Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous With Harriet Kemsley

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week Chris and Rosie Ramsey are joined by the brilliantly funny Harriet Kemsley — comedian, podcaster, Mum and general delight! Harriet talks about her Podcast 'Single Ladies in Your Area' and her up coming tour 'Floozy'. The trio also discuss dating in your 30's, tinder bios and of course there is a brilliant listener email! If you would like your email read out by a guest get in touch [e-mail] Get tickets to Harriet's tour at harrietkemsley.com Find 'Single Ladies in Your Area' wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Coming up on this week's episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous, we are joined by the very, very funny Harriet Kemsley. Oh, we had a lovely chat, didn't we? Oh, she's such a nice girl. I'm loving getting to know all of these people.

It's really cool. You're sort of meeting people from the comedy circuit, the backwards way. Like, I met them all on the comedy circuit coming up and you're meeting them like afterwards. Yeah.

It's quite cool to watch, actually, to be having a lovely chat with them. We did, we had an absolutely great chat with her. She's on promoting her to her at the time of recording very much in the style of filler she didn't have a title. It wasn't that long ago so she's only just come up with it.

Rosie, these things. I don't have it with stress. Come on, man. You put it on sale before you've even written a joke. That's the crack. Anyway, it's called Flusi. I'm sure she's written loads of jokes.

I'm sure it'll be a fantastic tour. It starts autumn 2026 and you can go to have your Kempsey.com for tickets. We've chatted about loads of stuff. We've talked about a podcast that just got with Amy Gladhill. Single girls in your area. Yep, they're both single.

And obviously, Chris and I delved into the world of single life after marriage. Very tempting. We sport her like she was an alien. We're asking her, but it was literally like we didn't understand what was going on dating in your 30s, but yeah, I hope we didn't upset that.

No, I don't think we did. We talked a bit about pelvic floors, which is always interesting. Of course he did. And she also reads out one of you, Oh, disgusting. Filthy. Emails.

Filthy. It's great chat. Hope you enjoy it. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle.

Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bao do bagadoo, ba. Jingo! Hello, you're listening to Shagged Marion. Please keep me anonymous with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Yes, hello, and we are joined today by stand-up comedian, podcaster. Famous striptease dancer in front of Bob Mortimer. It's Harriet Kemsey, everyone! What an intro

What a check him out So that was from last one laughing Okay well yeah From that and other things Yeah mainly mainly that And from them times You appears you to go around his house Yes he's asked me to stop

To please stop yeah Yeah He appears you at the stop He's just pulling down the blind I'm in the garden I can't stop I'm so sorry It just came off my tongue

I just thought, what am I going to say? I'll just say that. I was like, bugger it. I had a woman after it came out. I went into, to get a coffee and then she went, oh my God, ping pong. That's not what you want. It's it.

I don't really think things through. That might have become apparent. Yeah. That's what you're going to be best known for forever now. Yeah. Just hoeing ping pongs over. Yeah. I guess if you've got those skills, you know,

you want to plot them. There's a woman in Venadorm called Stickey Vicki. Oh. Have you heard of her? The name rings a bell, but you'd think. that would you think that would have you never heard of sticky vicky well I feel like I've heard the phrase yeah she does an act in Benadolm she's been going four years I'm talking I think she's been going for about 40 years probably not even sticky anymore it's probably pretty dry now is she is she where it comes to us all

she a whole act is just shooting things out of her vagina things anything anything and probably concepts places probably probably I've got over 40 years. She's probably, I don't know what she does now. But it's, yeah, genuinely.

Wow. My company has drawn to sticky vicky. Well, I've got a lot to look up after this. Yeah, I'm very interested. I need to book, I need to book a fly.

I've got a trip I need to take. This is fascinating. Although, actually, something quite sad, I did try to look online and none of our shows are online at all. You can't actually watch it.

Famous before the internet. I thought you said you were looking for like a course or something. I thought to, how to you do it? I think you've got a stronger pelvic floor than Rosie to do that. Rosie can't go on trampolines, man. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

And I didn't even have them naturally. No, my pelvic floor. No, especially when you have kids, you're just like, what is pelvic floor? No, I know. Dodgy sneeze for me and it's gone. Like, the day's ruined. The day's ruined.

It's weird, sorry, I know. You might, like, I might just look like an absolute pig sitting here and saying these things, but it's because it'll come as a package and I'm so involved in this that I can say these things. You know, it's all about it. Can you imagine a bloke? Can you imagine Bloch's podcast where he's just sitting here seeing the thing?

Like sometimes I sort of view myself from outside. I go, did you just say that about your wife's pelvic floor? I think that's good. I think it's better than the opposite, which would have been like 50 years ago, whatever, where you'd say pelvic floor in a man would vomit. So I think this is better. I was sitting in my mouth,

but I've learned a swore without anyone notice. Yeah, that's progress, actually. Thank you. I'm trying me best. Yeah, that's good. You are actually so good with stuff like that. Like, you genuinely can talk about it. I don't mean a lot.

It's better with things like that now. How is your pelvic floor? It's okay. I don't think it's not excellent by any means. It's hard to know what the bar is. You know what I mean? I feel like we need to have competitions maybe to find out. Like, I don't think I'm going to get any medals.

We have just, we've just come up with a new game show. What's it called? The Pelvic Floor Olympics, hosted by Rosie Ramsey and Hensley. Pull a lorry with their pelvic floor. Yeah, that's the. Mine's shocking. Like I think just now, every time I laugh, like, if I don't cross my legs, then like, I'm not good. Yeah, you know.

Earlier on, I was crying and laughing, but did you notice when Greg Davies was saying, my legs were shut the entire time? Greg, if you're listening, that's not, nothing personal, mate. She wasn't worried. It's a massive compliment. Yeah. Yeah. It was funny. It was very, very funny.

So, you are here to chat about your tour. Yes. You are going on tour. I'm going on tour next year. Yeah. It's happening. It's happening. It's coming.

Good. You haven't got a name for yet. Well, this is what I'm trying, I was trying to ride it out. But you can tell. You should probably get a name before you call on podcasts. Yeah. But I like your style. It's sloppy and I love it.

You know what I mean? No one's going to me for business advice. It's not a professional. But you're here. I feel it, man. Like Niam and a tour is terrifying. It feels so stressful because you, If you feel like if you name it the wrong thing,

it's going to put people off. It has to be the perfect name, but you can't come up with the perfect name. But you're all over thinking it now. Yeah, well, I was just supposed to say, then what you realised

once you finish the tour is, oh my God, that name meant nothing. This is it, yeah. It doesn't even, yeah. And if I think of anyone shows, like I'm not really thinking of their,

the titles. I'm just thinking, oh, I want to go see that person. What's it about? Like, what, so what are the, me and hitters? Okay, well, it's not been, this is so off-putting for everybody.

It's not been written. Listen. No, no, no. I feel your pain here. Mine is on sale. Currently nearly sold out. Starts in February. And I've got half of it done.

Yeah. This is how it works. This is the world. Okay, that's reassuring from you. Yeah. So it's going to be from autumn next year. Oh, I've got October. It's just, it's going to go.

It's going to be on sale, I think, when this comes out. And by then I will, I will have a title. I will have images. I will have a few jokes. Great. And we're going to build from there. But yeah, I'm going to start previewing it properly like next year. I think the thing that is going to be about is I always just end up talking about

exactly what's happening to me in my life at that moment. And so I think it's going to be kind of coming out of a marriage and have just trying to kind of like live this new life that I didn't think I was going to be living. Oh. Oh. Oh, so hang on. Right. You've just come out of your marriage.

Yeah. Are you childcare-wise? Are you 50-50? He's really good. Like we're very involved. Like she stays with me six nights a week and she stays with him one night to week. But often when I go away, like he'll come and stay and he'll pick her up. Like nearly 50-50 will split weekends.

It's just incredibly complicated because of our jobs. Of course. We can't be like, oh, you have her these three days and I'll have her these three days. It has to be like passing back and forth a bit. Yeah. But what I want to see is it quite nice to have that one night. See, this is it. See, this is what I thought.

The thing, like, I always thought that. But I actually think it's not because you always, you want to be with them when you're not. And because you don't have that choice, I think you don't want it. And I actually think married people need to do this because you have the choice. So you should be doing this more. You should be like, this is my one night a week where I do my own thing. And then you're going to have the best time.

So it's because divorce is like forced on you and then you don't want it. But you guys should have one. night a week each where you do your own things. Oh, each, I thought you just talking to me. Oh, no, that's... Oh, sorry. You got one as well. Rosie has two and you have won. Do you know what is, Harry?

I don't even want, like, I just want to be in the house and I want everyone to be there, but I don't want to be spoken to. Yeah. I want them, like, around. Is that made sense? I know exactly what you mean. Yeah. I want them to be there and I want to be in my house with my family.

The bubble of love, but not the demands. actually, not the human needs. Yeah. They have so many needs. I don't want to be doing the juice. I don't be doing the juice and getting the toast. Yeah, that's you.

I just want to be in my bedroom. I want to have had a bath and I want to be in my bedroom. But it's all downstairs down here he is. And it's like, oh, they're having a lovely time. Do not come in my room and leave me alone for a full day.

You might be honest something there. You might be on to something. Yeah, because you guys have the choice. Like, you should be making the most of this. I think I see so many married couples that are together. and they're trying to do things together and they're so miserable

and you're like, if you're divorced you don't have that choice so you guys go live your lives you'll just come back so refreshed. I think as well I think marriage is it's moved on it's moved on a lot

and I think we can be a lot more sort of like open about it and I watched it I don't read things I watch videos of them online I'd love to I literally nearly said I read this thing

she used to keep seeing I read a fact or I read an article and it turned out it was always a video so now she's just started saying I'll watch something. And now I'm like, tick to off. That is progress and I'm proud of you. Thank you. I'm all in it.

I feel like you shouldn't have to admit that every time. Rosie's on our... She's on our honesty journey. On my honesty journey. No, so I saw this thing. I've watched a video online. And loads of couples nowadays don't sleep in the same bedroom. And it's like a really healthy thing.

It's in, you know, like their husband or their partner, whatever, snores. Yeah. And it's like, why is everyone suffering through this stuff? Yeah, because we have to be in the same bird. Exactly. Going to bed and just be like, why? I think marriages would last longer if we actually were a bit more honest. And we're quite, we're a bit like that.

But I think it's because we do this podcast and we're a bit, we've gone past every realm of our relationship. Yeah. That now, honesty is the only way for, do you know what I mean? You can't pretend. It's not. We cannot fake this shape. So, yeah.

I mean, privilege check. Not everyone has another spare bedroom to just fuck off into. Very true. People might have a shed though or something that you could sleep in maybe. I mean, that's got to be some snoring if you're picking a shed. That's some serious snoring. Treat yourself to your sofa girls. Or in with the kids.

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Ask your pharmacist at this product's right for you. Always read and follow the label. Babadu-bado-bab-do-bab-doo-ba-du-ba-da-ba-da. So you are divorced and then you found itself a new single,

and you've got a podcast with Amy Gledhill which is called single ladies in your area. Love that time. And that, So that's basically because you were both, you found yourself single in your 30s. Yeah.

Brackett's gasp. Brackett's jealous. Nice. I recommend listening. She's so full of shit. She's so full of shit. She'd be devastated. You'd be devastated.

She'd be devastated. She would. This is a listening podcast. So if you're listening and I've done the biggest eye roll you can ever imagine. That's such a funny thing to say about yourself. She would, if I left, she would be devastated. It's not about me. It's not about me.

It's just about, it just couldn't happen. Did you hear what I said before when I said, I want you just there but not to talk to us. There it is, see. You were part of that.

You need us there. I'm joking. So, yeah, so what have you discovered? Like we'd never done the apps before. Like, I don't know when you guys got together, but we were like,

I've never done the apps. No, no, you went on a website. Oh, sorry, I went on plenty of fish for 24 hours. And I think, I think where we live there's just the same people Not many fish

Not many fish Yeah And there's a few fish And they're kind of more like Toad Well I entered I entered the pond And they went a bit mad

And I got loads of messages It was a bit overwhelming And I don't mean that in like a In like No shut off I did it I did use quite a nice bitcher I crushed the internet

I did use quite a nice I think it was a bit overwhelming and what really put me off I came off it within 24 hours because there was a guy from school who messaged us. Not like, hi, how are you doing? It was like a stock message of, you look great, wanting me up. And I was like, I literally went to school with you from being four. Like, wasn't just comp.

Yeah, you're like, type you're set next to you what you're talking about. And he didn't. And I was like, you're just sending out a message to anyone, to anyone who's new on here. You just send them out of the stock message. Yeah, you don't feel very special. Yeah. So then I've never been on one since. So I've not done, I haven't done Tinder.

or match. There's still time. There's still hope. Well, apparently not. There's no chance. No, I'm joking. Yeah. He's such a pretty. I've often said I am.

All the rumours are true. I've often said that I'm glad I missed out on all the apps and stuff. What's it like after being married, after having a kid, after being in a relationship, what's it like going into them? I mean, don't make it sound so fucking horrible. No. That is awful. And I'm not, I'm not shitting on it here. I'm not.

I just personally, I couldn't be awest is what I'm trying to say to here. of it. It's like you have to, it's really hard to care. And it's really like, I never want to give up an evening with Mabel to go and meet some loser. There we are. Right. Right. Thanks. Like, I saw a lot I was condescending. Now we're on the same page. That's what I was trying to get at. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So it's very difficult because I think you also like, I would, I'd like, at the beginning, I'd like have chat with people and like build them up in my head and then I'd like turn up and meet them. And I'd be so cross with them. And it wasn't even their fault. It was just like, how dare you not be how I imagined you in my head and how I hate this character and you're not that and I'll just be so cross and like want

to leave immediately. And so it's been like a real roller coitus because I think I came out, I just thought I was going to be married forever. And so I came out and was like, suddenly this like, I had this identity as like married lady. So I was like kind of like a bit of a prude. So he kind of came out there and it's like it's so embarrassing. Like the first series of the podcast is just literally me and Amy asking people how you get someone to kiss you. Like the most of it. No, I get it. Like stuff you forgot.

Like, you forgot because he hadn't done it in like, I hadn't done it in over a decade. So like, when do you, when do you, what do you do? Like,

it's so pathetic. We went on one date between us the whole of the first series. Wow. I need to listen to this. Here's a question, though, because are we past the age now

where you can just kiss people on an out? No, you can do it. We just didn't know how to do it because it felt so, um, we just,

I don't know why I just felt like this thing of like, I'm a mother. You know what I mean? Yeah. I shouldn't just like snog somebody in the street. This is outrageous. And so I had to kind of like change my thinking and like calm down. I'd like, I'd end up formally asking if it was me. Yeah.

I'd literally be like so as the day going well, look, I'm just wondering. I was going to get the garlic bread. So do you want to do the kiss before the garlic bread or do you want to maybe I'll maybe just I'll brush my teeth? I'll have a mint and we'll do the kiss after the garlic bread. I watched the new Bridget Jones the other day and there's a part in it where he asks her if you can kiss her. And she like in her head goes, oh, like they ask now. That's a new thing now.

Apparently people do ask before they kiss you. Right. Does it happen? Have you? I don't think he kissed. Well, I got a bit of reputation in the beginning of it for lunging at people. So I think I'm doing. Like a football hooligan.

Fack him also, right? I'm just going to put her headbush. I mean, she's not asking. She's not asking. She's not asking. She's going through. I'm dyspraxing. My movements are a bit charing. Oh, my God.

So, yeah, we're learning. We're really learning. I think a lot of podcasts, it's like experts, kind of talking about stuff. Like, it's like confident people having loads of saying to me and Amy. It's just like two. really just trying their best. Getting some tips. Yeah, just trying to get tips.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's been really fun. It's been really nice doing it together because it's like you have like a buddy in it. And I mean we don't like we don't, I think some men would be like worried that we'd like slag them off or whatever. But it's more like the joke is always on us kind of unless they do something really bad. Then we're going to talk about it.

Oh God. Imagine. Imagine going to like going for a date and being like, oh my God, you're going to report all of this on your podcast. Oh God, it'd be a mess. I'd be terrified. People say that it was all the time. Anytime they're doing and they're like, don't mention any podcast. I'm like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. It's, right. It'd be more interesting. Yeah. No, but I'm then if it's like something like a date, like, you know, if, does anyone you've gone out with know that you do the podcast about dating and like, right, this is going to be. It's quite hard to hide it at this point. Yeah. Yeah. And so

that is, that is, that is interesting. Um, live in a documentary yeah yeah but i don't we're not talking about it in real time and if i think if we actually liked anybody we wouldn't talk about it yeah yeah and so it's usually like very like after the fact and it's like oh i was i did this embarrassing thing or i was thinking this it's not like god this guy turned up and he did this yeah um what's your what's your favorite kind of date um it's i i think the first date i just want to get in and out like so quickly because I think you just, especially if it's from an app, you just have no idea like what their like essences. Right. And so the ideal is like literally just a drink because it's so stressful

to like eat a meal in front of somebody that like, I don't even know how to do it. I like, like you're like looking in the eyes, you're trying to eat like it's, I find it's so stressful. Then also I don't want to go bowling. You know what I mean? It's like a difficult, it's a really difficult balance. Do you remember? Do you remember being a kid and got the pictures? With someone who you've fancied, yeah, the cinema. I like you, you like me, let's sit in silence for two and a half hours. Oh, but then the pressure. You don't have the time for that, yeah.

But the pressure of whether they were going to hold your hand. I didn't watch a film. Yeah, I'd be sat there like this and thinking, are they going to hold, and then the hold your hand, they're like, oh my God, oh my God. And then you're like, do that hand just touched? Oh, is that by accident? Like, is he moving his legs on purpose? It touched my legs.

Yeah. Is that still, does that all happen still in? In an embarrassing extent. Yeah, I feel a kid again. Yeah, I feel a bit. like a kid in it. Like it is, it is, yeah, it is bizarre. Like I said, like when I was saying you couldn't, like you couldn't handle it. It's this. It's this that we couldn't do. Our brains don't work like this. Listen, I need you to know right now. Yeah. I'd be absolutely

fucking fine. Yeah. You'd be single forever. Don't you lie. You'd be single forever. You would die alone. Because we made a pact and you're going to stick to that pact and I'll remind you. That's one bleak pack. We did a spell. Remember, we did the spell? Remember we did the thing on the floor on the candles and we said we would die alone, remember? You probably don't want to talk about it. Yeah. Anyway, Rosie, give me a name. me a call if you ever get it. Get me out of this. I did tell you that if you did get some sort of disease

where you couldn't look after yourself, I would stay but I would have a boyfriend. We did discuss that. I think it's a really good thing to discuss. Because I think there's something like most men just leave when something like that happens and most women say to the bitter end. But I would say I said the same to him.

I went, if something happens to me, please like let's look after us because I know you love us but I would want you to still do you have a time frame on when the girlfriend can turn up? God, like, let, like two years. Yeah. Like, can we? Yeah, you can't create away. Yeah.

For the kids. Yeah. She knows how uncomfortable I get when she brings this up. So she's done us on purpose to make it even more uncomfortable than I already do. Well, I'm literally asking a single lady what it's like the day. I'm, honestly. I'm from here. I'm having, I've moved so much in this interview because I'm like just so uncomfortable.

But that is a really healthy conversation. Marriage is like a really. a really intense thing. I actually don't really believe in it. Keep saying, if I had a pound for every time she said marriage is a crock of shit. It's just like...

It's really intense. I think we got married. I think we've married well. I think we've married the right people, there I say. Even though you won't let us get a boyfriend. But I just think it's such an intense commitment. And I don't think you realise it until you're in it.

Because I think it's all exciting and you're planning your wedding and it's a great day. And when you're actually in it, you're like, Jesus, this is, this is mad. Yeah, and you make decisions when you're young and then it's like people change. Yeah, it's a lot. But I mean, I also am, I'm so forgetful. I'm like a goldfish.

I'd like get married again. You know what I mean? And I'd be like, oh, no, I've done it again. It's like, I've just divorced another one. That's a disaster. I got swept away. Would you get married again? Yeah, absolutely.

I just forget immediately. and just get married again. Oh, God. Bloody female Henry the 8th. Look at you. How many of them you killed? You fucking monster. I've got the divorce down.

We're going beheaded next. That's the redemptory. Would you have a gorgie? I haven't tried. It feels like a big swing at this point. You know, like I've lived a life. I don't think so. But you kind of opened.

If you haven't done it when you're young people. You fall in love. Yeah, true. I don't think it's. I don't think it's on the cards. I can't think of any other interview where the interviewer has turned and said, well, would you have a go gay? Because as we all know, it's a choice.

You utter psychopath. I think it's fun. It's because you do show me book us and it's the same questions. I'm too sorry. No, it's lovely. And I'm going to leave and have a lot of things to think about. She asked ex-drug addict Jordan Stevens what his favourite drug was. She's a fucking animal.

She can't stop, man. I asked Liam Pinnick, the dear, if she's ever eaten an asshole. Yeah. And I just think, I've lost. The plot. She's lost her mind. And then she's here, call me a dick. I'm the most professional one here.

Sweet of God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. What's your favourite, like, drug? Where are we, where we go? What's your favourite genitalia? No. Where are you from originally?

From Kent, from Canterbury and Kent. Oh. Where do you live now? Are you London based? Yeah. Yeah. Enjoy it. Yeah, I do.

I do. Yeah, I do. We like really enjoy coming down, don't we? We don't live here, but we've been ever a few days. We've had a lovely few days. So you do, if that's how you do it, you do like trips, you come down for a few days. Yeah, that's a nice way of doing. Kid free.

We do that really ridiculous, cliched 90s rom-com thing where we're checking in the hotel and they go like, business or pleasure. And we're like, but a ball. Oh, God. We actually said it. We actually said it checking in the hotel. Oh, no. I hate myself.

Hopefully with a both. It's like, oh God. Literally. Fucking Rob Schneider, a clock. I'm so embarrassed about that. We didn't talk. I meant to say it in the lift, but the guys came in with the suitcases.

But I wanted to say it to you. I could have vomited in my mouth. Yeah, yeah. A bit of blow. I didn't think anyone said it until I heard I say it. I was like, no one's ever said that outside of a movie. This is amazing. Absolutely amazing.

She's living a movie. I'm living a movie. And then Chris, in fact, like, Actually, we need to talk about that, right? Next time, because you know how we're staying in a nice hotel, right? And they were taking my bags. And they were like, we'll take them to the room. We got in the lift and they went, we'll get the next one.

Chris was like, come in. No. Please, next time, don't let them come in because it's so awkward. And I wanted to die. And they wanted to die. They did not want to get in that lift with us. Okay. So in future, I just forgot to tell you.

I meant when we got in the room, I meant to tell you. But then something else was down. So you won't go in the lift with the, um, peasants who are carrying your bags. You will go on your own lift. No. The peasants and your belongings that you won't carry yourself

will go on a different lift. Just for future reference. Just for future reference. I'm just, I am writing your Tinder biog and that's going at the top. It's so fun to remember what marriage was like. It's so fun to come back

and have a little trip down memory lane. So far, Harriet has no regrets. Oh, do it. I'm so sorry you've just witnessed us having an argument that I forgot about the other day but I'm actually ain't nothing about and I'm so sorry that you had to say that. Don't get married again.

We've got an email from our readers, our listeners, sorry for you to read out. So by all means, go for it before we run out of time. Okay. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me. anonymous. In 2022, when the world started going back to normal, I went on a date with a lovely, handsome, funny, kind guy that I met via dating app, a unicorn, if you will. After a couple of dates, he ended back at mine. It was clear that we were about to get more intimate. I let him into my flat and I went to the bathroom for a pre-sex freshen up. It was then that I noticed on my vulva,

my labia minora, the exact, was a largest blood blister. I had no idea how it was. I had no idea how it got there and it certainly wasn't there when I showered earlier in the day. What? Is that the inside one? The inside lip. I mean this is really showing up my biology that I have, yeah, where's the, Chris? What? It's called the lip. The labia menorah. I think that's the inside one, not the outside. Yeah. The inside. You know the, so you've got the clitoris, you've got the hood and then you've got the two little bits down the side. You got your wee hole there and that's the, the tabon hole. sex all the bottom

and then you've got the Honestly it's like you know you know in like a movie where they put a they put a sniper rifle together She put that together so quickly She was just putting all the bits on And click on my leg Scope on

Okay So it's the side bits So it's side Look last Lassus side flaps Inside side flap Inside side flap We think yeah

Yeah Stayed right We got We got blood on Let's get it's Stade right Call enough How the fuck did she get a bloodline?

How did she get it there? Well, the dancing, which are running. Yeah, because that's it. Maybe it's like, it must be a rubbing. Yeah, chafing. Like, you know, when you have to wear those shorts because of chub rub, it must be your vagina. Jesus.

So she just spotted a blood blister when she's probably getting it down. This is bad. Or maybe she'd go on a nice cycle ride. Right. I thought if I just quickly burst the blister, it would go or at least be far less noticeable. Oh, no.

I got some tweezers and I nipped it. it was quite tough so it took a few goes meanwhile the unicorn is waiting in my living room this is so this is so stressful because you know when you do something and then you're like this was the wrong course of action at every point yeah yeah yeah horrible to what nor who's are them tweezers as well i'm sorry are they sterile i was successful in bursting the blister but the blood wouldn't stop appearing i kept holding tissues against the wound thinking it would be fine but the blood soaked through and there were no signs of it stopping. This is dangerous.

This is horrendous. This is so horrendous. She can lose her lips. You're just in that bathroom, just like, the unicorn started knocking on the door to make sure I was okay. After around 10 minutes, I appeared from the bathroom with bloody tissues watered in my underwear, feeling very embarrassed and quite queasy. I explained what happened, and we decided I should go to A&E.

After a very long wait and lots of bloody tissues, I was seen and told that it wasn't a blister. I had burst with my blunt tweezers. it was a swollen vein, hence all of the blood. Jeez, Louise. I hope no one is having breakfast right now. After a stern talking to from a nurse, I was discharged only to find the unicorn, still sat in the bleak A&E waiting room.

18 months later, we were married. Oh. Very few people know about that night. We didn't quite have sex. Oh, that is lovely. That's actually nice. That's actually really really nice. What a roller coaster of emotion.

Oh, that is nice. That went from to a to R. Yeah, it did. Because he was worried about her. That's really sweet. That's so nice. He was a unicorn.

You were clearly. She's amazing. He stuck around. Why would you start bloody tweezing out of their bloody being on your badge? I don't understand. It's the kind of thing I did. You try and solve a problem,

but you don't know how to solve that problem. And so you start to make steps and then each step makes it worse until you're an A&E. How fucking hard is this last that she just a rip. through a vein and thought

not weird that it won't stop bleeding I'm fine though So yeah I wouldn't have touched it Yeah I think

You just left it I'd have left it and probably had sex and burst it and bled all over him The glee in your eyes

when you said that Rosie I need to have enjoyed it and I've bled all over him I need a thongness for it The bastard

This podcast makes me out Like I hate men and I don't. I do. No, you just hate me. Fair play it as well for going through and explaining what happened. Because that's her bit of, just to deconstruct this, her initial bit of honesty and vulnerability.

And then he stayed and he was still there. You know, he's probably thinking, you know, not everyone's, it's not a, it's not a, it's not a porn. It's not a movie. We're all vulnerable. We'll make mistakes. We all do to have things. I think that's actually, that's, within that,

horrifying tale there is a lovely romantic story I think it's really sweet yeah I think it's lovely yeah and he's just a nice guy and he's stuck around

and he's stuck around have you met any nice guys oh no not yet not yet not yet no it's early days

no I have I have I have um but yeah I haven't nobody not any unicorns not any unicorns yet I don't think you would

deal well on a day and so I just put that out of it no No, I don't think you could deal with Because I'd get too many messages like you do because I'm too handsome Would it be that? That definitely

Obviously I don't think you could deal with like the rejection Why are you assuming there'd be rejection? I think there's always a bit of rejection Oh yeah Oh yeah What would be your opening message to people Do you think?

I'm delegate Please be nice I'm delegate Honestly like again I don't want to like sound like a condescendant I can't even like because you're right I think this will be

I hope this will be forever and God what will I do so we've broke up I've gone on the dating sites oh honestly I'd probably have to put something like you know you all know who my wife was you all prefer her to me

you all prefer her to me am I dead in this well you're not my wife anymore oh yeah she was my wife they're all going to be on your side whatever's how they're all on your side you're probably all prefer to me.

Give us a chance. I'm not that bad. Let's see what happens. It's, wow. It's too tragic. We'll just, I'll stay with you. Let's just say.

Just what I've never got to write that. Just so you don't have to work to do that. I'm sweating. That was a horrible thing you even have to think about. I can't let's not do this for now. No, let's keep holding hands. But honestly though, still, if I could just have a boyfriend on the side,

that would be absolutely, that would be spam. Good. So we're talking, us, me and the kids downstairs, out your way, we're there, but you know where they, you're your boyfriend. upstairs. Oh, so you can hear everyone's okay, but you've got your boyfriend. That's a lovely

I didn't think my boyfriend could be there? Could he be there? So in this scenario, is he coming in and do I know he's there or am I pretending he's not there and he's coming through a ladder? It's more exciting if he's sneaking in. Yeah. Yeah. You probably will know because I'll have to have a date to that, but just imagine you don't. And he's going to have to be

younger than us. Right. Right. Okay. This is like, no, I'm sure, I couldn't really do it with you. It's exciting the thing about it. What was the show where the girl was in our bedroom and the lad would just put a ladder up and just climb up. Was it closer explains at all? Yes. Right? God, that was a good show. Yeah. Okay. And he would just climb up.

We wouldn't get away with that now. A bit much of it. It was. Bad vibes, isn't it? Was that his ladder or was that the ladder in her garden? Yeah, did she just have a ladder outside or was that his pervy ladder that he just used? Yeah, I know. But it actually was a running theme and quite a lot of the stuff we watched as kids. Yeah. Yeah.

Where teenage boys would just appear. Yeah, your window. Yeah, I grew up with a real false sense of just being. hot lads in my room all the time. At least in your garden thrown pebbles at your window. That never happened. Yeah, no.

We've run out of time. I've had a lovely time. We're going to have to go, but thank you so much. Thank you. So you're going on to her next autumn. It is on sale now. It will have a name and your podcast with the wonderful at you me Gladhill.

Single ladies in your area is in its second series and it's developed on all good podcast platforms. Harriet, thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye.

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