there, couldn't you know. You'd do three of them throughout the show.

Well, that's the thing I haven't thought about it. There it is. There it is. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu bab. Because I remember when you, when I first, like, you did big value when you did it in 2009, 2010 when you did big value-ish in Edinburgh. In Edinburgh, I remember the first year, and you called yourself something like a professional, the professional show off of the world's greatest show off.

The world's greatest show off. It was your first show, wasn't it? Yeah. Yes. And that was a binfire. What do you meet bad? The room. No, it wasn't bad. Show was good. Probably if I did it now, it'd probably good. Now I know what I'm doing. Right. Okay. But at the time, those caves, I don't know what was in the walls. Yeah. I got so ill. We're in these caves. Yeah. Actual caves in Edinburgh. I've been in water in before. Yeah. I got so ill, really. From performing in the cave.

Yeah, my skin was falling off. Sorry. Like rash. Where you couldn't see my skin. My hands were fine, my face was fine. But the rest of my body was like, and I was like, what is in this building? Oh, God.

What is that? Like, Dan Boy. One show I ran out. There was a, there was a, one show there was a pillar right in the middle of my stage. And I just ran right. into this pillar, more or less not. My God. Cut my eye. Bleeding, trying to carry on.

But when you're on you like that, you don't know what you're doing. I mean, you've always known what you're doing, Chris. But you don't know what you're doing, you know. And this is me, right? I started out as an actor and all this stuff. So I should have really sort of had more stagecraft than this. But I think Edinburgh got in my head. Yeah.

It was massive then. It's a big deal, isn't it? Big deal, you know. I mean, it still is now, isn't it? I think most comedians, most comedians, most comedians go through Edinburgh, don't they? A lot of them, I can't, all I can say is I've talked about it on here before, I went to Edinburgh last year and I walked around.

I didn't know a single face on the posters. No. I wanted to cry. It's a new generation. I wanted to cry. But that's more on us than on them. Yeah, yeah. No, it's just because I'm out with that generation there.

Just because you're old news now, Chris. Yeah, of course, that's it. You know, you're not keeping up with it. Yeah. I'm not going on. I'm not going to. I'm not going to watch it, Chris. I didn't watch anyone in my generation.

I'm not going to watch the new generation. Yeah, you don't. Chris avoids everything. I wasn't a big watcher, Chris. Yeah, no. I was looking forward to going home. Yeah, when I've been on. One of a percent.

But yeah, it was, I don't know, I think it was, it may have had a day, in my opinion, for how much of a right of passage it was. Because, like, everyone, we can think of from our generation, people who are massive now, we all went through Edinburgh at the same time. And it's crazy. It's like, we've all been on, like, a massive,

even though you've never been on one, a lads holiday. It's like we're all on some massive annual lads holiday together. Well, the year would be based around it. Yeah. Right. You know, the whole year would be sort of building up. Yeah, yeah. You'd get through Christmas.

Yeah. You'd go, right. Tin hat on, get through Christmas, make some money. And then you go, right, build up to. What am I doing? To all this. Meaning the gigs while we were off as toast of Christmas. And it was just no one listened and no one gave a shit.

Got forked off in Leeds once. Sorry. Yeah. No. We had fallen out with them. And, you know, we'd had a row from the stage. You and the crowd? Yeah, I was tying on my ass and then I sort of went at them

because they were chatting him. But then fork started coming my way. That is so bad. That's why I loved singing. Yeah. Because you could just hide behind. I've had some stinking. I told you about the Middlesbrough gig I did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the back of the room, just a couple with their fingers in their ears. Yeah, lovely. I was just like, yeah, yeah. Hopelessly. Imagine physically doing that. It was horrible. Like they're six.

Like how much of an asshole do you have to be to put your fingers in your ear when someone's singing? But I could hide behind the songs. I didn't, you know, I took it all in. I broke up with a boyfriend once and I had to do an Adele song. And my dad came to the gig with his and I literally broke up with him that day.

And we've been in the other fellow three and a half years and I was tears rolling down my face. But I just kept singing the song. But I can't have. imagine having to talk on a bad day. When they hear you, when you're telling them your stories from your life and stuff you've written yourself and crafted yourself, it really feels, quite rightly, a lot more person. Yeah, it's a long old, it's a long old hour.

Yeah. When you've gone five minutes in, ten minutes in and you've done all your material. Yeah. Because you've got, blah, blah, blah. And you go, you know, but I think a lot, I think a lot of performers could, every single performer, actors, singers, everyone should go. go and do five or ten minutes stand up because it's the most exposing. Yeah.

It is the most. But general people as well. People should. It's really good. It takes any fear out of you for any sort of work presentation you'd have to do or go and give someone a quote. Whatever your business is, you know, if you know who you are. Yeah. Because you've had to work it out and stand there and accept.

I think it's so beneficial for people. But some people are not funny. No, not funny, but then you find that out And then maybe they stop trying to be funny And they'll put their You know, I just, I've been to the dentist Before I've come in here And I think it might have been her first day on the job

She's Oh You can't shoot from the dentist I've done to this podcast Yeah, yeah Well, yeah I've got a, my teeth My filling fell out

And I think I had an emergency appointment Uh huh She was trying So I was laying there With the glasses on Uh huh She's dropping stuff

Oh, sorry about that Oh, sorry. No, man. Oh, sorry. And then she went a little bit close to the nerve. To the nerve. And so I was like, oh, like that. And then I said, right, I'm going to leave it.

So I left it. So you weren't numbed of anything. No, I think I've got like, she went, oh, do you want me to, I could numb you. I was like, no, absolutely leave it. But yeah, I think it might be. Do you want me to pick this needle off the floor that I just dropped? I think it might be in her first day. But, yeah.

But I don't know, I think stand up a brilliant thing for finding out who you are. Uh-huh. I think we should be allowed to. boo more people. I like booing. Okay. Do you know? Really? I think booing's good, you know. Right. Oh, good. You find out, like if you went to an Amdram show and it was bad, you'd have to just

politely sit there, wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were allowed to boo. Oh my God, I don't know if I would agree with that. What do you think? It would definitely sort, it would sort the wheat from the chaff. Yeah, because then people, then you'd go, you're a shirt so don't do it anymore. So actually, yeah. But maybe Amdram is the wrong thing. But some professional shows I've seen, I've thought, come on. Oh, yeah.

Come on now. Step it up. You got to. And you get a name? Oh no, no, no. Name and shame. Sometimes when you go to a regional art centre, you think, yeah, why is this getting money?

This shouldn't be getting money, should it? Boo! So if you'd like to boo Charlie, he goes on too. Booing aloud. Booing is allowed. I feel like I sound horrible now. No, you don't sound.

No, you don't sound. horrible at all. So you've mentioned before you got married quite young. Well, I don't get married young. I met my wife very young. Right. How old? This is what I like seeing you too, you see. I think game recognised game. And when you see people who obviously love each other and like each other and also are happy to be married. Yes. Because I think marriage is an odd thing to do. I've been married 25 years. I think it's stupid. I've married 25 years next year. I couldn't love my wife any more than I do. That's nice.

And I think it's a very odd situation. I hate it. I think it's widely outdated. It's stupid. Rosie's air, Katria's as marriage is a crock of shit. Okay, yeah. Have you got that on a t-shirt or a hat? I really should actually.

It's good, good merch. I just think it's very old-fashioned, and I think that people shouldn't feel as bad as they do if it doesn't work out. No, I think you should be allowed of a five-year gap. Yeah, let's try it. Like a grace period. Five-year freebie. That would be, you know what?

A warranty. That would be so low. Yeah, yeah, keep the receipt of the reins. It's free to get divorced in the first five years. The same way I feel like you should be able to live for a week in a house before you buy it. Oh, my God. Let's not get on to the house buying system in this country, Chris. I mean, that's pure hell.

I know, it is fucked. Oh, I saw it. But the statistic that I have mentioned so many times on this podcast, when marriage was sort of invented, life expectancy was around about 35. Mm. So it was till death do it was part. which isn't that long. But I like being married.

This is what's crazy because I also actually... You've actually shot on a point he was making. No, no, no, no, no. I get what you're on about. I don't want to split up. I love being married to you, but I feel like we're quite lucky that we found each other.

But I would hate to think that I'm tidier for the rest of my life. But you are. I've got some bad news, sweet chicks. But you're not. Because you could leave this afternoon. No, genuinely, though. Yeah.

And actually, the fact of it. The fact that you know that, I think probably makes you have a good marriage. Yes. Must to keep his golf sim. That's all it is. I mean, it's very divorced dad energy. Isn't it? Isn't it?

Do you know? Golf holidays with the land? Until I've got to fall away a bed and the fucker. Yeah. The golf sim, that was a, that was a huge compromise, actually. That was a very big, it was a big discussion. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, but you can use it. You're allowed to use it. It's a cinema as well. That I'm never going to let them use. Yeah. It's a cinema screen. gives you a great pleasure and you work on. I do masturbate.

And that's where it goes to one give. It is where I must to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if you do a good shot? Yeah, I just, I can't, I can't even get an erection anymore unless I'm standing an astro turf. Really? Interesting. I like that.

You should play five a side on a Monday night with the lads. Got kicked out. Got kicked out. Good of the erection. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put someone's eye up. Chris doesn't like football. I know that.

I know that. I don't have the short hand with, that you have with many men with Chris that. that about about I've always got nothing to talk about I can talk to you about musical theater so it doesn't matter we've bypassed all of that we could just go into that

it's great I think marriage is I think it's an odd I don't know I don't I think kids see it

and go that's what we're gonna do this is the dream and actually that doesn't have to be your only dream yes of getting married also you're allowed to just really like someone and be with someone

yeah forever I was when you meet an older couple who are together and have been together forever and aren't married, you think you're so cool. Yeah.

It is. I wish we'd have done that. Yeah. I always go, oh, we'd have been so cool. Like hippies. Against the Green, just like we're life partners.

Yeah. Never had to get married. Yeah, but then I'll have to be... Never get that 25 grandba. I'd have to be at some point a 60-odd-year-old man seeing me girlfriend. Yeah.

Yeah, that's... No, it turns to partner. Does it? Lover. Lover. Lover. Lover. My sexual lover.

My sexual lover. My sexual lover. My sex. sexual lovers here. Yeah. But it's my intimate companion. My intimate life companions here. There we go.

But I can see that you two like walking in as a, walking in somewhere when it's your little, when it's your gang. And it is, there's a high to that. There's a, there's a, there's a feeling of strength and love and, uh, um, what am I trying to say? I know exactly what you mean? that. I've said this. You've got a, you've got,

you've got, like, someone's got your back all the time. And that's when I think the marriage is good, is when, when you feel like, they always say someone won't show up.

No one's going to show up. And you think, well, I think my wife would show up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And some people, some people say it was like,

how the hell do you work together all the time? And I'm like, yeah, but Chris is like my mouthpiece. So if I'm not happy about something, I don't have to say it because I'll tell Chris and then he will.

Whereas if I'm working on a job on my own, have got to do everything myself. So actually, and then you also... I'm a runner. But then you also know that someone's got your back. Yeah. And you're together and working on that thing.

And it's pure luck. As you say, it's pure luck. Because people often go, how have you got that? Well, we were friends for 10 years before we got together. But also, you learn how to do it. You learn how to be in a good marriage, I think. I think the first five years, you ever heard the phrase, which is you have to wear the costume

before you wear the clothes. I've never heard that. I've never heard that. That's nice. So if you want to be a rapper, right? You have to pretend you're a rapper before you are. And actually that would be a comedian. Exactly.

I'm literally after my second gig, I told people I'm a comedian. Yeah. And I was styling out just to say, I am a comedian. I said it enough. And then suddenly when I was a comedian. All right. I think it's the same. I think it's the same with marriage.

You have to find out what your, happy version of a happy marriages before you have a happy marriage. Yeah, and not everyone's looks the same. No, not everyone's look the same and that's what I mean. Without sounding smug. It does sound smug. Yeah, he sounds really smart. I'm happy and there we are.

No, it's not. I think I think you're lucky though. I think you're lucky as well. Pure luck. It is pure luck. There's no right or wrong or more reason to it, you know. But you could say that as well because I've been in a lot of long-term relationships. I didn't work out.

But like... I heard that. I just did the same way. up when I said, I don't know. Why didn't they didn't work out? Just weren't right for each other, I don't think. But it just so happened that

this one did. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what my voice is. For now. For now. For now. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo.

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Someone's already claiming this is our year. Someone else said that last year, too. A round of Jameson, ginger, and lime arrives at a table. Smooth enough for kickoff, smooth enough for extra time. new friends pulling up a stool debates about whether that was a handball cheers rising like a roar around the room because match days are about the shared moments

how did Jameson to your match day line up Jameson it's what you bring please enjoy our products responsibly Babadoo Babadoo Babadu Babadu Bhabadu Bac Do you tap? I can't tap but I did play a million 30 million and I just faked it Did you? I know a couple of steps Yeah that's right

I did them over and over again And I think people to dance around you can tap I can tap, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I find it the coolest thing. That sounds like I bought it up because it can say. I feel like you did, but that's fine. I find it the coolest thing. Cut dancing is the coolest thing.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. It's not that cool when you're nine years old and you're at school, you know. Yeah. It's not that cool then. So you went dancing when you were younger? It was five, yeah. Neither of ours have showed a real interest in the old dancing, but I would

it might do. It's up to them, isn't it? So that's where you start. So when you were kids. he went Acklin, singing, dancing first. Yeah. Wow. So you were properly here that kid.

I've always loved it. Triple Threat. Don't know why. I've always just loved. I don't know why it is. Not in my family. Do you know what it is? You either do or you don't.

Yeah. It's like a drug, I think. But then at the same time, you do a football podcast. Yeah, I know about football as well. So. It's funny. Why try and put him in a box? Yeah.

What are you trying to put me in a box? I tried. He tapped me in the walls and a little metal bits on your shoes. But where I used to, where I used to learn tap dancing. had a massive window. Yeah. And the other side of the window was the local,

um, football team would train at the same time. Mm-hmm. As I was learning to, to tap dance surrounded by girls in leotards. Gosh, like Billy Elliott. So it was like Billy Elliott.

Um, but so when I got a bit older, I asked them to shut the curtains because I got quite, oh, that's so sad. Quite, uh, what was it like as a straight guy in musical theater? Um,

well, I, The thing is, I did, I went to, I did, I did musicals as a kid in the National Youth Theatre and the National Youth Theatre. And then I went to drama school, went to Lambda and did the classical acting course for three years. And then I left that. Then I was an actor for four or five years to varying degrees of success, not massive, but fine. But was not happy at all. Wow.

And so I went, oh, God, what, what, why am I, why am I, why am I doing this? What have I wasted my whole life? Then I realised I wanted to be Bruce Forsyth. I didn't want to be Hamlet. So I went out of that. You want to do more like presenting type thing. Well, I just want to do show business, you know. I like, I like show business.

Okay, I get you. I meant by my question, did you get all the girls? Pretty popular racing. I was going to say because it is very, you know, obviously got a lot of gay male friends. Yeah. It's very gay male heavy. Yeah. And I often, whenever there was a straight guy. Love the gaze.

Love the gays. I'm obsessed with the gays. But when there's a straight guy in the musical theatre world, it doesn't matter what he looks like, that guy gets attention. Yeah, well, yeah, you do get the attention. I love that when talking, she added in that doesn't matter what he looks like. Yeah, and that was a shame, wasn't it?

Yeah, did that hurt? She could have left that out. That was so, and... I tried to let it ride, Chris. It was an implied, it was implied, even you. But I think she was negging me. I think she was negging me in many ways. I think that's what it is.

She does flirt with the guests. That's what it is. I know what it is. I think this guy thinks he's it. He can tap. Absolutely well. He can say he plays right wing for the West Brom.

He's got it all. Pretty popular, yes. Crazy. Honestly, Chris, you didn't grow up in this world. Sorry, I don't want to understand this world. It's so gay male heavy, which is brilliant, fantastic. I feel really lucky that I've got a lot of, like, theatre, I lovey mates.

I just got cramp reaching for a glass of water. It's over. So that tells you where I'm at. Are you all right? But when I was, younger and there was a straight young guy he was just extremely popular because it's extremely rare

it's like a unicorn a woman in a swinging situation it's called the unicorn really a single woman is it yeah we know a lot about swinging because we get sent in stories and things and we're fascinated of course I two very vanilla people were fascinated by so yeah a straight

I just like a woman thing yeah do you like just I just like to do it just mainly just doing it yeah I'm pretty vanilla we just think sex is good enough Just into doing it. Just into doing it. I don't need that anything. It's like a car, you know, the ways, the main ways.

It's like a car that doesn't need modified. It doesn't need modified. I don't need the massive alloy wheels. I don't need the bumper of the lights underneath. Just let me drive that car. We've got four key moves. Just repeat. Yeah.

Four clean moves, did you say. Key. Key moves, I was going to say. Didn't say though clean. Okay. Hey. But that's probably. If it was neck and you, there it is.

You've got a question. I've got a question. Oh, write this story. Okay, good news. Okay. Very good. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. Which I know this is what this section is called.

Yes. Where we used to live, there was a small hallway with a bathroom at the end of it. Prior to selling our house, we decided the hallway needed plastering. Nice. I hired a plasterer online, so I'd never met him until the day he came to do the job. Right, okay. Always difficult situation. My brother's a plaster.

Getting trades people in. Yeah. Difficult. It is and here it. Busy. Much like Chris, I generally poop in the comfort of my own home. Is that you? Is it, Chris?

You won't poo outdoors? Or I will only shit somewhere that I'm sleeping. Oh, that's nice. Which goes against popular opinion. But there we are. However, for some reason, while this man was there, and at the top of the hallway by the bathroom door, I had to go.

Oh, no. I battled with just being a normal person and using the actual toilet located in my home. but my social anxiety and the thought of this poor man being right outside was too much. I couldn't do that. You can't be shitting there.

I can't be shit with the new plaster right outside. Should I carry on? Maybe if I had known him, I would have excused myself to run errands and found another actual toilet for shitting it. McDonald's. Anyway. We all know that McDonald's is the good.

Well, I feel I've got a thing about shitting in McDonald's or peeing in McDonald's. I feel like I've spent over the years enough money to actually warrant just to walk in. Yeah. Every time you go through the drive-thew, believe you should get an invisible toilet voucher for McDonald's. What a nice idea.

Yeah. What a nice idea that is. Yep. If you're listening to McDonald's. Yep. Not just farm shops, you know. Yeah, in fact, instead of me Nandals Blacott I used to have, I have. In fact, I've got it with us.

It's me invisible. Toilet talking for McDonald's. You mean like a key, like people who are disabled to have? Or like in a radar key, it's called. Yeah. I was like an open any of them. Yeah. Any door, yeah.

Isn't that a good, yeah. You can buy them online. Probably shouldn't. Got grid. Great. Anyway, instead, I like,

this is where it gets odd. Okay. Instead, I decided to lock myself in the separate garage, squat over a large bucket of recently racked, I think it's meant to say,

of recently raked leaves. Shitting in a book of leaves. Leaves. Shat in a bucket of leaves. Oh, gee. And it's a bit like a euphemism. Ooh, it's like shitting in a bucket of leaves.

That's grim. It does sound like a phrase. It's as easy as shit in the bucket of leaves Yeah Well Do people shit in a bucket of leaves Was the porp shit in a bucket of leaves Honestly I can't remember

How if I wiped I must have blacked it out Cover the evidence A handful of leaves Out of the bucket before the shit I covered the evidence with more leaves What have got leaves Hanging around for?

No idea And casually emptied it all to the garden bin Like I would a normal human we had dogs so my brain reassured myself that should anything ever come of it I would blame them smells different than it Yeah

I have been on a dog walk Have you got dogs? No Sometimes I'll go on a dog walk And I'll need the toilet And the dog will go for a poo And I think you're lucky past Yeah

But they are very different Evvious Yeah Yeah I'm not gonna pick mine up with a bag Is he At a low point during lockdown Was picking up one of his poos

With a face mask See what you thought of the lockdown. Did you put a bag on? Oh, no, you know. My question to you both is, Yes. Would you rather shit in earshot and smell shot, if that's a thing, like that,

of a poor stranger you've hired off a website. Something else's websites for that sort of thing. I think. Some people would love that. Believe them in the plaster of it, yes. Or would you find an alternative place to go. I don't think I could shit with someone that close. How's the shitting yourself going?

Because I know it's been a bit of a thing, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Do you know what? I've stopped eating runny eggs. So I think I had some sort of intolerance to runny eggs. I was having diarrhea about five times a week. And I thought, this is not good. For years, you know, literally for years. Since I'm better.

Since I better. Chad, a bit diarrhea. All right, cool. Like fainting on the toilet and stuff like that. Like, not good. I never went to the toilet. I'm stupid. Did you cut out the gluten?

Because I'm gluten intolerant. That's one of the signs. I've never quite a gluten. Sure, the eggs didn't. Cut her running eggs. I've got to boil her eggs now to, again, not a euphemism. Boil her eggs until, like, you know,

play a door. That's how you have your eggs now, wasn't it? Even what about her poached egg? I wouldn't try it. Honestly. Not even going to test it. Fried? Not fried? Not fried. Honestly, I'm not going to risk it.

That's how bad it was. Remember when we were around London? A few month ago and I had spinach in the morning. And I wouldn't have spinach in the morning. Spinach in the morning. That sounds like someone said, oh, you're doing all right. Spinach in the morning. Look at her. Someone's having spinach in the morning.

Look at her. Oh, spinach in the morning. Side plate of wilted spinach, thank you very much. Just been on a golf trip with me mates. Yeah. No word of lie. We drank so much on the nights beforehand in my golf bag for the first time ever I took each day a spare pay of underpants. And I've never done that before. In case you shit yourself?

In case, shrap myself on the golf course. Oh, this is gross. Rosie, you don't understand how funny it is knocking out of a massive fart when your mate's ready to take his shot. When you're all made to take up a driver Oh, when you're all made to take up a driver And you're just great Just great But the fact that is so grim

Like that you've just done that I thought I'm going to suffer for my comedy here So I talk about I don't even recognise you anymore It's the golf trip This was the end It sees golf trips What's the answer? What would you rather do?

Would you do it with the plaster outside Or would you go to the bullets? Oh, I'd honestly do it in a bucket of leaves I don't think I could do it I'd get to embarrassed I might start leaving a bucket of leaves around. I feel like this is what would either do, yeah. That's not poor puree.

Don't. That is not poor puree. But you're in your own. What would you do? I've shacked myself a few times. Shat myself in a wetsuit. Oh, no. How did that go?

Yeah. Food intolerant. Properly discovered I was gluten intolerant. I'd had a big lunch. I forgot I had a surf lesson after me. Forgot. Right, spin it in the morning. Look at him.

Fugetti has a surf lesson. Anyway, when did the surf lesson, hired a wetsuit. When of the surf lesson, hired. At first wave I tried to catch in. I cannot do it, by the way. It's absolutely appalling. Jumped up and untrustworthy fart and wet suit.

I genuinely lost my deposit. But it, but it Not the place to shit yourself Or some would say The Place to Shoot yourself Because actually It's sealed up Yeah

You get it in the sea A bit of warm So how did you get rid of it? I just had to squelch up back to my room And keep it Take it off and spray it down Oh Jesus But what would I do?

I'd just go I just go Would you? I just think people get a bit hung up about it I think that plaster It's not going to be surprised that someone's had a shit in a toilet.

Exactly. They're probably used to it. I've met plasterers. Yeah. I think they've had a shit. What? Quite a lot of plasters have had shits. I don't,

no, yeah, but my brother's plasterer at him and we had a massive discussion about this. He's never had a shit in the houses. Really? He doesn't,

la-di-da. Well, no, he goes it does it in the van. Yeah, the thing they'll be shit in a van. It's like every plasterer's got a book the leaves in the back of the van. Yeah.

Quite so expensive. You got paid for the leaves. You got paid for the leaves. Yeah, so, but good question. Good question. Good question. It's really got us thinking. And also, thanks so much.

I would drop and flush. I would drop and flush. I would drop and flush. I would, you know about dropping flush. Now, go on. Catch it in the roll. No. No.

What? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Catch it in the roll? Catch it in the roll. Catch you in the room? Why are you doing that in a toilet? Is that by J.D. Salinger?

Catch it in the roll. It's what it is. Catch it in the right. Very good. Very good noise. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. I did it this morning, the hotel, me and you.

Catching, drop and flush. Drop and flush. At the same time. The minute it hits the toilet, flush. Oh, thank you for dropping and flushing with me. I do it in the hotel because obviously we've got separate bathrooms at home. And we still want to have sex. Yeah, and when we're in a hotel, I get shouted out all the time because I'm not allowed to pooing hotels.

Yeah. So this morning, she doesn't even know I did it because I did. I didn't know you did. Literally, plop flush. Why don't you do flush, plop? so then it would cover the sound too much pressure I've done that before what you want to drop it into a torrent no too much pressure

might be a new experience no I'm scared I've done that loads I've done it while I'm and the new ones with your hand centre are even better because you just do that while you're doing it oh very good this has been lovely

I just hope so thank you so much thank you so much it's been lovely to see I haven't seen you for years and yeah congratulations a lovely lovely man Thank you very much. You were a brilliant comedian and it's hugely warming to see your brilliant success.

And meet your lovely wife. She's all right. Thank you. She is all right. So people are so nice to you on this. It's really sweet. It's weird, in it? No, because you lived a life where you just thought nobody gave a shit about you for five years after Edinburgh.

And everyone says really nice things about you. That's nice. So thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you.