Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous with Joanna Page

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

Joining Chris and Rosie Ramsey on this week's Shagged Married Annoyed is the brilliant Actor, Podcaster, Taskmaster Contestant and star of Gavin and Stacey, Joanna Page! Joanna brings her incredible energy to the podcast and shares so much we almost didn't need a Please Keep Me Anonymous! They discuss family holidays, moving house, life with four kids and of course how much Joanna enjoyed taking part in the new series of Taskmaster! You can catch Joanna alongside Amy Gledhill, Armando Iannucci, Joel Dommett and Kumail Nanjiani on Taskmaster from April 9th at 9pm on Channel 4, you can also catch up on all episodes at channel4.com You can also get a glimpse in to Joanna's life on her podcast Lush, which is released weekly and is available wherever you get you get your podcasts If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, you are listening to and watching. Please keep me anonymous, part of the Shag Married Innoid extended universe. This week we are joined by Joanna Page, sensational actress. If you're like us, you would have watched Gavin and Stacey. Just legend. Brilliant.

So funny. We had the best conversation. I don't think she took a breath. It's just she is such a good value guest. Good value. Like, I feel like... Uplifted. Uplifted.

Also exhausted, but uplifted, mostly. Oh, I just love her. That was great. Brilliant. She is on the new series of Taskmaster, which, if you are listening to this on the Wednesday, it is out tomorrow. 9th of April. We chat a little bit about that.

She's also got a weekly podcast called Lush. It's a warm, chaotic, unfiltered peek into her world. 100%. We were just in her world for half an hour there, and that was, yeah, yeah. But I just feel better. Isn't that nice when people come into your life and they just give off this lovely radiant, like sunshine. Well, one of our team just said there when they came back in

because the interview's finished and we record this intro afterwards and he just said, I'm so glad she was lovely because I couldn't have handled if Stacey from Gavin and Stacey wasn't exactly how I imagined that. And she was exactly how I imagined that. She was funny, she was happy, she was vivacious, she was honest, she was a great great chat. She was in love, actually, doing the sex scenes.

Oh my God, yes. Wow. We didn't talk about any of this. Get her back, get her back in. All right. Please like and subscribe if you are watching this on YouTube. Thank you. We had a fight about the jingle.

Jingle-Doo-Doo. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jing-go. So this is the Jing-go. Jing-go. We hope you like the Jing-do. Jing-go. Bab-do-ba-do-ba-du-ba-du-ba-du-ba-du-ba-du-ba-doo-ba.

Jinggo! Yeah, because my two smallest, he's not up for like, roller coasters and stuff like that. So they like just all the really small. small sweet little stuff and then the two bigger ones they've now suddenly gone right yeah for roller coasters and I'm up for all of that

the roller coaster all of that so then your hubby could have the younger ones and he can have those ones well have to split up a bit and yeah motion sickness hypers space mountains amazing yeah really good

the Avengers test flight or whatever that one's amazing yeah the the find a Nemo the turtle one really good Crush as Canyon yeah brilliant

yeah there's some really the good ones. Tower of Terror is amazing. Oh my God, yes. The Hollywood Tower. So good. Oh, Frozen's open now as well. Yes, it is.

That wasn't open when we went. Right. Yeah. I've been doing Frozen now for about 13 years because Eva's now 13. So when Frozen first came out, we did the whole, you know, go and sing along Frozen and all of that

and we did the costumes and the dolls and everything. And now 13 years later, Bo is now doing it, so I'm rebuying everything. Oh. I'm literally just where I've been for 13 years. I know. What the foot?

It's in Tien, isn't it? Let it go. We're like that because we've got... So there's five years between our kids. Nothing. Nothing for that. No, no, I don't know why I bother. No, there's five years...

I don't know why I bother. Well, you'll be even worse for this because you've obviously got 13 and then four. Yeah. But I feel, because we've got a 10-year-old and a 5-year-old, we're still in our house, there's still kids stuff, there's still toys everywhere. Yeah.

I'm like, when is this going to end? Yeah. It's been 10 years of just kids shit in my house. But like, loads of my friends who've had two kids quite close together, their kids are older now when they're like playing in their rooms and they don't have toys everywhere

and I'm like I'm still there Yeah still there All of my mum friends from the first round Which was like she's now 13 right Yeah All of those mums They've now got like their houses back And everything is tidy

You've got a kitchen That is just a kitchen You haven't got like just a load of trucks And everything everywhere But because Bona And then the two boys They've gone a bit more Noah's just like really into football

And Kit just wants to do science So they don't really want a load of toys or anything but Bo now has just taken over the entire floor in the kitchen and it's been going on for 13 years and I'm now thinking she's only four, so, four, five, six, seven, about another three years solid of it before I suppose we can start getting a few things upstairs in the bedroom. Then you have another one?

I can't, I have my tubes tied off to bow. Did you for real? Did you? Yes. You look so proud. She'd won a fucking award. My husband, My husband felt like he had won an award when that was finally done

because after the third one, because I had to have lots of emergency one, my first was an emergency cesarian. Second one, like nothing was going on. And so that ended up being a cesarian. So with my third one, I didn't have any choice. It was like you have to have a cesarian. And when I was having it, they said,

look, are you thinking about having any more children? If not, we could do your tubes now and stuff. It's a big decision, in that moment, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm quite impulsive. So I wasn't kind of freaked out to anything. I just kind of went, no, even though my husband was like, after three, that is it. I kind of went, oh, no, definitely not. Because in my head, I've not really thought that this is going to be it.

So no, no, I'm not going to do anything. So it's quite cool about it. And then we said, you know, well, he was adamant. There's not going to be anymore. And I thought, okay, I'm just going to have a dog because I can see that he's not, you know, he's not going to be pushed. And then five years later, he was pushed. Yeah.

And so it was like a complete accident when I was 44. Oh my God. Right. you can tell that I'm so exhausted, right, from having all the four kids, right, and we're in the holidays, this is counselling and I'm full on venting because I've literally just met the pre-na on. It's absolutely, I love it.

What was it like? You're the same as us, you're an overshare at and tell. I'm such an overshare. Because we had the three, and my husband is one of four, so he was always like, you're going to have four kids. And I'm an only child. So I thought, well, whatever you get, you're lucky with, you know? Yeah.

I don't know how many are you going to have. And so we had the three, and he said, right, that is it. And then five years went by. and I was 44, clearly ovulating, and I think my body must have been going, oh my God, this is like a last chance. The last hormones? Yeah, because I came home from the school run,

and he was in the garden, gardening, and he was just in a bare-chested, a pair of low-slend, tracks in bottoms. And I said, quick, get upstairs, we're going to have sex. And he was like, oh, my God, this is like insane, you know. We've got three kids, we barely ever do it, because we're so exhausted, shot straight upstairs. As he's going upstairs, he went,

you're ovulating, aren't you? I don't know. I genuinely, I genuinely... Well, yeah, because that is your body telling you. Well, yes, and I was 44. Yeah, but make a baby because... Well, yeah, that month, you know you can only get pregnant for about like three days or whatever.

That month, we were so exhausted having three kids and everything and with whole life and everything. Yeah. We did it once that month. Yeah, and that was it and I got pregnant. 44, we'd only done it once that month and I got pregnant. Slammed on. Yes. So, after the fourth, I then said, yeah, okay, like just on a week.

women I went, yeah, okay, I will get my tubes tied. I would love to have another one, but I don't think I could go through another pregnancy. I will get my tubes tied because spring's coming up and if he puts them garden shorts on again. If he starts gardening, that will be it. We are stuffed.

But that Alan Titchmarsh vibes. Come on. I sometimes get like that. We've only got two, but I'm like done, right. Did you know you were done after two? Yeah, I just... Yeah, I was done after one, but... Yes, were you? Yeah.

I just feel done. I don't know. But then, but then I get these... Do you still get broody? Oh my God, all the time. Yeah. All the time, I'm literally like, I could do it again. But then I just, I don't think I can.

Do you know what I could do again, right? I've always like being pregnant. Did you? Yeah, and with the last one, I mean, I found out, and it was, I was like six weeks and two days or something. I was showing straight away, because I hadn't lost any baby weight. And I was like, oh my God, just get me straight into the maternity way. And I looked already like I was about four months pregnant.

And I was like, I was like, happy with that, right? And so I could go through pregnancy again because I've always enjoyed it. And then when they come out, oh my God, I love them when they're like little hedgehogs. They're so snuffly and small and you put them on your shoulder. And I'd like to do that until they're about six months old when they start sort of moving a bit and sort of smiling and then I can, I'll give them back then. I just love them when they're newborn and I've just got a cushy little baby. I would like, so newborn, yes, same, literally until about six, seven months And then I could skip everything to three.

Yes, that's so true. Because the one to two, it's the, do you know what it is for me? It's the dangers. Yeah. And it's the having to walk around with their hands and it's just constant. You're constantly wiping their face. Yeah. And everything, they're going to choke and you can't, you can't leave, you can't leave.

You can't leave a room. You can't have a place. They think they can do everything, but they can't do anything. And it's like having a little angry, drunk mate. It is, isn't it? who was like, I'll fight everyone. You know, mate, when you get a taxi, I'll, I'll, I'll do it.

And they get up, and there's that confidence, and they start, like, toddling off. And it's, like, the corner of the coffee table, boom, right, that's it, we've gone. And the choking and all of that, oh, my God. It's just too much. It's just, it's too stressful. It is.

And bending over all the time, my pack can't do it anymore. No. I can't push around the small thing going around the kitchen aisle and comes out of, I don't want to do it anymore. I'm so, sorry, can I just say, I'm so glad this conversation took this route

because you saying 44 ovulating and then Askener she didn't want anymore there was a moment where I was like I might get my have a sec meet done this afternoon. Really? Like the way I was thinking there I was like because I thought

I've kept having everyone who listens to the podcast knows but I had to reschedule it a couple of times because of work and stuff and then I never ended up going and on the final conversation with the person when I cancelled it I went I'm not scared you know

I literally said that I'm a phone to the receptionist but literally I was I'm glad we're talking about the negative of parts because I was genuinely quite worried there. Oh my God, just go for it because... No, no, no, no, no. You're a no.

I'm going to definitely get the vasectomy. Oh, yeah, yeah, but yeah, go for it. Have the vasectomy. I've got him in. No, no, have the vasectomy because I know if I hadn't have had my tubes tied, I would have just been trying for another one. Because, yeah, it was, I don't know, a couple of months after having Beau, and then I said to James, I've just done a load of research on the internet,

and if I get my tubes put back together, there's a one in 200 chance, that I still can now get pregnant again. What do you think? And he was like, are you fucking joking? I mean, this is, are you breaking us financially, emotionally, mentally, physically? I would have another. But you know what, though?

You're a monster? No. You need to be stopped. No. If I had started doing the 20s, I still would have, I would have just kept going. Really? Yeah.

I love that. Yeah. Do you drink much, alcohol? Well, no, not loads. But not loads, as in, like, a bottle of wine every night. I am more like, give me about three French martinis a night. So I'm not going through like bottles of wine. Yeah.

But I'll have a nice cider or an apparel spritz or some French martinis. A little chill out drink. Yeah, chill out and sherry. I'll go through sherry like that. I think that's why I can't get pregnant again because I don't want to go nine months without alcohol. Well, I was, yeah. That's where I am in my life. Yes.

And that's just my life. Yeah. But you know, by the time I got to the four one, you just have a little class now. No, I don't drink a lot at all. Like I just enjoy your drink. Yeah, but the time I got to Bo, I just, was like if I want to have the odd glass of wine I will or if I'm going to have a Guinness I will

and I didn't and I'm not saying right on this that there's any of this right is medically whatever because I ate everything as well on the last one because I kind of thought oh fuck it it'll be fine and so I was having still you know like and all the meats and cheeses and everything that you shouldn't have which you shouldn't have but I kind of thought well they do it in France don't they yeah they do

you know it's fine fuck it and there was one time where, yeah, but don't. There was, it's all right if you are taking full responsibility yourself. This is not a medical advice podcast. There was one time when I was pregnant during, and I am not condoning drinking whilst being pregnant, but there was one time during a Christmas when I was pregnant, and I was quite towards the later stages as well.

Yeah. And I hid in the kitchen, because I'd had a little glass of Bucks Fizz, so there was barely anything in it. And then I thought, oh God, I just can't take this anymore. and I hid in the kitchen and James came and found me with the Baxfiz bottle

and had to take it off me Was this with the fourth one? Is that really bad to say? Yeah. I get it. Yeah, is that really bad to say? No. That would take it off me.

Can I just say as a man, I don't know how you do it and it's, you know, I'm not trying to suck up here but it's incredible. It's incredible. It's hard. It's really hard. And then even just like,

not even everything else of gaining the weight and the body and everything's going through it and your hormones and all that stuff, but not being able to even have a sip, even a shandy to think, oh, and then even if you go, oh, it'll be fine. And then the guilt of, oh, my God, I had a wine,

what's going to happen, what's going to happen? Yeah. Did you ever feel guilty, though? Did you drink anything at all? I did with my second pregnancy. The first one I didn't touch a drop, but the second, and both of my pregnancies were like during summer. Oh, yeah.

And so I was like, in weddings, we went to weddings and that. So I had like a little prececo. But I didn't drink. Like, I didn't drink. But yeah, tiny little drinks, but I just love having a drink. and I just can't do it again. Yeah.

I love the thought of a big family. Yeah. Like I'm envious of the fact that you've got four kids because I would love that. Well, you wouldn't be if you were in our house during the holidays because it's exhausting. I'm still sleeping with Bow and she's four. Oh no, I still do with three and he's five.

Oh my God, do you? Do you? Yeah. Yeah. He's not in the bed. Don't let people make you feel bad about that. No. Well, yeah, because people are talking shit.

Yeah. I think they are because most people are like, oh my God, what she's for. And also it's not because she's not because she's, She needs me there. She sleeps better. Say I'm working and I've got to like take a night away. She'll sleep all the way through.

She's absolutely fine. I just really like sleeping with her because she's warm. She's small and she's cuddly. And I'm going to do it. I don't care. No. I don't care. I was just talking about this with Claire,

my makeup artist. In other, you know, other cultures, they sleep in the same room until like they're 25. I don't know. Regularly. But I love it. I keep sending Rosie links to gigantic bits. beds.

You know, like, well, you only go to a queen around here, but you get like Alaskan kings and stuff. Yes. But as Rosie said, it wouldn't matter

because Raph would still be on her. It makes no difference how big the bed is. It doesn't, does it? It makes no difference because he's just stuck to my side. Yeah, and they're always like horizontal. Yeah.

And they've got like their foot just like that. Oh my God. You know, the other day, I'm still having problems with my left eye because if I kind of, it's like if I move my face,

If I moved my face down that way I feel like I've got nerve damage under here Yeah, because I was lying on my back like this in the bed and Bo was horizontal and she was on her stamp No, she was on her back

and then, oh my God this is like some form of flipping torture and because I'm on my back and it's in the middle of the night I'm not expecting it, right? And she lifted her foot up and with her ankle she went full flat down

and a full like ankle socket and foot just literally the ball of it went boom and just got me like right on the eyeball and I sort of woke up and was like

oh my God in complete a nutter shock it was agony and I thought I could feel it and it felt really wet so I think it was like weeping but I thought

well she's just burst my eyeball and I better play it in my eye there's going to be all of that black stuff which is inside an eyeball what's just sleeping in stilettos just burst my eyeball it was so hard

shot a rice gates on for bed again Like all this black stuff Coming down my face There wasn't But when I looked It was just like I couldn't move my eye the next morning And now this was like a couple of weeks ago

And now I keep moving down like that It feels quite thick under there Like I've got nerve damage And then I kind of I sort of came to terms with it And I was moving my eye around And I was going well do you know what Right

I'm so exhausted That if I go blind I go blind And it's just something We're going to have to get on with That's where my mental state is right now I had my shoes tight and I went blind. I did. Big smile.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. In communities across Canada, hourly Amazon employees earn an average of over $24.50 an hour. Employees also have the opportunity to grow their skills and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields like software development and information technology. Learn more at AboutAmazon.ca. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, ba. My sister's got two boys. She went, you know what, Rosie, one night? They'll just not come in your room ever again.

And that's it. And I was like, that's the saddest thing about it. Yeah. So I don't give a short. It's like that thing when people say, one day you'll put your child down. Yes. And you'll never pick them up again.

And you'll not know. Somebody did that to me when I went out for the first time after having Kit, who was my second one. And we went out and we were sitting outside like this cafe. And Eva must have been about two and a half and she was like running around

and I was there and Kit was just like a couple of days old and these women came up to me and they were like oh my gosh she's so adorable and this woman said you need to look at this poem called the last time or something and read it so I was like oh right okay so I was really hormonal anyway and I searched it and it is

one day it will be the last time that you ever brush their hair one day you will pick them up and then you'll put them back down and it will be the last time that you have ever picked them up and I just sat there crying and was like what sort of Sadie, does that, to a new mother. It's so awful. That's like a drive-by.

Yeah. She just walked past, gave you the worst poem in the world and then kept going. But you did that to me the other day as well. What have I done? So, oh my God, your post about the table. Oh, the table. And then it made me laugh afterwards that you then put another thing on saying, I'd just like to say that I was really premenstrual and it's just a table.

But by that point I was crying going, it's not just a table though. It's not just a table. It's not just a table. All of the times that I was watching and watching them when they're sitting and I started crying. That table, seen some. Yeah.

And they've been through it. And it got to the end and I was openly saying but no, it's not just the table. It's not. Do you know what my husband wanted to do? Because I was like, oh my God, I can't believe that this is along the same lines. Yeah.

He wanted to burn the cot. What sort of man or human being does that? Because, right, we moved that. He does not want any more kids, by the way. You cannot give that this. man, he's giving you all of, do not have any more children. On the side, please, honest to God. You're going to see you've got a log burner or something, aren't you?

No, we were, yeah, we live out in the countryside, right? So he had a bonfire going in the garden. Right. And he said, we don't need, there's loads of stuff that we don't need now. Yeah. And we don't need the cot, so I'm going to burn it. I was like, are you serious? Can you not like?

He was like, well, we don't need it, so we may as well put it on for wood. I was like, but emotionally. and like what it means to us and every single one of our children has been in it. Oh no, it's the same cot that's like for all the kids. All of the children have been in the cot and I said and aside from that

what that means to me don't you think that that's like a really like a bad luck thing as well how could you do that on our family? So he did it because he told me to pick it down the tip back. No he's burning. Men don't give a shit. No. They do not give a shit.

You would literally Chris would throw photos away. He's that kind of fucking devil. I swear to God. I had to tell her that that table was still in the garage. It's not. Is it gone? Has it gone? No, it better not be.

I've got a... I've had to go to IKEA. I've had to go to IKEA buy another one and I've looked at them photos and I'm having to dirty it up the same as the one that we had. Oh my God. I'm joking.

I've got it. It's in the garage. It's a bloody good job like. I've got that text him. Your heart sank? I text him when it because loads of people commented on the video and they were like,

you can't get rid of it. And I was like, I can't get rid of it. So no, we're going to keep it. Because lots of people said, what about when you're like a Nana and a Grandma and stuff? And I was like, then the table comes out. Oh, fuck me.

We're keeping it that long. No, but you know what I've already decided? I said to James the other day, when I die, I want you to put me in the coffin and all of their artwork. I'm going to sit the cot. Put us in the cot. Put us on the bonfire. Try and make the cot, right.

Just extend the cot, right, and bury me and that. But all of their artwork, right, that's on the fridge, on the walls and that I've kept, I said, I want to lie in the coffin and then put all of them. that on top of me and then I had to extend that then to the dog's ashes who's already, you know,

no, she's, no, the thing, no, the two Spaniel's ashes when they die, they've not gone yet, but when they die, they'll come in with me. And then our other dog, Daisy or Jack Russell because I wouldn't cremate her. So, oh my God, this is all getting like.

So, hang on, you're gonna dig her up. I've already done her up. No, you fucking haven't. Sorry. Sorry. No. She was my first ever dog that I had as an adult when I was 21.

Right. And I was in London. done and I got Daisy, my little Jack Russell, and so my God, from the age of 21, she lived until she was 16. So we've been through like everything together. And then when she died of old age, I said, I can't cremate her. I just can't. I just can't imagine doing that. I just want, I just want to keep her, and I'm just going to bury her. So that is what we did. And then we all buried her and the kids were there. And then we put her in a basket and put like loads of flowers around her and put a little blanket in. Oh my God, it was heartbreaking. So we put her in,

I was just devastated. And then now, you know, years and years have gone by and we've moved from the house where we buried her. Day before we moved, I said to chains, well, you've got to dig her up. You have to dig her up. Because she's my first child. She's my first born.

You have to dig her up. And he didn't even say anything because he was like, obviously he had to because she was coming with us. There was no way in hell. She was going to be left there. I'm sorry, I'm not. Like before we went, right? He had, you know, a head torch on.

and everything and he's there digging her at night. He got, I think he was doing. Because the motherfucker neighbour has to see. I think he was putting it off and then it got to a point when he was like, right, you go in the next day. Yeah. So he had to dig and he said he dug all the way down, massively all the way around, got like literally the whole thing out because we buried her in her in her basket

with all the stuff and everything. Right. And then we had to put her in like this big, you know, like see-through box thing that you put clothes in and shove him up in the attic. So we put her in there. and she's come with us. And because I don't think we'll stay in the house that we are in, she's still in the garage now in the box.

And I will never cremate her. So until we actually move somewhere where I'm like, okay, this is us retired and we're going to be here forever, we will bury her here. We'll either do that or, oh my God, this sounds awful. But if I die before then, basically that whole box is just coming in with me. Pour all of that on me as well. Put the lid down.

then you can bury me. Wow. And this does make me actually want to tell you that, oh my God, this is generally like a therapy session. I bought somebody else's dead dog the other day. I was... You bought someone else's dead dog. Yes, and I didn't know it was somebody else's dead dog at the time

because I was in Wales and I was in a charity shop and I loved buying all sorts of like mad or sweet, cute little, you know, ornaments. I'd already bought this big fat blue tit because it had loads of symbolism on breastfeeding and all sorts of things like that, right? And so I bought that, brought it home. It was about three quid and James was like, it's disgusting, honestly. Sorry, a blue tit, not the bird.

Or a bird, right. He was like, oh my God, it's just not very nice. I was like, it's symbolic. It means something. For what I've been through. I saw this little ornament and it's like this plastic, see-through plastic, and it's about that size and about that wide and it's a cute little dog with a collar.

and you can see through the plastic and it's got sand inside it it. So I was like, oh my god, it's like a paperweight. You'll turn it over. There's a little stopper in it. Right. And so I bought it and brought it home, showed it to all of my friends

and they were like, it is a dog's ashes. I was like, because it's not. It's a paperweight, look, you know, it's got sand. They said, that's not sand. Those are a dog's ashes. And they said, can you see those big solid bits which are on the top? Those are bone, which haven't, you know, gone to ash.

And so I went and I went and Googled it and everything. And I actually found the exact replica of it. It's a plastic, little dog ashes, boon thing. And whether you put your dog's ashes in. So I brought someone else's dog's ashes from Wales all the way back home to Oxfordshire. And we've now got them in the house.

And James says to me every day, can we get rid of this now? And I'm like, no, you can't. No, I said, what I'm going to do is I'm going to go on a dog, walk with our dogs, and then I'm going to find a nice tree. And I'm going to scatter the ashes. Say like a little prayer and say goodbye.

And then I will have felt that that's respectful. Are they not coming in the coffin with you? Surely there's room in the coffin. I know. I will not extend the invitation to somebody else's dog, but I will make sure that it's been scattered in a nice way. But that dog could have killed a kid. It could have, man.

I mean, it could have. We don't know why it died. We don't know if it died of old age. We don't know if it was a traumatic death and we don't know if it had to be put down. You don't know. This is what I think about old men. You know old men sometimes?

Yes. And you think they're all. Well, everyone goes, oh, he comes in here every day, he's such a nice guy, he goes, I don't think he is. Yeah. I think his whole family have cut him off because I think he's a dickhead. And I think you think he's this lovely old man

and oh, we're buying Mr. Nice. And you know, he's not a perfect. I think he's, yeah, I think he's a wronging, actually. So that dog. So Rosie has told me, yeah. Somebody has given them ashes to the charity shop. He was a bad dog. But they always say.

Rosie's told me that theory many a time. I can't believe she's finally airing it on the podcast. But there it is, the old man theory. That's one. But could be a pervert. You don't know. Well, exactly. You're doing the same room together as danger.

I'm not enjoying this at all. I'm very worried. You don't see many women. You don't see many women knocking about on their own, do you? True. You don't. You don't see many women. They've always got a friend or a family member.

There is an old woman who used to walk up and down our street, who stopped and spoke to me once and said that her whole family, children and husband and everyone else had died, and she was the last one left. Oh, died. I was going to see a phone out with her. Oh no, they'd all died. Really?

And I felt the same as you, Rosie. I didn't trust her. How do you know she was lying? Yeah, so I backed the call over her. She's a bitch. She's a bitch. And I don't want to regret it. Do you have her ashes?

I do. They're getting buried with me. I got this little plastic thing from a charity shop. It's a little old woman. It's a little old woman with a bow on her neck. And you can see the big bits at the top of their kidney stones. They didn't burn properly. But they always say, it's not the dog.

It's the owner. So if that dog gets bite someone. No, you're right. Because the owner had it made it feel safe or in control. You're totally right. I don't think it's a dog false. So there's not going to be, I mean, he wouldn't even be able to extend the cot then, would he, to bury me? Because I'm going to have so many things in that coffin with me that the cost.

I've never, do you know what? I like to think that I feel like we've got similar brains, okay? And I feel like, like, just a lot going on. You really have. Yeah. I've never thought about what I'm taking in my coffin with us. And now, and now I'm going to be thinking about that all afternoon. I'm going to have to let him know.

She's going to start a mood board on Pinterest for it. I'm now, I don't Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo You two have both done taskmaster Oh my one you were both absolutely amazing Because I've always been such a huge huge fan Oh are you? Right okay yeah

Well we weren't allowed to watch it for a long time Because Chris hadn't been asked to do it Oh I hadn't been asked to do it And I took it as a personal affront And I wouldn't watch it until I was booked And once I was booked We started watching it

Yeah so yeah I'm sorry I'm not watching it I'm not watching it And I love, like, you saw me on the show, I loved it. I love stuff like that, daft little things, I get competitive. It was like watching it before I'd been booked for it. It was like watching someone come in and have sex with my wife. Yes.

I was like, I don't, I feel like this is unfair. Yeah. But we loved it. I loved it. It was the favourite thing I've ever done. Did you enjoy it? I was terrified at first right, because we've been massive fans of it. And it's something that we let all the kids watch.

We'll all sit and we'll all watch it together. And Eva, she just loves it. But I've always thought, oh my God, I'd never ever do it. Because I'm an actress, right? I'm not a stand-up. I'm not a comedian, you know, I'm an actress, and I just thought, oh my God, I just wouldn't be able to be funny or clever or I was just really, really scared.

I thought, oh, my God, I'd just be terrified. And it's all like stand-ups and comedians and, you know, like working with people like that on Gavin and Stacey as well. You know, with Rob Ryden, they're so sharp and witty, and they've always got, you know, something. So I was like, oh, my God, I'd be way out of my depth. Yeah. And then they asked me to do it.

But then Eva said, you know, you've got to do it. And that Christmas, I bought us the taskmaster cards as well, so we'd already been playing it. Nice. So I was terrified by I thought, right, okay, this is one, you have to do. And you've got to do something which scares you anyway. Oh, yeah, definitely. And I thought, no, if I, the kids know I've been asked now and I don't do it,

they will absolutely kill them. So they are so excited. Oh, I can't believe it's. And it's true. I turned up, and the two Andes, you know, on the first day. Yes. I stood in the corridor and it just blows your mind when you see the house at first, I'm like, oh my God, there's the lab and there's the garden and oh my God, this is just

just insane. And I stood there for about 10 minutes going, oh my God, but this isn't me. I'm not a comedian. and I think I'm not going to be ready. And then I went into the lab to do one of the first, like, you know, tasks. And I'm very competitive. And I love doing puzzles and quizzes and I love doing gaming and stuff. And I went in to do the first one and I was very nervous.

And then my nerves got the better of me. And then my, you know, like, competitiveness kicked in. And I was like, oh, my God, stuff this. I want to play. Yeah. I just want to just, you know, want to just do the best I can. So I threw myself into it. Yeah.

They love that. The fans love it when you throw yourself into it. They love, like, people actually. Because if you care and you really want to do it, that's what it's all about. And you're fucking hilarious. We've literally just died chatting to you. Like, I don't know what you're thinking. And you were coming.

But you thought that as well. You had the same thing rules. You were like, I'm not a comedian. Should I do Taskmaster? It's different. But you don't have to kind of be. You just got to, I think anyone could do it. And you open it.

And as long as you're sort of like just impulsive and you just, I was very much, right, bomb, this is what I'm going to do. And I'm going to go straight with it now. But the show is, it's deliberately set up for people to just be funny. And it's just brilliant. I mean, your line-up, the lineup of your series is unbelievable. Amy Glethill,

Amanda Unucci, Joel Domit and Camel, which is, he's a huge star now. He's amazing. Oh my God, we were all, I just remember,

there's one bit where we're talking about his arms like yet again. Yeah. And he's just so hunky and just beautiful and just so funny. And oh my God,

and he was so sometimes quite cutting and argumentative sometimes. And that was like, but in a funny way. And that was just hilarious. And he's really, really funny.

Joel is like a golden retriever. George is just gorgeous. Joel Dolics the man. Amy, I think I finally met someone who's got as strong an accent as me and she's just absolutely brilliant. And then, oh my God, when I found out that it was Armando, I Anuci,

I was like, oh my God, oh my God, I can't believe it and it was just terrible. And then you meet him and he's just absolutely adorable. Comedy royally, yeah. Yeah, he is. It's just like, oh my God, it's Armando. Aalucci. I can't wait.

So, yeah, we have allowed. I don't think I've ever laughed right this match ever, ever on a job. I just laughed and laughed and laughed. I was the same. Just so relaxed and just enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah.

Loved it. Oh, well, that's exciting. I can't wait to say that. Oh my God, it's on tomorrow. Yeah, it's on tomorrow. But we record this. As this comes out, it is on tomorrow. It's on the 9th of April.

Amazing. It's going to be great. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. We need to do this story. Oh, you've got a story. Yeah. We don't know what this is.

Can't be any more mental than any of your stories. Is it going to be more unhinged than what has come out of me? I've thoroughly enjoyed this. This has been in me, isn't. We haven't even talked about Gavin and Stacey. This is how much you're big fans, by the way. Love it. Yeah.

Oh, huge. Love it, love it, love it. Absolutely buzzing that you're here. Right. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. After hearing the stories about weird spreadsheets people keep, I wanted to share my story with you. Not a spreadsheet, but something just as harrowing.

Oh. This story will age me slightly. When I was about 14, the local shops were full of magazines like Just 17, cosmopolitan, sugar and Mary Claire. Yes. There was a magazine called Moore, which was definitely the more risque magazine. Yeah, I remember that. I had that on subscription.

Yeah. And just a bit of the magazines that all sounded like sex words. More, now, heat. Yes. Miss, I remember Ms. That's not really good. Oh my God, I loved Miss. Miss.

It was really good. Yeah, that was really good. My mate was, um, Ms. Magazine, top television toady, 2001. Oh my God, who was he? Neil Granger. Neil Granger. Yeah, yeah. Ms. Magazine, top television, totty, 2001.

What was he in at the time? Was it crossroads? Crossroads, I think he was in, yeah, yeah. He then played, he, we were in. So you know Chris Gernan? Yes. So Chris Gernan directed the first series of heaven the sitcom I was in, which was baby car as well.

And it was just after, she gave me the full governing Citi Pock set because I hadn't seen it all at the time. And she literally brought it and gave us it and I binged it while I was on heaven. Oh my God, that's amazing. I love Chris. She's just amazing. She's fantastic.

Brilliant. Fantastic. Anyway, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah. I would buy Jess 17, but secretly read my older sister's copy of more from cover to cover.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It included loads of gossipy stories, fashion tips, but best of all, sex advice. I remember this?

A position of the week. Position of the week? Do you remember position of the week? I do, yes. Oh my God. It's all coming back. I thought it was just boys magazines that had this month. Oh, there was sexy bits in this.

There was always, yeah, position of the week. Position of the week. How long has that feature run? It was every week. It was, yeah. Yeah. We were using them? Yeah.

Missionary again. Like, what's going on? Missionary. I remember looking at all of them, yeah, and not doing any of them. I didn't even kiss anyone until I was 17. But I was just like, oh my God, my God, oh my God, my God. Position of the way.

I'm sorry, after a month, I've ran out. Can you imagine coming up with all this was like a little. On the other side. Like on your left side Yeah One arm behind your back Yeah They're left at this time

But pointed feet Yeah fingers crossed But it was always different And there was a full explanation But like you say I was so young And I was literally like Yeah

Absolutely not dating I'm like oh my god Nobody would even kiss me yet I'm never going to get to do anything like that Real life Julia Gulia The magazine got shared around friends at school Siblings at home And then ended up in the best

Or so I thought. Oh, God. Years later, when we were moving house, I was helping my mum pack her bedroom up. I went under the bed and found a lovely, liberty-esque gift box. I opened it, thinking it would be full of mementos from our childhood, first teeth, baby wristbands, etc. But no.

The box was full of... Stop. You've got to guess what this is now. Is it... I don't... I always tell Chris off because he gathers it right, every single time. But I feel like... I'm going to go full in with

cutouts of every position of the week. It might be that. A calendar of position of the week. Is that under our mum's bed? What the hell? Do you want me to read it? Yeah, go on. My mum had collected our discarded copies

of Moore magazine, cut out the position of the week and kept them in a beautiful box under her bed. I was absolutely mortified and stuffed the box back under the bed. not only was my mum still having sex but she had a catalogue of various positions that she must have been using for reference

I was horrified I am now older than my mum was all those years ago and find it hilarious at how absolutely appalled I was That's fantastic It's really kind of Liberated, it's quite cool and sweet But at the same time I love the idea that the mum and the husband

She should get them out right She'd shuffle them and brought like a deck of cords and she'd find the mountain and she'd go, go on, Terry, pick one this week. See which one we're doing this week, Terry, like, and he just poxed. I can remember that, was it like stick figures? Yes, yes. It was like, there'd be a picture of it. Yeah.

And then a full explanation. But why keep it in such like a beautiful, but I know that I wouldn't be asked to keep it in like a beautiful box? I just sort of, I'd probably have it in a car carrier bag or like something like, oh, you know, or like just in my head going, oh, what one do you fancy now? You would remember, wouldn't you? Surely. Yeah. But I mean, it would be.

But it's kind of romantic because these days you just kind of go, oh God, if we need something to be, what's on, let's have a luck on here. Yeah. But so, I mean, that's quite sweet. I love that. I love it. I wouldn't know if I want to pick them up and, like, hold them because I'd be a bit like, oh. I'm all right for positions, though.

Like, loads of different. I don't get that. Well, I think that I get to a certain age now that I'm kind of like, there's only so many. And there's only so many. I'm tired. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. Literally. Well, sometimes. You could really grab it, but sometimes I'm like, can I just be the one lying down? Yes. And not do anything.

Can I just lie here? About like trying to conceive, like, towards, like, probably about our third one, I sometimes would just be like, right, come on, just get on with it. Get yourself going, right? I just shove it in for the last bit, because I just can't be arson.

No, but I sometimes work because I'd be a bit like, shoving in for the last bit. I'll just, I'll pause, I'll pause the telly, right? Go on, right? Cool. And okay, we're done. Just live for the last bit. It's so true.

It's so true. I have thoroughly enjoyed this. Thank you so much. Oh my God, it's been a pleasure. And you're obviously you had to promote your new book about conception called Shove it in for the last bit. Do you know what, right?

I'm going to keep that title. And if I do any parenting book or anything, right, I think I genuinely, I wrote a memoir right last year. Yeah. And I wanted to call it to breathe through your anus because it was all about like my love. and drama school, and that's why, there was me and this actress Maxine Peek, right?

And we were squatting around our class, our larban class, with the teacher going, breathe through your anus. And I was in hysterics, because I just thought this is just hilarious and ridiculous. And she was just like, oh my God, this is awful. And I said, well, that is like, that is me. That is what I want to call it, breathe through uranus. And they said, we can't sell that in supermarkets. They won't have the word anis end up.

So let's call it lush. So I was like, okay, okay, I let that one go. I like, breathe through Uranus. Because I couldn't get breathe through Uranus. If I write anything else, it's going to be shoved in for the last bit. And while you're at it, breathe through the rainus. Thank you so much.

This has been amazing. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. I love that. What a chat.