Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous With Jordan Stephens

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

It's the first episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous and this week Chris and Rosie are joined by musician, writer, and actor Jordan Stephens! Chris and Jordan reveal how and where they have met before and Jordan shares his love of South Shields and explains why he met partner Jade at just the right time! The three talk about Jordan's theatre debut in Entertaining Mr Sloane as well as discussing the importance of theatre as a cultural experience. As well as all of this, Jordan reads an email from a listener and reveals his competitive side. Escape room anyone?? If you would like your email to be read out by a special guest, email: [e-mail] To book tickets to Entertaining Mr Sloane visit: youngvic.org/whats-on/entertaining-mr-sloane Jordan's book Avoidance, Drugs, Heartbreak and Dogs is available in paperback now! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On game day, pain can hit hard and fast, like the headache you get when your favorite team and your fantasy team both lose. When pain comes to play, call an audible with Advil plus acetaminopin and get long-lasting dual-action pain relief for up to eight hours. Tackle your tough pain two ways with Advil plus acetaminopin. Advil, the official pain relief partner of the NFL. Ask your pharmacist at this product's right for you. Always read and follow the label. Hello, you're listening to Shagmardinoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, my husband Christopher Ramsey.

On this big episode of Shagmarinawai, please keep me anonymous. We are joined by the wonderful Jordan Stevens. And what a really lovely chat that we had. He's just a proper sound lad. Just a proper sound lad. We had a right laugh. We talk about how mine and Jordan's paths

will cross a few times in the past. Yeah. Past we've done like the panel show circuit and all these different things. And I'd seen him. And it's almost like meeting a different version of him now. And we're getting to why. But it's just proper sound, lad.

I don't really want to over-eg the point. But what a nice kid. And it's because he's going out with a lass from Shields. That's exactly what it is. All the best lads go out with lasses from Shields. He, when he, he bigs up Shield's Lasses in our conversation.

Yeah. And I'm just like, yeah. And it's so funny because the, was it the day after that we chatted to him that I went to Jades? You went to her album launch. Yeah, yeah. And I remember I was chatting to her and a friend of ours that we've got in common. And I was like, yeah, Jordan just loves Shield's lasses.

And Anna was like, well, course he does. it's just really funny he actually reveals how he's partly responsible for the name Little Mix as well which I didn't know I didn't know that either and he talks about why Jaden here met at the right time as well as why he loves South Shields

so much he's been here what's really weird is he's been here loads of times while I've been here he was talking about like walking dogs on the leaves and that I'm like I'm surprised I haven't bumped into him but I would have been really freaked out

if I bumped into him and I don't know why just not a person you would expect to say it'd be really strange it's like not to talk about Jit's him to talk about jih Tih Tzu. When you see someone from Jiujitsu in real life, who you normally only say jih Tutsu, it's really weird. All right, okay.

It's like seeing someone you're having an affair with out of the shops. Ew! We'll have a little chat about his favourite animal. His favourite animals, foxes, and his story about it. Really hysterical story. I was talking about it for a couple of days afterwards. Yeah, I've told loads of people about it. Yeah.

Obviously, we're having a lovely chat room, but he's on promoting the fact that he is in entertaining Mr Sloan, which is on at the Young Vic until November. Tict are available now. And it's Marden because we'll get people on to do, please keep me anonymous, and to plug whatever they're plugging. we end up just talking about loads of random stuff. That was the premise of the extra podcast was to do the Please Keep Me Anonymous, but actually it ends up just being a really nice conversation.

We'll barely squeeze them in. We very much, yeah. What's it called when you're like crowbar? Yeah, yeah. We're crowbar in at the end. It's like, oh shit, we've named it this now. You've got to read this. Turns out we're just sick of talking to each other.

Basically. We just need to somebody else. I think we're freaking people out here now. The people who we've done it with, we've got some great names coming up. I think we're like, they're like, God, them two are just excited to be out of their house. It's nice. We really hope you enjoy it and keep your listen out

for the rest of that coming up. Enjoy! Hello, you're listening to Shagmaridenoid. Please keep me anonymous with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Yes, hello, you are. Indeed, it's me, it's Rosie, and our special guest today. He's making his debut at the young Vic and entertaining Mr Sloan,

but you might know him as one half of Rizzle kicks. Gotta say, that first album, genuinely one of your favourite albums ever. We've just been reciting it, isn't it? I need to say his name. It's John Stevens, everyone! Yay! Thanks, guys. Some bangers, by then.

Do that first album. Thank you for a little. I mean, there's two after, but it's... The most recent one, love it. Me, had had it on the other day. We listened to it. We literally sat drinking, and we listened to it. the whole album the whole night. It was fantastic.

I am... I'm... Lost for words there, Chris. I really wasn't expecting that. Got to be honest. No, got to be honest. I do apologise. Don't know all the words yet.

But the first album, do know all the words. To every song? Yeah. That is something I never knew of you. And I appreciate that. And you know, what? It was a decent album.

Even the one... Can you remember when we met... Yeah. One of the first things I asked you. No. We met and literally, it was years ago and did virtually famous. And I literally went...

We said a few things. I thought, in my head. I was like, don't ask them straight away. But then I was like, what is a little goody two shoes glue player models? And I went, what was that? What is that line, and he went, oh yeah, it's a little good, yeah, yeah. Wow, that's some deep. You know what?

You know what? I'm genuinely, thank you. I feel warm inside and I actually feel a little bit uncomfortable, so I don't know. Don't know. Can you not? No. It's just bizarre to me. I can't take compliments and I don't like people thanking us too much.

And I crave this. I, at home in my moments of anxiety, I think, wouldn't it be great if I went on a podcast and, you know, immediately one of the presenters said to me how much they loved my music. Will that be great? And I get to it now and I'm just like, can we move on? Do you know, like,

you've just got to say it. Thank you. No, because I want to now saying some of us. Okay. We met before virtually famous a couple of times. We did.

So we met, we've met some odd junctures of life. Come on then, free tell. FHM, 100 sexiest women. I'll say that. Let's move on for me. We met there.

That's a bone of contention for me. Yeah? Yeah. We'd only been to get. We'd only be together about six months. I think we got engaged after six months, right? We'd be newly engaged. And then Chris was literally like, oh, I'm going to this award.

I was like, all right, what is it? FHM. Wait, what was back then? I was peak drugs then. Were you? Yeah. What was your favourite? Is that not something you ask?

It's everyone's favourite. My favourite is everything. Okay, all right. It's London's favourite. Right, I don't know what you're talking about. It's, you know. Yeah. Martin, Columbia, Marching.

I've never ever tried it. Yeah. Never ever. She's never tried a drug. Never tried a drug. Are you just smoked dope? But then we nearly set a kitchen on fire, so I stopped that. Luckily, this is, luckily my friend hadn't emptied our bath and we put a dressing gown in the bath.

So you set a dressing, oh. Put it over the oven because the oven set on fire. What were you doing? She made a damp first. It was a told her. order. Yeah, she damped.

We wet the dressing gown and then put it over the oven. What oven? Oh, do you mean the hob? Also, why was, what's the got to do smoking weed?

I was, I was just, so. So I was just fucking stone. So I was just like, oh. Yeah, anyway,

that's the hardest I was doing drugs. I was on drugs at that party. Okay, good. Well, yeah, but I just, I know what you're going to say. What?

I know, don't worry. What are going to say? What is the story? No, no, no. I'm not going to, it was. you are genuinely charming.

We had a lovely chat. That FHM 100 Sexist Women Awards was extremely odd because it was, I was hosting it. You were a guest, no, no, it was easily 300 men. Are you hosted? I hosted it. I came to the after party, actually wasn't. I was just there.

I just tagged up with one of the guys who worked there. It was easily 300 men wondering where the 100 sexy women were. There was honestly four women there. All from Holyoaks, really odd. So there was none of the women there? No. So you're forgetting then.

Wait, what am I forgetting? Anyway, we'll leave this first. I mean, I'm not forgetting, but I don't know if I want to say it on the podcast, but it's still one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Okay, good, as long as you know. It's still one of the coolest thing. It's a personal thing. Chris witnessed, contextually to that part of my life,

like a quite good bragging rights moment. In that the woman who won, did she win? She won one of the awards. She won, yeah. I remember our photo from posters in all of me friends. bedroom or younger. Including me probably. Begging for his fucking number.

Like nothing I've ever seen. But Rosie, listen, this is the maddest thing about it, yeah. I was so shocked by this because on my life, yeah, it really doesn't happen that often. It was quite an odd scenario. You're literally going out with the pop star, but that's carry on. Yeah, no, I know that. I know, this is why I'm coming up.

You can't dig it. No, no, no, no, but I mean that like, even if you're, uh, it was just, just, that doesn't happen that often. Honestly, for men, even if you are, even if you are, whatever else, like, especially not with somebody in that context. Anyway, the point was, I freaked out

and tried to be really cool about it. It worked. And so I didn't, yeah, but I didn't tell you the next part that happened after. So I just was like, I gave, basically gave my number over. And was just like, cool, didn't ask for theirs. And then was just waiting for a week for the text. And it just never came.

And I was devastated because I would have liked to have texted her. And then, and then, but then I was like, I was playing some fucking cool, but I'm just like, let's swap numbers. Because I was next to the quiz, I was just chilling. I was like, yeah, yeah, I remember telling people. I was going, he didn't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was playing, I was playing cool.

But then, but then, it is possible to play a too cool. Yeah, but listen, check this out. The next week, and I'm sat next to someone, yeah, and we're chatting and they'll be like, oh, yeah, da-da-da. I think we know a few people. In fact, I think you met my girlfriend the other night. Yeah. Yeah.

But, but then I was like, oh. And then I was like, thank God. I'm just going to guess. Another time I met you. Yeah. That's cool. No, no, no. This was, I was, I'd finished a gig in Bristol and I went back to the Hotel Devan in Bristol.

And I walked through the bar to my room and I heard a few people talking quietly and I turned me left. And you and Harley, you and Harley from Rizukix were sitting on the sofa after your gig both in brightly coloured onesies. Yes. Just sitting there. It's a good era. And I went, you're all right? The same days as... And he went, yeah, and I went, you're okay

and you went, yeah, you're right, yeah, you're all right, yeah, I'm Chris, I'm comedian, I've got a friend in common, Ed Shee and we know each, oh yeah, yeah, and I went, yeah, and I went, yeah, and I went, and you went, I'll never forget, you were just sitting there in one and you went, night, and then you get, yo, it was a crazy time, Rosie.

I'll be real, I would wear, so let's just, I would not only wear the colour for you're talking about ones that were like, it's half orange, half blue from memory. It was just, we both got gifted them at one of these capital gigs. We were like, this is the best thing we've ever been in, right? Comfort over everything. But then I found a website, a company called Kigoo, who make animal onesies.

And I ended up, I ended up at a point where I bought like maybe eight different animal onesies. And if I did have a small gathering of people at my house, I would make everyone get rid. I love it. And we'd be doing drugs and I'd be dressed as a red panda. Love it. Fuck me. How old were you when Rizzle Kicks, like, took, like, like, like, Like how old were you when it all went?

19. Oh, you see. That's crazy. It is crazy, isn't it? To be really famous, that's mad. I said that to my therapist. That's mad. So hang on though, right, because obviously Jade,

yes. Sirwell, your partner. Yes, gorgeous. Friend of ours. Friend of ours. Beautiful person. I've known Jade since. She was like nine.

It's mad. It's just gorgeous. So that's, that must be amazing that you two have got that in common. Yes. To have fame at the same age, I think, to be able to, because this is what we're able to talk

about life and we both get it if we've done a program together and said, oh, that's so nice to have somebody to be able to chat there about that. Yeah, yeah. Like, I genuinely think that I'm really happy that you've both found someone who understands that level of fame

at that age. It must have been insane. It was, yeah, I mean, you know, to not, in fear of, you know, derail in the podcast and just talking about Jade, which is very possible. Listen, I thought that's what you were here for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's dear. Oh, you've got stuff going on?

Yeah. I'm joking. For those of you not watching this on YouTube, Rosie just picked up a card and just claimed he had things on the car. I'm still Chris Ramsey's wife to a lot of people in the world, so that's absolutely fair.

I don't mind being Jay's boyfriend. I think it is insane how closely our lives are intertwined. And it's a little bit weird because firstly, I don't know if you know this, but I'm partly the reason why they're called Little Mix, which is weird. Are you?

Yes. I didn't know this. Yeah, it was a weird thing. They used to be called Riddleston. RivMix, which was like a Bright and Base charity at the time. And then we got booked on Extra Factor, which is a live show. Yeah. And on that, in that interview, I said, oh, by the way, Rithmix is the name of a

Brighton based charity and it's messed with all the Google searches. And then it like started picking up on the internet and then they changed their name. Right. Which is not. That's my. And then secondly, what's even weirder is I've seen the girls a few times. I actually loved Little Mix. I thought it was wicked.

Can we just sort of that? Yeah, yeah. By the way, I've seen them twice live. Like nothing through Jade, by the way. Like, I would just rock up and be like, how much the... Yeah, a little mix of girls. So good. Yeah, yeah.

It was, I loved, I just thought it was dope that they were like UK girl group. The second album I was really into that. And they're so talented. So talented. They can genuinely sing. Yeah, genuinely talented. Like live vocals. So, so, but when I saw them and this is recorded, I never saw Jade.

I never met Jade. No way. No way. Three or four times. And then we were supposed to do a, We were supposed to be on a song with them, and then we didn't do it. And they got Missy Elliott instead, which is a shame for them. It's one of the things where you go, fair enough.

Fair. Yeah. I was like, why'd you ask you, I did pricks? We were up for a book award for our children's book. And we went up against Julia Donaldson. And Julia Donaldson won and everyone was like, oh, you're sad. And we were like, nope. Julia Donaldson. You can't really argue when the Gaunt wins.

Shout out Julia Donaldson. And to our late husband, Malcolm. Yeah. Wonderful people. But yeah, so I never met Jade. So it was literally like, when we went on our first date, even though I'd met the other girls,

I even got in trouble with Perry when I was younger because I, like, said that her and Zane's marriage was going to be doomed. I got asked in an interview, but when I was a kid, yeah, I'm worried. What's you gonna see here? This man. Yeah, what's that by name?

Charity, get it there. Whoa, what you do together? Not gonna last. Next question. Yeah, I was in trouble with the girls for a bit, but I never was in trouble with Jade, apparently. So there you go, yeah? Yeah, but I always fancy though, which is nice.

That's so lovely. And then. I was fancied, Rosie. At college and at school I was fantastic together. Love that. Why are you so obsessed with me? So yeah, I'm five years in now are, Jade. Are you going on Wednesday?

No. I'm rehearsing for this play. I know you are. She told me I was actually gutted. Oh, mate. That's, by the way, it's album launch. Yeah, on Wednesday. That's what Rosie's talking about. Chris's got the kids. Yeah, so yeah, sorry everyone, you'll listen to Shagmarinoid. Name drop and a celeb gossip special. We're just invite each other with each other's album launch. and talk shit. At Medcan, we know that

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heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit Medcan.com slash moments to get started. Let's talk about this new play. Yes, let's do that so I can sell tickets to it.

Yeah, it's at the Young Vic. It's called Entertainment Mr. Sloan. Yes. Right, tell us what it's about. So it's a play written in the 60s by a playwright called Joe Orton, who for people who love theatre especially, or particular fans of the heritage of British writing, he's quite important because he was a gay man living at a time when it was illegal to be gay

and he would write plays where he would like embellish the plays with this charged you know, homo eroticism but also actually not even not even that is a bit reductive it wasn't even just that it was just more charged with the leverage people want to gain from each other and for some people the male characters that would be have an extra charge and that was especially dangerous at the time because not only was it illegal to be gay but plays were also actively censored back then yeah yeah people would have to read the plays and so he would write these they'd be coded it'd be hidden within it now for us it seems almost obvious what was being done but he managed to get it passed and he just didn't care he's from lester working class boy no literally no one in

his family had anything to do with writing wow he just had this gift to just write a story and he would write often about his life and then just put it into, but he's also famed for, he ended up being murdered by his boyfriend in a way as if he had written it in a play. It was really quite spooky. In real life? In real life, he was beaten to death by his boyfriend and when you watch his plays, it's eerie because it's like something he would have put in one of his plays. Yeah, it's really trippy.

And that boyfriend helped him. In fact, the play I'm in is dedicated to the guy who then kills him. Whoa. Yeah. So the play itself, Entertaining Mr. Stone, is just about, I play a young man that nobody seems to know anything about. I turn up unannounced to a house. And it's a forehander, meaning it's me,

Tam's Anarthwaite, she's playing Kath, he's a legend. I love Tams and Althwa. Danis-Zukoya is playing Ed. And Kemp is played by Christopher Fairbank. Fairbank, I was going to say Fairweather, Fairbanks, all of them unreal. I'm very lucky because they've all done loads of theatre. They're super veterans and this is my first ever stage show.

Is it? First ever time on stage ever since I was 12. Yeah, I've never done. I didn't do like TV and film I've done but theatre is a whole different. You know he was in Star Wars World One? I read it, yeah. I wasn't.

Yeah, but I didn't know that. Save the Galaxy, but that's a minor point. I don't think I've seen it. But he was off his tits. He can't remember it. No. I was sober for Scotland. I'm joking.

I was talking about your character I was talking about your character You got soba for Star Wars Listen, you got to get Storm of a Star Wars Do you know what? I think you'll love it I think theatre Out of TV

I mean I've never done film But out of TV I think theatre is like Yeah I can see why actors get so Obsessed I think you'll love it But yeah

My character turns up Looking for somewhere to stay And Do you end up in like a trouble I don't want to give it Yeah I don't want to give it I've seen the poster Yeah

It looks a bit sexy. Yes, I am in Manda and the poster. I think, look, what I'm trying to say, like I was saying before, it is ultimately about leverage, which never ages. So people have asked me if the play still rings true now. And obviously there are many things

that are specific to the 60s just in terms of the way people speak and some of the things referenced. But the Machiavellian nature of people trying to get one over on each other. Oh, we've never changed. No, no. No, people have never changed,

I don't think throughout the years. So it's who wins that. Yeah, basically. Who can gain the most leverage in a short space of time. It's at the young Vic, go online, find tickets. And also I've got to stress, and I've learned more about this from doing the play, that I haven't been to loads of plays. I'm not actually like a theatre-y person, but in the build-up, I've really immersed myself in, you know, stage and theatre and done a lot of reading and gone to see plays myself. And I think it's so important that people go out and watch plays and go to the theatre because, especially with the

young Vic, that's like a subsidised theatre. So it relies on on the enthusiasm and the love from from people. And I really, you know, I'm sure everyone already feels this, but especially now, I just think it's so important to maintain that level of community. And I get scared a little bit that almost every creative outlet in Britain, in Britain has been threatened by whatever has just happened in the last decade in terms of cuts and whatever else. A lot of cuts have happened to creative arts and I just feel like it's the backbone of our society and it blows my mind. You know what I mean? Like Joe Orton has left a legacy as a writer, you know, and, you know, that's just theatre.

Obviously, music, clubs have been closing. Like there's just, we need to make sure that we put, you know. I agree, whole holidays. We put our love and passion into that. We love a theatre night, don't know. We love a theatre night, isn't it? We haven't done it for a while, actually. Yeah.

We used to pick really random stuff as well. I love like musicals. Do you? And remember when we went to see Top Hat? Top Hat. And Chris was like, what the thing? Sweet of God, right, we were the youngest people in that room by easily 50 years. Yeah, but it was brilliant.

I was getting, I'll get eyed up for me, my immune system. You got to watch out, though. You never know what those people can do, man. Yeah, you'll end up walking around in an old man's body. And your consciousness is somewhere else. Get out. Get out. Yeah, there it is.

Oh, yeah, I've seen it. Very good reference. But yeah, no, it's, it's, yeah, I, that's good. And you should, you know, you can get a little bit dinner, you can, you can, you know. At the young Vic actually, you can also have dinner there at the car. Oh, I love it. Your book's also out. It's available in paperback.

I do have a book out. You've got a book. Sorry, two seconds. Are you a Sunday time? Yeah. I'm a Sunday time. Are you a Sunday time? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What would be a chattel? That's really cool. What a life. What a bunch of dicks. It doesn't mean anything. This is interesting because, right, In the book,

John Stevens Yes, that's me. Discovers what it means to be a modern man and how the price we pay for love in all its forms is worth it.

Yeah. You've really grown up, I have, I have, yeah. You've really grown up. I have, I just cannot imagine a man in a wansy writing that.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but in all seriousness, though, when I first started going out of Jade, that was a thing between me and my friends

and Jade. It was like, what she, like, she's really seen the best photos of me. Like, I really mean that. Yeah.

I'd really done a lot of, like therapy and shit. So when I like met her, I was really ready for... Chris was a prick, yeah. To the point where my family have actually commented going,

oh, he's totally different now. You know what it is? It's never easy here, but I do, I do hold on to that was. It's the thing. Was a prick thing. And that keeps us,

it keeps us. They will never understand how confusing it was as a millennial man. Thank you. We have been, we were hard. Oh, tell me your troubles. Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, I'm joking. Go ahead and go. You can have a minute. No, come on. To be fair. No, no, no, go on. No, do you know what it is, John, I've actually, I've got two sons. I've got two sons.

So my whole sort of stance on like, you know, I have to look at it. I have to look at it differently. How old are they? They're nine and five. They'll be okay actually. Do you think? But, yeah, Gen Z boys, that's the, they grew up. They were teenagers at a time when everyone was like, men are shit.

And they were like, oh. So they're, they're, they're. What I'm working on at the moment, actually. Yeah, we've gone on a bit of a roller coaster, haven't we, I think. Millennial, millennial. But the reason I say that, obviously, it would be ridiculous to compare. But I just find it funny because I hear a lot of conversation about, let's say, Gen Z boys or about some of the stuff that's going around, certain people on the internet saying certain things.

And I always think, like, we were raised in our era to just be that type of man and boy. Like, the horrible things we are seeing particular people say on the internet was just fed to us in TV, film, like, that was just normal. Like this idea of just, you know, can you believe boys these days are turning to girls and say and get in the kitchen? I'm like, I mean, I don't like it. Nowadays, that's unacceptable.

But that was just like in the playground, what, 13, 14, 14, anything that would upset someone would say. And vice versa. Like, literally, I, girls, listen, I said it's in my book. The girls at my school, who, like, if you got the wrong side of them, yeah. You want a rumor to ruin your life?

Jesus Christ. like I remember genuinely being fucking rattled at some of those girls because you know they matured a little a little bit quicker than the boys and and like you know if you I mean like I remember when I was a kid I got like bullied into a relationship like I was just like they're like go out with her or we might make your life a living out like it was the mafia for real yeah that was the kind of thing and I was okay and I used to plot like I used to plot how to avoid her yeah like had to She's going to be few of them when she has about you and Jade. It's in the fucking book.

No, I know. But, but Jane, anyway, the long story, yeah, Jade, yeah, Jade's, uh, she's seen a good side of me. Yeah. And she knows I used to be a prick. That was, that's the thing, you know, that I, we've all had, we've all had prick. I needed her to know that because that's about the context of being a pop star, the intensity of that space. And also she's obviously, she's encountered these fuckers. Yeah.

So it's not like, particularly out of, it should be like, oh, you, oh, really, you, you, you, you got fame and money and. And you're a bit of a bit of being a, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so bizarre. Yeah, I got it. Here's something. Go on. When are you going to move to South Shield?

Yeah. Wow. I asked you, every time I say, hey, you know, she's like, I can't. I'm just like, you could live here. You guys actually lived there, isn't it? We still live there. Not in, not social town center.

We live like a little bit, I'm not going to see. A little bit further up. But yeah. On the, oh, okay, I mean. I love, I have a very soft spot for South Shards. I really do. So weird that. All the different times I've met you now and the chances are now,

but next time I see you'll be in a chippy at chills. I know, mad. Yeah, because I, yeah, like I've fallen in love with the Lees, like that whole area. I take the dogs down and they love it. I love the walk on the beach. I have this like really, one of my favorite memories was, I think it was around lockdown. I got lockdown in South Shields.

The third lockdown. Yeah, we went to Jade's mums and we were there for like a month and a half. What? And every night I would take the dogs down to the beach because they had lights along the path but they don't have lights on the sand and it's really calming like just the darkness and the sound of the sea

and it's a gorgeous beach I think it's probably one awards, I don't know It has, it won Britain's Best Beach 2000, 2012 or I think. Yeah, something like that. And yeah, there was one night where I was with my dog and he starts barking a lot and I was like, what's going on for you know,

he was barking at what I thought was a rock but then I walked up and it was a fucking seal or... Oh, what? fuck off wall. I don't know. Seals. We get seals.

It's a big seal. Yeah, yeah. And then this guy walked past and I was just like, uh, what do I do about the seal? I don't know what to do. It was like, a lone seal.

I was like, do you push it back here? I don't know. Like what's, you get you with the seal, bro. You're going to push that. You will lose your arm. Boss, right? So I said like, do I ring someone about the seal?

Like, I don't know what. Like it just seemed. And then, uh, the guy was like, well, where's a seal? Where's a seal? He's from shields, though. So I was like, oh, it's just down there. I'm on the phone to whatever, trying to figure out I'll do the seal.

They've been like, mate, he's just having a kit. I leave the seal alone. Next thing I look at the guy, he's doing a fucking selfie. I was like, fuck, so. But yeah, I love it. I love shields. I love Colmans. I love Marcellos.

You've just unlocked a memory for me. Go on. So when I was, not when I was about, when I was about, I must have been 15. 14, 15, it made me mates used to go for a jog. We used to run down all over the length of the beach and then down at the pier bit and we found a seal

and it was literally just lying in the sun right at the side of the pier and we stayed for ages and we were like looking at it and loads of people come past we found a seal and it was like a big thing before so we didn't have cameras and no one was taking a photo bit

and someone phoned a guy to come down it was just it was just chilling someone told this guy to come down and he came with it you know the thing you used to see on like Animal Hospital where it was the man metal pool with a polar thing.

Yeah, and turn around a huge, yeah. Mate, what's he do? He put it round its neck to try and drag it back to the sea and it fucking fought with this bloke for so long and it was bashing off rocks and it was bleeding and it went back in and I remember being genuinely upset. Yeah.

When it went ahead and he got it and he was like, he was like, sword it and I was like, I mean all my mates were like, we shouldn't have rag it, we should have just fucking left it? Like, why did we ring him? Yeah. He like, he ragged this fucking seal back into the sea. It was horrible.

It's not the one. It's horrible. My favourite animal is, one of my favourite animals is a fox. I'm really down for, I'm really, listen, Rosie, I'm down for animals that have bad reps because I like rooting for the underdog. Okay, well, wait till you own a house with a garden. I have a house with a garden, they're all right.

We've got a couple of dogs, so they don't bother us. Well, well, well, well, well. We got them in our garden and you just think one night, when my kids are out, are they going to come and take one of my kids' faces off? No, right. Eat your kid? That happened where we live. A fox got in someone's house

and went to the baby's cot and like bit the baby That's very rare, Rosie Well it happens But it hasn't happened Also, oh but that happens with dogs Yeah, I'm not one either No Do you know understand?

No dogs, no foxes Can I tell you why? I think foxes are so cute And I think they are gorgeous And sometimes when we see the little baby ones I'm like oh my God The reason I didn't like it is because These foxes that were in our garden

kept waiting the kids up at 4 o'clock in the morning No, listen, the way they sound at night is a fucking joke. The crying baby shit when they're having sex and that, mad. Yeah, it sounds like an underage orgy happening in your garden. Someone was asleep when they were making up the animals for that. Yeah, they were waking the kids up. I was right, we, I'm sure I told about this on the podcast, but when Rief was getting up when our youngest was getting really early.

There's shit in the garden. There's shit, it fucking burns the grass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're wild. But they are. They are. But one morning, it must be about half, five, maybe earlier. And Rath was getting up really early. I don't like lying better.

If I'm up, I'm up, so I just go downstairs. I remember I stood at the window and I was just watching. And this fox was just walking down the patio. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, ah. You're giving it large. They're getting braver. No, it saw me and it went right.

And it like started running. It was running on the spot there. And I could see there was part of its brain going, fucks are you doing up at this time? Like, why are you going to have five? Yeah, bro. I was like, we shouldn't have seen each other. I literally, I remember turning me.

Rave was like three at the time. I remember going, I shouldn't have seen that. I should be asleep. Yeah. Foxes, they roam. So the mad thing is, I remember there was one day, right, where, like, I was with, like,

like, this is like an old, old girlfriend? And it was like, you know, I've been very public. I've always got a fox mugs. I've got a fox tattoo, anyway. Oh, you really like foxes then. I was a bit sad. I was a bit sad that day. And I remember they saw a fox.

And they went, oh, look, it's a fox, Jordan, in the middle of the street. And I was like, oh, it is. But obviously, I know a little bit about foxes. I'm like, if this foxes is a lot. alone in the daytime. This isn't a good sign. Really?

So we like walk up and the fox isn't even running. It's just chilling. Oh, this is so sweet. As a night, this would cheer you up and I'm like, I don't think this fox is okay. I kind of get near it. And then it kind of like hobbled into a bush. I went and got some food, some water, left it out,

was barely going near it. Rung to RASPCA. The woman's come down in the van and she went, oh yeah, this is typical around this time of year. You've done the right thing. I'm like, what do you mean? bus she gets a thing out the car and she went look this is the this is the most humane thing to do and they literally in front of me but it's my favourite animal and I was already sad

but listen listen listen this was so mad I was like what do you mean she went this fox is injured it's been left by its pack it's out in the day because it's going to die slowly over two weeks the most humane thing to kill it now and I went oh my god I've just called I've called for the assassination of this fucking fox And then this is the bit that killed me the most She went look it'll be over in a second She opened the back of the van and another dead fox fell out And she went up sorry

I was like stood on the side of the road I stood on the side of the road in floods of tears Where I was sobbing my eyes out And she went you guys can carry on now And then Oh my God And the next was like maybe it's not a sign Oh my God

I did nothing you were going to say another day She had fox came out. She had killed about four that day. This woman was going round. Because that's what it is. You still got a number, guys. No.

If they're in a pack, they've got a family's to beat, no, I'm joking. Oh, that is grim. It was savage. Oh, God, love you.

But that's the reality of a life is a fox, bro. A life is a fox? Oh, comedy at its best. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babo, babo, babo, babo, so do you love living in the Shield? We love it. We love some.

We even, to the point, we moved to the countryside because we thought we were posh on that and we moved for a year. Hated it. A couple of arenas. We moved back. Yeah. Sorry, hold of all.

All of the arenas. Twice, we did two or two years. Yes, I saw. Fucking amazing. I did me all makeup and everything. We didn't spend any money in a lot. Oh, no overheads? Yeah, no more heads at all.

Honestly. No overheads. And I bought a cologne for 400 pounds. And you fucking know that mother of her. Anyway, so you're set for life, carry on. So we moved to the countryside, didn't like it,

and move back. Yeah, I get it. That's how much we genuinely love it. All the lighthouse. Yeah, I love that whole area. I also found that, obviously, Rosie, you're hilarious. Thanks.

Is that a thing? I, most shields women I've met are fucking funny. Yeah, I think. What is that? Yeah, I don't know. It's hard, in it? I don't get it. What is it?

It's a really... Like, all Jade's friends are funny. Yeah, you're allowed to be yourself. Right. Do you know what I mean? And there's a dark humour perhaps. And there's a total dark humour. It's very...

Like, working class, just... It's very... Yeah, I know, so many funny women. Oh my God, like... I think we'll laugh at... I have such a laugh. My life's just constantly... You laugh at yourself as well,

you're laughing yourself. Yeah. There's a lot of that. You know what I mean? There's a lot of self-deprecating, especially in Shields. It's like... And yeah, I think you're at.

I think it's like women just allow it to be themselves and laugh at your scent, take a knick out of each other. Definitely a little tougher as well. Yeah. On the basis, working class town, I think there's a little bit of, uh, something that's something that's something I, again, I admire and adore about Jade and their people is it's like, you know. Bit of rough and tumble.

I thought it's just like, shit happens. Listen, here's the best way of me putting it in Shields. This moment of Shields really summed up that part of the world for me. On the seal. Was she, I remember Jade, um, launched, She reopened her club industry. Yeah. And I went to the open at the night.

And I got a bit like, it was a lot. You know, we were there and there's loads of people and it's really fun. But I'm sober. So sometimes I've got to take like vibe breaks. And I was sat outside just getting a breather and a guy walked past. And he had obviously, his arm was sliced open. And he was just walking and chatting with his mates. And there's just blood, a trail of blood, just passed me along.

all the way down the high street and I was just like no one gonna I didn't think like he was gone to hospital I'm telling you right now he's probably punched a bin Yeah He's probably been angry He's probably punched the bin missed and went off

And he's made to have gone for foxy Sliced his arm like drip dripping with blood just all the way down And no one batted an island Also I went to get a I went to the local cab shop on the high street And I remember I went in and look as you guys know, let's just say

the food there's some incredible food spots but the general the broadening of the food horizons in Shields yeah, you're right. So I went to Our Deliveroo was a joke. Yeah, so I went to the Cab Shop and I saw it said

it said burrito. And I was like, oh my God, I mean Shields they're fucking burrito when it's crevahed. We're both surprised. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't believe it. So I was like, boss. I think they spelled something wrong.

I'll get, I'll get the burrito please, man. He goes, yeah, it's fantastic. What do you want? Chicken burrito, fantastic. Goes away, it comes back. It was a pizza folded in half. He gave me a Cal Brazier. I'm able to fuck it in.

Calzone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, that's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. And I was like, burrito. I was like, you guys are finished.

You're finished. Record for most Gregs on a high street. Yeah, yeah. No, listen. Do you know, there's two Gregs next door. each other. Well, separated only by a nobles amusement. And also, are you aware of the rule in the greggs?

We've talked about this in our podcast, but are you aware of the rule and the greggs? I don't go in any means. So if you... I'm on a diet. Got you. So if you come out of that greggs with your pasty or sausage water or whatever on the King Street and Shields, if a seagull forcibly takes that Gregs from you, you go back in and tell them, they'll give you another one for free.

Because they're dropping... That's some serious knowledge. Serious knowledge. You just sort of, you know. And they can tell if you're lying. Because you're telling someone's eye. Does it have to be a real seagull? They can tell.

You can set that up. If you don't have a seagull, steal shit off here. It's the most harrowing thing in the world. What if it's a man dressed as a seagull? Not as scary as a real seagulls. They're fucking... They're brutal, they're like. Oh, you don't want to fucking seeagles, man.

They are massive. They're proper are, in it? Yeah. Be birds, bro. Yeah. Chillin, just shitting on you and that. Yeah, I'm not a bad. Stealing ice creams.

Don't care about kids, joy. No. You get a small enough dog on a lead at the beach at Shields. No, Siegel will have that away. I'm telling you. Stop now. Stop immediately. I'm telling you.

I reckon our average seagulls could bench pressure chihuahua. Easy money. They ran after me in Reef once. I'm still traumatized by it. The story you told about the person saying, wash your fanny. Was that in Shields? Wash your fanny. Yeah, I listened to...

Oh! You don't wash your fanny. That was in the nice part. Who said you don't wash your fanny? I told you about this to the day. The guy said you don't wash your fanny. The bloke who said you don't wash your fanny. I said, I was going into the shop and he said he was waiting.

Oh, they were having an argument and said you don't wash your fanny. That was a nice spot, you. He was near where we live. I nearly Colleton went. Yeah. Spent a lot of money to live in this area. It's gone right down there. Piss off down the street you're going to talk like that.

Only five nights streets. Yeah. No, right, listen. Sorry. Should we do the police get me anonymous? You've got a store here. Yes. Dear Chris and Rosie.

Please keep me anonymous. In the past, you discussed children who are bad losers. Well, please let me share details on my new boyfriend, whose entire family are bad losers. Oh, no. As a non-competitive person, I wasn't prepared for the first family games night, which, by the way, I was already dreading. I am not from a particularly games night kind of family.

It began fairly tame, but once the scrabble started, it got quite intense, in brackets, nerds, am I right? My sister-in-law accused my partner of not only trying to see the reflection of the tiles in her classes but she also but she also accused them of trying to entice the family cat up onto the board to sabotage the game. Wow!

This was all said in seriousness. It was insane and I was very uncomfortable. Wow. It only got worse and ended up with my sister-in-law leaving the game's night in a huff and her and my partner not speaking for about two weeks. My partner seemed to think this was totally normal. Wow.

As an only child, Chris, and as a middle child, Rosie, how competitive are you? And have you ever fallen out with anyone over a board game? Oh. No. Over a board game. I'm not competitive at all. Really?

Well, only if I'm doing well at it. If I think I've got a chance of winning, that's when I'll up my game. But if I start something and I'm crap, I think not. Taskmaster. Taskmaster? So I was extremely competitive. You're so competitive.

So I think I'm not. You want not, right, okay. We just been in Portugal recently, right? Oh, same. Yeah, oh, it's lovely, isn't it? We're in Portugal. We'll chat after. We were playing double.

With the kids. Have you heard of double? Yes. No, bobble is. That's doubles where you match the symbols. Oh, no, I've not played that. It's really good, right? It's very simple.

Blows mine. Kids play it. You have to match a symbol and everyone. The kids were banging to it, and we were like, right, we'll have like a final. Like, Mom and Dad will play. each other, like you two play each other, like, you know, and all this kind of stuff.

Me and Chris were playing each other. And you started cheating. You just fully, he fully started cheating. Why? And then, yeah, but then I took the stance. No, but I didn't like that because I live in a world where I'm, one woman with three blocs.

I was like, you can't teach, we had this full, like, big moment where I was like, Chris, you have to explain to the boys that you can't just cheat and mommy losers. Like, that's not a world that I want to live in. You found out that I was cheating. I told us off and I apologise.

How did you fight? So you didn't even conceal it or it was poorly concealed. I just said really fast. So sometimes you put them, so you put two cards down and you've got, what's it called? Double. Double blows my mind because if you've never seen it, you get a pile of cards each the way we play it.

And you put them down. And on any two cards, two symbols will match. But they're different every time. And every time you put them down, you always go, I found the cards where it doesn't match. And it's always there and it matches. But sometimes you put them down and you go like, candle and you'll get

it'll be the canton and you're like, tree, you're like, flag and it's, if you do it quick enough, either person has got a clue but on the third one I said it and she went,

it wasn't that, it was the car and I was like, oh fuck. Just couldn't bear that I was winning. Wow. It wasn't that you were winning it was that I'd already

been beaten by a nine year old. Yeah. Well, there it is. But then that had to turn into a full moment with the family. It was in Paris. I'm very sorry.

So I never thought it's competitive. I used to always say I'm not competitive because I saw it as football or, you know, being the hardest at school, being competitive, but it's actually, I'm competitive on really pointless shit. Yeah. The more pointless the thing is...

Are you? Yeah, it's a problem. Really? So would you have... Would you fall out with someone over, like, Games Night's Scrabble? Um... No, I probably wouldn't fall out. I...

I don't know if shit. Get heated. Um... No, I wouldn't fall out. It's got heated. Articulate. gets deep. Articulate.

Articulate gets deep and there's been times and I'm just like okay you're taking a fucking piss. The worst thing with Jade is she's not competitive at all and the worst thing happened one time

was we're playing like the five second rule game or whatever and their her gang you know mid game just kind of went into this like laidi daddy blah blah blah

blah and then they just scrapped like two of the fucking rules and then I'm there going are we playing the game or not like what the fuck? Changing the rules yeah like what is this

like a whole whole point of a game is to have structure so you can decide who wins. Anyway, I play Jada Scrabble all the time. Beats me a lot. Really? She's a silent assassin and she doesn't even care. Nothing beats a good loser. Yeah. That is the thing.

There was the worst it's got and I'm sure she'll be right with me saying this because we joke about it now and she brings it up all the time. Early on in our relationship, was it early on? Earlyish we went to do an escape room together. I've never done one. I think we've quite, I mean, I think you like it. I love escape rooms right. And I, for whatever reason, and I, as a disclaimer,

I am Delali in this story. And this is, I had put so much weight on this escape room, right? Because we were, I was in Budapest, I was doing an acting job, Jade's come along, we go down to this thing. And we got locked in to the thing, we didn't get out in time. You got to get out within an hour.

Right. Well, they locked you in? No, no, not literally locked in. You're just like, they just go, sorry, you didn't escape. Right, okay. I'm like, bro. Bro, I was like, I was like, how are we going to get through life? I literally turned to Jade and was like, if we can't get out of this room in an hour.

You took that as an analogy, as an allegory for your future. I had an actual meltdown. Oh my God. I literally was like, Jade, if we can't combine and coordinate, sufficiently to get out of this room in an hour, how are we going to get through the escape room that is existence? Right, can we just take a minute? You're laughing your head off.

This is literally something you would see. I'm seeing myself so much. I remember what's wrong with you is? I remember Jade's face so clearly. She was like, are you being serious? And then now she jokes about it because then we booked another escape room. And she's such a fucking shrew. shitting herself

before she didn't get but then she got to the next escape room was like, yo, we've got to get out of this fucking room. I don't know what

you're going to do. We might not have a few. And we did. Oh, wow. We did one the other day actually. We got sabred a little bit

so it's all good. But yeah, that for some, I just was like so attached. Because I guess you have this dreamy idea, don't you know

that you're just like fucking body-pop we're going to be power couple. Yeah, what's going to be amazing. I didn't say anything and you got the clue

out the fuck. It's like, one mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I remember that it's actually all about balance and sometimes you have to learn each other. Also, we weren't with each other that long at that point. Yeah, and you can't win everything.

She steered with you after that. That is a testament to her. That's the irony. I was the one freaking out, and she's there going, that's not. Wow. And do you notice any flags about Jordan?

Yeah, he melted down over in a schedule about a year in. He said it represented our entire future together. Can you remember when we went camping with all of our friends and... Oh, the night I nearly left you? Well, there was that. This is the night we nearly split. This sounds good.

Why are you mentioning this? Because I wasn't talking about, I was talking about the end. Don't, don't mention it. You should never mention it because it's actually like, I tried to leave. I try to get me taxi driver, I pick us up. Tax driver that I've got a local guy. I try to get me pick us up as soon as we're at the counter place.

I hated it. I didn't want to stay. Anyway, we got through all that. It was fine. I settled. And then that night. He settled. I did not.

I genuinely, we'd be together about a year. Were we married? Engaged. I genuinely didn't. I was like, I spoke to my mom the next day. And I was like, I don't know if I can marry him.

No, because he was just so rude. He was just awful. You know, it's even, you know, it's the worst thing? We were there with his friends. Yeah. They weren't even, like, they're my friends now. God, do not how. Yeah, I didn't want to go fucking camping.

Yeah. I hear it. I'll never do we again. I love camping past. Horrible. Did you enjoy it? I had a lovely time. I have a nice time everywhere.

Oh, really? Are you one of those people? I'm just, yeah. I just don't really, yeah. I'm all right. I'm just happy. Chris is like, anxious. You're just a very anxious person.

Very highly strong. But is that balance from none in that man. Maximizes, minimizes, yin yang. Yeah. We're very, me and jane yank. But what do I get?

You get exuberance, ideas, you know, movement, motivation, belly laughs. Yeah, okay,

okay, no, yeah. No, the pat is the past, it's a lot of love. It's like a feeling. Fashion.

All I was going to say. Address him. Chris. What? She dresses you. She doesn't physically put me clothes on, like me pyjamas When I'm going to bed She just put them on us

I do I do Why am I being going on? You look great You look great Thank you Thanks I'll pick this one

All I was going to see it was We went to play a, Remember at the end of the night We went to play a board game One of our friends We'd never played a board game with that And she was like, let's play board games And I fell I was like

I'm not playing And we're like, no you go He went and sat in the car Yeah yeah Because he was like this is You're about And to be fair She was fucking one of the worst

People I've ever played a board game with their life. We had, I had to say, we on our tour bus back in the day, we used to, when I were chilling a bit more,

I was going a bit towards sober at this point. Yeah, yeah. After the gigs, instead of going out and getting mash up, it tup, top,

fucking palace, whatever the fact. Yeah, yeah. We would, we would, we would, get stoned and play poker. And one of our band members

brought along his girlfriend at the time who he's not with anymore, he's now married, happily kids, everything. Yeah. But this girl, and she had not played poker before.

And, you know, poker if you're a beginner, it's actually really to your advantage because you don't know, you know, people don't know, you know, so you do mad calls. Anyway, so she started doing really well because she was literally doing,

making mental decisions and any one of us are you, and she, I've never known to go to someone's heads so quickly, you know, like, give me the money, motherfucker. Didn't know us. Didn't know us.

Didn't know us. It's like, oh, did you go out? Did he lose? Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, someone else gone out. Oh, is it just me? Am I getting down to last three?

Fucking smashing it. You're going to have to leave her because this is outrageous. The lack of social awareness is out of this world. You're lucky this is in this context. I don't know how that's going to translate. Anyway, they're not together anymore. I'm glad.

She sounds awful. It was a lot. Thank you so much for coming to talk to us. This has been, honestly, how are we going to go back to doing just our podcast with us? No, I've had such a nice time. Honestly, it's so good. though. You guys are so much fun.

Thank you. It's just, you bring joy to a lot of people, so I hope you know that. Oh, thank you. So you know that? He's nice, inny. He is nice, see? People tell us, which is amazing, but I don't know whether yeah. We're not very good of taking confidence either.

Come on move on. Come on move on. Okay, but so, but I would love to see you guys if in Shields, we're not doing Christmas this year, but one time. That would be amazing. Let's go get some fish and chips. That would be so good. That would be so good.

Yeah, we go to comments. We go to Congress. Have a little vibe. Definitely. Yeah, man. Definitely. All right, thank you. Bye.

Bye.